June 4, 2025 • 46 mins
How do you speak life to your husband when all you want to do is yell at him? That's the provocative question we'll deal with on Chris Fabry Live. Ann spent more than a decade longing for a better marriage and for her husband, Dave, to be more attentive, involved, and helpful. But nagging and yelling didn't work. What did? Find out from Dave and Ann Wilson on Chris Fabry Live.
Featured resource:
How to Speak Life to Your Husband: When All You Want to Do is Yell at Him
June thank you gift:
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John Commentaries (from Moody Bible Commentary)
For more information about the work of Care Net, click here.
Chris Fabry Live is listener-supported. To support the program, click here.
Become a Back Fence Partner: https://moodyradio.org/donateto/chrisfabrylive/partners
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
S1 (00:05):
If you are married. Today's conversation at the Radio Backyard
fence is for you, especially if you are a woman
married to a man you desperately want to change. In fact,
you want him to wake up. You want to get
him to see what he doesn't see. And you want
someone to answer this burning question, how can I speak
life to my husband when all I want to do
(00:28):
is yell at him? If that is you? Don't miss
what Ann Wilson has to say. Straight ahead. And if
you are a man and your wife nags you and
yells at you and wants you to change and it
pushes you away, it makes you want to watch more
sports or retreat from your spouse, or delay going home.
Don't miss what Dave Wilson has to say. They believe
(00:49):
there's a lot of hope for you and your spouse,
and we'll talk about it straight ahead. On Chris Fabry
live the program from the heart to the heart for
the heart. Let me begin with a heartfelt thank you
to our team. Chris Sigurd is in the engineer chair today.
Tricia is our producer. Tahira is in that producing chair.
Rihanna will be answering your calls. And one more. Thank you.
(01:10):
If today's program makes a difference in your life or
if the conversation. Yesterday I got emails about Rosie's program.
If it awakened you to delight and enchantment in your faith,
or if you benefited from the two Michaels on Monday,
thank a friend or partner, Chris Fabry Live, who supported
this program. That's why you're hearing us. And maybe the
best thank you would be to join with them and
(01:33):
helping us do what we do together each day. June's
our fiscal year end. It is for a lot of
ministries and a thank you. This month, we've talked about
the Moody Bible Commentary for years, and the folks at
Moody Publishers have excerpted the Gospels Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.
The book is 240 pages, soft cover. If you do
not have a moody Bible commentary, I'd love to send
(01:54):
you the Gospels. And it's our thank you right now.
Call or click through. 86695 Fabbri or go to Chris
Fabbri live.com. You can become a back fence partner and
support us each month if you'd like, and you'll get
my back fence. Post the video that we send out
every week, as well as this offer we have for
(02:16):
you today and a whole lot more. Go to Chris
Fabbri Live or you can call (866) 953-2279. Thank you for
your support of the radio backyard fence and and Dave Wilson,
our best selling author, authors, former co-founders of Kensington Church,
former chaplains for the Detroit Lions. They now serve as
(02:39):
FamilyLife today radio and podcast hosts and nationally known marriage speakers.
They've been married more than 40 years, three grown sons,
a bunch of grandchildren. And our featured resource today is
the book that Ann wrote along with Dave. It's mainly Ann,
but it's a little bit Dave to how to speak
life to your husband when all you want to do
(02:59):
is yell at him. Did you go to Chris Fabry,
Livorno and Dave, welcome to the program. How are you
doing today?
S2 (03:06):
We are good and glad to be with you, Chris.
S3 (03:08):
It's so good to be with you.
S1 (03:10):
You write this an I'm going to start with you.
There was a honeymoon phase that lasted through the first
year or so of your marriage, but once we had
settled into early patterns, I pretty quickly came to believe
that if only Dave got his act together, we could
truly be great. But that wasn't happening because he wasn't changing. Instead,
I was changing, becoming a person I barely recognized anymore.
(03:32):
Someone who was displeased, critical and argumentative. Yet everything I
was doing felt justified by everything Dave wasn't doing. So
you felt stuck, didn't you?
S3 (03:45):
I felt so stuck. And I thought like, oh, man,
we could be so great. We used to be so great.
And I really did. I started looking at Dave, thinking
if he would just do, and I had my list X,
Y or Z or whatever, if he would be home
more or see me or help me. I had that list.
(04:05):
Like we would be amazing, but it seems like he's
not home and he's not involved or he's distracted when
he is home. And so I kept seeing these flaws
and I thought, man, I could help him be so
much better if he would just change. And I thought
my role was to help him change because then we'd
(04:25):
be truly great.
S2 (04:26):
Of course, I had a list too. Yeah.
S4 (04:29):
Of course we all do. Well, but that was true.
S1 (04:32):
And what you said was, was true that there were
ways that he needed. He needed to change. Yeah, but
he couldn't. You couldn't make him do that for you.
He had to see it himself, didn't he?
S3 (04:44):
Chris, let me tell you, I tried to change him,
I and I, I thought I was really doing it
in a strategic way. Like, sometimes I would just outright say, hey,
you need to change this or you should. Or we
should or why aren't you? And then I thought I
had this sophisticated. I thought it was motivating him by
saying things like, um, to me, I mean, this is awful,
(05:08):
but I would say things, you know, you know, our
pastor and your best friend, he's reading the Bible every
single night to his kids, and it's.
S2 (05:17):
That really motivated me.
S3 (05:20):
But but, Chris, I thought I really thought that would
make him think, well, I'll show you. I'm going to
be better than that. Not realizing that my words were
pretty much deflating him and demotivating him. And honestly, I
didn't know that because Dave never really told me. But
I could feel him pulling away, which would make me
(05:42):
pursue him even more in pointing out the things that
would be helpful if he changed.
S1 (05:48):
You know what I think of when I hear your story?
Reading the book and I've heard another conversation with you two?
And it is the difference between law and grace, because
law will just tell you how bad you are. You'll
see how bad you are in it. It doesn't motivate
you to change. It's good. It's good to do what
it's it's there. But the grace, you know it is.
(06:10):
It is the kindness of God that brings us to repentance. Dave,
do you agree with that?
S2 (06:15):
You know, Chris, what a what an insight. Yeah, we
have done dozens of these podcasts and nobody has said
anything like that. See what I'm doing with speaking life
to you? But, um, seriously, uh, it did feel like
that she was. There were a lot of laws, a
lot of rules, a lot of step up and then
(06:36):
you'll be accepted. And like she said, I was not
motivated by that. It did not work. It pointed out
where I was failing. And instead of jumping like, I
want to show you that I can be better, I
sort of withdrew and I sort of ran away. I mean,
I just ran to work, I ran to my ministry.
I ran to other things rather than running home. It
(06:58):
pushed me away rather than pulled me home.
S3 (07:01):
But it is true. You're right, Chris, I have never
thought of that. I should have put that in the book.
But it is true. When we're under the law, it
just feels heavy. Yeah. And it's not motivating, but it's
the grace of. Just like the scripture you said, it
compels us. It draws us in because it's so undeserved
and it makes us draw closer to our spouse.
S1 (07:24):
Right. Uh, this is going to this conversation, I'm hoping,
and the book especially will speak life to you and
speak life to your marriage. I've read a lot of
and and had conversations about a lot of marriage books,
and there are some really good ones out there. I
see what Dave and Anne Wilson have put together here. Uh,
(07:44):
Anne Wilson and Dave along because he comes along at
the end of the chapters and and speaks life into
for men and for women. But I see what they're
doing here as the wound has become a place of
healing for them, and it has become a place of healing,
then for those who are going to hear this and
we're going to open the phone lines, you can ask
(08:05):
a question to Dave and Anne Wilson. If you're going
through a struggle, if you hear yourself in their story 87754836758775483675.
How to speak life to your husband. When all you
want to do is yell at him is our featured
resource at Chris. Christie deliver more straight ahead on Moody Radio.
(08:41):
This might be the game changer you're looking for for
your marriage. The book by Anne and Dave Wilson, How
to Speak life to your husband when all you want
to do is yell at him and you resonate with
what Anne is saying. It's like he needs to change
this and he needs to change that. And you can
see it and you can tell. And it's true. He does. Yeah.
But if on the other side he is hearing you, well,
(09:03):
there's a story in the book. You open the book
by having this. You're speaking to a group at church, Anne,
and you decided that that it would be a good
idea to invite Dave. Tell me that story.
S3 (09:16):
Well, our kids were probably in elementary school at the time,
all three of them. It was a busy time. So
Dave's the pastor of the church. And so I said, Dave,
you should do this with me because these women love you.
They would love it. And so we got up there
and Dave kind of we didn't weren't scripted, but he
goes off and he starts sharing some things that I
had never heard him share before. And we're both sitting
(09:38):
on stools and he gets up and he starts pacing
because he's pretty animated and excited and he says something
like this, women, I don't know what if. If you
get what it's like to be us as men, because
usually as kids or little boys, we have somebody cheering
for us. A mom or a dad. Look at you.
Good job. Then we get older, he goes, we find
(09:59):
a little bit to start seeing what we're good at.
So we have a coach or a professor or teacher
or someone saying, hey, you're good at this. Good job.
And he said, then I met Ann, and she basically says,
of all the men in the world, I choose you,
Dave Wilson, you're the man. And then she's cheering for
me and he's clapping his hands. I'm sitting back here
(10:20):
on this stool thinking I have never heard him share
anything like this before. This is really interesting. And there's
this pride in me like, huh? That's cool. Yeah, I
did choose you. But then his whole tone shifts and
he starts getting very quiet. And then he says this
to the women, then his men. You know what happens?
(10:41):
We walk in the door at the end of a
long day, and it feels like all we hear is
boo boo. And I am sitting in the back on
that stool like, wait, what just happened? What are you
talking about? Because, Chris, he had never, ever shared anything
like this to me in our lives. And I don't
(11:03):
even know how we ended that. Talk to these women.
All I know we get into the car after the end,
and I close the door and I said, you think
I am booing you? I am helping you. And he he.
S2 (11:19):
I said, is it working?
S3 (11:21):
I said, no, it seems like you're not even listening.
So I have to do it more often and I
have to do it louder sometimes because it doesn't seem
like you're even hearing me. And I mean, here's what
he said. He said, all I know, Anne, is it
just feels like I can't quite do anything right. You
have to tweak it. You have to fix it. You
have to remind me. You have to tell me how
(11:43):
I should be doing it. And honestly, it feels kind
of exhausting. And I was so disgruntled because honestly, I thought,
I am helping you. I didn't I wasn't doing that
because I was mean hearted or angry. I just thought
I could help you be a lot better, not realizing
that my words, as we talked about earlier, were really
(12:05):
demotivating him, discouraging him. And Proverbs 1821 says, the tongue
has the power of life and death. Proverbs 1624 says,
gracious words, think of that's that word grace that we
used earlier. Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the
soul and healing to the bones. So when I got
(12:29):
home that day, I went before God, and I said, God,
can you believe that? You know, I kind of vented
to God. But then I asked God, Lord, do I
do I boo Dave? And that took me on a journey.
And this is pretty much where the book came from,
is my journey of God teaching me how to use
my words to bring life rather than death, but still
(12:50):
speak truth because that's also necessary. But to do it
in a way that we can be heard?
S1 (12:55):
Yes. So, Dave, the retreat then, that you experienced a
men in a lot of ways will gravitate toward that
which they can do well or achieve. And so when
you hear the constant, you're not good, you need to
do more. Step up. ET cetera, et cetera. You gravitate
toward the things that you know how to do, that
(13:16):
you do well, rather than I can't measure up. Right.
S2 (13:20):
Yeah. I mean, I you know, I was not analyzing
what I was doing in my life at the time,
but as I look back, yeah, that's exactly what I
did outside the home, whether it was the Detroit Lions
Bible study or, you know, preaching at my church, it
felt like people were cheering. You know, they were saying, hey,
good job. You did a great job today. And every
(13:41):
man and honestly, every woman gravitates toward affirmation and praise.
And I would come home and, uh, it felt like
just what I said to those women, uh, you know,
it felt like boo. She never literally booed me, but
it did feel like she's critiquing me. We shared it earlier.
(14:01):
She would compare me to another husband or dad. And,
I mean, I never did this immediately, but I would
look at her and say, okay, we'll see you later.
And I just get in the car and I go
back to where those people were saying, hey, you're good
at this. And I come home and she'd say, you're
not good at this, okay, we'll see you later. And
I was gone.
S3 (14:19):
But honestly, I think sometimes as women, at least this
is what I did or didn't do. I didn't cheer
for him because I thought, everybody's doing that. He doesn't
need it. Everybody's saying he's great at everything. And I thought,
and this is kind of embarrassing. But I also thought
if I tell him he's doing great, There, then it
(14:40):
will enable him to stay at this mediocre level. Which
sounds really messed up, but that's how my mind thought.
Not knowing or understanding. And I think maybe a lot
of wives are here in this place, is that our
words are the most important words to our men.
S1 (14:58):
Why, Dave, why didn't you say that? Why did it
take you getting up in front and speaking and saying
this to have it come out?
S3 (15:07):
That's a good question.
S2 (15:09):
You know, Chris, you better tell me, because I don't know.
I mean, honestly, when I was saying that on the stage,
I had this this feeling like, wow, I have never
articulated it this clear. This is exactly how it feels.
And I think I was afraid I withdrew, I didn't
(15:31):
want to hurt her. Uh, I really I have an
amazing woman. She's an amazing wife. It was hard to
say to her in the kitchen. It was easier to
say to a bunch of women, you know, somewhere else.
And you know what's really interesting? Whenever I've shared that
story in front of men, because that room was all women.
When I've shared it in front of men, they almost
(15:51):
cheer out loud. Yeah, because they're like, there's another guy
saying what I've felt. And that's what I try to
do in Ann's book, is come in at the end
of the end of the chapter and say, hey, wives,
I just want to speak for your husband. Here's how
we think, here's how we feel. And this may be
what he's thinking. Go ask him, because I think I
represent your husband.
S3 (16:10):
Chris, I have literally after conferences where Dave and I
have talked about this. I have had grown men, some
men in their 70s, crying on my shoulder, saying I
could never articulate what it felt like. Yes. And I
don't know if it's because men are more kind or
they're not as verbal. And some women aren't as verbal either.
(16:32):
Women as women. We may not be actually yelling or
even using our words to despair or criticize our husbands.
But our husbands can tell by our way of being
if they're disappointed. If we are disappointed, our husbands can
feel it even if we don't say it.
S1 (16:51):
I think part of it is the idea of rejection,
that and conflict. And and men sometimes are better at
conflict or jumping into things and getting into arguments. But
it's the rejection. It's like if I feel like if
I say if Dave said that to you, just sitting
down for coffee and then you got, you know, you
(17:13):
stormed out or whatever, um, then the vulnerability meant rejection
to him. If he says it up in front of
a bunch of people, the vulnerability is contained. And and
you can't you can't run off the stage. You got
to sit there and listen.
S3 (17:31):
That's good. Chris, you should have written this book with us.
S2 (17:34):
No.
S3 (17:34):
These are good insights.
S1 (17:36):
I am I'm just resonating with it. And that's why
I think it's going to really speak life into women
and men. How to speak life to your husband when
all you want to do is yell at him. (877) 548-3675.
If there's somebody listening to our voices and you resonate
with what we just said, especially a man who says,
I've never been able to say it like that. But
(17:57):
that's exactly how I feel. I want to hear from you. (877) 548-3675.
Really quickly though. Something you're not saying, Ann. And that
is you felt like you could change him and now
you're changing. You're going to manipulate, you're going to do
something different. You're going to say it a little bit
differently so that then you can change him and then
(18:20):
it becomes all your responsibility. It's all your fault that
he's not the man he should be. That's not what
you're saying, right?
S3 (18:26):
That is not what I'm saying at all. No, there
has to be an inward change. And it's all for me.
It really became about my walk with God, of wanting
to partner beside God and asking him this question. Father God,
show me the greatness in Dave. But at the same time, Lord,
help me to hold this mirror up so that I
(18:47):
can see what I'm actually doing and why I'm doing it.
Like the inner workings of my heart, of why do
I need him or want him to meet all of
my needs when that's not even his job? That's God's job.
S1 (19:01):
Exactly. So, Dave, when, when were you able to hear
what she was really saying? How long did it take
you to hear what was, you know, this helper side
of her?
S2 (19:13):
You know, it took, uh, you know, she went on
a journey which she writes about in the book because
she went from speaking, critique and, you know, sort of
death words to speaking life words. Not in a day
or a week or probably even a couple months. It
was over six months to a year that she started
to speak life. And here's the thing she still would
(19:37):
speak truth in love. You know, Ephesians 415 says, speak
the truth and love. So it was packaged with grace.
But there were things I still needed to hear. And
what changed was the ratio. She started speaking life, life, life,
you know, uh, constantly. And it wasn't lies. She wasn't
just making up stuff. She was starting to see things
(20:00):
and think differently about me. And so she would say, hey,
by the way, you you really are a good husband.
Thanks for this. Thanks for that. A lot of it
was thank yous. And so, man, you stack up, you
stack up days or weeks of affirmation, and then you
come in and say, hey, there's something I need to say.
You're not going to like this, but I think you
need to hear this. You're going to receive it a
(20:21):
lot better because she has been your wife has been
speaking life. And so I would respond to those like,
you know, that wasn't yeah, you're right. I didn't want
to hear that. But guess what? Thanks. I needed to
hear that before it was nothing but that. And it
felt like every day was a, you know, a whole
bunch of you should do this. I wish you were this.
(20:41):
Steve's like this. You're like that. Okay, I'll see you later.
So it's amazing when you speak life. You still can
speak truth if you're if you're if again, it has
to be authentic. You're not just making up stuff, but
when you see something, speak it out.
S3 (20:57):
And I had to go on a journey.
S1 (20:59):
The change then an becomes in that in the journey
that you went on the breaking the neural pathways of
seeing the negative thing and going there, how do you
do that? So you go from the conflict, the nagging,
or whatever you want to call it to speaking life.
S3 (21:17):
Yeah. I mean, my journey started because I had to,
as I said, like I had to really seek Jesus
about this every day I was in prayer like, Lord,
I surrender all of my thoughts, all of my words
to you. And it felt to me like the scripture
that came to mind was Romans 12 two, do not
be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the
(21:38):
renewal of your mind. And so when you think about that,
I felt like God was saying, and pay attention to
your thoughts, first of all, because it's out of our
thoughts that our words spring or out of our heart.
Even the Scripture says is where our words come from.
And so I started paying attention to my thought life
about Dave. And that was super discouraging, not only about Dave,
(21:59):
but our kids. I'm I was continually seeing because I
thought it was my job to change them or to
help them. I was seeing the negative and then I
would say the negative. So I had to first realize, like, man,
I have to change these thought patterns. When Paul says
to take every thought captive, I think that's a battle.
(22:20):
It was a battle for me to change that. And
so it started out very simply because I'm not doing
it to manipulate. I think that's big because then it
would be self-centered. I want Dave to change, so I'm happier.
This became about God. Renew my heart, renew my mind.
So it just started out with simple thank you. And
I said, Lord, I'm just going to start out by
thanking him. And how did I do that? I asked
(22:42):
him for new eyes. Lord, show me the things that
Dave's doing right and help me to say them so
he would bring the trash cans in. Hon, thanks for
bringing the trash cans in. And you know why I
didn't say that before? This is embarrassing. I thought I
do everything around here. Nobody thinks me for all the
things I do. And that pridefulness and arrogance. Oh. Oh,
(23:04):
that was just not a great thing to see in myself.
But it started out simply. And then it started to grow,
where God started transforming my mind and my thoughts and
then eventually my words.
S1 (23:15):
But you have to have you have to be able
to feel what you feel like, what you. I don't
get thanked around here, you know, and I do. I
feel like I do everything. You know, that's that's a
normal feeling. But then you allow God to talk you
off the ledge and it's like, that's not true. The
truth is, yes, he does. So it's almost like you
(23:36):
have this conversation with yourself and with God to fill
in the blanks.
S3 (23:41):
Yes. For instance, I would be folding clothes and because
of my my negative neurological pattern, I'm folding clothes. And
here are my thoughts. Even when he's home, he's not home.
It seems like he's working even harder. He puts more
energy out just outside in his job than he does here.
That I would just go over and over those same
(24:03):
scripts in my head. And I felt one day like
God stopped me when I started on this journey, and
I had this whisper in my heart of what? I
wonder what it would be like if I prayed for
him as much as I complained about him, who that
was convicting. And so instead of going down those same ruts,
(24:23):
I started thanking God like thank you Lord that my
husband is so faithful that he's a hard worker. And
I'm telling you, you start to see them and look
at them, even your kids, in a different way. You
start seeing them the way God sees them.
S2 (24:37):
And you know, one night she said that to me
before we ate dinner with the boys were young, maybe
middle school. And she said, hey, before we eat, I
want to say something to dad. And she just said, thanks.
You work hard, you help provide. I really we all
really appreciate the boys are like, can we eat? And
I'm sitting there, you know, looking at her like, I
know you're reading a book about this. I know you're
(24:59):
doing what the book told you to do, but it
it lit me up. It felt so, so good. And
I think you know what women don't understand. Because we
men want this to be a secret. And the secret
is we're still a little boys. Inside that man is
a little boy saying, do you see me? Do you
appreciate what I did today? Do you know how much
(25:21):
I work for you today? It's like, you know, when
we're a little boy, like, hey, mom, look, did you.
You know, we're impressed. I think men long for that.
S1 (25:30):
Yes. How to speak life to your husband. When all
you want to do is yell at him. We're talking
with Ann and Dave Wilson today. Go to the website
Chris Fabry live.org. You can see the book right there.
A link to it. More straight ahead right here on
Moody Radio. We're talking about marriage struggles and communication today
(26:03):
with Ann and Dave Wilson. There's real power in the
words you use. That's what we're hearing. The same is
true as I hear from Karen. I want to read
a quote from them. It's about men or fathers and abortion.
They say in our national conversation about the topic of abortion,
Men are often overlooked. Even people in the pro-life world
(26:27):
have sometimes bought into the idea. Well, that's a woman's issue.
Men need to be quiet about it. Carenet believes it's
a family issue. It's a people issue. It's a discipleship issue. Therefore,
men and fathers are crucial to the conversation. And here's
the quote. Kearney's research found that both men and women
agree that the father of the child is the most
(26:48):
influential person in a woman's decision to have an abortion,
or not to have an abortion. In other words, if
she feels support from the man, whether married or not,
if she feels support from the man, she will more
often make a choice to have the child rather than
(27:09):
have an abortion. So as part of their pro abundant
life approach, Carenet is offering encouragement for men. The Seven
Marks of a Healthy Dad is a free devotional. If
you go to Chris Familylife.com, click the green button there
the link and you'll see how you can get your
copy of the seven marks of a Healthy Dad. Especially
(27:30):
as we head into Father's Day. Again, go to Chris Fabry. Org.
Click the green connect button today. Um, Dave Wilson, what
do you think about that? That quote that I just read.
S2 (27:42):
I mean, that is a powerful truth that we as
men need to own. And I would say to any
man listening, choose life. And, I mean, I had no
idea that it was that powerful, that if a man,
you know, encourages his his woman to choose life, she's
more often going to do that. I'd be like, guys,
(28:04):
step up and step in and realize you are literally
saving a life by your influence.
S3 (28:10):
And I think as women, we are looking for support,
we're looking for help. And when a man says, I'm
here with you, I'm beside you. Even if we're not
going to be married, I will always be here and
be the father of this child. Whoo! Yeah! That. It
feels like the load isn't on us, you know?
S1 (28:27):
Rollin. Rollin, who leads care net said this. That, um.
It's it's many times men who will say, well, this
is your decision, and I will support whatever you do.
And he says, that is, um, actually heaping more load
on her. What she needs to hear is, look, this
(28:50):
is the struggle that we have in front of us.
This life decision is ours to make together. And I
want to support you, but I want to support you
with speaking life to you. Which is interesting, what we're
what we're talking about today. How to speak life. Your husband,
when all you want to do is yell at him.
That's our featured resource. But click the green care net
(29:10):
link right there. Um, I have to ask you the question, Dave.
There was a story in the book about Anne had
said something to you about, you know, so and so. He,
you know, reads the Bible every night with the kids. He,
you know, the compare despair type of thing. But you
(29:31):
started doing more with the boys. Devotionally. Is that true?
S2 (29:36):
Yeah. I mean, uh, you know, I helped start a
church with, uh, one of my best buddies, Steve Andrews,
and he is just this amazing man. And he grew
up in a Christian home with a legacy of probably
5 or 6 generations of Christian men. And so he
was an incredible dad. I grew up in a home
with two alcoholic parents. We never read the Bible. I
(29:58):
don't think ever in our life, in our home. And
so now I'm a, you know, Christian husband and dad.
I've got three little boys. And Anne would, you know,
constantly ask me to lead spiritually. And she had this image.
Chris I'm not kidding. It's like, would you stand in the,
you know, in the family room with a, with a
with a with a music stand and.
S3 (30:17):
A pulpit.
S2 (30:18):
And get your Bible out and preach a sermon, and
the boys will cheer and everybody will think you're.
S3 (30:24):
That may be what you heard, but that's not what
I said. But I will admit, I had expectations of
what it should look like. Not realizing that Dave had
some insecurity like he'd never seen it done. And honestly,
I hadn't either. But in my head I thought, this
is what you should do. And honestly, leading spiritually was
(30:44):
probably one of our biggest conflicts. Oh yeah, I wouldn't
yell at him, but I would just he could feel
my disappointment.
S2 (30:50):
He was disappointed and I did it in a different way,
and it wasn't the way she wanted. And so I
think over time I sort of quit and I knew
I wasn't measuring up to what she wanted.
S3 (31:02):
So when I went on this journey in my prayer again, was, Lord,
show me the greatness in Dave and show me the
things that he does right. It's pretty much, Lord, show
me what you see in him because we're all made
in the image of God. And I've had wives say,
you don't understand. There's nothing to cheer about in my husband.
And I would say, But God's cheering for him because
(31:23):
he's made in the image of God, and he sees
things of potential in your husband, and he's asking us
to come alongside God and see what God is seeing.
So I'm praying that prayer every day. Show me the
great greatness in Dave. Lord, show me what he's doing right.
So Dave goes in, he comes in, and he goes
in to pray with the boys at night. They're all
(31:43):
in bed. And we did this every night. But he
comes in and I watch Dave, and then he comes
out of the room and I say this to him, man,
I am so jealous of the power and influence you
carry over our sons. And he says, what are you
talking about? And I said, I just watched you in there.
(32:04):
And I watched how they cling to every word you
say when I'm in there. It's utter chaos. They're barely
listening to me. But you as their dad. Man, I
don't know if you understand the power you carry.
S2 (32:17):
You know, Chris, I can tell you where I was
standing and where she was sitting when she said those words.
They were. And again, it was just a comment. It
took 30s and it was.
S1 (32:27):
She meant it to. She wasn't manipulating with that.
S2 (32:31):
No. And I and she wasn't trying to get me
to do it. She just saw it, she spoke it
out and we went on with our day. And the
next night, I mean, I'm, I'm looking at the stairs
right now. I sprinted up the stairs, I jumped in
their bed and I go, come on, guys, let's, uh,
let's open the word of God. You know, it's just
like I was so motivated. She did not manipulate me,
but I realized I have influence, I have power, I
(32:54):
can do this. I can do it pretty good.
S1 (32:58):
That question over the, uh, the mirror of your life
might just change things. Show me what you see in him.
Or show me what you see in her so that
I can call this out. That might be. Now, we
had to put a disclaimer in here. And that is
there's someone listening who's in an abusive relationship and they're hearing, oh,
(33:22):
if I just am better at this, I speak kinder
words than my spouse is not going to beat me up.
You know, that type of thing. What do you say
to that person?
S2 (33:33):
I mean, we tried to, uh, hit this.
S3 (33:36):
Over and over.
S2 (33:36):
Over and over in the book just to remind women,
if you're in an abusive relationship where your man is
a bad man, get safe, get help. You know, you
don't just say, oh, you're an amazing guy. We're talking
about a goodwilled husband who's clueless. It was me. You know,
I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm just pretty clueless.
That guy you can bring life to. But if you're
(33:58):
in a abusive physically or sexually or verbally, you need
to get help. You might need to get safe. Uh,
we're not saying get divorced. We're saying get get safe
and then try and rebuild this relationship. But he needs
to get help. You need to get help and hopefully
you can get help together.
S3 (34:16):
That could be the most loving thing you do because
it will jolt your spouse, your husband into realizing this
is really important and you're going to get yourself safe
and your kids safe, and maybe that will be his
wake up call to say, God, I can't live like
this any longer. It's the most loving thing you could
do is to get out.
S1 (34:38):
The book is titled How to Speak Life to Your Husband,
when all you want to do Is Yell at Him,
by Ann and Dave Wilson. You can find out more
at Chris Fabry Live. Um, let me ask this sensitive
question and you answer. Family program. But did this whole
thing leak into your sexual relationship, your intimacy in your marriage?
S2 (35:01):
Boy, Chris, you're going there. Wow. I'll. I'll let an
answer that one.
S3 (35:07):
I think so, because I think that I think I
had in my heart some animosity and disappointment toward Dave.
And as a woman especially, and I think men feel
this too. But as a woman, that really affects how
I feel about him. And when you feel a certain
way about your husband, it affects how you respond to
(35:29):
him in a physically intimate situation. Because if you're disrespectful
or you're disappointed, I think they can tell. And so
my desire would would be less for him because I
was disappointed in him. And you've probably heard this before, Chris,
but to get to a woman's heart, to get to
(35:50):
a man's heart, you first go through his body. That's
what somebody said one time. And I thought that was interesting.
But to get to a woman's body, you first have
to go through her heart. So for us as women. Now,
is that true all the time? Probably not. That could
be a generalization, but in my case, for Dave to
be physically intimate, it was important to me to feel
(36:13):
feelings of affection or respect toward him. And that wasn't happening.
S1 (36:19):
So when he opened up to you, in one sense,
what he did on the stage there when he said,
you know, the boo boo boo, even though it was
hard to hear, you started to have a better relationship
because you were talking about what was really going on inside. Right?
S3 (36:36):
Yes. And I am so thankful, I think men out
of their respect and kindness at times, or maybe just
they are avoiding conflict. I don't think they'll always tell
their wives what they're feeling about what their wife is doing,
or how her words affect him. And so I think
for Dave and I, we went to we call it
(36:57):
a level five communication where we talked about our fears,
our hopes, our dreams, instead of staying on the surface level.
S2 (37:06):
I mean, here's a quick story. I came into bed
one night, um, after a long weekend of preaching and
being on the Lions sideline, and just said to Ann
as I was crawling into bed about 1130, I just said, man,
I'm getting a lot of critiques lately on my sermons.
And I really wasn't looking for a response, but I
just said it. But, you know, as Ann just said,
(37:26):
level five, it was like, ah, that's a that's something I'm,
I'm feeling disappointed in. I'm feeling afraid of. So I
was pretty vulnerable in that moment.
S3 (37:36):
And so, Chris, one of the things on my journey
of getting better at this, I felt like I'm a
verbal processor. So if I think it, I generally would
say it. And I felt like God gave me these
steps that were really wise. First of all, ask God
this question when when I'm about to speak, should I
say it? The next question is if he gives me
the green light, the go ahead. How should I say
(37:58):
it and when should I say it? So Dave says
that to me, and in my head I thought, well,
if you'd study the scriptures more, I think your sermons
would be way better. I would have said that back
in the day, but instead I took a breath and
I said, Lord, should I say it? And I felt
like he said no. And then I asked the question,
is there anything I should say, Lord? Right now? And
(38:21):
then this pop, this thought popped into my head. And
this is what I said, man, I can't imagine what
it's like to be you. You have thousands of people
depending on your walk with God. That must be such
a weighty thing for you to carry. And then there's
just silence. And then he pulls me over to himself
(38:42):
in bed, and he whispers in my ear, you are
my life. And that that was one of the times
that I thought, oh, Lord, like this. This really changes.
Like I'm changing. And my words are now changing, Dave.
Because had I said, if you spend more time in
(39:04):
the word, that would have just been a punch in
the gut, and he would have never been vulnerable and
gone to a level five with me.
S2 (39:11):
You know, an amazing thing is the next day, as
I thought through even what Ann said, I. I felt
like I should get in the word more. I should
study more. She never said it, but her words of
life motivated me to, you know, work harder. Uh, you know,
as as a preacher. But, you know, the thing I
think about that story is what I, I hope women
understand is you have power. God has given you an
(39:35):
influence in your man's life that's greater than anybody else.
I mean, when Ann said that, I didn't think I'm
going to hold her and say, you are my life.
I just did. Because when somebody gives you a compliment
that doesn't know you very well, you just smile and
say thank you. But when somebody that knows you, your
wife sees all the ugly and the bad and still
speaks life, that's powerful.
S3 (39:57):
It's the.
S1 (39:57):
Gospel. What a breakthrough it is the gospel. How to
speak life to your husband when all you want to
do is yell at him. Is a featured resource by
Anna Dave Wilson. Find it at the website Chris Fabry.
All we have to talk about the list. The list
is coming up straight ahead on Moody Radio. Oh, I
(40:24):
hope this encouragement to you today might have been just
what you needed to hear. Thanks for your support of
the program. You can find out more about how to
do that at Chris Fabry Lives or click through today's information.
You'll see how to speak life to your husband when
all you want to do is yell at him. And
it's not just for women, as you're hearing today, because
Dave contributed to this in one of the things he
(40:46):
contributed on was the list. The list, they call it
a honey do list on Facebook. I said, do you
think men like lists their wives make of things to
do around the house? And Laurie said, my husband is
retiring in three months and he knows my honey do
list is waiting. He's a busy guy, so this has
been growing for years until this very time. Most are
(41:08):
replacing or fixing things that have not been urgent. He's
actually telling people he's looking forward to my list, as
I've been very patiently waiting for him to have the time.
I hear men comment with mixed emotions about the lists.
I think they feel like to feel needed, but are
afraid the list will be unending or their service unappreciated. Boy,
(41:30):
she says a lot in that. What do you say, Dave?
S2 (41:35):
Uh, I think she's right. I mean, um, it depends.
How long is the list? When do we get the list?
If I'm if I'm on the couch watching the bears
get beat by the Lions. Sorry about that. Um. And
she walks in with a list of 20 things on her.
Even ten things. I mean, like, seriously, could you just.
Could you wait till later? I mean, I think I,
(41:58):
you know, I want to. I want to do the list.
S3 (42:00):
You're good. You're really good at the list.
S2 (42:02):
But it's like, give me 1 or 2 at a time.
And here's the other thing. If you want it done immediately,
I gotta know. Because if you're going to give me
the list and then walk in an hour later and
give me the roll of the eyes, like, what are
you doing? I'm like, you wanted that done. Now you
should have told me. I thought I could do it
anytime in the next three days.
S3 (42:20):
That has happened hundreds of times in our house because
I when I say, Dave, hey, could you please do this?
I'm thinking it's right now. And so when there's hours
that go by, then I give him the look or
the huff and then I'll say something like, well, I
guess I'll just do it myself resentfully. And that is
like a dagger to his heart. And anyway, it doesn't work.
S5 (42:42):
Yeah, I'd like a video of that.
S1 (42:44):
See, I, I like that my wife will say I've
got a I've got something I'd like for you to
do this weekend for me, if you've got the time or,
you know, it's like it's kind of an open ended
type thing. It's like, yeah, you know, I'll, I'll take,
you know, pull a stump out or do whatever, and
then she'll say it's to hang a shelf. And she
has no idea what goes on in my mind or
(43:04):
hang a picture. You know, hang, hang something over the fireplace.
It's like, I know what is going to happen. I
am going to obsess about, is this thing straight or not,
or is it going to hang? Is it going to
actually hold the things up there because I want to
do it right? And so, you know, it not only
takes the time to actually do it, but the preparation
(43:24):
time of thinking. And I'm one of those guys that
thinks the worst case scenario, it's going to fall and
kill one of the dogs, you know, or somebody else.
And so it's it's a mental thing.
S3 (43:37):
So guys feel pressure about the list. Is this a thing?
S2 (43:40):
Yeah I do. I really do.
S1 (43:43):
But in the way that you say it, in the
way that you present it, I think it has just
like the, like you said a little earlier, an are
there any lists that you make or anything other like
the list that you do.
S3 (43:57):
That's so funny. I'm thinking through that. Well, one of
the things that my friend did that I thought was genius,
it's a different kind of list. She was struggling. She's
a step behind me. She's my best friend. And we
would walk and we'd pray and we'd talk. And she
was complaining about her husband quite a lot. And she
would say he's traveling for work. He's never home. He's tired.
(44:20):
When he does get home, I feel like he's not
investing in our kids. And so we started. I told
her about the journey I had been going through and
she said, I'm not that great with my words, but
I can text him. I'll start praying. Show me the
greatness of my husband. And so I could text him that.
But what she decided to do, and this is how
(44:40):
God has wired her. She got a journal and she
decided to start watching what Rob was doing. Right? And
then she'd get out her journal maybe three times a
week and she'd jot something down. This is her list.
And so here's an example. Rob, thank you for putting
the Christmas lights up outside. It's always freezing in Michigan,
(45:02):
but every time you do it and you don't complain
about it and you don't want to do it, but
you know that we I want you to do it.
And the girls love it. Thank you for serving us
and loving us in that way. Here's another thing. Before
she was complaining that he didn't get to the girls
soccer games in time he'd be late. And so instead
of seeing the negative saying, you're not there, you're getting
(45:24):
there late. Here's what her entry said. Something like this.
Hey Rob, thanks for making it to at least to
the end of our daughter's soccer game. When you walked
into the stadium and our daughter saw you, I could
see her whole countenance lift and she lit up just
by your presence. That's the power you carry in our
home with our girls. So she has these entries. Just simple.
(45:47):
Not too long. It's her list. So she has this,
and she continues to say nice things? But then on
his birthday, she hands him the journal. He sits, he
reads the whole thing in one sitting, and he's weeping
and crying the entire way through. And we asked him,
why did you cry? And he said, because I feel
like I'm continually failing as a father and a husband.
(46:10):
But this has motivated me to want to be better. Wow.
S1 (46:14):
Oh, what a great.
S5 (46:15):
Way.
S1 (46:15):
To end the the words that you speak, both husband
and wife. The words that you speak can speak life.
How to speak life to your husband by Anne and
Dave Wilson. How do you speak that when all you
want to do is yell at him or yell at her?
To Anna Dave, it's been great to hear your hearts today.
Thank you for being vulnerable. Come back and see us
again real soon, okay? Radio a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.
(46:43):
Thanks a lot for listening.
If you are married. Today's conversation at the Radio Backyard
fence is for you, especially if you are a woman
married to a man you desperately want to change. In fact,
you want him to wake up. You want to get
him to see what he doesn't see. And you want
someone to answer this burning question, how can I speak
life to my husband when all I want to do
(00:28):
is yell at him? If that is you? Don't miss
what Ann Wilson has to say. Straight ahead. And if
you are a man and your wife nags you and
yells at you and wants you to change and it
pushes you away, it makes you want to watch more
sports or retreat from your spouse, or delay going home.
Don't miss what Dave Wilson has to say. They believe
(00:49):
there's a lot of hope for you and your spouse,
and we'll talk about it straight ahead. On Chris Fabry
live the program from the heart to the heart for
the heart. Let me begin with a heartfelt thank you
to our team. Chris Sigurd is in the engineer chair today.
Tricia is our producer. Tahira is in that producing chair.
Rihanna will be answering your calls. And one more. Thank you.
(01:10):
If today's program makes a difference in your life or
if the conversation. Yesterday I got emails about Rosie's program.
If it awakened you to delight and enchantment in your faith,
or if you benefited from the two Michaels on Monday,
thank a friend or partner, Chris Fabry Live, who supported
this program. That's why you're hearing us. And maybe the
best thank you would be to join with them and
(01:33):
helping us do what we do together each day. June's
our fiscal year end. It is for a lot of
ministries and a thank you. This month, we've talked about
the Moody Bible Commentary for years, and the folks at
Moody Publishers have excerpted the Gospels Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.
The book is 240 pages, soft cover. If you do
not have a moody Bible commentary, I'd love to send
(01:54):
you the Gospels. And it's our thank you right now.
Call or click through. 86695 Fabbri or go to Chris
Fabbri live.com. You can become a back fence partner and
support us each month if you'd like, and you'll get
my back fence. Post the video that we send out
every week, as well as this offer we have for
(02:16):
you today and a whole lot more. Go to Chris
Fabbri Live or you can call (866) 953-2279. Thank you for
your support of the radio backyard fence and and Dave Wilson,
our best selling author, authors, former co-founders of Kensington Church,
former chaplains for the Detroit Lions. They now serve as
(02:39):
FamilyLife today radio and podcast hosts and nationally known marriage speakers.
They've been married more than 40 years, three grown sons,
a bunch of grandchildren. And our featured resource today is
the book that Ann wrote along with Dave. It's mainly Ann,
but it's a little bit Dave to how to speak
life to your husband when all you want to do
(02:59):
is yell at him. Did you go to Chris Fabry,
Livorno and Dave, welcome to the program. How are you
doing today?
S2 (03:06):
We are good and glad to be with you, Chris.
S3 (03:08):
It's so good to be with you.
S1 (03:10):
You write this an I'm going to start with you.
There was a honeymoon phase that lasted through the first
year or so of your marriage, but once we had
settled into early patterns, I pretty quickly came to believe
that if only Dave got his act together, we could
truly be great. But that wasn't happening because he wasn't changing. Instead,
I was changing, becoming a person I barely recognized anymore.
(03:32):
Someone who was displeased, critical and argumentative. Yet everything I
was doing felt justified by everything Dave wasn't doing. So
you felt stuck, didn't you?
S3 (03:45):
I felt so stuck. And I thought like, oh, man,
we could be so great. We used to be so great.
And I really did. I started looking at Dave, thinking
if he would just do, and I had my list X,
Y or Z or whatever, if he would be home
more or see me or help me. I had that list.
(04:05):
Like we would be amazing, but it seems like he's
not home and he's not involved or he's distracted when
he is home. And so I kept seeing these flaws
and I thought, man, I could help him be so
much better if he would just change. And I thought
my role was to help him change because then we'd
(04:25):
be truly great.
S2 (04:26):
Of course, I had a list too. Yeah.
S4 (04:29):
Of course we all do. Well, but that was true.
S1 (04:32):
And what you said was, was true that there were
ways that he needed. He needed to change. Yeah, but
he couldn't. You couldn't make him do that for you.
He had to see it himself, didn't he?
S3 (04:44):
Chris, let me tell you, I tried to change him,
I and I, I thought I was really doing it
in a strategic way. Like, sometimes I would just outright say, hey,
you need to change this or you should. Or we
should or why aren't you? And then I thought I
had this sophisticated. I thought it was motivating him by
saying things like, um, to me, I mean, this is awful,
(05:08):
but I would say things, you know, you know, our
pastor and your best friend, he's reading the Bible every
single night to his kids, and it's.
S2 (05:17):
That really motivated me.
S3 (05:20):
But but, Chris, I thought I really thought that would
make him think, well, I'll show you. I'm going to
be better than that. Not realizing that my words were
pretty much deflating him and demotivating him. And honestly, I
didn't know that because Dave never really told me. But
I could feel him pulling away, which would make me
(05:42):
pursue him even more in pointing out the things that
would be helpful if he changed.
S1 (05:48):
You know what I think of when I hear your story?
Reading the book and I've heard another conversation with you two?
And it is the difference between law and grace, because
law will just tell you how bad you are. You'll
see how bad you are in it. It doesn't motivate
you to change. It's good. It's good to do what
it's it's there. But the grace, you know it is.
(06:10):
It is the kindness of God that brings us to repentance. Dave,
do you agree with that?
S2 (06:15):
You know, Chris, what a what an insight. Yeah, we
have done dozens of these podcasts and nobody has said
anything like that. See what I'm doing with speaking life
to you? But, um, seriously, uh, it did feel like
that she was. There were a lot of laws, a
lot of rules, a lot of step up and then
(06:36):
you'll be accepted. And like she said, I was not
motivated by that. It did not work. It pointed out
where I was failing. And instead of jumping like, I
want to show you that I can be better, I
sort of withdrew and I sort of ran away. I mean,
I just ran to work, I ran to my ministry.
I ran to other things rather than running home. It
(06:58):
pushed me away rather than pulled me home.
S3 (07:01):
But it is true. You're right, Chris, I have never
thought of that. I should have put that in the book.
But it is true. When we're under the law, it
just feels heavy. Yeah. And it's not motivating, but it's
the grace of. Just like the scripture you said, it
compels us. It draws us in because it's so undeserved
and it makes us draw closer to our spouse.
S1 (07:24):
Right. Uh, this is going to this conversation, I'm hoping,
and the book especially will speak life to you and
speak life to your marriage. I've read a lot of
and and had conversations about a lot of marriage books,
and there are some really good ones out there. I
see what Dave and Anne Wilson have put together here. Uh,
(07:44):
Anne Wilson and Dave along because he comes along at
the end of the chapters and and speaks life into
for men and for women. But I see what they're
doing here as the wound has become a place of
healing for them, and it has become a place of healing,
then for those who are going to hear this and
we're going to open the phone lines, you can ask
(08:05):
a question to Dave and Anne Wilson. If you're going
through a struggle, if you hear yourself in their story 87754836758775483675.
How to speak life to your husband. When all you
want to do is yell at him is our featured
resource at Chris. Christie deliver more straight ahead on Moody Radio.
(08:41):
This might be the game changer you're looking for for
your marriage. The book by Anne and Dave Wilson, How
to Speak life to your husband when all you want
to do is yell at him and you resonate with
what Anne is saying. It's like he needs to change
this and he needs to change that. And you can
see it and you can tell. And it's true. He does. Yeah.
But if on the other side he is hearing you, well,
(09:03):
there's a story in the book. You open the book
by having this. You're speaking to a group at church, Anne,
and you decided that that it would be a good
idea to invite Dave. Tell me that story.
S3 (09:16):
Well, our kids were probably in elementary school at the time,
all three of them. It was a busy time. So
Dave's the pastor of the church. And so I said, Dave,
you should do this with me because these women love you.
They would love it. And so we got up there
and Dave kind of we didn't weren't scripted, but he
goes off and he starts sharing some things that I
had never heard him share before. And we're both sitting
(09:38):
on stools and he gets up and he starts pacing
because he's pretty animated and excited and he says something
like this, women, I don't know what if. If you
get what it's like to be us as men, because
usually as kids or little boys, we have somebody cheering
for us. A mom or a dad. Look at you.
Good job. Then we get older, he goes, we find
(09:59):
a little bit to start seeing what we're good at.
So we have a coach or a professor or teacher
or someone saying, hey, you're good at this. Good job.
And he said, then I met Ann, and she basically says,
of all the men in the world, I choose you,
Dave Wilson, you're the man. And then she's cheering for
me and he's clapping his hands. I'm sitting back here
(10:20):
on this stool thinking I have never heard him share
anything like this before. This is really interesting. And there's
this pride in me like, huh? That's cool. Yeah, I
did choose you. But then his whole tone shifts and
he starts getting very quiet. And then he says this
to the women, then his men. You know what happens?
(10:41):
We walk in the door at the end of a
long day, and it feels like all we hear is
boo boo. And I am sitting in the back on
that stool like, wait, what just happened? What are you
talking about? Because, Chris, he had never, ever shared anything
like this to me in our lives. And I don't
(11:03):
even know how we ended that. Talk to these women.
All I know we get into the car after the end,
and I close the door and I said, you think
I am booing you? I am helping you. And he he.
S2 (11:19):
I said, is it working?
S3 (11:21):
I said, no, it seems like you're not even listening.
So I have to do it more often and I
have to do it louder sometimes because it doesn't seem
like you're even hearing me. And I mean, here's what
he said. He said, all I know, Anne, is it
just feels like I can't quite do anything right. You
have to tweak it. You have to fix it. You
have to remind me. You have to tell me how
(11:43):
I should be doing it. And honestly, it feels kind
of exhausting. And I was so disgruntled because honestly, I thought,
I am helping you. I didn't I wasn't doing that
because I was mean hearted or angry. I just thought
I could help you be a lot better, not realizing
that my words, as we talked about earlier, were really
(12:05):
demotivating him, discouraging him. And Proverbs 1821 says, the tongue
has the power of life and death. Proverbs 1624 says,
gracious words, think of that's that word grace that we
used earlier. Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the
soul and healing to the bones. So when I got
(12:29):
home that day, I went before God, and I said, God,
can you believe that? You know, I kind of vented
to God. But then I asked God, Lord, do I
do I boo Dave? And that took me on a journey.
And this is pretty much where the book came from,
is my journey of God teaching me how to use
my words to bring life rather than death, but still
(12:50):
speak truth because that's also necessary. But to do it
in a way that we can be heard?
S1 (12:55):
Yes. So, Dave, the retreat then, that you experienced a
men in a lot of ways will gravitate toward that
which they can do well or achieve. And so when
you hear the constant, you're not good, you need to
do more. Step up. ET cetera, et cetera. You gravitate
toward the things that you know how to do, that
(13:16):
you do well, rather than I can't measure up. Right.
S2 (13:20):
Yeah. I mean, I you know, I was not analyzing
what I was doing in my life at the time,
but as I look back, yeah, that's exactly what I
did outside the home, whether it was the Detroit Lions
Bible study or, you know, preaching at my church, it
felt like people were cheering. You know, they were saying, hey,
good job. You did a great job today. And every
(13:41):
man and honestly, every woman gravitates toward affirmation and praise.
And I would come home and, uh, it felt like
just what I said to those women, uh, you know,
it felt like boo. She never literally booed me, but
it did feel like she's critiquing me. We shared it earlier.
(14:01):
She would compare me to another husband or dad. And,
I mean, I never did this immediately, but I would
look at her and say, okay, we'll see you later.
And I just get in the car and I go
back to where those people were saying, hey, you're good
at this. And I come home and she'd say, you're
not good at this, okay, we'll see you later. And
I was gone.
S3 (14:19):
But honestly, I think sometimes as women, at least this
is what I did or didn't do. I didn't cheer
for him because I thought, everybody's doing that. He doesn't
need it. Everybody's saying he's great at everything. And I thought,
and this is kind of embarrassing. But I also thought
if I tell him he's doing great, There, then it
(14:40):
will enable him to stay at this mediocre level. Which
sounds really messed up, but that's how my mind thought.
Not knowing or understanding. And I think maybe a lot
of wives are here in this place, is that our
words are the most important words to our men.
S1 (14:58):
Why, Dave, why didn't you say that? Why did it
take you getting up in front and speaking and saying
this to have it come out?
S3 (15:07):
That's a good question.
S2 (15:09):
You know, Chris, you better tell me, because I don't know.
I mean, honestly, when I was saying that on the stage,
I had this this feeling like, wow, I have never
articulated it this clear. This is exactly how it feels.
And I think I was afraid I withdrew, I didn't
(15:31):
want to hurt her. Uh, I really I have an
amazing woman. She's an amazing wife. It was hard to
say to her in the kitchen. It was easier to
say to a bunch of women, you know, somewhere else.
And you know what's really interesting? Whenever I've shared that
story in front of men, because that room was all women.
When I've shared it in front of men, they almost
(15:51):
cheer out loud. Yeah, because they're like, there's another guy
saying what I've felt. And that's what I try to
do in Ann's book, is come in at the end
of the end of the chapter and say, hey, wives,
I just want to speak for your husband. Here's how
we think, here's how we feel. And this may be
what he's thinking. Go ask him, because I think I
represent your husband.
S3 (16:10):
Chris, I have literally after conferences where Dave and I
have talked about this. I have had grown men, some
men in their 70s, crying on my shoulder, saying I
could never articulate what it felt like. Yes. And I
don't know if it's because men are more kind or
they're not as verbal. And some women aren't as verbal either.
(16:32):
Women as women. We may not be actually yelling or
even using our words to despair or criticize our husbands.
But our husbands can tell by our way of being
if they're disappointed. If we are disappointed, our husbands can
feel it even if we don't say it.
S1 (16:51):
I think part of it is the idea of rejection,
that and conflict. And and men sometimes are better at
conflict or jumping into things and getting into arguments. But
it's the rejection. It's like if I feel like if
I say if Dave said that to you, just sitting
down for coffee and then you got, you know, you
(17:13):
stormed out or whatever, um, then the vulnerability meant rejection
to him. If he says it up in front of
a bunch of people, the vulnerability is contained. And and
you can't you can't run off the stage. You got
to sit there and listen.
S3 (17:31):
That's good. Chris, you should have written this book with us.
S2 (17:34):
No.
S3 (17:34):
These are good insights.
S1 (17:36):
I am I'm just resonating with it. And that's why
I think it's going to really speak life into women
and men. How to speak life to your husband when
all you want to do is yell at him. (877) 548-3675.
If there's somebody listening to our voices and you resonate
with what we just said, especially a man who says,
I've never been able to say it like that. But
(17:57):
that's exactly how I feel. I want to hear from you. (877) 548-3675.
Really quickly though. Something you're not saying, Ann. And that
is you felt like you could change him and now
you're changing. You're going to manipulate, you're going to do
something different. You're going to say it a little bit
differently so that then you can change him and then
(18:20):
it becomes all your responsibility. It's all your fault that
he's not the man he should be. That's not what
you're saying, right?
S3 (18:26):
That is not what I'm saying at all. No, there
has to be an inward change. And it's all for me.
It really became about my walk with God, of wanting
to partner beside God and asking him this question. Father God,
show me the greatness in Dave. But at the same time, Lord,
help me to hold this mirror up so that I
(18:47):
can see what I'm actually doing and why I'm doing it.
Like the inner workings of my heart, of why do
I need him or want him to meet all of
my needs when that's not even his job? That's God's job.
S1 (19:01):
Exactly. So, Dave, when, when were you able to hear
what she was really saying? How long did it take
you to hear what was, you know, this helper side
of her?
S2 (19:13):
You know, it took, uh, you know, she went on
a journey which she writes about in the book because
she went from speaking, critique and, you know, sort of
death words to speaking life words. Not in a day
or a week or probably even a couple months. It
was over six months to a year that she started
to speak life. And here's the thing she still would
(19:37):
speak truth in love. You know, Ephesians 415 says, speak
the truth and love. So it was packaged with grace.
But there were things I still needed to hear. And
what changed was the ratio. She started speaking life, life, life,
you know, uh, constantly. And it wasn't lies. She wasn't
just making up stuff. She was starting to see things
(20:00):
and think differently about me. And so she would say, hey,
by the way, you you really are a good husband.
Thanks for this. Thanks for that. A lot of it
was thank yous. And so, man, you stack up, you
stack up days or weeks of affirmation, and then you
come in and say, hey, there's something I need to say.
You're not going to like this, but I think you
need to hear this. You're going to receive it a
(20:21):
lot better because she has been your wife has been
speaking life. And so I would respond to those like,
you know, that wasn't yeah, you're right. I didn't want
to hear that. But guess what? Thanks. I needed to
hear that before it was nothing but that. And it
felt like every day was a, you know, a whole
bunch of you should do this. I wish you were this.
(20:41):
Steve's like this. You're like that. Okay, I'll see you later.
So it's amazing when you speak life. You still can
speak truth if you're if you're if again, it has
to be authentic. You're not just making up stuff, but
when you see something, speak it out.
S3 (20:57):
And I had to go on a journey.
S1 (20:59):
The change then an becomes in that in the journey
that you went on the breaking the neural pathways of
seeing the negative thing and going there, how do you
do that? So you go from the conflict, the nagging,
or whatever you want to call it to speaking life.
S3 (21:17):
Yeah. I mean, my journey started because I had to,
as I said, like I had to really seek Jesus
about this every day I was in prayer like, Lord,
I surrender all of my thoughts, all of my words
to you. And it felt to me like the scripture
that came to mind was Romans 12 two, do not
be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the
(21:38):
renewal of your mind. And so when you think about that,
I felt like God was saying, and pay attention to
your thoughts, first of all, because it's out of our
thoughts that our words spring or out of our heart.
Even the Scripture says is where our words come from.
And so I started paying attention to my thought life
about Dave. And that was super discouraging, not only about Dave,
(21:59):
but our kids. I'm I was continually seeing because I
thought it was my job to change them or to
help them. I was seeing the negative and then I
would say the negative. So I had to first realize, like, man,
I have to change these thought patterns. When Paul says
to take every thought captive, I think that's a battle.
(22:20):
It was a battle for me to change that. And
so it started out very simply because I'm not doing
it to manipulate. I think that's big because then it
would be self-centered. I want Dave to change, so I'm happier.
This became about God. Renew my heart, renew my mind.
So it just started out with simple thank you. And
I said, Lord, I'm just going to start out by
thanking him. And how did I do that? I asked
(22:42):
him for new eyes. Lord, show me the things that
Dave's doing right and help me to say them so
he would bring the trash cans in. Hon, thanks for
bringing the trash cans in. And you know why I
didn't say that before? This is embarrassing. I thought I
do everything around here. Nobody thinks me for all the
things I do. And that pridefulness and arrogance. Oh. Oh,
(23:04):
that was just not a great thing to see in myself.
But it started out simply. And then it started to grow,
where God started transforming my mind and my thoughts and
then eventually my words.
S1 (23:15):
But you have to have you have to be able
to feel what you feel like, what you. I don't
get thanked around here, you know, and I do. I
feel like I do everything. You know, that's that's a
normal feeling. But then you allow God to talk you
off the ledge and it's like, that's not true. The
truth is, yes, he does. So it's almost like you
(23:36):
have this conversation with yourself and with God to fill
in the blanks.
S3 (23:41):
Yes. For instance, I would be folding clothes and because
of my my negative neurological pattern, I'm folding clothes. And
here are my thoughts. Even when he's home, he's not home.
It seems like he's working even harder. He puts more
energy out just outside in his job than he does here.
That I would just go over and over those same
(24:03):
scripts in my head. And I felt one day like
God stopped me when I started on this journey, and
I had this whisper in my heart of what? I
wonder what it would be like if I prayed for
him as much as I complained about him, who that
was convicting. And so instead of going down those same ruts,
(24:23):
I started thanking God like thank you Lord that my
husband is so faithful that he's a hard worker. And
I'm telling you, you start to see them and look
at them, even your kids, in a different way. You
start seeing them the way God sees them.
S2 (24:37):
And you know, one night she said that to me
before we ate dinner with the boys were young, maybe
middle school. And she said, hey, before we eat, I
want to say something to dad. And she just said, thanks.
You work hard, you help provide. I really we all
really appreciate the boys are like, can we eat? And
I'm sitting there, you know, looking at her like, I
know you're reading a book about this. I know you're
(24:59):
doing what the book told you to do, but it
it lit me up. It felt so, so good. And
I think you know what women don't understand. Because we
men want this to be a secret. And the secret
is we're still a little boys. Inside that man is
a little boy saying, do you see me? Do you
appreciate what I did today? Do you know how much
(25:21):
I work for you today? It's like, you know, when
we're a little boy, like, hey, mom, look, did you.
You know, we're impressed. I think men long for that.
S1 (25:30):
Yes. How to speak life to your husband. When all
you want to do is yell at him. We're talking
with Ann and Dave Wilson today. Go to the website
Chris Fabry live.org. You can see the book right there.
A link to it. More straight ahead right here on
Moody Radio. We're talking about marriage struggles and communication today
(26:03):
with Ann and Dave Wilson. There's real power in the
words you use. That's what we're hearing. The same is
true as I hear from Karen. I want to read
a quote from them. It's about men or fathers and abortion.
They say in our national conversation about the topic of abortion,
Men are often overlooked. Even people in the pro-life world
(26:27):
have sometimes bought into the idea. Well, that's a woman's issue.
Men need to be quiet about it. Carenet believes it's
a family issue. It's a people issue. It's a discipleship issue. Therefore,
men and fathers are crucial to the conversation. And here's
the quote. Kearney's research found that both men and women
agree that the father of the child is the most
(26:48):
influential person in a woman's decision to have an abortion,
or not to have an abortion. In other words, if
she feels support from the man, whether married or not,
if she feels support from the man, she will more
often make a choice to have the child rather than
(27:09):
have an abortion. So as part of their pro abundant
life approach, Carenet is offering encouragement for men. The Seven
Marks of a Healthy Dad is a free devotional. If
you go to Chris Familylife.com, click the green button there
the link and you'll see how you can get your
copy of the seven marks of a Healthy Dad. Especially
(27:30):
as we head into Father's Day. Again, go to Chris Fabry. Org.
Click the green connect button today. Um, Dave Wilson, what
do you think about that? That quote that I just read.
S2 (27:42):
I mean, that is a powerful truth that we as
men need to own. And I would say to any
man listening, choose life. And, I mean, I had no
idea that it was that powerful, that if a man,
you know, encourages his his woman to choose life, she's
more often going to do that. I'd be like, guys,
(28:04):
step up and step in and realize you are literally
saving a life by your influence.
S3 (28:10):
And I think as women, we are looking for support,
we're looking for help. And when a man says, I'm
here with you, I'm beside you. Even if we're not
going to be married, I will always be here and
be the father of this child. Whoo! Yeah! That. It
feels like the load isn't on us, you know?
S1 (28:27):
Rollin. Rollin, who leads care net said this. That, um.
It's it's many times men who will say, well, this
is your decision, and I will support whatever you do.
And he says, that is, um, actually heaping more load
on her. What she needs to hear is, look, this
(28:50):
is the struggle that we have in front of us.
This life decision is ours to make together. And I
want to support you, but I want to support you
with speaking life to you. Which is interesting, what we're
what we're talking about today. How to speak life. Your husband,
when all you want to do is yell at him.
That's our featured resource. But click the green care net
(29:10):
link right there. Um, I have to ask you the question, Dave.
There was a story in the book about Anne had
said something to you about, you know, so and so. He,
you know, reads the Bible every night with the kids. He,
you know, the compare despair type of thing. But you
(29:31):
started doing more with the boys. Devotionally. Is that true?
S2 (29:36):
Yeah. I mean, uh, you know, I helped start a
church with, uh, one of my best buddies, Steve Andrews,
and he is just this amazing man. And he grew
up in a Christian home with a legacy of probably
5 or 6 generations of Christian men. And so he
was an incredible dad. I grew up in a home
with two alcoholic parents. We never read the Bible. I
(29:58):
don't think ever in our life, in our home. And
so now I'm a, you know, Christian husband and dad.
I've got three little boys. And Anne would, you know,
constantly ask me to lead spiritually. And she had this image.
Chris I'm not kidding. It's like, would you stand in the,
you know, in the family room with a, with a
with a with a music stand and.
S3 (30:17):
A pulpit.
S2 (30:18):
And get your Bible out and preach a sermon, and
the boys will cheer and everybody will think you're.
S3 (30:24):
That may be what you heard, but that's not what
I said. But I will admit, I had expectations of
what it should look like. Not realizing that Dave had
some insecurity like he'd never seen it done. And honestly,
I hadn't either. But in my head I thought, this
is what you should do. And honestly, leading spiritually was
(30:44):
probably one of our biggest conflicts. Oh yeah, I wouldn't
yell at him, but I would just he could feel
my disappointment.
S2 (30:50):
He was disappointed and I did it in a different way,
and it wasn't the way she wanted. And so I
think over time I sort of quit and I knew
I wasn't measuring up to what she wanted.
S3 (31:02):
So when I went on this journey in my prayer again, was, Lord,
show me the greatness in Dave and show me the
things that he does right. It's pretty much, Lord, show
me what you see in him because we're all made
in the image of God. And I've had wives say,
you don't understand. There's nothing to cheer about in my husband.
And I would say, But God's cheering for him because
(31:23):
he's made in the image of God, and he sees
things of potential in your husband, and he's asking us
to come alongside God and see what God is seeing.
So I'm praying that prayer every day. Show me the
great greatness in Dave. Lord, show me what he's doing right.
So Dave goes in, he comes in, and he goes
in to pray with the boys at night. They're all
(31:43):
in bed. And we did this every night. But he
comes in and I watch Dave, and then he comes
out of the room and I say this to him, man,
I am so jealous of the power and influence you
carry over our sons. And he says, what are you
talking about? And I said, I just watched you in there.
(32:04):
And I watched how they cling to every word you
say when I'm in there. It's utter chaos. They're barely
listening to me. But you as their dad. Man, I
don't know if you understand the power you carry.
S2 (32:17):
You know, Chris, I can tell you where I was
standing and where she was sitting when she said those words.
They were. And again, it was just a comment. It
took 30s and it was.
S1 (32:27):
She meant it to. She wasn't manipulating with that.
S2 (32:31):
No. And I and she wasn't trying to get me
to do it. She just saw it, she spoke it
out and we went on with our day. And the
next night, I mean, I'm, I'm looking at the stairs
right now. I sprinted up the stairs, I jumped in
their bed and I go, come on, guys, let's, uh,
let's open the word of God. You know, it's just
like I was so motivated. She did not manipulate me,
but I realized I have influence, I have power, I
(32:54):
can do this. I can do it pretty good.
S1 (32:58):
That question over the, uh, the mirror of your life
might just change things. Show me what you see in him.
Or show me what you see in her so that
I can call this out. That might be. Now, we
had to put a disclaimer in here. And that is
there's someone listening who's in an abusive relationship and they're hearing, oh,
(33:22):
if I just am better at this, I speak kinder
words than my spouse is not going to beat me up.
You know, that type of thing. What do you say
to that person?
S2 (33:33):
I mean, we tried to, uh, hit this.
S3 (33:36):
Over and over.
S2 (33:36):
Over and over in the book just to remind women,
if you're in an abusive relationship where your man is
a bad man, get safe, get help. You know, you
don't just say, oh, you're an amazing guy. We're talking
about a goodwilled husband who's clueless. It was me. You know,
I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm just pretty clueless.
That guy you can bring life to. But if you're
(33:58):
in a abusive physically or sexually or verbally, you need
to get help. You might need to get safe. Uh,
we're not saying get divorced. We're saying get get safe
and then try and rebuild this relationship. But he needs
to get help. You need to get help and hopefully
you can get help together.
S3 (34:16):
That could be the most loving thing you do because
it will jolt your spouse, your husband into realizing this
is really important and you're going to get yourself safe
and your kids safe, and maybe that will be his
wake up call to say, God, I can't live like
this any longer. It's the most loving thing you could
do is to get out.
S1 (34:38):
The book is titled How to Speak Life to Your Husband,
when all you want to do Is Yell at Him,
by Ann and Dave Wilson. You can find out more
at Chris Fabry Live. Um, let me ask this sensitive
question and you answer. Family program. But did this whole
thing leak into your sexual relationship, your intimacy in your marriage?
S2 (35:01):
Boy, Chris, you're going there. Wow. I'll. I'll let an
answer that one.
S3 (35:07):
I think so, because I think that I think I
had in my heart some animosity and disappointment toward Dave.
And as a woman especially, and I think men feel
this too. But as a woman, that really affects how
I feel about him. And when you feel a certain
way about your husband, it affects how you respond to
(35:29):
him in a physically intimate situation. Because if you're disrespectful
or you're disappointed, I think they can tell. And so
my desire would would be less for him because I
was disappointed in him. And you've probably heard this before, Chris,
but to get to a woman's heart, to get to
(35:50):
a man's heart, you first go through his body. That's
what somebody said one time. And I thought that was interesting.
But to get to a woman's body, you first have
to go through her heart. So for us as women. Now,
is that true all the time? Probably not. That could
be a generalization, but in my case, for Dave to
be physically intimate, it was important to me to feel
(36:13):
feelings of affection or respect toward him. And that wasn't happening.
S1 (36:19):
So when he opened up to you, in one sense,
what he did on the stage there when he said,
you know, the boo boo boo, even though it was
hard to hear, you started to have a better relationship
because you were talking about what was really going on inside. Right?
S3 (36:36):
Yes. And I am so thankful, I think men out
of their respect and kindness at times, or maybe just
they are avoiding conflict. I don't think they'll always tell
their wives what they're feeling about what their wife is doing,
or how her words affect him. And so I think
for Dave and I, we went to we call it
(36:57):
a level five communication where we talked about our fears,
our hopes, our dreams, instead of staying on the surface level.
S2 (37:06):
I mean, here's a quick story. I came into bed
one night, um, after a long weekend of preaching and
being on the Lions sideline, and just said to Ann
as I was crawling into bed about 1130, I just said, man,
I'm getting a lot of critiques lately on my sermons.
And I really wasn't looking for a response, but I
just said it. But, you know, as Ann just said,
(37:26):
level five, it was like, ah, that's a that's something I'm,
I'm feeling disappointed in. I'm feeling afraid of. So I
was pretty vulnerable in that moment.
S3 (37:36):
And so, Chris, one of the things on my journey
of getting better at this, I felt like I'm a
verbal processor. So if I think it, I generally would
say it. And I felt like God gave me these
steps that were really wise. First of all, ask God
this question when when I'm about to speak, should I
say it? The next question is if he gives me
the green light, the go ahead. How should I say
(37:58):
it and when should I say it? So Dave says
that to me, and in my head I thought, well,
if you'd study the scriptures more, I think your sermons
would be way better. I would have said that back
in the day, but instead I took a breath and
I said, Lord, should I say it? And I felt
like he said no. And then I asked the question,
is there anything I should say, Lord? Right now? And
(38:21):
then this pop, this thought popped into my head. And
this is what I said, man, I can't imagine what
it's like to be you. You have thousands of people
depending on your walk with God. That must be such
a weighty thing for you to carry. And then there's
just silence. And then he pulls me over to himself
(38:42):
in bed, and he whispers in my ear, you are
my life. And that that was one of the times
that I thought, oh, Lord, like this. This really changes.
Like I'm changing. And my words are now changing, Dave.
Because had I said, if you spend more time in
(39:04):
the word, that would have just been a punch in
the gut, and he would have never been vulnerable and
gone to a level five with me.
S2 (39:11):
You know, an amazing thing is the next day, as
I thought through even what Ann said, I. I felt
like I should get in the word more. I should
study more. She never said it, but her words of
life motivated me to, you know, work harder. Uh, you know,
as as a preacher. But, you know, the thing I
think about that story is what I, I hope women
understand is you have power. God has given you an
(39:35):
influence in your man's life that's greater than anybody else.
I mean, when Ann said that, I didn't think I'm
going to hold her and say, you are my life.
I just did. Because when somebody gives you a compliment
that doesn't know you very well, you just smile and
say thank you. But when somebody that knows you, your
wife sees all the ugly and the bad and still
speaks life, that's powerful.
S3 (39:57):
It's the.
S1 (39:57):
Gospel. What a breakthrough it is the gospel. How to
speak life to your husband when all you want to
do is yell at him. Is a featured resource by
Anna Dave Wilson. Find it at the website Chris Fabry.
All we have to talk about the list. The list
is coming up straight ahead on Moody Radio. Oh, I
(40:24):
hope this encouragement to you today might have been just
what you needed to hear. Thanks for your support of
the program. You can find out more about how to
do that at Chris Fabry Lives or click through today's information.
You'll see how to speak life to your husband when
all you want to do is yell at him. And
it's not just for women, as you're hearing today, because
Dave contributed to this in one of the things he
(40:46):
contributed on was the list. The list, they call it
a honey do list on Facebook. I said, do you
think men like lists their wives make of things to
do around the house? And Laurie said, my husband is
retiring in three months and he knows my honey do
list is waiting. He's a busy guy, so this has
been growing for years until this very time. Most are
(41:08):
replacing or fixing things that have not been urgent. He's
actually telling people he's looking forward to my list, as
I've been very patiently waiting for him to have the time.
I hear men comment with mixed emotions about the lists.
I think they feel like to feel needed, but are
afraid the list will be unending or their service unappreciated. Boy,
(41:30):
she says a lot in that. What do you say, Dave?
S2 (41:35):
Uh, I think she's right. I mean, um, it depends.
How long is the list? When do we get the list?
If I'm if I'm on the couch watching the bears
get beat by the Lions. Sorry about that. Um. And
she walks in with a list of 20 things on her.
Even ten things. I mean, like, seriously, could you just.
Could you wait till later? I mean, I think I,
(41:58):
you know, I want to. I want to do the list.
S3 (42:00):
You're good. You're really good at the list.
S2 (42:02):
But it's like, give me 1 or 2 at a time.
And here's the other thing. If you want it done immediately,
I gotta know. Because if you're going to give me
the list and then walk in an hour later and
give me the roll of the eyes, like, what are
you doing? I'm like, you wanted that done. Now you
should have told me. I thought I could do it
anytime in the next three days.
S3 (42:20):
That has happened hundreds of times in our house because
I when I say, Dave, hey, could you please do this?
I'm thinking it's right now. And so when there's hours
that go by, then I give him the look or
the huff and then I'll say something like, well, I
guess I'll just do it myself resentfully. And that is
like a dagger to his heart. And anyway, it doesn't work.
S5 (42:42):
Yeah, I'd like a video of that.
S1 (42:44):
See, I, I like that my wife will say I've
got a I've got something I'd like for you to
do this weekend for me, if you've got the time or,
you know, it's like it's kind of an open ended
type thing. It's like, yeah, you know, I'll, I'll take,
you know, pull a stump out or do whatever, and
then she'll say it's to hang a shelf. And she
has no idea what goes on in my mind or
(43:04):
hang a picture. You know, hang, hang something over the fireplace.
It's like, I know what is going to happen. I
am going to obsess about, is this thing straight or not,
or is it going to hang? Is it going to
actually hold the things up there because I want to
do it right? And so, you know, it not only
takes the time to actually do it, but the preparation
(43:24):
time of thinking. And I'm one of those guys that
thinks the worst case scenario, it's going to fall and
kill one of the dogs, you know, or somebody else.
And so it's it's a mental thing.
S3 (43:37):
So guys feel pressure about the list. Is this a thing?
S2 (43:40):
Yeah I do. I really do.
S1 (43:43):
But in the way that you say it, in the
way that you present it, I think it has just
like the, like you said a little earlier, an are
there any lists that you make or anything other like
the list that you do.
S3 (43:57):
That's so funny. I'm thinking through that. Well, one of
the things that my friend did that I thought was genius,
it's a different kind of list. She was struggling. She's
a step behind me. She's my best friend. And we
would walk and we'd pray and we'd talk. And she
was complaining about her husband quite a lot. And she
would say he's traveling for work. He's never home. He's tired.
(44:20):
When he does get home, I feel like he's not
investing in our kids. And so we started. I told
her about the journey I had been going through and
she said, I'm not that great with my words, but
I can text him. I'll start praying. Show me the
greatness of my husband. And so I could text him that.
But what she decided to do, and this is how
(44:40):
God has wired her. She got a journal and she
decided to start watching what Rob was doing. Right? And
then she'd get out her journal maybe three times a
week and she'd jot something down. This is her list.
And so here's an example. Rob, thank you for putting
the Christmas lights up outside. It's always freezing in Michigan,
(45:02):
but every time you do it and you don't complain
about it and you don't want to do it, but
you know that we I want you to do it.
And the girls love it. Thank you for serving us
and loving us in that way. Here's another thing. Before
she was complaining that he didn't get to the girls
soccer games in time he'd be late. And so instead
of seeing the negative saying, you're not there, you're getting
(45:24):
there late. Here's what her entry said. Something like this.
Hey Rob, thanks for making it to at least to
the end of our daughter's soccer game. When you walked
into the stadium and our daughter saw you, I could
see her whole countenance lift and she lit up just
by your presence. That's the power you carry in our
home with our girls. So she has these entries. Just simple.
(45:47):
Not too long. It's her list. So she has this,
and she continues to say nice things? But then on
his birthday, she hands him the journal. He sits, he
reads the whole thing in one sitting, and he's weeping
and crying the entire way through. And we asked him,
why did you cry? And he said, because I feel
like I'm continually failing as a father and a husband.
(46:10):
But this has motivated me to want to be better. Wow.
S1 (46:14):
Oh, what a great.
S5 (46:15):
Way.
S1 (46:15):
To end the the words that you speak, both husband
and wife. The words that you speak can speak life.
How to speak life to your husband by Anne and
Dave Wilson. How do you speak that when all you
want to do is yell at him or yell at her?
To Anna Dave, it's been great to hear your hearts today.
Thank you for being vulnerable. Come back and see us
again real soon, okay? Radio a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.
(46:43):
Thanks a lot for listening.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.