Episode Transcript
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Adam Lamb (00:01):
Here's another one!
Knives down, aprons off.
The last table is served,the station is broken down.
Everything's put away,your inventory is complete.
And now it's time to meet meon the back dock, where all the
most important meetings are held.
We shall!
Take a deep breath and enjoy a job.
Well done.
At ease, kick off your clouds,smoke them if you got them.
(00:23):
What a nice cold beverage.
Smooth can of Asheville owned,archetype, brewing, cowboy poet.
Now let's get to the good stuff.
Erin Boyle (00:34):
Oh, yes.
Adam Lamb (00:39):
What do you think have
been the biggest challenges so far in
growing this particular program, Erin?
I mean, or is it just growing sofast that, that that's the problem?
Erin Boyle (00:51):
It's not
one or the other, right?
So we're, we're, we're,we're growing fast.
That has its challenges.
We are also still workingagainst the system and stigma.
I'll go to a restaurant, go to their preshift, introduce chow, our resources.
(01:11):
I'll introduce the resourcesfrom the restaurant association,
from the given kitchen.
From not 9 to 5, so that peopleknow where their resources are.
And that we're not theanswer for everything.
And I would say, depending on theorganization, there's anywhere
between 10 and 50 percent of theroom kind of rolling their eyes
(01:32):
or, or they're just uncomfortablewith being in the conversation.
We've also, like we said earlier,there's a lot of not even older
folks, but people who like.
The industry, the way it is, the piratesthat, and I, I feel like you can still
be a bad ass pirate and be healthy.
(01:54):
They're not mutually exclusive,but I think we've gotten into this.
No, it has to be like this.
There has to be ass slapping.
There has to be, um, misogyny inorder for us to feel like pirates.
So I think that's one of thebiggest hurdles is that for change
to happen, people need to knowthat there's an alternative.
(02:14):
And in order for them to knowthere's an alternative, they need to
acknowledge that there's a problem.
So, we're in that stage of, of trying toeducate folks that there are other ways.
And I, and I think that's reallyhard because we're, we're grassroots
organization, we're going doorto door to restaurants to tell
(02:35):
people that this is available.
And it's, it just takes a reallylong time and it takes more than
a handful of folks that we have
working.
Adam Lamb (02:44):
And so what spoke to
you about this organization or this
effort that you decide to make thissuch a large part of your life?
Erin Boyle (02:54):
So.
There's a lot of things.
Um, I have friends and family in theindustry that have attempted suicide.
I've had friends that I lost to overdose.
I also personally have been diagnosedwith anxiety, depression, PTSD and,
um, ADHD and while I was working.
(03:18):
In restaurants, I didn't know that.
So all I knew is that somedays were really hard.
Some weeks were reallyhard and it seemed like.
I just couldn't catch up.
So all these things togetherwhen I heard about chow.
And people actually talking about the,by then I had already been diagnosed, um.
(03:40):
And I had the, the luxury of,I transitioned to teaching and
had a therapist that I found.
So I had the luxury of having atherapist to figure all this out with
and realize that the folks who arestill working in restaurants that aren't
teaching don't have time for this.
So how can we make it more approachable?
So when I heard about Chow,I said, well, that's great.
You have it in Denver,but I live in Boulder.
(04:01):
So let's get one started up there.
And Yeah, I've been with theorganization ever since, so I
hope that answers your question.
Uh, it's a, it's a long road of seeingmyself and the people around me struggle
in ways that I don't think they have to.
Adam Lamb (04:18):
Jazz.
What about you?
What, what are you to the organization?
Jasmin Parks (04:21):
I'm a product of the
great resignation and I love you
calling it the great reset becauseI've, I've never heard that term
used before and it is so accurate.
Yeah.
I'm a third generation chef.
Um, my father's a chef and heparented very much the way that
he led a kitchen full of men.
Um, so I think I wasprimed for the environment.
(04:43):
Unfortunately, I never received anykind of what I would identify now
as impactful or good mentorship.
I learned a lot of toxic traits and I.
Was definitely the person that continuedto propagate the toxic work culture.
I don't think that I was a good mentor.
I don't think that I was a person that waseasy to talk to, but I was very efficient.
(05:06):
I was very goal orientedand very good at my job.
When I left the industry, I.
Saw a post about chow and I reachedout to Aaron and I told her that
I was, uh, doing some work onmyself, transitioning into wellness.
Uh, and I was wonderinghow I could get involved.
Uh, for me, one of the biggest drivingforces is that we're essentially told
(05:29):
that the way that we run kitchens isbased on the military brigade system.
My husband's in the military.
They're, they're given a wingman to takecare of, you know, they're coupled up,
their mental health is based on themworking a specific amount of hours.
And then they have to clock out.
There's incentives for takingcare of your body and for taking
(05:50):
care of your mental health.
And so.
I saw this discrepancy with how supposedlywe're based on the military brigade
system, but that he had such an excellentsupport network around him, and I did
not, so I didn't know where to go.
When I found chow, Iwas incredibly relieved.
Adam Lamb (06:05):
I think it's a cop out when
we say, oh, it's kind of a military
system, although my wife would bethe first to admit that sometimes
when she hears me talk about it, shesays, it sounds like you're going to
war, which, you know, very often itdoes just to your point, you know.
Almost every restaurant tour chefhas always been focused out to
the exterior community, right?
We're the first ones anybody comesto when there's a, when there's,
(06:28):
you know, a hurricane or, you know,there's a benefit and we're always
like, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
That speaks a little bit to, like,the need to be wanted and liked and
appreciated and not having sufficientboundaries to say no every once in
a while, but that's another topic.
My point being is that I thinkwhat we've forgotten is that
there's an internal community.
And so sometimes it's justa shift of perception.
(06:48):
Maybe it's just a word.
You know, now it's not a crew with a K.
Or family, which I don't knowabout you, but families have
kind of a sour taste in my mouth.
But if it's a team who comes around sharedvalues or a certain shared core values,
like I can, I can be down with that.
This is what I'm in here for andactually to commit to that, that
becomes a community and from thecommunity that culture is built because
(07:11):
it's all happening elbow to elbow.
It's not a poster on the wall.
So this whole idea of community,I think, cannot be undersold.
And I just spoke to Chef MariaCampbell from Philadelphia.
And she's done amazing work, youknow, bootstrapping pieces together
for a couple of years, um, in serviceto her, her community of, of, of
(07:32):
hospitality workers in Philadelphia.
And she's, you know, I tip my hat to herbecause I most, I'll just own it and say,
you know, I got a lot going on in my life.
And do I actually have enoughtime to put all this stuff
in my car and drive it down?
And I guess that would only matter,like that decision can only come from.
If I think it's worth it, or Ithink it's like important enough.
(07:54):
Do you know what I mean?
Because there's no goodreason to change none, right?
We can stand around and wait forsomeone else to fix it for us.
But the reality is, is nobody'sgoing to fucking fix this except us.
Erin Boyle (08:05):
This conversation has
inspired me to try to get into the
changes that happened for me becauseI, I was also the, uh, the chef that
threw things and, and yelled, and thenI slowly transitioned to the one that
just took a deep breath because I wasthinking, trying to fix the problem.
(08:27):
And what I heard from my staff was thatwas worse because they're like, now
you're, you're disappointed in, in me.
And, and I was like, okay, so that'snot a great managing tactic either,
but I, I'd like, like nobody,again, it wasn't taught to me.
I just realized at some point that whenI was screaming, nobody could hear me.
They just heard yelling.
Right.
(08:47):
So I want to try to lookback and see what's what.
Changes happen where did I learn todo different so that that that might
be a map for for other folks thatare like, I'm interested in change.
I don't know how to do it.
Right.
Adam Lamb (09:04):
Yeah, I think that's a
fascinating question, especially to
do that kind of sense of inquiry oflike, okay, so, like, can I point
to a particular event or somethingthat happened to me that actually
started shifting my viewpoint where Ithought, you know, this is not working?
You know, what else is out there?
Um, because I've known done a lot of,um, A lot of internal work, especially
(09:27):
because I got to a point where my wifesaid to me, honey, all I want is for you
to be happy with what makes you happy.
And I said, I don't fucking know,because I, in that moment, I couldn't
think of a single goddamn thing.
Now, I think part of me was lying because,of course, there's always something from
an existential standpoint, like justbeing in the kitchen still serve me.
(09:50):
Do I still feel happy there?
Do I know all these plugging myselfmentally into these places and like to
come back and go doesn't make me happy.
And yeah.
If all the places are different,then the only, the only
single factor in that is me.
Like if none of these other placesare going to make me happy, then
is it that is it that their fault?
(10:10):
No, then I got to own it.
And so I think for me, it was 2011.
I was in the island of Tortola,British Virgin Islands.
I had just moved there to take a job andI had the last 10 pills out of a five
year addiction to opioids after two backsurgeries and half a bottle of Brugal rum.
And I looked at myself in themirror, which I couldn't remember
(10:34):
the last time I actually looked.
Yeah.
Like we do it so quick and Ithought I can't, I can't, I
can't fucking keep doing this.
I can't.
I have kids, you know, and I wouldlove to think that I would stop
anything for my children or my wife.
But the reality is I was sounhappy that it had to be about me.
(10:54):
I had to stop believing my own bullshit.
That was it.
Anything my ego wascoming up with tainted.
Thank you for caring.
Fuck you for sharing.
Don't need to hear it right now.
Cause I'm trying to choose somethingother, but, um, it really is, um, the
most subversive thing you can everdo is to do your own work because
(11:14):
from there, anything is possible.
Erin Boyle (11:16):
Yeah.
I mean, I had a similar situation.
I didn't, I, my, and mine was.
Not related to substance use, but I,I looked around me and I realized that
all my relationships, they were all
assholes and I was like, well, thisis, this is before, but I, and I was
(11:38):
like, but these are the people I picked.
I'm an asshole and I don't want todo this anymore, but I didn't have
good adult role models and that'swhat made me look for a therapist.
I again, I wasn't going to fixmy anxiety or depression because
I didn't have words for that.
(11:59):
I went because I wantedto learn how to be.
A better adult.
I wanted to learn how to bein line with my values again.
I wouldn't have been able to saythat before therapy because I
didn't learn it until I was, but,but that's all it took for me.
And I want people to know that.
You don't have to havea rock bottom moment.
(12:19):
You don't have to be staringdown the depths of depression.
You can just not like what'swhat is happening in your life
to what be motivated for change.
And then start askingquestions, get curious.
Well, where can I start?
And that's, that's where I thinkthe chow meetings are a good place.
(12:40):
If there's a bridge to wellness, thechow meetings are the first couple of
planks, a place to kind of step in and go.
I'm not sure what I want, I'm not surewhat's wrong, but I'm not, I'm not great.
And just hear from other peopleabout how their lives are working.
Adam Lamb (13:02):
That's it for this episode
of Chef Life Radio's On The Dock.
Chef, if you're ready to advanceyour culinary career, then let's book
a free discovery call today by...
Going to cheflifecoaching.
com forward slash discovery.
And the link is in the shownotes at chef life radio.
We believe that working in akitchen should be demanding.
It shouldn't have to bedemeaning to be hard.
(13:24):
Just doesn't have to be harsh.
We believe that it's possible to havemore solidarity and less suck it up.
Sunshine, more compassion, lesscutthroat Island, more partnership,
and less put up or shut up.
And we get to have morecommunity and less.
Fuck you.
We shall.
And finally, we believe in you.
Consider for a second, for all theblood, sweat, and tears we put into
(13:47):
what we do, that really, at the end ofthe day, just some stuff on a plate.
None of it really matters, it doesn'tdefine you as a person or make you any
more special or less than anyone else.
It's just a dance that we'reengaged in, so we might as well
laugh and enjoy every bit of it.
Or didn't you know that the purposeof your life should be to enjoy it?
I like your hat, man, I fuckin love it.
(14:10):
I'm going to keep that thebox so I don't live on now.
Stand tall and frostybrothers and sisters.
Until next time, be well and do good.
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, allthe other goddamn social media sites
at ChefLifeRadio, all one word.
Visit us on the website at ChefLifeRadio.
(14:31):
com.
In case you didn't realize it, we justgot our asses kicked in there, man.
This show was written, produced, andrecorded by me, Adam Lamb, at the Dish
Pit Studios in Bardo, North Carolina,and co produced by Thomas Steppenwolf.
On the Dock is a productionof Realignment Media.