December 13, 2024 • 24 mins
Have you ever wondered how to maintain faith and perspective when life takes an unexpected turn? Join me in "Check Yourself with Harley" as I share a personal journey inspired by the biblical stories of Job and Abraham. Through heartfelt anecdotes, including a cherished memory of my father, we explore the profound emotional landscape of loss and the strength found in adversity. This episode is a candid reflection on our tendency to assign blame rather than take ownership, and how to focus on the blessings that remain, even when life doesn't follow the script we envisioned.
In a world where father figures can be elusive, I open up about my own quest for acceptance and love, often sought through my mother's partners. The loss of a compassionate stepdad left a significant mark, pushing me toward seeking validation in external relationships, with varying degrees of heartbreak. Yet through this journey, I uncovered the true blessings already present in my life—supportive friends, adoptive parents, and my beloved children. Join me as I discuss the importance of self-love and gratitude, and how recognizing the love that surrounds us can lead to inner strength and fulfillment.
Thank you for listening đź’ž You are loved You are enough You are NOT alone You were built for this.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You better check yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
before you break yourself, you better check
yourself before you breakyourself At this Job, got up and
tore his robe and shaved hishead.
Then he fell to the ground inworship and said Naked I came
from my mother's womb and nakedI will depart.
The Lord gave and the Lord hastaken away.
(00:25):
May the name of the Lord bepraised In all this Job.
Did not sin by charging Godwith wrongdoing?
Job 1, 20, 22.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Hey, there you guys.
Welcome back to Check Yourselfwith Harley Today's episode how
Will I Make it?
On Sunday we had service.
The pastor was talking aboutwhat happens when God gives you
a blessing and the blessingbecomes more important than the
(00:59):
person that gave you theblessing, and they talked about
the story of Abraham andwhenever God asked him to
sacrifice his son.
That sermon really resonatedwith me because of what I'm
going through currently and someof the things I've thought
about how I felt.
(01:21):
So this episode is how do wemake it through the hard times?
How do we make it wheneversomething feels like everything
is lost?
So I think that we all haveplans for our lives.
For our lives, we maybe plan ongoing to college, getting a
(01:51):
degree on whatever it is that weare interested in.
Then we want to do great in ourfield, become super successful.
Maybe after a while, you wantto find somebody to share your
life with, have some kids, buy ahouse, get more stuff, or maybe
your dream looks like thefamily you want to find someone
(02:15):
to spend your life with andshare things with, and then you
guys have some kids and maybeyou want to be a stay-at-home
mom or a stay-at-home dad, thatcan be something that you dream
about, or maybe your plan lookslike you just become successful,
you travel the world and you'llbe the cool aunt or uncle.
(02:38):
We all have these plans that wemake for our lives, and
sometimes we have a timeline.
We want to do all this by thetime we're 30 or 40, or whatever
the timeline looks like.
(02:59):
So what happens when those plansdon't come to pass the way that
we envision them?
What if the plans don't workout?
Life goes a different directionthat we didn't want.
(03:21):
What do we do then?
Do we just ride off the rest ofour lives and drown in our pain
, feel sorry for ourselves andjust become hateful, sad people?
So how will I make it?
How will you make it?
What happens when we get to aplace that we've worked so hard
to get?
Then everything falls apart.
(03:42):
What if we get the dream?
In my experience, the mostcommon thing for us to do is
either find something or someoneto blame, but rarely do we take
responsibility for our part inwhatever the situation that
happened is, and we look ateverything that we have lost,
(04:06):
everything that has fallen apart.
We think about the people we'velost, the people that have left
, but rarely do we look aroundand see what we have or what
this awful thing that hashappened to us can actually
represent or what it can become.
I know it sounds easy for me tosay and it's easy for me to sit
(04:30):
here and tell you oh, just, youknow, don't throw yourself a
pity party and just be positiveand everything's going to.
You know, be fine and just begrateful, because I don't know
what you're going through.
So of course, it's easy for meto tell you just to, you'll be
all right, stay positive.
(04:51):
So let me tell you a story.
The earliest memory I have as achild is with my dad.
My dad left when I was three.
I remember the last time I sawhim In Colombia we don't have
not everyone has cars, peoplemostly have motorcycles and my
(05:13):
dad came to pick me up in hismotorcycle to take me to the
river, because I've always lovedwater since I was little,
because I've always loved watersince I was little.
I remember we were driving downthis road.
I guess it would be a highwaythe highways look different
(05:38):
there but I saw a field burningand I turned to my dad and I
asked him.
So I turned to my dad and Iasked him why there was fire and
he said there's burning sugarcane, mommy, because that's what
my dad used to call me, mommyor mamita.
I don't remember if I asked himwhy they were doing that and I
don't think he explained, butthat was the last time that I
(06:01):
ever saw my dad, that I ever sawmy dad.
So I have shared that my wholelife.
I've been trying to fill a void.
When I was younger I used to dothat by making every boyfriend
that my mom would have my newdad.
I would call them dad and Iwould try to have that
(06:24):
relationship with them.
But none of those men evercared about me and one of them
actually hurt me as a young kidand did things to me that I was
very young to understand.
I didn't know any better.
I was still a baby, pretty muchI was only seven, and when we
(06:45):
met my sister's dad, that wasprobably the closest thing I
ever had to a dad, that I everhad to a family, and I actually
really cared for him and I feellike he actually cared about me
and he tried to build arelationship with me outside of
my mom.
So it wasn't just because ofher, and maybe it was, I don't
(07:08):
know, but it felt more genuinethan anyone ever had.
Unfortunately, things happenedand that didn't last very long
and he was out of our lives andthat really hurt me and it kind
(07:31):
of killed that whole want for adad, because it's just.
It'd been so manydisappointments, one after
another, one after another, sothat day I decided that I was
(07:54):
done looking for a dad, I wasjust done trying to fill that
void or fill it that way.
So I decided that instead Iwould create my own family, that
instead I would create my ownfamily.
And that's when I startedseeking men for love and
acceptance, trying to prove thatI was worthy, that I was good
(08:18):
enough, just looking for thatvoid to be filled, that need,
that sadness, that need thatsadness from my dad leaving and
then losing my stepdad.
I let circumstances in my lifeand the choices of other people
(08:40):
dictate the direction that Iheaded in life.
I was a great student and Icould have gone to college.
I could have done so manydifferent things with my life,
but I was more concerned aboutwhat I didn't have.
I was concerned that I didn'thave the family, the dad, like
that I felt, like everybody elsehad.
So, instead of focusing on whatI could do and what I could
(09:05):
control and the choices that Icould make, I made choices based
off my pain, my hurt, and Ijust made a mess out of my life,
beginning at 16.
Forward to today, four yearsago, I finally thought that God
(09:31):
had finally answered my prayersand it was finally my time.
It was my time to get my familythat I wanted to have, the love
that I had always searched for.
I met JR and he was literallyeverything I ever prayed for,
and so much more.
However, I don't know.
I wasn't ready, and neither wasJR.
(09:53):
I wasn't ready because I stilldid not know how to love myself
and I was praising another humanand looking for him to save me
from my pain, and that is a tasktoo great for any man or woman.
So what do you do when you findeverything you ever wanted?
(10:13):
You get the prayer that you'vebeen praying for, and then you
wake up one day and it's gone.
You lose everything.
For me, I decided that life wasno longer worth living, and I
mean I lost what I thought waseverything in my life, because
(10:39):
at that time, jr was myeverything, and again, I was
focusing on the one thing that Ididn't have and I forgot to
look around at everything elseand I was throwing my life down
the toilet because of someoneelse's choices.
So it's been a few months sincemy life has been basically
(11:04):
falling apart by all intents andpurposes and views from the
outside.
I went from having a beautifulhouse that I had just fully
furnished.
I went from having the husband,the family.
(11:27):
I went from not needing foranything.
Financially I was very welltaken care of.
Never was I told no to livingin a two-bedroom apartment,
again being single, and feelinglike I was back at square one
(11:58):
and actually feeling like I wasworse off than before I met JR.
So I can sit here and thinkabout everything I've lost, I
can cry about my situation, Ican sit here and feel sorry for
myself and keep going throughall the things that I've lost
(12:21):
and the things that I don't have, but then what?
What is I going to do?
Does it hurt?
Yes, hurts like hell.
Do I cry?
Yes, but you know what?
I used to cry myself to sleep afew times.
In that beautiful house.
One of my favorite pastors,which I mention all the time, is
(12:41):
Pastor Stephen Furtick, and ina sermon he was talking about a
conversation that he was havingwith someone, and they asked him
if you lost everything that youhad today, how would you feel
him?
If you lost everything that youhad today, how would you feel?
And he said devastated.
He wasn't talking about hismaterial possessions, he was
(13:03):
talking about the people that heloved.
So the person that he washaving the conversation with,
proceeded to tell him.
Then you have everything thatyou need.
All those years that I've spentsearching for a man because I
thought that was the I guess,the glue of a family I
completely neglected the factthat I do have a family.
(13:25):
I have always had everything Ineeded in my life.
I have a father and he loves mebeyond measure.
He wants everything that isgood for me.
He wants me to be successfuland he loves me beyond my
mistakes.
(13:45):
He's never left me alone.
He's always been by my side.
He forgives me and he justwants me to do better when
something happens, but he'snever disowned me.
I have six beautiful kids thatare truly my pride and joy.
They say the sweetest, cutestthings, they're funny and
(14:09):
they're so fun to be around.
I love hanging out with my kids.
I have friends who love me andcare about me and they pray for
me and pray with me andencourage me to be a better
person.
They allow me to express myhurt, but they don't want me to
(14:30):
stay there because they love me,so they encourage me to have
different perspectives.
I have two adoptive parents whohave taken me in in a really
funny circumstance and they havetaught me lessons and they give
(14:50):
me tough love, they tell me thetruth and that has made me grow
into a better woman, and theypush for me to do better each
and every day.
And even when we fight, my mamastill calls me and tells me she
loves me, regardless of if wesee eye to eye or not,
(15:13):
regardless of if we see eye toeye or not.
So maybe you're feeling like,okay, I'm just going to sit here
, tell you my story and make itseem like I'm all positive vibes
and I have no idea what you'redealing with.
(15:36):
And you'd be right, I don't.
Everybody's struggle isdifferent and, like I've
mentioned before, whatever Istruggle with, maybe it's not
something you would strugglewith.
I have one of my best friendswho grew up without a father and
it absolutely faces her,doesn't face her in any way, she
(15:58):
does not care and she has nevermade choices based off of that.
But we're different andwhatever you're walking through
is different, but it's hardeither way.
So if you want to choose tostay in your pain, so if you
(16:18):
want to choose to stay in yourpain, then by all means.
But why would you want to dothat?
What is that going to do foryou.
It's not going to do anything,but just make you sad, bitter
and miss out on everything elsethat's around you that you do
have.
So, no, the pain doesn't justgo away because I am trying to
(16:40):
be positive or trying to look atthings from a different lens.
I still lay in bed at night andI actually did the other night
and I cried and I was praying toGod and I felt like at that
moment, I accepted my fate as Isee it, which is that I'm going
to be alone forever.
(17:03):
And it made me sad, not becauseI need a man to fill a void now
, because I don't have one.
I am a very different personand I am so proud of who I am
now.
So I don't want a man orsomeone to be there to make me
(17:25):
happy, because I'm already happy, but I do want to have someone
to share things with.
It's a nice thought.
So, yes, I cried and I was sadabout it.
However, that night, I wasdoing the same thing that I did
(17:48):
when my dad left and that I didwhen my stepdad left, which was
accepting defeat, and I wasaccepting that this is final,
this is the end of the road forme, and nothing is final except
death.
So why throw away the time thatI have, simply because of this
imaginary timeline that I haveplaced on myself?
So to the question.
(18:09):
So to this week's question howI'm going to make it through
this time.
Instead of seeing everythingthat I have lost, I'm choosing
to see what I have gained.
I've gained more knowledgeabout who I am, the woman that
I've become, the things that Ican accept and the things that I
(18:31):
cannot.
I have, I found the things thatbring me joy, and I have
learned my strength, and I havelearned to truly appreciate it,
because I used to hate whenpeople would say to me you're so
strong, and it would just makeme mad.
Because I'm like, I'm strongbecause I have to be and, for
(18:55):
the first time in my life, I amstrong because I choose to be
and not because I have to.
And I am proud of myself forbeing able to sit here and even
film this because I didn't wantto, because I didn't want to be
judged.
But people will judgeregardless, and I know who I am
(19:17):
and I know what I've gonethrough and I know my situation.
And this is only as far as Iwould share because, as always,
I respect the other people andmy story.
So I'm going to make it through,because I am choosing to look
at this time as an opportunityto focus on the things that I
(19:38):
want to accomplish, the thingsthat I enjoy doing, the dreams
that I've put on hold becauseI've been chasing after my pain,
heal, the little girl thatdidn't have a dad, and I'm now
(20:05):
choosing to continue my lifeoutside of the pain that I've
gone through.
So I'm going to fulfill mydreams.
I'm going to finish schoolInstead of focusing on finding
somebody.
I'm going to spend time with myfriends and I'm going to
dedicate time to activities withmy kids and making time for
(20:27):
myself, learning more aboutmyself and teaching myself how
to truly show up for me, insteadof always trying to put
everybody else before myself.
What I actually needed to do wasme myself gain the love for
(20:49):
myself, because, as I said, thatis a task too great for any
human.
When you place all of yourfaith, your worth and your life
on someone else, it's not goingto turn out well.
It's like what the pastor wastalking about with Abraham
(21:15):
making his blessing greater thanthe person that blessed him.
So with me, I was doing thesame thing.
I made my blessing my wholeentire universe, and that
(21:35):
doesn't work out because that'show you are then disappointed by
things that happen in life,because we're all human and we
all have freedom of choice andyou cannot control the choices
of other people.
So if you rest your wholeexistence on someone else or
(21:59):
something else whether that's ajob, money, whatever you will be
disappointed when things don'tgo your way.
I want to take this time to readbooks that I haven't got to
read, try new things.
As I was mentioning aboutvolunteering, that's something
I've always wanted to do.
So I want to take the time todo that and just enjoying every
(22:25):
day, whatever little things comemy way, just living in the
moment and not thinking abouttomorrow.
So I want to leave you withthis what are the things that
you can accomplish in your timeof waiting?
What can you take away fromwhatever loss you've had,
whatever heartbreak?
What is to come?
(22:46):
What new opportunities arecoming your way?
You never know why thingshappen.
It could be a new job.
It could be your dream job thatyou never even thought you're
going to get.
It could be your dream job thatyou never even thought you're
going to get.
Where can you grow to be betterfor the next chapter of your
life?
Live today and just enjoy thejourney.
(23:06):
Do not let the future or sometimeline make you live in fear
and lose the joys of today andwhat's around you, because,
after all, tomorrow's notpromised.
And what do you gain fromworrying about something that
may never come?
So don't lose sight of what'sin front of you, chasing
(23:30):
something that you know nothingabout.
I pray this helps somebody.
I pray sharing some of whatI've been going through, what
I'm navigating at this time inmy life, will be helpful.
I want to thank you guys forspending time with me, as always
.
I love you and I will see younext time.
You better check yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
before you break yourself, you better check
yourself before you breakyourself At this Job, got up and
tore his robe and shaved hishead.
Then he fell to the ground inworship and said Naked I came
from my mother's womb and nakedI will depart.
The Lord gave and the Lord hastaken away.
(00:25):
May the name of the Lord bepraised In all this Job.
Did not sin by charging Godwith wrongdoing?
Job 1, 20, 22.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Hey, there you guys.
Welcome back to Check Yourselfwith Harley Today's episode how
Will I Make it?
On Sunday we had service.
The pastor was talking aboutwhat happens when God gives you
a blessing and the blessingbecomes more important than the
(00:59):
person that gave you theblessing, and they talked about
the story of Abraham andwhenever God asked him to
sacrifice his son.
That sermon really resonatedwith me because of what I'm
going through currently and someof the things I've thought
about how I felt.
(01:21):
So this episode is how do wemake it through the hard times?
How do we make it wheneversomething feels like everything
is lost?
So I think that we all haveplans for our lives.
For our lives, we maybe plan ongoing to college, getting a
(01:51):
degree on whatever it is that weare interested in.
Then we want to do great in ourfield, become super successful.
Maybe after a while, you wantto find somebody to share your
life with, have some kids, buy ahouse, get more stuff, or maybe
your dream looks like thefamily you want to find someone
(02:15):
to spend your life with andshare things with, and then you
guys have some kids and maybeyou want to be a stay-at-home
mom or a stay-at-home dad, thatcan be something that you dream
about, or maybe your plan lookslike you just become successful,
you travel the world and you'llbe the cool aunt or uncle.
(02:38):
We all have these plans that wemake for our lives, and
sometimes we have a timeline.
We want to do all this by thetime we're 30 or 40, or whatever
the timeline looks like.
(02:59):
So what happens when those plansdon't come to pass the way that
we envision them?
What if the plans don't workout?
Life goes a different directionthat we didn't want.
(03:21):
What do we do then?
Do we just ride off the rest ofour lives and drown in our pain
, feel sorry for ourselves andjust become hateful, sad people?
So how will I make it?
How will you make it?
What happens when we get to aplace that we've worked so hard
to get?
Then everything falls apart.
(03:42):
What if we get the dream?
In my experience, the mostcommon thing for us to do is
either find something or someoneto blame, but rarely do we take
responsibility for our part inwhatever the situation that
happened is, and we look ateverything that we have lost,
(04:06):
everything that has fallen apart.
We think about the people we'velost, the people that have left
, but rarely do we look aroundand see what we have or what
this awful thing that hashappened to us can actually
represent or what it can become.
I know it sounds easy for me tosay and it's easy for me to sit
(04:30):
here and tell you oh, just, youknow, don't throw yourself a
pity party and just be positiveand everything's going to.
You know, be fine and just begrateful, because I don't know
what you're going through.
So of course, it's easy for meto tell you just to, you'll be
all right, stay positive.
(04:51):
So let me tell you a story.
The earliest memory I have as achild is with my dad.
My dad left when I was three.
I remember the last time I sawhim In Colombia we don't have
not everyone has cars, peoplemostly have motorcycles and my
(05:13):
dad came to pick me up in hismotorcycle to take me to the
river, because I've always lovedwater since I was little,
because I've always loved watersince I was little.
I remember we were driving downthis road.
I guess it would be a highwaythe highways look different
(05:38):
there but I saw a field burningand I turned to my dad and I
asked him.
So I turned to my dad and Iasked him why there was fire and
he said there's burning sugarcane, mommy, because that's what
my dad used to call me, mommyor mamita.
I don't remember if I asked himwhy they were doing that and I
don't think he explained, butthat was the last time that I
(06:01):
ever saw my dad, that I ever sawmy dad.
So I have shared that my wholelife.
I've been trying to fill a void.
When I was younger I used to dothat by making every boyfriend
that my mom would have my newdad.
I would call them dad and Iwould try to have that
(06:24):
relationship with them.
But none of those men evercared about me and one of them
actually hurt me as a young kidand did things to me that I was
very young to understand.
I didn't know any better.
I was still a baby, pretty muchI was only seven, and when we
(06:45):
met my sister's dad, that wasprobably the closest thing I
ever had to a dad, that I everhad to a family, and I actually
really cared for him and I feellike he actually cared about me
and he tried to build arelationship with me outside of
my mom.
So it wasn't just because ofher, and maybe it was, I don't
(07:08):
know, but it felt more genuinethan anyone ever had.
Unfortunately, things happenedand that didn't last very long
and he was out of our lives andthat really hurt me and it kind
(07:31):
of killed that whole want for adad, because it's just.
It'd been so manydisappointments, one after
another, one after another, sothat day I decided that I was
(07:54):
done looking for a dad, I wasjust done trying to fill that
void or fill it that way.
So I decided that instead Iwould create my own family, that
instead I would create my ownfamily.
And that's when I startedseeking men for love and
acceptance, trying to prove thatI was worthy, that I was good
(08:18):
enough, just looking for thatvoid to be filled, that need,
that sadness, that need thatsadness from my dad leaving and
then losing my stepdad.
I let circumstances in my lifeand the choices of other people
(08:40):
dictate the direction that Iheaded in life.
I was a great student and Icould have gone to college.
I could have done so manydifferent things with my life,
but I was more concerned aboutwhat I didn't have.
I was concerned that I didn'thave the family, the dad, like
that I felt, like everybody elsehad.
So, instead of focusing on whatI could do and what I could
(09:05):
control and the choices that Icould make, I made choices based
off my pain, my hurt, and Ijust made a mess out of my life,
beginning at 16.
Forward to today, four yearsago, I finally thought that God
(09:31):
had finally answered my prayersand it was finally my time.
It was my time to get my familythat I wanted to have, the love
that I had always searched for.
I met JR and he was literallyeverything I ever prayed for,
and so much more.
However, I don't know.
I wasn't ready, and neither wasJR.
(09:53):
I wasn't ready because I stilldid not know how to love myself
and I was praising another humanand looking for him to save me
from my pain, and that is a tasktoo great for any man or woman.
So what do you do when you findeverything you ever wanted?
(10:13):
You get the prayer that you'vebeen praying for, and then you
wake up one day and it's gone.
You lose everything.
For me, I decided that life wasno longer worth living, and I
mean I lost what I thought waseverything in my life, because
(10:39):
at that time, jr was myeverything, and again, I was
focusing on the one thing that Ididn't have and I forgot to
look around at everything elseand I was throwing my life down
the toilet because of someoneelse's choices.
So it's been a few months sincemy life has been basically
(11:04):
falling apart by all intents andpurposes and views from the
outside.
I went from having a beautifulhouse that I had just fully
furnished.
I went from having the husband,the family.
(11:27):
I went from not needing foranything.
Financially I was very welltaken care of.
Never was I told no to livingin a two-bedroom apartment,
again being single, and feelinglike I was back at square one
(11:58):
and actually feeling like I wasworse off than before I met JR.
So I can sit here and thinkabout everything I've lost, I
can cry about my situation, Ican sit here and feel sorry for
myself and keep going throughall the things that I've lost
(12:21):
and the things that I don't have, but then what?
What is I going to do?
Does it hurt?
Yes, hurts like hell.
Do I cry?
Yes, but you know what?
I used to cry myself to sleep afew times.
In that beautiful house.
One of my favorite pastors,which I mention all the time, is
(12:41):
Pastor Stephen Furtick, and ina sermon he was talking about a
conversation that he was havingwith someone, and they asked him
if you lost everything that youhad today, how would you feel
him?
If you lost everything that youhad today, how would you feel?
And he said devastated.
He wasn't talking about hismaterial possessions, he was
(13:03):
talking about the people that heloved.
So the person that he washaving the conversation with,
proceeded to tell him.
Then you have everything thatyou need.
All those years that I've spentsearching for a man because I
thought that was the I guess,the glue of a family I
completely neglected the factthat I do have a family.
(13:25):
I have always had everything Ineeded in my life.
I have a father and he loves mebeyond measure.
He wants everything that isgood for me.
He wants me to be successfuland he loves me beyond my
mistakes.
(13:45):
He's never left me alone.
He's always been by my side.
He forgives me and he justwants me to do better when
something happens, but he'snever disowned me.
I have six beautiful kids thatare truly my pride and joy.
They say the sweetest, cutestthings, they're funny and
(14:09):
they're so fun to be around.
I love hanging out with my kids.
I have friends who love me andcare about me and they pray for
me and pray with me andencourage me to be a better
person.
They allow me to express myhurt, but they don't want me to
(14:30):
stay there because they love me,so they encourage me to have
different perspectives.
I have two adoptive parents whohave taken me in in a really
funny circumstance and they havetaught me lessons and they give
(14:50):
me tough love, they tell me thetruth and that has made me grow
into a better woman, and theypush for me to do better each
and every day.
And even when we fight, my mamastill calls me and tells me she
loves me, regardless of if wesee eye to eye or not,
(15:13):
regardless of if we see eye toeye or not.
So maybe you're feeling like,okay, I'm just going to sit here
, tell you my story and make itseem like I'm all positive vibes
and I have no idea what you'redealing with.
(15:36):
And you'd be right, I don't.
Everybody's struggle isdifferent and, like I've
mentioned before, whatever Istruggle with, maybe it's not
something you would strugglewith.
I have one of my best friendswho grew up without a father and
it absolutely faces her,doesn't face her in any way, she
(15:58):
does not care and she has nevermade choices based off of that.
But we're different andwhatever you're walking through
is different, but it's hardeither way.
So if you want to choose tostay in your pain, so if you
(16:18):
want to choose to stay in yourpain, then by all means.
But why would you want to dothat?
What is that going to do foryou.
It's not going to do anything,but just make you sad, bitter
and miss out on everything elsethat's around you that you do
have.
So, no, the pain doesn't justgo away because I am trying to
(16:40):
be positive or trying to look atthings from a different lens.
I still lay in bed at night andI actually did the other night
and I cried and I was praying toGod and I felt like at that
moment, I accepted my fate as Isee it, which is that I'm going
to be alone forever.
(17:03):
And it made me sad, not becauseI need a man to fill a void now
, because I don't have one.
I am a very different personand I am so proud of who I am
now.
So I don't want a man orsomeone to be there to make me
(17:25):
happy, because I'm already happy, but I do want to have someone
to share things with.
It's a nice thought.
So, yes, I cried and I was sadabout it.
However, that night, I wasdoing the same thing that I did
(17:48):
when my dad left and that I didwhen my stepdad left, which was
accepting defeat, and I wasaccepting that this is final,
this is the end of the road forme, and nothing is final except
death.
So why throw away the time thatI have, simply because of this
imaginary timeline that I haveplaced on myself?
So to the question.
(18:09):
So to this week's question howI'm going to make it through
this time.
Instead of seeing everythingthat I have lost, I'm choosing
to see what I have gained.
I've gained more knowledgeabout who I am, the woman that
I've become, the things that Ican accept and the things that I
(18:31):
cannot.
I have, I found the things thatbring me joy, and I have
learned my strength, and I havelearned to truly appreciate it,
because I used to hate whenpeople would say to me you're so
strong, and it would just makeme mad.
Because I'm like, I'm strongbecause I have to be and, for
(18:55):
the first time in my life, I amstrong because I choose to be
and not because I have to.
And I am proud of myself forbeing able to sit here and even
film this because I didn't wantto, because I didn't want to be
judged.
But people will judgeregardless, and I know who I am
(19:17):
and I know what I've gonethrough and I know my situation.
And this is only as far as Iwould share because, as always,
I respect the other people andmy story.
So I'm going to make it through,because I am choosing to look
at this time as an opportunityto focus on the things that I
(19:38):
want to accomplish, the thingsthat I enjoy doing, the dreams
that I've put on hold becauseI've been chasing after my pain,
heal, the little girl thatdidn't have a dad, and I'm now
(20:05):
choosing to continue my lifeoutside of the pain that I've
gone through.
So I'm going to fulfill mydreams.
I'm going to finish schoolInstead of focusing on finding
somebody.
I'm going to spend time with myfriends and I'm going to
dedicate time to activities withmy kids and making time for
(20:27):
myself, learning more aboutmyself and teaching myself how
to truly show up for me, insteadof always trying to put
everybody else before myself.
What I actually needed to do wasme myself gain the love for
(20:49):
myself, because, as I said, thatis a task too great for any
human.
When you place all of yourfaith, your worth and your life
on someone else, it's not goingto turn out well.
It's like what the pastor wastalking about with Abraham
(21:15):
making his blessing greater thanthe person that blessed him.
So with me, I was doing thesame thing.
I made my blessing my wholeentire universe, and that
(21:35):
doesn't work out because that'show you are then disappointed by
things that happen in life,because we're all human and we
all have freedom of choice andyou cannot control the choices
of other people.
So if you rest your wholeexistence on someone else or
(21:59):
something else whether that's ajob, money, whatever you will be
disappointed when things don'tgo your way.
I want to take this time to readbooks that I haven't got to
read, try new things.
As I was mentioning aboutvolunteering, that's something
I've always wanted to do.
So I want to take the time todo that and just enjoying every
(22:25):
day, whatever little things comemy way, just living in the
moment and not thinking abouttomorrow.
So I want to leave you withthis what are the things that
you can accomplish in your timeof waiting?
What can you take away fromwhatever loss you've had,
whatever heartbreak?
What is to come?
(22:46):
What new opportunities arecoming your way?
You never know why thingshappen.
It could be a new job.
It could be your dream job thatyou never even thought you're
going to get.
It could be your dream job thatyou never even thought you're
going to get.
Where can you grow to be betterfor the next chapter of your
life?
Live today and just enjoy thejourney.
(23:06):
Do not let the future or sometimeline make you live in fear
and lose the joys of today andwhat's around you, because,
after all, tomorrow's notpromised.
And what do you gain fromworrying about something that
may never come?
So don't lose sight of what'sin front of you, chasing
(23:30):
something that you know nothingabout.
I pray this helps somebody.
I pray sharing some of whatI've been going through, what
I'm navigating at this time inmy life, will be helpful.
I want to thank you guys forspending time with me, as always
.
I love you and I will see younext time.
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