February 14, 2025 • 34 mins
Imagine a world where teens are empowered to harness their natural curiosity to fuel their learning and critical thinking.
That's exactly what we're exploring in this episode as we unlock the secrets to fostering a questioning habit in young minds.
Join me as I weave together insights from a refreshing summer break in New Zealand with research-backed strategies aimed at transforming how we engage with teenagers.
Discover the impact of traditional education systems and fast-paced lifestyles on stifling curiosity, and learn how creating a nurturing environment for questions can enhance learning and memory retention.
We dive into the art of questioning and uncover four powerful techniques inspired by Socratic methods that sharpen thinking and communication skills.
From the importance of "why" and "what if" questions to the role of intellectual curiosity in lifelong learning, these tools are designed to help teens navigate complex reasoning and creative problem-solving.
Embrace the challenge of engaging your teen's curiosity through thoughtful debates and flipping questions back on them.
🧠 Final Thoughts for Parents
Helping your teen navigate misinformation doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. By teaching them how to question content rather than what to believe, you’re giving them a lifelong skill that will help them make informed, independent decisions.
💡 Remember: The best way to teach your teen is to fact-check together. Instead of saying, "That's fake news," try:
🗣️ "Let's investigate that claim together!"
This opens the door for critical thinking, respectful discussion, and curiosity.
🔗 Download your free copy now and start empowering your teen today!
And, as an added bonus, explore the Essay Clinic for additional support in developing writing and critical thinking skills.
Transform your teen's world with the power of questions, and share your journey with us!
If you enjoyed today's episode, please take the time to rate our podcast. Your rating means the world to us and it allows us to continue to share and grow our message of support to other fabulous humans out there!
For more free resources, check out my guide to the 5 secret habits of teens who succeed. Jam packed with advice, tips and strategies. Yours free!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, hello.
It is so good to have you joinme on today's episode.
I have come back from a massive, long summer holiday break with
my family, with my children and, as we all know, as parents,
the summer break can go on for along time and I think that we
(00:20):
have had an amazing summer herein the Southern Hemisphere, in
New Zealand, my children, wehave been able to travel around
the South Island, we've been toQueenstown, we've been up to
Golden Bay, we have had somelovely time in Christchurch with
family, and I think it's justbeen a really, really good
summer for us all to reset,because it's been a challenging
(00:44):
couple of years.
I think all parents will relateto this.
2024 was hard and I am very,very excited to see what 2025 is
going to bring for all of ourfamilies out there listening.
It is a new year and it is thedawn of something really
exciting, because I have beenbusy working during the summer
(01:07):
on a brand new course and I'mnot going to reveal too much
just yet because I'm going tokeep it a surprise, but what I
can tell you, or what I can hintat, is that this is going to be
something that so many of mywonderful parent community has
(01:27):
asked me to create that is notcurrently taught in schools but
is so important to the welfareof our young people.
So I'm not saying any more atthis stage.
You're just going to have towait and see.
But I am very excited about itand I know that you will be too.
So stay tuned for some morenews to be announced shortly.
But anyway, today let's move onwith the podcast.
(01:51):
If you are new to Challenge yourMind, change the World this is
the podcast for parents who wantto raise curious, thoughtful
and confident teens who can holdtheir own in a world full of
surface level thinking.
I'm Francesca, and today we'regoing to talk about one of the
most powerful tools you can giveyour teenager.
It's the ability to ask greatquestions, but not just any
(02:15):
questions.
We're talking about the kind ofquestions that stretch the mind
, challenge assumptions and leadlead to deeper understanding.
Because, let's be honest, ourworld rewards fast answers.
Google, ai, social media it'sall designed to give instant
responses.
But where does that leave ourkids?
(02:37):
Are they just memorizing factsor are they learning how to
think?
Today, I'm going to show youhow to nurture a question asking
habit in your team that willmake them not only more engaged
in learning, but also morepersuasive, more creative and
let's face it, just moreinteresting to talk to.
So if you're tired of hearingone word answers from your team
(03:02):
or, in my, my tween, and if youwant to get them thinking beyond
the obvious and engaging inreal conversations, this episode
is for you.
We'll start with a question.
We'll start with a question,and the question is this when
was the last time your teenasked you a really good question
, not just what's for dinner orcan I have the car keys, but a
(03:26):
question that made you stop andthink?
If you can't remember, you'renot alone.
Most kids start out asrelentless question askers.
If you've ever been around afour-year-old, for example, you
know exactly what I mean.
Why is the sky blue?
Why do we have to sleep?
Why can't I touch the stove?
Why, why?
Why?
It's exhausting, right, butit's also proof of something
(03:46):
incredible Kids are born curious.
They are natural philosophers,scientists and storytellers.
Now I have a six-year-old boyand he is constantly asking
questions, constantly.
And it's right at the pointwhere I'm trying to run an email
, or I'm trying to get somethingdone for work, I'm trying to
(04:07):
meet a deadline, or I am cookingdinner or my mind is on
something else and I really haveto stop and pull myself in and
think, no, this isn't annoyingthat my son is asking me all
these questions.
This is a good thing.
He is nourishing his sense ofcuriosity.
So I think that the questionasking, as frustrating as it is
in the early years, is a goodthing, and obviously we're
(04:28):
talking about teenagers here.
But I want to give you abackground to why question
asking is so important in ouryouth and why does it stop?
Because research confirms thisinnate curiosity.
A 2018 study published in thejournal Neuromage found that
curiosity actually primes thebrain for learning by activating
(04:50):
the dopaminergic system, thesame part of the brain
responsible for motivation andreward.
So, essentially, when kids arecurious, their brains become
more receptive to newinformation and learning becomes
intrinsically rewarding.
(05:10):
In another study from theUniversity of California Davis
found that curiosity enhancesmemory retention.
When kids are interested in atopic, their brains absorb and
store the information way moreeffectively far more effectively
, even if it's unrelated to whatinitially sparked their
curiosity.
This means that when a childasks why do birds fly?
(05:31):
And receives an engaging answer, they're more likely to retain
not only that information, butalso other knowledge learned in
that moment.
So if kids are biologicallywired to be curious, why do so
many of them stop askingquestions Somewhere along the
way that questioning habit fades?
Schools emphasize answers overquestions.
(05:53):
Tests, reward memorization overcritical thinking.
Social media gives them instantresponses instead of forcing
them to dig deeper.
And, if we're being totallyhonest, sometimes we as parents
unintentionally shut it down too.
We're busy, we're tired.
We give quick responses insteadof inviting our children to
(06:14):
explore further, and I have beena culprit of this in the past
too.
This is why I have toconstantly keep checking myself
and think no, this is a goodthing that my boys are asking
questions and are wanting tolearn about the world.
Now, there are several keyfactors that contribute to this
decline in curiosity, and thefirst one is the school system
(06:34):
prioritizes answers over inquiry.
In traditional education,particularly from late
elementary school onwards, thefocus shifts dramatically from
exploration to performance.
Dr Susan Engle, a developmentalpsychologist at Williams
College, found that in a typicalclassroom, students ask an
average of only two to fivequestions per hour.
(06:55):
Two to five questions per hour,while teachers, on the other
hand, ask over 60.
That's a dramatic reversal fromearly childhood, with kids
asked hundreds of questions aday.
The shift happens becausestandardized tests prioritize
right answers over thoughtfulexploration, and students become
(07:18):
conditioned to view educationas a series of tasks to complete
rather than a journey ofdiscovery, and so this means
that questioning is often seenas disruptive or slowing down
the curriculum and, as a result,by the time kids reach their
teenage years, many have learnedto default to passive learning,
waiting for the answers insteadof actively seeking them.
(07:40):
Now, I was an English literatureteacher at an all-boys school,
and you can imagine when you'rein class talking about a
character's emotions in thestory or the motivations.
Why did the plot, why did thestory develop in the way that it
did?
Asking boys that you are metwith crickets, it's really hard
(08:02):
to get them to answer, to raiseup their hand and answer, and
you know it's so.
I really prioritized questionasking in the classroom because
it's one of the best ways todevelop critical thinking skills
, and I could see it slowlycreeping in this instant
gratification culture where wenow have Google, ai and social
(08:25):
media.
It's a digital age that we livein, and curiosity often stops
at the very first answer.
The second question arises whydo we dream?
What's the capital of Portugal?
The answer is just a Googlesearch or a chat GPT query away.
Now, while this convenience isincredible, it eliminates the
process of thinking through aquestion, actually thinking, the
(08:48):
process of thinking, makingconnections, informing
hypotheses, before arriving atan answer.
Psychologists have found thatstruggle and effort are crucial
parts of deep learning and,according to the desirable
difficulty principle, which wascoined by the cognitive
psychologists Robert York andElizabeth York, the learning is
(09:10):
most effective when it requireseffort.
So interesting that learning ismost effective when it requires
effort.
You think about anything thatwe do in life as adults.
If it's hard, it's becausewe're learning something new.
And when we allow our teens andour children to take the easy
route, searching for quickanswers without engaging in the
thought process in other words,searching for quick answers
(09:33):
without engaging in the thoughtprocess we actually rob them of
the opportunity to build thosedeep cognitive skills.
And this is compounded bysocial media's design, which
rewards engagement overthoughtfulness.
Platforms like TikTok,instagram and Snapchat deliver
those short, dopamine boostingcontent, but it's conditioning
(09:53):
the brain to crave that instantfeedback rather than long-form
inquiry.
And another major reason teensstop asking questions is the
fear of judgment.
This is a big one.
Studies have found that betweenages of 9 and 14,
self-consciousness peaks.
And my son is going throughthis right now my oldest son.
(10:14):
So Dr Carol Dweck, who'srenowned for her research on
growth mindset, which we love atthe classic high school teacher
.
A growth mindset explains thatas children become more aware of
their peer preconceptions, theystart avoiding situations where
they might appear ignorant orstupid.
And in school, asking aquestion can feel like a risk
(10:37):
what if it's deemed dumb?
What if everyone already knowsthe answer?
And a Harvard study onpsychological safety found that
in environments where studentsfear embarrassment, they ask
fewer questions, they take fewerintellectual risks and they
participate less.
And the irony with this, thesmartest people in the world are
(10:59):
often the ones asking the mostquestions.
But for many teens, protectingtheir social image becomes more
important than curiosity.
At home, I am always encouragingmy children to explore, and my
children are growing up in ahousehold where both parents are
(11:21):
entrepreneurs.
We've been self-employed formany, many, many, many years now
, and so they know what it'slike to take an idea from
scratch, develop it, think itthrough from different angles
and then apply that in the realworld, to take those risks, to
ask those questions, to findthings challenging and work
(11:42):
through them.
And this is what I think islacking to a certain extent in
school is that we tend to wrapour students in cotton wool and
have them very much.
What's the word?
It's almost like beinginstitutionalized from an
academic point of view of thisis the curriculum, this is what
we're learning, and we don'tdeviate from that, especially at
(12:03):
high school level, becauseobviously you can't.
You have exams to study for,you have criteria that you have
to meet, and academic progressis measured through very
rigorous measurement tools.
So the idea for risk-taking andmaking it safe for students to
take intellectual risks or toask wide-ranging questions
(12:24):
becomes eliminated.
So we need to look at what wecan do at home, and you know,
parental responses can shut downinquiry too, without even
meaning to and I say this withlove in my heart because I am a
parent and I do this as well.
But if we are being totallyhonest, sometimes we as parents
unintentionally shut it down too.
(12:45):
We're busy, we're tired, wegive quick responses instead of
inviting our children to explorefurther, and I know that most
parents don't mean to discouragecuriosity, but life gets hectic
.
We are also busy when your teenasks why do people believe in
conspiracy theories or what'sthe meaning of life?
(13:05):
It can feel overwhelming,especially when you're driving
home at 5pm and stuck in rushhour traffic and you're tired
and you're thinking about whatyou're going to cook for tea
Like happened to me the otherday with my son and so we're
often tempted to give a short,conclusive answer or redirect
the conversation to somethingmore practical, but every time
we do this, we send a subtlemessage Some questions aren't
(13:26):
worth exploring.
No, we want to encourage thesetype of questions.
According to Dr Todd Kashtan,who's the author of the book,
curious curiosity thrives inenvironments where inquiry is
encouraged and rewarded, and itdoesn't mean we need to have all
the answers as parents or asadults.
It just means we need to createspace for the conversation.
(13:48):
So what do we do about it?
How do we reignite ourchildren's curiosity, our
teenagers' curiosity, and getthem to engage in deeper
thinking?
That's exactly what we're goingto explore in the next segment.
We're going to talk about how toflip the script and start
fostering curiosity again byusing simple, powerful
techniques that work in everydayconversations, because, at the
(14:11):
end of the day, asking greatquestions isn't just about
academic success.
It's about raising kids whoknow how to think, and I have
some good news for you.
The ability to ask greatquestions is like a muscle it
can be strengthened and you, asa parent, are in the best
position to help your teendevelop it.
Curiosity isn't something youeither have or don't have.
(14:34):
It's a skill and, like anyskill, it gets stronger with
practice.
Don't have it's a skill andlike any skill, it gets stronger
with practice.
Research in cognitive sciencehas shown that the brain thrives
on questions and when we engagein inquiry, prefrontal cortex
the part of the brainresponsible for critical
thinking and decision makingbecomes more active.
Neuroimaging studies I lovethis.
I geek out on neuroimagingstudies, but I'll give you an
(14:58):
example.
So neuroimaging studies havealso revealed that curiosity
triggers the hippocampus, thebrain's learning and memory
center, meaning that asking goodquestions doesn't just help us
think.
It actually helps us rememberand retain information better.
So if you want your teen to be asharper thinker or a better
(15:19):
communicator and more engaged intheir learning, it all starts
with fostering the right kind ofquestions, and here are four
simple, science-backedstrategies to get you started.
So strategy one is answer witha question.
This is my favorite one.
I do this all the time at homewith my boys and instead of just
giving your team an answer,throw the question back at them.
(15:40):
If they ask why do I have tostudy history?
Don't launch into a lecture.
Instead, say that's a greatquestion, why do you think
history is important?
This technique is known asSocratic questioning, a method
dating back to the Greekphilosopher, socrates, and, fun
fact, I also have a classicsdegree, but that's another
conversation for another day.
So Socrates, the Greekphilosopher, believed that
(16:03):
learning happens best whenstudents are guided to think
critically rather than justbeing given the information
right.
And Harvard study on activelearning active learning, that's
another key phrase that we arevery big at here at the classic
high school teacher.
So a Harvard study on activelearning found that when
students are encouraged togenerate their own explanations,
(16:24):
their attention improvessignificantly, and this is
because self-explanation forcesthe brain to work harder, making
the learning experience moremeaningful.
So by flipping the questionback to your child or to your
teenager, you're encouragingyour teen to firstly engage in
(16:44):
metacognition, which is thinkingabout their own thinking, and
then you're encouraging yourteen to think about their own
thinking.
You're encouraging your teen tochallenge their assumptions and
develop more nuanced opinionsthings are not always black and
white and you're alsoencouraging them to become
independent thinkers rather thanthe passive learners that
they're slipping into at thisage.
So try it today.
(17:05):
The next time your teen asks aquestion, resist the urge to
answer right away.
Instead, guide them to findtheir own reasoning first.
Now my second strategy is teachthe power of why and what if.
So there are two types ofquestions that lead to deeper
thinking why and what if and Iwould highly encourage your team
(17:29):
to use both Now.
Neuroscientists have discoveredthat asking why questions
activates the prefrontal cortex,which is the same area
responsible for complexreasoning and problem solving.
So when teens regularly engagein why-based reasoning, they
become better at distinguishingcause and effect, which is
(17:50):
crucial for subjects likescience, philosophy and even
real-world decision-making.
And similarly, what-ifquestions activate creative
problem-solving pathways in thebrain.
I love all this neurologicalinformation I just geek out on,
but they do.
They activate creativeproblem-solving pathways in the
(18:11):
brain, encouraging lateralthinking, which is the ability
to connect seemingly unrelatedideas to generate new insights.
It's like a chat GPT built intoyour brain by doing this, and
here's how to use this ineveryday conversations.
If your child or teen says Ihate math.
Don't just sympathize with them.
Push them deeper.
(18:32):
Ask why do you think math is sodifficult for you?
Or if they say I don't thinkclimate change is real, ask what
if you had to defend theopposite position in a debate?
Now this method forces them togo beyond surface level thinking
and engage in real intellectualinquiry, and a fascinating
(18:53):
Stanford study on cognitiveflexibility found that students
who were encouraged to takemultiple perspectives on an
issue performed better onproblem-solving tasks and
demonstrated higher levels ofcreativity and adaptability.
So these kinds of questionsaren't just about fostering
curiosity.
They're also helping ourchildren and our teens develop
(19:15):
essential life skills.
So the next time your teenmakes a sweeping statement which
they love to do don't let themstop there.
Help them push further with awhy or a what.
If I challenge you to do thatNow, my third strategy is we
want to model intellectualcuriosity.
(19:36):
Our kids learn how to think bywatching how we think.
So one of the best things thatyou can do as a parent or as a
caregiver or as a mentor, anadult, is to model curiosity in
your own life.
Ask big questions out loud,even if you don't have the
answers.
I wonder why humans dream.
I wonder how different ourworld would be if the internet
(19:59):
didn't exist.
Those kind of big questions.
There's a fascinating study fromYale University that found
children are more likely toadopt curiosity-driven behaviors
when they see adults modelingcuriosity in everyday life.
In other words, if your teennever sees you questioning
things, they'll assume it's notimportant.
And I like to do this.
(20:21):
When I'm in the car with mykids, when we're driving
somewhere and, as I say, we'restuck in traffic or it's taking
quite long to get there, I oftenwill say the questions out loud
just to see what the reactionis from my kids or what they'll
say in reply.
And it's quite interestingsometimes what they're reasoning
, the way that they rationalizelife.
(20:43):
So this is why intellectualhumility, which is the ability
to admit we don't know something, is such a powerful parenting
tool.
Studies have found that whenparents say things like that's a
great question, I don't knowthe answer, but let's find out
together, kids actually becomemore engaged in the learning
process because they see thatcuriosity is a lifelong pursuit.
(21:05):
It's not something that endswith school.
Try it yourself Next time yourteen asks a question you don't
know the answer to.
Don't just Google it.
Discuss it first, what are somepossible explanations?
How could you test them?
By doing this, you're teachingyour teen that curiosity isn't
about instant answers, it'sabout the process of discovery.
(21:27):
Now my fourth strategy is toencourage debate, but we want to
do it in a fun way.
We don't want it to feel likeit's an academic exercise.
We want to make it cool and weknow that many teens love to
argue and, instead of shuttingit down, channel that energy
into thoughtful debate.
Next time your child or yourteen has a strong opinion on
(21:49):
something whether it's a movie,a school rule or a social issue,
opinion on something, whetherit's a movie, a school rule or a
social issue ask them to defendtheir position.
What evidence do you have forthat?
What would someone on the otherside of this argument say?
How do you know you're right?
Now, this technique buildsargumentation skills which have
been shown to improve criticalthinking, problem solving and
(22:11):
even emotional intelligence, anda 2019 study from the
University of Michigan foundthat students who engaged in
structured debate improved inthree key areas.
They improved in analyticalreasoning, so breaking down
complex ideas into logicalcomponents.
They improved in perspectivetaking, so that's, understanding
(22:34):
opposing viewpoints theopposite side of you.
And they improved in verbalarticulation, so that's
expressing ideas clearly andpersuasively, and these three
techniques are so important inthis day and age.
There are so many polaropposites of opinions and things
in life.
This day and age, there are somany polar opposites of opinions
(22:55):
and things on life, and we wantour teens to grow up as
intelligent, thoughtful humansthat can really contribute to
the global debate.
So how do you apply this athome?
If your child says school ispointless, don't just disagree,
challenge them on it.
You could say what's yourargument?
Can you defend that position ina debate?
Or if they say this politicianis terrible, ask them well, what
(23:19):
are three policies that theysupport that you disagree with?
Because debate forces teens toengage beyond the knee.
Jerk reactions and social mediasoundbites that they're picking
up and absorbing, but theydon't actually have an opinion
on themselves.
They're just following thecrowd.
So it helps our children toform independent opinions, to
(23:39):
think critically and to developthose persuasive skills, all of
which are crucial for theirfuture careers and their
relationships.
So try it at the dinner table.
Pick, pick a fun, lightheartedtopic like are video games good
for your brain or shouldpineapple be on pizza?
It's a big debate in our houseand let them defend their stance
(24:01):
.
You will be surprised at howengaged they become.
So these strategies answeringwith a question, using why and
what if, modeling curiosity andencouraging debate are simple,
but they had profound effects onyour teen's ability to think
critically and independently.
And if you start implementingeven one of these today, you'll
(24:21):
begin to see a shift in how yourteen engages with ideas,
challenges assumptions anddevelops intellectual confidence
.
And remember your goal isn't toturn them into a walking
encyclopedia.
And remember your goal isn't toturn them into a walking
encyclopedia.
It's to help them becomethoughtful, curious and
articulate individuals who knowhow to think for themselves.
So why does all this matter?
(24:41):
Why should we, as parents, makethe effort to teach our teens
how to ask better questions?
Well, it's because the abilityto ask great questions is one of
the most powerful skills aperson can have.
It leads to innovation, itdrives problem solving, it makes
people better leaders, betterthinkers and better
(25:02):
communicators.
And in a world where AI andautomation are taking over many
jobs, the people who can thinkcritically will always be in
demand.
Jobs the people who can thinkcritically will always be in
demand.
Now, the World Economic Forum'sFuture of Jobs report
consistently ranks criticalthinking, problem solving and
creativity as the most valuablejob skills for the coming
(25:26):
decades.
It's incredible.
These aren't skills you canmemorize from a textbook.
They are developed throughcuriosity, questioning and deep
thinking.
As AI and automation replaceroutine tasks, employers are
increasingly looking forindividuals who can think beyond
surface level answers.
(25:46):
Ai can generate data, but itcan't ask new, groundbreaking
questions, so employers arelooking for those think outside
the box type of questions.
Employers are looking forchallenging existing systems.
So many of today's mostsuccessful entrepreneurs and
leaders didn't just accept theworld as it was.
(26:08):
They asked I love this questionhow can this be done
differently?
It's taking those intellectualrisks that we talked about
earlier, so we want to encourageour children from an early age
to be able to start thinkingalong these lines.
And finally, in this WorldEconomic Forum's Future of Jobs
(26:30):
report, they found thatemployers are increasingly
looking for individuals who cancommunicate complex ideas
clearly.
So leaders and change makersaren't the ones who simply know
information.
They're the ones who can frameproblems in new ways and rally
others around innovativesolutions.
You want to know one of thebest examples Now.
(26:52):
Whether you agree with hispolitics or not, elon Musk's
first principles thinking meanshe doesn't just accept common
assumptions about how things aredone.
He breaks them down intofundamental truths and rebuilds
ideas from the ground up.
Now that kind of thinkingstarts with curiosity-driven
(27:12):
questioning.
So when we encourage our teensto ask better questions, we're
future-proofing them.
We're giving them an advantagein a world that values thinkers,
not memorizers.
But this isn't just aboutcareer readiness.
The ability to ask greatquestions has a profound impact
on mental well-being, resilienceand personal growth.
(27:35):
Back to my study from theUniversity of Michigan.
I found that people who engagein frequent, open-ended
questioning tend to have higheremotional intelligence.
They understand perspectivesbetter and navigate social
interactions far moreeffectively.
They have greater resilience,so they're better at handling
uncertainty because they exploremultiple solutions to problems
(27:56):
instead of seeing setbacks asdead ends.
And they also have a strongersense of identity, so they
challenge societal expectationsand make far more intentional
decisions about their futures.
So teens who developself-reflective questioning
skills, asking things like whatdoes success mean to me or why
(28:18):
do I believe this Are so muchmore likely to have a clearer
sense of purpose and strongerdecision making abilities.
This is why some of the mostsuccessful individuals in
history Albert Einstein, murrayCurie, leonardo da Vinci were
relentless questioners.
Their achievements weren'tbased on what they knew, but on
(28:41):
what they wanted to know.
But even beyond that, teachingyour teen to ask great questions
does something even moreimportant it strengthens your
relationship with them.
It shows them that theirthoughts matter, that their
opinions are worth exploring andthat their curiosity is
something to be encouraged, notshut down.
(29:01):
Let's be honest connecting withteenagers can be hard.
They start pulling away,getting lost in their own worlds
, and sometimes it feels likeevery conversation is a battle.
I taught teens for 10 years.
I had five classes of 30 kidsevery single year for 10 years,
year in, year out.
Those conversations can be hard.
(29:22):
But here's the game changerwhen you engage your teen in
deep, meaningful conversations,you're building trust.
You're showing them that you'renot just an authority figure,
you're a thinking partner.
Research from Dr Lisa Damoa loveher as psychologist
specializing in adolescentdevelopment suggests that teens
who feel like their ideas andperspectives are valued at home
(29:45):
develop higher self-esteem andare more likely to engage in
open conversations with theirparents.
So this means that something assimple as answering a question
with another question, orencouraging debate or modeling
curiosity can actually helpstrengthen your relationship
with your teen then talk about.
Talk about universal appealwith questioning.
(30:07):
Think about it.
When was the last time youasked your teen a question that
made them stop and think, notjust about their grades or their
chores or social life, butabout who they are, what they
value and how do they see theworld?
Instead of asking did youfinish your homework?
You could try what's somethingyou learned today that surprised
(30:27):
you?
Or if you could change one ruleat school, what would it be and
why?
Or what's the question you wishadults asked you more often?
These kind of questions don'tjust keep your teen thinking,
they keep your connection withthem alive, because at the end
of the day, our goal as parentsisn't just to raise kids who get
(30:47):
good grades.
It's to raise kids who know howto think.
And this is the heart ofeverything that we do at the
Classic High School Teacher,because when they step out into
the real world, they won't bejudged by how many facts they
memorized in high school.
They'll be judged by how wellthey solve problems, they adapt
to challenges, they leadconversations, they think beyond
(31:10):
the obvious, and that allstarts with curiosity.
So if there's one thing I hopeyou take away from this episode.
It's this.
The best gift you can give yourteam isn't all the answers,
it's the ability to ask betterquestions.
Now, before we wrap up, here'smy challenge for you Over the
next week, try incorporating atleast one of the strategies that
(31:34):
we discussed today, whetherit's flipping a question back on
your teen, or modelingintellectual curiosity, or
encouraging debate.
Pick one and see how your teenresponds.
And if you try it, I'd love tohear about it.
Send me a message or leave acomment and let me know what
happened when you shifted theway that you engage with your
teen's curiosity.
(31:54):
If you enjoyed this episode,make sure to subscribe to
Challenge your Mind, change theWorld, so you never miss another
deep dive into the art ofthinking, learning and raising
thoughtful teens.
And if you're looking for moreways to help your teen develop
stronger thinking and writingskills, check out the Essay
Clinic.
It's my signature onlineprogram designed to help teens
(32:15):
master the art of writing andcritical thinking and literary
essay writing.
So thanks for listening andremember asking the right
questions can change the world.
See you next time.
Bye, for now.
Well, hello.
It is so good to have you joinme on today's episode.
I have come back from a massive, long summer holiday break with
my family, with my children and, as we all know, as parents,
the summer break can go on for along time and I think that we
(00:20):
have had an amazing summer herein the Southern Hemisphere, in
New Zealand, my children, wehave been able to travel around
the South Island, we've been toQueenstown, we've been up to
Golden Bay, we have had somelovely time in Christchurch with
family, and I think it's justbeen a really, really good
summer for us all to reset,because it's been a challenging
(00:44):
couple of years.
I think all parents will relateto this.
2024 was hard and I am very,very excited to see what 2025 is
going to bring for all of ourfamilies out there listening.
It is a new year and it is thedawn of something really
exciting, because I have beenbusy working during the summer
(01:07):
on a brand new course and I'mnot going to reveal too much
just yet because I'm going tokeep it a surprise, but what I
can tell you, or what I can hintat, is that this is going to be
something that so many of mywonderful parent community has
(01:27):
asked me to create that is notcurrently taught in schools but
is so important to the welfareof our young people.
So I'm not saying any more atthis stage.
You're just going to have towait and see.
But I am very excited about itand I know that you will be too.
So stay tuned for some morenews to be announced shortly.
But anyway, today let's move onwith the podcast.
(01:51):
If you are new to Challenge yourMind, change the World this is
the podcast for parents who wantto raise curious, thoughtful
and confident teens who can holdtheir own in a world full of
surface level thinking.
I'm Francesca, and today we'regoing to talk about one of the
most powerful tools you can giveyour teenager.
It's the ability to ask greatquestions, but not just any
(02:15):
questions.
We're talking about the kind ofquestions that stretch the mind
, challenge assumptions and leadlead to deeper understanding.
Because, let's be honest, ourworld rewards fast answers.
Google, ai, social media it'sall designed to give instant
responses.
But where does that leave ourkids?
(02:37):
Are they just memorizing factsor are they learning how to
think?
Today, I'm going to show youhow to nurture a question asking
habit in your team that willmake them not only more engaged
in learning, but also morepersuasive, more creative and
let's face it, just moreinteresting to talk to.
So if you're tired of hearingone word answers from your team
(03:02):
or, in my, my tween, and if youwant to get them thinking beyond
the obvious and engaging inreal conversations, this episode
is for you.
We'll start with a question.
We'll start with a question,and the question is this when
was the last time your teenasked you a really good question
, not just what's for dinner orcan I have the car keys, but a
(03:26):
question that made you stop andthink?
If you can't remember, you'renot alone.
Most kids start out asrelentless question askers.
If you've ever been around afour-year-old, for example, you
know exactly what I mean.
Why is the sky blue?
Why do we have to sleep?
Why can't I touch the stove?
Why, why?
Why?
It's exhausting, right, butit's also proof of something
(03:46):
incredible Kids are born curious.
They are natural philosophers,scientists and storytellers.
Now I have a six-year-old boyand he is constantly asking
questions, constantly.
And it's right at the pointwhere I'm trying to run an email
, or I'm trying to get somethingdone for work, I'm trying to
(04:07):
meet a deadline, or I am cookingdinner or my mind is on
something else and I really haveto stop and pull myself in and
think, no, this isn't annoyingthat my son is asking me all
these questions.
This is a good thing.
He is nourishing his sense ofcuriosity.
So I think that the questionasking, as frustrating as it is
in the early years, is a goodthing, and obviously we're
(04:28):
talking about teenagers here.
But I want to give you abackground to why question
asking is so important in ouryouth and why does it stop?
Because research confirms thisinnate curiosity.
A 2018 study published in thejournal Neuromage found that
curiosity actually primes thebrain for learning by activating
(04:50):
the dopaminergic system, thesame part of the brain
responsible for motivation andreward.
So, essentially, when kids arecurious, their brains become
more receptive to newinformation and learning becomes
intrinsically rewarding.
(05:10):
In another study from theUniversity of California Davis
found that curiosity enhancesmemory retention.
When kids are interested in atopic, their brains absorb and
store the information way moreeffectively far more effectively
, even if it's unrelated to whatinitially sparked their
curiosity.
This means that when a childasks why do birds fly?
(05:31):
And receives an engaging answer, they're more likely to retain
not only that information, butalso other knowledge learned in
that moment.
So if kids are biologicallywired to be curious, why do so
many of them stop askingquestions Somewhere along the
way that questioning habit fades?
Schools emphasize answers overquestions.
(05:53):
Tests, reward memorization overcritical thinking.
Social media gives them instantresponses instead of forcing
them to dig deeper.
And, if we're being totallyhonest, sometimes we as parents
unintentionally shut it down too.
We're busy, we're tired.
We give quick responses insteadof inviting our children to
(06:14):
explore further, and I have beena culprit of this in the past
too.
This is why I have toconstantly keep checking myself
and think no, this is a goodthing that my boys are asking
questions and are wanting tolearn about the world.
Now, there are several keyfactors that contribute to this
decline in curiosity, and thefirst one is the school system
(06:34):
prioritizes answers over inquiry.
In traditional education,particularly from late
elementary school onwards, thefocus shifts dramatically from
exploration to performance.
Dr Susan Engle, a developmentalpsychologist at Williams
College, found that in a typicalclassroom, students ask an
average of only two to fivequestions per hour.
(06:55):
Two to five questions per hour,while teachers, on the other
hand, ask over 60.
That's a dramatic reversal fromearly childhood, with kids
asked hundreds of questions aday.
The shift happens becausestandardized tests prioritize
right answers over thoughtfulexploration, and students become
(07:18):
conditioned to view educationas a series of tasks to complete
rather than a journey ofdiscovery, and so this means
that questioning is often seenas disruptive or slowing down
the curriculum and, as a result,by the time kids reach their
teenage years, many have learnedto default to passive learning,
waiting for the answers insteadof actively seeking them.
(07:40):
Now, I was an English literatureteacher at an all-boys school,
and you can imagine when you'rein class talking about a
character's emotions in thestory or the motivations.
Why did the plot, why did thestory develop in the way that it
did?
Asking boys that you are metwith crickets, it's really hard
(08:02):
to get them to answer, to raiseup their hand and answer, and
you know it's so.
I really prioritized questionasking in the classroom because
it's one of the best ways todevelop critical thinking skills
, and I could see it slowlycreeping in this instant
gratification culture where wenow have Google, ai and social
(08:25):
media.
It's a digital age that we livein, and curiosity often stops
at the very first answer.
The second question arises whydo we dream?
What's the capital of Portugal?
The answer is just a Googlesearch or a chat GPT query away.
Now, while this convenience isincredible, it eliminates the
process of thinking through aquestion, actually thinking, the
(08:48):
process of thinking, makingconnections, informing
hypotheses, before arriving atan answer.
Psychologists have found thatstruggle and effort are crucial
parts of deep learning and,according to the desirable
difficulty principle, which wascoined by the cognitive
psychologists Robert York andElizabeth York, the learning is
(09:10):
most effective when it requireseffort.
So interesting that learning ismost effective when it requires
effort.
You think about anything thatwe do in life as adults.
If it's hard, it's becausewe're learning something new.
And when we allow our teens andour children to take the easy
route, searching for quickanswers without engaging in the
thought process in other words,searching for quick answers
(09:33):
without engaging in the thoughtprocess we actually rob them of
the opportunity to build thosedeep cognitive skills.
And this is compounded bysocial media's design, which
rewards engagement overthoughtfulness.
Platforms like TikTok,instagram and Snapchat deliver
those short, dopamine boostingcontent, but it's conditioning
(09:53):
the brain to crave that instantfeedback rather than long-form
inquiry.
And another major reason teensstop asking questions is the
fear of judgment.
This is a big one.
Studies have found that betweenages of 9 and 14,
self-consciousness peaks.
And my son is going throughthis right now my oldest son.
(10:14):
So Dr Carol Dweck, who'srenowned for her research on
growth mindset, which we love atthe classic high school teacher
.
A growth mindset explains thatas children become more aware of
their peer preconceptions, theystart avoiding situations where
they might appear ignorant orstupid.
And in school, asking aquestion can feel like a risk
(10:37):
what if it's deemed dumb?
What if everyone already knowsthe answer?
And a Harvard study onpsychological safety found that
in environments where studentsfear embarrassment, they ask
fewer questions, they take fewerintellectual risks and they
participate less.
And the irony with this, thesmartest people in the world are
(10:59):
often the ones asking the mostquestions.
But for many teens, protectingtheir social image becomes more
important than curiosity.
At home, I am always encouragingmy children to explore, and my
children are growing up in ahousehold where both parents are
(11:21):
entrepreneurs.
We've been self-employed formany, many, many, many years now
, and so they know what it'slike to take an idea from
scratch, develop it, think itthrough from different angles
and then apply that in the realworld, to take those risks, to
ask those questions, to findthings challenging and work
(11:42):
through them.
And this is what I think islacking to a certain extent in
school is that we tend to wrapour students in cotton wool and
have them very much.
What's the word?
It's almost like beinginstitutionalized from an
academic point of view of thisis the curriculum, this is what
we're learning, and we don'tdeviate from that, especially at
(12:03):
high school level, becauseobviously you can't.
You have exams to study for,you have criteria that you have
to meet, and academic progressis measured through very
rigorous measurement tools.
So the idea for risk-taking andmaking it safe for students to
take intellectual risks or toask wide-ranging questions
(12:24):
becomes eliminated.
So we need to look at what wecan do at home, and you know,
parental responses can shut downinquiry too, without even
meaning to and I say this withlove in my heart because I am a
parent and I do this as well.
But if we are being totallyhonest, sometimes we as parents
unintentionally shut it down too.
(12:45):
We're busy, we're tired, wegive quick responses instead of
inviting our children to explorefurther, and I know that most
parents don't mean to discouragecuriosity, but life gets hectic
.
We are also busy when your teenasks why do people believe in
conspiracy theories or what'sthe meaning of life?
(13:05):
It can feel overwhelming,especially when you're driving
home at 5pm and stuck in rushhour traffic and you're tired
and you're thinking about whatyou're going to cook for tea
Like happened to me the otherday with my son and so we're
often tempted to give a short,conclusive answer or redirect
the conversation to somethingmore practical, but every time
we do this, we send a subtlemessage Some questions aren't
(13:26):
worth exploring.
No, we want to encourage thesetype of questions.
According to Dr Todd Kashtan,who's the author of the book,
curious curiosity thrives inenvironments where inquiry is
encouraged and rewarded, and itdoesn't mean we need to have all
the answers as parents or asadults.
It just means we need to createspace for the conversation.
(13:48):
So what do we do about it?
How do we reignite ourchildren's curiosity, our
teenagers' curiosity, and getthem to engage in deeper
thinking?
That's exactly what we're goingto explore in the next segment.
We're going to talk about how toflip the script and start
fostering curiosity again byusing simple, powerful
techniques that work in everydayconversations, because, at the
(14:11):
end of the day, asking greatquestions isn't just about
academic success.
It's about raising kids whoknow how to think, and I have
some good news for you.
The ability to ask greatquestions is like a muscle it
can be strengthened and you, asa parent, are in the best
position to help your teendevelop it.
Curiosity isn't something youeither have or don't have.
(14:34):
It's a skill and, like anyskill, it gets stronger with
practice.
Don't have it's a skill andlike any skill, it gets stronger
with practice.
Research in cognitive sciencehas shown that the brain thrives
on questions and when we engagein inquiry, prefrontal cortex
the part of the brainresponsible for critical
thinking and decision makingbecomes more active.
Neuroimaging studies I lovethis.
I geek out on neuroimagingstudies, but I'll give you an
(14:58):
example.
So neuroimaging studies havealso revealed that curiosity
triggers the hippocampus, thebrain's learning and memory
center, meaning that asking goodquestions doesn't just help us
think.
It actually helps us rememberand retain information better.
So if you want your teen to be asharper thinker or a better
(15:19):
communicator and more engaged intheir learning, it all starts
with fostering the right kind ofquestions, and here are four
simple, science-backedstrategies to get you started.
So strategy one is answer witha question.
This is my favorite one.
I do this all the time at homewith my boys and instead of just
giving your team an answer,throw the question back at them.
(15:40):
If they ask why do I have tostudy history?
Don't launch into a lecture.
Instead, say that's a greatquestion, why do you think
history is important?
This technique is known asSocratic questioning, a method
dating back to the Greekphilosopher, socrates, and, fun
fact, I also have a classicsdegree, but that's another
conversation for another day.
So Socrates, the Greekphilosopher, believed that
(16:03):
learning happens best whenstudents are guided to think
critically rather than justbeing given the information
right.
And Harvard study on activelearning active learning, that's
another key phrase that we arevery big at here at the classic
high school teacher.
So a Harvard study on activelearning found that when
students are encouraged togenerate their own explanations,
(16:24):
their attention improvessignificantly, and this is
because self-explanation forcesthe brain to work harder, making
the learning experience moremeaningful.
So by flipping the questionback to your child or to your
teenager, you're encouragingyour teen to firstly engage in
(16:44):
metacognition, which is thinkingabout their own thinking, and
then you're encouraging yourteen to think about their own
thinking.
You're encouraging your teen tochallenge their assumptions and
develop more nuanced opinionsthings are not always black and
white and you're alsoencouraging them to become
independent thinkers rather thanthe passive learners that
they're slipping into at thisage.
So try it today.
(17:05):
The next time your teen asks aquestion, resist the urge to
answer right away.
Instead, guide them to findtheir own reasoning first.
Now my second strategy is teachthe power of why and what if.
So there are two types ofquestions that lead to deeper
thinking why and what if and Iwould highly encourage your team
(17:29):
to use both Now.
Neuroscientists have discoveredthat asking why questions
activates the prefrontal cortex,which is the same area
responsible for complexreasoning and problem solving.
So when teens regularly engagein why-based reasoning, they
become better at distinguishingcause and effect, which is
(17:50):
crucial for subjects likescience, philosophy and even
real-world decision-making.
And similarly, what-ifquestions activate creative
problem-solving pathways in thebrain.
I love all this neurologicalinformation I just geek out on,
but they do.
They activate creativeproblem-solving pathways in the
(18:11):
brain, encouraging lateralthinking, which is the ability
to connect seemingly unrelatedideas to generate new insights.
It's like a chat GPT built intoyour brain by doing this, and
here's how to use this ineveryday conversations.
If your child or teen says Ihate math.
Don't just sympathize with them.
Push them deeper.
(18:32):
Ask why do you think math is sodifficult for you?
Or if they say I don't thinkclimate change is real, ask what
if you had to defend theopposite position in a debate?
Now this method forces them togo beyond surface level thinking
and engage in real intellectualinquiry, and a fascinating
(18:53):
Stanford study on cognitiveflexibility found that students
who were encouraged to takemultiple perspectives on an
issue performed better onproblem-solving tasks and
demonstrated higher levels ofcreativity and adaptability.
So these kinds of questionsaren't just about fostering
curiosity.
They're also helping ourchildren and our teens develop
(19:15):
essential life skills.
So the next time your teenmakes a sweeping statement which
they love to do don't let themstop there.
Help them push further with awhy or a what.
If I challenge you to do thatNow, my third strategy is we
want to model intellectualcuriosity.
(19:36):
Our kids learn how to think bywatching how we think.
So one of the best things thatyou can do as a parent or as a
caregiver or as a mentor, anadult, is to model curiosity in
your own life.
Ask big questions out loud,even if you don't have the
answers.
I wonder why humans dream.
I wonder how different ourworld would be if the internet
(19:59):
didn't exist.
Those kind of big questions.
There's a fascinating study fromYale University that found
children are more likely toadopt curiosity-driven behaviors
when they see adults modelingcuriosity in everyday life.
In other words, if your teennever sees you questioning
things, they'll assume it's notimportant.
And I like to do this.
(20:21):
When I'm in the car with mykids, when we're driving
somewhere and, as I say, we'restuck in traffic or it's taking
quite long to get there, I oftenwill say the questions out loud
just to see what the reactionis from my kids or what they'll
say in reply.
And it's quite interestingsometimes what they're reasoning
, the way that they rationalizelife.
(20:43):
So this is why intellectualhumility, which is the ability
to admit we don't know something, is such a powerful parenting
tool.
Studies have found that whenparents say things like that's a
great question, I don't knowthe answer, but let's find out
together, kids actually becomemore engaged in the learning
process because they see thatcuriosity is a lifelong pursuit.
(21:05):
It's not something that endswith school.
Try it yourself Next time yourteen asks a question you don't
know the answer to.
Don't just Google it.
Discuss it first, what are somepossible explanations?
How could you test them?
By doing this, you're teachingyour teen that curiosity isn't
about instant answers, it'sabout the process of discovery.
(21:27):
Now my fourth strategy is toencourage debate, but we want to
do it in a fun way.
We don't want it to feel likeit's an academic exercise.
We want to make it cool and weknow that many teens love to
argue and, instead of shuttingit down, channel that energy
into thoughtful debate.
Next time your child or yourteen has a strong opinion on
(21:49):
something whether it's a movie,a school rule or a social issue,
opinion on something, whetherit's a movie, a school rule or a
social issue ask them to defendtheir position.
What evidence do you have forthat?
What would someone on the otherside of this argument say?
How do you know you're right?
Now, this technique buildsargumentation skills which have
been shown to improve criticalthinking, problem solving and
(22:11):
even emotional intelligence, anda 2019 study from the
University of Michigan foundthat students who engaged in
structured debate improved inthree key areas.
They improved in analyticalreasoning, so breaking down
complex ideas into logicalcomponents.
They improved in perspectivetaking, so that's, understanding
(22:34):
opposing viewpoints theopposite side of you.
And they improved in verbalarticulation, so that's
expressing ideas clearly andpersuasively, and these three
techniques are so important inthis day and age.
There are so many polaropposites of opinions and things
in life.
This day and age, there are somany polar opposites of opinions
(22:55):
and things on life, and we wantour teens to grow up as
intelligent, thoughtful humansthat can really contribute to
the global debate.
So how do you apply this athome?
If your child says school ispointless, don't just disagree,
challenge them on it.
You could say what's yourargument?
Can you defend that position ina debate?
Or if they say this politicianis terrible, ask them well, what
(23:19):
are three policies that theysupport that you disagree with?
Because debate forces teens toengage beyond the knee.
Jerk reactions and social mediasoundbites that they're picking
up and absorbing, but theydon't actually have an opinion
on themselves.
They're just following thecrowd.
So it helps our children toform independent opinions, to
(23:39):
think critically and to developthose persuasive skills, all of
which are crucial for theirfuture careers and their
relationships.
So try it at the dinner table.
Pick, pick a fun, lightheartedtopic like are video games good
for your brain or shouldpineapple be on pizza?
It's a big debate in our houseand let them defend their stance
(24:01):
.
You will be surprised at howengaged they become.
So these strategies answeringwith a question, using why and
what if, modeling curiosity andencouraging debate are simple,
but they had profound effects onyour teen's ability to think
critically and independently.
And if you start implementingeven one of these today, you'll
(24:21):
begin to see a shift in how yourteen engages with ideas,
challenges assumptions anddevelops intellectual confidence
.
And remember your goal isn't toturn them into a walking
encyclopedia.
And remember your goal isn't toturn them into a walking
encyclopedia.
It's to help them becomethoughtful, curious and
articulate individuals who knowhow to think for themselves.
So why does all this matter?
(24:41):
Why should we, as parents, makethe effort to teach our teens
how to ask better questions?
Well, it's because the abilityto ask great questions is one of
the most powerful skills aperson can have.
It leads to innovation, itdrives problem solving, it makes
people better leaders, betterthinkers and better
(25:02):
communicators.
And in a world where AI andautomation are taking over many
jobs, the people who can thinkcritically will always be in
demand.
Jobs the people who can thinkcritically will always be in
demand.
Now, the World Economic Forum'sFuture of Jobs report
consistently ranks criticalthinking, problem solving and
creativity as the most valuablejob skills for the coming
(25:26):
decades.
It's incredible.
These aren't skills you canmemorize from a textbook.
They are developed throughcuriosity, questioning and deep
thinking.
As AI and automation replaceroutine tasks, employers are
increasingly looking forindividuals who can think beyond
surface level answers.
(25:46):
Ai can generate data, but itcan't ask new, groundbreaking
questions, so employers arelooking for those think outside
the box type of questions.
Employers are looking forchallenging existing systems.
So many of today's mostsuccessful entrepreneurs and
leaders didn't just accept theworld as it was.
(26:08):
They asked I love this questionhow can this be done
differently?
It's taking those intellectualrisks that we talked about
earlier, so we want to encourageour children from an early age
to be able to start thinkingalong these lines.
And finally, in this WorldEconomic Forum's Future of Jobs
(26:30):
report, they found thatemployers are increasingly
looking for individuals who cancommunicate complex ideas
clearly.
So leaders and change makersaren't the ones who simply know
information.
They're the ones who can frameproblems in new ways and rally
others around innovativesolutions.
You want to know one of thebest examples Now.
(26:52):
Whether you agree with hispolitics or not, elon Musk's
first principles thinking meanshe doesn't just accept common
assumptions about how things aredone.
He breaks them down intofundamental truths and rebuilds
ideas from the ground up.
Now that kind of thinkingstarts with curiosity-driven
(27:12):
questioning.
So when we encourage our teensto ask better questions, we're
future-proofing them.
We're giving them an advantagein a world that values thinkers,
not memorizers.
But this isn't just aboutcareer readiness.
The ability to ask greatquestions has a profound impact
on mental well-being, resilienceand personal growth.
(27:35):
Back to my study from theUniversity of Michigan.
I found that people who engagein frequent, open-ended
questioning tend to have higheremotional intelligence.
They understand perspectivesbetter and navigate social
interactions far moreeffectively.
They have greater resilience,so they're better at handling
uncertainty because they exploremultiple solutions to problems
(27:56):
instead of seeing setbacks asdead ends.
And they also have a strongersense of identity, so they
challenge societal expectationsand make far more intentional
decisions about their futures.
So teens who developself-reflective questioning
skills, asking things like whatdoes success mean to me or why
(28:18):
do I believe this Are so muchmore likely to have a clearer
sense of purpose and strongerdecision making abilities.
This is why some of the mostsuccessful individuals in
history Albert Einstein, murrayCurie, leonardo da Vinci were
relentless questioners.
Their achievements weren'tbased on what they knew, but on
(28:41):
what they wanted to know.
But even beyond that, teachingyour teen to ask great questions
does something even moreimportant it strengthens your
relationship with them.
It shows them that theirthoughts matter, that their
opinions are worth exploring andthat their curiosity is
something to be encouraged, notshut down.
(29:01):
Let's be honest connecting withteenagers can be hard.
They start pulling away,getting lost in their own worlds
, and sometimes it feels likeevery conversation is a battle.
I taught teens for 10 years.
I had five classes of 30 kidsevery single year for 10 years,
year in, year out.
Those conversations can be hard.
(29:22):
But here's the game changerwhen you engage your teen in
deep, meaningful conversations,you're building trust.
You're showing them that you'renot just an authority figure,
you're a thinking partner.
Research from Dr Lisa Damoa loveher as psychologist
specializing in adolescentdevelopment suggests that teens
who feel like their ideas andperspectives are valued at home
(29:45):
develop higher self-esteem andare more likely to engage in
open conversations with theirparents.
So this means that something assimple as answering a question
with another question, orencouraging debate or modeling
curiosity can actually helpstrengthen your relationship
with your teen then talk about.
Talk about universal appealwith questioning.
(30:07):
Think about it.
When was the last time youasked your teen a question that
made them stop and think, notjust about their grades or their
chores or social life, butabout who they are, what they
value and how do they see theworld?
Instead of asking did youfinish your homework?
You could try what's somethingyou learned today that surprised
(30:27):
you?
Or if you could change one ruleat school, what would it be and
why?
Or what's the question you wishadults asked you more often?
These kind of questions don'tjust keep your teen thinking,
they keep your connection withthem alive, because at the end
of the day, our goal as parentsisn't just to raise kids who get
(30:47):
good grades.
It's to raise kids who know howto think.
And this is the heart ofeverything that we do at the
Classic High School Teacher,because when they step out into
the real world, they won't bejudged by how many facts they
memorized in high school.
They'll be judged by how wellthey solve problems, they adapt
to challenges, they leadconversations, they think beyond
(31:10):
the obvious, and that allstarts with curiosity.
So if there's one thing I hopeyou take away from this episode.
It's this.
The best gift you can give yourteam isn't all the answers,
it's the ability to ask betterquestions.
Now, before we wrap up, here'smy challenge for you Over the
next week, try incorporating atleast one of the strategies that
(31:34):
we discussed today, whetherit's flipping a question back on
your teen, or modelingintellectual curiosity, or
encouraging debate.
Pick one and see how your teenresponds.
And if you try it, I'd love tohear about it.
Send me a message or leave acomment and let me know what
happened when you shifted theway that you engage with your
teen's curiosity.
(31:54):
If you enjoyed this episode,make sure to subscribe to
Challenge your Mind, change theWorld, so you never miss another
deep dive into the art ofthinking, learning and raising
thoughtful teens.
And if you're looking for moreways to help your teen develop
stronger thinking and writingskills, check out the Essay
Clinic.
It's my signature onlineprogram designed to help teens
(32:15):
master the art of writing andcritical thinking and literary
essay writing.
So thanks for listening andremember asking the right
questions can change the world.
See you next time.
Bye, for now.
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