August 14, 2024 • 22 mins
Can "keeping it real" actually lead to your downfall? On this episode of "Check Yourself with Harley," we dive into the complexities of authenticity and how the pursuit of being genuine can sometimes go terribly wrong. Inspired by an iconic Chappelle Show skit, we analyze three scenarios where "keeping it real" backfires spectacularly. We discuss the self-made man whose boardroom meltdown costs him dearly, and the jealous individual whose party antics leave him humiliated and isolated. These cautionary tales remind us of the critical need for self-reflection and understanding others before acting impulsively.
Moving from cautionary tales to practical wisdom, we explore the true essence of authenticity. Authenticity isn't about brutal honesty for the sake of criticism but rather about honest interactions rooted in love and concern. We delve into the importance of setting clear relationship expectations and knowing when to offer advice or simply listen. Additionally, we stress the need for delivering truth with care and respect, understanding that how our words are received is beyond our control. Tune in as we prepare to tackle handling honesty from others in next week's episode. As always, we value your thoughts and remind you that you are loved, enough, and never alone. Connect with us on Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat to keep the conversation going!
Thank you for listening 💞 You are loved You are enough You are NOT alone You were built for this.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You better check yourself before you break
yourself.
You better check yourselfbefore you break yourself.
Do not let any unwholesome talkcome out of your mouths, but
only what is helpful forbuilding others up according to
their needs, that it may benefitthose who listen.
Ephesians 4 29.
(00:22):
Are you being real with youabout why you're being real with
others?
Hey, what's up you guys?
Welcome back to Check Yourselfwith Hardly.
Thank you for being here withme today and spending some time
with me.
I pray that you are having avery peaceful day, that you will
continue on with a peacefulweek.
So today's episode is going tobe when keeping it real goes
(00:43):
wrong, and this was inspired bya comedy skit that I saw on the
Chappelle show years ago.
I just happened to remember itbecause it related to.
It was related to something Iwas kind of thinking about
recently.
I was thinking about how we'relike all out here like keeping
it real or we're keeping it 100.
(01:03):
And we often think that we'rekeeping things real, but maybe
there's an underlining cause forthat and maybe we aren't really
keeping it real.
And the best way possible.
So we're going to look at threedifferent scenarios from the
skit.
Obviously it's a comedy, so thescenario goes from like zero to
a hundred and it's super worstcase scenario at the end.
(01:26):
But I'm sure we can all relateto at least one of these
scenarios in some sort of way.
Okay so, first scenario this isa self-made man.
He has came from nothing,worked really hard, got into a
prestigious school, works hisway up, has a high position in
(01:46):
his career.
They're in the middle of aboard meeting and it's coming to
an end.
One of his mentors, who heactually likes, goes to high
five him.
So at this moment in the skitthere is a pause.
The person asks themselvesabout if they need to keep it
real.
So it's funny because Imentioned about how I stopped
myself to check myself.
(02:07):
But in this scenario theyweren't really checking
themselves.
They were just more like I'mgoing to keep it real, but
didn't really try to think aboutwhy they were keeping it real
or what they were about to keepit real in what way.
So he goes on to get reallyupset and tells him to shake his
hand like a man and don't youknow, treat him like a kid and
(02:29):
all this stuff, but not in likea nice productive way.
He's just kind of like goingoff and starts flipping off
tables, cussing and just doingthe most.
So at the end of the skit heends up losing his job.
He ends up just losingeverything he had worked so hard
for.
And they show him working on agas station.
(02:49):
The person tries to tip them.
Tip him a few cents and hetakes them and he's like what am
I supposed to do with this?
I got kids to feed tosses.
The money, he's like and that'sreal, so it's really funny.
You guys should look it up onYouTube.
So if we look at that scenariofrom a realistic perspective,
(03:09):
I'm sure all of us have been ina situation where we feel like
we are being disrespected.
We have worked very hard wherewe're at or where we've gotten
to and people just still kind oflook at us like you know our
past or where we came from, orwhatever the case is.
Or if you're a man, you tend tofeel like you know you're not
(03:31):
getting the respect that youdeserve, the respect that you
have, that you feel like you'veearned.
However, at this moment,instead of going off getting
upset, getting into an argumentand making kind of a complete
fool of himself and losingeverything, it would have been
just the same if he had finishedthe meeting, maybe waited until
(03:54):
he cooled off, felt better,thought about the situation,
maybe thought about why thisperson gestured the high five as
opposed to a handshake, whichhe felt would be more
respectable.
But these people knew eachother, so you would think he
probably just felt like you knowthey were in a more comfortable
(04:14):
type of friendship or whateverthe person was thinking.
But that's why you stop and youthink what could the other
person have been thinking, evenif that was what they were
thinking?
But you still do not feelcomfortable with the situation.
Then you pull that person asideafter you've cooled off and
you're in a more sane place andtell them hey, I did not
(04:36):
appreciate the gesture.
I feel like I have earned thesame respect as any other man
and I would like to shake handsas a man, and that would have
been the end of that.
Okay, y'all.
So second scenario so this guy'sout on a date with his
girlfriend.
They're at a party I can'tremember what he said exactly
but the guy feels disrespected.
(04:57):
He feels like why is he talkingto his girlfriend?
Has the same moment of I'mgoing to keep it.
Real Proceed.
Has the same moment of I'mgoing to keep it real proceeds
to start a fight with this guywho just hit on his girlfriend.
The guy that was hitting on hisgirlfriend was a third degree
black belt and he was purposelygoing around trying to start a
(05:18):
fight with someone to practicehis skills.
So in this scenario he ends upgetting whooped by this guy.
The girlfriend gets on and sayshow annoyed she was about how
he was saying all night that hewas going to be keeping it real
and all of that, and so then shejumps into the fight to fight
(05:39):
the boyfriend as well.
At the end of the skit thegirlfriend leaves with the guy
who just whooped her boyfriend,so he ends up having to move
back to his grandmother's houseand then, because of the
embarrassment of him gettingwhooped by a dude and his girl,
then nobody wants to date himand he ends up alone.
(05:59):
So again, it's obviously crazyscenario.
So again, it's obviously crazyscenario.
But I'm sure we've all been outeither dating somebody or our
significant other and weautomatically think somebody is
either looking at them a certainway, or they want them, or
they're trying to take them, orwhatever.
(06:21):
You know, you thought like thatbefore.
So at this point it was truly amoment for him to realize and
think why is he quote unquotekeeping it real with this guy
who truly didn't do much but saya few words to the girlfriend?
He didn't touch her in any way,he didn't really go as far as
(06:44):
being disrespectful to her, buthe himself felt disrespected.
Instead of fighting with thisguy who had he had no idea Like
in this scenario the guy justhad hands.
But in a different scenario,what if the guy has a gun?
Or what if the guy decides tofollow you home?
I mean, come on like you don'tknow this person.
(07:05):
So, instead of getting into itwith this person, he should have
took a step back, tried tothink why that bothered him so
much, and it probably hadsomething to do with him being
insecure for whatever reason,whether the reason was his
relationship, the person he's ina relationship with, whatever
behavior they've displayed inthe past, or an insecurity
(07:29):
within himself.
Maybe he feels like he is notas good looking, or maybe he
doesn't have as much as thisother person, or maybe, you know
, whatever the case is, maybe hefeels like he's probably doing
something, so she's probablydoing something.
I mean, the insecurity couldcome from anywhere he would need
to deal with that Really inthis scenario.
(07:51):
It's one of those things wherethere was nothing to keep it
real about In this scenario.
He should have been keeping itreal with himself because it was
something internal.
He needed to be honest withhimself, deal with whatever it
was that was bothering himinside.
But fighting the guy wasn'tgoing to fix whatever it is that
(08:12):
he was dealing with from within.
Okay, so scenario three we haveBrenda.
She's watching TV with a friendat home and her phone rings, so
she picks it up.
Brenda gets upset because theyhung up.
She says to her friend I don'tlike people playing on my phone.
Her friend then says just letit go, it's no big deal,
probably just the wrong number.
(08:32):
Brenda repeats no, I don't likepeople playing on my phone.
It wasn't about people playingon her phone, but Brenda was
actually suspicious that herboyfriend was cheating on her,
so she kind of felt like it wasthe other woman calling and they
hung up because her boyfrienddidn't answer.
So she starts 69, the personFor you young people that don't
(08:56):
know, star 69 is something weused to do back in the day when
we did not have caller ID and itsimply calls the last number
that called you back caller IDand it simply calls the last
number that called you back.
So she starts 69 and a womanpicks up the phone just says I'm
sorry, didn't realize I had thewrong number hangs up.
But our girl, brenda, is notsatisfied with that response and
(09:17):
she's still thinking this isthe other woman and she's upset.
She has her.
I'm going to keep it realmoment.
So she goes on to look up thecaller, finds her address and
goes to her home.
She sees her car outside,proceeds to vandalize the car,
smashing windows, throwing paint, all that stuff.
(09:37):
The caller comes out and she'slike it was the wrong number.
I was trying to call my aunt.
So Brenda is like really upsetand is cussing at the girl and
says forget you and forget youraunt.
Obviously she didn't say suchnice words, but that's pretty
much what happens and then sheleaves.
(09:59):
Well, what Brenda didn't knowis that that wasn't the caller's
car.
It was her brother's car andher brother is a federal agent
and the car is federal propertyand defacing a government
vehicle is considered a crime.
So you will go to jail.
And so Brenda does go to jail.
Brenda is put into jail for sixyears.
(10:20):
At the end of the skit they showthe boyfriend.
He was in fact cheating, factcheating.
However, he was cheating withthe friend, the same friend that
she was sitting down watchingtv with.
Now brenda's in jail, herboyfriend is at the house still
and he is still with the friendthat he was cheating with.
Anyway, this scenario I feellike man or woman you can relate
(10:44):
to, because I'm sure some menout there who you have fought a
dude, done all kinds of things,and that woman was probably
cheating on you with like a bestfriend.
So I know y'all can relate towomen for sure.
We we have all been here.
So for this moment this couldhave all gone a few different
(11:07):
ways.
Brenda was keeping it real withthe wrong person, obviously
because this girl had nothing todo with the boyfriend, but
beside that, she was keeping itreal with the girl.
She wasn't telling herboyfriend.
So once she received this callif she just waited, talked to
her boyfriend and said, hey, Ireceived this call, I feel kind
(11:29):
of insecure about where ourrelationship is.
You know, this is my concern.
This and why these are myconcerns, whether it's
insecurity, whatever, whateversituation you're in or have been
in At that point, yes,depending on the character of
the boyfriend, he can go aheadand tell her if there is
something going on.
(11:50):
He can try to help her throughher insecurity by reassuring her
and maybe getting to the rootas to why she's so insecure
about these things, whether it'ssomething past or if it's
something that happened withintheir past.
Or he can just lie and say hedon't know what she's talking
about.
At that point you have to lookat the person that you're with,
(12:11):
deal with the situation, try tofind out why you have these
insecurities and make changes inyour life.
If you have that insecurity,there's probably a reason why
that's there, maybe just waitingbecause you know, everything
that you do comes to light.
You can lie to somebody, butit's going to come to light at
the time that it needs to.
We don't even have to golooking for it sometimes.
(12:33):
But Brenda would rather blamethe wrong person, which would be
fighting on the girl that he'scheating with.
Now you might think well, theyare willing participants in the
cheating, but one you don't knowthat Men and women be out here
lying, saying that they aresingle All kinds of crazy
stories that everyone comes upwith in order to make it seem
(12:56):
like they truly are single.
And people have a whole familythat they live with, or they
have a girlfriend all kinds ofthings Y'all like this is not
new to us.
So one the other woman holds noloyalty and they hold nothing
in this race because it'sbetween you and the person that
(13:18):
you're with.
As I mentioned, they might noteven know.
So you fight the girl thatthey're cheating with, then what
?
That's not going to get rid ofthe girl.
I mean it might.
But then if this is the type ofperson that you're with, don't
you think there's other peoplethat will come behind them?
There is scenarios that aredifferent, and that's not what
(13:40):
I'm talking about, because thisis not really about cheating.
This is about the whole keepingit real thing.
So I'm not going to get intothe scenarios right now, but in
this scenario, keeping it realwould have meant her keeping it
real first with herself.
What type of man are youdealing with?
Two, keeping it real with yourpartner, telling them what
you're feeling.
Three, not blaming someone whohas nothing to do with the
(14:05):
situation, because they are oneand could just be one of many
Moving on from a situation thatwill put you again, this is a
worst case scenario, but ithappens.
Y'all, like you could beputting yourself in a dangerous
situation where maybe you're notdefacing a government vehicle,
(14:29):
but maybe you end up in ashootout with somebody over
somebody that holds no value andis probably holding you back in
life.
So keep it real with yourselffirst, about who it is that
you're dealing with, and theykeep it real with that person
and then go from there.
(14:49):
Okay y'all.
So these are all funnyscenarios and obviously they're
worst case scenarios, but I'msure we can all identify to at
least one of these, if not allof them.
Now, keeping it real withsomeone is truthfully just
keeping it honest, with noalternate agenda or with
something to do that you havegoing on inside and then
(15:10):
projecting it onto others orgoing off on people.
That's not keeping it real.
Keeping it real is abouthonesty.
It's about you wanting to helpthat person improve and you're
coming from a place of love,wanting the best for them and
just maybe opening their eyes tosomething that they didn't see.
(15:31):
But it's not about criticizingthat person or making them feel
bad or less than it's trulyneeds to come from a helpful
place or, depending on thesituation, a place of honesty,
like I just want to be honestwith you about this, that and
the third, and it's not meant tohurt your feelings, but I just
(15:51):
have to be honest with you aboutthe situation.
You can keep it real withsomeone if you're dating them
and you don't feel like it'sreally working out.
You guys don't really see eyeto eye.
That's keeping it real.
You're not trying to hurt them,but you're simply trying to be
honest so that you don't keepdragging them along into
(16:12):
thinking that is something thatit's not.
I've had people in the past tellme like hey, I'm dating, but
I'm not looking for anythingserious.
There's nothing wrong with that, because that person is just
being honest.
It's bad whenever a person ispursuing you and trying to make
you feel like you know they wantsomething that they truly don't
see in their life at thatmoment.
Or if you tell a girlfriendlike you need to leave your
(16:36):
boyfriend because he's this,that and the other.
Well, does she need to leaveher boyfriend?
Or are you just single and needyour friend back?
Are you keeping it real in a waywhere you're telling somebody
that they are being a certainway because something they said
(16:56):
is hurting your feelingspersonally, even though they
were saying that about somebodyelse, then you should probably
tell that person hey, what yousaid, it hurts me because of
this reason.
Do you feel that way about metoo?
So, even in a scenario wherethe other person is kind of like
being messed up and sayingsomething not the nicest way but
(17:19):
you are actually keeping itreal, not because of the person
that they're saying it about.
Keeping it real not because ofthe person that they're saying
it about, but because of you.
So you need to keep it real andtell them the things that
you're actually thinking, sothat that person can see what
they're doing and also see howit's hurting not someone random,
(17:39):
but it's hurting you personally.
It has to come from a place oflove, concern and wanting the
better for another person.
It cannot be for self-serving,selfish reasons.
If something is bothering you,you can tell somebody in a way
where it's still respectful andgrown up and mature.
(18:02):
That's keeping it real.
He should say something becausehe needs to set an expectation
for the person and let them knowthat that's not something he's
really okay with and that's fine, but saying it in a respectful
way where he doesn't make acomplete fool of himself, and we
(18:25):
often do that.
We keep it real in a way wherewe're going off being all
combative, argumentative,defensive.
That's not the best way to dothat.
Okay, so what if you'rethinking to yourself well, there
has been times where I've keptit real and I was coming from a
good place.
I know that's happened to mebefore, actually a few times,
(18:46):
happens to me.
All the time I will tellsomebody hey, maybe if you try
this for what you're goingthrough, it might be helpful.
That's just a suggestion.
Of course you do what you thinkis best.
One thing I tend to do wheneverI'm talking to somebody they are
(19:06):
either venting or you knowwhatever they have going on I
will ask first do you want me tosay anything or do you just
want me to listen?
And the person will say justlisten or no, please go ahead,
say something.
So if they do want me to saysomething, I will ask them
questions first, Like have youtried this?
(19:28):
If you have tried it, why doyou think it didn't work out?
Or have you thought about thisperspective, or whatever the
scenario is.
I just try to get the person toget to a place where they kind
of start to see things on theirown, because that's often easier
.
Now, if there is something thatI want to tell someone that I
(19:52):
have been concerned about, Iwill say I am a little concerned
and it kind of sounds like thisis something you're kind of
going through.
I always tell them that I carefor them and I just want the
best for them, and just becauseI see something a certain way
doesn't mean that it's the rightway.
(20:14):
It's just a differentperspective, my perspective, and
they can take it or leave it.
They don't have to accept whatI'm saying.
However, no matter how nice,caring and careful you are when
you're talking to someone, wecannot change how someone is
going to receive what we aredelivering to them.
So we must remember that, atthe end of everything, you can
(20:38):
tell someone with concern, love,you can be coming from the best
place of benefit to them, butif it's a truth that they're not
ready to hear, they're notgoing to receive it, and it will
be up to them at that pointwhen they receive that truth and
when they apply it.
If ever, as always, we can onlycontrol ourselves.
(21:00):
So our part is to deliver it ina way where we are not just
saying it in a nice way andputting it in a pretty way.
We have to actually feel insideand make sure that we're coming
from a loving and thoughtfulplace.
Not just saying it, but alsomake sure that that's truly
(21:21):
where we're coming from, so thatwe don't end up saying
something that is actually to dowith us and not the person we
are trying to come to.
So, guys, in closing, checkyourself Are you being real with
you, about why you're beingreal with others?
And that's the question youneed to ask yourself before you
start being real.
(21:42):
Next week, we are going to talkabout how do we handle when
others keep it real with us.
That is what I'm going to leaveyou guys with today.
Thank you for spending timewith me.
I hope that you guys enjoyedtoday's episode and it's like I
said go look up the skit onYouTube.
It's so funny.
If you would give us a followIG TikTok I have Snapchat, all
(22:07):
of that Let me know if you haveany comments, any suggestions.
I'm always open to learningfrom anyone and everyone.
If no one else has told youtoday, just remember that you
are loved, you're enough and youare never alone.
I love you guys so much and I'mgoing to see you next week.
You better check yourself before you break
yourself.
You better check yourselfbefore you break yourself.
Do not let any unwholesome talkcome out of your mouths, but
only what is helpful forbuilding others up according to
their needs, that it may benefitthose who listen.
Ephesians 4 29.
(00:22):
Are you being real with youabout why you're being real with
others?
Hey, what's up you guys?
Welcome back to Check Yourselfwith Hardly.
Thank you for being here withme today and spending some time
with me.
I pray that you are having avery peaceful day, that you will
continue on with a peacefulweek.
So today's episode is going tobe when keeping it real goes
(00:43):
wrong, and this was inspired bya comedy skit that I saw on the
Chappelle show years ago.
I just happened to remember itbecause it related to.
It was related to something Iwas kind of thinking about
recently.
I was thinking about how we'relike all out here like keeping
it real or we're keeping it 100.
(01:03):
And we often think that we'rekeeping things real, but maybe
there's an underlining cause forthat and maybe we aren't really
keeping it real.
And the best way possible.
So we're going to look at threedifferent scenarios from the
skit.
Obviously it's a comedy, so thescenario goes from like zero to
a hundred and it's super worstcase scenario at the end.
(01:26):
But I'm sure we can all relateto at least one of these
scenarios in some sort of way.
Okay so, first scenario this isa self-made man.
He has came from nothing,worked really hard, got into a
prestigious school, works hisway up, has a high position in
(01:46):
his career.
They're in the middle of aboard meeting and it's coming to
an end.
One of his mentors, who heactually likes, goes to high
five him.
So at this moment in the skitthere is a pause.
The person asks themselvesabout if they need to keep it
real.
So it's funny because Imentioned about how I stopped
myself to check myself.
(02:07):
But in this scenario theyweren't really checking
themselves.
They were just more like I'mgoing to keep it real, but
didn't really try to think aboutwhy they were keeping it real
or what they were about to keepit real in what way.
So he goes on to get reallyupset and tells him to shake his
hand like a man and don't youknow, treat him like a kid and
(02:29):
all this stuff, but not in likea nice productive way.
He's just kind of like goingoff and starts flipping off
tables, cussing and just doingthe most.
So at the end of the skit heends up losing his job.
He ends up just losingeverything he had worked so hard
for.
And they show him working on agas station.
(02:49):
The person tries to tip them.
Tip him a few cents and hetakes them and he's like what am
I supposed to do with this?
I got kids to feed tosses.
The money, he's like and that'sreal, so it's really funny.
You guys should look it up onYouTube.
So if we look at that scenariofrom a realistic perspective,
(03:09):
I'm sure all of us have been ina situation where we feel like
we are being disrespected.
We have worked very hard wherewe're at or where we've gotten
to and people just still kind oflook at us like you know our
past or where we came from, orwhatever the case is.
Or if you're a man, you tend tofeel like you know you're not
(03:31):
getting the respect that youdeserve, the respect that you
have, that you feel like you'veearned.
However, at this moment,instead of going off getting
upset, getting into an argumentand making kind of a complete
fool of himself and losingeverything, it would have been
just the same if he had finishedthe meeting, maybe waited until
(03:54):
he cooled off, felt better,thought about the situation,
maybe thought about why thisperson gestured the high five as
opposed to a handshake, whichhe felt would be more
respectable.
But these people knew eachother, so you would think he
probably just felt like you knowthey were in a more comfortable
(04:14):
type of friendship or whateverthe person was thinking.
But that's why you stop and youthink what could the other
person have been thinking, evenif that was what they were
thinking?
But you still do not feelcomfortable with the situation.
Then you pull that person asideafter you've cooled off and
you're in a more sane place andtell them hey, I did not
(04:36):
appreciate the gesture.
I feel like I have earned thesame respect as any other man
and I would like to shake handsas a man, and that would have
been the end of that.
Okay, y'all.
So second scenario so this guy'sout on a date with his
girlfriend.
They're at a party I can'tremember what he said exactly
but the guy feels disrespected.
(04:57):
He feels like why is he talkingto his girlfriend?
Has the same moment of I'mgoing to keep it.
Real Proceed.
Has the same moment of I'mgoing to keep it real proceeds
to start a fight with this guywho just hit on his girlfriend.
The guy that was hitting on hisgirlfriend was a third degree
black belt and he was purposelygoing around trying to start a
(05:18):
fight with someone to practicehis skills.
So in this scenario he ends upgetting whooped by this guy.
The girlfriend gets on and sayshow annoyed she was about how
he was saying all night that hewas going to be keeping it real
and all of that, and so then shejumps into the fight to fight
(05:39):
the boyfriend as well.
At the end of the skit thegirlfriend leaves with the guy
who just whooped her boyfriend,so he ends up having to move
back to his grandmother's houseand then, because of the
embarrassment of him gettingwhooped by a dude and his girl,
then nobody wants to date himand he ends up alone.
(05:59):
So again, it's obviously crazyscenario.
So again, it's obviously crazyscenario.
But I'm sure we've all been outeither dating somebody or our
significant other and weautomatically think somebody is
either looking at them a certainway, or they want them, or
they're trying to take them, orwhatever.
(06:21):
You know, you thought like thatbefore.
So at this point it was truly amoment for him to realize and
think why is he quote unquotekeeping it real with this guy
who truly didn't do much but saya few words to the girlfriend?
He didn't touch her in any way,he didn't really go as far as
(06:44):
being disrespectful to her, buthe himself felt disrespected.
Instead of fighting with thisguy who had he had no idea Like
in this scenario the guy justhad hands.
But in a different scenario,what if the guy has a gun?
Or what if the guy decides tofollow you home?
I mean, come on like you don'tknow this person.
(07:05):
So, instead of getting into itwith this person, he should have
took a step back, tried tothink why that bothered him so
much, and it probably hadsomething to do with him being
insecure for whatever reason,whether the reason was his
relationship, the person he's ina relationship with, whatever
behavior they've displayed inthe past, or an insecurity
(07:29):
within himself.
Maybe he feels like he is notas good looking, or maybe he
doesn't have as much as thisother person, or maybe, you know
, whatever the case is, maybe hefeels like he's probably doing
something, so she's probablydoing something.
I mean, the insecurity couldcome from anywhere he would need
to deal with that Really inthis scenario.
(07:51):
It's one of those things wherethere was nothing to keep it
real about In this scenario.
He should have been keeping itreal with himself because it was
something internal.
He needed to be honest withhimself, deal with whatever it
was that was bothering himinside.
But fighting the guy wasn'tgoing to fix whatever it is that
(08:12):
he was dealing with from within.
Okay, so scenario three we haveBrenda.
She's watching TV with a friendat home and her phone rings, so
she picks it up.
Brenda gets upset because theyhung up.
She says to her friend I don'tlike people playing on my phone.
Her friend then says just letit go, it's no big deal,
probably just the wrong number.
(08:32):
Brenda repeats no, I don't likepeople playing on my phone.
It wasn't about people playingon her phone, but Brenda was
actually suspicious that herboyfriend was cheating on her,
so she kind of felt like it wasthe other woman calling and they
hung up because her boyfrienddidn't answer.
So she starts 69, the personFor you young people that don't
(08:56):
know, star 69 is something weused to do back in the day when
we did not have caller ID and itsimply calls the last number
that called you back caller IDand it simply calls the last
number that called you back.
So she starts 69 and a womanpicks up the phone just says I'm
sorry, didn't realize I had thewrong number hangs up.
But our girl, brenda, is notsatisfied with that response and
(09:17):
she's still thinking this isthe other woman and she's upset.
She has her.
I'm going to keep it realmoment.
So she goes on to look up thecaller, finds her address and
goes to her home.
She sees her car outside,proceeds to vandalize the car,
smashing windows, throwing paint, all that stuff.
(09:37):
The caller comes out and she'slike it was the wrong number.
I was trying to call my aunt.
So Brenda is like really upsetand is cussing at the girl and
says forget you and forget youraunt.
Obviously she didn't say suchnice words, but that's pretty
much what happens and then sheleaves.
(09:59):
Well, what Brenda didn't knowis that that wasn't the caller's
car.
It was her brother's car andher brother is a federal agent
and the car is federal propertyand defacing a government
vehicle is considered a crime.
So you will go to jail.
And so Brenda does go to jail.
Brenda is put into jail for sixyears.
(10:20):
At the end of the skit they showthe boyfriend.
He was in fact cheating, factcheating.
However, he was cheating withthe friend, the same friend that
she was sitting down watchingtv with.
Now brenda's in jail, herboyfriend is at the house still
and he is still with the friendthat he was cheating with.
Anyway, this scenario I feellike man or woman you can relate
(10:44):
to, because I'm sure some menout there who you have fought a
dude, done all kinds of things,and that woman was probably
cheating on you with like a bestfriend.
So I know y'all can relate towomen for sure.
We we have all been here.
So for this moment this couldhave all gone a few different
(11:07):
ways.
Brenda was keeping it real withthe wrong person, obviously
because this girl had nothing todo with the boyfriend, but
beside that, she was keeping itreal with the girl.
She wasn't telling herboyfriend.
So once she received this callif she just waited, talked to
her boyfriend and said, hey, Ireceived this call, I feel kind
(11:29):
of insecure about where ourrelationship is.
You know, this is my concern.
This and why these are myconcerns, whether it's
insecurity, whatever, whateversituation you're in or have been
in At that point, yes,depending on the character of
the boyfriend, he can go aheadand tell her if there is
something going on.
(11:50):
He can try to help her throughher insecurity by reassuring her
and maybe getting to the rootas to why she's so insecure
about these things, whether it'ssomething past or if it's
something that happened withintheir past.
Or he can just lie and say hedon't know what she's talking
about.
At that point you have to lookat the person that you're with,
(12:11):
deal with the situation, try tofind out why you have these
insecurities and make changes inyour life.
If you have that insecurity,there's probably a reason why
that's there, maybe just waitingbecause you know, everything
that you do comes to light.
You can lie to somebody, butit's going to come to light at
the time that it needs to.
We don't even have to golooking for it sometimes.
(12:33):
But Brenda would rather blamethe wrong person, which would be
fighting on the girl that he'scheating with.
Now you might think well, theyare willing participants in the
cheating, but one you don't knowthat Men and women be out here
lying, saying that they aresingle All kinds of crazy
stories that everyone comes upwith in order to make it seem
(12:56):
like they truly are single.
And people have a whole familythat they live with, or they
have a girlfriend all kinds ofthings Y'all like this is not
new to us.
So one the other woman holds noloyalty and they hold nothing
in this race because it'sbetween you and the person that
(13:18):
you're with.
As I mentioned, they might noteven know.
So you fight the girl thatthey're cheating with, then what
?
That's not going to get rid ofthe girl.
I mean it might.
But then if this is the type ofperson that you're with, don't
you think there's other peoplethat will come behind them?
There is scenarios that aredifferent, and that's not what
(13:40):
I'm talking about, because thisis not really about cheating.
This is about the whole keepingit real thing.
So I'm not going to get intothe scenarios right now, but in
this scenario, keeping it realwould have meant her keeping it
real first with herself.
What type of man are youdealing with?
Two, keeping it real with yourpartner, telling them what
you're feeling.
Three, not blaming someone whohas nothing to do with the
(14:05):
situation, because they are oneand could just be one of many
Moving on from a situation thatwill put you again, this is a
worst case scenario, but ithappens.
Y'all, like you could beputting yourself in a dangerous
situation where maybe you're notdefacing a government vehicle,
(14:29):
but maybe you end up in ashootout with somebody over
somebody that holds no value andis probably holding you back in
life.
So keep it real with yourselffirst, about who it is that
you're dealing with, and theykeep it real with that person
and then go from there.
(14:49):
Okay y'all.
So these are all funnyscenarios and obviously they're
worst case scenarios, but I'msure we can all identify to at
least one of these, if not allof them.
Now, keeping it real withsomeone is truthfully just
keeping it honest, with noalternate agenda or with
something to do that you havegoing on inside and then
(15:10):
projecting it onto others orgoing off on people.
That's not keeping it real.
Keeping it real is abouthonesty.
It's about you wanting to helpthat person improve and you're
coming from a place of love,wanting the best for them and
just maybe opening their eyes tosomething that they didn't see.
(15:31):
But it's not about criticizingthat person or making them feel
bad or less than it's trulyneeds to come from a helpful
place or, depending on thesituation, a place of honesty,
like I just want to be honestwith you about this, that and
the third, and it's not meant tohurt your feelings, but I just
(15:51):
have to be honest with you aboutthe situation.
You can keep it real withsomeone if you're dating them
and you don't feel like it'sreally working out.
You guys don't really see eyeto eye.
That's keeping it real.
You're not trying to hurt them,but you're simply trying to be
honest so that you don't keepdragging them along into
(16:12):
thinking that is something thatit's not.
I've had people in the past tellme like hey, I'm dating, but
I'm not looking for anythingserious.
There's nothing wrong with that, because that person is just
being honest.
It's bad whenever a person ispursuing you and trying to make
you feel like you know they wantsomething that they truly don't
see in their life at thatmoment.
Or if you tell a girlfriendlike you need to leave your
(16:36):
boyfriend because he's this,that and the other.
Well, does she need to leaveher boyfriend?
Or are you just single and needyour friend back?
Are you keeping it real in a waywhere you're telling somebody
that they are being a certainway because something they said
(16:56):
is hurting your feelingspersonally, even though they
were saying that about somebodyelse, then you should probably
tell that person hey, what yousaid, it hurts me because of
this reason.
Do you feel that way about metoo?
So, even in a scenario wherethe other person is kind of like
being messed up and sayingsomething not the nicest way but
(17:19):
you are actually keeping itreal, not because of the person
that they're saying it about.
Keeping it real not because ofthe person that they're saying
it about, but because of you.
So you need to keep it real andtell them the things that
you're actually thinking, sothat that person can see what
they're doing and also see howit's hurting not someone random,
(17:39):
but it's hurting you personally.
It has to come from a place oflove, concern and wanting the
better for another person.
It cannot be for self-serving,selfish reasons.
If something is bothering you,you can tell somebody in a way
where it's still respectful andgrown up and mature.
(18:02):
That's keeping it real.
He should say something becausehe needs to set an expectation
for the person and let them knowthat that's not something he's
really okay with and that's fine, but saying it in a respectful
way where he doesn't make acomplete fool of himself, and we
(18:25):
often do that.
We keep it real in a way wherewe're going off being all
combative, argumentative,defensive.
That's not the best way to dothat.
Okay, so what if you'rethinking to yourself well, there
has been times where I've keptit real and I was coming from a
good place.
I know that's happened to mebefore, actually a few times,
(18:46):
happens to me.
All the time I will tellsomebody hey, maybe if you try
this for what you're goingthrough, it might be helpful.
That's just a suggestion.
Of course you do what you thinkis best.
One thing I tend to do wheneverI'm talking to somebody they are
(19:06):
either venting or you knowwhatever they have going on I
will ask first do you want me tosay anything or do you just
want me to listen?
And the person will say justlisten or no, please go ahead,
say something.
So if they do want me to saysomething, I will ask them
questions first, Like have youtried this?
(19:28):
If you have tried it, why doyou think it didn't work out?
Or have you thought about thisperspective, or whatever the
scenario is.
I just try to get the person toget to a place where they kind
of start to see things on theirown, because that's often easier
.
Now, if there is something thatI want to tell someone that I
(19:52):
have been concerned about, Iwill say I am a little concerned
and it kind of sounds like thisis something you're kind of
going through.
I always tell them that I carefor them and I just want the
best for them, and just becauseI see something a certain way
doesn't mean that it's the rightway.
(20:14):
It's just a differentperspective, my perspective, and
they can take it or leave it.
They don't have to accept whatI'm saying.
However, no matter how nice,caring and careful you are when
you're talking to someone, wecannot change how someone is
going to receive what we aredelivering to them.
So we must remember that, atthe end of everything, you can
(20:38):
tell someone with concern, love,you can be coming from the best
place of benefit to them, butif it's a truth that they're not
ready to hear, they're notgoing to receive it, and it will
be up to them at that pointwhen they receive that truth and
when they apply it.
If ever, as always, we can onlycontrol ourselves.
(21:00):
So our part is to deliver it ina way where we are not just
saying it in a nice way andputting it in a pretty way.
We have to actually feel insideand make sure that we're coming
from a loving and thoughtfulplace.
Not just saying it, but alsomake sure that that's truly
(21:21):
where we're coming from, so thatwe don't end up saying
something that is actually to dowith us and not the person we
are trying to come to.
So, guys, in closing, checkyourself Are you being real with
you, about why you're beingreal with others?
And that's the question youneed to ask yourself before you
start being real.
(21:42):
Next week, we are going to talkabout how do we handle when
others keep it real with us.
That is what I'm going to leaveyou guys with today.
Thank you for spending timewith me.
I hope that you guys enjoyedtoday's episode and it's like I
said go look up the skit onYouTube.
It's so funny.
If you would give us a followIG TikTok I have Snapchat, all
(22:07):
of that Let me know if you haveany comments, any suggestions.
I'm always open to learningfrom anyone and everyone.
If no one else has told youtoday, just remember that you
are loved, you're enough and youare never alone.
I love you guys so much and I'mgoing to see you next week.
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