June 17, 2025 • 59 mins
With over two decades of experience, Dr. Bramante brings profound insights into the mental health challenges faced by top-tier professionals and effective strategies to conquer self-sabotage.
- Key Takeaways:
- Psychologist's Dual Role Explored Dr. Bramante discusses his unique position as both a talent agent and psychologist, providing a dual perspective that enriches his approach to client support.
- The Root Causes of Self-Sabotage Unveiling the psychological underpinnings behind self-sabotaging behaviors in high achievers and the importance of addressing these issues head-on.
- The Role of Continuous Learning Emphasis on lifelong learning and personal growth, regardless of one’s level of success.
- Overcoming Fear of Success Exploring how fear of success can be as crippling as fear of failure and strategies to embrace potential success without reservations.
- Positive Psychology for Sustainable Success Discussion on how positive psychology can synergise with effective leadership to foster a supportive and thriving work environment.
🔔 Subscribe for more stories of resilience, leadership, and personal transformation.
🔗Connect with Dr Albert Bramante:
- Website - https://bramanteartists.com/
- LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/albertbramante
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/dralbramante
- Linktree - https://linktr.ee/albertbramante
📢 Connect with Me!
📒📒 Champion Mindset Collective:
• 🌐 More from us: Champion Mindset Collective
• ➡️ Click this link to visit and join the Champion Mindset Collective Facebook group: / championmindsetcollectivepodcast
• ➡️ Click this link to visit and join the Champion Mindset Collective Facebook group: /
• ➡️LinkedIn: /
• ➡️Facebook: / anthony.dahya
• ➡️Instagram: / anthony.dahya
• ➡️YouTube: / @anthonydahya
• ➡️Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7kjTpNO...
• ➡️TikTok: / anthony.dahya
• 💬 Let's Discuss!
Leave your thoughts or questions in the comments below.I’d love to hear from you! Email me at: podcast@anthonydahya.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
I received my bouts with the masters and then right after it
received my master's degree, unfortunately, 911 for me
research, but also being around creativity like pivoted instead
of becoming an actor. I decided that would represent
so 2004 started my company, first company.
So when it came down for me to present my proposal for
(00:25):
dissertation, I almost came out and said what's wrong with you
That why are they self sabotage?It's all about, you know,
shirking yourself. And I see there's a lot
sometimes like they're the book roll the land a role.
And instead of celebrating the the those tune it down.
It's like, yeah, it's really notthat big budget or project.
If you, you know, want to be a writer, you know, start writing,
(00:45):
you're being a want to be a content grader, start being
content creator, you know, step outside your comfort zone.
It's the live button on your computer or your social media
platform and go live and do it because the more you do, some of
the more consistent you are, thethe more the better you were
going to feel and you're going to have a much better, you know,
(01:06):
approach to them. Well happy by is and there's a
misconception sometimes indicates self help community
yeah that we must be happy and possible be happy a lot of times
being just being in control of most be controller thought the
champion is someone who is living in green and living their
not letting obstacles get in their way and looking at value
(01:29):
said. Hello, welcome back to the
Champion Monster Collective podcast.
Today we're diving into what really holds high performers
back and how to breakthrough it.I'm sitting down with Doctor
Albert Bramante, a rippling of talent agent and performance
psychologist who spent over 2 decades helping entertainers,
(01:49):
entrepreneurs and executives muster their mindset.
He's got a PhD in psychology plus certifications and hypnosis
in NLP and brings a unique perspective on mental health
side of success. We'll be talking about the
hidden fears that drive self sabotage and how imposter
syndrome creeps and why fear of success is just as real as fear
(02:15):
of failure. Most importantly, we're going to
unpack practical tools that anyone can use to build
sustainable peak performance without bending out O.
Let's welcome Doctor Albert Bramante to the Champion Music
Collective podcast. Welcome everyone.
Thank you so much for having me on.
I'm really happy to be here and I appreciate the opportunity.
(02:39):
It is my pleasure, but before wego into questions, I'd love for
you to share a little bit about your journey in life from
childhood to where you are todayand what's the journey been like
and, and also from a mindset perspective, what's that?
How is that evolved for you? Well, from a mindset
(03:00):
perspective, I, you know, very, very, very, very interesting
life. So I was born the youngest of
five and kind of considered the white sheep of the family when I
say that, and I was different. So I come from family of long
(03:21):
family that coaches athletes. So there is that, you know,
landscape a lot of more footballplayers, coaches and you know,
naturally they tried to get me involved, you know, like from
involved and like footballs in my head, baseball's in my head
that, you know, I had no interest in it, Zero and zero
(03:44):
skill. But however, I enjoy being in
the library. I enjoyed reading books and so
my sanctuary on the weekend was in the library and I started
reading a lot of books about psychology and the mind and
became so enthralled by by this that I really sat down and
(04:09):
decided in high school I want tomake her in psychology.
I want to study psychology in college and but I was also
interested in performing arts too.
Joy of going movies. I enjoyed seeing plays.
I enjoyed seeing musicals and I was in a drama club in high
school and I liked it. And then in college I took some
electives in theatre and acting and enjoyed that as well.
(04:32):
And I received my bachelors and masters and then right after I
received my masters degree, unfortunately not 11.
Happened right in near city where is not very far from the
only half an hour. So I started working in social
services. I was volunteered a couple
different places and I started meeting a lot of actors again
(04:52):
and performing and I so you don't want to come revive this.
So I started as an actor, you know, myself and quickly
realised that it wasn't for me, but I enjoyed being around
actors. I enjoyed being around creative
people. But I also still love psychology
and I loved, you know, being researched, doing research.
(05:14):
I was adding, I was always considered to think are still in
the thinker. So for me, research but also
being around creativity is important to me, so I pivot it.
Instead of become an actor, I decided I would represent actors
and so 2004 started my company, first company representing
(05:36):
actors and that's where I still do full time.
I represent actors in all areas,film, people, theatre,
commercial printing, voice over.And then while I started my
agency, I wanted to kind of complete the the programme, the
process. I already was halfway through my
education. I said might as well complete
(05:57):
it. So I went back to school for PhD
and what I found was the best ofboth worlds because we had in
order to complete the pH process, we have to write it a
piece of their dissertation, youknow, kind of our contribution
to the world and the instructions that we received
was to solve a real world problem, a real world issue.
(06:21):
And what one of the issues I have running up against as a an
agent and they're all security, you know, with peak.
My curiosity is like ologist is why were these actors self
sabotaging what was happening here?
When I say self advertising, what I'm referring to is is
making excuses for not going on auditions, not showing up for
(06:43):
auditions, being late for appointments, not fully
repairing it. And I couldn't really understand
that the reason behind it because you know these actors
telling me on one hand how much they really wanted to work and
yet their behaviours were telling you those stories.
So when it came down for me to present my proposal for
(07:06):
dissertation, I almost came out and said what's wrong with
these? Why are they self sabotaging?
And my committee and advisors loved.
And so that became the focus of my doctoral dissertation and I
received application 2015. Flash Fast forward several years
(07:28):
later in 2023, I sat down and book.
In 2024 I published it and it's called Rise of the Script.
Confronting Self, that masteringself sabotage for performing
artists. And you know, it's pretty much
in that zone here I am. Thank you for sharing that,
Albert. Let's talk about bridging 2
(07:48):
worlds. Like what have you learned from
balancing both those wills between acting and the
psychology side of things? Well, I learned that there were
kind of like the link is that they're not too far in separate,
that I was able to kind of bridge the gap to some level.
(08:10):
And it helped me as an agent because being that I'm
representing and be an advocate for actors to understand the
mindset that the actor goes through.
And rather than looking at a point of frustration, it comes
from me more from understanding and even empathic point of view
too. Yeah.
(08:31):
So that was that was the biggestpiece of it is just the more of
the level of understanding of the psyche of the actor.
What's really happening here andyou know, ways that I can sort
of help them, you know, improve their mindset because that's
what really self sabotage is. Sometimes it's improved, that is
(08:52):
by reframing or changing their mindset.
Hmm. Yeah.
Are there certain mental patterns that show up again and
again for entertainers and see or CEOs that most people
wouldn't expect? The issue that a lot of the
cycles that come up with self doubt and I can tell you even a
(09:15):
list actors were running that moments of self doubt.
And I'm sure you know, even company CEOs run into issues of
self doubt and they may not comeout and say that verbatim.
You know, obviously for image issue, you know, an image is
concerned that they may just want to hide that in and have
(09:36):
that allusion or projection of having them altogether.
And so that can come up overtimeis the idea that they must have
it altogether. Yeah, yeah.
I mean with, especially with thelist, it's such a, you know,
they're expected to be perfect, right?
(09:57):
But. Of course.
Yeah, no, you're absolutely right.
Always be perfect and then also to always be on all the time.
And, and also if there's the, you know, the thing about actors
that are very complex and they put, they play certain
characters and some of them get really down for the characters
that they play, but their characters are not part of who
(10:22):
they are as a person. And you know, there's an intense
interest from fans, but a lot oftimes the fans have so much
wrapped up into the character they play that there's a
disconnect. Where?
What about me as a person? And then you experience what is
(10:43):
the biggest myth about what is really what it really takes to
succeed mentally. Well, the biggest myth is our
statements conception is, you know, the challenges.
And I think that that was reallyis needed as a resiliency.
You know, that while this can appear to be an exciting and fun
(11:04):
industry, and it is, and I'm notgoing to say it's not, but it
what, what I think a lot of people don't understand is that
requires a lot of hard work, tenacity, focus and time because
as a performer, especially in the performing arts industry,
it's going to take a while. You know, just like in any other
(11:25):
company, you're not going to become CEO overnight.
So you're not going to be any listener overnight.
It's going to take years and years of process and you may
never reach that level. And same thing like someone who
you know aspires to be CEO may never reach that unless of
course it's not their own company, but within ranks of a
(11:47):
company they may never reach that.
And and so there's, you know, sometimes that let down or that
frustration that can come in. Yeah, yeah.
And not not starting is is it will be, you know, often not
starting something has to do with fear, you know,
(12:09):
procrastination. All that is to is is the is the
fear of again, what we talked what and what I talked about in
the introduction was it's, it's a fear of failure or fear of
success. Exactly, 100%.
And I, I, I feel like a lot of programmes that, that are
(12:29):
addressing procrastination, you know, are doing the Band-Aid
approach to it where it's like, okay, you know, obviously need
to take actions, of course, and to put a calendar and all these
things together. But it's, you're not the one
with the real root of the issue,which is fear, a trauma,
perfectionism. And I feel like perfection and
(12:49):
presentation are very similar and make it off.
You get off that boat in person is perfection skin off that's
very kind of person can also be effective.
So, but there has to be a way tomanage and work at the root
cause of that. You know, like, like a lot of
(13:10):
the, you know, research and a lot of the, the experts that
that I've talked to in that productivity space refer and,
and, and the psychological staterefer to procrastination and
professions as symptoms. Now the problems in itself, it's
it's a symptom of something bigger.
Absolutely. That's, and this is where
(13:32):
sometimes again, changing your mindset and going to poaching is
important because very often it couldn't sound that a lot of
times procrastination and perfectionism is unresolved
trauma. So it's a trauma response.
And if you don't deal with that,you know, great.
(13:52):
I mean, these procrastination programmes are good.
I'm not saying that anybody should do that.
However, there has to be, you know, be a bigger issue that's
to be called before those programmes affected and that
might be working with the underlying cause of your
perfection and and procrastination.
And they could be different. So I, you know, it's hard to
(14:14):
sometimes diagnose someone on the show like this because like,
everyone has their own unique reasons for whatever it is they
do. So it would have to.
This is why I think it's important to work with the coach
or even therapist somehow if if this is a problem that keep
persisting to figure out what's exactly underneath.
(14:37):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And you know, it's what we were
talking about before around perfection, but also like, like
as I was watching the at Graham Norton Club, it was a series of
clips with Tom Cruise and like the different movies that he's
been part of. And it's almost become his life
(14:58):
because, you know, he flies planes now and he does a lot of
things that he that he's done inthe movies.
And for him, it's actually been a lifelong journey of doing
because he was talking about howlike for him when he was a kid,
he was doing stunts and stuff athome.
And so it's been a continuum forhim through these movies.
(15:21):
But you know, he's so dedicated and and what he does and a bit
of a perfectionist as well. Yeah, a lot of actors are are
that, you know, are like that and it they're committed to
their craft, they're committed to telling stories and that, you
know, which can be an asset on one level, but however, it can
(15:43):
also sometimes put them in the dark path when they identified
too much with their character. We saw that tragically with the
case of the Ledger, for instance, that, you know, 2008
that after the dark night, it kind of really killed them.
Unfortunately, you know, down the line now it was, I'm sure,
(16:04):
you know, I can guarantee you I didn't say I don't know him, but
I can guarantee you that it was not just that movie was leading
up. There was and might have been
the actual final. Now was that that there was
stuff building up before that. Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely. Again, you know, we have
(16:24):
moviegoers enjoy, you know, OK, you know, either great or Dark
Knight. He, you know, was amazing in
that. However, you know, there's a
cost that a lot of people don't realise there.
It gets another myth that that'swhy there's a high amount of
substance, drug and alcohol use in the performing arts
(16:45):
community. Yeah, I'm talking of that
because, you know, there's a lotof unresolved drama, which is,
you know, great if you're tryingto play a dark role for the
viewers, but it's a cost to the actors psyche and mental health.
Yeah, absolutely. Being a creative myself, I
(17:07):
understand and appreciate like for me, my journey, I've been
through a lot of trauma in my life, but luckily I didn't go
down the hamming myself type scenario.
Although like there was a pattern of things that just keep
continued to keep happening until I got to a point that I
realised that, hey, something's got to change here.
(17:28):
And so I had to start changing my mindset and changing the way
I was showing up in the world toand then be able to sharpen a
way that it was going to serve me and rather than drag me down
the other way. So let's talk a little bit about
self sabotage and the fear that we don't see.
So you see the self sabotage is often a fear that we wearing as
(17:51):
a disguise. What are some of the most common
ways that high performers and knowingly get in their in their
way? Why are you?
Doubting themselves, doubting their choices, number one.
And sometimes it, you know, whenyou, when you sometimes
parallels itself that you don't take any action at all.
(18:15):
So, you know, it's almost like, you know, or sometimes even
doing too much or, or you know, spreading yourself too thin is
another way that a lot of peopledo that.
And you know, there's a lot of times when you, if you do set
out to do so much, you don't do anything at all.
Hmm. Yeah, yeah.
And what, you know, so I'd say pretty much spreading yourself
(18:36):
too thin. You, you see these people, you
know, especially at higher achievers, you know, not just
warmers, they'll have all these books and all these courses that
are part of all these masterminds are part of, but yet
nothing is complete. You know, they there, there's
unresolved, you know, that there's people who I know and,
and I'll even kind of talk aboutmyself included.
(18:57):
You know, we have bookshelves that are, you know, 102 hundred
300 books that aren't read and yet we're still ordering more
books. It's like, well, you know, maybe
I need to, you know, read the ones that I have or complete the
courses that I registered for. And so there's, there's that,
you know, and sometimes when youhave too many choices, there's
(19:18):
too many options or too many obligations, you don't do
anything cause you just shut it down.
And that's a major form of self sabotage is just, you know,
doing too much threatening yourself through then is one
thing, you know, so even like I said, being being perfectionist.
(19:38):
So another way that I again, it's just not preparing well,
you know, partying the night before performing partying the
night before a student, you know, a grad student who has a
major exam going out to the bar and instead of being, you know,
instead of studying repair or, or just putting off to the last
minute to the point where they have no choice but to gramme.
(20:01):
Yeah, and and and and. We all know that cramming before
anything never works. Yeah.
And doing doing so much that anddoing too many things that you
know that you're that scattergunapproach rather than sort of
focusing honing in on something,completing it and then then
moving to the next phase, you know, tough thing.
(20:22):
So I mean, if, if, if we took that approach in software
development, we would never be able to develop and implement
anything, right? Right.
Yeah. So how do people justify their
behaviours that they're actuallythat are holding them back?
Well they a lot of times it's itfear will actually be a great
(20:49):
deception for you, disguise for you.
So you could justify it by saying ohh I don't feel this
opportunity is really worth my time.
I don't have enough time for it or it's not really worth.
It's beneath me. And so your conscious mind comes
up with some great creative ideas to get you out of stuff.
(21:10):
And you may not even when I say God, you never realise you're
doing it. It's like you just think it's a
waste of time. Why would I do this?
Now? It's going to do this and and
then what happens? You start seeing yourself on the
same level each year each year and not at even further.
So most people who have these fears don't really even realise
(21:32):
they have fears because your conscious mind is just talking
your way out of doing whatever you must fear of, so you don't
feel it. Yeah, but I feel like I feel a
lot of a lot of people living unconscious life anyway.
And then because of that, the conscious mind is not kicking
in, you know, they're living on autopilot and their subconscious
(21:53):
mind and and the subconscious mind is all about your, your
past and your, and your, you know, all the trauma and
everything that you've been through.
So we'll keep, it will keep reminding you, but it will keep
looking for the reasons whateveryou're putting out there, it's
going to justify that. It's going to say Yep, Yep.
You know, you're not good enough.
You can't do that, you know, butme too.
(22:17):
Instead of protecting your subconscious mind is their main
function is to protect you. Now, it may do it the misguided
way, but it's that that's the intention of it.
It's to protect and to protect you from fear, and so it's going
to do whatever it can do. It's staying in that fear means
that you're staying in your comfort zone, which means you're
(22:38):
not, you're not growing, you know, expanding.
And you know, I believe that life is about expansion.
It's about growing growth. And every set back that comes,
every challenge that comes is a is there, it's actually there to
help you grow. It's a stepping stone.
There's no such thing as failure, only feedback.
So if you look at it like, okay,made that mistake or you, you
(23:03):
know, didn't get that way of obstacle was growing in your
way. If you instead of like running
and hiding from it, if you embrace it, it's going to be a
lot more effective in the way you know it'll help you move
forward, you know otherwise again, comfort is the biggest
addiction ever possible. It's so easy they comfortable.
(23:28):
It is so tempting to stay comfortable because again, but
when, when happened, when we setcomfort, we don't grow and we
actually wind up, you know, not living a full of potential.
And then, you know, then we sit there and we wonder why life is
passing us by, why, you know, year after year.
(23:48):
And we've seen this a lot with, you know, people, especially on
social media, you know, when it comes time for the end of the
year, you'll see a lot of peoplesay, ohh, the it's a new year,
new me. And every year it's the same
thing. I hope next year is going to be
a better year. And if you don't do anything, if
(24:09):
you don't do anything differently, eight, you're gonna
it's gonna be the same year timeand time again.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
And what do you think the difference is between healthy,
healthy striving and toxic perfectionism?
So there's, I would say one wordis a difference, you know, and
(24:30):
I'll expand that. But the one word is e-mail.
And there's nothing wrong with thinking highly of yourself.
And actually it's encouraged youto do that.
However, you still have that notion that I'm still learning,
I can still do better, I can still be a better person.
Whereas toxic high self esteem or referred to you know, or
(24:51):
toxic impressionism. One way you look at it is an
actual relate to low self esteemand not open to feedback.
You get hypersensitive when someone criticises you or you
not only criticised Laura Friesen's constructive feedback
you get and you you become closed off by it.
(25:12):
Like sometimes I work with that,you know, me, the actors and
I'll ask them. So where do you currently
training at? And you know, most working
actors and professional are going to tell me I'm in studying
this place, right? You know, I work with this coach
and that coach. I can tell the active products
ICE almost seem well almost lookat me and discuss with that
(25:32):
question and say I don't need the old, I'm already trained, I
don't need anymore. And I can tell you that it's the
biggest misconception ever out there.
Even the most high performed A list actors have who've been
doing this for you know, 30-40 years still have coaches.
Even even coaches have coaches. If you look at some of the high
(25:55):
performance coaches you know that might share, you know, have
thousands of people on the stages every time have their own
coaches that they're working through.
Absolutely, yeah. You know, even Tony Robbins goes
to other people for for wisdom. Yeah.
And so it's it's the that's the difference.
(26:17):
I would say the military humility.
But still, you know, there's that thinking highly of yourself
and thinking it worthy and deserved that.
But you're still learning and you never stop learning.
I feel like it's the moment you,you know, if you're alive,
always going to be learning something.
It's a lifelong journey, right? It's an, and it's a, it's a
(26:38):
continuous journey of learning. Yeah, yeah, lifelong learning.
And so how do you help someone spot these patterns when they
have gone unnoticed for years? I think through insight, I mean,
the biggest thing is, is taking a step back and looking at, you
(27:01):
know, why things are may not be adding up.
And also, This is why it's good to have a coach or someone in
your life that is not good, thatit's not going to be totally
objective, not subjective, but can be objective to a point that
can point out to you what's going on here, you know, because
(27:23):
sometimes their friends and loved ones will tell us what we
want to hear. Hmm.
And that may not be the advice we need at the moment.
So, you know, there's often other perspectives someone even
knows, OK, this is what's going wrong here.
And the greatest way to step outof this is start taking some
action. Small action, even for small,
(27:46):
you don't have to do something, you know, monumental.
But do start with small actions because that's how our mindsets
are going to change when we actually take action too.
And they can be small actions. If you, you know, wanna be a
writer, you know, start writing.If you're being a wanna be a
content creator, start being content creator, you know, step
(28:08):
outside your comfort zone if thelive button on your computer or
your social media platform and go on and do it.
Because the more you do, some ofthe more consistent you are, the
the more the better you're gonnafeel.
And then you're going to have a much better, you know, approach
to things. And that's the way that we
really change our mindset is by changing our behaviours have
(28:32):
been doing something a bit different and that'll start even
the physical actions of doing some will eventually rewire,
rewire our brain, rewire and nervous and neurology and that
won't get us to, you know, much better places.
Let's talk about the fear of failure versus the fear of
success. So we always hear about the feel
(28:55):
of fairy failure, but all you also talk about the fear of
success. Why does fear success feel so
scary for people? Well, there's a lot of pressure,
number one. And two, it's an identity step.
So if you've been accustomed to like, let's say, being the
(29:17):
mediocre or the one that that's in the in the shadows, for
instance, when you become successful, your life is going
to change inevitably. Sometimes you know, you're going
to get more speaking engagements.
And so maybe maybe on the road more as an actor, if you become
sick enough, when you land that Broadway role or you land that
(29:38):
TV series or the lead that blockbuster movie, your life is
going to change. Number one, you know, there's
going to be a lot of time away from home.
There's gonna be a lot of long hours and long days, and the
relationships around you are going to change sometimes.
Sometimes also you know, it it it deals with the programme we
(30:03):
received as kids too, because a lot of times parents you know
had the best of intentions but may give the wrong message into
their children. So do you know shielding them or
or stopping them from taking action?
And our loved ones are our family.
(30:25):
While we can't always choose them, you know, may not always
have the best of intentions for us.
And a lot of times that that fear of losing our relationship
can be such a powerful, you know, motivated to stay
comfortable. Absolutely.
(30:48):
How do you find that early experience of shape the fear?
Um, our parents. You know their parents and they
takes they project their insecurities onto your child by,
you know, pet limiting beliefs. Also the school like what times
(31:09):
I'd say a child is really cool. You know, they try to do an
effort. They ridicule about a teacher
and sometimes the repeated basisI'll just stop crying.
Yeah. And a lot of times we'll we'll
see, you know, I'll see parents.What best of intentions be told
you. You know what?
Yeah, you're, you're just not that.
We're just not bright people. We're not a bright family.
(31:32):
And I want to take a step back. I'm like, you know, when I hear
that Barry say this, I know they're doing it with didn't
realise what they're doing, but it's almost like we're says who?
Who said that? Yeah, who determines that?
And it's sort of like working with limiting beliefs.
(31:52):
Like I can't, you know, nothing ever goes right?
Like nothing. You know nothing.
You know, something had to go, right.
I mean, you got up today. You, you, you showed up to work
on, you know, in one piece. That's something he's running.
So it's a lot of times we go into all or nothing thinking,
(32:12):
you know, where it's like it must be this or or nothing and
more. We we generalise or we distort
or we delete important information.
It's kind of like, you know, that I have a background in a
little bit programming and there's a lot of times that we
generally do is we generalise, we distort things up or delete
(32:37):
information. No, it's that distortion,
deletion, the generalisation that often come in.
And that's where it starts growing up even as family,
whether it's, you know, ourselves or our parents doing
that for us, you know, and, and so, you know, when I, when I
hear sometimes parents say, Lord, you know, we're not really
that smart family. I'm like, well, who told you
(32:58):
that? You think you've talked to every
teacher that ever walked on the face of the earth and all told
me that which is not true. But that's just a a
generalisation. And that's how it starts when
you start doing all these these three things.
And that's how it all you know, begins.
And then it just holds it back. So and the thing boy fear
(33:20):
success is, is I think even more, you know, pervacious in
fear of failure. We don't realise it.
It's not like walk around, someone walks around saying
appear success. You know, most people on here
that are like, that doesn't makesense then.
Well, it does, you know, on somelevel, you know, especially if
you're trying to juggle being a family person and, you know,
(33:44):
having a career. And so in my yeah.
Also it relates to fear of money, too.
How do you be money? And sometimes as children, we
receive messages from our familyand from society that money is,
you know, the root of greed and money is root of all evil, which
has actually been misquoted. You know, the Bible said that it
(34:06):
was a love of money. Not, not that money's.
It's a love of mine. Money is neutral, but if you
internalise that belief that money is ruled evil, are all
rich people are greedy or are evil, well then you're
technologist mine is gonna say Iwanna protect you, therefore I'm
going to make sure you're broke.Yeah.
(34:29):
And it's a relationship with money that but because of that,
those sayings, people don't havea good relationship with them
with money. And also, I mean, if you look at
what's happening in this day andage with I, people think I is
not, not good. A lot of people think I'm scared
about it. But yeah, it is a tool, right?
It's it's here to help us. It's well, you know, I remember
(34:52):
a time when again, I know a day the ageing myself.
But when the Internet became outthe market and in the mid 90s,
people were scared that, you know, the Internet is going to
be evil, is going to take our jobs away.
It's kill us all. And it was the same conversation
we're having now about a I, about the Internet.
And here we are, 30 years later,thriving.
Ohh yeah I I'm again a I is at all.
(35:16):
It's how you use it, you know, and it can be there to help you,
you know, and most people even realised we've been using a I
for years. Yeah, it's been around for a
while. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. Yeah.
So what it comes down to is thatis that because it's it's an
(35:38):
unfamiliar that we tend to push it away or we tend to make a
story that it's it's not, it's not good, it's evil.
And but if we leaned into it andembraced it and became familiar
with it, it would be a differentstory, right.
So where does imposter? Yeah, where does imposter
syndrome come into play? Well, we're playing like, you
(36:02):
know, that your success on some level for your failure, you
know, both of those. And you start to kind of think
of, you know, am I, who am I, you know, to really deserving
them, You know, who am I to really be in this position?
Who am I to be this author or this, you know, guess, you know,
no one's gonna wanna listen to me.
(36:23):
And again, it's all about, you know, shirking yourself.
And I see there's a lot sometimes with actors like the
the book roll, the land of role.And instead of celebrating the
the the shoot it down. It's like, yeah, it's really not
that big budget or project. There wasn't that much
competition and we don't allow ourselves to celebrate when
(36:45):
somebody who always kind of comeup with me and negation a lot,
which is like what? But I got this.
But I got this bug and and that I think is is kind of like what
relates to. It starts stemming from is we
start to feel like, you know, we're really not worth and
(37:07):
especially if you've been told no a lot, especially the most
actors are is it's just overly competitive industry.
So after a while, you know, it starts to think my really
inactive do I really deserve to be here?
Yeah, and like a, you know, based on what you just said
before about don't, don't think it's a good, like it's a, it's
okay or bad. It's they're living in the gap,
(37:30):
right? Instead of living in the game.
It's like every, every opportunity you get is moving
you forward is you're learning something from that experience.
But if you, but if you're livingand if you're saying ohh, but
it's not that great or it's not a a big role or whatever, then
you're kind of living in the gap, right?
Because you're not happy with what you've what you've got.
(37:52):
But you've only got to look backand look, look, look back and
see how far you've come to realise that you actually in the
game, not in the gap. Exactly, Yeah, one thing that I
would say is, you know, take it,take stock of where you are, you
know, and every time and then every every year reflect on how
(38:13):
you've grown, you know, and veryoften with a lot of people don't
realise when they actually do that, it's like, wow, I really
long way. How do you help your clients
connect with their purpose when the deck creeps in?
Now, one of the things I talk about my book and and this in
general is creating what I call happy file or a, you know, a
(38:34):
chronicle or some level of journal, whichever you want to
look at it. And you actually document all
the times when something went well.
You know, you landed in audition, you landed a role or
you've got good feedback from anindustry person.
Older audience member came up and said, hey, you inspired me.
(38:55):
And so you document all these these things and eventually what
happens is, you know, when that comes in, you pull off this file
and you can look at all the positive feedback you've got and
all the positive reviews of that.
And then I'll help you remain committed to your purpose.
So and, and really sit down and reflect on why.
(39:18):
What is it you want to do? Most people want to be
performers because they want to tell stories, they want to be
creative, they want to inspire other people.
They want to change new high. And so sometimes even through
coaching, what you could do is, is you know, this has been one
of the models I've been hearing a lot about is the 7 levels of
(39:40):
why you know why, why you know, when somebody says what you
know, you start saying why do you want to do something?
And then they'll tell you and say, well, and then what is?
Why do you want to do that? Keep asking Bob Wise and then
you'll really get to like by the7th time to really the root
reason and that has to be reminded and sometimes that you
(40:01):
know can just be unique Pathan, you know, write that down your
mainline on your refrigerator. You know your office, you know
the, the, you know that's, you know, that's your desk or that's
your computer and just set that as a reminder for yourself.
Hmm, yeah. Now let's talk a little bit
(40:22):
about that, how we can rewire our mindset and you, you've got
the the tools like Gnosis and inour P and your toolkit.
Now, what's the idea of a happy life and how does it help change
our belief system? Well, happy like is and this is
(40:45):
misconception sometimes in the self help community has that we
must be happy and positive all the time.
Anything that's about so so being happy a lot of times means
just being in control of our emotions.
We control our thoughts, you know, there's thousands of
(41:05):
thoughts that are going to enterour brain everyday and like
there's like 70,000 thoughts canhappen daily in our brain.
The idea is to just because it enters your mind does not mean
you have to dwell on it. Does that make you just let it
go in and out? And so part of that is not
ending to the negative thoughts and and also look what we
(41:28):
mentioned earlier about the deletions generalisation.
Catch yourself when this when you start to go down all or
nothing thinking and say, okay, you know, it's all or nothing
thinking. It's just a thought.
I'm going to let it go. And also doing something that's
you know, you know, outside yourcomfort zone is good too.
(41:50):
You know, again, whether it's hitting that record, but or
going through Toastmasters and giving his speech or going out
in and going to a networking event, doing something that you
know, sets you outside of your comfort zone a little bit,
that's one way to start doing that.
So doing something different to change your life, because if you
(42:11):
look at like the definition of insanity, it's like doing the
same thing over Andover again, expecting a different result.
Exactly. But if you do something
different, you are going to get different results.
So that's one way to change the mindset is sometimes change in
behaviour and then the mindset will.
Spent taking action first, right?
Taking the biggest thing is taking action, and I talk a lot
(42:34):
about this this in general, I'm not a fan of To Do List because
to do lists only make things work, you know, can make things
worse. Anxiety so put things on your
calendar. Your calendar yeah, because it
makes you accountable. So like you you're so so I'm
working. Let's say someone wants to write
a book. Okay, so when we have chapter 1
done, you know again Saturday. So the date for, you know, the
(42:58):
first part of it first, you know, 20 page set dates for this
and whatever order schedule workfor you, but that date for
rather than ideas, because it's like that someday phenomena.
Well, someday I'm going to writea book.
Someday we'll start a podcast. Someday I'm going to, you know,
do this. And some days we'll never have
(43:22):
cause someday it's not real. When will it happen?
And that's when we start taking action.
And it doesn't matter. We have to revise the calendar.
You have to revise the calendar.But it it, if you put it in an
action, it's, it's going to, it's, you're going to have
success. Yeah, if it's not on your
calendar, you know, you're unlikely to do it.
And I remember when I started this podcast, I had the thought
(43:45):
of the idea and I just took action on it.
And like the first thing I did was the interesting thing is I
was actually on a on a mastermind and coaching call and
talking with a group of people. And the coach has just said, you
know, get yourself out there by starting a podcast.
And as he was saying that, I wassigning up to Spotify to and and
(44:08):
then by the end of that call, I had already started set
everything up and I said Yep, I'm done.
Sports and and that that's, you know, and you could set a date,
you know, if somebody wants our podcast, OK, we'll set a date
once the first episode going to be done, you know, set a date
(44:28):
for the first episode. You know now doesn't have to
mean you have to publish everything, but you could set a
date to actually do that. Peak performance coach here in
New Zealand interviewed him, David Nathan.
He said that he must have a timeline and a deadline.
If you don't set a deadline, you're going to be this.
And and that was part of an author mastermind book before I
(44:49):
published anybody's book. And the sobering statistic that
really kind of was a wake up call for me was that 1% of
people who say they want to write a book actually do it.
And that was a wake up call. 99%of people who say they want to
write a book never do it. They say Sunday, I've got to it.
And so it wasn't until I put it in my calendar and say I'm spent
(45:11):
two hours a night and right, it never would have gotten done.
And that when I did that and committed to it, it was finish.
Ohh, you've just put that, you've just prompted me to to do
that because I've been talking about writing a book of and
yeah, I've just got to get. I've just got to start.
Yeah. So if you don't finish.
(45:35):
If you don't start, it'll never get done.
With this positive psychology fit into this fit and compared
to traditional therapy. Well, positive psychology, which
is one of the things that kind of aligned with that.
You know, I will gotta caught meaway from clinical psychology
because that was when I initially went into school for
was a big clinical psychologist and for me it was too limiting.
(46:00):
You know, it was like, cause clinical psychology
traditionally focuses on what's wrong with the Let me slap a
diagnosis on you, a label on you, and therefore let me give
you medication and you know, andthen we'll talk about the issue
for eight or nine years and thenyou'll still be in this place
that we're so a positive psychology.
(46:21):
It's all about what's focusing on what, what what's right with
people. And So what can go right here.
So for example, you know, even if you have a set back, a drama,
for instance, what are the opportunities for growth?
What are the opportunities to, you know, help you become a
better person? How do we develop resiliency and
(46:43):
grit and all of that? And so that's where positive
psychology comes in, focusing onwhat's right with.
Hmm. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. I'd like to talk a little bit
about the big performance and that that actually lasts, right?
You know, there's a lot of peak performance coaches out there
(47:05):
and they talk about their strategies and their coaching
and so on. So let's let's look at that
staying on top without burning, burning out, right?
So what does a sustainable high performance actually look like?
Well, stable, high performance. What does that look like with
(47:29):
peak performance? What that looks like is just
being your best. That's what being, in a sense.
Showing us just showing up as your business vision, Harry, you
know, are you, are you living above the line or below the
line? Are you are you coming in place
of love or are you playing coming from a place of anger or
(47:52):
you know that kind of stuff, right?
So so how you show up each day? How you show up and showing up
in a productive mindset and not letting you know the I mean.
At the same time, I don't want to say ignoring the because
sometimes there may be valid reasons for that, you know, for
the angular disappoint, but not letting it affect you and not
(48:14):
letting it bring you down. Because also what happens is
with this whole, you know, they talk about, you know, said this
before about the unrealistic when you start to bury your a
barrier, sadness or whatever it is, it's gonna creep out in
other ways. Hmm.
Yeah. And you know, are you, are you
(48:34):
showing up in a place of course or affect, you know, are you
living, are you causing things to happen or are you living?
A few things affect you. It's quite important as well.
Yeah, really, that's so important with that cause and
effect thing is to realise how in control we are of our
emotions. And you know, you often hear
(48:55):
people say that, ohh, you know, he may be mad when she made me
mad. No, they didn't.
You chose to get. That's your position, perception
of it, yeah. You made yourself mad, they did.
He may have did the action you know with that might not have
been favourable to you, but you chose to get mad.
You chose and just so if we can see zoom out, we can also choose
(49:19):
to be happy you know to to. Yeah, it was interesting if you
a few years ago I did an acting course and was the Meisner
technique which was developed byStanford Masner.
We had to, we had to act with the using the behaviour of the
other person. So quite often we'd be doing a
(49:40):
repetition and you know, you'd say, ohh, you're angry.
No, I'm not angry. You're angry.
No, I'm not angry. But then, you know, the person
starting to get wound up and, and, and that we were taught
that when you when you work off the behaviour of the other
(50:00):
person, that's that's more realistic, right.
And so it's quite, quite interesting.
I mean, so sometimes you wouldn't want to do that in real
life with people, otherwise you might get a punch in the face or
something like that. But but from an acting
perspective, it made it organic and, and more, you know.
Yeah, the other question, because what daily and weekly
(50:23):
practises do you recommend to keep mental clarity and energy
that's I rather than getting youdown all the time?
Well, I would say definitely, you know, journaling,
meditation. Ohh.
Clearing your thoughts, you know, sometimes getting out of
the house even you know what, getting out National walk is
(50:49):
great. Just clear mind, you know that
or do something different. Like, you know, like I,
especially as actors I work with, I tell them that they
should have outside interest. They they need to have outside
interests and hobbies tactic. So that's one thing to do is
just do something different. Give yourself do something you
(51:11):
love in a sense, even if it's not related to your job at the
moment. So, but I would say the main
thing is meditation. Journaling is good, you know,
and you just get, you know, changing surrounding.
Going for a walk sometimes can help.
That's that's really good advicehere.
And I agree with you getting outand moving as as a so important.
(51:34):
So a lot of people deal with rejection and setbacks and
different ways. What's the healthy way to deal
with rejection and setbacks? Well, the setbacks are part of
what you know. What can you learn from you
know, what can you learn from the the rejected and you know,
coming from even an LB sample, we can look at reframe rejection
(51:57):
as a gentle reminder that your services are does not needed at
the moment. And very often we take, we blow
it out of proportion. You know, I was turned down for
well, OK, it's not you personally or your vision or
your you know, or what, what, what, what you were offering,
which was not what the other person was looking for.
(52:19):
And so it's not rejection if you, you know, because rejection
sounds personal. So that's the biggest thing I
would say is not take it personally.
I've been learning that lately in my own businesses when I'm
talking to clients. And, you know, sometimes I'll
come back and say, look, I can invest at the moment.
I just don't have the the budgetor the funds.
(52:39):
And not to take that personally,but it's just the situation is
where they're at the moment. So yeah.
And then, yeah. So you've got to so the same
thing with them. Whether you're an actor, you may
not land the role. And I mean, I remember when I
used to go for auditions and they'd be like 100 people going
for the same audition. And that what it comes down to
(53:02):
is the client who wants a particular look and and they
also want a particular type of representation.
And you may not fit that. That's no reflection on you or
who what you do, right? It's just that you went just the
right fit for that particular. Role, exactly.
(53:22):
And yeah, you know, and they'll think of you in the future for
another year, another role. And it's not personal.
And that's they they can only bring one eye or one person for
role. Exactly is it?
Yeah, or any doubt, you know they can only hire one person
for that position. So let's talk about like how
(53:45):
leaders like CEOs or you know, general managers, managing
directors, people leaders who have they could build
environments where people feel safe and supported mentally.
While the leaders should really incorporate the ideas of their
(54:05):
people that they're working on, you know, that are working under
that. So by, you know, incorporating
them in, in decisions for the company or decisions for the,
the team and not just making decisions without seeking their
approval and also just taking a simple action of like checking
in. You know, a lot of times leaders
have the OR CEOs have the habit of just pointing out things are
(54:29):
wrong or pointing out they need something from their their team.
So checking in on them on a weekly basis, like how are you
doing? How's your day going?
Yeah, the start taking those actions then you know, and, and
what can I do as a leader to support you?
(54:49):
Where do you need? Support.
Yeah, absolutely agree. Thank you so much for sharing
that. It's been a great chat.
I've got 6 quick Fox questions for you and you could answer
these in a single word or a short sentence.
And the first question is, what is your definition of success?
And has that definition changed overtime?
(55:12):
Success for me is doing what youwant and being able to do it
comfortably. And then I look differently.
Yeah. Absolutely.
Who's been your greatest inspiration and why?
My greatest inspiration for me has been my grandmother, my
(55:34):
paternal grandmother. You know, she overcame
adversity. She only went to high school in
the 5th grade because she had tosupport her family during the
Great Depression. And you know, she wanted that,
you know, have excessive business at the seamstress and
you know, had a family. So for me that was.
(55:54):
Bring. More what is something that you
believe that others may disagreewith?
Um, I, I would say, you know, though some people may disagree
with, you know, the idea of the,the not taking rejection
personal. A lot of times, especially,
(56:15):
actors tend to all things that are proportion.
Yeah, if you could go back and give your younger self one piece
of advice, what would it be? That would be a lot, but I would
probably tell myself that would really have some conversation.
But I would definitely say, you know, stop caring about what
(56:38):
other people think. You know, in the sense that just
do what you love and it's not important what people think of
you. Yeah, absolutely, totally agree
with you. What is 1 message that you'd
like to share with the world? Just do what you want and go
for. Yeah.
(56:59):
Sadly. And what does it mean to you to
be a champion and to have a champion mindset?
A champion is someone who is living their dreams and living
their purpose. And.
Not letting obstacles get in their way and looking at that
value set. Yeah, yeah.
(57:22):
They were. Well, thank you, Doctor
Romantic, for your time and the honest, practical conversation.
I love how you've broken down some of those complex ideas into
simple steps. And if you're listening to this
episode right now, then, and something that Doctor Parmenter
has said hits home for you, takea moment to reflect.
(57:46):
Maybe it's time for you to look at your own patterns and ask, is
this actually helping me or is this holding, holding me back?
Awareness really is the first step.
And I truly believe that awareness is the first step.
And then you've got to go on a discovery one and then discover
(58:07):
what's going on. And then you take action on
that, right. So, yeah.
So to learn more about Doctor Bramante and his work, visit,
there will be links in the ShineNotes.
You can follow him on LinkedIn or Instagram.
And for more wisdom on the performance ecology and meet
mastery. And if this episode has given
(58:30):
you a new way of thinking, please leave me a comment and
share it and connect with us on on social media, subscribe to
this podcast and also share thisepisode with someone who may
benefit from listening to it. And remember that, you know,
these real conversations on mindset, growth and loving
(58:52):
living your purpose are, you know, it's so important that you
take all this information and but then you take action on it,
right? You can listen to this and it
might come out, go in one ear and come out the other and
that's not going to help you, but you want to kind of like go
in one year, go into your brain and start taking action, right?
(59:14):
Feel it in your body and start taking action.
And lastly, I just want to say you are loved.
You're worthy, Champion your life, champion your greatness
and have an amazing day. Thank you.
I received my bouts with the masters and then right after it
received my master's degree, unfortunately, 911 for me
research, but also being around creativity like pivoted instead
of becoming an actor. I decided that would represent
so 2004 started my company, first company.
So when it came down for me to present my proposal for
(00:25):
dissertation, I almost came out and said what's wrong with you
That why are they self sabotage?It's all about, you know,
shirking yourself. And I see there's a lot
sometimes like they're the book roll the land a role.
And instead of celebrating the the those tune it down.
It's like, yeah, it's really notthat big budget or project.
If you, you know, want to be a writer, you know, start writing,
(00:45):
you're being a want to be a content grader, start being
content creator, you know, step outside your comfort zone.
It's the live button on your computer or your social media
platform and go live and do it because the more you do, some of
the more consistent you are, thethe more the better you were
going to feel and you're going to have a much better, you know,
(01:06):
approach to them. Well happy by is and there's a
misconception sometimes indicates self help community
yeah that we must be happy and possible be happy a lot of times
being just being in control of most be controller thought the
champion is someone who is living in green and living their
not letting obstacles get in their way and looking at value
(01:29):
said. Hello, welcome back to the
Champion Monster Collective podcast.
Today we're diving into what really holds high performers
back and how to breakthrough it.I'm sitting down with Doctor
Albert Bramante, a rippling of talent agent and performance
psychologist who spent over 2 decades helping entertainers,
(01:49):
entrepreneurs and executives muster their mindset.
He's got a PhD in psychology plus certifications and hypnosis
in NLP and brings a unique perspective on mental health
side of success. We'll be talking about the
hidden fears that drive self sabotage and how imposter
syndrome creeps and why fear of success is just as real as fear
(02:15):
of failure. Most importantly, we're going to
unpack practical tools that anyone can use to build
sustainable peak performance without bending out O.
Let's welcome Doctor Albert Bramante to the Champion Music
Collective podcast. Welcome everyone.
Thank you so much for having me on.
I'm really happy to be here and I appreciate the opportunity.
(02:39):
It is my pleasure, but before wego into questions, I'd love for
you to share a little bit about your journey in life from
childhood to where you are todayand what's the journey been like
and, and also from a mindset perspective, what's that?
How is that evolved for you? Well, from a mindset
(03:00):
perspective, I, you know, very, very, very, very interesting
life. So I was born the youngest of
five and kind of considered the white sheep of the family when I
say that, and I was different. So I come from family of long
(03:21):
family that coaches athletes. So there is that, you know,
landscape a lot of more footballplayers, coaches and you know,
naturally they tried to get me involved, you know, like from
involved and like footballs in my head, baseball's in my head
that, you know, I had no interest in it, Zero and zero
(03:44):
skill. But however, I enjoy being in
the library. I enjoyed reading books and so
my sanctuary on the weekend was in the library and I started
reading a lot of books about psychology and the mind and
became so enthralled by by this that I really sat down and
(04:09):
decided in high school I want tomake her in psychology.
I want to study psychology in college and but I was also
interested in performing arts too.
Joy of going movies. I enjoyed seeing plays.
I enjoyed seeing musicals and I was in a drama club in high
school and I liked it. And then in college I took some
electives in theatre and acting and enjoyed that as well.
(04:32):
And I received my bachelors and masters and then right after I
received my masters degree, unfortunately not 11.
Happened right in near city where is not very far from the
only half an hour. So I started working in social
services. I was volunteered a couple
different places and I started meeting a lot of actors again
(04:52):
and performing and I so you don't want to come revive this.
So I started as an actor, you know, myself and quickly
realised that it wasn't for me, but I enjoyed being around
actors. I enjoyed being around creative
people. But I also still love psychology
and I loved, you know, being researched, doing research.
(05:14):
I was adding, I was always considered to think are still in
the thinker. So for me, research but also
being around creativity is important to me, so I pivot it.
Instead of become an actor, I decided I would represent actors
and so 2004 started my company, first company representing
(05:36):
actors and that's where I still do full time.
I represent actors in all areas,film, people, theatre,
commercial printing, voice over.And then while I started my
agency, I wanted to kind of complete the the programme, the
process. I already was halfway through my
education. I said might as well complete
(05:57):
it. So I went back to school for PhD
and what I found was the best ofboth worlds because we had in
order to complete the pH process, we have to write it a
piece of their dissertation, youknow, kind of our contribution
to the world and the instructions that we received
was to solve a real world problem, a real world issue.
(06:21):
And what one of the issues I have running up against as a an
agent and they're all security, you know, with peak.
My curiosity is like ologist is why were these actors self
sabotaging what was happening here?
When I say self advertising, what I'm referring to is is
making excuses for not going on auditions, not showing up for
(06:43):
auditions, being late for appointments, not fully
repairing it. And I couldn't really understand
that the reason behind it because you know these actors
telling me on one hand how much they really wanted to work and
yet their behaviours were telling you those stories.
So when it came down for me to present my proposal for
(07:06):
dissertation, I almost came out and said what's wrong with
these? Why are they self sabotaging?
And my committee and advisors loved.
And so that became the focus of my doctoral dissertation and I
received application 2015. Flash Fast forward several years
(07:28):
later in 2023, I sat down and book.
In 2024 I published it and it's called Rise of the Script.
Confronting Self, that masteringself sabotage for performing
artists. And you know, it's pretty much
in that zone here I am. Thank you for sharing that,
Albert. Let's talk about bridging 2
(07:48):
worlds. Like what have you learned from
balancing both those wills between acting and the
psychology side of things? Well, I learned that there were
kind of like the link is that they're not too far in separate,
that I was able to kind of bridge the gap to some level.
(08:10):
And it helped me as an agent because being that I'm
representing and be an advocate for actors to understand the
mindset that the actor goes through.
And rather than looking at a point of frustration, it comes
from me more from understanding and even empathic point of view
too. Yeah.
(08:31):
So that was that was the biggestpiece of it is just the more of
the level of understanding of the psyche of the actor.
What's really happening here andyou know, ways that I can sort
of help them, you know, improve their mindset because that's
what really self sabotage is. Sometimes it's improved, that is
(08:52):
by reframing or changing their mindset.
Hmm. Yeah.
Are there certain mental patterns that show up again and
again for entertainers and see or CEOs that most people
wouldn't expect? The issue that a lot of the
cycles that come up with self doubt and I can tell you even a
(09:15):
list actors were running that moments of self doubt.
And I'm sure you know, even company CEOs run into issues of
self doubt and they may not comeout and say that verbatim.
You know, obviously for image issue, you know, an image is
concerned that they may just want to hide that in and have
(09:36):
that allusion or projection of having them altogether.
And so that can come up overtimeis the idea that they must have
it altogether. Yeah, yeah.
I mean with, especially with thelist, it's such a, you know,
they're expected to be perfect, right?
(09:57):
But. Of course.
Yeah, no, you're absolutely right.
Always be perfect and then also to always be on all the time.
And, and also if there's the, you know, the thing about actors
that are very complex and they put, they play certain
characters and some of them get really down for the characters
that they play, but their characters are not part of who
(10:22):
they are as a person. And you know, there's an intense
interest from fans, but a lot oftimes the fans have so much
wrapped up into the character they play that there's a
disconnect. Where?
What about me as a person? And then you experience what is
(10:43):
the biggest myth about what is really what it really takes to
succeed mentally. Well, the biggest myth is our
statements conception is, you know, the challenges.
And I think that that was reallyis needed as a resiliency.
You know, that while this can appear to be an exciting and fun
(11:04):
industry, and it is, and I'm notgoing to say it's not, but it
what, what I think a lot of people don't understand is that
requires a lot of hard work, tenacity, focus and time because
as a performer, especially in the performing arts industry,
it's going to take a while. You know, just like in any other
(11:25):
company, you're not going to become CEO overnight.
So you're not going to be any listener overnight.
It's going to take years and years of process and you may
never reach that level. And same thing like someone who
you know aspires to be CEO may never reach that unless of
course it's not their own company, but within ranks of a
(11:47):
company they may never reach that.
And and so there's, you know, sometimes that let down or that
frustration that can come in. Yeah, yeah.
And not not starting is is it will be, you know, often not
starting something has to do with fear, you know,
(12:09):
procrastination. All that is to is is the is the
fear of again, what we talked what and what I talked about in
the introduction was it's, it's a fear of failure or fear of
success. Exactly, 100%.
And I, I, I feel like a lot of programmes that, that are
(12:29):
addressing procrastination, you know, are doing the Band-Aid
approach to it where it's like, okay, you know, obviously need
to take actions, of course, and to put a calendar and all these
things together. But it's, you're not the one
with the real root of the issue,which is fear, a trauma,
perfectionism. And I feel like perfection and
(12:49):
presentation are very similar and make it off.
You get off that boat in person is perfection skin off that's
very kind of person can also be effective.
So, but there has to be a way tomanage and work at the root
cause of that. You know, like, like a lot of
(13:10):
the, you know, research and a lot of the, the experts that
that I've talked to in that productivity space refer and,
and, and the psychological staterefer to procrastination and
professions as symptoms. Now the problems in itself, it's
it's a symptom of something bigger.
Absolutely. That's, and this is where
(13:32):
sometimes again, changing your mindset and going to poaching is
important because very often it couldn't sound that a lot of
times procrastination and perfectionism is unresolved
trauma. So it's a trauma response.
And if you don't deal with that,you know, great.
(13:52):
I mean, these procrastination programmes are good.
I'm not saying that anybody should do that.
However, there has to be, you know, be a bigger issue that's
to be called before those programmes affected and that
might be working with the underlying cause of your
perfection and and procrastination.
And they could be different. So I, you know, it's hard to
(14:14):
sometimes diagnose someone on the show like this because like,
everyone has their own unique reasons for whatever it is they
do. So it would have to.
This is why I think it's important to work with the coach
or even therapist somehow if if this is a problem that keep
persisting to figure out what's exactly underneath.
(14:37):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And you know, it's what we were
talking about before around perfection, but also like, like
as I was watching the at Graham Norton Club, it was a series of
clips with Tom Cruise and like the different movies that he's
been part of. And it's almost become his life
(14:58):
because, you know, he flies planes now and he does a lot of
things that he that he's done inthe movies.
And for him, it's actually been a lifelong journey of doing
because he was talking about howlike for him when he was a kid,
he was doing stunts and stuff athome.
And so it's been a continuum forhim through these movies.
(15:21):
But you know, he's so dedicated and and what he does and a bit
of a perfectionist as well. Yeah, a lot of actors are are
that, you know, are like that and it they're committed to
their craft, they're committed to telling stories and that, you
know, which can be an asset on one level, but however, it can
(15:43):
also sometimes put them in the dark path when they identified
too much with their character. We saw that tragically with the
case of the Ledger, for instance, that, you know, 2008
that after the dark night, it kind of really killed them.
Unfortunately, you know, down the line now it was, I'm sure,
(16:04):
you know, I can guarantee you I didn't say I don't know him, but
I can guarantee you that it was not just that movie was leading
up. There was and might have been
the actual final. Now was that that there was
stuff building up before that. Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely. Again, you know, we have
(16:24):
moviegoers enjoy, you know, OK, you know, either great or Dark
Knight. He, you know, was amazing in
that. However, you know, there's a
cost that a lot of people don't realise there.
It gets another myth that that'swhy there's a high amount of
substance, drug and alcohol use in the performing arts
(16:45):
community. Yeah, I'm talking of that
because, you know, there's a lotof unresolved drama, which is,
you know, great if you're tryingto play a dark role for the
viewers, but it's a cost to the actors psyche and mental health.
Yeah, absolutely. Being a creative myself, I
(17:07):
understand and appreciate like for me, my journey, I've been
through a lot of trauma in my life, but luckily I didn't go
down the hamming myself type scenario.
Although like there was a pattern of things that just keep
continued to keep happening until I got to a point that I
realised that, hey, something's got to change here.
(17:28):
And so I had to start changing my mindset and changing the way
I was showing up in the world toand then be able to sharpen a
way that it was going to serve me and rather than drag me down
the other way. So let's talk a little bit about
self sabotage and the fear that we don't see.
So you see the self sabotage is often a fear that we wearing as
(17:51):
a disguise. What are some of the most common
ways that high performers and knowingly get in their in their
way? Why are you?
Doubting themselves, doubting their choices, number one.
And sometimes it, you know, whenyou, when you sometimes
parallels itself that you don't take any action at all.
(18:15):
So, you know, it's almost like, you know, or sometimes even
doing too much or, or you know, spreading yourself too thin is
another way that a lot of peopledo that.
And you know, there's a lot of times when you, if you do set
out to do so much, you don't do anything at all.
Hmm. Yeah, yeah.
And what, you know, so I'd say pretty much spreading yourself
(18:36):
too thin. You, you see these people, you
know, especially at higher achievers, you know, not just
warmers, they'll have all these books and all these courses that
are part of all these masterminds are part of, but yet
nothing is complete. You know, they there, there's
unresolved, you know, that there's people who I know and,
and I'll even kind of talk aboutmyself included.
(18:57):
You know, we have bookshelves that are, you know, 102 hundred
300 books that aren't read and yet we're still ordering more
books. It's like, well, you know, maybe
I need to, you know, read the ones that I have or complete the
courses that I registered for. And so there's, there's that,
you know, and sometimes when youhave too many choices, there's
(19:18):
too many options or too many obligations, you don't do
anything cause you just shut it down.
And that's a major form of self sabotage is just, you know,
doing too much threatening yourself through then is one
thing, you know, so even like I said, being being perfectionist.
(19:38):
So another way that I again, it's just not preparing well,
you know, partying the night before performing partying the
night before a student, you know, a grad student who has a
major exam going out to the bar and instead of being, you know,
instead of studying repair or, or just putting off to the last
minute to the point where they have no choice but to gramme.
(20:01):
Yeah, and and and and. We all know that cramming before
anything never works. Yeah.
And doing doing so much that anddoing too many things that you
know that you're that scattergunapproach rather than sort of
focusing honing in on something,completing it and then then
moving to the next phase, you know, tough thing.
(20:22):
So I mean, if, if, if we took that approach in software
development, we would never be able to develop and implement
anything, right? Right.
Yeah. So how do people justify their
behaviours that they're actuallythat are holding them back?
Well they a lot of times it's itfear will actually be a great
(20:49):
deception for you, disguise for you.
So you could justify it by saying ohh I don't feel this
opportunity is really worth my time.
I don't have enough time for it or it's not really worth.
It's beneath me. And so your conscious mind comes
up with some great creative ideas to get you out of stuff.
(21:10):
And you may not even when I say God, you never realise you're
doing it. It's like you just think it's a
waste of time. Why would I do this?
Now? It's going to do this and and
then what happens? You start seeing yourself on the
same level each year each year and not at even further.
So most people who have these fears don't really even realise
(21:32):
they have fears because your conscious mind is just talking
your way out of doing whatever you must fear of, so you don't
feel it. Yeah, but I feel like I feel a
lot of a lot of people living unconscious life anyway.
And then because of that, the conscious mind is not kicking
in, you know, they're living on autopilot and their subconscious
(21:53):
mind and and the subconscious mind is all about your, your
past and your, and your, you know, all the trauma and
everything that you've been through.
So we'll keep, it will keep reminding you, but it will keep
looking for the reasons whateveryou're putting out there, it's
going to justify that. It's going to say Yep, Yep.
You know, you're not good enough.
You can't do that, you know, butme too.
(22:17):
Instead of protecting your subconscious mind is their main
function is to protect you. Now, it may do it the misguided
way, but it's that that's the intention of it.
It's to protect and to protect you from fear, and so it's going
to do whatever it can do. It's staying in that fear means
that you're staying in your comfort zone, which means you're
(22:38):
not, you're not growing, you know, expanding.
And you know, I believe that life is about expansion.
It's about growing growth. And every set back that comes,
every challenge that comes is a is there, it's actually there to
help you grow. It's a stepping stone.
There's no such thing as failure, only feedback.
So if you look at it like, okay,made that mistake or you, you
(23:03):
know, didn't get that way of obstacle was growing in your
way. If you instead of like running
and hiding from it, if you embrace it, it's going to be a
lot more effective in the way you know it'll help you move
forward, you know otherwise again, comfort is the biggest
addiction ever possible. It's so easy they comfortable.
(23:28):
It is so tempting to stay comfortable because again, but
when, when happened, when we setcomfort, we don't grow and we
actually wind up, you know, not living a full of potential.
And then, you know, then we sit there and we wonder why life is
passing us by, why, you know, year after year.
(23:48):
And we've seen this a lot with, you know, people, especially on
social media, you know, when it comes time for the end of the
year, you'll see a lot of peoplesay, ohh, the it's a new year,
new me. And every year it's the same
thing. I hope next year is going to be
a better year. And if you don't do anything, if
(24:09):
you don't do anything differently, eight, you're gonna
it's gonna be the same year timeand time again.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
And what do you think the difference is between healthy,
healthy striving and toxic perfectionism?
So there's, I would say one wordis a difference, you know, and
(24:30):
I'll expand that. But the one word is e-mail.
And there's nothing wrong with thinking highly of yourself.
And actually it's encouraged youto do that.
However, you still have that notion that I'm still learning,
I can still do better, I can still be a better person.
Whereas toxic high self esteem or referred to you know, or
(24:51):
toxic impressionism. One way you look at it is an
actual relate to low self esteemand not open to feedback.
You get hypersensitive when someone criticises you or you
not only criticised Laura Friesen's constructive feedback
you get and you you become closed off by it.
(25:12):
Like sometimes I work with that,you know, me, the actors and
I'll ask them. So where do you currently
training at? And you know, most working
actors and professional are going to tell me I'm in studying
this place, right? You know, I work with this coach
and that coach. I can tell the active products
ICE almost seem well almost lookat me and discuss with that
(25:32):
question and say I don't need the old, I'm already trained, I
don't need anymore. And I can tell you that it's the
biggest misconception ever out there.
Even the most high performed A list actors have who've been
doing this for you know, 30-40 years still have coaches.
Even even coaches have coaches. If you look at some of the high
(25:55):
performance coaches you know that might share, you know, have
thousands of people on the stages every time have their own
coaches that they're working through.
Absolutely, yeah. You know, even Tony Robbins goes
to other people for for wisdom. Yeah.
And so it's it's the that's the difference.
(26:17):
I would say the military humility.
But still, you know, there's that thinking highly of yourself
and thinking it worthy and deserved that.
But you're still learning and you never stop learning.
I feel like it's the moment you,you know, if you're alive,
always going to be learning something.
It's a lifelong journey, right? It's an, and it's a, it's a
(26:38):
continuous journey of learning. Yeah, yeah, lifelong learning.
And so how do you help someone spot these patterns when they
have gone unnoticed for years? I think through insight, I mean,
the biggest thing is, is taking a step back and looking at, you
(27:01):
know, why things are may not be adding up.
And also, This is why it's good to have a coach or someone in
your life that is not good, thatit's not going to be totally
objective, not subjective, but can be objective to a point that
can point out to you what's going on here, you know, because
(27:23):
sometimes their friends and loved ones will tell us what we
want to hear. Hmm.
And that may not be the advice we need at the moment.
So, you know, there's often other perspectives someone even
knows, OK, this is what's going wrong here.
And the greatest way to step outof this is start taking some
action. Small action, even for small,
(27:46):
you don't have to do something, you know, monumental.
But do start with small actions because that's how our mindsets
are going to change when we actually take action too.
And they can be small actions. If you, you know, wanna be a
writer, you know, start writing.If you're being a wanna be a
content creator, start being content creator, you know, step
(28:08):
outside your comfort zone if thelive button on your computer or
your social media platform and go on and do it.
Because the more you do, some ofthe more consistent you are, the
the more the better you're gonnafeel.
And then you're going to have a much better, you know, approach
to things. And that's the way that we
really change our mindset is by changing our behaviours have
(28:32):
been doing something a bit different and that'll start even
the physical actions of doing some will eventually rewire,
rewire our brain, rewire and nervous and neurology and that
won't get us to, you know, much better places.
Let's talk about the fear of failure versus the fear of
success. So we always hear about the feel
(28:55):
of fairy failure, but all you also talk about the fear of
success. Why does fear success feel so
scary for people? Well, there's a lot of pressure,
number one. And two, it's an identity step.
So if you've been accustomed to like, let's say, being the
(29:17):
mediocre or the one that that's in the in the shadows, for
instance, when you become successful, your life is going
to change inevitably. Sometimes you know, you're going
to get more speaking engagements.
And so maybe maybe on the road more as an actor, if you become
sick enough, when you land that Broadway role or you land that
(29:38):
TV series or the lead that blockbuster movie, your life is
going to change. Number one, you know, there's
going to be a lot of time away from home.
There's gonna be a lot of long hours and long days, and the
relationships around you are going to change sometimes.
Sometimes also you know, it it it deals with the programme we
(30:03):
received as kids too, because a lot of times parents you know
had the best of intentions but may give the wrong message into
their children. So do you know shielding them or
or stopping them from taking action?
And our loved ones are our family.
(30:25):
While we can't always choose them, you know, may not always
have the best of intentions for us.
And a lot of times that that fear of losing our relationship
can be such a powerful, you know, motivated to stay
comfortable. Absolutely.
(30:48):
How do you find that early experience of shape the fear?
Um, our parents. You know their parents and they
takes they project their insecurities onto your child by,
you know, pet limiting beliefs. Also the school like what times
(31:09):
I'd say a child is really cool. You know, they try to do an
effort. They ridicule about a teacher
and sometimes the repeated basisI'll just stop crying.
Yeah. And a lot of times we'll we'll
see, you know, I'll see parents.What best of intentions be told
you. You know what?
Yeah, you're, you're just not that.
We're just not bright people. We're not a bright family.
(31:32):
And I want to take a step back. I'm like, you know, when I hear
that Barry say this, I know they're doing it with didn't
realise what they're doing, but it's almost like we're says who?
Who said that? Yeah, who determines that?
And it's sort of like working with limiting beliefs.
(31:52):
Like I can't, you know, nothing ever goes right?
Like nothing. You know nothing.
You know, something had to go, right.
I mean, you got up today. You, you, you showed up to work
on, you know, in one piece. That's something he's running.
So it's a lot of times we go into all or nothing thinking,
(32:12):
you know, where it's like it must be this or or nothing and
more. We we generalise or we distort
or we delete important information.
It's kind of like, you know, that I have a background in a
little bit programming and there's a lot of times that we
generally do is we generalise, we distort things up or delete
(32:37):
information. No, it's that distortion,
deletion, the generalisation that often come in.
And that's where it starts growing up even as family,
whether it's, you know, ourselves or our parents doing
that for us, you know, and, and so, you know, when I, when I
hear sometimes parents say, Lord, you know, we're not really
that smart family. I'm like, well, who told you
(32:58):
that? You think you've talked to every
teacher that ever walked on the face of the earth and all told
me that which is not true. But that's just a a
generalisation. And that's how it starts when
you start doing all these these three things.
And that's how it all you know, begins.
And then it just holds it back. So and the thing boy fear
(33:20):
success is, is I think even more, you know, pervacious in
fear of failure. We don't realise it.
It's not like walk around, someone walks around saying
appear success. You know, most people on here
that are like, that doesn't makesense then.
Well, it does, you know, on somelevel, you know, especially if
you're trying to juggle being a family person and, you know,
(33:44):
having a career. And so in my yeah.
Also it relates to fear of money, too.
How do you be money? And sometimes as children, we
receive messages from our familyand from society that money is,
you know, the root of greed and money is root of all evil, which
has actually been misquoted. You know, the Bible said that it
(34:06):
was a love of money. Not, not that money's.
It's a love of mine. Money is neutral, but if you
internalise that belief that money is ruled evil, are all
rich people are greedy or are evil, well then you're
technologist mine is gonna say Iwanna protect you, therefore I'm
going to make sure you're broke.Yeah.
(34:29):
And it's a relationship with money that but because of that,
those sayings, people don't havea good relationship with them
with money. And also, I mean, if you look at
what's happening in this day andage with I, people think I is
not, not good. A lot of people think I'm scared
about it. But yeah, it is a tool, right?
It's it's here to help us. It's well, you know, I remember
(34:52):
a time when again, I know a day the ageing myself.
But when the Internet became outthe market and in the mid 90s,
people were scared that, you know, the Internet is going to
be evil, is going to take our jobs away.
It's kill us all. And it was the same conversation
we're having now about a I, about the Internet.
And here we are, 30 years later,thriving.
Ohh yeah I I'm again a I is at all.
(35:16):
It's how you use it, you know, and it can be there to help you,
you know, and most people even realised we've been using a I
for years. Yeah, it's been around for a
while. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. Yeah.
So what it comes down to is thatis that because it's it's an
(35:38):
unfamiliar that we tend to push it away or we tend to make a
story that it's it's not, it's not good, it's evil.
And but if we leaned into it andembraced it and became familiar
with it, it would be a differentstory, right.
So where does imposter? Yeah, where does imposter
syndrome come into play? Well, we're playing like, you
(36:02):
know, that your success on some level for your failure, you
know, both of those. And you start to kind of think
of, you know, am I, who am I, you know, to really deserving
them, You know, who am I to really be in this position?
Who am I to be this author or this, you know, guess, you know,
no one's gonna wanna listen to me.
(36:23):
And again, it's all about, you know, shirking yourself.
And I see there's a lot sometimes with actors like the
the book roll, the land of role.And instead of celebrating the
the the shoot it down. It's like, yeah, it's really not
that big budget or project. There wasn't that much
competition and we don't allow ourselves to celebrate when
(36:45):
somebody who always kind of comeup with me and negation a lot,
which is like what? But I got this.
But I got this bug and and that I think is is kind of like what
relates to. It starts stemming from is we
start to feel like, you know, we're really not worth and
(37:07):
especially if you've been told no a lot, especially the most
actors are is it's just overly competitive industry.
So after a while, you know, it starts to think my really
inactive do I really deserve to be here?
Yeah, and like a, you know, based on what you just said
before about don't, don't think it's a good, like it's a, it's
okay or bad. It's they're living in the gap,
(37:30):
right? Instead of living in the game.
It's like every, every opportunity you get is moving
you forward is you're learning something from that experience.
But if you, but if you're livingand if you're saying ohh, but
it's not that great or it's not a a big role or whatever, then
you're kind of living in the gap, right?
Because you're not happy with what you've what you've got.
(37:52):
But you've only got to look backand look, look, look back and
see how far you've come to realise that you actually in the
game, not in the gap. Exactly, Yeah, one thing that I
would say is, you know, take it,take stock of where you are, you
know, and every time and then every every year reflect on how
(38:13):
you've grown, you know, and veryoften with a lot of people don't
realise when they actually do that, it's like, wow, I really
long way. How do you help your clients
connect with their purpose when the deck creeps in?
Now, one of the things I talk about my book and and this in
general is creating what I call happy file or a, you know, a
(38:34):
chronicle or some level of journal, whichever you want to
look at it. And you actually document all
the times when something went well.
You know, you landed in audition, you landed a role or
you've got good feedback from anindustry person.
Older audience member came up and said, hey, you inspired me.
(38:55):
And so you document all these these things and eventually what
happens is, you know, when that comes in, you pull off this file
and you can look at all the positive feedback you've got and
all the positive reviews of that.
And then I'll help you remain committed to your purpose.
So and, and really sit down and reflect on why.
(39:18):
What is it you want to do? Most people want to be
performers because they want to tell stories, they want to be
creative, they want to inspire other people.
They want to change new high. And so sometimes even through
coaching, what you could do is, is you know, this has been one
of the models I've been hearing a lot about is the 7 levels of
(39:40):
why you know why, why you know, when somebody says what you
know, you start saying why do you want to do something?
And then they'll tell you and say, well, and then what is?
Why do you want to do that? Keep asking Bob Wise and then
you'll really get to like by the7th time to really the root
reason and that has to be reminded and sometimes that you
(40:01):
know can just be unique Pathan, you know, write that down your
mainline on your refrigerator. You know your office, you know
the, the, you know that's, you know, that's your desk or that's
your computer and just set that as a reminder for yourself.
Hmm, yeah. Now let's talk a little bit
(40:22):
about that, how we can rewire our mindset and you, you've got
the the tools like Gnosis and inour P and your toolkit.
Now, what's the idea of a happy life and how does it help change
our belief system? Well, happy like is and this is
(40:45):
misconception sometimes in the self help community has that we
must be happy and positive all the time.
Anything that's about so so being happy a lot of times means
just being in control of our emotions.
We control our thoughts, you know, there's thousands of
(41:05):
thoughts that are going to enterour brain everyday and like
there's like 70,000 thoughts canhappen daily in our brain.
The idea is to just because it enters your mind does not mean
you have to dwell on it. Does that make you just let it
go in and out? And so part of that is not
ending to the negative thoughts and and also look what we
(41:28):
mentioned earlier about the deletions generalisation.
Catch yourself when this when you start to go down all or
nothing thinking and say, okay, you know, it's all or nothing
thinking. It's just a thought.
I'm going to let it go. And also doing something that's
you know, you know, outside yourcomfort zone is good too.
(41:50):
You know, again, whether it's hitting that record, but or
going through Toastmasters and giving his speech or going out
in and going to a networking event, doing something that you
know, sets you outside of your comfort zone a little bit,
that's one way to start doing that.
So doing something different to change your life, because if you
(42:11):
look at like the definition of insanity, it's like doing the
same thing over Andover again, expecting a different result.
Exactly. But if you do something
different, you are going to get different results.
So that's one way to change the mindset is sometimes change in
behaviour and then the mindset will.
Spent taking action first, right?
Taking the biggest thing is taking action, and I talk a lot
(42:34):
about this this in general, I'm not a fan of To Do List because
to do lists only make things work, you know, can make things
worse. Anxiety so put things on your
calendar. Your calendar yeah, because it
makes you accountable. So like you you're so so I'm
working. Let's say someone wants to write
a book. Okay, so when we have chapter 1
done, you know again Saturday. So the date for, you know, the
(42:58):
first part of it first, you know, 20 page set dates for this
and whatever order schedule workfor you, but that date for
rather than ideas, because it's like that someday phenomena.
Well, someday I'm going to writea book.
Someday we'll start a podcast. Someday I'm going to, you know,
do this. And some days we'll never have
(43:22):
cause someday it's not real. When will it happen?
And that's when we start taking action.
And it doesn't matter. We have to revise the calendar.
You have to revise the calendar.But it it, if you put it in an
action, it's, it's going to, it's, you're going to have
success. Yeah, if it's not on your
calendar, you know, you're unlikely to do it.
And I remember when I started this podcast, I had the thought
(43:45):
of the idea and I just took action on it.
And like the first thing I did was the interesting thing is I
was actually on a on a mastermind and coaching call and
talking with a group of people. And the coach has just said, you
know, get yourself out there by starting a podcast.
And as he was saying that, I wassigning up to Spotify to and and
(44:08):
then by the end of that call, I had already started set
everything up and I said Yep, I'm done.
Sports and and that that's, you know, and you could set a date,
you know, if somebody wants our podcast, OK, we'll set a date
once the first episode going to be done, you know, set a date
(44:28):
for the first episode. You know now doesn't have to
mean you have to publish everything, but you could set a
date to actually do that. Peak performance coach here in
New Zealand interviewed him, David Nathan.
He said that he must have a timeline and a deadline.
If you don't set a deadline, you're going to be this.
And and that was part of an author mastermind book before I
(44:49):
published anybody's book. And the sobering statistic that
really kind of was a wake up call for me was that 1% of
people who say they want to write a book actually do it.
And that was a wake up call. 99%of people who say they want to
write a book never do it. They say Sunday, I've got to it.
And so it wasn't until I put it in my calendar and say I'm spent
(45:11):
two hours a night and right, it never would have gotten done.
And that when I did that and committed to it, it was finish.
Ohh, you've just put that, you've just prompted me to to do
that because I've been talking about writing a book of and
yeah, I've just got to get. I've just got to start.
Yeah. So if you don't finish.
(45:35):
If you don't start, it'll never get done.
With this positive psychology fit into this fit and compared
to traditional therapy. Well, positive psychology, which
is one of the things that kind of aligned with that.
You know, I will gotta caught meaway from clinical psychology
because that was when I initially went into school for
was a big clinical psychologist and for me it was too limiting.
(46:00):
You know, it was like, cause clinical psychology
traditionally focuses on what's wrong with the Let me slap a
diagnosis on you, a label on you, and therefore let me give
you medication and you know, andthen we'll talk about the issue
for eight or nine years and thenyou'll still be in this place
that we're so a positive psychology.
(46:21):
It's all about what's focusing on what, what what's right with
people. And So what can go right here.
So for example, you know, even if you have a set back, a drama,
for instance, what are the opportunities for growth?
What are the opportunities to, you know, help you become a
better person? How do we develop resiliency and
(46:43):
grit and all of that? And so that's where positive
psychology comes in, focusing onwhat's right with.
Hmm. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. I'd like to talk a little bit
about the big performance and that that actually lasts, right?
You know, there's a lot of peak performance coaches out there
(47:05):
and they talk about their strategies and their coaching
and so on. So let's let's look at that
staying on top without burning, burning out, right?
So what does a sustainable high performance actually look like?
Well, stable, high performance. What does that look like with
(47:29):
peak performance? What that looks like is just
being your best. That's what being, in a sense.
Showing us just showing up as your business vision, Harry, you
know, are you, are you living above the line or below the
line? Are you are you coming in place
of love or are you playing coming from a place of anger or
(47:52):
you know that kind of stuff, right?
So so how you show up each day? How you show up and showing up
in a productive mindset and not letting you know the I mean.
At the same time, I don't want to say ignoring the because
sometimes there may be valid reasons for that, you know, for
the angular disappoint, but not letting it affect you and not
(48:14):
letting it bring you down. Because also what happens is
with this whole, you know, they talk about, you know, said this
before about the unrealistic when you start to bury your a
barrier, sadness or whatever it is, it's gonna creep out in
other ways. Hmm.
Yeah. And you know, are you, are you
(48:34):
showing up in a place of course or affect, you know, are you
living, are you causing things to happen or are you living?
A few things affect you. It's quite important as well.
Yeah, really, that's so important with that cause and
effect thing is to realise how in control we are of our
emotions. And you know, you often hear
(48:55):
people say that, ohh, you know, he may be mad when she made me
mad. No, they didn't.
You chose to get. That's your position, perception
of it, yeah. You made yourself mad, they did.
He may have did the action you know with that might not have
been favourable to you, but you chose to get mad.
You chose and just so if we can see zoom out, we can also choose
(49:19):
to be happy you know to to. Yeah, it was interesting if you
a few years ago I did an acting course and was the Meisner
technique which was developed byStanford Masner.
We had to, we had to act with the using the behaviour of the
other person. So quite often we'd be doing a
(49:40):
repetition and you know, you'd say, ohh, you're angry.
No, I'm not angry. You're angry.
No, I'm not angry. But then, you know, the person
starting to get wound up and, and, and that we were taught
that when you when you work off the behaviour of the other
(50:00):
person, that's that's more realistic, right.
And so it's quite, quite interesting.
I mean, so sometimes you wouldn't want to do that in real
life with people, otherwise you might get a punch in the face or
something like that. But but from an acting
perspective, it made it organic and, and more, you know.
Yeah, the other question, because what daily and weekly
(50:23):
practises do you recommend to keep mental clarity and energy
that's I rather than getting youdown all the time?
Well, I would say definitely, you know, journaling,
meditation. Ohh.
Clearing your thoughts, you know, sometimes getting out of
the house even you know what, getting out National walk is
(50:49):
great. Just clear mind, you know that
or do something different. Like, you know, like I,
especially as actors I work with, I tell them that they
should have outside interest. They they need to have outside
interests and hobbies tactic. So that's one thing to do is
just do something different. Give yourself do something you
(51:11):
love in a sense, even if it's not related to your job at the
moment. So, but I would say the main
thing is meditation. Journaling is good, you know,
and you just get, you know, changing surrounding.
Going for a walk sometimes can help.
That's that's really good advicehere.
And I agree with you getting outand moving as as a so important.
(51:34):
So a lot of people deal with rejection and setbacks and
different ways. What's the healthy way to deal
with rejection and setbacks? Well, the setbacks are part of
what you know. What can you learn from you
know, what can you learn from the the rejected and you know,
coming from even an LB sample, we can look at reframe rejection
(51:57):
as a gentle reminder that your services are does not needed at
the moment. And very often we take, we blow
it out of proportion. You know, I was turned down for
well, OK, it's not you personally or your vision or
your you know, or what, what, what, what you were offering,
which was not what the other person was looking for.
(52:19):
And so it's not rejection if you, you know, because rejection
sounds personal. So that's the biggest thing I
would say is not take it personally.
I've been learning that lately in my own businesses when I'm
talking to clients. And, you know, sometimes I'll
come back and say, look, I can invest at the moment.
I just don't have the the budgetor the funds.
(52:39):
And not to take that personally,but it's just the situation is
where they're at the moment. So yeah.
And then, yeah. So you've got to so the same
thing with them. Whether you're an actor, you may
not land the role. And I mean, I remember when I
used to go for auditions and they'd be like 100 people going
for the same audition. And that what it comes down to
(53:02):
is the client who wants a particular look and and they
also want a particular type of representation.
And you may not fit that. That's no reflection on you or
who what you do, right? It's just that you went just the
right fit for that particular. Role, exactly.
(53:22):
And yeah, you know, and they'll think of you in the future for
another year, another role. And it's not personal.
And that's they they can only bring one eye or one person for
role. Exactly is it?
Yeah, or any doubt, you know they can only hire one person
for that position. So let's talk about like how
(53:45):
leaders like CEOs or you know, general managers, managing
directors, people leaders who have they could build
environments where people feel safe and supported mentally.
While the leaders should really incorporate the ideas of their
(54:05):
people that they're working on, you know, that are working under
that. So by, you know, incorporating
them in, in decisions for the company or decisions for the,
the team and not just making decisions without seeking their
approval and also just taking a simple action of like checking
in. You know, a lot of times leaders
have the OR CEOs have the habit of just pointing out things are
(54:29):
wrong or pointing out they need something from their their team.
So checking in on them on a weekly basis, like how are you
doing? How's your day going?
Yeah, the start taking those actions then you know, and, and
what can I do as a leader to support you?
(54:49):
Where do you need? Support.
Yeah, absolutely agree. Thank you so much for sharing
that. It's been a great chat.
I've got 6 quick Fox questions for you and you could answer
these in a single word or a short sentence.
And the first question is, what is your definition of success?
And has that definition changed overtime?
(55:12):
Success for me is doing what youwant and being able to do it
comfortably. And then I look differently.
Yeah. Absolutely.
Who's been your greatest inspiration and why?
My greatest inspiration for me has been my grandmother, my
(55:34):
paternal grandmother. You know, she overcame
adversity. She only went to high school in
the 5th grade because she had tosupport her family during the
Great Depression. And you know, she wanted that,
you know, have excessive business at the seamstress and
you know, had a family. So for me that was.
(55:54):
Bring. More what is something that you
believe that others may disagreewith?
Um, I, I would say, you know, though some people may disagree
with, you know, the idea of the,the not taking rejection
personal. A lot of times, especially,
(56:15):
actors tend to all things that are proportion.
Yeah, if you could go back and give your younger self one piece
of advice, what would it be? That would be a lot, but I would
probably tell myself that would really have some conversation.
But I would definitely say, you know, stop caring about what
(56:38):
other people think. You know, in the sense that just
do what you love and it's not important what people think of
you. Yeah, absolutely, totally agree
with you. What is 1 message that you'd
like to share with the world? Just do what you want and go
for. Yeah.
(56:59):
Sadly. And what does it mean to you to
be a champion and to have a champion mindset?
A champion is someone who is living their dreams and living
their purpose. And.
Not letting obstacles get in their way and looking at that
value set. Yeah, yeah.
(57:22):
They were. Well, thank you, Doctor
Romantic, for your time and the honest, practical conversation.
I love how you've broken down some of those complex ideas into
simple steps. And if you're listening to this
episode right now, then, and something that Doctor Parmenter
has said hits home for you, takea moment to reflect.
(57:46):
Maybe it's time for you to look at your own patterns and ask, is
this actually helping me or is this holding, holding me back?
Awareness really is the first step.
And I truly believe that awareness is the first step.
And then you've got to go on a discovery one and then discover
(58:07):
what's going on. And then you take action on
that, right. So, yeah.
So to learn more about Doctor Bramante and his work, visit,
there will be links in the ShineNotes.
You can follow him on LinkedIn or Instagram.
And for more wisdom on the performance ecology and meet
mastery. And if this episode has given
(58:30):
you a new way of thinking, please leave me a comment and
share it and connect with us on on social media, subscribe to
this podcast and also share thisepisode with someone who may
benefit from listening to it. And remember that, you know,
these real conversations on mindset, growth and loving
(58:52):
living your purpose are, you know, it's so important that you
take all this information and but then you take action on it,
right? You can listen to this and it
might come out, go in one ear and come out the other and
that's not going to help you, but you want to kind of like go
in one year, go into your brain and start taking action, right?
(59:14):
Feel it in your body and start taking action.
And lastly, I just want to say you are loved.
You're worthy, Champion your life, champion your greatness
and have an amazing day. Thank you.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!