April 8, 2025 • 46 mins
There's a lot of stress in today's world. How are you handling it? Pastor and author Dr. Charles Stone tackles the topic of stress. He says there are nine habits from the Bible and brain science that can help you deal with the fear and anxiety you may be experiencing. If you or someone you know is facing debilitating stress, don't miss the hope on Chris Fabry Live.
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Stress Less
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
S1 (00:06):
What is causing you stress in your life right now?
What's stressing you out? What does stress do to us
in the long run? Is stress bad? Is it good?
Is it a mixture? Adults, teenagers and children are experiencing
heightened stress levels. Many of them say they're debilitated by it.
They can't function. Are you in their number? If so,
(00:30):
I have a guest for you today who's about to
enlighten us about the effects of stress, how to lessen
it in our lives. Doctor Charles Stone is going to
be our guest. We're going to talk about what stress
does to our bodies, our brains, our souls. He's written
the book Stress Less nine habits from the Bible and
Brain Science to build resilience and Reduce Anxiety. Boy, do
(00:52):
I need that today. How about you? It's our featured
resource at the website Chris Fabry Livorno. Let's get started
with the program designed to be an oasis for your heart,
a breath of fresh air, a little oxygenation for your soul.
Take a deep breath. For Tuesday, we are unable to
come to you today by the team. Ryan McConaughey doing
all things technical. Trish is our producer. Deb Solomons in
(01:14):
the producer chair today. Gabetti. We'll be answering your calls.
One place where stress shows up is in the worry.
The anxiety we have about our children, the decisions they're making.
Maybe have a prodigal son, daughter, grandson, granddaughter. What do
you do with that? Doctor Erwin Lutzer put together a
practical guide for praying parents, and in it is a
(01:37):
scriptural guide to pray to your heavenly father about the
people you care the most about. This is not a formula.
It's not formulaic. But my guess is there's probably somebody
on your heart right now. And if there's not, at
some point there will be somebody who you're feeling some
anxiety and worry about. I want to send you a
(01:58):
copy of this little paperback book as its beginning. Chapter
one is titled this Full Disclosure. Lord, change me because
your prodigal, the worry that your relative has given you
is a gift to draw you closer to the heart
of God. Give a gift of any size to Chris Fabry.
(02:19):
Live to keep us going here in April, and we
will thank you with a copy of A Practical Guide
for praying parents, call 866958669532279 or go to Chris Fabric divorce.
You can see how you can give right there and
receive this. I hope it'll be life giving to you
(02:40):
for you. And as I said, if you're not there
at some point you will be. So have it ready.
Chris Fabry, Fabry Chris Fabry. Doctor Charles Stone has served
for 43 years in vocational ministry, 30 of those as
is a senior pastor. He recently completed a nine year
role as lead pastor of a church in London, Ontario.
(03:03):
West Park church. He's written eight books. He serves as
a coaching consultant to pastors and leaders. He and his wife,
Cheryl have been married for 45 years. They have three
adult children and five grandchildren. Doctor Stone, welcome to the program.
How are you doing today?
S2 (03:18):
Chris, great to be with you. Doing well, doing well
for you.
S1 (03:23):
Stress means a confluence of events that caused you a
kind of a mountain of stress. Let's start there. What happened?
S2 (03:33):
Yes. Well, a few years ago, before Covid hit, my
wife and I took one of these fancy vacations and
has food everywhere. Buffets everywhere. And of course, I love buffets,
so it was just great. But one problem was there
was Wi-Fi everywhere you went. It was it's covered the
whole area. Now I'm kind of a new junkie. That's
(03:55):
probably not a healthy thing, but I was following this
thing called Covid and serving in Canada at the time.
I said, you know what, sir? When we get back,
I think they're going to shut us down. It happened
as soon as we got back, two days later, uh,
we were there was a draconian shutdown. We couldn't meet
in small groups, we couldn't go to church. And this
(04:15):
happened for months and months and months. Twice. Well, a
few days after that, I was, uh, came to the
recognition that I was now going to have to lead
a church of a thousand through a tiny pinhole camera
on my computer. Now, that was enough stress. Added to that,
(04:36):
I was diagnosed. I had an AFib episode. That's when
your heart flutters. When it's not supposed. It's just really
off sync and it's beats. I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes.
Now I eat my vegetables, I exercise, you know. Where
did that come from? And I was diagnosed with cancer.
I've since had surgery, so doing well. And the irony, Chris,
(04:56):
was this I was writing a PhD dissertation on stress.
So I thought, well, you know, I guess I'm just
going to be the lab rat and addition to the
other research. And so that's the genesis. A lot of
stress was behind the creation of this book.
S1 (05:14):
You know what I find, Charles, is that a lot
of times, people that I get to talk with, both
those who are authors, you know, pastors, leaders, you know,
guests as well as those who are calling in it
is the places of the wounding that often become the
place of healing for themselves and for other people. So
(05:35):
my guess is this whole thing on stress, you were
working on it and then you were experiencing it, that
it has become something that's going to not only give
you greater freedom, but other people as well.
S2 (05:47):
You know, that's really the prayer and hope. Um, there
was a huge lesson I learned, Church reserve was going well.
It was just really going super, super well. But unfortunately,
myself and a lot of other pastors we based our
identity on, like, is the attendance up? Is money up?
And now all that was just out the window. And
(06:10):
probably the biggest lesson I learned from this very difficult
painpoint was I needed other people and I'd preached on that.
You know, pastors preach on those kind of things. I
needed other people in my life to help me process this.
Went to my Christian doctor, and he actually prescribed a
dosage of some medication that really, really helped me because
(06:33):
I was in a deep hole. So those pain points,
those difficult times of suffering can be potentially some of
the greatest times of growth and learning.
S1 (06:43):
You know, this happens with Christians across the board, but
it can happen, especially with pastors. You're supposed to trust God.
You're supposed to lean into him. He's your sufficiency. And
then you get to a place where it's like, ah,
I don't know what's happening. I'm worried about this. You know,
the Covid and other things that are going on in
your life. So you almost it's a double whammy because
(07:04):
I know I'm supposed to be trusting God and I'm worrying.
And Jesus said not to worry, you know, and don't
look at the birds, the birds of the air and
they don't. And the lilies of the field. So this,
this whole thing can be a double wound for those
who are trying to. And I think the enemy can
use it against us too, can't he?
S2 (07:24):
Oh, absolutely. And one of the principles and practices I
learned about was that we have to really pay attention
to our thought life. What are we thinking about? And
I was in a I was doing a seminar and someone, uh,
mentioned this little idea. That was wonderful. She said, when
we have these stressful thoughts, we need to ask ourselves,
(07:48):
who's sponsoring those thoughts is the enemy or is the Lord?
So to your point, yeah, the enemy absolutely will use
these stressful circumstances to just mess with us, mess with
our mind, our emotions, our relationships. Because he's he is
our enemy. Capital E yes.
S1 (08:06):
Well, there are a lot of you are weighing in
on Facebook because I asked that what is causing you
stress right now? And there's some really good responses to
that question. I'm going to open the phone lines as
well as we talk with doctor Stone at (877) 548-3675. We're
talking about the stress less. It's our featured resource. If
(08:28):
you go to the website Chris Fabry live.org click through
today's information. You'll see it right there. Don't be stressed
about it. If you if you don't have a computer
we'll get you to it. Uh, subtitle is nine habits
from the Bible and Brain Science to Build Resilience and
Reduce anxiety Chris Fabry, archive.org. But if you're going through
something in your life. And there is just this stress
(08:51):
that is bubbling up. You're you being honest and open
with us here today at the back fence might help
somebody else who's gone through the very same thing. So
here's the number (877) 548-3675. Tell me about the stress that
you're under, the stress that you're going through. Let's see
what doctor Stone can do to help you. Again. Stress
(09:14):
less is our featured resource at Crisp Avery Live.com.
S3 (09:30):
Are you stressed? Today's Chris Fabry.
S1 (09:33):
Live is going to help you. Doctor Charles Stone is
with us. Stress less. Nine habits from the Bible and
Brain Science to build resilience and reduce anxiety as our
featured resource at Chris Fabry, Livorno. I asked this question
on Facebook and the very first person who responded was Angela.
And I'm going to get into the topic today then
(09:54):
with doctor Stone by giving what she said. And Angela
says this my mom passed away unexpectedly one week ago.
So this is a very fresh. She was a listener
of your program. My sister and I have to work
through her estate more quickly than we thought. Doing this
while navigating the emotions is hard. Mom loved the Lord.
(10:16):
We know she's worshiping him right now, but we still mourn.
So there's stress with just the grief and the loss.
There's stress with dealing with all the things that you
have to deal with. When someone passes away with the
funeral plans and all those things. And then you've got
to deal with the estate, with the with her things,
(10:38):
you know, and, and wonder, what do we do with those? So, Charles,
jump in here. What do you say to Angela?
S2 (10:45):
Well, first of all, my heart goes out to to you, Angela. And, um, my,
my mom passed away a couple or three years ago,
but it was a long process. So you kind of
are prepared for that. So sudden loss of someone you
love is, is super shocking because, uh, the grief hits
you just upside the head. It's kind of like a
(11:07):
lightning strike hitting your house versus, like, a little bit
of hail. Um, I guess what I would say a
couple of things popped into my mind is recognize that
grieving is a part of the process. Uh, when we
lose someone that is close to us, God gave us
our emotions to be able to process the pain of
(11:30):
the loss. So there will be those good days and
those bad days. Your sister may be up one day
and you're down and you alternate that. That sometimes happens
when you have a, you know, a family who's experienced
a loss. Uh, second thing I would say is grace.
God's grace, you know, during these times, sometimes platitude. Sometimes
(11:51):
people can say things that come across as as a platitude,
kind of an empty saying. This one is not that
God's grace truly is sufficient. And oftentimes we don't realize that, uh,
except in retrospect. We look back and we realize, oh,
you know what? Going into that, I didn't think I
was going to make it. But coming out of it,
(12:12):
I can see God's hand at work not denying the pain,
certainly not doing that at all, but grief, grace. And
the third thought is pace. Um, I understand a little
bit about having to, you know, go through all the, uh,
the stuff when my wife's, uh, dad, uh, mom died
(12:35):
and dad died, there was a lot of stuff they
had to go through. And a lot of, you know,
dealing with lawyers and contacting this organization that organization getting deaths,
the death certificate to them, all those kinds of things.
But the best you can pace yourself, give yourself little
respites every day. Do something you enjoy doing, even if
(12:56):
it's for five minutes. If you enjoy tea or enjoy coffee,
or going for a walk, that will give you a
little bit of that extra physical and emotional energy to
deal with what you're going through. So those are just
a few a few thoughts not meant to be platitudes,
but maybe some some practical thoughts to keep in mind.
S3 (13:15):
I like that.
S1 (13:16):
That is very practical, that that kind of taking a
vacation for five minutes was something. And and a lot
of times I think you talk about this in the book,
a lot of times nature helps being outside, being able
to hear the birds and, and see the, the trees,
the leaves, the, the grass that's growing. You know, just
(13:38):
that connection with God's creation Radiation can be a respite,
can't it?
S2 (13:43):
That's exactly right, Chris. A lot of research has been
done on the power of nature to rejuvenate you. And
there's something about the color green. And of course, the
full spectrum of colors we see in flowers. But the
power of green. I'm looking out my window right now,
and I live in southern Mississippi, so the leaves are
pretty much out. There's something very refreshing about being in
(14:05):
nature with all this green around you. So, yeah. Uh,
God's magnificent creation, uh, wasn't just for us to live
in it, but to marvel at it and to experience
all these positive benefits we get from thinking about it
and being in it and exploring it.
S3 (14:27):
That's Doctor.
S1 (14:27):
Charles Stone. If you go to Chris Live.com, you'll see
his book Stress Less, and maybe this is something that
you're going through. Maybe there's somebody in your life who
is really it's almost like they are stressed out and
they feed on stress. Are there the different personality types?
Because I used to do this with, you know, being
(14:48):
in college and term papers and all that kind of stuff,
I would wait, I'd procrastinate, and it would be the
the deadline that got me to finish. You know, I
could I could do a lot in a little bit
of time because it was right there. Whereas if I'd
have planned and spread it, spread the stress out a
little bit more, it might have been better. But I
used the stress to finish the project and do as
(15:10):
well as I possibly could in the short amount of time,
because I procrastinated. Is that just part of my personality,
do you think? Or is that can can people use
stress to make them better at what they do?
S2 (15:24):
Yeah, that's a really good question. I already see stress
coming in which you might say two flavors like I
like ice cream, you like chocolate ice cream, vanilla ice cream.
The two flavors are these. One is called acute stress.
Now that's stress. Like, uh, like I, I've done some
of these interviews in the book, and I had one
that the sound was not working. I mean, it just
(15:46):
died like three minutes before. So I experienced acute stress,
all these, uh, hormones and neurotransmitters, chemicals in my body
and brain really rose. But it allowed me to really,
really focus, to check this wire and to check this
mic and do this, and, you know, it resolved. And
then my body kind of came down to baseline. So
(16:06):
that's acute stress. We need this. It helps. It motivates us.
It helps us get things done in your case. It
it helped you get the get the assignment done or
preparation for the exam. So that's acute stress. That's one flavor.
But the flavor that's not so healthy is called chronic stress.
That is when we over more than a few days
(16:27):
we're responding in an unhealthy way to a stress event.
And let me explain this to you. Imagine a coin
with two sides. You know, every coin has two sides.
Stress Stresses like that there is on one side is
the stress event. It's that thing out there that has
the potential for causing a stress. On the other side
of the coin is our response. Now life is we
(16:52):
don't we don't have control over most of what comes
our way. That's that. Those are those events out there.
We do have control over how we respond to it.
So when we say stress, it's helpful to kind of
think of that distinction. God has given us equipment and
(17:12):
wisdom and his grace to manage the stress, plus some
very practical things that we can do that help us
respond to the stress, even though our body experiences the
stress response with our chemicals and hormones that flow in
our body and brain. So that distinction is really helpful.
S1 (17:29):
That's really important. And I like that coin analogy. And
you actually in the introduction you begin the book quoting
Hans Selye, who is a doctor and researcher. It's not
stress that kills us, it's our reaction to it. So,
so what you're saying is there there's a certain amount
of stress that we don't have any control over at all.
(17:52):
You know, it just comes like the death of of
our friend's mom. Um, but it's but we do have
control over how we respond to it, how we react
to it. Right?
S2 (18:03):
Absolutely. And those are the skills that I try to
try to point out in what I've written and what
I learned through my research. And I think what I've
learned through my life, too, because even that even that
stressful experience I had then almost pales into the stress
we had. When my youngest daughter was age one and
diagnosed with a brain tumor. Ten surgeries later, brain surgeries later,
(18:25):
she's doing well. But man, that was that constant thing
out there. Okay, what's the next MRI going to say?
What is her next surgery going to be like, is
she going to make it through this? So, you know,
my my health issues were kind of like insignificant compared
to the stress we experience the stress events with our
(18:46):
youngest daughter. She's doing fine, by the way. But, um,
that was another quite stressful multiple years in our lives.
S1 (18:55):
Long season. Okay. So there is chronic stress or a
season of stress. Maybe you're there today. Want to hear
from you. (877) 548-3675 stress less is our featured resource. And
Carol's on the line in Florida. Carol why did you
call today?
S4 (19:15):
Hello. How are you guys doing? God blessed.
S1 (19:17):
Well. Thank you.
S2 (19:18):
Hi, Carol.
S4 (19:19):
I loved, uh, thank you so much. I can't wait
to read your entire book. And, uh, based on what
you've said, it's so valuable information. I, I feel that
I'm going through the chronic stress because I haven't, I
haven't been basically I'm, I'm, I have a I'm, I'm blessed.
I have a beautiful family. But I haven't worked in
(19:41):
the last eight years and I have to get back
on the, you know, the back to work. Now that
the kids are older and I feel like I'm so
disconnected with just like everything, and it feels like everything
is just like just getting off my hands. And even
though I'm praying like I've done a few interviews and
(20:03):
I'm like, I melt in the in the middle of
the interview, even though I know I'm qualified, but it's
been like so long, I feel just so I don't know, incapable.
I guess it's a word and I pray to God
to help me with that. And it's a lot of
anxiety and I'm and I there was a few interviews
that I blanked out. I'm like like so and then
(20:26):
it kind of like it's something that is that I'm
working on. And I would love to hear what you
can say about that?
S1 (20:32):
Yes. Well, it sounds like what you need is a
boost of confidence because you know that you could do
the job, but when you get in there, you're so
either worried that I'm not going to get it or
I'm going to say the wrong thing. And. And so
that is a very that kind of symptom. I think, Charles,
everybody understands that. I was watching a basketball game last
(20:55):
night where something like that happened several multiple times. You know,
you get under pressure, you get under stress. And it's
like you don't take the shot and they're going to
go into the sports analogy, but you know what I'm
talking about. So what do you say to Carol?
S2 (21:09):
Well, Carol, first of all, I want to just affirm
you being out of the workplace for some time, then
going back in. The reality is it's it's kind of scary.
And so I don't want to diminish at all of
what you're feeling. A couple of thoughts come to mind, though.
The way God wired us, wired our brains is we
(21:30):
don't like uncertainty. Our brain wants certainty. We want to
know what's next. When you go into an interview that
is uncertain, it is scary. One of the ways that
we deal with this uncertainty when we have these feelings
is simply acknowledging them. Now, let me just I'll just
kind of pick one out. Let's say you're you're anxious. Um,
(21:52):
one of the ways that you can actually dial down
the effects of stress. And by the way, stress kind
of keeps us from thinking real well is to simply
acknowledge your emotions. Now, the fancy term is called affect labeling.
Affect is another term for emotions. So one of the
things you might try before you go and you're driving
(22:13):
up to the, you know, the office building there, it's
just pause a bit and say, you know, Lord, uh,
you know, my anxiety, you know, kind of how those
have gone before. But I just want to acknowledge right
now that I am having some feelings of anxiety and
(22:34):
I recognize this is very normal. And I would like
for you, Lord, if you would, to help me manage that.
I'm acknowledging it. And the very fact that you acknowledge
that emotion. God, I'm having these feelings of anxiety. What
the research tells us is it actually dials down a
bit that stress response so that you can think more clearly.
(22:59):
Another thing too, is when you go in, just acknowledge
that to the interviewer, say I, you know, I read
the I don't know if you have the resume or
job description. I know that I'm qualified, but just want
you to know I'm feeling anxiety for this interview. So
if you'll just extend some grace to me, I'll do
my best to to answer your questions the best I can.
(23:22):
And you know, I would think most people, they're going
to understand that if they can see that you have
the qualifications and even though you blank out, you say,
you know, my anxiety just took over. If you just
give me a moment, you you may find that a
potential employer who responds with grace is the kind of
(23:44):
person you really want to work for. And I recognize
that sometimes you don't have the initial interview with the
person you work for. And here's one more, uh, thought. Carol, um,
our breathing is a very powerful way to dial down
our stress response. And here's a simple thing that you
can do with breathing. You know, we inhale, exhale, inhale,
(24:07):
exhale as you're driving up, uh, to that interview, up
to that office, take a deep breath through your nose.
And then it's called sniff breath. Then sniff a little more.
Get a little more breath in your lungs. And then
exhale slowly through your nose a little longer than Then
the time it took you to inhale. So you're breathing in,
(24:30):
then a sniff. And then you slowly exhale through your nose.
A little bit longer. Do 3 or 4 or five
of those. And what happens is the. The stress response
in your body will actually lessen a bit. And when
that happens you're able to think more clearly. So acknowledging
(24:51):
the first thing. Acknowledging you know I'm having some feelings
of anxiety God. And number two doing the the the
breath sniff if you want to call it that. Those
are a couple of very practical things you could do.
S1 (25:03):
I'm laughing because I wanted to bring this up with you,
because I saw that in the book we do this thing.
People who are listening to this program say, are saying, hey,
he's talking about the Friday side. We do the Friday
side on this program every Friday. And I'll tell you
about that when we come back. And, uh, what I've
learned through the years about what breathing can do for you.
(25:25):
Doctor Charles Stone is with us, Carol. God bless you, friend.
Thank you. I hope that gives you some confidence. Maybe
even having somebody go through what we were just talking about,
you know, asking you questions beforehand so that you become
even more comfortable, that repetition that can help out as well.
But I think the book Stress Less will help you.
(25:46):
Just go to chris.org. You can find out more there.
Chris Fabry Livorno. We're talking about stress today on Chris
(26:06):
Fabry Live. One stressor is a mistake you made that
haunts you. This lingering thing that keeps coming back, a
feeling of failure. Lee Strobel talked about this yesterday on
the program. You know God forgives you. You believe that,
at least in your head. Somehow you aren't able to
get that truth all the way into your heart. If
(26:29):
that mistake was abortion, I have some really good news.
The Ministry Carenet wants to help you walk in the
freedom that God wants you to have. The enemy capital
E enemy wants you shackled, held back, kept in a
constant state of anxiety about the past. God wants to
set you free. And cabinet has a resource free resource
(26:50):
because April is Abortion Recovery Awareness Month. I think this
would be a great time if you've never done it.
Click the green cabinet link at Chris Fabriclive. Org. If
you or someone you know is carrying the heavy burden
of guilt, shame, or grief or all of those, there
is an awful lot of hope. Click the green net
link at Chris fabric org. Get your copy of forgiven
(27:13):
and Set Free. Doesn't that sound good? Again, you can
find out more. Click the Green Care Net link at
Chris fabric.com. Doctor Charles Stone has written stress less. Just click.
Through today's information, you'll see more about that. Let me
have you respond to that though. Charles, the the the
anxiety that you have of past mistakes, failures, whatever that
(27:37):
is that keep coming back into your life, that can
be a stressor, can't it?
S2 (27:42):
Oh, it really can. I think the term is called rumination. Uh,
worry is more forward looking and rumination is more backwards
looking and kind of the way that I visualize that.
I just imagine I'm holding a marble, you know, a
regular sized marble. And whatever it was, that event in
the past, it was probably that size. Now, certainly it
(28:02):
could be much larger, but let's just say it's marble size.
But what we do, because we add commentary and we
ruminate over it and we add narrative to it, what
happens is that it grows in size from marble size
to basketball size. Now we actually have a much bigger
problem is not just the event or the thing that
(28:26):
happened or what we did, but it's everything we've added
to it. And that is a tendency like I might
struggle through life has been anxiety that that kind of thing.
You kind of keep repeating in your mind, I did this.
I sounded dumb. Boom boom boom boom boom boom. And unfortunately,
some personalities a little more introvert. I'm kind of introverted
(28:49):
tend to do that. So to answer your question, yeah,
we can cause ourselves a lot of stress by constantly
replaying that loop in our mind and making the original
issue much bigger than it really is.
S1 (29:04):
So it's like a snowball. It just keeps rolling and
keeps bigger and bigger and bigger. And and but but
here's the good news that you just said you don't
have to stay there. You don't have to keep going.
You can put that snowball on the burner or on the,
on the stove and let it of melt. You have
the power to do that. And and you really in
(29:25):
this sense of, you know, the sin in your life
that keeps coming up. God can relieve that from you
if you'll confess it to him and give it to
him and allow him access to your heart. Don't you think?
S2 (29:40):
Yes, absolutely. But what happens sometimes is it's running just
on the edge of our consciousness. You know, we've we've
asked God's forgiveness. We believe God's Word, but it's still
kind of running, uh, uh, in, in the background. And
I want to share a big word, uh, with your audience.
It's an important word. It's a neuroscience word, but really important.
(30:03):
It's called metacognition. Metacognition. It simply means thinking about your thinking.
It means to pause long enough to ask yourself, what
really am I thinking. You think of what the Apostle
Paul wrote in Philippians four eight. He says, finally, brothers,
whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever
(30:26):
is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything
is excellent or praiseworthy, what does he say? Think about
such things. But unless we develop the discipline of pausing
periodically through the day to ask ourselves now just what
is going on in my mind? Who's sponsoring that? Is
he going to be sponsoring it, or is the Lord
(30:47):
sponsoring it? Unless we develop that metacognition habit, these thoughts
can just just grow and grow and grow. And that's
one of the practices I suggest is audit your thoughts
on a regular basis, audit your thoughts. And if you
need to change channels and have a little acronym, I
(31:08):
call start. That kind of a practical way to do
that very thing.
S1 (31:13):
Okay. Tell me what starts stands.
S2 (31:15):
I kind of set it up there, didn't I? Yeah.
You did.
S1 (31:18):
You can't leave me hanging, I gotta.
S2 (31:20):
Okay. All right. Yeah. Well, start as simply this. Each
letter of the word represents a little practice. S stands
for stop. So when you find yourself in a stressful situation,
your mind just going everywhere. Your your emotions are kind
of crazy. Just stop. Pull out of a conversation. That's difficult.
Step away from the meeting. Just stop. T is take
(31:44):
a breath. Those little sniff breaths. Take a few of
those deep breaths so the S is stop till you
take a breath. A is that auditing your thoughts? Who's
sponsoring these thoughts? Are these thoughts true? Are they're right.
And sometimes you have to kind of look at it
like peeling an onion. You know what. What is really
the root of this. So s for stop t take
(32:05):
a breath a audit your thoughts R is reappraise your thoughts.
There's a study done once where they had these subjects
in this experimental study. And it showed a up. Church
and people outside were crying and they, uh, they asked
the people in the, in the, the study, well, you know,
what do you think's going on? Oh, they're so sad
(32:25):
something happened. Then they said, no, actually, they're crying tears
of joy because somebody just got married. Boom. That's reappraisal
of their thoughts. And it changes the internal our internal
world very quickly. So R is reappraise your thoughts and
then T is transition your attention. Again this is that
kind of metacognition thing. What do I have my attention
(32:47):
on if it's on this thing that I did okay.
Now I need to focus on something different, focus my
attention on something else. And sometimes it means getting out
of the physical location so that you have a fresh environment.
So that's that's a little acronym Start that helps us
kind of audit those thoughts before they become the basketball size.
S1 (33:08):
Yes. Oh I like that. And I love metacognition. You
know you taught me a new word here today. Good.
And the the sniff breath. I mentioned that on Friday
I started this. This was back in the 1990s. We
started doing this every Friday morning when we would do
a radio thing. We'd call it the Friday sigh. And
so we started coming up with things that happen when
(33:29):
you breathe. And the first thing we oxygenate your blood,
we get your endorphins going, we raise your serotonin level,
we promote lymphatic drainage, stimulate your parasympathetic system. And I
say that's why we call it the five lung languages.
We we stimulate your vagus nerve. We help you release acetylcholine.
(33:49):
And don't forget what it does to cortisol dissipation. I
have no idea what it does to cortisol dissipation, but
I've heard that it does something. And then we had
a an athletic trainer call from Florida I remember and
she said hey you need to add something to your Friday.
Sigh I said, what she said when you take a
really deep breath because of the way our bodies are made,
(34:10):
that the carbon dioxide can get trapped on the left
side of your left lung is evidently a little bigger
than the right side, and some carbon dioxide will get
trapped in the left side of the lung. So when
you exhale, you take in four seconds of air, hold
it for four seconds, release it for for four seconds
or more. When you release that push on the left
(34:32):
side of your rib cage, and it'll help release that
carbon dioxide that's been trapped there. So you have explained
to me, doctor Stone, what I've been doing for 30 years.
S2 (34:45):
That is great, man. I love that Friday song. You know,
thinking about this whole breathing thing. Special forces, who they
are in stressful situations. I mean, major, they do something similar.
They're taught box breathing, which is very similar to what
we're talking about now. And so a lot of research
has gone on into that. And it really, really is effective.
S1 (35:06):
Have you seen the the the players last night National
championship game. Get on the free throw line. And what
do they do? They stop what they're doing, they hold
the ball down and they take a deep close. Their eyes,
take a deep breath. They calm everything down so they
can get back into the rhythm that they know that
they're getting it. That's what you're talking about for our life.
S2 (35:26):
That's right. They got it. And if you watch Olympic
diving platform diving, same thing. They walk out there. They
don't just immediately do their dive. They pause. They stop.
Same thing about gymnastics. So we see it you know
see an athletic world. They they got it. They understand it.
S1 (35:42):
So there is this connection then between our bodies, you know,
our physical being and what's going on mentally and what's
going on in our souls as well. Gretchen is on
the line. Gretchen, why did you call in today?
S5 (35:57):
Aha, I called in, um, thanks, doctor Stone, for writing
this book, by the way. I'm going to buy it
and I hope it gets here in, like five minutes.
But anyway, I have a difficult, um, uh, thing coming up, actually,
starting tomorrow. Um, I, uh, am starting, um, an IOP program,
(36:19):
and I don't know if you're familiar with that. It's
an intensive outpatient, um, uh, therapy done at a hospital,
and it it encourages people to, uh, let their feelings
out and to say what, what's exactly going on with them.
And for people to get to know each other and
to do some of the things that you've been mentioning and,
(36:42):
and things like that. And then there's something else that
I found out about that has been encouraged that I
participate in is another group thing. And I mean, that
was that's a group thing that's going to last for
six weeks. This next one is at a church, um,
that I really want to go to. And unfortunately, it
(37:03):
starts at the time that the other one gets out
and there's a long drive for me to get from
one to the other. And, uh, this place does not
encourage sharing of, um, of intense things that would happen
in a. Psychiatric or counseling type setting, if that makes
(37:24):
any sense to you. I'm sure it does.
S1 (37:28):
So your question is.
S5 (37:29):
Make a decision on how to how to turn off
part of my, my brain and my, my mouth when
I'm talking to to people. And it's a really difficult thing.
I need both of them. I need groups and I
need one group to maintain my sanity, which, you know,
I have tons of anxiety. And then I need the
(37:49):
other group to build to get built up in Christ.
S1 (37:54):
That is such a gift. And Gretchen, I'm so glad
that you called here today, because to know that you
need this and that you want this, you know, that's
that's the first gift. And then to be able to say,
which one do I choose or how do I choose that? So, Charles,
I'm going to let you answer that on the other side.
We're going to take a quick break. If you go
to Chris Fabry Live.com, you'll see Doctor Charles Stone book
(38:17):
Stress Less nine habits from the Bible and Brain Science
to build resilience and reduce anxiety. Just go to Chris
Fabry live. More straight ahead.
S6 (38:38):
I love the immediacy of radio. You know the practicality.
S1 (38:41):
Gretchen is having a struggle. She's wondering, how do I
make this choice between these two groups? I need both
of them. What do I do? And you can hear
this anxiety, this worry, this struggle that's going on inside
doctor Charles Stone's book is Stress Less? Our featured resource
at Chris Fabry. Org. Doctor Stone, what would you say?
S2 (39:03):
Well, first of all, Gretchen, thanks so much for calling
in for. For sharing this kind of tension you're experiencing,
you know, with the church group IOP. I just did
a quick little search on the internet, and it sounds
like the IOP is a very, uh, structured, uh, I
think you said six weeks. Sounds like it would be
an excellent first step for you. Now, the question I
(39:26):
would have is, yes, that church group is so key.
You might want to find out. Is is it offered
after you go to the six week program that potentially
could be an option for you. And just a couple
of kind of principles to keep in mind. One of
them is the power of community. When you're in a
place where you feel safe, oxytocin, which is one of
(39:48):
the brain chemicals that helps us bond better, better and
feel safe around others, belong, uh. That's crucial. And you,
you want to seek that out? Uh, there's a lot
of healing that happens in that. And stress, uh, stress
modulation as well. Secondly, one of the tools that I
discovered in my research was the second person conversation. Uh,
(40:14):
that is uh, when we are like, I'll give you
an example. I say, I'm really, really, really mad. Oh, man,
I'm so mad at that person. A second person conversation
is when I talk to myself, you know, we all
do that. It would be more like, okay. And, Charles,
I see that you're really mad in this situation. Let's
let's think about what the appropriate response would be. What
(40:36):
might be your next steps? Now the problem is still there.
That emotion is still there. But the very fact that
you're kind of having a self conversation that has been
proven in the laboratory, these research laboratories to lessen the
stress response. So those are a couple of principles, a
safe place, that second person conversation. But it sounds like
that would be really, really helpful. And I would just
(40:58):
find out if that church group maybe started later, or
you could enter into that even after your ILP. So
those are.
S1 (41:05):
Some part of the there's part of fear of missing out, too.
It's like I need both of these things, you know,
and uh oh, as a matter of fact, uh, Gretchen,
hang on, I want to send you a copy of
this book. Stress less. And I can't guarantee you I'll
get it to you in five minutes, but I guarantee
you we'll put it in the mail to you. So
hang on, and Deb will get your information, and we'll
(41:27):
send it to you. Heidi is on the line. Our
last call today. Hey, Heidi, what do you want to say?
S7 (41:32):
Oh, I wanted to. First of all, thank you for that,
this conversation and for taking my call. Um, I felt
very stressed because I felt the Lord was asking me
to call to respond to Carol. Um, so I took
a deep I took a few breaths and called, uh,
so here's here's the thing. Um, sometimes we get so
(41:54):
stressed out about making the right decision that it's paralyzing. Right? And, um,
I was in a very, very similar situation after situation
after two decades of not working or staying home. I
felt the Lord was asking me to go back and
join the workforce, which at first I thought, well, if
I make the wrong decision now it will be over with.
But what I've been finding is that sometimes decisions we
(42:17):
take just open doors to other decisions down the road.
What I'm saying one time, we think there's always one.
There are always more doors after the door the Lord opens.
And this is what I'm finding is that that was
a stepping stone. It wasn't the wrong decision or the
right decision. It was a stepping stone to something in
(42:38):
the future, to something even different, better, or what the
Lord has for the future. And I just wanted to
encourage Carol in that just because, um, sometimes it takes, uh,
certain steps in the direction, uh, to open more doors
in the future.
S1 (42:56):
Yes. Oh, I love that. What do you say, Charles?
S2 (43:00):
Oh, well, you are right on. One of the things
that helps us deal with our stress is having a
grateful heart. And I can tell that you are showing
an example of being grateful about something very specific, and
the fact that you shared that. Actually, when we think
of like three good things as we get up in
the morning and do that during the day, it sets
(43:21):
the direction of our day. So good job, Heidi. Thank
you so much for sharing that.
S1 (43:26):
Yeah, God bless you, friend. Uh, the other thing that
I wanted to talk about before we end here and
I'm having anxiety because we're not going to get everything in,
and I've got to push that down. Let me breathe deeply. Okay. Uh,
is sleep a lot of people struggle with sleep, with
losing sleep with not being able to sleep, insomnia, etc..
(43:46):
What do you say to those folks?
S2 (43:48):
Oh, there's so much there. First of all, let me
say everyone's going to have a bad night of sleep.
Some people sleep great every night. I don't. I have
notoriously poor sleep. In fact, a mouse woke me up
one time. I kid you not. When I was living,
I had a shelf that had Cheerios on it, and
I was like, kind of fitfully sleeping. And I heard
a better, better, better, better, better, better, better. This mouse
(44:11):
was eating my Cheerios and woke me up. That's kind
of the sleep that I struggle with, but recognize that
everybody's going to have some difficult time sleeping. However, there's, uh, chronic, uh,
sleep issues is defined as three or more times a
week when you just have a rotten day, a rotten
(44:32):
night sleep, and it affects your daily performance. If three
times a week over three months, you may have chronic insomnia.
There are sleep coaches. There are sleep doctors that can
really help you. There are some very positive steps you
can take. And there's you can even Google, uh, for
someone who deals with this, uh, cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, CBT,
(44:56):
I there are some online programs that's proven to help
you get a better sleep, even better than sleep medication.
So those are just a couple of things quickly that
come to mind.
S1 (45:07):
Charles, thank you for doing this. Thank you for taking
the wound and the struggle that you had in your
own life, and then working this out on the page
for us, just the we haven't we've just barely scratched
the surface of some of the things you've talked about
in here, though. I love the start and I'm going
to use that to stop, to take a breath, to
audit your thoughts, to reappraise your thoughts and then transition
(45:30):
your attention. Did I get that right?
S2 (45:32):
Yep. You got it right.
S1 (45:33):
Okay. Um, so you can use that. But these are
in the book the and the vagus nerve. He even
gets the vagus nerve in here. And there's a practice.
Number five is soaking your soul. That's a spiritual thing
that you can do. Uh, and growing gratitude, as we
heard Heidi talk about so highly recommended stress less. It's
(45:56):
our featured resource. Just click through today's information at Chris Fabry.
Chris Fabry Livorno. The subtitle is nine habits from the
Bible and Brain science to build resilience and reduce anxiety
by Doctor Charles Stone. Arch Stone, thanks for being here today.
Have a great rest of the week.
S2 (46:15):
Hey, thanks so much. Been great being with you.
S1 (46:17):
Thank you friend for your support. What I love about
this is and I see it on Facebook as well.
The folks that are struggling with there's one person who's
talking about starting a new job and he's facing stress
just thinking about the new job and other people who
are saying, hey, I'm praying for you and Heidi, who's
talking about Carol. You know, the community. Thanks for your
support at the back fence. You can do that at
(46:39):
Chris Fabric org and come on back tomorrow. Programs. Production
of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks
for listening.
What is causing you stress in your life right now?
What's stressing you out? What does stress do to us
in the long run? Is stress bad? Is it good?
Is it a mixture? Adults, teenagers and children are experiencing
heightened stress levels. Many of them say they're debilitated by it.
They can't function. Are you in their number? If so,
(00:30):
I have a guest for you today who's about to
enlighten us about the effects of stress, how to lessen
it in our lives. Doctor Charles Stone is going to
be our guest. We're going to talk about what stress
does to our bodies, our brains, our souls. He's written
the book Stress Less nine habits from the Bible and
Brain Science to build resilience and Reduce Anxiety. Boy, do
(00:52):
I need that today. How about you? It's our featured
resource at the website Chris Fabry Livorno. Let's get started
with the program designed to be an oasis for your heart,
a breath of fresh air, a little oxygenation for your soul.
Take a deep breath. For Tuesday, we are unable to
come to you today by the team. Ryan McConaughey doing
all things technical. Trish is our producer. Deb Solomons in
(01:14):
the producer chair today. Gabetti. We'll be answering your calls.
One place where stress shows up is in the worry.
The anxiety we have about our children, the decisions they're making.
Maybe have a prodigal son, daughter, grandson, granddaughter. What do
you do with that? Doctor Erwin Lutzer put together a
practical guide for praying parents, and in it is a
(01:37):
scriptural guide to pray to your heavenly father about the
people you care the most about. This is not a formula.
It's not formulaic. But my guess is there's probably somebody
on your heart right now. And if there's not, at
some point there will be somebody who you're feeling some
anxiety and worry about. I want to send you a
(01:58):
copy of this little paperback book as its beginning. Chapter
one is titled this Full Disclosure. Lord, change me because
your prodigal, the worry that your relative has given you
is a gift to draw you closer to the heart
of God. Give a gift of any size to Chris Fabry.
(02:19):
Live to keep us going here in April, and we
will thank you with a copy of A Practical Guide
for praying parents, call 866958669532279 or go to Chris Fabric divorce.
You can see how you can give right there and
receive this. I hope it'll be life giving to you
(02:40):
for you. And as I said, if you're not there
at some point you will be. So have it ready.
Chris Fabry, Fabry Chris Fabry. Doctor Charles Stone has served
for 43 years in vocational ministry, 30 of those as
is a senior pastor. He recently completed a nine year
role as lead pastor of a church in London, Ontario.
(03:03):
West Park church. He's written eight books. He serves as
a coaching consultant to pastors and leaders. He and his wife,
Cheryl have been married for 45 years. They have three
adult children and five grandchildren. Doctor Stone, welcome to the program.
How are you doing today?
S2 (03:18):
Chris, great to be with you. Doing well, doing well
for you.
S1 (03:23):
Stress means a confluence of events that caused you a
kind of a mountain of stress. Let's start there. What happened?
S2 (03:33):
Yes. Well, a few years ago, before Covid hit, my
wife and I took one of these fancy vacations and
has food everywhere. Buffets everywhere. And of course, I love buffets,
so it was just great. But one problem was there
was Wi-Fi everywhere you went. It was it's covered the
whole area. Now I'm kind of a new junkie. That's
(03:55):
probably not a healthy thing, but I was following this
thing called Covid and serving in Canada at the time.
I said, you know what, sir? When we get back,
I think they're going to shut us down. It happened
as soon as we got back, two days later, uh,
we were there was a draconian shutdown. We couldn't meet
in small groups, we couldn't go to church. And this
(04:15):
happened for months and months and months. Twice. Well, a
few days after that, I was, uh, came to the
recognition that I was now going to have to lead
a church of a thousand through a tiny pinhole camera
on my computer. Now, that was enough stress. Added to that,
(04:36):
I was diagnosed. I had an AFib episode. That's when
your heart flutters. When it's not supposed. It's just really
off sync and it's beats. I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes.
Now I eat my vegetables, I exercise, you know. Where
did that come from? And I was diagnosed with cancer.
I've since had surgery, so doing well. And the irony, Chris,
(04:56):
was this I was writing a PhD dissertation on stress.
So I thought, well, you know, I guess I'm just
going to be the lab rat and addition to the
other research. And so that's the genesis. A lot of
stress was behind the creation of this book.
S1 (05:14):
You know what I find, Charles, is that a lot
of times, people that I get to talk with, both
those who are authors, you know, pastors, leaders, you know,
guests as well as those who are calling in it
is the places of the wounding that often become the
place of healing for themselves and for other people. So
(05:35):
my guess is this whole thing on stress, you were
working on it and then you were experiencing it, that
it has become something that's going to not only give
you greater freedom, but other people as well.
S2 (05:47):
You know, that's really the prayer and hope. Um, there
was a huge lesson I learned, Church reserve was going well.
It was just really going super, super well. But unfortunately,
myself and a lot of other pastors we based our
identity on, like, is the attendance up? Is money up?
And now all that was just out the window. And
(06:10):
probably the biggest lesson I learned from this very difficult
painpoint was I needed other people and I'd preached on that.
You know, pastors preach on those kind of things. I
needed other people in my life to help me process this.
Went to my Christian doctor, and he actually prescribed a
dosage of some medication that really, really helped me because
(06:33):
I was in a deep hole. So those pain points,
those difficult times of suffering can be potentially some of
the greatest times of growth and learning.
S1 (06:43):
You know, this happens with Christians across the board, but
it can happen, especially with pastors. You're supposed to trust God.
You're supposed to lean into him. He's your sufficiency. And
then you get to a place where it's like, ah,
I don't know what's happening. I'm worried about this. You know,
the Covid and other things that are going on in
your life. So you almost it's a double whammy because
(07:04):
I know I'm supposed to be trusting God and I'm worrying.
And Jesus said not to worry, you know, and don't
look at the birds, the birds of the air and
they don't. And the lilies of the field. So this,
this whole thing can be a double wound for those
who are trying to. And I think the enemy can
use it against us too, can't he?
S2 (07:24):
Oh, absolutely. And one of the principles and practices I
learned about was that we have to really pay attention
to our thought life. What are we thinking about? And
I was in a I was doing a seminar and someone, uh,
mentioned this little idea. That was wonderful. She said, when
we have these stressful thoughts, we need to ask ourselves,
(07:48):
who's sponsoring those thoughts is the enemy or is the Lord?
So to your point, yeah, the enemy absolutely will use
these stressful circumstances to just mess with us, mess with
our mind, our emotions, our relationships. Because he's he is
our enemy. Capital E yes.
S1 (08:06):
Well, there are a lot of you are weighing in
on Facebook because I asked that what is causing you
stress right now? And there's some really good responses to
that question. I'm going to open the phone lines as
well as we talk with doctor Stone at (877) 548-3675. We're
talking about the stress less. It's our featured resource. If
(08:28):
you go to the website Chris Fabry live.org click through
today's information. You'll see it right there. Don't be stressed
about it. If you if you don't have a computer
we'll get you to it. Uh, subtitle is nine habits
from the Bible and Brain Science to Build Resilience and
Reduce anxiety Chris Fabry, archive.org. But if you're going through
something in your life. And there is just this stress
(08:51):
that is bubbling up. You're you being honest and open
with us here today at the back fence might help
somebody else who's gone through the very same thing. So
here's the number (877) 548-3675. Tell me about the stress that
you're under, the stress that you're going through. Let's see
what doctor Stone can do to help you. Again. Stress
(09:14):
less is our featured resource at Crisp Avery Live.com.
S3 (09:30):
Are you stressed? Today's Chris Fabry.
S1 (09:33):
Live is going to help you. Doctor Charles Stone is
with us. Stress less. Nine habits from the Bible and
Brain Science to build resilience and reduce anxiety as our
featured resource at Chris Fabry, Livorno. I asked this question
on Facebook and the very first person who responded was Angela.
And I'm going to get into the topic today then
(09:54):
with doctor Stone by giving what she said. And Angela
says this my mom passed away unexpectedly one week ago.
So this is a very fresh. She was a listener
of your program. My sister and I have to work
through her estate more quickly than we thought. Doing this
while navigating the emotions is hard. Mom loved the Lord.
(10:16):
We know she's worshiping him right now, but we still mourn.
So there's stress with just the grief and the loss.
There's stress with dealing with all the things that you
have to deal with. When someone passes away with the
funeral plans and all those things. And then you've got
to deal with the estate, with the with her things,
(10:38):
you know, and, and wonder, what do we do with those? So, Charles,
jump in here. What do you say to Angela?
S2 (10:45):
Well, first of all, my heart goes out to to you, Angela. And, um, my,
my mom passed away a couple or three years ago,
but it was a long process. So you kind of
are prepared for that. So sudden loss of someone you
love is, is super shocking because, uh, the grief hits
you just upside the head. It's kind of like a
(11:07):
lightning strike hitting your house versus, like, a little bit
of hail. Um, I guess what I would say a
couple of things popped into my mind is recognize that
grieving is a part of the process. Uh, when we
lose someone that is close to us, God gave us
our emotions to be able to process the pain of
(11:30):
the loss. So there will be those good days and
those bad days. Your sister may be up one day
and you're down and you alternate that. That sometimes happens
when you have a, you know, a family who's experienced
a loss. Uh, second thing I would say is grace.
God's grace, you know, during these times, sometimes platitude. Sometimes
(11:51):
people can say things that come across as as a platitude,
kind of an empty saying. This one is not that
God's grace truly is sufficient. And oftentimes we don't realize that, uh,
except in retrospect. We look back and we realize, oh,
you know what? Going into that, I didn't think I
was going to make it. But coming out of it,
(12:12):
I can see God's hand at work not denying the pain,
certainly not doing that at all, but grief, grace. And
the third thought is pace. Um, I understand a little
bit about having to, you know, go through all the, uh,
the stuff when my wife's, uh, dad, uh, mom died
(12:35):
and dad died, there was a lot of stuff they
had to go through. And a lot of, you know,
dealing with lawyers and contacting this organization that organization getting deaths,
the death certificate to them, all those kinds of things.
But the best you can pace yourself, give yourself little
respites every day. Do something you enjoy doing, even if
(12:56):
it's for five minutes. If you enjoy tea or enjoy coffee,
or going for a walk, that will give you a
little bit of that extra physical and emotional energy to
deal with what you're going through. So those are just
a few a few thoughts not meant to be platitudes,
but maybe some some practical thoughts to keep in mind.
S3 (13:15):
I like that.
S1 (13:16):
That is very practical, that that kind of taking a
vacation for five minutes was something. And and a lot
of times I think you talk about this in the book,
a lot of times nature helps being outside, being able
to hear the birds and, and see the, the trees,
the leaves, the, the grass that's growing. You know, just
(13:38):
that connection with God's creation Radiation can be a respite,
can't it?
S2 (13:43):
That's exactly right, Chris. A lot of research has been
done on the power of nature to rejuvenate you. And
there's something about the color green. And of course, the
full spectrum of colors we see in flowers. But the
power of green. I'm looking out my window right now,
and I live in southern Mississippi, so the leaves are
pretty much out. There's something very refreshing about being in
(14:05):
nature with all this green around you. So, yeah. Uh,
God's magnificent creation, uh, wasn't just for us to live
in it, but to marvel at it and to experience
all these positive benefits we get from thinking about it
and being in it and exploring it.
S3 (14:27):
That's Doctor.
S1 (14:27):
Charles Stone. If you go to Chris Live.com, you'll see
his book Stress Less, and maybe this is something that
you're going through. Maybe there's somebody in your life who
is really it's almost like they are stressed out and
they feed on stress. Are there the different personality types?
Because I used to do this with, you know, being
(14:48):
in college and term papers and all that kind of stuff,
I would wait, I'd procrastinate, and it would be the
the deadline that got me to finish. You know, I
could I could do a lot in a little bit
of time because it was right there. Whereas if I'd
have planned and spread it, spread the stress out a
little bit more, it might have been better. But I
used the stress to finish the project and do as
(15:10):
well as I possibly could in the short amount of time,
because I procrastinated. Is that just part of my personality,
do you think? Or is that can can people use
stress to make them better at what they do?
S2 (15:24):
Yeah, that's a really good question. I already see stress
coming in which you might say two flavors like I
like ice cream, you like chocolate ice cream, vanilla ice cream.
The two flavors are these. One is called acute stress.
Now that's stress. Like, uh, like I, I've done some
of these interviews in the book, and I had one
that the sound was not working. I mean, it just
(15:46):
died like three minutes before. So I experienced acute stress,
all these, uh, hormones and neurotransmitters, chemicals in my body
and brain really rose. But it allowed me to really,
really focus, to check this wire and to check this
mic and do this, and, you know, it resolved. And
then my body kind of came down to baseline. So
(16:06):
that's acute stress. We need this. It helps. It motivates us.
It helps us get things done in your case. It
it helped you get the get the assignment done or
preparation for the exam. So that's acute stress. That's one flavor.
But the flavor that's not so healthy is called chronic stress.
That is when we over more than a few days
(16:27):
we're responding in an unhealthy way to a stress event.
And let me explain this to you. Imagine a coin
with two sides. You know, every coin has two sides.
Stress Stresses like that there is on one side is
the stress event. It's that thing out there that has
the potential for causing a stress. On the other side
of the coin is our response. Now life is we
(16:52):
don't we don't have control over most of what comes
our way. That's that. Those are those events out there.
We do have control over how we respond to it.
So when we say stress, it's helpful to kind of
think of that distinction. God has given us equipment and
(17:12):
wisdom and his grace to manage the stress, plus some
very practical things that we can do that help us
respond to the stress, even though our body experiences the
stress response with our chemicals and hormones that flow in
our body and brain. So that distinction is really helpful.
S1 (17:29):
That's really important. And I like that coin analogy. And
you actually in the introduction you begin the book quoting
Hans Selye, who is a doctor and researcher. It's not
stress that kills us, it's our reaction to it. So,
so what you're saying is there there's a certain amount
of stress that we don't have any control over at all.
(17:52):
You know, it just comes like the death of of
our friend's mom. Um, but it's but we do have
control over how we respond to it, how we react
to it. Right?
S2 (18:03):
Absolutely. And those are the skills that I try to
try to point out in what I've written and what
I learned through my research. And I think what I've
learned through my life, too, because even that even that
stressful experience I had then almost pales into the stress
we had. When my youngest daughter was age one and
diagnosed with a brain tumor. Ten surgeries later, brain surgeries later,
(18:25):
she's doing well. But man, that was that constant thing
out there. Okay, what's the next MRI going to say?
What is her next surgery going to be like, is
she going to make it through this? So, you know,
my my health issues were kind of like insignificant compared
to the stress we experience the stress events with our
(18:46):
youngest daughter. She's doing fine, by the way. But, um,
that was another quite stressful multiple years in our lives.
S1 (18:55):
Long season. Okay. So there is chronic stress or a
season of stress. Maybe you're there today. Want to hear
from you. (877) 548-3675 stress less is our featured resource. And
Carol's on the line in Florida. Carol why did you
call today?
S4 (19:15):
Hello. How are you guys doing? God blessed.
S1 (19:17):
Well. Thank you.
S2 (19:18):
Hi, Carol.
S4 (19:19):
I loved, uh, thank you so much. I can't wait
to read your entire book. And, uh, based on what
you've said, it's so valuable information. I, I feel that
I'm going through the chronic stress because I haven't, I
haven't been basically I'm, I'm, I have a I'm, I'm blessed.
I have a beautiful family. But I haven't worked in
(19:41):
the last eight years and I have to get back
on the, you know, the back to work. Now that
the kids are older and I feel like I'm so
disconnected with just like everything, and it feels like everything
is just like just getting off my hands. And even
though I'm praying like I've done a few interviews and
(20:03):
I'm like, I melt in the in the middle of
the interview, even though I know I'm qualified, but it's
been like so long, I feel just so I don't know, incapable.
I guess it's a word and I pray to God
to help me with that. And it's a lot of
anxiety and I'm and I there was a few interviews
that I blanked out. I'm like like so and then
(20:26):
it kind of like it's something that is that I'm
working on. And I would love to hear what you
can say about that?
S1 (20:32):
Yes. Well, it sounds like what you need is a
boost of confidence because you know that you could do
the job, but when you get in there, you're so
either worried that I'm not going to get it or
I'm going to say the wrong thing. And. And so
that is a very that kind of symptom. I think, Charles,
everybody understands that. I was watching a basketball game last
(20:55):
night where something like that happened several multiple times. You know,
you get under pressure, you get under stress. And it's
like you don't take the shot and they're going to
go into the sports analogy, but you know what I'm
talking about. So what do you say to Carol?
S2 (21:09):
Well, Carol, first of all, I want to just affirm
you being out of the workplace for some time, then
going back in. The reality is it's it's kind of scary.
And so I don't want to diminish at all of
what you're feeling. A couple of thoughts come to mind, though.
The way God wired us, wired our brains is we
(21:30):
don't like uncertainty. Our brain wants certainty. We want to
know what's next. When you go into an interview that
is uncertain, it is scary. One of the ways that
we deal with this uncertainty when we have these feelings
is simply acknowledging them. Now, let me just I'll just
kind of pick one out. Let's say you're you're anxious. Um,
(21:52):
one of the ways that you can actually dial down
the effects of stress. And by the way, stress kind
of keeps us from thinking real well is to simply
acknowledge your emotions. Now, the fancy term is called affect labeling.
Affect is another term for emotions. So one of the
things you might try before you go and you're driving
(22:13):
up to the, you know, the office building there, it's
just pause a bit and say, you know, Lord, uh,
you know, my anxiety, you know, kind of how those
have gone before. But I just want to acknowledge right
now that I am having some feelings of anxiety and
(22:34):
I recognize this is very normal. And I would like
for you, Lord, if you would, to help me manage that.
I'm acknowledging it. And the very fact that you acknowledge
that emotion. God, I'm having these feelings of anxiety. What
the research tells us is it actually dials down a
bit that stress response so that you can think more clearly.
(22:59):
Another thing too, is when you go in, just acknowledge
that to the interviewer, say I, you know, I read
the I don't know if you have the resume or
job description. I know that I'm qualified, but just want
you to know I'm feeling anxiety for this interview. So
if you'll just extend some grace to me, I'll do
my best to to answer your questions the best I can.
(23:22):
And you know, I would think most people, they're going
to understand that if they can see that you have
the qualifications and even though you blank out, you say,
you know, my anxiety just took over. If you just
give me a moment, you you may find that a
potential employer who responds with grace is the kind of
(23:44):
person you really want to work for. And I recognize
that sometimes you don't have the initial interview with the
person you work for. And here's one more, uh, thought. Carol, um,
our breathing is a very powerful way to dial down
our stress response. And here's a simple thing that you
can do with breathing. You know, we inhale, exhale, inhale,
(24:07):
exhale as you're driving up, uh, to that interview, up
to that office, take a deep breath through your nose.
And then it's called sniff breath. Then sniff a little more.
Get a little more breath in your lungs. And then
exhale slowly through your nose a little longer than Then
the time it took you to inhale. So you're breathing in,
(24:30):
then a sniff. And then you slowly exhale through your nose.
A little bit longer. Do 3 or 4 or five
of those. And what happens is the. The stress response
in your body will actually lessen a bit. And when
that happens you're able to think more clearly. So acknowledging
(24:51):
the first thing. Acknowledging you know I'm having some feelings
of anxiety God. And number two doing the the the
breath sniff if you want to call it that. Those
are a couple of very practical things you could do.
S1 (25:03):
I'm laughing because I wanted to bring this up with you,
because I saw that in the book we do this thing.
People who are listening to this program say, are saying, hey,
he's talking about the Friday side. We do the Friday
side on this program every Friday. And I'll tell you
about that when we come back. And, uh, what I've
learned through the years about what breathing can do for you.
(25:25):
Doctor Charles Stone is with us, Carol. God bless you, friend.
Thank you. I hope that gives you some confidence. Maybe
even having somebody go through what we were just talking about,
you know, asking you questions beforehand so that you become
even more comfortable, that repetition that can help out as well.
But I think the book Stress Less will help you.
(25:46):
Just go to chris.org. You can find out more there.
Chris Fabry Livorno. We're talking about stress today on Chris
(26:06):
Fabry Live. One stressor is a mistake you made that
haunts you. This lingering thing that keeps coming back, a
feeling of failure. Lee Strobel talked about this yesterday on
the program. You know God forgives you. You believe that,
at least in your head. Somehow you aren't able to
get that truth all the way into your heart. If
(26:29):
that mistake was abortion, I have some really good news.
The Ministry Carenet wants to help you walk in the
freedom that God wants you to have. The enemy capital
E enemy wants you shackled, held back, kept in a
constant state of anxiety about the past. God wants to
set you free. And cabinet has a resource free resource
(26:50):
because April is Abortion Recovery Awareness Month. I think this
would be a great time if you've never done it.
Click the green cabinet link at Chris Fabriclive. Org. If
you or someone you know is carrying the heavy burden
of guilt, shame, or grief or all of those, there
is an awful lot of hope. Click the green net
link at Chris fabric org. Get your copy of forgiven
(27:13):
and Set Free. Doesn't that sound good? Again, you can
find out more. Click the Green Care Net link at
Chris fabric.com. Doctor Charles Stone has written stress less. Just click.
Through today's information, you'll see more about that. Let me
have you respond to that though. Charles, the the the
anxiety that you have of past mistakes, failures, whatever that
(27:37):
is that keep coming back into your life, that can
be a stressor, can't it?
S2 (27:42):
Oh, it really can. I think the term is called rumination. Uh,
worry is more forward looking and rumination is more backwards
looking and kind of the way that I visualize that.
I just imagine I'm holding a marble, you know, a
regular sized marble. And whatever it was, that event in
the past, it was probably that size. Now, certainly it
(28:02):
could be much larger, but let's just say it's marble size.
But what we do, because we add commentary and we
ruminate over it and we add narrative to it, what
happens is that it grows in size from marble size
to basketball size. Now we actually have a much bigger
problem is not just the event or the thing that
(28:26):
happened or what we did, but it's everything we've added
to it. And that is a tendency like I might
struggle through life has been anxiety that that kind of thing.
You kind of keep repeating in your mind, I did this.
I sounded dumb. Boom boom boom boom boom boom. And unfortunately,
some personalities a little more introvert. I'm kind of introverted
(28:49):
tend to do that. So to answer your question, yeah,
we can cause ourselves a lot of stress by constantly
replaying that loop in our mind and making the original
issue much bigger than it really is.
S1 (29:04):
So it's like a snowball. It just keeps rolling and
keeps bigger and bigger and bigger. And and but but
here's the good news that you just said you don't
have to stay there. You don't have to keep going.
You can put that snowball on the burner or on the,
on the stove and let it of melt. You have
the power to do that. And and you really in
(29:25):
this sense of, you know, the sin in your life
that keeps coming up. God can relieve that from you
if you'll confess it to him and give it to
him and allow him access to your heart. Don't you think?
S2 (29:40):
Yes, absolutely. But what happens sometimes is it's running just
on the edge of our consciousness. You know, we've we've
asked God's forgiveness. We believe God's Word, but it's still
kind of running, uh, uh, in, in the background. And
I want to share a big word, uh, with your audience.
It's an important word. It's a neuroscience word, but really important.
(30:03):
It's called metacognition. Metacognition. It simply means thinking about your thinking.
It means to pause long enough to ask yourself, what
really am I thinking. You think of what the Apostle
Paul wrote in Philippians four eight. He says, finally, brothers,
whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever
(30:26):
is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything
is excellent or praiseworthy, what does he say? Think about
such things. But unless we develop the discipline of pausing
periodically through the day to ask ourselves now just what
is going on in my mind? Who's sponsoring that? Is
he going to be sponsoring it, or is the Lord
(30:47):
sponsoring it? Unless we develop that metacognition habit, these thoughts
can just just grow and grow and grow. And that's
one of the practices I suggest is audit your thoughts
on a regular basis, audit your thoughts. And if you
need to change channels and have a little acronym, I
(31:08):
call start. That kind of a practical way to do
that very thing.
S1 (31:13):
Okay. Tell me what starts stands.
S2 (31:15):
I kind of set it up there, didn't I? Yeah.
You did.
S1 (31:18):
You can't leave me hanging, I gotta.
S2 (31:20):
Okay. All right. Yeah. Well, start as simply this. Each
letter of the word represents a little practice. S stands
for stop. So when you find yourself in a stressful situation,
your mind just going everywhere. Your your emotions are kind
of crazy. Just stop. Pull out of a conversation. That's difficult.
Step away from the meeting. Just stop. T is take
(31:44):
a breath. Those little sniff breaths. Take a few of
those deep breaths so the S is stop till you
take a breath. A is that auditing your thoughts? Who's
sponsoring these thoughts? Are these thoughts true? Are they're right.
And sometimes you have to kind of look at it
like peeling an onion. You know what. What is really
the root of this. So s for stop t take
(32:05):
a breath a audit your thoughts R is reappraise your thoughts.
There's a study done once where they had these subjects
in this experimental study. And it showed a up. Church
and people outside were crying and they, uh, they asked
the people in the, in the, the study, well, you know,
what do you think's going on? Oh, they're so sad
(32:25):
something happened. Then they said, no, actually, they're crying tears
of joy because somebody just got married. Boom. That's reappraisal
of their thoughts. And it changes the internal our internal
world very quickly. So R is reappraise your thoughts and
then T is transition your attention. Again this is that
kind of metacognition thing. What do I have my attention
(32:47):
on if it's on this thing that I did okay.
Now I need to focus on something different, focus my
attention on something else. And sometimes it means getting out
of the physical location so that you have a fresh environment.
So that's that's a little acronym Start that helps us
kind of audit those thoughts before they become the basketball size.
S1 (33:08):
Yes. Oh I like that. And I love metacognition. You
know you taught me a new word here today. Good.
And the the sniff breath. I mentioned that on Friday
I started this. This was back in the 1990s. We
started doing this every Friday morning when we would do
a radio thing. We'd call it the Friday sigh. And
so we started coming up with things that happen when
(33:29):
you breathe. And the first thing we oxygenate your blood,
we get your endorphins going, we raise your serotonin level,
we promote lymphatic drainage, stimulate your parasympathetic system. And I
say that's why we call it the five lung languages.
We we stimulate your vagus nerve. We help you release acetylcholine.
(33:49):
And don't forget what it does to cortisol dissipation. I
have no idea what it does to cortisol dissipation, but
I've heard that it does something. And then we had
a an athletic trainer call from Florida I remember and
she said hey you need to add something to your Friday.
Sigh I said, what she said when you take a
really deep breath because of the way our bodies are made,
(34:10):
that the carbon dioxide can get trapped on the left
side of your left lung is evidently a little bigger
than the right side, and some carbon dioxide will get
trapped in the left side of the lung. So when
you exhale, you take in four seconds of air, hold
it for four seconds, release it for for four seconds
or more. When you release that push on the left
(34:32):
side of your rib cage, and it'll help release that
carbon dioxide that's been trapped there. So you have explained
to me, doctor Stone, what I've been doing for 30 years.
S2 (34:45):
That is great, man. I love that Friday song. You know,
thinking about this whole breathing thing. Special forces, who they
are in stressful situations. I mean, major, they do something similar.
They're taught box breathing, which is very similar to what
we're talking about now. And so a lot of research
has gone on into that. And it really, really is effective.
S1 (35:06):
Have you seen the the the players last night National
championship game. Get on the free throw line. And what
do they do? They stop what they're doing, they hold
the ball down and they take a deep close. Their eyes,
take a deep breath. They calm everything down so they
can get back into the rhythm that they know that
they're getting it. That's what you're talking about for our life.
S2 (35:26):
That's right. They got it. And if you watch Olympic
diving platform diving, same thing. They walk out there. They
don't just immediately do their dive. They pause. They stop.
Same thing about gymnastics. So we see it you know
see an athletic world. They they got it. They understand it.
S1 (35:42):
So there is this connection then between our bodies, you know,
our physical being and what's going on mentally and what's
going on in our souls as well. Gretchen is on
the line. Gretchen, why did you call in today?
S5 (35:57):
Aha, I called in, um, thanks, doctor Stone, for writing
this book, by the way. I'm going to buy it
and I hope it gets here in, like five minutes.
But anyway, I have a difficult, um, uh, thing coming up, actually,
starting tomorrow. Um, I, uh, am starting, um, an IOP program,
(36:19):
and I don't know if you're familiar with that. It's
an intensive outpatient, um, uh, therapy done at a hospital,
and it it encourages people to, uh, let their feelings
out and to say what, what's exactly going on with them.
And for people to get to know each other and
to do some of the things that you've been mentioning and,
(36:42):
and things like that. And then there's something else that
I found out about that has been encouraged that I
participate in is another group thing. And I mean, that
was that's a group thing that's going to last for
six weeks. This next one is at a church, um,
that I really want to go to. And unfortunately, it
(37:03):
starts at the time that the other one gets out
and there's a long drive for me to get from
one to the other. And, uh, this place does not
encourage sharing of, um, of intense things that would happen
in a. Psychiatric or counseling type setting, if that makes
(37:24):
any sense to you. I'm sure it does.
S1 (37:28):
So your question is.
S5 (37:29):
Make a decision on how to how to turn off
part of my, my brain and my, my mouth when
I'm talking to to people. And it's a really difficult thing.
I need both of them. I need groups and I
need one group to maintain my sanity, which, you know,
I have tons of anxiety. And then I need the
(37:49):
other group to build to get built up in Christ.
S1 (37:54):
That is such a gift. And Gretchen, I'm so glad
that you called here today, because to know that you
need this and that you want this, you know, that's
that's the first gift. And then to be able to say,
which one do I choose or how do I choose that? So, Charles,
I'm going to let you answer that on the other side.
We're going to take a quick break. If you go
to Chris Fabry Live.com, you'll see Doctor Charles Stone book
(38:17):
Stress Less nine habits from the Bible and Brain Science
to build resilience and reduce anxiety. Just go to Chris
Fabry live. More straight ahead.
S6 (38:38):
I love the immediacy of radio. You know the practicality.
S1 (38:41):
Gretchen is having a struggle. She's wondering, how do I
make this choice between these two groups? I need both
of them. What do I do? And you can hear
this anxiety, this worry, this struggle that's going on inside
doctor Charles Stone's book is Stress Less? Our featured resource
at Chris Fabry. Org. Doctor Stone, what would you say?
S2 (39:03):
Well, first of all, Gretchen, thanks so much for calling
in for. For sharing this kind of tension you're experiencing,
you know, with the church group IOP. I just did
a quick little search on the internet, and it sounds
like the IOP is a very, uh, structured, uh, I
think you said six weeks. Sounds like it would be
an excellent first step for you. Now, the question I
(39:26):
would have is, yes, that church group is so key.
You might want to find out. Is is it offered
after you go to the six week program that potentially
could be an option for you. And just a couple
of kind of principles to keep in mind. One of
them is the power of community. When you're in a
place where you feel safe, oxytocin, which is one of
(39:48):
the brain chemicals that helps us bond better, better and
feel safe around others, belong, uh. That's crucial. And you,
you want to seek that out? Uh, there's a lot
of healing that happens in that. And stress, uh, stress
modulation as well. Secondly, one of the tools that I
discovered in my research was the second person conversation. Uh,
(40:14):
that is uh, when we are like, I'll give you
an example. I say, I'm really, really, really mad. Oh, man,
I'm so mad at that person. A second person conversation
is when I talk to myself, you know, we all
do that. It would be more like, okay. And, Charles,
I see that you're really mad in this situation. Let's
let's think about what the appropriate response would be. What
(40:36):
might be your next steps? Now the problem is still there.
That emotion is still there. But the very fact that
you're kind of having a self conversation that has been
proven in the laboratory, these research laboratories to lessen the
stress response. So those are a couple of principles, a
safe place, that second person conversation. But it sounds like
that would be really, really helpful. And I would just
(40:58):
find out if that church group maybe started later, or
you could enter into that even after your ILP. So
those are.
S1 (41:05):
Some part of the there's part of fear of missing out, too.
It's like I need both of these things, you know,
and uh oh, as a matter of fact, uh, Gretchen,
hang on, I want to send you a copy of
this book. Stress less. And I can't guarantee you I'll
get it to you in five minutes, but I guarantee
you we'll put it in the mail to you. So
hang on, and Deb will get your information, and we'll
(41:27):
send it to you. Heidi is on the line. Our
last call today. Hey, Heidi, what do you want to say?
S7 (41:32):
Oh, I wanted to. First of all, thank you for that,
this conversation and for taking my call. Um, I felt
very stressed because I felt the Lord was asking me
to call to respond to Carol. Um, so I took
a deep I took a few breaths and called, uh,
so here's here's the thing. Um, sometimes we get so
(41:54):
stressed out about making the right decision that it's paralyzing. Right? And, um,
I was in a very, very similar situation after situation
after two decades of not working or staying home. I
felt the Lord was asking me to go back and
join the workforce, which at first I thought, well, if
I make the wrong decision now it will be over with.
But what I've been finding is that sometimes decisions we
(42:17):
take just open doors to other decisions down the road.
What I'm saying one time, we think there's always one.
There are always more doors after the door the Lord opens.
And this is what I'm finding is that that was
a stepping stone. It wasn't the wrong decision or the
right decision. It was a stepping stone to something in
(42:38):
the future, to something even different, better, or what the
Lord has for the future. And I just wanted to
encourage Carol in that just because, um, sometimes it takes, uh,
certain steps in the direction, uh, to open more doors
in the future.
S1 (42:56):
Yes. Oh, I love that. What do you say, Charles?
S2 (43:00):
Oh, well, you are right on. One of the things
that helps us deal with our stress is having a
grateful heart. And I can tell that you are showing
an example of being grateful about something very specific, and
the fact that you shared that. Actually, when we think
of like three good things as we get up in
the morning and do that during the day, it sets
(43:21):
the direction of our day. So good job, Heidi. Thank
you so much for sharing that.
S1 (43:26):
Yeah, God bless you, friend. Uh, the other thing that
I wanted to talk about before we end here and
I'm having anxiety because we're not going to get everything in,
and I've got to push that down. Let me breathe deeply. Okay. Uh,
is sleep a lot of people struggle with sleep, with
losing sleep with not being able to sleep, insomnia, etc..
(43:46):
What do you say to those folks?
S2 (43:48):
Oh, there's so much there. First of all, let me
say everyone's going to have a bad night of sleep.
Some people sleep great every night. I don't. I have
notoriously poor sleep. In fact, a mouse woke me up
one time. I kid you not. When I was living,
I had a shelf that had Cheerios on it, and
I was like, kind of fitfully sleeping. And I heard
a better, better, better, better, better, better, better. This mouse
(44:11):
was eating my Cheerios and woke me up. That's kind
of the sleep that I struggle with, but recognize that
everybody's going to have some difficult time sleeping. However, there's, uh, chronic, uh,
sleep issues is defined as three or more times a
week when you just have a rotten day, a rotten
(44:32):
night sleep, and it affects your daily performance. If three
times a week over three months, you may have chronic insomnia.
There are sleep coaches. There are sleep doctors that can
really help you. There are some very positive steps you
can take. And there's you can even Google, uh, for
someone who deals with this, uh, cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia, CBT,
(44:56):
I there are some online programs that's proven to help
you get a better sleep, even better than sleep medication.
So those are just a couple of things quickly that
come to mind.
S1 (45:07):
Charles, thank you for doing this. Thank you for taking
the wound and the struggle that you had in your
own life, and then working this out on the page
for us, just the we haven't we've just barely scratched
the surface of some of the things you've talked about
in here, though. I love the start and I'm going
to use that to stop, to take a breath, to
audit your thoughts, to reappraise your thoughts and then transition
(45:30):
your attention. Did I get that right?
S2 (45:32):
Yep. You got it right.
S1 (45:33):
Okay. Um, so you can use that. But these are
in the book the and the vagus nerve. He even
gets the vagus nerve in here. And there's a practice.
Number five is soaking your soul. That's a spiritual thing
that you can do. Uh, and growing gratitude, as we
heard Heidi talk about so highly recommended stress less. It's
(45:56):
our featured resource. Just click through today's information at Chris Fabry.
Chris Fabry Livorno. The subtitle is nine habits from the
Bible and Brain science to build resilience and reduce anxiety
by Doctor Charles Stone. Arch Stone, thanks for being here today.
Have a great rest of the week.
S2 (46:15):
Hey, thanks so much. Been great being with you.
S1 (46:17):
Thank you friend for your support. What I love about
this is and I see it on Facebook as well.
The folks that are struggling with there's one person who's
talking about starting a new job and he's facing stress
just thinking about the new job and other people who
are saying, hey, I'm praying for you and Heidi, who's
talking about Carol. You know, the community. Thanks for your
support at the back fence. You can do that at
(46:39):
Chris Fabric org and come on back tomorrow. Programs. Production
of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks
for listening.
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