S2-E133 - How to Unlock Your Inner Chrisma - Richard Reid - Champion Mindset Collective

Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
So the actual accident itself I don't remember much about.
I was 15 months old at the time.But certainly I've heard the
stories and experienced the aftermath of that.
And I think the biggest thing ittaught me is to actually grab
life, that you've only got one life and it's very fragile.
It can be taken from you at any moment.
Just waiting on Wednesday morning.
I can't do this. I knocked at my boss's door and

(00:22):
said I want to have my notice in.
And a month later I was gone. And I went travelling around the
world for a year, not knowing what I was gonna do.
When I came back from that, I thought I wanna go and travel.
And also, I just want to clear my head to be able to think
about what to do when fighting to play a part, if that's
feasible. It's funny how these things work
sometimes. It's a, it's almost like
universities steering you in a particular direction.
I'm, I'm a firm believer in, I know not everybody is, but I

(00:44):
think it's definitely something in there.
And I think even though I didn'thave a plan on what I was going
to do, I think sometimes we havethese unconscious drivers.
Charisma and Nate or is it something that can be
cultivated? Believe that some people are
born with more natural charisma than others, but all of those
can develop. Even people who who would be
wise regarded as being charismatic can still improve

(01:07):
and develop. And I think the biggest thing
that contributes towards there is emotional intelligence.
It's about looking for the learnings and the insights from
the experience. And I think you've always
focused on is the pain, then there's a risk that would become
a victim. But whereas if we look for the
learnings from it, we can becomean urgent challenge.
Welcome back to the Champion Music Collective podcast.

(01:28):
Today's topic is around unlocking your inner charisma.
How trauma, resilience, and authenticity shape leadership
presence. What if the greatest challenges
you become the foundation of your charisma?
In this episode, we'll explore how lived experience,
resilience, and authenticity canunlock magnetic presence on

(01:51):
stage, in the boardroom, and within your everyday
relationships. Join us as we dive into the mind
of Richard Reed, psychologist, trauma informed coach, and a
charisma expert who helps leaders lead with soul.
Richard is a highly qualified psychologist, coach,
organisational consultant with over 2 decades of experience.
He's worked in organisations like City of London Police,

(02:15):
Ministry of Defence and even Witness Protection programme.
In addition to his global work of high level entrepreneurs and
C-Suite executives, Richard has appeared on major TV networks
and kind hosted Sky One series Extreme Phobias and Extreme
Cures. It's particular focus is around
trauma, resilience and charisma stemmed from a rich personal

(02:37):
journey from surviving a life threatening accident as a baby
to fostering empathy through hisfirm family care at risk
children. Richard's story is 1 of
compassion, curiosity and courageous transformation.
So if you have ever wondered whether charisma is something
you were born with or something you can build, this episode is

(02:59):
for you. This welcome Richard Reid to the
Champion Mountain Collector podcast.
Hi, Richard. Wright today.
Hey, hi. Great to have you here should
tell us a little bit about that journey in childhood, especially
from like you said, from a from a baby having a life threatening
accident. Yeah, so, so the actual accident
itself, I don't remember much about it.

(03:20):
I was 15 months old at the the the time, but certainly I've
heard the stories and and experienced the the aftermath of
that. And I think that the, the, the
biggest thing that it taught me is to actually grab life than
actually you've, you've only gotone life and it's, and it's very
fragile. It can take from you at any
moment. So you've got to make the most

(03:41):
of the time that you have. And that's always sort of driven
the decisions that I've made in life, trying to live a life less
ordinary, trying to pack as muchinto that time as possible.
So that's one of the biggest things I would say that I've
taken away from, from those early experiences.
I think the other thing that's taught me is to experience life
from lots of different angles. So always very popular, but also

(04:04):
having the other sense of things.
So having that that scar in fromthat accident.
Also occasionally people becoming aware of that.
So a lot of time you wouldn't know because it's coming up by
closing or it's coming up by my hair.
But occasionally having a haircut or getting changed for
swimming, things like that. People would suddenly notice
things that actually I forgot were there because they're just

(04:26):
part of who I've been from pretty much the year darts.
But then suddenly being remindedof those things, being reminded
of those differences and also been reminded sometimes how
clumsy or crawl people could be,allows you to sort of, as I say,
perceive life from, from, from different angles.
And it, and it also potentially helps you to, to have more
empathy for other, other people who might be on the periphery

(04:47):
of, you know, in inverted commas, normal society.
So I think that that those are the big takeaways from that.
And I think a little bit furtheron in life, grew up in the
family where we, where we fostered children and they would
come generally for short periodsof time, obviously often coming
from sort of disruptive backgrounds and, and sometimes
bringing that disruptive behaviour into, into, to, to our

(05:09):
family life. And, and I guess learning to be
more, more tolerant and understanding of that.
And I guess sort of when that first happened, when there's
people sort of coming into our house and bringing some of that
behaviour, feeling very frustrated with that, you know,
why they're behaving like that. They they shouldn't be like
that. We're not allowed to behave like
that, but start to understand the story behind that.
And, and again, hopefully havinga little bit of empathy.

(05:32):
Prince positions. That means that actually you
take a slightly different coursein terms of how you deal with
and you meet them where they arerather than where you think they
should be. And, and, and those are sort of
principles that are still being used in all walks of life since
then. But you know, most obviously in
terms of the career that I do know, working therapy, working
in coaching, working in training, meeting people, people

(05:52):
where they are not necessarily settling for the behaviour that
they might manifest, but but trying to walk in their shoes
and trying to find a, a way of tapping into there their
situation, their condition that helps them to to develop and
move on from that. Wow, so from surviving to
soothing, how did your child experience shape your view of

(06:12):
empathy and human behaviour? Yeah.
So, so I guess it's, it's, it's taught me that there is, there
is no single way in which peopleexperience the world or in which
people behave. And, and, and that we can apply
lots of shoulds and rules to people.
But, but irrespective of those rules, people behave how they
behave. And people generally behave in,

(06:34):
in, in, in the way that they know best based upon the
resources that an experience that available to them at the
time. So most people aren't
intentionally setting out to cause trouble or to do things in
ways which are damaging to themselves or other people.
It's often, often manifestationsof their pain, their experience,
all those those limited resources that are available to

(06:56):
them. And actually, you can tap into
that and, and, and show people you've got empathy and curiosity
for that, that actually then they are more likely to, to, to
lower those defences and more open to, to, to explore other
ways of operating. Whereas if we simply say you
shouldn't be behaving like that,that that doesn't necessarily
change and and actually many, many cases makes people more

(07:18):
defiant, more resistance. Yeah, we might have to say.
Yeah, yeah. And how did your family's role
in fostering, like children, influence your emotional
intelligence and adaptability inlife?
Yeah. So, so I guess it, it, it's,
it's helped me to step back fromsituation.

(07:38):
So rather than necessarily beingdrawn into the emotion of those
situations to, to, to actually put a little bit of a gap
between that and to, to try and rise above the situation.
It's not being driven by that impulse.
So, so actually, you can think, well, what's, what's, what's the
bigger picture here? What, what is most likely to

(07:59):
then itself to a better longer term outcome in this situation.
So that means, you know, managing anger, managing saying
things in the heat of the moment.
How is you can say what you wantto say in a way which is more
conducive to the kind of outcomethat you want.
So it's really thinking about what's going to bring the best
out the other person as much as anything else.
So you can still have those challenging or difficult

(08:21):
conversations, but it's how you have them when you have them.
Yeah. And what you said before is that
distancing yourself from from that, it's like, you know, our
identity changes every second, every moment, right?
And so we are not the person that we were back in those days.
And so when we take on a new identity, we no longer attach

(08:44):
ourselves to to where we were. I think that's some quite
important when, when and how we behave and how we show up and,
and, and how we interact with other people as well.
Let's talk a little bit about charisma.
What is charisma? How do you define it, and what
are the myths you'd like to bustabout it?

(09:06):
Yes. So Chris, what's quite mercurial
really, it's different things todifferent people.
For me, it's really about us being the best version of
ourselves and, and by that I mean in an authentic way, not in
a way which makes us like the next person.
So it's been true to who we are,but bringing out the best
version of ourselves, but also bringing out the best in other
people. So this is about creating, I

(09:27):
guess, a virtuous circle where actually it's not just about me
looking amazing in front of the people.
It's about how am I making otherpeople feel good about
themselves? How am I making the world
disposed towards me? How am I elevating them so that
when they go out into the world,we're creating these, this
positive ripples? So it's, it's, it's really a
guess about first and foremost that how we manage our internal

(09:51):
world. So it's not about external
behaviours. External behaviours, they often
flow from, from how we are managing our, our emotions.
And if we are angry, if we are driven by ego, that is going to
cause fractures in our relationships and connections
with the people. Whereas if we are in a relative
state of equilibrium, then we have the spare mental, emotional

(10:12):
capacity to think about what other people need to think
about. What's going to bring out the
best in that overall situation? So it's really starts, start
starts inside of us and then it feeds out into how we manifest
in in terms of our interactions with other people.
So that's really what charisma is for me.
And in terms of myths, I guess the biggest myth is it's

(10:33):
something you're born with or that you're not born with.
And certainly some people are naturally more charismatic than
the people. But I'm a firm believer based
upon experience, having worked with many people over the years,
that wherever you are on that continuum by learning how to
manage your intern well, by learning some very sound
psychological skills that actually everybody can move

(10:56):
further along that continuum. And that that's not just
extroverts, that's introverts aswell.
And often introverts give themselves a hard time and, and,
and you know, it is a world thatis, that is more geared towards
extroverts. But I, I do think that
introverts have a lot to offer in this respect as well.
Then I think it will be a quieter form of charisma, but
it's often about connecting withpeople on an individual level,

(11:20):
connecting with people on a quieter level.
And that has its value as well. You know, that's certainly, I've
seen extroverts who are very impressive, but actually they
crowd other people out. Other people come away thinking,
wow, very pretty. But actually I think it's
something about me I don't feel very important.
So it it it's, it's as much about how we draw the best that

(11:44):
with the people, how we connect with people at a deeper level.
It's not just about looking fantastic and putting on a
performance. So for me, those are the
biggest, biggest myths around charisma.
Thanks for that, Richard. Is charisma a night or is it
something that can be cultivated?
So I'm a firm believer that somepeople are born with more

(12:05):
natural charisma than others, but all of those can develop our
charisma. And even people who who would be
widely regarded as being charismatic could still improve
and develop. And I think the biggest thing
that contributes towards charisma is emotional
intelligence. And again, some people will
naturally be more emotionally intelligent other people.
But for all of us, it's always awork in progress because being

(12:27):
emotionally intelligent often goes against some of the
challenges that we face in everyday life.
When we're very busy, when we'revery stressed, all of these
sorts of things get in the way of our ability to be emotionally
intelligent. We've all had situations where
we say or do things and then regret them afterwards because
it's, it's acting on impulse. So it's, it's something
everybody needs to work and everything, you know, something

(12:49):
everybody can work. And there are lots of sound
psychological principles and, and, and activities that sit
beneath the kind of things that we can do.
But first and foremost, it's about how we manage our internal
world. And when we're more aware and
informed of our emotions, we've got spare capacity about how we
want to behave and how we want to manifest that, but also to

(13:11):
recognise what might be going onfor the people we're more like
to pick upon their smaller nuances in people's behaviour
and the emotions that sit beneath the things that they
say. To be able to to to adapt and
pivot to create that more inclusive and collaborative
environment. It's having that resilience to
be able to show up but also respond.

(13:32):
Respond instead of reacting, butresponding with responding with
integrity and authenticity, right?
Absolutely. And, and most of the time we
react. So we, we, we think something
and, and we act on it and we make make it real.
And sometimes that that can workwell for us, but it leaves a lot
more open to chance. It tends to be sort of short
term thinking that doesn't necessarily consider the needs.

(13:56):
The other person often ends up objectifying the other person.
Yeah, and often the brain startsto delete the stored and
generalise things that are goingon and then you've only got half
the information to work with. And yeah, yeah, you know our
thoughts and always real. Absolutely.
As soon as we start acting on impulse, we're no longer

(14:19):
demonstrating curiosity and and respect for somebody else's
position. And even if we disagree with
somebody else's position, how wego on that journey with them
makes a big difference to the overall outcome.
Yeah, absolutely. I I totally agree with you
there, Richard. And can someone who's
introverted or soft spoken stillbe charismatic?

(14:42):
Def definitely. You know, as I said before, I
think it's a massive misconception that only
extroverts can be charismatic. Some of the most charismatic
people I know are introverts. And and to be introverted
doesn't necessarily mean to be sort of a shrinking Violet.
It can be actually, you're naturally very good at people,
but actually you draw your energy from withdrawing from

(15:03):
people or being in sort of very small select groups of people.
Whereas extroverts tend to tend to think out loud.
They like to be gregarious and around people.
So that's that's the fundamentaldifference there.
But I think for me, introverts tend to be, they tend to be more
measured in how they express themselves.
They tend to be more focused. And that's really helpful in

(15:26):
terms of connecting and understanding with people and
making people feel seen and seenand heard.
And when people feel seen and heard, they are more likely to
to have a memorable experience with us and they're more likely
to go away and thinking positively about us and also
remembering us when opportunities might arise that

(15:46):
would be advantageous for us. Yeah, that's right.
I'm, I'm Tiffany an extrovert, but like I can be an introvert
at times and I think I'm learning to be more like
extroverted, introverted and introvert.
You know, sometimes I isolation is actually good for you to, to,

(16:08):
to rest and recoup and stuff. So it's interesting.
It's you know, I still always having to be around people and
be kind of, it was never a partyanymore or anything like that.
But like but lightly as I've gotolder I value just having time
either to myself or spending time with my girlfriend and just

(16:30):
my daughter. No and just chilling.
Chilling as there is very quiet.You work with high net worth
individuals and C-Suite leaders.What's the common thread in
those who want to unlock their inner charisma?
There's 2 main things that sort of come up in these situations

(16:51):
and, and, and 1 is what we call imposter syndrome.
So often you'll get very accomplished people, but they
have this in a belief that something happened on the shelf
and some of you, you shouldn't be here.
You can't do this. So.
So what that means is that they're operating from a
position of fear. And, and, and, and when we're in

(17:13):
a position of fear, we don't, wetend to think less creatively,
we tend to take less risks. You know, you tend to keep your
head down. You don't fully invest in the
things that you do in case they're taken away from you.
So getting people to be more comfortable in their position,
getting them to recognise their strengths and to, to, to, to
feel those more innately. It's really, really important in

(17:35):
terms of overcoming that. So that's, that's the first
thing. And again, sort of connecting
with that as well is that a lot of people in those sort of
situations as well. They, they, they are higher
achievers, but the difficulty isthat they don't recognise and
get the nutrients from their achievements.
So in other words, it, it's always about the avoidance of
failure or the avoidance of, of,you know, of, of, of humiliation

(17:58):
or, or, or, or any of those sorts of things rather than
about the achievement and success itself.
And So what you tend to find is that when they are achieving it,
it, it often runs the risk of being a, a flat experience when
they get there. It's OK, I've done that.
What's next? And it's, and it's great to sort
of push on for, for bigger and better things.

(18:19):
But actually in terms of resilience, you need to get the
positive benefit of the things that you do as well, because
that gives you sustenance to achieve those next things.
And the challenge is when those people hit blocks.
So when perhaps there are external factors that mean they
can't achieve that next thing they want to achieve, that's
when they tend to turn in the turn in on themselves.

(18:41):
And they have the adverse reactions is because they they
haven't built that in a core that recognises the value of
what they have already achieved.So it's striking a balance.
Yeah. Do you think that people also
tend to aim quite low in terms of the, you know, of their goals
rather than aiming dreaming big?You know, when you when you

(19:03):
dream big, you've got the ability to reach that goal.
But if you dream small, then it's like, I can only do this
and then you're kind of limitingyourself, right.
And like Fiat is like I talked about fear a couple of weeks
ago, I was doing an event and like it's, it's false evidence

(19:23):
appearing real. It's, it's not real, right?
But the flipside to that is thatwhen you face everything that's
in your way and you rise up, that's when magic happens.
That's when the miracles happen,right?
And so this life is about expansion.
It's about getting out of a comfort zone and growth, you

(19:44):
know, having those opportunitiesbecause challenges are meant to
be there for you. They come in our place.
They come in in 1/2 to help us grow and overcome them and to
because we're destined for something greater, right?
And absolutely, absolutely. But it's human nature is it's

(20:04):
human nature to stay with what you know, to stay in your
comfort zone. And that, and that does mean
that we, we, we, we plateau. There's an interesting, and I'll
sort of, I'll probably butcher it now, but it's interesting
belief that's held by the US Navy Seals.
And they say that whatever you think you're capable of, you're
capable of another 40%. So actually, you know, we, we

(20:27):
set the bar, we Barlow, we put obstacles in the way and, and,
and, and you're quite right, that will through, through
testing ourselves, you know, incrementally testing ourselves
in, in, in different ways, actually, we build confidence in
ourselves. We build confidence in our
ability to achieve other things.It's like stepping stones.
So it is quite common that people don't do things unless

(20:50):
they're absolutely certain of the outcome.
People don't start things unlessthey know things are absolutely
perfect. So do experiments.
Is is is really really important?
Yeah, there's that saying. Start before you're ready.
Yeah. Because because you you work it
out along the way, you know you don't have to.
Be waiting for the right day, itprobably won't come.

(21:11):
It will never come. No, there's, there's no probably
better, it just never will come.You know, like as we were
talking before this and in the discovery call, you know about a
month and a half ago I started my business and I didn't know as
an I work flows and automation and so on.
I didn't know if I was going to get clients or not.

(21:33):
But you know, I just went went for it and and the Co working
space that I work at, we have these things called NT, which is
non negotiable tasks. And so everyday you pick three
non negotiable tasks. And for the last month and a
half, I've been nailing every single task every single day and
people going, how do you how do you do that?

(21:54):
I said well you pick your task and you do them, but I didn't
get a chance. I said well then that wasn't a
non negotiable tasting because if it was non negotiable you
would do it. Nothing else would get in the
way. And in a month and a half later,
I've now got three clients that I'm working with and and another

(22:16):
4 leads that are that have come through and I'm like, you know
it. All it took was curiosity and
courage to step out of my comfort zone and expand their
comfort zone and justice reach out to people to no matter what
other people say, just go. This is who I am.
This is what I do. And you're gonna, you're going

(22:38):
to track people. So, yeah, I encourage if you're
listening to this, fantastic. Yeah, if you're listening to
this, just step out of your comfort zone, because your
comfort zone is where your dreams go to die.
So true, so true. It's interesting what you're
saying there. You know, it's, it's amazing how
similar we can't find the time when it's something that's a

(22:58):
little bit scary or might be a little bit difficult, but we can
find time for watching TV. Exactly.
Yeah, I mean, I had, I hardly watch TV these days.
I mean, I'm working, you know, when you're, when you're in
startup mode of a of a business,I'm working 14-15 hour days.
You know yesterday I did 15 hours, today I'm doing almost

(23:20):
the same. I mean, I'm.
Looking good on it. Well, you know, I'm up at 4:50
AM in the morning and I'm out ofthe 4:00 AM club and not the
five iron club, but the 4:00 AM club.
And you know, like I get I get up early because I know that if
I get to the car wicket space, Ican get a lot more done.

(23:40):
And I'm I'm a head. I'm a few hours ahead of
everyone else, right? Yeah, yeah.
So how? How do trauma and early life
experiences play in someone's professional presence?
They have a massive part to playbecause they, they give you a
sense of what the world is like.So your belief about what the

(24:03):
world is like, your belief aboutwhat other people like and your
belief about where you fit into that that world.
So it's, it's, it's really, really important.
And what that then means is we play these scripts.
We play these scripts that are not based upon the reality of
what's happening in that moment.It's based upon our assumptions
about how the world works. So, you know, none of us really

(24:24):
go into any environment with completely fresh eyes.
We're bringing all of all of ourhistory, all of our baggage into
our interpretation of what's going on.
And when you experience the trauma, that's even more so it's
more and more acute version of that.
And, and I guess all of us on different levels, even if we
don't regard ourselves as havingexperienced major trauma, there

(24:45):
will be lots of mini traumas. So somebody being cruel to you
in the playground, somebody shouting at you when you're a
kid, you know, the big scheme ofthings is that don't they don't
seem that important, but actually they shape who we are
and where we feel we fit in. So absolutely play a part in the
in the choices that we make, often without us realising we're
making choices. Yeah, Yeah, absolutely,

(25:08):
absolutely true. Yeah.
Your career path here hasn't followed the traditional
trajectory. You could say that.
Yeah. How do you, how did those pivots
in including your time in IT andyou know I can relate here
because I've been in technology for 3730 years or so.

(25:29):
How did your time in IT and thatfaithful Tinton Patagonia
contribute to your purpose today?
Yeah. So I think, I think, you know,
there, there was some, some conscious choices in there and
and also I think some unconscious drivers in there as

(25:50):
well. So, so essentially I was working
with T for, for, for several years, fell into it more by
accident than than by choice. Every time I thought about doing
something else, you know, I got a pay rise or a promotion or
whatever, it's OK, I'll stick itout a little bit longer.
And then the point came sort of in sort of sort of mid to late

(26:10):
20s, I thought, I can't, I can'tdo this anymore.
If I don't make a change now, I'm not going to make a change.
It's becoming too comfortable, you know, going back to what we
were saying before. So I remember it Wednesday
morning and I hadn't made a planto do anything with it.
I just went in on Wednesday morning and so I can't do this.
And so I knocked on my boss's door and said I wanna have my
notice in. And a month later I was gone.

(26:33):
And I went travelling around theworld for a year, not knowing
what I was gonna do when I came back from that.
But I thought I wanna go and travel.
And also I just want to clear myhead to be able to think about
what I want to do. I won't fake to play a part if
that's feasible. And towards the end of that
trip, I was in Patagonia. And as you say, I was sharing a
tent with somebody in Patagonia.It was a psychiatrist from

(26:54):
Wales, and we were talking aboutdoing there.
He just got divorced. He figured out what he's going
to do. I told you my story as well, he
said. Have you ever thought about
being a psychotherapist? And tell me a bit more about it
when I come back from that trip?I started looking into it,
started doing some courses and it really sort of snowballed
from there. So working 1 to 1 as a

(27:15):
therapist. And then from there dealing with
people who run their own businesses, entrepreneurs, those
sorts of people who consider valuing what I was doing and
then started introducing me intotheir businesses.
And that's where the coaching and the training and the
organisational consultancy groupfrom.
So, you know, it's funny how these things work sometimes
it's, it's almost like the universe is steering you in

(27:37):
particular direction on. I'm a firm believer in, in, in
that I know that everybody is, but I, I think it's definitely
something in there. And I think even though I didn't
have a plan on what I was gonna do, I think sometimes we have
these unconscious drivers. So even if we're not listening,
they're forced us into a direction, forcing us almost
sort of subconsciously to eithersort of sabotage things or to,

(28:01):
to go in the directions. And I think that that was what
was going on for me. My conscious brain was saying,
no, sit tight. This is comfortable.
You've got everything you need. Exactly.
Yeah. And you know, like story is that
after 24 restructures for four redundancies, I was like, like
late last year, Tobi was like, OK, three months in this role

(28:24):
and I've been made redundant. What's what's the learning from
this? And I said to universe God, I
said, why three months? Were you asked for a job?
I said yeah, you asked for a job.
I'm like, yeah, I did. And that's when I realised that
the universe is pushing me towards getting out of the job

(28:46):
and then actually working for myself.
And it actually, it actually took for me to meet someone, um,
who owns the coworking space andwhere I work at.
And I'm so grateful for Dane, you know, for, for believing in
me and taking me into his, his coworking space, but also

(29:11):
mentoring me. And he said I will mentor you,
you start your business and I will, you know we will, you will
get there. You got three months.
It's nicer to me. You got six weeks to get your
business up and running and get clients and I did it in within
within 4 weeks. What's that 3-3 weeks?
I think it was. And The thing is, I realised

(29:34):
that I kept going for the comfort zone.
I kept going back to my comfort,which was a job, instead of
working for myself. And then, you know, I had to get
some help from the government. And every time I went to
government, they were like, you need to get a job.
And I'm like, no, I'm starting my business.
And they're going, no, you need to get a job.

(29:55):
And I'm like, do you know, are you not hearing me?
I'm saying I'm wanting to start a business and in the end I've
just turned around and said, look, you know what?
I don't need your help now. I'm flying on the seat of my
pants at the moment cause I'm going, you know what, my
mortgage kicks in, in two weeks,two weeks time.
And I don't know what's going tohappen, but I've got complete
faith in the universe and I'm just trusting the process and

(30:18):
I'm just hustling and I'm just doing what I got to do to build
my business. And already I've created a team
of people of contractors that I can lean on for doing work so I
don't have to do all the work. And, and I had this vision about
7 or 8 years ago of me having a consultancy where I've had

(30:39):
people working with me. And eight years later, it's
coming true. So, so it may not happen right
there and then, but if you keep moving towards your goal, you
will get there, right? If you, if you turn around, if
you give up, then you've got to start all over again.

(31:01):
Yeah. All right, so you might as well
just keep going and just feel the fear and do it anyway.
And and justice, you know and bea champion in your life
effectively. Yeah.
And I think I think that's the that's the biggest thing thing
for me is it's, it's, it's having the courage and it's
filling the fear, but doing it anyway.
And most people, as soon as theyfeel like discomfort, they back

(31:21):
away from it. Yeah.
So my, my, my thinking now is that is that I welcome fear
because fear is my friend. It gives me feedback.
And every feedback it gives me, I go, right, this is another,
another mountain I'm gonna climb, right?
And when I get to the, the peak of that mountain, there's

(31:43):
another mountain to climb. And but you know, every, every
step you take, you're actually getting wiser and wiser.
You're building competency. You're building confidence.
Is your gross there? Just if you're feeling that
anxiety or fear, it's because you're at your growth edge and
what are you gonna do? You gonna move forward?
And like I said before, if you like your comfort zone, your

(32:07):
dreams are gonna die. Yeah, yeah.
It's not, it's not going to landin your lap, Yeah.
Yeah. So what lessons did you learn
from stepping off their beaten path?
I, I think the biggest thing is that it's just just going back
to what we just said there. Learning to manage my emotions,
learning to deal with the the unknown.

(32:27):
You know, I guess most people follow quite a linear path that
we go to school, maybe go to university, you get a job, get
married, all those sorts of things.
And there's absolutely nothing wrong with those things.
But I think it's quite a prescribed route, isn't it?
And I think when you doing something that other people
haven't done, there is the unknown and, and, and, and we
tend to, to react badly to the unknown.

(32:49):
So for me, it's, it's learning to manage those emotions, not
to, to, to, to hear them, but not to be be guided by them.
I think the other thing as well is he's learning to, again,
going back to one of the points you made, it's learning to learn
to back yourself, learning to bemore single minded because
everybody's got an opinion, but a lot of those people, they're

(33:09):
shouting from the sidelines, they don't do, they're not doing
it from a from a position of experience.
No, they're not. They're not at the level that
you're out there. They weren't behind you.
Yeah, no. And everyone's gonna tell you
you can't do that. It's not gonna happen.
And you go. But The thing is, if you give in
to that, then that's where that's where you've said you've
lost the rice. Absolutely, absolutely.

(33:31):
So you gotta, you gotta back yourself and, and you, you make
your own decisions. Yeah, be like the tourist, you
know, they here on the tortoise,the the, the hair was like, ohh,
cocky and stuff. And we're going, hey, look, you
know, I'm running the race. They taught us just keep
consistent. And I think consistency is key
because and also trusting yourself and believing in
yourself. As you said, it's so important

(33:52):
to back yourself. And this is something that I've
done all my life because I neverreally had anyone believe and
trust in me. So the only person that I could
trust in was myself and believe and back myself.
And you know, here's someone who's never cast anything at
school, failed miserably, leave school at 16, started working in

(34:15):
a factory, you know, and work myway up just through purely
through backing myself, determination and that I was,
I'm, I'm going to get somewhere.And, and what, what one thing I
heard yesterday was that people that get things handed to them
on a silver platter or get it, you know, their journey stops

(34:37):
there. But people who go through the
hard times and adversities, theyare chosen for something
greater, right? And, and for those who are going
through adversity, I encourage you that that don't give up
because your success is just on the other side of fear, on the

(34:58):
other side of your comfort zone,on the other side of your.
Totally agree. It's the story you tell yourself
when you're going through that difficult, isn't it?
Some people say, well, this is the tip of the iceberg, it's
only going to get worse and other people will take the
exactly the attitude to just describe there and the stories
that you tell yourself formula, reality.

(35:20):
What she, what you believe, what's your thoughts?
Your thoughts, your emotions andyour actions create your
reality, so change them and havea new reality, right?
How do you encourage clients to embrace uncertainty in the
engines? So, so coming from a therapy
background, the way I normally do that is through what we call

(35:42):
graded exposure. So, you know, it might be
somebody, you know, when they dare to, to entertain got a huge
dream, but that feels quite scary.
Or maybe they're trying to overcome a phobia.
It could be something along those lines.
So what we do is it's small incremental experiments.
So, you know, it's a bit like when you, you know, if you go in

(36:02):
the sea, particularly kind of the, the English Channel, the
water is really cold and the temptation is not to go in or to
go in and quickly run out. And actually, if you dip a toe
and get that toe used to the temperature of the water, then
maybe you put your foot in and then maybe you put your leg in.
And it's exactly the same with alot of these experiences, if you
break them down into stages, those stages, whilst they might
still feel a little bit outside your comfort zone, don't feel

(36:24):
quite so enormous. And, and even if you have to do
those, those smaller steps several times, it's getting you
more socialised with those thoseexperiences.
So actually they're no longer feel scary.
You learn from those experiences, you learn to
improve on how you interact withthose experiences, which means
the next step then doesn't seem so far away.
So more often that it's like that.
And the idea is that we promote this idea of feedback 1005 year

(36:48):
O whatever happens, even if it doesn't go the way you wanted it
to. What can you learn from that?
That means you do it differentlyor better next time rather than
giving up. Absolutely, absolutely agree
100%. Yeah, You know, like, yeah, you
know, outside of your comfort zone, there's so much there for

(37:11):
you to embrace and, yeah. And you know, fear, as I said
before, if he is your friend, take take the feedback and and
push through. Yeah, so you talk about the
connection between trauma and resilience and charisma.

(37:32):
How can someone begin to tune their pain into power?
Interesting, Interesting question.
I, I think it's, it's about looking for the learnings and
the insights from the experience.
And I think you've all we focus on is, is, is the pain, then
there's a risk that would becomea victim.
But whereas if we look for the, for the, for the learnings from

(37:54):
it, we can become an agent of change.
We can say, well, look, now I know why that happened.
Or actually these are the thingsI need to do to prevent that
from happening again or to make that happen in a better way.
So it's, it's that reflection piece and it's, it's, it's
trying to do that in a constructive way.
Because I guess what some peoplewill do is they will go in

(38:14):
circular thoughts, they'll keep going over the same event again
and again, but they're not extracting any learning from it.
So all you're doing is make yourself feel worse and less
less motivated and activated to do something.
So what are the tangible learnings that you can take away
from that experience And it, andit might be that those learnings
evolve overtime. You know, what we take away from
something when it's just happened might be very different

(38:36):
from take away from it in 10 years time.
But the important thing is you're, you're, you're picking
yourself up, you're dusting yourself down and you're going
again. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, then what about self-awareness?
Now? I believe self-awareness is the
first step to change what What is the role of self?
Winners, players and story and storytelling.

(38:57):
Play and building. Building a presence.
Yeah, so self-awareness is really important because you can
have all the, all the theory, all the, the, the, the practical
activities in the world, but if you don't know when to apply
them or how to apply them, then they're actually going to get
you so far. And there are lots of people out

(39:19):
there have done so lots of sort of fancy training sessions and
things like that. But actually they're not using
those skills in a nuanced way. So again, it goes back to what I
said very early on today. It's really about being aware of
how you feel in particular situations so that you can then
either manage that or, or mitigate against that or use

(39:42):
that as an indication of what needs to happen.
So for example, you know, we tend to particularly very busy,
we tend to be very action oriented.
There's a value in that. But what it means is we get
accumulate accumulation of all these emotions from different
interactions that we're not tapping into that mean we're not
getting the learning from those experiences.
So we're not coming away with a felt sense actually something

(40:03):
about that interaction that didn't feel comfortable.
What would it be? Or actually I speaking angry
after that interaction, what is my badge that's been
transgressed there? Those types of things.
So every emotion that we have isis a signal for for learning
either about something that we need to protecting their life,

(40:23):
something we need to change their life, a conversation we
might need to have with somebody.
But if, if we don't pick up on those things, then actually that
then spills over into our interactions with the people.
Yes, that's right. Yeah, yeah, what's in practise?
Someone can start today to beginembodying their more authentic

(40:44):
charisma. Well, I think, I think the first
thing that you can do is to, um,start to be more mindful.
So again, you know, we tend to be very action oriented.
We tend to be very busy. We tend to be in our heads and,
and one of the things that I would encourage people to do is
start to challenge some of your providing choices.
So in effect, imagine somebody following your own, but why did

(41:06):
you do that? Why did you do that in that
particular way? Start to think about the choices
that you're making and what thatthen means is you are more
likely overtime to be self aware, to be making deliberate
and purposeful choices and situations.
And again, what it means is you are going to be more impactful.

(41:27):
You know, some of the most charismatic people, they're,
they're, they're behaviours, they, their language, their
movement, all these kinds of things tend to be aligned.
It's not around a ramshackle random set of behaviours and
events. So the more you aware you are
what you're doing, it's always going to be work in progress.
You never get everything aligned.
But the more that you can get aligned, you're being more

(41:47):
efficient with your emotions, being more efficient with your
your movements, and you're creating them more credible
proposition for other people too.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Thank you for sharing that. Yeah.
And I'm sure that there's peopleout there that are listening to
this and, you know, they've beengoing well.
How can I be more more charismatic and have been more
authentic? Yeah.

(42:08):
So you've you've given them sometips here.
Thank you so much. Before we go into the quick fire
questions, is there anything else you'd like to share with us
today? I, I, I think, I think again,
one of the biggest things we cando, you know, going back to this
idea of charisma, I guess, but alot of times we, we, we think
we've got to entertain other people and fantastic if you've

(42:31):
got a story or a joke, but that's not, that's not
everybody. I think the biggest gift that we
can give to other people is to show curiosity and respect for
them, showing an interest in their point of view.
For instance, even if we don't agree with that, it, it makes
people feel safer. It means that people open, but
it means that if we do need to influence, the more we do need
to push back on what it is that it's saying.

(42:54):
They're more likely to be open to what we have to say.
Whereas so often as soon as we hear something that we're not
interested in or we can't see how it aligns with what's
important to us, we close it down, we move on.
We, we're very transactional. So for me, curiosity is the
biggest key to unlocking relationships and create a more
harmonious world. Ohh, early.

(43:15):
Yeah. Well, let's get into the quick
fire questions now. Okay.
What is your definition of success and has that definition
changed for you overtime? Yeah, absolutely.
So, so I guess historically for me success would have been about
major achievement. And and for me success is is

(43:37):
first of all, it's about being an equilibrium, it's about about
being calm, it's about being self aware.
So I'm more connected with the people around me.
But it's also about success is also about competing with
myself. It's not competing with a sort
of abstract ideas of success. So it's competing with myself
everyday and how can I be a better version me everyday?

(43:58):
How can I do what I did yesterday slightly better?
How am I moving things forward from where they were at the
start of the day? For me, that's success, that
sense of positive movement. Absolutely.
I was reading this book, book last year called The Gap in the
Game, then Sullivan, and been Benjamin Killer's last name, now
Hardy. And, you know, it's about, yeah,

(44:23):
not comparing yourself with someone else, but comparing
yourself with who you were yesterday and how far you've
come. So rather than looking too far
forward and saying look how far I've got to go and, you know,
getting anxious about it, it's like looking back and going look
how far I've come. That gives you the motivation to
go the next step forward. So that's that's how you build

(44:45):
your resilience. If all you're thinking about is
how far are still going to go, then you're more likely to
become disheartened. Because if you're climbing that
mountain and you look back and you go, wow, look how far I've
climbed, you know? Yeah, it's been your greatest
inspiration. And why?
Hmm, tricky one. I, I'm, I, I guess one of the

(45:05):
people that stands out for me isthe explorer early Shackleton.
And there's a few reasons, I think, I think first and
foremost for sheer resilience. So for anybody who doesn't know,
so, so sort of 1914, he and his crew of 27 men were trying to,
to cross the Antarctic and ship,the ship became frozen in the

(45:27):
ice and they were effectively stuck on the ice and the ship
was crushed by the ice. So they lived on the lived on
the ice for about a year. They then travel across the eyes
and the ice flows and then they had one boat with them.
So Shackleton took some of the crew and they sell for about 800
miles to the Falkland Islands togo and get help.
And they did that and they came back and and rescued the rest of

(45:48):
the men. So no, no one was lost, which is
fantastic. So, you know, it was a sheer
effort of, of grit and resilience and but but more than
that, it was a masterclass in leadership.
How he kept people motivated, how, you know, servant
leadership, how he gave up some of his own comforts to make sure

(46:09):
that the people were okay. And that commitment to people,
you know, you can be easily goneto the Falkland Islands and say,
well, I've done my bit. You go and rescue them.
But no, you came back, came backand then they got them all.
So for me that there are lots oflessons in there and leadership,
lots of lessons in there around grit and resilience.
Ohh yeah, totally, totally. What is something that you

(46:32):
believe that others may disagreewith?
I, I would go back to something I said earlier that I, I, I
believe you know, to, to a largedegree, we are agents of our own
destiny. But I do feel there is a that
there, there is a, there is a power within the universe which
also influences us and opens us up to opportunities that are

(46:56):
about testing us, are about giving us what we need rather
than what we want. And I see that everyday in my my
coaching and therapy work that actually, it's funny how you get
clusters of particular types of issues with clients.
You think, well, hang on, have one of these kind of issues for
a long time now. I've got through.
At the same time, it's almost like universe is presenting you

(47:16):
with something that you you're there to learn from.
Absolutely. If it's if it's run steering in
the face, you gotta deal with it, yeah.
So it's leaning, so it's leaninginto those things and, and, and
looking for the lesson that's available from those things.
Yeah. Second, if you could go back and
give your younger self one pieceof advice, what would that be?

(47:40):
Trust your own judgement. Listen to other people less.
Sadly, yeah. What's the one message that
you'd like to share with the world?
Be kind. I think so often we we, we judge
other people's behaviours at face value and, and again I go
back to this idea of curious to try and understand before you

(48:01):
judge. Yeah, absolutely.
And last question, which is a double barrel Christian, what
does it mean to you to be a champion and to have a champion
mindset? So for me to be a champion is to
not necessarily to be the winner.

(48:22):
It's about to confront and try and overcome adversity and it's
making that commitment to the, to the courage of, of, of doing
that. And, and sometimes that's about
acting you seeking opportunitiesin it, but more often than not,
it's about facing the opportunities that they're in
front of you or the challenges that are in front of you.
So for me, that is what it's about.
And I think to do that comes more naturally to some people

(48:45):
know this, but I think for all of us it it's about a set of
rehearse behaviours. It's about things that you do on
a daily basis to lean into that.And again, going back to the
point you made earlier about about, you know, difficult
activities and choosing to do those and get those out of the
way and making them a firm commitment.
Some of it is that it's it's it's season, the nettle

(49:07):
everyday. So right, what's the thing that
I don't wanna do today? Let's, let's do that first.
Let's not make excuses. Let's, let's, let's get it done.
And then reflecting back on that, taking the learning away
from that and moving constantly moving forward and reminding
yourself of that movement. So for me, that's what it is.
It's about demonstrating that courage and, and, and in
whatever way it is finding a wayto move forward.

(49:28):
And you know, you just gotta, you just gotta remember that no
one's coming to save you. The only person that can save
you is yourself, so you know, you might as well just get out
there and do. Yeah, so true.
Feel their fear and do it anyway.
Yeah, absolutely. That's that's the the unofficial

(49:49):
motto of my life, I guess. Yeah.
Well, I mean, likewise, you know, and I think that's why we
we are where we are because we we are resilient people and
we're also charismatic people and passionate people, but we
also have empathetic and kind toother people as well.
And that's important. So if you're watching this

(50:11):
episode, I encourage you to do, you know, take some of these
lessons. And Richard, if people have been
watching this and listening to this episode and they'd like to
get in touch with you, heck. And they do so.
So, so there's two ways you can get in touch.
You can find me on LinkedIn. So it's Richard Dash Reed spell

(50:31):
RID or you can go to my website which is www.richardreed.com.
Ohh, We'll put those in the shownotes, but they're also on the
World Championship Google Sites page.
You'll get a page of your own with all of the information on
there. So when I post this episode, all

(50:54):
that information will be on there as well.
So yeah. So Richard, thank you so much
for this painful conversation. It reminds us that charisma
isn't just about being the loudest voice in the room.
It's also owning your story and connecting with empathy and
standing in your truth. Whether you're a leader, a
change change maker, or simply on a personal journey of your

(51:16):
own and locking your inner strength and in a charisma
starts with embracing who you are.
To learn more about Richard and his work, checkout the links in
the show notes. And remember, your presence has
power. Stay curious, stay courageous,
keep cultivating the champion mindset.
You are loved, you are worthy. Champion your life, champion

(51:40):
your greatness and have an amazing day.

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S2-E133 - How to Unlock Your Inner Chrisma - Richard Reid

Episode Transcript

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