November 24, 2025 • 35 mins
Ever catch yourself scanning someone else’s lane and wonder why your joy suddenly feels thin? We walk through a powerful scene at the end of John’s Gospel where Peter, freshly restored and given a costly calling, glances at another disciple and asks, “What about him?” Jesus answers with a line that lands like freedom: “What is that to you? You follow me.” From that exchange we open a wider conversation about comparison, envy, and the subtle ways our attention drifts from purpose to performance.
We trace how our culture moved from savoring moments to capturing and then sharing them, and how that shift ties our identity to feedback loops we can’t control. Along the way, we dig into the neuroscience of envy—why it activates pain pathways and links what we see in others to what we believe about ourselves. Then we bring in the witness of Scripture: Proverbs on envy and peace, Ecclesiastes on rivalry, Paul’s call to adopt the mind of Christ, and Peter’s own later wisdom on using our gifts to serve. The thread running through it all is a gentler way to live: attention to calling over comparison, faithfulness over ranking, freedom over fear.
You’ll hear candid stories, practical shifts for daily life, and clear guidance for parents who want to champion their kids’ unique paths without turning them into second chances. We won’t pretend outcomes are ours to command; instead, we focus on what’s entrusted to us and let results fall where they may. If you’ve been exhausted by the highlight reel, come reset your gaze. Your worth isn’t crowdsourced, your path is particular, and there’s real joy in doing what’s yours to do.
If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs the reminder, and leave a review to help others find it. Then tell us: what’s yours to do this week?
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unknown (00:00):
Amen.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Thank you, Richard.
Let's pray.
God give you thanks this morningfor your presence here with us.
And we do ask you would lead usand guide us this morning as we
unpack this passage in the finalweek of our series here.
And we just pray that by yourSpirit, would you give us new
eyes, eyes to see, and ears tohear?
And uh as always, would you wakeus up in the ways that we need
it so desperately, God, all theways we've fallen asleep?
(00:22):
Would you uh resurrect the partsof us that have died and and uh
give us soft hearts, hearts offlesh where our hearts have
grown hardened?
And uh yeah, we just put ourfaith and our trust in you, even
just in just tiny fractionalways this morning, we just
declare our trust in you and anduh yeah, we look to you for help
(00:42):
this morning.
And would you bless our time inJesus' name?
Amen.
Amen.
You can be seated.
Morning, everyone.
So I had both Ellie and BobbyJoe in confirmation a while ago.
It's so great to see them havingfamilies.
Oh my gosh, and how they keepgetting older, and I don't I
don't get any older at all.
I just stay the same.
It's weird how all these kidsNo, it's super fun though to see
(01:04):
them have families and getmarried and baptize their kids,
and it's really, really great.
So uh welcome to Central.
Uh, my name is Ryan, and uh weare at the end of our sermon
series here that we're callingit's called uh This Isn't
Rhetorical.
It's we're examining thedifferent questions that Jesus
asked in the Gospels.
Jesus asks over 300 questions,and they're incredible.
And uh some are rhetorical, somearen't rhetorical.
(01:26):
Uh rhetorical meaning like whenhe would ask them not to get an
answer back, but to teach alesson.
And the one today uh is notrhetorical.
Or no, it is rhetorical.
I get confused all the time.
And uh it's a great question.
And the question that he asks toPeter is what is that to you?
And so I hope this morning youcan hear that question asked of
you from Jesus this morning, ifyou would.
(01:48):
And maybe you're here thismorning, like, I don't know if I
believe in God or this faith orreligion or Jesus.
I don't know about all that.
No problem.
Uh just kind of we're gladyou're here.
I'm I really am glad you'rehere.
And uh I encourage you to keepwrestling and trying to explore
your own faith and why you'rehere.
And um, but I'm guessing you'rehere because there's some small
party that's just curious aboutall this and made this question
ring in your ears this morningas well.
(02:09):
If you were here last week, weasked the question, My God, my
God, why have you forsaken me?
I want to just say I appreciateI got so much feedback from that
with people sharing theirstories with me of their own
God-forsaken moments and placesthey felt weak and vulnerable
and lost and confused.
And I was encouraged because itjust reminds me that, yeah,
we're all in this together andwe're all feeling like that in
moments, you know, we're like,what is what is happening?
(02:31):
And so it just reminds me thatwe're all in good company and
we're all trying to figure thisout together.
And so uh so be it.
And we also are echoing thequestion that Jesus himself
asked.
And so that's actually that'ssomething, you know.
So uh I appreciate your yourhonesty and vulnerability to
share your stories with me.
This morning, though, what isthat to you?
He asks.
Now, uh, before I give you somebackground, I heard this
(02:51):
incredibly philosophical,profound conversation by two
really modern deep thinkers andphilosophers.
Uh their names are Theo Vaughnand Matthew McConaughey.
And maybe you heard theirinterview.
Actually, it was really bothquite brilliant.
And uh and so MatthewMcConaughey brought up this idea
that 30 years ago, you know,back in the olden days, back in
(03:13):
the 1900s, back then when we hadhorse and buggy.
Anyway, back then, a person'sbiggest dopamine rush would come
from the moment.
Like whatever the moment was,like the moment you asked the
girl for a date, the moment youhit that home run in that high
school baseball game, the momentyou're at the concert, you're
just belting out the lyrics withyour friends, like that was the
(03:35):
biggest dopamine rush in yourday.
And fast forward several moreyears, maybe a decade or so, and
the phone is invented, and thephone can then capture all these
moments.
And what changes in when thathappens, the the biggest
dopamine rush in your day is nolonger the moment, but it's you
capturing the moment.
So now you're like one ringremoved from the actual moment,
(03:56):
and now it's you snapping apicture of yourself asking the
girl to marry you, or it's youtaking a photo uh of the concert
or taking video, and you'rethat's the biggest dopamine
rush.
Not in the moment, but yourecording the moment or taking a
snapshot of the moment, orsomeone capturing you scoring
the game winning touchdown.
And so you're like one ringremoved.
Fast forward another couple ofyears, and today, the biggest
(04:20):
dopamine rush we get is not inthe moment, it's not in
capturing the moment, it's insharing the moment.
So when I put it online and Ishare it for all to see, and I
get all kinds of feedback andsee what others think about what
I posted and my moment that Ihad that I captured and I share
it, which raises all kinds ofimportant existential and
societal questions.
(04:40):
And this is what Matthew andTheo are talking about.
Like who, who I'm looking I'm nolonger the one in the moment,
I'm the one capturing, owningthe moment.
Now I'm the one sharing themoment.
And my joy and the moment isreally dependent solely on what
others think of the moment.
And now my own identity, theyboth suggest, is now tied up
with what others think about meand my experiences of life.
(05:02):
And it's no longer just enoughfor me to experience the
sunrise.
And that's all that I need.
I have to have others approve ofmy capture of the sunrise.
Does that make sense?
And this raises all kinds ofproblems because who I am now,
in many ways, is dependent onwhat other people think of me.
Well, there's a story in thegospels, it's at the end of
John.
That's when the story comes up.
And John, Jesus, it's at theend, Jesus has been resurrected,
(05:25):
and they're hanging out.
And uh Jesus just asks Peter,you know this story probably,
three times, do you love me?
And Peter replies, three times,yes, I love you.
And then Jesus says, Hey, okay,then feed my sheep, tend my
sheep, take care of my sheep.
And Jesus' like, Peter's like, Iwill.
And then here's what happensnext.
So uh he says, Feed my sheep.
And then Jesus actually tellsPeter, by the way, you're gonna
(05:49):
die a martyr's death.
Meaning, this, I'm gonna haveyou feed sheep.
That's your job, that's yourtask, take care of the church,
the people, and it will cost youyour very life.
You're gonna die because of me.
So he says, uh, truly I tellyou, when you were younger, you
dress yourself and you wentwhere you wanted.
But when you're old, he's likepredicting the future for Peter.
Uh, you'll stretch out yourhands and somebody else will
dress you and lead you where youdon't want to go.
(06:11):
Jesus says this to indicate thekind of death by which Peter
would uh glorify God.
Uh, and then he says, Okay, butfollow me.
So imagine the emotional weightthat this would be now on Peter.
Do you love me?
Yes, three times, of course Ido.
Okay, uh, also you're gonna diea martyr's death for the faith
for my sake, because of thispath I've put you on.
(06:31):
And see you later.
You know, it's got to be and uhimagine the emotional weight
this would be on Peter.
And here's what happensimmediately following.
So Peter is told, This is yourpath, this is where you're
going, feed my sheep, you'regonna die a martyr's death.
And the text says that Peterturns back.
Now, I don't want to make toomuch of this, but the symbolism
(06:52):
is profound to me.
That here's the path for Peter,he's to go on it, what follow my
sheep, it'll cost your life.
And then it says Peter turnsaround.
As if to indicate whateverhappens next, whatever moment,
whatever action, whateverstatement, whatever question,
it's facing the wrong way.
You're to go this way, Peter,and he turns back, and whatever
(07:13):
happens now, it's the wrongdirection.
And here's what Peter says toJesus.
He sees John, the one we thinkis John, the one whom Jesus
loves, the beloved, and he says,uh, hey, what about him?
Hey, what about him?
Which is kind of a funnystatement or question that Jesus
(07:33):
just told him, Hey, you're thisis gonna cost you your whole
life.
Here's what is yours to do.
You're gonna feed my sheep, takecare of the church, and this is
what I want you to do in theunfolding, ongoing creation of
the world that's happening allaround us, this new thing I just
launched.
It's like all life is burstingforth all around us, and I want
you to take care of thesepeople, and I want you to, and
it's gonna cost you everything.
And he asks him, hey, uh, whatabout him?
(07:57):
Jesus just told me, hey, this iswhat is yours, and Peter can't
help himself.
He sees that, hey, what abouthim?
Which reminds me of a child.
Like kids are always doing this,you know what I mean?
Like you could tell a kid, hey,clean your room.
And that kid, right, they wantto ensure an equal distribution
of suffering in the household.
They they want it, you know.
(08:18):
Clean my room.
What about Susie?
What about them?
What about Susie?
Like, oh, Susie, your sister?
Yeah.
Uh, buddy, she's 24, lives inCalifornia, is married, and has
three kids, so we'll let herworry about and the kid's like,
so what?
I don't care.
She should clean her room.
We want a fair on your room.
It's so funny that Peter asksthis.
(08:40):
He's just been told, hey, here'swhat's yours to do, and he turns
around.
Hey, what about him?
What about him?
What about him?
Uh what do you what does thatmatter to you?
Why would Peter ask this?
Why does he ask this?
And why does he care so muchabout John?
Like, who cares?
And here's the reply, theresponse from Jesus.
(09:02):
I love it.
He's like, listen, man, if it'smy will that he remains until I
come, what is that to you?
Jesus, what about him?
He's like, hey, dude, if he if Iwant him to live until I come,
what what is that to you?
In other words, hey, uh Peter,don't worry about it.
Uh don't worry about it.
(09:22):
That has nothing to do with you.
I've already told you what'syours to do.
That's got nothing to do withyou.
In other words, head down, eyeson your own paper, right, Mr.
Peterson?
Eyes on your own paper, focus onyour thing, whatever I've got
for you to do, and worry aboutthat.
Follow me.
I will worry about John.
John's not yours to worry about.
(09:42):
It's so funny.
Peter hears his own path.
This is a very explicit path,and he can't help but to compare
himself to John.
Well, I know this is mine, butwhat about him?
What about him?
Now, by the way, this is a verycommon thing in discipleship
groups.
So back in the ancient world,you had a rabbi, a group of
followers, they called themdisciples.
It was very common to be like,okay, who's the best?
Who's the greatest?
(10:02):
Who's the most beloved?
Who's gonna be in the, you know,and this these are things that
they would have already askedhim.
They they said already, uh,who's the greatest in the
kingdom of God?
And who's the most beloved?
I mean, John calls himself thebeloved.
I mean, I don't know, okay,John, we got it.
Like, this is very common in theancient world.
In fact, in Greco-Roman writing,there was often this uh in
Plutarch, in Socrates, inEpictetus, there would be all
(10:22):
these stories about twodisciples and a master, and the
disciples would be likecomparing and contrasting, and
the master would say, Hey, stopdoing that.
Just be faithful to what I'vecalled you to do.
It happens all the time.
It's very common.
In other words, this was a veryculturally recognizable moment
that happens with Peter andJohn.
Like, uh, what about him?
And Jesus said, Don't worryabout him, you follow me.
(10:44):
And I'm so glad that we don'thave that problem today of
comparing ourselves, like, whatabout them?
You know, well, who's the best?
Who's the greatest?
Who's the who's the tallest?
Who's the now?
My mom, every Christmas, gets usall Christmas ornaments.
That's one of my favoritethings.
She gets like unique, fun, crazyones.
And so every year we lookforward to it.
Well, one Christmas, I got thisone that just shocked me.
See, here's some backstory.
Growing up, I was always accusedof being the favored one.
(11:07):
I was the youngest, I was thebaby.
Apparently, I was never told no,which is a bunch of lies.
Don't listen to them.
I got whatever I wanted.
It was like easy street forRyan, which is none of this is
true, by the way.
They don't have any idea.
Uh, I was called thegolden-haired child.
That was the fit, whatever, youknow.
And I'm like, uh secretlythough, I was like, maybe I am.
I don't know.
What is it to you?
And then one Christmas, um, Iget my ornament.
(11:30):
It was like maybe 10 years ago.
So we're all adults, we havefamilies, our kids are there.
I opened the ornament, and I seeit's an ornament of a young boy
with a Santa hat on holding asign that says, the youngest
mom's favorite.
(11:50):
But I was like, I can't believeshe outed us.
Like she she's telling everybodythat I'm really the favorite.
I can't believe she would dothis.
She said the quiet thing outloud.
And I was a bit embarrassed.
I'm like, I can't believe she'sdoing this.
This is so humiliating.
What are we gonna do?
How are we gonna keep this asecret now?
You know, and I was actuallylike, I can't believe she did
that.
Like the gall.
She must have missed it, musthave been a Freudian slip.
Like, she really is, I am thefavorite, but she didn't mean.
(12:12):
So I show Katie, who's muchsmarter than I am, and Katie in
her infant wisdom just rolledher eyes at me, like, in other
words, idiot.
She goes, and Katie goes, lookaround, Ryan.
And I did, and I noticed all mysiblings opening an ornament
that says, the oldest mom'sfavorite, the middle mom's
favorite.
(12:35):
At which point I grabbed myornament, I threw it against the
wall.
This is a sham, my whole life isa lie.
And I smashed theirs too, mysiblings.
Yeah, this is very common tolike who where are we?
Where is my what's my place?
And then these discipleshipgroups, they would do this.
And it was a warning, Jesus, andalso in these other Greco-Roman
(12:56):
writings, it was a warningbecause here's why.
Because envy and jealousy andcomparison and worrying about
other people always, always,always robs us of joy.
Just does.
There's science behind this.
There's fMRI scans that lookkind of like this.
And these are things that kindof they measure brain activity
(13:17):
and they show that envy triggersthe same neural pathways as
physical pain.
Like, get that.
Envy triggers the same neuralpathways as physical pain.
Which means when we envy orexperience envy, it often causes
or induces actual physical pain.
Even though we've had nothingphysically happen to us, and
(13:38):
even though we've lost nothing,like we nothing changed.
Except we have this envy, andit's sort of caused this
physical reaction in our bodies.
Isn't that crazy?
So jealousy, comparison, envy,it induces a physical pain
reaction in the brain.
And those same parts in ourbrain light up.
Also, there's this part of yourbrain called the uh the medial
uh prefrontal cortex, and it itsort of lights up also when you
(14:00):
experience envy.
And this is like the seat ofself-evaluation, they say.
So the part of you that linkshow you feel about yourself with
what you see in others.
And this lights up in the uh inthat uh medial prefrontal
cortex.
That part of your brain thatthat sort of it's sort of the
seat of self-evaluation thatconnects how you what you see in
others do or what they have, andand it links that to what how
(14:22):
you feel about yourself.
It lights up.
In other words, there's this umwhat you see in others impacts
how you think about yourself andwhat you believe about yourself.
It's shocking.
It lights up.
What you see in others impactshow you believe what you believe
about yourself.
This is why that summer you wenton vacation with your family and
(14:42):
you went to the North Shore upin Duluth and you stayed at the
Lutzen Resorts and you had youplayed board games and had a
great time, like loved it.
Your kids were little, you're abeautiful time.
You came home and felt fulfilledand rested.
Like, this is a wonderfulvacation.
Until you heard about yourbrother-in-law who took his
family to the North Shore inHawaii.
(15:04):
You're like, Dad, gummit.
I didn't, uh I can't believe it.
Now you feel a bit foolish.
You're embarrassed to even saythe North Shore.
Oh, Hawaii?
No, no, Duluth.
I mean, it's and you feel likekind of like a loser.
And now your kids are like,Yeah, you are a loser, Dad.
We didn't go to the we couldhave gone to Hawaii.
We went to the Yeah, that's whythat happens.
And immediately you're kind ofrobbed of all that stuff.
Why you have this job, and likemost days your job is
(15:26):
fulfilling, you love it, you'reexcited to go to it.
You come home like just feelinggratified and grateful.
And then one of your coworkers,you see them get a promotion.
And suddenly you're like, wait aminute, what's wrong with me?
Why didn't I get a promotion?
Like, and now my job is suddenlynot as fulfilling.
Nothing changed.
But now I'm like, I'm just kindof disgruntled.
I'm angry, like, why didn't Iget the promotion?
(15:48):
What happened to me?
What's wrong with me?
Or maybe you're a parent andyou're hanging out with friends,
and they're parents also, andthis is sometimes how young
parents work.
Don't raise your hands at this.
And uh, one of your otherfriends comments on another
friend like about how great theyare as parents.
And they're like, Oh, you guysare such good parents.
And then meanwhile, you'restanding there, like, I mean,
I'm a parent too.
(16:08):
I don't know.
I mean, did you know did youknow I parent as well?
You want to say anything aboutmy parenting skills?
And you're like, I don't know.
I mean, I think I'm pretty good.
And then suddenly you'redoubting your own parenting
skills because they gave them acompliment.
I know that's probably true.
I'd probably suck as a dad.
You know what?
You should take my kids.
You're better at that than I am.
I don't know what I'm doing.
What am I doing?
Or you're at the gym and you'relike, I'm I'm I'm doing all
right.
I'm I'm I'm losing some weight.
(16:29):
I'm you know, I'm I'm fivepounds added to my bench press,
and then suddenly this giganticbehemoth of a jacked woman goes
walking by, and you're like, orman, or man, whatever.
You're like, oh, I I'm not thatbig after all.
I feel like a puny little wimpnow.
I'm gonna go home and cry in mypillow.
(16:52):
Yeah, because we can't help it.
And somehow there's a connectionbetween what I see in others and
how I feel about myself, andthat friend who bought the house
before you did it, or the kidwho or the person whose kid is
like just a stud of an athlete,and your kid is like can barely
tie their own shoes.
And maybe in Bible stuff, youhave this one person who prays,
and they're just like our masterprayer, and you stink at
praying.
I don't know.
It's just yeah, there's allthese comparisons that go back
(17:15):
and forth, and maybe you have asister-in-law who reads one book
every single day, sometimes twobooks a day, and you're like,
How on earth do you do that?
I love it.
Yeah.
So, in many ways, their lives,other people's lives, directly
impact us and how we feel aboutour lives.
And Jesus says, What is that toyou?
(17:40):
You follow me.
It's brilliant.
What is that to you?
Don't worry about that.
Head down, eyes on your ownpaper, you follow me.
There's all this more science,it's uh actually astounding.
We compare because we'reactually neurologically kind of
wired to.
It's some sort of evolutionarilysort of wired thing into our
into our brains, how we how wedo it.
(18:00):
We compare because our brainsare kind of built to.
We don't know what big meansunless we compare it to
something small.
We don't know what uh mayberound is unless we know what
square is.
And so there's all these ways wenaturally just compare and
contrast.
Our brains are kind of built toto understand what anything
means.
Also, it saves mental energy.
If I don't have to access oldmemories or old thoughts, I can
just compare myself to you.
It just makes it a lot easierjust to compare and like point
(18:22):
at you, and then I can kind ofknow where I am.
It saves some energy in thatway.
It also helps us navigate sociallife.
So we as human beings, forwhatever reason, we like to sort
of function in hierarchies.
When you walk into a room,immediately everyone's sort of
sizing each other up, right?
Because we like hierarchy.
It makes us feel comfortable.
Who's in charge, who's not incharge, who's got something to
(18:43):
do.
We like this.
It helps us navigate sociallife.
Also, it gives us feedback onour identity.
Hey, how am I doing?
Now, I'm not saying it's goodfeedback.
I'm just saying it's feedback.
And we like feedback.
How am I doing?
And it gives that.
It also is it's automatic andit's unconscious, this idea.
It's it's it's it happens allus, even knowing it.
But here's the problem (19:00):
it impacts us, this sort of wired
brain activity.
It impacts us in all kinds ofways.
It distorts our own happiness.
I'm no longer happy with Lutzen,the North Shore of Superior, my
great time agate hunting,because my brother-in-law went
to Hawaii.
Well, my trip sucked, you know.
And my happiness and my joy isgone.
It immediately is evaporated.
(19:20):
I feel envy.
It fuels envy because somebodyalways has it better than I do,
and they're better than me, andI wish I was them, and I long
for what they have.
I long for their trip and theirexperiences, and I can't help
but feel envy, which results inphysical pain sometimes because
of the way my brain is wired.
And what a bummer that is.
It also activates the threatcenters because anyone who's
better than you is a threat.
(19:41):
And if you don't believe me,just ask any 20-year-old hanging
out at the bar.
They know.
Or ask any athlete trying tomake a team.
They know, oh Tommy, he's betterthan I am.
He's my enemy now.
I don't like that guy, you know.
Or ask anyone going for apromotion amongst other people
in their job.
The other person that's better,that's more equipped or better
skilled immediately becomes athreat.
(20:02):
How about this one?
It induces, or sorry, reducesempathy.
Any German speakers in the housetoday?
There's a word calledSchodenfreude.
Anyone know this word?
Schodenfreude?
Schodenfreude?
It's this idea that uh in thebrain, you're these um the these
parts of your brain that likeare like uh desirous or that are
like uh like um like uhcelebration parts of your brain,
(20:24):
they they light up when somebodyabove you fails.
It's like when the guy above youat work is sick, you're like,
oh, that's too bad.
That's too bad.
Sorry about that.
Or when the quarterback on theteam and you're the backup, when
they break their leg, oh that'sso sad.
I'm so sorry about that.
Too bad for that guy.
I better get ready.
(20:45):
Sorry about that.
Or the kid who you've beencomparing your kid to suddenly
uh gets expelled for punchingsomeone, like, oh, that's too
bad.
I'm sorry about that.
Show them for that, you know.
Yeah, it's not good and it'sunbecoming, but it's what we do.
Also, there's this uh changeshow we make decisions because I
want to only decide, I onlychoose things based on what you
(21:05):
might approve or not approve of,or what you might like on my
social media pages, or what youmight sort of uh think I should
do.
And it changed, not what I wantto do, what you think I should
do.
It also shapes our emotionallives.
We're up and we're down, we'reall over the place, and lastly
it destabilizes our ownself-worth because my self-worth
again is based on what you thinkof me or what you're doing and
(21:25):
how I compare or contrast ormeasure up or don't measure up.
Yeah, it's a real hassle.
Jesus' words to Peter is not arebuke, it's a liberation.
Hey! Hey, look at me.
Don't worry about John.
I'll worry about John.
(21:45):
You follow me.
What is that to you anyway?
That's got nothing to do withyou.
You follow me.
He's not scolding Peter, he'sinviting Peter into a new way of
being a human.
There's a new creation, andJesus says, Don't worry about
him.
You are about me, and what I'mtelling you to do, you follow
(22:06):
me.
Yeah.
You don't have to be him.
You have to be you.
He's telling him, hey, adopt themind of Christ.
Remember, Paul wrote, if youremember my dynamic
earth-shattering sermon frommonths ago.
I hope you remember.
Paul writes, adopt the mind ofChrist.
Have the same mind as Christ.
Phronesis is the Greek word.
In other words, adopt the way ofseeing the world that Christ
(22:28):
has.
See reality as it really andtruly is.
See, we see reality in all kindsof distorted ways.
And Jesus is like, no, don'tthink about it that way.
I know your brain's kind ofwired that way, but don't worry
about it.
See it how I see it.
And do what I'm telling you todo.
Keep your eyes on your ownpaper.
What is that to you?
Adopt the mind of Christ.
He's setting Peter free fromcomparison, from fear of never
(22:51):
living up, from an inadequatesort of sensation or
insecurities in Peter's ownlife.
He's freeing Peter to be Peter.
You don't have to be John.
Don't worry about John.
You be you.
What is that to you anyway?
I love it.
He's liberating Peter.
And he's liberating you and I aswell.
The Bible's full of theseverses, by the way, too, in case
you didn't know.
So, for example, in 2Corinthians, Paul writes, hey,
(23:13):
but when they measure themselvesone by each other and compare
themselves, they don't show goodsense.
I love it.
Eugene Peterson's rephrasing orparaphrasing the Bible, he
writes it this way but in allthis comparing and grading and
competing, they quite missed thepoint.
It's good.
How about this one?
Uh Proverbs, a heart at peacegives life to the body, but envy
(23:35):
rots the bones.
He's also telling you that peaceand comparison or envy cannot
coexist.
They're mutually exclusive,which is why many of us lack
peace.
Because we're so full of envyand comparison.
Envy rots the bones, but peacegives life to the body.
(23:57):
Also, Ecclesiastes is myfavorite book in the Bible, one
of them anyway.
The wise writer says, Hey, and Isaw that all the toil and all
the achievement spring from aperson's envy of another.
In other words, all the successand all the people things
they're doing which are good andgreat.
It's only because they're tryingto beat that guy or beat that
woman.
That's all it is, man.
And that's all vapor.
It's a chasing after the wind.
(24:18):
You're never going to catch it.
And if you do, the minute youcatch it, it's gone.
It's all meaningless.
Don't worry about it.
Also, there's this one from 1Peter.
It says, Each of you should usewhatever gift you have have
received to serve others.
Uh as faithful stewards of God'sgrace.
So whatever you've been given,use it to serve others.
By the way, do you know whowrote 1 Peter?
(24:40):
Peter.
Years later, he writes this.
He got it.
He gets it.
Jesus tells him, dude, don'tworry about John.
Just do your thing.
I mean, I got I got a plan, Igot a path for you.
Don't worry about him.
And Peter does it.
He gets it.
Hey, guys, use whatever giftyou've received and bless the
world.
(25:00):
Decide now that you won't spendand waste your precious,
precious energy and timecomparing your life to somebody
else's.
It's a waste.
Stop doing it.
Keep your head down, eyes onyour paper, and you follow me.
What does any of that have to dowith you?
Nothing.
(25:20):
But it's so easy.
I was in the uh at home a couplea week or two ago, and I was
thinking about my high schooldays, you know, the glory days,
and I was remembering twofriends I had in this program I
was in, and they were like, notgreat friends, but they were
friends, and I was like, Iwonder what they're doing these
days.
Which is sometimes the beginningof the end.
You know, to be like, what wasthat?
And I looked them up.
And one guy's name is Christian,he's this handsome dude.
(25:42):
And uh, well, he went toNorthwestern University and got
a good degree there ineconomics, and then he went to
Northwestern like businessschool and Kellogg or whatever,
something fancy, and then got ajob at Procter Gamble and worked
his way up.
He's a senior executive atProcter Gamble, making high six
figures.
You can find this online if youGoogle it, and living in a
million-dollar plus house inCincinnati.
(26:03):
And I was like, oh, that's goodfor him, man.
Good for him.
That's great.
That's great.
Good for him.
I should go mow the lawn orsomething.
That's good for him.
Good for Christian, you know, mylittle two by two square lawn
out in the front.
That's barely big enough to havea dog.
I don't know.
It's fine, that's good.
Whatever.
(26:24):
Another friend of mine, her nameis Heidi.
She went to PepperdineUniversity.
Perhaps you've heard of thatuniversity, and studied English
and French.
I had a French class with her.
Well, she went on to studyFrench at a higher level than I
did.
Good for her.
And uh went to Pepperdine Law,study law, and now she's the
intern, we'll probably get theactual title of the city
attorney for Santa Monica.
(26:44):
Great.
Good for her.
I'm sure she's so happy.
Good for her.
I don't regret that at all.
It's fine.
It's good.
Pepperdine.
I've heard Pepperdine.
Meanwhile, your pastor went toBethel University here in St.
Paul.
Yeah, which is a great school.
Great school.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
First year.
Not quite California Pepperdine,but it's fine.
We're doing fine.
(27:05):
And immediately I was like, ohmy gosh.
What the?
And I regretted it because whenI was in high school, I uh, for
all kinds of reasons, I lacked acertain level of discipline.
I kind of did it halfway, and Iwas just lazy and I didn't give
it my all.
And I regret that, by the way, Ido regret it.
And I'm like, where could I havebeen if I had just put myself to
(27:26):
the thing, you know, and done mything?
And my friend Bob, is Bob here?
Bob Refrect?
No, okay, Bob.
He goes, I was telling him, Iwas lamenting to Bob.
He goes, Yeah, but Ryan, wouldyou want to work at Procter and
Gamble and sell crest and Tideand these kinds of products to
people?
I go, No, I don't want to dothat.
He goes, You want to be a cityattorney in Santa Monica?
(27:47):
I'm like, not really.
No.
He's like, what are you what areyou worried about, dude?
I'd want his house, though.
It's a nice house.
It's a million dollars.
But he's like, yeah, dude.
And I really, I'm like, you knowwhat though?
If I had put myself to the taskin high school and done my
thing, I probably would haveended up doing something like
this anyway.
Because this is mine to do.
(28:08):
I was always kind of wired thisway.
I'm like, I don't have to worryabout that.
What does that have to do withme?
This is mine to do.
This is my story.
That's their story.
And I'm losing joy by comparingwhat I know about myself to what
I don't know about them.
How do I know what theirstruggles are?
They could have all kinds ofstruggles.
He could have a failed marriage.
I don't know that.
His kids might hate him.
(28:29):
I don't know.
I mean, God forbid, I'm justsaying that maybe.
I don't know what her life islike.
Maybe she maybe she hates beingthe city attorney.
How do I know?
I don't know.
I only know my life.
Also, I have no idea how theygot there.
Maybe he worked 18 hours a dayfor the last 15 years.
I don't want to do that.
Maybe he did, and that's what hegot.
Good for him.
How do I know?
I can't compare what I knowabout myself to what I don't
(28:52):
know about them.
It doesn't work that way.
You might know this gentleman.
Bruce Springsteen, for manyyears, if you didn't know,
wrestled and struggled withdepression.
Like, Bruce?
The boss?
No way.
That dude gave three plus hourconcerts.
He was the man, endless energy,thriving in his 60s and 70s.
Like, that's the guy.
(29:12):
He's the man.
I love that guy.
Good style, too, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah, struggled with depression.
unknown (29:19):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:20):
Maybe you know this person is Mother Teresa.
Like the icon of faith, like anactual saint that we know.
She worked with the poorest ofthe poor in Calcutta, India,
gave her life to this wholething.
And yet when she died, theypublished her private journals,
and in those pages were lamentuh lamentations and of her
feeling like she was losing herfaith and like doubt, like she
(29:41):
doubted that God was present andthat doubted that God loved her.
It was unbelievably vulnerable.
You're like, Mother Teresadoubted God?
She's like, she's the next bestthing to God.
How could she doubt God?
Yeah, we don't know.
We don't know people'sstruggles.
We have no idea.
You have your life, and yourlife isn't their life.
Their life isn't your life.
(30:02):
You, in what ways perhaps, areyou asking?
Hey, what about them?
When a better question is ratherlike, no, no, no, no.
What does that have to do withyou at all, anyway?
And even a better one is like,no, what's yours to do?
Who are you to be?
(30:23):
Who's God called you to be?
What's he asking you to do?
Because here's the thing (30:25):
you has never been done before.
It hasn't.
You, with all your variables andmixtures of people and presences
in your life, and experiencesand struggles and joys and pains
and highs and lows, and the wayyou were raised with your
parents and those neighbors andthis experience of education at
your school.
And it's never been done before.
(30:48):
And there's just no way tocompare you with your mixture
that is your life of thesiblings you had and the sports
you played and the musicalinstrument that you, you know,
that you studied, and the thingsyou didn't have access to, and
the way you were raised, allthat that makes you, you, you,
and your life your life.
It's never been done before.
And you are a gift to the world.
(31:09):
And Jesus will say to you, yeah,you, you, go be you.
Don't worry about them.
Head down, eyes on your ownpaper.
And I want you to follow me.
I've got things for you to do.
Yeah, do that.
That's way more interesting thanworrying about them.
So the question is, what's yoursto do?
Yeah, what's mine to do?
(31:30):
What is it?
Then once you've got to figureit out, throw yourself at it.
Just go all in.
Yeah, this is mine, this is mypath.
I'm going in.
Peter does this.
He doubles down.
I'm gonna feed sheep.
I'm gonna go this way.
I'm gonna get martyred.
Let's go.
Might as well just go and enjoyit.
Get into it.
Throw your whole self in and letgo of the outcomes.
(31:51):
Because that's not yours toworry about either.
Who knows how it will turn out?
Maybe people will love it.
Maybe folks will not understandit.
Maybe they'll hate it.
Maybe your family will rejectyou.
Maybe they'll embrace you.
Maybe you'll make new friends.
Maybe you won't have anyfriends.
Maybe who knows how it will turnout.
I don't know.
But just do what's yours to doanyway and let the outcomes take
care of themselves because whoknows what'll happen.
(32:14):
It just might be what youneeded.
See, discipleship is areorienting of the way our
brains work.
Not rejecting our brains is howwe've kind of inherited these,
you know, these sort ofancestral ways of being, but
sort of rewiring them andadopting, as Paul writes, the
mind of Christ.
And seeing the world as thoughit really and truly is, and
(32:34):
being liberated to be fullyourselves and who we are and to
do what we're meant to do.
See, comparison says that yourworth depends on how you measure
up.
So when you're comparing andthere's envy and jealousy, what
about them?
What about that?
And then your worth alwaysdepends on how you measure up.
And I'm telling you, there'salways somebody stronger and
smarter and uh more with moreexperience, who's willing to
(32:56):
work harder and longer hours,who's taller, who's got more
muscle, who's a better dancer.
I mean, except for me, becauseI'm the greatest dancer of all
time.
There's always someone, soyou're always gonna be
miserable.
You're never gonna be happy.
The gospel says this though: your measure and your worth is (33:14):
undefined
fixed in Christ.
He loves you for no reason.
He just loves you because you'rehis child.
I don't know.
Why do you love your kid?
Those of you that love your kid,I don't know, I just love them.
The minute my kids were born, Iwould have given my life for
them.
I don't even know them yet.
That's how God feels at least,at least that good about you.
(33:37):
At least as good as that.
That's where your worth comesfrom.
That's the good news thismorning.
Is that you are you areinfinitely loved by God, the
creator of the whole universe.
Your path is your path.
You only have your path.
What others are doing is theirsto worry about.
It's not yours to worry about.
By the way, quick note and I'llget out of your way.
Uh, parents.
(33:57):
Their path is their path.
unknown (34:00):
Okay?
SPEAKER_00 (34:01):
Their path is not your second chance to live out
your path.
Okay?
It's their path.
Your job is to help them findtheir path and help along the
way.
Give them water, give them uhjerky, you know, give them a
backpack, get them on the pathand help cheer them on.
It's their path.
It's not your path.
You might have some good ideas,offer them, but it's not yours
(34:24):
to control.
It's not yours to deal with.
I mean, get them on there, helpthem.
That's their path.
Also, when they're younger,especially, the kid next to you,
the neighbor, that's his path.
It's not your path.
If he's a star pitcher and getsall A's and God bless that kid,
Lord blessed.
I get it, I get it, but it's notyour path.
What does that have to do withyou?
It's had nothing to do with you.
(34:44):
That's his path.
I don't know what his strugglesare or what he's really like and
what he does.
I don't know.
I got my own path and my kid'spath.
My kid is, I love my kid, andI'll get him on his path.
That's your job.
The great Rabbi Zeusia, and I'llclose with this story.
He says, When I, when the end ofthe world comes and I stand
before God, God won't ask me,Hey Zeusia, why weren't you
Moses?
He's not gonna ask me that.
Hey Zeusia, why weren't youMoses?
(35:07):
God will ask me, Hey Zeusia, whyweren't you Zeusia?
Why weren't you you?
Central, may you hear the wordsecho in your brain, your soul,
and your spirit this whole week.
What has that to do with you?
That's not yours.
Eyes down, head down, eyes onyour own paper.
Follow me.
Your path.
That's what I want you to focuson.
(35:27):
And give it all you've got andgo for it.
Put it, put it all in.
And know that your worth andyour value is not from likes and
shares and what people think andwho's got the better car and the
better.
I don't care.
It's so boring.
Your value and worth comes fromyou are the beloved son or
daughter of God.
That's all that matters.
Now go and do you and be free.
(35:48):
Amen.
Amen.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Thank you, Richard.
Let's pray.
God give you thanks this morningfor your presence here with us.
And we do ask you would lead usand guide us this morning as we
unpack this passage in the finalweek of our series here.
And we just pray that by yourSpirit, would you give us new
eyes, eyes to see, and ears tohear?
And uh as always, would you wakeus up in the ways that we need
it so desperately, God, all theways we've fallen asleep?
(00:22):
Would you uh resurrect the partsof us that have died and and uh
give us soft hearts, hearts offlesh where our hearts have
grown hardened?
And uh yeah, we just put ourfaith and our trust in you, even
just in just tiny fractionalways this morning, we just
declare our trust in you and anduh yeah, we look to you for help
(00:42):
this morning.
And would you bless our time inJesus' name?
Amen.
Amen.
You can be seated.
Morning, everyone.
So I had both Ellie and BobbyJoe in confirmation a while ago.
It's so great to see them havingfamilies.
Oh my gosh, and how they keepgetting older, and I don't I
don't get any older at all.
I just stay the same.
It's weird how all these kidsNo, it's super fun though to see
(01:04):
them have families and getmarried and baptize their kids,
and it's really, really great.
So uh welcome to Central.
Uh, my name is Ryan, and uh weare at the end of our sermon
series here that we're callingit's called uh This Isn't
Rhetorical.
It's we're examining thedifferent questions that Jesus
asked in the Gospels.
Jesus asks over 300 questions,and they're incredible.
And uh some are rhetorical, somearen't rhetorical.
(01:26):
Uh rhetorical meaning like whenhe would ask them not to get an
answer back, but to teach alesson.
And the one today uh is notrhetorical.
Or no, it is rhetorical.
I get confused all the time.
And uh it's a great question.
And the question that he asks toPeter is what is that to you?
And so I hope this morning youcan hear that question asked of
you from Jesus this morning, ifyou would.
(01:48):
And maybe you're here thismorning, like, I don't know if I
believe in God or this faith orreligion or Jesus.
I don't know about all that.
No problem.
Uh just kind of we're gladyou're here.
I'm I really am glad you'rehere.
And uh I encourage you to keepwrestling and trying to explore
your own faith and why you'rehere.
And um, but I'm guessing you'rehere because there's some small
party that's just curious aboutall this and made this question
ring in your ears this morningas well.
(02:09):
If you were here last week, weasked the question, My God, my
God, why have you forsaken me?
I want to just say I appreciateI got so much feedback from that
with people sharing theirstories with me of their own
God-forsaken moments and placesthey felt weak and vulnerable
and lost and confused.
And I was encouraged because itjust reminds me that, yeah,
we're all in this together andwe're all feeling like that in
moments, you know, we're like,what is what is happening?
(02:31):
And so it just reminds me thatwe're all in good company and
we're all trying to figure thisout together.
And so uh so be it.
And we also are echoing thequestion that Jesus himself
asked.
And so that's actually that'ssomething, you know.
So uh I appreciate your yourhonesty and vulnerability to
share your stories with me.
This morning, though, what isthat to you?
He asks.
Now, uh, before I give you somebackground, I heard this
(02:51):
incredibly philosophical,profound conversation by two
really modern deep thinkers andphilosophers.
Uh their names are Theo Vaughnand Matthew McConaughey.
And maybe you heard theirinterview.
Actually, it was really bothquite brilliant.
And uh and so MatthewMcConaughey brought up this idea
that 30 years ago, you know,back in the olden days, back in
(03:13):
the 1900s, back then when we hadhorse and buggy.
Anyway, back then, a person'sbiggest dopamine rush would come
from the moment.
Like whatever the moment was,like the moment you asked the
girl for a date, the moment youhit that home run in that high
school baseball game, the momentyou're at the concert, you're
just belting out the lyrics withyour friends, like that was the
(03:35):
biggest dopamine rush in yourday.
And fast forward several moreyears, maybe a decade or so, and
the phone is invented, and thephone can then capture all these
moments.
And what changes in when thathappens, the the biggest
dopamine rush in your day is nolonger the moment, but it's you
capturing the moment.
So now you're like one ringremoved from the actual moment,
(03:56):
and now it's you snapping apicture of yourself asking the
girl to marry you, or it's youtaking a photo uh of the concert
or taking video, and you'rethat's the biggest dopamine
rush.
Not in the moment, but yourecording the moment or taking a
snapshot of the moment, orsomeone capturing you scoring
the game winning touchdown.
And so you're like one ringremoved.
Fast forward another couple ofyears, and today, the biggest
(04:20):
dopamine rush we get is not inthe moment, it's not in
capturing the moment, it's insharing the moment.
So when I put it online and Ishare it for all to see, and I
get all kinds of feedback andsee what others think about what
I posted and my moment that Ihad that I captured and I share
it, which raises all kinds ofimportant existential and
societal questions.
(04:40):
And this is what Matthew andTheo are talking about.
Like who, who I'm looking I'm nolonger the one in the moment,
I'm the one capturing, owningthe moment.
Now I'm the one sharing themoment.
And my joy and the moment isreally dependent solely on what
others think of the moment.
And now my own identity, theyboth suggest, is now tied up
with what others think about meand my experiences of life.
(05:02):
And it's no longer just enoughfor me to experience the
sunrise.
And that's all that I need.
I have to have others approve ofmy capture of the sunrise.
Does that make sense?
And this raises all kinds ofproblems because who I am now,
in many ways, is dependent onwhat other people think of me.
Well, there's a story in thegospels, it's at the end of
John.
That's when the story comes up.
And John, Jesus, it's at theend, Jesus has been resurrected,
(05:25):
and they're hanging out.
And uh Jesus just asks Peter,you know this story probably,
three times, do you love me?
And Peter replies, three times,yes, I love you.
And then Jesus says, Hey, okay,then feed my sheep, tend my
sheep, take care of my sheep.
And Jesus' like, Peter's like, Iwill.
And then here's what happensnext.
So uh he says, Feed my sheep.
And then Jesus actually tellsPeter, by the way, you're gonna
(05:49):
die a martyr's death.
Meaning, this, I'm gonna haveyou feed sheep.
That's your job, that's yourtask, take care of the church,
the people, and it will cost youyour very life.
You're gonna die because of me.
So he says, uh, truly I tellyou, when you were younger, you
dress yourself and you wentwhere you wanted.
But when you're old, he's likepredicting the future for Peter.
Uh, you'll stretch out yourhands and somebody else will
dress you and lead you where youdon't want to go.
(06:11):
Jesus says this to indicate thekind of death by which Peter
would uh glorify God.
Uh, and then he says, Okay, butfollow me.
So imagine the emotional weightthat this would be now on Peter.
Do you love me?
Yes, three times, of course Ido.
Okay, uh, also you're gonna diea martyr's death for the faith
for my sake, because of thispath I've put you on.
(06:31):
And see you later.
You know, it's got to be and uhimagine the emotional weight
this would be on Peter.
And here's what happensimmediately following.
So Peter is told, This is yourpath, this is where you're
going, feed my sheep, you'regonna die a martyr's death.
And the text says that Peterturns back.
Now, I don't want to make toomuch of this, but the symbolism
(06:52):
is profound to me.
That here's the path for Peter,he's to go on it, what follow my
sheep, it'll cost your life.
And then it says Peter turnsaround.
As if to indicate whateverhappens next, whatever moment,
whatever action, whateverstatement, whatever question,
it's facing the wrong way.
You're to go this way, Peter,and he turns back, and whatever
(07:13):
happens now, it's the wrongdirection.
And here's what Peter says toJesus.
He sees John, the one we thinkis John, the one whom Jesus
loves, the beloved, and he says,uh, hey, what about him?
Hey, what about him?
Which is kind of a funnystatement or question that Jesus
(07:33):
just told him, Hey, you're thisis gonna cost you your whole
life.
Here's what is yours to do.
You're gonna feed my sheep, takecare of the church, and this is
what I want you to do in theunfolding, ongoing creation of
the world that's happening allaround us, this new thing I just
launched.
It's like all life is burstingforth all around us, and I want
you to take care of thesepeople, and I want you to, and
it's gonna cost you everything.
And he asks him, hey, uh, whatabout him?
(07:57):
Jesus just told me, hey, this iswhat is yours, and Peter can't
help himself.
He sees that, hey, what abouthim?
Which reminds me of a child.
Like kids are always doing this,you know what I mean?
Like you could tell a kid, hey,clean your room.
And that kid, right, they wantto ensure an equal distribution
of suffering in the household.
They they want it, you know.
(08:18):
Clean my room.
What about Susie?
What about them?
What about Susie?
Like, oh, Susie, your sister?
Yeah.
Uh, buddy, she's 24, lives inCalifornia, is married, and has
three kids, so we'll let herworry about and the kid's like,
so what?
I don't care.
She should clean her room.
We want a fair on your room.
It's so funny that Peter asksthis.
(08:40):
He's just been told, hey, here'swhat's yours to do, and he turns
around.
Hey, what about him?
What about him?
What about him?
Uh what do you what does thatmatter to you?
Why would Peter ask this?
Why does he ask this?
And why does he care so muchabout John?
Like, who cares?
And here's the reply, theresponse from Jesus.
(09:02):
I love it.
He's like, listen, man, if it'smy will that he remains until I
come, what is that to you?
Jesus, what about him?
He's like, hey, dude, if he if Iwant him to live until I come,
what what is that to you?
In other words, hey, uh Peter,don't worry about it.
Uh don't worry about it.
(09:22):
That has nothing to do with you.
I've already told you what'syours to do.
That's got nothing to do withyou.
In other words, head down, eyeson your own paper, right, Mr.
Peterson?
Eyes on your own paper, focus onyour thing, whatever I've got
for you to do, and worry aboutthat.
Follow me.
I will worry about John.
John's not yours to worry about.
(09:42):
It's so funny.
Peter hears his own path.
This is a very explicit path,and he can't help but to compare
himself to John.
Well, I know this is mine, butwhat about him?
What about him?
Now, by the way, this is a verycommon thing in discipleship
groups.
So back in the ancient world,you had a rabbi, a group of
followers, they called themdisciples.
It was very common to be like,okay, who's the best?
Who's the greatest?
(10:02):
Who's the most beloved?
Who's gonna be in the, you know,and this these are things that
they would have already askedhim.
They they said already, uh,who's the greatest in the
kingdom of God?
And who's the most beloved?
I mean, John calls himself thebeloved.
I mean, I don't know, okay,John, we got it.
Like, this is very common in theancient world.
In fact, in Greco-Roman writing,there was often this uh in
Plutarch, in Socrates, inEpictetus, there would be all
(10:22):
these stories about twodisciples and a master, and the
disciples would be likecomparing and contrasting, and
the master would say, Hey, stopdoing that.
Just be faithful to what I'vecalled you to do.
It happens all the time.
It's very common.
In other words, this was a veryculturally recognizable moment
that happens with Peter andJohn.
Like, uh, what about him?
And Jesus said, Don't worryabout him, you follow me.
(10:44):
And I'm so glad that we don'thave that problem today of
comparing ourselves, like, whatabout them?
You know, well, who's the best?
Who's the greatest?
Who's the who's the tallest?
Who's the now?
My mom, every Christmas, gets usall Christmas ornaments.
That's one of my favoritethings.
She gets like unique, fun, crazyones.
And so every year we lookforward to it.
Well, one Christmas, I got thisone that just shocked me.
See, here's some backstory.
Growing up, I was always accusedof being the favored one.
(11:07):
I was the youngest, I was thebaby.
Apparently, I was never told no,which is a bunch of lies.
Don't listen to them.
I got whatever I wanted.
It was like easy street forRyan, which is none of this is
true, by the way.
They don't have any idea.
Uh, I was called thegolden-haired child.
That was the fit, whatever, youknow.
And I'm like, uh secretlythough, I was like, maybe I am.
I don't know.
What is it to you?
And then one Christmas, um, Iget my ornament.
(11:30):
It was like maybe 10 years ago.
So we're all adults, we havefamilies, our kids are there.
I opened the ornament, and I seeit's an ornament of a young boy
with a Santa hat on holding asign that says, the youngest
mom's favorite.
(11:50):
But I was like, I can't believeshe outed us.
Like she she's telling everybodythat I'm really the favorite.
I can't believe she would dothis.
She said the quiet thing outloud.
And I was a bit embarrassed.
I'm like, I can't believe she'sdoing this.
This is so humiliating.
What are we gonna do?
How are we gonna keep this asecret now?
You know, and I was actuallylike, I can't believe she did
that.
Like the gall.
She must have missed it, musthave been a Freudian slip.
Like, she really is, I am thefavorite, but she didn't mean.
(12:12):
So I show Katie, who's muchsmarter than I am, and Katie in
her infant wisdom just rolledher eyes at me, like, in other
words, idiot.
She goes, and Katie goes, lookaround, Ryan.
And I did, and I noticed all mysiblings opening an ornament
that says, the oldest mom'sfavorite, the middle mom's
favorite.
(12:35):
At which point I grabbed myornament, I threw it against the
wall.
This is a sham, my whole life isa lie.
And I smashed theirs too, mysiblings.
Yeah, this is very common tolike who where are we?
Where is my what's my place?
And then these discipleshipgroups, they would do this.
And it was a warning, Jesus, andalso in these other Greco-Roman
(12:56):
writings, it was a warningbecause here's why.
Because envy and jealousy andcomparison and worrying about
other people always, always,always robs us of joy.
Just does.
There's science behind this.
There's fMRI scans that lookkind of like this.
And these are things that kindof they measure brain activity
(13:17):
and they show that envy triggersthe same neural pathways as
physical pain.
Like, get that.
Envy triggers the same neuralpathways as physical pain.
Which means when we envy orexperience envy, it often causes
or induces actual physical pain.
Even though we've had nothingphysically happen to us, and
(13:38):
even though we've lost nothing,like we nothing changed.
Except we have this envy, andit's sort of caused this
physical reaction in our bodies.
Isn't that crazy?
So jealousy, comparison, envy,it induces a physical pain
reaction in the brain.
And those same parts in ourbrain light up.
Also, there's this part of yourbrain called the uh the medial
uh prefrontal cortex, and it itsort of lights up also when you
(14:00):
experience envy.
And this is like the seat ofself-evaluation, they say.
So the part of you that linkshow you feel about yourself with
what you see in others.
And this lights up in the uh inthat uh medial prefrontal
cortex.
That part of your brain thatthat sort of it's sort of the
seat of self-evaluation thatconnects how you what you see in
others do or what they have, andand it links that to what how
(14:22):
you feel about yourself.
It lights up.
In other words, there's this umwhat you see in others impacts
how you think about yourself andwhat you believe about yourself.
It's shocking.
It lights up.
What you see in others impactshow you believe what you believe
about yourself.
This is why that summer you wenton vacation with your family and
(14:42):
you went to the North Shore upin Duluth and you stayed at the
Lutzen Resorts and you had youplayed board games and had a
great time, like loved it.
Your kids were little, you're abeautiful time.
You came home and felt fulfilledand rested.
Like, this is a wonderfulvacation.
Until you heard about yourbrother-in-law who took his
family to the North Shore inHawaii.
(15:04):
You're like, Dad, gummit.
I didn't, uh I can't believe it.
Now you feel a bit foolish.
You're embarrassed to even saythe North Shore.
Oh, Hawaii?
No, no, Duluth.
I mean, it's and you feel likekind of like a loser.
And now your kids are like,Yeah, you are a loser, Dad.
We didn't go to the we couldhave gone to Hawaii.
We went to the Yeah, that's whythat happens.
And immediately you're kind ofrobbed of all that stuff.
Why you have this job, and likemost days your job is
(15:26):
fulfilling, you love it, you'reexcited to go to it.
You come home like just feelinggratified and grateful.
And then one of your coworkers,you see them get a promotion.
And suddenly you're like, wait aminute, what's wrong with me?
Why didn't I get a promotion?
Like, and now my job is suddenlynot as fulfilling.
Nothing changed.
But now I'm like, I'm just kindof disgruntled.
I'm angry, like, why didn't Iget the promotion?
(15:48):
What happened to me?
What's wrong with me?
Or maybe you're a parent andyou're hanging out with friends,
and they're parents also, andthis is sometimes how young
parents work.
Don't raise your hands at this.
And uh, one of your otherfriends comments on another
friend like about how great theyare as parents.
And they're like, Oh, you guysare such good parents.
And then meanwhile, you'restanding there, like, I mean,
I'm a parent too.
(16:08):
I don't know.
I mean, did you know did youknow I parent as well?
You want to say anything aboutmy parenting skills?
And you're like, I don't know.
I mean, I think I'm pretty good.
And then suddenly you'redoubting your own parenting
skills because they gave them acompliment.
I know that's probably true.
I'd probably suck as a dad.
You know what?
You should take my kids.
You're better at that than I am.
I don't know what I'm doing.
What am I doing?
Or you're at the gym and you'relike, I'm I'm I'm doing all
right.
I'm I'm I'm losing some weight.
(16:29):
I'm you know, I'm I'm fivepounds added to my bench press,
and then suddenly this giganticbehemoth of a jacked woman goes
walking by, and you're like, orman, or man, whatever.
You're like, oh, I I'm not thatbig after all.
I feel like a puny little wimpnow.
I'm gonna go home and cry in mypillow.
(16:52):
Yeah, because we can't help it.
And somehow there's a connectionbetween what I see in others and
how I feel about myself, andthat friend who bought the house
before you did it, or the kidwho or the person whose kid is
like just a stud of an athlete,and your kid is like can barely
tie their own shoes.
And maybe in Bible stuff, youhave this one person who prays,
and they're just like our masterprayer, and you stink at
praying.
I don't know.
It's just yeah, there's allthese comparisons that go back
(17:15):
and forth, and maybe you have asister-in-law who reads one book
every single day, sometimes twobooks a day, and you're like,
How on earth do you do that?
I love it.
Yeah.
So, in many ways, their lives,other people's lives, directly
impact us and how we feel aboutour lives.
And Jesus says, What is that toyou?
(17:40):
You follow me.
It's brilliant.
What is that to you?
Don't worry about that.
Head down, eyes on your ownpaper, you follow me.
There's all this more science,it's uh actually astounding.
We compare because we'reactually neurologically kind of
wired to.
It's some sort of evolutionarilysort of wired thing into our
into our brains, how we how wedo it.
(18:00):
We compare because our brainsare kind of built to.
We don't know what big meansunless we compare it to
something small.
We don't know what uh mayberound is unless we know what
square is.
And so there's all these ways wenaturally just compare and
contrast.
Our brains are kind of built toto understand what anything
means.
Also, it saves mental energy.
If I don't have to access oldmemories or old thoughts, I can
just compare myself to you.
It just makes it a lot easierjust to compare and like point
(18:22):
at you, and then I can kind ofknow where I am.
It saves some energy in thatway.
It also helps us navigate sociallife.
So we as human beings, forwhatever reason, we like to sort
of function in hierarchies.
When you walk into a room,immediately everyone's sort of
sizing each other up, right?
Because we like hierarchy.
It makes us feel comfortable.
Who's in charge, who's not incharge, who's got something to
(18:43):
do.
We like this.
It helps us navigate sociallife.
Also, it gives us feedback onour identity.
Hey, how am I doing?
Now, I'm not saying it's goodfeedback.
I'm just saying it's feedback.
And we like feedback.
How am I doing?
And it gives that.
It also is it's automatic andit's unconscious, this idea.
It's it's it's it happens allus, even knowing it.
But here's the problem (19:00):
it impacts us, this sort of wired
brain activity.
It impacts us in all kinds ofways.
It distorts our own happiness.
I'm no longer happy with Lutzen,the North Shore of Superior, my
great time agate hunting,because my brother-in-law went
to Hawaii.
Well, my trip sucked, you know.
And my happiness and my joy isgone.
It immediately is evaporated.
(19:20):
I feel envy.
It fuels envy because somebodyalways has it better than I do,
and they're better than me, andI wish I was them, and I long
for what they have.
I long for their trip and theirexperiences, and I can't help
but feel envy, which results inphysical pain sometimes because
of the way my brain is wired.
And what a bummer that is.
It also activates the threatcenters because anyone who's
better than you is a threat.
(19:41):
And if you don't believe me,just ask any 20-year-old hanging
out at the bar.
They know.
Or ask any athlete trying tomake a team.
They know, oh Tommy, he's betterthan I am.
He's my enemy now.
I don't like that guy, you know.
Or ask anyone going for apromotion amongst other people
in their job.
The other person that's better,that's more equipped or better
skilled immediately becomes athreat.
(20:02):
How about this one?
It induces, or sorry, reducesempathy.
Any German speakers in the housetoday?
There's a word calledSchodenfreude.
Anyone know this word?
Schodenfreude?
Schodenfreude?
It's this idea that uh in thebrain, you're these um the these
parts of your brain that likeare like uh desirous or that are
like uh like um like uhcelebration parts of your brain,
(20:24):
they they light up when somebodyabove you fails.
It's like when the guy above youat work is sick, you're like,
oh, that's too bad.
That's too bad.
Sorry about that.
Or when the quarterback on theteam and you're the backup, when
they break their leg, oh that'sso sad.
I'm so sorry about that.
Too bad for that guy.
I better get ready.
(20:45):
Sorry about that.
Or the kid who you've beencomparing your kid to suddenly
uh gets expelled for punchingsomeone, like, oh, that's too
bad.
I'm sorry about that.
Show them for that, you know.
Yeah, it's not good and it'sunbecoming, but it's what we do.
Also, there's this uh changeshow we make decisions because I
want to only decide, I onlychoose things based on what you
(21:05):
might approve or not approve of,or what you might like on my
social media pages, or what youmight sort of uh think I should
do.
And it changed, not what I wantto do, what you think I should
do.
It also shapes our emotionallives.
We're up and we're down, we'reall over the place, and lastly
it destabilizes our ownself-worth because my self-worth
again is based on what you thinkof me or what you're doing and
(21:25):
how I compare or contrast ormeasure up or don't measure up.
Yeah, it's a real hassle.
Jesus' words to Peter is not arebuke, it's a liberation.
Hey! Hey, look at me.
Don't worry about John.
I'll worry about John.
(21:45):
You follow me.
What is that to you anyway?
That's got nothing to do withyou.
You follow me.
He's not scolding Peter, he'sinviting Peter into a new way of
being a human.
There's a new creation, andJesus says, Don't worry about
him.
You are about me, and what I'mtelling you to do, you follow
(22:06):
me.
Yeah.
You don't have to be him.
You have to be you.
He's telling him, hey, adopt themind of Christ.
Remember, Paul wrote, if youremember my dynamic
earth-shattering sermon frommonths ago.
I hope you remember.
Paul writes, adopt the mind ofChrist.
Have the same mind as Christ.
Phronesis is the Greek word.
In other words, adopt the way ofseeing the world that Christ
(22:28):
has.
See reality as it really andtruly is.
See, we see reality in all kindsof distorted ways.
And Jesus is like, no, don'tthink about it that way.
I know your brain's kind ofwired that way, but don't worry
about it.
See it how I see it.
And do what I'm telling you todo.
Keep your eyes on your ownpaper.
What is that to you?
Adopt the mind of Christ.
He's setting Peter free fromcomparison, from fear of never
(22:51):
living up, from an inadequatesort of sensation or
insecurities in Peter's ownlife.
He's freeing Peter to be Peter.
You don't have to be John.
Don't worry about John.
You be you.
What is that to you anyway?
I love it.
He's liberating Peter.
And he's liberating you and I aswell.
The Bible's full of theseverses, by the way, too, in case
you didn't know.
So, for example, in 2Corinthians, Paul writes, hey,
(23:13):
but when they measure themselvesone by each other and compare
themselves, they don't show goodsense.
I love it.
Eugene Peterson's rephrasing orparaphrasing the Bible, he
writes it this way but in allthis comparing and grading and
competing, they quite missed thepoint.
It's good.
How about this one?
Uh Proverbs, a heart at peacegives life to the body, but envy
(23:35):
rots the bones.
He's also telling you that peaceand comparison or envy cannot
coexist.
They're mutually exclusive,which is why many of us lack
peace.
Because we're so full of envyand comparison.
Envy rots the bones, but peacegives life to the body.
(23:57):
Also, Ecclesiastes is myfavorite book in the Bible, one
of them anyway.
The wise writer says, Hey, and Isaw that all the toil and all
the achievement spring from aperson's envy of another.
In other words, all the successand all the people things
they're doing which are good andgreat.
It's only because they're tryingto beat that guy or beat that
woman.
That's all it is, man.
And that's all vapor.
It's a chasing after the wind.
(24:18):
You're never going to catch it.
And if you do, the minute youcatch it, it's gone.
It's all meaningless.
Don't worry about it.
Also, there's this one from 1Peter.
It says, Each of you should usewhatever gift you have have
received to serve others.
Uh as faithful stewards of God'sgrace.
So whatever you've been given,use it to serve others.
By the way, do you know whowrote 1 Peter?
(24:40):
Peter.
Years later, he writes this.
He got it.
He gets it.
Jesus tells him, dude, don'tworry about John.
Just do your thing.
I mean, I got I got a plan, Igot a path for you.
Don't worry about him.
And Peter does it.
He gets it.
Hey, guys, use whatever giftyou've received and bless the
world.
(25:00):
Decide now that you won't spendand waste your precious,
precious energy and timecomparing your life to somebody
else's.
It's a waste.
Stop doing it.
Keep your head down, eyes onyour paper, and you follow me.
What does any of that have to dowith you?
Nothing.
(25:20):
But it's so easy.
I was in the uh at home a couplea week or two ago, and I was
thinking about my high schooldays, you know, the glory days,
and I was remembering twofriends I had in this program I
was in, and they were like, notgreat friends, but they were
friends, and I was like, Iwonder what they're doing these
days.
Which is sometimes the beginningof the end.
You know, to be like, what wasthat?
And I looked them up.
And one guy's name is Christian,he's this handsome dude.
(25:42):
And uh, well, he went toNorthwestern University and got
a good degree there ineconomics, and then he went to
Northwestern like businessschool and Kellogg or whatever,
something fancy, and then got ajob at Procter Gamble and worked
his way up.
He's a senior executive atProcter Gamble, making high six
figures.
You can find this online if youGoogle it, and living in a
million-dollar plus house inCincinnati.
(26:03):
And I was like, oh, that's goodfor him, man.
Good for him.
That's great.
That's great.
Good for him.
I should go mow the lawn orsomething.
That's good for him.
Good for Christian, you know, mylittle two by two square lawn
out in the front.
That's barely big enough to havea dog.
I don't know.
It's fine, that's good.
Whatever.
(26:24):
Another friend of mine, her nameis Heidi.
She went to PepperdineUniversity.
Perhaps you've heard of thatuniversity, and studied English
and French.
I had a French class with her.
Well, she went on to studyFrench at a higher level than I
did.
Good for her.
And uh went to Pepperdine Law,study law, and now she's the
intern, we'll probably get theactual title of the city
attorney for Santa Monica.
(26:44):
Great.
Good for her.
I'm sure she's so happy.
Good for her.
I don't regret that at all.
It's fine.
It's good.
Pepperdine.
I've heard Pepperdine.
Meanwhile, your pastor went toBethel University here in St.
Paul.
Yeah, which is a great school.
Great school.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
First year.
Not quite California Pepperdine,but it's fine.
We're doing fine.
(27:05):
And immediately I was like, ohmy gosh.
What the?
And I regretted it because whenI was in high school, I uh, for
all kinds of reasons, I lacked acertain level of discipline.
I kind of did it halfway, and Iwas just lazy and I didn't give
it my all.
And I regret that, by the way, Ido regret it.
And I'm like, where could I havebeen if I had just put myself to
(27:26):
the thing, you know, and done mything?
And my friend Bob, is Bob here?
Bob Refrect?
No, okay, Bob.
He goes, I was telling him, Iwas lamenting to Bob.
He goes, Yeah, but Ryan, wouldyou want to work at Procter and
Gamble and sell crest and Tideand these kinds of products to
people?
I go, No, I don't want to dothat.
He goes, You want to be a cityattorney in Santa Monica?
(27:47):
I'm like, not really.
No.
He's like, what are you what areyou worried about, dude?
I'd want his house, though.
It's a nice house.
It's a million dollars.
But he's like, yeah, dude.
And I really, I'm like, you knowwhat though?
If I had put myself to the taskin high school and done my
thing, I probably would haveended up doing something like
this anyway.
Because this is mine to do.
(28:08):
I was always kind of wired thisway.
I'm like, I don't have to worryabout that.
What does that have to do withme?
This is mine to do.
This is my story.
That's their story.
And I'm losing joy by comparingwhat I know about myself to what
I don't know about them.
How do I know what theirstruggles are?
They could have all kinds ofstruggles.
He could have a failed marriage.
I don't know that.
His kids might hate him.
(28:29):
I don't know.
I mean, God forbid, I'm justsaying that maybe.
I don't know what her life islike.
Maybe she maybe she hates beingthe city attorney.
How do I know?
I don't know.
I only know my life.
Also, I have no idea how theygot there.
Maybe he worked 18 hours a dayfor the last 15 years.
I don't want to do that.
Maybe he did, and that's what hegot.
Good for him.
How do I know?
I can't compare what I knowabout myself to what I don't
(28:52):
know about them.
It doesn't work that way.
You might know this gentleman.
Bruce Springsteen, for manyyears, if you didn't know,
wrestled and struggled withdepression.
Like, Bruce?
The boss?
No way.
That dude gave three plus hourconcerts.
He was the man, endless energy,thriving in his 60s and 70s.
Like, that's the guy.
(29:12):
He's the man.
I love that guy.
Good style, too, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah, struggled with depression.
unknown (29:19):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:20):
Maybe you know this person is Mother Teresa.
Like the icon of faith, like anactual saint that we know.
She worked with the poorest ofthe poor in Calcutta, India,
gave her life to this wholething.
And yet when she died, theypublished her private journals,
and in those pages were lamentuh lamentations and of her
feeling like she was losing herfaith and like doubt, like she
(29:41):
doubted that God was present andthat doubted that God loved her.
It was unbelievably vulnerable.
You're like, Mother Teresadoubted God?
She's like, she's the next bestthing to God.
How could she doubt God?
Yeah, we don't know.
We don't know people'sstruggles.
We have no idea.
You have your life, and yourlife isn't their life.
Their life isn't your life.
(30:02):
You, in what ways perhaps, areyou asking?
Hey, what about them?
When a better question is ratherlike, no, no, no, no.
What does that have to do withyou at all, anyway?
And even a better one is like,no, what's yours to do?
Who are you to be?
(30:23):
Who's God called you to be?
What's he asking you to do?
Because here's the thing (30:25):
you has never been done before.
It hasn't.
You, with all your variables andmixtures of people and presences
in your life, and experiencesand struggles and joys and pains
and highs and lows, and the wayyou were raised with your
parents and those neighbors andthis experience of education at
your school.
And it's never been done before.
(30:48):
And there's just no way tocompare you with your mixture
that is your life of thesiblings you had and the sports
you played and the musicalinstrument that you, you know,
that you studied, and the thingsyou didn't have access to, and
the way you were raised, allthat that makes you, you, you,
and your life your life.
It's never been done before.
And you are a gift to the world.
(31:09):
And Jesus will say to you, yeah,you, you, go be you.
Don't worry about them.
Head down, eyes on your ownpaper.
And I want you to follow me.
I've got things for you to do.
Yeah, do that.
That's way more interesting thanworrying about them.
So the question is, what's yoursto do?
Yeah, what's mine to do?
(31:30):
What is it?
Then once you've got to figureit out, throw yourself at it.
Just go all in.
Yeah, this is mine, this is mypath.
I'm going in.
Peter does this.
He doubles down.
I'm gonna feed sheep.
I'm gonna go this way.
I'm gonna get martyred.
Let's go.
Might as well just go and enjoyit.
Get into it.
Throw your whole self in and letgo of the outcomes.
(31:51):
Because that's not yours toworry about either.
Who knows how it will turn out?
Maybe people will love it.
Maybe folks will not understandit.
Maybe they'll hate it.
Maybe your family will rejectyou.
Maybe they'll embrace you.
Maybe you'll make new friends.
Maybe you won't have anyfriends.
Maybe who knows how it will turnout.
I don't know.
But just do what's yours to doanyway and let the outcomes take
care of themselves because whoknows what'll happen.
(32:14):
It just might be what youneeded.
See, discipleship is areorienting of the way our
brains work.
Not rejecting our brains is howwe've kind of inherited these,
you know, these sort ofancestral ways of being, but
sort of rewiring them andadopting, as Paul writes, the
mind of Christ.
And seeing the world as thoughit really and truly is, and
(32:34):
being liberated to be fullyourselves and who we are and to
do what we're meant to do.
See, comparison says that yourworth depends on how you measure
up.
So when you're comparing andthere's envy and jealousy, what
about them?
What about that?
And then your worth alwaysdepends on how you measure up.
And I'm telling you, there'salways somebody stronger and
smarter and uh more with moreexperience, who's willing to
(32:56):
work harder and longer hours,who's taller, who's got more
muscle, who's a better dancer.
I mean, except for me, becauseI'm the greatest dancer of all
time.
There's always someone, soyou're always gonna be
miserable.
You're never gonna be happy.
The gospel says this though: your measure and your worth is (33:14):
undefined
fixed in Christ.
He loves you for no reason.
He just loves you because you'rehis child.
I don't know.
Why do you love your kid?
Those of you that love your kid,I don't know, I just love them.
The minute my kids were born, Iwould have given my life for
them.
I don't even know them yet.
That's how God feels at least,at least that good about you.
(33:37):
At least as good as that.
That's where your worth comesfrom.
That's the good news thismorning.
Is that you are you areinfinitely loved by God, the
creator of the whole universe.
Your path is your path.
You only have your path.
What others are doing is theirsto worry about.
It's not yours to worry about.
By the way, quick note and I'llget out of your way.
Uh, parents.
(33:57):
Their path is their path.
unknown (34:00):
Okay?
SPEAKER_00 (34:01):
Their path is not your second chance to live out
your path.
Okay?
It's their path.
Your job is to help them findtheir path and help along the
way.
Give them water, give them uhjerky, you know, give them a
backpack, get them on the pathand help cheer them on.
It's their path.
It's not your path.
You might have some good ideas,offer them, but it's not yours
(34:24):
to control.
It's not yours to deal with.
I mean, get them on there, helpthem.
That's their path.
Also, when they're younger,especially, the kid next to you,
the neighbor, that's his path.
It's not your path.
If he's a star pitcher and getsall A's and God bless that kid,
Lord blessed.
I get it, I get it, but it's notyour path.
What does that have to do withyou?
It's had nothing to do with you.
(34:44):
That's his path.
I don't know what his strugglesare or what he's really like and
what he does.
I don't know.
I got my own path and my kid'spath.
My kid is, I love my kid, andI'll get him on his path.
That's your job.
The great Rabbi Zeusia, and I'llclose with this story.
He says, When I, when the end ofthe world comes and I stand
before God, God won't ask me,Hey Zeusia, why weren't you
Moses?
He's not gonna ask me that.
Hey Zeusia, why weren't youMoses?
(35:07):
God will ask me, Hey Zeusia, whyweren't you Zeusia?
Why weren't you you?
Central, may you hear the wordsecho in your brain, your soul,
and your spirit this whole week.
What has that to do with you?
That's not yours.
Eyes down, head down, eyes onyour own paper.
Follow me.
Your path.
That's what I want you to focuson.
(35:27):
And give it all you've got andgo for it.
Put it, put it all in.
And know that your worth andyour value is not from likes and
shares and what people think andwho's got the better car and the
better.
I don't care.
It's so boring.
Your value and worth comes fromyou are the beloved son or
daughter of God.
That's all that matters.
Now go and do you and be free.
(35:48):
Amen.
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