The True Self vs. False Self: Discovering Who You Really Are {Reflections}

Have you ever been caught off guard by the seemingly simple question: "Who are you?" For many of us, we instinctively respond with what we do—our jobs, roles, or accomplishments. But what happens when those external identifiers are stripped away? Who remains?

This episode delves into the transformative concept of the "true self" versus the "false self"—a framework championed by spiritual writers Thomas Merton, Richard Rohr, Henri Nouwen, and Brennan Manning. We explore how our false selves emerge as survival mechanisms, often constructed during vulnerable periods like middle school, when fitting in felt essential. These constructed identities—what Manning calls "the imposter"—may have served us then, but as adults, they often become limitations rather than protections.

Your true self exists beneath these constructs—it's what Rohr describes as "your identity in God, your soul at rest." It's not something you achieve but something you already are. This authentic identity isn't tied to achievements, possessions, or others' opinions of you. The journey toward living from this place involves compassionately acknowledging your false self's protective purpose while gently moving it from the center of your identity. This integration allows your authentic, untethered self to emerge—the "free person in the world" that Manning describes.

The world desperately needs people living from their true selves. When we operate from our false identities, others never truly know us; they only know our masks. But when we dare to live authentically, we create space for others to do the same. Take a moment today to reflect: Who are you beyond all your attachments, insecurities, and performances? That's the person the world is waiting to meet. Share this episode with someone who might need this message of freedom and authenticity today.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:14):
What is up everybody?
Hey, my name is Ryan andwelcome to our Reflections
podcast.
And if I were to ask you, if Iwere to really ask you, hey, who
are you?
I would love.
I mean, I wonder how you wouldrespond.
Or how would you respond?
I think for a lot of us it's atough question because it's hard
to know who we are.
And if you haven't noticed, Imean many people in our culture
today will say they'll respondby saying what they do, and

(00:38):
that's part of who they are, forsure, it's no doubt.
But there's also a part like aself, a them.
You know, that's deeper thanjust what they do, because
certainly, I'm a pastor.
And if they just said, hey, whoare you, who are you?
And I always responded bysaying, oh, I'm a pastor.
Well, what if one day I stopbeing a pastor?
Does that mean I'm no longer me?
Who am I if those things areremoved?
And I've thought about this alot, like who are you, who am I

(01:01):
and who are we really?
And the truest, most sincere,like stripped down version of
who we are.
And there are these severalauthors that I found maybe I
don't know 15 years ago thattalk about this and they're just
wonderful.
And this is I want to introduceyou to like if you haven't
heard it yet, many of youprobably already have but this
idea of the true self versus thefalse self.
And there's these four authors.

(01:22):
There's many people that writeabout this but that talk about
it, and I want to explain itbecause this has been one of the
most meaningful and profoundparadigms or frameworks for me
to think about.
When I think about who am I?
Because there's a part of methat I present to the masses.
And especially when you'reyounger, you do this and it's
like it's sort of you could callit a mask, you could call it a

(01:44):
front, you call it the falseself.
This is the false self and thefalse self is the you that's,
it's part of you, but it's likethe part of you that you only
present to the world.
And we create this false selfusually when we're younger, as a
way to survive.
I think about like in middleschool.
When you're in middle school,you have to survive by like kind
of constructing this falseimage of yourself that you

(02:04):
present to the world.
That kind of helps you fit inand survive, and fair enough,
because middle school is tough.
But when you grow older, thatisn't really actually who you
are and you don't really needthat any longer.
Because when you grow older,well, you might feel like you
need it but you really don't.
And the problem with the falseself is it's not sincerely who
you are and it isn't the youthat God knows.

(02:26):
And so there's the false self,which is the part you kind of
present, and there's the trueself, the truest part of you.
Okay, so here's the thing.
So here are the four authorsThomas Merton writes a lot about
it, A guy called Richard Rohr,henry Nowen and then Brendan
Manning, and they write about it.
They're all kind of different,but they're all kind of the same

(02:50):
too.
But I love it.
So here's some ways that theydescribe the true self.
So Merton describes the trueself as the self that exists in
God and for God.
It's untouched by illusion.
It's the part of you that islike known by God, that doesn't
have the false construct.
Rohr says the true self is youridentity in God, your soul at
rest, not something you achieve,but something you already are
and must awaken to.
Your soul at rest, notsomething you achieve, but
something you already are andmust awaken to.
Nouwen writes that the true selfis the self that knows it is
beloved by God, independent ofsuccess or failure.

(03:12):
I love that.
Manning says that the true selfis the self that embraces grace
and knows it's loved as is.
So.
It's the truest, deepest part.
If I strip away everything fromyour job, what you're known for
, you know the truest, deepestpart.
If I strip away everything fromyour job, what you're known for
, you know that's the truestself that God knows, that is
deeply rooted in kind of insideof you.
Okay, so the false self.

(03:33):
I've touched on it a bit, butthe false self is this
constructed identity that webuild in order to get approval,
to maybe maintain control,security or superiority.
So Merton calls it the illusoryself, or the one who wants to
exist outside of the reach ofGod's love.
Rohr describes it as thisego-driven identity your roles,
your labels, your achievements,your defenses.

(03:57):
Nouwen says that the self, it'sthe self that believes I am,
what I do or what I have, orwhat others think about me or
say about me, so your reputation.
And Manning sees it as thisimposter self.
I love that word the imposter,afraid of being exposed and
desperate to prove itsworthiness.
And I love it, because thereare these parts of ourselves
that we present to the worldthat are attached to what we do
and what we think others thinkof us, and kind of a protection

(04:20):
sort of around our true self,but those aren't really who you
are.
Now here's what you do, though.
See, the reality is that'sactually part of you.
You don't want to reject it andkind of hold that part of you
at arm's length or even sort ofexperience all the shame,
because you notice the falseself, because it actually is a
part of who you are.
What you do is you bring thefalse self in and you kind of

(04:44):
help it understand that, hey,you were needed for a time and I
appreciate you and all that youdid to help me survive when I
was younger or even as an adult,but I don't need to have you be
front and center anymore.
And so you bring it in and youwelcome it and you kind of love
it and you embrace it and helpit know like, hey, we don't have
to use you anymore.
There's a part of us, the trueself, that wants to be released

(05:04):
into the world, that has to bereleased into the world, the
part of us that is free, as Imentioned a couple of podcasts
ago, this untethered person,like when Brandon Manning says,
a free person in the world.
That's the part of you that theworld needs so desperately.
And, if you notice, we have abunch of folks around us
operating out of their falseselves.
They're constantly talkingabout their job or their

(05:25):
reputation or or whatever, andthey're trying to prove their
own worthiness, and the deepesttruth in the universe is they
are already loved by God.
They don't have to do any more.
They're already embraced andloved and Christ has already
died for them.
And so the reality is like letgo of all those false self ideas
and attachments and hooks,because you don't need them and

(05:49):
others don't even know youbecause all they know is this
false self.
So, anyway, what I want to sayis that I want to invite you
today to experience and explorewho are you.
Who's the true you, aside fromall your attachments or your
insecurities or the parts youshow the world to try to prove
you're good enough or worthyenough?
Or maybe you're the funny guyor the smart guy or the joke

(06:10):
teller or the dancer or thewhatever.
Who are you aside from all ofthat?
That's the part that we want toknow so desperately that God
wants to let free in the world.
All right, peace.
Love you guys.
Hey, if you enjoy this show,I'd love to have you share it
with some friends.
And don't forget, you arealways welcome to join us in

(06:32):
person at Central in Elk Riverat 830, which is our liturgical
gathering, or at 10 o'clock, ourmodern gathering, or you can
check us out online atclcelkriverorg Peace.