Mastering Your Emotions {Reflections}

Ever been swept away by your emotions, feeling like you've jumped into a rushing river with no control over where you'll end up? That's exactly what we're diving into today as I share a powerful insight that's been transforming my life at 45 years old.

When someone cuts us off in traffic or rolls their eyes during dinner, we have immediate reactions. These knee-jerk responses can carry us miles downstream before we even realize what's happened. But what if there's a better way? What if, instead of being swept away, we could pause and get curious about what's really happening beneath the surface?

I share two powerful stories that illustrate this principle in action. First, an elderly gentleman from our church who, rather than ignoring difficult spiritual teachings, approached me with genuine curiosity about how to reconcile them with his natural feelings. Then, my 19-year-old son who impressed me by recognizing and journaling about his emotional patterns around failure in lacrosse. Both exemplify the ancient wisdom that "the unexamined life is not worth living."

Drawing from insights in "The Untethered Soul," I explore how we are not our emotions – we're the ones experiencing them. This simple distinction creates space for curiosity and freedom. By metaphorically stepping outside ourselves and observing our reactions with the detachment of an investigative reporter, we build the muscle of responding thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.

This journey isn't easy, but it's transformative. When we learn to respond according to our deepest values rather than react from old wounds, we reclaim our power and live more intentionally. Join me in this practice of curiosity – it might just change everything about how you navigate life's challenges.

Share this episode with someone who could benefit from a little more emotional freedom, and remember that curiosity might be the most underrated superpower we have.

Join us! Facebook | Instagram | www.clcelkriver.org

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:14):
What is up everybody?
Hey, my name is Ryan.
Welcome to our ReflectionsPodcast.
I'm in studio here with Mikeand man.
I had this I don't know, I'vehad this thing come up in my
life several times in the lastmany months.
And then I had had this I don'tknow, I've had this thing come
up in my life several times inthe last many months.
And then I had two stories thatI want to share that were kind
of in the same vein, but here'swhat I'm learning about myself.
Have you ever noticed?
Well, if you haven't, I wouldencourage you to start noticing

(00:37):
this.
But when things happen to us, wegenerally tend to have a
certain kind of a reaction.
I don't mean a response thatusually comes later, but a
reaction like immediate, youknow, like knee-jerk reaction.
Whether it's good or bad,healthy or not, I don't know.
I'm just saying like.
We tend to like have thisreaction.
Someone cuts you off in trafficBoom, you have this reaction.

(00:59):
Someone that you're havingdinner with rolls their eyes at
you Boom a reaction.
It Someone that you're havingdinner with rolls their eyes at
you Boom a reaction.
It also could be a positive one, like, let's say, an attractive
person across the room givesyou the smile.
Whatever you have this reaction, you know.
And here's the thing Sometimesthat reaction can feel like you
just jumped into a river and offyou go.
Like imagine a river that'sspeeding down the mountain

(01:22):
Speeding I don't know if that'sreally.
It's moving fast down amountain and you just jumped
into it and then you're sweptaway and it's a rush.
But here's the problemsometimes there's rocks down
there and boulders and you getyour arm stuck in a tree and
yanks you backwards.
It can be painful and you don'tknow where you're going.
And lo and behold, by the timethe river calms down, you climb
out of it.
You're like miles down theriver.

(01:43):
The river calms down, you climbout of it, you're like miles
down the river.
So I guess here's what I'mlearning in my own life.
Like there are many things inmy life from the time I was a
young boy till now that I'vereacted.
I will have a thing happen tome and I don't want to go into
all the gory details but and Iwas jumping in the river, man,
I'm like woo off we go and I'menjoying the ride, but I find
that it can be reallydestructive.
So what I'm learning as a45-year-old guy now is like hey,

(02:08):
don't do that.
Is there a way to, instead ofjust jumping in the river and
going down the road or reactingin these ways, is there a way to
slow down and look at it fromthe outside, as it were?
And I would say here's thetitle of this podcast is Be
Curious.
Is there a way to almost climbout of my of my own body?

(02:31):
I can't do this, but,metaphorically, like and like,
look at myself and just becurious.
Like, hey, ryan, why are you?
Why does that bother you?
Why did that guy cutting up intraffic?
What did that mean?
Why did?
Why did you react that way?
Or why are you feeling thisemotion right now?
And why are you when that, whenthat person rolled their eyes,
what happened?
And like almost like you're adetective and just kind of like
what's going on, withoutattaching yourself to the
emotion or the reaction.

(02:51):
Does that make sense?
So like there's this great linein a book I read called the
Untethered Soul it's a reallygood book actually and he says
look, he opens it by saying youare not your emotions.
There's a school of thought inpsychology that suggests this
very thing, but it's veryliberating you are not your
emotions, you're the one simplyexperiencing the emotion.

(03:12):
So imagine you're a person on amountain and your emotions are
clouds that just go by you andthere goes another one.
There goes, that was an angry Ifelt.
Notice how I felt angry there.
Oh, look over there.
I noticed how that made me kindof sad.
And you don't have to attachyourself where you're, like I'm
not, I'm angry and I'm an angryperson.
Same with your thoughts.
Like you know, there are folksthat will have thoughts of like

(03:34):
um, like murderous thoughts,like they'll have a rage.
I'm going to kill that person,like okay, well, that doesn't
mean you're a murderer, you justyou had the, you were the one
that had this thought that waslike well, that was like a level
10 kind of thought.
And one of the ways to likedistance yourself is to just
have this curiosity about it anddon't jump into the river right
away Just like hey, what'sgoing on here?
So, okay, here.

(03:55):
So there's an older gentleman inour church and we had a last
week.
He pulls me aside, he's got tobe in his early 70s and he goes
hey, ryan, I just want to know,what do you do?
Like?
I know that Jesus has to loveour neighbor, but I sometimes
don't want to, and if I hear astory about somebody that
murders somebody, I don't wantto love them.
And I was like dude.

(04:18):
So we talked about this and weunpacked it.
And we talked about this and weunpacked it and we talked about
what does it mean to lovesomebody?
Does it mean just condoningwhat they did?
Does it mean not allowingjustice to take place?
No, these are different things,right, and what does it mean to
really love them in that way?
But I said at the end I go,dude, I want to commend you for
asking the question.
Like most of us don't do that.
We don't even think, oh, whatJesus said was pretty radical

(04:39):
and it was disturbing, I'm justgoing to ignore it.
No, this guy, he didn't want toignore it.
He said it was hard to do itbecause a lot of what Jesus says
is really really hard.
That's given, but many of usdon't take it seriously enough,
and so, but he was wrestlingwith it.
He was being curious, like,what do I do here?
Similarly, my son and I don'tthink he'd mind me sharing this,
but my son, he called me thismorning and he's going through

(05:03):
this stuff with his lacrosseseason.
He's a great lacrosse player, asmart kid, but he just noticed
some of his own behaviors andwhat happens when he fails and
some of his own emotionsattached to that and how, when
he doesn't perform well on thefield, he makes meaning of it in
all these ways that areprobably not accurate.
You know like, oh now, if Idon't win this face-off, I'm a

(05:23):
failure, my coach won't like me,my dad won't like me, these
kinds of things, which is nottrue, but that's his reaction to
it.
And I told him I go buddy, justbe curious about it, like if
you can climb out of it and becurious, and I go.
But also, dude, you're 19, I'mso proud of you for at least
just asking that.
And he wrote this journal pageabout his own emotions, like,

(05:43):
dude, that's awesome.
And I said you both you guys,this older guy and my young son,
like are miles ahead of most ofus who don't even stop to think
about why we're behavingcertain ways or how the the
teachings of jesus mightconfront my own, you know,
selfish behaviors.
We don't even stop to think,you know, which then reminds me
of the great saying I think itwas Aristotle or Socrates or
Plato.
One of those three giants saidthe unexamined life is not worth

(06:05):
living.
And many of us just go throughlife asleep and we don't ask the
questions or even take a minuteto pause and reflect.
And it's like what if we didthat?
What if we just like?
Instead of reacting in theseways when my wife or my son or
my boss does something to methat causes a reaction to me,
because I'm responsible for myresponse, not them.
I am, I'm the one that isresponsible.

(06:28):
For example, if I punch my boss, I'm the one who goes to jail,
not him for giving me more workto do right.
So it's my job to control myreactions.
And you start by justdistancing yourself from it and
noticing it and be like, oh, I'mcurious about that.
And like Braylee, don't get inthe river man.
Just like, hold on, noticethings and just be curious about

(06:49):
it.
Why did I react that way?
Or why do I feel like cryingright now?
Why does my chest hurt?
And notice, I don't have to bethese emotions or I don't have
to be these thoughts, I'm theone experiencing them and then
just be curious about it.
So, yeah, that's it.
My encouragement today is to bethroughout your day.
Imagine that you're watchingyourself from like a video phone

(07:11):
or something like this, andyou're like an investigative
reporter or a psychologist orwhatever, and you're just like,
why is this person behaving thisway?
And watch it, and what happensis you'll immediately distance
yourself from your own self andyou can kind of more
level-headedly see what's goingon just beneath the surface.
And when you do that generally,you can begin to build a muscle

(07:33):
of responding better in adifferent way.
Because what we want to do iswe want to build a life where I
respond and I don't react, where, when things happen, those
things don't control me nolonger.
I respond how I want to and Iwant to respond according to my
values or the teachings of Jesus, rather than my own reactions,
which are an eight-year-old kidcoming out because he was hurt
on the playground.
You know what I'm saying.

(07:54):
And so we want to be people whorespond in mature, steady-level
ways that are in accordance toour values, not just reactionary
.
Okay, no, I'm not saying it'seasy either.
It's super hard.
It's super hard, but try it.
Let me know how it goes.
All right, love you guys, peace.
Hey, if you enjoy this show.

(08:16):
I'd love to have you share itwith some friends.
And don't forget, you arealways welcome to join us in
person at Central in Elk Riverat 830, which is our liturgical
gathering, or at 10 o'clock, ourmodern gathering.
Or you can check us out onlineat clcelkriverorg Peace.