September 8, 2025 • 64 mins
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The following description was made with ai
In this hilariously chaotic episode of the Chill Prism Podcast, hosts Benny, Keith, and Rusty Stacks dive into a wild mix of crude humor, pop culture riffs, and absurd tangents. The episode kicks off with the trio bantering about flatulence, workplace mishaps, and their unfiltered takes on bodily functions, including a memorable story about a fart-induced office crisis. From there, they spiral into a Star Wars-inspired riff about "Schmelon Musk" and "Anakin Musk," blending Tesla references with crude sci-fi humor.The conversation takes a nostalgic turn as they discuss 90s and 2000s pop culture, from The Addams Family and Street Fighter casting choices to Disney Channel stars like Raven-Symoné and Sabrina Carpenter. They debate the portrayal of child actors, camera angles in kids' shows, and a conspiracy theory about Hollywood normalizing youthful features. The episode also touches on The Office, Peacemaker, and One Piece, with plenty of detours into fart jokes, makeup tutorials, and bizarre anecdotes about face tape and yearbook photos.Expect unhinged energy, offensive humor, and a complete disregard for staying on topic in this episode that lives up to its "Biological Warfare" title. Perfect for listeners who enjoy irreverent comedy and don’t mind a bit of chaos.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You are now entering the prism. Oh yeah, but I'm a queef and
you're a dildo. What help put you in here My?
(00:22):
Rear. You don't belong here.
Oh no. Welcome back to True Prison
Podcast. You got Benny, Keith and Rusty
Stacks. OK.
Stacking back shits 'cause he's on a new protein diet.
(00:43):
I sure AM. Stacking fat logs in the company
toilet. They're definitely not log
shaped. Sorry, fat pancakes.
No, like fat soups. Fat blasts, fat soups, that dark
chowder. Yeah.
(01:07):
Oh my God, so if if the head of Tesla immaculately conceived.
The butt of Tesla. Immaculately conceived the
Chosen One of the Force, he would be known as Schmelon Musk.
(01:38):
Just going to let that one sit for a little bit.
Good. And then when the sand people
come for him, his son Luke, LukeMusk cured.
That would be Anakin Musk in this scenario, right?
Yeah, Anakin Musk would use the Tesla Autopilot or the Force in
air quotes to run them over in the cyber truck.
(02:01):
What is he running over though? The sand people.
You mean the Elon the. Women and the children too,
mother fucker. Yes.
Fuck yeah there was a shitty high 5 but I'm so stoked that
you did that. How do you miss that?
Was like the roughest layup. How?
Do you miss that? You're absolutely right.
(02:24):
I got so caught up on sand people I guess.
And for those who missed it because he was being loud, I
said the Elon Tuscan Raiders. We've already done Elon Tusk.
No. Yeah.
Rick and Morty did. Elon Tusk.
Right, right. We we expounded upon that.
Yeah, I don't even think expounding is a word.
Yeah, I'm sure it is expounding.I've never done that.
(02:51):
I was trying to come up. Yes, I, I.
Was trying to come up with a wayto refer to Xbox as like
sleeping with your ex again. I was trying to formulate the
joke for that. So my writer's room known as the
listener. If you could come up with
something to make that make sense, yes.
John. Fix it, I'm dying.
(03:16):
I also just fucking beefed just now.
It did get like exceptionally warmer in here a minute ago it
was so bad. Dude.
I was like scared that I shit myself a little bit and I tried
to like lean up to catch it and I squeezed the rest I was
(03:38):
having. Those farts this morning, I got
to work and I was, like, at my desk letting you know I was
there. And then I, like, farted.
And it hurt. Like, the fart didn't hurt.
The fart was hot enough where actually it kind of did.
Like it was an uncomfortable amount of heat.
Yeah, I have had like hot enoughfarts that it hurts like that.
(04:02):
The the heat actually feels likea burn.
And it travels with this hot your balls.
It just scorches. It fucking blitzkriegs your
taint. Oh, I know the ones.
But then I went and took a shit and it was just excruciatingly
(04:26):
hot. Hell yeah.
Hell yeah. I've what I've been doing is
I'll like if I'm standing up to fart, like when I'm farting, if
I'm not around anybody, what I'll do is I'll fart and then
I'll turn around and like bend over to smelt.
(04:47):
Why? Because it stays there, it
doesn't move, so I can't tell ifit's there or not.
And I don't want somebody walking by who's at like a lower
level than me and hitting it. So I need to make sure I didn't
leave a fucking loaf of fart just hanging out.
So I like do the sniff test of like the atmosphere to know if I
(05:13):
need to like wave it away. Dude today the person I share an
office with, we were in there and I thought I had like a
little sneaky squeaker. She like stepped out and so I
like straight low and like immediately I like smell it like
(05:35):
but then the smell goes away. Or so I thought.
It travelled over to her. She comes in, I see like a
facial expression. She kind of like shakes her.
Head. Like, she was pissed off at
something and I was like, oh, something happened out there on
the floor. And that's why she's upset
because this does happen from time to time.
(05:56):
Yeah. And then she goes and sits down
and doesn't say anything. My boss comes in, It's talking.
He like shortly after coming into the office, someone else
comes in and there's like a small walkway right there at the
(06:18):
opening. So he has like walk in and like
he crosses his arms like posts up on the wall that person's in
and like says something. But normally they're like a
talker and they'll stay. For some odd reason.
Their visit to the office was very brief.
They leave, she leaves, my boss leaves, and then he comes back
(06:41):
like 20 seconds later. He's like, what the fuck is that
smell? They're like he's like, I don't
know, it's weird. He's like he smells like action
so and then we're not done. 3 minutes after he leaves the
(07:09):
purse I share in office with comes back in.
She's like. This is.
Unbelievable. They need to fix this AC unit.
It smells awful. And I asked her is like, didn't
they fix the AC unit like 2 weeks ago 'cause they did like a
wall mounted thing? Yeah he's like, she's like, no,
(07:31):
I think they just took it out todiagnose it and popped it back
in and he's like, Oh yeah, they must have penciled with the
service on it. She's like, yeah, probably.
She, like, somebody fired. She, like, grabs this aerosol,
like, disinfectant spray, which has a pretty strong smell.
She sprays it, runs the entire can out.
(07:52):
She's like, she starts rifling through every drawer in her
desk, in the file cabinet, trying to find another.
She makes a call to the head of our sanitization department and
he's like, please. Yeah.
They don't answer. She like, leaves a sincere the
(08:12):
message, like, please, can you get me like a fragrance?
He's like, I, I I could really use your help and I would
greatly appreciate it. She's like, thank you.
It hangs up and about four minutes later there's a short
(08:34):
Hispanic guy who's like one of the supervisors for it.
He's not a manager. He's like super short dude,
really like well groomed hair, glasses.
You've always seen him driving around.
He like power walks over to the office, knocks on the door.
He's smart enough 'cause I guesshe's gotten this call before.
(08:55):
He's smarter to know not to comein.
So he like pushes the door open and hands it to her.
He's like, I hope this helps. This is all we have at the
moment. She's like, anything's gonna be
better. She proceeds to like drop 1/3 of
the and then it and then it smells so much better.
(09:19):
That's amazing. It's dangerous though because
after like I thought that the smell were wrong to cover my
tracks I had to do it again. So I'm just terrorizing this
poor 55 year old. What do you mean to cover your
tracks? You had to do it again.
(09:40):
OK, so the ACS magically going to stop staying?
You think that's how it works, Russell?
You're a psychopath. It's strategy, OK?
(10:06):
Otherwise they'll know I'm a stinky boy.
Oh my. God, that was my act of
terrorism for the day. So what I do when I go?
I go to bed usually. Like right before my wife does.
(10:27):
That's why I'm in bed before shegets in bed.
And as soon as she gets under the covers, I'll let one out and
she'll be like, eww. And she'll be like, let it out.
Like lift the covers on my side to like, you know.
So every once in a while what I'll do is I'll like lift the
(10:48):
covers between me and I'll like fan them over and then she'll
start hitting me. It's pretty.
It's a pretty fun time. It's scary because of how small
she is. She doesn't have to hold back.
Yeah. So like, if she ever gets
strong, it's gonna be bad. You're gonna come to work with.
(11:10):
Fucking. Bruises.
Bruises like a fucking Dalmatiandude.
So your strategy is poor. What you need to do is need the
time before she shows up. Like if you can really plan this
out perfectly, you'll hear the footsteps and she's coming down
the hallway, unload under the sheets.
I've done. And then she then when she like
(11:32):
opens up the briefcase like it'slike, what was it?
What is that choose you like choose the briefcase, right?
Dealer no deal, dealer no deal. It's like dealer no deal when
they open the case and it says like $1.00.
Yeah, I've done that before. She'll like lift the sheet and
just. We're going to get divorced.
(12:02):
Oh man, oh oh man. Can you imagine, like here in 20
years, that that's going to be like a form of abuse that people
are going to complain about? Yeah.
Yeah, farting. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a
crime. Olfactory abused me I'm.
Pretty sure it's a crime to likego and fart on somebody.
Assault. It's a crime to like to spit on
(12:26):
someone, but I think that it would only be like a crime if
you did it like bare ass if you bare ass farted at someone
because then you could. I crop those people all the time
so. But not with your bare ass.
No. You ever nail your wife in the
shower with a? Fart.
Yeah. Wait.
Oh yeah. Also, yeah.
(12:52):
So you should and I I don't likeshowering together.
I'm not a fan either so I feel like I need to like punish my
wife by like pressing her against the shower stall wall
between my ass and just like farting the ever living.
(13:13):
You know when you like, you havea like a baby and you like get
their stomach, you go on their stomach.
You know, it's like a Zerbert orsomething.
Raspberries. But with your ass on your
wife's. Stomach, yes, yes, exactly that.
And it's hot and steamy, there'sno airflow, so you know it's
gonna just sit there for a bit. And the best part is I'm real
(13:35):
brave 'cause I'm already in the shower.
So what happens happens. We'll let the cards fall where
they make. If I shit myself, it is what?
It is look at Joey Diaz that. Shit.
Exactly. And you best believe if it does
(13:59):
happen, I'm going to play it offlike I did it on purpose.
Because he used to do that. Or he says he used to shit in
his hand in the shower and and ally opened into the toilet.
Oh my God, and. He said his wife caught him and
he had to stop. Oh man.
I mean, what is technically wrong with that?
(14:20):
The touching chute with your hands part.
OK. Yeah, that.
Fair. You're using the toilet
incorrectly. Nothing, Nothing should ever
leave your hand and go into the toilet.
I throw tissues in there all thetime, it's fine.
Yeah, that's right. That's how you, that's how you
clean your ass. Yeah, yeah.
(14:41):
So there's not a technical foul like these are.
It's standing up to shit. That is, that should be a crime.
Yeah. If it isn't, it should be a
crime. Always squat.
Unless you're like gingerbread man from like a gnarly skiing
accident where both your legs are in like a straight cast,
there's no excuse to be standingwhile shooting.
(15:03):
Yeah. And even then, if you're
resorting to that, you chase thepeople away you needed in your
life and you deserve to go to jail.
Yeah. So Sonny Bono is the only one
that can shit standing up. I don't think he survived, you
know he didn't. I'm pretty sure he shit when he
hit that tree. That's true, that's true.
(15:27):
He had a log on both sides of him.
Now he's out there singing shitty music in heaven.
What a way to go is I Got you Babe.
A Sony and Cher song, Yes is it?Or are you just saying that?
I feel very confident that that is.
(15:48):
'Cause I don't if it's not. I seriously don't know any Sonny
and Cher songs. There's a reason Cher is better
by herself. Cher is the mom in the monster.
Oh, it is Sonny and Cher. OK, Cher.
Cher is just like the mom from the monsters, right?
Oh yeah. That feels right or no?
(16:11):
I think it's Adams family. Oh yeah, that is.
Wait, did she actually? Was she actually in the Adams
family? I don't think so.
I think you just like modelled after her Adams and it's 2DS.
Does do you? What would I care about that?
(16:33):
Christina Ricci I think. Yeah, no, she's not, but man
does she fucking look like that character.
That's right, Christopher Lloyd was.
Uncle, Uncle Felcher. In wait, one of those two is M
Bison. Which one was it?
(16:55):
Paul, Julia. Raul.
Yeah. Is it Raul, Raul, Raul?
I think it was him. Yes, it was him.
He has the attic, dies. Also like his face.
His face is just like a fantastic actor's face for me.
Yeah. He just looks like very
(17:16):
unpredictable, very multiple. Speaking of.
What the fuck did they put on that man's head?
That's his. Skull.
EW. OK, well Speaking of the Adams
family, I'll go If you are listening, please come home.
(17:40):
We miss you. He's a member of the Discord who
just fell off the planet and hishe's he goes by Lurchman and his
whole thing is being Lurch from the Addams Family and he's just
gone. He just cosplays, has Lurch or
just portrays what his characterwould say on.
(18:01):
No, he is our resident reporter and he writes articles about
what goes or wrote articles about what was going on in the
new in the discord and then would like mock them up as like
newspaper clippings. Oh dude, that with like.
The commitment. He's so cool.
(18:22):
That's actually pretty and he would like and all.
Of it was on Microsoft Paint, 'cause he didn't want to use
photo, he didn't want to like pay for Photoshop or whatever,
so he would just like all this shit he made was on Microsoft
Paint and it was incredible. He would like make he'd do it
the most difficult way possible.Yeah.
Is this guy me? And then and then he just.
(18:42):
Yeah, yeah. And then he just fell off the
planet and we can't find him. Dude have you looked up like an
obituary for? We don't know his name, we don't
know anything about him. I.
Mean for security purposes. I agree with that.
But yeah. Fuck.
So yeah. He will be missed.
(19:05):
Hopefully not for long. I want him back.
What's wrong with this guy's head?
He has way too much chin. They really just got a bunch of
fucking weirdos for this show. They haven't had acting gigs in
weeks. It's like I need money, please
(19:27):
hire me. I'm a good guy.
You know, I'm a good guy. 'Cause like even Christina Ricci
they fucking called it for how creepy she wants going to look.
Yeah, like her new hairstyle, She like, has bangs so that she
covers up the giant forehead. Yeah, 'cause she's nuts looking
(19:49):
even today. She like those eyes.
Those eyes are made for sin. I'd sin on them eyes.
I'll get my sin in those eyes. Farts guys.
Clean up. No, I I meant semen.
(20:11):
Russell, you slut. Yeah.
Yeah, Raul Julia. So that he was the Street
Fighter in Bison. Yeah.
And then they hired another guy who was also super fucking
scrawny to play in Bison. I didn't.
I never realized that, but yeah.Why are they doing this?
(20:33):
M Bison's supposed to be the Buffy Dick bag.
Well, who else were, Who do you think would fit that character
'cause I think they're going forface because they can make the
muscles. John Cena.
John Cena doesn't have M Bison'sface.
He's not chiseled like that. You think Raul has that face?
They just put fucking white contacts on John Cena and then
(20:54):
it's fine. Look up a picture of John Cena
nowadays, especially current John Cena.
I need to see what he looks likeas M Bison.
That's a period. How about you just look up M
Bison by itself? How about you look up my butt
hole and see my shit? Only if you stared into the
window of my brown eye. M Bison Tuesday What does that
(21:16):
mean? I have no idea.
Oh, that's. Gross.
Yeah. He just like, looks weird.
He he doesn't look like. I thought he what?
I thought he did it. Was a very poor casting.
He also had fucking cancer during this.
But yeah, just look up M Bison by itself.
(21:40):
I know what M Bison looks like. No, look at his fucking face
with his fucking psycho arts. No, just just regular M Bison,
not matter. I don't want to type it all in.
There we go. So you can literally just put a
hat on John Cena, give him whiteout contacts and he's like
(22:03):
League's better casting. John Cena doesn't have that
chin. What is that?
What is that comic book character that he plays that you
told me about? He does like a live action
Marvel thing maybe? No, it's DC Peacemaker.
Peacemaker. Yeah, he he snakes pee.
(22:28):
He's a peacemaker. Good.
Can you show me his snakings? Yeah.
Show his like portrayal of that.It will go to his fucking face.
OK, look that. Look at that fucking dimple in
(22:49):
his fucking chin. I get it.
That is close enough. He looks.
Exactly like M Bison. There you go.
And he has the mass. He's cultivated enough mass.
That was a better casting. Russell, you're just a
contrarian. He's busy being the face of DC
Comets. And the voice of China.
And the voice of the People's Republic.
(23:14):
It's really weird that he's the vase of DC, since nobody heard
of him before that show came out.
Yeah, Peacemaker, not John Cena.Everybody's heard of him, they
just don't know what he looks like.
We could have totally made a beautiful joke.
(23:35):
We missed the golden. Opportunity.
What do you mean I can't see anything?
The search results are just blank.
It's fucking weird. Oh, wait, can you, can you
reload that page? Like the thing?
There's something going on with the Internet.
(23:56):
Well, yeah, that would be a muchbetter casting choice.
This season has Roy from the office in it the second season.
Who the fuck was Roy? Pam's fiance from the beginning.
Peacemaker's racist older brother.
Why is he just a mad dude in everything?
I've seen in him. He's the dad in that movie where
(24:19):
it's a kid who's a bee, but Superman.
Oh, yeah. And then, and then I don't know
what. Oh, he's the dad in the Power
Rangers movie from 2017. He's the Red Rangers dad in
that. Yeah, he just plays an angry guy
(24:39):
all the time. He so far, he hasn't had a whole
lot of screen time in Peacemaker.
He's a redhead, right? I don't know, He's bald.
Like he's shit, he's a Skinhead,but.
Yeah, I think he's. I think he's a redhead.
He just said that. That ginger rage.
Yeah, yeah. And his name is Roy, and that's
(25:00):
like a very ginger name. That's not his real name, but he
did play a character named Roy and that informs my opinion of
him. Yeah, 100%.
Who got fucking shafted by fucking Mr. Fantastic?
Roy was a good dude. Did you watch the Office?
(25:24):
Yeah. Hold.
On Sorry has the SIP our mandatory 2 leaders.
I want us to start an evening with A2 leader and try to finish
it by the time we're done recording.
I can do that. Yeah.
(25:45):
No, Pam's a cunt. Yeah, Jim is a douche and Roy
was perfectly fine. He just dropped the ball a
couple times. That's it.
Yeah, he was just a regular dudethat got a little disinterested
and a little disinteresting a couple times, and he swooped in.
(26:07):
Yeah, Jim's just like an office bully.
I think he's a Scranton Strangler.
No, that's definitely Toby. Toby the gay HR guy.
No, don't. Don't you remember, like when
Jim left the Scranton branch? Yeah, like they didn't talk
about the Scranton Strangler. Yeah.
(26:29):
And then when he came back, likeyou actually started seeing
references to the Scranton Strangler again.
Yeah, I know. I'm just saying.
So you think Toby intentionally is it's it's very possible that
Toby could be trying. Have you heard him say a
sentence? That guy strangles people.
He strangles his penis. He's divorced.
(26:56):
That one was like, have you everseen this?
I don't think the listeners heard that second one.
But have you ever seen those TikToks where where it's like a
couple and one of the guy filming goes guess my fart and
then they go and then he farts and it's like and it's like
perfect. Yeah, I guess my fart with a
(27:18):
fart. Nice call and response.
Yeah, it's good songwriting. I love the lyrics, Russell.
Yeah, I'm not. I hate calling response in
songs. Well, like 90% of the time it's
just, it's just lazy. There's only like, I can't even
name them. It's good for crowd.
There's a few, there's a few like a handful of songs that I'm
(27:41):
OK with it, but most of the times I don't appreciate it.
They usually do it for like during their tour circuit, they
can get more crowd engagement. Yeah, I just don't care.
Stop touring. Help when you understand the
mechanism behind. I got a mechanism that you can
understand you. Got that thing on.
(28:01):
You. It's the mechanism that makes
that makes up the aperture of myasshole.
I don't know if I want to understand that I feel like
could do loose hiding in there. What is spread your cheeks and
all of a sudden? What is the?
What is it? Aperture is, yeah.
That's what opens on a camera's lens.
Yeah, but that spiralling, yes. Closure, yes, there's another
(28:26):
name for that. Pretty sure it's just is it?
OK, what if the butt hole open? Like that'd be cool as shit,
just have a like an eyeball in there.
A turd cutter. Some people have a poop knife.
You ever heard of that shit? I just, I would like that like a
(28:51):
the ceiling, you know, in every single spaceship movie where a
hole gets a hole gets blown intothe hole of the spaceship.
All of a sudden it cabin depressurizes, people are
getting sucked out and then the safety mechanism door comes and
drops down and cutting someone in half.
I want that for my butt hole so I don't have to wipe as much.
Yeah, just have an emergency airlock for your ass.
(29:15):
Yes, yes. That's not a bad idea.
When I get Neuralink, I'll have that installed as well.
Neuralink and Analink. That's such a good technology.
(29:35):
I hope that's where science goes.
But science, a science anytime. Like a Spanish person tries to
say the word science. Science.
No, that's a Mexican person because a Spanish person would
say science because people in Spain are gay and just pronounce
(29:58):
their s s like they're THS. They only have straight sex for
procreation purposes. Yeah.
You think there are tax benefitsfor having a a child?
I don't know, somebody I went tohigh school with lives in Spain
and is married to a Spanish guy,so it happens.
I just don't think it's very common.
Straight relationships, I mean, yeah, Lizzie McGuire went to
(30:21):
Spain, didn't she? To sing gay music with her gay
self to her gorgeous fucking gayself.
Yeah, stop. I'm trying to get rid of my
boner. Russell Stop.
I love her. Are you trying to give me wood
right now? I like everyone.
Once in a while I'll fall in thewhole law, start consuming like
(30:46):
child star podcasts. Easy easy.
Like like 90s child stars like all have podcasts now.
So like will not Will Forte, theguy that plays Eric Matthews in
the older brother in Boy Meets World.
(31:08):
He's a voice actor and everything.
He's still active, but he has just like iheartradio's like
number and anytime he just says like has an idea, he just called
him up and be like, Hey, I have this podcast idea, get it, get
this stuff together. And so like one of them is he
and one of the girls from The Cheetah Girls movies, which I
(31:28):
don't think I've ever seen, but I was that was like my era of
Disney movies was that time. And I it literally was.
I always thought she was very attractive.
The blonde 1. The Hispanic blonde one.
No, the the good one. I think they're white one.
All Hispanic except for. Raven Sammons?
(31:51):
No, she was. Can you please put The Cheetah
Girls real quick? Yeah.
How do you I think they spell itweird too, so we got to be
careful, Cheetah. Girls.
OK, yeah, they spell it normal. You just spell it wrong.
Hispanic. This one.
(32:13):
So that's Hispanic, is she? Yep.
Sabrina Bryan. So it's one.
I guess her mom's probably Hispanic then either way.
Or they just whitewashed her name like the fucking Emilio
Estevez family. Yeah, the Sheens.
Either way, so Ron Stoppable calls up I heart and it's like,
(32:35):
I want to rewatch all the DisneyChannel movies.
Can you give me a Co host so I can record it and make money?
And they're like, yeah. And so they call her up and now
like every week they watch a movie and then review it and
it's all Disney Channel originalmovies.
I watched a lot of those episodes or actually I don't
think I watch 'cause they don't have the video for the show out.
It is just the only video formatfor that they have is clips,
(32:59):
which is really weird. Most of the stuff I really just
consume in clip format 'cause it'd be very irritating, long
form 'cause they're all the worst type of people.
But I'm not, I'm not going to let this slide.
Go back one. What do you?
(33:20):
Mean go back one it's literally 3 Hispanic chicks.
One of them is half black, the other one is full black.
She is 100% black. OK.
Keeley Williams. That name does not support my
argument, but. Raven Simone is a man and is
(33:44):
black. He's a black man hanging out
with three Hispanic girls. What's this girl's name?
A dream blonde Huton that's a Mexican if I've ever seen one.
Holy crap, look at that photo. Don't click it, but look at that
Raven photo above. Does that look wild?
Yeah, there's a dude with a wig on.
(34:04):
That's why. So, so if you look closely, you
know, Ravens costar, this is crazy.
I don't think I've ever voiced this before, but this is my this
is my theory. So Ravens Co star in the show
was a guy named Orlando Brown. He went crazy, right?
(34:25):
I think, I think to film the show, that's so Raven.
What they did was kind of what they did with with the Olsen
twins in full House. It's kind of had except like
reverse they sub them in. So instead of the Olsen's twins
are two people playing one character, it's one person
playing 2 characters. Because I'm pretty sure David
(34:47):
Simone is just Orlando Brown. Because look at this.
You're an idiot. I love it.
No, look at this. Uh.
Oh. Uh oh.
(35:10):
Everybody just Google Raven Simone Bald.
Uh oh. That's a guy with lipstick.
Gorgeous eyes, but definitely, definitely, I guess I'm
congratulating you. Look at that Eminem looking
photo in the bottom left. No, Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
(35:34):
That is unsettling. Exactly. 8 Mile.
Fucking that guy that we're looking at right now looks gayer
than Tupac Shaker, and that's saying a lot.
An impressive because Tupac was the hugest homo in Hollywood,
you know. We'll call him Tupac, right?
No, he packed two men in that beef.
(35:57):
And Jada Pinkett's head, yeah, that's what I've been doing a
lot is falling down the whole of. 14 year old Disney.
No, she's old now. No, no, she's.
Still. Attractive.
(36:18):
So you're implying that a 14 year old was attractive?
When I was 12, yeah. She was probably like 20 at the
time of recording. All right.
Yeah, I don't. She's like bigger.
No, like all white women get. Well, she's Hispanic, so.
That's also true. I gotta find that video.
(36:43):
There's a video of something coming.
It had something to do with somebody asking why Hispanic
women have huge hips. All the comments were like.
Well, when you let that big black men.
Really. Kind of pushes things off.
And it's like different forms ofsomebody going it's because
(37:05):
they're black. Yeah, I've been watching a lot
of those outside of One Piece. One Piece is good.
Why doesn't she just let her hair be black?
(37:25):
Are there any pictures of her hair just like a regular the
color instead of this bleach thing I.
Don't know. To the images, I feel like it's
going to happen again. We're going to start just
injecting women, kind. Of it's.
Not it's. I want like the root color to be
the same as everything else. I want a photo.
Of that I doubt there's I doubt that's available.
(37:47):
That one. That's this picture.
Oh. Damn, you're right, you're
right. I don't think she remembers what
her hair color. Is most white women don't while
she's Hispanic unless they were born blonde, most white women
don't have their original hair. What?
(38:09):
I think that's her. Where up in the YouTube video is
that her? No.
OK, as I say she looked. The hair made her look so
different. Yeah, they.
When is that her on the left? The hair made her look like a
ugly Asian lady. That's her with that leaked a
profile right? Yeah, the N word.
(38:38):
Yeah, it turned blackface. Oh man.
But like OK here check this out.Like Shakira also has that same
affliction like she doesn't. This is I can stand on my
principles with this as an example.
So I've been raging against the Sabrina Carpenters of the world
(38:59):
for a while now because we're sexualizing children.
Just because she's adult doesn'tmean she looks like doesn't
doesn't mean she's. Being portrayed as a child.
Also, she's a child. Oh, is she?
Look at her, she's 4 foot tall and never like went through.
(39:20):
Oh. I thought that was it.
I thought Sabrina, Bryan. No, Sabrina Carpenter, the You
know who I'm talking about. You've said it so many times I I
just forget that she exists. She's like one of the newer.
I'm just it's top generic child.Who's that good jeans chick,
(39:43):
Sydney? Sweeney.
Is she also? A child, No.
Well, she's got like a baby face, but this is like, this is
just a child. That's just a regular person.
Now remember, she's like 411. That's a baby.
(40:05):
She's snack size. So let me get this.
So are. You telling me you wouldn't hit
that? No, that's my thing.
That's what I'm. That's exactly what I'm saying.
Because when I was growing up. You tell me when the pull the
Binky Binky out of her mouth we had.
Adult looking women playing children.
(40:26):
And so when they grew into adults in real life, they were
already adults. But then we started having
children, playing children, and I don't know how, but they're
also staying children when they become adults.
It doesn't make sense to me, butthis is my conspiracy.
Conspiracy theories. They're trying to normalize
sexual attraction to younger features by pushing these
(40:48):
things. The younger features things has
always been like kind of sex. What is that?
Those are grown ass adults and they were the sex symbol on
Disney Channel for like 10 years.
Fair, fair. Keep going.
Hannah Montana, they portrayed her from a lower angle to make
her look taller. When Sabrina Carpenter was on
(41:11):
Disney Channel, she was a child.She was on the sequel to Boy
Meets World, where every shot was them looking down to show
that they're smaller. That's how you make.
That's that's why force perspective.
Force perspective. Yeah.
But like that's why if you go back and forth from Disney
Channel to well, back in the dayfrom Disney Channel to
Nickelodeon, the live action stuff, people on Nickelodeon
(41:31):
look shorter. It's because most of Disney
Channel was from below where most of Nickelodeon was.
They were shot from above. So and that could be just like
how the director saw it, but also Dan Schneider.
But anyway, so. See in.
So listen, but listen to this. In Nick with the angle, you can
(41:55):
get a better shot at the feet, yeah.
So listen to this. So we have these 4.
So I have to drink my 2 litre real.
Quick, so we have these three lovely ladies and your
bodyguard, giant Simone Biles. Like Simone Biles, but she's a
balloon. Fucking free.
(42:20):
Dude, we have, we have, we have,We have these three beautiful
ladies in this Crime Bill poster.
Russell is the meanest. It's a rude guy.
So that was back. In like 2006 ish era, like
somewhere I know Cheetah Girls existed in that time frame,
(42:40):
right? Here's what Disney Channel was
putting out. Two I think here's what Disney
Channel was putting out. We have Olivia Rodrigo.
That's a pretty name. Although actually she's not from
Disney Channel. But this is also a fucking
(43:01):
child. Yikes.
That's a new one, so. Let's keep track of this.
She was born in 2003. Yep, let's keep track of this.
We have Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo.
Then we have, what's her fuckingname?
Wednesday Adams Chick. I should know this.
(43:22):
Ortega. Yeah.
Jenna Ortega. Ortega's a fucking bad ass last
name. Yeah, it is child.
And then we have fucking. Wait, how old is she?
They're not actual children. They all look like children.
They're pushing the people that look like children into the
(43:42):
spotlight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because they're trying to normalize sexual attraction to
younger kids. Yeah.
It's pretty cool, right? It's pretty neat.
See. They find adults.
What's her fucking? Baby, so it's not wrong.
Snow White 2025 film This Chick.She was on Disney Channel.
(44:10):
Rachel Ziegler, child. Can you pull up that awkward
face? Freeze?
Yeah, that's Snow White real quick.
Oh please tell me it's on here. Oh, come on, Google.
(44:34):
Well, they're kind of everywhere.
It happens a lot more. Than it is just her face but.
There's like one that's like egregious.
Yeah, yeah. That's an ugly child.
OK, so we have. So can we sexualize that?
Is that one OK, Ross? Sexualizing Sling Blade.
(44:56):
Yeah. Oh my God.
No, no, no, no, no. Go down, go down, go down.
There's one in middle tier. Fucking Forrest Gump.
Fucking Bubba. Fuck yeah.
That's awesome. That is so good.
Back in the day we had mom fucking, what's her name?
(45:21):
Lisa McGuire. She's my mother, who was shot
from a lower perspective, makingher look taller, older than you,
the audience. That's how everything was
portrayed to children back in the day.
And then all the sudden in like the 20 teens, everything started
(45:45):
being younger. And no, it's not because I was
getting older. I was paying attention to this
from a very young age 'cause I noticed the.
Difference between Charlie Dang the fuck?
Out of here, I know when I was little, I when I was little I
noticed the difference between the perspectives of Disney
Channel and Nickelodeon. I feel like this is easily
disprovable, but I want to play.I want to.
(46:06):
See, I'm proving it to you rightnow.
Yeah, I know, I know. I want to see this through.
This is for the audience to reassure them that like we are
not a fact source. Do not rely on us.
For facts but I only just started putting together like
the the creepy part of it like recently with all of the fucking
child looking chicks that are being pushed into the spotlight.
(46:29):
So does that mean that we're getting Weinstein back like
Harvey? Quality movies?
Is that about to happen? No, because they're still
putting children that look like butt holes in movies too.
Like the chick from the zombie show?
Yeah, but I think they're tryingto fight back with these.
Castings. No.
They're trying to fight back with Sidney Sweeney.
(46:49):
OK. Is that also a baby?
Well. She's not a good actor.
So. I didn't know she's not.
Yeah. What?
What do you mean you didn't knowshe was?
I thought she. Was a singer or something.
It's like I I don't listen to. What sing me to sleep?
Russell, she's a baby. You just.
Said. No, I said.
She's not you. Said she had a baby face.
(47:11):
I don't like Selena Gomez has a baby face and I'm not mad.
Yeah, but I'm talking about I don't like.
Talking. I don't like using this phrase
because it makes me feel weird saying it.
Fuckable. They have the.
Bodies. Of children.
Yeah, I don't like. Saying it, that's why I don't.
Say it, can we like? Can we bleep that every?
(47:32):
Other time we say that, I'm not going to say it again.
Bodies. Of that's what I'm referring to
when I'm. Referring to.
The child actor, the the people that look like children, I'm not
talking about their face. They're so you're like studying
the bodies of child actors. Studying the bodies of adult
actors. Who look like children Then how
can you compare them if you didn't study?
(47:53):
Both because I was a child and Ihave the.
Body of a hairless toddler because I have to look myself in
the mirror every day when I avoid.
Brushing my teeth, damn it. That's fair.
That's fair. What happened?
To big tits and asses. I'm fine with.
(48:16):
Big asses and big. Tits have just Lizzo, dude.
OK, you. You're making me say it.
Lizzo. Lizzo.
She broke. That we got Lizzo, Meghan
trainer. They're ruining it.
They. Ruin it, That's true.
Fat people, you're going to makeme.
Be the one to say it. Fat people ruin everything.
(48:39):
Why do you think we're ruining this podcast?
Are we coming out of the speakers?
Hello. No, we're not.
You're like. Wait, I am ruining it?
Right now you just flipped yourself in the head that you
you giant zit right between likewhere?
My glasses sit just smashed themright into it.
(49:03):
Oh, I'm in. Yeah, but that's.
What's happening? That's that's why.
Like, OK, what's the opposite ofthese?
It turns out it's young children.
I'm so sorry, Russell. This is so bad.
What? Who?
Else is that the actress for? Tammy, she was.
In the Ghostbusters, Tammy. From what the movie's.
(49:26):
Called Tammy. I'm pretty.
Sure. Oh.
McCarthy, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Melissa McCarthy Yeah.
Yeah, that's what's been happening.
Yeah, I don't know. It's a hard reset and.
I'm sorry that the pendulum swung.
Too hard in the other direction and it's making you
uncomfortable. I'm like if the pendulum swings
toward. Pedophilia.
(49:46):
I'm glad it makes you uncomfortable.
That's. Reassuring.
It's never a good feeling when you realize you've actually been
hanging out with a pedophile. That's happened to me more times
than I care to. It happened to me a couple weeks
ago. Exactly.
Turns out, wait, I probably should.
Yeah, I don't. How about?
Let's not. Elaborate on that.
(50:11):
Yeah, never mind. They're.
Sneaky. They're sneaky people.
Yep, but the pendulum swings both.
Ways and this is a a. Very uncomfortable correction.
That's what it is. It's more information about that
whole situation too. Oh.
No, yeah, it's worse. It's worse and it's not.
About Father were the sons of. The father visited upon.
(50:36):
The Son. Yeah.
Uh oh. Let's change the subject.
Oh, my God, Dude, have you ever,like, been working outside
wearing shorts? Which I know you have.
I know that's true. Yeah.
Like I don't see you wearing jeans more than you have to, but
(51:00):
like the sweat travels down yourleg, misses all the fabric and
like lands in your knee pocket and then catches all the built
up sweat there and then continues to travel down into
your sock Brother, I have been. Sitting on the shitter at work
and shivered. Because.
(51:20):
Of a trickle. Of sweat.
Travelling down my leg into my fucking sock.
It's so gross. It's one of the worst.
Feelings ever feels like a spider?
Except it's a stinky sweat. Oh, Speaking of bugs, dude.
I was defrosting some meat yesterday in the microwave and I
(51:45):
open it up and a mosquito comes out like after the fucking
microwave has been running. Full cook.
Yeah, he was perfectly fine. So you're saying we couldn't be?
In a Wagler, no. I called dibs me. 1st let me
out, let me. That's probably what happened in
(52:09):
Poly. Dynamite with the time travel
crystal. Turn it on.
Turn it on. Dude with this 2 leader thing I
feel like I'm going to throw up on.
One of these episodes. I fucking love that movie.
It's so stupid. It's the best.
(52:32):
It's all of the uncomfortable, absurd, awkward stuff that I
crave in my everyday existence. That's why I love you, Russell.
I only get a little taste. It doesn't quite.
It holds me over until my next film.
You don't quite have the full strength, so I don't fill you.
You're my methadone until I. Get my next kid.
(52:54):
I'm your white penis. Napoleon is your.
Black penis? Yes.
Napoleon fills you. He makes your stomach bulge.
Yeah, he reams me out. God.
I just spent an hour on the shading of your upper lip.
Hold on, I. Have something to ask you?
(53:25):
The Sandlot. Fat kid.
So you know the janitor at work that looks like this?
The lady. Oh yeah.
(53:47):
Why is she? Always looking at me like that.
She wants to. Suck your spine every time I.
See her? She's glaring at me, 'cause
you're. Teasing.
Her with your. Fucking eye candy, all right?
She wants to suck your spine outof your penis and you're holding
out. She's a Hungry Girl.
(54:14):
Does that make you feel better to know the truth?
Makes me feel worse. Also, he hasn't aged.
He has a little bit, yeah, but black don't.
Crack. They just do it a lot.
(54:38):
Yeah, they replenish their source so that the.
Crack doesn't leave their bodies.
Who's that? The not the the second female
lead and that's a Raven. Something Ponderosa Dianalise or
something like that. I never watched the show.
(54:59):
I know, but you're aware of. Yeah, let me look red headed
chick. Not That 70s Show.
Not that redhead. The ugly 1.
You mean So Raven? Annalise, Vander.
(55:26):
Pol. She.
Kind of. Whoa.
She got hot. Yeah, she.
Kind of always looked like an adult.
Like just supporting your previous statement.
Yeah, did kids. In the 90s.
Just look older. Have you seen like fucking?
High school yearbooks from people in the 60s.
(55:47):
Oh yeah, they look fucking ancient.
They looked. Old.
Yeah, so like when they cast forGrease and they were all like 40
year olds playing teens, like itmakes more sense.
Yeah, but the chick that played Marge or.
Whatever her name was was like that was unacceptably old.
She was a super senior, times 12.
Yeah, she had to repeat. She looked like somebody's
(56:09):
grandma. Yes.
And the fact? That she was like the biggest
slut. The most sought after?
Checking the skull was. Hilarious.
Why do you think she's so good at smoking cigarettes dude?
Because. She's so good at smoking poles.
Exactly. Pull up like a 19. 60s Yearbook.
(56:34):
Yearbook. All these photos are going to be
difficult to see. What the fuck is that artist
interpretation? That's racist, I mean.
(56:56):
Yeah, those just. Look like fucking.
Grown ass men. Yeah.
And those are like 14 year old kids.
Look at that dude in like secondto the top left.
Nope. There you go.
That dude looks like he's already served 2 tours in Iraq.
This guy, yes, he looks. Younger than most of the other
guys? No, he looks like he's giving.
(57:18):
Instructions to. Like an assault team.
Look at this, Jake. That could be the faculty.
I think that's faculty. God damn lady.
Yeah, they all look fucking old.Like every now and.
Again, you'll see one that actually looks like an.
Appropriate age, but even then, these are seniors.
(57:43):
That poor girl, damn. See.
Makeup technology has gotten so good.
Now these crows are just hangingaround us at.
Clubs and stuff, we have no idea.
Yeah, yeah, that, that is. Crazy.
But yeah, back then they just looked fucking old.
(58:07):
Let me see something real. Quick face.
My. Tapes that like.
Triggered A TikTok memory from along time ago.
This chick. OK, this chick.
Is. Also, that chick is this chick.
Yeah. What she does is she like.
(58:27):
Has a special tape where she like pulls her fucking whole
face back. Yeah, that's insane.
That's. Pretty fucking cool.
Do you think that? Was spy technology that
accidentally got. Leaked.
That's like a. Totally different fucking.
Person right here getting honeypot you.
See me go honeypot me. Let's see.
(58:51):
Fine. I'll do it again.
This is how I face. My tapes.
OK, so like, there's like an elastic band that goes behind
her head. It's attaching to her cheekbones
last night. That is fucking wild.
So she had makeup on before, right?
Yeah. So go go back.
(59:11):
To the video. It doesn't look like she has
makeup, but you can see it there's.
Like yeah, there is, there is. Makeup on this chick's face
already? Yeah.
And I'm trying to look for like a lighting.
Change or something? A subtle lighting change, but
it's just because the camera's focusing on her face.
Yeah, that is fucking crazy. Here's another 10.
(59:33):
This is Facebook. It might no play.
Ladies and gentlemen, This is why you don't do one night.
Stands You need to make sure that you don't wake up next to a
very different person. Watch this How many?
This is that's illegal, yeah. That's false advertising.
(59:55):
For sure. So how many like people thought
that they drank way? More than they did.
When they woke up next to someone who didn't have their
face tape on. Yeah, a lot.
A lot of. Them like gave up alcohol when
they didn't. Actually have a problem because
of these face tape things. Yeah, 'cause that's an old lady.
(01:00:16):
That's a sad. That's like a 30.
Is this a filter? Does she?
Is she? Using like a old lady filter?
Is that what's been going on this whole time, 'cause I just
realized there's not an amount of faith?
Like you. Can't look that much younger.
That's that's crazy. Yeah, we're fucking sunscreen,
(01:00:37):
guys. So you can avoid all of this.
This is fucking wild. I think maybe that's a filter?
But have you seen so like my, my, my mom, my wife got like
really into like makeup tutorialvideos a couple years ago.
Yeah. And so I would see.
These things where. I guess there's this new fad in
(01:01:00):
makeup called like, contouring, where like the way you put it on
makes different face shapes entirely.
Yeah, completely. Brother, that's been.
A thing since like eternity. It's witchcraft, yes.
Yes. People have just.
Had more resources to share their.
Secrets like I think like one ofthe first big waves on YouTube.
(01:01:25):
Like people actually started getting.
Like serious money was like makeup tutorials.
It should be illegal. I mean, if you.
Accidentally conceive a child with that.
Person you should be allowed to like have a say in whether or
not the child is you should. Get one crisp stomach.
Punch. That's all I'm saying.
(01:01:46):
Just one no. Charges filed if the baby lives.
It's your fault for getting tricked, I guess.
How did you feel about that? Speaking of getting tricked,
that video of the monkey that came down to the street and saw
the dog, Yeah, What was going? Do you think he got butt ripped?
(01:02:08):
By a dog. I know he did, you know.
OK, so. Listener dog sniffing.
His butt too many times. No that.
Dog like came. With immediate.
Interest and it wasn't like hey let's be friendly.
There's this video of Like a Monkey and.
He seems like German shepherd sized and he's walking around on
(01:02:28):
all fours in the middle of town.So it's India or something and a
dog shows up and so the monkey like gets on all threes and
covers his ass with his hand andstarts walking away looking at
the dog, looking back at the dogand like runs off it.
(01:02:51):
Was so weird he got stung by a. Beagle one too many.
Times. Or the dog looked like an Indian
guy. Whoops.
Because we know what the Indian.Guys are doing.
Anything with the pulse, brother?
(01:03:16):
All right, guys. I think we did it.
Love you, goodbye. None.
You are now entering the prism. Oh yeah, but I'm a queef and
you're a dildo. What help put you in here My?
(00:22):
Rear. You don't belong here.
Oh no. Welcome back to True Prison
Podcast. You got Benny, Keith and Rusty
Stacks. OK.
Stacking back shits 'cause he's on a new protein diet.
(00:43):
I sure AM. Stacking fat logs in the company
toilet. They're definitely not log
shaped. Sorry, fat pancakes.
No, like fat soups. Fat blasts, fat soups, that dark
chowder. Yeah.
(01:07):
Oh my God, so if if the head of Tesla immaculately conceived.
The butt of Tesla. Immaculately conceived the
Chosen One of the Force, he would be known as Schmelon Musk.
(01:38):
Just going to let that one sit for a little bit.
Good. And then when the sand people
come for him, his son Luke, LukeMusk cured.
That would be Anakin Musk in this scenario, right?
Yeah, Anakin Musk would use the Tesla Autopilot or the Force in
air quotes to run them over in the cyber truck.
(02:01):
What is he running over though? The sand people.
You mean the Elon the. Women and the children too,
mother fucker. Yes.
Fuck yeah there was a shitty high 5 but I'm so stoked that
you did that. How do you miss that?
Was like the roughest layup. How?
Do you miss that? You're absolutely right.
(02:24):
I got so caught up on sand people I guess.
And for those who missed it because he was being loud, I
said the Elon Tuscan Raiders. We've already done Elon Tusk.
No. Yeah.
Rick and Morty did. Elon Tusk.
Right, right. We we expounded upon that.
Yeah, I don't even think expounding is a word.
Yeah, I'm sure it is expounding.I've never done that.
(02:51):
I was trying to come up. Yes, I, I.
Was trying to come up with a wayto refer to Xbox as like
sleeping with your ex again. I was trying to formulate the
joke for that. So my writer's room known as the
listener. If you could come up with
something to make that make sense, yes.
John. Fix it, I'm dying.
(03:16):
I also just fucking beefed just now.
It did get like exceptionally warmer in here a minute ago it
was so bad. Dude.
I was like scared that I shit myself a little bit and I tried
to like lean up to catch it and I squeezed the rest I was
(03:38):
having. Those farts this morning, I got
to work and I was, like, at my desk letting you know I was
there. And then I, like, farted.
And it hurt. Like, the fart didn't hurt.
The fart was hot enough where actually it kind of did.
Like it was an uncomfortable amount of heat.
Yeah, I have had like hot enoughfarts that it hurts like that.
(04:02):
The the heat actually feels likea burn.
And it travels with this hot your balls.
It just scorches. It fucking blitzkriegs your
taint. Oh, I know the ones.
But then I went and took a shit and it was just excruciatingly
(04:26):
hot. Hell yeah.
Hell yeah. I've what I've been doing is
I'll like if I'm standing up to fart, like when I'm farting, if
I'm not around anybody, what I'll do is I'll fart and then
I'll turn around and like bend over to smelt.
(04:47):
Why? Because it stays there, it
doesn't move, so I can't tell ifit's there or not.
And I don't want somebody walking by who's at like a lower
level than me and hitting it. So I need to make sure I didn't
leave a fucking loaf of fart just hanging out.
So I like do the sniff test of like the atmosphere to know if I
(05:13):
need to like wave it away. Dude today the person I share an
office with, we were in there and I thought I had like a
little sneaky squeaker. She like stepped out and so I
like straight low and like immediately I like smell it like
(05:35):
but then the smell goes away. Or so I thought.
It travelled over to her. She comes in, I see like a
facial expression. She kind of like shakes her.
Head. Like, she was pissed off at
something and I was like, oh, something happened out there on
the floor. And that's why she's upset
because this does happen from time to time.
(05:56):
Yeah. And then she goes and sits down
and doesn't say anything. My boss comes in, It's talking.
He like shortly after coming into the office, someone else
comes in and there's like a small walkway right there at the
(06:18):
opening. So he has like walk in and like
he crosses his arms like posts up on the wall that person's in
and like says something. But normally they're like a
talker and they'll stay. For some odd reason.
Their visit to the office was very brief.
They leave, she leaves, my boss leaves, and then he comes back
(06:41):
like 20 seconds later. He's like, what the fuck is that
smell? They're like he's like, I don't
know, it's weird. He's like he smells like action
so and then we're not done. 3 minutes after he leaves the
(07:09):
purse I share in office with comes back in.
She's like. This is.
Unbelievable. They need to fix this AC unit.
It smells awful. And I asked her is like, didn't
they fix the AC unit like 2 weeks ago 'cause they did like a
wall mounted thing? Yeah he's like, she's like, no,
(07:31):
I think they just took it out todiagnose it and popped it back
in and he's like, Oh yeah, they must have penciled with the
service on it. She's like, yeah, probably.
She, like, somebody fired. She, like, grabs this aerosol,
like, disinfectant spray, which has a pretty strong smell.
She sprays it, runs the entire can out.
(07:52):
She's like, she starts rifling through every drawer in her
desk, in the file cabinet, trying to find another.
She makes a call to the head of our sanitization department and
he's like, please. Yeah.
They don't answer. She like, leaves a sincere the
(08:12):
message, like, please, can you get me like a fragrance?
He's like, I, I I could really use your help and I would
greatly appreciate it. She's like, thank you.
It hangs up and about four minutes later there's a short
(08:34):
Hispanic guy who's like one of the supervisors for it.
He's not a manager. He's like super short dude,
really like well groomed hair, glasses.
You've always seen him driving around.
He like power walks over to the office, knocks on the door.
He's smart enough 'cause I guesshe's gotten this call before.
(08:55):
He's smarter to know not to comein.
So he like pushes the door open and hands it to her.
He's like, I hope this helps. This is all we have at the
moment. She's like, anything's gonna be
better. She proceeds to like drop 1/3 of
the and then it and then it smells so much better.
(09:19):
That's amazing. It's dangerous though because
after like I thought that the smell were wrong to cover my
tracks I had to do it again. So I'm just terrorizing this
poor 55 year old. What do you mean to cover your
tracks? You had to do it again.
(09:40):
OK, so the ACS magically going to stop staying?
You think that's how it works, Russell?
You're a psychopath. It's strategy, OK?
(10:06):
Otherwise they'll know I'm a stinky boy.
Oh my. God, that was my act of
terrorism for the day. So what I do when I go?
I go to bed usually. Like right before my wife does.
(10:27):
That's why I'm in bed before shegets in bed.
And as soon as she gets under the covers, I'll let one out and
she'll be like, eww. And she'll be like, let it out.
Like lift the covers on my side to like, you know.
So every once in a while what I'll do is I'll like lift the
(10:48):
covers between me and I'll like fan them over and then she'll
start hitting me. It's pretty.
It's a pretty fun time. It's scary because of how small
she is. She doesn't have to hold back.
Yeah. So like, if she ever gets
strong, it's gonna be bad. You're gonna come to work with.
(11:10):
Fucking. Bruises.
Bruises like a fucking Dalmatiandude.
So your strategy is poor. What you need to do is need the
time before she shows up. Like if you can really plan this
out perfectly, you'll hear the footsteps and she's coming down
the hallway, unload under the sheets.
I've done. And then she then when she like
(11:32):
opens up the briefcase like it'slike, what was it?
What is that choose you like choose the briefcase, right?
Dealer no deal, dealer no deal. It's like dealer no deal when
they open the case and it says like $1.00.
Yeah, I've done that before. She'll like lift the sheet and
just. We're going to get divorced.
(12:02):
Oh man, oh oh man. Can you imagine, like here in 20
years, that that's going to be like a form of abuse that people
are going to complain about? Yeah.
Yeah, farting. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a
crime. Olfactory abused me I'm.
Pretty sure it's a crime to likego and fart on somebody.
Assault. It's a crime to like to spit on
(12:26):
someone, but I think that it would only be like a crime if
you did it like bare ass if you bare ass farted at someone
because then you could. I crop those people all the time
so. But not with your bare ass.
No. You ever nail your wife in the
shower with a? Fart.
Yeah. Wait.
Oh yeah. Also, yeah.
(12:52):
So you should and I I don't likeshowering together.
I'm not a fan either so I feel like I need to like punish my
wife by like pressing her against the shower stall wall
between my ass and just like farting the ever living.
(13:13):
You know when you like, you havea like a baby and you like get
their stomach, you go on their stomach.
You know, it's like a Zerbert orsomething.
Raspberries. But with your ass on your
wife's. Stomach, yes, yes, exactly that.
And it's hot and steamy, there'sno airflow, so you know it's
gonna just sit there for a bit. And the best part is I'm real
(13:35):
brave 'cause I'm already in the shower.
So what happens happens. We'll let the cards fall where
they make. If I shit myself, it is what?
It is look at Joey Diaz that. Shit.
Exactly. And you best believe if it does
(13:59):
happen, I'm going to play it offlike I did it on purpose.
Because he used to do that. Or he says he used to shit in
his hand in the shower and and ally opened into the toilet.
Oh my God, and. He said his wife caught him and
he had to stop. Oh man.
I mean, what is technically wrong with that?
(14:20):
The touching chute with your hands part.
OK. Yeah, that.
Fair. You're using the toilet
incorrectly. Nothing, Nothing should ever
leave your hand and go into the toilet.
I throw tissues in there all thetime, it's fine.
Yeah, that's right. That's how you, that's how you
clean your ass. Yeah, yeah.
(14:41):
So there's not a technical foul like these are.
It's standing up to shit. That is, that should be a crime.
Yeah. If it isn't, it should be a
crime. Always squat.
Unless you're like gingerbread man from like a gnarly skiing
accident where both your legs are in like a straight cast,
there's no excuse to be standingwhile shooting.
(15:03):
Yeah. And even then, if you're
resorting to that, you chase thepeople away you needed in your
life and you deserve to go to jail.
Yeah. So Sonny Bono is the only one
that can shit standing up. I don't think he survived, you
know he didn't. I'm pretty sure he shit when he
hit that tree. That's true, that's true.
(15:27):
He had a log on both sides of him.
Now he's out there singing shitty music in heaven.
What a way to go is I Got you Babe.
A Sony and Cher song, Yes is it?Or are you just saying that?
I feel very confident that that is.
(15:48):
'Cause I don't if it's not. I seriously don't know any Sonny
and Cher songs. There's a reason Cher is better
by herself. Cher is the mom in the monster.
Oh, it is Sonny and Cher. OK, Cher.
Cher is just like the mom from the monsters, right?
Oh yeah. That feels right or no?
(16:11):
I think it's Adams family. Oh yeah, that is.
Wait, did she actually? Was she actually in the Adams
family? I don't think so.
I think you just like modelled after her Adams and it's 2DS.
Does do you? What would I care about that?
(16:33):
Christina Ricci I think. Yeah, no, she's not, but man
does she fucking look like that character.
That's right, Christopher Lloyd was.
Uncle, Uncle Felcher. In wait, one of those two is M
Bison. Which one was it?
(16:55):
Paul, Julia. Raul.
Yeah. Is it Raul, Raul, Raul?
I think it was him. Yes, it was him.
He has the attic, dies. Also like his face.
His face is just like a fantastic actor's face for me.
Yeah. He just looks like very
(17:16):
unpredictable, very multiple. Speaking of.
What the fuck did they put on that man's head?
That's his. Skull.
EW. OK, well Speaking of the Adams
family, I'll go If you are listening, please come home.
(17:40):
We miss you. He's a member of the Discord who
just fell off the planet and hishe's he goes by Lurchman and his
whole thing is being Lurch from the Addams Family and he's just
gone. He just cosplays, has Lurch or
just portrays what his characterwould say on.
(18:01):
No, he is our resident reporter and he writes articles about
what goes or wrote articles about what was going on in the
new in the discord and then would like mock them up as like
newspaper clippings. Oh dude, that with like.
The commitment. He's so cool.
(18:22):
That's actually pretty and he would like and all.
Of it was on Microsoft Paint, 'cause he didn't want to use
photo, he didn't want to like pay for Photoshop or whatever,
so he would just like all this shit he made was on Microsoft
Paint and it was incredible. He would like make he'd do it
the most difficult way possible.Yeah.
Is this guy me? And then and then he just.
(18:42):
Yeah, yeah. And then he just fell off the
planet and we can't find him. Dude have you looked up like an
obituary for? We don't know his name, we don't
know anything about him. I.
Mean for security purposes. I agree with that.
But yeah. Fuck.
So yeah. He will be missed.
(19:05):
Hopefully not for long. I want him back.
What's wrong with this guy's head?
He has way too much chin. They really just got a bunch of
fucking weirdos for this show. They haven't had acting gigs in
weeks. It's like I need money, please
(19:27):
hire me. I'm a good guy.
You know, I'm a good guy. 'Cause like even Christina Ricci
they fucking called it for how creepy she wants going to look.
Yeah, like her new hairstyle, She like, has bangs so that she
covers up the giant forehead. Yeah, 'cause she's nuts looking
(19:49):
even today. She like those eyes.
Those eyes are made for sin. I'd sin on them eyes.
I'll get my sin in those eyes. Farts guys.
Clean up. No, I I meant semen.
(20:11):
Russell, you slut. Yeah.
Yeah, Raul Julia. So that he was the Street
Fighter in Bison. Yeah.
And then they hired another guy who was also super fucking
scrawny to play in Bison. I didn't.
I never realized that, but yeah.Why are they doing this?
(20:33):
M Bison's supposed to be the Buffy Dick bag.
Well, who else were, Who do you think would fit that character
'cause I think they're going forface because they can make the
muscles. John Cena.
John Cena doesn't have M Bison'sface.
He's not chiseled like that. You think Raul has that face?
They just put fucking white contacts on John Cena and then
(20:54):
it's fine. Look up a picture of John Cena
nowadays, especially current John Cena.
I need to see what he looks likeas M Bison.
That's a period. How about you just look up M
Bison by itself? How about you look up my butt
hole and see my shit? Only if you stared into the
window of my brown eye. M Bison Tuesday What does that
(21:16):
mean? I have no idea.
Oh, that's. Gross.
Yeah. He just like, looks weird.
He he doesn't look like. I thought he what?
I thought he did it. Was a very poor casting.
He also had fucking cancer during this.
But yeah, just look up M Bison by itself.
(21:40):
I know what M Bison looks like. No, look at his fucking face
with his fucking psycho arts. No, just just regular M Bison,
not matter. I don't want to type it all in.
There we go. So you can literally just put a
hat on John Cena, give him whiteout contacts and he's like
(22:03):
League's better casting. John Cena doesn't have that
chin. What is that?
What is that comic book character that he plays that you
told me about? He does like a live action
Marvel thing maybe? No, it's DC Peacemaker.
Peacemaker. Yeah, he he snakes pee.
(22:28):
He's a peacemaker. Good.
Can you show me his snakings? Yeah.
Show his like portrayal of that.It will go to his fucking face.
OK, look that. Look at that fucking dimple in
(22:49):
his fucking chin. I get it.
That is close enough. He looks.
Exactly like M Bison. There you go.
And he has the mass. He's cultivated enough mass.
That was a better casting. Russell, you're just a
contrarian. He's busy being the face of DC
Comets. And the voice of China.
And the voice of the People's Republic.
(23:14):
It's really weird that he's the vase of DC, since nobody heard
of him before that show came out.
Yeah, Peacemaker, not John Cena.Everybody's heard of him, they
just don't know what he looks like.
We could have totally made a beautiful joke.
(23:35):
We missed the golden. Opportunity.
What do you mean I can't see anything?
The search results are just blank.
It's fucking weird. Oh, wait, can you, can you
reload that page? Like the thing?
There's something going on with the Internet.
(23:56):
Well, yeah, that would be a muchbetter casting choice.
This season has Roy from the office in it the second season.
Who the fuck was Roy? Pam's fiance from the beginning.
Peacemaker's racist older brother.
Why is he just a mad dude in everything?
I've seen in him. He's the dad in that movie where
(24:19):
it's a kid who's a bee, but Superman.
Oh, yeah. And then, and then I don't know
what. Oh, he's the dad in the Power
Rangers movie from 2017. He's the Red Rangers dad in
that. Yeah, he just plays an angry guy
(24:39):
all the time. He so far, he hasn't had a whole
lot of screen time in Peacemaker.
He's a redhead, right? I don't know, He's bald.
Like he's shit, he's a Skinhead,but.
Yeah, I think he's. I think he's a redhead.
He just said that. That ginger rage.
Yeah, yeah. And his name is Roy, and that's
(25:00):
like a very ginger name. That's not his real name, but he
did play a character named Roy and that informs my opinion of
him. Yeah, 100%.
Who got fucking shafted by fucking Mr. Fantastic?
Roy was a good dude. Did you watch the Office?
(25:24):
Yeah. Hold.
On Sorry has the SIP our mandatory 2 leaders.
I want us to start an evening with A2 leader and try to finish
it by the time we're done recording.
I can do that. Yeah.
(25:45):
No, Pam's a cunt. Yeah, Jim is a douche and Roy
was perfectly fine. He just dropped the ball a
couple times. That's it.
Yeah, he was just a regular dudethat got a little disinterested
and a little disinteresting a couple times, and he swooped in.
(26:07):
Yeah, Jim's just like an office bully.
I think he's a Scranton Strangler.
No, that's definitely Toby. Toby the gay HR guy.
No, don't. Don't you remember, like when
Jim left the Scranton branch? Yeah, like they didn't talk
about the Scranton Strangler. Yeah.
(26:29):
And then when he came back, likeyou actually started seeing
references to the Scranton Strangler again.
Yeah, I know. I'm just saying.
So you think Toby intentionally is it's it's very possible that
Toby could be trying. Have you heard him say a
sentence? That guy strangles people.
He strangles his penis. He's divorced.
(26:56):
That one was like, have you everseen this?
I don't think the listeners heard that second one.
But have you ever seen those TikToks where where it's like a
couple and one of the guy filming goes guess my fart and
then they go and then he farts and it's like and it's like
perfect. Yeah, I guess my fart with a
(27:18):
fart. Nice call and response.
Yeah, it's good songwriting. I love the lyrics, Russell.
Yeah, I'm not. I hate calling response in
songs. Well, like 90% of the time it's
just, it's just lazy. There's only like, I can't even
name them. It's good for crowd.
There's a few, there's a few like a handful of songs that I'm
(27:41):
OK with it, but most of the times I don't appreciate it.
They usually do it for like during their tour circuit, they
can get more crowd engagement. Yeah, I just don't care.
Stop touring. Help when you understand the
mechanism behind. I got a mechanism that you can
understand you. Got that thing on.
(28:01):
You. It's the mechanism that makes
that makes up the aperture of myasshole.
I don't know if I want to understand that I feel like
could do loose hiding in there. What is spread your cheeks and
all of a sudden? What is the?
What is it? Aperture is, yeah.
That's what opens on a camera's lens.
Yeah, but that spiralling, yes. Closure, yes, there's another
(28:26):
name for that. Pretty sure it's just is it?
OK, what if the butt hole open? Like that'd be cool as shit,
just have a like an eyeball in there.
A turd cutter. Some people have a poop knife.
You ever heard of that shit? I just, I would like that like a
(28:51):
the ceiling, you know, in every single spaceship movie where a
hole gets a hole gets blown intothe hole of the spaceship.
All of a sudden it cabin depressurizes, people are
getting sucked out and then the safety mechanism door comes and
drops down and cutting someone in half.
I want that for my butt hole so I don't have to wipe as much.
Yeah, just have an emergency airlock for your ass.
(29:15):
Yes, yes. That's not a bad idea.
When I get Neuralink, I'll have that installed as well.
Neuralink and Analink. That's such a good technology.
(29:35):
I hope that's where science goes.
But science, a science anytime. Like a Spanish person tries to
say the word science. Science.
No, that's a Mexican person because a Spanish person would
say science because people in Spain are gay and just pronounce
(29:58):
their s s like they're THS. They only have straight sex for
procreation purposes. Yeah.
You think there are tax benefitsfor having a a child?
I don't know, somebody I went tohigh school with lives in Spain
and is married to a Spanish guy,so it happens.
I just don't think it's very common.
Straight relationships, I mean, yeah, Lizzie McGuire went to
(30:21):
Spain, didn't she? To sing gay music with her gay
self to her gorgeous fucking gayself.
Yeah, stop. I'm trying to get rid of my
boner. Russell Stop.
I love her. Are you trying to give me wood
right now? I like everyone.
Once in a while I'll fall in thewhole law, start consuming like
(30:46):
child star podcasts. Easy easy.
Like like 90s child stars like all have podcasts now.
So like will not Will Forte, theguy that plays Eric Matthews in
the older brother in Boy Meets World.
(31:08):
He's a voice actor and everything.
He's still active, but he has just like iheartradio's like
number and anytime he just says like has an idea, he just called
him up and be like, Hey, I have this podcast idea, get it, get
this stuff together. And so like one of them is he
and one of the girls from The Cheetah Girls movies, which I
(31:28):
don't think I've ever seen, but I was that was like my era of
Disney movies was that time. And I it literally was.
I always thought she was very attractive.
The blonde 1. The Hispanic blonde one.
No, the the good one. I think they're white one.
All Hispanic except for. Raven Sammons?
(31:51):
No, she was. Can you please put The Cheetah
Girls real quick? Yeah.
How do you I think they spell itweird too, so we got to be
careful, Cheetah. Girls.
OK, yeah, they spell it normal. You just spell it wrong.
Hispanic. This one.
(32:13):
So that's Hispanic, is she? Yep.
Sabrina Bryan. So it's one.
I guess her mom's probably Hispanic then either way.
Or they just whitewashed her name like the fucking Emilio
Estevez family. Yeah, the Sheens.
Either way, so Ron Stoppable calls up I heart and it's like,
(32:35):
I want to rewatch all the DisneyChannel movies.
Can you give me a Co host so I can record it and make money?
And they're like, yeah. And so they call her up and now
like every week they watch a movie and then review it and
it's all Disney Channel originalmovies.
I watched a lot of those episodes or actually I don't
think I watch 'cause they don't have the video for the show out.
It is just the only video formatfor that they have is clips,
(32:59):
which is really weird. Most of the stuff I really just
consume in clip format 'cause it'd be very irritating, long
form 'cause they're all the worst type of people.
But I'm not, I'm not going to let this slide.
Go back one. What do you?
(33:20):
Mean go back one it's literally 3 Hispanic chicks.
One of them is half black, the other one is full black.
She is 100% black. OK.
Keeley Williams. That name does not support my
argument, but. Raven Simone is a man and is
(33:44):
black. He's a black man hanging out
with three Hispanic girls. What's this girl's name?
A dream blonde Huton that's a Mexican if I've ever seen one.
Holy crap, look at that photo. Don't click it, but look at that
Raven photo above. Does that look wild?
Yeah, there's a dude with a wig on.
(34:04):
That's why. So, so if you look closely, you
know, Ravens costar, this is crazy.
I don't think I've ever voiced this before, but this is my this
is my theory. So Ravens Co star in the show
was a guy named Orlando Brown. He went crazy, right?
(34:25):
I think, I think to film the show, that's so Raven.
What they did was kind of what they did with with the Olsen
twins in full House. It's kind of had except like
reverse they sub them in. So instead of the Olsen's twins
are two people playing one character, it's one person
playing 2 characters. Because I'm pretty sure David
(34:47):
Simone is just Orlando Brown. Because look at this.
You're an idiot. I love it.
No, look at this. Uh.
Oh. Uh oh.
(35:10):
Everybody just Google Raven Simone Bald.
Uh oh. That's a guy with lipstick.
Gorgeous eyes, but definitely, definitely, I guess I'm
congratulating you. Look at that Eminem looking
photo in the bottom left. No, Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
(35:34):
That is unsettling. Exactly. 8 Mile.
Fucking that guy that we're looking at right now looks gayer
than Tupac Shaker, and that's saying a lot.
An impressive because Tupac was the hugest homo in Hollywood,
you know. We'll call him Tupac, right?
No, he packed two men in that beef.
(35:57):
And Jada Pinkett's head, yeah, that's what I've been doing a
lot is falling down the whole of. 14 year old Disney.
No, she's old now. No, no, she's.
Still. Attractive.
(36:18):
So you're implying that a 14 year old was attractive?
When I was 12, yeah. She was probably like 20 at the
time of recording. All right.
Yeah, I don't. She's like bigger.
No, like all white women get. Well, she's Hispanic, so.
That's also true. I gotta find that video.
(36:43):
There's a video of something coming.
It had something to do with somebody asking why Hispanic
women have huge hips. All the comments were like.
Well, when you let that big black men.
Really. Kind of pushes things off.
And it's like different forms ofsomebody going it's because
(37:05):
they're black. Yeah, I've been watching a lot
of those outside of One Piece. One Piece is good.
Why doesn't she just let her hair be black?
(37:25):
Are there any pictures of her hair just like a regular the
color instead of this bleach thing I.
Don't know. To the images, I feel like it's
going to happen again. We're going to start just
injecting women, kind. Of it's.
Not it's. I want like the root color to be
the same as everything else. I want a photo.
Of that I doubt there's I doubt that's available.
(37:47):
That one. That's this picture.
Oh. Damn, you're right, you're
right. I don't think she remembers what
her hair color. Is most white women don't while
she's Hispanic unless they were born blonde, most white women
don't have their original hair. What?
(38:09):
I think that's her. Where up in the YouTube video is
that her? No.
OK, as I say she looked. The hair made her look so
different. Yeah, they.
When is that her on the left? The hair made her look like a
ugly Asian lady. That's her with that leaked a
profile right? Yeah, the N word.
(38:38):
Yeah, it turned blackface. Oh man.
But like OK here check this out.Like Shakira also has that same
affliction like she doesn't. This is I can stand on my
principles with this as an example.
So I've been raging against the Sabrina Carpenters of the world
(38:59):
for a while now because we're sexualizing children.
Just because she's adult doesn'tmean she looks like doesn't
doesn't mean she's. Being portrayed as a child.
Also, she's a child. Oh, is she?
Look at her, she's 4 foot tall and never like went through.
(39:20):
Oh. I thought that was it.
I thought Sabrina, Bryan. No, Sabrina Carpenter, the You
know who I'm talking about. You've said it so many times I I
just forget that she exists. She's like one of the newer.
I'm just it's top generic child.Who's that good jeans chick,
(39:43):
Sydney? Sweeney.
Is she also? A child, No.
Well, she's got like a baby face, but this is like, this is
just a child. That's just a regular person.
Now remember, she's like 411. That's a baby.
(40:05):
She's snack size. So let me get this.
So are. You telling me you wouldn't hit
that? No, that's my thing.
That's what I'm. That's exactly what I'm saying.
Because when I was growing up. You tell me when the pull the
Binky Binky out of her mouth we had.
Adult looking women playing children.
(40:26):
And so when they grew into adults in real life, they were
already adults. But then we started having
children, playing children, and I don't know how, but they're
also staying children when they become adults.
It doesn't make sense to me, butthis is my conspiracy.
Conspiracy theories. They're trying to normalize
sexual attraction to younger features by pushing these
(40:48):
things. The younger features things has
always been like kind of sex. What is that?
Those are grown ass adults and they were the sex symbol on
Disney Channel for like 10 years.
Fair, fair. Keep going.
Hannah Montana, they portrayed her from a lower angle to make
her look taller. When Sabrina Carpenter was on
(41:11):
Disney Channel, she was a child.She was on the sequel to Boy
Meets World, where every shot was them looking down to show
that they're smaller. That's how you make.
That's that's why force perspective.
Force perspective. Yeah.
But like that's why if you go back and forth from Disney
Channel to well, back in the dayfrom Disney Channel to
Nickelodeon, the live action stuff, people on Nickelodeon
(41:31):
look shorter. It's because most of Disney
Channel was from below where most of Nickelodeon was.
They were shot from above. So and that could be just like
how the director saw it, but also Dan Schneider.
But anyway, so. See in.
So listen, but listen to this. In Nick with the angle, you can
(41:55):
get a better shot at the feet, yeah.
So listen to this. So we have these 4.
So I have to drink my 2 litre real.
Quick, so we have these three lovely ladies and your
bodyguard, giant Simone Biles. Like Simone Biles, but she's a
balloon. Fucking free.
(42:20):
Dude, we have, we have, we have,We have these three beautiful
ladies in this Crime Bill poster.
Russell is the meanest. It's a rude guy.
So that was back. In like 2006 ish era, like
somewhere I know Cheetah Girls existed in that time frame,
(42:40):
right? Here's what Disney Channel was
putting out. Two I think here's what Disney
Channel was putting out. We have Olivia Rodrigo.
That's a pretty name. Although actually she's not from
Disney Channel. But this is also a fucking
(43:01):
child. Yikes.
That's a new one, so. Let's keep track of this.
She was born in 2003. Yep, let's keep track of this.
We have Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo.
Then we have, what's her fuckingname?
Wednesday Adams Chick. I should know this.
(43:22):
Ortega. Yeah.
Jenna Ortega. Ortega's a fucking bad ass last
name. Yeah, it is child.
And then we have fucking. Wait, how old is she?
They're not actual children. They all look like children.
They're pushing the people that look like children into the
(43:42):
spotlight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because they're trying to normalize sexual attraction to
younger kids. Yeah.
It's pretty cool, right? It's pretty neat.
See. They find adults.
What's her fucking? Baby, so it's not wrong.
Snow White 2025 film This Chick.She was on Disney Channel.
(44:10):
Rachel Ziegler, child. Can you pull up that awkward
face? Freeze?
Yeah, that's Snow White real quick.
Oh please tell me it's on here. Oh, come on, Google.
(44:34):
Well, they're kind of everywhere.
It happens a lot more. Than it is just her face but.
There's like one that's like egregious.
Yeah, yeah. That's an ugly child.
OK, so we have. So can we sexualize that?
Is that one OK, Ross? Sexualizing Sling Blade.
(44:56):
Yeah. Oh my God.
No, no, no, no, no. Go down, go down, go down.
There's one in middle tier. Fucking Forrest Gump.
Fucking Bubba. Fuck yeah.
That's awesome. That is so good.
Back in the day we had mom fucking, what's her name?
(45:21):
Lisa McGuire. She's my mother, who was shot
from a lower perspective, makingher look taller, older than you,
the audience. That's how everything was
portrayed to children back in the day.
And then all the sudden in like the 20 teens, everything started
(45:45):
being younger. And no, it's not because I was
getting older. I was paying attention to this
from a very young age 'cause I noticed the.
Difference between Charlie Dang the fuck?
Out of here, I know when I was little, I when I was little I
noticed the difference between the perspectives of Disney
Channel and Nickelodeon. I feel like this is easily
disprovable, but I want to play.I want to.
(46:06):
See, I'm proving it to you rightnow.
Yeah, I know, I know. I want to see this through.
This is for the audience to reassure them that like we are
not a fact source. Do not rely on us.
For facts but I only just started putting together like
the the creepy part of it like recently with all of the fucking
child looking chicks that are being pushed into the spotlight.
(46:29):
So does that mean that we're getting Weinstein back like
Harvey? Quality movies?
Is that about to happen? No, because they're still
putting children that look like butt holes in movies too.
Like the chick from the zombie show?
Yeah, but I think they're tryingto fight back with these.
Castings. No.
They're trying to fight back with Sidney Sweeney.
(46:49):
OK. Is that also a baby?
Well. She's not a good actor.
So. I didn't know she's not.
Yeah. What?
What do you mean you didn't knowshe was?
I thought she. Was a singer or something.
It's like I I don't listen to. What sing me to sleep?
Russell, she's a baby. You just.
Said. No, I said.
She's not you. Said she had a baby face.
(47:11):
I don't like Selena Gomez has a baby face and I'm not mad.
Yeah, but I'm talking about I don't like.
Talking. I don't like using this phrase
because it makes me feel weird saying it.
Fuckable. They have the.
Bodies. Of children.
Yeah, I don't like. Saying it, that's why I don't.
Say it, can we like? Can we bleep that every?
(47:32):
Other time we say that, I'm not going to say it again.
Bodies. Of that's what I'm referring to
when I'm. Referring to.
The child actor, the the people that look like children, I'm not
talking about their face. They're so you're like studying
the bodies of child actors. Studying the bodies of adult
actors. Who look like children Then how
can you compare them if you didn't study?
(47:53):
Both because I was a child and Ihave the.
Body of a hairless toddler because I have to look myself in
the mirror every day when I avoid.
Brushing my teeth, damn it. That's fair.
That's fair. What happened?
To big tits and asses. I'm fine with.
(48:16):
Big asses and big. Tits have just Lizzo, dude.
OK, you. You're making me say it.
Lizzo. Lizzo.
She broke. That we got Lizzo, Meghan
trainer. They're ruining it.
They. Ruin it, That's true.
Fat people, you're going to makeme.
Be the one to say it. Fat people ruin everything.
(48:39):
Why do you think we're ruining this podcast?
Are we coming out of the speakers?
Hello. No, we're not.
You're like. Wait, I am ruining it?
Right now you just flipped yourself in the head that you
you giant zit right between likewhere?
My glasses sit just smashed themright into it.
(49:03):
Oh, I'm in. Yeah, but that's.
What's happening? That's that's why.
Like, OK, what's the opposite ofthese?
It turns out it's young children.
I'm so sorry, Russell. This is so bad.
What? Who?
Else is that the actress for? Tammy, she was.
In the Ghostbusters, Tammy. From what the movie's.
(49:26):
Called Tammy. I'm pretty.
Sure. Oh.
McCarthy, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Melissa McCarthy Yeah.
Yeah, that's what's been happening.
Yeah, I don't know. It's a hard reset and.
I'm sorry that the pendulum swung.
Too hard in the other direction and it's making you
uncomfortable. I'm like if the pendulum swings
toward. Pedophilia.
(49:46):
I'm glad it makes you uncomfortable.
That's. Reassuring.
It's never a good feeling when you realize you've actually been
hanging out with a pedophile. That's happened to me more times
than I care to. It happened to me a couple weeks
ago. Exactly.
Turns out, wait, I probably should.
Yeah, I don't. How about?
Let's not. Elaborate on that.
(50:11):
Yeah, never mind. They're.
Sneaky. They're sneaky people.
Yep, but the pendulum swings both.
Ways and this is a a. Very uncomfortable correction.
That's what it is. It's more information about that
whole situation too. Oh.
No, yeah, it's worse. It's worse and it's not.
About Father were the sons of. The father visited upon.
(50:36):
The Son. Yeah.
Uh oh. Let's change the subject.
Oh, my God, Dude, have you ever,like, been working outside
wearing shorts? Which I know you have.
I know that's true. Yeah.
Like I don't see you wearing jeans more than you have to, but
(51:00):
like the sweat travels down yourleg, misses all the fabric and
like lands in your knee pocket and then catches all the built
up sweat there and then continues to travel down into
your sock Brother, I have been. Sitting on the shitter at work
and shivered. Because.
(51:20):
Of a trickle. Of sweat.
Travelling down my leg into my fucking sock.
It's so gross. It's one of the worst.
Feelings ever feels like a spider?
Except it's a stinky sweat. Oh, Speaking of bugs, dude.
I was defrosting some meat yesterday in the microwave and I
(51:45):
open it up and a mosquito comes out like after the fucking
microwave has been running. Full cook.
Yeah, he was perfectly fine. So you're saying we couldn't be?
In a Wagler, no. I called dibs me. 1st let me
out, let me. That's probably what happened in
(52:09):
Poly. Dynamite with the time travel
crystal. Turn it on.
Turn it on. Dude with this 2 leader thing I
feel like I'm going to throw up on.
One of these episodes. I fucking love that movie.
It's so stupid. It's the best.
(52:32):
It's all of the uncomfortable, absurd, awkward stuff that I
crave in my everyday existence. That's why I love you, Russell.
I only get a little taste. It doesn't quite.
It holds me over until my next film.
You don't quite have the full strength, so I don't fill you.
You're my methadone until I. Get my next kid.
(52:54):
I'm your white penis. Napoleon is your.
Black penis? Yes.
Napoleon fills you. He makes your stomach bulge.
Yeah, he reams me out. God.
I just spent an hour on the shading of your upper lip.
Hold on, I. Have something to ask you?
(53:25):
The Sandlot. Fat kid.
So you know the janitor at work that looks like this?
The lady. Oh yeah.
(53:47):
Why is she? Always looking at me like that.
She wants to. Suck your spine every time I.
See her? She's glaring at me, 'cause
you're. Teasing.
Her with your. Fucking eye candy, all right?
She wants to suck your spine outof your penis and you're holding
out. She's a Hungry Girl.
(54:14):
Does that make you feel better to know the truth?
Makes me feel worse. Also, he hasn't aged.
He has a little bit, yeah, but black don't.
Crack. They just do it a lot.
(54:38):
Yeah, they replenish their source so that the.
Crack doesn't leave their bodies.
Who's that? The not the the second female
lead and that's a Raven. Something Ponderosa Dianalise or
something like that. I never watched the show.
(54:59):
I know, but you're aware of. Yeah, let me look red headed
chick. Not That 70s Show.
Not that redhead. The ugly 1.
You mean So Raven? Annalise, Vander.
(55:26):
Pol. She.
Kind of. Whoa.
She got hot. Yeah, she.
Kind of always looked like an adult.
Like just supporting your previous statement.
Yeah, did kids. In the 90s.
Just look older. Have you seen like fucking?
High school yearbooks from people in the 60s.
(55:47):
Oh yeah, they look fucking ancient.
They looked. Old.
Yeah, so like when they cast forGrease and they were all like 40
year olds playing teens, like itmakes more sense.
Yeah, but the chick that played Marge or.
Whatever her name was was like that was unacceptably old.
She was a super senior, times 12.
Yeah, she had to repeat. She looked like somebody's
(56:09):
grandma. Yes.
And the fact? That she was like the biggest
slut. The most sought after?
Checking the skull was. Hilarious.
Why do you think she's so good at smoking cigarettes dude?
Because. She's so good at smoking poles.
Exactly. Pull up like a 19. 60s Yearbook.
(56:34):
Yearbook. All these photos are going to be
difficult to see. What the fuck is that artist
interpretation? That's racist, I mean.
(56:56):
Yeah, those just. Look like fucking.
Grown ass men. Yeah.
And those are like 14 year old kids.
Look at that dude in like secondto the top left.
Nope. There you go.
That dude looks like he's already served 2 tours in Iraq.
This guy, yes, he looks. Younger than most of the other
guys? No, he looks like he's giving.
(57:18):
Instructions to. Like an assault team.
Look at this, Jake. That could be the faculty.
I think that's faculty. God damn lady.
Yeah, they all look fucking old.Like every now and.
Again, you'll see one that actually looks like an.
Appropriate age, but even then, these are seniors.
(57:43):
That poor girl, damn. See.
Makeup technology has gotten so good.
Now these crows are just hangingaround us at.
Clubs and stuff, we have no idea.
Yeah, yeah, that, that is. Crazy.
But yeah, back then they just looked fucking old.
(58:07):
Let me see something real. Quick face.
My. Tapes that like.
Triggered A TikTok memory from along time ago.
This chick. OK, this chick.
Is. Also, that chick is this chick.
Yeah. What she does is she like.
(58:27):
Has a special tape where she like pulls her fucking whole
face back. Yeah, that's insane.
That's. Pretty fucking cool.
Do you think that? Was spy technology that
accidentally got. Leaked.
That's like a. Totally different fucking.
Person right here getting honeypot you.
See me go honeypot me. Let's see.
(58:51):
Fine. I'll do it again.
This is how I face. My tapes.
OK, so like, there's like an elastic band that goes behind
her head. It's attaching to her cheekbones
last night. That is fucking wild.
So she had makeup on before, right?
Yeah. So go go back.
(59:11):
To the video. It doesn't look like she has
makeup, but you can see it there's.
Like yeah, there is, there is. Makeup on this chick's face
already? Yeah.
And I'm trying to look for like a lighting.
Change or something? A subtle lighting change, but
it's just because the camera's focusing on her face.
Yeah, that is fucking crazy. Here's another 10.
(59:33):
This is Facebook. It might no play.
Ladies and gentlemen, This is why you don't do one night.
Stands You need to make sure that you don't wake up next to a
very different person. Watch this How many?
This is that's illegal, yeah. That's false advertising.
(59:55):
For sure. So how many like people thought
that they drank way? More than they did.
When they woke up next to someone who didn't have their
face tape on. Yeah, a lot.
A lot of. Them like gave up alcohol when
they didn't. Actually have a problem because
of these face tape things. Yeah, 'cause that's an old lady.
(01:00:16):
That's a sad. That's like a 30.
Is this a filter? Does she?
Is she? Using like a old lady filter?
Is that what's been going on this whole time, 'cause I just
realized there's not an amount of faith?
Like you. Can't look that much younger.
That's that's crazy. Yeah, we're fucking sunscreen,
(01:00:37):
guys. So you can avoid all of this.
This is fucking wild. I think maybe that's a filter?
But have you seen so like my, my, my mom, my wife got like
really into like makeup tutorialvideos a couple years ago.
Yeah. And so I would see.
These things where. I guess there's this new fad in
(01:01:00):
makeup called like, contouring, where like the way you put it on
makes different face shapes entirely.
Yeah, completely. Brother, that's been.
A thing since like eternity. It's witchcraft, yes.
Yes. People have just.
Had more resources to share their.
Secrets like I think like one ofthe first big waves on YouTube.
(01:01:25):
Like people actually started getting.
Like serious money was like makeup tutorials.
It should be illegal. I mean, if you.
Accidentally conceive a child with that.
Person you should be allowed to like have a say in whether or
not the child is you should. Get one crisp stomach.
Punch. That's all I'm saying.
(01:01:46):
Just one no. Charges filed if the baby lives.
It's your fault for getting tricked, I guess.
How did you feel about that? Speaking of getting tricked,
that video of the monkey that came down to the street and saw
the dog, Yeah, What was going? Do you think he got butt ripped?
(01:02:08):
By a dog. I know he did, you know.
OK, so. Listener dog sniffing.
His butt too many times. No that.
Dog like came. With immediate.
Interest and it wasn't like hey let's be friendly.
There's this video of Like a Monkey and.
He seems like German shepherd sized and he's walking around on
(01:02:28):
all fours in the middle of town.So it's India or something and a
dog shows up and so the monkey like gets on all threes and
covers his ass with his hand andstarts walking away looking at
the dog, looking back at the dogand like runs off it.
(01:02:51):
Was so weird he got stung by a. Beagle one too many.
Times. Or the dog looked like an Indian
guy. Whoops.
Because we know what the Indian.Guys are doing.
Anything with the pulse, brother?
(01:03:16):
All right, guys. I think we did it.
Love you, goodbye. None.
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