August 1, 2025 • 42 mins
Welcome to Chronically The Sickest - the sickest podcast you know.
On today’s episode I’m joined by nursing assistant, Lauren.
We get into the importance of empathy, dialect therapy and how to create a self soothe kit.
Follow Lauren @laurenmcneese_writer
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Hello folks, and welcome to Chronically the Sickest, the
podcast where we talk about all things that make us chronically
the sickest people we know. I'm Clark, your host.
It's nice to chat with you this week.
Join us as we dive into the episode, sit back, relax, and
enjoy the show. Hello.
(00:32):
Lauren and welcome to Chronically the Sickest Podcast.
I'm so excited to have you here.I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you for having me of. Course, thank you for dealing
with all of my tech issues this morning.
But to start us off, can you tell me and the listeners a
little bit about yourself? Absolutely.
(00:52):
So my name is Lauren. Most importantly, I love coffee.
So had to put that out there. First and foremost, I'm an avid
reader. I love yoga and I'm also a
writer. I write memoir.
Currently I am working as a certified nursing assistant in a
(01:16):
skilled nursing facility and I'mheaded back to school in the
fall. And on top of all of this, kind
of what we're going to be focusing on today is that I live
with and manage bipolar disordertype one on a day-to-day basis.
So I don't know, I guess you could say I'm chronically the
(01:40):
sickest person you know. Oh, that was funny.
We love. Oh my gosh.
OK, thank you. That was amazing.
And also I did see your note that you're like obsessed with
the butter pecan latte right now.
And I feel that that is like that with a little bit of the
blueberry syrup is like killer from Duncan I.
(02:01):
Haven't tried it with the blueberry syrup.
It tastes like a muffin. Oh my goodness, I will have to
try that next. OK, but good.
To know like it's so interestingthat you're kind of like in the
healthcare field and then also kind of have your own mental
health or chronic illness issuesas well.
(02:22):
So it's it's like an interestingparallel there.
Yes for sure. I think that it gives me a
perspective that folks I work with like my Co workers who
don't have any mental health conditions, like I have a
(02:44):
perspective that they may not share because of that, if that
makes sense. So I mean, we're not focusing on
this today, but I'll share briefly on my assignment at
work. It's a nursing facility, but
obviously there's some overlap because if you have psych issues
(03:06):
as a adults, they don't go away when you become geriatric adult.
And so we have two psych patients on our unit and they
are both on my assignment and none of my Co workers know
anything about my medical situation.
(03:27):
And so I don't necessarily plan to like share with them, but I
think it's very interesting justto observe like interactions
with patients and how I'm not trying to like toot my own horn
and be like, oh, I'm such a better like CNA with those
patients than they are. But I definitely come from a
(03:49):
different viewpoint. You know, I wore my hair and
braids all of last week because I was struggling with urges to
pull it out. And when we have psych patients
dealing with something similar, I'm not as quick to kind of like
judge. No, I think that it's very
helpful that you have that viewpoint and you can relate and
(04:14):
I think have a different level of empathy for your patients and
be able to be like, like you said, hey, this isn't like the
worst thing in the world. I'm not going to judge you for
it. I was literally just dealing
with it last week. You're just in a different
position than I am right now. So thank you for sharing.
OK, you kind of said it, but I want to ask the question.
(04:35):
What do you think makes you chronically the sickest person
you know? I know you had some thoughts on
this question as well. OK, so I'm an overthinker.
I overthink things. It's what I do, it's what I'm
good at. But the thoughts I had kind of
drafted up were like chronicallythe sickest.
(04:55):
It was like, and this is totallyme drafting these notes at
literally 4:30 AM, like last morning on my lunch break.
I was like, what makes me the sickest person I know, and what
makes me a sick person but not the sickest person is that I'm
(05:16):
drowning and we're all drowning and it's all kind of like, we're
all just drowning here together.It's a big drowning party and
I'm drowning maybe compared to one person in the ocean or maybe
compared to one person in a pool, but we're all drowning
because one person drowning in asmall body of water isn't
(05:39):
drowning any more than a person who is drowning in a big body of
water. That's where I was coming from.
That was the angle I was going to take.
I guess just to be difficult to go against the grain, that's
what I do best. No, I appreciate it.
I think you brought up a good point.
I I appreciated that you kind ofsent back some notes before the
episode to kind of make sure that we're both on the same
(06:01):
page, which I love. That's the whole point of like
telling guests in advance what questions I'll ask.
But yeah, you brought up the good point of nobody's sicker
than the next person. Like you said, we're all
drowning just maybe in differentbodies of water.
So thank you. That was also a great analogy.
Thank you. So to get into our topic for
(06:25):
today, which you already kind ofmentioned in your intro, which
we love is bipolar type 1. So tell me a little bit about
your experience with that, your diagnosis experience.
I I would love to hear your story.
Well, first of all, thank you for giving me the space to
(06:46):
share. It's so refreshing to have that
opportunity. There's obviously such a stigma
around these diagnosis, and I really, with my whole heart went
to work to break that. So let's see the spring of my
(07:07):
sophomore year of high school, kind of backtracking a little
bit, I experienced my first hypomanic episode and I wasn't
diagnosed with any sort of psychiatric condition until the
following fall when I fell into a severe depressive episode.
But the bipolar type 1 diagnosiswas solidified after I was put
(07:29):
on an SSRI to treat the depression.
SSR is if you have bipolar and are put on one, it will send you
9 times out of 10 straight into mania.
There are situations where people are on a lower dose or on
a dose of an SSRI with somethingelse, but for Lauren McNeese it
was a no go. So I went into a full blown
(07:53):
manic episode and was hospitalized.
At that point, you know, some things had to kind of change.
I started getting more specialized care from a
psychotherapist and a psychiatrist.
I started medication management.I started a different
(08:15):
therapeutic modality. I saw kind of in in the notes
about medical gaslighting and well, I did not experience that
personally. I know of many people who did.
And I can also go on and on and on and on and on about my
(08:36):
frustrations with our healthcaresystem.
I have a lot of thoughts and feelings and I don't know if
sharing them right now would be super productive, but I wanted
to say I haven't necessarily been gaslighted.
Like I went to the hospital and they were like you are manic,
but like it was never a. You know, next to you.
(08:59):
And they're like, yeah, that, that right there.
I, I joke around with like my treatment team, I'm like the GSM
5, you know, like the diagnosticmanual to diagnose bipolar and
other psych conditions. I'm like, it says bipolar type
(09:23):
1. And there is a picture of Lauren
McNeese. Like, it's not like I have
bipolar. It's like I am bipolar.
I am bipolar embodied. Like, not really.
But if you read through just like the signs and symptoms and
like, what does mania look like?What does depression look like?
(09:44):
It's like I check all of the boxes, my friend.
It's yeah, it's. No, that's, that's a lot.
But also it seems like your diagnosis process was very
streamlined, like you said, likeyou kind of were like dealt with
this, dealt with this was given this medication, obvious
(10:10):
reaction to the medication diagnosis like that just feels
very, I'm sure at the time it felt very like a lot going on at
the same time. But it's kind of crazy to almost
just hear like within a year youwere dealing with something and
they were like, Yep, that soundslike what you're dealing with.
Let's like get a handle on it. Right.
(10:34):
OK. I have a couple questions.
OK, Yes, yes, yay. Good.
It'd be crazy if you said no. You can I just I'll just be like
cool, I guess we'll talk. I don't know what are you into?
OK, so my first question is you kind of said that you were
(10:55):
dealing with hypomania. So if you could explain to both
me and perhaps the listeners what the difference between the
types of mania are, because I know there's hypo, there's
hyper, and then like obviously umbrella term, like you said,
mania. Is that OK?
Can I ask that of you? Yeah, of course, of course I
I'll give the definition as I understand it, hypomania is what
(11:18):
I refer to when I'm talking to my treatment team as quote UN
quote baby mania. So it might be like sleeping a
little bit less, but like still sleeping.
So like full blown mania would be like no sleep at all.
I've big as quarters like literally staring into your
soul, scary intensity levels. Like hypomania is just kind of
(11:45):
like less sleep, feeling a little silly goofy.
Like one time my therapist explained it to me, like some
people this is not recommended, but some people can have fun
when they're hypomanic and like,you know, take a little vacay
and like go on a spending spree and like, but you don't have fun
(12:07):
when you're full blown manic. You don't do silly, goofy fun
little things. You engage in risky and
impulsive behaviors. And you know, figure warning,
I've struggled a lot with like self harm, suicidality, things
like that whenever I've been in a manic or depressed state.
(12:29):
So I guess to kind of boil down my answer, like a hypomanic
state is like a slightly modified version of a manic
state, which I just realized also does not answer your
question, Luna. Rose yes, I think that answered
(12:54):
my question a lot. So mania is engaging in this
kind of risky like perhaps self harming behavior that would
impact your life. And then hypomania like you
said, is kind of like it's sillyquirky cousin that doesn't harm
as many people nor yourself. You can maybe have some fun when
(13:14):
you're hypomanic, but still not what you would want to be doing.
Yes. OK, OK, thank you.
Sorry I was like, oh, while I have you here, I have some
questions. So from what I understand,
bipolar is kind of like that roller coaster of like
(13:38):
depression and mania. Am I understanding the diagnosis
correctly? I also want to kind of hear from
you because I'm sure the listeners also are like, oh,
I've heard about bipolar. There's definitely some
connotations around it. So it'll be interesting to hear
your lived experience. OK, so I have bipolar type 1 and
(14:00):
what that is made-up of is a prolonged period of a depressive
state followed by a prolonged period of a manic state and then
bipolar type 2 which is what I was actually diagnosed with
first before I had my big girl mania episode.
(14:24):
No, you're good. I was OK.
I got. I get it now.
So bipolar type 1 being prolonged mania, prolonged
depression, bipolar type 2 beinghypomania and depression.
And it can be for shorter periods of time.
OK. That makes sense.
(14:46):
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Yeah. Thank you.
I'm just asking questions that Idon't know that I should be, but
OK. So we kind of understand your
diagnosis process and now it sounds like you are working with
a psychotherapist, you said, andthen a psychiatrist as well.
(15:09):
Yes. Awesome, we love a good care
team. So what is life looking like now
like have you figured out like agood medication or supplement
treatment plan? Like how are you managing these
symptoms on a day-to-day? OK so I love this question
(15:33):
because I love that I've gotten to a place in my journey where I
feel like I and in recovery I feel like on a day-to-day basis
I am living a very stable life. I take medication that has been
(15:53):
prescribed to me as it has been prescribed to me.
I'm on some mood stabilizers. Yay.
My Instagram bio for a very longtime said maybe she's born with
it. Maybe it's Lamictal?
How fun. And yeah, I had to part ways
with that one. But anyways, so medication
(16:18):
management is vital in my journey for sure.
And then I see a therapist once a week and it's kind of just
like on a weekly basis. Like what do I need from this
session? Is it more like crisis
management or is it more just like second mood symptoms?
(16:44):
Where are we at? What's the vibe?
What do we need to work on today?
It's not uncommon for bipolar tobe a Co occurring diagnosis so I
also have some trauma in my pastthat led to a complex post
traumatic stress disorder diagnosis and have coupled with
(17:07):
the bipolar diagnosis. So along the way I've had to do
some trauma work too. So to answer your question, yes,
Med management with the psychiatrist and then the
therapeutic modality that I willjust get on a soapbox for.
It's called dialectical behavioral therapy created by
(17:29):
Marsha M Lenihan, the queen herself.
It was originally created to treat borderline personality
disorder, but it's been used to treat many site conditions and
it's really like saved my life like made-up of four modules,
distress tolerance, emotional regulation, interpersonal
(17:51):
effectiveness, and mindfulness. And I've really learned how to
just like cope with day-to-day triggers through this therapy,
through working with my treatment team.
I think it's probably worth mentioning that, you know, I
(18:11):
shared I got this diagnosis whenI was 17.
I'm 22 now. And I just feel like I've gotten
to a place of stabilization. Like I've been in and out of
hospitals. I've been through two
residential treatment programs. Like, it's been a long,
difficult journey. It's taken a village.
(18:32):
But yeah, for anyone listening who has this condition or any
similar conditions, I just want them to know that they're not
alone. And like, if Lauren McNeese can
do it, you can do it. Because I am not that strong, I
promise you. So I'm really glad that you're
(18:54):
kind of talking about like how medication intervention and
finding like a therapy modality that works for you is a really
important part of a treatment plan.
And that you kind of said like you found your equilibrium.
Like it took you a couple of years, but you found like your,
your little, your little place where you're like, I feel like a
(19:15):
person. Yes, love that.
We love being able to feel like a person.
That is the goal. In life.
So tell me what other tools or tips and tricks that you can
maybe impart some wisdom on our listeners?
(19:36):
OK I love this question so much I'm trying to think of where to
start. Can I show you I brought myself
soothe kit? Yes.
Oh my gosh, you mentioned it in your notes Yes, I want to see
yourself soothe kit if I. Can.
OK, so that's my name. Isn't that so cute?
I got it off SC. OK, this is Part 1.
(19:57):
So of course my Airpods are a huge part of the self soothe
kit. They're like my go to anytime
I'm in distress. Pop in the Airpods.
Pop on the self soothe playlist Lark.
If you have not read this book, I will buy and send you a copy.
It's called the Do It Yourself guide to Fighting the Big
Motherfuking sad. You own this book.
(20:20):
No, but I have a therapy like bookshelf.
Oh my gosh, I'm adding that to my cart.
Can I buy it for you? Like, will you send me a mailing
address? OK, so there's that I can.
Buy my own book. Oh my gosh, OK, I love this.
No, it's not that you can't buy your own book, it's that I want
to because it's like a token of like thank you.
(20:41):
OK anyways, we'll talk later. OK And then also a cool tidbit.
A friend from Res X actually recommended this book.
So when I read it, I'm like, Oh,my friend from statement.
Okay, Tanner Olsens, keep hope close.
It's a slightly more serious piece.
These are just cute little booksthat I can just like throw in a
(21:04):
pencil pouch. Okay, A journal that my friend
gave me for my birthday to kind of just vent frustrations.
That's always helpful. Some scratch and sniff stickers
from Dutch Bros. Have you ever had Dutch Bros?
I know you're a Dunkin girly, but like Dutch Bros it has to be
a close second for me. I.
Have only been to Dutch Bros twice in my life but I did not
(21:26):
realize they had scratch and sniff stickers.
I'm obsessed. Well, it's only once a month.
They have sticker releases once a month.
OK, good to know. OK, I'm learning so much.
Oh my gosh. Yes, I have Lauren Mcneiss on
and you will learn so much. OK.
And then this is my picture book.
So one thing that I did kind of both in trauma therapy and in
(21:50):
DBT was develop a quote UN quotehappy place, which is somewhere
you can go with all five of yoursenses and EMDR, which is eye
movement desensitization and reprocessing.
It's a therapeutic modality usedto address trauma using
bilateral simulation of the brain to kind of like reprocess
(22:10):
traumatic memories. And you develop a happy place
that is known as like your innerpeaceful place that you can kind
of go to in these moments of distress and grind yourself,
anchor yourself. And it's important that there
are no other people there. It's just you in the space
because if you're ever in that moment of distress and say there
(22:32):
was someone in your happy place that you went to in your mind
and you had very strong feelingstowards that person.
Either way, it could be distressing, like not having
them physically in the space with you, you know?
Oh. I see.
Right, so these are all picturesI have of coffee and coffee
(22:53):
shops and rainbows, but there are no people in any of these
pictures in this book because this is myself, Soothe kit.
Oh, here is me at the library eating French fries under a sign
that says no food or drink. OK, that's myself soothe kit.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk 0.
My gosh audio listeners, please switch over to video.
(23:15):
This is so fun. We're getting like a whole tour
of the self soothe kit. And honestly, like as someone
who's autistic, I kind of love the idea of a self soothe kit.
So I love that this is kind of going to be helpful for multiple
facets of mental health. I'm going to tell you something
real quick. Do we have another minute?
(23:37):
Can I tell you something real quick?
Yeah. Girl go.
For it. OK so I was floated to a
different unit the other day. I was floated to the memory care
unit. This is related to what we're
talking about. I had the self soothe kit and
one of my Co workers is like we have this patient.
We can't really get her calm down.
Like do you happen to know of anywhere in the building where
(24:00):
they might have like a fidget orsomething that we can give her?
I said do not fear, Lauren Mcneice is here.
I pulled out a stick Taylor Swift mosaic sticker book.
I pulled out a coloring book. They were like oh you had the
right thing at the right time. I was like, you just got to pull
me to your unit more often. Like I, I have all the right
(24:22):
things at all the right times, you know, like that's what it's
like working with me. So anyways, can we talk about
meds real quick? Because I have all the Med hacks
to remember taking your meds to make taking your meds fun.
OK, so I have the same medication that I take every
(24:42):
single morning and every single night.
OK, the pharmacy, if you have more than one or I guess even if
you just had one, we'll put themin little.
They're called blister packs foryou.
So like I see on social media and everywhere people having to
go through the task of sorting their pills into like a pill
(25:06):
box. I used to have to do that, but
now I have the same meds that I take every day and they're not
adjusted like they used to be. And the pharmacy puts them in
blister packs. And then if I have a day where I
forget to take them, I will knowthe day I forgot to take them
because they're dated. And then I'll just throw it in
(25:27):
like my bag myself, suit kit, mycar.
And if I ever forget, be like, oh wait, I have this extra, I
can take it now. So there's that.
Also, if you have to take medicine and you have any sort
of feelings around taking medicine, 10 out of 10 I have
these pink martini glasses that I drink water out of when I take
(25:53):
it. Makes taking medicine more fun.
Why are you looking at me like I'm?
Crazy. No, you're not crazy.
Sorry, I just I've never thoughtabout that before of having a
fun. It's like glass to take medicine
with. Yeah, it's just like, I mean,
taking medication for bipolar disorder kind of like sucks, you
know, Like it just every single morning when I take it, I'm
(26:16):
like, I have to take this medicine to treat this thing
that I will have with me foreverand always on this side of
heaven, you know, like it's likeno fun.
It's just like a constant reminder that I have bipolar and
I wish it weren't. So, you know, like, I don't know
that I would like choose to havebipolar disorder.
(26:36):
Like it is a real pain at times.But taking medicine can be a one
of many tools to help me manage it.
So, yeah, I've also seen on Instagram, if you only take one
Med and you can remember to put the one Med in like a gumball
(27:00):
machine, I guess. Miniature one, yes.
Yeah. But see, I can't do that because
I take several, but I thought that was pretty cool too.
But the pink martini glasses, 10out of 10 recommend.
I'll send you one. Send me your mailing address.
I need to put together a care package for you dude.
(27:23):
I feel like I'm already getting so much from this episode and
apparently literally as well. But I had not thought about the
blister pack idea. I think that's genius for
anyone. Like, I'm just thinking of,
yeah, like the people who maybe like, forget their meds or
they're like, oh, shoot, did I take it today?
(27:45):
Because I know that they do have, like, those timer caps for
pill bottles that people use. OK, so I am literally loving all
of the tips and tricks that you have given us.
And I really appreciate that youkind of like focused on
medication for a hot second there because you're totally
right. Like that is one of those things
where it's like most of us, whether or not it's like a
(28:08):
mental health condition or a physical health condition, are
taking some sort of pills. So any type of like, fun little
thing like a little martini glass or the bubble gum machine,
like I have a little pill organizer and you click the
button in the middle and it'll like move it around and it looks
like an orange. So like each slice of the orange
(28:29):
has all your pills in it. So it's like making anything fun
is, yeah, like the whole point. Because if we're going to have
to deal with this for the rest of your life, you might as well
have fun with it. I've tried to tell you
something, OK, I went through a season, a 90 day trial period of
(28:49):
this where I wrote affirmations on the blister packs.
So like I had all of these like negative beliefs surrounding
taking medication. And at the time I was also like
reevaluating my faith and what that looks like.
And so I sat down with a sharpieand my blister packs and I wrote
(29:14):
like, I am lovable, I am worthy,I am capable like 1 affirmation
on each blister pack. I still have that picture
somewhere. I'll have to send it to you,
but. Please do.
Oh my gosh, that is so sweet. And that that's so smart because
honestly, yeah, taking medication like that is one of
(29:34):
those things where you're like, I wish my body would work the
correct way. I wish my brain did not need
extra chemicals, but it does. So these are all amazing tips.
Like, I love how prepared you came and you were.
Like, here are the cool things that I do.
And I know that the listeners are going to love this episode.
(29:57):
So. OK, so actually I can, I like
backtrack for a hot second here.Yeah, of course I know that
we're kind of like in the tips and tricks section of the
podcast, but it's my podcast, soI'm going to backtrack.
You had mentioned that you were diagnosed with both CPTSD and
(30:20):
bipolar, and I think that's really interesting to have both
at the same time. I know you said that
comorbidities super common, which we all kind of know if you
have any type of condition, you're like, right.
And then this is also my conditions friend Dave comes
with it. But was it or is it, is it hard
(30:41):
at all to differentiate the symptoms or like your lived
experience with the two conditions?
Because I know that there is a little bit of overlap, like in
the sense of like depression andkind of figuring out is that
some I don't know, do I? I don't really know what
question I'm asking. Are you understanding at all
(31:01):
what I'm saying? Yes, absolutely.
And I am also going to backtrackfor a second.
So I, you know, was like in and out of seeing a counselor,
therapist, someone to talked to in that setting since like the
(31:25):
second grade. Like I had a pretty challenging
upbringing. I had a lot of just things going
on and I was like diagnosed withanxiety at a super young age.
And then in middle school they added depression and then got to
(31:48):
high school and it was bipolar. And then I went.
So I was just kind of playing ping pong around trying to
figure out what was what, what was causing this.
And the after so many hospitalizations and so much
(32:08):
treatment, I admitted to a 90 day residential psychiatric
program. And during that time, I
underwent a comprehensive psychiatric screening, which
gave me some official diagnosis on paper, you got to name it
(32:30):
detainment. It wasn't everything, but it was
very, very helpful, useful knowledge.
So on paper, my diagnosis are actually not just bipolar, but I
have bipolar type 1, generalizedanxiety disorder, borderline
personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and wait,
(32:52):
should I say complex post traumatic disorder.
There's five. There's a total.
Of five. But you have said it.
There is a total of five. OK, so I kind of, it's
definitely a struggle like living with five site conditions
and not automatically knowing what is what.
Because for example, I'll use this as an example, I went
(33:15):
through trauma therapy for a hotminute and one thing like in
trauma therapy is taking a negative core belief and
replacing it with a positive core belief like an EMDR.
You take like I am unlovable, desensitize your brain to that
(33:35):
negative core memory that you associated with I am unlovable
recenter, focus on to I am lovable.
You have like a target belief. Well, and so you'll be saying to
yourself, I am lovable, kind of like reassurance.
I went through OCD treatment, onthe other hand, and exposure and
(33:57):
response prevention is all aboutlearning to sit with the
discomfort. So like the main phrase being
like, wait, do you have OCD? You're nodding along.
I felt like I read on Instagram.OK, yes, sorry.
I should have been more prepared.
No, no, no, I'm, I'm loving this.
(34:18):
I think it's so funny to have itbe like, OK, so you're gonna
really focus on reassuring yourself.
Then for this other thing you need to focus on not reassuring
yourself. Exactly, it was such a struggle.
Like I would be like though, forexample, like I mentioned
struggling with pulling out my hair or scratching my arms.
(34:39):
It was like, is that related to the trauma?
Is that related to the OCD? And so my therapist would be
like, you've got like listen to the like, is it OCD talking to
you right now? Or is it the like, you know,
it's just a, it's a tricky game to play to try.
(35:02):
And like, in a lot of ways, I felt like it was one quote
treatment, whack A mole, where it's like I have this one thing
under control and then another thing pops up.
So yeah, did that answer your question?
I forgot what your original question was.
Yeah, yeah, that kind of answered.
I just was wondering with multiple diagnosis it is, is it
(35:23):
hard to differentiate between like what symptoms are what?
And I feel like you answered like, yeah, it's freaking hard
to play treatment, whack A mole and figure out how to deal with
it. So thank you.
I that answered my question. So before we kind of wrap up the
episode, is there anything else that you want to share, like any
(35:45):
more tips and tricks or any any tidbits you think would help the
listeners? I have more tips and tricks I
need to share if that's OK. Yeah, go for it.
OK, so I think a lot of people listening to this probably have
(36:05):
a cell phone and there are some I was, yeah.
There are some apps that have helped me track and manage my
mood and symptoms. There's also a virtual self
soothe kit. So the Virtual Hope Box is 1 app
that helped me. Have you heard of it?
(36:26):
Well, you I saw it in your notes, so I googled it.
Yeah. How we feel is an app that you
can use to track your moods and your symptoms.
And then of course, like Spotify, I have a self soothe
playlist. And then also on Instagram, you
know how you can like bookmark posts and like save them to like
(36:49):
a folder that you create? I have a self soothe folder.
So like I'll see this post that's just like so beautiful
about like a smiling baby and I'll just save it to myself.
Soothful. And then OK, so there's that tip
(37:09):
and trick. I want to say while I'm here
that I have listened to some of your episodes and I think I
will. Well, I'm going to keep
listening to all of the episodes, but so far the
episodes I've listened to, everyone who I have listened to
is a total badass. And I love them.
(37:31):
And I think that they are so brave because if you can talk
about your health condition and work to smash the stigma around
it, you are incredibly brave. And if someone is listening to
this and they aren't ready to share their story, that's OK
because we're here. And, you know, it's one step at
(37:57):
a time. So I have chosen to share my
mental health journey, for better or for worse, in hopes
that I may just inspire and encourage someone out there so
that they will not feel alone. Because for a very long time, I
felt alone in what I was going through when I was first
diagnosed. And it was a scary place to be.
(38:20):
Yeah. Of.
Course. And it's, it's always so amazing
to hear from someone else who's going through something similar.
So I, I genuinely commend you for being able to Share your
story and also for saying such sweet words about the other, the
other guests. It's it's awesome to hear that
you're also a listener of. Course I've I've enjoyed
(38:44):
listening along. I have to mention, sorry,
there's so much I could talk to you all day.
This is so fun. I need to start a podcast and
you will be my first guest. OK.
I'm writing a book. I don't know if I mentioned that
I'm writing a memoir. I was picked up by a publisher
(39:06):
and then we kind of broke up. I had just signed the contract.
She wasn't letting me choose like the title.
I, I pay for a cover to be designed like I couldn't use the
cover like it would be with any publisher.
So I'm just doing it independently, but I'm writing a
memoir. I'm very excited about it.
(39:26):
And you can follow along with meon Instagram.
I'm Lauren McNeese, under score writer or on sub stack at the
orange scarf. And if you're asking yourself
why is it called the orange scarf, you can head over to my
Instagram or my sub stack and read all about why it's called
the Orange scarf You. Love a little self promo.
(39:50):
Amazing, No, I'm so excited. When you get kind of closer to
releasing your memoir, please let me know.
I'd love to have you back on andwe can promote it a little bit
more so that more people can hear your story and connect with
you. Especially if they're less maybe
podcast girlies and more book girlies, then we can get them.
(40:10):
Get them on your book. That sounds amazing.
Yeah, it's, I'm planning to publish September 1st.
It's been a long time coming andit's been ready for a hot
minute, but I was waiting on thepublisher and then anyways,
yeah, September 1st. Mark your calendars.
Yay. Oh my gosh, that's so exciting.
Well. Lauren, I really enjoyed talking
(40:33):
to you today. I feel like you're so giggly and
bubbly and you dealt with my catbeing just an absolute monster
in the background this entire episode, so I love you.
Thank you. I love you too.
I need you to text me or not text me.
DN me your mailing address and Iwill put that book in the mail
(40:54):
for you. The Do it The one we just talked
about. That was also a good reminder,
guys. We did talk about all these
great books. So please, you know, if you want
to head on over to Patreon, you can see everything she talked
about in herself, Suit Kit. But yeah, Oh my gosh.
(41:17):
Of course, of course. And you'll have to send me yours
because I have a bunch of fun stuff I would love to send you
to add to yourself Suit Kit, because I honestly love that
idea so much. OK, well, Lauren, thank you for
being on the podcast listener. That is all we have for you.
Otherwise. I'm Clark, this is Lauren, and
(41:40):
this has been chronically the sickest podcast, you know.
That's all folks. Thank you so much for listening.
If you liked this episode, clickthat follow up button on your
podcast app of choice to get notified every other week.
You can find the podcast on Instagram and TikTok at
(42:01):
Chronically the Sickest Podcast.Let me know if you have any
questions or just want to chat. I love hearing from y'all.
Until next time, I'm Clark, and this has been Chronically the
Sickest podcast you know. Disclaimer, this is a
conversational podcast and whilewe make sure our diagnosis
(42:23):
journey, symptoms and treatment plan, this is not medical
advice. If you have any questions
regarding your health, please reach out to your doctor and
have a great day.
Hello folks, and welcome to Chronically the Sickest, the
podcast where we talk about all things that make us chronically
the sickest people we know. I'm Clark, your host.
It's nice to chat with you this week.
Join us as we dive into the episode, sit back, relax, and
enjoy the show. Hello.
(00:32):
Lauren and welcome to Chronically the Sickest Podcast.
I'm so excited to have you here.I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you for having me of. Course, thank you for dealing
with all of my tech issues this morning.
But to start us off, can you tell me and the listeners a
little bit about yourself? Absolutely.
(00:52):
So my name is Lauren. Most importantly, I love coffee.
So had to put that out there. First and foremost, I'm an avid
reader. I love yoga and I'm also a
writer. I write memoir.
Currently I am working as a certified nursing assistant in a
(01:16):
skilled nursing facility and I'mheaded back to school in the
fall. And on top of all of this, kind
of what we're going to be focusing on today is that I live
with and manage bipolar disordertype one on a day-to-day basis.
So I don't know, I guess you could say I'm chronically the
(01:40):
sickest person you know. Oh, that was funny.
We love. Oh my gosh.
OK, thank you. That was amazing.
And also I did see your note that you're like obsessed with
the butter pecan latte right now.
And I feel that that is like that with a little bit of the
blueberry syrup is like killer from Duncan I.
(02:01):
Haven't tried it with the blueberry syrup.
It tastes like a muffin. Oh my goodness, I will have to
try that next. OK, but good.
To know like it's so interestingthat you're kind of like in the
healthcare field and then also kind of have your own mental
health or chronic illness issuesas well.
(02:22):
So it's it's like an interestingparallel there.
Yes for sure. I think that it gives me a
perspective that folks I work with like my Co workers who
don't have any mental health conditions, like I have a
(02:44):
perspective that they may not share because of that, if that
makes sense. So I mean, we're not focusing on
this today, but I'll share briefly on my assignment at
work. It's a nursing facility, but
obviously there's some overlap because if you have psych issues
(03:06):
as a adults, they don't go away when you become geriatric adult.
And so we have two psych patients on our unit and they
are both on my assignment and none of my Co workers know
anything about my medical situation.
(03:27):
And so I don't necessarily plan to like share with them, but I
think it's very interesting justto observe like interactions
with patients and how I'm not trying to like toot my own horn
and be like, oh, I'm such a better like CNA with those
patients than they are. But I definitely come from a
(03:49):
different viewpoint. You know, I wore my hair and
braids all of last week because I was struggling with urges to
pull it out. And when we have psych patients
dealing with something similar, I'm not as quick to kind of like
judge. No, I think that it's very
helpful that you have that viewpoint and you can relate and
(04:14):
I think have a different level of empathy for your patients and
be able to be like, like you said, hey, this isn't like the
worst thing in the world. I'm not going to judge you for
it. I was literally just dealing
with it last week. You're just in a different
position than I am right now. So thank you for sharing.
OK, you kind of said it, but I want to ask the question.
(04:35):
What do you think makes you chronically the sickest person
you know? I know you had some thoughts on
this question as well. OK, so I'm an overthinker.
I overthink things. It's what I do, it's what I'm
good at. But the thoughts I had kind of
drafted up were like chronicallythe sickest.
(04:55):
It was like, and this is totallyme drafting these notes at
literally 4:30 AM, like last morning on my lunch break.
I was like, what makes me the sickest person I know, and what
makes me a sick person but not the sickest person is that I'm
(05:16):
drowning and we're all drowning and it's all kind of like, we're
all just drowning here together.It's a big drowning party and
I'm drowning maybe compared to one person in the ocean or maybe
compared to one person in a pool, but we're all drowning
because one person drowning in asmall body of water isn't
(05:39):
drowning any more than a person who is drowning in a big body of
water. That's where I was coming from.
That was the angle I was going to take.
I guess just to be difficult to go against the grain, that's
what I do best. No, I appreciate it.
I think you brought up a good point.
I I appreciated that you kind ofsent back some notes before the
episode to kind of make sure that we're both on the same
(06:01):
page, which I love. That's the whole point of like
telling guests in advance what questions I'll ask.
But yeah, you brought up the good point of nobody's sicker
than the next person. Like you said, we're all
drowning just maybe in differentbodies of water.
So thank you. That was also a great analogy.
Thank you. So to get into our topic for
(06:25):
today, which you already kind ofmentioned in your intro, which
we love is bipolar type 1. So tell me a little bit about
your experience with that, your diagnosis experience.
I I would love to hear your story.
Well, first of all, thank you for giving me the space to
(06:46):
share. It's so refreshing to have that
opportunity. There's obviously such a stigma
around these diagnosis, and I really, with my whole heart went
to work to break that. So let's see the spring of my
(07:07):
sophomore year of high school, kind of backtracking a little
bit, I experienced my first hypomanic episode and I wasn't
diagnosed with any sort of psychiatric condition until the
following fall when I fell into a severe depressive episode.
But the bipolar type 1 diagnosiswas solidified after I was put
(07:29):
on an SSRI to treat the depression.
SSR is if you have bipolar and are put on one, it will send you
9 times out of 10 straight into mania.
There are situations where people are on a lower dose or on
a dose of an SSRI with somethingelse, but for Lauren McNeese it
was a no go. So I went into a full blown
(07:53):
manic episode and was hospitalized.
At that point, you know, some things had to kind of change.
I started getting more specialized care from a
psychotherapist and a psychiatrist.
I started medication management.I started a different
(08:15):
therapeutic modality. I saw kind of in in the notes
about medical gaslighting and well, I did not experience that
personally. I know of many people who did.
And I can also go on and on and on and on and on about my
(08:36):
frustrations with our healthcaresystem.
I have a lot of thoughts and feelings and I don't know if
sharing them right now would be super productive, but I wanted
to say I haven't necessarily been gaslighted.
Like I went to the hospital and they were like you are manic,
but like it was never a. You know, next to you.
(08:59):
And they're like, yeah, that, that right there.
I, I joke around with like my treatment team, I'm like the GSM
5, you know, like the diagnosticmanual to diagnose bipolar and
other psych conditions. I'm like, it says bipolar type
(09:23):
1. And there is a picture of Lauren
McNeese. Like, it's not like I have
bipolar. It's like I am bipolar.
I am bipolar embodied. Like, not really.
But if you read through just like the signs and symptoms and
like, what does mania look like?What does depression look like?
(09:44):
It's like I check all of the boxes, my friend.
It's yeah, it's. No, that's, that's a lot.
But also it seems like your diagnosis process was very
streamlined, like you said, likeyou kind of were like dealt with
this, dealt with this was given this medication, obvious
(10:10):
reaction to the medication diagnosis like that just feels
very, I'm sure at the time it felt very like a lot going on at
the same time. But it's kind of crazy to almost
just hear like within a year youwere dealing with something and
they were like, Yep, that soundslike what you're dealing with.
Let's like get a handle on it. Right.
(10:34):
OK. I have a couple questions.
OK, Yes, yes, yay. Good.
It'd be crazy if you said no. You can I just I'll just be like
cool, I guess we'll talk. I don't know what are you into?
OK, so my first question is you kind of said that you were
(10:55):
dealing with hypomania. So if you could explain to both
me and perhaps the listeners what the difference between the
types of mania are, because I know there's hypo, there's
hyper, and then like obviously umbrella term, like you said,
mania. Is that OK?
Can I ask that of you? Yeah, of course, of course I
I'll give the definition as I understand it, hypomania is what
(11:18):
I refer to when I'm talking to my treatment team as quote UN
quote baby mania. So it might be like sleeping a
little bit less, but like still sleeping.
So like full blown mania would be like no sleep at all.
I've big as quarters like literally staring into your
soul, scary intensity levels. Like hypomania is just kind of
(11:45):
like less sleep, feeling a little silly goofy.
Like one time my therapist explained it to me, like some
people this is not recommended, but some people can have fun
when they're hypomanic and like,you know, take a little vacay
and like go on a spending spree and like, but you don't have fun
(12:07):
when you're full blown manic. You don't do silly, goofy fun
little things. You engage in risky and
impulsive behaviors. And you know, figure warning,
I've struggled a lot with like self harm, suicidality, things
like that whenever I've been in a manic or depressed state.
(12:29):
So I guess to kind of boil down my answer, like a hypomanic
state is like a slightly modified version of a manic
state, which I just realized also does not answer your
question, Luna. Rose yes, I think that answered
(12:54):
my question a lot. So mania is engaging in this
kind of risky like perhaps self harming behavior that would
impact your life. And then hypomania like you
said, is kind of like it's sillyquirky cousin that doesn't harm
as many people nor yourself. You can maybe have some fun when
(13:14):
you're hypomanic, but still not what you would want to be doing.
Yes. OK, OK, thank you.
Sorry I was like, oh, while I have you here, I have some
questions. So from what I understand,
bipolar is kind of like that roller coaster of like
(13:38):
depression and mania. Am I understanding the diagnosis
correctly? I also want to kind of hear from
you because I'm sure the listeners also are like, oh,
I've heard about bipolar. There's definitely some
connotations around it. So it'll be interesting to hear
your lived experience. OK, so I have bipolar type 1 and
(14:00):
what that is made-up of is a prolonged period of a depressive
state followed by a prolonged period of a manic state and then
bipolar type 2 which is what I was actually diagnosed with
first before I had my big girl mania episode.
(14:24):
No, you're good. I was OK.
I got. I get it now.
So bipolar type 1 being prolonged mania, prolonged
depression, bipolar type 2 beinghypomania and depression.
And it can be for shorter periods of time.
OK. That makes sense.
(14:46):
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Yeah. Thank you.
I'm just asking questions that Idon't know that I should be, but
OK. So we kind of understand your
diagnosis process and now it sounds like you are working with
a psychotherapist, you said, andthen a psychiatrist as well.
(15:09):
Yes. Awesome, we love a good care
team. So what is life looking like now
like have you figured out like agood medication or supplement
treatment plan? Like how are you managing these
symptoms on a day-to-day? OK so I love this question
(15:33):
because I love that I've gotten to a place in my journey where I
feel like I and in recovery I feel like on a day-to-day basis
I am living a very stable life. I take medication that has been
(15:53):
prescribed to me as it has been prescribed to me.
I'm on some mood stabilizers. Yay.
My Instagram bio for a very longtime said maybe she's born with
it. Maybe it's Lamictal?
How fun. And yeah, I had to part ways
with that one. But anyways, so medication
(16:18):
management is vital in my journey for sure.
And then I see a therapist once a week and it's kind of just
like on a weekly basis. Like what do I need from this
session? Is it more like crisis
management or is it more just like second mood symptoms?
(16:44):
Where are we at? What's the vibe?
What do we need to work on today?
It's not uncommon for bipolar tobe a Co occurring diagnosis so I
also have some trauma in my pastthat led to a complex post
traumatic stress disorder diagnosis and have coupled with
(17:07):
the bipolar diagnosis. So along the way I've had to do
some trauma work too. So to answer your question, yes,
Med management with the psychiatrist and then the
therapeutic modality that I willjust get on a soapbox for.
It's called dialectical behavioral therapy created by
(17:29):
Marsha M Lenihan, the queen herself.
It was originally created to treat borderline personality
disorder, but it's been used to treat many site conditions and
it's really like saved my life like made-up of four modules,
distress tolerance, emotional regulation, interpersonal
(17:51):
effectiveness, and mindfulness. And I've really learned how to
just like cope with day-to-day triggers through this therapy,
through working with my treatment team.
I think it's probably worth mentioning that, you know, I
(18:11):
shared I got this diagnosis whenI was 17.
I'm 22 now. And I just feel like I've gotten
to a place of stabilization. Like I've been in and out of
hospitals. I've been through two
residential treatment programs. Like, it's been a long,
difficult journey. It's taken a village.
(18:32):
But yeah, for anyone listening who has this condition or any
similar conditions, I just want them to know that they're not
alone. And like, if Lauren McNeese can
do it, you can do it. Because I am not that strong, I
promise you. So I'm really glad that you're
(18:54):
kind of talking about like how medication intervention and
finding like a therapy modality that works for you is a really
important part of a treatment plan.
And that you kind of said like you found your equilibrium.
Like it took you a couple of years, but you found like your,
your little, your little place where you're like, I feel like a
(19:15):
person. Yes, love that.
We love being able to feel like a person.
That is the goal. In life.
So tell me what other tools or tips and tricks that you can
maybe impart some wisdom on our listeners?
(19:36):
OK I love this question so much I'm trying to think of where to
start. Can I show you I brought myself
soothe kit? Yes.
Oh my gosh, you mentioned it in your notes Yes, I want to see
yourself soothe kit if I. Can.
OK, so that's my name. Isn't that so cute?
I got it off SC. OK, this is Part 1.
(19:57):
So of course my Airpods are a huge part of the self soothe
kit. They're like my go to anytime
I'm in distress. Pop in the Airpods.
Pop on the self soothe playlist Lark.
If you have not read this book, I will buy and send you a copy.
It's called the Do It Yourself guide to Fighting the Big
Motherfuking sad. You own this book.
(20:20):
No, but I have a therapy like bookshelf.
Oh my gosh, I'm adding that to my cart.
Can I buy it for you? Like, will you send me a mailing
address? OK, so there's that I can.
Buy my own book. Oh my gosh, OK, I love this.
No, it's not that you can't buy your own book, it's that I want
to because it's like a token of like thank you.
(20:41):
OK anyways, we'll talk later. OK And then also a cool tidbit.
A friend from Res X actually recommended this book.
So when I read it, I'm like, Oh,my friend from statement.
Okay, Tanner Olsens, keep hope close.
It's a slightly more serious piece.
These are just cute little booksthat I can just like throw in a
(21:04):
pencil pouch. Okay, A journal that my friend
gave me for my birthday to kind of just vent frustrations.
That's always helpful. Some scratch and sniff stickers
from Dutch Bros. Have you ever had Dutch Bros?
I know you're a Dunkin girly, but like Dutch Bros it has to be
a close second for me. I.
Have only been to Dutch Bros twice in my life but I did not
(21:26):
realize they had scratch and sniff stickers.
I'm obsessed. Well, it's only once a month.
They have sticker releases once a month.
OK, good to know. OK, I'm learning so much.
Oh my gosh. Yes, I have Lauren Mcneiss on
and you will learn so much. OK.
And then this is my picture book.
So one thing that I did kind of both in trauma therapy and in
(21:50):
DBT was develop a quote UN quotehappy place, which is somewhere
you can go with all five of yoursenses and EMDR, which is eye
movement desensitization and reprocessing.
It's a therapeutic modality usedto address trauma using
bilateral simulation of the brain to kind of like reprocess
(22:10):
traumatic memories. And you develop a happy place
that is known as like your innerpeaceful place that you can kind
of go to in these moments of distress and grind yourself,
anchor yourself. And it's important that there
are no other people there. It's just you in the space
because if you're ever in that moment of distress and say there
(22:32):
was someone in your happy place that you went to in your mind
and you had very strong feelingstowards that person.
Either way, it could be distressing, like not having
them physically in the space with you, you know?
Oh. I see.
Right, so these are all picturesI have of coffee and coffee
(22:53):
shops and rainbows, but there are no people in any of these
pictures in this book because this is myself, Soothe kit.
Oh, here is me at the library eating French fries under a sign
that says no food or drink. OK, that's myself soothe kit.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk 0.
My gosh audio listeners, please switch over to video.
(23:15):
This is so fun. We're getting like a whole tour
of the self soothe kit. And honestly, like as someone
who's autistic, I kind of love the idea of a self soothe kit.
So I love that this is kind of going to be helpful for multiple
facets of mental health. I'm going to tell you something
real quick. Do we have another minute?
(23:37):
Can I tell you something real quick?
Yeah. Girl go.
For it. OK so I was floated to a
different unit the other day. I was floated to the memory care
unit. This is related to what we're
talking about. I had the self soothe kit and
one of my Co workers is like we have this patient.
We can't really get her calm down.
Like do you happen to know of anywhere in the building where
(24:00):
they might have like a fidget orsomething that we can give her?
I said do not fear, Lauren Mcneice is here.
I pulled out a stick Taylor Swift mosaic sticker book.
I pulled out a coloring book. They were like oh you had the
right thing at the right time. I was like, you just got to pull
me to your unit more often. Like I, I have all the right
(24:22):
things at all the right times, you know, like that's what it's
like working with me. So anyways, can we talk about
meds real quick? Because I have all the Med hacks
to remember taking your meds to make taking your meds fun.
OK, so I have the same medication that I take every
(24:42):
single morning and every single night.
OK, the pharmacy, if you have more than one or I guess even if
you just had one, we'll put themin little.
They're called blister packs foryou.
So like I see on social media and everywhere people having to
go through the task of sorting their pills into like a pill
(25:06):
box. I used to have to do that, but
now I have the same meds that I take every day and they're not
adjusted like they used to be. And the pharmacy puts them in
blister packs. And then if I have a day where I
forget to take them, I will knowthe day I forgot to take them
because they're dated. And then I'll just throw it in
(25:27):
like my bag myself, suit kit, mycar.
And if I ever forget, be like, oh wait, I have this extra, I
can take it now. So there's that.
Also, if you have to take medicine and you have any sort
of feelings around taking medicine, 10 out of 10 I have
these pink martini glasses that I drink water out of when I take
(25:53):
it. Makes taking medicine more fun.
Why are you looking at me like I'm?
Crazy. No, you're not crazy.
Sorry, I just I've never thoughtabout that before of having a
fun. It's like glass to take medicine
with. Yeah, it's just like, I mean,
taking medication for bipolar disorder kind of like sucks, you
know, Like it just every single morning when I take it, I'm
(26:16):
like, I have to take this medicine to treat this thing
that I will have with me foreverand always on this side of
heaven, you know, like it's likeno fun.
It's just like a constant reminder that I have bipolar and
I wish it weren't. So, you know, like, I don't know
that I would like choose to havebipolar disorder.
(26:36):
Like it is a real pain at times.But taking medicine can be a one
of many tools to help me manage it.
So, yeah, I've also seen on Instagram, if you only take one
Med and you can remember to put the one Med in like a gumball
(27:00):
machine, I guess. Miniature one, yes.
Yeah. But see, I can't do that because
I take several, but I thought that was pretty cool too.
But the pink martini glasses, 10out of 10 recommend.
I'll send you one. Send me your mailing address.
I need to put together a care package for you dude.
(27:23):
I feel like I'm already getting so much from this episode and
apparently literally as well. But I had not thought about the
blister pack idea. I think that's genius for
anyone. Like, I'm just thinking of,
yeah, like the people who maybe like, forget their meds or
they're like, oh, shoot, did I take it today?
(27:45):
Because I know that they do have, like, those timer caps for
pill bottles that people use. OK, so I am literally loving all
of the tips and tricks that you have given us.
And I really appreciate that youkind of like focused on
medication for a hot second there because you're totally
right. Like that is one of those things
where it's like most of us, whether or not it's like a
(28:08):
mental health condition or a physical health condition, are
taking some sort of pills. So any type of like, fun little
thing like a little martini glass or the bubble gum machine,
like I have a little pill organizer and you click the
button in the middle and it'll like move it around and it looks
like an orange. So like each slice of the orange
(28:29):
has all your pills in it. So it's like making anything fun
is, yeah, like the whole point. Because if we're going to have
to deal with this for the rest of your life, you might as well
have fun with it. I've tried to tell you
something, OK, I went through a season, a 90 day trial period of
(28:49):
this where I wrote affirmations on the blister packs.
So like I had all of these like negative beliefs surrounding
taking medication. And at the time I was also like
reevaluating my faith and what that looks like.
And so I sat down with a sharpieand my blister packs and I wrote
(29:14):
like, I am lovable, I am worthy,I am capable like 1 affirmation
on each blister pack. I still have that picture
somewhere. I'll have to send it to you,
but. Please do.
Oh my gosh, that is so sweet. And that that's so smart because
honestly, yeah, taking medication like that is one of
(29:34):
those things where you're like, I wish my body would work the
correct way. I wish my brain did not need
extra chemicals, but it does. So these are all amazing tips.
Like, I love how prepared you came and you were.
Like, here are the cool things that I do.
And I know that the listeners are going to love this episode.
(29:57):
So. OK, so actually I can, I like
backtrack for a hot second here.Yeah, of course I know that
we're kind of like in the tips and tricks section of the
podcast, but it's my podcast, soI'm going to backtrack.
You had mentioned that you were diagnosed with both CPTSD and
(30:20):
bipolar, and I think that's really interesting to have both
at the same time. I know you said that
comorbidities super common, which we all kind of know if you
have any type of condition, you're like, right.
And then this is also my conditions friend Dave comes
with it. But was it or is it, is it hard
(30:41):
at all to differentiate the symptoms or like your lived
experience with the two conditions?
Because I know that there is a little bit of overlap, like in
the sense of like depression andkind of figuring out is that
some I don't know, do I? I don't really know what
question I'm asking. Are you understanding at all
(31:01):
what I'm saying? Yes, absolutely.
And I am also going to backtrackfor a second.
So I, you know, was like in and out of seeing a counselor,
therapist, someone to talked to in that setting since like the
(31:25):
second grade. Like I had a pretty challenging
upbringing. I had a lot of just things going
on and I was like diagnosed withanxiety at a super young age.
And then in middle school they added depression and then got to
(31:48):
high school and it was bipolar. And then I went.
So I was just kind of playing ping pong around trying to
figure out what was what, what was causing this.
And the after so many hospitalizations and so much
(32:08):
treatment, I admitted to a 90 day residential psychiatric
program. And during that time, I
underwent a comprehensive psychiatric screening, which
gave me some official diagnosis on paper, you got to name it
(32:30):
detainment. It wasn't everything, but it was
very, very helpful, useful knowledge.
So on paper, my diagnosis are actually not just bipolar, but I
have bipolar type 1, generalizedanxiety disorder, borderline
personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and wait,
(32:52):
should I say complex post traumatic disorder.
There's five. There's a total.
Of five. But you have said it.
There is a total of five. OK, so I kind of, it's
definitely a struggle like living with five site conditions
and not automatically knowing what is what.
Because for example, I'll use this as an example, I went
(33:15):
through trauma therapy for a hotminute and one thing like in
trauma therapy is taking a negative core belief and
replacing it with a positive core belief like an EMDR.
You take like I am unlovable, desensitize your brain to that
(33:35):
negative core memory that you associated with I am unlovable
recenter, focus on to I am lovable.
You have like a target belief. Well, and so you'll be saying to
yourself, I am lovable, kind of like reassurance.
I went through OCD treatment, onthe other hand, and exposure and
(33:57):
response prevention is all aboutlearning to sit with the
discomfort. So like the main phrase being
like, wait, do you have OCD? You're nodding along.
I felt like I read on Instagram.OK, yes, sorry.
I should have been more prepared.
No, no, no, I'm, I'm loving this.
(34:18):
I think it's so funny to have itbe like, OK, so you're gonna
really focus on reassuring yourself.
Then for this other thing you need to focus on not reassuring
yourself. Exactly, it was such a struggle.
Like I would be like though, forexample, like I mentioned
struggling with pulling out my hair or scratching my arms.
(34:39):
It was like, is that related to the trauma?
Is that related to the OCD? And so my therapist would be
like, you've got like listen to the like, is it OCD talking to
you right now? Or is it the like, you know,
it's just a, it's a tricky game to play to try.
(35:02):
And like, in a lot of ways, I felt like it was one quote
treatment, whack A mole, where it's like I have this one thing
under control and then another thing pops up.
So yeah, did that answer your question?
I forgot what your original question was.
Yeah, yeah, that kind of answered.
I just was wondering with multiple diagnosis it is, is it
(35:23):
hard to differentiate between like what symptoms are what?
And I feel like you answered like, yeah, it's freaking hard
to play treatment, whack A mole and figure out how to deal with
it. So thank you.
I that answered my question. So before we kind of wrap up the
episode, is there anything else that you want to share, like any
(35:45):
more tips and tricks or any any tidbits you think would help the
listeners? I have more tips and tricks I
need to share if that's OK. Yeah, go for it.
OK, so I think a lot of people listening to this probably have
(36:05):
a cell phone and there are some I was, yeah.
There are some apps that have helped me track and manage my
mood and symptoms. There's also a virtual self
soothe kit. So the Virtual Hope Box is 1 app
that helped me. Have you heard of it?
(36:26):
Well, you I saw it in your notes, so I googled it.
Yeah. How we feel is an app that you
can use to track your moods and your symptoms.
And then of course, like Spotify, I have a self soothe
playlist. And then also on Instagram, you
know how you can like bookmark posts and like save them to like
(36:49):
a folder that you create? I have a self soothe folder.
So like I'll see this post that's just like so beautiful
about like a smiling baby and I'll just save it to myself.
Soothful. And then OK, so there's that tip
(37:09):
and trick. I want to say while I'm here
that I have listened to some of your episodes and I think I
will. Well, I'm going to keep
listening to all of the episodes, but so far the
episodes I've listened to, everyone who I have listened to
is a total badass. And I love them.
(37:31):
And I think that they are so brave because if you can talk
about your health condition and work to smash the stigma around
it, you are incredibly brave. And if someone is listening to
this and they aren't ready to share their story, that's OK
because we're here. And, you know, it's one step at
(37:57):
a time. So I have chosen to share my
mental health journey, for better or for worse, in hopes
that I may just inspire and encourage someone out there so
that they will not feel alone. Because for a very long time, I
felt alone in what I was going through when I was first
diagnosed. And it was a scary place to be.
(38:20):
Yeah. Of.
Course. And it's, it's always so amazing
to hear from someone else who's going through something similar.
So I, I genuinely commend you for being able to Share your
story and also for saying such sweet words about the other, the
other guests. It's it's awesome to hear that
you're also a listener of. Course I've I've enjoyed
(38:44):
listening along. I have to mention, sorry,
there's so much I could talk to you all day.
This is so fun. I need to start a podcast and
you will be my first guest. OK.
I'm writing a book. I don't know if I mentioned that
I'm writing a memoir. I was picked up by a publisher
(39:06):
and then we kind of broke up. I had just signed the contract.
She wasn't letting me choose like the title.
I, I pay for a cover to be designed like I couldn't use the
cover like it would be with any publisher.
So I'm just doing it independently, but I'm writing a
memoir. I'm very excited about it.
(39:26):
And you can follow along with meon Instagram.
I'm Lauren McNeese, under score writer or on sub stack at the
orange scarf. And if you're asking yourself
why is it called the orange scarf, you can head over to my
Instagram or my sub stack and read all about why it's called
the Orange scarf You. Love a little self promo.
(39:50):
Amazing, No, I'm so excited. When you get kind of closer to
releasing your memoir, please let me know.
I'd love to have you back on andwe can promote it a little bit
more so that more people can hear your story and connect with
you. Especially if they're less maybe
podcast girlies and more book girlies, then we can get them.
(40:10):
Get them on your book. That sounds amazing.
Yeah, it's, I'm planning to publish September 1st.
It's been a long time coming andit's been ready for a hot
minute, but I was waiting on thepublisher and then anyways,
yeah, September 1st. Mark your calendars.
Yay. Oh my gosh, that's so exciting.
Well. Lauren, I really enjoyed talking
(40:33):
to you today. I feel like you're so giggly and
bubbly and you dealt with my catbeing just an absolute monster
in the background this entire episode, so I love you.
Thank you. I love you too.
I need you to text me or not text me.
DN me your mailing address and Iwill put that book in the mail
(40:54):
for you. The Do it The one we just talked
about. That was also a good reminder,
guys. We did talk about all these
great books. So please, you know, if you want
to head on over to Patreon, you can see everything she talked
about in herself, Suit Kit. But yeah, Oh my gosh.
(41:17):
Of course, of course. And you'll have to send me yours
because I have a bunch of fun stuff I would love to send you
to add to yourself Suit Kit, because I honestly love that
idea so much. OK, well, Lauren, thank you for
being on the podcast listener. That is all we have for you.
Otherwise. I'm Clark, this is Lauren, and
(41:40):
this has been chronically the sickest podcast, you know.
That's all folks. Thank you so much for listening.
If you liked this episode, clickthat follow up button on your
podcast app of choice to get notified every other week.
You can find the podcast on Instagram and TikTok at
(42:01):
Chronically the Sickest Podcast.Let me know if you have any
questions or just want to chat. I love hearing from y'all.
Until next time, I'm Clark, and this has been Chronically the
Sickest podcast you know. Disclaimer, this is a
conversational podcast and whilewe make sure our diagnosis
(42:23):
journey, symptoms and treatment plan, this is not medical
advice. If you have any questions
regarding your health, please reach out to your doctor and
have a great day.
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