Many fears keep women and men single and alone. Did you know that fear of being alone and single throughout life is one of the greatest fears of Christian single women and men? Paradoxically, many single women and men who yearn to get married often allow fears and phobias to keep them from entering into a relationship. Furthermore, instead of meeting the love of their lives, they end up battling feelings of loneliness and frustration. So just what are some […]
The post Fears That Keep Women And Men Single appeared first on Christian Singles Advice | Christian Dating Advice Tips.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey. Welcome to Oasis Singles.
My name is pastor Dave, and I'm so
excited you're here. By the way, this site
is not just about Christian dating service reviews
and so forth, but it's also about life
advice,
all things Christian Single.
We have articles.
We have interactive ways that you could get
in touch with each other, and we also
have podcasts
(00:22):
that are all about the Christian life. I
hope you enjoy our site, and I hope
you enjoy the podcast you're about to visit
right now. God bless.
Hey, everybody. How are you? This is baby
boomer Dave at Oasis Singles. And today, we're
gonna be talking about the fears that keep
(00:42):
women and men single.
I mean, think about it. It's crazy. The
very things most of us desire in life
are the very things we're afraid of, like
a long term relationship, a marriage relationship. We
desire those things, but certain fears, certain relationship
anxieties keep us away from those.
I think most of us would agree that
(01:03):
fear is one of the greatest joy stealers
in life. It just saps the energy out
of us. It robs us of the joy
and the intimacy
that Jesus wants us to enjoy in our
lives. I think that's why God mentions do
not fear
71 times in the bible, and many more
times he alludes to it because he doesn't
want us living in fear. He doesn't want
(01:24):
us living in bondage. He doesn't want us
living in relationship anxiety with others or definitely
with him. So check it out. We interview
dozens of people from our website at oasisdashsingles.com,
and we ask them one question.
What are the fears that hold you back
from enjoying
a relationship to the full, from finding that
(01:46):
special someone, that soulmate that you want to
spend the rest of your life with? What
came back are many different varieties of fears.
I mean, there's fear of everything. Right? There's
so many phobias out there. It kinda reminded
me of Charlie Brown Christmas, if you saw
it, where Lucy says to Charlie Brown Or
maybe you have pantophobia.
Do you think you have pantophobia?
(02:07):
What's pantophobia? The fear of everything.
That's it.
There's so many fears out there and so
many phobias.
I'd probably have a dozen or 2 myself.
But what we've done is we put them
basically in 3
major silos because they all flow from those
3, And we're gonna talk about that. And
then we're gonna talk about what God says
(02:28):
about fear and how we can overcome fear
to enjoy our lives to the full, to
enjoy our relationships
to the full, to enjoy the Lord to
the full. So that's where we are. So
let's get started. The very first fear we
wanna talk about is the fear of rejection.
I think most of us can identify with
this, and it really comes down to when
(02:49):
you think about it, it comes down to
an insecurity issue within ourselves,
a lack of self esteem within ourselves. For
whatever reason, we may feel I'm not good
enough,
I'm not rich enough,
I'm not attractive enough,
my nose is too big.
And actually, that was one of my fears
of a projection growing up. All my friends
(03:09):
picked on me for having a big schloss.
They would call me toucan sam, like in
Froot Loops.
True story. But that actually kept me away
from asking any girl out because I thought,
what girl would wanna go out with me?
Because my nose is too big. And so
I felt that way inside of me. So
I felt I was transferring
my insecurity to them thinking, well, they're just
(03:31):
gonna reject me. And that kept me back
for so many years. I know it sounds
dumb and silly now,
but that's one of the fears.
So what is your insecurity?
What where in your life do you feel
they'll just gonna reject you? Where do you
feel like no guy would ever want me
or no girl would ever want me? So
that's our first fear, fear of rejection.
(03:53):
The second fear we wanna tackle, somewhat related
to rejection,
is the fear of making yourself vulnerable to
someone else.
Look. There's no way you can experience true
love in a relationship
if you're not vulnerable to that person.
If you don't share your heart with that
person, if you close your heart up to
that person,
(04:14):
how in the world are you going to
experience a true love relationship?
How are you going to experience the intimacy
that comes in a marriage if you're afraid
of giving yourself away? I have met so
many people through our website and in life
that want this relationship and this intimacy, but
they're afraid
to open up their heart. They're afraid to
take that face filled risk and tell someone,
(04:36):
hey. You know what?
I love you, and I'm opening my heart
to you. You're afraid of doing that. I'm
telling you, fear of making yourself vulnerable, closing
yourself off to the world will inevitably
cause you to have regrets in life. I
meet so many people who are going through
life and they have these regrets. They wish
they could have opened their heart to this
(04:57):
other person
and instead didn't. And so now they're alone.
It's all about relationship, guys. And God wants
us to be vulnerable
with other people and definitely with Him to
enjoy this amazing intimacy
that He offers.
He didn't create us to be alone. He
created us to enjoy
intimate relationship,
and that means making yourselves vulnerable to each
(05:20):
other at the right time. Now there are
many fears like I mentioned, but the third
and final area we're gonna be talking about
is the fear of change.
Yeah, I know it's hard. I'm a I'm
a creature of habit, but many of us
just like to be stuck in our mess,
don't we? We're so used to being alone
that we get used to it. And then
(05:41):
when we have an opportunity to get into
a relationship,
we fear the changes that go along with
that. But many of us are so used
to the same old, same old that we
don't realize there's a whole world out there
that we could experience
if we just open ourselves up to the
possibilities
of change. Someone once told me, and I
(06:01):
think it's definitely true. He says, when the
pain of being alone exceeds
your fear of change,
you'll make that change. So I wanna ask
you, where are you in your life right
now? Are you going through pain and loneliness?
Does that pain exceed your fear of change?
Well, it's time to make a change. God
has a wonderful plan for your life. So
(06:23):
what we wanna do now is share some
scriptures of encouragement
about how God tells us we should feel
about our fears. The Lord has an awful
lot to say about fear. One of the
main things that jumps out at us as
we read the scriptures is that God is
continually
admonishing us not to fear. For example, in
a New Testament passage in Mark 536,
(06:43):
Jesus encourages
a father whose daughter was ill. He says,
do not be fearful,
just believe.
How interesting.
You could apply this to your relationship anxiety
as well.
On the one hand, we have fearfulness.
On the other hand, we have belief and
trust.
And if you really think about it, fear
and faith do not coexist.
(07:05):
One will have to give way to the
other. Overall, if you're a single Christian woman
or man struggling with these spirit issues, and
they're holding you back from meeting that special
someone,
take care. You're definitely not alone in your
fears, and there's help for you.
We suggest you pray over the following suggestions.
Number 1,
talk about your fears with a reputable Christian
(07:27):
counselor,
a Christian singles group person, or a trusted
friend. Oftentimes,
speaking about our fears with someone else brings
us back to reality and gives us hope
for the future.
The advice they offer could also be very
liberating.
Number 2, let God's word and spirit soothe
your heart and fears
as you look up and meditate on what
(07:49):
he actually says in the past. Here are
a few paraphrase verses to get you started.
I love this verse. It's one of my
favorites. It helped me get through a lot
of fear in my life. It's found in
Psalm 344.
It says, the Lord is able to deliver
you from, check that, all your fears.
Isaiah 51:7
(08:09):
says this, do not fear the reproach of
others or be terrified
of their insults.
That kind of comes back to fear of
rejection.
Proverbs
2925 says, fear of men, whether they be
single or not, is a snare.
Again, very related to what we were talking
about.
Joshua 1:8. I love, love, love this.
(08:32):
Don't be afraid or discouraged because
God is with you. You know your God
is with you every step of the way.
He's not gonna abandon you just because you
fear. He's with you. Hey. Thanks for popping
in on our podcast at oasis dashsingles.com.
If you like what you heard, if you
got something out of it, please subscribe to
us. Please like us. Comment on our articles,
(08:54):
but also in the YouTube channel itself.
We love you guys. We're here for you.
Remember,
perfect love casts out fear.
God loves you. He has a wonderful plan
for you. He doesn't want you living in
the bondage of fear, but he wants you
to enjoy life to the full. Let's go
for it.
Hey. Welcome to Oasis Singles.
My name is pastor Dave, and I'm so
excited you're here. By the way, this site
is not just about Christian dating service reviews
and so forth, but it's also about life
advice,
all things Christian Single.
We have articles.
We have interactive ways that you could get
in touch with each other, and we also
have podcasts
(00:22):
that are all about the Christian life. I
hope you enjoy our site, and I hope
you enjoy the podcast you're about to visit
right now. God bless.
Hey, everybody. How are you? This is baby
boomer Dave at Oasis Singles. And today, we're
gonna be talking about the fears that keep
(00:42):
women and men single.
I mean, think about it. It's crazy. The
very things most of us desire in life
are the very things we're afraid of, like
a long term relationship, a marriage relationship. We
desire those things, but certain fears, certain relationship
anxieties keep us away from those.
I think most of us would agree that
(01:03):
fear is one of the greatest joy stealers
in life. It just saps the energy out
of us. It robs us of the joy
and the intimacy
that Jesus wants us to enjoy in our
lives. I think that's why God mentions do
not fear
71 times in the bible, and many more
times he alludes to it because he doesn't
want us living in fear. He doesn't want
(01:24):
us living in bondage. He doesn't want us
living in relationship anxiety with others or definitely
with him. So check it out. We interview
dozens of people from our website at oasisdashsingles.com,
and we ask them one question.
What are the fears that hold you back
from enjoying
a relationship to the full, from finding that
(01:46):
special someone, that soulmate that you want to
spend the rest of your life with? What
came back are many different varieties of fears.
I mean, there's fear of everything. Right? There's
so many phobias out there. It kinda reminded
me of Charlie Brown Christmas, if you saw
it, where Lucy says to Charlie Brown Or
maybe you have pantophobia.
Do you think you have pantophobia?
(02:07):
What's pantophobia? The fear of everything.
That's it.
There's so many fears out there and so
many phobias.
I'd probably have a dozen or 2 myself.
But what we've done is we put them
basically in 3
major silos because they all flow from those
3, And we're gonna talk about that. And
then we're gonna talk about what God says
(02:28):
about fear and how we can overcome fear
to enjoy our lives to the full, to
enjoy our relationships
to the full, to enjoy the Lord to
the full. So that's where we are. So
let's get started. The very first fear we
wanna talk about is the fear of rejection.
I think most of us can identify with
this, and it really comes down to when
(02:49):
you think about it, it comes down to
an insecurity issue within ourselves,
a lack of self esteem within ourselves. For
whatever reason, we may feel I'm not good
enough,
I'm not rich enough,
I'm not attractive enough,
my nose is too big.
And actually, that was one of my fears
of a projection growing up. All my friends
(03:09):
picked on me for having a big schloss.
They would call me toucan sam, like in
Froot Loops.
True story. But that actually kept me away
from asking any girl out because I thought,
what girl would wanna go out with me?
Because my nose is too big. And so
I felt that way inside of me. So
I felt I was transferring
my insecurity to them thinking, well, they're just
(03:31):
gonna reject me. And that kept me back
for so many years. I know it sounds
dumb and silly now,
but that's one of the fears.
So what is your insecurity?
What where in your life do you feel
they'll just gonna reject you? Where do you
feel like no guy would ever want me
or no girl would ever want me? So
that's our first fear, fear of rejection.
(03:53):
The second fear we wanna tackle, somewhat related
to rejection,
is the fear of making yourself vulnerable to
someone else.
Look. There's no way you can experience true
love in a relationship
if you're not vulnerable to that person.
If you don't share your heart with that
person, if you close your heart up to
that person,
(04:14):
how in the world are you going to
experience a true love relationship?
How are you going to experience the intimacy
that comes in a marriage if you're afraid
of giving yourself away? I have met so
many people through our website and in life
that want this relationship and this intimacy, but
they're afraid
to open up their heart. They're afraid to
take that face filled risk and tell someone,
(04:36):
hey. You know what?
I love you, and I'm opening my heart
to you. You're afraid of doing that. I'm
telling you, fear of making yourself vulnerable, closing
yourself off to the world will inevitably
cause you to have regrets in life. I
meet so many people who are going through
life and they have these regrets. They wish
they could have opened their heart to this
(04:57):
other person
and instead didn't. And so now they're alone.
It's all about relationship, guys. And God wants
us to be vulnerable
with other people and definitely with Him to
enjoy this amazing intimacy
that He offers.
He didn't create us to be alone. He
created us to enjoy
intimate relationship,
and that means making yourselves vulnerable to each
(05:20):
other at the right time. Now there are
many fears like I mentioned, but the third
and final area we're gonna be talking about
is the fear of change.
Yeah, I know it's hard. I'm a I'm
a creature of habit, but many of us
just like to be stuck in our mess,
don't we? We're so used to being alone
that we get used to it. And then
(05:41):
when we have an opportunity to get into
a relationship,
we fear the changes that go along with
that. But many of us are so used
to the same old, same old that we
don't realize there's a whole world out there
that we could experience
if we just open ourselves up to the
possibilities
of change. Someone once told me, and I
(06:01):
think it's definitely true. He says, when the
pain of being alone exceeds
your fear of change,
you'll make that change. So I wanna ask
you, where are you in your life right
now? Are you going through pain and loneliness?
Does that pain exceed your fear of change?
Well, it's time to make a change. God
has a wonderful plan for your life. So
(06:23):
what we wanna do now is share some
scriptures of encouragement
about how God tells us we should feel
about our fears. The Lord has an awful
lot to say about fear. One of the
main things that jumps out at us as
we read the scriptures is that God is
continually
admonishing us not to fear. For example, in
a New Testament passage in Mark 536,
(06:43):
Jesus encourages
a father whose daughter was ill. He says,
do not be fearful,
just believe.
How interesting.
You could apply this to your relationship anxiety
as well.
On the one hand, we have fearfulness.
On the other hand, we have belief and
trust.
And if you really think about it, fear
and faith do not coexist.
(07:05):
One will have to give way to the
other. Overall, if you're a single Christian woman
or man struggling with these spirit issues, and
they're holding you back from meeting that special
someone,
take care. You're definitely not alone in your
fears, and there's help for you.
We suggest you pray over the following suggestions.
Number 1,
talk about your fears with a reputable Christian
(07:27):
counselor,
a Christian singles group person, or a trusted
friend. Oftentimes,
speaking about our fears with someone else brings
us back to reality and gives us hope
for the future.
The advice they offer could also be very
liberating.
Number 2, let God's word and spirit soothe
your heart and fears
as you look up and meditate on what
(07:49):
he actually says in the past. Here are
a few paraphrase verses to get you started.
I love this verse. It's one of my
favorites. It helped me get through a lot
of fear in my life. It's found in
Psalm 344.
It says, the Lord is able to deliver
you from, check that, all your fears.
Isaiah 51:7
(08:09):
says this, do not fear the reproach of
others or be terrified
of their insults.
That kind of comes back to fear of
rejection.
Proverbs
2925 says, fear of men, whether they be
single or not, is a snare.
Again, very related to what we were talking
about.
Joshua 1:8. I love, love, love this.
(08:32):
Don't be afraid or discouraged because
God is with you. You know your God
is with you every step of the way.
He's not gonna abandon you just because you
fear. He's with you. Hey. Thanks for popping
in on our podcast at oasis dashsingles.com.
If you like what you heard, if you
got something out of it, please subscribe to
us. Please like us. Comment on our articles,
(08:54):
but also in the YouTube channel itself.
We love you guys. We're here for you.
Remember,
perfect love casts out fear.
God loves you. He has a wonderful plan
for you. He doesn't want you living in
the bondage of fear, but he wants you
to enjoy life to the full. Let's go
for it.
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