January 16, 2025 • 22 mins
Have you ever felt like the weight of the world was keeping you pinned to your bed? We understand that crushing overwhelm and are here to openly discuss the complex nature of depression, sharing personal stories of vulnerability and the struggle of daily tasks that seem impossible. This episode brings to light the often misunderstood triggers of depression and the delicate journey of seeking help. Through candid experiences, we discuss the frustrating search for answers and the physical symptoms that accompany mental health struggles, offering a raw glimpse into lives touched by depression.
Finding hope amid darkness is no easy task, but it is possible. By recognizing and managing signs of recurring depressive episodes, we explore the small yet impactful steps that can lead to healing and growth. By addressing deep-seated issues, we share strategies for releasing emotional burdens and moving toward peace. Faith emerges as a vital source of strength, with inspiration drawn from profound songs and meaningful scripture, reminding us that divine support is a steadfast companion. With resilience and love at the forefront, we offer a message of hope, encouraging listeners that strength can be found even in moments of struggle.
Thank you for listening 💞 You are loved You are enough You are NOT alone You were built for this.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You better check yourself before you break
yourself.
You better check yourselfbefore you break yourself.
Footprints in the Sand.
One night I had a dream.
I was walking along the beachwith my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashedscenes from my life and for each
scene I noticed two sets offootprints in the sand, one
(00:24):
belonging to me and one to myLord.
When the last scene of my lifeflashed before me, I looked back
at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times alongmy life's pathway, especially
at the lowest, saddest moments,there was only one set of
footprints.
This troubled me and I askedthe Lord about it.
(00:46):
Lord, you said if I followedyou in life, you'd walk with me
all the way.
But I noticed that during themost difficult times of my life,
there was only one set offootprints.
I don't understand why when Ineeded you the most, you would
leave.
He whispered my precious child,I love you and I will never
(01:09):
leave you.
During your times of trials andsuffering, when you saw only
one set of footprints, it wasthen that I carried you.
What's up you guys?
Welcome back to another episodeof Check Yourself with Harley,
to another episode of CheckYourself with Harley.
(01:29):
Today's episode is going to bedepression, and I wanted to
start off with a question.
Have you ever woken up andthought how are you going to get
out of bed?
And I'm not talking aboutyou're tired from the day before
and you just feel like you needsome extra sleep or you want to
(01:51):
take an extra day off.
I'm talking truly physicallyimpossible to get out of the bed
.
That the next task that youhave to complete whether it's
brushing your teeth, taking ashower, getting dressed and the
(02:13):
mere thought of it, is literallyunbearable for you.
Maybe you decide to skip theshower, skip brushing your teeth
, and you just get up and go.
You don't care what you wear,you don't even brush your hair
(02:34):
or you literally cannot do it.
So, although you need to go towork and you might need the
money, you pick up the phonecall into work and just tell
them you won't be there.
You feel really weak, you feelhopeless, you feel defeated,
(02:57):
because now it's affecting yourjob, your livelihood.
It's affecting your job, yourlivelihood.
Maybe you find yourself cryinguncontrollably and you can't
truly pinpoint as to why.
You just know that you'rehurting and you don't know how
(03:20):
to make it go away.
You feel like the weight of theworld is on your shoulders and
that there's this dark cloudhovering over you, or like
you're in this darkness andyou're not sure how to get out
of it.
You start to experiencephysical pain.
Maybe you start havingheadaches.
(03:40):
Your body starts to hurt.
You feel exhausted.
It almost feels like you justwere in a car accident.
If you've been in one, you knowthat your back hurts.
It's just very painful the nextday.
Maybe you stare off into spacejust thinking about everything,
(04:07):
or maybe you think about nothing.
You aren't sure what date iswhat time.
Your perception of time is off.
Maybe you think you have moretime or less time than what you
actually do.
With all this pain, you arewanting to get some help and you
(04:32):
start looking for ways to makeit go away.
But everything seems so hardand impossible.
What could be triggering this?
I would hate this question.
Whenever I would go to thedoctor and they would ask me
(04:53):
what are my triggers or why am Ifeeling down?
I would think to myself if Iknew the answer to this question
, I wouldn't be sitting herewith you trying to get you to
help me.
I would get so frustratedbecause I didn't know how to
(05:14):
explain why I was so sad.
But I really wanted her to fixme and help.
But of course that's hard forsomeone to help you when they
don't really know what's goingon.
I would have depression episodesin the past where my ex would
literally have to help me offthe couch, take me into the
(05:40):
bathroom and quite literallygive me a shower Like if I was a
kid.
It's not something that wasenjoyable or even felt like,
although it was like helpful,but it felt really degrading
because I couldn't even takecare of myself.
(06:00):
I would lay on that couch fordays and I would just call into
work, just tell them I couldn'tbe there, I was sick, I would
make something up, because howdo you tell a job?
I just literally mentallycannot do it, because I would
(06:24):
just roll out of my bed, crawlonto my desk chair because it
was next to my bed, and I wouldsit there and stare at the
(06:45):
screen and I didn't even knowwhat I was supposed to be doing.
I didn't know where to start.
It was like my brain was just afog and I would feel even more
useless and hopeless and I wouldjust cry.
It was this desperate feelinginside of me where I just used
(07:08):
to wish that I could just benormal and feel normal and not
feel so trapped inside of likemy own brain.
This year I actually ended upgoing to the hospital three
(07:29):
different times, three differenttimes.
I was feeling a lot of likephysical pain, like on my back I
it was unbearable.
I couldn't even lay down oranything.
It would just hurt so badly.
Um, I started having like umdizziness.
(07:58):
I really bad coordination.
My memory it was mixing up.
People would tell me one thingand I would hear something else,
like someone could tell me goright, and I would go left
because I would swear that Iheard left.
And I asked one time did youreally say that?
And they were like, yeah.
So I went to the hospitalbecause I started thinking like
(08:23):
the worst was happening to me.
I fell down the stairs a coupleof times because my knees would
just give out like my muscleswould just give out.
I ended up losing 60 pounds inthe course of three months.
All I did was cry.
I would pray that this wouldjust be over.
(08:45):
I would go to sleep and praythat I wouldn't wake up.
I just wanted it all to end Inthe morning when I would wake up
.
I would be mad that I was upagain and that I had to go
through the cycle all over again.
I just wanted it to be over.
I can't begin to tell you howmany jobs I have lost in my life
(09:08):
, how many times I have failedclasses in school, how many
times I have just sat there andjust cried and felt so empty and
(09:30):
alone and I felt like I wasjust broken, like there was
something wrong with me.
Because why feel this way allthe time?
So that's depression.
I know the pain and frustrationthat this would cause the
people around me.
For that reason, I tried tokeep to myself and I tried to
(09:53):
stay away from people.
I really made it a point tostay away from my kids whenever
I was going through this,because I didn't want to spread
my little dark and twistyinsides to the people that I
loved or to others in general,because it was so terrible and
(10:15):
when you've experiencedsomething like that, you
wouldn't even wish that on likeyour worst enemy it's.
It's like being dead on theinside while you're still living
.
Now that I know what I've beenliving with and I was diagnosed
eight years ago I have learnedto identify certain signs of
(10:44):
when I am going into adepressive episode.
Because of my condition, Iusually go from one episode to
the next.
I don't usually have breaks inbetween and I'm most functioning
, obviously, when I'm manic, butthe depression is what hits me
(11:07):
the hardest.
It literally feels justunbearable.
Now, with me having moreknowledge and being able to
identify when I'm going into adepressive episode, there are
certain things that I can do totry to ease the episode or like
I guess the best way I can putit is to make it go more
(11:29):
smoothly, because I can't takeit away altogether.
However, that doesn't make ithurt any less.
You just learn to go through itbetter.
So imagine going through lifeand each time something or
someone hurts you, you pick up alittle rock, pick up a little
(11:58):
rock, depending on how bad itwas the size of the rock, and
you place that rock in yourpocket and you stuff it down and
you keep going and you act asif it never even happened.
You pretend it doesn't botheryou on your age, imagine how
many rocks you're carrying withyou until you pick up that one
(12:21):
small rock and ultimately thatis the rock that brings you down
to your knees.
Surely you think if I fix thislast rock, then I can just get
back up and keep going and I'llbe fine.
But you would be wrong, so muchhas been eating at you from the
(12:42):
inside out.
This is just the final straw.
So how do you know where toeven begin to fix it?
Is it fixable?
At this point, you don't evenknow what hurts you anymore, or
you've become numbed and youdon't even know anything anymore
(13:04):
.
You're unsure of everything.
So how are you going to fightback now?
You're going to begin withsmall changes, changes that you
can make immediately, thingssuch as actually making it out
of the bed.
Now you've made it all out ofthe bed.
Maybe you can sit on the couch,and that is your success for
(13:30):
the day.
You should be proud of yourselfthat you've taken this step.
You didn't just lay therecrying and feeling sorry for
yourself, but you took a step inthe right direction.
Maybe on day two, you make itinto the bathroom, you are able
(13:56):
to brush your teeth, get in theshower and maybe you get back
into your pajamas and maybe youlay back down.
But again, that was asuccessful second day because
it's something that you did notdo the day before, and this is
how you start pushing yourself.
(14:18):
This is how you start pushingyourself.
This is how you fight.
Little by little, you startincorporating things each day
and then you put them alltogether until you're back to a
more sustainable state.
You might still be hurting onthe inside, but you are pushing
(14:39):
yourself forward and you're notstaying there.
No, it won't be easy and a lotof times it will be physically
painful and you will feel likeyou just don't want to keep
doing it anymore.
But you have to to.
(15:03):
You have to push yourself.
It's a choice that you have tomake in order to move on to a
more peaceful, less hurtfulplace, because I know you don't
want to feel like this.
Nobody wants to feel like this.
Little by little, you start toprogress.
You take your little wins.
Then the real work is going tobegin on what's hurting you.
(15:24):
Little by little, you're goingto start taking each little rock
out and trying to resolve whyit hurt you and what hurt you.
Trying to resolve what hurt youand why.
(15:46):
Is it something that youthought you'd let go of and just
simply shoved it down, coveredit up with an I don't care
band-aid, because we often dothat we often pretend we don't
care, doesn't bother us, we'regood, but deep down it was
(16:07):
hurtful.
If it had not been hurtful andit wasn't a problem, we wouldn't
be here today.
I suggest that you start withsmaller issues.
I used to get so annoyedwhenever I would go to therapy
and she would ask me like reallysurface level questions or like
(16:29):
really current things, and Iwould just think like lady, can
we get on to talking about myabandonment issues and my issues
with my dad so we can move onand I can be fixed and I can
move on with my life?
But I was wrong, because thatmight have been one of my issues
(16:51):
, but it wasn't my main issue.
That was not the main thing Ineeded to resolve.
By moving backwards andaddressing my current issues and
where they came from, I wasable to trace back to the root,
which was the actual issue whenit came from, what started it,
(17:15):
why it bothers me and thosewould be my triggers.
Those would be the things thatwould set me back, without me
knowing, back to that place,back to being a little girl and
(17:35):
hearing negative things, back tohearing negative things about
myself from other people, justsetting me back to that place,
but I didn't know that, I didn'tknow it was taking me back to
that memory, because I wouldn'tthink of that, I would think
about the current issue.
So, in working backwards, itmade me realize this wasn't
(18:02):
about this person at all.
It was about something waydeeper than that, and that's
when I could start to heal,that's when I could start
dropping those rocks, couldstart dropping those rocks and
(18:26):
giving myself a break and beingable to get the rest that my
body and my heart so desperatelyneeded.
Although I will never forgetthe things that have happened to
me and have hurt me, I at leasthave made peace with them at
this point.
And although reliving some ofthese memories can and will be
painful and I haven't relivedall of them at least each time
(18:52):
that I do it's the last timethat I have to relive it,
because after that I've madepeace with it and it's done.
Time that I have to relive itbecause after that I've made
peace with it and it's done.
I wanted to share the lyrics toa song which I found.
I pray that it will bring yousome encouragement.
I usually do listen to worshipmusic, and that's just for
(19:14):
personal reasons, just becauseof how my brain works.
But I found this song the otherday.
It's called I Am Not Okay, byJelly Roll, and some of you guys
have probably heard this, butit says I am not okay.
I am not okay, I'm barelygetting by.
(19:34):
I'm losing track of days andlosing sleep at night.
I am not okay, I'm hanging onthe rails.
So if I say I'm fine, just knowI've learned to hide it.
Well, I know I can't be theonly one who is hanging on for
dear life, but God knows I know.
When it's all said and done,I'm not okay, but it's all going
(20:00):
to be all right.
It's not okay, but we are allgoing to be all right, y'all.
Depression looks different foreverybody.
This is just my experience withit.
But there have been times whereI have looked like there was
(20:22):
absolutely nothing wrong with medressed up, makeup, full face,
my hair done and I wouldliterally comments to me and it
would upset me, but I would haveto just put a smile on my face
(20:44):
and keep going.
But they did not know the hellthat I was in inside of my head.
They didn't know that I wouldget home and probably start
crying immediately and drinkuntil I fell asleep.
The only people that truly haveseen that have been the ones
(21:10):
that have lived with me.
I am incredibly blessed to havefound God and that I now know
that he may not cure what I have, but he will walk me through it
.
Like the song says, it's notokay, but we're all going to be
(21:31):
all right.
God loves you.
I love you forever and so much,and you were built stronger
than you know.
Good night, and I'll see younext time.
He will wipe every tear fromtheir eyes.
There will be no more death ormourning, or crying or pain, for
(21:54):
the old order of things haspassed away Revelations 21.4.
You better check yourself before you break
yourself.
You better check yourselfbefore you break yourself.
Footprints in the Sand.
One night I had a dream.
I was walking along the beachwith my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashedscenes from my life and for each
scene I noticed two sets offootprints in the sand, one
(00:24):
belonging to me and one to myLord.
When the last scene of my lifeflashed before me, I looked back
at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times alongmy life's pathway, especially
at the lowest, saddest moments,there was only one set of
footprints.
This troubled me and I askedthe Lord about it.
(00:46):
Lord, you said if I followedyou in life, you'd walk with me
all the way.
But I noticed that during themost difficult times of my life,
there was only one set offootprints.
I don't understand why when Ineeded you the most, you would
leave.
He whispered my precious child,I love you and I will never
(01:09):
leave you.
During your times of trials andsuffering, when you saw only
one set of footprints, it wasthen that I carried you.
What's up you guys?
Welcome back to another episodeof Check Yourself with Harley,
to another episode of CheckYourself with Harley.
(01:29):
Today's episode is going to bedepression, and I wanted to
start off with a question.
Have you ever woken up andthought how are you going to get
out of bed?
And I'm not talking aboutyou're tired from the day before
and you just feel like you needsome extra sleep or you want to
(01:51):
take an extra day off.
I'm talking truly physicallyimpossible to get out of the bed
.
That the next task that youhave to complete whether it's
brushing your teeth, taking ashower, getting dressed and the
(02:13):
mere thought of it, is literallyunbearable for you.
Maybe you decide to skip theshower, skip brushing your teeth
, and you just get up and go.
You don't care what you wear,you don't even brush your hair
(02:34):
or you literally cannot do it.
So, although you need to go towork and you might need the
money, you pick up the phonecall into work and just tell
them you won't be there.
You feel really weak, you feelhopeless, you feel defeated,
(02:57):
because now it's affecting yourjob, your livelihood.
It's affecting your job, yourlivelihood.
Maybe you find yourself cryinguncontrollably and you can't
truly pinpoint as to why.
You just know that you'rehurting and you don't know how
(03:20):
to make it go away.
You feel like the weight of theworld is on your shoulders and
that there's this dark cloudhovering over you, or like
you're in this darkness andyou're not sure how to get out
of it.
You start to experiencephysical pain.
Maybe you start havingheadaches.
(03:40):
Your body starts to hurt.
You feel exhausted.
It almost feels like you justwere in a car accident.
If you've been in one, you knowthat your back hurts.
It's just very painful the nextday.
Maybe you stare off into spacejust thinking about everything,
(04:07):
or maybe you think about nothing.
You aren't sure what date iswhat time.
Your perception of time is off.
Maybe you think you have moretime or less time than what you
actually do.
With all this pain, you arewanting to get some help and you
(04:32):
start looking for ways to makeit go away.
But everything seems so hardand impossible.
What could be triggering this?
I would hate this question.
Whenever I would go to thedoctor and they would ask me
(04:53):
what are my triggers or why am Ifeeling down?
I would think to myself if Iknew the answer to this question
, I wouldn't be sitting herewith you trying to get you to
help me.
I would get so frustratedbecause I didn't know how to
(05:14):
explain why I was so sad.
But I really wanted her to fixme and help.
But of course that's hard forsomeone to help you when they
don't really know what's goingon.
I would have depression episodesin the past where my ex would
literally have to help me offthe couch, take me into the
(05:40):
bathroom and quite literallygive me a shower Like if I was a
kid.
It's not something that wasenjoyable or even felt like,
although it was like helpful,but it felt really degrading
because I couldn't even takecare of myself.
(06:00):
I would lay on that couch fordays and I would just call into
work, just tell them I couldn'tbe there, I was sick, I would
make something up, because howdo you tell a job?
I just literally mentallycannot do it, because I would
(06:24):
just roll out of my bed, crawlonto my desk chair because it
was next to my bed, and I wouldsit there and stare at the
(06:45):
screen and I didn't even knowwhat I was supposed to be doing.
I didn't know where to start.
It was like my brain was just afog and I would feel even more
useless and hopeless and I wouldjust cry.
It was this desperate feelinginside of me where I just used
(07:08):
to wish that I could just benormal and feel normal and not
feel so trapped inside of likemy own brain.
This year I actually ended upgoing to the hospital three
(07:29):
different times, three differenttimes.
I was feeling a lot of likephysical pain, like on my back I
it was unbearable.
I couldn't even lay down oranything.
It would just hurt so badly.
Um, I started having like umdizziness.
(07:58):
I really bad coordination.
My memory it was mixing up.
People would tell me one thingand I would hear something else,
like someone could tell me goright, and I would go left
because I would swear that Iheard left.
And I asked one time did youreally say that?
And they were like, yeah.
So I went to the hospitalbecause I started thinking like
(08:23):
the worst was happening to me.
I fell down the stairs a coupleof times because my knees would
just give out like my muscleswould just give out.
I ended up losing 60 pounds inthe course of three months.
All I did was cry.
I would pray that this wouldjust be over.
(08:45):
I would go to sleep and praythat I wouldn't wake up.
I just wanted it all to end Inthe morning when I would wake up
.
I would be mad that I was upagain and that I had to go
through the cycle all over again.
I just wanted it to be over.
I can't begin to tell you howmany jobs I have lost in my life
(09:08):
, how many times I have failedclasses in school, how many
times I have just sat there andjust cried and felt so empty and
(09:30):
alone and I felt like I wasjust broken, like there was
something wrong with me.
Because why feel this way allthe time?
So that's depression.
I know the pain and frustrationthat this would cause the
people around me.
For that reason, I tried tokeep to myself and I tried to
(09:53):
stay away from people.
I really made it a point tostay away from my kids whenever
I was going through this,because I didn't want to spread
my little dark and twistyinsides to the people that I
loved or to others in general,because it was so terrible and
(10:15):
when you've experiencedsomething like that, you
wouldn't even wish that on likeyour worst enemy it's.
It's like being dead on theinside while you're still living
.
Now that I know what I've beenliving with and I was diagnosed
eight years ago I have learnedto identify certain signs of
(10:44):
when I am going into adepressive episode.
Because of my condition, Iusually go from one episode to
the next.
I don't usually have breaks inbetween and I'm most functioning
, obviously, when I'm manic, butthe depression is what hits me
(11:07):
the hardest.
It literally feels justunbearable.
Now, with me having moreknowledge and being able to
identify when I'm going into adepressive episode, there are
certain things that I can do totry to ease the episode or like
I guess the best way I can putit is to make it go more
(11:29):
smoothly, because I can't takeit away altogether.
However, that doesn't make ithurt any less.
You just learn to go through itbetter.
So imagine going through lifeand each time something or
someone hurts you, you pick up alittle rock, pick up a little
(11:58):
rock, depending on how bad itwas the size of the rock, and
you place that rock in yourpocket and you stuff it down and
you keep going and you act asif it never even happened.
You pretend it doesn't botheryou on your age, imagine how
many rocks you're carrying withyou until you pick up that one
(12:21):
small rock and ultimately thatis the rock that brings you down
to your knees.
Surely you think if I fix thislast rock, then I can just get
back up and keep going and I'llbe fine.
But you would be wrong, so muchhas been eating at you from the
(12:42):
inside out.
This is just the final straw.
So how do you know where toeven begin to fix it?
Is it fixable?
At this point, you don't evenknow what hurts you anymore, or
you've become numbed and youdon't even know anything anymore
(13:04):
.
You're unsure of everything.
So how are you going to fightback now?
You're going to begin withsmall changes, changes that you
can make immediately, thingssuch as actually making it out
of the bed.
Now you've made it all out ofthe bed.
Maybe you can sit on the couch,and that is your success for
(13:30):
the day.
You should be proud of yourselfthat you've taken this step.
You didn't just lay therecrying and feeling sorry for
yourself, but you took a step inthe right direction.
Maybe on day two, you make itinto the bathroom, you are able
(13:56):
to brush your teeth, get in theshower and maybe you get back
into your pajamas and maybe youlay back down.
But again, that was asuccessful second day because
it's something that you did notdo the day before, and this is
how you start pushing yourself.
(14:18):
This is how you start pushingyourself.
This is how you fight.
Little by little, you startincorporating things each day
and then you put them alltogether until you're back to a
more sustainable state.
You might still be hurting onthe inside, but you are pushing
(14:39):
yourself forward and you're notstaying there.
No, it won't be easy and a lotof times it will be physically
painful and you will feel likeyou just don't want to keep
doing it anymore.
But you have to to.
(15:03):
You have to push yourself.
It's a choice that you have tomake in order to move on to a
more peaceful, less hurtfulplace, because I know you don't
want to feel like this.
Nobody wants to feel like this.
Little by little, you start toprogress.
You take your little wins.
Then the real work is going tobegin on what's hurting you.
(15:24):
Little by little, you're goingto start taking each little rock
out and trying to resolve whyit hurt you and what hurt you.
Trying to resolve what hurt youand why.
(15:46):
Is it something that youthought you'd let go of and just
simply shoved it down, coveredit up with an I don't care
band-aid, because we often dothat we often pretend we don't
care, doesn't bother us, we'regood, but deep down it was
(16:07):
hurtful.
If it had not been hurtful andit wasn't a problem, we wouldn't
be here today.
I suggest that you start withsmaller issues.
I used to get so annoyedwhenever I would go to therapy
and she would ask me like reallysurface level questions or like
(16:29):
really current things, and Iwould just think like lady, can
we get on to talking about myabandonment issues and my issues
with my dad so we can move onand I can be fixed and I can
move on with my life?
But I was wrong, because thatmight have been one of my issues
(16:51):
, but it wasn't my main issue.
That was not the main thing Ineeded to resolve.
By moving backwards andaddressing my current issues and
where they came from, I wasable to trace back to the root,
which was the actual issue whenit came from, what started it,
(17:15):
why it bothers me and thosewould be my triggers.
Those would be the things thatwould set me back, without me
knowing, back to that place,back to being a little girl and
(17:35):
hearing negative things, back tohearing negative things about
myself from other people, justsetting me back to that place,
but I didn't know that, I didn'tknow it was taking me back to
that memory, because I wouldn'tthink of that, I would think
about the current issue.
So, in working backwards, itmade me realize this wasn't
(18:02):
about this person at all.
It was about something waydeeper than that, and that's
when I could start to heal,that's when I could start
dropping those rocks, couldstart dropping those rocks and
(18:26):
giving myself a break and beingable to get the rest that my
body and my heart so desperatelyneeded.
Although I will never forgetthe things that have happened to
me and have hurt me, I at leasthave made peace with them at
this point.
And although reliving some ofthese memories can and will be
painful and I haven't relivedall of them at least each time
(18:52):
that I do it's the last timethat I have to relive it,
because after that I've madepeace with it and it's done.
Time that I have to relive itbecause after that I've made
peace with it and it's done.
I wanted to share the lyrics toa song which I found.
I pray that it will bring yousome encouragement.
I usually do listen to worshipmusic, and that's just for
(19:14):
personal reasons, just becauseof how my brain works.
But I found this song the otherday.
It's called I Am Not Okay, byJelly Roll, and some of you guys
have probably heard this, butit says I am not okay.
I am not okay, I'm barelygetting by.
(19:34):
I'm losing track of days andlosing sleep at night.
I am not okay, I'm hanging onthe rails.
So if I say I'm fine, just knowI've learned to hide it.
Well, I know I can't be theonly one who is hanging on for
dear life, but God knows I know.
When it's all said and done,I'm not okay, but it's all going
(20:00):
to be all right.
It's not okay, but we are allgoing to be all right, y'all.
Depression looks different foreverybody.
This is just my experience withit.
But there have been times whereI have looked like there was
(20:22):
absolutely nothing wrong with medressed up, makeup, full face,
my hair done and I wouldliterally comments to me and it
would upset me, but I would haveto just put a smile on my face
(20:44):
and keep going.
But they did not know the hellthat I was in inside of my head.
They didn't know that I wouldget home and probably start
crying immediately and drinkuntil I fell asleep.
The only people that truly haveseen that have been the ones
(21:10):
that have lived with me.
I am incredibly blessed to havefound God and that I now know
that he may not cure what I have, but he will walk me through it
.
Like the song says, it's notokay, but we're all going to be
(21:31):
all right.
God loves you.
I love you forever and so much,and you were built stronger
than you know.
Good night, and I'll see younext time.
He will wipe every tear fromtheir eyes.
There will be no more death ormourning, or crying or pain, for
(21:54):
the old order of things haspassed away Revelations 21.4.
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