May 29, 2024 • 36 mins
2024 1032 “I’m Just A Servant” is John Mc’s story of experience, strength, and hope as he watched and learned life experiences in a strict, conservative home. John shares about his friends taking care of him while he was in the height of his alcoholism, and the support he has received from the rooms of recovery in all aspects of his life and relationships.
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(00:00):
Good morning everyone. Rusty G, alcoholic. This morning I have asked a close friend of mine to be with us and give his story.
(00:12):
John has been sober many years and I've had the pleasure of being in meetings with John and he's in my home group.
In fact, he's the leader of our home group right now. He has done, I can't tell you, I sit back and I watch him, the way that he handles stuff.
He doesn't appear to me to be ever to get upset. I said appear. John's grinning at me. So I just have a lot of respect for this man.
(00:46):
I want him to share with you this morning his experience, strength and hope. So John, welcome.
Thank you. Good morning. I'm John. I'm an alcoholic. Yeah, Rusty and I have known each other for over 30 years and I'm real grateful for our relationship.
That's something that we get. That's just a bonus besides not drinking that we get at Alcoholics Anonymous. We develop relationships.
(01:10):
That's one of the biggest things I'm grateful for besides not having the desire to drink is a relationship with other men and women in the program.
I wasn't one of those guys that my relationship with other people growing up was what can you do for me and what am I going to do for you?
(01:34):
What can I do for you? What am I going to get out of you? And how to walk in with the big ego and all that.
Rusty mentioned that I'm not a leader of a group. AA doesn't have any leaders. I'm just a servant.
I'm there to be a servant to our group and I want to clear that up. AA has no leaders at all.
But anyway, you know, this morning I sat in a room this morning of our home group and had a speaker and listened and at Tim's celebration.
(02:04):
And it's just we get to see miracles happen in this group all the time.
And whether it's five years or somebody picking up a 30 day chip, there's one gentleman that came in today that I've known for years.
And he walked in, a buddy of mine walked him in and he looked at me and I looked at him.
And I knew I've I sense there was a little comfort discomfort when he saw me.
(02:31):
And I said, I just want you to be clear. I've been here for a while.
I'm not sharing your story with anybody that you and I have a relationship with.
And I'm not going to get into all that. But anyway, my story is it's really not it's not very exciting.
I grew up in I grew up in this town and born and raised.
(02:53):
I'm number five of seven kids.
It's interesting that the perception of our family by each of the kids is completely different in our family.
In our extended family, you shake our family tree, there's going to be a bunch of drugs and drug addicts fall out.
And but I didn't even think about that. You know, I didn't think what was normal or abnormal or thinking about the way I was brought up until I walked in the room.
(03:25):
I call it synonymous. There's a separation of about five years between my oldest sister and my younger sister.
And so I was growing up. I was you know, I was a little brother.
And I watched all these people, you know, my older siblings, I watched and learned.
I watched and learned. And they were having so much fun.
(03:47):
But there was one of the biggest factors in all of our lives was our dining room table at dinner with my dad.
Now, my dad was a drunk and he and my oldest brother had a very they had a relationship, one, I think, because it was my dad's namesake.
(04:10):
And my brother probably had some they would have called it attention deficit disorder.
But he was brilliant, very smart, could do anything.
But, you know, I watched all these guys party and we do stuff.
We grew up in the neighborhood where, you know, we rode bikes until it was dark.
We knew when to come home. We didn't ever wore a watch.
(04:32):
But when we walked in the front door, we learned it's better to walk in the back door because if it's on a workday,
Dad will be sitting in that chair in the living room with the cocktail in his hand and you're going to get questioned.
And it wasn't a very comfortable like, hey, what did you do this afternoon?
It was where the hell you been? You know, what did you do?
(04:56):
And anyway, we learned we learned a little avoidance and it got it was kind of funny around the dinner table.
It got to the point where it just got so bad. My dad was very conservative, very strict.
You don't wear jeans on a date. And he loosened up over the years. He did.
Mom finally got him to your lab to drinks. If you don't, if you want more than that, chew your damn ice cubes.
(05:21):
But it was interesting. And, you know, we just, you know, as I watched all this stuff take place, I watched I watched them go out and party.
My mom and dad would be out of town. You know, I'm the little brother.
They'd have parties at the same. The brothers and sisters have parties at the house. I thought, this is really cool.
It wasn't that I didn't feel a part of. I never really had that. You hear that in a lot of people's stories.
(05:45):
I felt they accepted me. But acceptance was, you know, here had let's give John a drink. Have a beer.
And I started drinking young. I was probably twelve, thirteen years old. And I thought this is great.
And it might, you know, it just took off. It took off pretty quick.
And part of my story is, you know, up to about ninth grade, I was involved. I was never really a good student.
(06:10):
But up to about ninth grade, I was always involved in sports. I played basketball, I played football, I played tennis.
You know, I did all that stuff. I went to a good school. Family that I grew up in was pretty well known in Tulsa.
I mean, they're only, I'm going to say, kind of an affluent family. But one thing about my dad, he never wanted any recognition
(06:33):
and wasn't pretentious with what we had compared to some other people. I don't even think my mom knew what we had.
You know, he was just, he was very conservative. And we didn't live a crazy lifestyle. We didn't do extravagant vacations.
We took vacations and they were nice. But we spent a lot of time at the lake and that was great. That was my whole life.
But that was a great place to drink. And I learned that real early too from my family and also my parents.
(07:00):
They go out on the boat, you know, let's drink. And twelve years old, I'm sneaking beers out of the cooler right in front of them.
You know, they're just like, I don't have to like that. I don't care. But anyway, about ninth grade, when I look back at it now,
I started giving up things. I gave up my sports and other issues became more important to me than some of the things I want to be involved in.
(07:27):
And, you know, of course, part of it was drinking. Part of it was girls. I was growing up and girls were changing and boy, they look good.
And so I just, you know, as I look back, I really feel like because my drinking did escalate during high school.
And, you know, back when I went to high school, I mean, we'd do those morning cruises before school and get off and, you know,
(07:50):
smoke stuff and drive around, drink a couple of beers before school and then go do it again at lunch and do it again right after school
and take country cruises and after school and cruise all over the city drinking and never had any consequences.
You know, Dad get pissed off at us every once in a while because he knew something was up, but he never really, I think they were really kind of naive.
(08:11):
But let me backtrack a little bit. When I was 11 years old, my oldest brother got busted for cultivation.
And when that happened, it made both the papers, the newspapers in our community. And he was devastated.
It mentioned him by name, it mentioned the family by name, and it mentioned his company by name and his namesake went to jail.
(08:36):
And my brother grew some good pot, but not by today's standards, but back in those standards back then.
And it was so back at the school I went to, if there was ever anything that happened at school, if any other, if anything was found,
there were a couple moms that said, oh, it's probably that boy because you know his brother.
(08:59):
And I lived under that for a long, long time. I lived under that pressure and under that shadow that was cast over me.
Unfortunately, my brother never got sober. He lived more than half of his life in jail.
But anyway, the reason I say that is because I always swore to myself I wasn't going to be like him.
(09:25):
Now, I never used a needle. I did get a DUI much later, but I swore I wouldn't do the things that he did.
What's the reason I say that? It's just part of my story. But I know what it did to my family. It changed everything.
And I'll never forget the day when I was sitting there. I was sitting there and my mom said to my dad,
(09:53):
you got six other kids. We've got to take care of them. The oldest one's going to be fine. He's in jail.
And that blew me away. And now that I'm in Al-Anon, I understand what she says.
And now that I'm in the rooms of recovery, I understand what she says. And she never stepped rooms. She has no idea back then about Al-Anon.
(10:17):
But anyway, I lived with that shadow. And I don't want to say because of that, but I'm all through high school.
I've always liked the mountains. I've always loved the mountains. I decided—well, two reasons I went to the college
and I went to up in Colorado is one, they accepted my ACT. My grades weren't very good.
(10:38):
And the reason I really wanted to go was because 18 was the legal drinking age. I thought, what a great deal.
I'm going to get away from home. It's going to be 14 hours from home. And I got away and I never looked back.
On my way over here, I've developed some good friends in college. And on my way over here, I was talking to one of my best friends.
(11:03):
And he's really one of my guardian angels all through college. Because when we became friends, we did a lot of stuff.
We went, you know, not just the parties, but we went camping, we went fishing, we did hikes, we climbed, we did everything together.
That's when I found some other issues also in college. But anyway, you know, it's interesting.
(11:26):
I talked to this man probably once a week. And when I got sober, I went up to visit him to go skiing one time.
He lives up in Colorado. And I said, hey, I'm not drinking anymore. And they're just like, oh, thank God.
And I went, what? You guys used to drink the same way I did. He said, John, nobody drank like you. We took care of you.
(11:53):
And he and his wife did take care of me. I do have those glimpses. You know, I drank until I passed out.
But I do have those glimpses, you know, through all those times of camping, you know, my buddy was always there to set up my tent.
He was always there to make sure that, you know, everything got in my car. You know, he was always there with that, I'll drive this time.
(12:14):
And to me, those were just some of the angels that carried me because there's times that I put myself in positions that we did have fun.
But I always thought that he was, you know, he was just like me. And when he said that, I was just like, wow.
And I look back at our friendship now, we still laugh about some of the things we did.
Yeah, God was watching or higher power was watching over us. And and he agrees with that.
(12:40):
But that's a relationship that's lasted since the 70s. And that's really cool.
And his wife and my wife and our boys were about the same age. And, you know, we've done a lot of things together.
And that would have happened if I'd still been drinking. Matter of fact, one thing I had to make amends to that man and his wife
because they got married in probably their senior year of college and I was invited to go.
(13:06):
And I didn't show up and I felt bad about it for years. I felt bad about it for years.
And I look back on it. My priority was not my friendship with him and his wife.
It was more about I don't want to drive there. I don't want to drive to Denver.
I've got better things to do this weekend. And I probably didn't do a damn thing except, you know, pop my tops and poured my scotch.
(13:35):
And that was it. I felt bad about that for a long, long time.
And I said, I need to clear something up. And they just brushed it off.
You know, it's not about you. You know, this is about we've never even thought about it.
But I felt about it. And that's what I've learned in this program is it is a feelings program.
And my friendships and I value when I when I look back on the steps that I've done, the of the 12 steps,
(14:01):
I've taken an inventory and clearing up the wreckage of my past.
Sometimes those things just come about and we've got to do that.
We just have to do that. And we can't do that until we start at step one.
And so anyway, I get to college and I, you know, I swear I'm never moving back home.
(14:22):
I mean, nothing really traumatic happened in college.
I just had a lot of fun. Took me a long time, about five and a half years to get through.
Part of it was because I had a high I had more priorities.
And so during the right after I did graduate, I did get a job.
But I was seeing this girl and ended up visiting her family in Georgia.
(14:46):
I met this man and he said that I like to sail. I grew up sailing my whole life.
And so he liked how I handled his boat.
And he said, I'd like for you to come work for me. Well, I dropped my job.
He called me up and he called me up in April and said, I want you to come work for me and run run run of my concessions.
(15:07):
He rented out Hobie cats and beach chairs and taught sailing and all that stuff because I want you to come work for me.
So that was really a part of my chapter of my life where I really had a lot of fun.
I really did. And I skirted through home on the way out there and dad just went, oh, God.
(15:28):
And I pretty I pretty much ran from those questions from him because I didn't want to have to explain what I was doing.
Stayed out there for about seven months, six months at the time of my life.
It was really to me it was a good experience. You know, of course, everything, you know, I was drinking and using every day.
(15:49):
It was just but it was, you know, every every job that I've had, I associated with people that were I'm drinking and using, you know, and I've heard that from multiple people.
Well, yeah, maybe the army is a good place to drink. Maybe it's a good place to drink.
Nursing school is a good place to drink. Yeah, you know, you hear it all.
Every place is a good place to drink if you're by yourself. And so anyway, on my way back, I stopped at home.
(16:14):
I was heading back to Denver and my brother asked me to come work for him. I said, I'm not working for dad.
I said that before he said, where are you going to work for me? And I said, I'll give it a try. I had no ties to Denver at all.
I didn't have a commitment with the job. I knew I could get a job because just from the experience of all the different jobs I've had.
(16:37):
And so I started working with my brother and he was my he wasn't the oldest one that was in jail.
He was my the next one down. And so Mike and I got really close. We got really, really close.
We worked together. We partied together. We drank. We used. We dated some of the same girls together.
(16:59):
And so with him for about six years, seven years, and it was a good it was a good run. I learned a whole lot.
Of course, every time we were out together, my brother and I have to work balls to the walls no matter what we did.
You know, we're going hot and we're drinking. You know, we're going sailing. We're drinking. We're going water skiing.
(17:21):
We're drinking. We're going to do, you know, whatever we're doing. But we got really, really tight.
He and his wife and their kids, his kids, their kids, even though they got divorced, just became tighter, tighter with him than anybody else in the family.
So my drinking during that time was really taken off. And I met what I thought was the the the love of my life, the love of my life.
(17:46):
She can line out lines on the mirror just as well as I could. And she drank like I could.
A great foundation for a relationship. So we got married and have, you know, got a beautiful daughter.
She's 37 now and sober for five, six years. And she's had her struggles. And I'm not going to get into her story, but I can't tell you this thing.
(18:09):
She's overdosed from from heroin twice. And when that happens to your daughter,
I'm so grateful that I had the rooms of recovery to support me through all that.
You know, anyway, back to my, you know, the foundation of my marriage.
It didn't last. But while I was married to her, it was February 20th, 1989.
(18:37):
My brother died. He was 38 years old.
They theorized that the flu settled in his heart and he didn't make it 10 feet out of bed and just hit the floor.
So I did what I knew how to do to kill the pain.
And I poured more alcohol into my system than I think I ever did on a full weekend, but on a daily basis.
(19:07):
Because I could not stand the pain. I want to backtrack about three years before that.
My dad was diagnosed with cancer. And, you know, dad's got cancer.
OK, we're there for you, dad. And, you know, it's funny.
We rallied around dad. We supported dad.
(19:28):
But there just wasn't the closeness and tightness that we had that I have now with my family.
You know, dad's got cancer. Well, we're there, you know, help mom out. We'll do what we can.
And one thing about our family I mentioned earlier, and this isn't why I'm an alcoholic.
It has nothing to do with anything. But to me, it was perfectly normal.
(19:49):
And I know I'm bouncing around a lot, but I knew my parents loved me.
I knew that we were tight, but we never said we loved each other.
We weren't a huggy family. We just, the kids, we all did our own thing. We just did our own thing.
I will never forget. It was 1988. And so dad had been diagnosed with cancer for about two years.
(20:15):
And it was Christmas. It was probably his last trip.
We didn't know it was his last trip to a place we visited in Colorado.
And we spent Christmas up there. And dad told, I don't know if he told everybody else.
He probably did, but he told me he loved me. I didn't know what to do.
(20:38):
I did not know how to react. I did not know how to hug. I was, I never forget that moment.
But the only time he told me he loved me.
I think about that now because I think he just knew that it was the end of his, he's coming to the end of his time.
And he struggled that holiday because of the elevation and his condition and all that.
(21:00):
So anyway, I go back to my brother Mike after he passed away.
My wife at the time said, you need to get help. Of course, I'm drunk off my ass. I don't need help. I'm fine.
And, you know, here I'm working for the family company and all this. And I wasn't fine.
And so she made a bet. You need to get help.
(21:23):
She worded it in such a way that you need to go to treatment. And she convinced me I needed to go.
Well, I wake up the next day and I'm at a country. I'm at Country View.
East 91st Street. I woke up and just went, what am I doing here? And oh, my God.
(21:44):
I don't even remember walking into the place. You know, I was drunk when they dropped me off.
And, you know, that opened the door for me. That opened the door for me.
And I learned a lot from there.
At 29 days there, though, the facility gets a call and said, John needs to come home.
(22:09):
What's going on? Your dad's dying. I knew he wasn't doing well.
And so the day I got out, April 20th of 1990, 1989, two months after my brother died, my dad passed away.
Mom told me when I walked in that room.
(22:31):
Is the first time dad smiled.
You know, we're over week because he saw me and he knew I was sober.
I'd stuck with me. I don't know whether it's true or not, but.
I went through those two deaths.
(22:52):
One not sober, one sober, not knowing what the hell to do.
I've just had this company landed on my lap and not knowing what the hell to do.
You know, we had a lot of people supervising and advisors and we had a great group of people working for us and all that.
But I was too busy to put to work what I'd learned to treat.
(23:14):
So I did not do what they told me to do in treatment.
I was a big shot. I got to take care of this and my family.
So I stayed sober.
Didn't go to meetings till about October.
And then I had had some time and I met some guys and we went up to go hunting in Colorado.
(23:38):
And, you know, I'm away from everybody.
And boy, I was away and I stayed away.
I stayed away from my friends and just isolated and started drinking again.
Came home all pitty pot.
I started drinking when I was up there. I do. I show you know, just crying.
And anyway, I tried to hide it for a long time.
(24:08):
So that was 1989 in June of 90.
You know, we had a mentioned earlier we had a family place up on the lake.
I got in a boat wreck.
It was my fault. Nobody else was in the boat.
I was drunk and thank God nobody else was in the boat.
You know, I got hurt pretty bad.
(24:31):
And a friend of mine that I'd known was also a priest and he's also in the program.
Came and visited me and said, you need to get back in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.
You need to be there.
He said, God's got a bigger plan for you because by the looks of you
(24:53):
and from your doctor's reports, you're lucky to be here.
And I just looked at him and I said, OK.
So I started going to meetings.
And I went to this little group down in our town and it was a morning meeting.
I really liked it and met my first sponsor there. His name was Buddy.
And I walked in with my nose bandaged up and stitches on my head.
(25:19):
And he said, you got car wreck? And I said, no, but close enough.
I shared my story.
And everybody laughed. I just what the hell they laughing about.
I got my fingers hurt.
But anyway, that was the start of it.
But one thing about one thing about for me is, yeah, I remember I said,
I think when we say we're an alcoholic, something happens to us internally.
(25:41):
There's a transformation that happens.
You know, we walk in the rooms, Alcoholics Anonymous.
We get a new identity with a lot of unlimited possibilities for recovery.
If we take it, why struggled staying sober?
So from June of 90 till February of 91, my birthday is February 24th, 91.
(26:04):
I'd get 28 days and twist off. I could never get a 30 day chip.
Was it because my wife at the time was pouring bottles of wine, you know,
not really hiding it, but wine and, you know, I could always tell when she's
bringing that nose candy in the house and trying to hide it from me.
Well, there goes my sobriety.
(26:25):
But anyway, not to blame it on her, I just wasn't where I needed to be.
And my sponsor said, maybe you should go to two meetings a day.
So I went to two meetings a day.
Well, he said, you don't you.
You need to probably go to three meetings a day.
So I started going three meetings a day.
I struggled from June until of 90, until February of 91.
(26:51):
I walk in every month. I walk in with my I mean, I was going there every day,
but every 28, 29 days, I walk in with my tail between my legs.
I drink again and wine and everybody said, keep coming back.
You're OK. We love you.
They hugged on me and everything else.
I just like I just I was real frustrated.
(27:12):
I just got frustrated again.
Because of work, it took me to we had an office out in West Texas.
And I did a lot of partying out there.
And I held up in a hotel for four days and drank for four days straight.
And that was my last drink.
I came home. I don't know what happened.
(27:34):
I can't explain it, but I just know that I got my 30 day chip.
And once I got my 30 day chip, I'm not going to say it was easy and I never look back.
But something happened then.
And I haven't had a drink since.
Now, I've had a lot of opportunities to drink, especially young and sobriety.
They say don't make any changes.
(27:56):
Well, I filed for divorce.
Well, I didn't file for divorce.
She filed for divorce.
So it's kind of funny.
I used to call her, you know, we talk about praying for those we have a resentment on.
I couldn't say a prayer for my ex-wife at the time.
I was angry.
I called her plaintiff for years.
And finally, my sponsor said she has a name.
And I said, plaintiff works.
(28:18):
And we still laugh about that today.
And we've got a beautiful daughter.
But, you know, I went through a lot of changes and a lot of struggles that first year sobriety and all that.
But, you know, for one, for the people in the meetings like Rusty, Bob M.
I'll never forget when Jonathan walked in, he was all suited up.
(28:42):
I mean, four piece suit and fancy car and Rolex.
And I thought he needs to meet me.
And, you know, now and we're still friends.
Just the friendships that we have here are just absolutely amazing.
If it hadn't been for our colleagues anonymous and being and sticking in these rooms, I wouldn't have what I have today.
(29:06):
I got a Bob story.
I got to tell you when my daughter sent her to treatment and she went to a place in Alabama and she got out and she thrived.
But somehow she didn't.
She started using again.
Well, she picked up like we all do.
We pick up where we left off and I got this call that she's overdosed again.
(29:28):
Well, after the first overdose that happened in her hotel, I was angry.
You know, it's funny, as many years as I've been in Al-Anon, if it's somebody, a friend or reach out to an acquaintance that's got family members, I can be there for them.
But if it's family, that's where I had my most difficult time, my most difficult issues with.
(29:51):
So I called Bob and Bob and I met in the rooms of AA.
We've been friends ever since.
We probably talked to each other at least once a week and we have for over 30 years.
I said, Bob, I don't know what to do.
I said, she's in Alabama and I'm pissed off.
I really don't give a shit if she dies.
I didn't mean it, but that's how I felt.
(30:13):
And he said, what are you going to do?
I said, I don't know.
She's in Alabama.
And he said, well, you know, I'm in Fort Smith and you got to drive down I-40 to go to Alabama.
So you might as well pick me up.
I'm going to take it off work tomorrow and we'll take off for about four days, five days.
And you pick me up and we'll go to Alabama and I'll drive you and I'll go with you and pick you know, we'll go together.
(30:35):
You don't need to do this by yourself.
That's true friendship.
He dropped everything.
And I got in the car.
I didn't want to go.
But I was so grateful for the time that we had in the car.
I'm really grateful for the time we were in the hospital because there were a couple of times he just had to tell me to go outside and smoke a cigarette.
(30:59):
You know, that's what that's what friends do.
And that's what I've learned in here is to, you know, be a service to others.
And I learned all that by there are so many things.
I'm powerless over besides alcohol.
And I'm not going to go through each of the steps because even, you know, a lot of speakers do.
(31:20):
If you want to learn about Alcoholics Anonymous and you want to work the steps, walk in the doors and get a sponsor.
The answer to everything to me, whatever you're dealing with, is in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and also in the 12 and 12.
The other day I got to share on this podcast about sponsorship.
(31:45):
And to me, you know, there's kind of interesting with this panel of people, the different deals, but we're all on the same page.
You know, we're helping others walk through the steps.
That's what a sponsor does.
And that's what my sponsor did for me.
And I'm so grateful for that because I learned so much about my life and I don't have anybody to blame about my drinking.
(32:06):
Not at all.
I don't have anybody to blame. And I'm not blaming anybody for anything.
But that sense of entitlement that I had when I was younger, you know, my higher power has a plan for me.
And it sure is better.
His plan is better for me now than it was when I was out there drinking.
He doesn't, our higher power doesn't want us to be, you know, ruining our bodies and trashing other people.
(32:33):
Our higher power wants to be of service to others.
Our higher power wants us to be available and serve and be loving and compassionate and be a human being.
And that's just some of the things I've learned in here and also how to be a friend.
I'm so grateful.
I got remarried and my wife, not to tell her story, but when we met, you know, we were blending a family, which is really tough.
(33:04):
But we did it. But I'll never forget, you know, when we first started dating, you know, when we first started dating, I was afraid to date somebody.
I hadn't had a date in a year and a half.
I didn't know how to date somebody. And I wanted to do it right.
So we just became friends.
And that developed into a beautiful relationship.
And, you know, my wife's in recovery now, and I'm grateful for that.
(33:29):
She's got her story and we laugh about it with friends where you marry.
She's drank. She drank because you married her.
But, you know, that's not the truth at all.
She's got her story and she had some tragedies and she did the same thing I did.
She covered it up with loss in her family.
(33:50):
She knew the only solution to cover up that dark spot when you have a loss like you have is to use.
And it was hard for both of us.
It was real hard for both of us.
But one thing I'll tell you that all my friends, they never told me to leave her.
If she had had cancer, I wouldn't leave her.
(34:12):
She's sick.
And now we have a we have a marriage that I just, you know, I'm blown away that we can sit in the same rooms at each other and laugh and wink and smile at each other across the table.
And, you know, it's just my life is so good now.
And again, I got to give everything credit to a you know, because of this program, I've also had an opportunity to walk in to the rooms of her church.
(34:38):
I never thought I'd walk back into, you know, I grew up in a Catholic family, but I learned how to kneel, sit and stand.
And that is it. It is the rituals.
I had not did not know until I got into a that I could have a relationship with higher power.
I thought it was something you know, this higher power you talk to on Sundays, you ask for help because of a family member sick or something like that.
(35:03):
But it's so much more than that.
My relationship and my prayers every day and because my sponsor said you got to get used to praying every day.
And sometimes that was just like, God help me not have a drink today.
But I'm able to sit in the church today and be of service in that group.
And my pastor knows my story.
And because of that, I've had the chance to 12 12 step people that are in our church that he said, Would you mind talking to this person?
(35:33):
My life's an open book.
I'm grateful for my sobriety.
I'm grateful for us being Tim today and happy birthday, Tim.
And thank you for letting me share my story.
This has been a production of Children of Chaos dot net.
And we invite you to share your thoughts with us via email to comments at Children of Chaos dot net.
(35:56):
Children of Chaos is a forum to discuss topics related to and in concert with addiction and recovery in America.
It's not affiliated with, endorsed or financed by any recovery or treatment program, organization or institution.
Any views, thoughts or opinions expressed by an individual in this venue are solely that of the individual and do not reflect the views, policies or position of any specific recovery based entity or organization.
Good morning everyone. Rusty G, alcoholic. This morning I have asked a close friend of mine to be with us and give his story.
(00:12):
John has been sober many years and I've had the pleasure of being in meetings with John and he's in my home group.
In fact, he's the leader of our home group right now. He has done, I can't tell you, I sit back and I watch him, the way that he handles stuff.
He doesn't appear to me to be ever to get upset. I said appear. John's grinning at me. So I just have a lot of respect for this man.
(00:46):
I want him to share with you this morning his experience, strength and hope. So John, welcome.
Thank you. Good morning. I'm John. I'm an alcoholic. Yeah, Rusty and I have known each other for over 30 years and I'm real grateful for our relationship.
That's something that we get. That's just a bonus besides not drinking that we get at Alcoholics Anonymous. We develop relationships.
(01:10):
That's one of the biggest things I'm grateful for besides not having the desire to drink is a relationship with other men and women in the program.
I wasn't one of those guys that my relationship with other people growing up was what can you do for me and what am I going to do for you?
(01:34):
What can I do for you? What am I going to get out of you? And how to walk in with the big ego and all that.
Rusty mentioned that I'm not a leader of a group. AA doesn't have any leaders. I'm just a servant.
I'm there to be a servant to our group and I want to clear that up. AA has no leaders at all.
But anyway, you know, this morning I sat in a room this morning of our home group and had a speaker and listened and at Tim's celebration.
(02:04):
And it's just we get to see miracles happen in this group all the time.
And whether it's five years or somebody picking up a 30 day chip, there's one gentleman that came in today that I've known for years.
And he walked in, a buddy of mine walked him in and he looked at me and I looked at him.
And I knew I've I sense there was a little comfort discomfort when he saw me.
(02:31):
And I said, I just want you to be clear. I've been here for a while.
I'm not sharing your story with anybody that you and I have a relationship with.
And I'm not going to get into all that. But anyway, my story is it's really not it's not very exciting.
I grew up in I grew up in this town and born and raised.
(02:53):
I'm number five of seven kids.
It's interesting that the perception of our family by each of the kids is completely different in our family.
In our extended family, you shake our family tree, there's going to be a bunch of drugs and drug addicts fall out.
And but I didn't even think about that. You know, I didn't think what was normal or abnormal or thinking about the way I was brought up until I walked in the room.
(03:25):
I call it synonymous. There's a separation of about five years between my oldest sister and my younger sister.
And so I was growing up. I was you know, I was a little brother.
And I watched all these people, you know, my older siblings, I watched and learned.
I watched and learned. And they were having so much fun.
(03:47):
But there was one of the biggest factors in all of our lives was our dining room table at dinner with my dad.
Now, my dad was a drunk and he and my oldest brother had a very they had a relationship, one, I think, because it was my dad's namesake.
(04:10):
And my brother probably had some they would have called it attention deficit disorder.
But he was brilliant, very smart, could do anything.
But, you know, I watched all these guys party and we do stuff.
We grew up in the neighborhood where, you know, we rode bikes until it was dark.
We knew when to come home. We didn't ever wore a watch.
(04:32):
But when we walked in the front door, we learned it's better to walk in the back door because if it's on a workday,
Dad will be sitting in that chair in the living room with the cocktail in his hand and you're going to get questioned.
And it wasn't a very comfortable like, hey, what did you do this afternoon?
It was where the hell you been? You know, what did you do?
(04:56):
And anyway, we learned we learned a little avoidance and it got it was kind of funny around the dinner table.
It got to the point where it just got so bad. My dad was very conservative, very strict.
You don't wear jeans on a date. And he loosened up over the years. He did.
Mom finally got him to your lab to drinks. If you don't, if you want more than that, chew your damn ice cubes.
(05:21):
But it was interesting. And, you know, we just, you know, as I watched all this stuff take place, I watched I watched them go out and party.
My mom and dad would be out of town. You know, I'm the little brother.
They'd have parties at the same. The brothers and sisters have parties at the house. I thought, this is really cool.
It wasn't that I didn't feel a part of. I never really had that. You hear that in a lot of people's stories.
(05:45):
I felt they accepted me. But acceptance was, you know, here had let's give John a drink. Have a beer.
And I started drinking young. I was probably twelve, thirteen years old. And I thought this is great.
And it might, you know, it just took off. It took off pretty quick.
And part of my story is, you know, up to about ninth grade, I was involved. I was never really a good student.
(06:10):
But up to about ninth grade, I was always involved in sports. I played basketball, I played football, I played tennis.
You know, I did all that stuff. I went to a good school. Family that I grew up in was pretty well known in Tulsa.
I mean, they're only, I'm going to say, kind of an affluent family. But one thing about my dad, he never wanted any recognition
(06:33):
and wasn't pretentious with what we had compared to some other people. I don't even think my mom knew what we had.
You know, he was just, he was very conservative. And we didn't live a crazy lifestyle. We didn't do extravagant vacations.
We took vacations and they were nice. But we spent a lot of time at the lake and that was great. That was my whole life.
But that was a great place to drink. And I learned that real early too from my family and also my parents.
(07:00):
They go out on the boat, you know, let's drink. And twelve years old, I'm sneaking beers out of the cooler right in front of them.
You know, they're just like, I don't have to like that. I don't care. But anyway, about ninth grade, when I look back at it now,
I started giving up things. I gave up my sports and other issues became more important to me than some of the things I want to be involved in.
(07:27):
And, you know, of course, part of it was drinking. Part of it was girls. I was growing up and girls were changing and boy, they look good.
And so I just, you know, as I look back, I really feel like because my drinking did escalate during high school.
And, you know, back when I went to high school, I mean, we'd do those morning cruises before school and get off and, you know,
(07:50):
smoke stuff and drive around, drink a couple of beers before school and then go do it again at lunch and do it again right after school
and take country cruises and after school and cruise all over the city drinking and never had any consequences.
You know, Dad get pissed off at us every once in a while because he knew something was up, but he never really, I think they were really kind of naive.
(08:11):
But let me backtrack a little bit. When I was 11 years old, my oldest brother got busted for cultivation.
And when that happened, it made both the papers, the newspapers in our community. And he was devastated.
It mentioned him by name, it mentioned the family by name, and it mentioned his company by name and his namesake went to jail.
(08:36):
And my brother grew some good pot, but not by today's standards, but back in those standards back then.
And it was so back at the school I went to, if there was ever anything that happened at school, if any other, if anything was found,
there were a couple moms that said, oh, it's probably that boy because you know his brother.
(08:59):
And I lived under that for a long, long time. I lived under that pressure and under that shadow that was cast over me.
Unfortunately, my brother never got sober. He lived more than half of his life in jail.
But anyway, the reason I say that is because I always swore to myself I wasn't going to be like him.
(09:25):
Now, I never used a needle. I did get a DUI much later, but I swore I wouldn't do the things that he did.
What's the reason I say that? It's just part of my story. But I know what it did to my family. It changed everything.
And I'll never forget the day when I was sitting there. I was sitting there and my mom said to my dad,
(09:53):
you got six other kids. We've got to take care of them. The oldest one's going to be fine. He's in jail.
And that blew me away. And now that I'm in Al-Anon, I understand what she says.
And now that I'm in the rooms of recovery, I understand what she says. And she never stepped rooms. She has no idea back then about Al-Anon.
(10:17):
But anyway, I lived with that shadow. And I don't want to say because of that, but I'm all through high school.
I've always liked the mountains. I've always loved the mountains. I decided—well, two reasons I went to the college
and I went to up in Colorado is one, they accepted my ACT. My grades weren't very good.
(10:38):
And the reason I really wanted to go was because 18 was the legal drinking age. I thought, what a great deal.
I'm going to get away from home. It's going to be 14 hours from home. And I got away and I never looked back.
On my way over here, I've developed some good friends in college. And on my way over here, I was talking to one of my best friends.
(11:03):
And he's really one of my guardian angels all through college. Because when we became friends, we did a lot of stuff.
We went, you know, not just the parties, but we went camping, we went fishing, we did hikes, we climbed, we did everything together.
That's when I found some other issues also in college. But anyway, you know, it's interesting.
(11:26):
I talked to this man probably once a week. And when I got sober, I went up to visit him to go skiing one time.
He lives up in Colorado. And I said, hey, I'm not drinking anymore. And they're just like, oh, thank God.
And I went, what? You guys used to drink the same way I did. He said, John, nobody drank like you. We took care of you.
(11:53):
And he and his wife did take care of me. I do have those glimpses. You know, I drank until I passed out.
But I do have those glimpses, you know, through all those times of camping, you know, my buddy was always there to set up my tent.
He was always there to make sure that, you know, everything got in my car. You know, he was always there with that, I'll drive this time.
(12:14):
And to me, those were just some of the angels that carried me because there's times that I put myself in positions that we did have fun.
But I always thought that he was, you know, he was just like me. And when he said that, I was just like, wow.
And I look back at our friendship now, we still laugh about some of the things we did.
Yeah, God was watching or higher power was watching over us. And and he agrees with that.
(12:40):
But that's a relationship that's lasted since the 70s. And that's really cool.
And his wife and my wife and our boys were about the same age. And, you know, we've done a lot of things together.
And that would have happened if I'd still been drinking. Matter of fact, one thing I had to make amends to that man and his wife
because they got married in probably their senior year of college and I was invited to go.
(13:06):
And I didn't show up and I felt bad about it for years. I felt bad about it for years.
And I look back on it. My priority was not my friendship with him and his wife.
It was more about I don't want to drive there. I don't want to drive to Denver.
I've got better things to do this weekend. And I probably didn't do a damn thing except, you know, pop my tops and poured my scotch.
(13:35):
And that was it. I felt bad about that for a long, long time.
And I said, I need to clear something up. And they just brushed it off.
You know, it's not about you. You know, this is about we've never even thought about it.
But I felt about it. And that's what I've learned in this program is it is a feelings program.
And my friendships and I value when I when I look back on the steps that I've done, the of the 12 steps,
(14:01):
I've taken an inventory and clearing up the wreckage of my past.
Sometimes those things just come about and we've got to do that.
We just have to do that. And we can't do that until we start at step one.
And so anyway, I get to college and I, you know, I swear I'm never moving back home.
(14:22):
I mean, nothing really traumatic happened in college.
I just had a lot of fun. Took me a long time, about five and a half years to get through.
Part of it was because I had a high I had more priorities.
And so during the right after I did graduate, I did get a job.
But I was seeing this girl and ended up visiting her family in Georgia.
(14:46):
I met this man and he said that I like to sail. I grew up sailing my whole life.
And so he liked how I handled his boat.
And he said, I'd like for you to come work for me. Well, I dropped my job.
He called me up and he called me up in April and said, I want you to come work for me and run run run of my concessions.
(15:07):
He rented out Hobie cats and beach chairs and taught sailing and all that stuff because I want you to come work for me.
So that was really a part of my chapter of my life where I really had a lot of fun.
I really did. And I skirted through home on the way out there and dad just went, oh, God.
(15:28):
And I pretty I pretty much ran from those questions from him because I didn't want to have to explain what I was doing.
Stayed out there for about seven months, six months at the time of my life.
It was really to me it was a good experience. You know, of course, everything, you know, I was drinking and using every day.
(15:49):
It was just but it was, you know, every every job that I've had, I associated with people that were I'm drinking and using, you know, and I've heard that from multiple people.
Well, yeah, maybe the army is a good place to drink. Maybe it's a good place to drink.
Nursing school is a good place to drink. Yeah, you know, you hear it all.
Every place is a good place to drink if you're by yourself. And so anyway, on my way back, I stopped at home.
(16:14):
I was heading back to Denver and my brother asked me to come work for him. I said, I'm not working for dad.
I said that before he said, where are you going to work for me? And I said, I'll give it a try. I had no ties to Denver at all.
I didn't have a commitment with the job. I knew I could get a job because just from the experience of all the different jobs I've had.
(16:37):
And so I started working with my brother and he was my he wasn't the oldest one that was in jail.
He was my the next one down. And so Mike and I got really close. We got really, really close.
We worked together. We partied together. We drank. We used. We dated some of the same girls together.
(16:59):
And so with him for about six years, seven years, and it was a good it was a good run. I learned a whole lot.
Of course, every time we were out together, my brother and I have to work balls to the walls no matter what we did.
You know, we're going hot and we're drinking. You know, we're going sailing. We're drinking. We're going water skiing.
(17:21):
We're drinking. We're going to do, you know, whatever we're doing. But we got really, really tight.
He and his wife and their kids, his kids, their kids, even though they got divorced, just became tighter, tighter with him than anybody else in the family.
So my drinking during that time was really taken off. And I met what I thought was the the the love of my life, the love of my life.
(17:46):
She can line out lines on the mirror just as well as I could. And she drank like I could.
A great foundation for a relationship. So we got married and have, you know, got a beautiful daughter.
She's 37 now and sober for five, six years. And she's had her struggles. And I'm not going to get into her story, but I can't tell you this thing.
(18:09):
She's overdosed from from heroin twice. And when that happens to your daughter,
I'm so grateful that I had the rooms of recovery to support me through all that.
You know, anyway, back to my, you know, the foundation of my marriage.
It didn't last. But while I was married to her, it was February 20th, 1989.
(18:37):
My brother died. He was 38 years old.
They theorized that the flu settled in his heart and he didn't make it 10 feet out of bed and just hit the floor.
So I did what I knew how to do to kill the pain.
And I poured more alcohol into my system than I think I ever did on a full weekend, but on a daily basis.
(19:07):
Because I could not stand the pain. I want to backtrack about three years before that.
My dad was diagnosed with cancer. And, you know, dad's got cancer.
OK, we're there for you, dad. And, you know, it's funny.
We rallied around dad. We supported dad.
(19:28):
But there just wasn't the closeness and tightness that we had that I have now with my family.
You know, dad's got cancer. Well, we're there, you know, help mom out. We'll do what we can.
And one thing about our family I mentioned earlier, and this isn't why I'm an alcoholic.
It has nothing to do with anything. But to me, it was perfectly normal.
(19:49):
And I know I'm bouncing around a lot, but I knew my parents loved me.
I knew that we were tight, but we never said we loved each other.
We weren't a huggy family. We just, the kids, we all did our own thing. We just did our own thing.
I will never forget. It was 1988. And so dad had been diagnosed with cancer for about two years.
(20:15):
And it was Christmas. It was probably his last trip.
We didn't know it was his last trip to a place we visited in Colorado.
And we spent Christmas up there. And dad told, I don't know if he told everybody else.
He probably did, but he told me he loved me. I didn't know what to do.
(20:38):
I did not know how to react. I did not know how to hug. I was, I never forget that moment.
But the only time he told me he loved me.
I think about that now because I think he just knew that it was the end of his, he's coming to the end of his time.
And he struggled that holiday because of the elevation and his condition and all that.
(21:00):
So anyway, I go back to my brother Mike after he passed away.
My wife at the time said, you need to get help. Of course, I'm drunk off my ass. I don't need help. I'm fine.
And, you know, here I'm working for the family company and all this. And I wasn't fine.
And so she made a bet. You need to get help.
(21:23):
She worded it in such a way that you need to go to treatment. And she convinced me I needed to go.
Well, I wake up the next day and I'm at a country. I'm at Country View.
East 91st Street. I woke up and just went, what am I doing here? And oh, my God.
(21:44):
I don't even remember walking into the place. You know, I was drunk when they dropped me off.
And, you know, that opened the door for me. That opened the door for me.
And I learned a lot from there.
At 29 days there, though, the facility gets a call and said, John needs to come home.
(22:09):
What's going on? Your dad's dying. I knew he wasn't doing well.
And so the day I got out, April 20th of 1990, 1989, two months after my brother died, my dad passed away.
Mom told me when I walked in that room.
(22:31):
Is the first time dad smiled.
You know, we're over week because he saw me and he knew I was sober.
I'd stuck with me. I don't know whether it's true or not, but.
I went through those two deaths.
(22:52):
One not sober, one sober, not knowing what the hell to do.
I've just had this company landed on my lap and not knowing what the hell to do.
You know, we had a lot of people supervising and advisors and we had a great group of people working for us and all that.
But I was too busy to put to work what I'd learned to treat.
(23:14):
So I did not do what they told me to do in treatment.
I was a big shot. I got to take care of this and my family.
So I stayed sober.
Didn't go to meetings till about October.
And then I had had some time and I met some guys and we went up to go hunting in Colorado.
(23:38):
And, you know, I'm away from everybody.
And boy, I was away and I stayed away.
I stayed away from my friends and just isolated and started drinking again.
Came home all pitty pot.
I started drinking when I was up there. I do. I show you know, just crying.
And anyway, I tried to hide it for a long time.
(24:08):
So that was 1989 in June of 90.
You know, we had a mentioned earlier we had a family place up on the lake.
I got in a boat wreck.
It was my fault. Nobody else was in the boat.
I was drunk and thank God nobody else was in the boat.
You know, I got hurt pretty bad.
(24:31):
And a friend of mine that I'd known was also a priest and he's also in the program.
Came and visited me and said, you need to get back in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.
You need to be there.
He said, God's got a bigger plan for you because by the looks of you
(24:53):
and from your doctor's reports, you're lucky to be here.
And I just looked at him and I said, OK.
So I started going to meetings.
And I went to this little group down in our town and it was a morning meeting.
I really liked it and met my first sponsor there. His name was Buddy.
And I walked in with my nose bandaged up and stitches on my head.
(25:19):
And he said, you got car wreck? And I said, no, but close enough.
I shared my story.
And everybody laughed. I just what the hell they laughing about.
I got my fingers hurt.
But anyway, that was the start of it.
But one thing about one thing about for me is, yeah, I remember I said,
I think when we say we're an alcoholic, something happens to us internally.
(25:41):
There's a transformation that happens.
You know, we walk in the rooms, Alcoholics Anonymous.
We get a new identity with a lot of unlimited possibilities for recovery.
If we take it, why struggled staying sober?
So from June of 90 till February of 91, my birthday is February 24th, 91.
(26:04):
I'd get 28 days and twist off. I could never get a 30 day chip.
Was it because my wife at the time was pouring bottles of wine, you know,
not really hiding it, but wine and, you know, I could always tell when she's
bringing that nose candy in the house and trying to hide it from me.
Well, there goes my sobriety.
(26:25):
But anyway, not to blame it on her, I just wasn't where I needed to be.
And my sponsor said, maybe you should go to two meetings a day.
So I went to two meetings a day.
Well, he said, you don't you.
You need to probably go to three meetings a day.
So I started going three meetings a day.
I struggled from June until of 90, until February of 91.
(26:51):
I walk in every month. I walk in with my I mean, I was going there every day,
but every 28, 29 days, I walk in with my tail between my legs.
I drink again and wine and everybody said, keep coming back.
You're OK. We love you.
They hugged on me and everything else.
I just like I just I was real frustrated.
(27:12):
I just got frustrated again.
Because of work, it took me to we had an office out in West Texas.
And I did a lot of partying out there.
And I held up in a hotel for four days and drank for four days straight.
And that was my last drink.
I came home. I don't know what happened.
(27:34):
I can't explain it, but I just know that I got my 30 day chip.
And once I got my 30 day chip, I'm not going to say it was easy and I never look back.
But something happened then.
And I haven't had a drink since.
Now, I've had a lot of opportunities to drink, especially young and sobriety.
They say don't make any changes.
(27:56):
Well, I filed for divorce.
Well, I didn't file for divorce.
She filed for divorce.
So it's kind of funny.
I used to call her, you know, we talk about praying for those we have a resentment on.
I couldn't say a prayer for my ex-wife at the time.
I was angry.
I called her plaintiff for years.
And finally, my sponsor said she has a name.
And I said, plaintiff works.
(28:18):
And we still laugh about that today.
And we've got a beautiful daughter.
But, you know, I went through a lot of changes and a lot of struggles that first year sobriety and all that.
But, you know, for one, for the people in the meetings like Rusty, Bob M.
I'll never forget when Jonathan walked in, he was all suited up.
(28:42):
I mean, four piece suit and fancy car and Rolex.
And I thought he needs to meet me.
And, you know, now and we're still friends.
Just the friendships that we have here are just absolutely amazing.
If it hadn't been for our colleagues anonymous and being and sticking in these rooms, I wouldn't have what I have today.
(29:06):
I got a Bob story.
I got to tell you when my daughter sent her to treatment and she went to a place in Alabama and she got out and she thrived.
But somehow she didn't.
She started using again.
Well, she picked up like we all do.
We pick up where we left off and I got this call that she's overdosed again.
(29:28):
Well, after the first overdose that happened in her hotel, I was angry.
You know, it's funny, as many years as I've been in Al-Anon, if it's somebody, a friend or reach out to an acquaintance that's got family members, I can be there for them.
But if it's family, that's where I had my most difficult time, my most difficult issues with.
(29:51):
So I called Bob and Bob and I met in the rooms of AA.
We've been friends ever since.
We probably talked to each other at least once a week and we have for over 30 years.
I said, Bob, I don't know what to do.
I said, she's in Alabama and I'm pissed off.
I really don't give a shit if she dies.
I didn't mean it, but that's how I felt.
(30:13):
And he said, what are you going to do?
I said, I don't know.
She's in Alabama.
And he said, well, you know, I'm in Fort Smith and you got to drive down I-40 to go to Alabama.
So you might as well pick me up.
I'm going to take it off work tomorrow and we'll take off for about four days, five days.
And you pick me up and we'll go to Alabama and I'll drive you and I'll go with you and pick you know, we'll go together.
(30:35):
You don't need to do this by yourself.
That's true friendship.
He dropped everything.
And I got in the car.
I didn't want to go.
But I was so grateful for the time that we had in the car.
I'm really grateful for the time we were in the hospital because there were a couple of times he just had to tell me to go outside and smoke a cigarette.
(30:59):
You know, that's what that's what friends do.
And that's what I've learned in here is to, you know, be a service to others.
And I learned all that by there are so many things.
I'm powerless over besides alcohol.
And I'm not going to go through each of the steps because even, you know, a lot of speakers do.
(31:20):
If you want to learn about Alcoholics Anonymous and you want to work the steps, walk in the doors and get a sponsor.
The answer to everything to me, whatever you're dealing with, is in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and also in the 12 and 12.
The other day I got to share on this podcast about sponsorship.
(31:45):
And to me, you know, there's kind of interesting with this panel of people, the different deals, but we're all on the same page.
You know, we're helping others walk through the steps.
That's what a sponsor does.
And that's what my sponsor did for me.
And I'm so grateful for that because I learned so much about my life and I don't have anybody to blame about my drinking.
(32:06):
Not at all.
I don't have anybody to blame. And I'm not blaming anybody for anything.
But that sense of entitlement that I had when I was younger, you know, my higher power has a plan for me.
And it sure is better.
His plan is better for me now than it was when I was out there drinking.
He doesn't, our higher power doesn't want us to be, you know, ruining our bodies and trashing other people.
(32:33):
Our higher power wants to be of service to others.
Our higher power wants us to be available and serve and be loving and compassionate and be a human being.
And that's just some of the things I've learned in here and also how to be a friend.
I'm so grateful.
I got remarried and my wife, not to tell her story, but when we met, you know, we were blending a family, which is really tough.
(33:04):
But we did it. But I'll never forget, you know, when we first started dating, you know, when we first started dating, I was afraid to date somebody.
I hadn't had a date in a year and a half.
I didn't know how to date somebody. And I wanted to do it right.
So we just became friends.
And that developed into a beautiful relationship.
And, you know, my wife's in recovery now, and I'm grateful for that.
(33:29):
She's got her story and we laugh about it with friends where you marry.
She's drank. She drank because you married her.
But, you know, that's not the truth at all.
She's got her story and she had some tragedies and she did the same thing I did.
She covered it up with loss in her family.
(33:50):
She knew the only solution to cover up that dark spot when you have a loss like you have is to use.
And it was hard for both of us.
It was real hard for both of us.
But one thing I'll tell you that all my friends, they never told me to leave her.
If she had had cancer, I wouldn't leave her.
(34:12):
She's sick.
And now we have a we have a marriage that I just, you know, I'm blown away that we can sit in the same rooms at each other and laugh and wink and smile at each other across the table.
And, you know, it's just my life is so good now.
And again, I got to give everything credit to a you know, because of this program, I've also had an opportunity to walk in to the rooms of her church.
(34:38):
I never thought I'd walk back into, you know, I grew up in a Catholic family, but I learned how to kneel, sit and stand.
And that is it. It is the rituals.
I had not did not know until I got into a that I could have a relationship with higher power.
I thought it was something you know, this higher power you talk to on Sundays, you ask for help because of a family member sick or something like that.
(35:03):
But it's so much more than that.
My relationship and my prayers every day and because my sponsor said you got to get used to praying every day.
And sometimes that was just like, God help me not have a drink today.
But I'm able to sit in the church today and be of service in that group.
And my pastor knows my story.
And because of that, I've had the chance to 12 12 step people that are in our church that he said, Would you mind talking to this person?
(35:33):
My life's an open book.
I'm grateful for my sobriety.
I'm grateful for us being Tim today and happy birthday, Tim.
And thank you for letting me share my story.
This has been a production of Children of Chaos dot net.
And we invite you to share your thoughts with us via email to comments at Children of Chaos dot net.
(35:56):
Children of Chaos is a forum to discuss topics related to and in concert with addiction and recovery in America.
It's not affiliated with, endorsed or financed by any recovery or treatment program, organization or institution.
Any views, thoughts or opinions expressed by an individual in this venue are solely that of the individual and do not reflect the views, policies or position of any specific recovery based entity or organization.
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