July 21, 2025 • 27 mins
"Welcome to 'Dating Done Right' with Dr. Brian Johnson, where faith, humor, and wisdom come together to navigate the ups and downs of Christian dating. I'm your host, Dr. Brian Johnson, a Growth Specialist with a passion for helping singles build meaningful relationships that honor God. Join me as we explore the dos and don'ts, pitfalls and triumphs, and everything in between. Let's get real, laugh, and learn how to do dating right!"
The Why:
"In a world where dating can often feel like a game or a source of stress, 'Dating Done Right' offers a much-needed perspective shift. By exploring the intersection of faith, relationships, and personal growth, Dr. Brian Johnson provides a roadmap for singles to cultivate meaningful connections, avoid common pitfalls, and honor God in their dating journey."
"Fan Mail: Your Voice Matters! Share your thoughts, feedback, and encouragement with the "ChampionTalk" team."
“Before we close, let me remind you—connection is a choice. And so is disconnection. Every assumption left unspoken, every silent resentment, and every ignored emotion creates distance. But you have the power to rebuild. One conversation. One act of honesty. One decision to listen before reacting.
If you’re ready to do the deeper work of transformation—not just in your relationships, but in how you show up in the world—I invite you to connect with me and my team at The Life Change Group NC Consulting.
Visit pensight.com/x/thelifechangegroup to explore courses, coaching sessions, and resources designed to help you live, lead, and love at the highest level.
Until next time—stay connected, stay conscious, and remember: real growth happens when you stop running and start reaching in. I’m Dr. Brian Johnson. Be well, Champion.”
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to a deep dive into a topic that, well, it
touches nearly everyone's life,Christian dating.
If you've ever felt likenavigating the space is a bit of
a minefield, you are definitelynot alone.
Not at all.
Our sources today reveal thatit's often, yeah, A goldmine for
awkward moments, but also,thankfully, a place for profound
(00:21):
growth and connection.
SPEAKER_01 (00:22):
That's the balance, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00 (00:23):
Totally.
And today we're taking a speciallook into the wisdom from Dr.
Brian Johnson's Dating DoneRight podcast and e-book.
SPEAKER_01 (00:31):
A really interesting source.
SPEAKER_00 (00:33):
Yeah.
And actually, that show itselfkicks off setting a really clear
tone.
It goes like this.
Welcome to Dating Done Rightwith the main source, Dr.
Brian Johnson, where faith,humor, and wisdom come together
to navigate the ups and downs ofChristian dating.
I'm your host, Dr.
Brian Johnson, a growthspecialist with a passion for
helping singles build meaningfulrelationships that honor God.
(00:54):
Join me as we explore the do'sand don'ts, pitfalls and
triumphs, and everything inbetween.
Let's get real, laugh, and learnhow to do dating right.
SPEAKER_01 (01:02):
Hmm.
Sets the stage well.
And our mission here, really, inthis deep dive is to pull out
the most important bits, thenuggets of knowledge and insight
from Dr.
Johnson's work and some othercomplementary sources, too.
Right.
We want to offer you, thelistener, a kind of shortcut to
being well informed about thisunique landscape of Christian
(01:22):
relationships.
Get past just the surface stuff.
SPEAKER_00 (01:26):
OK, so let's unpack this.
Christian dating.
It can be, like our sourcessuggest, truly perilous, that
minefield idea again.
And we've gathered some honestlypretty wild yet relatable
stories that really highlightthis.
Oh, I bet.
Get this.
Imagine you're on a first date,halfway through your first bite,
and your date just grabs yourwrist and says, shall we just
(01:46):
pray first?
SPEAKER_01 (01:47):
Wow, okay.
SPEAKER_00 (01:48):
Mid-bite.
Mid-bite, yes, that actuallyhappened.
Or how about the person whoaccidentally said, see you
never, instead of, you know, seeyou later, and then winked as
they smacked their head on thecar door?
SPEAKER_01 (01:57):
Oh, no.
The accidental finality combinedwith injury classic
SPEAKER_00 (02:01):
right and we even heard about an online date
yelling yelling you're betterlooking than your photos Across
a busy riverside.
SPEAKER_01 (02:09):
Oh, the public announcement.
That's something.
SPEAKER_00 (02:12):
These moments pulled from places like Christian
Today, they just really showcasehow universally awkward things
can get sometimes.
SPEAKER_01 (02:21):
But what's really interesting here, I think, is
how humor kind of becomes thisconnector.
SPEAKER_00 (02:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (02:27):
A source of strength and solidarity in these weird
situations.
It's not just about survivingthem, is
SPEAKER_00 (02:32):
it?
No, definitely not.
SPEAKER_01 (02:33):
It's about finding some relief, maybe even
acceptance in the awkwardnessitself.
SPEAKER_00 (02:38):
And
SPEAKER_01 (02:39):
we even see this reflected in like the world of
Christian memes.
SPEAKER_00 (02:43):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Those are everywhere.
SPEAKER_01 (02:45):
Where devotion gets paired with a bit of mischief.
They capture that uniquetension, you know, between
sacred things and the reallymundane side of community life.
SPEAKER_00 (02:55):
And like potluck confessions.
SPEAKER_01 (02:57):
Exactly.
Or pastors trying way too hardto use hip new phrases.
SPEAKER_00 (03:01):
Fringeworthy sometimes.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (03:02):
But that humor, even if it feels a little irreverent,
it offers a mild sigh of relief.
SPEAKER_00 (03:07):
Yeah, I like that phrasing.
SPEAKER_01 (03:09):
A reassuring sense that having doubts or just
having a sense of humor doesn'tlike kick you out of cosmic
acceptance or something.
SPEAKER_00 (03:16):
That's so true.
And actually on the dating frontspecifically, one Reddit user
just nailed it.
They noted that humor can be areal turn on in Christian
dating.
SPEAKER_01 (03:26):
I can see that.
Finding someone who can laughthrough the awkwardness.
Gold.
SPEAKER_00 (03:32):
Totally.
So, okay, with all this humorand sometimes just outright
awkwardness.
How do our sources sayChristians should actually
approach dating?
SPEAKER_01 (03:42):
Right, the practical side.
SPEAKER_00 (03:43):
Yeah, because it's clear there's a pretty big
difference highlighted betweensecular dating and Christian
dating.
SPEAKER_01 (03:48):
Oh, definitely.
SPEAKER_00 (03:48):
While the world might offer, you know, no
strings, friends with benefits,or these vague situationships,
Christian dating, biblicallyspeaking, is called to be deeply
intentional.
SPEAKER_01 (03:57):
Exactly.
That's the core word,intentional.
The insight here is thatChristian dating should be
intentional with an objective.
Is this a person I could spendthe rest of my life with?
SPEAKER_00 (04:06):
So not just hanging out.
SPEAKER_01 (04:08):
Not just hanging out.
Now for fun now.
One source defines dating veryspecifically as the process of
evaluation and determination.
Is this a person I will marry?
SPEAKER_00 (04:19):
Evaluation and determination.
SPEAKER_01 (04:20):
Yeah.
And this stands in really starkcontrast to just dating for fun.
Because that, the sources argue,can awaken romantic attraction
that can't really lead to itslogical end until marriage.
SPEAKER_00 (04:36):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (04:36):
Which makes it incredibly difficult to, as the
Bible says, flee youthful lusts.
SPEAKER_00 (04:41):
Gotcha.
SPEAKER_01 (04:41):
So there's some pretty direct advice we found.
If you're dating someone youdon't intend to marry, the
advice is you should break upyesterday.
SPEAKER_00 (04:47):
Wow.
Break up yesterday.
Okay, that is direct.
No messing around.
Nope.
So why is this intentionality sovital, biblically speaking?
And maybe what are some of thecommon pitfalls the sources warn
about when we don't have thatclear purpose?
SPEAKER_01 (05:00):
Yeah, that's a crucial question because
marriage itself, from thisperspective, is a profound
biblical institution, right?
It needs serious preparation.
And the sources emphasize youaren't ready to get married
until you are prepared to leaveyour parents and support a
family.
That's a big step.
It's huge.
And a lack of thatintentionality, or just not
(05:20):
understanding this, leads topretty predictable challenges.
Our sources list out nine commonpitfalls in Christian dating.
SPEAKER_00 (05:29):
Okay, let's hear some.
SPEAKER_01 (05:30):
Well, for instance, parents not being involved.
Now, that might sound a bitold-fashioned today, maybe
controlling even.
SPEAKER_00 (05:36):
Yeah, a little.
SPEAKER_01 (05:37):
But biblical examples, like in Genesis 24
with Isaac and Rebecca, showparental involvement not as,
like, control, but as aframework.
For wisdom, for accountability.
SPEAKER_00 (05:48):
Okay, like an external perspective.
SPEAKER_01 (05:50):
Exactly, a vital external perspective.
SPEAKER_00 (05:52):
That's a good point.
And then there's the reallyclear warning about dating an
unbeliever.
SPEAKER_01 (05:57):
Scripture's pretty direct there.
SPEAKER_00 (05:58):
Yeah, 1 Corinthians says, do not be unequally yoked
together with unbelievers.
For folks who might not know,what exactly does unequally
yoked mean here?
SPEAKER_01 (06:06):
Yeah, it's a powerful image.
It comes from farming, actually.
Imagine trying to plow a fieldwith, say, an ox and a donkey
yoked together.
SPEAKER_00 (06:13):
Okay.
Wouldn't work well.
SPEAKER_01 (06:15):
Right.
They have different strengths,different ways of walking.
They're just fundamentallydifferent.
They'd pull against each other.
It would be super inefficient,probably painful for them too.
SPEAKER_00 (06:23):
Ah, okay.
SPEAKER_01 (06:24):
So spiritually, it speaks to those foundational
differences.
Yeah.
Core values, life purpose,ultimate allegiances.
If Christ isn't the center forboth people.
Well, the whole foundation ofthe relationship is going to be
misaligned.
It's bound to cause tension.
SPEAKER_00 (06:40):
That makes the concept really clear.
What are some other pitfalls?
SPEAKER_01 (06:44):
Sure.
There's marrying too soon or toolate.
Rushing in or waiting too longcan both bring unique
temptations and challenges.
Or dating before you know whatyou're looking for.
This was huge.
Like, you wouldn't buy a houseor even a car without a list of
what you need,
SPEAKER_00 (06:59):
right?
Probably not.
SPEAKER_01 (07:00):
So the advice is, Define your negotiables and your
non-negotiables for a spouse andlet the Bible guide that list.
SPEAKER_00 (07:09):
That makes so much sense.
It really grounds things.
What about allowing your head tofollow your heart?
That sounds like something a lotof people struggle with.
SPEAKER_01 (07:15):
Oh, absolutely.
It's a classic.
The Bible actually warns, he whotrusts in his own heart is a
fool.
Proverbs 28.26.
Ouch.
Yeah.
But it's not saying ignore youremotions completely.
It's about recognizing that ourhearts can, frankly, mislead us
sometimes.
SPEAKER_00 (07:32):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (07:32):
So we need to guard them.
Let our minds grounded inscripture and wisdom lead the
way.
SPEAKER_00 (07:37):
Guide the heart, not follow it blindly.
SPEAKER_01 (07:40):
Precisely.
Then there's idolizing yourboyfriend or girlfriend, making
this really good gift arelationship into the ultimate
thing.
SPEAKER_00 (07:47):
Putting too much pressure on
SPEAKER_01 (07:48):
it.
Exactly.
The sources say it crushes thegift because only Christ can
truly satisfy those deepestlongings we have.
No human can bear that weight.
SPEAKER_00 (07:58):
That's profound.
SPEAKER_01 (07:59):
And finally, a really big one.
Not setting up standards orinviting accountability.
SPEAKER_00 (08:04):
Okay, like boundaries.
SPEAKER_01 (08:05):
Yes, physical boundaries for sure.
Hebrews 13.4 is clear.
Marriage should be honored byall and the marriage bed kept
pure.
SPEAKER_00 (08:11):
But it also includes things like responsible
smartphone usage, believe it ornot.
SPEAKER_01 (08:16):
Interesting.
How so?
Well, one source provocativelystates that if your teenagers
are not wise and humble enoughto see the wisdom of safeguards
like filters or accountabilitysoftware, then they are not
ready to date.
SPEAKER_00 (08:28):
Wow, that connects tech use directly to dating
readiness.
SPEAKER_01 (08:32):
It does.
And the last part of thispitfall is ignoring red flags.
Proverbs reminds us that aprudent person foresees danger
and takes refuge.
Don't overlook those warningsigns just because you're
already emotionally invested.
SPEAKER_00 (08:45):
Yeah, easier said than done sometimes, but
crucial.
Those pitfalls are incrediblyinsightful.
A really practical checklist,almost.
On a related note, there's oftenthis pressure, right, even in
Christian circles, to find theone, that one perfect person
destined for you.
What did the deep dive revealabout that idea?
Ah,
SPEAKER_01 (09:03):
yes, the one.
That's a perfect segue.
Our sources strongly suggestthat, biblically speaking, there
isn't one single preordainedperson picked out for you for
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (09:13):
So no soulmate
SPEAKER_01 (09:14):
cruising the cosmos just for me?
Yeah.
Yeah.
(09:35):
That paranoia, as one sourcecalled it, that can just cripple
people.
SPEAKER_00 (09:39):
Yeah.
The fear of missing out on thereal one.
SPEAKER_01 (09:41):
Right.
It stops people from pursuingperfectly good, viable
relationships.
This view shifts the focus fromfinding the mythical perfect
person to becoming the rightperson yourself and then
committing wholeheartedly to theperson you choose to marry.
SPEAKER_00 (09:56):
That's a huge paradigm shift.
OK, so moving on from pitfallsand the one.
SPEAKER_01 (10:00):
Here's where it gets really interesting, especially
after talking aboutintentionality.
SPEAKER_00 (10:04):
When
SPEAKER_01 (10:04):
you're actually looking at the looking for a
spouse, our sources highlighttwo big categories, character
and chemistry.
Yep, those two Cs.
And character clearly takesprecedence.
The absolute fundamentalquestion is, do they love the
Lord?
SPEAKER_00 (10:18):
And this isn't just about, like, saying you're a
Christian or showing up atchurch, is it?
SPEAKER_01 (10:22):
Absolutely not.
It goes way deeper than checkinga box.
Our sources break down what anactual love for the Lord Jesus
Christ looks like in real life,in tangible ways.
SPEAKER_00 (10:33):
Okay, like what?
SPEAKER_01 (10:34):
Well, Take their speech, for example.
Jesus himself said, out of theabundance of the heart, the
mouth speaks.
SPEAKER_00 (10:40):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (10:41):
So it's not just about avoiding swearing, though
that's part of it.
It's how they generally talk.
Do they tend towards gossip?
One source flags that as amassive concern.
SPEAKER_00 (10:50):
Gossip.
Why is that so significant indating?
SPEAKER_01 (10:54):
That's a fair question.
Because gossip reveals somethingabout the heart, doesn't it?
It shows a struggle withcharity, maybe self-control,
maybe not valuing the reputationof others.
Those qualities, they're vitalfor a healthy, trusting
marriage.
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
Okay.
That connects the dots.
It's not just outward behavior,but the heart condition behind
it.
What about conduct?
SPEAKER_01 (11:13):
In conduct, the big thing to look for is
self-control.
especially regarding anger.
SPEAKER_00 (11:18):
Ah, okay.
Temper.
SPEAKER_01 (11:20):
Yeah.
Our sources use that image fromProverbs 25.28, likening a lack
of self-control to a city whosewalls are broken down.
SPEAKER_00 (11:29):
Exposed, vulnerable.
SPEAKER_01 (11:31):
Exactly.
Without those internalboundaries, anger can just
explode.
Or maybe it comes out as passiveaggression.
Either way, it's destructive inclose relationships.
It's a foundational weakness youneed to be aware of.
SPEAKER_00 (11:43):
Makes sense.
What else falls under loving theLord?
SPEAKER_01 (11:46):
Then there's love itself.
Specifically, do theydemonstrate love for the people
of God, for the church, forother believers?
SPEAKER_00 (11:53):
Are
SPEAKER_01 (11:53):
they others-minded?
Serving others rather than beingtotally consumed with
themselves.
That's something you canpractice even when you're
single, by the way.
SPEAKER_00 (12:01):
Good point.
And faith.
How does that manifest?
SPEAKER_01 (12:04):
Well, the question is...
Is their faith just like onecomponent of their life or is it
the filter for everything theydo?
SPEAKER_00 (12:11):
The operating system, not just an app.
SPEAKER_01 (12:13):
Exactly.
Does it truly shape theiraffections, their desires, their
entire worldview?
Is it central?
SPEAKER_00 (12:19):
That's such a clarifying question.
And finally, on this first bigpoint, how does purity show up?
SPEAKER_01 (12:24):
Purity here means prioritizing purpose.
Personal holiness.
SPEAKER_00 (12:28):
Oh.
SPEAKER_01 (12:29):
Actively fighting for it.
Abstaining from sexualimmorality is 1 Thessalonians
4.3 commands.
SPEAKER_00 (12:34):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (12:35):
But here's the nuance.
This doesn't mean they need aperfectly sinless past.
We all fall short, right?
Right.
It's about a current activecommitment.
Are they battling against sinnow?
Do they have accountability inplace?
It's about the direction they'reheading today, not just where
they've been.
SPEAKER_00 (12:52):
Okay.
So it's about the presentcommitment to fight.
Got it.
So beyond that foundational lovefor the Lord, what other crucial
character traits did the sourceshighlight?
SPEAKER_01 (13:00):
Well, another big one was, are they a hard worker?
SPEAKER_00 (13:04):
Okay.
Work ethic.
Important.
SPEAKER_01 (13:05):
Yes.
And the Bible backs this up.
Colossians 3 says, Why is thisso critical for marriage?
SPEAKER_00 (13:14):
Why?
Lay it on us.
SPEAKER_01 (13:15):
Because life is hard.
And marriage takes consistenteffort.
It just does.
SPEAKER_00 (13:19):
No doubt.
SPEAKER_01 (13:20):
You want someone who can face difficulties without
just giving up.
And hard worker isn't just abouttheir nine to five job either.
SPEAKER_00 (13:26):
Oh, what else does it include?
SPEAKER_01 (13:29):
It includes things like spiritual disciplines,
prayer, reading the Bible.
It includes stewarding theirphysical body, taking care of
themselves and putting effortinto the relationship itself.
It's about resilience,dedication across the board.
SPEAKER_00 (13:41):
That's a great, well-rounded view of hard
worker.
Love that.
OK, what else?
SPEAKER_01 (13:46):
Teachability.
Are they teachable?
SPEAKER_00 (13:49):
Open to learning, open to correction.
SPEAKER_01 (13:51):
Exactly.
Are they open to being sharpenedby others?
Do they actually have oldergodly mentors in their life?
Right.
Recognizing, as Proverbs 11.14says, that in the abundance of
counselors, there is safety orwisdom.
SPEAKER_00 (14:05):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:05):
It's honestly a massive red flag if someone
seems to believe they're themost mature person in their
world.
SPEAKER_00 (14:10):
Yeah, because nobody is, right?
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
Nobody is.
And it signals a closed spirit,someone who probably isn't going
to grow much and grow Growth isabsolutely essential for a
lifelong partnership.
SPEAKER_00 (14:20):
I can definitely see that being a problem.
Okay, and finally, the sourcesbring up family background.
What's their family backgroundlike?
This isn't about finding aquote-unquote perfect family, is
it?
SPEAKER_01 (14:31):
Not at all, no.
Perfect families don't exist.
It's more about understandinghow their family experience has
shaped them.
SPEAKER_00 (14:37):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (14:37):
Their likes, their dislikes, their views on
marriage roles, communicationstyles, all that stuff is
influenced by upbringing.
SPEAKER_00 (14:45):
So understanding where they come from helps you
understand them better.
SPEAKER_01 (14:48):
Precisely.
For example, maybe they havevery different views on having
children, and that stemsdirectly from their upbringing.
The sources warn...
Don't just bank on them changingtheir mind after you're married.
SPEAKER_00 (15:00):
Yeah, that's a recipe for conflict.
SPEAKER_01 (15:01):
Understanding their background helps you understand
the lens through which they seethe world and relationships.
It fosters empathy and realisticexpectations.
SPEAKER_00 (15:10):
This focus on character really comes through
so strongly from people who've,you know, been married a while.
I love that quote you mentionedearlier.
Most of marriage is work, notplay.
Find someone you can work with.
SPEAKER_01 (15:22):
Mm-hmm.
It's practical.
SPEAKER_00 (15:23):
Yeah, and that compatibility of character, of
temperament, is much moreimportant.
than compatibility of interests.
Like, liking the same movies isnice, but not foundational.
SPEAKER_01 (15:33):
Not at all.
And remember thatcountercultural piece of advice.
SPEAKER_00 (15:37):
Oh yeah, that don't go on fun dates one.
Tell us that again.
SPEAKER_01 (15:40):
Yeah, it was.
Don't go on fun dates.
Do hard and horrible thingstogether.
SPEAKER_00 (15:44):
Uh-huh.
Okay, explain.
SPEAKER_01 (15:46):
Well, think about it.
put up a tent together in thepouring rain, try to change a
flat tire on the side of a busyroad.
SPEAKER_00 (15:52):
Stressful situations.
SPEAKER_01 (15:54):
Exactly.
See how they respond to thoselittle daily frustrations and
minor setbacks?
Do they handle it with calmness,with gentleness, or do they
freak out?
That reveals true character waymore than a fancy dinner ever
could.
SPEAKER_00 (16:08):
That is brilliant, actually.
Testing the real person underpressure.
SPEAKER_01 (16:11):
Right.
It strips away the performance.
SPEAKER_00 (16:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:14):
So yeah, in summary, the sources really push us to
look for these green flags.
SPEAKER_00 (16:19):
Okay, green flags.
SPEAKER_01 (16:20):
Someone who genuinely puts God first, keeps
Christ at the center, isconsistent in their walk, has
found or is actively seekingtheir God-given purpose,
practices accountability,prioritizes friendship within
the relationship, offers a senseof peace, not constant drama,
and importantly, shares theirtestimony, shows an ongoing,
(16:41):
living relationship with God,not just a past event.
SPEAKER_00 (16:45):
That's a fantastic list of green flags OK, so we've
covered character in depth.
Now let's talk about chemistry.
SPEAKER_01 (16:50):
The second C.
SPEAKER_00 (16:51):
Right.
Which, while it's secondary tocharacter, is definitely not
something the sources say tojust ignore or negate.
You should be attracted to theperson you marry.
SPEAKER_01 (16:59):
Absolutely.
It's not unspiritual to desirethat.
SPEAKER_00 (17:01):
Yeah.
And this isn't just some modernworldly idea either.
Biblical figures, you know,Abraham finding Rebecca for
Isaac, Jacob seeing Rachel.
They noted physicalattractiveness.
They were good to the eye, asthe text says.
SPEAKER_01 (17:13):
Right.
It's acknowledged.
SPEAKER_00 (17:15):
So where's the danger then, expert?
How does our culture mess thisup sometimes?
SPEAKER_01 (17:19):
Well, the danger lies in allowing those
unrealistic cultural ideals totake over.
You know, the standards set bysupermodels, athletes, movie
stars.
Right, the airbrushedperfection.
Exactly.
Letting that skew yourperception of beauty, it can
create unhealthy comparisons,dissatisfaction, even sinful
idolatry where looks become theultimate thing.
SPEAKER_00 (17:39):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (17:40):
We have to remember Proverbs 31.3, though.
Charm is deceitful and beauty isvain, but a woman or man who
fears the Lord is to be praised.
What truly lasts is character.
So the nuance is valuingattraction, yes, but
prioritizing what's eternal overwhat's just fleeting.
SPEAKER_00 (17:59):
That's a crucial distinction, prioritizing the
eternal.
Now, beyond just physicalattraction, another crucial
question the sources raise aboutchemistry is simply, do you have
a good time with them?
UNKNOWN (18:07):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01 (18:07):
Seems basic, but it's important.
SPEAKER_00 (18:09):
Yeah, and the sources make this subtle but
interesting distinction.
They say there's a differencebetween someone being funny,
like they can crack good jokes,and someone just being fun to be
around.
How do we tell the difference?
SPEAKER_01 (18:19):
That's a great point.
Someone who is truly fun in thisdeeper sense is someone you
genuinely enjoy spending timewith, even when nothing
particularly exciting ishappening, even in silence
maybe.
Okay.
Their presence just brings acertain lightness or ease to
your day.
Whether you're doing mundanechores together or facing
something difficult.
(18:40):
Because let's be real, a lot ofmarriage is just hanging out.
SPEAKER_00 (18:43):
True.
It's not all date nights andadventures.
SPEAKER_01 (18:45):
Not at all.
And life throws difficultseasons at you.
You want to spend your life withsomeone whose company you
categorically enjoy.
Someone who feels easy to getalong with.
SPEAKER_00 (18:54):
Because if it feels like pulling teeth just to enjoy
your time together whiledating...
That's probably not going tomagically change after you say I
do.
It's about that genuineenjoyment of them, their
presence, not just their abilityto entertain you.
SPEAKER_01 (19:07):
That makes a lot of sense.
OK, shifting gears slightly,when we think about dating
today, especially forChristians, the whole landscape
around intimacy and boundariesseems incredibly blurry.
Oh, definitely.
Blurred lines everywhere.
The cultural air we breathebasically assumes that sex and
dating are synonymous.
It's just expected.
SPEAKER_00 (19:26):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (19:26):
And add to that smartphones.
Relationships are constant now.
Always on.
Often happening in very private,intimate spaces, even just
through text.
SPEAKER_00 (19:36):
Yeah, the dynamic has totally changed.
SPEAKER_01 (19:38):
When tragically, things like pornography are
often dismissed as harmless fun.
even among some Christians,which, according to the sources,
can actually delay marriagebecause some people find
alternative outlets for sexualexpression outside of
commitment.
SPEAKER_00 (19:53):
That's a really stark reality check.
So given all this culturalpressure and confusion, how do
our sources define godly datingin this area?
What do they say about settingboundaries?
SPEAKER_01 (20:04):
Well, they advocate strongly, very strongly, for
setting clear boundaries,physical, spiritual, and
emotional.
SPEAKER_00 (20:10):
The
SPEAKER_01 (20:11):
Bible defines true intimacy primarily as close
familiarity or friendshipcloseness.
And during singleness, that deepintimacy is meant primarily for
your relationship with God.
SPEAKER_00 (20:21):
Then
SPEAKER_01 (20:21):
within marriage, it's fully expect with your
spouse.
So one source goes so far as toadvise against becoming truly
intimate with a boyfriend orgirlfriend in that deep
soul-sharing way.
SPEAKER_00 (20:32):
Really?
Why not?
SPEAKER_01 (20:33):
Arguing that dating is not supposed to be intimate
in that specific sense beforemarriage.
It even says, quite pointedly,you don't even need to know what
their lips feel like until thewedding altar.
That kiss, they argue, is forthe bride for the covenant.
SPEAKER_00 (20:48):
Wow, that's a Very high standard compared to
culture.
SPEAKER_01 (20:51):
It is.
And the reasoning is this.
Engaging in husband-like orwife-like duties before you're
actually husband and wife.
SPEAKER_00 (20:59):
Like arguing about chores or sex.
SPEAKER_01 (21:01):
Exactly.
Those things lead tohusband-like and wife-like
consequences.
And those consequences, both thegood and the bad, are meant for
the safety and commitment of themarriage covenant, not a dating
relationship which can end.
SPEAKER_00 (21:14):
Okay.
So protect the future marriageby setting clear lines now.
SPEAKER_01 (21:17):
Precisely.
Maintain clear boundaries.
Don't put yourself in temptingsituations.
Avoid things that createunhealthy emotional
entanglements, even things thatseem innocent on the surface.
Like what?
Well, one example given was latenight prayer sessions together.
While prayer is good, doing itfrequently late at night, just
the two of you canunintentionally create a kind of
(21:38):
emotional intimacy that's reallymore appropriate for marriage.
It blurs lines.
SPEAKER_00 (21:43):
That's a subtle one, but I can see how that could
happen.
Okay, as we start to wrap upthis deep dive, it feels really
important to acknowledgesomething significant.
What's that?
The sheer number of Christianadults who are single.
The sources estimate it's around30% of the adult Christian
population.
SPEAKER_01 (22:00):
Wow, that's substantial.
SPEAKER_00 (22:02):
Yeah, and if you add in those who are divorced or
widowed, that number climbscloser to half.
SPEAKER_01 (22:07):
So roughly half the church isn't currently married.
SPEAKER_00 (22:09):
Exactly.
And Paul in 1 Corinthians 7talks about singleness not as a
problem, but as a gift, offeringundistracted devotion to the
Lord.
How does this kind of redefinesingleness, especially compared
to maybe older views?
SPEAKER_01 (22:25):
Yeah, that's a really important shift in
perspective found in the NewTestament.
Unlike parts of the OldTestament where singleness was
sometimes seen as a negative,almost a curse or a sign of
lack, the New Testament presentsit as a totally viable gift.
Valuable way of life.
A genuine calling for
SPEAKER_00 (22:41):
some.
We have examples, right?
SPEAKER_01 (22:43):
Absolutely.
Think about it.
Jesus himself, John the Baptist,the Apostle Paul, maybe even
Daniel, all single, all left animmense impact and legacy.
It powerfully proves that beingunmarried does not make you less
than in God's kingdom.
It elevates singleness to aplace of potential strength and
purpose.
It truly can be a gift.
SPEAKER_00 (23:04):
A gift.
Okay, so if singleness is agift, how are single people
supposed to use it?
What does stewardship of thatgift look like, according to the
sources?
SPEAKER_01 (23:11):
That's the key question.
Stewardship.
Practically, it means using yourtime, your energy, your
resources faithfully for God'sglory now.
SPEAKER_00 (23:19):
Okay.
Like how?
SPEAKER_01 (23:20):
Serving your local church, investing in personal
growth, reading, learning.
One source mentioned someonereading 100, 150 books a year
during their single years.
SPEAKER_00 (23:27):
Wow.
That's dedication.
SPEAKER_01 (23:29):
Right.
Maybe pursuing global missionsif that's an option.
Actively seeking mentorship fromolder, wiser believers.
A core insight is profound.
You are becoming the man orwoman you're going to be in five
years today.
SPEAKER_00 (23:40):
Your choices now shape your future self.
SPEAKER_01 (23:43):
Exactly.
So don't waste your singlenessby just chilling with your
homies, as one source put it, orpouring all your energy into
undistracted devotion to yournest egg instead of undistracted
devotion to the Lord.
Use this season purposefully.
SPEAKER_00 (23:58):
That's a powerful call to action for anyone in
that season.
But Realistically, the singlelife has its own dangers too,
right?
What did the sources cautionagainst?
SPEAKER_01 (24:09):
Oh, for sure.
They definitely mentioneddangers.
Things like just living for theweekend, fulfilling fleshly
desires because, well, you don'thave the constraints or
accountability of marriage yet.
SPEAKER_00 (24:19):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (24:20):
And the rampant nature of pornography was
specifically called out assomething that can really delay
or distort a healthy desire formarriage and intimacy within it.
SPEAKER_00 (24:29):
Yeah, we touched on that earlier.
SPEAKER_01 (24:30):
Which is why accountability is stressed so
heavily for singles too.
Not just general friendships,but a close knit relationship
with someone who truly knows whoyou truly are.
SPEAKER_00 (24:39):
Someone you can be real with about struggles.
SPEAKER_01 (24:42):
Yes.
open about failings, committedto fighting through sin
together.
And ideally, this accountabilityincludes someone older and
godlier, someone with moreperspective.
SPEAKER_00 (24:53):
That makes sense.
Was there anything else specificto singles?
SPEAKER_01 (24:56):
Yeah, one final caution was about a dynamic
sometimes called single bestfriend cohabitation.
SPEAKER_00 (25:02):
Okay, what's that?
Not necessarily romantic.
SPEAKER_01 (25:05):
Right, not in a sexual sense.
But it's where two singleindividuals, the source
mentioned, often women, startfunctioning emotionally almost
as if they were married, placingemotional, sometimes even
financial expectations uponsomeone that is just a good
friend.
SPEAKER_00 (25:21):
Ah, so blurring those relational boundaries
again, just in a different way.
SPEAKER_01 (25:24):
Exactly.
It creates unhealthydependencies and expectations
that belong within a covenant.
SPEAKER_00 (25:28):
Gotcha.
So bringing it all together, anyfinal thoughts from the sources?
SPEAKER_01 (25:31):
Well, ultimately, our sources remind us that as
important as marriage is,marriage isn't the final destiny
of anyone.
SPEAKER_00 (25:38):
Hmm.
What does that mean?
SPEAKER_01 (25:39):
Jesus himself taught that in the resurrection, we
will neither marry nor be givenin marriage.
Your ultimate eternal destiny isas a single glorified image
bearer in God's presence.
Wow.
Okay.
So while marriage is a beautifulpicture, a central metaphor in
scripture pointing to Christ andthe church, remembering our
(25:59):
eternal destiny helps keepthings in perspective.
It tempers any tendency toidolize marriage or fall into
despair if you're single.
SPEAKER_00 (26:08):
That provides really important context.
We've truly taken a deep divetoday, haven't we?
SPEAKER_01 (26:13):
You really have.
SPEAKER_00 (26:13):
From the sometimes hilarious missteps of Christian
dating all the way to theseprofound biblical principles
that should guide ourrelationships.
We've explored the intentionalpurpose of dating, the character
traits that truly matter longterm, the crucial role of
boundaries, and the God-givenpotential and purpose of
singleness itself.
SPEAKER_01 (26:32):
A lot of ground covered.
SPEAKER_00 (26:33):
Yeah.
And our hope really is that thisdeep dive helps you, our
listener, navigate your ownrelationships Absolutely.
And as you reflect
SPEAKER_01 (26:51):
on all of this, maybe consider this final
provocative thought.
In a world that often treatsrelationships as disposable,
prioritizing personal desires,convenience, how might
intentionally building yourdating life or your singleness
around God's enduring design,focusing on character, purpose,
holiness, how might thattransform your own pursuit of
lasting connection and trulyhonor him in the process?
Welcome to a deep dive into a topic that, well, it
touches nearly everyone's life,Christian dating.
If you've ever felt likenavigating the space is a bit of
a minefield, you are definitelynot alone.
Not at all.
Our sources today reveal thatit's often, yeah, A goldmine for
awkward moments, but also,thankfully, a place for profound
(00:21):
growth and connection.
SPEAKER_01 (00:22):
That's the balance, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00 (00:23):
Totally.
And today we're taking a speciallook into the wisdom from Dr.
Brian Johnson's Dating DoneRight podcast and e-book.
SPEAKER_01 (00:31):
A really interesting source.
SPEAKER_00 (00:33):
Yeah.
And actually, that show itselfkicks off setting a really clear
tone.
It goes like this.
Welcome to Dating Done Rightwith the main source, Dr.
Brian Johnson, where faith,humor, and wisdom come together
to navigate the ups and downs ofChristian dating.
I'm your host, Dr.
Brian Johnson, a growthspecialist with a passion for
helping singles build meaningfulrelationships that honor God.
(00:54):
Join me as we explore the do'sand don'ts, pitfalls and
triumphs, and everything inbetween.
Let's get real, laugh, and learnhow to do dating right.
SPEAKER_01 (01:02):
Hmm.
Sets the stage well.
And our mission here, really, inthis deep dive is to pull out
the most important bits, thenuggets of knowledge and insight
from Dr.
Johnson's work and some othercomplementary sources, too.
Right.
We want to offer you, thelistener, a kind of shortcut to
being well informed about thisunique landscape of Christian
(01:22):
relationships.
Get past just the surface stuff.
SPEAKER_00 (01:26):
OK, so let's unpack this.
Christian dating.
It can be, like our sourcessuggest, truly perilous, that
minefield idea again.
And we've gathered some honestlypretty wild yet relatable
stories that really highlightthis.
Oh, I bet.
Get this.
Imagine you're on a first date,halfway through your first bite,
and your date just grabs yourwrist and says, shall we just
(01:46):
pray first?
SPEAKER_01 (01:47):
Wow, okay.
SPEAKER_00 (01:48):
Mid-bite.
Mid-bite, yes, that actuallyhappened.
Or how about the person whoaccidentally said, see you
never, instead of, you know, seeyou later, and then winked as
they smacked their head on thecar door?
SPEAKER_01 (01:57):
Oh, no.
The accidental finality combinedwith injury classic
SPEAKER_00 (02:01):
right and we even heard about an online date
yelling yelling you're betterlooking than your photos Across
a busy riverside.
SPEAKER_01 (02:09):
Oh, the public announcement.
That's something.
SPEAKER_00 (02:12):
These moments pulled from places like Christian
Today, they just really showcasehow universally awkward things
can get sometimes.
SPEAKER_01 (02:21):
But what's really interesting here, I think, is
how humor kind of becomes thisconnector.
SPEAKER_00 (02:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (02:27):
A source of strength and solidarity in these weird
situations.
It's not just about survivingthem, is
SPEAKER_00 (02:32):
it?
No, definitely not.
SPEAKER_01 (02:33):
It's about finding some relief, maybe even
acceptance in the awkwardnessitself.
SPEAKER_00 (02:38):
And
SPEAKER_01 (02:39):
we even see this reflected in like the world of
Christian memes.
SPEAKER_00 (02:43):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Those are everywhere.
SPEAKER_01 (02:45):
Where devotion gets paired with a bit of mischief.
They capture that uniquetension, you know, between
sacred things and the reallymundane side of community life.
SPEAKER_00 (02:55):
And like potluck confessions.
SPEAKER_01 (02:57):
Exactly.
Or pastors trying way too hardto use hip new phrases.
SPEAKER_00 (03:01):
Fringeworthy sometimes.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (03:02):
But that humor, even if it feels a little irreverent,
it offers a mild sigh of relief.
SPEAKER_00 (03:07):
Yeah, I like that phrasing.
SPEAKER_01 (03:09):
A reassuring sense that having doubts or just
having a sense of humor doesn'tlike kick you out of cosmic
acceptance or something.
SPEAKER_00 (03:16):
That's so true.
And actually on the dating frontspecifically, one Reddit user
just nailed it.
They noted that humor can be areal turn on in Christian
dating.
SPEAKER_01 (03:26):
I can see that.
Finding someone who can laughthrough the awkwardness.
Gold.
SPEAKER_00 (03:32):
Totally.
So, okay, with all this humorand sometimes just outright
awkwardness.
How do our sources sayChristians should actually
approach dating?
SPEAKER_01 (03:42):
Right, the practical side.
SPEAKER_00 (03:43):
Yeah, because it's clear there's a pretty big
difference highlighted betweensecular dating and Christian
dating.
SPEAKER_01 (03:48):
Oh, definitely.
SPEAKER_00 (03:48):
While the world might offer, you know, no
strings, friends with benefits,or these vague situationships,
Christian dating, biblicallyspeaking, is called to be deeply
intentional.
SPEAKER_01 (03:57):
Exactly.
That's the core word,intentional.
The insight here is thatChristian dating should be
intentional with an objective.
Is this a person I could spendthe rest of my life with?
SPEAKER_00 (04:06):
So not just hanging out.
SPEAKER_01 (04:08):
Not just hanging out.
Now for fun now.
One source defines dating veryspecifically as the process of
evaluation and determination.
Is this a person I will marry?
SPEAKER_00 (04:19):
Evaluation and determination.
SPEAKER_01 (04:20):
Yeah.
And this stands in really starkcontrast to just dating for fun.
Because that, the sources argue,can awaken romantic attraction
that can't really lead to itslogical end until marriage.
SPEAKER_00 (04:36):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (04:36):
Which makes it incredibly difficult to, as the
Bible says, flee youthful lusts.
SPEAKER_00 (04:41):
Gotcha.
SPEAKER_01 (04:41):
So there's some pretty direct advice we found.
If you're dating someone youdon't intend to marry, the
advice is you should break upyesterday.
SPEAKER_00 (04:47):
Wow.
Break up yesterday.
Okay, that is direct.
No messing around.
Nope.
So why is this intentionality sovital, biblically speaking?
And maybe what are some of thecommon pitfalls the sources warn
about when we don't have thatclear purpose?
SPEAKER_01 (05:00):
Yeah, that's a crucial question because
marriage itself, from thisperspective, is a profound
biblical institution, right?
It needs serious preparation.
And the sources emphasize youaren't ready to get married
until you are prepared to leaveyour parents and support a
family.
That's a big step.
It's huge.
And a lack of thatintentionality, or just not
(05:20):
understanding this, leads topretty predictable challenges.
Our sources list out nine commonpitfalls in Christian dating.
SPEAKER_00 (05:29):
Okay, let's hear some.
SPEAKER_01 (05:30):
Well, for instance, parents not being involved.
Now, that might sound a bitold-fashioned today, maybe
controlling even.
SPEAKER_00 (05:36):
Yeah, a little.
SPEAKER_01 (05:37):
But biblical examples, like in Genesis 24
with Isaac and Rebecca, showparental involvement not as,
like, control, but as aframework.
For wisdom, for accountability.
SPEAKER_00 (05:48):
Okay, like an external perspective.
SPEAKER_01 (05:50):
Exactly, a vital external perspective.
SPEAKER_00 (05:52):
That's a good point.
And then there's the reallyclear warning about dating an
unbeliever.
SPEAKER_01 (05:57):
Scripture's pretty direct there.
SPEAKER_00 (05:58):
Yeah, 1 Corinthians says, do not be unequally yoked
together with unbelievers.
For folks who might not know,what exactly does unequally
yoked mean here?
SPEAKER_01 (06:06):
Yeah, it's a powerful image.
It comes from farming, actually.
Imagine trying to plow a fieldwith, say, an ox and a donkey
yoked together.
SPEAKER_00 (06:13):
Okay.
Wouldn't work well.
SPEAKER_01 (06:15):
Right.
They have different strengths,different ways of walking.
They're just fundamentallydifferent.
They'd pull against each other.
It would be super inefficient,probably painful for them too.
SPEAKER_00 (06:23):
Ah, okay.
SPEAKER_01 (06:24):
So spiritually, it speaks to those foundational
differences.
Yeah.
Core values, life purpose,ultimate allegiances.
If Christ isn't the center forboth people.
Well, the whole foundation ofthe relationship is going to be
misaligned.
It's bound to cause tension.
SPEAKER_00 (06:40):
That makes the concept really clear.
What are some other pitfalls?
SPEAKER_01 (06:44):
Sure.
There's marrying too soon or toolate.
Rushing in or waiting too longcan both bring unique
temptations and challenges.
Or dating before you know whatyou're looking for.
This was huge.
Like, you wouldn't buy a houseor even a car without a list of
what you need,
SPEAKER_00 (06:59):
right?
Probably not.
SPEAKER_01 (07:00):
So the advice is, Define your negotiables and your
non-negotiables for a spouse andlet the Bible guide that list.
SPEAKER_00 (07:09):
That makes so much sense.
It really grounds things.
What about allowing your head tofollow your heart?
That sounds like something a lotof people struggle with.
SPEAKER_01 (07:15):
Oh, absolutely.
It's a classic.
The Bible actually warns, he whotrusts in his own heart is a
fool.
Proverbs 28.26.
Ouch.
Yeah.
But it's not saying ignore youremotions completely.
It's about recognizing that ourhearts can, frankly, mislead us
sometimes.
SPEAKER_00 (07:32):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (07:32):
So we need to guard them.
Let our minds grounded inscripture and wisdom lead the
way.
SPEAKER_00 (07:37):
Guide the heart, not follow it blindly.
SPEAKER_01 (07:40):
Precisely.
Then there's idolizing yourboyfriend or girlfriend, making
this really good gift arelationship into the ultimate
thing.
SPEAKER_00 (07:47):
Putting too much pressure on
SPEAKER_01 (07:48):
it.
Exactly.
The sources say it crushes thegift because only Christ can
truly satisfy those deepestlongings we have.
No human can bear that weight.
SPEAKER_00 (07:58):
That's profound.
SPEAKER_01 (07:59):
And finally, a really big one.
Not setting up standards orinviting accountability.
SPEAKER_00 (08:04):
Okay, like boundaries.
SPEAKER_01 (08:05):
Yes, physical boundaries for sure.
Hebrews 13.4 is clear.
Marriage should be honored byall and the marriage bed kept
pure.
SPEAKER_00 (08:11):
But it also includes things like responsible
smartphone usage, believe it ornot.
SPEAKER_01 (08:16):
Interesting.
How so?
Well, one source provocativelystates that if your teenagers
are not wise and humble enoughto see the wisdom of safeguards
like filters or accountabilitysoftware, then they are not
ready to date.
SPEAKER_00 (08:28):
Wow, that connects tech use directly to dating
readiness.
SPEAKER_01 (08:32):
It does.
And the last part of thispitfall is ignoring red flags.
Proverbs reminds us that aprudent person foresees danger
and takes refuge.
Don't overlook those warningsigns just because you're
already emotionally invested.
SPEAKER_00 (08:45):
Yeah, easier said than done sometimes, but
crucial.
Those pitfalls are incrediblyinsightful.
A really practical checklist,almost.
On a related note, there's oftenthis pressure, right, even in
Christian circles, to find theone, that one perfect person
destined for you.
What did the deep dive revealabout that idea?
Ah,
SPEAKER_01 (09:03):
yes, the one.
That's a perfect segue.
Our sources strongly suggestthat, biblically speaking, there
isn't one single preordainedperson picked out for you for
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (09:13):
So no soulmate
SPEAKER_01 (09:14):
cruising the cosmos just for me?
Yeah.
Yeah.
(09:35):
That paranoia, as one sourcecalled it, that can just cripple
people.
SPEAKER_00 (09:39):
Yeah.
The fear of missing out on thereal one.
SPEAKER_01 (09:41):
Right.
It stops people from pursuingperfectly good, viable
relationships.
This view shifts the focus fromfinding the mythical perfect
person to becoming the rightperson yourself and then
committing wholeheartedly to theperson you choose to marry.
SPEAKER_00 (09:56):
That's a huge paradigm shift.
OK, so moving on from pitfallsand the one.
SPEAKER_01 (10:00):
Here's where it gets really interesting, especially
after talking aboutintentionality.
SPEAKER_00 (10:04):
When
SPEAKER_01 (10:04):
you're actually looking at the looking for a
spouse, our sources highlighttwo big categories, character
and chemistry.
Yep, those two Cs.
And character clearly takesprecedence.
The absolute fundamentalquestion is, do they love the
Lord?
SPEAKER_00 (10:18):
And this isn't just about, like, saying you're a
Christian or showing up atchurch, is it?
SPEAKER_01 (10:22):
Absolutely not.
It goes way deeper than checkinga box.
Our sources break down what anactual love for the Lord Jesus
Christ looks like in real life,in tangible ways.
SPEAKER_00 (10:33):
Okay, like what?
SPEAKER_01 (10:34):
Well, Take their speech, for example.
Jesus himself said, out of theabundance of the heart, the
mouth speaks.
SPEAKER_00 (10:40):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (10:41):
So it's not just about avoiding swearing, though
that's part of it.
It's how they generally talk.
Do they tend towards gossip?
One source flags that as amassive concern.
SPEAKER_00 (10:50):
Gossip.
Why is that so significant indating?
SPEAKER_01 (10:54):
That's a fair question.
Because gossip reveals somethingabout the heart, doesn't it?
It shows a struggle withcharity, maybe self-control,
maybe not valuing the reputationof others.
Those qualities, they're vitalfor a healthy, trusting
marriage.
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
Okay.
That connects the dots.
It's not just outward behavior,but the heart condition behind
it.
What about conduct?
SPEAKER_01 (11:13):
In conduct, the big thing to look for is
self-control.
especially regarding anger.
SPEAKER_00 (11:18):
Ah, okay.
Temper.
SPEAKER_01 (11:20):
Yeah.
Our sources use that image fromProverbs 25.28, likening a lack
of self-control to a city whosewalls are broken down.
SPEAKER_00 (11:29):
Exposed, vulnerable.
SPEAKER_01 (11:31):
Exactly.
Without those internalboundaries, anger can just
explode.
Or maybe it comes out as passiveaggression.
Either way, it's destructive inclose relationships.
It's a foundational weakness youneed to be aware of.
SPEAKER_00 (11:43):
Makes sense.
What else falls under loving theLord?
SPEAKER_01 (11:46):
Then there's love itself.
Specifically, do theydemonstrate love for the people
of God, for the church, forother believers?
SPEAKER_00 (11:53):
Are
SPEAKER_01 (11:53):
they others-minded?
Serving others rather than beingtotally consumed with
themselves.
That's something you canpractice even when you're
single, by the way.
SPEAKER_00 (12:01):
Good point.
And faith.
How does that manifest?
SPEAKER_01 (12:04):
Well, the question is...
Is their faith just like onecomponent of their life or is it
the filter for everything theydo?
SPEAKER_00 (12:11):
The operating system, not just an app.
SPEAKER_01 (12:13):
Exactly.
Does it truly shape theiraffections, their desires, their
entire worldview?
Is it central?
SPEAKER_00 (12:19):
That's such a clarifying question.
And finally, on this first bigpoint, how does purity show up?
SPEAKER_01 (12:24):
Purity here means prioritizing purpose.
Personal holiness.
SPEAKER_00 (12:28):
Oh.
SPEAKER_01 (12:29):
Actively fighting for it.
Abstaining from sexualimmorality is 1 Thessalonians
4.3 commands.
SPEAKER_00 (12:34):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (12:35):
But here's the nuance.
This doesn't mean they need aperfectly sinless past.
We all fall short, right?
Right.
It's about a current activecommitment.
Are they battling against sinnow?
Do they have accountability inplace?
It's about the direction they'reheading today, not just where
they've been.
SPEAKER_00 (12:52):
Okay.
So it's about the presentcommitment to fight.
Got it.
So beyond that foundational lovefor the Lord, what other crucial
character traits did the sourceshighlight?
SPEAKER_01 (13:00):
Well, another big one was, are they a hard worker?
SPEAKER_00 (13:04):
Okay.
Work ethic.
Important.
SPEAKER_01 (13:05):
Yes.
And the Bible backs this up.
Colossians 3 says, Why is thisso critical for marriage?
SPEAKER_00 (13:14):
Why?
Lay it on us.
SPEAKER_01 (13:15):
Because life is hard.
And marriage takes consistenteffort.
It just does.
SPEAKER_00 (13:19):
No doubt.
SPEAKER_01 (13:20):
You want someone who can face difficulties without
just giving up.
And hard worker isn't just abouttheir nine to five job either.
SPEAKER_00 (13:26):
Oh, what else does it include?
SPEAKER_01 (13:29):
It includes things like spiritual disciplines,
prayer, reading the Bible.
It includes stewarding theirphysical body, taking care of
themselves and putting effortinto the relationship itself.
It's about resilience,dedication across the board.
SPEAKER_00 (13:41):
That's a great, well-rounded view of hard
worker.
Love that.
OK, what else?
SPEAKER_01 (13:46):
Teachability.
Are they teachable?
SPEAKER_00 (13:49):
Open to learning, open to correction.
SPEAKER_01 (13:51):
Exactly.
Are they open to being sharpenedby others?
Do they actually have oldergodly mentors in their life?
Right.
Recognizing, as Proverbs 11.14says, that in the abundance of
counselors, there is safety orwisdom.
SPEAKER_00 (14:05):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:05):
It's honestly a massive red flag if someone
seems to believe they're themost mature person in their
world.
SPEAKER_00 (14:10):
Yeah, because nobody is, right?
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
Nobody is.
And it signals a closed spirit,someone who probably isn't going
to grow much and grow Growth isabsolutely essential for a
lifelong partnership.
SPEAKER_00 (14:20):
I can definitely see that being a problem.
Okay, and finally, the sourcesbring up family background.
What's their family backgroundlike?
This isn't about finding aquote-unquote perfect family, is
it?
SPEAKER_01 (14:31):
Not at all, no.
Perfect families don't exist.
It's more about understandinghow their family experience has
shaped them.
SPEAKER_00 (14:37):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (14:37):
Their likes, their dislikes, their views on
marriage roles, communicationstyles, all that stuff is
influenced by upbringing.
SPEAKER_00 (14:45):
So understanding where they come from helps you
understand them better.
SPEAKER_01 (14:48):
Precisely.
For example, maybe they havevery different views on having
children, and that stemsdirectly from their upbringing.
The sources warn...
Don't just bank on them changingtheir mind after you're married.
SPEAKER_00 (15:00):
Yeah, that's a recipe for conflict.
SPEAKER_01 (15:01):
Understanding their background helps you understand
the lens through which they seethe world and relationships.
It fosters empathy and realisticexpectations.
SPEAKER_00 (15:10):
This focus on character really comes through
so strongly from people who've,you know, been married a while.
I love that quote you mentionedearlier.
Most of marriage is work, notplay.
Find someone you can work with.
SPEAKER_01 (15:22):
Mm-hmm.
It's practical.
SPEAKER_00 (15:23):
Yeah, and that compatibility of character, of
temperament, is much moreimportant.
than compatibility of interests.
Like, liking the same movies isnice, but not foundational.
SPEAKER_01 (15:33):
Not at all.
And remember thatcountercultural piece of advice.
SPEAKER_00 (15:37):
Oh yeah, that don't go on fun dates one.
Tell us that again.
SPEAKER_01 (15:40):
Yeah, it was.
Don't go on fun dates.
Do hard and horrible thingstogether.
SPEAKER_00 (15:44):
Uh-huh.
Okay, explain.
SPEAKER_01 (15:46):
Well, think about it.
put up a tent together in thepouring rain, try to change a
flat tire on the side of a busyroad.
SPEAKER_00 (15:52):
Stressful situations.
SPEAKER_01 (15:54):
Exactly.
See how they respond to thoselittle daily frustrations and
minor setbacks?
Do they handle it with calmness,with gentleness, or do they
freak out?
That reveals true character waymore than a fancy dinner ever
could.
SPEAKER_00 (16:08):
That is brilliant, actually.
Testing the real person underpressure.
SPEAKER_01 (16:11):
Right.
It strips away the performance.
SPEAKER_00 (16:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:14):
So yeah, in summary, the sources really push us to
look for these green flags.
SPEAKER_00 (16:19):
Okay, green flags.
SPEAKER_01 (16:20):
Someone who genuinely puts God first, keeps
Christ at the center, isconsistent in their walk, has
found or is actively seekingtheir God-given purpose,
practices accountability,prioritizes friendship within
the relationship, offers a senseof peace, not constant drama,
and importantly, shares theirtestimony, shows an ongoing,
(16:41):
living relationship with God,not just a past event.
SPEAKER_00 (16:45):
That's a fantastic list of green flags OK, so we've
covered character in depth.
Now let's talk about chemistry.
SPEAKER_01 (16:50):
The second C.
SPEAKER_00 (16:51):
Right.
Which, while it's secondary tocharacter, is definitely not
something the sources say tojust ignore or negate.
You should be attracted to theperson you marry.
SPEAKER_01 (16:59):
Absolutely.
It's not unspiritual to desirethat.
SPEAKER_00 (17:01):
Yeah.
And this isn't just some modernworldly idea either.
Biblical figures, you know,Abraham finding Rebecca for
Isaac, Jacob seeing Rachel.
They noted physicalattractiveness.
They were good to the eye, asthe text says.
SPEAKER_01 (17:13):
Right.
It's acknowledged.
SPEAKER_00 (17:15):
So where's the danger then, expert?
How does our culture mess thisup sometimes?
SPEAKER_01 (17:19):
Well, the danger lies in allowing those
unrealistic cultural ideals totake over.
You know, the standards set bysupermodels, athletes, movie
stars.
Right, the airbrushedperfection.
Exactly.
Letting that skew yourperception of beauty, it can
create unhealthy comparisons,dissatisfaction, even sinful
idolatry where looks become theultimate thing.
SPEAKER_00 (17:39):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (17:40):
We have to remember Proverbs 31.3, though.
Charm is deceitful and beauty isvain, but a woman or man who
fears the Lord is to be praised.
What truly lasts is character.
So the nuance is valuingattraction, yes, but
prioritizing what's eternal overwhat's just fleeting.
SPEAKER_00 (17:59):
That's a crucial distinction, prioritizing the
eternal.
Now, beyond just physicalattraction, another crucial
question the sources raise aboutchemistry is simply, do you have
a good time with them?
UNKNOWN (18:07):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01 (18:07):
Seems basic, but it's important.
SPEAKER_00 (18:09):
Yeah, and the sources make this subtle but
interesting distinction.
They say there's a differencebetween someone being funny,
like they can crack good jokes,and someone just being fun to be
around.
How do we tell the difference?
SPEAKER_01 (18:19):
That's a great point.
Someone who is truly fun in thisdeeper sense is someone you
genuinely enjoy spending timewith, even when nothing
particularly exciting ishappening, even in silence
maybe.
Okay.
Their presence just brings acertain lightness or ease to
your day.
Whether you're doing mundanechores together or facing
something difficult.
(18:40):
Because let's be real, a lot ofmarriage is just hanging out.
SPEAKER_00 (18:43):
True.
It's not all date nights andadventures.
SPEAKER_01 (18:45):
Not at all.
And life throws difficultseasons at you.
You want to spend your life withsomeone whose company you
categorically enjoy.
Someone who feels easy to getalong with.
SPEAKER_00 (18:54):
Because if it feels like pulling teeth just to enjoy
your time together whiledating...
That's probably not going tomagically change after you say I
do.
It's about that genuineenjoyment of them, their
presence, not just their abilityto entertain you.
SPEAKER_01 (19:07):
That makes a lot of sense.
OK, shifting gears slightly,when we think about dating
today, especially forChristians, the whole landscape
around intimacy and boundariesseems incredibly blurry.
Oh, definitely.
Blurred lines everywhere.
The cultural air we breathebasically assumes that sex and
dating are synonymous.
It's just expected.
SPEAKER_00 (19:26):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (19:26):
And add to that smartphones.
Relationships are constant now.
Always on.
Often happening in very private,intimate spaces, even just
through text.
SPEAKER_00 (19:36):
Yeah, the dynamic has totally changed.
SPEAKER_01 (19:38):
When tragically, things like pornography are
often dismissed as harmless fun.
even among some Christians,which, according to the sources,
can actually delay marriagebecause some people find
alternative outlets for sexualexpression outside of
commitment.
SPEAKER_00 (19:53):
That's a really stark reality check.
So given all this culturalpressure and confusion, how do
our sources define godly datingin this area?
What do they say about settingboundaries?
SPEAKER_01 (20:04):
Well, they advocate strongly, very strongly, for
setting clear boundaries,physical, spiritual, and
emotional.
SPEAKER_00 (20:10):
The
SPEAKER_01 (20:11):
Bible defines true intimacy primarily as close
familiarity or friendshipcloseness.
And during singleness, that deepintimacy is meant primarily for
your relationship with God.
SPEAKER_00 (20:21):
Then
SPEAKER_01 (20:21):
within marriage, it's fully expect with your
spouse.
So one source goes so far as toadvise against becoming truly
intimate with a boyfriend orgirlfriend in that deep
soul-sharing way.
SPEAKER_00 (20:32):
Really?
Why not?
SPEAKER_01 (20:33):
Arguing that dating is not supposed to be intimate
in that specific sense beforemarriage.
It even says, quite pointedly,you don't even need to know what
their lips feel like until thewedding altar.
That kiss, they argue, is forthe bride for the covenant.
SPEAKER_00 (20:48):
Wow, that's a Very high standard compared to
culture.
SPEAKER_01 (20:51):
It is.
And the reasoning is this.
Engaging in husband-like orwife-like duties before you're
actually husband and wife.
SPEAKER_00 (20:59):
Like arguing about chores or sex.
SPEAKER_01 (21:01):
Exactly.
Those things lead tohusband-like and wife-like
consequences.
And those consequences, both thegood and the bad, are meant for
the safety and commitment of themarriage covenant, not a dating
relationship which can end.
SPEAKER_00 (21:14):
Okay.
So protect the future marriageby setting clear lines now.
SPEAKER_01 (21:17):
Precisely.
Maintain clear boundaries.
Don't put yourself in temptingsituations.
Avoid things that createunhealthy emotional
entanglements, even things thatseem innocent on the surface.
Like what?
Well, one example given was latenight prayer sessions together.
While prayer is good, doing itfrequently late at night, just
the two of you canunintentionally create a kind of
(21:38):
emotional intimacy that's reallymore appropriate for marriage.
It blurs lines.
SPEAKER_00 (21:43):
That's a subtle one, but I can see how that could
happen.
Okay, as we start to wrap upthis deep dive, it feels really
important to acknowledgesomething significant.
What's that?
The sheer number of Christianadults who are single.
The sources estimate it's around30% of the adult Christian
population.
SPEAKER_01 (22:00):
Wow, that's substantial.
SPEAKER_00 (22:02):
Yeah, and if you add in those who are divorced or
widowed, that number climbscloser to half.
SPEAKER_01 (22:07):
So roughly half the church isn't currently married.
SPEAKER_00 (22:09):
Exactly.
And Paul in 1 Corinthians 7talks about singleness not as a
problem, but as a gift, offeringundistracted devotion to the
Lord.
How does this kind of redefinesingleness, especially compared
to maybe older views?
SPEAKER_01 (22:25):
Yeah, that's a really important shift in
perspective found in the NewTestament.
Unlike parts of the OldTestament where singleness was
sometimes seen as a negative,almost a curse or a sign of
lack, the New Testament presentsit as a totally viable gift.
Valuable way of life.
A genuine calling for
SPEAKER_00 (22:41):
some.
We have examples, right?
SPEAKER_01 (22:43):
Absolutely.
Think about it.
Jesus himself, John the Baptist,the Apostle Paul, maybe even
Daniel, all single, all left animmense impact and legacy.
It powerfully proves that beingunmarried does not make you less
than in God's kingdom.
It elevates singleness to aplace of potential strength and
purpose.
It truly can be a gift.
SPEAKER_00 (23:04):
A gift.
Okay, so if singleness is agift, how are single people
supposed to use it?
What does stewardship of thatgift look like, according to the
sources?
SPEAKER_01 (23:11):
That's the key question.
Stewardship.
Practically, it means using yourtime, your energy, your
resources faithfully for God'sglory now.
SPEAKER_00 (23:19):
Okay.
Like how?
SPEAKER_01 (23:20):
Serving your local church, investing in personal
growth, reading, learning.
One source mentioned someonereading 100, 150 books a year
during their single years.
SPEAKER_00 (23:27):
Wow.
That's dedication.
SPEAKER_01 (23:29):
Right.
Maybe pursuing global missionsif that's an option.
Actively seeking mentorship fromolder, wiser believers.
A core insight is profound.
You are becoming the man orwoman you're going to be in five
years today.
SPEAKER_00 (23:40):
Your choices now shape your future self.
SPEAKER_01 (23:43):
Exactly.
So don't waste your singlenessby just chilling with your
homies, as one source put it, orpouring all your energy into
undistracted devotion to yournest egg instead of undistracted
devotion to the Lord.
Use this season purposefully.
SPEAKER_00 (23:58):
That's a powerful call to action for anyone in
that season.
But Realistically, the singlelife has its own dangers too,
right?
What did the sources cautionagainst?
SPEAKER_01 (24:09):
Oh, for sure.
They definitely mentioneddangers.
Things like just living for theweekend, fulfilling fleshly
desires because, well, you don'thave the constraints or
accountability of marriage yet.
SPEAKER_00 (24:19):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (24:20):
And the rampant nature of pornography was
specifically called out assomething that can really delay
or distort a healthy desire formarriage and intimacy within it.
SPEAKER_00 (24:29):
Yeah, we touched on that earlier.
SPEAKER_01 (24:30):
Which is why accountability is stressed so
heavily for singles too.
Not just general friendships,but a close knit relationship
with someone who truly knows whoyou truly are.
SPEAKER_00 (24:39):
Someone you can be real with about struggles.
SPEAKER_01 (24:42):
Yes.
open about failings, committedto fighting through sin
together.
And ideally, this accountabilityincludes someone older and
godlier, someone with moreperspective.
SPEAKER_00 (24:53):
That makes sense.
Was there anything else specificto singles?
SPEAKER_01 (24:56):
Yeah, one final caution was about a dynamic
sometimes called single bestfriend cohabitation.
SPEAKER_00 (25:02):
Okay, what's that?
Not necessarily romantic.
SPEAKER_01 (25:05):
Right, not in a sexual sense.
But it's where two singleindividuals, the source
mentioned, often women, startfunctioning emotionally almost
as if they were married, placingemotional, sometimes even
financial expectations uponsomeone that is just a good
friend.
SPEAKER_00 (25:21):
Ah, so blurring those relational boundaries
again, just in a different way.
SPEAKER_01 (25:24):
Exactly.
It creates unhealthydependencies and expectations
that belong within a covenant.
SPEAKER_00 (25:28):
Gotcha.
So bringing it all together, anyfinal thoughts from the sources?
SPEAKER_01 (25:31):
Well, ultimately, our sources remind us that as
important as marriage is,marriage isn't the final destiny
of anyone.
SPEAKER_00 (25:38):
Hmm.
What does that mean?
SPEAKER_01 (25:39):
Jesus himself taught that in the resurrection, we
will neither marry nor be givenin marriage.
Your ultimate eternal destiny isas a single glorified image
bearer in God's presence.
Wow.
Okay.
So while marriage is a beautifulpicture, a central metaphor in
scripture pointing to Christ andthe church, remembering our
(25:59):
eternal destiny helps keepthings in perspective.
It tempers any tendency toidolize marriage or fall into
despair if you're single.
SPEAKER_00 (26:08):
That provides really important context.
We've truly taken a deep divetoday, haven't we?
SPEAKER_01 (26:13):
You really have.
SPEAKER_00 (26:13):
From the sometimes hilarious missteps of Christian
dating all the way to theseprofound biblical principles
that should guide ourrelationships.
We've explored the intentionalpurpose of dating, the character
traits that truly matter longterm, the crucial role of
boundaries, and the God-givenpotential and purpose of
singleness itself.
SPEAKER_01 (26:32):
A lot of ground covered.
SPEAKER_00 (26:33):
Yeah.
And our hope really is that thisdeep dive helps you, our
listener, navigate your ownrelationships Absolutely.
And as you reflect
SPEAKER_01 (26:51):
on all of this, maybe consider this final
provocative thought.
In a world that often treatsrelationships as disposable,
prioritizing personal desires,convenience, how might
intentionally building yourdating life or your singleness
around God's enduring design,focusing on character, purpose,
holiness, how might thattransform your own pursuit of
lasting connection and trulyhonor him in the process?
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