March 26, 2025 • 27 mins
The Netflix series "Adolescence" has been haunting me for days - not just intellectually, but emotionally.
This raw, unsettling portrayal of teenage struggles isn't your typical coming-of-age drama; it's a mirror reflecting what happens when adults and systems fail our young people.
Watching through both my teacher and parent lenses, I recognized the students hiding behind hoodies in classrooms and saw glimpses of my own son approaching this complex developmental stage.
What struck me most powerfully was how accurately the series captures the neurological reality of adolescence.
The teenage brain isn't broken or irrational - it's literally under construction.
Their prefrontal cortex (responsible for impulse control and decision-making) is still developing until their mid-20s, while their amygdala (emotional center) operates in overdrive. This means teens feel emotional responses before they can fully process them rationally.
Medical research confirms what many parents witness: social rejection activates the same pain centers in the brain as physical injury.
When we dismiss teenage emotions as "just hormones" or "drama," we're failing to recognize genuine neurological events shaping their development.
The good news? Studies show that even one supportive adult relationship can significantly improve outcomes for teenagers facing challenges.
A single trusted connection serves as a protective buffer against adversity.
References:
- The Guardian Review of Adolescence
- The New Yorker Review of Adolescence
- Harvard Center on the Developing Child Research on Supportive Adult Relationships
- JAMA Pediatrics Study on Social Media Use and Adolescent Mental Health
- Search Institute Findings on Developmental Relationships
If you enjoyed today's episode, please take the time to rate our podcast. Your rating means the world to us and it allows us to continue to share and grow our message of support to other fabulous humans out there!
For more free resources, check out my guide to the 5 secret habits of teens who succeed. Jam packed with advice, tips and strategies. Yours free!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everybody, welcome back to Challenge your
Mind to Change the World.
I'm Francesca Hudson andtoday's episode well, I'll be
honest, it's one that's beentugging at me, not just at my
mind but at my heart, for daysnow.
I have felt this low,persistent hum in my chest that
(00:22):
wouldn't quiet down, a mix ofsadness, urgency and deep
reflection.
And I knew, I knew I had totalk about it.
But here's the thing I wasn'tsure I could do it justice,
because what I'm about to talkabout is raw, it's layered and
it doesn't come with tidysolutions or comforting
(00:45):
platitudes.
Today we're diving into theNetflix series Adolescence and
let me just say it up front,it's not an easy watch.
This is not your typicalcoming-of-age drama.
It's complex, it's unsettlingand it's often painful, and yet
(01:05):
it's heartbreakingly real.
It cuts so close to the bone,especially if you're someone who
works with teens or loves one,or used to be one, who felt
misunderstood or invisible.
And when watching this as ateacher, through my teacher lens
, I saw the students who sat inthe classrooms behind hoodies
(01:27):
and headphones, hiding hurtbehind defiance or silence.
And as a mum to a son who isvery fastly approaching that age
, I saw my own child, hismoments of confusion, of quiet,
of trying to figure out who he'sallowed to be in a world full
(01:48):
of contradictions.
And somewhere in the blur ofthose two roles teacher and
mother I saw something deeper.
I saw a society, one that feelslike it's teetering, drifting,
maybe even unraveling a little,right at the seams, where our
young people are meant to feelsafest, and that's why this
(02:12):
conversation matters.
This isn't a critique of a show.
It's a reflection on what itreveals, what it holds up to us
as adults, as a mirror, and Iwant us to talk about it, not
with judgment, not with panic,but with empathy, with curiosity
and, above all, with courage,because if we can't talk about
(02:35):
what's really going on for ouryoung people, then how can we
ever begin to help them throughit?
So take a breath with me andlet's go there together.
I want to start with a moment inadolescence and if you've seen
it you'll know what I mean whereI had to pause the scream, just
stop everything, not becausesomething dramatic had just
(02:58):
happened, but because it wasachingly familiar.
It was the look on the boy'sface oh, standing at this
invisible fork in the road,where one path promised the
illusion of acceptance and theother led to painful solitude.
Neither felt good, neither feltright.
(03:19):
But it's the scene in episodethree, during the intense
interaction between the13-year-old Jamie Miller and
psychologist Brian Ariston.
In this pivotal moment, jamieis grappling with his emotions
and decisions and he's embodyingthe adolescent struggle between
seeking acceptance and fearingisolation.
Now this scene has been widelydiscussed for its raw portrayal
(03:43):
of teenage vulnerability and thecomplexities of youth
psychology.
And as I sat there staring atthe screen, because I've seen
that moment in classrooms, inhallways, at dinner tables, I've
seen it in the pause before akid lies to protect a friend or
lashes out to protect themselves, it's the flicker of doubt, of
(04:07):
decision, of needing so badly toget it right, even when the
rules are unclear and the stakesare sky high.
This is adolescence, not theglossy version, not the TikTok
trends or the high schoolmusical aesthetic.
The real stuff, the push andpull between belonging and
independence, the deep, almostprimal need to be seen, to be
(04:30):
truly seen.
And yet the simultaneous terrorof being too exposed, the fear
that if someone really knew themess behind the mask, they'd
walk away.
And here's the thing science isstarting to back up what our
hearts have known for years.
The adolescent brain is aconstruction site.
It's not broken, not irrational, it's just in progress.
The prefrontal cortex, which isthe part of the brain that
(04:52):
helps us regulate our impulses,think through long-term
consequences and weigh upcomplex decisions, it's still
under construction.
It's the last part of the brainto fully mature, sometimes not
until the mid-20s, so that's along time.
But meanwhile the amygdala,which is the emotional epicenter
of our brains, is an overdrivefor a teenager.
(05:13):
It's the part that lights up inresponse to fear, anger,
rejection and social threat.
What that means neurologicallyis that teens are feeling faster
than they can reason.
They're emotionally flutteredbefore they've even had a chance
to consider why.
And let's not forget what thatmeans neurologically is that
teens are feeling faster thanthey can reason.
They're emotionally flutteredbefore they've even had a chance
to consider why.
And let's not forget every textleft unread, every whispered
(05:36):
rumor, every exclusion from agroup chat those aren't just
social moments, they'reneurological events.
To a teenager, social rejectionactivates the same pain centers
in the brain as physical injury.
It literally hurts, and that'snot just me being poetic.
It's actually being backed byMRI studies published in
journals like social, cognitiveand affective neuroscience.
(05:56):
So when we call our teenagersmoody or dramatic or say they're
just being hormonal, we're notonly missing the point, we're
missing a window, a window toshow up with compassion, to
support the scaffolding as ourteenagers build themselves,
because that's our job as adultsnot to finish the construction
for them, but to make sure thatscaffolding, that the
(06:18):
scaffolding is strong enoughthat when they fall and they
will they have something stableto hold on to.
In that moment on screen, thatcrossroads at episode three, it
reminded me how easy it is forteenagers to choose the wrong
thing, not because they want to,but because they're wired to
value connection over caution,risk over rejection.
(06:40):
Teens aren't broken.
They're becoming, and how werespond, how we witness, how we
guide, how we stay, can be thedifference between building
resilience and building walls.
My take on adolescence is thatit isn't just a show about
teenagers.
That would be far too simple.
No, my viewing of adolescentsis that this series is really
(07:06):
about the ecosystem surroundingthem, the adults, the systems,
the scaffolding that's supposedto be there to hold them up, and
in many cases just isn't.
Every environment we've shownthe classrooms, the bedrooms,
the hallways they're stripped oflife.
The schools, for example, arecold.
They're functional, but they'resoulless.
The homes are silent.
(07:26):
Parents are present in body,but miles away in spirit.
Teachers speak in monotone ornoshed hall, locked behind their
own walls of burnout ordetachment, and none of it feels
accidental to me.
These aren't just aestheticchoices, they're metaphors.
Putting my teacher's cap on fora minute here, visually the
(07:48):
series screams what many teensare whispering under their
breath every day.
No one is really here.
And that's what gutted me themost.
Because when the adults stopshowing up physically,
emotionally, mentally somethingelse will take their place, and
often that something else isn'tsafe.
To give you an example, inepisode two detectives visit
(08:11):
Jamie and Katie's school toinvestigate the murder weapons
whereabouts and they encounter achaotic environment where
teachers appear overwhelmed andthey're unable to manage unruly
students and it's almost likethey don't have time for the
detectives.
The detectives kind of have tofit in around what's going on
Now.
This depiction highlights aneducational system ill-equipped
(08:32):
to address the complexities ofmodern adolescence, leaving
students without the guidancethey desperately need.
And another example isthroughout the series you'll
find Jamie's home life isportrayed with haunting silence.
So his parents, eddie and Manda, are physically present but
emotionally distant.
(08:53):
They're preoccupied with theirown struggles and this
detachment becomes painfullyevident in episode four when
Eddie confronts the realizationthat he failed to notice Jamie's
online radicalization.
The scene where Eddie weeps inJamie's empty bedroom serves as
a stark metaphor for parentalabsence and regret.
(09:15):
The Guardian, which describesthe series as an unflinching
look at toxic masculinity,institutional neglect and the
radicalization of vulnerableyoung men through online
platforms.
Now this theme is powerfullyexplored in episode three during
Jamie's psychologicalevaluation.
His fluctuating emotions andjustifications for his actions
(09:39):
reveal the insidious influenceof online subcultures that prey
on isolated adolescents.
Let's be clear this show isn'tsubtle, and maybe it shouldn't
be, because the truth isn'tsubtle, not anymore.
The rates of anxiety anddepression in teens have
skyrocketed in the last decade.
Studies from the CDC show thatby 2021, 44% 44% of high school
(10:06):
students reported feelingpersistently sad or hopeless.
I can't believe.
There is a staggeringly highpercentage 44%, that's nearly
half.
And yet so many of ourstructures school, home policy
still function as if kids areresilient enough to handle it
all without support.
But they're not and theyshouldn't have to be.
(10:28):
And that brings me to what feltlike the literary spine of this
whole series.
So many moments gave me Lord ofthe Flies vibes, the power
struggles, the socialhierarchies, morality slowly
dissolving in the absence ofmeaningful adult guidance.
But the twist is this isn'tsome remote island.
This is happening right now ingroup chats, in Discord servers,
(10:51):
in the back corners ofclassrooms, in bedrooms with
blackout curtains and LED lights, and silence so loud it's
deafening.
We used to think kids neededtough love, that they had to man
up, push through, figure it out.
But what we're seeing, whatthis show makes impossible to
ignore, is that when wedisappear emotionally as parents
(11:13):
and as adults, as educators,when we detach this in the name
of independence, we're notraising strong kids, we're
raising disconnected ones, anddisconnected kids will cling to
anything that feels likebelonging, even if it's toxic,
even if it hurts them, even ifit hurts others.
So, no, adolescence isn'tsubtle.
But in a world where subtletyis ignored and cries for help
(11:36):
are labelled attention-seeking,maybe we need the volume turned
all the way up.
This isn't just storytelling,this is a warning and we'd be
wise to listen.
The radicalisation inadolescence isn't the kind you
see in news headlines.
It's quieter, it's slower.
It creeps in through isolation,through the repeated message
that feelings are weakness, thatconnection is dangerous, that
(11:59):
power is the only path torespect and it's not just a
descent into misogyny, it's adescent into numbness.
And that numbness doesn't comefrom hate.
It comes from being starved ofconnection, of empathy, of
consistent loving boundaries.
So let's look at whatadolescence gets right and what
it misses.
Let me say this clearly.
Let's look at what adolescencegets right and what it misses.
(12:21):
Let me say this clearlyAdolescence gets a lot right,
almost uncomfortably so.
The emotional landscape ofteenage boys, so often flattened
or misunderstood in media, isrendered here with gritty
precision.
The pain of being stuck betweenchildhood and manhood, this
13-year-old boy, jamie you cansee it so clearly in episode
(12:43):
three when he's battling withhis emotions in front of the
psychologist.
The pressure to prove thatyou're not weak, even if it
means harming others or yourself.
The performance of masculinitythat feels like a uniform that
they didn't ask for but areexpected to wear, like armor,
day in and day out.
It captures what it means to beyoung and lost, and furious and
(13:03):
desperate to belong.
The confusion, the isolation,the moments when your inner
world is exploding.
But all anyone sees is silenceor sarcasm or rage.
And what struck me is that thisisn't just a story about
teenagers.
It's a story about the cost ofsilence.
The cost of adults looking awaybecause they don't know what to
(13:28):
say, the cost of shaminginstead of supporting, the cost
of saying boys will be boys,instead of asking what is really
going on under there.
In one of the most emotionallycomplex scenes, which is Jamie's
psychological assessment inepisode three, we see him waver
between remorse andjustification.
You can almost feel the tug ofwar happening in real time, the
child in him reaching out andthe hardened version pulling
(13:50):
back.
It's so real it hurts.
And what makes it worse isknowing.
No one ever really stepped in,not before the damage was done.
But here's the thing thatlingered with me long after the
credits rolled when are theteachers who notice?
Where are the parents who leanin instead of pulling away?
Where's the adult who doesn'ttry to fix it all but just says
(14:15):
I see you, I'm here, I'm notleaving and I get it.
The show is deliberately bleak,a warning, not a warm hug.
But still I found myself achingfor just one adult who tried,
just one moment where connectiontriumphed over detachment.
Because while it's true thatmany teens do feel alone, it's
(14:35):
also true that not all of themare.
Some just don't know how to askfor help, some are waiting to
be invited back into connection.
A review from the New Yorkerput it perfectly when it said
the series lays bare the vacuumleft by disengaged adults.
Yes, absolutely.
But I also wonder could thecreators have shown us just one
(14:56):
adult breaking the vacuum?
Because representation matters,and not just for kids, for us
too, for the parents, theteachers, the coaches, the
mentors who are trying, becauseif all the adults in a story are
cold, numb or absent, it canunintentionally reinforce a
damaging message that supportdoesn't exist, that it's not
(15:18):
even worth reaching for, thatit's a lost cause.
But we know better, don't we?
We've seen the power of oneadult who stays curious instead
of critical, one teacher whosays hey, you seemed off today,
want to talk?
Or one parent who resists theurge to lecture and just listens
.
Studies in adolescentdevelopment have repeatedly
shown that even a single stable,supportive relationship with an
(15:40):
adult can serve as a protectivefactor against depression,
anxiety and poor decision making.
And you can look into Harvard'sCenter on the Developing Child
and the findings from the SearchInstitute on developmental
relationships to look into thatfurther.
So, yes, adolescence nails thereality of what happens when
adults disappear.
(16:00):
But perhaps what it misses isthe hope of what could happen
when just one of them shows up.
And that hope matters becauseit reminds us that the story
isn't finished, that we stillget to choose how we show up,
that we still get to be part ofthe solution.
So what do we take away fromwatching adolescence as parents
and as educators?
This part of the podcast is forus, for those of us who have
(16:24):
chosen to stand in the orbit ofteenagers, whether by profession
or by love.
This is where the mirror turns.
If you've watched adolescenceand felt your stomach twist, if
your throat tightened or yourchest ache, good, that means
your empathy is intact.
It means you haven't becomenumb, it means you're still in
the fight, even if you don'talways know what to do next.
(16:47):
And now comes the hard part, thequestion that requires honesty,
not just reflection.
Where are we showing up andwhere might we be missing the
mark?
Because the truth is, it's easyto slip into patterns as adults
to write off a disengagedstudent as lazy, to dismiss a
withdrawn teenager as being in amood, to take the silence of
(17:10):
our own child personally, as ifthey're pulling away from us
instead of turning in with,because they don't yet have the
tools to express what's going oninside.
What's going on inside?
As a teacher, I've been there.
It's the end of the day.
Your patience is one thing.
You've had year nines straightafter lunch and a kid acts out
(17:30):
in a way that pushes everybutton you have and the reflex
is to correct, to discipline, tocontrol.
But what if we paused instead?
What if the question we askedwasn't what's wrong with you,
but what happened to you, ormaybe even what don't you know
how to say right now, becauseoften disrupted behavior is the
(17:50):
smoke and the fire.
That's pain, confusion, shame,loneliness.
That's a nervous system on highalert, a heart that feels
threatened, a mind overwhelmedby things that can't yet
understand or explain.
And as a mum, oh, this part isharder because it's personal.
When your child withdraws, whenthey retreat into that quiet
place, it can feel likerejection.
(18:11):
You start to worry you've lostthem, that the connection you
worked so hard to build isslipping through your fingers.
But often that silence isn't adoor closing, it's a test.
Will you sit with me in this?
Will you stay even when I can'texplain what's wrong?
Will you keep showing up, notjust when I'm happy and
talkative, but when I'm hurtingand unreachable.
(18:34):
And here's the good news, myfriend, because I promise there
is hope woven throughout all ofthis.
A study published in Frontiersin Psychology 2023 found that
adolescents with even onesupportive relationship with a
trusted adult be it a parent,teacher, coach, mentor showed
significantly greater emotionalresilience, self-regulation and
(18:55):
psychological well-being.
One relationship, that's it.
That's all it takes to create abuffer between a young person
and the worst outcomes life canthrow at them.
So let me say it again just oneadult who listens, who believes
and who consistently shows upcan change the child's
trajectory.
One, just one.
(19:17):
It doesn't have to be perfect,it doesn't have to come with all
the right words, it just has tobe real, consistent, human.
That's the power we hold asadults Not to fix everything,
but to become a safe place, alighthouse in the fog, a steady
presence in a world that feelsso often chaotic and indifferent
(19:38):
.
And it reminds me of the firstepisode in adolescence when
Jamie requests that his fatherbecomes his significant person
that represents him.
And it's almost like that'scome too late, that one
significant person that hisfather is so desperately wanting
to get right.
He talks to the lawyer in thehallway and says I hope I can do
(19:58):
my son justice.
I hope I can do this right.
It's that moment should havehappened long before this scene
and it's just.
It highlights that if Jamie hadhad that, one adult who
listened, who believed, whoconsistently showed up for him
could change a child'strajectory.
(20:19):
And we know that life gets busy.
There's a scene in episode fourwhen his father, eddie, talks
about how the business took offand he became sidetracked with
that.
And if you're listening to thisand feeling guilt or regret,
maybe for a moment you missed orsomething you didn't see,
please know this.
It's not about perfection, it'sabout presence.
(20:40):
It's about choosing every dayto tune in a little more, to
slow down, to lean in.
It's not too late.
Our teens don't needsuperheroes, they need humans
who care enough to notice.
I just think as adults we can'tlook away.
Adolescence does offer tidyresolutions.
There are no grand redemptions,no last minute heroic rescues
or no narrator stepping in toexplain the lessons.
(21:02):
And honestly, I respect that,because this series isn't trying
to entertain us.
It's trying to wake us up.
It's not fiction for escapismas a mirror, a warning, an
invitation.
It's raw and unresolved,because real life for many teens
is raw and unresolved.
Some of them are still in themiddle of their journey.
Some of them don't know they'reallowed to hope for more yet
(21:25):
and some are just surviving dayby day.
Adolescence dares us to look atthe parts of our culture we've
ignored for too long the silentboys who slip through the cracks
, the emotionally unavailablehouseholds where love exists but
isn't expressed, the schoolsstretched so thin that
connection becomes a luxury, theradicalization happening not in
(21:49):
dark alleys, but in bedroomslit by screens and filled with
silence.
It forces us to sit in thediscomfort of systems that are
broken, that are overwhelmed orflat out indifferent, and it
shows us so painfully that it'sour young people who carry the
consequences.
But here's the powerful truthbeneath that pain If we're brave
(22:14):
enough to face the discomfort,if we can resist the urge to
look away, we've created a spacefor change.
There's a powerful scene thatfirst comes to light in episode
three, when Jamie is talking tohis psychologist about not being
very good at sport and hisfather looking away on the
football pitch, and then that'smirrored in episode four when
(22:34):
his father talks about the samescene to his wife and also
mentions how he looked away.
This is a key theme.
That's running through all ofthis is that, as adults, if we
can resist the urge to look away, we create that space for
change.
We can start to shift the story, not all at once, not with
sweeping reforms or viralslogans, but in quiet,
(22:56):
consistent ways.
We can move from fear the fearthat we'll get it wrong, that
it's too late, that we don'tknow enough to compassion, which
doesn't require perfection,just presence.
We can move from passivity,saying it's not my place or
teenagers are just like that toaction.
Action that might be as simpleas a question, a pause, a choice
(23:17):
to stay when a young personpushes away.
And we can move from silence tosupport, support that says I
see you, I hear you, I don'talways understand you, but I'm
not going anywhere.
The greatest tragedy ofadolescence isn't what happens
on screen.
It's the fact that for so manyteens, this is their actual life
, their reality, their dailyexperience.
(23:39):
But it doesn't have to staythat way.
We might not be able to rewritetheir pasts, but we can shape
their future chapters.
We can be the characters whostep in and don't disappear, who
notice, who believe, who stay.
And if this show has remindedme of anything, it's that
awareness is the beginning ofresponsibility, Once we see
(24:00):
what's really happening, wedon't get to unsee it.
And that's the power ofstorytelling like this it
doesn't just tell a story, itasks you now what will you do
with what you've seen?
I'll leave you with thatbecause I think that gets to the
heart of adolescence.
From what you've seen, from theliteral video security cam
(24:22):
footage of Jamie committing thecrime, to the metaphorical
turning away, turning the blindeye, not being able to see what
is going on in our teenager'sworld.
And I've only just scratched thesurface today with adolescence,
I feel like I should do anadolescence podcast, episode two
, going into all the differentthemes and metaphors and motifs
(24:43):
and mirroring that goes on allthe literary devices from an
English teacher's point of view.
But I really wanted thispodcast episode today to focus
on the holistic approach toadolescence, how I found it from
a holistic point of view.
So thank you for joining me onthis very special episode of
Challenge your Mind, change theWorld.
And if this conversationstirred something in you, if you
(25:05):
felt anger or grief, guilt orhope, please don't let it end
here.
Share it, reflect on it, starta conversation with a fellow
parent or with a student ifyou're a teacher listening to
this, or with your partner, withyourself, because when we
choose to stay awake, when wechoose not to look away, we get
to be part of something better.
Let's challenge the way that wesee adolescence, let's
(25:29):
challenge the way that wesupport it and, in doing so,
let's change the world.
Until next time, I'm Francesca.
Bye for now.
Hello everybody, welcome back to Challenge your
Mind to Change the World.
I'm Francesca Hudson andtoday's episode well, I'll be
honest, it's one that's beentugging at me, not just at my
mind but at my heart, for daysnow.
I have felt this low,persistent hum in my chest that
(00:22):
wouldn't quiet down, a mix ofsadness, urgency and deep
reflection.
And I knew, I knew I had totalk about it.
But here's the thing I wasn'tsure I could do it justice,
because what I'm about to talkabout is raw, it's layered and
it doesn't come with tidysolutions or comforting
(00:45):
platitudes.
Today we're diving into theNetflix series Adolescence and
let me just say it up front,it's not an easy watch.
This is not your typicalcoming-of-age drama.
It's complex, it's unsettlingand it's often painful, and yet
(01:05):
it's heartbreakingly real.
It cuts so close to the bone,especially if you're someone who
works with teens or loves one,or used to be one, who felt
misunderstood or invisible.
And when watching this as ateacher, through my teacher lens
, I saw the students who sat inthe classrooms behind hoodies
(01:27):
and headphones, hiding hurtbehind defiance or silence.
And as a mum to a son who isvery fastly approaching that age
, I saw my own child, hismoments of confusion, of quiet,
of trying to figure out who he'sallowed to be in a world full
(01:48):
of contradictions.
And somewhere in the blur ofthose two roles teacher and
mother I saw something deeper.
I saw a society, one that feelslike it's teetering, drifting,
maybe even unraveling a little,right at the seams, where our
young people are meant to feelsafest, and that's why this
(02:12):
conversation matters.
This isn't a critique of a show.
It's a reflection on what itreveals, what it holds up to us
as adults, as a mirror, and Iwant us to talk about it, not
with judgment, not with panic,but with empathy, with curiosity
and, above all, with courage,because if we can't talk about
(02:35):
what's really going on for ouryoung people, then how can we
ever begin to help them throughit?
So take a breath with me andlet's go there together.
I want to start with a moment inadolescence and if you've seen
it you'll know what I mean whereI had to pause the scream, just
stop everything, not becausesomething dramatic had just
(02:58):
happened, but because it wasachingly familiar.
It was the look on the boy'sface oh, standing at this
invisible fork in the road,where one path promised the
illusion of acceptance and theother led to painful solitude.
Neither felt good, neither feltright.
(03:19):
But it's the scene in episodethree, during the intense
interaction between the13-year-old Jamie Miller and
psychologist Brian Ariston.
In this pivotal moment, jamieis grappling with his emotions
and decisions and he's embodyingthe adolescent struggle between
seeking acceptance and fearingisolation.
Now this scene has been widelydiscussed for its raw portrayal
(03:43):
of teenage vulnerability and thecomplexities of youth
psychology.
And as I sat there staring atthe screen, because I've seen
that moment in classrooms, inhallways, at dinner tables, I've
seen it in the pause before akid lies to protect a friend or
lashes out to protect themselves, it's the flicker of doubt, of
(04:07):
decision, of needing so badly toget it right, even when the
rules are unclear and the stakesare sky high.
This is adolescence, not theglossy version, not the TikTok
trends or the high schoolmusical aesthetic.
The real stuff, the push andpull between belonging and
independence, the deep, almostprimal need to be seen, to be
(04:30):
truly seen.
And yet the simultaneous terrorof being too exposed, the fear
that if someone really knew themess behind the mask, they'd
walk away.
And here's the thing science isstarting to back up what our
hearts have known for years.
The adolescent brain is aconstruction site.
It's not broken, not irrational, it's just in progress.
The prefrontal cortex, which isthe part of the brain that
(04:52):
helps us regulate our impulses,think through long-term
consequences and weigh upcomplex decisions, it's still
under construction.
It's the last part of the brainto fully mature, sometimes not
until the mid-20s, so that's along time.
But meanwhile the amygdala,which is the emotional epicenter
of our brains, is an overdrivefor a teenager.
(05:13):
It's the part that lights up inresponse to fear, anger,
rejection and social threat.
What that means neurologicallyis that teens are feeling faster
than they can reason.
They're emotionally flutteredbefore they've even had a chance
to consider why.
And let's not forget what thatmeans neurologically is that
teens are feeling faster thanthey can reason.
They're emotionally flutteredbefore they've even had a chance
to consider why.
And let's not forget every textleft unread, every whispered
(05:36):
rumor, every exclusion from agroup chat those aren't just
social moments, they'reneurological events.
To a teenager, social rejectionactivates the same pain centers
in the brain as physical injury.
It literally hurts, and that'snot just me being poetic.
It's actually being backed byMRI studies published in
journals like social, cognitiveand affective neuroscience.
(05:56):
So when we call our teenagersmoody or dramatic or say they're
just being hormonal, we're notonly missing the point, we're
missing a window, a window toshow up with compassion, to
support the scaffolding as ourteenagers build themselves,
because that's our job as adultsnot to finish the construction
for them, but to make sure thatscaffolding, that the
(06:18):
scaffolding is strong enoughthat when they fall and they
will they have something stableto hold on to.
In that moment on screen, thatcrossroads at episode three, it
reminded me how easy it is forteenagers to choose the wrong
thing, not because they want to,but because they're wired to
value connection over caution,risk over rejection.
(06:40):
Teens aren't broken.
They're becoming, and how werespond, how we witness, how we
guide, how we stay, can be thedifference between building
resilience and building walls.
My take on adolescence is thatit isn't just a show about
teenagers.
That would be far too simple.
No, my viewing of adolescentsis that this series is really
(07:06):
about the ecosystem surroundingthem, the adults, the systems,
the scaffolding that's supposedto be there to hold them up, and
in many cases just isn't.
Every environment we've shownthe classrooms, the bedrooms,
the hallways they're stripped oflife.
The schools, for example, arecold.
They're functional, but they'resoulless.
The homes are silent.
(07:26):
Parents are present in body,but miles away in spirit.
Teachers speak in monotone ornoshed hall, locked behind their
own walls of burnout ordetachment, and none of it feels
accidental to me.
These aren't just aestheticchoices, they're metaphors.
Putting my teacher's cap on fora minute here, visually the
(07:48):
series screams what many teensare whispering under their
breath every day.
No one is really here.
And that's what gutted me themost.
Because when the adults stopshowing up physically,
emotionally, mentally somethingelse will take their place, and
often that something else isn'tsafe.
To give you an example, inepisode two detectives visit
(08:11):
Jamie and Katie's school toinvestigate the murder weapons
whereabouts and they encounter achaotic environment where
teachers appear overwhelmed andthey're unable to manage unruly
students and it's almost likethey don't have time for the
detectives.
The detectives kind of have tofit in around what's going on
Now.
This depiction highlights aneducational system ill-equipped
(08:32):
to address the complexities ofmodern adolescence, leaving
students without the guidancethey desperately need.
And another example isthroughout the series you'll
find Jamie's home life isportrayed with haunting silence.
So his parents, eddie and Manda, are physically present but
emotionally distant.
(08:53):
They're preoccupied with theirown struggles and this
detachment becomes painfullyevident in episode four when
Eddie confronts the realizationthat he failed to notice Jamie's
online radicalization.
The scene where Eddie weeps inJamie's empty bedroom serves as
a stark metaphor for parentalabsence and regret.
(09:15):
The Guardian, which describesthe series as an unflinching
look at toxic masculinity,institutional neglect and the
radicalization of vulnerableyoung men through online
platforms.
Now this theme is powerfullyexplored in episode three during
Jamie's psychologicalevaluation.
His fluctuating emotions andjustifications for his actions
(09:39):
reveal the insidious influenceof online subcultures that prey
on isolated adolescents.
Let's be clear this show isn'tsubtle, and maybe it shouldn't
be, because the truth isn'tsubtle, not anymore.
The rates of anxiety anddepression in teens have
skyrocketed in the last decade.
Studies from the CDC show thatby 2021, 44% 44% of high school
(10:06):
students reported feelingpersistently sad or hopeless.
I can't believe.
There is a staggeringly highpercentage 44%, that's nearly
half.
And yet so many of ourstructures school, home policy
still function as if kids areresilient enough to handle it
all without support.
But they're not and theyshouldn't have to be.
(10:28):
And that brings me to what feltlike the literary spine of this
whole series.
So many moments gave me Lord ofthe Flies vibes, the power
struggles, the socialhierarchies, morality slowly
dissolving in the absence ofmeaningful adult guidance.
But the twist is this isn'tsome remote island.
This is happening right now ingroup chats, in Discord servers,
(10:51):
in the back corners ofclassrooms, in bedrooms with
blackout curtains and LED lights, and silence so loud it's
deafening.
We used to think kids neededtough love, that they had to man
up, push through, figure it out.
But what we're seeing, whatthis show makes impossible to
ignore, is that when wedisappear emotionally as parents
(11:13):
and as adults, as educators,when we detach this in the name
of independence, we're notraising strong kids, we're
raising disconnected ones, anddisconnected kids will cling to
anything that feels likebelonging, even if it's toxic,
even if it hurts them, even ifit hurts others.
So, no, adolescence isn'tsubtle.
But in a world where subtletyis ignored and cries for help
(11:36):
are labelled attention-seeking,maybe we need the volume turned
all the way up.
This isn't just storytelling,this is a warning and we'd be
wise to listen.
The radicalisation inadolescence isn't the kind you
see in news headlines.
It's quieter, it's slower.
It creeps in through isolation,through the repeated message
that feelings are weakness, thatconnection is dangerous, that
(11:59):
power is the only path torespect and it's not just a
descent into misogyny, it's adescent into numbness.
And that numbness doesn't comefrom hate.
It comes from being starved ofconnection, of empathy, of
consistent loving boundaries.
So let's look at whatadolescence gets right and what
it misses.
Let me say this clearly.
Let's look at what adolescencegets right and what it misses.
(12:21):
Let me say this clearlyAdolescence gets a lot right,
almost uncomfortably so.
The emotional landscape ofteenage boys, so often flattened
or misunderstood in media, isrendered here with gritty
precision.
The pain of being stuck betweenchildhood and manhood, this
13-year-old boy, jamie you cansee it so clearly in episode
(12:43):
three when he's battling withhis emotions in front of the
psychologist.
The pressure to prove thatyou're not weak, even if it
means harming others or yourself.
The performance of masculinitythat feels like a uniform that
they didn't ask for but areexpected to wear, like armor,
day in and day out.
It captures what it means to beyoung and lost, and furious and
(13:03):
desperate to belong.
The confusion, the isolation,the moments when your inner
world is exploding.
But all anyone sees is silenceor sarcasm or rage.
And what struck me is that thisisn't just a story about
teenagers.
It's a story about the cost ofsilence.
The cost of adults looking awaybecause they don't know what to
(13:28):
say, the cost of shaminginstead of supporting, the cost
of saying boys will be boys,instead of asking what is really
going on under there.
In one of the most emotionallycomplex scenes, which is Jamie's
psychological assessment inepisode three, we see him waver
between remorse andjustification.
You can almost feel the tug ofwar happening in real time, the
child in him reaching out andthe hardened version pulling
(13:50):
back.
It's so real it hurts.
And what makes it worse isknowing.
No one ever really stepped in,not before the damage was done.
But here's the thing thatlingered with me long after the
credits rolled when are theteachers who notice?
Where are the parents who leanin instead of pulling away?
Where's the adult who doesn'ttry to fix it all but just says
(14:15):
I see you, I'm here, I'm notleaving and I get it.
The show is deliberately bleak,a warning, not a warm hug.
But still I found myself achingfor just one adult who tried,
just one moment where connectiontriumphed over detachment.
Because while it's true thatmany teens do feel alone, it's
(14:35):
also true that not all of themare.
Some just don't know how to askfor help, some are waiting to
be invited back into connection.
A review from the New Yorkerput it perfectly when it said
the series lays bare the vacuumleft by disengaged adults.
Yes, absolutely.
But I also wonder could thecreators have shown us just one
(14:56):
adult breaking the vacuum?
Because representation matters,and not just for kids, for us
too, for the parents, theteachers, the coaches, the
mentors who are trying, becauseif all the adults in a story are
cold, numb or absent, it canunintentionally reinforce a
damaging message that supportdoesn't exist, that it's not
(15:18):
even worth reaching for, thatit's a lost cause.
But we know better, don't we?
We've seen the power of oneadult who stays curious instead
of critical, one teacher whosays hey, you seemed off today,
want to talk?
Or one parent who resists theurge to lecture and just listens
.
Studies in adolescentdevelopment have repeatedly
shown that even a single stable,supportive relationship with an
(15:40):
adult can serve as a protectivefactor against depression,
anxiety and poor decision making.
And you can look into Harvard'sCenter on the Developing Child
and the findings from the SearchInstitute on developmental
relationships to look into thatfurther.
So, yes, adolescence nails thereality of what happens when
adults disappear.
(16:00):
But perhaps what it misses isthe hope of what could happen
when just one of them shows up.
And that hope matters becauseit reminds us that the story
isn't finished, that we stillget to choose how we show up,
that we still get to be part ofthe solution.
So what do we take away fromwatching adolescence as parents
and as educators?
This part of the podcast is forus, for those of us who have
(16:24):
chosen to stand in the orbit ofteenagers, whether by profession
or by love.
This is where the mirror turns.
If you've watched adolescenceand felt your stomach twist, if
your throat tightened or yourchest ache, good, that means
your empathy is intact.
It means you haven't becomenumb, it means you're still in
the fight, even if you don'talways know what to do next.
(16:47):
And now comes the hard part, thequestion that requires honesty,
not just reflection.
Where are we showing up andwhere might we be missing the
mark?
Because the truth is, it's easyto slip into patterns as adults
to write off a disengagedstudent as lazy, to dismiss a
withdrawn teenager as being in amood, to take the silence of
(17:10):
our own child personally, as ifthey're pulling away from us
instead of turning in with,because they don't yet have the
tools to express what's going oninside.
What's going on inside?
As a teacher, I've been there.
It's the end of the day.
Your patience is one thing.
You've had year nines straightafter lunch and a kid acts out
(17:30):
in a way that pushes everybutton you have and the reflex
is to correct, to discipline, tocontrol.
But what if we paused instead?
What if the question we askedwasn't what's wrong with you,
but what happened to you, ormaybe even what don't you know
how to say right now, becauseoften disrupted behavior is the
(17:50):
smoke and the fire.
That's pain, confusion, shame,loneliness.
That's a nervous system on highalert, a heart that feels
threatened, a mind overwhelmedby things that can't yet
understand or explain.
And as a mum, oh, this part isharder because it's personal.
When your child withdraws, whenthey retreat into that quiet
place, it can feel likerejection.
(18:11):
You start to worry you've lostthem, that the connection you
worked so hard to build isslipping through your fingers.
But often that silence isn't adoor closing, it's a test.
Will you sit with me in this?
Will you stay even when I can'texplain what's wrong?
Will you keep showing up, notjust when I'm happy and
talkative, but when I'm hurtingand unreachable.
(18:34):
And here's the good news, myfriend, because I promise there
is hope woven throughout all ofthis.
A study published in Frontiersin Psychology 2023 found that
adolescents with even onesupportive relationship with a
trusted adult be it a parent,teacher, coach, mentor showed
significantly greater emotionalresilience, self-regulation and
(18:55):
psychological well-being.
One relationship, that's it.
That's all it takes to create abuffer between a young person
and the worst outcomes life canthrow at them.
So let me say it again just oneadult who listens, who believes
and who consistently shows upcan change the child's
trajectory.
One, just one.
(19:17):
It doesn't have to be perfect,it doesn't have to come with all
the right words, it just has tobe real, consistent, human.
That's the power we hold asadults Not to fix everything,
but to become a safe place, alighthouse in the fog, a steady
presence in a world that feelsso often chaotic and indifferent
(19:38):
.
And it reminds me of the firstepisode in adolescence when
Jamie requests that his fatherbecomes his significant person
that represents him.
And it's almost like that'scome too late, that one
significant person that hisfather is so desperately wanting
to get right.
He talks to the lawyer in thehallway and says I hope I can do
(19:58):
my son justice.
I hope I can do this right.
It's that moment should havehappened long before this scene
and it's just.
It highlights that if Jamie hadhad that, one adult who
listened, who believed, whoconsistently showed up for him
could change a child'strajectory.
(20:19):
And we know that life gets busy.
There's a scene in episode fourwhen his father, eddie, talks
about how the business took offand he became sidetracked with
that.
And if you're listening to thisand feeling guilt or regret,
maybe for a moment you missed orsomething you didn't see,
please know this.
It's not about perfection, it'sabout presence.
(20:40):
It's about choosing every dayto tune in a little more, to
slow down, to lean in.
It's not too late.
Our teens don't needsuperheroes, they need humans
who care enough to notice.
I just think as adults we can'tlook away.
Adolescence does offer tidyresolutions.
There are no grand redemptions,no last minute heroic rescues
or no narrator stepping in toexplain the lessons.
(21:02):
And honestly, I respect that,because this series isn't trying
to entertain us.
It's trying to wake us up.
It's not fiction for escapismas a mirror, a warning, an
invitation.
It's raw and unresolved,because real life for many teens
is raw and unresolved.
Some of them are still in themiddle of their journey.
Some of them don't know they'reallowed to hope for more yet
(21:25):
and some are just surviving dayby day.
Adolescence dares us to look atthe parts of our culture we've
ignored for too long the silentboys who slip through the cracks
, the emotionally unavailablehouseholds where love exists but
isn't expressed, the schoolsstretched so thin that
connection becomes a luxury, theradicalization happening not in
(21:49):
dark alleys, but in bedroomslit by screens and filled with
silence.
It forces us to sit in thediscomfort of systems that are
broken, that are overwhelmed orflat out indifferent, and it
shows us so painfully that it'sour young people who carry the
consequences.
But here's the powerful truthbeneath that pain If we're brave
(22:14):
enough to face the discomfort,if we can resist the urge to
look away, we've created a spacefor change.
There's a powerful scene thatfirst comes to light in episode
three, when Jamie is talking tohis psychologist about not being
very good at sport and hisfather looking away on the
football pitch, and then that'smirrored in episode four when
(22:34):
his father talks about the samescene to his wife and also
mentions how he looked away.
This is a key theme.
That's running through all ofthis is that, as adults, if we
can resist the urge to look away, we create that space for
change.
We can start to shift the story, not all at once, not with
sweeping reforms or viralslogans, but in quiet,
(22:56):
consistent ways.
We can move from fear the fearthat we'll get it wrong, that
it's too late, that we don'tknow enough to compassion, which
doesn't require perfection,just presence.
We can move from passivity,saying it's not my place or
teenagers are just like that toaction.
Action that might be as simpleas a question, a pause, a choice
(23:17):
to stay when a young personpushes away.
And we can move from silence tosupport, support that says I
see you, I hear you, I don'talways understand you, but I'm
not going anywhere.
The greatest tragedy ofadolescence isn't what happens
on screen.
It's the fact that for so manyteens, this is their actual life
, their reality, their dailyexperience.
(23:39):
But it doesn't have to staythat way.
We might not be able to rewritetheir pasts, but we can shape
their future chapters.
We can be the characters whostep in and don't disappear, who
notice, who believe, who stay.
And if this show has remindedme of anything, it's that
awareness is the beginning ofresponsibility, Once we see
(24:00):
what's really happening, wedon't get to unsee it.
And that's the power ofstorytelling like this it
doesn't just tell a story, itasks you now what will you do
with what you've seen?
I'll leave you with thatbecause I think that gets to the
heart of adolescence.
From what you've seen, from theliteral video security cam
(24:22):
footage of Jamie committing thecrime, to the metaphorical
turning away, turning the blindeye, not being able to see what
is going on in our teenager'sworld.
And I've only just scratched thesurface today with adolescence,
I feel like I should do anadolescence podcast, episode two
, going into all the differentthemes and metaphors and motifs
(24:43):
and mirroring that goes on allthe literary devices from an
English teacher's point of view.
But I really wanted thispodcast episode today to focus
on the holistic approach toadolescence, how I found it from
a holistic point of view.
So thank you for joining me onthis very special episode of
Challenge your Mind, change theWorld.
And if this conversationstirred something in you, if you
(25:05):
felt anger or grief, guilt orhope, please don't let it end
here.
Share it, reflect on it, starta conversation with a fellow
parent or with a student ifyou're a teacher listening to
this, or with your partner, withyourself, because when we
choose to stay awake, when wechoose not to look away, we get
to be part of something better.
Let's challenge the way that wesee adolescence, let's
(25:29):
challenge the way that wesupport it and, in doing so,
let's change the world.
Until next time, I'm Francesca.
Bye for now.
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