August 24, 2023 • 49 mins
Have you ever wondered how faith can lend strength during the most challenging times of our lives? Join us as we sit down with our brave guest, Carey Gassaway, who faced the grueling ordeal of battling thyroid cancer and his subsequent struggle with psychosis. He opens his heart about his fight with cancer, anxiety, and the deep faith in God that steered him through these rocky times. Let his journey of recovery and his quest for love inspire you.
Carey's fight isn't just against physical ailments. He takes us deep into his struggle with psychosis and his journey to seek help. He opens up about the haunting thoughts and images, the overwhelming shame, and how his life changed when he stepped into a medical facility. Carrie's narrative is a stark reminder that mental health is as crucial as physical health, and the role of support systems, like his wife's unwavering support, can't be overstated.
Finally, we delve into a heartfelt conversation about the significance of family and faith. The importance of prayer, reliance on the Holy Spirit, and gratitude for life's blessings are emphasized. Walking through life's twists and turns, illness, and recovery is not a solitary journey. Join us as we navigate this together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
So, your name's Carrie.
My name's Carrie.
Your wife's name is Carrie.
Hi, and this is the first timeyou've been on, but I've had
your wife on several times.
She's amazing, as you know.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Yes, I am.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I'm married her.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Yeah, and I know your story Not all of it and I still
have questions because there'sso much to it.
Sure, I was wondering if youcould give everyone just a
little bit of background of whoyou are.
And you know who you are, whatdo you do?
How old are you?
(00:40):
What do you like?
You like tennis.
What do you like tennis?
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yeah, okay, so I'm 57 .
I have four kids, two step kidsand then two after, from Carrie
, my wife Anyways, I grew up inNew Mexico pops into Mexico.
After I went to college I movedto Lubbock, texas, played
(01:07):
tennis in college and, anyways,in Lubbock Texas, I was a
teaching pro.
I did that for 20 years.
Then, you know, as you getolder, your knees get older, so
I switched to medical cells.
So I've been doing that for thelast 15 years.
(01:27):
Tennis is no longer in my life.
I love pickleball, wow, anyways, but that's one of my favorite
things to do is go to the lake,wake, surf and do all that.
I'm traveling with my family,with Carrie, and just doing a
lot of stuff.
I love working out, love beingoutdoors.
(01:50):
So and you're a family man.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Like as long as I've known you.
You're so loyal, dedicated andyou know you are a Christian and
you seek the greatest life thatyou can and make the best
decisions that you can, I didand from what I know of you, you
are so even keel all the timeI'm pretty.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Yes, I am, I am.
I get that from all my kids andmy wife's like I'm just steady,
Eddie.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, so when this happened and I heard about it, I
couldn't believe it.
Yeah.
Just just.
There are no words to describehow this happened to you, and
you know I might ask somedifficult questions.
That's fine, but you know, Iknow that you physically you are
(02:49):
in great health, but you alsostruggled with a thyroid issue.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I did so.
I had thyroid cancer when I was35 or 36.
So it was right after we got.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Can you tell me what were your symptoms?
So like, how did you know, howdid you just know?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
I was.
I was, you know, I was teachingtennis and I remember being on
the court and kind of I can'tremember like I was black and
out or almost blacked out.
I remember that Carrie and Ifirst started dating, started
this new transition into stepkids and all this stuff.
I was getting really badanxiety and so I went to the
(03:34):
doctor and they found a lump onmy throat and so when I was
younger I kept gettinghyperthyroid, it was inflamed
and all that stuff.
So things kept happening to mythyroid, so I wasn't real.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
So I'm sorry to interrupt you, but so when you
had thyroid issues when thiscame up, did you think that this
could be what it was?
Your thyroid when you wereblacking out before you?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Yes, yes, yes.
So I had a, you know, a doctorsaid hey, let's go get it.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Removed.
Did you have to get it?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I did have to get it removed.
Okay, they tested it to see ifit was cancerous or not.
And then it was.
And of course, it's firstthoughts that you think when you
have cancer is like oh my gosh,am I going to die?
So thank the Lord.
Okay, wait, wait, because youknow I like details.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
You and Carrie had just started dating at this
point.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
We were married at this point.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
So yeah, as you know, we only dated a few months and
we got, we got married so fast,really fast, so I knew she was
the one real quick, yeah there.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
You knew that you knew, and you had never been
married before.
I'm sorry, you had never beenmarried before.
No.
Well, so of course, you waited,and once you knew you found the
right one.
There was.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I did.
I love that, I knew.
But you know, going back to thestory, they, I remember where I
was at.
Obviously, you know whereyou're at whenever you hear bad
news and then you think you'regoing to die and all this stuff.
But you know, I'm a Christianand I believe, I trust in God
for so many things and and I hadthat deep down inside.
(05:30):
But then you know, in the backof your mind is, oh my gosh,
what if it's spread?
So, anyways, they didn't get tomy lymph nodes, they took out
my thyroid.
Then I had to adjust, you know,being regulated and all that
stuff.
But within, you know, about aweek and a half I was back
teaching tennis again.
So I recovered really fast.
(05:50):
A week and a half I was yeah, Iwas pretty young.
And you were very healthy too,because you kept very fit, so I
was back working out at the gymteaching tennis, so it was.
I can't remember the exactduration of time, but I know it
was pretty fast.
I recovered that pretty fast.
(06:11):
So and then over the years, youknow it's just regulating the
thyroid and doing all the thingsthat I need to do, and then,
and then, whenever the psychosishappened, you know it was, it
was off.
It was off.
I can't pinpoint exactly.
There's a lot of differentthings that was happening during
(06:35):
that time period.
Whenever it did happen to helpescalate it.
You know, maybe the root causewas, I don't know.
I really don't know.
When I get to heaven, I'm goingto ask God.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Right, I mean, yeah, let's go over that one.
Let's review that.
So you're 35, you find this out, you get it removed, you get on
meds, and then for what?
Almost 20 years you are on thesame medication.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
So my level's adjusted, and I mean your body
adjusted so many things andwhat's going on, like what, what
you're eating or you know itjust changes over time, Right?
So I've had it adjusted so manytimes.
I've had my levels all the wayup to 200 micrograms and then
(07:26):
now it's down to 137.
So it's, it's been all over theboard.
But the end of the year, god's,I'm back, dear-.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
So was this when this happened to you, ironically
enough?
You don't know, but you thinkit might have had to do
something with the change inyour medication.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yes, well, I went, I was going to another and it was
a gosh.
I forgot what the clinic nameis.
I won't say the name, butbecause I can't put it in
anyways.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
That's probably a good thing.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
They put me on the generic brand of thyroid not the
exact same thing.
They put me on the genericbrand and said, okay, let's just
do this.
So obviously that didn't work.
They had the wrong dosage andin just over time it just I
(08:22):
didn't feel bad.
I usually don't.
I always have a lot of energy.
I usually just I don't feelthat tired.
My medication that I'm on nowmakes me tired a little, you
know a little bit, but I justkeep on the day.
I really didn't notice a lotand so I didn't think that much
about it being, you know, ageneric brand instead of the
(08:46):
actual centroid.
And whenever I was goingthrough psychosis, you know, I
had it tested at a men's clinicand that's when I found out it
was way off.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
One of my physician friends he's an ENT physician,
anyways.
I told him he called in aprescription for me and we got
the right levels and but I wasso far gone by then it was that
was not, so I was pretty by thattime.
Whenever I got the dosage right, I was in such deep psychosis
(09:25):
it was just hard to function.
Day to day.
Minute to minute, it was hardto function.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Yeah, okay, so I'm going to stop you right there,
because a lot of people don'tunderstand what that means.
Because, just so you know, I'vegotten several phone calls just
by putting our stories outthere, and I wanted to tell you
this online that a couple ofweeks ago, a lady that I knew
that doesn't live around here Iknew her 20 years ago.
(09:54):
Our sons played together whenthey were little and she reached
out and she said she heardCarrie's story about you and she
said that her son was goingthrough it right now.
And just by talking to her andher.
She had been dealing with thiswith him in psychosis for
(10:17):
probably the past year, had goneto three different places that
didn't work, that weren't theright places at all for him.
One was, I think, a drug rehabplace with a little mental
health and that wasn't hisproblem.
He was in psychosis.
So there are moms out there,there are dads out there,
(10:38):
sisters, brothers, relatives,friends.
They see odd behavior, peculiarin some way, and they don't
understand it.
But it can be so minor and itbuilds over time.
Oh yes that if you saw thisperson and then saw them a few
(10:59):
months later there's a bigdifference.
But if you're living with themyou can't see it as
distinctively right.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
No, no.
So you know, I guess mine waspretty open from what you could
see.
I mean, carrie could tellsomething was wrong.
She just was like she didn'tbelieve it.
She didn't Nothing against her.
When I talk about this, nothingis against her, because she
(11:32):
came on board and she was verysupportive, but at first she
didn't really.
I think that she thought that Iwas just not being real about
the whole situation, that maybeI was just over-emphasizing
everything and making it likebasically kind of like I was
(11:52):
wanting attention or not.
Basically that I hate to saythat, but just kind of just
making it more than what itreally is, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
So but oh my gosh, when you go through that going
back to your question, I meangoing minute to minute, just
trying to survive minute tominute on what the thought
process that you need to gothrough and how to.
I mean, let me back up.
So my diagnosis is OCD withintrusive thoughts.
(12:27):
It's called pure OCD withintrusive thoughts.
That being said, myconcentration level was not
there.
I could not concentrate, Icouldn't focus.
I was trying to redirect mythinking all the time because it
was very, very, very intrusivethoughts, like the worst things
(12:48):
that you can think about in thiswhole world, was going on in my
mind, and I've never heard astory, anybody else's story,
like what I was going through,like whenever I went to and I
know we'll get to that laterwhenever I was in the facility.
Thank you, nobody had what Ihad.
(13:10):
No, I really there was nobodythat you could go to and say hey
, this right, no no, I just, Imean, if I saw, I mean just
digging deep into it if I sawsomebody getting killed, if I
saw, you know, somebody killingthemselves or something, I lived
(13:34):
that I thought that myself I'mlike, okay, well, maybe, and I
had this desire in my mind thatI was like, but I would
visualize it.
But the physical, you know,self-inflicting pain was very
(13:55):
hard to control, was very hardto control.
First of all, you don't wannago through that pain, you don't
wanna live another minutewithout.
I mean, I was gonna live.
I didn't really believe that Iwas gonna kill myself, but I
wanted to because I just wannalive through that pain.
Right?
So you know, I got rid of theknives all the knives in the
(14:16):
house.
Oh my gosh, yeah, I Did, carriesee that.
You doing that?
Yes we had my brother-in-lawcome into town and I said I
opened up more to him, but Ididn't really believe that I was
gonna live in her.
I was afraid for her to knowwhat I was actually going
(14:36):
through because she heard someof the stories before what I was
going through and she wasabsolutely just losing her mind.
She struggled too yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
And so-.
Now, during this time also, youwere, you work, you travel all
the time.
You're on the road from NewMexico to Houston, to Dallas, to
San Oliver, all over Texas.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
You're working, but I was going as we talked through
this, more things pop up into myhead that I remember.
I try to forget this because itwas such a bad time of my life.
I mean the worst time of mylife, yes, but you know, just
traveling I would pull over, Iwould have anxiety attacks, I
would think about certain things, I'd have anxiety attacks and I
(15:20):
would be shaking and then Iwouldn't know what to do because
I didn't have anybody to reallyhelp me, and so I'd pull over,
wait for a while, go through it,get in, you know, get back in
the car, try to drive back home.
I would see certain things onthe side of the road, like a
dead deer or dead something.
I'm like, well, maybe I justneed to go eat all the raw meat.
(15:42):
I thought of the worst thingspossible Human could do.
I'm like bringing that onmyself.
Like I saw a homeless guy.
I'm like, well, I remember whenthis first started.
I'm like, okay, well, am Igonna be homeless?
I mean, it was like I wasliving it.
I told this to the first doctor.
(16:03):
I went and saw him.
Like I felt like I was gonna behomeless.
I felt like how they feel?
I don't know how they feel, butI felt like I did.
I'm like am I really gonna behomeless?
I just remember.
I mean I don't know how intenseyou want me to get in with this
, but I can.
I mean I remember.
(16:24):
So, backing up during this timeperiod, we decided to sell our
house that we had.
We live in Rockwall.
At that time we lived in Heath,texas.
So we decided to.
We thought it was smart to sellour house when it was a
seller's market and to make themoney get an apartment in Frisco
(16:48):
, which is Dallas area, in NorthDallas and then Austin, because
I worked so much in Austin areaso we thought that was a great
idea.
So I was spending a lot of timealone in Austin and it was there
for me to spend more timeworking, getting new accounts
and all that.
But I couldn't function.
(17:08):
I was alone there a lot.
I even threw away my guns overthere.
I had all my knives, in themiddle of the night I would just
lay in the chair and just shakeand I'm like, cause you don't
know what's going on, you don'tknow how to fix it.
I told doctors.
Some doctors would say, justthink about something different.
(17:30):
Some of them would say, well,here's the.
They just didn't know the rightminute.
They were trying, not the Idon't know.
There's some that I did.
That was crazy, but they were.
Some of the doctors that I wentto was really trying and trying
to find the right medication.
So, going back to the story, Iremember going number two in the
(17:55):
toilet and it's the thought inmy mind what's the worst thing
that I could do?
Right now?
We'll rub it on my face.
Well, let's do that.
I thought every thought in mymind to not actually do this.
When I would drive by big trees, like in Houston, I would think
(18:18):
what's the worst thing about atree?
Well, they used to hang peoplefrom trees, and so I would
picture somebody being hung on atree.
And I couldn't get this out ofmy mind.
Things over and over the worstthings that you can think about.
It just crossed.
I would see people.
I couldn't be around peoplebecause I would visualize people
(18:41):
being sliced open.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
That's hell.
You're living hell.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
It was literal hell.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
It was.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Every single day.
Yeah, no-transcript.
It got to the point to whereKerry could not.
I mean I couldn't function, Icouldn't talk on the phone.
Thank the Lord that when I wasat the beginning stages she took
over all the information of theaccounts, because I'm in
medical cells and I supplysurgery centers with certain
(19:13):
products.
She would take notes on where Iwould go and who to talk to.
But thank the Lord that she wasable to step in and do my
routes for me whenever I left togo into the facility.
Just going back to all the, Imean I had so many different,
(19:36):
different thoughts.
I mean I could just go on andon and on.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
It's just sick.
It was really evil.
I'm like am I a bad Christian?
Am I a bad person?
I felt so shameful that Icouldn't tell anybody.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I can't imagine.
Yeah, yeah, embarrassment.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I'm a Christian.
Why am I?
I couldn't tell Kerry.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, You're like I don't want to do these things.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Yeah, and so I hit a lot of my thoughts a lot, and
they were, just to say, theworst and truest of thoughts.
That was just the worst thingspossible that you could think of
.
Yeah, I mean you name it, Ithought it.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Yeah, so.
So where was the breaking pointof I need to find a place to go
Like?
What did that look like?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
So, we were calling different places.
I had my brother-in-law andsister-in-law help me with this.
They were very helpful.
Actually, let me back up,because I jump around a lot, I
know I do and I get off track,so please keep in touch, I'm
with you, I'm right there.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Ok, yeah, I got you.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Good, Good.
So at first when I was going Ihave some good friends in Austin
when this first happened I kindof shut Kerry out, which was
the worst thing in the world todo.
I just didn't think that sheunderstood and so she didn't
understand and she wanted tohelp, so bad, I pushed her away.
(21:17):
I was not good about this.
The way I handled it was theworst thing in the world, but I
lost.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I mean, I was going to you were in psychosis, though
I was insane.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Yeah, you were.
Yeah, for real, yeah, so I wentto one of my best friend's
house that I grew up in and Istayed there for a little bit in
Austin and they let me staythere and I was very, very
thankful and I shut her outduring that time period, which I
regret to this day.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
And how long was that ?
How long did that last?
Speaker 1 (21:49):
It was a couple of weeks.
It was a couple of weeks and Iwas not nice.
I didn't say good things and Iwas not nice, but she kept
trying to reach out to me, reachout.
I think she was reallyunderstanding what was going on.
Then, finally, I decided to goback to Dallas and her and I
(22:10):
kind of faced her being aroundme and just going through
whatever.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
I, you couldn't hide it anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
I couldn't hide it anymore.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
She was going to hear and find out everything.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yes, yeah, so I went back to that's when I decided to
go back to her and so we weretrying to work things out and
try to figure out what to do.
She tried to help me get intothere's, this place called the
Amen Clinic I think that's whatit's called, amen clinics.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Amen brother.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Very familiar.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
We signed me up for that, paid the money up front,
but my first day I couldn't evenconcentrate on what I was doing
.
I was so far in psychosis thatwas not going to help me.
Because, it was.
They wanted to take brain scansand all this stuff and I was
visualizing the worst things andit was just a very tough time,
right.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
So for the listeners to know.
The Amen clinics I've mentionedthem before on previous shows.
They're in Dallas, chicago, la,new York, I'm not sure.
Houston maybe as well.
I'm not sure about that.
But if you have something on alittle bit lower level, not full
(23:25):
blown psychosis, if you haveanywhere from minor depression
to major depression, ADD thosekind of things.
They'll take brain scans ofyour brain and blood tests and
it's amazing, but you were waypast that.
You need more.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Yes.
So I was back in Dallas and soI turned to my friends instead
of Carrie during that timeperiod so I'm like, ok, well,
and we had a discussion aboutthis and she knew of all the bad
things I was talking about andanyway she was like I'd rather
(24:06):
have family, you just need to bewith family.
So, anyways, I got mybrother-in-law and my
sister-in-law to come visit withme in Dallas and so I remember
him coming and I pretty muchopened up to him a lot, what was
going on, more than anybodyelse, because I remember having
(24:26):
to take frequent walks.
I just had to go outside andget out and get fresh air and
people they would have to walkme, hold my arm, just make sure
that I'm OK.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
I did that with Miles .
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Yeah, yes, so when you're going through that, it's
just.
It's even.
I was eating, still eating, butI was losing weight, because
your mind was just going on andon and on, but I was losing so
much weight I lost like 15pounds, wow.
So, anyways, I opened up to himand I remember the next morning
(25:01):
he was with me and I said doyou have a gun?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
So Really Sorry.
Hey.
You asked him that.
You asked him that.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yeah, I asked him if he would shoot me.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Really, what did he say?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Oh, he was like heck.
No, I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Because you meant it.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
God love your sweet soul.
Yeah, sorry, that's okay, bud,you're brave for doing this.
There are people out there thatneed to hear this, because they
do kill themselves.
Oh, I know, and you are puttingyourself out there unselfishly
(25:46):
to help someone else.
Someone's going to hear thisand it's going to save their
life.
I know that with everything inme.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
That's why I want to do that.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
I know it.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Anyways, I remember him and I riding around and we
got in the car and spent sometime alone.
I remember banging my headagainst the car and just saying
it just won't go away, it justwon't go away.
Anyways, we knew that was thelast straw.
So him and my sister-in-law,they helped us.
(26:18):
We went to Houston that lastweekend.
This was the last weekendbefore I went into Menendorf
Clinic in.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Houston.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yeah, so they helped trying to find places with
Carrie.
Carrie was trying to look thewhole time Just trying to just
figure out what to do.
I mean, bless her soul, she wastrying so hard to just fix me
and find a place where I couldgo.
(26:48):
So we found a place inCalifornia and so I was going to
go there.
But I couldn't get on a planebecause I mean I was going to
have anxiety attack afteranxiety attack.
Yeah.
I probably want to open the doorand just run out.
You know whatever.
(27:08):
Anyways, I couldn't be inpublic places very much because
I would visualize so many things.
Yeah, I called one of myfriends, one of my best friends
that I grew up with.
He was a pilot, and I said hey,can you fly me to California to
give me this place?
I can't get on a commercialplane.
I will go crazy.
(27:29):
Yeah, I had a separation.
They were going to drive me.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Yeah, I was going to ask that.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
But they were going to drive me and she was going to
drive me over there and he wasgoing to go to California and he
in the facility where he workedhe knew of I guess she was a
nurse, I don't know the wholestory, but she knew.
She said this is the best placeto go to go on the psychosis.
So she mentioned Minniger.
(27:54):
So, by the way, the next daythey did phone calls.
I mean I couldn't, I couldn'teven function, I couldn't do
phone calls, I couldn't doanything.
And thank the Lord that she waswith me the whole time.
I mean, if I was by myself Iwouldn't know what I probably
would have done.
I probably wouldn't, just, Iprobably wouldn't be here today.
Anyways, I they found thisplace and they got me in Gosh.
(28:21):
The first just getting there wasa nightmare.
I was taken, oh gosh.
I'm trying to think of themedication anxiety medication,
what's the strong one?
I can't think of the name.
Anyways, I had to take a fewpills just to get me there and
it was just.
(28:41):
It was tough the first few weeks, you know, they got me on
medication and they did my bloodwork, they just they did a lot
of good things and during thiswhole time I could just see God
being involved there.
I could tell I mean the nurses,they prayed for me.
As soon as I got there I had apriest pray for me.
I was.
(29:02):
I was like somebody just comeget me and heal me, because I
didn't want to go through this.
I just needed, I just wanted tobe healed.
I would ask everybody to prayfor me and they did.
You know, there it was very, itwas such I mean a lot of these,
they were just such a God's inover there and I was so thankful
to be there.
So they put they put me onmedication and it takes a few
(29:28):
weeks for it to start working.
I was doing this otherprocedure called TMS and it kind
of it works with your.
I don't know if you've everheard that before, but it works.
Brain waves.
And it's kind of like a shocktype therapy but it works with
your brain waves to actually getaway the depression and OCD.
(29:48):
It really does.
A lot of psychiatrists officeswill do TMS.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
I have never heard of this one time.
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Yeah, it's a good procedure.
So I I was.
I didn't care how much it costs.
I was going to pay for anythingto get me to make me feel
better, cause I remember once Ifirst got there, I remember we
would, on Sundays, we would playvolleyball, and this is before
everything started kicking in.
(30:17):
It took a few weeks.
I remember playing.
I'm like you know, I couldn'teven enjoy it.
I'm like I'm, when I get home,I'm just going to kill myself
anyway.
So why am I going to enjoy this?
Cause I hate going through thisand, slowly but surely, within
three weeks, I'm like hey, I'mhaving fun, I'm having a good
time, I'm getting to playvolleyball.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Wait a minute, what's happening?
Yeah, I'm having fun.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah.
So I'm having a good time, I'mstarting to feel better, I'm
starting to talk people Now I'meven.
I'm like, cause I care howpeople feel.
So now I'm reaching out topeople and it's such a good
community there.
Everybody, you know we're allgoing through the same thing.
We're we're we're dealing withissues with our mind, and so you
(31:03):
don't feel judged andeverybody's so nice, and so I'm
starting to reach out to see howthey're doing, instead of just
how I'm doing.
And surely you know it took mesix weeks and and then Carrie
came and picked me up and I was.
I was so much better.
I wasn't a hundred percent, butI was, I was.
(31:23):
I was at a place where Ithought I would never get to.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Is it true that once you're out of psychosis, they'll
release you, or is?
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Well, they can't keep you there.
They well, I don't know aboutyoung people under 18.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
They're 23 or 23 years old.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Okay, so I, they can't keep you there, they
cannot.
I could leave anytime I wanted.
I had a guy.
I had a guy that wouldn't comeout of his room Never did.
He went through so bad anxietyand didn't come out of his room
except to get snacks and so heleft after a week.
I felt really bad for him, buthe could leave any time, but he
(32:07):
needed to be there, needed to bethere.
I mean, you got to give it time, you got to let the medication
work, you got to let them figureout what it is because, thank
the Lord, my medication wasright on.
It was spot on.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
So Well, and it took in our family.
It took four, four or fivemonths.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
To get out of psychosis, oh yeah, I was going
through it probably for threemonths before I went into
Minnaker.
I was like, well, this is goingto be my life, yeah, one or two
, or have my phone.
I couldn't have my phone exceptfor 30 minutes a day, but
that's okay, I didn't care.
I didn't care, I was aroundgood people, I was, I felt safe.
(32:49):
But I was happy to be back homeand see my family and and be
with my kids and it was, um,yeah, I was glad to be out.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Good, so how long ago was that?
Speaker 1 (33:05):
No gosh, that's been almost.
It'll be two years.
In November it was the right ofof Thanksgiving.
So during this time periodright now, I was going through
psychosis two years ago.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
So was Miles.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I went through it the exact same time and neither one
of us knew it.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
You know, bless y'all's heart too, going through
that.
You and I love you and Adam andI just hate anybody has to do.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Carrie and I just sit there sometimes and we're like
I can't.
It's just, the whole situationis unbelievable.
Yes, you know, same time same.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
I know.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Situations and different, but the same.
Right.
So how has been your journeysince then?
Speaker 1 (33:52):
You know it's um, it's been good, Um, I can't say,
every day is awesome.
Um it's I, but every day is good.
You know I trust in God to keepthis going.
I have PTSD yeah, do I remembereverything that I thought of?
(34:13):
Most things?
Yeah, what bothers me?
I hate thinking about it.
You know I'm not shameful likeI was with all this because I
knew I couldn't help it.
Every day, you know it's, I'mjust thankful to once I went
through that.
(34:33):
I'm so much more thankful to behere, and Carrie will tell you
that I'm a different person.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
She's a different person.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Yes, she is your marriage is different.
It's completely different.
Yeah, it has gone in the rightdirection and I thank the Lord
for that too, and I mean I'mglad I went through that to get
to this.
But could I go through it again?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
I don't have time for that.
And what are you talking?
Speaker 1 (35:02):
about that was living hell.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Yeah, Now you know for everyone's different, and I
have told people that you knowyou need medication, right For
this.
But I truly believe it's soimportant that you have a
psychotherapist, like you had,that when you went in there you
(35:26):
had the nurses, psychotherapists, psychiatrists, you know and
they were tending to you.
But I have talked to people outthere.
They don't know what to do.
They take their kid to apsychiatrist, they get on
medication.
Psychiatrists are able toprescribe medications and they
monitor you, but apsychotherapist works with a
(35:48):
psychiatrist to help youunderstand what's happening.
They help you build your lifeback.
To give you a plan.
I just told someone this theother day If it wasn't for a
psychotherapist, along with apsychiatrist, for miles in my
opinion, there's no way we wouldbe where we're at today.
(36:08):
You know he's about to graduatefrom college, he has a
girlfriend, he has an internshiplife's amazing, thank you God.
But it wasn't for thepsychotherapist to help him,
especially at that age, to seehow you can continue on and then
(36:29):
it will get better.
And if you take these steps,this is what you can do, because
when you get out of psychosisor get out of miniature or
wherever, it's not like, okay,I'm gonna go back to work my
bones healed maybe I'll startjogging a little bit.
Jog it out.
No, it isn't Now.
I gotta figure out how I'mgonna live a life every day in
(36:52):
this world Normally.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Right.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
And then you don't wanna tell anyone and not have
found, especially for men,because you're the caretaker,
you're the protector you're theprovider.
You know this is.
You're showing weakness, youknow, but what strength and
courage you really are showingmy brother by.
(37:17):
I mean, I just look at you andI'm like you're freaking a
warrior, like.
I see you and you're like.
I got chills all over my bodyLike you're a warrior, you ward.
Through that you got better,you trusted, you did what you
were supposed to do.
You have faith and every dayyou know it's a journey and you
(37:37):
just keep pushing.
It is it is.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
I believe I mean one of the things that helps me
every day is like I am theprovider of my family and I am
the protector of my family andso I'm like that gives me like
all right, let's keep goingevery day.
Every day, you gotta be therefor your family.
I mean that is, I can't imaginesomebody just being alone in
(38:05):
this.
It's I mean, when you have, Ihad family with me, but if when
you're alone you gotta findsomebody, the biggest thing
probably with me going throughthis is just having somebody
there to turn to during causepeople don't understand, they
(38:26):
don't know.
A lot of people just don't know.
But having somebody to turn tois huge, huge during this,
because that's all you want.
You just want help cause youdon't know.
You're going crazy, you know.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Right.
Is there any advice or anythingyou'd like to say, cause more
than likely, someone who is inpsychosis right now isn't
watching this.
It's someone who's a loved onewho's seeking answers.
And what would you tell themright now?
What kind of advice would yougive them?
Speaker 1 (39:01):
You know, I would just I mean seek help.
I mean, you know, justespecially the loved ones.
Just accept them what they'regoing through and just seek help
, go to the professional, but bethere for them.
Be there for them.
It's something that they can'thelp.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
So where would you think that they could start,
like you and Carrie?
You know, carrie, and did a lotof research and digging and
trying to find the right place.
You know and you went through alot of places that didn't work.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Luckily, god provided us the funds to get to the
right place.
And.
I know that there's.
I mean, there's a couple ofplaces that Carrie.
I can't remember one or twoplaces Carrie took me to that
she just knew.
She just knew that wasn't theright place.
You know, having the fundsavailable, too, is key to
(40:00):
finding a better place, which isunfortunate because they should
have places to where that,wherever stage of life that
you're in, they should to fityou in there and they showed you
into everybody and just andgosh, I've seen people.
You just feel sorry for them.
You know, you know, if I, if I,was going through it again, I
(40:22):
would you know, they know theright place to go to.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Yeah right.
They see all these places andwe live in Texas you and.
I and you know our psychiatristfor him told us about manager.
And we couldn't afford it.
That wasn't an option.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
I have found out that they take insurance and but
it's yeah, they, they do someinsurance.
It depends on your insurance,basically.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Really.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
You had to pay.
I had, I had insurance, but Ipaid out of pocket.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Yeah right, I know that's tricky, so we didn't go
to a place like that.
So what we did was find, youknow, the mama bear that I was
at the time find the bestpsychiatrist that I could
possibly find Just so happenedto be one of my good friends was
a psychiatrist therapist.
(41:17):
Oh, wow.
Just so happened that it was inthe exact field that she
specialized in and had beenmarried to someone who had that,
so she was personally affected.
She's professional.
So when I prayed for God toprovide that was provision there
(41:37):
, because we have five kids andwe both work, and how are we
going to do this?
So finding those two things andthen me being with him every
second of the day for months.
Doing what you just said, goingoutside and and we had.
We had words, safe words, likehe knew, that say I'm cooking
(42:02):
dinner, our kids are all around.
He could come up to me and lookat me in the face and say I mean
, I need some time and I knewthat we were walking out that
door and we were going to walkuntil it was done.
I've been in the car and wejust have to drive and you just
drive, and you drive and you andyou're just there trying to
(42:23):
help them get through the moment, you know, and but every day it
gets a little bit better withthe right medication, with the
right psychotherapist.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
Right, right, it does and for and.
Another thing I can say ispeople who don't believe in
medication, like I'm not goingto take a pill.
I'm not going to do this.
I mean I'm going to doeverything.
Natural, god doesn't want me tojust do this, but God makes
people to make things.
(42:55):
Yes, it doesn't help people,right, it doesn't mean that it's
the wrong thing.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Okay, well, let me stop you there and say you know
my husband's had several openheart surgeries.
He has a mechanical valve in hisheart we don't want to take
medication.
We're not pill poppers, rathernot pill pop.
However, if he doesn't takeKimmetan every day because he
has a mechanical valve in hisheart, he will accumulate blood
(43:21):
clots and he could dieimmediately.
So he has to take that.
So sure.
There are things and I think weneed to stop judging and just
decide for yourself.
Is this what I'm going throughso bad, affecting my quality of
life, whatever it is?
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
And seek help with that.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
Yes, because I wasn't .
I mean, I had to take thyroidmedication.
I thought, well, that's enough,I don't want to take anything
else.
Yeah, but I'm daily onmedication.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
So, but, what's the alternative?
Speaker 1 (43:57):
No.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Your quality of life.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
I am a believer in.
I mean, if you need thatmedication, I mean that's just
what you need, right, I know, Iknow To keep a normal life,
whatever normal it is, you know.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
Well, I can't thank you enough for being here doing
this.
Thank you, for I mean you andKerry have always had a special
place in my heart.
But then watching you hearingabout this, listening to your
story and your bravery ofwanting to come out and tell
people about this, like youcould have just been, you know,
(44:35):
moved right along and not toldanybody and no one would have
ever known except your familyaround you.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
I mean, that's another question when I get to
have Like, why did To heaven is,why did I go through this?
But I know God lets you gothrough things so you can
testimony, you can be there tohelp somebody, basically, and
I'm and whenever Kerry told melike you wanted to do this, I
(45:05):
know I need to do this.
I've told her before I need totell my story.
I really need to, because I'mnot just going to stay silent
with this too.
I do like being able to tell mystory because it makes me feel
like, okay, well, there's apurpose why I went through this.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
You know, right when Miles was the second episode
that I recorded and of course Iwould never try to talk him into
doing anything like that youknow he was like I want to do
this, I want to help people.
And I went to a psychotherapistand I was like, is this really
something that he should do?
Like honestly, like we'reputting all that out there, is
it going to affect his lifelater?
(45:46):
Is it going to affect jobs?
Is it going to do this?
And she's the best thing in theworld for him to do.
He is, it is therapy, it ishe's telling that story and he's
also helping someone else.
And you know, if he doesn't geta job because he's being honest
and reaching out and helpingpeople, then that wasn't the job
(46:08):
for him, absolutely, absolutely.
And then, right after that, hewas working for Wadi, for a
moving company, and they weremoving out a lady and she was
beside herself, upset, and herdaughter had been going through
psychosis and someone walked upto Miles and told them that's
(46:31):
what she went through.
And you know he was 22 at thattime and all that.
And for a 22 year old to juststep out to someone they don't
know.
He went over and he was likelook, this is what happened to
me and I got through it and yourdaughter is going to get
through it and you're going toget through it, and you just
need to be there for her.
(46:51):
You know what just me tellingthat story brings me healing.
Speaker 1 (46:57):
Right.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
You know and energy.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
That does I mean just stories like that?
Yeah it.
Just People need to know thatthere's help, you know, and that
especially I mean, if you'vebeen through that, they're going
to be more in tune to listen toyou.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
All right.
Well, Carrie, I would like toask you to close us out in
prayer.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
Sure, dear Heavenly Father, we just thank you for
another day, thank you forfriends that we can turn to Lord
, and we just thank you for theopportunity that we can help
somebody with this disease.
Lord, I pray that this justreaches out to people, lord, I
pray that it reaches to theright, right person, lord,
(47:42):
that's going through this,because we know, lord, that just
whatever they're going through,it's just literal hell.
Lord, I pray that it reachesthe right people and thank you,
lord, for the people in our life, for the doctors, for the
nurses, for everybody.
That just helps us get better,lord, and we just thank you for
your ever-loving grace, lordJesus, and I thank you for our
(48:03):
friends Carrie and Adam, thankyou for my wife and my family
and my support that I've had inJesus' name, amen.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
Amen Thank you.
You just made my day.
You energized me with yourblessing.
I've been praying and kneelingover here before we met, saying
Jesus Holy.
Spirit, come in here, be withour words, be with our story,
bless our time and I love you somuch, Carrie.
Yeah, so I do.
(48:31):
Like you are my brother, I wantto cry.
I was fighting those tears thewhole time, because I was just
like I can't cry.
So I'm going to go melt down,right over there.
So, thank you, I hope to seeyou real soon.
Okay, great.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Let's book dinner.
All right, let's do it girl.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
Bye dude, love you, See you.
So, your name's Carrie.
My name's Carrie.
Your wife's name is Carrie.
Hi, and this is the first timeyou've been on, but I've had
your wife on several times.
She's amazing, as you know.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Yes, I am.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I'm married her.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Yeah, and I know your story Not all of it and I still
have questions because there'sso much to it.
Sure, I was wondering if youcould give everyone just a
little bit of background of whoyou are.
And you know who you are, whatdo you do?
How old are you?
(00:40):
What do you like?
You like tennis.
What do you like tennis?
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yeah, okay, so I'm 57 .
I have four kids, two step kidsand then two after, from Carrie
, my wife Anyways, I grew up inNew Mexico pops into Mexico.
After I went to college I movedto Lubbock, texas, played
(01:07):
tennis in college and, anyways,in Lubbock Texas, I was a
teaching pro.
I did that for 20 years.
Then, you know, as you getolder, your knees get older, so
I switched to medical cells.
So I've been doing that for thelast 15 years.
(01:27):
Tennis is no longer in my life.
I love pickleball, wow, anyways, but that's one of my favorite
things to do is go to the lake,wake, surf and do all that.
I'm traveling with my family,with Carrie, and just doing a
lot of stuff.
I love working out, love beingoutdoors.
(01:50):
So and you're a family man.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Like as long as I've known you.
You're so loyal, dedicated andyou know you are a Christian and
you seek the greatest life thatyou can and make the best
decisions that you can, I didand from what I know of you, you
are so even keel all the timeI'm pretty.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Yes, I am, I am.
I get that from all my kids andmy wife's like I'm just steady,
Eddie.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, so when this happened and I heard about it, I
couldn't believe it.
Yeah.
Just just.
There are no words to describehow this happened to you, and
you know I might ask somedifficult questions.
That's fine, but you know, Iknow that you physically you are
(02:49):
in great health, but you alsostruggled with a thyroid issue.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I did so.
I had thyroid cancer when I was35 or 36.
So it was right after we got.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Can you tell me what were your symptoms?
So like, how did you know, howdid you just know?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
I was.
I was, you know, I was teachingtennis and I remember being on
the court and kind of I can'tremember like I was black and
out or almost blacked out.
I remember that Carrie and Ifirst started dating, started
this new transition into stepkids and all this stuff.
I was getting really badanxiety and so I went to the
(03:34):
doctor and they found a lump onmy throat and so when I was
younger I kept gettinghyperthyroid, it was inflamed
and all that stuff.
So things kept happening to mythyroid, so I wasn't real.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
So I'm sorry to interrupt you, but so when you
had thyroid issues when thiscame up, did you think that this
could be what it was?
Your thyroid when you wereblacking out before you?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Yes, yes, yes.
So I had a, you know, a doctorsaid hey, let's go get it.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Removed.
Did you have to get it?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I did have to get it removed.
Okay, they tested it to see ifit was cancerous or not.
And then it was.
And of course, it's firstthoughts that you think when you
have cancer is like oh my gosh,am I going to die?
So thank the Lord.
Okay, wait, wait, because youknow I like details.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
You and Carrie had just started dating at this
point.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
We were married at this point.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
So yeah, as you know, we only dated a few months and
we got, we got married so fast,really fast, so I knew she was
the one real quick, yeah there.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
You knew that you knew, and you had never been
married before.
I'm sorry, you had never beenmarried before.
No.
Well, so of course, you waited,and once you knew you found the
right one.
There was.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I did.
I love that, I knew.
But you know, going back to thestory, they, I remember where I
was at.
Obviously, you know whereyou're at whenever you hear bad
news and then you think you'regoing to die and all this stuff.
But you know, I'm a Christianand I believe, I trust in God
for so many things and and I hadthat deep down inside.
(05:30):
But then you know, in the backof your mind is, oh my gosh,
what if it's spread?
So, anyways, they didn't get tomy lymph nodes, they took out
my thyroid.
Then I had to adjust, you know,being regulated and all that
stuff.
But within, you know, about aweek and a half I was back
teaching tennis again.
So I recovered really fast.
(05:50):
A week and a half I was yeah, Iwas pretty young.
And you were very healthy too,because you kept very fit, so I
was back working out at the gymteaching tennis, so it was.
I can't remember the exactduration of time, but I know it
was pretty fast.
I recovered that pretty fast.
(06:11):
So and then over the years, youknow it's just regulating the
thyroid and doing all the thingsthat I need to do, and then,
and then, whenever the psychosishappened, you know it was, it
was off.
It was off.
I can't pinpoint exactly.
There's a lot of differentthings that was happening during
(06:35):
that time period.
Whenever it did happen to helpescalate it.
You know, maybe the root causewas, I don't know.
I really don't know.
When I get to heaven, I'm goingto ask God.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Right, I mean, yeah, let's go over that one.
Let's review that.
So you're 35, you find this out, you get it removed, you get on
meds, and then for what?
Almost 20 years you are on thesame medication.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
So my level's adjusted, and I mean your body
adjusted so many things andwhat's going on, like what, what
you're eating or you know itjust changes over time, Right?
So I've had it adjusted so manytimes.
I've had my levels all the wayup to 200 micrograms and then
(07:26):
now it's down to 137.
So it's, it's been all over theboard.
But the end of the year, god's,I'm back, dear-.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
So was this when this happened to you, ironically
enough?
You don't know, but you thinkit might have had to do
something with the change inyour medication.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yes, well, I went, I was going to another and it was
a gosh.
I forgot what the clinic nameis.
I won't say the name, butbecause I can't put it in
anyways.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
That's probably a good thing.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
They put me on the generic brand of thyroid not the
exact same thing.
They put me on the genericbrand and said, okay, let's just
do this.
So obviously that didn't work.
They had the wrong dosage andin just over time it just I
(08:22):
didn't feel bad.
I usually don't.
I always have a lot of energy.
I usually just I don't feelthat tired.
My medication that I'm on nowmakes me tired a little, you
know a little bit, but I justkeep on the day.
I really didn't notice a lotand so I didn't think that much
about it being, you know, ageneric brand instead of the
(08:46):
actual centroid.
And whenever I was goingthrough psychosis, you know, I
had it tested at a men's clinicand that's when I found out it
was way off.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
One of my physician friends he's an ENT physician,
anyways.
I told him he called in aprescription for me and we got
the right levels and but I wasso far gone by then it was that
was not, so I was pretty by thattime.
Whenever I got the dosage right, I was in such deep psychosis
(09:25):
it was just hard to function.
Day to day.
Minute to minute, it was hardto function.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Yeah, okay, so I'm going to stop you right there,
because a lot of people don'tunderstand what that means.
Because, just so you know, I'vegotten several phone calls just
by putting our stories outthere, and I wanted to tell you
this online that a couple ofweeks ago, a lady that I knew
that doesn't live around here Iknew her 20 years ago.
(09:54):
Our sons played together whenthey were little and she reached
out and she said she heardCarrie's story about you and she
said that her son was goingthrough it right now.
And just by talking to her andher.
She had been dealing with thiswith him in psychosis for
(10:17):
probably the past year, had goneto three different places that
didn't work, that weren't theright places at all for him.
One was, I think, a drug rehabplace with a little mental
health and that wasn't hisproblem.
He was in psychosis.
So there are moms out there,there are dads out there,
(10:38):
sisters, brothers, relatives,friends.
They see odd behavior, peculiarin some way, and they don't
understand it.
But it can be so minor and itbuilds over time.
Oh yes that if you saw thisperson and then saw them a few
(10:59):
months later there's a bigdifference.
But if you're living with themyou can't see it as
distinctively right.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
No, no.
So you know, I guess mine waspretty open from what you could
see.
I mean, carrie could tellsomething was wrong.
She just was like she didn'tbelieve it.
She didn't Nothing against her.
When I talk about this, nothingis against her, because she
(11:32):
came on board and she was verysupportive, but at first she
didn't really.
I think that she thought that Iwas just not being real about
the whole situation, that maybeI was just over-emphasizing
everything and making it likebasically kind of like I was
(11:52):
wanting attention or not.
Basically that I hate to saythat, but just kind of just
making it more than what itreally is, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
So but oh my gosh, when you go through that going
back to your question, I meangoing minute to minute, just
trying to survive minute tominute on what the thought
process that you need to gothrough and how to.
I mean, let me back up.
So my diagnosis is OCD withintrusive thoughts.
(12:27):
It's called pure OCD withintrusive thoughts.
That being said, myconcentration level was not
there.
I could not concentrate, Icouldn't focus.
I was trying to redirect mythinking all the time because it
was very, very, very intrusivethoughts, like the worst things
(12:48):
that you can think about in thiswhole world, was going on in my
mind, and I've never heard astory, anybody else's story,
like what I was going through,like whenever I went to and I
know we'll get to that laterwhenever I was in the facility.
Thank you, nobody had what Ihad.
(13:10):
No, I really there was nobodythat you could go to and say hey
, this right, no no, I just, Imean, if I saw, I mean just
digging deep into it if I sawsomebody getting killed, if I
saw, you know, somebody killingthemselves or something, I lived
(13:34):
that I thought that myself I'mlike, okay, well, maybe, and I
had this desire in my mind thatI was like, but I would
visualize it.
But the physical, you know,self-inflicting pain was very
(13:55):
hard to control, was very hardto control.
First of all, you don't wannago through that pain, you don't
wanna live another minutewithout.
I mean, I was gonna live.
I didn't really believe that Iwas gonna kill myself, but I
wanted to because I just wannalive through that pain.
Right?
So you know, I got rid of theknives all the knives in the
(14:16):
house.
Oh my gosh, yeah, I Did, carriesee that.
You doing that?
Yes we had my brother-in-lawcome into town and I said I
opened up more to him, but Ididn't really believe that I was
gonna live in her.
I was afraid for her to knowwhat I was actually going
(14:36):
through because she heard someof the stories before what I was
going through and she wasabsolutely just losing her mind.
She struggled too yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
And so-.
Now, during this time also, youwere, you work, you travel all
the time.
You're on the road from NewMexico to Houston, to Dallas, to
San Oliver, all over Texas.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
You're working, but I was going as we talked through
this, more things pop up into myhead that I remember.
I try to forget this because itwas such a bad time of my life.
I mean the worst time of mylife, yes, but you know, just
traveling I would pull over, Iwould have anxiety attacks, I
would think about certain things, I'd have anxiety attacks and I
(15:20):
would be shaking and then Iwouldn't know what to do because
I didn't have anybody to reallyhelp me, and so I'd pull over,
wait for a while, go through it,get in, you know, get back in
the car, try to drive back home.
I would see certain things onthe side of the road, like a
dead deer or dead something.
I'm like, well, maybe I justneed to go eat all the raw meat.
(15:42):
I thought of the worst thingspossible Human could do.
I'm like bringing that onmyself.
Like I saw a homeless guy.
I'm like, well, I remember whenthis first started.
I'm like, okay, well, am Igonna be homeless?
I mean, it was like I wasliving it.
I told this to the first doctor.
(16:03):
I went and saw him.
Like I felt like I was gonna behomeless.
I felt like how they feel?
I don't know how they feel, butI felt like I did.
I'm like am I really gonna behomeless?
I just remember.
I mean I don't know how intenseyou want me to get in with this
, but I can.
I mean I remember.
(16:24):
So, backing up during this timeperiod, we decided to sell our
house that we had.
We live in Rockwall.
At that time we lived in Heath,texas.
So we decided to.
We thought it was smart to sellour house when it was a
seller's market and to make themoney get an apartment in Frisco
(16:48):
, which is Dallas area, in NorthDallas and then Austin, because
I worked so much in Austin areaso we thought that was a great
idea.
So I was spending a lot of timealone in Austin and it was there
for me to spend more timeworking, getting new accounts
and all that.
But I couldn't function.
(17:08):
I was alone there a lot.
I even threw away my guns overthere.
I had all my knives, in themiddle of the night I would just
lay in the chair and just shakeand I'm like, cause you don't
know what's going on, you don'tknow how to fix it.
I told doctors.
Some doctors would say, justthink about something different.
(17:30):
Some of them would say, well,here's the.
They just didn't know the rightminute.
They were trying, not the Idon't know.
There's some that I did.
That was crazy, but they were.
Some of the doctors that I wentto was really trying and trying
to find the right medication.
So, going back to the story, Iremember going number two in the
(17:55):
toilet and it's the thought inmy mind what's the worst thing
that I could do?
Right now?
We'll rub it on my face.
Well, let's do that.
I thought every thought in mymind to not actually do this.
When I would drive by big trees, like in Houston, I would think
(18:18):
what's the worst thing about atree?
Well, they used to hang peoplefrom trees, and so I would
picture somebody being hung on atree.
And I couldn't get this out ofmy mind.
Things over and over the worstthings that you can think about.
It just crossed.
I would see people.
I couldn't be around peoplebecause I would visualize people
(18:41):
being sliced open.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
That's hell.
You're living hell.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
It was literal hell.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
It was.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Every single day.
Yeah, no-transcript.
It got to the point to whereKerry could not.
I mean I couldn't function, Icouldn't talk on the phone.
Thank the Lord that when I wasat the beginning stages she took
over all the information of theaccounts, because I'm in
medical cells and I supplysurgery centers with certain
(19:13):
products.
She would take notes on where Iwould go and who to talk to.
But thank the Lord that she wasable to step in and do my
routes for me whenever I left togo into the facility.
Just going back to all the, Imean I had so many different,
(19:36):
different thoughts.
I mean I could just go on andon and on.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
It's just sick.
It was really evil.
I'm like am I a bad Christian?
Am I a bad person?
I felt so shameful that Icouldn't tell anybody.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I can't imagine.
Yeah, yeah, embarrassment.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I'm a Christian.
Why am I?
I couldn't tell Kerry.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, You're like I don't want to do these things.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Yeah, and so I hit a lot of my thoughts a lot, and
they were, just to say, theworst and truest of thoughts.
That was just the worst thingspossible that you could think of
.
Yeah, I mean you name it, Ithought it.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Yeah, so.
So where was the breaking pointof I need to find a place to go
Like?
What did that look like?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
So, we were calling different places.
I had my brother-in-law andsister-in-law help me with this.
They were very helpful.
Actually, let me back up,because I jump around a lot, I
know I do and I get off track,so please keep in touch, I'm
with you, I'm right there.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Ok, yeah, I got you.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Good, Good.
So at first when I was going Ihave some good friends in Austin
when this first happened I kindof shut Kerry out, which was
the worst thing in the world todo.
I just didn't think that sheunderstood and so she didn't
understand and she wanted tohelp, so bad, I pushed her away.
(21:17):
I was not good about this.
The way I handled it was theworst thing in the world, but I
lost.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I mean, I was going to you were in psychosis, though
I was insane.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Yeah, you were.
Yeah, for real, yeah, so I wentto one of my best friend's
house that I grew up in and Istayed there for a little bit in
Austin and they let me staythere and I was very, very
thankful and I shut her outduring that time period, which I
regret to this day.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
And how long was that ?
How long did that last?
Speaker 1 (21:49):
It was a couple of weeks.
It was a couple of weeks and Iwas not nice.
I didn't say good things and Iwas not nice, but she kept
trying to reach out to me, reachout.
I think she was reallyunderstanding what was going on.
Then, finally, I decided to goback to Dallas and her and I
(22:10):
kind of faced her being aroundme and just going through
whatever.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
I, you couldn't hide it anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
I couldn't hide it anymore.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
She was going to hear and find out everything.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yes, yeah, so I went back to that's when I decided to
go back to her and so we weretrying to work things out and
try to figure out what to do.
She tried to help me get intothere's, this place called the
Amen Clinic I think that's whatit's called, amen clinics.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Amen brother.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Very familiar.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
We signed me up for that, paid the money up front,
but my first day I couldn't evenconcentrate on what I was doing
.
I was so far in psychosis thatwas not going to help me.
Because, it was.
They wanted to take brain scansand all this stuff and I was
visualizing the worst things andit was just a very tough time,
right.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
So for the listeners to know.
The Amen clinics I've mentionedthem before on previous shows.
They're in Dallas, chicago, la,new York, I'm not sure.
Houston maybe as well.
I'm not sure about that.
But if you have something on alittle bit lower level, not full
(23:25):
blown psychosis, if you haveanywhere from minor depression
to major depression, ADD thosekind of things.
They'll take brain scans ofyour brain and blood tests and
it's amazing, but you were waypast that.
You need more.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Yes.
So I was back in Dallas and soI turned to my friends instead
of Carrie during that timeperiod so I'm like, ok, well,
and we had a discussion aboutthis and she knew of all the bad
things I was talking about andanyway she was like I'd rather
(24:06):
have family, you just need to bewith family.
So, anyways, I got mybrother-in-law and my
sister-in-law to come visit withme in Dallas and so I remember
him coming and I pretty muchopened up to him a lot, what was
going on, more than anybodyelse, because I remember having
(24:26):
to take frequent walks.
I just had to go outside andget out and get fresh air and
people they would have to walkme, hold my arm, just make sure
that I'm OK.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
I did that with Miles .
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Yeah, yes, so when you're going through that, it's
just.
It's even.
I was eating, still eating, butI was losing weight, because
your mind was just going on andon and on, but I was losing so
much weight I lost like 15pounds, wow.
So, anyways, I opened up to himand I remember the next morning
(25:01):
he was with me and I said doyou have a gun?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
So Really Sorry.
Hey.
You asked him that.
You asked him that.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yeah, I asked him if he would shoot me.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Really, what did he say?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Oh, he was like heck.
No, I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Because you meant it.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
God love your sweet soul.
Yeah, sorry, that's okay, bud,you're brave for doing this.
There are people out there thatneed to hear this, because they
do kill themselves.
Oh, I know, and you are puttingyourself out there unselfishly
(25:46):
to help someone else.
Someone's going to hear thisand it's going to save their
life.
I know that with everything inme.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
That's why I want to do that.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
I know it.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Anyways, I remember him and I riding around and we
got in the car and spent sometime alone.
I remember banging my headagainst the car and just saying
it just won't go away, it justwon't go away.
Anyways, we knew that was thelast straw.
So him and my sister-in-law,they helped us.
(26:18):
We went to Houston that lastweekend.
This was the last weekendbefore I went into Menendorf
Clinic in.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Houston.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yeah, so they helped trying to find places with
Carrie.
Carrie was trying to look thewhole time Just trying to just
figure out what to do.
I mean, bless her soul, she wastrying so hard to just fix me
and find a place where I couldgo.
(26:48):
So we found a place inCalifornia and so I was going to
go there.
But I couldn't get on a planebecause I mean I was going to
have anxiety attack afteranxiety attack.
Yeah.
I probably want to open the doorand just run out.
You know whatever.
(27:08):
Anyways, I couldn't be inpublic places very much because
I would visualize so many things.
Yeah, I called one of myfriends, one of my best friends
that I grew up with.
He was a pilot, and I said hey,can you fly me to California to
give me this place?
I can't get on a commercialplane.
I will go crazy.
(27:29):
Yeah, I had a separation.
They were going to drive me.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Yeah, I was going to ask that.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
But they were going to drive me and she was going to
drive me over there and he wasgoing to go to California and he
in the facility where he workedhe knew of I guess she was a
nurse, I don't know the wholestory, but she knew.
She said this is the best placeto go to go on the psychosis.
So she mentioned Minniger.
(27:54):
So, by the way, the next daythey did phone calls.
I mean I couldn't, I couldn'teven function, I couldn't do
phone calls, I couldn't doanything.
And thank the Lord that she waswith me the whole time.
I mean, if I was by myself Iwouldn't know what I probably
would have done.
I probably wouldn't, just, Iprobably wouldn't be here today.
Anyways, I they found thisplace and they got me in Gosh.
(28:21):
The first just getting there wasa nightmare.
I was taken, oh gosh.
I'm trying to think of themedication anxiety medication,
what's the strong one?
I can't think of the name.
Anyways, I had to take a fewpills just to get me there and
it was just.
(28:41):
It was tough the first few weeks, you know, they got me on
medication and they did my bloodwork, they just they did a lot
of good things and during thiswhole time I could just see God
being involved there.
I could tell I mean the nurses,they prayed for me.
As soon as I got there I had apriest pray for me.
I was.
(29:02):
I was like somebody just comeget me and heal me, because I
didn't want to go through this.
I just needed, I just wanted tobe healed.
I would ask everybody to prayfor me and they did.
You know, there it was very, itwas such I mean a lot of these,
they were just such a God's inover there and I was so thankful
to be there.
So they put they put me onmedication and it takes a few
(29:28):
weeks for it to start working.
I was doing this otherprocedure called TMS and it kind
of it works with your.
I don't know if you've everheard that before, but it works.
Brain waves.
And it's kind of like a shocktype therapy but it works with
your brain waves to actually getaway the depression and OCD.
(29:48):
It really does.
A lot of psychiatrists officeswill do TMS.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
I have never heard of this one time.
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Yeah, it's a good procedure.
So I I was.
I didn't care how much it costs.
I was going to pay for anythingto get me to make me feel
better, cause I remember once Ifirst got there, I remember we
would, on Sundays, we would playvolleyball, and this is before
everything started kicking in.
(30:17):
It took a few weeks.
I remember playing.
I'm like you know, I couldn'teven enjoy it.
I'm like I'm, when I get home,I'm just going to kill myself
anyway.
So why am I going to enjoy this?
Cause I hate going through thisand, slowly but surely, within
three weeks, I'm like hey, I'mhaving fun, I'm having a good
time, I'm getting to playvolleyball.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Wait a minute, what's happening?
Yeah, I'm having fun.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah.
So I'm having a good time, I'mstarting to feel better, I'm
starting to talk people Now I'meven.
I'm like, cause I care howpeople feel.
So now I'm reaching out topeople and it's such a good
community there.
Everybody, you know we're allgoing through the same thing.
We're we're we're dealing withissues with our mind, and so you
(31:03):
don't feel judged andeverybody's so nice, and so I'm
starting to reach out to see howthey're doing, instead of just
how I'm doing.
And surely you know it took mesix weeks and and then Carrie
came and picked me up and I was.
I was so much better.
I wasn't a hundred percent, butI was, I was.
(31:23):
I was at a place where Ithought I would never get to.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Is it true that once you're out of psychosis, they'll
release you, or is?
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Well, they can't keep you there.
They well, I don't know aboutyoung people under 18.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
They're 23 or 23 years old.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Okay, so I, they can't keep you there, they
cannot.
I could leave anytime I wanted.
I had a guy.
I had a guy that wouldn't comeout of his room Never did.
He went through so bad anxietyand didn't come out of his room
except to get snacks and so heleft after a week.
I felt really bad for him, buthe could leave any time, but he
(32:07):
needed to be there, needed to bethere.
I mean, you got to give it time, you got to let the medication
work, you got to let them figureout what it is because, thank
the Lord, my medication wasright on.
It was spot on.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
So Well, and it took in our family.
It took four, four or fivemonths.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
To get out of psychosis, oh yeah, I was going
through it probably for threemonths before I went into
Minnaker.
I was like, well, this is goingto be my life, yeah, one or two
, or have my phone.
I couldn't have my phone exceptfor 30 minutes a day, but
that's okay, I didn't care.
I didn't care, I was aroundgood people, I was, I felt safe.
(32:49):
But I was happy to be back homeand see my family and and be
with my kids and it was, um,yeah, I was glad to be out.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Good, so how long ago was that?
Speaker 1 (33:05):
No gosh, that's been almost.
It'll be two years.
In November it was the right ofof Thanksgiving.
So during this time periodright now, I was going through
psychosis two years ago.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
So was Miles.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I went through it the exact same time and neither one
of us knew it.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
You know, bless y'all's heart too, going through
that.
You and I love you and Adam andI just hate anybody has to do.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Carrie and I just sit there sometimes and we're like
I can't.
It's just, the whole situationis unbelievable.
Yes, you know, same time same.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
I know.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Situations and different, but the same.
Right.
So how has been your journeysince then?
Speaker 1 (33:52):
You know it's um, it's been good, Um, I can't say,
every day is awesome.
Um it's I, but every day is good.
You know I trust in God to keepthis going.
I have PTSD yeah, do I remembereverything that I thought of?
(34:13):
Most things?
Yeah, what bothers me?
I hate thinking about it.
You know I'm not shameful likeI was with all this because I
knew I couldn't help it.
Every day, you know it's, I'mjust thankful to once I went
through that.
(34:33):
I'm so much more thankful to behere, and Carrie will tell you
that I'm a different person.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
She's a different person.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Yes, she is your marriage is different.
It's completely different.
Yeah, it has gone in the rightdirection and I thank the Lord
for that too, and I mean I'mglad I went through that to get
to this.
But could I go through it again?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
I don't have time for that.
And what are you talking?
Speaker 1 (35:02):
about that was living hell.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Yeah, Now you know for everyone's different, and I
have told people that you knowyou need medication, right For
this.
But I truly believe it's soimportant that you have a
psychotherapist, like you had,that when you went in there you
(35:26):
had the nurses, psychotherapists, psychiatrists, you know and
they were tending to you.
But I have talked to people outthere.
They don't know what to do.
They take their kid to apsychiatrist, they get on
medication.
Psychiatrists are able toprescribe medications and they
monitor you, but apsychotherapist works with a
(35:48):
psychiatrist to help youunderstand what's happening.
They help you build your lifeback.
To give you a plan.
I just told someone this theother day If it wasn't for a
psychotherapist, along with apsychiatrist, for miles in my
opinion, there's no way we wouldbe where we're at today.
(36:08):
You know he's about to graduatefrom college, he has a
girlfriend, he has an internshiplife's amazing, thank you God.
But it wasn't for thepsychotherapist to help him,
especially at that age, to seehow you can continue on and then
(36:29):
it will get better.
And if you take these steps,this is what you can do, because
when you get out of psychosisor get out of miniature or
wherever, it's not like, okay,I'm gonna go back to work my
bones healed maybe I'll startjogging a little bit.
Jog it out.
No, it isn't Now.
I gotta figure out how I'mgonna live a life every day in
(36:52):
this world Normally.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Right.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
And then you don't wanna tell anyone and not have
found, especially for men,because you're the caretaker,
you're the protector you're theprovider.
You know this is.
You're showing weakness, youknow, but what strength and
courage you really are showingmy brother by.
(37:17):
I mean, I just look at you andI'm like you're freaking a
warrior, like.
I see you and you're like.
I got chills all over my bodyLike you're a warrior, you ward.
Through that you got better,you trusted, you did what you
were supposed to do.
You have faith and every dayyou know it's a journey and you
(37:37):
just keep pushing.
It is it is.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
I believe I mean one of the things that helps me
every day is like I am theprovider of my family and I am
the protector of my family andso I'm like that gives me like
all right, let's keep goingevery day.
Every day, you gotta be therefor your family.
I mean that is, I can't imaginesomebody just being alone in
(38:05):
this.
It's I mean, when you have, Ihad family with me, but if when
you're alone you gotta findsomebody, the biggest thing
probably with me going throughthis is just having somebody
there to turn to during causepeople don't understand, they
(38:26):
don't know.
A lot of people just don't know.
But having somebody to turn tois huge, huge during this,
because that's all you want.
You just want help cause youdon't know.
You're going crazy, you know.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Right.
Is there any advice or anythingyou'd like to say, cause more
than likely, someone who is inpsychosis right now isn't
watching this.
It's someone who's a loved onewho's seeking answers.
And what would you tell themright now?
What kind of advice would yougive them?
Speaker 1 (39:01):
You know, I would just I mean seek help.
I mean, you know, justespecially the loved ones.
Just accept them what they'regoing through and just seek help
, go to the professional, but bethere for them.
Be there for them.
It's something that they can'thelp.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
So where would you think that they could start,
like you and Carrie?
You know, carrie, and did a lotof research and digging and
trying to find the right place.
You know and you went through alot of places that didn't work.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Luckily, god provided us the funds to get to the
right place.
And.
I know that there's.
I mean, there's a couple ofplaces that Carrie.
I can't remember one or twoplaces Carrie took me to that
she just knew.
She just knew that wasn't theright place.
You know, having the fundsavailable, too, is key to
(40:00):
finding a better place, which isunfortunate because they should
have places to where that,wherever stage of life that
you're in, they should to fityou in there and they showed you
into everybody and just andgosh, I've seen people.
You just feel sorry for them.
You know, you know, if I, if I,was going through it again, I
(40:22):
would you know, they know theright place to go to.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Yeah right.
They see all these places andwe live in Texas you and.
I and you know our psychiatristfor him told us about manager.
And we couldn't afford it.
That wasn't an option.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
I have found out that they take insurance and but
it's yeah, they, they do someinsurance.
It depends on your insurance,basically.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Really.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
You had to pay.
I had, I had insurance, but Ipaid out of pocket.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Yeah right, I know that's tricky, so we didn't go
to a place like that.
So what we did was find, youknow, the mama bear that I was
at the time find the bestpsychiatrist that I could
possibly find Just so happenedto be one of my good friends was
a psychiatrist therapist.
(41:17):
Oh, wow.
Just so happened that it was inthe exact field that she
specialized in and had beenmarried to someone who had that,
so she was personally affected.
She's professional.
So when I prayed for God toprovide that was provision there
(41:37):
, because we have five kids andwe both work, and how are we
going to do this?
So finding those two things andthen me being with him every
second of the day for months.
Doing what you just said, goingoutside and and we had.
We had words, safe words, likehe knew, that say I'm cooking
(42:02):
dinner, our kids are all around.
He could come up to me and lookat me in the face and say I mean
, I need some time and I knewthat we were walking out that
door and we were going to walkuntil it was done.
I've been in the car and wejust have to drive and you just
drive, and you drive and you andyou're just there trying to
(42:23):
help them get through the moment, you know, and but every day it
gets a little bit better withthe right medication, with the
right psychotherapist.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
Right, right, it does and for and.
Another thing I can say ispeople who don't believe in
medication, like I'm not goingto take a pill.
I'm not going to do this.
I mean I'm going to doeverything.
Natural, god doesn't want me tojust do this, but God makes
people to make things.
(42:55):
Yes, it doesn't help people,right, it doesn't mean that it's
the wrong thing.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Okay, well, let me stop you there and say you know
my husband's had several openheart surgeries.
He has a mechanical valve in hisheart we don't want to take
medication.
We're not pill poppers, rathernot pill pop.
However, if he doesn't takeKimmetan every day because he
has a mechanical valve in hisheart, he will accumulate blood
(43:21):
clots and he could dieimmediately.
So he has to take that.
So sure.
There are things and I think weneed to stop judging and just
decide for yourself.
Is this what I'm going throughso bad, affecting my quality of
life, whatever it is?
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
And seek help with that.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
Yes, because I wasn't .
I mean, I had to take thyroidmedication.
I thought, well, that's enough,I don't want to take anything
else.
Yeah, but I'm daily onmedication.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
So, but, what's the alternative?
Speaker 1 (43:57):
No.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Your quality of life.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
I am a believer in.
I mean, if you need thatmedication, I mean that's just
what you need, right, I know, Iknow To keep a normal life,
whatever normal it is, you know.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
Well, I can't thank you enough for being here doing
this.
Thank you, for I mean you andKerry have always had a special
place in my heart.
But then watching you hearingabout this, listening to your
story and your bravery ofwanting to come out and tell
people about this, like youcould have just been, you know,
(44:35):
moved right along and not toldanybody and no one would have
ever known except your familyaround you.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
I mean, that's another question when I get to
have Like, why did To heaven is,why did I go through this?
But I know God lets you gothrough things so you can
testimony, you can be there tohelp somebody, basically, and
I'm and whenever Kerry told melike you wanted to do this, I
(45:05):
know I need to do this.
I've told her before I need totell my story.
I really need to, because I'mnot just going to stay silent
with this too.
I do like being able to tell mystory because it makes me feel
like, okay, well, there's apurpose why I went through this.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
You know, right when Miles was the second episode
that I recorded and of course Iwould never try to talk him into
doing anything like that youknow he was like I want to do
this, I want to help people.
And I went to a psychotherapistand I was like, is this really
something that he should do?
Like honestly, like we'reputting all that out there, is
it going to affect his lifelater?
(45:46):
Is it going to affect jobs?
Is it going to do this?
And she's the best thing in theworld for him to do.
He is, it is therapy, it ishe's telling that story and he's
also helping someone else.
And you know, if he doesn't geta job because he's being honest
and reaching out and helpingpeople, then that wasn't the job
(46:08):
for him, absolutely, absolutely.
And then, right after that, hewas working for Wadi, for a
moving company, and they weremoving out a lady and she was
beside herself, upset, and herdaughter had been going through
psychosis and someone walked upto Miles and told them that's
(46:31):
what she went through.
And you know he was 22 at thattime and all that.
And for a 22 year old to juststep out to someone they don't
know.
He went over and he was likelook, this is what happened to
me and I got through it and yourdaughter is going to get
through it and you're going toget through it, and you just
need to be there for her.
(46:51):
You know what just me tellingthat story brings me healing.
Speaker 1 (46:57):
Right.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
You know and energy.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
That does I mean just stories like that?
Yeah it.
Just People need to know thatthere's help, you know, and that
especially I mean, if you'vebeen through that, they're going
to be more in tune to listen toyou.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
All right.
Well, Carrie, I would like toask you to close us out in
prayer.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
Sure, dear Heavenly Father, we just thank you for
another day, thank you forfriends that we can turn to Lord
, and we just thank you for theopportunity that we can help
somebody with this disease.
Lord, I pray that this justreaches out to people, lord, I
pray that it reaches to theright, right person, lord,
(47:42):
that's going through this,because we know, lord, that just
whatever they're going through,it's just literal hell.
Lord, I pray that it reachesthe right people and thank you,
lord, for the people in our life, for the doctors, for the
nurses, for everybody.
That just helps us get better,lord, and we just thank you for
your ever-loving grace, lordJesus, and I thank you for our
(48:03):
friends Carrie and Adam, thankyou for my wife and my family
and my support that I've had inJesus' name, amen.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
Amen Thank you.
You just made my day.
You energized me with yourblessing.
I've been praying and kneelingover here before we met, saying
Jesus Holy.
Spirit, come in here, be withour words, be with our story,
bless our time and I love you somuch, Carrie.
Yeah, so I do.
(48:31):
Like you are my brother, I wantto cry.
I was fighting those tears thewhole time, because I was just
like I can't cry.
So I'm going to go melt down,right over there.
So, thank you, I hope to seeyou real soon.
Okay, great.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Let's book dinner.
All right, let's do it girl.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
Bye dude, love you, See you.
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