March 1, 2024 • 46 mins
Jessica Joan returns to Chaos Controlled Podcast (#209) to discuss her journey after escaping the NXIVM cult. The author, actress and activist shares the impact of her traumatic experiences, her role as the FBI's star witness in convicting NXIVM cult leader Keith Raniere to 100 years in prison. Join us as we deep dive into her subsequent journey of self-discovery and healing, Jessica talks about the importance of doing inner work, embracing change, and finding strength in vulnerability. Additionally, she delves into her renewed passion for acting and her projects as an evolutionary storyteller. The episode provides profound insights into resilience, healing, and empowerment. Find Jessica Joan: https://www.instagram.com/thesirenandthesunflower/ https://linktr.ee/LoveJessJoan Business Insider Article https://www.businessinsider.com/jessica-joan-was-in-nxivm-cult-and-helped-expose-it-2021-9?amp Evie Magazine Article https://www.eviemagazine.com/post/victim-victor-how-jessica-joans-takedown-sex-cult-nxivm-discovery Jessica Joan is an Amazon Best Selling Author. Her book THE UNTOUCHABLE JESSICA JOAN: THE DOWNFALL OF NXIVM is available on Amazon : https://www.amazon.com/UNTOUCHABLE-JESSICA-JOAN-DOWNFALL-NXIVM/dp/B0CJ3X8TZ8 Crew/ Credits: Chaos Controlled Podcast Season 2 - Show Credits Produced By- Little Mikey Media & Daymaker Productions Host/Executive Producer/Director - Mikey Tableman from Little Mikey Media and A Minds Pursuit Host/Co-Executive Producer - Danny J Gomez Sound Engineer /Sound Mixer/Co-Executive Producer - Nick Dewar Producer/Director/Executive Producer - Sofia Monroe from Daymaker Productions Producer/Co-Executive Producer - Zeke Rodrigues Thomas from Mindjam Media Sound Assistant / Sound Engineer Support - Joy Christos from 1500 or Nothin Sound Academy (Alumni) Post Production and Graphics Team - Billy Hanson,Kevin Caldwell and Chris Kim Social Media BTS/ Social Media -Team Members Joined Forces Social Media Consultant- Amy Loel IGs: @LittleMikeyMedia @DaymakerPro @MikeyTableman @DannyJOfficial @NickDewar @SofiaLoMo @Zekethomasisrad @mindjammedia @TheChrisKim @Novmberzson @Alexshandelman @Kevincadaver @JoyChristos @atta.boy.billy @Amyloel #JessicaJoan #NXIVM #theuntouchablejessicajoan #chaoscontrolledpodcast
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Welcome to the Chaos 23, all right?
That's cute. Yes, we try so hard 3.
Is that right 123? I like it.
I like it too. What up everybody?
(00:26):
And welcome back to the chaos. I'm your host Mikey Tailman,
alongside my Co host. Danny J Gomez.
I like that version of it, yeah.And fingertips with all three
cameras. Y'all.
I'm excited today because from last season this was our number
one listen to episode. So we had to bring her back for
season 2. Was it really?
You were the number one listen, hey.
Real talk. Real talk.
(00:46):
Yeah. I'd like to present to you Miss
Jessica Jones, The untouchable Jessica Jones.
Welcome back. How are you?
What's been going on? Man, life has really been going
on. And it's so funny because I
literally was just talking aboutthis where it's like I'm just
myself and don't really know how.
Like the perception is until other people say, yo, that's so
(01:09):
crazy or Oh my gosh, I go, oh, that was kind of wild, wasn't it
you? Don't think about it in the
moment, because you're just living a life.
Exactly through it. Exactly, that's.
Something you process and like you you're moving forward so
someone else is just complete, just complete left field right?
Yeah, Left field. That's how I know is when I
share just a little bit about mystory and I see that shocked
(01:30):
look on their face and go, you're right, yeah.
So let's give give a little recap of your story if you
haven't listened to the season one episode, which again I
highly suggest you go back and listen to this one before you
listen to season one before you watch season 2, but just give a
little of a brief overview. So the brief overview had a very
like tumultuous childhood, whichled me to come to LA and have a
(01:55):
whole Hollywood life running away from my trauma.
Which sounds about right. Yeah, right.
You know, we know, we know the nightlife.
And then it led me to also seeking to want to heal myself
as I've always been a seeker into personal development, which
I then took this class called ESP, which was part of the
(02:18):
Nexium organization, which I thought was just a human
potential personal development program to be your best self and
help other people. But turns out Spoiler was
actually called oh, and that theleader ran a secret A woman's
Only secret Society. Oh, and that they were grooming
(02:40):
me to want to be one of his sex slaves.
So there is that. TuneIn, if you want to get the
whole story behind the scenes. There's also a documentary on
HBO and on it has two seasons now because that the main thing
happened, but then there's so much that happened afterwards
because you weren't a part of the documentaries on on season
one and season 2 of HBO because you had to remove yourself for
(03:04):
specific reasons. Yes, so I did originally shoot
with the Vow for season one and due to my own specific reasons I
chose not to be a part of that project.
And although in Season 2, 'causeI I was watching to to see if
they used any footage or anything, but they do have like
(03:26):
a mention of me because I was still under my pseudo name Jay.
And then I think it's like one of the later episodes.
So yeah, there's a picture. I remember watching this.
Yeah. It's like the one from Once Upon
a Time, yeah? Yeah.
Yeah. So what was that after 'cause
you were the FB is main witness and I remember you, you didn't
(03:47):
read this to us on camera, but she read to me and Danny
afterwards. What you read in court that day
to Allison Mack and Keith Ranieri, which was we were just
like so blown away, just like sowhat's happened after that?
Because your life has really gone many, many ways.
Yes, definitely. A roller coaster, always.
(04:08):
And I embrace that. I embrace the change.
I embrace the unknown. But you know like I'm really
happy to come here now and talk about this whole process because
a lot of people don't really understand like the magnitude of
what it is to like go through something like that and then to
come out publicly with it with even for myself, I did like a
(04:30):
like a beta testing slow roll out so I could have the time to
really process and heal. And you know, it it's it's
nothing like going to this like courthouse and you know, telling
one of your abusers basically that what they did was wrong and
and speak the truth and then have it be on newspapers and
(04:54):
having like a paparazzi outside the courtroom.
So it was a wild time and just been on a journey of refinding
myself outside of that and also just getting back to to my art
and to what's important to me. How long did they both get?
Like 100 years, right? Well, he got 100, I think, 120
(05:17):
years. And Allison only got 3 1/2
years. And actually, I just got an
e-mail alert. I think she's getting out this
year in September. Oh yeah.
That's creepy. Yeah.
So let me ask you this then. What was the like?
I mean, that had to be a huge mental tool because you were
really, you were during those documentaries, you weren't the
(05:38):
face and you were also the FBI star witness.
So then once it became public asto who you were, what was that
like dealing with that? What was the, I mean, if you
want to call it, backlash, what were, you know, people saying
about you on that aspect? You know, I'm really fortunate
that I got a lot of support and that a lot of people could see
through what was really happening.
(05:59):
Of course, there's going to be online trolls and people that
are going to be really judgmental and have no capacity
to actually understand or empathize the situation.
So there's definitely some of those which really, it doesn't
bother me because they're irrelevant.
That's cool to hear because a lot of people don't have that
ability. Oh.
(06:20):
Yeah, I mean, it could be hurtful and stuff, but it's just
they don't know what they don't know and their opinions don't
matter, You know? And I know that what I chose to
do and what I choose to do with my life is stand up for things
that matter and where people don't have a voice and where
there is injustice and where something needs to be said.
And that's just the core of who I am.
(06:42):
And I I love that about myself. And I was really grateful to be
received in a in a really loving, supportive way by a lot
of people. It's great.
You can just brush off those online trolls, cuz.
It's so hard. I remember the first commercial
I did, it was a Target commercial and I went on YouTube
(07:04):
because I found it and I was like, that's me and dude, did I
get berated. Target commercial.
Yeah, what is it? At all.
I mean nobody you're you're you're a piece of shit so you're
nobody like you'll never do anything in life like who get
you know like everything. And I was like, you know what,
I'll never look at these again just because you know mentally I
(07:26):
wasn't prepared to block it out.But that so I applaud you for
like being able to kind of brushthat off because you're just,
you're just so much on like on apowerful independent path that
those trolls just kind of they they have to fall by the
wayside. They do.
Because like when you're a person who's standing up for
things that matter or wanting tospread light, love, goodness
(07:47):
into the world, there is going to be backlash for that.
Because there's a world, unfortunately at this moment in
time, that's full of hatred, that's full of fear, that's full
of indifference and division. And so when you stand up for
something, people aren't going to like that.
And even it's just like energetic.
These are just people that hate themselves and have nothing else
(08:10):
going on. So instead of embracing light,
they want to dim it down. So my mission and why I'm here
is far greater than anything that anyone can say honestly.
You meant to that? Where do you find the strength?
No, I, I, I'm, I'm like, I've known you for a long time.
I've known you've always been a very strong person, but just
(08:30):
every time I see you now, like you, just your light gets
brighter, you're more focused. So it's like you've been through
some really traumatic shit. Where do you find the strength
to be able to stand up and fightback?
I mean the the strength comes from within.
And you know, I'd be lying if I didn't say that.
I know I got some strong ancestors working for me and
(08:52):
helping guide me and you know, my connection with my higher
self. And it's just, I think because I
went through so much painful things as a child and suffering,
and I know what that feels like in a very, very deep level, that
I don't want anyone else to haveto feel those things.
(09:13):
So, like, my passion and my strength comes from having
survived things and wanting others to, like, get on the
other side of whatever pain or trauma that they're suffering
for and just being a pillar by just doing it in my life.
Because it's it's not easy, you know?
And I think I've really been, ohman, I'm a little emotional.
(09:36):
Bring it out. This is the trust tree.
Been sitting with myself becauseI am always moving forward.
I'm constantly thinking about the mission, my purpose.
How can I help? What is?
What more can I do to be of service?
And then just recently I've beentaking a little pause to sit
(09:56):
with what is Jessica actually feel like?
What does she actually want? And like I've been having a
couple like breakdowns and just sitting with that heaviness
because I, you know, I I am veryself-sufficient in my healing
and I think it's important to beable to walk your path alone and
(10:19):
sit with that. And that's really where a lot of
the strength comes from. And now I've been allowing
myself to be in a more trusting state with people.
If you can imagine, trust is definitely can be a hard one
huddle. 'S off.
Huddle's off, I think. Forever you gotta.
But finding like community and finding people in my life that
(10:40):
like genuinely really support meand have my back and you know
I've been love you too. And you know, we're all here in
this together. And I think giving myself the
permission to allow others to bethere for me has been a big one.
Because before I didn't like allow people to do that.
I just didn't think people had the capacity to which I still
(11:03):
believe that to be true a littlebit.
But finding the ones that can and just allowing myself to not
have to carry all this weight bymyself.
Yeah, So you, you go on this journey, you strip down you, you
bear everything. You you're building yourself
back up. And you said that how you you're
trying to focus on your art and and like what where are you at
(11:25):
on that on that path? So, I mean, my art has been
what's liberating me so much, you know, even with acting or
producing and being a poet and an author, my forefront is being
an evolutionary storyteller. So it's using storytelling to
(11:45):
help move the collective forward.
But what I've been finding is I I got back into an acting class
which I love, and it's just beensuch a spiritual experience that
I had no idea. And I've really, really fallen
in love with the craft 'cause I took a long break, I thought I
was done with it. But the importance of telling
(12:05):
these stories, having these connections to all these
characters and humanity and thenalso being a vessel for those
things to come through. So it's been really really
therapeutic and re inspiring andthen creating my own projects
too. Oh.
That's amazing, though, because,like, that's what art is
(12:27):
supposed to be like. We get so caught up, we're all
artists, but we all got to pay bills too.
So it's like sometimes you don'tjust get to focus on the art and
let it liberate you because there is so much that is holding
us down that doesn't allow us togrow.
So one thing I did want to ask you, because I know we've talked
about this before, now that you've been through this, you're
coming on the other side and youtalk about your ancestors really
(12:47):
guide you. How much do you think your
ancestors guided you through this journey because you needed
to go through this experience tohave such a large purpose and
make such a huge difference in this world, especially for all
women that are suffering in thataspect and just being a light to
everybody? My ancestors play a huge part.
I have a lot of spiritual guidesand things that help me navigate
(13:09):
life and what I'm doing. And I mean really to be so
transparent right now. I literally just live in a way
where I just do whatever God tells me to do, you know?
And it's so funny to say even publicly and and speak in that
way because you know, people hear that word and they have
their own feelings about what that is.
(13:31):
For me, it's non religious. It's like my connection with
higher self and higher purpose and it's what drove me to even
join Nexium. Like I took my application back
originally and I was like, oh, I'm not going to do this.
And then I just, I heard like, you need to do this.
And I was like, OK, I'm just going to do it.
Let's see what happens. And you know, we know a lot of
(13:52):
things happened from that and I absolutely needed that.
I needed that to break out of the old version of myself and
whatever limitations and and it was kind of like a an
initiation, you know, for me to be in this work that I'm doing.
You know, whether it's art, whether it's spiritual healing
work, whether it's writing, it'sjust bringing forth that energy
(14:14):
through that transmutation. It's amazing how those things
you don't realize at the time, but you're being you're you're
being formed like you're you're,it's like the hero's journey.
You have to go through all this bad, crazy shit to really figure
out who you are and then you become the hero and you can help
(14:35):
other people like they. That's the only way.
And I think that people who go to Trump, I mean, I I I think I
I kind of. I'd say.
A little. I mean, shit, it was a Friday
night. I was going going to work that
night and you never and in a. Split second.
You never know. You know I mean you.
I mean I went down the path and I lost myself so quickly.
(14:56):
Yeah that you just like. But I mean it's crazy because
life's a pendulum swings. So like what?
Try to, What I try to keep goingwith is like if it was this bad,
then that means it has the possibility to be this good.
So it's like you just got to keep going.
And like you said, I mean listening to quote UN quote God.
And most people don't have that ability.
Like, you know, lack the intuition.
We lack a lot of empathy in thisworld right now.
(15:16):
I mean, you talk about this likea lot where, you know, we think
the collective vibration we raise so much higher if everyone
had more empathy and was open about their traumatic
experiences and wanted to heal them because it's part of your
journey. Yeah.
And I think, you know, when whenI say God, it's like your inner
spirit, it's like listening to yourself.
And because we live in a societywhere everything is so focused
(15:37):
on the external, then you're constantly focused on the
outside and you're not giving yourself space and time to look
in. And people don't feel like they
have that luxury because they'rebusy working.
They're trying to survive. They're trying to help their own
people. And it's just taking that pause
to really value and love yourself enough to be like, you
(15:58):
know what? Everything else needs to pause
right now so I can find out what's going on.
What are some of the things you do to keep yourself connected to
your higher self? Like what are some of your daily
routines or just way you stay connected to to your faith?
Well, I mean, there's a lot of different things getting in
touch with nature that's like sopotent, so important because
(16:21):
nature is what we are. Like the Earth is our first
mother. If there was no planet Earth, we
would not be existing here rightnow.
So taking time to like, go see some trees, just get out of the
city for my mental health. So I go to Hawaii all the time.
Yes, yes, that is. That's that's really like my my
recharge station. Next time you go, I want to go
(16:43):
back. I want to go back.
Go. White Trip, it's so amazing.
And then also too there's like different techniques like breath
work, different healing modalities, even sometimes just
connecting with like friends that I really love, that really
pour into me, that I pour into like things like that help.
And I love journaling and writing, poetry, performing, and
(17:08):
a lot of rest. People I feel like sometimes
overlook how importance rest is and just disconnecting from
everything to recharge. Yeah, we live in a society.
Like, when did it become the cool thing to work yourself out
to a burnout state? Like, why is that the norm?
Why do we brag about that? Right, the the hustle culture
(17:29):
which like now I'm like it's alignment over hustle.
It's like, actually, I don't need to do that right now.
The world is not going to end ifI don't do this one thing or
show up to the thing. I'm like I need to prioritize
myself. Yeah, So I mean, working
smarter, not harder, But I mean,how many times we've all done
this where it's like, especiallyin this LA nightlife scene that
we were all in, oh, I have to be, oh, this person's birthday.
(17:50):
I have to go, oh, this event, I have to be there.
And then you're you're miserablegoing, you're miserable there.
And then you get home and you'relike, why'd I do that?
I remember. Talking to my mom on the phone
and she like, what are you doing?
I'm like, oh, it's it's my friend's birthday.
She's like every night it's somebody's birthday.
No, it is 'cause we have such a massive like, bro, the months of
January and February, like my liver would be shot, 'cause it
(18:10):
was somebody's birthday every weekend.
And I was just like, I don't like it for you anyway.
But you're right. You have to take, like, time for
yourself. I I miss my friend, my one of my
best friend's birthday's last birthday.
I just. I couldn't.
Like, I I just pictured myself being there and not being there.
Like not wanting to be there Because I, I, I, I had no, my
(18:31):
battery was just so low that I, I, I didn't have anything to
give. You know, I was just going to be
wasted there and I'm doing that a lot more like just like you
said, just rest right. Like, even though you feel like
you're not being productive or doing anything, part of the
production is resting. Absolutely.
And also saying no, like, I think we feel like, oh, they're
(18:54):
going to miss us. And yeah, that might be true,
but like anyone who really caresabout you, in my opinion,
they're going to want you to rest.
They're not going to want you tocome if you're not really in the
energetic space to come, you know, because then it's just
selfish. And on the other part, it's like
you need to be selfish to take care of yourself, because you
can't pour from an empty cup into another empty cup.
(19:17):
And you shouldn't be even flowing from your reserves.
It should be from your overflow.I don't even like to use the
word should, but that's yeah. You know, and communication,
because I told that same friend.Look, mentally, I'm not prepared
for the like, I I'm sorry, I can't do it.
And he's like, oh, I completely understand, man, like, you got
to take your own time. Yeah.
See. Perfect.
He really cares. Before I would.
(19:37):
Have made-up some excuse like, you know, I got COVID or you
know, like anything. That wasn't what it was that to
Get Me Out of that situation. But now it's like what?
I don't have to lie like this iswhat I'm going through and it
helps both of us. That that's definitely shocked
me because in the past I would do the same thing and it's like
I'm not going to tell somebody I'm having a massive anxiety
(19:58):
attack and I can't make it. But now it's like when you're
just very open about it, it's sosurprising how receptive people
actually can be. And like now it's become more of
a thing in culture. It's a bit taboo at points, but
I mean it, it's completely true.Like if you're just not feeling
it, like don't push yourself. Right.
I mean, you've been going through a hard time as a
collective, like people are tired.
(20:18):
People are stressed people, you know, they need that.
You've mentioned the collective three times.
Now let's kind of go into that, because me and you can talk
about the collective, but let's kind of explain more of what
you're, you know, what you're like, what in, what you mean by
the collective, the collective energy, the collective of.
Society, the collective of society.
(20:39):
No the. So when I say the collective,
you know, it's kind of like a spiritual term.
Like, you know, people have heard it or they hear it, But
the collective, just meaning thecollective, all of the people
like us, we're all interconnected.
And so like, if something's happening to the collective,
like, you know, a couple years ago, like a lot of stuff shut
(21:00):
down and a lot of things happened and we were all going
through that together. And so as we were going through
that time together, there was a lot of trauma that happened.
There was a lot of fear. There was a lot of things that
shifted us as a collective and now we're in a certain state
where it is easier to communicate.
Hey, like I'm mentally, emotionally not there because we
(21:23):
have more understanding because most people are going through
that in one form or another. Yeah.
And I mean, I'm sure you've noticed that the, the quote, UN
quote collective energy the world is hasn't gotten better
since 2020. We shut down, let's be roads
only have gotten worse. There's been way.
I mean, I try not to watch the news, but like, it's impossible.
So the collective energy is really low.
(21:45):
And some people like, I'm just tired, I don't know why.
Or I'm anxious and I never felt that before and it's like,
because that's what's surrounding you, right?
And then like us as empaths like, yo, we take that shit up.
There's days. I'm like, why am I feeling so
anxious? Like, oh, this isn't me, this is
like what I've been around what's going on?
And I've said that to be like, you're fucking weird.
That's I'm like you'll maybe youdon't get it, maybe one day you
will, but I feel like shit because I know everybody else
(22:08):
around me is feeling like shit. Absolutely.
I mean it's it's all energy, it's all vibration.
It's all we're all connected andespecially living in cities
where it's really congested and there's traffic and it's
expensive to live in these places.
Like there's, you know, when arepeople getting, like a real ease
or rest or relax and then they're in their mind, Oh, I got
(22:29):
to do this. I got to do that.
Like it's a constant state of restlessness.
It's so true, man. Like, I don't watch the news.
My mom watches the news like every morning.
She's, like, always crying. And I'm like, mom, you realize
that you're you're watching thisdepressing shit, like you're
training your brain to be sad all the time.
Yes and no. Where it's like I I get that,
(22:50):
but it's like, yo, I want to know what's going on in the
world. I want to know what's happening.
I want to know like, you know, II want to know.
I have a curiosity, but it's also there's like I want to
know, So what can I do to help? What can I do to make a
difference? Because it's like, yeah, I said.
Everybody's feeling that way, but it's like you can't not
watch it. But I mean for me, like, yeah,
(23:11):
like she starts her day off withthat.
Like you can't start your day off with no that amount of
negativity. Well, that's the same people
when you jump on. So I mean, most people will just
wake up and jump on Instagram right away.
And it's like that's the same thing as getting news, right?
Right. See, but to touch on what you
were saying, The thing is that again, it's operating out of the
external. Let me look to the news, let me
(23:31):
look to the things outside of myself.
How can I help? And yes, of course there are
things that we can do and support whatever the things are
going on, which there's always something going on all the time.
But my opinion is that the most that we can do for each other,
the collective one, another, whatever is going on in the
(23:52):
world is doing the inner work. Because if you're not in that
state ready to like, give, or even have that space, then it's
not really going to be helping. You know to the degree that it
can. If you just like, assess your
trauma, do the shadow work, figure out what's going on,
'cause then you're in a higher vibrational state, you're
feeling happier working through things, you have more to offer,
(24:15):
and it's coming from a place of abundance. 100%, But I think
there's a lot of people out there, 'cause, you know, you're
talking about doing the inner work.
Yes, we want to do the inner work.
But we both know when you open up that shit, it's fucking
Pandora's box. And you're never not stopping
that inner work, 'cause you're like, oh, I figured that out.
There's another layer that was under that.
Oh yeah. And I'm just like, I'm never
(24:36):
going to figure this shit out. It's always going to keep going.
So it's just really hard becauselike it's so hard nowadays to
really, you know, jump into that.
It's scary. It's it's exhausting.
It is, but what's the latter? That's that depends on the
person. I mean, this is the thing I'm
always going to be speaking froma place of.
I always want the truth. Like, that's always what's going
(24:57):
to be most important for me and the way that I live my life.
And I think that everyone is on their own journey and their own
path of figuring that out or if they even want to care and do
that excavation, it is extremelyhard.
But just like you're saying, like, where do you get that
strength from? It's from doing that work and
being resilient in that, and it's painful and it's hard.
(25:18):
But on the other side of that isthe bliss, is the peace, is the
awareness. That makes life a lot easier.
Like, I can deal with all the stuff that's going on in the
world because I sat with myself and all of these things, which I
do still constantly. Yeah, I mean, I don't think it
gets easier because people like,does it get any easier?
(25:39):
I'm like, no, it doesn't get anyeasier.
You get better at dealing with it and you get better.
At cover time. You get better at Oh yeah, like.
You're building your armor, yeah?
Yeah, but I like, I don't like when when you say that build
your armor. I think people don't take it,
They take it more literally. And it's like, no, it's not
literal. It's just I look at it as a
success. Like maybe when I'm having a bad
anxiety attack and it floors me instead of flooring me for two
(26:01):
weeks, I'm only there for a week.
I take that as a like it's just it's little, but people don't
realize it's little baby steps of growth when you're trying to
heal yourself. Yeah.
What was the shadow work that you mentioned?
I'm curious about that. Listen, the spiritual journey is
not just love. Light rainbows.
Unicorns just love one another. That's the hallmark side.
(26:24):
Yeah, that's the spiritual bypassing side.
It is important, and there are aspects of that that are like
very real. But in order to get to that
place from a grounded, truthful space is you have to do the
shadow work. You have to sit with your ugly,
the things that you've done, allof your skeletons in your
closet, all of your bad behaviorthat probably came from trauma,
(26:46):
cause what do we know, hurt people, hurt people.
You know, we've all been there. And so when you do the shadow
work, that's when you can actually heal because you get
self like accountability. You have to.
You can't. You know, you can get in the
victim, stay and blame, and sure, things can happen to us
that we're not our fault, you know, especially if we're
(27:08):
children. But it's our responsibility as
adults to heal that, because then we're just continuing to
project the trauma and toxicity onto others and then it's just a
vicious cycle. That's what we're in do the
shadow. Work.
Shadow work. She's right though.
It's like it it it it hurts likeyou're really sitting with
yourself because most people when they feel that type of pain
(27:31):
or anger, it's like you drink, you smoke, you do whatever you
got to do it and not feel that. So it really sit with it like it
hurts like but it's you have to process it out of it like how
much trauma just get stuck in like people will have an ailment
or something like over like why does my neck always hurt why
does my back always hurt. You do store it trauma in your
body. Of course the body keeps a score
(27:52):
and it's it's disease, right? Dis ease.
You're not at ease. Your body and your soul and your
spirit, whatever, everything is not in harmony because of these
traumas that we've stored are hiding.
And then so they're creating allthese other issues because we're
not looking at it. And you it's energy and if you
don't transmute it and move it out, it's just going to show up
(28:14):
somewhere else. Energy, me, emotion is, I think,
probably Latin. Energy in motion, that's what
emotion stands for. So it's like you have all these
emotions and you, you have to process it.
So if you keep burying it down, it's going to make you sick.
You're go or for me, I just, it exploded.
So it's like you really got a process and it's not easy.
(28:35):
And as a collective, that's whathappened in 20/20/2020, right?
Man. I've been sitting here for the
longest time. Y'all man.
But yeah, like. It was it was a it was a a pot
that was boiling over that in 2020, finally the lid just flew
off and everybody's shit just poured out into the universe.
(28:55):
The terminology is the veil has been lifted.
One of the veils. One of the veils.
One of the veils. So you've done all this shadow
work, spirituality, it's recovered, went through this
crazy trauma. So what's next for the
untouchable Jess Joan? And like what?
What comes from this? What lessons have you learned
(29:16):
that you are going to, you know,impact the world with?
Well, many, many. Well, we.
We got, we got some. Time we want to hear.
Them all. Yeah, we want to hear them.
All. Well, actually, I'm relaunching
the book. Yeah, the the Untouchable.
Jessica Jones. There was just more in the Nine
Steps of Transmutation, you know, which it's already like a
precursor to another book on on things that I do and what have
(29:39):
helped me transmute my trauma. And so I really wanted to take
more time and like sit with thata little bit more that I had
time to heal and bring even new awareness.
So I added more to those. And so I'm relaunching the book.
I'm also developing some projects right now.
(30:01):
Some show ideas, some film ideas.
So things are cooking and brewing.
Got a mischievous look about herright now.
Things you can't say yet. Things I can't say yet A.
Little chaos exclusive. I know secrets there will be
there will be an exclusive. But yeah, it's just, yeah, we
love this. It's just, you know, just time
(30:23):
to utilize all of these experiences and put it to work
in, you know, in the arts and businesses, in community you
know, and connecting with other people like yourselves and
showing up and how we can support each other in making
this world a brighter place. Well, you definitely make it
(30:44):
brighter. Yeah.
Like, I haven't seen you since you kind of picked up and and
went to Hawaii and you were there for quite a while.
Yeah, but like just see you now,just like the glow on your face,
like you it it's very visible tosee that you are your new
version of yourself walking in that higher path.
And it seems like you're only continuing to grow because your
armor seems like it's bulletproof now.
(31:05):
Like nothing is going to rattle you at this point.
Yeah, pretty much. The funny thing is what I've
been practicing though, because I like, have so much armor, but
is to to actually be OK putting it down, to be vulnerable, to be
to know that my strength is not in the need to protect.
(31:26):
Because when you go through things like what I went through
in any capacity with the trust and betrayal and you know,
people not wanting the best things for you, it can be a lot.
And I was walking from that space, like isolating, you know,
being very, very specific about who I communicate with, which I
(31:48):
still do that because I need to protect my energy.
But now I've been in a new blossoming of being OK, like
putting the armor down and trusting people again and being
vulnerable and being OK to, like, share myself and not be
overly concerned. Like what do they actually want?
But is there like a hesitation because like I said, you're
(32:10):
being vulnerable and you're trusting people, but that there
still has to be something like deep down in you that you know
from the experience you're in, is it hard?
A little bit. Do you waver?
Is there hesitation with people or no at this point?
You're like, I know this person,I can trust them or you vet
them. Well, discernment, I'd say, not
hesitation. I'm very discerning and at the
(32:31):
end of the day, I trust me and Itrust my path.
And if someone's meant to come in my path and maybe I saw them
in a different light and they turned out to not be that which
has happened, I had to let go ofa lot of very close friendships
in order to to be what was in alignment with me, And I just
(32:52):
blessed it and let it go. At the end of the day, no one
can hurt me like unless I allow it.
And I love hard. I love hard and I love deeply,
which is why I am so discerning.But at the end of the day,
whatever is meant to be will be.Love hard, dude.
Wasn't that a good movie? Yeah, it's John C Reilly.
(33:13):
There was a movie called Love Hard.
Was it it was get hard? Very, very different.
You're. Not even close.
Love Heart is a sequel starring Jessica Jones.
(33:33):
There we go. Producing that shit let's.
Go here. Let's go.
Yo, I give you so much credit because like, yo, I've been
hurt, trauma, just like everybody else is.
And like, yo, it's so hard to for me, it's still very hard to
trust. It's still very hard to love
hard because when you have big emotions and you can feel it
type of way, you you realize that yo this is going to hurt
just as much as I'm excited about it.
(33:55):
Same thing pendulum swinging back that way.
So it's like that's yo, that's really impressive and like kudos
to you on that because I just. Yeah, and cutting out like
friendships. I want some look at all that
hard like. Like like whatever.
Just spread it everywhere, spread it everywhere.
Well. Like, I think a lot of what has
helped me, you know, because it's not like I didn't hold a
(34:16):
lot of resentment for certain people or anger, you know,
That's natural. You have to feel those things.
That's the truth, you know, Evenrage at certain points and
really just sadness, just like, so sad.
Feeling hurt. Like, why did these people that
I loved, like, hurt me or didn'tactually care or didn't protect
(34:37):
me, right. And that's natural because like
my inner child, the little Jess,was just like, why?
Just wanted us to all love each other and like be friends.
But at the end of the day, like I'm here to guide myself and
protect myself and and even though it is very painful when
these things happen. I'd rather feel and love hard
(34:57):
every day of my life and have possible consequences.
Then limit myself from feeling the deepest emotions that life
has to offer because. Like, I'm going to ask you this
and feel free to not answer it if you don't want to, but when
it comes to Alice and Mack and Keith Ranieri, how were you able
(35:18):
to forgive those two? Like, you stood up in court and
basically, like, Nope, you did this, you did this and you were
the final nail in the coffin. Send them to jail for how many
years? So it's like, is there a little
bit of a resentment towards themstill?
No, I would say I had to get to a space of forgiveness, even
with going to court and doing those things.
(35:39):
Because if I didn't forgive them, I'm the one who's
suffering the consequences of that.
It's my pain, my suffering, my negative energy towards them and
I'm not gonna empower them to. Hurt me.
Exactly. So there's that.
And then I always try to look atthings from the bigger picture,
the bigger scope, and understandthat, like their living out,
(36:03):
their experience and whatever they needed to do and why that
happened. But that doesn't have anything
to do with me, you know? So I mean, I was affected by
that, absolutely. It sucked, of course, but at the
end of the day it I'm going to be empowered and not allow those
(36:23):
things to ruin the rest of my life.
They made you suffer unknowingly, making you
stronger. That's crazy.
Like that. That has to be.
And this is just me telling you as a friend, like, that's the
most amazing thing of growth I've ever seen, not only in you,
but like in an individual. Like, that's incredible, because
those people put you through some really, like, they were
(36:45):
awful human beings and that was some really shit that you guys
all went through. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you for saying that.
I really appreciate that And I think that because I am strong
all the time that it's really nice to actually hear that to to
really, you know, I'm really taking in what you just said
(37:06):
right now to give myself that credit for having gone through
that because I don't give myselfcredit like a lot any.
I don't think anybody does. Yeah, I mean, you live.
You literally live the nightmare.
You know, things that we just goto sleep and have nightmares, we
get to wake up from. You were living.
Like, yo, that like your story is like what I would expect to
(37:28):
see in like a movie. You know like some and nights
I'm a lot. Like that's what I would expect.
And like, I mean, dude, even when I watched, when you told me
about it the first time and I went and I watched a
documentary, I was like, this iswild.
Like they were literally branding females like and they
they and you were supposed to beaccepting of it and happy about
it. Like that is mind free.
(37:48):
Like, that's crazy. And also, they're being
blackmailed. So it's like they had to like
somehow find a way of being happy with it to lie to
themselves because of being put in that situation and being held
captive essentially with like through the blackmail.
So we're some of these like ESP classes then from you looking at
it now more of like a mind control thing where it's like
(38:09):
taking people that are looking for something and I mean just
like a cult would work. So it was a lot of those ESP
classes that you took more curated that way now that you're
looking at it and not so much asto help people?
Well, The thing is, the curriculum had so much good
stuff in it, and that's how theywere able to reel people in.
Because these were not just likelost people.
(38:30):
These were high achievers, CEO's, Harvard graduates, and
like, you know. The Dalai Lama?
Sign Dalai Lama? Sign that.
Like, Yeah, that's some wild shit.
How are you not going to trust that?
Yeah. Like, right.
Got the cosign from the Dalai Lama.
Like, come on. Yeah, I was like, oh, Dalama
Cassan, This is good. I'm in, but there.
But you, like you were saying there was things that were
(38:52):
helpful to your growth. So are there things that you've
learned from that ESP class thatyou do apply to your life or
have you just kind of anything related to that?
You're like, just not fuck it. Well, the thing for me, you
know, you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.
And in life you're going to learn things.
There's going to be lessons through these experiences, you
know, in whatever in relationships and friendships
and leaving a cult, you know. And for me, I just take what
(39:18):
works. I take what works for me, what
was the lesson that I knew there?
And get rid of whatever else. And like, clearly there was
indoctrination in there that we didn't realize because it was a
long game. You know, you get the goodies in
the course, but then they're like sneakily, you know, putting
in this more mind control, things that we didn't even
realize was happening. How long was the how long was
(39:40):
the like the courses? It was like a four year type of
span. Five year type of span or just
depending how you want it to. Go yeah, it it was like a, you
know, humanitarian personal development university.
So the first initial class in ESP is called the 16 days, so
it's a 16 day intensive. So and some people broke that up
into five days, 11 days and thenthey have offshoot ones like for
(40:03):
women's studies, for men's studies, for child development.
So what for things with your body.
So it was endless. They created like a whole, like,
college curriculum in a sense. Oh yeah, that's crazy.
Like some of. These courses were like 20
grand, 11 grand. On average, the 16 day was about
(40:25):
well, the first five day was like 4 grand.
So, like, people were paying to be part of the sex cult.
Well, The thing is, the sex cultaspect came from DOS Slash, the
Vow, which was the woman's only secret society.
So this is the thing we wouldn't.
When I joined that, I didn't even know that that was part of
Nexium or that Keith was runningit because they lied about it.
(40:47):
And so not everyone that took ESP courses were in that space.
And also not everyone that was in DOS was recruited to be a sex
slave. There were certain, and he was
just particular, but he also wanted women that were very
influential, that, you know, could do sales that could be
(41:07):
inspiring and like. He had some plan.
It would help him grow. I mean, yeah, take a women like
that and empowering them it'll it would grow it immensely
because then I mean you jumped in with with Alison Mack was
like you know and that's a womanwith who had a lot of stature
was on a couple of TV shows and she can easily grab, grab people
in. Exactly.
That's do it. That's somewhat.
(41:28):
I love talking to you, dude. I really do.
I miss you when like this conversation has flown.
Like it continues to just be so quick.
But I do have a couple more things before we get you out of
here, though, and I can't wait. Have her back for Part 3 because
she's always doing something every year that is worth talking
about and worth following up with.
When we see some of those projects that you have
circulating. We get the exclusives.
(41:48):
We. Get the exclusives.
I mean, we we we we got an exclusive that even Doctor Phil
didn't get last time. Oh man.
Yeah, it's true. Move out of the way, Doctor
Phil. But the but the two of the
things what? What's the biggest lesson you
learned through all of this? That you're applying to take
your life where it's going? And what are one of the two
things you are the most gratefulfor in your life as you're
(42:10):
walking this incredible path? Being the untouchable.
These are good questions. OK, so first one is the what I
learned. Oh OK, actually I was just
talking about this last night with my friends.
But that I'm enough. That I am enough.
(42:35):
And I try so hard and work so hard to be of service and to
help people. And it's like I was telling my
friend that I'm like, I'm done trying to be a St. you know,
like I'm done. She's like, you don't have to
try to be a St. 'cause you already are, you
know? However anyone wants to take
(42:56):
that. But, you know, I literally,
like, my heart bleeds for peopleand they, like, have no idea how
much I care. And now I'm in the same wow, I
did not actually do it so much more right now that I'm just
enough and that's it. And I don't have to try or do
anything. And I I know my truth and the
(43:20):
truth of my heart and that's that's all that matters.
And I'm just going to do what I'm here to do and not try
anymore and just be. You're definitely enough.
You're more than. Enough.
I'm just happy to have Someone Like You in in our.
Lives. Yeah.
So. I mean, you are such an
inspiration. And again, more than enough.
(43:41):
You are more than enough of a friend and family.
Like you're you're amazing humanbeing.
Thank you. We thank you so much.
So what's the last thing you're grateful for?
Because we want people to know. That yes, grateful grateful
grateful. Man I feel like like when Snoop
Dogg's like I'm great for whatever you say I I thank.
(44:02):
Myself, I thank me for doing me.You know I don't want to thank
me. You could be great.
I mean, I don't know how you couldn't be grateful for
yourself. Look at all you've done and
overcome. Like grateful for your strength
or that your headspace. Like I'm grateful for you.
So grateful for you. Thank you.
You know, I'm grateful to my inner child.
(44:22):
I'm grateful to little Jess for not giving up, for forgiving me
and all the times that I neglected her and put her in
weird situations. And I'm just grateful that she
held on to her light and to her love and continues to fill me
(44:45):
every day. Where can people find you?
Is that besides this podcast? Oh, yes, yes, yes.
I have a new Instagram Did. You get into it I.
I will, but it's called the It'sat the Siren and the Sunflower.
And also too, something I wantedto lead people to check out is
(45:08):
on my Instagram I have this video, The Alchemy of a Warrior
Woman. So it was actually like a
message that I channelled a couple years ago that I was
like, told essentially to put iton tape.
And it was very uncomfortable Talk about being strength and
(45:29):
ancestors that we're talking about.
And it was a piece about the warrior woman and the pain and
the transmutation of that. So definitely want people to
check it out. We can definitely, we can add a
link to it. So you should definitely click,
you should definitely click on alink when we're done talking.
But at this point, yo, Jess, we see you.
We appreciate your vulnerability.
We appreciate you way more than just being on here with us.
(45:52):
So thank you so much. Thank you.
Thank you, little Jess. Thank you, little Mikey.
Thank you. Little with Danny.
Thanks buddy, You don't give himenough love sometimes.
Again, if you want to learn moreabout Jess, make sure you check
her out on Instagram and check out her first episode on season
one. There's so much more.
This woman has so many amazing things to say.
We appreciate you all tuning in,Jess.
(46:13):
Thank you so much. We'll check you all next time on
A Chaos.
Welcome to the Chaos 23, all right?
That's cute. Yes, we try so hard 3.
Is that right 123? I like it.
I like it too. What up everybody?
(00:26):
And welcome back to the chaos. I'm your host Mikey Tailman,
alongside my Co host. Danny J Gomez.
I like that version of it, yeah.And fingertips with all three
cameras. Y'all.
I'm excited today because from last season this was our number
one listen to episode. So we had to bring her back for
season 2. Was it really?
You were the number one listen, hey.
Real talk. Real talk.
(00:46):
Yeah. I'd like to present to you Miss
Jessica Jones, The untouchable Jessica Jones.
Welcome back. How are you?
What's been going on? Man, life has really been going
on. And it's so funny because I
literally was just talking aboutthis where it's like I'm just
myself and don't really know how.
Like the perception is until other people say, yo, that's so
(01:09):
crazy or Oh my gosh, I go, oh, that was kind of wild, wasn't it
you? Don't think about it in the
moment, because you're just living a life.
Exactly through it. Exactly, that's.
Something you process and like you you're moving forward so
someone else is just complete, just complete left field right?
Yeah, Left field. That's how I know is when I
share just a little bit about mystory and I see that shocked
(01:30):
look on their face and go, you're right, yeah.
So let's give give a little recap of your story if you
haven't listened to the season one episode, which again I
highly suggest you go back and listen to this one before you
listen to season one before you watch season 2, but just give a
little of a brief overview. So the brief overview had a very
like tumultuous childhood, whichled me to come to LA and have a
(01:55):
whole Hollywood life running away from my trauma.
Which sounds about right. Yeah, right.
You know, we know, we know the nightlife.
And then it led me to also seeking to want to heal myself
as I've always been a seeker into personal development, which
I then took this class called ESP, which was part of the
(02:18):
Nexium organization, which I thought was just a human
potential personal development program to be your best self and
help other people. But turns out Spoiler was
actually called oh, and that theleader ran a secret A woman's
Only secret Society. Oh, and that they were grooming
(02:40):
me to want to be one of his sex slaves.
So there is that. TuneIn, if you want to get the
whole story behind the scenes. There's also a documentary on
HBO and on it has two seasons now because that the main thing
happened, but then there's so much that happened afterwards
because you weren't a part of the documentaries on on season
one and season 2 of HBO because you had to remove yourself for
(03:04):
specific reasons. Yes, so I did originally shoot
with the Vow for season one and due to my own specific reasons I
chose not to be a part of that project.
And although in Season 2, 'causeI I was watching to to see if
they used any footage or anything, but they do have like
(03:26):
a mention of me because I was still under my pseudo name Jay.
And then I think it's like one of the later episodes.
So yeah, there's a picture. I remember watching this.
Yeah. It's like the one from Once Upon
a Time, yeah? Yeah.
Yeah. So what was that after 'cause
you were the FB is main witness and I remember you, you didn't
(03:47):
read this to us on camera, but she read to me and Danny
afterwards. What you read in court that day
to Allison Mack and Keith Ranieri, which was we were just
like so blown away, just like sowhat's happened after that?
Because your life has really gone many, many ways.
Yes, definitely. A roller coaster, always.
(04:08):
And I embrace that. I embrace the change.
I embrace the unknown. But you know like I'm really
happy to come here now and talk about this whole process because
a lot of people don't really understand like the magnitude of
what it is to like go through something like that and then to
come out publicly with it with even for myself, I did like a
(04:30):
like a beta testing slow roll out so I could have the time to
really process and heal. And you know, it it's it's
nothing like going to this like courthouse and you know, telling
one of your abusers basically that what they did was wrong and
and speak the truth and then have it be on newspapers and
(04:54):
having like a paparazzi outside the courtroom.
So it was a wild time and just been on a journey of refinding
myself outside of that and also just getting back to to my art
and to what's important to me. How long did they both get?
Like 100 years, right? Well, he got 100, I think, 120
(05:17):
years. And Allison only got 3 1/2
years. And actually, I just got an
e-mail alert. I think she's getting out this
year in September. Oh yeah.
That's creepy. Yeah.
So let me ask you this then. What was the like?
I mean, that had to be a huge mental tool because you were
really, you were during those documentaries, you weren't the
(05:38):
face and you were also the FBI star witness.
So then once it became public asto who you were, what was that
like dealing with that? What was the, I mean, if you
want to call it, backlash, what were, you know, people saying
about you on that aspect? You know, I'm really fortunate
that I got a lot of support and that a lot of people could see
through what was really happening.
(05:59):
Of course, there's going to be online trolls and people that
are going to be really judgmental and have no capacity
to actually understand or empathize the situation.
So there's definitely some of those which really, it doesn't
bother me because they're irrelevant.
That's cool to hear because a lot of people don't have that
ability. Oh.
(06:20):
Yeah, I mean, it could be hurtful and stuff, but it's just
they don't know what they don't know and their opinions don't
matter, You know? And I know that what I chose to
do and what I choose to do with my life is stand up for things
that matter and where people don't have a voice and where
there is injustice and where something needs to be said.
And that's just the core of who I am.
(06:42):
And I I love that about myself. And I was really grateful to be
received in a in a really loving, supportive way by a lot
of people. It's great.
You can just brush off those online trolls, cuz.
It's so hard. I remember the first commercial
I did, it was a Target commercial and I went on YouTube
(07:04):
because I found it and I was like, that's me and dude, did I
get berated. Target commercial.
Yeah, what is it? At all.
I mean nobody you're you're you're a piece of shit so you're
nobody like you'll never do anything in life like who get
you know like everything. And I was like, you know what,
I'll never look at these again just because you know mentally I
(07:26):
wasn't prepared to block it out.But that so I applaud you for
like being able to kind of brushthat off because you're just,
you're just so much on like on apowerful independent path that
those trolls just kind of they they have to fall by the
wayside. They do.
Because like when you're a person who's standing up for
things that matter or wanting tospread light, love, goodness
(07:47):
into the world, there is going to be backlash for that.
Because there's a world, unfortunately at this moment in
time, that's full of hatred, that's full of fear, that's full
of indifference and division. And so when you stand up for
something, people aren't going to like that.
And even it's just like energetic.
These are just people that hate themselves and have nothing else
(08:10):
going on. So instead of embracing light,
they want to dim it down. So my mission and why I'm here
is far greater than anything that anyone can say honestly.
You meant to that? Where do you find the strength?
No, I, I, I'm, I'm like, I've known you for a long time.
I've known you've always been a very strong person, but just
(08:30):
every time I see you now, like you, just your light gets
brighter, you're more focused. So it's like you've been through
some really traumatic shit. Where do you find the strength
to be able to stand up and fightback?
I mean the the strength comes from within.
And you know, I'd be lying if I didn't say that.
I know I got some strong ancestors working for me and
(08:52):
helping guide me and you know, my connection with my higher
self. And it's just, I think because I
went through so much painful things as a child and suffering,
and I know what that feels like in a very, very deep level, that
I don't want anyone else to haveto feel those things.
(09:13):
So, like, my passion and my strength comes from having
survived things and wanting others to, like, get on the
other side of whatever pain or trauma that they're suffering
for and just being a pillar by just doing it in my life.
Because it's it's not easy, you know?
And I think I've really been, ohman, I'm a little emotional.
(09:36):
Bring it out. This is the trust tree.
Been sitting with myself becauseI am always moving forward.
I'm constantly thinking about the mission, my purpose.
How can I help? What is?
What more can I do to be of service?
And then just recently I've beentaking a little pause to sit
(09:56):
with what is Jessica actually feel like?
What does she actually want? And like I've been having a
couple like breakdowns and just sitting with that heaviness
because I, you know, I I am veryself-sufficient in my healing
and I think it's important to beable to walk your path alone and
(10:19):
sit with that. And that's really where a lot of
the strength comes from. And now I've been allowing
myself to be in a more trusting state with people.
If you can imagine, trust is definitely can be a hard one
huddle. 'S off.
Huddle's off, I think. Forever you gotta.
But finding like community and finding people in my life that
(10:40):
like genuinely really support meand have my back and you know
I've been love you too. And you know, we're all here in
this together. And I think giving myself the
permission to allow others to bethere for me has been a big one.
Because before I didn't like allow people to do that.
I just didn't think people had the capacity to which I still
(11:03):
believe that to be true a littlebit.
But finding the ones that can and just allowing myself to not
have to carry all this weight bymyself.
Yeah, So you, you go on this journey, you strip down you, you
bear everything. You you're building yourself
back up. And you said that how you you're
trying to focus on your art and and like what where are you at
(11:25):
on that on that path? So, I mean, my art has been
what's liberating me so much, you know, even with acting or
producing and being a poet and an author, my forefront is being
an evolutionary storyteller. So it's using storytelling to
(11:45):
help move the collective forward.
But what I've been finding is I I got back into an acting class
which I love, and it's just beensuch a spiritual experience that
I had no idea. And I've really, really fallen
in love with the craft 'cause I took a long break, I thought I
was done with it. But the importance of telling
(12:05):
these stories, having these connections to all these
characters and humanity and thenalso being a vessel for those
things to come through. So it's been really really
therapeutic and re inspiring andthen creating my own projects
too. Oh.
That's amazing, though, because,like, that's what art is
(12:27):
supposed to be like. We get so caught up, we're all
artists, but we all got to pay bills too.
So it's like sometimes you don'tjust get to focus on the art and
let it liberate you because there is so much that is holding
us down that doesn't allow us togrow.
So one thing I did want to ask you, because I know we've talked
about this before, now that you've been through this, you're
coming on the other side and youtalk about your ancestors really
(12:47):
guide you. How much do you think your
ancestors guided you through this journey because you needed
to go through this experience tohave such a large purpose and
make such a huge difference in this world, especially for all
women that are suffering in thataspect and just being a light to
everybody? My ancestors play a huge part.
I have a lot of spiritual guidesand things that help me navigate
(13:09):
life and what I'm doing. And I mean really to be so
transparent right now. I literally just live in a way
where I just do whatever God tells me to do, you know?
And it's so funny to say even publicly and and speak in that
way because you know, people hear that word and they have
their own feelings about what that is.
(13:31):
For me, it's non religious. It's like my connection with
higher self and higher purpose and it's what drove me to even
join Nexium. Like I took my application back
originally and I was like, oh, I'm not going to do this.
And then I just, I heard like, you need to do this.
And I was like, OK, I'm just going to do it.
Let's see what happens. And you know, we know a lot of
(13:52):
things happened from that and I absolutely needed that.
I needed that to break out of the old version of myself and
whatever limitations and and it was kind of like a an
initiation, you know, for me to be in this work that I'm doing.
You know, whether it's art, whether it's spiritual healing
work, whether it's writing, it'sjust bringing forth that energy
(14:14):
through that transmutation. It's amazing how those things
you don't realize at the time, but you're being you're you're
being formed like you're you're,it's like the hero's journey.
You have to go through all this bad, crazy shit to really figure
out who you are and then you become the hero and you can help
(14:35):
other people like they. That's the only way.
And I think that people who go to Trump, I mean, I I I think I
I kind of. I'd say.
A little. I mean, shit, it was a Friday
night. I was going going to work that
night and you never and in a. Split second.
You never know. You know I mean you.
I mean I went down the path and I lost myself so quickly.
(14:56):
Yeah that you just like. But I mean it's crazy because
life's a pendulum swings. So like what?
Try to, What I try to keep goingwith is like if it was this bad,
then that means it has the possibility to be this good.
So it's like you just got to keep going.
And like you said, I mean listening to quote UN quote God.
And most people don't have that ability.
Like, you know, lack the intuition.
We lack a lot of empathy in thisworld right now.
(15:16):
I mean, you talk about this likea lot where, you know, we think
the collective vibration we raise so much higher if everyone
had more empathy and was open about their traumatic
experiences and wanted to heal them because it's part of your
journey. Yeah.
And I think, you know, when whenI say God, it's like your inner
spirit, it's like listening to yourself.
And because we live in a societywhere everything is so focused
(15:37):
on the external, then you're constantly focused on the
outside and you're not giving yourself space and time to look
in. And people don't feel like they
have that luxury because they'rebusy working.
They're trying to survive. They're trying to help their own
people. And it's just taking that pause
to really value and love yourself enough to be like, you
(15:58):
know what? Everything else needs to pause
right now so I can find out what's going on.
What are some of the things you do to keep yourself connected to
your higher self? Like what are some of your daily
routines or just way you stay connected to to your faith?
Well, I mean, there's a lot of different things getting in
touch with nature that's like sopotent, so important because
(16:21):
nature is what we are. Like the Earth is our first
mother. If there was no planet Earth, we
would not be existing here rightnow.
So taking time to like, go see some trees, just get out of the
city for my mental health. So I go to Hawaii all the time.
Yes, yes, that is. That's that's really like my my
recharge station. Next time you go, I want to go
(16:43):
back. I want to go back.
Go. White Trip, it's so amazing.
And then also too there's like different techniques like breath
work, different healing modalities, even sometimes just
connecting with like friends that I really love, that really
pour into me, that I pour into like things like that help.
And I love journaling and writing, poetry, performing, and
(17:08):
a lot of rest. People I feel like sometimes
overlook how importance rest is and just disconnecting from
everything to recharge. Yeah, we live in a society.
Like, when did it become the cool thing to work yourself out
to a burnout state? Like, why is that the norm?
Why do we brag about that? Right, the the hustle culture
(17:29):
which like now I'm like it's alignment over hustle.
It's like, actually, I don't need to do that right now.
The world is not going to end ifI don't do this one thing or
show up to the thing. I'm like I need to prioritize
myself. Yeah, So I mean, working
smarter, not harder, But I mean,how many times we've all done
this where it's like, especiallyin this LA nightlife scene that
we were all in, oh, I have to be, oh, this person's birthday.
(17:50):
I have to go, oh, this event, I have to be there.
And then you're you're miserablegoing, you're miserable there.
And then you get home and you'relike, why'd I do that?
I remember. Talking to my mom on the phone
and she like, what are you doing?
I'm like, oh, it's it's my friend's birthday.
She's like every night it's somebody's birthday.
No, it is 'cause we have such a massive like, bro, the months of
January and February, like my liver would be shot, 'cause it
(18:10):
was somebody's birthday every weekend.
And I was just like, I don't like it for you anyway.
But you're right. You have to take, like, time for
yourself. I I miss my friend, my one of my
best friend's birthday's last birthday.
I just. I couldn't.
Like, I I just pictured myself being there and not being there.
Like not wanting to be there Because I, I, I, I had no, my
(18:31):
battery was just so low that I, I, I didn't have anything to
give. You know, I was just going to be
wasted there and I'm doing that a lot more like just like you
said, just rest right. Like, even though you feel like
you're not being productive or doing anything, part of the
production is resting. Absolutely.
And also saying no, like, I think we feel like, oh, they're
(18:54):
going to miss us. And yeah, that might be true,
but like anyone who really caresabout you, in my opinion,
they're going to want you to rest.
They're not going to want you tocome if you're not really in the
energetic space to come, you know, because then it's just
selfish. And on the other part, it's like
you need to be selfish to take care of yourself, because you
can't pour from an empty cup into another empty cup.
(19:17):
And you shouldn't be even flowing from your reserves.
It should be from your overflow.I don't even like to use the
word should, but that's yeah. You know, and communication,
because I told that same friend.Look, mentally, I'm not prepared
for the like, I I'm sorry, I can't do it.
And he's like, oh, I completely understand, man, like, you got
to take your own time. Yeah.
See. Perfect.
He really cares. Before I would.
(19:37):
Have made-up some excuse like, you know, I got COVID or you
know, like anything. That wasn't what it was that to
Get Me Out of that situation. But now it's like what?
I don't have to lie like this iswhat I'm going through and it
helps both of us. That that's definitely shocked
me because in the past I would do the same thing and it's like
I'm not going to tell somebody I'm having a massive anxiety
(19:58):
attack and I can't make it. But now it's like when you're
just very open about it, it's sosurprising how receptive people
actually can be. And like now it's become more of
a thing in culture. It's a bit taboo at points, but
I mean it, it's completely true.Like if you're just not feeling
it, like don't push yourself. Right.
I mean, you've been going through a hard time as a
collective, like people are tired.
(20:18):
People are stressed people, you know, they need that.
You've mentioned the collective three times.
Now let's kind of go into that, because me and you can talk
about the collective, but let's kind of explain more of what
you're, you know, what you're like, what in, what you mean by
the collective, the collective energy, the collective of.
Society, the collective of society.
(20:39):
No the. So when I say the collective,
you know, it's kind of like a spiritual term.
Like, you know, people have heard it or they hear it, But
the collective, just meaning thecollective, all of the people
like us, we're all interconnected.
And so like, if something's happening to the collective,
like, you know, a couple years ago, like a lot of stuff shut
(21:00):
down and a lot of things happened and we were all going
through that together. And so as we were going through
that time together, there was a lot of trauma that happened.
There was a lot of fear. There was a lot of things that
shifted us as a collective and now we're in a certain state
where it is easier to communicate.
Hey, like I'm mentally, emotionally not there because we
(21:23):
have more understanding because most people are going through
that in one form or another. Yeah.
And I mean, I'm sure you've noticed that the, the quote, UN
quote collective energy the world is hasn't gotten better
since 2020. We shut down, let's be roads
only have gotten worse. There's been way.
I mean, I try not to watch the news, but like, it's impossible.
So the collective energy is really low.
(21:45):
And some people like, I'm just tired, I don't know why.
Or I'm anxious and I never felt that before and it's like,
because that's what's surrounding you, right?
And then like us as empaths like, yo, we take that shit up.
There's days. I'm like, why am I feeling so
anxious? Like, oh, this isn't me, this is
like what I've been around what's going on?
And I've said that to be like, you're fucking weird.
That's I'm like you'll maybe youdon't get it, maybe one day you
will, but I feel like shit because I know everybody else
(22:08):
around me is feeling like shit. Absolutely.
I mean it's it's all energy, it's all vibration.
It's all we're all connected andespecially living in cities
where it's really congested and there's traffic and it's
expensive to live in these places.
Like there's, you know, when arepeople getting, like a real ease
or rest or relax and then they're in their mind, Oh, I got
(22:29):
to do this. I got to do that.
Like it's a constant state of restlessness.
It's so true, man. Like, I don't watch the news.
My mom watches the news like every morning.
She's, like, always crying. And I'm like, mom, you realize
that you're you're watching thisdepressing shit, like you're
training your brain to be sad all the time.
Yes and no. Where it's like I I get that,
(22:50):
but it's like, yo, I want to know what's going on in the
world. I want to know what's happening.
I want to know like, you know, II want to know.
I have a curiosity, but it's also there's like I want to
know, So what can I do to help? What can I do to make a
difference? Because it's like, yeah, I said.
Everybody's feeling that way, but it's like you can't not
watch it. But I mean for me, like, yeah,
(23:11):
like she starts her day off withthat.
Like you can't start your day off with no that amount of
negativity. Well, that's the same people
when you jump on. So I mean, most people will just
wake up and jump on Instagram right away.
And it's like that's the same thing as getting news, right?
Right. See, but to touch on what you
were saying, The thing is that again, it's operating out of the
external. Let me look to the news, let me
(23:31):
look to the things outside of myself.
How can I help? And yes, of course there are
things that we can do and support whatever the things are
going on, which there's always something going on all the time.
But my opinion is that the most that we can do for each other,
the collective one, another, whatever is going on in the
(23:52):
world is doing the inner work. Because if you're not in that
state ready to like, give, or even have that space, then it's
not really going to be helping. You know to the degree that it
can. If you just like, assess your
trauma, do the shadow work, figure out what's going on,
'cause then you're in a higher vibrational state, you're
feeling happier working through things, you have more to offer,
(24:15):
and it's coming from a place of abundance. 100%, But I think
there's a lot of people out there, 'cause, you know, you're
talking about doing the inner work.
Yes, we want to do the inner work.
But we both know when you open up that shit, it's fucking
Pandora's box. And you're never not stopping
that inner work, 'cause you're like, oh, I figured that out.
There's another layer that was under that.
Oh yeah. And I'm just like, I'm never
(24:36):
going to figure this shit out. It's always going to keep going.
So it's just really hard becauselike it's so hard nowadays to
really, you know, jump into that.
It's scary. It's it's exhausting.
It is, but what's the latter? That's that depends on the
person. I mean, this is the thing I'm
always going to be speaking froma place of.
I always want the truth. Like, that's always what's going
(24:57):
to be most important for me and the way that I live my life.
And I think that everyone is on their own journey and their own
path of figuring that out or if they even want to care and do
that excavation, it is extremelyhard.
But just like you're saying, like, where do you get that
strength from? It's from doing that work and
being resilient in that, and it's painful and it's hard.
(25:18):
But on the other side of that isthe bliss, is the peace, is the
awareness. That makes life a lot easier.
Like, I can deal with all the stuff that's going on in the
world because I sat with myself and all of these things, which I
do still constantly. Yeah, I mean, I don't think it
gets easier because people like,does it get any easier?
(25:39):
I'm like, no, it doesn't get anyeasier.
You get better at dealing with it and you get better.
At cover time. You get better at Oh yeah, like.
You're building your armor, yeah?
Yeah, but I like, I don't like when when you say that build
your armor. I think people don't take it,
They take it more literally. And it's like, no, it's not
literal. It's just I look at it as a
success. Like maybe when I'm having a bad
anxiety attack and it floors me instead of flooring me for two
(26:01):
weeks, I'm only there for a week.
I take that as a like it's just it's little, but people don't
realize it's little baby steps of growth when you're trying to
heal yourself. Yeah.
What was the shadow work that you mentioned?
I'm curious about that. Listen, the spiritual journey is
not just love. Light rainbows.
Unicorns just love one another. That's the hallmark side.
(26:24):
Yeah, that's the spiritual bypassing side.
It is important, and there are aspects of that that are like
very real. But in order to get to that
place from a grounded, truthful space is you have to do the
shadow work. You have to sit with your ugly,
the things that you've done, allof your skeletons in your
closet, all of your bad behaviorthat probably came from trauma,
(26:46):
cause what do we know, hurt people, hurt people.
You know, we've all been there. And so when you do the shadow
work, that's when you can actually heal because you get
self like accountability. You have to.
You can't. You know, you can get in the
victim, stay and blame, and sure, things can happen to us
that we're not our fault, you know, especially if we're
(27:08):
children. But it's our responsibility as
adults to heal that, because then we're just continuing to
project the trauma and toxicity onto others and then it's just a
vicious cycle. That's what we're in do the
shadow. Work.
Shadow work. She's right though.
It's like it it it it hurts likeyou're really sitting with
yourself because most people when they feel that type of pain
(27:31):
or anger, it's like you drink, you smoke, you do whatever you
got to do it and not feel that. So it really sit with it like it
hurts like but it's you have to process it out of it like how
much trauma just get stuck in like people will have an ailment
or something like over like why does my neck always hurt why
does my back always hurt. You do store it trauma in your
body. Of course the body keeps a score
(27:52):
and it's it's disease, right? Dis ease.
You're not at ease. Your body and your soul and your
spirit, whatever, everything is not in harmony because of these
traumas that we've stored are hiding.
And then so they're creating allthese other issues because we're
not looking at it. And you it's energy and if you
don't transmute it and move it out, it's just going to show up
(28:14):
somewhere else. Energy, me, emotion is, I think,
probably Latin. Energy in motion, that's what
emotion stands for. So it's like you have all these
emotions and you, you have to process it.
So if you keep burying it down, it's going to make you sick.
You're go or for me, I just, it exploded.
So it's like you really got a process and it's not easy.
(28:35):
And as a collective, that's whathappened in 20/20/2020, right?
Man. I've been sitting here for the
longest time. Y'all man.
But yeah, like. It was it was a it was a a pot
that was boiling over that in 2020, finally the lid just flew
off and everybody's shit just poured out into the universe.
(28:55):
The terminology is the veil has been lifted.
One of the veils. One of the veils.
One of the veils. So you've done all this shadow
work, spirituality, it's recovered, went through this
crazy trauma. So what's next for the
untouchable Jess Joan? And like what?
What comes from this? What lessons have you learned
(29:16):
that you are going to, you know,impact the world with?
Well, many, many. Well, we.
We got, we got some. Time we want to hear.
Them all. Yeah, we want to hear them.
All. Well, actually, I'm relaunching
the book. Yeah, the the Untouchable.
Jessica Jones. There was just more in the Nine
Steps of Transmutation, you know, which it's already like a
precursor to another book on on things that I do and what have
(29:39):
helped me transmute my trauma. And so I really wanted to take
more time and like sit with thata little bit more that I had
time to heal and bring even new awareness.
So I added more to those. And so I'm relaunching the book.
I'm also developing some projects right now.
(30:01):
Some show ideas, some film ideas.
So things are cooking and brewing.
Got a mischievous look about herright now.
Things you can't say yet. Things I can't say yet A.
Little chaos exclusive. I know secrets there will be
there will be an exclusive. But yeah, it's just, yeah, we
love this. It's just, you know, just time
(30:23):
to utilize all of these experiences and put it to work
in, you know, in the arts and businesses, in community you
know, and connecting with other people like yourselves and
showing up and how we can support each other in making
this world a brighter place. Well, you definitely make it
(30:44):
brighter. Yeah.
Like, I haven't seen you since you kind of picked up and and
went to Hawaii and you were there for quite a while.
Yeah, but like just see you now,just like the glow on your face,
like you it it's very visible tosee that you are your new
version of yourself walking in that higher path.
And it seems like you're only continuing to grow because your
armor seems like it's bulletproof now.
(31:05):
Like nothing is going to rattle you at this point.
Yeah, pretty much. The funny thing is what I've
been practicing though, because I like, have so much armor, but
is to to actually be OK putting it down, to be vulnerable, to be
to know that my strength is not in the need to protect.
(31:26):
Because when you go through things like what I went through
in any capacity with the trust and betrayal and you know,
people not wanting the best things for you, it can be a lot.
And I was walking from that space, like isolating, you know,
being very, very specific about who I communicate with, which I
(31:48):
still do that because I need to protect my energy.
But now I've been in a new blossoming of being OK, like
putting the armor down and trusting people again and being
vulnerable and being OK to, like, share myself and not be
overly concerned. Like what do they actually want?
But is there like a hesitation because like I said, you're
(32:10):
being vulnerable and you're trusting people, but that there
still has to be something like deep down in you that you know
from the experience you're in, is it hard?
A little bit. Do you waver?
Is there hesitation with people or no at this point?
You're like, I know this person,I can trust them or you vet
them. Well, discernment, I'd say, not
hesitation. I'm very discerning and at the
(32:31):
end of the day, I trust me and Itrust my path.
And if someone's meant to come in my path and maybe I saw them
in a different light and they turned out to not be that which
has happened, I had to let go ofa lot of very close friendships
in order to to be what was in alignment with me, And I just
(32:52):
blessed it and let it go. At the end of the day, no one
can hurt me like unless I allow it.
And I love hard. I love hard and I love deeply,
which is why I am so discerning.But at the end of the day,
whatever is meant to be will be.Love hard, dude.
Wasn't that a good movie? Yeah, it's John C Reilly.
(33:13):
There was a movie called Love Hard.
Was it it was get hard? Very, very different.
You're. Not even close.
Love Heart is a sequel starring Jessica Jones.
(33:33):
There we go. Producing that shit let's.
Go here. Let's go.
Yo, I give you so much credit because like, yo, I've been
hurt, trauma, just like everybody else is.
And like, yo, it's so hard to for me, it's still very hard to
trust. It's still very hard to love
hard because when you have big emotions and you can feel it
type of way, you you realize that yo this is going to hurt
just as much as I'm excited about it.
(33:55):
Same thing pendulum swinging back that way.
So it's like that's yo, that's really impressive and like kudos
to you on that because I just. Yeah, and cutting out like
friendships. I want some look at all that
hard like. Like like whatever.
Just spread it everywhere, spread it everywhere.
Well. Like, I think a lot of what has
helped me, you know, because it's not like I didn't hold a
(34:16):
lot of resentment for certain people or anger, you know,
That's natural. You have to feel those things.
That's the truth, you know, Evenrage at certain points and
really just sadness, just like, so sad.
Feeling hurt. Like, why did these people that
I loved, like, hurt me or didn'tactually care or didn't protect
(34:37):
me, right. And that's natural because like
my inner child, the little Jess,was just like, why?
Just wanted us to all love each other and like be friends.
But at the end of the day, like I'm here to guide myself and
protect myself and and even though it is very painful when
these things happen. I'd rather feel and love hard
(34:57):
every day of my life and have possible consequences.
Then limit myself from feeling the deepest emotions that life
has to offer because. Like, I'm going to ask you this
and feel free to not answer it if you don't want to, but when
it comes to Alice and Mack and Keith Ranieri, how were you able
(35:18):
to forgive those two? Like, you stood up in court and
basically, like, Nope, you did this, you did this and you were
the final nail in the coffin. Send them to jail for how many
years? So it's like, is there a little
bit of a resentment towards themstill?
No, I would say I had to get to a space of forgiveness, even
with going to court and doing those things.
(35:39):
Because if I didn't forgive them, I'm the one who's
suffering the consequences of that.
It's my pain, my suffering, my negative energy towards them and
I'm not gonna empower them to. Hurt me.
Exactly. So there's that.
And then I always try to look atthings from the bigger picture,
the bigger scope, and understandthat, like their living out,
(36:03):
their experience and whatever they needed to do and why that
happened. But that doesn't have anything
to do with me, you know? So I mean, I was affected by
that, absolutely. It sucked, of course, but at the
end of the day it I'm going to be empowered and not allow those
(36:23):
things to ruin the rest of my life.
They made you suffer unknowingly, making you
stronger. That's crazy.
Like that. That has to be.
And this is just me telling you as a friend, like, that's the
most amazing thing of growth I've ever seen, not only in you,
but like in an individual. Like, that's incredible, because
those people put you through some really, like, they were
(36:45):
awful human beings and that was some really shit that you guys
all went through. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you for saying that.
I really appreciate that And I think that because I am strong
all the time that it's really nice to actually hear that to to
really, you know, I'm really taking in what you just said
(37:06):
right now to give myself that credit for having gone through
that because I don't give myselfcredit like a lot any.
I don't think anybody does. Yeah, I mean, you live.
You literally live the nightmare.
You know, things that we just goto sleep and have nightmares, we
get to wake up from. You were living.
Like, yo, that like your story is like what I would expect to
(37:28):
see in like a movie. You know like some and nights
I'm a lot. Like that's what I would expect.
And like, I mean, dude, even when I watched, when you told me
about it the first time and I went and I watched a
documentary, I was like, this iswild.
Like they were literally branding females like and they
they and you were supposed to beaccepting of it and happy about
it. Like that is mind free.
(37:48):
Like, that's crazy. And also, they're being
blackmailed. So it's like they had to like
somehow find a way of being happy with it to lie to
themselves because of being put in that situation and being held
captive essentially with like through the blackmail.
So we're some of these like ESP classes then from you looking at
it now more of like a mind control thing where it's like
(38:09):
taking people that are looking for something and I mean just
like a cult would work. So it was a lot of those ESP
classes that you took more curated that way now that you're
looking at it and not so much asto help people?
Well, The thing is, the curriculum had so much good
stuff in it, and that's how theywere able to reel people in.
Because these were not just likelost people.
(38:30):
These were high achievers, CEO's, Harvard graduates, and
like, you know. The Dalai Lama?
Sign Dalai Lama? Sign that.
Like, Yeah, that's some wild shit.
How are you not going to trust that?
Yeah. Like, right.
Got the cosign from the Dalai Lama.
Like, come on. Yeah, I was like, oh, Dalama
Cassan, This is good. I'm in, but there.
But you, like you were saying there was things that were
(38:52):
helpful to your growth. So are there things that you've
learned from that ESP class thatyou do apply to your life or
have you just kind of anything related to that?
You're like, just not fuck it. Well, the thing for me, you
know, you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.
And in life you're going to learn things.
There's going to be lessons through these experiences, you
know, in whatever in relationships and friendships
and leaving a cult, you know. And for me, I just take what
(39:18):
works. I take what works for me, what
was the lesson that I knew there?
And get rid of whatever else. And like, clearly there was
indoctrination in there that we didn't realize because it was a
long game. You know, you get the goodies in
the course, but then they're like sneakily, you know, putting
in this more mind control, things that we didn't even
realize was happening. How long was the how long was
(39:40):
the like the courses? It was like a four year type of
span. Five year type of span or just
depending how you want it to. Go yeah, it it was like a, you
know, humanitarian personal development university.
So the first initial class in ESP is called the 16 days, so
it's a 16 day intensive. So and some people broke that up
into five days, 11 days and thenthey have offshoot ones like for
(40:03):
women's studies, for men's studies, for child development.
So what for things with your body.
So it was endless. They created like a whole, like,
college curriculum in a sense. Oh yeah, that's crazy.
Like some of. These courses were like 20
grand, 11 grand. On average, the 16 day was about
(40:25):
well, the first five day was like 4 grand.
So, like, people were paying to be part of the sex cult.
Well, The thing is, the sex cultaspect came from DOS Slash, the
Vow, which was the woman's only secret society.
So this is the thing we wouldn't.
When I joined that, I didn't even know that that was part of
Nexium or that Keith was runningit because they lied about it.
(40:47):
And so not everyone that took ESP courses were in that space.
And also not everyone that was in DOS was recruited to be a sex
slave. There were certain, and he was
just particular, but he also wanted women that were very
influential, that, you know, could do sales that could be
(41:07):
inspiring and like. He had some plan.
It would help him grow. I mean, yeah, take a women like
that and empowering them it'll it would grow it immensely
because then I mean you jumped in with with Alison Mack was
like you know and that's a womanwith who had a lot of stature
was on a couple of TV shows and she can easily grab, grab people
in. Exactly.
That's do it. That's somewhat.
(41:28):
I love talking to you, dude. I really do.
I miss you when like this conversation has flown.
Like it continues to just be so quick.
But I do have a couple more things before we get you out of
here, though, and I can't wait. Have her back for Part 3 because
she's always doing something every year that is worth talking
about and worth following up with.
When we see some of those projects that you have
circulating. We get the exclusives.
(41:48):
We. Get the exclusives.
I mean, we we we we got an exclusive that even Doctor Phil
didn't get last time. Oh man.
Yeah, it's true. Move out of the way, Doctor
Phil. But the but the two of the
things what? What's the biggest lesson you
learned through all of this? That you're applying to take
your life where it's going? And what are one of the two
things you are the most gratefulfor in your life as you're
(42:10):
walking this incredible path? Being the untouchable.
These are good questions. OK, so first one is the what I
learned. Oh OK, actually I was just
talking about this last night with my friends.
But that I'm enough. That I am enough.
(42:35):
And I try so hard and work so hard to be of service and to
help people. And it's like I was telling my
friend that I'm like, I'm done trying to be a St. you know,
like I'm done. She's like, you don't have to
try to be a St. 'cause you already are, you
know? However anyone wants to take
(42:56):
that. But, you know, I literally,
like, my heart bleeds for peopleand they, like, have no idea how
much I care. And now I'm in the same wow, I
did not actually do it so much more right now that I'm just
enough and that's it. And I don't have to try or do
anything. And I I know my truth and the
(43:20):
truth of my heart and that's that's all that matters.
And I'm just going to do what I'm here to do and not try
anymore and just be. You're definitely enough.
You're more than. Enough.
I'm just happy to have Someone Like You in in our.
Lives. Yeah.
So. I mean, you are such an
inspiration. And again, more than enough.
(43:41):
You are more than enough of a friend and family.
Like you're you're amazing humanbeing.
Thank you. We thank you so much.
So what's the last thing you're grateful for?
Because we want people to know. That yes, grateful grateful
grateful. Man I feel like like when Snoop
Dogg's like I'm great for whatever you say I I thank.
(44:02):
Myself, I thank me for doing me.You know I don't want to thank
me. You could be great.
I mean, I don't know how you couldn't be grateful for
yourself. Look at all you've done and
overcome. Like grateful for your strength
or that your headspace. Like I'm grateful for you.
So grateful for you. Thank you.
You know, I'm grateful to my inner child.
(44:22):
I'm grateful to little Jess for not giving up, for forgiving me
and all the times that I neglected her and put her in
weird situations. And I'm just grateful that she
held on to her light and to her love and continues to fill me
(44:45):
every day. Where can people find you?
Is that besides this podcast? Oh, yes, yes, yes.
I have a new Instagram Did. You get into it I.
I will, but it's called the It'sat the Siren and the Sunflower.
And also too, something I wantedto lead people to check out is
(45:08):
on my Instagram I have this video, The Alchemy of a Warrior
Woman. So it was actually like a
message that I channelled a couple years ago that I was
like, told essentially to put iton tape.
And it was very uncomfortable Talk about being strength and
(45:29):
ancestors that we're talking about.
And it was a piece about the warrior woman and the pain and
the transmutation of that. So definitely want people to
check it out. We can definitely, we can add a
link to it. So you should definitely click,
you should definitely click on alink when we're done talking.
But at this point, yo, Jess, we see you.
We appreciate your vulnerability.
We appreciate you way more than just being on here with us.
(45:52):
So thank you so much. Thank you.
Thank you, little Jess. Thank you, little Mikey.
Thank you. Little with Danny.
Thanks buddy, You don't give himenough love sometimes.
Again, if you want to learn moreabout Jess, make sure you check
her out on Instagram and check out her first episode on season
one. There's so much more.
This woman has so many amazing things to say.
We appreciate you all tuning in,Jess.
(46:13):
Thank you so much. We'll check you all next time on
A Chaos.
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