#102 - You Mad Bro? (Part 2) {Reflections}

Ever found yourself on the brink of becoming a "voracious monster" after a stressful day? You're not alone. This profound exploration of emotional regulation delves into the fundamental question: how do we behave according to our values when everything inside us wants to explode?

We begin by acknowledging the complex reality of human emotions. As Carl Jung noted, much of what drives us operates beneath the surface in our unconscious. Physical states—hunger, exhaustion, loneliness—can dramatically alter our mood and behavior, leaving us vulnerable to reactive responses we later regret. Children naturally operate at the mercy of these physical sensations, but as adults, we're called to something deeper.

The solution isn't found in suppressing emotions or simply "trying harder." Instead, it comes through identifying and anchoring to our core values—those guiding principles that define who we truly want to be. What would you want people to say about you at your funeral? Those answers reveal your values. Whether it's kindness, dependability, generosity, or integrity, these deeper commitments can provide stability when emotions and circumstances fluctuate.

The practical application is straightforward yet powerful: identify your values, make them visible in your daily life, and when triggered, pause to ask what one step toward those values might look like in that moment. This creates space between stimulus and response, allowing you to align your behavior with your best self rather than your momentary feelings. As Ryan aptly puts it, "Our emotions can't drive the car because they're terrible drivers. They can ride shotgun or in the back. They can't drive."

What values anchor you when life gets chaotic? Share this episode with someone who might benefit from finding their own guiding light through life's emotional storms.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:17):
What is up everybody?
Hey, this is Ryan.
Welcome to our ReflectionsPodcast.
This is part two of the episodethat we called you Mad, bro.
If you didn't hear part one, goback and listen.
But ideally I ended.
I think it was a dramaticcliffhanger and it was.
Hey, you know, we are this mixedbag of emotions that we don't
always even know.
There's a lot going on in ourlives beneath the surface, what

(00:38):
Carl Jung calls the unconsciousself, and so we're always trying
to be aware of the, of like thedifferent parts of ourselves,
like in different, like thevariety of emotions we could
feel.
We're not either just mad ornot mad.
We could be a whole number ofthings, and there's a number of
things that influence how wewant to behave.
If you're hungry, angry, lonelyor tired, those things can
cause you to act.
You know, crabby, that's whatthose hangry commercials are so

(01:00):
funny, cause we're like yes,totally, if you're hangry, eat
something, it'll kind of changeyour mood.
But have you ever noticed thathow your mood could be up one
minute down the next?
And it could be dependent on ifyou have or haven't eaten, if
you didn't get a lot of sleep,if it's cloudy out or snowing,
or if the dog is barking, andthere's a number of things that
impact how you want to behave inany given moment.

(01:21):
And the question is like how doyou not just be driven by your
emotions, or the neighbor's dogthat won't shut up, or your kids
that won't quiet down, or thefact that you're hungry and you
can't even eat for a while?
How do you still know how tobehave despite all the craziness
in the world around you?
And so that's kind of how weended.

(01:41):
So here's what I want to say.
That's a great question,because many times, look as kids
, kids do this all the time.
Kids are totally driven intheir behavior by whatever is
like going on in their bodiesphysically.
If they're tired, they can becranky, you know.
If they haven't eaten, they'recrying or they're acting like
maniacs.
They're totally carnal beings.
They're so funny, they are likeyou can totally tell oh,

(02:02):
something is wrong with them andthey're behaving like a
miscreant because of it.
You know, but as you grow up,ideally you want to like learn
how to manage that, becauseyou're an adult, you're not a
baby anymore.
But how do you do this?
So the other day look, I was.
I had a long day at work I wascrabby, I was kind of, I was
stressed out and I got home andthere were some things going on

(02:23):
at home and I'm like, braylee,don't be a knucklehead.
But everything inside of mewanted to let go and just be a
voracious monster.
I'm like I don't care, I'mcrabby, I'm going to yell and
scream and be, but I'm going toput this Ryan on the shelf and

(02:43):
just be this other Ryan and justlet loose and be a maniac
because I'm tired, I'm crabby, Idon't care what happened in
your life or your day, I'm goingto be however I want to be, or
sometimes, as a pastor, I'll beout at Target and I'm like, I'm
not in the mood.
It's very, very, very rare, I'mtelling you.
I love seeing people, butsometimes you know what?
I've had a weird day.
I don't want to run intoanybody.

(03:04):
I know this happens about maybeonce a year and I'm just not in
the mood to be Pastor Ryanright now and it's like how do I
know how to behave in thosemoments when I'm not feeling
myself?
Well, here's what I think I'vediscovered, and I'm 45.
I'm just discovering this andI'm still learning how to
implement it.

(03:26):
We've got to have some kind of aguiding light in our lives.
You know something deeper thanmy own physical.
You know sense sensations likedeeper than I'm tired or hungry,
deeper than it's cloudy out,something stronger than oh, I'm.
You know I haven't slept in a,you know, or I slept poor last

(03:46):
night A deeper anchor than thesethings, because these things
will often happen.
Slept poor last night a deeperanchor than these things,
because these things will oftenhappen.
You know, like I always say Ilove you know we are emotional
beings.
It's totally fine.
But our emotions can't drivethe car because they're terrible
drivers.
They can ride shotgun or in theback.
They can't drive.
Something that's driving has tohave a deeper root than these
emotions or my physicalsensations.

(04:08):
You know what I mean.
So these are what we would callvalues.
Like, if I asked you, hey, sitdown tonight and write down five
things that you value deeply asa person and take some time and
think about it.
Like, what do you value?
Like, who's the ideal you?
You can also say it this way Iknow we've asked this on here
before Like, at your funeral,what kinds of things do you want

(04:31):
folks to say about you?
Those are your values.
Like, for me.
I love and value community.
I love relationships good ones,healthy ones.
I want to be a good personwho's generative and encouraging
and life-giving with my wordsand kind.
I want to be strong, I want tobe stable.

(04:51):
I want to be, you know, aperson who people can rely on
and depend on my family, youknow my neighbors, you know my
friends, the church that I won'tbe kind of up and down and
these are things that I value.
I want to do the right thing,even when no one's watching.
You know these are things thatI value and so, okay, so write
those things down and post themsomewhere on a mirror in your

(05:12):
car, on your computer, like,remind yourself, this is the
thing that you're kind of aimingat, you know, and certainly as
a Christian, like, for me it'slike yeah, the teachings of
Jesus, I value those.
I want to be like that.
You know, I'm not suggestingthat you need to just try harder
and be like that and whenyou're crabby, just try not to
be crabby.
I'm not saying that, I'm sayingwhen the chips are down and

(05:33):
when you feel like you'redrowning, you know, sometimes
you just need to remember.
Okay, I know that I'm tired, Iknow I'm angry, I know I'm
hungry, I know that Katie, youknow, didn't smile when I came
home and I wanted her to smileat me.
Why didn't she smile at me?
You know I remind myself okay,fine, maintain and be tethered
to my values, despite mycircumstances.

(05:55):
You know what I mean.
It's like, whatever's happeningaround me or in my physical
body or whatever emotions I'mfeeling, I can still not let
those drive me or dictate mybehaviors.
But I can hold on to my values,like, no, you know what, I want
to do the right thing.
And even though I'm tired orthat guy cut me off in traffic,
I want to be a person who doesthe right thing, even when no
one's watching or wheneveryone's watching.

(06:17):
You know what I mean and I hangon to those things and let
those things dictate my behavior.
And then I would say so whenthings come along that like just
get you, that like pull you offof center, that trigger you I
know it's a hot button word, butlike things that just upset you
or like destabilize you, I getit.
Okay, but pause for a second,don't go down the rabbit hole

(06:37):
right away, don't go off thehandle, don't jump into the
river, but like, okay, hold up,what are my values?
You know, you've got them tapedto your rear view mirror.
You've got them taped to yourmicrowave or whatever your
refrigerator.
Okay, this is who I want to be.
Then what's one step I can taketowards those values that will
help me and make it easier forme to kind of enter into being

(06:58):
that kind of person here in thismoment?
Because what's the alternative?
The alternative is like, no,forget it, I'm going to just be
crabby, I'm just going to getmad and angry and let them deal
with it.
That's not a good answer.
It's just not, because it'sdestructive.
You're going to regret it later.
If you're like me, why did I dothat?
When you've actually eaten yourSnickers bar?
You're like well, sorry aboutthat.
There's this great sign in myfriend's cabin on the lake and

(07:20):
it says I apologize for what Isaid when I was trying to dock
the boat.
If you're from Minnesota,you've ever tried to dock a boat
in a windstorm.
Yeah, my bad, I'm sorry for allthat language I used when I was
trying to talk to the boat.
That's a joke.
Like, okay, okay, how do I notlet these things really get the
best of me every single time,because we know folks, I know

(07:40):
people like that.
They're just always giving theiremotions or the whim of or the
dog barking next door or the youknow the wife not smiling how
they wanted them to and I didn'tget my way, whatever, and they
just man, they're like, they'reso unstable and I think, as we
get older, it's so importantwhat do I value?
And cling to those things.
Remind ourselves, hey, I wantto be.
And then whatever you need tokind of take one step towards

(08:00):
those values in those moments,you know, try it and let's see
what happens.
Okay, so what are your values?
And then how can you, in themoments that you feel the
weakest or like things or thechips are down and times are
tough, to just take one steptowards those values?
All right, let me know how itgoes.
Love you guys, peace.
Hey, if you enjoy this show,I'd love to have you share it
with some friends.

(08:21):
And don't forget, you arealways welcome to join us in
person at Central in Elk Riverat 830, which is our liturgical
gathering, or 10 o'clock, ourmodern gathering, or you can
check us out online atclcelkriverorg.
Peace.