April 9, 2025 • 46 mins
If you believe life is a gift to be cherished, don't miss Chris Fabry Live. You'll hear the story of Joy and her husband Stephan. They thought their family was complete with two children. But life circumstances caused them to consider adoption. In the process, they became open to children with special needs. Their rollercoaster adoption stories will warm your heart. Don't miss the conversation on Chris Fabry Live.
Resource featured:
Made with Love video of Joy and Stephan
For more information about the work of Care Net, click here.
Chris Fabry Live is listener-supported. To support the program, click here.
Become a Back Fence Partner: https://moodyradio.org/donateto/chrisfabrylive/partners
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
S1 (00:06):
As soon as I saw the video about their family,
I knew we needed to talk with Joy. We were
going to have her on when we talked about children
with down syndrome. That was few weeks ago, but she
wasn't able to join us then. But the story is
so engaging, so encouraging. I want to take the whole
hour for you and me to hear her heart, to
(00:27):
learn from the struggles that she and her family have
been through, the ups, the downs. And my guess is
there is somebody listening right now who needs to hear
what happened to Joy and her husband, Stefan. The changes
that happened in the middle of some devastating losses and
the life they have found through adoption. Maybe you and
(00:48):
your spouse have been considering adoption. Don't you dare miss
the conversation straight ahead on Chris Fabry Live. But it's
going to be a dangerous conversation, I guarantee you that.
Go to Chris. Org to find out more. And you
spell the last name Fab R-y. Chris Fabry lives thanks
to our team Ryan McConaughey doing all things technical. Tricia's
(01:09):
in the chair. Today our producer Anthony will be answering
your calls. Thank you for your support of the program.
You are going to hear Joy's story today, because there
are people who have given a gift to this program
to keep us going. So if this is a life
changing conversation for you, thank them. And if you want
to join their number, get in that number, call or
click through today 866953 or go to Chris. Org or
(01:33):
thank you this month. Oh it's really good. It's for
any pop parent of a prodigal is that you parent
with a child that you are almost ready to give up.
Praying for a child who won't let you see your grandkids,
anybody in that number, whatever your situation, this book is
such an encouragement to don't stop. Keep on praying. It's
(01:54):
called A Practical Guide for Praying Parents but Doctor Erwin Lutzer.
The number is (866) 953-2279. You can give a gift right
there and we'll send it to you. Or you can
see it at the website. Chris Fabriclive. Org. Scroll down.
You'll see how you can be part of the effort.
We call the radio Backyard Fence. So it was World
(02:17):
Down Syndrome Day I think it was on Friday. And
we um, we were talking with several different people and
callers called in and we found this story of Joy
and Stefan and their family. But Joy wasn't able to
be with us at that time. And I said, Tricia,
this is such a good story. Let's do a whole
(02:37):
hour with joy. So we're going to do that right now.
Her last name is b o u t I n
and it's pronounced Bhutan. And her husband is Stefan. And
they've been married 30 years. Over that time, God has
written a beautiful story of love, loss, healing, and redemption.
I'm now going to tell you about all about their family.
(02:57):
We're going to find out about it together. They direct
a summer camp for local foster children, and they recently
started a nonprofit organization to further impact children from difficult beginnings.
You can see the short film that I saw about
their family called Made With Love. We have it linked
at the website. Chris. Joy, welcome to the program. How
(03:20):
are you doing today?
S2 (03:21):
I'm doing great. Thank you Chris.
S1 (03:23):
A million, more than a million people have seen that video.
Can you believe that?
S2 (03:28):
No. It is incredibly humbling, just incredibly humbling.
S1 (03:33):
But they made the video because you and Stefan Stefan
are super people. You're extra special. You're above. You're not
ordinary people. You're super. That's why you're doing what you're
doing or no.
S2 (03:47):
Oh no sir, we are very, very, very normal. People
make mistakes like everybody else. Need Jesus more than anything. Um, and, uh, no,
we're just very, very privileged and humbled that God's written
the journey that he has and written our story.
S1 (04:06):
When you first got married, or maybe before you were married,
what were your dreams as a mom for your family?
S2 (04:13):
Um, so we always talked about having two children. We
thought we would have a boy and a girl, and
at that point we would, um, work, we would travel,
we would take our kids everywhere with us. And, you know,
we really didn't think much past that. We just assumed
we would be a family of four, and that would
be it.
S1 (04:31):
Yeah. Um, and you did you had you had the
two kids, right?
S2 (04:37):
We sure did. We had a girl first, and then
two years later, we had a baby boy.
S1 (04:43):
Tell me about them.
S2 (04:44):
Um, goodness. They were, um, everything beautiful in our world.
We were just so excited. Um. Very young. We got
married young. We had children. young and thought the world
was before us. And then when our son was just
eight and a half months old, he passed away from SIDs.
And it rocked our world and all the craziest ways.
(05:05):
You know, um, we were not able to have other
children biologically. And so, um, it was just sort of
a whole nother layer of grief and pain after that. Um,
so yeah, all the plans, thoughts, dreams that we thought
we had, um, took a sudden change.
S1 (05:23):
Sudden infant death syndrome. And that is. Did they ever
find out why or what happened? Because a lot of
parents who have a child die of SIDs, they never know.
They never find out. Right.
S2 (05:37):
Right. And so the the research done at that time
and I don't know, it may be different today, but
the research at that time, they felt that there is, um,
a reflex that we have, um, that develops over time
and that we have this reflex that if we stop
breathing well, our body will jolt and sort of wake
us back up and and we'll start breathing again. And
they feel that in certain children up even to sometimes
(06:00):
the age of 2 or 3, that that reflux just
isn't very well developed. And they believe that's what happened
with our son, that he did not have that reflux
in place. And that's what caused him to stop breathing
and and not wake up.
S1 (06:13):
Did you and Stefan grieve differently?
S2 (06:17):
Oh, very differently. Yeah. I wanted to talk about it
to anyone and everyone. I wanted to to walk it,
to feel it. And he really was more at a
place of stuffing it. Um, he was a chef at
the time, and the way he handled it is he
carried a little rattle, a little baby Eeyore rattle that
our son had, and he carried it in his chef's
coat on the inside. Um, but he didn't talk about
(06:39):
it and said, actually, um, a lot of his hair
fell out. Um, he, you know, processed it in a
very different internal way. Yeah.
S1 (06:47):
And and you talked about it. You did you ever
get counseling for it?
S2 (06:53):
Um. We did. Yeah, we did. At some point. We
were really blessed, um, when it happened, because of course,
the first response is to blame yourself. What did I
do wrong? It's my fault, you know, this healthy, beautiful child.
What happened? And so we were very, very blessed that, um,
the staff at the hospital, it was the team that
worked with him in the emergency room. Um, it was
(07:14):
psychologists and specialists. They really brought us back into the hospital,
sat us down and, um, and just talked to us
about the fact that it wasn't our fault. It was
an accidental death. And and I still didn't believe him,
to be honest with you. And so we really, even
I kind of reenacted it. I set up the room
as it had happened. We talked about the details of it.
And then, you know, they went on to explain to
(07:36):
us that, um, if, you know, there had been suffocation
or something like that, it would have been there would
have been, um, I believe, fluid in his lungs. There
would have been some fibers from fabric, you know, in
his nasal passage and things like that. And none of
that was the case. And so they were very. Scientifically
able to sort of walk us through and tell us
why it wasn't our fault, why it was indeed an accident. Um,
(07:58):
very unfortunate one. And so, um, we were blessed with that,
at least to start with.
S1 (08:04):
One of the things that I've learned through the years
is to say the name. So tell me the name
of your son who passed away.
S2 (08:11):
His name was Jacob.
S1 (08:12):
Jacob. Okay. So Jacob not only passes away, but Stefan
has a kind of an awakening, a spiritual awakening. Can
you tell me that story?
S2 (08:24):
Yes, he sure did. So, um, when we got married,
I was, um. I had been brought up in a
Christian home, and I knew the truth. And, um, I
was in a place of rebellion. I was a place
of running away from God. And, um, when we got married,
my husband was not saved. And so, um, you know,
he was always very generous and gracious with me and
(08:45):
never stopped me from going to church and was always
very positive about that. Um, but, you know, he didn't
share in our faith, and he did not attend church
with me. Um, but never stopped me from taking the kids.
And so, um, the crazy thing is, when we wanted to, um,
to get our daughter, um, dedicated at church. Um, he
(09:06):
was willing to to show up for it, but he
was really upset with our pastor because he said, you know,
our children are on loan to us. They're his. And
he can take them back anytime he wants. And that
made my my husband very angry, actually. And, um, he
really didn't want to, you know, um, keep attending and
it really bothered him. But when our son actually did die, um,
(09:28):
that is what came back to him in those moments
and those moments of being on the floor in the
hallway of the hospital, you know, just crying out and begging, God,
you know, you ask him, you know, um, if you'll
just save him, you know, I'll change my ways. That
kind of conversation he was having with God, and the
first thought that came back to him is that he's
on loan and he's taking him back. But that is
(09:50):
the day that, um, Stephon gave his life to Christ.
That is the day that, um, that he realized that, um,
if he was not right with the Lord, he would
not see his son again.
S1 (10:01):
That that baby rattle and the chefs of in the pocket.
That's that's enough. That right there is enough to have
you on to talk about it, to see the depth.
And because there's probably some father listening right now, some
man listening has had some kind of loss, and he's
felt bad about not being able to talk about it,
(10:23):
not being able to work through it. But just that
baby rattle in the pocket is this means something? This is,
this is this is a struggle. And we all do
that differently. We all grieve differently. So he comes to
Christ because of Jacob and what you know, he believes
now about eternity. And so we're going to take a
(10:46):
quick break. And when we come back I want joy
to describe then what happened after that because it will
lead us into their family's story. Yeah. It's loss. But
there's also a lot of love, a lot of healing.
And there's redemption. As we've already heard, this is Chris
Fabry live on Moody Radio. More straight ahead. We're talking
(11:18):
with Joy Boateng today on Chris Fabry Live. You can
see some of her family, some of what she's been
through in the last few years in a film called
Made With Love. It's a small part of a bigger
film that they're working on. Uh, the creators of that
are working on. We have a link at Chris. Chris
(11:39):
Fabry lives. And if you're the person who is staring
at your radio saying, how in the world did you
know that I was dealing with this? I want to
give you the phone number if you have a question
or comment today. (877) 548-3675. So you have your your first
daughter's name. Remind me. Joy.
S2 (12:00):
It is Malika.
S1 (12:01):
Malika. So you have Malika. You have Jacob. You have
the family that you wanted. You have the two. You're
going to go traveling and then Jacob passes away. Then
an awakening in Stephan's life. What happened then?
S2 (12:17):
Um. Then, um. God broke our heart for adoption. I mean,
that's what, um, there were so many changes in that season.
And once where we thought we wanted two children, we
started wanting a house full of children. Really? Um, and, um,
God brought us first to a family member, and we, um,
did a kinship placement, a kinship adoption through the foster
(12:37):
system of a family member. Um, and that was our
sweet Kylie. And she came to us. She came in
and out of her home a little bit. She was
with us from age 1 to 2, and she went
back with her birth mama. And then she came to
us at age four, and we finalized her adoption when
she was six. Wow.
S1 (12:55):
That was a life changer then, because, you know, then
you've got Malika and Kylie together, right?
S2 (13:02):
Yes.
S1 (13:03):
Yeah. Okay. And so you're done. So you have your
two daughters, and everything's fine and you're done.
S2 (13:11):
Well. Not quite. You would think so. But there was something,
you know, we loved our girls, and we're so grateful
that God brought them into our home. And it's just
wonderful to parent them. Um, but we really struggled with
the fact that, um, we really thought God had called
us to a baby boy. And, um, we, um, in
the grief process after Jacob died, there was a time
(13:33):
where I was literally, you know, snotting on the carpet
in my living room and just crying out to God.
And it was, um, about a year after our son
had died. And I just said, Lord, I don't understand,
you know? Um, we had this baby boy, and you
took him back, and I just was really crying out, um,
that God would bring us another baby boy. And, um,
(13:54):
it made no sense. And and so because of that,
we started pursuing, um, domestic infant adoption. And several times
as we tried several times, either we weren't chosen, um,
we'd be overlooked for younger families, younger couples, um, or, um,
you know, they would choose us and change their minds.
So that's a very real part of domestic adoption. And
(14:15):
that does happen. Um, and then at some point, we
heard about a summer hosting program in the Philippines, and
they were bringing, um, older children from the Philippines to
experience a few weeks in the United States and a family.
And the hope with it is either the family that
they come home to would want to adopt them, or
somebody in their church or family circle might consider adopting them. And, um,
(14:38):
so while we were in this process of domestic infant
and things weren't really going the way we thought that
they would, we heard about this summer program and um, we,
you know, started praying about a certain we were told
that there was one little boy, 12 years old that
hadn't been chosen yet, didn't have a family to come through. Um,
come to the States with, with that hosting program. And so, um,
(15:01):
I asked about it and I said, you know, I'm
going to pray that that someone will come forward for
this young man. Um, it won't be us because, of course,
you know, we're adopting a baby. So, you know, we'll
just pray that somebody else chooses to be a family
for this little boy. And so, um, when I ended
up asking about it, um, my girlfriend who was involved
with it sent me a picture, and it just got
(15:24):
to the deepest part of me. And I said, oh,
what in the world? How do we bring this boy home?
And so I asked my husband to come look at
the picture, and he said, why do you want me
to see it? And I said, well, confirmation. He said,
but why? We're adopting a baby. You're going on a
missions trip to Africa. Like, why would we bring home
this child? And I said, well, you just look at
the picture. And he got so upset with me and
(15:44):
he said, you don't even know the dates or how
much this costs. And I said, why do you care?
He said, well, I need to know how to bring
my son home. And he knew instantly when he saw
his photo. We were to adopt this 12 year old boy,
and it was just wild and crazy. And come to
find out, um, nine months into the process and, you know,
we were we tried to host him and he wasn't
(16:05):
eligible for hosting because actually his birth certificate said baby boy.
And he'd never.
S1 (16:13):
Been given a name.
S2 (16:14):
He had not been given a name. The orphanage did
give him a name, so we thought he had one.
But on his birth certificate it said Baby Boy. He
had been attending school even as a 12 year old
with the name Baby Boy. And the crazy thing about
it is that you remember I just said recently that, um,
I had been snotting on my carpet asking God for
a baby boy. And that was exactly when Aaron was
(16:36):
born in the Philippines. That is exactly when he was born.
May of 2000. And it just wrecked me because we
had been overlooked for younger couples and he had been
overlooked for younger children. Most people, when they're looking to
adopt both domestically and internationally, they're often wanting young children.
They're afraid to bring an older children into their home
(16:56):
not knowing, you know, what kind of trauma and what
kind of, you know, behavior might go along with it.
And so time and time again, he was overlooked and
younger children were chosen. But that was the baby boy
that God had chosen for us. And we just had
waited 12 years before knowing about him and being connected
with him. And, um, so although he.
S3 (17:15):
Was what they called.
S1 (17:16):
Him, they even called him.
S3 (17:18):
That.
S1 (17:19):
And which is, you know, there's a wound in there
to be 12 years old and be referred to as
baby boy. But there's also real redemption there too, isn't there?
S2 (17:29):
There sure is. And again, what a beautiful, wonderful young
man he is and has grown to be. um, just tremendous.
I mean, um, God did so many miracles. He had
to open so many doors. And each of our adoptions, um,
there have been many obstacles to overcome. You know, we
want to believe that if God calls us to adopt
(17:50):
and he put it in our heart that it's going
to just be this beautiful, smooth sail and that nothing's
going to come against us and it's going to happen tomorrow. And,
you know, we want to believe all those things that
someone's going to drop a baby on our doorstep, right?
That's kind of the dream. And that is not the
truth of adoption. There's really, you know, it's not God's
first plan, right? Our biological families are our first plan. And, um,
(18:11):
adoption is really a second plan. But it is still
even though it comes out of brokenness and hurt, it
is still very beautiful and redemptive. And so, you know,
we've had the privilege. Go ahead.
S1 (18:21):
Were you were you then involved in giving him the
name when he got here in the States and changing
that birth certificate, or how'd that work?
S2 (18:31):
So, um, the neat thing is that he had been
called Aaron at his orphanage. And so we felt because
they had been calling him since he was eight, they
called him Aaron that, you know, we would keep that.
But then we asked him, you know, what he would
like his middle name to be. And, um, so with
our with older child adoption, that's something tricky. You know,
(18:52):
parents sometimes have names that they want and have picked out. Um,
but with an older child, you know, we believe heavily
that they should be involved in, in the decisions of
that process. So, um, we were giving him his name,
the first name the orphanage had chosen for him. The
second name had been, um, a biological connection. And then
(19:12):
his last name we were giving him. So we felt
that that really represented him well over his lifespan. Yes.
S1 (19:18):
Okay, so you have Malika, and then Jacob passes away,
and then Kylie comes in, and then baby boy Aaron, uh, which,
you know, just at 12 years old, just a great story.
So now you're all together and everybody happily ever after.
And that's. That's the rest of the family, right?
S2 (19:38):
Uh. Not quite. And as far as the happily ever after,
families are real, right? Whether adoptive or biological. And the
reality is, you know, there's ups and downs and things
to work through. So we don't want to, you know,
just assume that everything's happily ever after, after the airport
moment and after the child comes home, because that is
a common misconception with adoption. But, um, so Aaron came
(19:58):
home and he came home to, you know, parents that
he had prayed for and two sisters, and he was
used to being in a room full of boys. And
so he had asked us from the day he came
home if he could have a brother. And so, um,
for a season we did. We thought, if we can
adopt an older child from another country, we could also
adopt an older child from the United States and from
(20:21):
our local foster system. And so we pursued that for
a time. And we struggled with there were some law
changes that they wouldn't allow families in our state to
Adapt straight out of foster system. You need it to
be a foster family for a season first, and we
struggled with not being able to say we were the
last stop and not be able to make those promises.
And so I'm very grateful for families out there who
(20:43):
who do that and who stand in the gap and
who love these children so well even without being able
to make those promises. But for our personal family, it
was something we struggled with. And so we I still
looked at, um, the special home finding list for the Philippines.
We've prayed over numerous, numerous children on that list, and
that list is of children either who are older, children
(21:07):
harder to place or those with special needs. And so
it's called a special home finder list. And while looking
at that and praying over it, we saw, um, a
sibling group of three of three biological brothers who were
looking for a forever family. And there is a law
in the Philippines. It's a two year nurturance law that
they don't allow you to adopt for two years in between.
(21:28):
And so we didn't feel that we could bring these
boys home. But again, reading their very short profile and
seeing their faces just really got to me in a
deep way. And I thought if I just put their
face up on the screen of my computer, my husband
would see it again and know they were our boys.
But it didn't work that way the second time around. But, um,
(21:50):
so I contacted the adoption agency and I said, listen,
I know we can't adopt these boys. It hasn't been
two years since Aaron came home. But please, please let
me know when their mama comes forward. Because I'm praying
night and day. They're just so heavy on my heart. Um,
just please contact me and tell me that great news
when God answers that prayer and, um, she ended up
coming back and saying, would you adopt them? And we're like, well,
(22:13):
it's not possible because of this, you know, two year nurturance. And,
you know, they're older. That would be like doubling our
family of teenagers overnight. And she said, well, if they
gave you an exception to that rule because the oldest was, um,
17.5 and he would age out at 18. And they
said if there's any way they would give that acceptance,
you know, that exception, would you do it? And so
(22:35):
he said, well, let's pray about it. And that Sunday
we went to our church and something very out of
character for our pastor, but he was doing a series
on Christmas carols. And that Sunday he did, um, the
song O come, O come, Emmanuel. And he broke Emmanuel
down to three parts M e man and Emmanuel. And
together it means God is with us. And the crazy
(22:56):
part of that story is these brothers. Their biological names
were m e man and Emmanuel. And we were struggling
in our flesh and fear of bringing, you know, in essence,
a man child home, right? 17.5 year old and three
together making it would be six preteens and teens in
our home. And so, um, when we heard, you know,
our pastor say m e man and Emmanuel, God is
(23:19):
with us. I'm like, okay, well, we just sat there
crying and said, God is with them. That means he's
with us too. And we're going to say yes. And
if God really wants them in our home, then he's
going to do all the miracles. Again, that would be required.
And wow did we need to hold on to our
seat because he just unfolded miracle after miracle after miracle
to bring them to our families.
S3 (23:40):
Part of that is.
S1 (23:40):
The financial thing, because that was a thing that your
husband said was, we don't have the money to do.
You know, we we haven't paid for the, you know,
the loan that we got for them. ET cetera. ET cetera.
It's like there's no way this can happen, right?
S2 (23:54):
Right. That's right. We just, you know, for all of
our adoptions, I'm going to be very transparent. We have
not had the money in the bank for any of
our adoptions. Um, we have a slogan that we've adopted
over time, as God has just been writing this wild
and crazy story for us. And it is attempt the
impossible for Christ that without his intervention you will fail.
And in each of these times, if you knew all
(24:16):
of the circumstances surrounding each of them, really, there is
no way we could open any of those doors or
make any of it happen. It truly was God intervening
and miracle after miracle. But what God needs is our. Yes,
it doesn't happen with our willing heart without our willing
to walk through the doors that he opens for us.
(24:37):
And sometimes that means he closes them. I mean, we,
you know, said yes to so many domestic infant adoption
placements before, and we even actually asked for a couple
of international ones. There was, um, I would call an
institutional sibling. There was a young man that our son
was so very close with and had been to two
different orphanages with, and we really wanted to bring him home.
And we tried, you know, we knocked on the door
(24:58):
and that door closed. And he's in a beautiful family today. Um,
but it's not ours, right? So, um, he really just
needs our. Yes. And our willingness to walk the journey
that he has for us.
S1 (25:09):
Somebody needed to hear that today. And it may not
be about adoption. It may be about something else. But
God wants you to say yes and to be open
to what he wants to do. Not just so that
you can serve someone else, but so that he can
change you from the inside out through your submission, your
(25:31):
surrender to him. And then you get the the bird's
eye view of him at work. That's what Joy is
telling us. And so the family is is complete. Now?
Well not quite. There's more. But wait. There's more. And
you'll hear it straight ahead here on Chris Fabry live
on Moody Radio. We're hearing about Joy's family today on
(26:06):
Chris Fabry Live. What a life giving story. And it
reminds me of the work at Karen that's doing everyday
speaking life into the hearts of women and men who
are struggling with an unexpected pregnancy. But Curnutte deals with
everyone at all stages of the abundant life spectrum. April
is Abortion Recovery Awareness month. And if you're struggling with
(26:29):
a decision in the rear view mirror. God wants you
to be able to walk in freedom. Your enemy wants
you shackled, held back, kept in a constant state of anxiety.
What doctor Stone yesterday talked about. He said it's rumination
where it just constantly goes over and over and over
(26:50):
in your mind. You know this mistake that you made
back there? There's a free resource you can download. Click
the green connect link at Chris. Org. If you or
someone you know is carrying that heavy burden of guilt
shame grief. There's really hope. Click the Green Care Net
link at Chris Fabry live.com and download your copy of
(27:11):
Forgiven and Set Free. Somebody you know needs the Ministry
of Care net. Find out more. Chris Fabry lives. Oh,
where you'll also find out more about our guest today. Joy,
joy joy. Boutang. Her husband is Stefan. They have been
married 30 years. We've heard so far about Milica. Little
(27:34):
Jacob who passed away. Kylie. Aaron, who was adopted from
the Philippines. And then the three brothers. M, Iman and Emmanuelle.
Now we come to Asher. Tell me Asher's story.
S2 (27:48):
Oh, sweet baby Asher. So we found out about Asher. Um,
at a picnic for adoption agency. And my husband on
the way there said we are not adopting again. We
have six preteens and teens. We're in the thick of it,
and we're done. And so, um, we did not anticipate.
We didn't. We were not looking to adopt again. But
while we were there, um, we heard, you know, a
(28:09):
sort of an outcry of needing more families. And so
I approached them asking, you know, why do you need families?
My understanding is there's always, um, families for infants. And
they said, well, not necessarily those with special needs. And so, um,
we heard about sweet little Asher. Um, she was born missing.
(28:32):
The lobes of her brain. She's a condition called hydranencephaly. And, um,
with that, she didn't have the lobes of her brain.
She had a small part of cerebellum, and then a
brain stem. Only had cerebral palsy. Um, diabetes insipidus. She
was just very medically fragile. Given two days to live
at birth. And so there was not in the region
(28:52):
that she was born. They did not have a, um,
pediatric hospice. And so instead, she was put into a
geriatric hospice facility to be kept comfortable to die. And again,
we were in that place as we found ourselves many
times before, um, we didn't have the money to adopt. We,
you know, um, we're working through some, uh, trauma and
(29:13):
emotions and, you know, our older kids that have been
in our home that had difficult beginnings. And, um, there
were just a lot of obstacles, one being, you know, um,
we didn't have an updated home study. Um, our recently
brought home, um, who is now 18 year old, um,
one of the three siblings, um, needed to have fingerprinting
(29:36):
and background check and all of that done for a
home study. And we didn't have a Social Security number
yet for him because we were still in the process
of all of that. Um, she was part Cherokee, and
the Cherokee Nation didn't want to sign off for her
to be adopted. There were just so many really big
reasons why we wouldn't be able to bring Asher home.
And it was another situation where we just looked at
each other and said, well, we can't put money in
(29:57):
our bank account. We can't, you know, convince the Cherokee
Nation we can't make this background check happen. All we
can do is say yes. And if God wants that
to happen, he's going to have to do all the
miracles once again. And I'm going to tell you, it
doesn't just happen and lay on your lap, though. There's
a responsibility that we have first to say yes And
(30:17):
then to walk in step in blind faith. It didn't
just all happen and open. We pursued and we we
kept walking even though they said we don't have this yet.
I said, well, we're going to keep doing the paperwork.
We're going to keep, you know, doing the part that
is in our power to do and then pray for
God to open doors. And in eight days, she was
in our family. Wow.
S1 (30:35):
Eight days. Now, now, now, what were the doctors saying
to you about Asher?
S2 (30:42):
Um, they were preparing us. You know, she was in this, um,
hospice facility, and they really thought we had a Pollyanna
view of what her diagnosis was, and and they thought
we didn't fully understand that it wasn't that she was
missing some of her brain. She really didn't have any lobes.
It was all spinal fluid, um, occupying the space in
her head. And so, um, they, you know, showed us
(31:05):
imaging and they wanted to talk about the fact that
she stopped breathing overnight, and she really probably wasn't even
going to live until we could get her into her home.
And we just felt that, um, you know, she wasn't,
you know, a flight away in another country and a
year's paperwork to get to. She was a couple hours
from our home, and if we said yes today, we
could hold her, right. Like, it was really just a
(31:28):
case of, you know, how it's not okay that we
know this. If we didn't know, we can't do anything.
But we know about her. How could we let her
die without a family? And so we just decided that
for as long as that is, if that's hours, if
that's days, if that's weeks, however long God allowed us
to have her, we would just hold her and love
(31:49):
her and be her people. Um, and the unimaginable thing is,
God gave us four priceless years with Asher, and she
rocked our world in the best ways.
S1 (32:01):
Okay, so when you there's a picture in the video,
it's called made with love. It's like an excerpt from
a longer film that's being worked on. But when you're
holding her, she's eight days old and she's only £5
at that point, right?
S2 (32:16):
Two months old.
S1 (32:17):
She's two months old.
S2 (32:18):
Okay.
S1 (32:18):
Two months old and £5. And? And she grows to.
I think she was in the 40s. Uh, I don't
want to, you know, talk about Asher's weight without her knowing,
but I'm going to go ahead and do that.
S2 (32:31):
Yes, she was £45 when she passed away.
S1 (32:34):
Ah. Okay. So if she has only spinal fluid, though,
she doesn't make any connection. She doesn't make eye contact with.
She doesn't. She's not cognizant of anything. Right.
S2 (32:46):
That is what the medical professionals told us. And it
couldn't be further from the truth. It is just it
was so beautiful to interact with Asher. She laughed and
she smiled and giggled. Um, she recognized us. She turned
to her voices. Um. She knew her people well. And
not only that, but she drew people into her. We
couldn't even go down an aisle of Walmart without having
(33:07):
people come up to us and ask about her and
talk to her, and we had the privilege of sharing
her miracle story time and time and time again to
countless people for years.
S1 (33:18):
And the thing in the video that you said was
that the people in the family would be going through
a hard time or having a having a struggle, and
they go to Asher because she just loved everybody. Right.
S2 (33:30):
That's right. She didn't judge them. She just loved. And
it was such a beautiful way for all of us,
you know, to just see God's love, to see just
unconditional love in such a tangible way. It was beautiful.
S1 (33:45):
So when she passed away, then, um, how did you
handle that? Because you've already been through that with Jacob.
Was there was the grief the same?
S2 (33:56):
It was, you know, it's the same, but different because
God gives us love for each individual child, right? And,
you know, sometimes adopted kids or biological kids think you're
trying to replace me by this adopted kid or something
like that. And the reality is that that each love
is just so beautiful and so personal. So we grieved
a little different with Asher because one we went into
(34:17):
it knowing the possibility and really the diagnosis was fatal.
And so they told us she would not live, but
we did get comfortable. Right. She's four. She's, you know,
this beautiful, um, young lady who had overcome so many
medical obstacles. And so we really got comfortable, um, when
she passed away, it was it was very difficult in
that she was almost like a part of us. You know,
(34:41):
we we held her at all times. She was non-mobile.
And so, um, she was always in our arms. And
so the, the loss physically of no longer having £45
in your arms at all times was, was really tremendous. Um,
it was also a great loss for our children because, um,
you know, most of our children were not in our
(35:01):
home when Jacob died. So for them, this for some
of them, it was the the first great loss, um,
that was so close to them. For others, they've experienced, um,
different laws.
S1 (35:10):
And did anybody say that to you? Did anybody say, oh,
it's not fair for your kids to go through this
loss of Asher? You know, this is going to happen.
And so it'd be better for them not to go
through that grief.
S2 (35:24):
Oh, absolutely. We were questioned much when we brought her
into our home of why we would do that to
our children. And then after she passed away and we
considered adopting again, why would you put them through it again? Um,
but what we found, even though loss hurts and even
though there's definite grief and and a time of that and,
and that we still experience today with each of the
loss of our children. Um, but the beauty and the
(35:47):
love and just the preciousness that they bring into our
heart and home is worth it. It's worth that. And
it you know, people often think that it takes a
special person to adopt a special needs child. And we're
here to tell you that that is not true. We
are not anything special. We have a flesh that flails
like everyone else in the world. Um, but really, they
(36:11):
bring so much beauty into our hearts and homes and experiences.
They bring joy and laughter. And I believe our children
are better for having had their siblings in their in
their family.
S1 (36:24):
Okay, so before we take a break, we got to
get Stefan in here because in the video, he talks
about what happens next. Here he is.
S4 (36:33):
Joy and I really wanted to adopt, um, a child
with down syndrome. We had met several children with down syndrome,
and there was something so beautiful about their lives and
about their journey.
S5 (36:45):
And I get this phone call and she said, well,
there's a baby boy. And I said, yes, because I
had been praying for a baby boy. And, uh, she said, well,
he has down syndrome. I said, okay. And she said,
but he has a very serious heart defect. I said, okay.
And she said, and he was born missing the lower
part of his digestive track, is that it? And she said,
(37:10):
well yeah. I said, well then. Yes. And sweet zaiden, um,
he was a month and a half old when we
were able to bring him home. He had he did
have major medical. He still does, actually. Um, he walks
sort of a difficult journey. And the perseverance this young
man has is astonishing.
S4 (37:29):
That's four and a half years old. He was put
under almost 80 times already.
S5 (37:34):
But can I tell you his beauty and resilience through it?
S4 (37:39):
Everywhere we went, he just waves. He loves people and
he gets smiles out of people all the time.
S6 (37:46):
Wow. Where are you? Oh! Peekaboo. Moon.
S7 (37:53):
Hey. Hello, Zayden.
S4 (37:57):
And we knew that we wanted another young one to
grow up with him. So I remember going to Africa
on a mission trip, and before I left, my wife said,
if I get a call from the agency that there's
a child with down syndrome, a little girl, I'm going
to say yes, even if you're not here. And I said, well,
that's not going to happen. Well it happened.
S5 (38:17):
We brought her home at 24 hours old, and he
met her about a week later.
S4 (38:22):
She is just full of joy, also full of sass,
but full of joy. She's a perfect balance with her brother.
S6 (38:30):
Yay!
S8 (38:32):
You've got the hands. Yay!
S9 (38:37):
Oh, that was a good hiding place, Nina.
S10 (38:42):
Now you know the rest of the story.
S1 (38:46):
And we'll continue with joy. Wu-Tang. And if you're a
man and you have been holding back on this whole thing,
and your wife has been saying this happens a lot,
wife will say, let's be open to adoption. Let's be
open to adoption. If you have been pushing back against that,
you have to hear.
S10 (39:05):
What Stefan.
S1 (39:05):
Says straight ahead on Moody Radio.
S10 (39:17):
What a story. What? What hope, what love, what struggle,
what loss, what grace. Joy.
S1 (39:26):
Boutang has been with us today. Stefan. Her husband hasn't
been with us. But I wanted you to hear his voice.
And I'm going to play something from him here. Just
a minute. So was Melissa. And then Jacob, who passes away. Kylie.
And then you adopt baby boy Aaron. Uh, is his
name from the Philippines. And then M Iman and Emmanuelle,
(39:49):
and then Asher comes into your life. And then this
idea of how about down syndrome, son and daughter and
their two Zaiden and Mila. And they're very different, but
the same at the same time, aren't they?
S2 (40:07):
They are? Yes. They're just everything's sweet with the world again.
You know, Zayden doesn't know a stranger. He's all about
interacting with people. He chooses people over toys all the time.
And then sweet Mila is just. I call her spicy,
but she just has such a zest for life and
wants to know how things work and is very persistent.
(40:28):
So they're just beautiful.
S1 (40:30):
So ten did you say? Okay, it was two and
it turned into ten. Is this is this complete?
S2 (40:38):
So we go we like to say that it's ten
and done. Now that we're also grandparents we are finished
with the adoption stage. But we do direct a camp
for foster kids. And we also have a ministry that
we've started as well, just reaching out to kids from
rough beginnings so that we can continue to impact children.
S1 (40:56):
Rough beginnings I like the way that or difficult beginnings
got beginnings? Yeah, I like the way you say that.
I wanted our listeners to hear, especially men to hear.
And it doesn't happen this way sometimes the wife is
the one who's a little more reluctant. Um, but I
hear more stories of men who are reluctant. So I
want you to hear again. This is just a minute
(41:19):
or so from the film. The short film made with love.
We have a link to it. Go and watch it.
You have more than a million people have seen it.
But go to Chris Fabriclive. Org. We have a link
to it right there. Here's a word from Stefan.
S4 (41:34):
But it's my challenge to all men out there that,
you know, we need to stop just thinking about our
late stage in life to retire, play golf, go fishing.
These are all fun things. But what's what's your purpose
in life? What kind of legacy are you going to
leave behind? I want my children to to see that
(41:54):
there's somebody in their lives that that steps out of
their comfort zone to try to make the world a
better place to really try to impact the world around us.
Not saying that everybody needs to leave everything behind and
be missionaries, but, you know, even the impact of one
child bringing one child home and changing that child's life,
that is that is so important. That is so important.
(42:17):
Children with special needs are lined up waiting for families
to welcome them in their home, and it is a calling.
You make sure you and your wife are in agreement.
But if your wife is usually asking about adoption or
fostering and you're hesitating, there might be some issues there.
You know you need to be honest with yourself. I've
(42:40):
done that. My wife comes with a story of an
idea of wanting to adopt, and I have both feet
on the brake, and the parking brake is up, and
the Lord just keeps releasing one at a time. And then,
as much as I dreaded it now, I couldn't see
my life without it.
S1 (42:55):
Like you hear that there's life there, and that does
not mean that it's all, as Joyce said, smooth sailing,
happily ever after. No problems. Boy, if we could spend
just on one more hour talking about all the difficulties
that you have been through, you know, in this whole process.
But but but the parking brake let go because he said, God,
(43:19):
I want what you want rather than what I want
and enjoy. This is not for everybody. Fostering is not
for everybody. Adoption is not for everybody. Adopting special needs
children is not for everybody. You have to count the cost.
Go in with your eyes wide open. Right?
S2 (43:34):
That's right. No, it's definitely a calling. But I think
there are a lot more people called than those who
actually step out. And fear is can be a powerful thing, right?
It's not easy, you know, to see that it it
will change your life. Your future will look different. Um,
but if God's calling you to it, I promise you
that it is very worth doing, even through the hard.
S1 (43:58):
What I have learned from your story and then others
similar stories. When we did the World Down Syndrome Day,
the parents who are calling in are saying, you know,
I did this as a, you know, service to to
another child if it's adoption or just my own child. I'm,
you know, pouring my life out. And what I've experienced
(44:18):
is life for me, that God is doing something inside
of me more than he's doing in Zaydan's life and
Miller's life. It's in your heart, right?
S2 (44:28):
That's right. And I can tell you, I think my
husband would say the same. I like myself better today
than before. God started us on this whole journey because
we see the beauty in each and every individual. We
don't just think about ourselves, and we're able to see
that there's so much worth and value in every person
and individuals with down syndrome. Oh my goodness, they're so beautiful.
(44:49):
They they don't judge you by what your job is
or how you look or what clothes you're wearing and
if you're fashionable or not, and what car you drive.
They just love. And so it's just a privilege to
be able to parent all of our children. But we
always say that our little ones keep us young because
we are older parents to them, and they just have
such a zest for life and a love that they
(45:13):
they slow down and they take the time to look
at things and to get to know people for who
they are. And it's just really beautiful.
S1 (45:19):
And they see we talked about that recently on a program.
You know, the sad fact I mentioned Corona, the sad
fact is you get a down syndrome child in utero
and you don't have one anymore because, you know, we're
going to move on. We'll try again. And you don't.
Maybe there's somebody in that situation, I understand it. I'm
not not saying it's all roses, bonbons and cotton candy. No,
(45:43):
but do you hear what Joy is saying about the
uniqueness and the value and the worth of that child? Um, Joy,
thanks for sharing your heart, your life, your husband, your kids,
the ups, the losses and all of that and the
grief and all the things that we haven't been able
to talk about. Thanks for being vulnerable with all that today.
S2 (46:04):
Thank you for allowing us to share the story that
God wrote.
S1 (46:07):
Joy Boutang. You can find out more about her and
Stefan and you can see that video. The short film
made with love that features her family. And you'll see
some of those pictures. Great pictures. Are you open to
God doing what he wants in your life? And I'm
not saying you need to adopt. You need to do
(46:28):
this or that or the other thing. It's just what
Stefan said. How about just pushing the button of that
break in and just letting it down and seeing what
he will have for you? Chris Fabry lives production of
Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks a
lot for listening.
As soon as I saw the video about their family,
I knew we needed to talk with Joy. We were
going to have her on when we talked about children
with down syndrome. That was few weeks ago, but she
wasn't able to join us then. But the story is
so engaging, so encouraging. I want to take the whole
hour for you and me to hear her heart, to
(00:27):
learn from the struggles that she and her family have
been through, the ups, the downs. And my guess is
there is somebody listening right now who needs to hear
what happened to Joy and her husband, Stefan. The changes
that happened in the middle of some devastating losses and
the life they have found through adoption. Maybe you and
(00:48):
your spouse have been considering adoption. Don't you dare miss
the conversation straight ahead on Chris Fabry Live. But it's
going to be a dangerous conversation, I guarantee you that.
Go to Chris. Org to find out more. And you
spell the last name Fab R-y. Chris Fabry lives thanks
to our team Ryan McConaughey doing all things technical. Tricia's
(01:09):
in the chair. Today our producer Anthony will be answering
your calls. Thank you for your support of the program.
You are going to hear Joy's story today, because there
are people who have given a gift to this program
to keep us going. So if this is a life
changing conversation for you, thank them. And if you want
to join their number, get in that number, call or
click through today 866953 or go to Chris. Org or
(01:33):
thank you this month. Oh it's really good. It's for
any pop parent of a prodigal is that you parent
with a child that you are almost ready to give up.
Praying for a child who won't let you see your grandkids,
anybody in that number, whatever your situation, this book is
such an encouragement to don't stop. Keep on praying. It's
(01:54):
called A Practical Guide for Praying Parents but Doctor Erwin Lutzer.
The number is (866) 953-2279. You can give a gift right
there and we'll send it to you. Or you can
see it at the website. Chris Fabriclive. Org. Scroll down.
You'll see how you can be part of the effort.
We call the radio Backyard Fence. So it was World
(02:17):
Down Syndrome Day I think it was on Friday. And
we um, we were talking with several different people and
callers called in and we found this story of Joy
and Stefan and their family. But Joy wasn't able to
be with us at that time. And I said, Tricia,
this is such a good story. Let's do a whole
(02:37):
hour with joy. So we're going to do that right now.
Her last name is b o u t I n
and it's pronounced Bhutan. And her husband is Stefan. And
they've been married 30 years. Over that time, God has
written a beautiful story of love, loss, healing, and redemption.
I'm now going to tell you about all about their family.
(02:57):
We're going to find out about it together. They direct
a summer camp for local foster children, and they recently
started a nonprofit organization to further impact children from difficult beginnings.
You can see the short film that I saw about
their family called Made With Love. We have it linked
at the website. Chris. Joy, welcome to the program. How
(03:20):
are you doing today?
S2 (03:21):
I'm doing great. Thank you Chris.
S1 (03:23):
A million, more than a million people have seen that video.
Can you believe that?
S2 (03:28):
No. It is incredibly humbling, just incredibly humbling.
S1 (03:33):
But they made the video because you and Stefan Stefan
are super people. You're extra special. You're above. You're not
ordinary people. You're super. That's why you're doing what you're
doing or no.
S2 (03:47):
Oh no sir, we are very, very, very normal. People
make mistakes like everybody else. Need Jesus more than anything. Um, and, uh, no,
we're just very, very privileged and humbled that God's written
the journey that he has and written our story.
S1 (04:06):
When you first got married, or maybe before you were married,
what were your dreams as a mom for your family?
S2 (04:13):
Um, so we always talked about having two children. We
thought we would have a boy and a girl, and
at that point we would, um, work, we would travel,
we would take our kids everywhere with us. And, you know,
we really didn't think much past that. We just assumed
we would be a family of four, and that would
be it.
S1 (04:31):
Yeah. Um, and you did you had you had the
two kids, right?
S2 (04:37):
We sure did. We had a girl first, and then
two years later, we had a baby boy.
S1 (04:43):
Tell me about them.
S2 (04:44):
Um, goodness. They were, um, everything beautiful in our world.
We were just so excited. Um. Very young. We got
married young. We had children. young and thought the world
was before us. And then when our son was just
eight and a half months old, he passed away from SIDs.
And it rocked our world and all the craziest ways.
(05:05):
You know, um, we were not able to have other
children biologically. And so, um, it was just sort of
a whole nother layer of grief and pain after that. Um,
so yeah, all the plans, thoughts, dreams that we thought
we had, um, took a sudden change.
S1 (05:23):
Sudden infant death syndrome. And that is. Did they ever
find out why or what happened? Because a lot of
parents who have a child die of SIDs, they never know.
They never find out. Right.
S2 (05:37):
Right. And so the the research done at that time
and I don't know, it may be different today, but
the research at that time, they felt that there is, um,
a reflex that we have, um, that develops over time
and that we have this reflex that if we stop
breathing well, our body will jolt and sort of wake
us back up and and we'll start breathing again. And
they feel that in certain children up even to sometimes
(06:00):
the age of 2 or 3, that that reflux just
isn't very well developed. And they believe that's what happened
with our son, that he did not have that reflux
in place. And that's what caused him to stop breathing
and and not wake up.
S1 (06:13):
Did you and Stefan grieve differently?
S2 (06:17):
Oh, very differently. Yeah. I wanted to talk about it
to anyone and everyone. I wanted to to walk it,
to feel it. And he really was more at a
place of stuffing it. Um, he was a chef at
the time, and the way he handled it is he
carried a little rattle, a little baby Eeyore rattle that
our son had, and he carried it in his chef's
coat on the inside. Um, but he didn't talk about
(06:39):
it and said, actually, um, a lot of his hair
fell out. Um, he, you know, processed it in a
very different internal way. Yeah.
S1 (06:47):
And and you talked about it. You did you ever
get counseling for it?
S2 (06:53):
Um. We did. Yeah, we did. At some point. We
were really blessed, um, when it happened, because of course,
the first response is to blame yourself. What did I
do wrong? It's my fault, you know, this healthy, beautiful child.
What happened? And so we were very, very blessed that, um,
the staff at the hospital, it was the team that
worked with him in the emergency room. Um, it was
(07:14):
psychologists and specialists. They really brought us back into the hospital,
sat us down and, um, and just talked to us
about the fact that it wasn't our fault. It was
an accidental death. And and I still didn't believe him,
to be honest with you. And so we really, even
I kind of reenacted it. I set up the room
as it had happened. We talked about the details of it.
And then, you know, they went on to explain to
(07:36):
us that, um, if, you know, there had been suffocation
or something like that, it would have been there would
have been, um, I believe, fluid in his lungs. There
would have been some fibers from fabric, you know, in
his nasal passage and things like that. And none of
that was the case. And so they were very. Scientifically
able to sort of walk us through and tell us
why it wasn't our fault, why it was indeed an accident. Um,
(07:58):
very unfortunate one. And so, um, we were blessed with that,
at least to start with.
S1 (08:04):
One of the things that I've learned through the years
is to say the name. So tell me the name
of your son who passed away.
S2 (08:11):
His name was Jacob.
S1 (08:12):
Jacob. Okay. So Jacob not only passes away, but Stefan
has a kind of an awakening, a spiritual awakening. Can
you tell me that story?
S2 (08:24):
Yes, he sure did. So, um, when we got married,
I was, um. I had been brought up in a
Christian home, and I knew the truth. And, um, I
was in a place of rebellion. I was a place
of running away from God. And, um, when we got married,
my husband was not saved. And so, um, you know,
he was always very generous and gracious with me and
(08:45):
never stopped me from going to church and was always
very positive about that. Um, but, you know, he didn't
share in our faith, and he did not attend church
with me. Um, but never stopped me from taking the kids.
And so, um, the crazy thing is, when we wanted to, um,
to get our daughter, um, dedicated at church. Um, he
(09:06):
was willing to to show up for it, but he
was really upset with our pastor because he said, you know,
our children are on loan to us. They're his. And
he can take them back anytime he wants. And that
made my my husband very angry, actually. And, um, he
really didn't want to, you know, um, keep attending and
it really bothered him. But when our son actually did die, um,
(09:28):
that is what came back to him in those moments
and those moments of being on the floor in the
hallway of the hospital, you know, just crying out and begging, God,
you know, you ask him, you know, um, if you'll
just save him, you know, I'll change my ways. That
kind of conversation he was having with God, and the
first thought that came back to him is that he's
on loan and he's taking him back. But that is
(09:50):
the day that, um, Stephon gave his life to Christ.
That is the day that, um, that he realized that, um,
if he was not right with the Lord, he would
not see his son again.
S1 (10:01):
That that baby rattle and the chefs of in the pocket.
That's that's enough. That right there is enough to have
you on to talk about it, to see the depth.
And because there's probably some father listening right now, some
man listening has had some kind of loss, and he's
felt bad about not being able to talk about it,
(10:23):
not being able to work through it. But just that
baby rattle in the pocket is this means something? This is,
this is this is a struggle. And we all do
that differently. We all grieve differently. So he comes to
Christ because of Jacob and what you know, he believes
now about eternity. And so we're going to take a
(10:46):
quick break. And when we come back I want joy
to describe then what happened after that because it will
lead us into their family's story. Yeah. It's loss. But
there's also a lot of love, a lot of healing.
And there's redemption. As we've already heard, this is Chris
Fabry live on Moody Radio. More straight ahead. We're talking
(11:18):
with Joy Boateng today on Chris Fabry Live. You can
see some of her family, some of what she's been
through in the last few years in a film called
Made With Love. It's a small part of a bigger
film that they're working on. Uh, the creators of that
are working on. We have a link at Chris. Chris
(11:39):
Fabry lives. And if you're the person who is staring
at your radio saying, how in the world did you
know that I was dealing with this? I want to
give you the phone number if you have a question
or comment today. (877) 548-3675. So you have your your first
daughter's name. Remind me. Joy.
S2 (12:00):
It is Malika.
S1 (12:01):
Malika. So you have Malika. You have Jacob. You have
the family that you wanted. You have the two. You're
going to go traveling and then Jacob passes away. Then
an awakening in Stephan's life. What happened then?
S2 (12:17):
Um. Then, um. God broke our heart for adoption. I mean,
that's what, um, there were so many changes in that season.
And once where we thought we wanted two children, we
started wanting a house full of children. Really? Um, and, um,
God brought us first to a family member, and we, um,
did a kinship placement, a kinship adoption through the foster
(12:37):
system of a family member. Um, and that was our
sweet Kylie. And she came to us. She came in
and out of her home a little bit. She was
with us from age 1 to 2, and she went
back with her birth mama. And then she came to
us at age four, and we finalized her adoption when
she was six. Wow.
S1 (12:55):
That was a life changer then, because, you know, then
you've got Malika and Kylie together, right?
S2 (13:02):
Yes.
S1 (13:03):
Yeah. Okay. And so you're done. So you have your
two daughters, and everything's fine and you're done.
S2 (13:11):
Well. Not quite. You would think so. But there was something,
you know, we loved our girls, and we're so grateful
that God brought them into our home. And it's just
wonderful to parent them. Um, but we really struggled with
the fact that, um, we really thought God had called
us to a baby boy. And, um, we, um, in
the grief process after Jacob died, there was a time
(13:33):
where I was literally, you know, snotting on the carpet
in my living room and just crying out to God.
And it was, um, about a year after our son
had died. And I just said, Lord, I don't understand,
you know? Um, we had this baby boy, and you
took him back, and I just was really crying out, um,
that God would bring us another baby boy. And, um,
(13:54):
it made no sense. And and so because of that,
we started pursuing, um, domestic infant adoption. And several times
as we tried several times, either we weren't chosen, um,
we'd be overlooked for younger families, younger couples, um, or, um,
you know, they would choose us and change their minds.
So that's a very real part of domestic adoption. And
(14:15):
that does happen. Um, and then at some point, we
heard about a summer hosting program in the Philippines, and
they were bringing, um, older children from the Philippines to
experience a few weeks in the United States and a family.
And the hope with it is either the family that
they come home to would want to adopt them, or
somebody in their church or family circle might consider adopting them. And, um,
(14:38):
so while we were in this process of domestic infant
and things weren't really going the way we thought that
they would, we heard about this summer program and um, we,
you know, started praying about a certain we were told
that there was one little boy, 12 years old that
hadn't been chosen yet, didn't have a family to come through. Um,
come to the States with, with that hosting program. And so, um,
(15:01):
I asked about it and I said, you know, I'm
going to pray that that someone will come forward for
this young man. Um, it won't be us because, of course,
you know, we're adopting a baby. So, you know, we'll
just pray that somebody else chooses to be a family
for this little boy. And so, um, when I ended
up asking about it, um, my girlfriend who was involved
with it sent me a picture, and it just got
(15:24):
to the deepest part of me. And I said, oh,
what in the world? How do we bring this boy home?
And so I asked my husband to come look at
the picture, and he said, why do you want me
to see it? And I said, well, confirmation. He said,
but why? We're adopting a baby. You're going on a
missions trip to Africa. Like, why would we bring home
this child? And I said, well, you just look at
the picture. And he got so upset with me and
(15:44):
he said, you don't even know the dates or how
much this costs. And I said, why do you care?
He said, well, I need to know how to bring
my son home. And he knew instantly when he saw
his photo. We were to adopt this 12 year old boy,
and it was just wild and crazy. And come to
find out, um, nine months into the process and, you know,
we were we tried to host him and he wasn't
(16:05):
eligible for hosting because actually his birth certificate said baby boy.
And he'd never.
S1 (16:13):
Been given a name.
S2 (16:14):
He had not been given a name. The orphanage did
give him a name, so we thought he had one.
But on his birth certificate it said Baby Boy. He
had been attending school even as a 12 year old
with the name Baby Boy. And the crazy thing about
it is that you remember I just said recently that, um,
I had been snotting on my carpet asking God for
a baby boy. And that was exactly when Aaron was
(16:36):
born in the Philippines. That is exactly when he was born.
May of 2000. And it just wrecked me because we
had been overlooked for younger couples and he had been
overlooked for younger children. Most people, when they're looking to
adopt both domestically and internationally, they're often wanting young children.
They're afraid to bring an older children into their home
(16:56):
not knowing, you know, what kind of trauma and what
kind of, you know, behavior might go along with it.
And so time and time again, he was overlooked and
younger children were chosen. But that was the baby boy
that God had chosen for us. And we just had
waited 12 years before knowing about him and being connected
with him. And, um, so although he.
S3 (17:15):
Was what they called.
S1 (17:16):
Him, they even called him.
S3 (17:18):
That.
S1 (17:19):
And which is, you know, there's a wound in there
to be 12 years old and be referred to as
baby boy. But there's also real redemption there too, isn't there?
S2 (17:29):
There sure is. And again, what a beautiful, wonderful young
man he is and has grown to be. um, just tremendous.
I mean, um, God did so many miracles. He had
to open so many doors. And each of our adoptions, um,
there have been many obstacles to overcome. You know, we
want to believe that if God calls us to adopt
(17:50):
and he put it in our heart that it's going
to just be this beautiful, smooth sail and that nothing's
going to come against us and it's going to happen tomorrow. And,
you know, we want to believe all those things that
someone's going to drop a baby on our doorstep, right?
That's kind of the dream. And that is not the
truth of adoption. There's really, you know, it's not God's
first plan, right? Our biological families are our first plan. And, um,
(18:11):
adoption is really a second plan. But it is still
even though it comes out of brokenness and hurt, it
is still very beautiful and redemptive. And so, you know,
we've had the privilege. Go ahead.
S1 (18:21):
Were you were you then involved in giving him the
name when he got here in the States and changing
that birth certificate, or how'd that work?
S2 (18:31):
So, um, the neat thing is that he had been
called Aaron at his orphanage. And so we felt because
they had been calling him since he was eight, they
called him Aaron that, you know, we would keep that.
But then we asked him, you know, what he would
like his middle name to be. And, um, so with
our with older child adoption, that's something tricky. You know,
(18:52):
parents sometimes have names that they want and have picked out. Um,
but with an older child, you know, we believe heavily
that they should be involved in, in the decisions of
that process. So, um, we were giving him his name,
the first name the orphanage had chosen for him. The
second name had been, um, a biological connection. And then
(19:12):
his last name we were giving him. So we felt
that that really represented him well over his lifespan. Yes.
S1 (19:18):
Okay, so you have Malika, and then Jacob passes away,
and then Kylie comes in, and then baby boy Aaron, uh, which,
you know, just at 12 years old, just a great story.
So now you're all together and everybody happily ever after.
And that's. That's the rest of the family, right?
S2 (19:38):
Uh. Not quite. And as far as the happily ever after,
families are real, right? Whether adoptive or biological. And the
reality is, you know, there's ups and downs and things
to work through. So we don't want to, you know,
just assume that everything's happily ever after, after the airport
moment and after the child comes home, because that is
a common misconception with adoption. But, um, so Aaron came
(19:58):
home and he came home to, you know, parents that
he had prayed for and two sisters, and he was
used to being in a room full of boys. And
so he had asked us from the day he came
home if he could have a brother. And so, um,
for a season we did. We thought, if we can
adopt an older child from another country, we could also
adopt an older child from the United States and from
(20:21):
our local foster system. And so we pursued that for
a time. And we struggled with there were some law
changes that they wouldn't allow families in our state to
Adapt straight out of foster system. You need it to
be a foster family for a season first, and we
struggled with not being able to say we were the
last stop and not be able to make those promises.
And so I'm very grateful for families out there who
(20:43):
who do that and who stand in the gap and
who love these children so well even without being able
to make those promises. But for our personal family, it
was something we struggled with. And so we I still
looked at, um, the special home finding list for the Philippines.
We've prayed over numerous, numerous children on that list, and
that list is of children either who are older, children
(21:07):
harder to place or those with special needs. And so
it's called a special home finder list. And while looking
at that and praying over it, we saw, um, a
sibling group of three of three biological brothers who were
looking for a forever family. And there is a law
in the Philippines. It's a two year nurturance law that
they don't allow you to adopt for two years in between.
(21:28):
And so we didn't feel that we could bring these
boys home. But again, reading their very short profile and
seeing their faces just really got to me in a
deep way. And I thought if I just put their
face up on the screen of my computer, my husband
would see it again and know they were our boys.
But it didn't work that way the second time around. But, um,
(21:50):
so I contacted the adoption agency and I said, listen,
I know we can't adopt these boys. It hasn't been
two years since Aaron came home. But please, please let
me know when their mama comes forward. Because I'm praying
night and day. They're just so heavy on my heart. Um,
just please contact me and tell me that great news
when God answers that prayer and, um, she ended up
coming back and saying, would you adopt them? And we're like, well,
(22:13):
it's not possible because of this, you know, two year nurturance. And,
you know, they're older. That would be like doubling our
family of teenagers overnight. And she said, well, if they
gave you an exception to that rule because the oldest was, um,
17.5 and he would age out at 18. And they
said if there's any way they would give that acceptance,
you know, that exception, would you do it? And so
(22:35):
he said, well, let's pray about it. And that Sunday
we went to our church and something very out of
character for our pastor, but he was doing a series
on Christmas carols. And that Sunday he did, um, the
song O come, O come, Emmanuel. And he broke Emmanuel
down to three parts M e man and Emmanuel. And
together it means God is with us. And the crazy
(22:56):
part of that story is these brothers. Their biological names
were m e man and Emmanuel. And we were struggling
in our flesh and fear of bringing, you know, in essence,
a man child home, right? 17.5 year old and three
together making it would be six preteens and teens in
our home. And so, um, when we heard, you know,
our pastor say m e man and Emmanuel, God is
(23:19):
with us. I'm like, okay, well, we just sat there
crying and said, God is with them. That means he's
with us too. And we're going to say yes. And
if God really wants them in our home, then he's
going to do all the miracles. Again, that would be required.
And wow did we need to hold on to our
seat because he just unfolded miracle after miracle after miracle
to bring them to our families.
S3 (23:40):
Part of that is.
S1 (23:40):
The financial thing, because that was a thing that your
husband said was, we don't have the money to do.
You know, we we haven't paid for the, you know,
the loan that we got for them. ET cetera. ET cetera.
It's like there's no way this can happen, right?
S2 (23:54):
Right. That's right. We just, you know, for all of
our adoptions, I'm going to be very transparent. We have
not had the money in the bank for any of
our adoptions. Um, we have a slogan that we've adopted
over time, as God has just been writing this wild
and crazy story for us. And it is attempt the
impossible for Christ that without his intervention you will fail.
And in each of these times, if you knew all
(24:16):
of the circumstances surrounding each of them, really, there is
no way we could open any of those doors or
make any of it happen. It truly was God intervening
and miracle after miracle. But what God needs is our. Yes,
it doesn't happen with our willing heart without our willing
to walk through the doors that he opens for us.
(24:37):
And sometimes that means he closes them. I mean, we,
you know, said yes to so many domestic infant adoption
placements before, and we even actually asked for a couple
of international ones. There was, um, I would call an
institutional sibling. There was a young man that our son
was so very close with and had been to two
different orphanages with, and we really wanted to bring him home.
And we tried, you know, we knocked on the door
(24:58):
and that door closed. And he's in a beautiful family today. Um,
but it's not ours, right? So, um, he really just
needs our. Yes. And our willingness to walk the journey
that he has for us.
S1 (25:09):
Somebody needed to hear that today. And it may not
be about adoption. It may be about something else. But
God wants you to say yes and to be open
to what he wants to do. Not just so that
you can serve someone else, but so that he can
change you from the inside out through your submission, your
(25:31):
surrender to him. And then you get the the bird's
eye view of him at work. That's what Joy is
telling us. And so the family is is complete. Now?
Well not quite. There's more. But wait. There's more. And
you'll hear it straight ahead here on Chris Fabry live
on Moody Radio. We're hearing about Joy's family today on
(26:06):
Chris Fabry Live. What a life giving story. And it
reminds me of the work at Karen that's doing everyday
speaking life into the hearts of women and men who
are struggling with an unexpected pregnancy. But Curnutte deals with
everyone at all stages of the abundant life spectrum. April
is Abortion Recovery Awareness month. And if you're struggling with
(26:29):
a decision in the rear view mirror. God wants you
to be able to walk in freedom. Your enemy wants
you shackled, held back, kept in a constant state of anxiety.
What doctor Stone yesterday talked about. He said it's rumination
where it just constantly goes over and over and over
(26:50):
in your mind. You know this mistake that you made
back there? There's a free resource you can download. Click
the green connect link at Chris. Org. If you or
someone you know is carrying that heavy burden of guilt
shame grief. There's really hope. Click the Green Care Net
link at Chris Fabry live.com and download your copy of
(27:11):
Forgiven and Set Free. Somebody you know needs the Ministry
of Care net. Find out more. Chris Fabry lives. Oh,
where you'll also find out more about our guest today. Joy,
joy joy. Boutang. Her husband is Stefan. They have been
married 30 years. We've heard so far about Milica. Little
(27:34):
Jacob who passed away. Kylie. Aaron, who was adopted from
the Philippines. And then the three brothers. M, Iman and Emmanuelle.
Now we come to Asher. Tell me Asher's story.
S2 (27:48):
Oh, sweet baby Asher. So we found out about Asher. Um,
at a picnic for adoption agency. And my husband on
the way there said we are not adopting again. We
have six preteens and teens. We're in the thick of it,
and we're done. And so, um, we did not anticipate.
We didn't. We were not looking to adopt again. But
while we were there, um, we heard, you know, a
(28:09):
sort of an outcry of needing more families. And so
I approached them asking, you know, why do you need families?
My understanding is there's always, um, families for infants. And
they said, well, not necessarily those with special needs. And so, um,
we heard about sweet little Asher. Um, she was born missing.
(28:32):
The lobes of her brain. She's a condition called hydranencephaly. And, um,
with that, she didn't have the lobes of her brain.
She had a small part of cerebellum, and then a
brain stem. Only had cerebral palsy. Um, diabetes insipidus. She
was just very medically fragile. Given two days to live
at birth. And so there was not in the region
(28:52):
that she was born. They did not have a, um,
pediatric hospice. And so instead, she was put into a
geriatric hospice facility to be kept comfortable to die. And again,
we were in that place as we found ourselves many
times before, um, we didn't have the money to adopt. We,
you know, um, we're working through some, uh, trauma and
(29:13):
emotions and, you know, our older kids that have been
in our home that had difficult beginnings. And, um, there
were just a lot of obstacles, one being, you know, um,
we didn't have an updated home study. Um, our recently
brought home, um, who is now 18 year old, um,
one of the three siblings, um, needed to have fingerprinting
(29:36):
and background check and all of that done for a
home study. And we didn't have a Social Security number
yet for him because we were still in the process
of all of that. Um, she was part Cherokee, and
the Cherokee Nation didn't want to sign off for her
to be adopted. There were just so many really big
reasons why we wouldn't be able to bring Asher home.
And it was another situation where we just looked at
each other and said, well, we can't put money in
(29:57):
our bank account. We can't, you know, convince the Cherokee
Nation we can't make this background check happen. All we
can do is say yes. And if God wants that
to happen, he's going to have to do all the
miracles once again. And I'm going to tell you, it
doesn't just happen and lay on your lap, though. There's
a responsibility that we have first to say yes And
(30:17):
then to walk in step in blind faith. It didn't
just all happen and open. We pursued and we we
kept walking even though they said we don't have this yet.
I said, well, we're going to keep doing the paperwork.
We're going to keep, you know, doing the part that
is in our power to do and then pray for
God to open doors. And in eight days, she was
in our family. Wow.
S1 (30:35):
Eight days. Now, now, now, what were the doctors saying
to you about Asher?
S2 (30:42):
Um, they were preparing us. You know, she was in this, um,
hospice facility, and they really thought we had a Pollyanna
view of what her diagnosis was, and and they thought
we didn't fully understand that it wasn't that she was
missing some of her brain. She really didn't have any lobes.
It was all spinal fluid, um, occupying the space in
her head. And so, um, they, you know, showed us
(31:05):
imaging and they wanted to talk about the fact that
she stopped breathing overnight, and she really probably wasn't even
going to live until we could get her into her home.
And we just felt that, um, you know, she wasn't,
you know, a flight away in another country and a
year's paperwork to get to. She was a couple hours
from our home, and if we said yes today, we
could hold her, right. Like, it was really just a
(31:28):
case of, you know, how it's not okay that we
know this. If we didn't know, we can't do anything.
But we know about her. How could we let her
die without a family? And so we just decided that
for as long as that is, if that's hours, if
that's days, if that's weeks, however long God allowed us
to have her, we would just hold her and love
(31:49):
her and be her people. Um, and the unimaginable thing is,
God gave us four priceless years with Asher, and she
rocked our world in the best ways.
S1 (32:01):
Okay, so when you there's a picture in the video,
it's called made with love. It's like an excerpt from
a longer film that's being worked on. But when you're
holding her, she's eight days old and she's only £5
at that point, right?
S2 (32:16):
Two months old.
S1 (32:17):
She's two months old.
S2 (32:18):
Okay.
S1 (32:18):
Two months old and £5. And? And she grows to.
I think she was in the 40s. Uh, I don't
want to, you know, talk about Asher's weight without her knowing,
but I'm going to go ahead and do that.
S2 (32:31):
Yes, she was £45 when she passed away.
S1 (32:34):
Ah. Okay. So if she has only spinal fluid, though,
she doesn't make any connection. She doesn't make eye contact with.
She doesn't. She's not cognizant of anything. Right.
S2 (32:46):
That is what the medical professionals told us. And it
couldn't be further from the truth. It is just it
was so beautiful to interact with Asher. She laughed and
she smiled and giggled. Um, she recognized us. She turned
to her voices. Um. She knew her people well. And
not only that, but she drew people into her. We
couldn't even go down an aisle of Walmart without having
(33:07):
people come up to us and ask about her and
talk to her, and we had the privilege of sharing
her miracle story time and time and time again to
countless people for years.
S1 (33:18):
And the thing in the video that you said was
that the people in the family would be going through
a hard time or having a having a struggle, and
they go to Asher because she just loved everybody. Right.
S2 (33:30):
That's right. She didn't judge them. She just loved. And
it was such a beautiful way for all of us,
you know, to just see God's love, to see just
unconditional love in such a tangible way. It was beautiful.
S1 (33:45):
So when she passed away, then, um, how did you
handle that? Because you've already been through that with Jacob.
Was there was the grief the same?
S2 (33:56):
It was, you know, it's the same, but different because
God gives us love for each individual child, right? And,
you know, sometimes adopted kids or biological kids think you're
trying to replace me by this adopted kid or something
like that. And the reality is that that each love
is just so beautiful and so personal. So we grieved
a little different with Asher because one we went into
(34:17):
it knowing the possibility and really the diagnosis was fatal.
And so they told us she would not live, but
we did get comfortable. Right. She's four. She's, you know,
this beautiful, um, young lady who had overcome so many
medical obstacles. And so we really got comfortable, um, when
she passed away, it was it was very difficult in
that she was almost like a part of us. You know,
(34:41):
we we held her at all times. She was non-mobile.
And so, um, she was always in our arms. And
so the, the loss physically of no longer having £45
in your arms at all times was, was really tremendous. Um,
it was also a great loss for our children because, um,
you know, most of our children were not in our
(35:01):
home when Jacob died. So for them, this for some
of them, it was the the first great loss, um,
that was so close to them. For others, they've experienced, um,
different laws.
S1 (35:10):
And did anybody say that to you? Did anybody say, oh,
it's not fair for your kids to go through this
loss of Asher? You know, this is going to happen.
And so it'd be better for them not to go
through that grief.
S2 (35:24):
Oh, absolutely. We were questioned much when we brought her
into our home of why we would do that to
our children. And then after she passed away and we
considered adopting again, why would you put them through it again? Um,
but what we found, even though loss hurts and even
though there's definite grief and and a time of that and,
and that we still experience today with each of the
loss of our children. Um, but the beauty and the
(35:47):
love and just the preciousness that they bring into our
heart and home is worth it. It's worth that. And
it you know, people often think that it takes a
special person to adopt a special needs child. And we're
here to tell you that that is not true. We
are not anything special. We have a flesh that flails
like everyone else in the world. Um, but really, they
(36:11):
bring so much beauty into our hearts and homes and experiences.
They bring joy and laughter. And I believe our children
are better for having had their siblings in their in
their family.
S1 (36:24):
Okay, so before we take a break, we got to
get Stefan in here because in the video, he talks
about what happens next. Here he is.
S4 (36:33):
Joy and I really wanted to adopt, um, a child
with down syndrome. We had met several children with down syndrome,
and there was something so beautiful about their lives and
about their journey.
S5 (36:45):
And I get this phone call and she said, well,
there's a baby boy. And I said, yes, because I
had been praying for a baby boy. And, uh, she said, well,
he has down syndrome. I said, okay. And she said,
but he has a very serious heart defect. I said, okay.
And she said, and he was born missing the lower
part of his digestive track, is that it? And she said,
(37:10):
well yeah. I said, well then. Yes. And sweet zaiden, um,
he was a month and a half old when we
were able to bring him home. He had he did
have major medical. He still does, actually. Um, he walks
sort of a difficult journey. And the perseverance this young
man has is astonishing.
S4 (37:29):
That's four and a half years old. He was put
under almost 80 times already.
S5 (37:34):
But can I tell you his beauty and resilience through it?
S4 (37:39):
Everywhere we went, he just waves. He loves people and
he gets smiles out of people all the time.
S6 (37:46):
Wow. Where are you? Oh! Peekaboo. Moon.
S7 (37:53):
Hey. Hello, Zayden.
S4 (37:57):
And we knew that we wanted another young one to
grow up with him. So I remember going to Africa
on a mission trip, and before I left, my wife said,
if I get a call from the agency that there's
a child with down syndrome, a little girl, I'm going
to say yes, even if you're not here. And I said, well,
that's not going to happen. Well it happened.
S5 (38:17):
We brought her home at 24 hours old, and he
met her about a week later.
S4 (38:22):
She is just full of joy, also full of sass,
but full of joy. She's a perfect balance with her brother.
S6 (38:30):
Yay!
S8 (38:32):
You've got the hands. Yay!
S9 (38:37):
Oh, that was a good hiding place, Nina.
S10 (38:42):
Now you know the rest of the story.
S1 (38:46):
And we'll continue with joy. Wu-Tang. And if you're a
man and you have been holding back on this whole thing,
and your wife has been saying this happens a lot,
wife will say, let's be open to adoption. Let's be
open to adoption. If you have been pushing back against that,
you have to hear.
S10 (39:05):
What Stefan.
S1 (39:05):
Says straight ahead on Moody Radio.
S10 (39:17):
What a story. What? What hope, what love, what struggle,
what loss, what grace. Joy.
S1 (39:26):
Boutang has been with us today. Stefan. Her husband hasn't
been with us. But I wanted you to hear his voice.
And I'm going to play something from him here. Just
a minute. So was Melissa. And then Jacob, who passes away. Kylie.
And then you adopt baby boy Aaron. Uh, is his
name from the Philippines. And then M Iman and Emmanuelle,
(39:49):
and then Asher comes into your life. And then this
idea of how about down syndrome, son and daughter and
their two Zaiden and Mila. And they're very different, but
the same at the same time, aren't they?
S2 (40:07):
They are? Yes. They're just everything's sweet with the world again.
You know, Zayden doesn't know a stranger. He's all about
interacting with people. He chooses people over toys all the time.
And then sweet Mila is just. I call her spicy,
but she just has such a zest for life and
wants to know how things work and is very persistent.
(40:28):
So they're just beautiful.
S1 (40:30):
So ten did you say? Okay, it was two and
it turned into ten. Is this is this complete?
S2 (40:38):
So we go we like to say that it's ten
and done. Now that we're also grandparents we are finished
with the adoption stage. But we do direct a camp
for foster kids. And we also have a ministry that
we've started as well, just reaching out to kids from
rough beginnings so that we can continue to impact children.
S1 (40:56):
Rough beginnings I like the way that or difficult beginnings
got beginnings? Yeah, I like the way you say that.
I wanted our listeners to hear, especially men to hear.
And it doesn't happen this way sometimes the wife is
the one who's a little more reluctant. Um, but I
hear more stories of men who are reluctant. So I
want you to hear again. This is just a minute
(41:19):
or so from the film. The short film made with love.
We have a link to it. Go and watch it.
You have more than a million people have seen it.
But go to Chris Fabriclive. Org. We have a link
to it right there. Here's a word from Stefan.
S4 (41:34):
But it's my challenge to all men out there that,
you know, we need to stop just thinking about our
late stage in life to retire, play golf, go fishing.
These are all fun things. But what's what's your purpose
in life? What kind of legacy are you going to
leave behind? I want my children to to see that
(41:54):
there's somebody in their lives that that steps out of
their comfort zone to try to make the world a
better place to really try to impact the world around us.
Not saying that everybody needs to leave everything behind and
be missionaries, but, you know, even the impact of one
child bringing one child home and changing that child's life,
that is that is so important. That is so important.
(42:17):
Children with special needs are lined up waiting for families
to welcome them in their home, and it is a calling.
You make sure you and your wife are in agreement.
But if your wife is usually asking about adoption or
fostering and you're hesitating, there might be some issues there.
You know you need to be honest with yourself. I've
(42:40):
done that. My wife comes with a story of an
idea of wanting to adopt, and I have both feet
on the brake, and the parking brake is up, and
the Lord just keeps releasing one at a time. And then,
as much as I dreaded it now, I couldn't see
my life without it.
S1 (42:55):
Like you hear that there's life there, and that does
not mean that it's all, as Joyce said, smooth sailing,
happily ever after. No problems. Boy, if we could spend
just on one more hour talking about all the difficulties
that you have been through, you know, in this whole process.
But but but the parking brake let go because he said, God,
(43:19):
I want what you want rather than what I want
and enjoy. This is not for everybody. Fostering is not
for everybody. Adoption is not for everybody. Adopting special needs
children is not for everybody. You have to count the cost.
Go in with your eyes wide open. Right?
S2 (43:34):
That's right. No, it's definitely a calling. But I think
there are a lot more people called than those who
actually step out. And fear is can be a powerful thing, right?
It's not easy, you know, to see that it it
will change your life. Your future will look different. Um,
but if God's calling you to it, I promise you
that it is very worth doing, even through the hard.
S1 (43:58):
What I have learned from your story and then others
similar stories. When we did the World Down Syndrome Day,
the parents who are calling in are saying, you know,
I did this as a, you know, service to to
another child if it's adoption or just my own child. I'm,
you know, pouring my life out. And what I've experienced
(44:18):
is life for me, that God is doing something inside
of me more than he's doing in Zaydan's life and
Miller's life. It's in your heart, right?
S2 (44:28):
That's right. And I can tell you, I think my
husband would say the same. I like myself better today
than before. God started us on this whole journey because
we see the beauty in each and every individual. We
don't just think about ourselves, and we're able to see
that there's so much worth and value in every person
and individuals with down syndrome. Oh my goodness, they're so beautiful.
(44:49):
They they don't judge you by what your job is
or how you look or what clothes you're wearing and
if you're fashionable or not, and what car you drive.
They just love. And so it's just a privilege to
be able to parent all of our children. But we
always say that our little ones keep us young because
we are older parents to them, and they just have
such a zest for life and a love that they
(45:13):
they slow down and they take the time to look
at things and to get to know people for who
they are. And it's just really beautiful.
S1 (45:19):
And they see we talked about that recently on a program.
You know, the sad fact I mentioned Corona, the sad
fact is you get a down syndrome child in utero
and you don't have one anymore because, you know, we're
going to move on. We'll try again. And you don't.
Maybe there's somebody in that situation, I understand it. I'm
not not saying it's all roses, bonbons and cotton candy. No,
(45:43):
but do you hear what Joy is saying about the
uniqueness and the value and the worth of that child? Um, Joy,
thanks for sharing your heart, your life, your husband, your kids,
the ups, the losses and all of that and the
grief and all the things that we haven't been able
to talk about. Thanks for being vulnerable with all that today.
S2 (46:04):
Thank you for allowing us to share the story that
God wrote.
S1 (46:07):
Joy Boutang. You can find out more about her and
Stefan and you can see that video. The short film
made with love that features her family. And you'll see
some of those pictures. Great pictures. Are you open to
God doing what he wants in your life? And I'm
not saying you need to adopt. You need to do
(46:28):
this or that or the other thing. It's just what
Stefan said. How about just pushing the button of that
break in and just letting it down and seeing what
he will have for you? Chris Fabry lives production of
Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks a
lot for listening.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com