Change My Relationship

In Step One of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholics admit that they are powerless over alcohol.  Some people misunderstand this to mean that they have no accountability for their drinking or anything else destructive and don't have to take any responsibility. 

This isn't what is meant by powerlessness. Watch this video to learn about what powerlessness is and is not. It could help you with your own recovery or help ...

Spiritualizing hurts hurting people by not responding to the real needs of the person by minimizing their pain and the situation. Watch this video to understand what spiritualizing is and why it hurts. #spiritualizing #hurtingpeople #respondingtoneeds

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Abusive relationships contain many types of harmful treatment. Some overt and some covert. Some obvious and some hidden. Some are easy to identify, and some are not so easy to identify. 

We know emotional abuse is harmful, but is emotional neglect abuse? This matters when you are listening to an abuse victim, when you are in a toxic relationship, when you are assessing your behavior, and when you are evaluating the impact of dysfun...

Toxic relationships have complicated dynamics that are hard to figure out. It isn't unusual to be confused about the specific problems you are dealing with. Emotions are intense. Conflict isn't resolved. People don't listen and seek to understand when you voice your concerns and needs. 

Reactivity is high in toxic relationships. It is easy to do things you regret. One of the best things you can do is to practice stopping yourself b...

Abusive relationships shouldn't be hard to leave, but they are. If you've been in one, you know that it is because you are emotionally and relationally entangled. You struggle with knowing what is true and question yourself because you believe the abuser's accusations that blame you for the problems.  

Understanding what a trauma bond is and why it keeps you stuck will help you identify why you are struggling. It will also pinpoint...

When setting boundaries, how do you go from chaos to clarity? If you've been in a relationship with dysfunctional dynamics, you know what it is to be confused, frustrated, overwhelmed, and uncertain. You know how you question yourself and wonder if your thoughts, feelings, actions, and perceptions are accurate. 

Is it possible to go from there to a place where you are clear on what is happening and what you need to do? Is it possib...

Detaching from accusations means knowing how to not take false accusations to heart and instead letting them go. Detaching allows you to keep your reactions under control and instead choosing how to respond. Learn how to do that by watching this video. #Detachment #KeepingControl #EmotionalControl #Acusations

Do you know what not to say to depressed or anxious people? You should if you have any contact with them in your life. There are many things people say, including Christian pat answers, that cause hurt. Find out what they are. #healthyrelationship #support #positiverelationships

You have probably heard a lot about anxious and avoidant attachment styles and how they make your relationships unhealthy. But what does it mean to be securely attached? It is what you are supposed to be when you get healthy. It is what helps your relationships to succeed, but how can you know you are getting closer to the goal if you don't know what it is?

What does it mean to be securely attached? You need to know. Watch this vid...

Christians misunderstand what the Bible says about submitting to authority. Whether it is in marriage, the church, the family or society, learn what the Bible says about this important principle that affects all relationships. #healthyrelationship #abusiverelationships #dysfunctionalrelationship

When you set a boundary, do you need to explain your boundary? Do you have to tell the person why you are setting that limit and justify why you came to that decision? Do you have to convince the person that you have a right to it, and do you need their permission and approval? 

These are important questions for you to consider before you state your limit. Think about what you need to say, if anything at all. Watch this video to kn...

Dysfunctional people are often defensive when you try to talk to them about their problems. An alternative is to approach them by owning the problem. Watch this video to learn how to communicate with defensive people in a way that decreases their defensiveness. #DysfunctionalRelationship #ToxicRelationships #DefensiveResponses #OwningTheProblem

Unhealthy families have similar dynamics regardless of what their specific problems are. They are complicated and hard to untangle. There are common unspoken rules that everyone knows they have to abide by, even though doing so ensures that the dysfunctional drama continues. 

Yet there is a way to change dysfunctional family rules to healthy rules and decrease the family drama. You may not be able to do it with everyone, but you ca...

You cannot keep someone from gaslighting you, but you can choose how to respond to gaslighting. Learn effective responses by watching this video. #gaslighting #dysfunctionalrelationship #gaslighter #respondingtogaslighting

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In your dysfunctional relationships, it is important to ask yourself: "Why am I talking?" before you open your mouth. This is because most of the reasons will cause more problems for you. These complex relationships aren't easy to navigate. The dynamics are confusing. Emotions are up and down and hard to control. One of the most helpful things you can learn to do is to WAIT before you speak and ask yourself, "Why am I talking?" Wat...

When you disagree with how your grandchild is parented, what do you do? Do you offer parenting tips? Do you speak up? Do you confront child abuse? Do you point out the dysfunctional relationship dynamics? If you do, what do you think will happen? If you need answers to these questions, watch this video. You will receive helpful suggestions that will help you avoid making mistakes. #grandparenting #dysfunctionalrelationship #childab...

People in dysfunctional relationships make change-back moves when you set boundaries, which are designed to get you to back down. They do this because they don't want to change their behavior. They don't want to be accountable and take responsibility for their actions. They don't want to respect your limits and needs. They consider their own needs and desires more important than yours. 

Because of all these things, they manipulativ...