The Catieosaurus Holiday Special: Live from Atlanta

It's a Christmas Miracle! We know that a LOT of you listen to the Turkey Episode every year, but we thought it would be fun to drop this year's Live Show edition. God Bless us, everyone, indeed.

(Don't forget to pre-order the book).

If you want to see what's going on, head on over to youtube.com/catieosaurus

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This doesn't matter at all of the story, but I forgot I forgot
to say this in the show. So I'll give you a little bonus
content. Mrs. Cratchit, because she
didn't have an oven, because shedidn't have a stove.
She literally cooked her Christmas pudding in the washing
machine. They talk about how they she
cooked it in the copper. The copper were these huge like
laundry bins that they would like heat up the water and they
were like full of steam and stuff.

(00:20):
And so people would hang stuff over the edge to cook them.
And so I don't know, like I, I think sometimes we set up
Ebenezer Scrooge as the hero of A Christmas Carol, but I think
the real hero hero is just misses scratch it for just like
making it fucking work. And now the show is over.

(00:47):
I heard you're doing better. I heard you're putting on on the
show. Happy smiles, happy faces.
You think anybody knows? All I have is a story of who I

(01:13):
am and what I've done. Here.
We get an absolution. 121234 God arrest ye merry

(01:49):
gentlemen, let nothing you dismay tonight we ask the
question, how much did that Turkey?
Weigh when Scrooge fucked over Misses Cratchit on that
Christmas. Day.
Oh who? Tidings.
Of comfort and. Joy, comfort and.

(02:10):
Joy. Oh ho.
Marley was dead to begin with. There can be no doubt whatsoever
about that. The register of his burial was
signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the
chief mourner. Scrooge signed it, and Scrooge's
name was good upon change for anything he chose to put his

(02:33):
hand to. Old Marley was dead as adorning
mind. I don't mean to say that I know
of my own knowledge what there is particularly dead about a
doornail. I might have been inclined
myself to regard a coffin nail as the deadest piece of iron
mongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors

(02:54):
is in the simile, and my unhallowed hands shall not
disturb it, or the country's done for.
You will therefore, for maybe torepeat emphatically that Marley
was dead as a doornail. Scrooge knew he was dead.
Of course he did. How could it be otherwise?
Scrooge and he were partners forI don't know how many years.

(03:15):
Scrooge was his sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole
assigned, his sole residuary legatee, his sole friend, and
his sole mourner. The mention of Marley's funeral
brings me back to the point I started from.
There is no doubt that Marley was dead.
This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful

(03:35):
can come of the story I am goingto relate.
If we were not perfectly convinced that Hamlet's father
died before the play began, there would be nothing more
remarkable. And is taking a stroll at night
of an easterly wind upon his ownramparts.
Then there would be in any othermiddle-aged gentleman rashly
turning out after dark in a breezy spot, say, Saint Paul's
Churchyard, for instance, literally to astonish his son's

(03:56):
weak mind. Oh my God, is she just going to
read us the book the whole time?Hi everybody, Welcome to the
show. Thank you all so much to be
here. Hold on, my husband can't make
the tech work. I've got nothing in tune of your
cameras. Oh, that's OK.

(04:17):
We'll do it live. Yay.
That's fine. Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the show. Thank you all so much for being
here. I, I really and truly this means
the world to me. So I have always thought it
would be really funny to open a show, to announce a show and

(04:40):
say, hey, guess what? We're going.
We're going to come. We're going to do a production
of A Christmas Carol. We're going.
To do improv comedy. And then we lock the doors and
it's a full length production ofHamlet.
We got a voice. Let's do it.
No, no, it's not. And this is actually an academic
lecture about the Turkey and A Christmas Carol.
It's a very different thing, butthat's not a bit.
And several people have reached out to me regarding the show and

(05:01):
they're going you're joking, right?
It's it's not actually about theTurkey, but it is it's, it's
actually about the Turkey and A Christmas Carol, which I.
Feel. Begets some context.
So I don't know about all of you, but I grew up loving A
Christmas Carol. It was one of my favorite things
when I was a kid. It was a part of my holiday
tradition every year. But I remember as a kid, I would

(05:22):
watch my mom and my aunts and mygrandmothers in the kitchen, and
I'd be like, man, a Turkey kind of seems like a shitty gift, you
know? Like it just it seemed like a
weird. Thing and I don't know why, but
I carried that with me into adulthood.
And then about five years ago, Iwas bored because there was

(05:42):
nothing happening. It was the midst of the pandemic
and I was very sad. And so I thought, OK, well, I'm
going to go back to A Christmas Carol.
Maybe, maybe there's something in Christmas Carol that I can
use right now. And I don't know why, but I, I
just got obsessed with the idea of the Turkey and how big was
the Turkey in A Christmas Carol?And I googled it and I could not

(06:06):
find the answer. And then I did a little bit more
research and a little bit more research and a little bit more
research. And ultimately I found the
answer, which is why we are all here tonight to discuss that
answer. But the thing of it is, is that
that answer begat an essay and that essay begat a podcast.
And that podcast was one of the first things that I ever did

(06:28):
that actually got some kind of attention on the Internet.
And so it was really fun becauseI there was like a little
holiday tradition surrounding the Turkey.
And so for five years I was like, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to make a video version.
I'm gonna make a video version of the Turkey essay and it will
be my. Legacy.

(06:49):
But the problem is that I'm a nerd.
And so I was raised on like Ken Burns documentaries and like BBC
documentaries and like I really want, I envisioned this this
like Turkey documentary where it's like me in period costume,
like in front of Bob Kratch's house going like I'm here in
front of Bob Kratch's house and like, here's the the guy.
I don't know who the guy would be.
There's a guy, you know, but I don't have like period costume

(07:12):
and a guy money. I have like sitting in front of
my computer money. And so the video languished.
And so this year, this year, this year, I was like, I know
what I'll do. I'm going to drop a trailer.
I'm going to drop a trailer for the Turkey video and I'm going
to tell everybody that it's coming out on Thanksgiving
weekend. And that is going to force my

(07:32):
hand and assuredly, assuredly that will mean that I get the
Turkey video made. You're not going to believe what
happened through a just devastating combination of
debilitating ADHD and hubris. I in fact did not make the
Turkey video. So the reason why this means so
much to me tonight is that we together here are are embracing

(07:56):
a just a beautiful ADHD tradition of quite literally
doing the assignment the night it's due.
Also, I've never done this in front of people before, and so I
keep being surprised when you laugh.
So thank you, I really appreciate that.
I'm also going to tell you this going in, I'm very nervous.

(08:18):
I have stage fright, which is really weird because I'm a
content creator and a theater person, but I have terrible
stage fright. So this right here, these are my
note cards and this is my emergency record.
If at any point during the show I get too scared or I get too
lost, I'm going to refer to the note cards.
Don't panic. It just means that I want to get
it right. And now I'm going to drink some
water. So before.

(08:43):
We get in to the the meat and potatoes of the evening, if you
will. That works.
Actually, that works. There are actually textually
potatoes. We'll get to that in a moment.
Before we do that, I feel like just in case you have not,
you're not familiar with A Christmas Carol, just in case
you need a little bit of a refresher, I thought like, let's

(09:04):
get everybody on the same page before we begin.
So Christmas Carol was written by Charles Dickens in December
of 1843. It came out two weeks before
Christmas and it was revolutionary.
It changed the way that we celebrate Christmas.
And Christmas Carol is the storyof a man named Ebenezer Scrooge.

(09:31):
Thank you. Oh, we got an AH and anew.
That's so exciting. And the thing about?
Ebenezer Scrooge. Is that Ebenezer?
Scrooge is a piece of shit. He is not a very nice man.
Ebenezer Scrooge works at sort of a combination of like a
predatory payday loan company and a mortgage company.
Like you got a, your chocolate in my peanut butter sort of

(09:52):
situation, right? And and and Scrooge.
Is a. Reprehensible person.
And charcoal stickens is very. Specifically tells us this.
One of the first things we hear Scrooge talking about is like I.
Say let them die and decrease the surplus population, right?
Like, not a nice thing to say. So Scrooge also, this doesn't
matter at all, but this is like a like a like one of my favorite

(10:14):
pieces of art about Scrooge and it's Scrooge and the literal
actual devil. And I feel like this goes really
hard as a tattoo. I don't know.
Scrooge has an employee. His name is Bob Kratchit and Bob
Kratchit, much like many of us, is underpaid and overworked.
And Bob Kratchit does not make alot of money.
He makes 15 shillings a week working for Ebenezer Scrooge and

(10:37):
Bob Kratchit. He has a son at home and his
name is Tiny Tim. And Tiny Tim is sick.
Now here's the thing. This also there's going to be a
lot of that's how you know, it'sreal when I start giggling with
that, the thing of it, there aregoing to be a lot of stuff that
like doesn't really matter to the story tonight.

(10:58):
So just know that going in. But a lot of scholars, a lot of
scholars have have talked about like what is actually wrong with
Tiny Tim? We do, we don't know, right?
Like some, some, some some scholars say it's like, oh, like
tuberculosis. Some say it's like dwarfism.
Some people say it's like diphtheria.
We don't know. But like, just for the sake of
it? Tiny Tim is sick.
OK. And, and, and Bob, sorry,

(11:21):
Scrooge had a business partner named Jacob Marley and Jacob
Marley died. I know Jacob Marley died seven
years ago this very night. In the book Not This Night on
Christmas Eve. Seven years ago this very night
on Christmas Eve. Right.
So Scrooge goes home. I don't know what the next
picture is. I forgot to rehearse this part.
Yeah. So Scrooge goes home alone in

(11:44):
his cold and angry room, being acold and angry miser and always
grumpy. And he eats oatmeal for dinner
because he's so grumpy and the corporeal.
Form of Jacob Marley appears theEbenezer Scrooge and he's a
Scrooge. And he's and he's got these.
Long. Chains that he's dragging and
they're attached to like boxes where you keep your gold and

(12:06):
your treasure because it was before.
Bitcoin and and so he's like. He's like Scrooge.
These are the chains I forged inlife.
Mankind was my business, Kindness was my business.
But I focused on business business and that's a different
kind of business. And Scrooge is like, OK.
And and and OK. So also this doesn't matter to

(12:29):
the story much I feel, but OK soso textually we know Jacob
Marley tells Scrooge that he hasjourneyed through the underworld
for seven years. He dies, he died, he gets his.
Chains. They like distribute the chains
at the Chain Emporium. And he takes his chains.
He drags. And it takes him seven years to

(12:50):
get to Scrooge. And we know that Scrooge was a
soul martyr. He was so residuary, so like,
it's he. I was like, I don't know about
you, but I. Wouldn't travel through the
underworld for seven years from my business partner.
Do you know what I'm saying? I feel.
Like, like history will say, they're business partners.

(13:12):
They were fucking right. So, so anyway, So so Jake
Marley. Proceeds to explain.
To Scrooge that he has arranged a little party, a little a
little fun event and and Scroogeis going to be visited by 3
ghosts and then and again, this doesn't matter to the story, but
it's my favorite thing because Jake Marley is like.
You will be visited by 3 ghosts,so.

(13:33):
And Scrooge is like, no, thank you.
Nah. I'd rather not.
And it's like, that's so rude, right?
Like your boyfriend comes back from the dead corporeal forms
himself, chains and all, to be like, hey, man, you, you fucking
your life up. I got you some ghosts and you're
like, Nah, I'm good. Like, that's crazy.
That's crazy behavior, right? I get so heated about A

(13:55):
Christmas Carol. It's fine.
Hold on, hold on. I wasn't expecting you that it's
this. This is like this is way faster
than I usually rehearse it. I'm leaving the lid off, which
is immediately dangerous. OK, so that's fine.
So Scrooge. Scrooge goes to bed.
He goes to bed and Scrooge is visited by the first of three

(14:16):
ghosts, the ghost. Of Christmas.
Past. And now OK, this this also
doesn't matter at all to the story, but just like,
canonically. This is what the ghost.
Of Christmas past, looks like. And he's, he's was like a
candle. That's like almost burned out.
But the thing of it is, is that I strongly feel that like in
history, no ghost has been done as dirty as the ghost to

(14:37):
Christmas past. Like what is this shit?
Right, like what? Nobody asked you for The Dark
Crystal? It could have just sent a
muppet. It could have just been a
muppet. Do you know what I mean?
And then like that I. Don't even know.
I don't even know what the fuck.And like Tilda Swen, maybe I
don't know. Great.
Junior so so the Ghost of Christmas Past takes Scrooge to
his childhood. And it's this beautiful

(14:58):
narrative device where we as thereader get to sort of experience
Scrooge's life along with him, and we start to understand why
Scrooge became the way he is, why Scrooge became so angry, so
obsessed with money, so obsessedwith gold.
And it's because Scrooge is was put in jail, in debtors prison,
right? And he was separated from his

(15:19):
family. He was separated from his sister
and he was made to go live in a school where they were horrible
working conditions and all of these things.
And it was very sad. And he finds his like, childhood
book and he's like. Oh my goodness, Alibaba.
I was just moving that, but I found a clever way to do it.
So, so so then the Ghost of Christmas takes him to.
Fizzy Wigs The Fizzy Wigs body takes him to his old employer

(15:41):
and Scrooge remembers that it's OK to be like a good employer.
You can just like throw pizza parties and shit and people will
love you. And so the Fezziwigs were like,
remind Scrooge of like, what it means to be part of like, you
know, like a really good, like, family.
Company and it's great and then and then we see his fiance we
see we see his fiance break up with him because she's no longer

(16:03):
in love with him because alreadythis idea of like gold and
consuming and like gathering money has like consumed him and
she drops just the most. Ice.
Cold stone cold bitch line that you have ever heard.
She's like Ebenezer, since you're so obsessed with gold and
she takes off a ring and she goes, here's another piece of
gold back for you. That's so cold.

(16:24):
That's so cold. That's crazy, right?
And so the Scrooge is like, oh, no, my past was terrible.
I learned a lesson. I guess maybe we'll find out in
Act 3. And so then, and then and then
Scrooge falls back asleep. He is.
Visited by the Ghost of Christmas Present Who?
Fucks like come. On you know what I mean.

(16:45):
So the ghost of Christmas Present takes Scrooge all about
London, and we see Scrooge, we see, we see the the people of
London celebrating Christmas of the poor, the rich and the poor.
The. Tall.
And the small, the businessman and the seaman, which I think is
funny because I'm immature. You laugh too.
Yeah. Thank you.
I appreciate that. And and then and then this also

(17:09):
doesn't matter to the story, butthen the ghost of Christmas
Present does something wild. He's like, oh, and Scrooge,
before I leave you, these are the children that live under my
robe. Their names are ignorance and
want because I'm an asshole. Like what?
And then he's like, yeah. And like ignorance and water.

(17:29):
Like, it's like a David S Pumpkins thing.
They're part of it. And so, yeah.
And Scrooge's like, OK, all right, that's fine.
And then and then. And then what happens?
Oh, yeah. And then.
And then Scrooge is finally visited by the quietest ghost,
the ghost who relies. On body language.
That was an Ursula joke. Thank you.
But so the ghost of Christmas yet to come, the ghost of

(17:49):
Christmas future he takes Scrooge and and he shows Scrooge
a funeral and Scrooge. OK, the rant here is going to
be. Lengthy, but I do need you to
hear me out. OK.
Yes, yes. OK, OK, OK, OK.
So the Ghost of Christmas Past takes Scrooge to Scrooge's

(18:10):
childhood school. Then he takes him to his old
boss and then he shows him his old girlfriend and then goes to
Christmas present is like hey Scrooge here's all of the main.
Characters that we've already met and their Christmases and
then the ghost. Of Christmas yet to come is
like, oh, he doesn't say anything because he's a quiet
ghost. He's like, come on, Scourge,
let's go look at this funeral. And the whole time, the whole
time Scourge is like, what sorryman, is this?

(18:32):
Whose funeral can this be? And it's like Scrooge.
Fuck's sake, man. And and so then, and so then.
The Ghost of Christmas yet to come The Ghost of Christmas
future takes. Scrooge to the Cratchits and we
find out the Tiny Tim dies. And now when I was a child, this

(18:56):
was my favorite part and here iswhy.
Here is why. Hear me out, hear me out, hear
me out. Here is why.
Because you grow up with like, Christmas, right?
You grow up with like, the stories of Christmas and it's
like Santa and fairies and snowflakes and the elves who
make toys. And then but there's this one
story. There's this one story that's

(19:18):
like and kids fucking die too. Right.
And The thing is is like, I don't know, like I.
One of my favorite types of humor is like conversations that
I will never be Privy to, but I'm sure that happened
somewhere. And like, I think a lot about
like how how we as like childrenas a as people, we grew up
right? And you start with like Mickey

(19:38):
Mouse, you start with like Mickey Mouse Christmas Carol.
And then you graduate to like Muppet Christmas Carol.
And then you get. To like the other ones, right?
But like. Every single one of those
writers rooms had to have the conversation.
Every single one of those writerrooms had to be like, OK, so he
does have to die, and we do haveto have Miss Piggy deliver a

(20:00):
devastating monologue about the specific description and
location of his grave and what it looks like and how much we
mistake. But like maybe?
We could. Could he just get sicker?
Like and they're like, no. He has to fucking die.
I don't know. I just think that's funny.
I know like. Not like that, but like that.

(20:23):
Do you know? What I mean?
But so anyway, so so Tiny Tim dies and Scrooge is like Oh no,
if only someone could have helped.
And the ghost of Christmas past is like her future is like, you
know. And so then and so then the
ghost. Of Christmas Future takes
Scrooge to a graveyard and he because again, he's a quiet
because he points and this fucking guy, this fucking
Scrooge is like, whose grave could this be?

(20:46):
Oh, no, a grave. Is it Bob from HR?
Like no. And so the ghost of Christmas
fucking future like scrapes the leaves off of it and it's like,
it has your fucking name on it, man.
Like, and so yeah, so then so then, so then, so then Scrooge
wake. He's like, Oh, no, I learned a
valuable lesson again right off.So then Scrooge wakes up.
Scrooge wakes up. It's Christmas Day.

(21:08):
He doesn't know that yet, but it's Christmas Day and the.
Bells are ringing and he's and he's like, he's has his
rejuvenated joy of life and he'slike, oh, I'm as giddy as a
schoolboy. I'm as I'm as young as a lad or
whatever the fuck. And so.

(21:30):
So that happens. Scrooge like gets out of bed.
And like away. To the window he flies like a
flash stairs open the curtains and throws up the sash.
And they're out on the street. There's a little boy and the
boy's like, God rested, merry gentlemen, let nothing you
dismay. And Scrooge is like, you're that
boy. What day is it?
And the Scrooge is like, well, it's Christmas Day, Sir.
And the Scrooge is like, well then I haven't missed it.

(21:51):
OK, so this doesn't matter at all to the story.
But as an autistic person, this is always ground by gears.
So so Jacob Marley. It's like if it feels like the
watch in Breaking Bad. This is like this is the.
Watch moment in Breaking Bad because what happens is Jacob
Marley tells screw he's like you're going to be visited by 3
ghosts, but like on a like a Monday and a Tuesday and a

(22:11):
Wednesday night and then the ghosts get together and they're
like, I don't have enough material for the group project
to you. And they're like, no, I only
have like solidly like maybe an hour.
And so then, so then suddenly like collab and they're like,
we'll just do it all in one night.
So Scrooge is like they've done it all in one night.
And then, and then, and then Scrooge, to recap, having

(22:35):
experienced the incorporeal formof his business partner
appearing to him to inform him that only not only is there an
afterlife, but it is kind of a terrible one in which you are
punished grievously for your sins.
Scrooge, having just learned that ghosts are real, having
learned that time travel is real, having learned that if you

(22:58):
are with a ghost, you too. Can become an incorporeal person
and and and and and like travel about time and witness your own
path. Scrooge ask this child a
question that I'm sure would be the question on everyone's mind
having just experienced all of that, he says.
Is the price Turkey still hanging in the poulterer shop?

(23:22):
And and then the boy says, what,The one as big as me, Sir.
And Scrooge is like, yeah, go fetch it for me.
And if you bring it back in 20 minutes, I'll give you half a
crown. And the kids like, wow, that's
$25 adjusted for inflation, OK. I really didn't expect that to
get a laugh. Hold on.
I've OK. Yeah.
OK. So we're there.

(23:42):
OK. So.
Yeah. So.
So then the kid does and it's here that we have to talk about
adaptation because I don't know if all of you know this, but I
have two master's degrees in Shakespeare and, and a lot of
the focus of my work is, is in adaptation and how we change
stories and how we tell stories and why we tell stories.

(24:04):
And even more than that, like textual analysis, like how do we
look at the text? What do we, what do we take out
of the text? What do we bring to the text?
And how does that like impact our understanding of, of things?
And so the ending of A ChristmasCarol is the most adapted part
of the show. And it doesn't really matter.
But like, for instance, for instance, like sometimes

(24:25):
Scrooge, like you, they'll be like smash cut.
And then it's Scrooge and he's still in his nightgown.
He's got a little scarf on 'cause it's cold outside.
It actually wasn't cold. It was like 50° that Christmas
and it did not snow. And so every time it snows at
the end of A Christmas Carol, that's factually inaccurate.
Anyway, so sometimes, sometimes it was like, oh, and and when

(24:46):
that that costume right, that means something, right, like,
oh, he's so excited. He didn't have time to put on
his clothes. But sometimes there's a
blackout, there's a smash cut, and then it's like Scrooge in
his Sunday best. Sometimes it's Scrooge in a
Sunday best. And that says something
different, right? Adaptation, right?
Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes Scrooge goes to the Cratchits
with the Turkey. But I have news for you,
everyone. That didn't happen, Scrooge.

(25:08):
Sends the Turkey to the Cratchits via a taxi.
To Camden Town, which we're going to talk about in a little.
Bit but this. Never happened and I despise The
Muppets for it. Just kidding, it's fine.
But no. But then, but one of my
favorite. Adaptations Also, this doesn't
matter at all. This doesn't matter at all.

(25:28):
But one of the my favorite adaptation moments is that
sometimes they do this like weird thing and we're Scrooge is
like like he's like, oh, I'm going to get the Turkey.
We're going to go to Cratch and then he's like.
What's up you guys? Welcome back to my channel.
Today we're pranking my my employee, Bob Cratchit.
I'm going to psychologically torture him and then take care
of his family forever. Like and subscribe.
Like it's like weird. He like shows up and he's like,

(25:50):
why aren't you at work? And Bob Cratch, It's like
because it's Christmas. And he's like, I got you.
I'm like, that's a weird fuckingchoice, man.
But anyway. But anyway.
But anyway. But anyway.
But anyway, we were supposed to be talking about the Turkey.
And the thing of it is, is. I I cannot tell you why I

(26:12):
cannot. Explain.
I cannot rationalize. I, I There is no reason why that
one fucking line, the one as bigas me Sir, was the.
Thing that my brain latched. Onto and and it's and like, if
you've ever had a stupid hyper focus, if you've ever gotten
like really into something dumb and you're like, oh, this is so

(26:34):
why, why brain like, why can't it be like curing cancer?
And your brain's like ha, ha, the Turkey.
You're like, thank you so much. So that's what happened, right?
And so I'd be king. Consumed, I became consumed with
this idea and I wanted to know Iwas like, how how big was the
Turkey? How big was the Turkey?
And it is kind of here that our story actually begins because I

(26:56):
googled it. I googled it and I was like, OK,
and I couldn't find an answer. I couldn't find it.
And I was like, that's weird. That is arguably.
And then I felt wrong, right? Because sometimes when you
realize that there's like a knowledge gap, you're like,
surely I must have fucked up. Like I must be, I must just be
Googling bad, right? But I googled I like I did all
of this research and I could notfind the answer and I was like
OK but the hyperfocus goblin waslike.

(27:17):
What you need to know the answer.
And I was like, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool.
All right. So I was like, well.
What the fuck do I do? Like I, I don't have a Jacob
Marley or a time machine, but I do have textual analysis.
And so I was like, OK, so sometimes, sometimes, sometimes
when, when you're using textual analysis, you can use textual

(27:38):
analysis in like a couple of different directions, right?
So for example, if you're playing Hamlet, you can go to
the script and you can read to be or not to be.
Oh, what a Rogan peasant slave, like whatever.
And you can glean some information about that.
But what you can also do is you can use your textual analysis
brain, your little cool hat, andand you can say, what do other
people say about me? Like what do other people say
about Hamlet? How does that inform how my

(28:00):
character fits in the world to play?
And I was like, OK, I'm going todo that.
OK. So I realized that there are
four things that we know about the Turkey in A Christmas Carol.
The first thing. It went as big as me, Sir.
And I was like, all right, that's something that's a place
to start from. But then I was like, OK, it's

(28:21):
like just some kid. Some like random kid on the
street like how do we like maybeit's just the hyperbole of.
Use do. You know what I mean?
The hyperbole of like how does this.
Kid know like is he like a expert on site guesstimating
Turkey weight like whatever. And so I was like, I don't know.
But then I was like. But then.
But then, but then I was like, OK, but what if it's true?
And then that begets more questions because if there's a

(28:42):
child the size of a Turkey and aTurkey the size of the child,
like, the obvious next question is which one tastes better?
My husband wrote that joke. He was.
In class and so I was like hold on I just feel OK hold on hold
on hold on we'll fix it in post we'll fix it in OK OK hold on
we're going to fix it in post we're not I'm just going to

(29:03):
leave this in this is what it. Looks like when the person with
ADHD is special. Hold on, I did it.
OK, OK, OK, maybe we'll fix it and post.
I'll decide later. So then I was like, OK, well.
Maybe that's it, maybe that's it, right?
But then I was like, But then the very next thing, the very
next thing that Scrooge says about the Turkey.

(29:25):
Is he says they. Shan't know who sent it,
referring to him sending the Turkey to the cratchit.
But he says it's. Twice the size of Tiny Tim, and
I must apologize, but it's here that we have to do some math,
no? Because.
Here's what happens. This.
Moment creates a beautiful symmetrical equation right if

(29:47):
one St. urchin. Is equal to 1 Turkey and and 11
tiny tin. Is equal to two.
No, wait, no, that's no I. Fucked it up.
Hold on. But no, if if tiny tins is is is

(30:09):
half of a Turkey, then that's like a really nice balanced
symmetrical equation, right? And so I was like, OK, well then
obviously we have to find out how big the fucking urchin.
Is so I did. So here's the thing I'm

(30:29):
recycling. Don't worry about it.
I'm going to drink water. Before you get into this part,
you ever like stop for a moment and like look at every single
choice that you made leading up to this person stop and you're

(30:50):
like Jesus Christ. OK, so here's the thing.
Might be wondering how I got. It crowd work.
We did it. OK, so I was like, OK, how big
is this fucking kid? And the thing of it is, is that
London in 1843 was a fascinatingperiod in London's history

(31:11):
because we were just outside of the industrial revolution.
Most people say that it ended around 1840, but London was like
booming with new factories and new new ways to make things.
And it's like industrial processes.
And so the, the shape of the workforce, the, the breakdown of
the workforce was changing. What was really interesting is

(31:32):
that in London in eighteen, 4350% of the workforce was
children ages 7 to 14. Now I knew that was going to
happen. So Charles Dickens rudely
doesn't give us a lot more information about this kid.

(31:54):
He doesn't tell us how old he is.
He doesn't say like. Oh, and and he conveniently.
Was a factory. Worker, like, we don't know he's
just some kid on the street, butwe do know we do know Charles
Dickens tells us explicitly thatthis kid was wearing his Sunday
clothes, right. And and as it happened in 1843,
Christmas fell on a Monday, but Christmas became a bank holiday

(32:14):
in 1837. So all of the factory workers,
all of the laborers of London, most obviously that's there,
there'd be some people who stillhad to work.
It's like, you know, it's like pandemic people, right?
Like necessary workers, but thatmost people would have had the
day off work. And so so we're like, we can, we
can sort of surmise that that young boy, especially being in
that part of town, was probably some kind of factory worker.

(32:36):
And so since we don't have an age, I said, OK, well, let's
just sort of take the scope, right?
Let's just sort of take the center of it.
And we'll say that he was like between 10 and 11 years old just
for the sake of it. So London in 1843 was really
fascinating as well because science existed, but it wasn't

(32:58):
like science yet. It was kind of like vibes.
Do you know what I mean? There were like a lot of vibes
and like and, and for example, like the safety pin hadn't been
invented yet. A sewing machines hadn't been
invented yet. Charles Darwin wouldn't write
his theory of evolution for another several years.
The word dinosaur one year old in 1843.

(33:19):
There were only 6 dinosaurs in 1843.
That doesn't matter at all. I'm sorry.
But so, so there was like, so people, you had this
opportunity, right? Because like we didn't know
germs existed, right? And so like, if you were the guy
who were like, hey, got guys germs, like that was a big deal.
And so there were people who were doing all sorts of
research, all sorts of interesting studies in order to

(33:42):
sort of become the guy who solved something, who like
created something new. And so in 18. 35 The Edinboro
Medical Society started studyingchild laborers with the idea
that they were like Is working in a factory bad for a child?
Right. And so and so they studied.
They studied. This group of kids, and So what

(34:02):
they discovered was that factoryor children, child laborers in,
in in England at the time sort of fit into 3 core categories.
There were factory workers and those are mostly the kids who
were living in London at the time.
And then there were farm workers.
Those were the kids who lived outside of the cities and they
would like help on the farms andthat kind of thing.
And then the third category was the children that worked in the

(34:24):
mines. And so they studied these three
groups and what they found was really interesting.
And then it makes sense if you think about it, But they figured
out that that farm workers, kidswho are farm workers, were like
the most robust. They were the most nourished.
They had access to fresh milk and cheese and eggs and fresh
air. Hooray.
And so they tended to skew a little larger.

(34:45):
Factory workers tended to be kind of like right in the
middle. And then the children who worked
in the mines tended to be the smallest, making them the minor,
minor miners. I I'm not sorry I wrote the
entire show to say that joke. No, just but.
So the Edinburgh Medical Society, very thoughtfully, very

(35:07):
very thoughtfully, gives us a hard number of the average size
of an 11 year old factory workerin London at the time and that
is 48 inches tall. They rudely don't give us a
weight because then I would havebeen done.
But but luckily we continue to track the size and scope of our

(35:29):
children and and what we what wefound.
Is that the CDC? Did another study on on like
American kids recently and they found that the average 11 year
old in America is about 54 inches tall and they weigh.
About. 70 ish pounds, 70 ish. And so what's nice is that we

(35:51):
can do a little math, right? We can make this into like a
little a little scale thing, a little ratio.
That's what thank you. That's what I love that there's
people who actually know math inthe audience and they're like,
no, all of this is wrong. All of this.
Is wrong. No, no, the ghosts.
OK, so but what we can do? And so, so what's interesting is

(36:12):
we see like this is like a largegap, right?
And so like. So when we're, we're talking
about this, we're talking about this is going to just bug the
shit out of me for the whole rest.
OK, it's fine. We're OK.
So but but so, so we're, we can do this.
So what we can do is we can kindof like take a like little
sliding scale. What we can do is we can come up
with with around maybe like 40 ish pounds ish ish, right?
But we also have to remember what the Enbrel Medical Society

(36:34):
said, which is that those children were malnourished.
It's not. I don't even need it anymore.
Those child, those children weremalnourished.
Those kids weren't getting a lotright so.
We can, we can say. OK, like so let's for the sake
of like. Malnutrition and like, I don't
know, you know, I'm just going to stand like this and no one
will know. It's fine.

(36:55):
You know, like lack of access tofresh air and clean water and,
and, and adequate food. We'll say that this kid is maybe
somewhere between 38 and 40 lbs Great.
That's at least a place to start.
Remember that it becomes important to the story later on.
So the next thing we know, we know about the Turkey in an

(37:19):
Italian tan. No wait, in A Christmas Carol,
that's the name of it, is that he could have never sit upon his
legs. That bird, he would have snapped
and showed off in a minute like sticks of sealing wax.
Now, I really didn't think aboutthis ahead of time.
It's fine. When I first wrote this essay, I
did a how do I say a government list amount of research on like

(37:43):
the PSI of like bone breaking and like, and like how long
would it take? Like how much pressure would it
take to like break a Turkey leg?And I'm like, it was like, and I
was like, but it really it didn't get us a lot.
It didn't get us any further sort of set us along that sort
of like 38 to 40 LB ratio, like like range, but that was about
it. But this might be a slight

(38:06):
digression, but fun fact about me, I used to be the
entertainment director of the Georgia Renaissance Festival.
And so it's if I had a nickel for every time the Turkey legs
have become like sort of like a real important part of the work
that I'm doing, I would have twonickels.

(38:30):
But yeah, so so it didn't really.
I wasn't going to do this, but OK, so do do you guys want to
know why we have Turkey legs at Renaissance festivals?
It's so stupid. It's so fucking dumb.
It's so dumb. So here's what happened.
OK, so, so you have to understand the history of
turkeys, the history of Turkey. Turkeys were brought over by

(38:51):
Spanish conquistadors to England.
They're native to North America.Spanish conquistadors brought
over turkeys in like the 15th century.
And they were like, oh, that bird is muy Grande.
And they bring the bird over andthen and then the and then
through like trade. Routes and like and like and
jealous like monarchs they're like your bird is big I want a
big bird too and so so then theyjust like brought them over to

(39:12):
England where they start to be domesticated on like manner
estates and so Turkey starts to be like a luxury item they're
like the. Hermes bag of the day and people
are. Like, Oh my God, you have such a
big fucking bird. They're like, we know we eat it.
And so. So yeah.
So they become these like, luxury items.
But then the same thing that happens with like luxury items
is that as more people start making more money, those items

(39:32):
become attainable by like people.
Who are making less money, right?
And so by like the the 1800s when when this is happening,
turkeys were like kind of like amiddling bird.
They were like, they were fancy.They were nice, but they weren't
like, Oh my God, you have a Turkey.
Like a lot of people have turkeys, right?
And this is my favorite part of the show.
OK, so, OK, so they had a problem.

(39:54):
They had a problem because of all of this industrialization,
because of all the stuff that was going on.
They were like the turkeys, needed a lot of room.
You know, like, it was hard to like, like.
Grow turkeys in in a city. So they had to raise the turkeys
outside of the city, but then they were like, but we can't
kill the turkeys because they'llgo bad by the time that we get
them to the city. What do we do Do.

(40:14):
You guys want to know what they did?
They made the turkeys little shoes.
They would, they would, they would make, they put little
shoes on the turkeys and then they would walk with the turkeys
to London and they would, and then and then they would kill
them there and that's. Where it gets hit.
But they there were little shoes.

(40:35):
The turkeys had little shoes andnow that lives in your brain
too, you fox, right. I can tell you what they looked
like. We have a question in the in the
crack. Your question.
What do they look like? What they would do is they would
take they would take like, you know that like the twine like

(40:55):
the the what is that stuff called like rough?
Oh, fuck. The the burlap.
Yeah, they would take burlap andthen they would take like a
little bit of like tar and they would like wrap it.
And so then they had like littlelike booties and they would just
I was that's so silly. That's such a silly thing.
But anyway. What the fuck were they talking
about? Right, OK, turkeys.
So, so yeah, so the turkeys, does it get popular whatever.

(41:15):
But so, so this continues, right.
This like cheapening of the turkeys, the accessibility of
the turkeys continues and continues and continues until we
get to the 1960s and the 1970s and now.
We have a problem because there's too many turkeys and the
Turkey and people like what do we do with all?
These darkies. And so then like Walt.
Disney World was like. We know what.
We'll do with the turkeys, we'llput them in Frontierland and

(41:37):
we'll sell Turkey legs. And so Turkey legs became really
popular. It's like an amusement park
thing. And then that got sort of like
trickled down into Renaissance fair things.
But now even modern day this, westill have this problem.
There are there are there is research, there are papers that
exist to this day that are like the Turkey's legs keep breaking
because we're breeding the turkeys too big.

(41:58):
What do we do? And that's wild.
And So what we wind up seeing isthat like the Turkey legs got
adopted as a as like a like an amusement park food because they
needed something to figure out what to do with like all of this
cheap meat that like was so unaffordable that it becomes a
symbol of abundance in A Christmas Carol.
And that's crazy. I'm.

(42:24):
Going to give you $20 after the show.
So OK, so at this point I was like, well, that was unhelpful,
but it did kill 10 minutes of the show.
And so I was like, OK, well I ama burnt out gifted kid.
I have a praise kink. I want to know that I'm right,

(42:44):
right. I have this range 38 to 40 lbs.
I'm like, what do I do? They're like OK textual
analysis. Textual analysis, When we think
about textual analysis, we don'thave to just look at the text.
We can also apply like outside context, right?
And so I was like, what do I know about Charles Dickens?
What do I know about the man himself?
And one of the things that I know is that Charles Dickens was
a writer of his day. Charles Dickens was was very

(43:07):
much like writing about the things that were happening in
England at the time. And in fact, a lot of his works,
most of his works were were talking about social
inequalities, right? Like Christmas Carol isn't just
a fun story about Christmas. It's a story about inequality.
So it was Oliver Twist. So it was hard times.
So it was like depression house.I don't they all have terrible.
Names. But like all of them, right?

(43:28):
Like, he draws attention to these social issues.
So it's like, OK, well, if Charles Dickens was writing of
the time and Christmas Carol came out two weeks before
Christmas, maybe I could just goto the time.
So I did. I went to the London Newspaper
Archive and I pulled up every reference of Turkey from 1840 to

(43:51):
1850. This is what all of the
newspapers look like, and this is like 1/2.
Sheet. It was fucking miserable.
Also a small sidebar. There was also like a military
conflict happening in Turkey at the time and that just that
that'll fuck your life up. But here's the thing.

(44:14):
Here's the thing. I found the answer.
I didn't tell you the answer yet.
I'm sorry, That came out way more aggressive than I meant to.
I'm sorry. A forever thank you.
But I found the answer. It's right there.
Can you see it? No, of course you can't.
It's too fucking small. I couldn't see it.
I like microfiche, you know, It's great.

(44:35):
But yeah, so. Belle's Weekly Messenger, one of
the most popular newspapers of the day.
Millions of copies and circulations.
People loved this newspaper. It was part of the collective,
part of the culture. Christmas Day 1843, Two weeks
after Christmas Carol was published, they ran a a series
of reviews on the butchers and the and the poultry shops and

(44:57):
and all of the different places where you could buy your
Christmas dinner. And of Mr. Donovan's shop in
Oxford, they had this to say. The shop was crammed almost to
suffocation, and the samples were of a superior order.
Here was a prize Turkey, perhapsthe largest in London, its
weight 38 1/2 lbs. This is the part that I want to

(45:35):
get right. The problem was that it didn't
feel like anything. It just it just like it didn't
feel like anything and I and I don't know if it was because of
like, I don't know, like burnt out gifted kid syndrome, right
or, or anything like that, but like they were there was it was

(45:55):
fine. There was like no payoff.
There was no like real like satisfaction, Like this was the
first time that I have gotten rewarded.
Thank you for that applause and applause, Gold Star.
Appreciate that very much. But I but I but I didn't get.
Anything. It was like intellectual edging.
Do you know what I mean? But the problem.
The problem is, is that like theway that my brain works, right,

(46:15):
the the way that my ADHD manifests in my own life is that
I'm constantly chasing the dopamine.
And sometimes the dopamine becomes the rabbit hole and
sometimes the rabbit hole becomes the dopamine.
And that is what happened in this case, because immediately I
got 30. 8 1/2 lbs. That's the end of the show.
You know, thank you and good night, right.
But it's not right because immediately, immediately I had
more questions I had, I had morethings.

(46:37):
My brain does not deal in absolutes, right?
And so so I remembered. That there is one more thing
that we learned. There's one more thing that we
know textual analysis wise aboutthe Turkey in A Christmas Carol.
And it is that we know we're Scrooge sends it, Scrooge sends
the Turkey to Camden Town. And, and so the next question

(47:03):
that I had was, was it turned out incredibly related to this.
Scrooge sends the Turkey to Camden Town.
How long would the Turkey take to cook?
That was my question. The question was, how long would
the Turkey take to cook? And the answer was, was easy.
It was really easy to find. It was 10 hours, would have
taken 10 hours to cook that Turkey.

(47:24):
And, and and that's fine, right?But The thing is, is that he
sends it to Camden Town. And this is, this is a moment
where context matters. So the show used to have a very
different ending and it was, it was funny.
It was funny. I like, I did this whole thing.
I was like, I would whack any smack all the way.
And the punchline was? Like matter about a Christmas

(47:44):
presents and but the thing was is that.
Knowledge is sometimes a a curse, not knowledge is
sometimes a burden. Because the thing was is that I
got mad. I got, I got really mad.
I got mad, I got mad because I had been doing all this
research. I've been, I've been doing all

(48:05):
this stuff and, and there are even papers about the Turkey
there. There are, there are studies
that have been done about the Turkey in A Christmas Carol.
And they talk about how it's like a symbol for want, It's a
symbol for abundance. It's, it's a, it's a symbol
like, oh, the cratches are saved, right.
But nobody ever talks about. That it would have.
Taken 10 hours to cook, right? And that because we know that it

(48:27):
got sent to Camden Town, we alsoknow that Misses Cratchit didn't
have a fucking oven. She didn't have an oven, right?
Because here's the thing about Camden Town.
Here's the thing about Camden Town.
The thing about Camden Town was at the time, it was a very mixed
neighborhood. There were some parts of Camden
Town that were nice. They were like mid, mid middle
class. They were, they were like

(48:47):
aspirational, right? But that's not where the
Cratchits lived. That's not where the Cratches
lived. The Crashes lived on the other
side of town. The Cratches lived on the side
of town where you could you could maybe barely pay your rent
for 15 shillings a week. And and that provides a lot of
context, right. So so saying Camden Town, you're
like, oh, cool, Camden Town, butit's the same that like.
If if you go to see a productionof.

(49:09):
Hamlet right and and and, Hamletsays.
Get there to a nunnery. And you're like, OK, he wants
Hamlet or he wants affiliate to go be a nun, right?
He wants her to go be a nun and go live a life of prayer.
And it should be like crusty, musty, dusty little nun.
But no, it's it provides more context if you know that at the
time, nunnery was slang for whorehouse.

(49:31):
And that provides more context, right?
And that's how I started feelingabout Camden Town.
But yeah. And so and so, like, there are
all of these papers. There are all of these things
that are talking about like, howgreat the Turkey is and like,
how great of a symbol it is. And The thing is, is that it was
such a good piece of writing. Christmas Carol was so good.
That it worked and it persisted and it persisted.

(49:51):
In fact, I think this is fascinating.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I'm sure that some of you, I've
seen this before. Yeah.
Does anybody know what this is called?
The name of it? Freedom from Want?
Yes. Did you read it on the bottom?
OK, good. I'm proud of you.
It's called. It's called Freedom from Want.
And the thing about freedom fromwant is that it was published in

(50:14):
the Saturday Evening Post, 100 years almost to the day of the
publication of A Christmas Carolwas published in 1943.
And ha, ha. I'm sorry I'm getting heated.
But The thing is, is that. It got a lot of criticism, this,
this, this, sort of like Americana.
Norman Rockwell, who painted it,he didn't even like it.
And the reason why he didn't like it was because at the time

(50:35):
there was a war going on and there were people in England who
were starving. And he was embarrassed about the
size of the Turkey. He was embarrassed about the
size of the Turkey. But you want to know even
something else. You want something else going to
ruin your whole day? Is that it wasn't.
Just this painting. The Saturday Evening Post ran an
article and the article was by this guy named Carlos Bulasan,

(50:56):
who was a Filipino immigrant andthat Filipino immigrant, he
wrote this beautiful essay abouthow there are farm workers who
can't afford to eat the foods that they are picking.
There are people who are labouring in America who can't
afford. To, to, to live.
And work at the same time, he said in the essay.
Our challenge to tyranny is the depth of our face.

(51:18):
Face in a democracy worth defending.
Carlos Boulasson died of malnutrition.
He starved to death after writing an essay.
It was the companion piece to Freedom from Want.
God bless us everyone right? And it's fun and.
The thing is, The thing is the thing.

(51:39):
Is I didn't tell you this is going to be a comedy show.
I did. I'm sorry.
But but the thing of it is is that is that this.
Symbol. This Turkey became this symbol.
And, and it's stupid. It's so stupid.
Once you know that, once you understand Camden Town, once you
understand the implications of Misses Cratchit.
Having to spend. 10 hours away from her family to cook a Turkey

(52:02):
with not an oven. She would have had it done it
like on her fireplace right? Like that's a shitty gift,
that's a shitty gift. That's a shitty thing to do.
I don't know, I don't know. I think like I can hear the
YouTube comments now, but The thing is, is that I, I still
love A Christmas Carol. I think there is, there's

(52:23):
glaring flaws there, glary glaring issues with it, but I, I
still love A Christmas Carol and, and it is because I don't
know, because it's a story of mankind's capacity for good.
It's a story of mankind's capacity for change.
And and I think a lot about the fact that Ebenezer Scrooge is a

(52:46):
weird name, but so is Elon Musk,so is Mark Zuckerberg.
Do you know what I mean? And I think right now, when we
think about Christmas Carol in 2025, there's a lot of things

(53:09):
that are different than Christmas of 1843.
They're just our right. We have social media, we have
AI, we have all of these things.But what we have is our capacity
as humans to change, as humans to do better.
And I think that right now we are in a moment where there are
a lot of people who are looking around and they're saying, hey,
maybe we could use some change. Maybe, maybe I could be part of

(53:30):
that change, right? Maybe, maybe I could contribute
to that change, right? Empathy, compassion, the
messages of Christmas Carol, right?
There's so much empathy in A Christmas Carol.
There's so much compassion in A Christmas Carol because
Christmas Carol reminds us over and over and over through the
whole text that that you never know what the person next to you
is going through. You never know what the person

(53:52):
next to you is struggling with. Maybe they aren't making a lot
of money. Maybe they don't have enough
food at home. Maybe they have a sick kid.
Maybe they're just overworked and underpaid.
Do you know what I mean? But we never know.
And so Christmas Carol offers usthis moment to be compassionate
to, to be empathetic in the faceof, are there no prisons?
Are there no work houses? Are there no detention centers?

(54:12):
Do you know what I'm saying? And I don't know, in in a time
when we're talking about cuttingSNAP benefits, when we're
talking about about the a lot ofdifferent things all at the same
time. Because much like Missus
Cratchit's fireplace, the world is on fire.

(54:35):
The yes, it can be scary to change.
It can be scary to wake up one day and say, hey, all of that
stuff I did, all of that stuff Isaid I was wrong.
All of those beliefs that I held, I was wrong and, and

(54:57):
people might laugh at you. People might.
And people laughed at Christmas Carol.
People, people they were critic,for instance, successful, as
wildly successful as Christmas Carol was, people, there were a
lot of people who didn't like it.
They mocked it. They said it was like it was
immature. It was, it was simplistic, it
was overly sentimental, blah, blah, blah.
And they didn't like it. But the thing of it was, the
thing that I love the most aboutChristmas Carol is that

(55:19):
Christmas Carol worked. It worked. 1843 was a record
setting year for charity. 1843 was a year where we saw.
Real. Social change for people who
were less fortunate. And not even that it it kept
happening. It kept going.
Charles Dickens spent the rest of his days doing that.
Do you know why? Because Charles Dickens father

(55:42):
went to debtors prison, Charles Dickens was celebrated,
separated from his family. Charles Dickens was forced to
work in a boot blacking factory under horrific working
conditions. And so he he wasn't writing
about Scrooge as this like character.
He was writing himself and what might have happened if he had
not held on to his belief that mankind is inherently good and

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that we have a capacity for change.
But Scrooge still centre a fucking Turkey.
And that is the lesson of the Turkey, is that he still did
something. Scrooge's first act, Scrooge's
first thing that he did was dumbas fuck.

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It was impractical. It was imperfect.
It was an imperfect thing. It was something that might have
gotten him mocked or made fun of, but he did it anyway because
he awoke saying I'm going to do better than I did yesterday.
And he did that. And I want to leave you with one
last piece of textual analysis, because sometimes with textual
analysis, we you look at what's not there.

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You look at the the things that are absent like this.
May Shakopin. At no point in Hamlet does
anybody say that he's fun at parties.
Scrooge never apologizes. Scrooge never says he's sorry.
And I spent I spent a really long time wrestling with that.
I spent a really long time goinglike, well, he never said he was
sorry. He never asked for forgiveness.

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He never looked at the crutches and begged them on his knees to
forgive him from for the economic plight that he had put
him into. But Charles Dickens tells us
what what happened and it's thatScrooge kept his word.
Scrooge and did what he said every day he woke up and he

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became a better man than he was the day before.
And Christmas Carol closes like this.
Scrooge was better than his word.
He did it all and infinitely more.
And to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father.
He became as good a friend, as good a master, as good a man as

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the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or
borough in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the
alteration in him, but he let them laugh and little heeded
them, for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened
on this globe for good, at whichsome people did not have their
fill of laughter in the outset. And knowing that such as these

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would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that
they should wrinkle up their eyes and grins, as have the
malady in less attractive forms.His own heart laughed, and that
was quite enough for him. He had no further intercourse
with spirits. That he knows that.

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And it was always said of him that he knew how to keep
Christmas well, if any man alivepossessed the knowledge.
May that truly be said of us andof all of us.
And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless us, everyone TA hiding
soft comfort and joy. Thank you and good night.

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There's no play. Oh, oh, God.
There's like, no, I got more facts.
Wes, do you want to know what they had for dinner?
They had potatoes. They had gravy.
They had a, a, a Christmas pudding.
Thank you all so much for coming.
I, if I may, I just want to say thank you.
This has been something that I've been working on for a

(59:51):
while. It changed dramatically every
time I did it. That was the first time that I
ever got through the whole thingall at once.
Don't don't put that on the Internet, Kate.
That's silly. But yeah, and especially I would
like to thank my husband, who has been just patiently sitting
in the living room listening to me.
Do this. But yeah, I.

(01:00:14):
Hope you liked it. Thank you for coming
and if you didn't like it, my name is.

(01:00:35):
That's the serious good.