August 14, 2025 • 47 mins
Guest Speaker Tom Mason teaches on the biblical family in Ephesians 5. What do the Scriptures say about the family? He emphasizes our duty to be subject to one another in our different roles as believers.
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We're going to be in Ephesians tonight, Ephesians chapter 5.
And I thought since it was youngfamily ministry night, we would
talk about the family. We would talk about what the
Scriptures have to say to us about family.
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So let's turn to Ephesians chapter 5, and we're going to
start with verse 15. Therefore, be careful how you
walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your
time, because the days are evil.So then, do not be foolish, but
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understand what the will of the Lord is, and do not be drunk of
wine for that dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,
speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual
songs, singing and making melodyin your heart to the Lord,
always giving thanks for all things in the name of the Lord
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Jesus Christ to God, even the Father, and be subject to one
another in the fear of God. Verse 22 would say, Wives, be
subject to your own husbands as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the
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head of the church, he himself being the Savior of the body.
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wife ought
to be subject to their own husbands and everything.
We will stop by reading right there, and we will move forward
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with our message and then pick up the reading as we get to that
point. Ephesians.
These would be the people who lived in Ephesus.
Paul writes to the Ephesians. He is directing his message to
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the Christians that lived in Ephesus, even though the word
would have been there long before Christians came.
Now many commentators would tellyou that in many of the earlier
manuscripts, the words in Ephesus is not there because
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this was more of a circular letter sent out for all the
Saints of that region, and therefore it does not have the
words in Ephesus. But they rush to tell you that
that does not change any of the theological meaning or emphasis
of this particular passage. So when we look at the
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background and look at that, nowwe want to look at the letter.
Please remember it is a letter and not a book.
So it was not written in chapters and verses, although
that's what we have today is chapters and verses and it makes
it easy to do that way. But it was not written that way.
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It was a letter. That being said, chapters 1-2
and three are instructions to usabout who we are in Christ.
And when you go through these chapters and you read about the
things that we are in Christ, itgives us an opportunity to
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praise Him and to have blessings, to enjoy the blessing
that we have, one writer said quote.
Above all things, this letter isof encouragement and admiration,
written to remind believers of their immense, immeasurable
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blessing in Christ Jesus. And not only that for those
blessings, but also live in a manner worthy of them.
Now that's where chapters 4-5 and six come in, because of who
we are in Christ. Then 4-5 and six would tell us
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how we ought to conduct ourselves because of who we are
in Christ. And that's the thing that we
ought to remember. As Christians we are called to
conduct ourselves in a particular manner and when we
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see that, then we ought to live in that way.
And that's why Paul is giving usinstructions in this area.
Now I'd like to move to Ephesians chapter 5 starting
with verse 15. He says, therefore be careful
how you walk. The word walk in Scripture
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always mean a manner of life, how it is that you conduct your
life, how it is that you love. So he says, therefore be careful
how you live. Remember who you are and be
careful how you live. He goes on to say not as unwise
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men, but is wise. So when we show up, when we,
whether it's a job, whether it'sthe next door neighbor, whether
it's in the mall, whoever it is,how is it that we conduct
ourselves not as unwise people, but as wise as Paul instructs
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the Saints here how to live because of who we are, he says
we are not to live as unwise people.
Have you ever been around unwisepeople?
Have you ever heard them talk? I remember when I was living in
Monrovia and I heard this guy inthe streets one night.
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I was in my house, but he was talking loud and he says my word
is my bond and I'm thinking thisguy is a wino.
What kind of bond does he have? Or word?
That would be a foolish person. So you and I are being
instructed that we are not to live in that way.
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And then he goes on to say in verse 16, he said making the
most of your time because the days are evil.
By the way, this was written in around AD 62.
And if Paul in his day could say, could say his days are
evil, what do we think we're saying now?
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OK, But he says make the most ofyour time because the days are
evil. You and I as Christians must
make the most of our time. The old King James would say
redeeming the time when we see this word redeeming, it's used
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four times in the New Testament and it means to buy back twice.
It is used of what Christ did for us in Galatians chapter 3
verse 13. Christ redeemed us from the
curse of the law, having become a curse for us, for it is
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written and curses everyone who hangs on a tree.
Christ redeemed us. Christ became a curse for us
that He might bring us to God. How did he do that?
The scripture already told us Cursed is everyone who hangs on
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a tree, and Christ hung on a tree on your behalf and on my
behalf, that we then might come to know him.
Look at Galatians chapter 4 verses 4 to 7.
He said, But when the fulfilmentof time came, God sent his Son,
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born of a woman, born under the law, so that he might redeem
those who were under the law, that we might receive the
adoption of sons. Because you are sons, God has
sent forth the Spirit of his Soninto your heart, crying out of
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our Father. Therefore you are no longer a
slave, but a son. And if a son, then an heir
through God. Now when he says you're no
longer a slave, OK, that's not acontradiction.
He's telling us we're no longer a slave to the law.
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We're no longer under the law. God has redeemed us from that,
but now we are a Son and therefore we have an inheritance
through Christ to God, and He has brought this unto us.
And then in Colossians it is used of us, and it's interesting
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how it is used. Colossians chapter 4, verses 5
and 6. Conduct yourselves with wisdom
toward outsiders. Wow.
Conduct yourself with wisdom toward those who are not
Christians. Then, he says, making the most
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of the opportunity. Let your speech always be with
grace as those seasoned with salt, so that you may know how
you are to respond to each person.
Now, you and I, whether we work,whether we go to school, we all
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live in a world that has fallen or the world that is evil, as
the Bible calls it. He says you and I as Christians
must be careful to know how to conduct ourselves to those who
are outsiders, those who do not have what we have.
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Why? Because you and I or to present
God to that person or those people and that's why we are to
conduct ourselves in a manner that would be worthy of that
person listening to us. Now, whether you had a ball game
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or whether you at the store, whether you have work, if your
conduct is in a way that it is contradictory to what you will
share with the person when you start to share the Scripture,
that is not what he's talking about.
He is saying be careful how you conduct yourselves with
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outsiders so that there would beno contradiction.
When you stop doing whatever it is that you are doing and you
start to share the Gospel, they will see that there is no
contradiction. That doesn't mean that it
guarantees that they're going tolisten to you, but at least you
will have conducted yourself or I will have conducted myself in
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a way that is worthy of God. Now back to Ephesians chapter 5,
verse 17. He says so then do not be
foolish, but understand what thewill of the Lord is and do not
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get drunk with wine, for that isdissipation.
Now we don't use that word dissipation that much, but it's
talking about a dissolution way of life or way of living,
especially when it comes to the opportunity of drinking.
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So he says here, do not be drunkwith wine.
Now, sometimes that's a little draw for us because she was hey,
I I don't drink. I don't have that problem.
OK, But do you have a quick temper?
Do you have something else that's from the world that would
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offend people? That's what he's saying.
Do not be controlled and directed by whatever that is.
That would bring dishonor to God.
If you don't drink, that's a good thing.
But if you have a high temper, then that's not a good thing.
So that's what he's pointing outto us here.
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Matter of fact, I've heard people say, you know, I just
wish I had the opportunity to speak my mind to that person.
Well, it's probably a good thingthat you didn't get to speak
your mind to that person. OK, So he's telling us here do
not be drunken wine, but then hegives us the other thing that we
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ought to do but be filled with the Spirit.
Now this word filled means to befilled to the top where there's
nothing else that can get in there without it overflowing
that. That's what he's taught be
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filled with, be all about the Spirit of God, that you are
controlled and directed by him. He is telling us to let the Word
of God control us through the Spirit of God, that we then
might honor Him in everything that we do.
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And then he goes on in verse 19 and says, speaking to one
another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and
making malady in your heart to the Lord.
Note what he says in this verse in your heart.
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You can't control anybody else'sheart, but you can't control
your heart, he says. Do these things and make these
medalists in your heart. Now, that's pretty easy to do
when we all sitting in here together.
We're singing songs together, we're quoting the songs
together. We are doing this to be honoring
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into the Lord. It's easy to do this in here.
Matter of fact, I share with people all the time on Sunday
morning that we all look like Christian sitting up in here.
How do we act Monday through Sunday when we're not here?
And matter of fact, he points out something to us interesting
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here that he says in verse 20, he tells us in verse 19,
speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual
songs, singing and making melodyin your heart to the Lord.
But then in verse 20, he says always giving thanks for all
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things in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Wow. See, that's when they called me
individually to do something. I'm not in the group with you
now. I'm by myself.
And he says always give thanks for all things in Jesus Christ.
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Now does that mean, you know, I leave here tonight and I get an
accident? I get out the car and say thank
you Lord for all of this. That's not what he's really
talking about, OK, But he is talking about in that same
accident, let's say I am delivered out of it unharmed.
I'm going to give thanks for that.
Let's say I am damaged in that and the paramedics have to come.
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I can give thanks for that. I am giving thanks that it has
been provided that care for me is there.
Whatever this situation is doesn't mean all the situation
is going to be good. I just need to be equipped to do
it in an honorable way that I might put God on display.
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Now Paul, as he's writing this letter from chapter 4, verse
one, Paul is telling us how it is that every St.
St. ought to conduct himself. It does not matter where the
Saint is in marriage. You may be before marriage, you
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may be in marriage, you may havenever been married, you may even
be after marriage for some of the reasons He's telling us how
it is that we are to conduct ourselves and see that's what we
have to remember as Christians, whatever situation God has us
in, He wants us in a particular way to conduct ourselves in that
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manner. And when we see that, then we
can learn from that. Now, as we look at verse 21 and
following, this is not a change.He is going to address everyone
individually, but he's going to identify us in the church and
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also in the family. Why in the church?
Look at verse 21, He says in this verse, and be subject to
one another in the fear of God. Let's look at the word subject
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first. It means to arrange under or to
subordinate to subject, to be insubjection.
And this is one that we kind of shy away from to subject oneself
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to obedience. Now, as I was thinking about
this, I'm what, what does the term mean?
It means to place yourself under, OK, to rank under.
That's really what it means. If I ask you the question, how
many presidents have we had in the United States?
Most of you could tell me that would be 45.
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How many of those 45 presidents had no military experience?
I knew a few of them. I didn't know how many, so I
looked it up. It was 1414 of the 30 of the 45
had no military experience. But guess what?
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The commander in chief is The commander in chief is the
individual who holds the ultimate control and command
over a military branch or armed force.
So the president, whether he hasmilitary experience or not, he
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is the top man when it comes to the military.
So let's say the joint chief of staff walks in.
This guy probably got 30 years of military experience, and he
wants to do this. And the president says no.
The giant chief of staff has to rank himself under the
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president. That's what he's calling for
here in the Scripture. You and I as Christians ought to
submit to one another. Now he's going to tell us how to
do it one person at a time. He's going to walk through this
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and say this is how you do it. This is how you do it and this
is how you do it. Now the problem with this, we're
going to come to verse 22. We're going to meet that problem
head on. Wives being subjection to your
own husband. Now let's start right there.
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I want you to notice be subject notices in italics in your
scripture. That means it was not there in
the original. So here how it should read wives
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to your own husband, wives what to your own husbands.
You have to go back to verse 21.He has said be subject to one
another. So here is how the wife is to be
subject to her husband. Matter of fact, the end of the
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verse end of the reading will tell us in everything.
OK leadership. That's why he starts with the
common leadership. OK wives, be subject to your own
husband as to the Lord. Notice he did not say because
he's smarter than you or even because he is bigger than you.
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He says as unto the Lord. It doesn't mean that this man
knows more than you do. What it does mean is he has a
position and that position is husband, and then you as a wife
is to rank yourself under that. And that's how he calls us to
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live and to honor him. And then he goes and give that
because it says 4 here in verse 23.
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the
head of the church, He himself being the Savior of the body.
But as the Church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought
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to be to their husbands in everything.
Notice it says wives to their husbands.
Your wife is not to be subject to me, or my wife is not to be
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subject to every man here in thebuilding.
It says to your husband, now there's the thing about
leadership in the church and everybody in the church is to be
under the leadership of father, the leadership of the leaders of
the church. That's talking about a different
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thing here. It's talking about when it comes
to your family and what it dealswith, with decisions that have
to be made in your family. The wife is to submit herself,
just as Christ is the head of the church, and the church
submits itself to Christ. By the way, if we don't submit
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ourselves to Christ, that would be sin.
And so he's directing us here todo it in that manner, just as
Christ is the head of the churchand gave himself for the body.
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Christ did all of this for us. He left heaven and came down
here, became one of the creatures that he had created,
obedient to the law, obedient toGod, died on the cross, was
raised from the dead by God and went back to heaven.
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And now he's directing Paul thathe might write this not I found
something interesting as I was reading this. 3 verses Paul
addresses the wife. The next 9 verses he addresses
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the man. Wow, husbands, love your wife,
just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for
it. I want you to notice what words
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are not inserted here in italics.
Submit yourself. Notice those words are not
injected here. But that's exactly what Paul is
telling the husbands. When it comes to your love for
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yourself, then rank your love for yourself under your love for
your wife. And he's given us an example.
He says this is what Christ did and given himself up for us.
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He ranked his love for himself beneath his love for you and to
give his life for us and to comedown and live for us.
He says be subject to those words are not there, but the
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idea is the same. This is how the husband is to
subject ourselves unto the one that we love, our wife.
Now you can tell your wife all you want to, you know, hey, I
love you honey, but if she doesn't see that you are doing
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this, that's the problem. OK?
Matter of fact, my wife says to me a whole lot, hey Tom, I, I
love you and I'll say I love you.
But sometimes I'll say to my wife thank you.
And she looks at me, she says thank you.
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I say, yeah, Don't I just get the privilege of saying I, I
thank you for loving me, you know, because that's what I say
when you do something, you know,I just think, y'all just say
thank you sometime, OK? But I try to demonstrate to my
wife that I love her. So when she hears it, it's not
something strange to her. Matter of fact, the guy called
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me sometime back and he was talking to me about a situation
that he and his wife was going through and it was simply a car
dealership. OK, so no, no big, you know,
deal, but it was a car dealership.
He wanted to go to 1 and she wanted to go to another and he
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wanted to know how do I put thislove thing in the practice?
He says it would be very comfortable to go to this one
because it's 3 miles from my house, but the other one was 10
miles from the house where the wife wanted to go.
So I said you don't have a spiritual thing to deal with.
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Your wife simply wants to know, are you willing to rank your
love for the short drive to her desire to go to 10 miles?
He said, OK, thank you. I didn't know what that was
called. That's a simple way of
demonstrating to the wife, hey, and you don't have to say,
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honey, I'm doing this because I love you.
But if you simply do it, it would demonstrate to her that
yes, it would be easier for you to go to the short, the three,
the three job because that's where you want to go.
The three mile thing. But yeah, I'll go ahead and
drive to 10 miles. Yet it that's not a problem.
Let's go ahead and do that. And guys, we have to keep in
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mind that when these things comeup, they are come up for a
purpose that we might put God ondisplay even in our own home,
even to our wives, that she might come to understand my
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husband really cares for me. Now look at verse 26, talking
about Christ again. It says so that He might
sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water,
with the Word, that he might present to Himself the Church in
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all her glory, having not spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
but that she would be holy and blameless.
Now notice he's talking about what Christ does for us as
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believers, and what it is that He wants to do.
Is he present to Himself this holy and glorious body, the
bride? But there are some things in
here that I need to look at. Do I ever 'cause my wife to sin?
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That would not be a glorious thing.
He wants to present to her. He wants to present her to him.
Holy and blameless. Do I do that with my wife is
what I need to ask the question?By the way, let me just maybe
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meddle here for a little bit. What about tax time when you
have to sign that paper and the wife has to sign it and you're
signing for something that you know is not correct, honey, but
go ahead and sign it. Just put your name down here.
Or you really asking her to do something that you know is wrong
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to do, but you're going to ask her to go ahead and do it
anyway? That's practical.
That's what he's talking about. I must do the things with my
wife that would not cause any spot or blemish on her or would
not cause her to be in an unholyposition.
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I want to put her in a position where she's blameless.
Now, can I control her sin? No, I cannot.
But I can control what I asked her to do.
And that's what he's talking about here.
That's what my love for my wife needs to to be like.
And it needs to be based on crisis love for me.
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If when I do those things, then I can honor him.
Verse 28 would say so husbands ought also to love their wives
as their own body. He who loves his own wife loves
himself, for no one has ever hated his own flesh, but
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nourished and cherished it, justas Christ also does the church.
And then we say, well, what about all these people that go
around and say I just hate myself?
The scripture says no one hates themselves.
Now they they have an argument. Is the argument against
scripture or the arguments against you?
The argument would it be againstScripture?
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Matter of fact, somebody told methe other day that they were
sinful because God made them that way.
He said no, he did not. Oh, oh, Oh yes he did.
No, he did not. Can you prove that?
Yes, I can. Genesis chapter 5 says God
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created Adam and he created Adamin his image.
That tells us how you made Adam.Then the next verse says, and
Adam begot children in his image.
Guess what? Was Adam's image sinful?
Now you can blame Adam if you want to for being sinful, but
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you are responsible for the sin that you're in.
And that's what I shared with the guy.
You're responsible. Why?
Because you have been confrontedwith the fact that even your
thought that God made you this way is wrong.
You are a Sinner because sin hasbeen passed down to all of us.
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So when we share these things, we have to remember who we are
and that God has nourished and cherished the church.
Verse 30. Because we are members of His
body. For this reason a man shall
leave his father and mother, andthey shall be joined to his
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wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 1/4 Scripture
Genesis. Then he says, this ministry is
great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the
church. He says all I have gone through
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here may seem like a mystery to you, and it is a great mystery
because I am talking about Christ and His relationship to
the Church. But noted verse 33.
Nevertheless, each individual among you ought also to love his
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wife even as himself, and the wife must see that she respects
her husband. This is everything I've laid out
here for you has been about Christ and the Church and how
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you ought to act in that relationship.
But I want you to also know the husband and the wife must follow
this as well in their relationship because then it
tells you how it is that you ought to submit to one another.
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And I think in that phrase we lose emphasis on it when he says
submit to one another. We men love that verse 22 wives
be subjected and we hardly ever mentioned that the words be
subject was added there. There were not.
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We just love the idea of being over somebody.
But he's instructing us on how it is that we can be submissive
to one another. And he starts this by helping us
to understand what the wife's position is when it comes to
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leadership by the way of counseling a guy and his wife
there years ago. They've they've moved on, but he
said to me, he said my wife is in charge of everything in the
house and I love it that way. And I'm thinking why do the
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counseling, why continue it if you already have decided that
she's the head of the house and she's going to control.
He says when it comes to decision making, my wife makes
all the decision in the house. What can I counsel?
So I just said, OK, move on. And they eventually moved on
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from the church. But this is what he's telling us
how it is we're to conduct ourselves.
Wives, here's what you're to do.Husbands, here's what we are to
do. And by the way, if you're
planning to get married, if you're still in that position,
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you want to look for someone whowill honor this.
And when I say this, I really domean the scripture.
Honor all of it. And part of that is, are you
willing as a female? Are you willing to submit
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yourself to this person's leadership?
That's a question you need to ask.
Then for the males, you have to ask you a question.
Is this the woman that I want tolead the rest of my life?
And when you make that decision,the rest of the decision
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actually will come a lot easier.By the way, Joby and Sandy share
with me, I think it was Sunday, that this was their 33rd
anniversary of marriage. That's that's a long time and
there are people here that's been married longer than that.
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But guess what? It goes back to a decision that
was made during dating time. Is this the person that I really
want to submit to, or is this the person that I can really
love above loving myself? And when we do those things,
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then we will honor God and as wemove forward to put this thing
together. And then one other thing about
this premarital thing. There there be no secrets.
If you have any, go ahead and deal with them.
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Go ahead and address them, but let that person know here's what
we are dealing with and here's what's ahead of us.
That person might say to you, but thank you for sharing that.
I just want to be friends and weare now.
I'll move on and that's OK. Making that decision after you
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married is not OK. And that's the thing that you
have to look at. Some of you probably know this,
but I'll share with you anyway. When Don and I came to this
point of deciding that we was going to date, I was in the
worst financial situation of my life.
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Before we had our first date. I wanted her to know that so she
could make a decision. Yes, I will move forward with
this a no partner. We're just going to be friends
and be done with it. So I, I said, I matter of fact
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done in my first date was bring your budget.
No kidding. We literally brought our budget
before we decided to go on our first date so she could see what
I was dealing with because I wanted to share with her the
truth of everything that I had. And I told her, I said, these
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are my bills. This is what I had.
This is my my financial situation.
But if we get married, they are not mine, they are ours.
And she took a look at it and well, as they said, the rest is
history. But we had that situation.
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And by the way, Donna's budget looked really nice and then the
whole thing laid out the before she showed her me and showed me
a payment that she had for a loan that she had.
I said, Donna then payment is not going to pay that off in 10
years. She said, yes, it is.
It's a 10 year loan as I'm not arguing that.
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I'm just telling you the paymentisn't going to pay that off.
And and by the way, Donna and Mary Lee was roommates at the
time. I used to go by on the weekend
and put it in a window for Donna.
She had got the loan to put the window in the house.
Is it she said, I'll show you the the contract when you come
over this weekend. So I went over the weekend and I
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saw it and it said right around the top, this is a non
ameritized loan. You know what ameritized means?
It means to die off. So this is a non dying off loan.
What does? That's a cute word to say.
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This is an interest only loan. Donna didn't know that.
But when we sit down and took a look at it, then we know that
this whatever money you borrowednow 10 years down the road and
you paid others and you still going over that same amount of
money. But we had to come up with how
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it is we would deal with these things.
Looking at my budget and her budget and we put them together
and God has blessed in that. And so those are the things you
want to do in being truthful to one another so you don't get to
the other side and then say, oh,by the way, I have these things
you ought to take a look at and if that has happened already in
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your marriage is not too late todeal with it.
You can deal with it. You can confess it and and and
deal with those things, but it'sbest if we do it upfront.
Now this passage that we have gone through, we've dealt with
the husband and the wife. In two weeks we're going to come
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back and we're going to pick up the children and the parents.
Then we're going to pick up the employee and the employers now
in our Bible just tells us the slave and the slave master.
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We don't have those these days. We have employer and employ
yours. And that's what he's talking
about. Why does he address in
individually? Because he is addressing the
whole church and everybody in the church is in one of those
categories, either wife or husband, a child, a parent, an
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employee or an employer. Now, if you're like me, you're
retired, but you've been throughthat.
And so that's what he's telling us, how to conduct ourselves,
how to submit ourselves to one another in every area that we
have to come across, whether youare the parent.
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How many of us as parent ever thought about submitting
ourselves to our children? We really don't.
We think about children obey your parents and that's kind of
all we think about. But he's telling us and that how
it is you can do both, how both has to happen.
And so that's what we'll do whenwe come back together in two
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weeks. Deal with those so we can
address this entire issue. Let us pray.
Father, we do. Thank you for your great grace
toward us. Thank you for our time and your
word. Thank you for all that you share
with us that we might honor you in all that we do.
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We praise you for who you are. I thank you for giving yourself
for us to remove us from being subject to the law, to bring us
in to make us children of God, that we then might honor you and
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all that we do. We do pray to us in Christ's
name and for a sake we ask it. Amen.
We're going to be in Ephesians tonight, Ephesians chapter 5.
And I thought since it was youngfamily ministry night, we would
talk about the family. We would talk about what the
Scriptures have to say to us about family.
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So let's turn to Ephesians chapter 5, and we're going to
start with verse 15. Therefore, be careful how you
walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your
time, because the days are evil.So then, do not be foolish, but
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understand what the will of the Lord is, and do not be drunk of
wine for that dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,
speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual
songs, singing and making melodyin your heart to the Lord,
always giving thanks for all things in the name of the Lord
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Jesus Christ to God, even the Father, and be subject to one
another in the fear of God. Verse 22 would say, Wives, be
subject to your own husbands as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the
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head of the church, he himself being the Savior of the body.
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wife ought
to be subject to their own husbands and everything.
We will stop by reading right there, and we will move forward
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with our message and then pick up the reading as we get to that
point. Ephesians.
These would be the people who lived in Ephesus.
Paul writes to the Ephesians. He is directing his message to
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the Christians that lived in Ephesus, even though the word
would have been there long before Christians came.
Now many commentators would tellyou that in many of the earlier
manuscripts, the words in Ephesus is not there because
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this was more of a circular letter sent out for all the
Saints of that region, and therefore it does not have the
words in Ephesus. But they rush to tell you that
that does not change any of the theological meaning or emphasis
of this particular passage. So when we look at the
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background and look at that, nowwe want to look at the letter.
Please remember it is a letter and not a book.
So it was not written in chapters and verses, although
that's what we have today is chapters and verses and it makes
it easy to do that way. But it was not written that way.
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It was a letter. That being said, chapters 1-2
and three are instructions to usabout who we are in Christ.
And when you go through these chapters and you read about the
things that we are in Christ, itgives us an opportunity to
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praise Him and to have blessings, to enjoy the blessing
that we have, one writer said quote.
Above all things, this letter isof encouragement and admiration,
written to remind believers of their immense, immeasurable
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blessing in Christ Jesus. And not only that for those
blessings, but also live in a manner worthy of them.
Now that's where chapters 4-5 and six come in, because of who
we are in Christ. Then 4-5 and six would tell us
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how we ought to conduct ourselves because of who we are
in Christ. And that's the thing that we
ought to remember. As Christians we are called to
conduct ourselves in a particular manner and when we
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see that, then we ought to live in that way.
And that's why Paul is giving usinstructions in this area.
Now I'd like to move to Ephesians chapter 5 starting
with verse 15. He says, therefore be careful
how you walk. The word walk in Scripture
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always mean a manner of life, how it is that you conduct your
life, how it is that you love. So he says, therefore be careful
how you live. Remember who you are and be
careful how you live. He goes on to say not as unwise
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men, but is wise. So when we show up, when we,
whether it's a job, whether it'sthe next door neighbor, whether
it's in the mall, whoever it is,how is it that we conduct
ourselves not as unwise people, but as wise as Paul instructs
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the Saints here how to live because of who we are, he says
we are not to live as unwise people.
Have you ever been around unwisepeople?
Have you ever heard them talk? I remember when I was living in
Monrovia and I heard this guy inthe streets one night.
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I was in my house, but he was talking loud and he says my word
is my bond and I'm thinking thisguy is a wino.
What kind of bond does he have? Or word?
That would be a foolish person. So you and I are being
instructed that we are not to live in that way.
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And then he goes on to say in verse 16, he said making the
most of your time because the days are evil.
By the way, this was written in around AD 62.
And if Paul in his day could say, could say his days are
evil, what do we think we're saying now?
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OK, But he says make the most ofyour time because the days are
evil. You and I as Christians must
make the most of our time. The old King James would say
redeeming the time when we see this word redeeming, it's used
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four times in the New Testament and it means to buy back twice.
It is used of what Christ did for us in Galatians chapter 3
verse 13. Christ redeemed us from the
curse of the law, having become a curse for us, for it is
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written and curses everyone who hangs on a tree.
Christ redeemed us. Christ became a curse for us
that He might bring us to God. How did he do that?
The scripture already told us Cursed is everyone who hangs on
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a tree, and Christ hung on a tree on your behalf and on my
behalf, that we then might come to know him.
Look at Galatians chapter 4 verses 4 to 7.
He said, But when the fulfilmentof time came, God sent his Son,
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born of a woman, born under the law, so that he might redeem
those who were under the law, that we might receive the
adoption of sons. Because you are sons, God has
sent forth the Spirit of his Soninto your heart, crying out of
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our Father. Therefore you are no longer a
slave, but a son. And if a son, then an heir
through God. Now when he says you're no
longer a slave, OK, that's not acontradiction.
He's telling us we're no longer a slave to the law.
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We're no longer under the law. God has redeemed us from that,
but now we are a Son and therefore we have an inheritance
through Christ to God, and He has brought this unto us.
And then in Colossians it is used of us, and it's interesting
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how it is used. Colossians chapter 4, verses 5
and 6. Conduct yourselves with wisdom
toward outsiders. Wow.
Conduct yourself with wisdom toward those who are not
Christians. Then, he says, making the most
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of the opportunity. Let your speech always be with
grace as those seasoned with salt, so that you may know how
you are to respond to each person.
Now, you and I, whether we work,whether we go to school, we all
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live in a world that has fallen or the world that is evil, as
the Bible calls it. He says you and I as Christians
must be careful to know how to conduct ourselves to those who
are outsiders, those who do not have what we have.
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Why? Because you and I or to present
God to that person or those people and that's why we are to
conduct ourselves in a manner that would be worthy of that
person listening to us. Now, whether you had a ball game
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or whether you at the store, whether you have work, if your
conduct is in a way that it is contradictory to what you will
share with the person when you start to share the Scripture,
that is not what he's talking about.
He is saying be careful how you conduct yourselves with
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outsiders so that there would beno contradiction.
When you stop doing whatever it is that you are doing and you
start to share the Gospel, they will see that there is no
contradiction. That doesn't mean that it
guarantees that they're going tolisten to you, but at least you
will have conducted yourself or I will have conducted myself in
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a way that is worthy of God. Now back to Ephesians chapter 5,
verse 17. He says so then do not be
foolish, but understand what thewill of the Lord is and do not
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get drunk with wine, for that isdissipation.
Now we don't use that word dissipation that much, but it's
talking about a dissolution way of life or way of living,
especially when it comes to the opportunity of drinking.
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So he says here, do not be drunkwith wine.
Now, sometimes that's a little draw for us because she was hey,
I I don't drink. I don't have that problem.
OK, But do you have a quick temper?
Do you have something else that's from the world that would
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offend people? That's what he's saying.
Do not be controlled and directed by whatever that is.
That would bring dishonor to God.
If you don't drink, that's a good thing.
But if you have a high temper, then that's not a good thing.
So that's what he's pointing outto us here.
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Matter of fact, I've heard people say, you know, I just
wish I had the opportunity to speak my mind to that person.
Well, it's probably a good thingthat you didn't get to speak
your mind to that person. OK, So he's telling us here do
not be drunken wine, but then hegives us the other thing that we
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ought to do but be filled with the Spirit.
Now this word filled means to befilled to the top where there's
nothing else that can get in there without it overflowing
that. That's what he's taught be
(14:30):
filled with, be all about the Spirit of God, that you are
controlled and directed by him. He is telling us to let the Word
of God control us through the Spirit of God, that we then
might honor Him in everything that we do.
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And then he goes on in verse 19 and says, speaking to one
another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and
making malady in your heart to the Lord.
Note what he says in this verse in your heart.
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You can't control anybody else'sheart, but you can't control
your heart, he says. Do these things and make these
medalists in your heart. Now, that's pretty easy to do
when we all sitting in here together.
We're singing songs together, we're quoting the songs
together. We are doing this to be honoring
(15:38):
into the Lord. It's easy to do this in here.
Matter of fact, I share with people all the time on Sunday
morning that we all look like Christian sitting up in here.
How do we act Monday through Sunday when we're not here?
And matter of fact, he points out something to us interesting
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here that he says in verse 20, he tells us in verse 19,
speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual
songs, singing and making melodyin your heart to the Lord.
But then in verse 20, he says always giving thanks for all
(16:21):
things in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Wow. See, that's when they called me
individually to do something. I'm not in the group with you
now. I'm by myself.
And he says always give thanks for all things in Jesus Christ.
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Now does that mean, you know, I leave here tonight and I get an
accident? I get out the car and say thank
you Lord for all of this. That's not what he's really
talking about, OK, But he is talking about in that same
accident, let's say I am delivered out of it unharmed.
I'm going to give thanks for that.
Let's say I am damaged in that and the paramedics have to come.
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I can give thanks for that. I am giving thanks that it has
been provided that care for me is there.
Whatever this situation is doesn't mean all the situation
is going to be good. I just need to be equipped to do
it in an honorable way that I might put God on display.
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Now Paul, as he's writing this letter from chapter 4, verse
one, Paul is telling us how it is that every St.
St. ought to conduct himself. It does not matter where the
Saint is in marriage. You may be before marriage, you
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may be in marriage, you may havenever been married, you may even
be after marriage for some of the reasons He's telling us how
it is that we are to conduct ourselves and see that's what we
have to remember as Christians, whatever situation God has us
in, He wants us in a particular way to conduct ourselves in that
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manner. And when we see that, then we
can learn from that. Now, as we look at verse 21 and
following, this is not a change.He is going to address everyone
individually, but he's going to identify us in the church and
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also in the family. Why in the church?
Look at verse 21, He says in this verse, and be subject to
one another in the fear of God. Let's look at the word subject
(19:16):
first. It means to arrange under or to
subordinate to subject, to be insubjection.
And this is one that we kind of shy away from to subject oneself
(19:37):
to obedience. Now, as I was thinking about
this, I'm what, what does the term mean?
It means to place yourself under, OK, to rank under.
That's really what it means. If I ask you the question, how
many presidents have we had in the United States?
Most of you could tell me that would be 45.
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How many of those 45 presidents had no military experience?
I knew a few of them. I didn't know how many, so I
looked it up. It was 1414 of the 30 of the 45
had no military experience. But guess what?
(20:26):
The commander in chief is The commander in chief is the
individual who holds the ultimate control and command
over a military branch or armed force.
So the president, whether he hasmilitary experience or not, he
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is the top man when it comes to the military.
So let's say the joint chief of staff walks in.
This guy probably got 30 years of military experience, and he
wants to do this. And the president says no.
The giant chief of staff has to rank himself under the
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president. That's what he's calling for
here in the Scripture. You and I as Christians ought to
submit to one another. Now he's going to tell us how to
do it one person at a time. He's going to walk through this
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and say this is how you do it. This is how you do it and this
is how you do it. Now the problem with this, we're
going to come to verse 22. We're going to meet that problem
head on. Wives being subjection to your
own husband. Now let's start right there.
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I want you to notice be subject notices in italics in your
scripture. That means it was not there in
the original. So here how it should read wives
(22:17):
to your own husband, wives what to your own husbands.
You have to go back to verse 21.He has said be subject to one
another. So here is how the wife is to be
subject to her husband. Matter of fact, the end of the
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verse end of the reading will tell us in everything.
OK leadership. That's why he starts with the
common leadership. OK wives, be subject to your own
husband as to the Lord. Notice he did not say because
he's smarter than you or even because he is bigger than you.
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He says as unto the Lord. It doesn't mean that this man
knows more than you do. What it does mean is he has a
position and that position is husband, and then you as a wife
is to rank yourself under that. And that's how he calls us to
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live and to honor him. And then he goes and give that
because it says 4 here in verse 23.
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the
head of the church, He himself being the Savior of the body.
But as the Church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought
(23:54):
to be to their husbands in everything.
Notice it says wives to their husbands.
Your wife is not to be subject to me, or my wife is not to be
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subject to every man here in thebuilding.
It says to your husband, now there's the thing about
leadership in the church and everybody in the church is to be
under the leadership of father, the leadership of the leaders of
the church. That's talking about a different
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thing here. It's talking about when it comes
to your family and what it dealswith, with decisions that have
to be made in your family. The wife is to submit herself,
just as Christ is the head of the church, and the church
submits itself to Christ. By the way, if we don't submit
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ourselves to Christ, that would be sin.
And so he's directing us here todo it in that manner, just as
Christ is the head of the churchand gave himself for the body.
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Christ did all of this for us. He left heaven and came down
here, became one of the creatures that he had created,
obedient to the law, obedient toGod, died on the cross, was
raised from the dead by God and went back to heaven.
(25:41):
And now he's directing Paul thathe might write this not I found
something interesting as I was reading this. 3 verses Paul
addresses the wife. The next 9 verses he addresses
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the man. Wow, husbands, love your wife,
just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for
it. I want you to notice what words
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are not inserted here in italics.
Submit yourself. Notice those words are not
injected here. But that's exactly what Paul is
telling the husbands. When it comes to your love for
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yourself, then rank your love for yourself under your love for
your wife. And he's given us an example.
He says this is what Christ did and given himself up for us.
(27:07):
He ranked his love for himself beneath his love for you and to
give his life for us and to comedown and live for us.
He says be subject to those words are not there, but the
(27:29):
idea is the same. This is how the husband is to
subject ourselves unto the one that we love, our wife.
Now you can tell your wife all you want to, you know, hey, I
love you honey, but if she doesn't see that you are doing
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this, that's the problem. OK?
Matter of fact, my wife says to me a whole lot, hey Tom, I, I
love you and I'll say I love you.
But sometimes I'll say to my wife thank you.
And she looks at me, she says thank you.
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I say, yeah, Don't I just get the privilege of saying I, I
thank you for loving me, you know, because that's what I say
when you do something, you know,I just think, y'all just say
thank you sometime, OK? But I try to demonstrate to my
wife that I love her. So when she hears it, it's not
something strange to her. Matter of fact, the guy called
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me sometime back and he was talking to me about a situation
that he and his wife was going through and it was simply a car
dealership. OK, so no, no big, you know,
deal, but it was a car dealership.
He wanted to go to 1 and she wanted to go to another and he
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wanted to know how do I put thislove thing in the practice?
He says it would be very comfortable to go to this one
because it's 3 miles from my house, but the other one was 10
miles from the house where the wife wanted to go.
So I said you don't have a spiritual thing to deal with.
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Your wife simply wants to know, are you willing to rank your
love for the short drive to her desire to go to 10 miles?
He said, OK, thank you. I didn't know what that was
called. That's a simple way of
demonstrating to the wife, hey, and you don't have to say,
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honey, I'm doing this because I love you.
But if you simply do it, it would demonstrate to her that
yes, it would be easier for you to go to the short, the three,
the three job because that's where you want to go.
The three mile thing. But yeah, I'll go ahead and
drive to 10 miles. Yet it that's not a problem.
Let's go ahead and do that. And guys, we have to keep in
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mind that when these things comeup, they are come up for a
purpose that we might put God ondisplay even in our own home,
even to our wives, that she might come to understand my
(30:27):
husband really cares for me. Now look at verse 26, talking
about Christ again. It says so that He might
sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water,
with the Word, that he might present to Himself the Church in
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all her glory, having not spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
but that she would be holy and blameless.
Now notice he's talking about what Christ does for us as
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believers, and what it is that He wants to do.
Is he present to Himself this holy and glorious body, the
bride? But there are some things in
here that I need to look at. Do I ever 'cause my wife to sin?
(31:35):
That would not be a glorious thing.
He wants to present to her. He wants to present her to him.
Holy and blameless. Do I do that with my wife is
what I need to ask the question?By the way, let me just maybe
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meddle here for a little bit. What about tax time when you
have to sign that paper and the wife has to sign it and you're
signing for something that you know is not correct, honey, but
go ahead and sign it. Just put your name down here.
Or you really asking her to do something that you know is wrong
(32:21):
to do, but you're going to ask her to go ahead and do it
anyway? That's practical.
That's what he's talking about. I must do the things with my
wife that would not cause any spot or blemish on her or would
not cause her to be in an unholyposition.
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I want to put her in a position where she's blameless.
Now, can I control her sin? No, I cannot.
But I can control what I asked her to do.
And that's what he's talking about here.
That's what my love for my wife needs to to be like.
And it needs to be based on crisis love for me.
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If when I do those things, then I can honor him.
Verse 28 would say so husbands ought also to love their wives
as their own body. He who loves his own wife loves
himself, for no one has ever hated his own flesh, but
(33:26):
nourished and cherished it, justas Christ also does the church.
And then we say, well, what about all these people that go
around and say I just hate myself?
The scripture says no one hates themselves.
Now they they have an argument. Is the argument against
scripture or the arguments against you?
The argument would it be againstScripture?
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Matter of fact, somebody told methe other day that they were
sinful because God made them that way.
He said no, he did not. Oh, oh, Oh yes he did.
No, he did not. Can you prove that?
Yes, I can. Genesis chapter 5 says God
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created Adam and he created Adamin his image.
That tells us how you made Adam.Then the next verse says, and
Adam begot children in his image.
Guess what? Was Adam's image sinful?
Now you can blame Adam if you want to for being sinful, but
(34:35):
you are responsible for the sin that you're in.
And that's what I shared with the guy.
You're responsible. Why?
Because you have been confrontedwith the fact that even your
thought that God made you this way is wrong.
You are a Sinner because sin hasbeen passed down to all of us.
(34:59):
So when we share these things, we have to remember who we are
and that God has nourished and cherished the church.
Verse 30. Because we are members of His
body. For this reason a man shall
leave his father and mother, andthey shall be joined to his
(35:23):
wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 1/4 Scripture
Genesis. Then he says, this ministry is
great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the
church. He says all I have gone through
(35:45):
here may seem like a mystery to you, and it is a great mystery
because I am talking about Christ and His relationship to
the Church. But noted verse 33.
Nevertheless, each individual among you ought also to love his
(36:06):
wife even as himself, and the wife must see that she respects
her husband. This is everything I've laid out
here for you has been about Christ and the Church and how
(36:26):
you ought to act in that relationship.
But I want you to also know the husband and the wife must follow
this as well in their relationship because then it
tells you how it is that you ought to submit to one another.
(36:50):
And I think in that phrase we lose emphasis on it when he says
submit to one another. We men love that verse 22 wives
be subjected and we hardly ever mentioned that the words be
subject was added there. There were not.
(37:12):
We just love the idea of being over somebody.
But he's instructing us on how it is that we can be submissive
to one another. And he starts this by helping us
to understand what the wife's position is when it comes to
(37:33):
leadership by the way of counseling a guy and his wife
there years ago. They've they've moved on, but he
said to me, he said my wife is in charge of everything in the
house and I love it that way. And I'm thinking why do the
(37:53):
counseling, why continue it if you already have decided that
she's the head of the house and she's going to control.
He says when it comes to decision making, my wife makes
all the decision in the house. What can I counsel?
So I just said, OK, move on. And they eventually moved on
(38:15):
from the church. But this is what he's telling us
how it is we're to conduct ourselves.
Wives, here's what you're to do.Husbands, here's what we are to
do. And by the way, if you're
planning to get married, if you're still in that position,
(38:35):
you want to look for someone whowill honor this.
And when I say this, I really domean the scripture.
Honor all of it. And part of that is, are you
willing as a female? Are you willing to submit
(38:58):
yourself to this person's leadership?
That's a question you need to ask.
Then for the males, you have to ask you a question.
Is this the woman that I want tolead the rest of my life?
And when you make that decision,the rest of the decision
(39:22):
actually will come a lot easier.By the way, Joby and Sandy share
with me, I think it was Sunday, that this was their 33rd
anniversary of marriage. That's that's a long time and
there are people here that's been married longer than that.
(39:44):
But guess what? It goes back to a decision that
was made during dating time. Is this the person that I really
want to submit to, or is this the person that I can really
love above loving myself? And when we do those things,
(40:06):
then we will honor God and as wemove forward to put this thing
together. And then one other thing about
this premarital thing. There there be no secrets.
If you have any, go ahead and deal with them.
(40:29):
Go ahead and address them, but let that person know here's what
we are dealing with and here's what's ahead of us.
That person might say to you, but thank you for sharing that.
I just want to be friends and weare now.
I'll move on and that's OK. Making that decision after you
(40:51):
married is not OK. And that's the thing that you
have to look at. Some of you probably know this,
but I'll share with you anyway. When Don and I came to this
point of deciding that we was going to date, I was in the
worst financial situation of my life.
(41:14):
Before we had our first date. I wanted her to know that so she
could make a decision. Yes, I will move forward with
this a no partner. We're just going to be friends
and be done with it. So I, I said, I matter of fact
(41:36):
done in my first date was bring your budget.
No kidding. We literally brought our budget
before we decided to go on our first date so she could see what
I was dealing with because I wanted to share with her the
truth of everything that I had. And I told her, I said, these
(41:58):
are my bills. This is what I had.
This is my my financial situation.
But if we get married, they are not mine, they are ours.
And she took a look at it and well, as they said, the rest is
history. But we had that situation.
(42:22):
And by the way, Donna's budget looked really nice and then the
whole thing laid out the before she showed her me and showed me
a payment that she had for a loan that she had.
I said, Donna then payment is not going to pay that off in 10
years. She said, yes, it is.
It's a 10 year loan as I'm not arguing that.
(42:43):
I'm just telling you the paymentisn't going to pay that off.
And and by the way, Donna and Mary Lee was roommates at the
time. I used to go by on the weekend
and put it in a window for Donna.
She had got the loan to put the window in the house.
Is it she said, I'll show you the the contract when you come
over this weekend. So I went over the weekend and I
(43:06):
saw it and it said right around the top, this is a non
ameritized loan. You know what ameritized means?
It means to die off. So this is a non dying off loan.
What does? That's a cute word to say.
(43:27):
This is an interest only loan. Donna didn't know that.
But when we sit down and took a look at it, then we know that
this whatever money you borrowednow 10 years down the road and
you paid others and you still going over that same amount of
money. But we had to come up with how
(43:47):
it is we would deal with these things.
Looking at my budget and her budget and we put them together
and God has blessed in that. And so those are the things you
want to do in being truthful to one another so you don't get to
the other side and then say, oh,by the way, I have these things
you ought to take a look at and if that has happened already in
(44:12):
your marriage is not too late todeal with it.
You can deal with it. You can confess it and and and
deal with those things, but it'sbest if we do it upfront.
Now this passage that we have gone through, we've dealt with
the husband and the wife. In two weeks we're going to come
(44:37):
back and we're going to pick up the children and the parents.
Then we're going to pick up the employee and the employers now
in our Bible just tells us the slave and the slave master.
(44:59):
We don't have those these days. We have employer and employ
yours. And that's what he's talking
about. Why does he address in
individually? Because he is addressing the
whole church and everybody in the church is in one of those
categories, either wife or husband, a child, a parent, an
(45:23):
employee or an employer. Now, if you're like me, you're
retired, but you've been throughthat.
And so that's what he's telling us, how to conduct ourselves,
how to submit ourselves to one another in every area that we
have to come across, whether youare the parent.
(45:48):
How many of us as parent ever thought about submitting
ourselves to our children? We really don't.
We think about children obey your parents and that's kind of
all we think about. But he's telling us and that how
it is you can do both, how both has to happen.
And so that's what we'll do whenwe come back together in two
(46:10):
weeks. Deal with those so we can
address this entire issue. Let us pray.
Father, we do. Thank you for your great grace
toward us. Thank you for our time and your
word. Thank you for all that you share
with us that we might honor you in all that we do.
(46:35):
We praise you for who you are. I thank you for giving yourself
for us to remove us from being subject to the law, to bring us
in to make us children of God, that we then might honor you and
(46:55):
all that we do. We do pray to us in Christ's
name and for a sake we ask it. Amen.
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