October 27, 2025 • 67 mins
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You are now entering the PRISM. Why isn't your condom on?
Put the condom on. It it, it came off when I pulled
(00:21):
out. I swear I didn't get.
It's not in there, I promise. Have you ever lost a condom?
No like mid scary thought There's one time I like there
was way too much foreplay after the condom was already on.
So there's your problem. Foreplay.
Foreplay is dangerous. This is where this is APSA to
(00:44):
all of our listeners. Yeah, foreplay is dangerous.
It's devil's work. And if she wants you to do it,
she's trying to trick you into something.
Means she's a witch and she's part of a coven.
Yeah. She wants your seed.
Yeah, that's what she means. Don't.
Don't leave her near your bottom.
You keep your seed trap. At home, your seed is for the
boys, not for the witches. So yeah, there's copious amounts
(01:12):
of foreplay. And then like, I guess I had a
lot of precom just like loading that condom.
I put the condom on way too early 'cause you know how young
kids will like, make out for like fucking 40 minutes before
things go down there. That's what I assumed was proper
and correct. And so I just doing the deed
(01:36):
finally because I was dangerously close to blue balls
and like, I backed out and I felt the condoms stay and I was
like, that's a different sensation.
Yeah, reaching and pulling. Yeah, just no, I just go home
and be like, you're going to have to figure out how to get
(01:57):
that out of you because this is awkward now.
No, I don't trust them. They're probably going to turn
that shit around and go gird it in.
This was the same crazy chick. She was not on birth control.
I told her that I was about to complete and she like she pinned
(02:19):
me down. Pin you it.
Yeah, Yeah. And you can't do anything about
that legally. Oh, I fucking squitted back.
She tried to press it harder andI'd fucking pivoted.
No, I'm saying after the fact, Oh yeah, there's nothing you can
do legally. I feel like that should count as
a rape. We let's have a different word
(02:39):
for. It definitely.
So here's the thing, my wife is not has informed me that she's
listening to this now and I don't.
But I'm not going to change whatwe talk about here.
Angela, I'm sorry. You're an anus.
What? I'll explain that one later to
(03:01):
you. The fuck Yes it is rape because
if. It's no longer consensual.
This is not fun for both partiesanymore.
Yeah, that's but I don't think you have a case if she like
(03:27):
locks you in. About to catch a case?
That's. True boxing her, yeah.
Fucking body boxer ears. The old grandpa thread.
I'm going to box your ears. Yeah, yeah, that's wild.
(03:51):
My grandpa would threaten that so frequently, but he never laid
a hand on me. That's crazy because it felt
like he actually was going to itevery second.
My grandpa could literally hold my entire body in one hand when
I was little. He was very gentle.
(04:15):
He's. The Gentle Giant.
Yeah. He was your Iron Giant.
Yeah, now my dad on the other hand.
He lost boots in your ass. He's a bonky upside the head a
little too hard. Like just harder than necessary.
(04:38):
And so you, and like part of youknows that it was uncalled for,
but you don't say shit. Yeah, because he didn't even
realize he did it. Or like there was one time, I
think I've told this before I had Healy's and we were in
Walmart grocery shopping and I was just kind of wild running
(04:58):
around and then I like was Wheeling up to them from behind
and my dad just hears something and kind of freaks out coming up
behind him. And so he like puts his hand out
like behind like flat and at meets my belly at full speed and
your fucking. Spine.
(05:18):
Huge handprint, Welt on my belly.
He had no idea who it was, who what it was going to be.
He was just like somebody's approaching me and my wife and
it happened to be his son. Fucking felt your spine.
Yeah, yeah, I just had a giant red handprint on my belly for
(05:41):
like a day. You.
Know who else had a fucking red print on their belly for a day?
What? Fucking Horatio.
That was hilarious. We can't really tell that story,
though. Dude got fucked up.
He got squeezed in some machinery, did he?
Actually, no, he didn't 'cause he was on the side.
Yeah, he got he got squeezed between a clown car and a clown
(06:07):
car. And a big Red Nose.
Prayers for Horatio. He's fine.
He is fine, he's milking it now.He didn't even seem like he was
hurt. I didn't know, like he didn't.
He tried to reach for something earlier.
He's. Like, oh really?
(06:27):
Yeah, he's like, then I got to take some more muscle relaxers
when I get home. Oh, OK.
Yeah, he's, he's like trying to put on a.
So he's pretty, he's bruised, yeah, he's just.
Did he crack a rib or anything? I.
Think there might be a minor fracture 'cause it like it hit
him right at the false ribs likethe floating ones.
OK. So that's at least so.
It's going to be tender for a bit.
Yeah, but there's like less support if I'm, if I know my
(06:52):
ribs, right, Those aren't attached, Obviously they're not
like attached to anything. So like there's nothing to like
snap off, you know, they'd have to like break under their own,
you know what I mean? The leverage is different.
Yeah. So it's a little bit safer.
He's kind of an old man, so he'sprobably brittle.
Yeah, now I know, like what a fractured rib feels like.
(07:15):
That sucks. Yeah, I think that's all he's
dealing with right now though, so he's fine.
But prayers for Horatio. Hurts to breathe.
My uncle got bucked off a bowl and stomped on and he broke
every single rib. Whoa, Ferdinand was.
(07:39):
Fucking thorough 65 Damn this. Was.
Like I was in high school when this happened and this is my
grandpa's brother. So he was, I mean, he might have
been in his late 50s, but he wasnot, he was not young.
(07:59):
And he, I just remember, I remember when I heard about it,
I was at the Arch in Saint Louiswith my grandparents and they
get a call from his wife. And my grandpa's like, what was
he doing, 'cause this guy was a bull rider professional for a
very long time and now he's a ranch hand still and he.
(08:25):
I'm a male hand. He's just.
Well, I had to get on him and that's how he talks.
He talks like. An old Southern used car
salesman. Yeah, yeah, you would love that
guy. He is.
I believe it. He's hilarious.
But yeah, he just didn't like a full body cast for like two or
(08:46):
three months. Well, 'cause he had also broken
like something on each arm, he had a bunch of like internal
like bruising. Were the clavicles intact?
Clavicles these. Collarbone.
Oh, I doubt it. I don't know.
Yeah. That'd be because that's like
the most commonly broken bone onthe human body.
(09:06):
That would be wild if all of theother bones got messed up, but.
Those were intact except for hisclavs, Yeah.
The ones that the human body can.
Somehow I feel like those are the sacrificial like crumple
zones of the body. I see.
I've never injured my collarbone, so I don't know.
I feel like that's a dangerous one to break.
(09:29):
I mean, not, not unless it gets punched into your carotid or
something. Yeah, but or your jug.
I hate when it hits me in the jug.
I don't want none of your 80% power bullshit.
You better end it. I want to see the sky, man.
I got to see red first. Hold on.
(09:49):
I'm just imagining this bull curb stomping your uncle and
then coming and like turning andlooking back at him seeing that
he missed a couple spots, finished a couple more stops,
turns, spits on him and say Satan sends his regards, walks
up. He used to be like 8 foot tall,
like he was so tall. And now he kind of just walks
(10:11):
like he's still really like he'staller than me.
Like he's like 6-6 or something crazy like hunched.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And but he's like hunched over
and still wears cowboy boots and, you know, cowboy cut jeans
and Pearl snap button up shirt, everyday cowboy hat.
(10:32):
I respect the drip, but there's got to be a point in time where
you have to weigh the convenience well, see if it's.
Worth it. I think he's switched over to
like the area like almost flat foot boots, you know the like
the orthopedic cowboy boots. They're super nice.
Yeah. But yeah, he he's still, he
(10:57):
still dresses the way he should.Dude I'm getting scared.
I don't know if I told you this last time but like my left foot
is like fucked up because he gotfat.
No, you told me about so do you have planters fasciitis?
Does it feel like you're the bottom of your foot is trying to
(11:18):
open up when you walk? So when you're on this in your
step, does it feel like this is tearing almost OK?
No, it feels like my like there are two, you know, the metal,
liquid metal Terminator. Like as he turns Chrome when
(11:40):
he's turning into a new phase. OK, It feels like he turned
Chrome after he was like in lavafor a couple seconds and he's
cupping my heels on both sides kind of like that.
Oh yeah, it's like a you have like no support back there too.
How? Let me show me your heel on your
shoe. I actually just got some stuff
(12:01):
for it. No, not your foot, the shoe.
Yeah, you have you need. So those are from Target or
Walmart, right? Probably you got them online,
but it's probably the same shit you can get there.
You need to wear 'cause when youfirst got those, you were
wearing them like every once in a while and all of a sudden you
(12:23):
just started wearing them daily.Ingham Daily.
Yeah, these are my daily drivers.
I would not suggest doing that again.
I think if you got something with better support and like put
a Doctor Scholl's in there, you'll probably be fine.
But yeah, it's that it's your tendon that holds your fucking
back, your foot to your leg, theAchilles.
Yeah, yeah, the. Achilles.
(12:44):
And that's a really important one.
So like. Yeah, and you'll know when it
pops. Oh yeah.
Not just because it'll fucking hurt, but it'll sound like a gun
went off. Yeah.
Yeah, and I'm not willing to risk that.
So I've been doing a bunch of fucking exercises, try to
strengthen that area up. And then I've my wife got like,
I wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't complain to her.
Yeah. 'Cause that's not my role.
(13:07):
Yeah, in the house I don't get to complain about shit.
That's her job. She's made that abundantly
clear. So I got I would get up in the
morning and there's been no weight on it.
And the first step that I take, it's like, like, I guess I like
visibly kind of like, yeah, wince and kind of leaned a
little bit as I went to go brushmy teeth and then wash my face
(13:28):
and shit. And like, I wouldn't say
anything about it, but she wouldsee it.
Yeah. Every time she noted that'd be
like slow when I'd like fucking hobble for like the 1st 10
minutes of the day. Yeah.
And she's like, you need new fucking boots And it's like.
Yeah, and you need to get like actual boots 'cause they have
ankle support and everything. But they're expensive, Yeah.
(13:49):
And the ones that you are worth getting are expensive.
That and they'll fix the problemultimately.
But. And, and if you get a pair that
you'll be able to get a pair that you can resole, yeah.
And just keep them for life and keep them for maybe not life,
but for a long time. Guys, give us some boot brands.
(14:11):
They were just doing this in theDiscord not too long ago.
So like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Go back, give us some boot
brands and stuff. For old men they need to be
steel toe, but yeah. Preferably they need to look
decent, but honestly I would much prefer.
Oh these guys, no style, they'reall £700.
(14:31):
Fuck. Some of it's all muscle, some of
it's non muscle. Some of it's.
But they all look sick as hell. They.
Got that real drip? Yeah, a lot of it's grease, but
it's drip. Cockamole.
Yeah, but yeah, that I wouldn't say that's your weight.
(14:54):
I think losing weight would help, but it's not going to.
You need to get ahead of that more importantly than just your
weight, because that that could be a problem real quick and
it'll be a problem before you'reable to lose weight.
So you need to get ahead of thatas fast as possible because that
could be a real thing. And I'm not taking over for you
when you're out and you have to fucking shower in a bag.
(15:18):
That's fine. I'll make 70% of my income.
No, you won't. What do?
You mean? If you blow your Achilles at
work, you're not going to get workers comp.
Why not? Because workers comp isn't for
walking, which is how it's goingto happen.
Yeah, I'll be stepping into my office and then.
No, yeah, you better fucking slip and slide down the aisle.
(15:44):
Or, or here's what I'll do, I'llteam lift a battery pack onto a
clown car and then. Yeah, you're not even allowed to
touch those until you figure this out.
I swear to God, you've already gotten hurt doing that.
Yeah, but it'll it'll. Convince, at least when you do
it, make sure that you kind of do a Russian twist.
(16:08):
Get my spine too while I'm at it.
Yeah, I want a cybernetic spine.Not that cheap shit Stephen
Hawking got. I want the real deal.
That sucks, I hate fuck. But I put some of those Doctor
Scholl's inserts in these these shitty shoes, night and day.
(16:29):
Yeah, for sure. But the the problem is is.
This will break down too. You're still, your heel is
pushing down on your actual likethe sole of your shoe and that
sole is literally foam and so you have absolutely no support.
So you're not just because the pad of your foot feels good, the
actual structure of what you're like, what how you're standing,
(16:51):
your posture is unaffected and it's still bad.
So in the short term it feels better to your foot, but it's
not doing anything for the construction of your foot except
for just allowing it to progresspoorly.
So I should get some HGH and stab it into.
My no, you need. Stem cells.
(17:12):
You need support on your fuckingon the bottom of your foot.
I'm being an ass. I know you're right.
Like I would suggest a heeled like a not a not like a lift,
but like a regular heeled boot. Yeah, because I'm willing to bet
that the your, your the ball, your feet is above your heel
(17:34):
when you stand, even just slightly because of how?
Because you're heavier and your weight is straight down on your
heels. Yeah, Yeah.
And so I don't have a good. Indicator of that right now
because I have the inserts. In there, well, you can look at
the heels of your shoes and see how they're worn down, see that
(17:58):
there's no tread there. And it's back here, Yeah, blown
through the. Yeah, but fucking ballpark.
Yeah, it's yeah. Those things got to go.
You got to get something different.
Even the Walmart steel toe bootsare better than that right now
and those are like 30 bucks. Sure.
There's like no excuse. It's really bad when I'll buy
(18:18):
like a case of beer, be like, I don't want to get boots.
Oh yeah, that's. Stupid.
It's so stupid. It's one of the dumbest things,
but I do it. Oh yeah.
Those are from last week. Fuck yeah.
I have two left. Crack one, you're just hissing
(18:43):
at you a little bit that cans got some venom in it.
So we got some more bushes, someBush Nas brewed in the USA.
They're a little cooler than I was expecting, honestly.
Yeah, they've been in my car allday.
Nice. So it's been chill in my car.
(19:07):
Yeah. Bush, Nas.
I'm surprised you left. The rest of that 12 were in my
my house. I thought you didn't take it.
I thought about it, but I was like you.
Just don't want to explain it toyour wife.
Yeah, it's just not worth it. Like it.
Not that I'm like, I wasn't hiding it from her, 'cause she
knows that I have these. I don't know if she knows I had
(19:29):
these specifically in my backpack, but.
Yeah, you've been on the fuckingstraight and narrow.
Yeah, It just wasn't worth the the time, Like 'cause there's
there'll be situations where she's like, all right, let's go
clean out your car. And that's her way of just like
kind of keeping me honest too. And just like if, if she finds
(19:52):
anything, she finds anything, there's nothing to find.
But she, if she decided to do that, then it's a conversation.
No, look, they're non alcoholic.It's just, it's not worth.
Yeah. 'Cause then it looks like you're
being defensive, which seems dishonest and you just don't
want to. Yeah, I just don't have, I don't
have the the backbone. I guess I'm just.
(20:18):
It's you don't need a backbone. I'm.
Just trying to choose. I'm just trying to choose my
battle. She's she 'cause she's just
doing what she needs to do and I'm not.
It's not worth. There's no reason to have the
conversation if I don't have to.Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, but this actually tastes good.
Yeah, they taste like regular beers.
(20:41):
What if we? What if we got like the
mislabeled ones, this kid fucking sauce?
Like I know it's a placebo fightbecause like even after that
first drink, like I'm feeling like shit, relax.
And I think it's just the ritualof it, you know?
Yeah. Because I don't.
I rarely ever drink beer and just get drunk.
(21:04):
It's been rare that I do that. Yeah, I don't think I can get
drunk on beer. We're not ready for that, for
science. No, no, it's a, it's got to be
at least 8% for me to like. I mean actually probably my
(21:25):
tolerance now is probably prettylow, but back when I was going
hard I would have to drink 'cause like my go to was those
bootleggers which are 8%. No, they're fucking 12%.
Are they? Yeah.
Oh, OK. Well, then yeah, 12%.
(21:49):
Those are rough dude. Yeah, that's where oh, this came
from you. Saw me drink like three of them
in one of our recording sessionsand I was.
Like yeah I would have like 6 ofthem.
Fuck dude, like ever And then sit in my bathtub.
Like at least take. A bath.
No, no, I wasn't taking showers because I was taking baths
(22:14):
because I couldn't. Like I just liked like, this is
how fat I was. It wasn't just the sugar.
It was everything that drinking led to for me is excessive
laziness. I didn't want to go do stuff.
I'm not like a fun drunk. I wanted to just kind of lay
(22:34):
there and just soak in my juicesand I would go lay in the
bathtub and. Just get a nice broth going.
Yeah, for hours, like until my wife got home from work and I
get home at like I would when wewere living down the road from
here. I was.
(22:56):
I would get home at like 3 and she'd get home at 5:00.
So it's like at least an hour and a half, let's say an hour 45
just in the. Bathtub just kind of playing
around like I'm 6. The second they made IP ratings
on cell phones game. Over yeah yeah 'cause like you
(23:20):
know the bathtub has like a metal liner yeah on the under
near like has something metal init on the side so I just like
Magna my phone I get the speakerand I'm just watching Netflix or
whatever just. Just brewing away, yeah.
Did you ever pee in your tub water?
(23:41):
Yeah, that's You can't bathe andnot pee in the tub.
Interesting. You don't get it in your mouth
and the soap that you put on your body is sterilizing the
Yeah, yeah, 'cause like how I would do it is I would like
fill. I would turn the shower on.
(24:01):
Yeah. And then I'd plug the tub and
then I'd just kind of like let it fill up slowly, 'cause I
like, I like laying there and then.
There, it's the ball level. The balls start to float and
then and then they reach the point where they break the water
tension and they sink and then it's just your little guy.
It's his turn. Yeah, and you a Periscope bitch.
(24:29):
Bitch. But then, yeah.
And then you lay there, and thenyou pee straight up.
Your little sailor in the crows.Nest.
Yeah. And kind of.
And then like after the water would like get to a certain
point where I feel like it was going to overflow, I'd open the
thing. And then I just keep raising.
(24:53):
Yeah. And I just keep filling it
large. So I did.
The pee didn't stay in there forvery long.
Right. It was negligible amounts at
that point. Yeah, and I mean, it's my pee.
That's true. And you are pretty religious
when it comes to actually like cleaning out your showers.
I didn't realize that 'cause youwould tell me like, yeah, I was
cleaning the shower through the tub.
(25:15):
Yeah, that's my wife's thing now.
I really never would have thought about it until she
started bringing it up. It's fucking smart.
I never thought about it, but like, as frequently as I guess
you were bathing at the time. Yeah, by bathing I mean not
showering, but yeah, bathing myself.
Tubing. Yeah, with the frequency of your
(25:36):
tubing activities and also your other extracurriculars, it makes
sense that you guys see it does that shit, Yeah.
It was yeah. And then we like had bought like
a like a, a like a giant Dremel with brushes on it.
Fuck yeah to like hit everythingwith.
Then we get the bleach like powder or like the bleach, the
(25:59):
Ajax stuff. No, it's called a soft scrub.
It's like goopy bleach with sandin it.
Kind of like the Gojo. Yeah, yeah.
But it's bleach, Yeah. And yeah, you just spray that
everywhere and then scrubber down.
Nice. Yeah.
(26:19):
I appreciate this. Keep the.
Door open while you're doing it.Crack the window?
Yeah. Show the neighbor your B hole.
Yeah. Are you familiar with a term
called a horse bath? No.
OK, that's fair. I wasn't either.
(26:39):
What would that mean to you? How would you interpret that
through the word alone? When your mom takes a bath, sick
burn a horse bath, it's like like a sponge bath maybe.
(27:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's a it's a wet rag bath
using sink water soap. Yeah, I've done that before.
Yeah, I think we've all done it.But I didn't know that that was
a word and it and I've heard it from other circles other than my
(27:23):
wife. So like I know that I've come to
realize that that wasn't a a herand her weird circle thing it.
Was when we were living in the camper for like a few months
couple summers ago. I would do that pretty regularly
because the we had water and I think I think we did, but like
(27:43):
the pressure was really bad. And so I would I had a bunch of
dude wipes, like a bunch of dudewipes that I had gotten for like
Christmas or something one year.And so I just.
They try to drop. Hints, yeah.
And so I would just use those dude.
Wipe. And I'd just wipe myself down,
(28:07):
you know, like once a week, go to go inside the house that I
was living right next to, to actually shower.
I like a shower after, like, a gross long battle.
Yeah, that's one of the most, like, victorious sitting
(28:29):
showers. I can't play the things on my
speaker that I want to play because they say faggot and rape
a lot. Insane Clown Posse.
No, I don't listen to music. I don't want to kill myself.
I want to enjoy my shower. Are you, are you secretly a
Juggalo? No, no, like like podcasts and
(28:55):
stuff like that. I can't like play.
I have found that if I go into the EQ settings on my phone with
the big Bluetooth speaker and I just kill all the bass, I give
it a low cut, high pass, you know?
Yeah, the words. And it like doesn't boom through
(29:17):
the wall 'cause my sister in law's bedroom is on the other
side of the wall in the shower. So, like, she can hear
everything that happens in the shower and all of the nasty
jokes that these guys say that Ifully don't support awful
things. And also like, yeah, like
(29:42):
everything I listen to goes against everyone else's opinions
in that house. So I don't want to.
I just don't. I've shower when no one's home.
Do you think that your mother-in-law would go like
Kathy Bates on you? She no, because she won't go
upstairs. What was the name of that movie
(30:03):
she finds her favorite author? It's like really bad or
horrendous, something like that.You know, it's a, it's an
adjective. The word is an adjective.
(30:25):
Adjective being A and and D Are you talking?
About those are articles you fucking retard.
Fuck yeah, you're right. Except for and and is also a
conjunction. Did you?
Yeah. And I thought it like can't was
a. No conjunction.
That's a contraction. What the fuck?
(30:47):
Did you not listen? Did you not watch Schoolhouse
Rock You fucking retard? I'm going to be honest, I don't
even know. Conjunction junction What's your
function hooking up words and phrases and causes you never.
I'm I'm going to be honest, I'm not entirely sure what a gerund.
Is I got sand button or I don't know what the fuck that is
(31:08):
either. Kathy Bates.
Misery. Misery.
Yep. Adjective, a description of
something and then an adverb is a description of an action.
(31:29):
Yeah, see, I know English, I just can't read it.
Russell linguist, did you? Now Russell Schoolhouse.
Rock. No, I did OK.
Sometimes I just play into the character because it's fun.
Yeah, yeah, the I don't know what the other articles are.
(31:55):
Anne is an article. I don't know exactly what the
definition of those are. I know that that information is
available, but I've always just decided to keep that a secret
for myself. Yeah, you have to have room for
growth. You can't be.
Like a mystery. Like I get what I like, knowing
what something means, but not being able to tell you because I
(32:18):
physically can't figure that outin words.
So like the word, uh, just the letter AI, like how mysterious
that is to me and I don't want atechnical definition of it.
It would just ruin it for me. You don't want to see how the
how the hot dog's made. Yeah, I get that.
Yeah. Ain't nothing wrong with that
little mystery, you know, shooting it from the hip.
(32:41):
OK, and but no, they will get you very far.
Man, I love Schoolhouse Rock. I'm just a bill.
I'm only a bill. I recently saw.
And I stuck a pill in your drink.
It's about Bill Cosby and not the Biller Rex.
(33:05):
I have 87 victims and I got off Scott free.
Because when you're asleep, can you really remember?
Me. I'm just, well, dropping sweet
little pills. Dude.
(33:31):
He kept that character for so long.
Yeah, man. Like he was, he's anti bobsight.
He was a basement gynecologist. A recreational guy.
No. In the show, Doctor Huxtable was
a gynecologist and his practice was in his basement.
(33:54):
So he was being straight up withus the entire time.
He was he. He basically said hey guys I
rape and no one no one knew. He has a whole stand up to act
about putting Spanish fly in thedrink because it makes him horny
(34:14):
and sleepy. Oh man.
Yeah. That's fucking wild.
But we love him. Good guy.
Yeah. Fuck Hannibal Burress.
It's his fault. He, Hannibal raped those women.
(34:35):
Really. Because he was the one that got
Bill Bill Cosby in trouble and made everybody mad.
Is he the one who tied him up? Those women weren't saying
anything. Wife, you should stop listening.
Jesus Christ. I like Hannibal Burruss, his
stuff is weird. But he's the 1.
He is the. One, I didn't know that there
(34:55):
was any tie to him, he started. Like, I don't, I don't know
exactly how it went, but like, he had started like making noise
about it being like, everybody knows Bill Cosby like raped
people for 50 years and didn't do anything about it.
And he just kept fucking talkingabout it.
And then Bill Cosby got arrested.
Someone actually looked into it.Yeah.
There was like a cop in one of the comedy clubs that was like.
(35:16):
Wait a minute, I'm just. Going to look it out.
It's I'm going to look into it alittle bit.
I did. Nothing's going to come of it.
That's. The only time that that's
happened, by the way, where somebody goes on a mountain top
and goes, hey, everyone knows about this and you're not doing
anything about it. And then if you just look into
(35:36):
it for like 50 seconds, you go, well, something fucking weird is
about this. And then the FBI goes, well, we
should take a look. Pizzagate's a real thing that
happened. That people have been very vocal
about. It's loud and clear, something
weird's going on in Ping Pong Comet Pizza and all they did was
(36:03):
kill the guy that brought a gun there.
See, the guy just wasn't curiousthat day.
He fired one bullet and it went into the hard drive or it went
into the server. It's a fucking good shot.
And then they killed. The guy that hacked into Comic
Ping Pong Pizza was murdered. The guy that hacked in after the
(36:27):
emails came out, he hacked into the server and started finding a
bunch of weird videos on a pizzarestaurant's website.
He was murdered. So we're next, I guess.
No, we don't keep our. Because shut.
(36:48):
Because it's it's, it's not real.
It's just nothing. It didn't happen.
Didn't happen. Not real.
Epstein. Who?
Who's that? Who is John and Tony Podesta?
I've seen a video of him lighting a kid on fire in his
shower. What?
(37:10):
I don't think it's real, but it is really funny.
Fucking sore AI. Or no, this was before AI.
He was going around and he goes.All you see is you can't really
tell what's going on. But to me, what it looks like,
because it's really dark, is like one of those frosted glass
(37:31):
shower doors. And then there's like something
on fire in it. And then the guy filming it
going, I'm just the kid who's 4.Each day I grow some more.
I'm John Podesta. And the kid, whatever's in the
shower is screaming, Oh my God, I have no idea what was in the
(37:54):
shower. It doesn't look like you can't
see like a silhouette of a person in there.
There's no, I have no idea what the history of the video is, but
I've seen it a million times. That's.
Terrifying because if something's on fire, does it
even cast a shadow? I'm not sure if it I'm not sure
if it's a shadow or if it's justlike a reflection of a
television on some glass. Like you cannot.
(38:15):
The video is so grainy. Your brain just tells you what
it is like. I have no idea what it is, but
my what I saw because of what was like the caption of it or
something was John John Podesta burns a kid alive in his shower
and he the guy does say I'm JohnPodesta, which is pretty.
Urinating. I mean, the only people who do
(38:40):
that are Johnny Knoxville. That's true, but yeah, like it.
It just his art. The art in Tony Podesta's house
alone should get him castrated publicly.
(39:02):
Yeah, but I don't know if it's like a nut thing.
I think it's like a brain thing,which I get that the nuts make
the brain. I'm not saying that we can fix
the problem, I'm saying we can cause him pain.
I like that. I'm, I'm against, I'm against
rehabilitation for criminals. I'm for punishment.
(39:27):
There's no such thing. I mean, when when you order a
pizza from a nice or from a pizza place and you order a, a,
a pepperoni pizza and there's a stray olive on it, do you say
(39:47):
that's a pepperoni and olive pizza Or is it a pepperoni pizza
and there's an accidental olive on it?
Because that's the quality of rehabilitation we have in the
prison system. We put them in there to punish
them. Some of them come out the other
side better, peaceful. But I'm perfectly fine with
calling it punishment. Shut up, especially for
(40:12):
pedophiles. Man, fucking Tracy stories last
episode. Oh yeah, it's rough.
Yeah, but yeah, no, Tony, Tony, Tony Chopper.
I mean, John, Tony Podesta. Yeah, Madeleine McCann
(40:33):
disappears. And then a sketch artist draws a
picture of three people that look exactly like John Podesta,
Tony Podesta and Ghilane Maxwell.
That one's really funny, but I don't think it's real.
But it is really funny. God.
(40:54):
How many hours have you dedicated to like looking into
this stuff? I don't have to look into it, it
defines me. How many hours was it thrust
upon? 90% of my adult life.
Oh, OK. Yeah.
All right. At least it waited till you were
old. Yeah, then oh, what's the other
(41:14):
one? Oh yeah, So George Soros.
He's the dude. He's funding Congress's projects
and getting funded by Congress. He kind of runs a evil empire of
money who like he's just a communist who's against
communism for himself. Like what communist?
(41:37):
No, he funds just anything to the extreme left.
His son Alex, who's going to take over when I mean, he's
basically taken over already, ismarried to Huma Abedin, Hillary
Clinton's best friend, and Anthony Weiner's ex-wife Tony
Weiner. Yeah.
That's an unfortunate name. Like Huma is in the Pizzagate
(42:01):
emails. Yeah, at like 1 of the many
people in those emails. Like a big contributor in the
Pizzagate conspiracy. And by a contributor, I mean,
taking part in the conspiracy. It's fucking gross.
Yeah, yeah. All those people should be
(42:24):
should have their feet nailed tothe ground and then somebody
like yank on them upward with like a rocket.
Strategically placed like on a. Moon like rotten quarters, but
by helicopter. We should, we should make like
(42:45):
scythe bullets, you know, those like fishing lures that have
like the multiple hooks that kind of like mustache.
We should just sharpen the the inside of the hook and then have
the center be like a sharp pointy rocket.
And so we just shoot a blade andjust like just punches A+ sign
(43:06):
through things. You know the arrows that like
spring open when they, you know,like the the wall anchors?
Yeah, they're like spring open once they are on the other side.
Yeah, but in your penis. So it like it goes in easy comes
out rough. So they just like push it in the
(43:27):
rest. Yeah, balloon.
A balloon catheter, maybe? That's what.
Sounding is 4 to prepare for theinevitable insertion.
I found out that there's a that Hitler had a might have had a
thing where his eye hole was on the bottom of his head penis.
Nice. Yeah.
(43:47):
So no wonder. He had.
Do you blame him? He had a fucking sink faucet.
I mean, can you blame him after knowing that I.
Was it from a botched circumcision?
Is that why he ate specific? No, it's like a genetic disease
(44:07):
or something. There's also like a disease or
like a defect that you can have where your hole is too small.
Like way too small. So sounding is like a treatment.
Yeah. So it's an anti Hank Hill
(44:28):
device? I forgot about that, but yeah.
He has an area of urethra. Yeah, although I don't know if
it widens your urethra because Ifeel like your urethra is like
plastic. Like it can be expanded, is that
what you're saying? I'm it's, if people can get
(44:50):
there, you're coming to the realization that your urethra is
like an organic material and notlike cellophane, right?
Which is how I've always just kind of seen it.
So because like, you know, you pull on cellophane, it just
snaps, right? It doesn't really stretch.
Yeah, I mean there's, there's still some elasticity, but it's
(45:11):
not like much. Yeah.
So I'm sure it's like when people put those gauges in their
ears, like you can build it up to like the size of a fucking
hockey puck. Yeah, or the giant thing in
their lip. Yeah, only if certain cool group
of people do that. See people put them like the
bridge of their. No, I'm talking about the giant
(45:31):
plate in their lips. I'm aware, I'm aware.
The necklace. People put bracelets on their
shit. Yeah, and then and then the bun.
Yeah. And they go.
Your fixation on the watermelon people.
(45:54):
I'm still laughing at chimping out I.
Feel like Tracy's going to find a new reason to beat you up.
Yeah. Oh man, Love it.
Yeah, man, I. I saw a video or not.
(46:14):
It wasn't a video, it was a mock.
It was a mocking of a Facebook post that someone had made where
someone was showing a picture oftheir like their gauge hole on
their ear. Yeah.
Like it looked rough. It looked like an opened up butt
hole. Yeah, they're nasty.
And like, he was super inflamed.He was super inflamed.
(46:37):
And she's like this is serious. I really do need help to solve
this problem. Boyfriend stuck his penis in
here for fun and. Now I have a yeast infection.
Are there any home remedies thatI can do for this cause it the
(46:58):
swelling is not going down and Ireally don't want to go to a
doctor and have to try to explain this.
Yeah, you can grow your own penicillin, I guess.
Yeah, but you need some antibiotics and a new boyfriend
and a 9mm bullet because you can't shrink those lobes back.
See, here's what you do. You douse his penis and alcohol
(47:20):
as he's going in, and he'll naturally clean it out for you.
There you go. Yeah.
You, you think they make condomsthat are, that have like
bristles on the outside, not ribbed, but like, literally like
for like, you know how we have the metal straws and you have
the pipe cleaning you stick in there?
Yeah, yeah. But for your penis I like and
that way you can scrub the the the vagina.
(47:41):
Get her clean before you go to town.
It's smart. It's utilitarian, that's all I'm
saying. Definitely has a utility.
You call it the brondum, the brush condom.
That's fucking awesome. That's a good idea.
(48:04):
You think it could expedite likethe the period or you think
that'd? Be there would be some bleeding.
Well, there already was, yeah. I don't think it'd get rid of it
'cause you're not going into the, you know.
The blood sack. Yeah, yeah.
What's that thing called? Terrace.
(48:25):
Yeah, uterus. I kept thinking urethra like
it's not. Dead.
I flipped. The page in my book, and it'd
go, it's not dead either. And it's just like every page
just said urethra and I couldn'tfind uterus.
Yeah, no, you don't go in the uterus.
The uterus is up behind that second butthole they have in
there. The double.
Uterus. Yeah, At least I think that's
(48:47):
how that works. There's like a big cave and then
they got that. They got, they have like how I
picture it cause I've only felt it.
It's like a balloon knot, like an actual balloon knot, but it's
like really tight. Yeah.
And behind that is where the secrets are.
Yeah, yeah, that's where Mr. Krab keeps the secret recipe.
(49:09):
Yeah, I think that's the cervix what I'm thinking of.
And no wonder ladies are tense all the time 'cause that thing's
tightest. Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Yeah, like they it is weird thatthat they just have a muscle
that's in their body that only stops being the fucking tensest
(49:31):
muscle in the world for like a few hours.
Yeah. And then it goes immediately
right back to the No zone. Yeah.
I feel like we could make it theyes zone though.
No. You can't.
It becomes a no no no no no zone.
(49:51):
Feels pretty cool though. It's.
Crazy I'm getting chopped up saying about it.
I need to calm down. You think you can make your way
into the fallopian tubes? No.
Are you serious? I'm just asking questions.
(50:12):
I feel like if I don't try, I'm not doing my due diligence as a
husband. Well let me curve this real
quick. Put some English on it.
I saw a picture and it was a guy.
He he, he was holding up, you know, You know, the shocker.
(50:33):
Yeah, Yeah. But instead of the shocker, he
had the two fingers here and then a fist, he said.
The minivan 2 in the front, fivein the back.
Yep Yep, I was perusing the Internet and I found a a dude.
(50:57):
Just like treating a woman's B hole like a sock puppet.
No. It's fucking gross.
She was like screaming and crying and telling him to like
push it deep or just like this. This doesn't make sense to me
man. Yeah.
Man had a look of like guilt. All those old videos,
(51:19):
obligations, those LiveLeak videos back from when we were a
kid, we were kids. They had like the worst titles
too, but like one of them was like 2 kids in the sandbox.
And it's, there's no children involved in that because it's
just a man and a woman and some object.
I assume it was a dildo. It's been so long since I
(51:40):
watched this video. And at the time, I didn't know
what it was. I thought it was like some type
of candy. Yeah, but it's probably a dildo.
And she just jams it into his penis.
Wait what? Into like bangs them together
or. Like no.
(52:00):
Like like his penis opened up and ate it.
Like his penis was the inside mouth of a xenomorph.
No. Yeah, man, that still haunts my
nightmare. Hyper sounding?
Yeah. Loud sounding, yeah.
Yeah, that was awful, man. Who would agree to that?
(52:23):
I'm not sure he agreed to it, but he did stretch open pretty
easily so he's done it before. Yeah, there's, I mean, there's
no way that that was his first time doing that.
The BME Pain Olympics guy? Yeah.
Is it the same dude in all of them or are they different
dudes? I don't.
I think Rogan, I think knew the guy.
(52:44):
There's no way. Yeah, he said something about
knowing the guy or like knew whothat guy was and he like killed
himself or something. I don't remember.
I just I remember laughing at when he when he hooks.
(53:06):
That fucking jumper cable's up to his nuts and them just
immediately. Comes OH.
I don't know if it was real, butit was funny.
Damn. Oh man.
I wonder. If 7th grade was crazy and my
(53:27):
friend's parents computer had somany viruses on it from
literally the shit, we would look.
Up on there, the boys discovering, yeah, crazy shit.
Like I wonder if I feel like there's a scrubbing that's going
on in the Internet 'cause like, we don't have LiveLeak anymore.
Yeah, we do have scoops, but it's like it's not quite the
(53:50):
same. And no one knows what that is.
Which is fine, yeah. All we have is videos of
Palestinian children getting exploded.
And we have enough like descriptions of those old videos
that like at least like the written description of what
happened. Is there you?
Can find them do. You think that we can.
I don't know if I want to go to like the crummy gross places to
(54:12):
find. It now.
Exactly. So what if we can use all of
those descriptions of the scene and put it into AI and then have
them recreate? Them No, I know where you can
find them. So you don't have to do that.
But I, if we had somebody on theDiscord had never seen any, like
(54:35):
we were making references to these videos that we used to
watch when we were in middle school or whatever.
And somebody in the Discord, just like I had no idea what we
were talking about. I think it was Mr. Hands.
He goes, what's Mr. Hands? And I was like, he's just a
Boeing engineer who did nothing wrong and he goes, he did what?
To a horse. He romanced a.
Horse and so he found we got himto like find the videos and
(54:58):
actually watched them and so we just started telling now look
this one up now look this one uphe's like guys, I can't do that.
He needs a shower and he needs to go see.
I know that you can find priest that Burp was hiding in there
for a while. It started hard.
Fuck that smelled straight up like vomit.
(55:25):
That was just vomit. That wasn't halitosis.
It wasn't bad. That was vomit.
Yeah, it's a mixture of those, that beer and the the bears in
the fucking lunch we had. Beer, burger and bear.
Bear. Yeah.
Oh yeah. Bears.
(55:45):
Yeah. Gummy bears.
Yeah, there was something like sour and acidic to that.
Yeah, I mean my burps. My wife's number, that's a top
10 complaint about me is the smell of my burps.
I can fart and she wouldn't care, but when I burp, she rolls
(56:06):
down the window. Fuck, dude.
No, I I've, I've worked with youfor years at this point and,
like, I've smelled like your raunchiest farts.
You've burped around me constantly.
Yeah, that was the first time that like.
This one also like flew at you Max speaks.
I have the the air pointing behind me at you.
(56:28):
And I value that air so much. Yeah, I'm hesitant to like say
it's. Warm for a minute.
It came warm and fucking sour. It's fucking weird.
That knocked me back on my shitty heel.
Anyway, what's a? Shitheel.
(56:49):
I've heard that before. Shit heel sounds like another
word for someone's butt, becauseyour butt's kind of like a heel
and shit comes out of it. Your butt's like a heel.
What? Your butt's like a heel.
Sorry, I was yawning. Maybe.
(57:12):
Anyway, love you guys. We got 3 minutes, we can do 3
minutes. You didn't smell your burp?
I'm still trying to catch my breath.
That knocked the wind through me.
So I've been watching lemon party.
Not the gay guy, just casually, casually.
(57:33):
That's funny. Lemon party is one of those
things we were just talking about.
But no, there's a podcast calledLemon Party.
Tim Dillon's ex boy slave Ben Avery has a podcast.
Bend over. Yeah.
Bend over Avery, and it's very funny, OK?
(57:56):
Very naughty. They're on all platforms.
Yeah, they occasionally get banned off of YouTube.
OK, but yeah, as promising they're on Spotify, but yeah,
they're most of their stuff is on YouTube.
Very funny. It's a It makes me chuckle.
(58:17):
And because he was fired by Tim,Tim Dylan, he does not mince
words about his feelings about like everybody surrounding, like
the Austin comedy scene. Yeah, it's very, it's very
candid. Very.
It's hilarious. Is there a?
(58:38):
Reason why Shane didn't move down there.
To Austin, Yeah, He lives in Austin.
Does, yeah. Fuck, I thought he was waiting.
No, he's probably like the only like.
Funny person down there. I wouldn't say the only 'cause
they're they're funny other thanRogan.
Like they're, they're funny people.
And you get some like genuinely funny guys on Kill Tony, but
(59:03):
Tony isn't funny. But like, no, you got Shane and
Mccusker and then like they're like the people in their orbit
and then. Wait, did Matt go down there
too? Yeah, Matt lives there.
Or at least he did. I haven't really been paying
attention to their stuff in a while, but he was there for a
(59:25):
while at least. It's.
Going to be so refreshing when you do like go back in when you
do like catch up. Yeah, I'm waiting for the actual
Matt and Shane episodes to like really build up because whenever
Shane does shows it's just Matt and like some rando.
We got to support Matt. Yeah, but it's, it's, I support
him, but. From a distance.
(59:47):
Yeah. Without views.
By himself, like he'll have justlike a, it'll be like an, it's a
completely different podcast. It's just like an interview with
some guy. Yeah.
You should put your phone on. Mute and just play them and.
Just have it plugged in. No, otherwise our podcast would
lose mute. You know what?
(01:00:07):
You're right, Russell. No, I had to.
I got to. I finally stopped doing that
with ours. Thank you guys.
You saved Russell's phone battery for another year before
he gets forced to switch to an. Oh, dude, my phone is getting
hot. I'm sorry.
I'm playing this game. I got, you know, those games
(01:00:29):
were like like, you know, the playable ads yes.
So like, you know the one where it's like a Farming Simulator
where like you go and you gatherall the corn and then you go to
the table and then you sell it and then you go get money and
then you upgrade to get a tractor and so you can gather
more corn faster and all that. I have like 6 of those different
types of game, like different games of that type that I've
(01:00:52):
just been cycling through and myphone is not like it, especially
because I've turned off like thead block because they have a ton
of like ad rewards for you. So you're like, you get this
upgrade, just watch an ad and it's like a 30 second ad.
So I'm like, okay. And so how do you do all
playable ads? So it's just more games, more.
(01:01:16):
Game and that's trying to load and my phone is just screaming
it'll get to the point where like I'll have like picture in
picture of like a YouTube video playing yeah and that'll just
close. Damn, when you get you an ice
pack, Yeah, like a case. That's an ice pack.
Like rock form. Yeah, rock form.
How about you form a rock of iceinto?
A. They make.
(01:01:38):
They make like like CPU cooler cases that you like snap onto
your phone and they got those, but I use like a water bottle.
Just like douse it. No like like on my way home.
You'll set it in between water bottles.
(01:01:59):
Yeah, I have two cold water bottles that I just keep it in
between so I can let it charge. It'll be charged when I get home
and it doesn't overheat. Fuck yeah, Yeah.
You have like a 22. Right, 21 I think.
I don't feel like that's accurate.
I feel like you have a 22. I think I have a 21.
(01:02:26):
Let's see about phone S21 Ultra.OK, it's an ultra.
That must be what it is. No.
Because I I think I have the 21.I I feel like did they get rid
of like the curved screens causelike mine has like a curved
(01:02:48):
bevel. On.
Both sides, but I feel like the newer ones don't and I don't
like that. I like having like the nice
curvy edges. I mean it, it's a little softer,
but I accidentally when I'm holding stuff like click the
side of the screen and I don't like that.
Is your case broken? Oh yeah, yeah, it's like,
fucked. Oh yeah, see, mine's not.
(01:03:10):
That's where. That's where your problem is.
About phone, Oh I only have a 20.
Yeah, that's what I thought. OK, that makes sense.
I'm going to get a fold. No, yeah.
I mean, the tactile sensation will be pleasant.
Yeah, like I get that. Movies.
(01:03:33):
Actually, that might make. Sense for you?
Either I get a fold or I get a tablet for my dashboard.
Either way, I'm watching Netflixon the highway.
Russell T Shackle. I saw, I saw an ad for like a
car tablet and like their ad waslike, for like older cars to be
(01:03:55):
able to like have car play and Android Auto.
Yeah. But then it like advertises that
you can watch Netflix and YouTube.
And I'm like, I feel like the Department of Transportation
might have some thoughts about that.
Release some feelings, yeah. I don't think you can sell this
product. It's very strange.
It's made to be watched while you're in your driveway, nowhere
(01:04:18):
else. Yeah, but they don't have that
feat like because the ones that are built into your car you can
like Android Auto has like a game thing that you can do, but
it you can't do it unless you'resitting still.
Depends on how I wire it up. Yeah, I had a buddy in high
school that had a screen with a DVD player and it it was
(01:04:41):
manufactured to only work when the car was in park, but he had
a little switch that he could flip to trick it.
Yeah, yeah. See this tablet for your car is
actually for divorced dads who are living in their car get and
also who get to the kid drop offor the kid pick up on time.
But the whore wife, her new man,is telling him that or telling
(01:05:06):
her that her ex doesn't dictate her life anymore and then makes
them like show up an hour and a half late.
OK. So it's saving divorced dad's
lives. Interesting, 'cause you know,
he's not leaving without his kid.
(01:05:26):
He's not going to drive the two hours out there to the meeting
point just to go back empty handed.
Yeah, I feel like it should comewith window tint for like all
360°. Or at least one of those pop up
tints inside. Yeah, wouldn't that that privacy
(01:05:47):
glass? Yeah.
In some some suspiciously shapeddog poop retrieval bags load
bags you can hang from your fucking steering wheel handles.
I heard something on lemon partyyesterday and they were talking
about I don't remember you. It might not be funny in this
(01:06:11):
without the context, but basically you start like one of
them was talking about some guy committing suicide and just the
way they described you standing,you know, and you just see a
flash in some car that's got tinted out windows and you just
for a split second see the silhouette of a guy with a gun
to his. Head.
(01:06:37):
It was so funny. Oh.
Man, Yeah, all right. Love you guys.
Bye.
You are now entering the PRISM. Why isn't your condom on?
Put the condom on. It it, it came off when I pulled
(00:21):
out. I swear I didn't get.
It's not in there, I promise. Have you ever lost a condom?
No like mid scary thought There's one time I like there
was way too much foreplay after the condom was already on.
So there's your problem. Foreplay.
Foreplay is dangerous. This is where this is APSA to
(00:44):
all of our listeners. Yeah, foreplay is dangerous.
It's devil's work. And if she wants you to do it,
she's trying to trick you into something.
Means she's a witch and she's part of a coven.
Yeah. She wants your seed.
Yeah, that's what she means. Don't.
Don't leave her near your bottom.
You keep your seed trap. At home, your seed is for the
boys, not for the witches. So yeah, there's copious amounts
(01:12):
of foreplay. And then like, I guess I had a
lot of precom just like loading that condom.
I put the condom on way too early 'cause you know how young
kids will like, make out for like fucking 40 minutes before
things go down there. That's what I assumed was proper
and correct. And so I just doing the deed
(01:36):
finally because I was dangerously close to blue balls
and like, I backed out and I felt the condoms stay and I was
like, that's a different sensation.
Yeah, reaching and pulling. Yeah, just no, I just go home
and be like, you're going to have to figure out how to get
(01:57):
that out of you because this is awkward now.
No, I don't trust them. They're probably going to turn
that shit around and go gird it in.
This was the same crazy chick. She was not on birth control.
I told her that I was about to complete and she like she pinned
(02:19):
me down. Pin you it.
Yeah, Yeah. And you can't do anything about
that legally. Oh, I fucking squitted back.
She tried to press it harder andI'd fucking pivoted.
No, I'm saying after the fact, Oh yeah, there's nothing you can
do legally. I feel like that should count as
a rape. We let's have a different word
(02:39):
for. It definitely.
So here's the thing, my wife is not has informed me that she's
listening to this now and I don't.
But I'm not going to change whatwe talk about here.
Angela, I'm sorry. You're an anus.
What? I'll explain that one later to
(03:01):
you. The fuck Yes it is rape because
if. It's no longer consensual.
This is not fun for both partiesanymore.
Yeah, that's but I don't think you have a case if she like
(03:27):
locks you in. About to catch a case?
That's. True boxing her, yeah.
Fucking body boxer ears. The old grandpa thread.
I'm going to box your ears. Yeah, yeah, that's wild.
(03:51):
My grandpa would threaten that so frequently, but he never laid
a hand on me. That's crazy because it felt
like he actually was going to itevery second.
My grandpa could literally hold my entire body in one hand when
I was little. He was very gentle.
(04:15):
He's. The Gentle Giant.
Yeah. He was your Iron Giant.
Yeah, now my dad on the other hand.
He lost boots in your ass. He's a bonky upside the head a
little too hard. Like just harder than necessary.
(04:38):
And so you, and like part of youknows that it was uncalled for,
but you don't say shit. Yeah, because he didn't even
realize he did it. Or like there was one time, I
think I've told this before I had Healy's and we were in
Walmart grocery shopping and I was just kind of wild running
(04:58):
around and then I like was Wheeling up to them from behind
and my dad just hears something and kind of freaks out coming up
behind him. And so he like puts his hand out
like behind like flat and at meets my belly at full speed and
your fucking. Spine.
(05:18):
Huge handprint, Welt on my belly.
He had no idea who it was, who what it was going to be.
He was just like somebody's approaching me and my wife and
it happened to be his son. Fucking felt your spine.
Yeah, yeah, I just had a giant red handprint on my belly for
(05:41):
like a day. You.
Know who else had a fucking red print on their belly for a day?
What? Fucking Horatio.
That was hilarious. We can't really tell that story,
though. Dude got fucked up.
He got squeezed in some machinery, did he?
Actually, no, he didn't 'cause he was on the side.
Yeah, he got he got squeezed between a clown car and a clown
(06:07):
car. And a big Red Nose.
Prayers for Horatio. He's fine.
He is fine, he's milking it now.He didn't even seem like he was
hurt. I didn't know, like he didn't.
He tried to reach for something earlier.
He's. Like, oh really?
(06:27):
Yeah, he's like, then I got to take some more muscle relaxers
when I get home. Oh, OK.
Yeah, he's, he's like trying to put on a.
So he's pretty, he's bruised, yeah, he's just.
Did he crack a rib or anything? I.
Think there might be a minor fracture 'cause it like it hit
him right at the false ribs likethe floating ones.
OK. So that's at least so.
It's going to be tender for a bit.
Yeah, but there's like less support if I'm, if I know my
(06:52):
ribs, right, Those aren't attached, Obviously they're not
like attached to anything. So like there's nothing to like
snap off, you know, they'd have to like break under their own,
you know what I mean? The leverage is different.
Yeah. So it's a little bit safer.
He's kind of an old man, so he'sprobably brittle.
Yeah, now I know, like what a fractured rib feels like.
(07:15):
That sucks. Yeah, I think that's all he's
dealing with right now though, so he's fine.
But prayers for Horatio. Hurts to breathe.
My uncle got bucked off a bowl and stomped on and he broke
every single rib. Whoa, Ferdinand was.
(07:39):
Fucking thorough 65 Damn this. Was.
Like I was in high school when this happened and this is my
grandpa's brother. So he was, I mean, he might have
been in his late 50s, but he wasnot, he was not young.
(07:59):
And he, I just remember, I remember when I heard about it,
I was at the Arch in Saint Louiswith my grandparents and they
get a call from his wife. And my grandpa's like, what was
he doing, 'cause this guy was a bull rider professional for a
very long time and now he's a ranch hand still and he.
(08:25):
I'm a male hand. He's just.
Well, I had to get on him and that's how he talks.
He talks like. An old Southern used car
salesman. Yeah, yeah, you would love that
guy. He is.
I believe it. He's hilarious.
But yeah, he just didn't like a full body cast for like two or
(08:46):
three months. Well, 'cause he had also broken
like something on each arm, he had a bunch of like internal
like bruising. Were the clavicles intact?
Clavicles these. Collarbone.
Oh, I doubt it. I don't know.
Yeah. That'd be because that's like
the most commonly broken bone onthe human body.
(09:06):
That would be wild if all of theother bones got messed up, but.
Those were intact except for hisclavs, Yeah.
The ones that the human body can.
Somehow I feel like those are the sacrificial like crumple
zones of the body. I see.
I've never injured my collarbone, so I don't know.
I feel like that's a dangerous one to break.
(09:29):
I mean, not, not unless it gets punched into your carotid or
something. Yeah, but or your jug.
I hate when it hits me in the jug.
I don't want none of your 80% power bullshit.
You better end it. I want to see the sky, man.
I got to see red first. Hold on.
(09:49):
I'm just imagining this bull curb stomping your uncle and
then coming and like turning andlooking back at him seeing that
he missed a couple spots, finished a couple more stops,
turns, spits on him and say Satan sends his regards, walks
up. He used to be like 8 foot tall,
like he was so tall. And now he kind of just walks
(10:11):
like he's still really like he'staller than me.
Like he's like 6-6 or something crazy like hunched.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And but he's like hunched over
and still wears cowboy boots and, you know, cowboy cut jeans
and Pearl snap button up shirt, everyday cowboy hat.
(10:32):
I respect the drip, but there's got to be a point in time where
you have to weigh the convenience well, see if it's.
Worth it. I think he's switched over to
like the area like almost flat foot boots, you know the like
the orthopedic cowboy boots. They're super nice.
Yeah. But yeah, he he's still, he
(10:57):
still dresses the way he should.Dude I'm getting scared.
I don't know if I told you this last time but like my left foot
is like fucked up because he gotfat.
No, you told me about so do you have planters fasciitis?
Does it feel like you're the bottom of your foot is trying to
(11:18):
open up when you walk? So when you're on this in your
step, does it feel like this is tearing almost OK?
No, it feels like my like there are two, you know, the metal,
liquid metal Terminator. Like as he turns Chrome when
(11:40):
he's turning into a new phase. OK, It feels like he turned
Chrome after he was like in lavafor a couple seconds and he's
cupping my heels on both sides kind of like that.
Oh yeah, it's like a you have like no support back there too.
How? Let me show me your heel on your
shoe. I actually just got some stuff
(12:01):
for it. No, not your foot, the shoe.
Yeah, you have you need. So those are from Target or
Walmart, right? Probably you got them online,
but it's probably the same shit you can get there.
You need to wear 'cause when youfirst got those, you were
wearing them like every once in a while and all of a sudden you
(12:23):
just started wearing them daily.Ingham Daily.
Yeah, these are my daily drivers.
I would not suggest doing that again.
I think if you got something with better support and like put
a Doctor Scholl's in there, you'll probably be fine.
But yeah, it's that it's your tendon that holds your fucking
back, your foot to your leg, theAchilles.
Yeah, yeah, the. Achilles.
(12:44):
And that's a really important one.
So like. Yeah, and you'll know when it
pops. Oh yeah.
Not just because it'll fucking hurt, but it'll sound like a gun
went off. Yeah.
Yeah, and I'm not willing to risk that.
So I've been doing a bunch of fucking exercises, try to
strengthen that area up. And then I've my wife got like,
I wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't complain to her.
Yeah. 'Cause that's not my role.
(13:07):
Yeah, in the house I don't get to complain about shit.
That's her job. She's made that abundantly
clear. So I got I would get up in the
morning and there's been no weight on it.
And the first step that I take, it's like, like, I guess I like
visibly kind of like, yeah, wince and kind of leaned a
little bit as I went to go brushmy teeth and then wash my face
(13:28):
and shit. And like, I wouldn't say
anything about it, but she wouldsee it.
Yeah. Every time she noted that'd be
like slow when I'd like fucking hobble for like the 1st 10
minutes of the day. Yeah.
And she's like, you need new fucking boots And it's like.
Yeah, and you need to get like actual boots 'cause they have
ankle support and everything. But they're expensive, Yeah.
(13:49):
And the ones that you are worth getting are expensive.
That and they'll fix the problemultimately.
But. And, and if you get a pair that
you'll be able to get a pair that you can resole, yeah.
And just keep them for life and keep them for maybe not life,
but for a long time. Guys, give us some boot brands.
(14:11):
They were just doing this in theDiscord not too long ago.
So like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Go back, give us some boot
brands and stuff. For old men they need to be
steel toe, but yeah. Preferably they need to look
decent, but honestly I would much prefer.
Oh these guys, no style, they'reall £700.
(14:31):
Fuck. Some of it's all muscle, some of
it's non muscle. Some of it's.
But they all look sick as hell. They.
Got that real drip? Yeah, a lot of it's grease, but
it's drip. Cockamole.
Yeah, but yeah, that I wouldn't say that's your weight.
(14:54):
I think losing weight would help, but it's not going to.
You need to get ahead of that more importantly than just your
weight, because that that could be a problem real quick and
it'll be a problem before you'reable to lose weight.
So you need to get ahead of thatas fast as possible because that
could be a real thing. And I'm not taking over for you
when you're out and you have to fucking shower in a bag.
(15:18):
That's fine. I'll make 70% of my income.
No, you won't. What do?
You mean? If you blow your Achilles at
work, you're not going to get workers comp.
Why not? Because workers comp isn't for
walking, which is how it's goingto happen.
Yeah, I'll be stepping into my office and then.
No, yeah, you better fucking slip and slide down the aisle.
(15:44):
Or, or here's what I'll do, I'llteam lift a battery pack onto a
clown car and then. Yeah, you're not even allowed to
touch those until you figure this out.
I swear to God, you've already gotten hurt doing that.
Yeah, but it'll it'll. Convince, at least when you do
it, make sure that you kind of do a Russian twist.
(16:08):
Get my spine too while I'm at it.
Yeah, I want a cybernetic spine.Not that cheap shit Stephen
Hawking got. I want the real deal.
That sucks, I hate fuck. But I put some of those Doctor
Scholl's inserts in these these shitty shoes, night and day.
(16:29):
Yeah, for sure. But the the problem is is.
This will break down too. You're still, your heel is
pushing down on your actual likethe sole of your shoe and that
sole is literally foam and so you have absolutely no support.
So you're not just because the pad of your foot feels good, the
actual structure of what you're like, what how you're standing,
(16:51):
your posture is unaffected and it's still bad.
So in the short term it feels better to your foot, but it's
not doing anything for the construction of your foot except
for just allowing it to progresspoorly.
So I should get some HGH and stab it into.
My no, you need. Stem cells.
(17:12):
You need support on your fuckingon the bottom of your foot.
I'm being an ass. I know you're right.
Like I would suggest a heeled like a not a not like a lift,
but like a regular heeled boot. Yeah, because I'm willing to bet
that the your, your the ball, your feet is above your heel
(17:34):
when you stand, even just slightly because of how?
Because you're heavier and your weight is straight down on your
heels. Yeah, Yeah.
And so I don't have a good. Indicator of that right now
because I have the inserts. In there, well, you can look at
the heels of your shoes and see how they're worn down, see that
(17:58):
there's no tread there. And it's back here, Yeah, blown
through the. Yeah, but fucking ballpark.
Yeah, it's yeah. Those things got to go.
You got to get something different.
Even the Walmart steel toe bootsare better than that right now
and those are like 30 bucks. Sure.
There's like no excuse. It's really bad when I'll buy
(18:18):
like a case of beer, be like, I don't want to get boots.
Oh yeah, that's. Stupid.
It's so stupid. It's one of the dumbest things,
but I do it. Oh yeah.
Those are from last week. Fuck yeah.
I have two left. Crack one, you're just hissing
(18:43):
at you a little bit that cans got some venom in it.
So we got some more bushes, someBush Nas brewed in the USA.
They're a little cooler than I was expecting, honestly.
Yeah, they've been in my car allday.
Nice. So it's been chill in my car.
(19:07):
Yeah. Bush, Nas.
I'm surprised you left. The rest of that 12 were in my
my house. I thought you didn't take it.
I thought about it, but I was like you.
Just don't want to explain it toyour wife.
Yeah, it's just not worth it. Like it.
Not that I'm like, I wasn't hiding it from her, 'cause she
knows that I have these. I don't know if she knows I had
(19:29):
these specifically in my backpack, but.
Yeah, you've been on the fuckingstraight and narrow.
Yeah, It just wasn't worth the the time, Like 'cause there's
there'll be situations where she's like, all right, let's go
clean out your car. And that's her way of just like
kind of keeping me honest too. And just like if, if she finds
(19:52):
anything, she finds anything, there's nothing to find.
But she, if she decided to do that, then it's a conversation.
No, look, they're non alcoholic.It's just, it's not worth.
Yeah. 'Cause then it looks like you're
being defensive, which seems dishonest and you just don't
want to. Yeah, I just don't have, I don't
have the the backbone. I guess I'm just.
(20:18):
It's you don't need a backbone. I'm.
Just trying to choose. I'm just trying to choose my
battle. She's she 'cause she's just
doing what she needs to do and I'm not.
It's not worth. There's no reason to have the
conversation if I don't have to.Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, but this actually tastes good.
Yeah, they taste like regular beers.
(20:41):
What if we? What if we got like the
mislabeled ones, this kid fucking sauce?
Like I know it's a placebo fightbecause like even after that
first drink, like I'm feeling like shit, relax.
And I think it's just the ritualof it, you know?
Yeah. Because I don't.
I rarely ever drink beer and just get drunk.
(21:04):
It's been rare that I do that. Yeah, I don't think I can get
drunk on beer. We're not ready for that, for
science. No, no, it's a, it's got to be
at least 8% for me to like. I mean actually probably my
(21:25):
tolerance now is probably prettylow, but back when I was going
hard I would have to drink 'cause like my go to was those
bootleggers which are 8%. No, they're fucking 12%.
Are they? Yeah.
Oh, OK. Well, then yeah, 12%.
(21:49):
Those are rough dude. Yeah, that's where oh, this came
from you. Saw me drink like three of them
in one of our recording sessionsand I was.
Like yeah I would have like 6 ofthem.
Fuck dude, like ever And then sit in my bathtub.
Like at least take. A bath.
No, no, I wasn't taking showers because I was taking baths
(22:14):
because I couldn't. Like I just liked like, this is
how fat I was. It wasn't just the sugar.
It was everything that drinking led to for me is excessive
laziness. I didn't want to go do stuff.
I'm not like a fun drunk. I wanted to just kind of lay
(22:34):
there and just soak in my juicesand I would go lay in the
bathtub and. Just get a nice broth going.
Yeah, for hours, like until my wife got home from work and I
get home at like I would when wewere living down the road from
here. I was.
(22:56):
I would get home at like 3 and she'd get home at 5:00.
So it's like at least an hour and a half, let's say an hour 45
just in the. Bathtub just kind of playing
around like I'm 6. The second they made IP ratings
on cell phones game. Over yeah yeah 'cause like you
(23:20):
know the bathtub has like a metal liner yeah on the under
near like has something metal init on the side so I just like
Magna my phone I get the speakerand I'm just watching Netflix or
whatever just. Just brewing away, yeah.
Did you ever pee in your tub water?
(23:41):
Yeah, that's You can't bathe andnot pee in the tub.
Interesting. You don't get it in your mouth
and the soap that you put on your body is sterilizing the
Yeah, yeah, 'cause like how I would do it is I would like
fill. I would turn the shower on.
(24:01):
Yeah. And then I'd plug the tub and
then I'd just kind of like let it fill up slowly, 'cause I
like, I like laying there and then.
There, it's the ball level. The balls start to float and
then and then they reach the point where they break the water
tension and they sink and then it's just your little guy.
It's his turn. Yeah, and you a Periscope bitch.
(24:29):
Bitch. But then, yeah.
And then you lay there, and thenyou pee straight up.
Your little sailor in the crows.Nest.
Yeah. And kind of.
And then like after the water would like get to a certain
point where I feel like it was going to overflow, I'd open the
thing. And then I just keep raising.
(24:53):
Yeah. And I just keep filling it
large. So I did.
The pee didn't stay in there forvery long.
Right. It was negligible amounts at
that point. Yeah, and I mean, it's my pee.
That's true. And you are pretty religious
when it comes to actually like cleaning out your showers.
I didn't realize that 'cause youwould tell me like, yeah, I was
cleaning the shower through the tub.
(25:15):
Yeah, that's my wife's thing now.
I really never would have thought about it until she
started bringing it up. It's fucking smart.
I never thought about it, but like, as frequently as I guess
you were bathing at the time. Yeah, by bathing I mean not
showering, but yeah, bathing myself.
Tubing. Yeah, with the frequency of your
(25:36):
tubing activities and also your other extracurriculars, it makes
sense that you guys see it does that shit, Yeah.
It was yeah. And then we like had bought like
a like a, a like a giant Dremel with brushes on it.
Fuck yeah to like hit everythingwith.
Then we get the bleach like powder or like the bleach, the
(25:59):
Ajax stuff. No, it's called a soft scrub.
It's like goopy bleach with sandin it.
Kind of like the Gojo. Yeah, yeah.
But it's bleach, Yeah. And yeah, you just spray that
everywhere and then scrubber down.
Nice. Yeah.
(26:19):
I appreciate this. Keep the.
Door open while you're doing it.Crack the window?
Yeah. Show the neighbor your B hole.
Yeah. Are you familiar with a term
called a horse bath? No.
OK, that's fair. I wasn't either.
(26:39):
What would that mean to you? How would you interpret that
through the word alone? When your mom takes a bath, sick
burn a horse bath, it's like like a sponge bath maybe.
(27:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's a it's a wet rag bath
using sink water soap. Yeah, I've done that before.
Yeah, I think we've all done it.But I didn't know that that was
a word and it and I've heard it from other circles other than my
(27:23):
wife. So like I know that I've come to
realize that that wasn't a a herand her weird circle thing it.
Was when we were living in the camper for like a few months
couple summers ago. I would do that pretty regularly
because the we had water and I think I think we did, but like
(27:43):
the pressure was really bad. And so I would I had a bunch of
dude wipes, like a bunch of dudewipes that I had gotten for like
Christmas or something one year.And so I just.
They try to drop. Hints, yeah.
And so I would just use those dude.
Wipe. And I'd just wipe myself down,
(28:07):
you know, like once a week, go to go inside the house that I
was living right next to, to actually shower.
I like a shower after, like, a gross long battle.
Yeah, that's one of the most, like, victorious sitting
(28:29):
showers. I can't play the things on my
speaker that I want to play because they say faggot and rape
a lot. Insane Clown Posse.
No, I don't listen to music. I don't want to kill myself.
I want to enjoy my shower. Are you, are you secretly a
Juggalo? No, no, like like podcasts and
(28:55):
stuff like that. I can't like play.
I have found that if I go into the EQ settings on my phone with
the big Bluetooth speaker and I just kill all the bass, I give
it a low cut, high pass, you know?
Yeah, the words. And it like doesn't boom through
(29:17):
the wall 'cause my sister in law's bedroom is on the other
side of the wall in the shower. So, like, she can hear
everything that happens in the shower and all of the nasty
jokes that these guys say that Ifully don't support awful
things. And also like, yeah, like
(29:42):
everything I listen to goes against everyone else's opinions
in that house. So I don't want to.
I just don't. I've shower when no one's home.
Do you think that your mother-in-law would go like
Kathy Bates on you? She no, because she won't go
upstairs. What was the name of that movie
(30:03):
she finds her favorite author? It's like really bad or
horrendous, something like that.You know, it's a, it's an
adjective. The word is an adjective.
(30:25):
Adjective being A and and D Are you talking?
About those are articles you fucking retard.
Fuck yeah, you're right. Except for and and is also a
conjunction. Did you?
Yeah. And I thought it like can't was
a. No conjunction.
That's a contraction. What the fuck?
(30:47):
Did you not listen? Did you not watch Schoolhouse
Rock You fucking retard? I'm going to be honest, I don't
even know. Conjunction junction What's your
function hooking up words and phrases and causes you never.
I'm I'm going to be honest, I'm not entirely sure what a gerund.
Is I got sand button or I don't know what the fuck that is
(31:08):
either. Kathy Bates.
Misery. Misery.
Yep. Adjective, a description of
something and then an adverb is a description of an action.
(31:29):
Yeah, see, I know English, I just can't read it.
Russell linguist, did you? Now Russell Schoolhouse.
Rock. No, I did OK.
Sometimes I just play into the character because it's fun.
Yeah, yeah, the I don't know what the other articles are.
(31:55):
Anne is an article. I don't know exactly what the
definition of those are. I know that that information is
available, but I've always just decided to keep that a secret
for myself. Yeah, you have to have room for
growth. You can't be.
Like a mystery. Like I get what I like, knowing
what something means, but not being able to tell you because I
(32:18):
physically can't figure that outin words.
So like the word, uh, just the letter AI, like how mysterious
that is to me and I don't want atechnical definition of it.
It would just ruin it for me. You don't want to see how the
how the hot dog's made. Yeah, I get that.
Yeah. Ain't nothing wrong with that
little mystery, you know, shooting it from the hip.
(32:41):
OK, and but no, they will get you very far.
Man, I love Schoolhouse Rock. I'm just a bill.
I'm only a bill. I recently saw.
And I stuck a pill in your drink.
It's about Bill Cosby and not the Biller Rex.
(33:05):
I have 87 victims and I got off Scott free.
Because when you're asleep, can you really remember?
Me. I'm just, well, dropping sweet
little pills. Dude.
(33:31):
He kept that character for so long.
Yeah, man. Like he was, he's anti bobsight.
He was a basement gynecologist. A recreational guy.
No. In the show, Doctor Huxtable was
a gynecologist and his practice was in his basement.
(33:54):
So he was being straight up withus the entire time.
He was he. He basically said hey guys I
rape and no one no one knew. He has a whole stand up to act
about putting Spanish fly in thedrink because it makes him horny
(34:14):
and sleepy. Oh man.
Yeah. That's fucking wild.
But we love him. Good guy.
Yeah. Fuck Hannibal Burress.
It's his fault. He, Hannibal raped those women.
(34:35):
Really. Because he was the one that got
Bill Bill Cosby in trouble and made everybody mad.
Is he the one who tied him up? Those women weren't saying
anything. Wife, you should stop listening.
Jesus Christ. I like Hannibal Burruss, his
stuff is weird. But he's the 1.
He is the. One, I didn't know that there
(34:55):
was any tie to him, he started. Like, I don't, I don't know
exactly how it went, but like, he had started like making noise
about it being like, everybody knows Bill Cosby like raped
people for 50 years and didn't do anything about it.
And he just kept fucking talkingabout it.
And then Bill Cosby got arrested.
Someone actually looked into it.Yeah.
There was like a cop in one of the comedy clubs that was like.
(35:16):
Wait a minute, I'm just. Going to look it out.
It's I'm going to look into it alittle bit.
I did. Nothing's going to come of it.
That's. The only time that that's
happened, by the way, where somebody goes on a mountain top
and goes, hey, everyone knows about this and you're not doing
anything about it. And then if you just look into
(35:36):
it for like 50 seconds, you go, well, something fucking weird is
about this. And then the FBI goes, well, we
should take a look. Pizzagate's a real thing that
happened. That people have been very vocal
about. It's loud and clear, something
weird's going on in Ping Pong Comet Pizza and all they did was
(36:03):
kill the guy that brought a gun there.
See, the guy just wasn't curiousthat day.
He fired one bullet and it went into the hard drive or it went
into the server. It's a fucking good shot.
And then they killed. The guy that hacked into Comic
Ping Pong Pizza was murdered. The guy that hacked in after the
(36:27):
emails came out, he hacked into the server and started finding a
bunch of weird videos on a pizzarestaurant's website.
He was murdered. So we're next, I guess.
No, we don't keep our. Because shut.
(36:48):
Because it's it's, it's not real.
It's just nothing. It didn't happen.
Didn't happen. Not real.
Epstein. Who?
Who's that? Who is John and Tony Podesta?
I've seen a video of him lighting a kid on fire in his
shower. What?
(37:10):
I don't think it's real, but it is really funny.
Fucking sore AI. Or no, this was before AI.
He was going around and he goes.All you see is you can't really
tell what's going on. But to me, what it looks like,
because it's really dark, is like one of those frosted glass
(37:31):
shower doors. And then there's like something
on fire in it. And then the guy filming it
going, I'm just the kid who's 4.Each day I grow some more.
I'm John Podesta. And the kid, whatever's in the
shower is screaming, Oh my God, I have no idea what was in the
(37:54):
shower. It doesn't look like you can't
see like a silhouette of a person in there.
There's no, I have no idea what the history of the video is, but
I've seen it a million times. That's.
Terrifying because if something's on fire, does it
even cast a shadow? I'm not sure if it I'm not sure
if it's a shadow or if it's justlike a reflection of a
television on some glass. Like you cannot.
(38:15):
The video is so grainy. Your brain just tells you what
it is like. I have no idea what it is, but
my what I saw because of what was like the caption of it or
something was John John Podesta burns a kid alive in his shower
and he the guy does say I'm JohnPodesta, which is pretty.
Urinating. I mean, the only people who do
(38:40):
that are Johnny Knoxville. That's true, but yeah, like it.
It just his art. The art in Tony Podesta's house
alone should get him castrated publicly.
(39:02):
Yeah, but I don't know if it's like a nut thing.
I think it's like a brain thing,which I get that the nuts make
the brain. I'm not saying that we can fix
the problem, I'm saying we can cause him pain.
I like that. I'm, I'm against, I'm against
rehabilitation for criminals. I'm for punishment.
(39:27):
There's no such thing. I mean, when when you order a
pizza from a nice or from a pizza place and you order a, a,
a pepperoni pizza and there's a stray olive on it, do you say
(39:47):
that's a pepperoni and olive pizza Or is it a pepperoni pizza
and there's an accidental olive on it?
Because that's the quality of rehabilitation we have in the
prison system. We put them in there to punish
them. Some of them come out the other
side better, peaceful. But I'm perfectly fine with
calling it punishment. Shut up, especially for
(40:12):
pedophiles. Man, fucking Tracy stories last
episode. Oh yeah, it's rough.
Yeah, but yeah, no, Tony, Tony, Tony Chopper.
I mean, John, Tony Podesta. Yeah, Madeleine McCann
(40:33):
disappears. And then a sketch artist draws a
picture of three people that look exactly like John Podesta,
Tony Podesta and Ghilane Maxwell.
That one's really funny, but I don't think it's real.
But it is really funny. God.
(40:54):
How many hours have you dedicated to like looking into
this stuff? I don't have to look into it, it
defines me. How many hours was it thrust
upon? 90% of my adult life.
Oh, OK. Yeah.
All right. At least it waited till you were
old. Yeah, then oh, what's the other
(41:14):
one? Oh yeah, So George Soros.
He's the dude. He's funding Congress's projects
and getting funded by Congress. He kind of runs a evil empire of
money who like he's just a communist who's against
communism for himself. Like what communist?
(41:37):
No, he funds just anything to the extreme left.
His son Alex, who's going to take over when I mean, he's
basically taken over already, ismarried to Huma Abedin, Hillary
Clinton's best friend, and Anthony Weiner's ex-wife Tony
Weiner. Yeah.
That's an unfortunate name. Like Huma is in the Pizzagate
(42:01):
emails. Yeah, at like 1 of the many
people in those emails. Like a big contributor in the
Pizzagate conspiracy. And by a contributor, I mean,
taking part in the conspiracy. It's fucking gross.
Yeah, yeah. All those people should be
(42:24):
should have their feet nailed tothe ground and then somebody
like yank on them upward with like a rocket.
Strategically placed like on a. Moon like rotten quarters, but
by helicopter. We should, we should make like
(42:45):
scythe bullets, you know, those like fishing lures that have
like the multiple hooks that kind of like mustache.
We should just sharpen the the inside of the hook and then have
the center be like a sharp pointy rocket.
And so we just shoot a blade andjust like just punches A+ sign
(43:06):
through things. You know the arrows that like
spring open when they, you know,like the the wall anchors?
Yeah, they're like spring open once they are on the other side.
Yeah, but in your penis. So it like it goes in easy comes
out rough. So they just like push it in the
(43:27):
rest. Yeah, balloon.
A balloon catheter, maybe? That's what.
Sounding is 4 to prepare for theinevitable insertion.
I found out that there's a that Hitler had a might have had a
thing where his eye hole was on the bottom of his head penis.
Nice. Yeah.
(43:47):
So no wonder. He had.
Do you blame him? He had a fucking sink faucet.
I mean, can you blame him after knowing that I.
Was it from a botched circumcision?
Is that why he ate specific? No, it's like a genetic disease
(44:07):
or something. There's also like a disease or
like a defect that you can have where your hole is too small.
Like way too small. So sounding is like a treatment.
Yeah. So it's an anti Hank Hill
(44:28):
device? I forgot about that, but yeah.
He has an area of urethra. Yeah, although I don't know if
it widens your urethra because Ifeel like your urethra is like
plastic. Like it can be expanded, is that
what you're saying? I'm it's, if people can get
(44:50):
there, you're coming to the realization that your urethra is
like an organic material and notlike cellophane, right?
Which is how I've always just kind of seen it.
So because like, you know, you pull on cellophane, it just
snaps, right? It doesn't really stretch.
Yeah, I mean there's, there's still some elasticity, but it's
(45:11):
not like much. Yeah.
So I'm sure it's like when people put those gauges in their
ears, like you can build it up to like the size of a fucking
hockey puck. Yeah, or the giant thing in
their lip. Yeah, only if certain cool group
of people do that. See people put them like the
bridge of their. No, I'm talking about the giant
(45:31):
plate in their lips. I'm aware, I'm aware.
The necklace. People put bracelets on their
shit. Yeah, and then and then the bun.
Yeah. And they go.
Your fixation on the watermelon people.
(45:54):
I'm still laughing at chimping out I.
Feel like Tracy's going to find a new reason to beat you up.
Yeah. Oh man, Love it.
Yeah, man, I. I saw a video or not.
(46:14):
It wasn't a video, it was a mock.
It was a mocking of a Facebook post that someone had made where
someone was showing a picture oftheir like their gauge hole on
their ear. Yeah.
Like it looked rough. It looked like an opened up butt
hole. Yeah, they're nasty.
And like, he was super inflamed.He was super inflamed.
(46:37):
And she's like this is serious. I really do need help to solve
this problem. Boyfriend stuck his penis in
here for fun and. Now I have a yeast infection.
Are there any home remedies thatI can do for this cause it the
(46:58):
swelling is not going down and Ireally don't want to go to a
doctor and have to try to explain this.
Yeah, you can grow your own penicillin, I guess.
Yeah, but you need some antibiotics and a new boyfriend
and a 9mm bullet because you can't shrink those lobes back.
See, here's what you do. You douse his penis and alcohol
(47:20):
as he's going in, and he'll naturally clean it out for you.
There you go. Yeah.
You, you think they make condomsthat are, that have like
bristles on the outside, not ribbed, but like, literally like
for like, you know how we have the metal straws and you have
the pipe cleaning you stick in there?
Yeah, yeah. But for your penis I like and
that way you can scrub the the the vagina.
(47:41):
Get her clean before you go to town.
It's smart. It's utilitarian, that's all I'm
saying. Definitely has a utility.
You call it the brondum, the brush condom.
That's fucking awesome. That's a good idea.
(48:04):
You think it could expedite likethe the period or you think
that'd? Be there would be some bleeding.
Well, there already was, yeah. I don't think it'd get rid of it
'cause you're not going into the, you know.
The blood sack. Yeah, yeah.
What's that thing called? Terrace.
(48:25):
Yeah, uterus. I kept thinking urethra like
it's not. Dead.
I flipped. The page in my book, and it'd
go, it's not dead either. And it's just like every page
just said urethra and I couldn'tfind uterus.
Yeah, no, you don't go in the uterus.
The uterus is up behind that second butthole they have in
there. The double.
Uterus. Yeah, At least I think that's
(48:47):
how that works. There's like a big cave and then
they got that. They got, they have like how I
picture it cause I've only felt it.
It's like a balloon knot, like an actual balloon knot, but it's
like really tight. Yeah.
And behind that is where the secrets are.
Yeah, yeah, that's where Mr. Krab keeps the secret recipe.
(49:09):
Yeah, I think that's the cervix what I'm thinking of.
And no wonder ladies are tense all the time 'cause that thing's
tightest. Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Yeah, like they it is weird thatthat they just have a muscle
that's in their body that only stops being the fucking tensest
(49:31):
muscle in the world for like a few hours.
Yeah. And then it goes immediately
right back to the No zone. Yeah.
I feel like we could make it theyes zone though.
No. You can't.
It becomes a no no no no no zone.
(49:51):
Feels pretty cool though. It's.
Crazy I'm getting chopped up saying about it.
I need to calm down. You think you can make your way
into the fallopian tubes? No.
Are you serious? I'm just asking questions.
(50:12):
I feel like if I don't try, I'm not doing my due diligence as a
husband. Well let me curve this real
quick. Put some English on it.
I saw a picture and it was a guy.
He he, he was holding up, you know, You know, the shocker.
(50:33):
Yeah, Yeah. But instead of the shocker, he
had the two fingers here and then a fist, he said.
The minivan 2 in the front, fivein the back.
Yep Yep, I was perusing the Internet and I found a a dude.
(50:57):
Just like treating a woman's B hole like a sock puppet.
No. It's fucking gross.
She was like screaming and crying and telling him to like
push it deep or just like this. This doesn't make sense to me
man. Yeah.
Man had a look of like guilt. All those old videos,
(51:19):
obligations, those LiveLeak videos back from when we were a
kid, we were kids. They had like the worst titles
too, but like one of them was like 2 kids in the sandbox.
And it's, there's no children involved in that because it's
just a man and a woman and some object.
I assume it was a dildo. It's been so long since I
(51:40):
watched this video. And at the time, I didn't know
what it was. I thought it was like some type
of candy. Yeah, but it's probably a dildo.
And she just jams it into his penis.
Wait what? Into like bangs them together
or. Like no.
(52:00):
Like like his penis opened up and ate it.
Like his penis was the inside mouth of a xenomorph.
No. Yeah, man, that still haunts my
nightmare. Hyper sounding?
Yeah. Loud sounding, yeah.
Yeah, that was awful, man. Who would agree to that?
(52:23):
I'm not sure he agreed to it, but he did stretch open pretty
easily so he's done it before. Yeah, there's, I mean, there's
no way that that was his first time doing that.
The BME Pain Olympics guy? Yeah.
Is it the same dude in all of them or are they different
dudes? I don't.
I think Rogan, I think knew the guy.
(52:44):
There's no way. Yeah, he said something about
knowing the guy or like knew whothat guy was and he like killed
himself or something. I don't remember.
I just I remember laughing at when he when he hooks.
(53:06):
That fucking jumper cable's up to his nuts and them just
immediately. Comes OH.
I don't know if it was real, butit was funny.
Damn. Oh man.
I wonder. If 7th grade was crazy and my
(53:27):
friend's parents computer had somany viruses on it from
literally the shit, we would look.
Up on there, the boys discovering, yeah, crazy shit.
Like I wonder if I feel like there's a scrubbing that's going
on in the Internet 'cause like, we don't have LiveLeak anymore.
Yeah, we do have scoops, but it's like it's not quite the
(53:50):
same. And no one knows what that is.
Which is fine, yeah. All we have is videos of
Palestinian children getting exploded.
And we have enough like descriptions of those old videos
that like at least like the written description of what
happened. Is there you?
Can find them do. You think that we can.
I don't know if I want to go to like the crummy gross places to
(54:12):
find. It now.
Exactly. So what if we can use all of
those descriptions of the scene and put it into AI and then have
them recreate? Them No, I know where you can
find them. So you don't have to do that.
But I, if we had somebody on theDiscord had never seen any, like
(54:35):
we were making references to these videos that we used to
watch when we were in middle school or whatever.
And somebody in the Discord, just like I had no idea what we
were talking about. I think it was Mr. Hands.
He goes, what's Mr. Hands? And I was like, he's just a
Boeing engineer who did nothing wrong and he goes, he did what?
To a horse. He romanced a.
Horse and so he found we got himto like find the videos and
(54:58):
actually watched them and so we just started telling now look
this one up now look this one uphe's like guys, I can't do that.
He needs a shower and he needs to go see.
I know that you can find priest that Burp was hiding in there
for a while. It started hard.
Fuck that smelled straight up like vomit.
(55:25):
That was just vomit. That wasn't halitosis.
It wasn't bad. That was vomit.
Yeah, it's a mixture of those, that beer and the the bears in
the fucking lunch we had. Beer, burger and bear.
Bear. Yeah.
Oh yeah. Bears.
(55:45):
Yeah. Gummy bears.
Yeah, there was something like sour and acidic to that.
Yeah, I mean my burps. My wife's number, that's a top
10 complaint about me is the smell of my burps.
I can fart and she wouldn't care, but when I burp, she rolls
(56:06):
down the window. Fuck, dude.
No, I I've, I've worked with youfor years at this point and,
like, I've smelled like your raunchiest farts.
You've burped around me constantly.
Yeah, that was the first time that like.
This one also like flew at you Max speaks.
I have the the air pointing behind me at you.
(56:28):
And I value that air so much. Yeah, I'm hesitant to like say
it's. Warm for a minute.
It came warm and fucking sour. It's fucking weird.
That knocked me back on my shitty heel.
Anyway, what's a? Shitheel.
(56:49):
I've heard that before. Shit heel sounds like another
word for someone's butt, becauseyour butt's kind of like a heel
and shit comes out of it. Your butt's like a heel.
What? Your butt's like a heel.
Sorry, I was yawning. Maybe.
(57:12):
Anyway, love you guys. We got 3 minutes, we can do 3
minutes. You didn't smell your burp?
I'm still trying to catch my breath.
That knocked the wind through me.
So I've been watching lemon party.
Not the gay guy, just casually, casually.
(57:33):
That's funny. Lemon party is one of those
things we were just talking about.
But no, there's a podcast calledLemon Party.
Tim Dillon's ex boy slave Ben Avery has a podcast.
Bend over. Yeah.
Bend over Avery, and it's very funny, OK?
(57:56):
Very naughty. They're on all platforms.
Yeah, they occasionally get banned off of YouTube.
OK, but yeah, as promising they're on Spotify, but yeah,
they're most of their stuff is on YouTube.
Very funny. It's a It makes me chuckle.
(58:17):
And because he was fired by Tim,Tim Dylan, he does not mince
words about his feelings about like everybody surrounding, like
the Austin comedy scene. Yeah, it's very, it's very
candid. Very.
It's hilarious. Is there a?
(58:38):
Reason why Shane didn't move down there.
To Austin, Yeah, He lives in Austin.
Does, yeah. Fuck, I thought he was waiting.
No, he's probably like the only like.
Funny person down there. I wouldn't say the only 'cause
they're they're funny other thanRogan.
Like they're, they're funny people.
And you get some like genuinely funny guys on Kill Tony, but
(59:03):
Tony isn't funny. But like, no, you got Shane and
Mccusker and then like they're like the people in their orbit
and then. Wait, did Matt go down there
too? Yeah, Matt lives there.
Or at least he did. I haven't really been paying
attention to their stuff in a while, but he was there for a
(59:25):
while at least. It's.
Going to be so refreshing when you do like go back in when you
do like catch up. Yeah, I'm waiting for the actual
Matt and Shane episodes to like really build up because whenever
Shane does shows it's just Matt and like some rando.
We got to support Matt. Yeah, but it's, it's, I support
him, but. From a distance.
(59:47):
Yeah. Without views.
By himself, like he'll have justlike a, it'll be like an, it's a
completely different podcast. It's just like an interview with
some guy. Yeah.
You should put your phone on. Mute and just play them and.
Just have it plugged in. No, otherwise our podcast would
lose mute. You know what?
(01:00:07):
You're right, Russell. No, I had to.
I got to. I finally stopped doing that
with ours. Thank you guys.
You saved Russell's phone battery for another year before
he gets forced to switch to an. Oh, dude, my phone is getting
hot. I'm sorry.
I'm playing this game. I got, you know, those games
(01:00:29):
were like like, you know, the playable ads yes.
So like, you know the one where it's like a Farming Simulator
where like you go and you gatherall the corn and then you go to
the table and then you sell it and then you go get money and
then you upgrade to get a tractor and so you can gather
more corn faster and all that. I have like 6 of those different
types of game, like different games of that type that I've
(01:00:52):
just been cycling through and myphone is not like it, especially
because I've turned off like thead block because they have a ton
of like ad rewards for you. So you're like, you get this
upgrade, just watch an ad and it's like a 30 second ad.
So I'm like, okay. And so how do you do all
playable ads? So it's just more games, more.
(01:01:16):
Game and that's trying to load and my phone is just screaming
it'll get to the point where like I'll have like picture in
picture of like a YouTube video playing yeah and that'll just
close. Damn, when you get you an ice
pack, Yeah, like a case. That's an ice pack.
Like rock form. Yeah, rock form.
How about you form a rock of iceinto?
A. They make.
(01:01:38):
They make like like CPU cooler cases that you like snap onto
your phone and they got those, but I use like a water bottle.
Just like douse it. No like like on my way home.
You'll set it in between water bottles.
(01:01:59):
Yeah, I have two cold water bottles that I just keep it in
between so I can let it charge. It'll be charged when I get home
and it doesn't overheat. Fuck yeah, Yeah.
You have like a 22. Right, 21 I think.
I don't feel like that's accurate.
I feel like you have a 22. I think I have a 21.
(01:02:26):
Let's see about phone S21 Ultra.OK, it's an ultra.
That must be what it is. No.
Because I I think I have the 21.I I feel like did they get rid
of like the curved screens causelike mine has like a curved
(01:02:48):
bevel. On.
Both sides, but I feel like the newer ones don't and I don't
like that. I like having like the nice
curvy edges. I mean it, it's a little softer,
but I accidentally when I'm holding stuff like click the
side of the screen and I don't like that.
Is your case broken? Oh yeah, yeah, it's like,
fucked. Oh yeah, see, mine's not.
(01:03:10):
That's where. That's where your problem is.
About phone, Oh I only have a 20.
Yeah, that's what I thought. OK, that makes sense.
I'm going to get a fold. No, yeah.
I mean, the tactile sensation will be pleasant.
Yeah, like I get that. Movies.
(01:03:33):
Actually, that might make. Sense for you?
Either I get a fold or I get a tablet for my dashboard.
Either way, I'm watching Netflixon the highway.
Russell T Shackle. I saw, I saw an ad for like a
car tablet and like their ad waslike, for like older cars to be
(01:03:55):
able to like have car play and Android Auto.
Yeah. But then it like advertises that
you can watch Netflix and YouTube.
And I'm like, I feel like the Department of Transportation
might have some thoughts about that.
Release some feelings, yeah. I don't think you can sell this
product. It's very strange.
It's made to be watched while you're in your driveway, nowhere
(01:04:18):
else. Yeah, but they don't have that
feat like because the ones that are built into your car you can
like Android Auto has like a game thing that you can do, but
it you can't do it unless you'resitting still.
Depends on how I wire it up. Yeah, I had a buddy in high
school that had a screen with a DVD player and it it was
(01:04:41):
manufactured to only work when the car was in park, but he had
a little switch that he could flip to trick it.
Yeah, yeah. See this tablet for your car is
actually for divorced dads who are living in their car get and
also who get to the kid drop offor the kid pick up on time.
But the whore wife, her new man,is telling him that or telling
(01:05:06):
her that her ex doesn't dictate her life anymore and then makes
them like show up an hour and a half late.
OK. So it's saving divorced dad's
lives. Interesting, 'cause you know,
he's not leaving without his kid.
(01:05:26):
He's not going to drive the two hours out there to the meeting
point just to go back empty handed.
Yeah, I feel like it should comewith window tint for like all
360°. Or at least one of those pop up
tints inside. Yeah, wouldn't that that privacy
(01:05:47):
glass? Yeah.
In some some suspiciously shapeddog poop retrieval bags load
bags you can hang from your fucking steering wheel handles.
I heard something on lemon partyyesterday and they were talking
about I don't remember you. It might not be funny in this
(01:06:11):
without the context, but basically you start like one of
them was talking about some guy committing suicide and just the
way they described you standing,you know, and you just see a
flash in some car that's got tinted out windows and you just
for a split second see the silhouette of a guy with a gun
to his. Head.
(01:06:37):
It was so funny. Oh.
Man, Yeah, all right. Love you guys.
Bye.
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