June 4, 2025 • 51 mins
Welcome to Chronically The Sickest - the sickest podcast you know.
On today’s episode I’m joined by my mama, Kate (yay!)
We get into overstimulation, familial trauma patterns and how to find your people.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Hello folks, and welcome to Chronically the Sickest, the
podcast where we talk about all things that make us chronically
the sickest people we know. I'm Clark, your host.
It's nice to chat with you this week.
Join us as we dive into the episode, sit back, relax, and
enjoy the show. Welcome, mom, to Chronically the
(00:33):
Sickest Podcast. Thanks.
Hello. I'm excited that you're here.
Me too. So since your main episode
hasn't come out yet, can you introduce yourself to the
listeners? I mean, I know you.
But hello, I'm Kate. I am mother of Clark for the
amount of time that you've been alive, which is the amount of
(00:55):
time that I'll think of later. What do you do for work and what
do you do for hobbies? Oh.
OK, these are great questions. I work as a director at our
church with junior high students, so I teach and survive
and thrive with junior high students.
I also manage a coffee shop, which is like a whole different
set of skills. And then things that I do for
(01:17):
fun. I'm obsessed with birds.
It'll probably be old news, but there are these super famous
eagles in Big Bear, California right now.
And they had three baby eaglets this year.
One of them passed away, two of them have like grown up.
They just revealed the identity of the second one.
So they're 2 girls. And then literally yesterday,
Sunny, one of the girl eaglets fledged and flew out of the
(01:41):
tree. And how beautiful.
If I'm not obsessed with eagles,I'm obsessed with Hawks.
So you've. Been you've been Yes, you have a
flavor of autism. No, I've known you to pull over
to the side of the road because there's a cool hawk really close
by. Yep.
So. Yeah.
So I like that. OK, thank you for explaining who
(02:03):
you are. So you like birds, You work at a
church and you manage a coffee shop.
I love Kitty cats. We have 2 cats.
Yes, 2 cats, two dogs. Both of the dogs are a bit
awesome. Yep.
OK. Yep.
Yep. Yeah.
No, we said. This.
I'm a cat person. Yeah, I, I.
Love my dogs but I'm a cat person.
(02:24):
Yes, which you passed down to mebecause I now have 3 cats, which
I feel like is bordering on muchtoo many cats.
Yes, which that's a whole thing with women's interests and
whether or not we just think it's weird because they're
probably all autistic and that'swhy they don't talk to people.
Have 17 cats. That's true.
And that's why we don't like them as people, but also because
(02:44):
their house smells like litter. Yeah, that feels like.
That's a. Fact.
Like yes, socially maybe they'renot doing so hot because their
house smells like urine, but it's OK.
But that's OK. And we're trying our best.
So lol this is going great. I'm literally going no.
So tell me about yourself. And you're like, what do you
wanna know? I don't know.
Everything. You know everything about me
(03:05):
already. Yeah.
But I appreciate you sharing with me and the listeners who
you are. It's always really fun to get to
know people. But also like, I already know
you because you're my mom. So this is very special to have
you on the podcast, but. It's a privilege for me as your
mom to be on your podcast. It's very fun.
I I love getting to have you in my little studio, but today I
(03:27):
wanted to do a topical episode with you, which is where we
essentially address different topics that are very much like
in the media or something that everyone's talking about and is
a little bit of a hot topic. Which love it.
Christina, one of my friends from the podcast came up with,
she's like, oh, topical, like burn cream.
Like you need burn cream becauseit's so hot you would need a
(03:49):
topical. And I thought that was really
funny. And so I'm like, honestly.
Burn cream is a topical solutionas well.
It is, but she was like. Oh, obviously we're talking
about topical creams. And I was like, obviously, yeah.
I was like, oh, no. But then she said it and I was
like, and you know what? You're not wrong, OK?
Yep, down. So today I wanted to talk about
(04:12):
something with you which I thought would be really
interesting, which is autism andparenting.
So both the ability to raise kids with autism because you
were just blessed with so many, and then also your experience as
an autistic parent because I think that also shifts the
dynamic. Great.
OK. So I wanted to ask first.
(04:35):
So you have 4 kids and I would say about three of the four are
autistic. Yeah, 100%, no doubt.
I think what's really interesting is I think we could
even back up even more in that I, so I was diagnosed about a
year and a half ago on the spectrum.
(04:55):
I'm currently 44. So like, this was late news for
me and honestly, I can thank youfor that because I, you went
through that whole process on your own and someone at some
point or yourself just deduced that I also am a spectrum
(05:16):
Lander. So even with all of that, me
learning that I'm a mom of an, ahuman with autism, I am a mom
with autism. I will never be able to confirm,
but I am pretty darn sure that my mom was on the spectrum as
well. And she presents in the same way
that your youngest sister does, very similar, like wildly
(05:38):
similar. And there's definitely traits
that I think you carry as well. But I think the most fascinating
part was learning that autism presents differently in girls
than it is in boys, and how muchresearch had not been given to
that. And now that it has been given
eyes, just like literally every other ailment in the whole
flipping world, like, PS guess what?
(06:00):
There's two flipping genders andwe present things differently.
Surprise, that's crazy. Anyway, sorry, hot take topical
cream. It's OK.
So it's just like, it's been a really interesting journey just
in this last year and a half to kind of see confirmation that my
3 girls who are incredible and Iabsolutely love are all
(06:24):
different from the rest of the world in this special way.
But so am I. And yeah, I think also like
growing up with a mom who I believe was on the spectrum and
then being surrounded by kids that are on the spectrum, I it's
like I wouldn't even notice. These are all my people.
(06:46):
Like I feel the most comfortablewith.
I loved being with my mom. I love hanging out with you guys
because it's so unfiltered. And so just like we are who we
are. We don't have to mask, we don't
have to fake anything. We just are ourselves.
So that didn't come with a heavyprice or anything growing up?
Yeah, but it also didn't really come with a manual I'm assuming.
(07:07):
No, no, parenting's hard for anyone.
You blessed me as the most strong willed child in the whole
entire world. I said blessed.
I meant that it made me stronger.
Hey, you know what, right back at you.
If we're being mean, that's. True.
You're right. You're right.
I'm sorry. We all survived each other.
(07:28):
That's a fact. No, it's OK.
I, I wanna hear how it was like raising your autistic children,
obviously before you knew like you yourself were, but like, how
was it? Like you have mom friends, like
I have cousins all around my same age.
So you have all these people whoyou got to parent with and like
(07:49):
have a village, but your kids were a little wonky, a little
different. Like how was that?
Cause like you said, it's hard to tell when you're surrounded
by them all the time. Being like, you're just like the
people I know, but you're not really like all these other
kids. Right.
And I think I don't want to excuse it, but I also feel like
(08:09):
because of how I grew up, I experienced a lot of what you
guys experienced, but I didn't realize that that was different.
I mean, I knew that like I was awkward and I feel like I never
fit in. And so when you weren't invited
to things with your cousins or when you guys were naturally not
(08:33):
gathered into a group of people,to me it was like, well, that's
a bummer. But like, is life any different
for anyone else? You're like, just try harder.
But like, that's, but that's what I experienced growing up
myself. And so it wasn't like, oh, this
is a travesty. I need to go fight someone.
I mean, it was a bummer, but forme, I learned a lot of coping
(08:56):
and a lot of masking so that I could fit in.
And I mean, that comes at a price.
There's definitely, I have carried that into my adulthood,
I'll say that. But raising you guys, I had like
a very wildly limited amount of patience.
Like gentle parenting would havelasted for like 10 minutes in my
(09:19):
life. There's no way because I lived
over stimulated. Like I lived over stimulated 24
hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days, like I was over
stimulation, the embodiment of it.
And so having a child first you who was is my beautiful oldest
number one daughter. You were so strong willed which
(09:41):
bless because you know what the world wouldn't wouldn't run
without first born daughters. You say as a first born
daughter. I say as a first born daughter,
it's a real cool club and it's real factual.
Anyway, you had a. Strong willed child.
I had a strong willed child and it's just, it was so hard to
like correct you, but then like teach you, but then be like, oh,
also here's your brother and then also here's your sister.
(10:04):
And then guys, stop fighting. Oh my goodness, we have to go to
this place. Like we can't not have
groceries. OK, go into Walmart, have some
guys scream from three aisles over.
Shut that thing up. And I'm like, what the farts,
dude? Like you do it.
You do it like it was like, I amso glad I'm not in that season
(10:27):
anymore. And when I see other people with
kids, I'm like, if you wanna tell them to shut up, I'll fight
you for them so well. That's nice of you.
Yeah, 'cause I think people needto mind their damn business.
Weird. You have a strong sense of
justice. That's so weird.
I wonder where you get that from.
It might be your neuroses. We could diagnose all day.
Come on. Yeah.
So I think, I think the headliner for raising all four
(10:51):
of you guys as an autistic parent was that I was just
wildly overstimulated all the time and I couldn't figure out
how to regulate. Like I was given no tools.
It was just like, figure it out.My greatest tool, I don't even
know if you remember, was that Iwould say, let's pretend it's a
new day. Let's take a nap right now.
(11:11):
I'm gonna be like one minute nap, one minute nap, and we're
gonna wake up and it's a new day, ready.
Let's go. And then I would just be like,
OK, one minute, one minute, 1 minute, let's just get through
this minute, OK? It's a new day.
I'm doing it. K guys, new day.
Calm down. I'm sorry I'm laughing at your
(11:32):
pain but like. That was the only coping skill
that I could come up with, but yeah.
Do you feel like you've like, found other coping skills now or
do you think it's just differentbecause we're grown 'cause I
mean, I think one of the things you said to me was you were
like, I, I made my own people and the people are just like me.
(11:54):
So we get along really well. So it's like now it's great.
But when they're children, yeah,I can't imagine.
Yeah, I don't think I had any other coping skills.
As for now, I don't think that Ido.
I think I've learned to surroundmyself with people that enjoy my
unfilteredness. I've learned how to.
(12:17):
I mean, it's kind of crazy that I work with junior highers.
Yeah, I was just hanging out with Lily, my other sister for
the listeners, and she was saying something that I really
related to. And I think that you might,
which is that there's organized sound and there's unorganized
sound. An organized sound is like
something that you can predict. You know what's gonna happen and
(12:39):
you understand how to prepare for it.
It's literally feeling prepared for the sensory experience.
So like she was explaining that she can go to a concert and if
she's listening to music, she knows when the bum bum is gonna
come. But I assume that's kind of the
same with like you go to work, you know when they're gonna
scream, You know, when the microphone's on, you're on the
microphone at work. So it's like.
(13:00):
Well, yes, and actually now thatyou're saying that, I've been
able to be really honest with mystaff who PS, are the greatest
people on the planet and they always have been, even though
it's like a rotating group of homies over the last several
years. But I'm really honest with my
staff. So they know if we play a
balloon popping game, Kate's notthere that weekend or we only do
(13:21):
that on the mid weeks that Kate's not there.
Like balloon popping is not for me.
And Yep, that's it. So being able to kind of share
with my people around me here, here are my limits for you Got
me loop earplugs. So praise God for those.
Oh my gosh. But I probably use those most at
home because I think there's people who accept your.
(13:47):
I don't want to call them limitations.
You're like quirks. Yeah.
And then there's other people who dismiss them.
And no hate. No hate, but they're well.
So the guy I married. OK OK quick quick little
disclaimer. We love our dad but our poor dad
(14:08):
has been married into a family of all autistic and
neurodivergent people and so himhimself do like he does not
relate he's. The minority in our house.
Which is weird. Which I was actually processing
the other day. So maybe we should give him way
more grace because if you are ina family where you're the only
(14:30):
autistic one, which honestly is kind of how I felt growing up
because my mom didn't know that she was labeled with the special
different title that we all havelike.
Quiet autism I don't know how tolike.
Until she wasn't. She beat me in the head with a a
hair brush once. This was her over stimulation
response. She's dead and CPS can't come
now. And even if she could, I'd fight
(14:50):
them off because I love her so much.
I. Love her too too but she was a
character. She was wild.
But like, I grew up in a family where I felt so different and
like, OK, I just don't feel comfy here.
So praise the Lord, I had all ofyou guys and created my own
village of weirdos. But now Papa, which is what we
(15:12):
call him, he's the minority. He's the one who doesn't fit in.
And so it is kind of hard for him to learn this as a bystander
as opposed to like, I've always felt this way.
And so I am now feeling affirmedthat I'm not just crazy that,
you know, I can't listen to crunching noises or I can't have
(15:33):
lights be too bright or I can't have loud noises happen.
Suddenly. I've had all of these things be
affirmed that like, am fine, butthere's an explanation for all
of it. Whereas he has just had to be
like, sure, I just can't chew anything in my own house.
Like I work 60 hours a week and I pay for everything, but I
can't chew chips. Like, yes, that is that does
(15:57):
seem wild. That is fair.
But also, please never shoot chips, you know?
So he's, he's had his own journey, which I feel like takes
a lot more time because he hasn't experienced it
internally, right? He didn't grow up like this, he
grew up in a loud family. Everyone has their own things
going on, but you can do whatever you want.
(16:17):
Yeah, so that's it's a whole ownside episode if you ever feel
like doing that. But all that to say, I think
that I've learned all of my weird things.
I can express those to people outside typically and say, hey,
this is what I struggle with, orlike, please don't do this.
And either they accept it and they honor it or they dismiss it
(16:42):
and say, I don't think that's real.
And I think you're just being particular, honestly.
I've been so blessed to be surrounded by people who hear it
and accept it and honor it. So I think that's been my most
favorite part of this journey outside of like realizing I just
created my own village of weirdos, so.
(17:04):
So, OK, first of all, thank you for sharing that.
I know that that's kind of a lot.
I mean, like you knew what we were going to talk about today,
but it's still like a very closeand personal thing to discuss,
especially because I'm putting this on the Internet.
But like, I appreciate you saying that.
And I also kind of want to ask because when I originally asked
(17:28):
like, OK, did you figure out anything else?
Like what helped you once you, you know, realized, like looking
back, you were over stimulated all the time, all the time.
Like as your daughter, I could see as I got older, I was like,
my gosh, I was like, there's never a moment where you don't
have wet anger, which I didn't know, like over stimulation.
Like you just constantly were like, I'm gonna cry if you talk.
(17:51):
And I'm like, OK, cool. Which was confusing as a kid,
but as an adult, like I get like, that's also why I think
you were a great Mama and I really love you now.
And you always call me your first pancake because it was
hard to make the first pancake. It always is.
It always is, it turns out. Weird.
Some people capitalize on it andjust crush life, so it's fine.
It's OK guys, I have a podcast now like everyone else, but like
(18:16):
seeing how like parenting can beover stimulating and like the
emotional regulation you need isso much.
And like I know for myself, likeI don't think I can be a Mama.
Like I'd I know from the way that you parented and like you
going through now and like therapy and figuring out like,
(18:38):
oh, I am autistic. Like I have that information
now. And so you paid my dumb tax, as
Larry Osbourne likes to say so. Sad.
I know, but like, I like I love you.
And we were talking about beforethis, like, I could not wish for
a better Mama. Like, I don't want to be raised
by someone who's not autistic. You grew up with an autistic mom
(19:00):
and you didn't know. But one of the things that you
said to me when I told you, hey,I have something to tell you.
I was diagnosed as autistic likea year ago.
And I've been trying to figure out a way to tell you.
And you started crying. I might start crying now.
Oh no, Oh no. But like one of the things you
said, and you said it here is that you didn't know I was
(19:23):
different. You just thought that you were
just like my mom and you were just like me and you're just
like your sisters, like you didn't know.
I think that obviously knowing now, that makes a really big
difference. And like, like you said, you can
give yourself grace. You can find people who honor
who you are and F the haters. Amen.
(19:44):
Yeah, I'm not swearing because you're here.
I say it on every episode I go. I try to be better because my
mom might listen to this, which I know you don't care that much
personally. Do not care.
I my work might care. I didn't swear at all on this
episode, but I like I'm gratefulthat I was raised by you.
(20:04):
And I think that the joy that you bring to our lives.
Like I have the little book outside of my living room that
says my autistic Mama. And it's like all about how.
My Mama gets over stimulated sometimes, but she also gets
really joyful and she like, loves to take us places.
And you just experience things so differently.
(20:25):
And I'm grateful that I don't have a neurotypical mom.
But like, growing up that was very hard.
Like it was weird not to understand why you were like
that and why you were angry. Yeah, I think golly, I think
there's definitely, I had to really push to get your sister
diagnosed and a lot of that, thequestions behind why would you
(20:47):
have her go through that processand why would I have me go
through that process as a 43 year old woman and your sister
at the time was 15. It's like, well, why, why do you
want to do that? Do you like want to get her all
these Ieps and like use the system?
And for myself, I realize how much damage I caused as a mom.
(21:15):
Like I'm not proud of being overstimulated all the time.
I'm not proud of my responses tolike every day of you guys
growing up. And it was like, I caused a lot
of damage and I love you. And I don't mean to cause that
(21:35):
damage. There's all like I needed for
myself to go through that diagnosis process to understand
myself better. Yeah, it's literally like the
best personality test you could do because.
You're in any a gram autistic. Yes, because it explains so much
(22:01):
and it doesn't justify it because I don't want to say
like, sucks to be my child, get over it.
I'm autistic and overstimulated.That's your life.
No, like I still need to have ownership over that.
And I do like, I'm really sorry,really, really sorry.
I wish I could be better, but great news.
(22:22):
I don't have to go through that season again ever in my life.
So there we go. But even for myself, there's
things in my work life that I'm not like other people and I
have. And it blows my mind because
I've literally sat in therapy and been like in tears going I
am not like these other people. My brain doesn't work like them
(22:43):
and I don't know why. And to get so frustrated with
myself to go through the diagnosis experience and be like
this is freaking why. It explains so much.
And I wouldn't say that I'm broken.
I think that's what I would havesaid before.
Like my brain's broken. It doesn't work the right way.
(23:05):
I think now it's just understanding how it works and
saying it just works differently.
And that's totally fine. Autism is my superpower.
I literally hate that line. But here we are.
So I think if anyone's feeling that feeling of why am I not
(23:26):
like everyone else or why do I feel so deficient?
Why do I feel so broken? What if you went on this
journey? What if you you don't need to
self diagnose, but what if you gave yourself that grace?
It said my brain just works different and that's allowed.
Also, you getting my youngest sister diagnosed like nest
(23:49):
diagnosed when she is not an adult.
Like I was so excited for her. And yes, it is scary.
And it's like people will be like, oh, you're just doing that
to like, yeah, cheat the system,use all that, get a five O 4
plan, which, spoiler alert, her school doesn't.
Even offer those. Which is wow.
Anyway, sorry, I was so. Yeah, so who cares?
(24:12):
But like, just the fact that shehas that option now, like she
knows her brain is not broken, can give herself grace and also
the people around her can give her grace.
Like you said, surrounding yourself with people and being
like, hey, my brain works a little differently and I'm
going, OK, cool, how can I help with that versus Yeah, So like,
(24:32):
everyone has hard days. It's hard to get out of bed
sometimes. I'm like, you don't understand.
The birds are chirping and and the, the the the, the.
Like all my spoons and I'm stillin bed.
Like it just like I'm excited for her to have that in her back
pocket, like have that in, have us in her corner.
Yeah, so like I feel like I, I feel like it was an opportunity
(24:54):
to heal her mentally, to accept herself sooner than I ever got
from me. It's like, it's like in the in
the Disney Channel movies, it's like, it's like this is your
dream. No, Dad, this is your.
Dream it was. She lived my dream for me.
But it's a good way. Yes, in like a healing way for
everyone involved. Yes, yes.
So yeah, that was definitely an interesting experience, that
(25:18):
whole process, but it I'm grateful for it.
And and I'll say we also don't have wildly like disabling
autism like they're obviously are levels and we're in a very,
I know high functioning is not the word anymore, but we
function very well. We have lower support needs than
(25:40):
most people. I can have a conversation with
you and I can hold eye contact. And yes, if there's a loud
noise, I might get very overstimulated and I might not
always read your social cues or sarcasm, which actually,
ironically, I think that our superpower, not our autism, is
sarcasm. I think we speak sarcasm so
fluently that I think with my younger sister, she doesn't
(26:01):
understand what their sarcasm stops and that's her autism.
That's true. She's like, oh, and let me get
this next jab in and you're like, oh, wait, no, no, wait,
no, that was bullying. We can't do that.
We can't do that. We only do that at home.
Yes, in our. In our fun little bubble.
Yeah. Can I Can I ask a question?
Of course. Well, good 'cause we're here and
you. Good 'cause I showed up for
(26:22):
that. Good.
Well, you can always say no, butI always kind of wanted to ask
now that you are diagnosed and like, obviously Ness is like, I
always wonder for me and I'm definitely out of the grief
cycle now. Obviously you go through it a
bunch when you're late diagnosedas you know, you're like you're
like and why and how and and like after the nice, like, Oh my
(26:45):
gosh, I'm so glad. I'm like, I understand, I'm
different. And then you like go through all
these horrible emotions afterwards.
Like I always wonder like would you have ever gotten us
diagnosed like when we were younger?
Obviously Nest now is diagnosed,but I always think about it like
do you think that that would have made a difference for us?
(27:10):
This is your friendly reminder that you are listening to this
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(27:33):
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(27:59):
Do you want my real answer? Yeah, 'cause I also have a
follow up question. Yeah.
I would like to say yes, but in reality I think I would still be
too afraid. I think I would be a coward and
I didn't want to stand out more.And I don't think I would have
(28:21):
been in a place to be able to say like, oh, we're all
different. I think I'm more secure now with
like, I'm different. Suck it, you know?
But I don't think, I don't thinkthat I was emotionally mature.
Like I'm so emotionally mature now.
I don't think I would have been emotionally mature enough to do
that. I think part of my flavor is
(28:43):
that I really am not mature. Well, that's why you get to work
with junior highers. That is everyone.
Around you acts like a child. It's amazing.
Yeah, I'm kind of worried about when I don't work with them and
then I just seem like a child with adults.
Yeah. So I mean.
At someone, you're like and you know what?
I mean, I would have, I don't know, I think in reality, I
(29:06):
don't think I ever would have diagnosed you guys sooner 'cause
that would have, I would have had to be farther along on my
own journey. And I had you guys so young that
I that I wouldn't. Yeah, I wasn't there yet.
You had three kids by my age. I'm almost 24.
Yeah. Like that's crazy to me.
Like I have 3 cats and I want tothrow a pillow every time one of
(29:27):
them. Like I can't imagine being a mom
because I literally am sitting there going three.
I'm going to lose her. I don't even have kids.
They're not screaming. That's not true.
They scream. But and bite.
You shouldn't bite. Praise the Lord.
That's nice. I'm glad we gave you one thing.
Oh, he's so good, Yeah. It just thank you for saying
that 'cause I mean, I always think it's an interesting
(29:49):
question, 'cause there are people who did get diagnosed
young and they're like, I don't think you late diagnosed people
understand. Like it sucked.
It was the early 2000s. This wasn't like the eye opening
experience you guys are having. It was, oh, she's different and
behaviorally challenged and you're going to go sit with a
special Ed kids and no one's going to talk.
To you and also we would have been gas lit up the wazoo
(30:11):
because there wasn't even any criteria to say here's what 20.
14 or something. Exactly, so I think it would
have just been a hot mess of like, you're not different,
you're just stupid. Oh, OK, cool.
You're right. That is exactly that wasn't.
One of the criteria? Bill Gates.
So yeah, I think in another time, another place, a different
(30:34):
family, a different planet for sure, I would totally get us all
diagnosed when we were younger, but.
Lol thanks I'll I'll look for that alternate universe see
what's going on there. Sorry.
No, I I do always look back and do the what ifs, which I think
everyone does with everything. Like once you find out, you go,
OK, well what if it was different?
(30:55):
Yeah, what if I say that I'm glad that I was raised by an
autistic mom because a you understood you gave me a lot of
different experiences that I think a neurotypical mom would
not have given me. But also because there is this
like huge thing of like Autism Mom TM, you know, like they have
(31:15):
the stickers, they make their entire personality their child,
which. They're like twin moms.
Yes, I'm a mother of twins. Have you double do that yet in
the last 30 seconds and? Then just right below that is
Boy Mom. Yes.
Yeah, it's like autism moms, twin moms, boy moms.
Like they just make it their whole.
It's their identity. Like this is who I am.
Like, well, one day you're not gonna be a mom of these little
(31:36):
children anymore. You're gonna feel real lost.
Well, also I think that I, I think there are problematic
parts in the sense that we were raised to mask, like you said
you were like, you were like, no, just like don't be different
then like if they aren't playingwith you, just act like them and
maybe they'll play with you. And I think a little bit of that
(31:57):
was harmful. But I think at the same time,
sometimes you said at the beginning, you don't want to
call them limitations. And I think that that's a really
big thing is that, yes, autism is disabling.
Like that is part of the criteria is it's not just a fun
little quirky thing, it's that you feel different your entire
(32:17):
life. And socially, this is really
hard. And if you pop a balloon, I'm
going to SOB. But at the same time, I think
you not getting us diagnosed when we were younger and having
you as our mom, I think it gave me tools to use.
And now I can choose to tell thepeople in my life who are going
to be accepting and be like, hey, I need a little bit of help
(32:38):
right now because my brain worksa little differently.
And then I can also use the other tools that I have in my
tool belt and be like, OK, this is not the time to have a
meltdown. You're going to wait a hot
second. You're going to go outside and
you're going to lay on the floor.
Like it's just like I've learnedfrom being autistic and not
knowing it and speaking to otherpeople through this podcast.
(32:59):
Like I, I had Shay Belsky on andI kind of asked him the question
of like masking versus tools. And he's like, no, but like I
understand myself. And so I can choose to do
something different. Like he's like when I'm at a
conference and it's really loud,I just leave.
Like I just walk out or he's like I bring sunglasses because
(33:21):
sometimes the lights are like you can accommodate yourself.
But also like, I don't know if this is a hot take, but like
don't let your autism hinder you.
Like yes, there's levels. And obviously like speaking is
hard for some people and like socially it's hard and sensory
input is a lot. Yeah, or hygiene.
(33:43):
Yes, or hygiene. That's that's a big one.
My mom came over this morning while I was brushing my teeth
and I almost wanted to be like, see mom, I do it now.
I do have me. You're doing so good.
I am a functioning adult. Yeah, you are today.
Today 'cause you were coming over.
This is me masking. No, we're just gonna come.
(34:03):
Yeah. But like, I'm almost grateful
that we didn't get diagnosed until later, or at least that
the way that you raised us was like this perfect blend of
accept you for who you are and you are a little bit quirky,
quote UN quote. You're just like me and I love
you. And then at the same time being
like, when you go outside these doors, you need to learn these
(34:25):
skills. And yes, there are some things I
don't think I ever fully mastered.
Like I think I wore matching colors through middle school
because I was told to match outfits and I didn't understand
what that meant. And so I was like, I really like
these shoes because all these colors I can put in my outfit.
And now I'm an adult and I do the same thing with my earrings.
So I learned. Skill.
Well, I didn't. I really didn't understand all
(34:46):
of our cousins. My cousins were so fashionable.
I just. I like shopped at Justice.
You would have lost your mind. No, I they took me in there
once. I I preferred more Hot Topic.
The lights were low and everyonein there was autistic.
They just didn't know yet. Clip that.
Great, I'm going. To get.
Thanks Hot Topic. I know, thanks.
It really helped my sensory overwhelm.
(35:07):
Instead of going to Abercrombie and Fritch, which was dark, but
it was only dark and they were shirtless men and a lot of
perfume and I, I was not into any of that.
I was so not my favorite. Time to be alive.
Oh my gosh, wow, that really brought me back justice.
Bright pink and lights. I just wanted to say like I, I
appreciate the way you parented.Like yes, looking back, there
(35:28):
are some things where it was like you were overstimulated.
Traumatizing. I'm sorry.
Hey you know what, it's OK, the HSA card pays for my therapy now
so. That's true.
You know what? You get what you pay for.
Nope, that's not how that works.You break it, you buy it.
You break it, you buy it. That's the right phrase.
Oh my gosh. Wow.
OK, for the parents out there, if you screwed up your kids, you
(35:50):
legally have to pay for their therapy.
I think that's fair. I own that.
So there you go. Sucks to be me.
You should. Venmo request, Grandpa.
Sorry. Wow, that's a whole other
episode. It's OK, you can Venmo request
your dead mom. Yeah, I'll go stick it to her.
No, she'd be pissed. I think about that often.
(36:11):
I'm like, I don't like, I love Nana, but I don't know that this
would go over well with her. Fascinating.
And that's OK. It's different generations also
like. Very true.
I was just talking to Cat on a recent episode and, and the,
the, I cut it out of the main up.
I think 'cause we, we got off ontangent, but some other things,
but she was talking about how she's like, I like, I found out
(36:34):
that I'm autistic and she was like, and now my mom knows she's
autistic. Like she, her mom has EBV and
she's autistic and that. And I was like, Oh my gosh.
I was like, wow. But like raging EBV.
Apparently, yeah. Which also, yeah, that's what
your main up's gonna be about. Yeah.
Well, because also you talked about the doctor earlier that
(36:54):
was like everyone has EBV. Yes.
But also I thought you were going to be like, the
correlation between autism and chronic illnesses is really high
because we spend so much time pushing away our physical
sensations and masking and things like that.
So late diagnosed autistics alsotend to very often have some
sort of chronic illness because they've spent so much time
(37:16):
pushing away their body's cues. Yeah.
Until you get bulldozed. By him.
And then you're like, I guess I don't feel good.
You're right. Yeah, it's like, yeah.
It's like, well, you don't wannasit down, sit down.
I will make you sit down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which is really interesting. But yeah OK so I wanna ask maybe
a big scary question here for itlol.
(37:39):
Also, there's an unless in my eye I'm not crying.
You could cry, no? It's OK.
OK, ask me a question, a hard one.
Well, you kind of led up to it like that.
No, I did. Wow.
The big question of this episodeessentially is do you think
autistic people can be parents? Because there is very much like
that question. Like one of the questions being
(38:02):
thrown out a lot in the media islike, can autistic people
contribute to society? And obviously like the whole
thing of like that's a little bit able list of like you don't
have to contribute to the society society with.
In order to be. You don't have to pay taxes to
like contribute to society 'cause there are people who
don't do that and they're just. To have value.
Yes. Like that's OK.
(38:23):
So I wanted to ask like as an autistic parent and as someone
who parented autistic kids, do you think that that is an
option? Like, do you think that that is
valid? I think that if you wanted to
have kids as an autistic person,that it's important to know
yourself to start with. So I think even starting with
(38:46):
knowing you are on the spectrum is like phase one at all.
You know, because then you know what you are combating and what
you're fighting against when it comes to overstimulation or when
it comes to like your different flavors or quirks or things that
come with it is I feel like I could, I personally could have
(39:07):
parented better as an, as an autistic person if I'd known
that to start. You know, I feel like I played a
lot of catch up, but also havinga village of people again who
know you and accept you and honor your weirdness that can
come alongside you and help in those seasons of overstimulation
(39:29):
and too many things going on or schedules that you're trying to
match up and dinner you're trying to make and lists that
you're writing. Like there's so many things that
happen in parenting that I thinkif you have autism, you're fully
capable of being a parent. It's the same thing as a person
(39:51):
with Down syndrome. Like if you become a parent or
if you have any other sort of disability, that just makes your
day a little bit more challenging.
I think those are parts of society that make us more
beautiful. And so I don't think that
holding those back and saying, Nope, you can't have kids, you
(40:13):
can't reproduce is making society ugly because we're never
going to attain perfection. So what even is that?
So if we're going to not attain perfection, then why would we
start picking and choosing who'sallowed to have kids in that
vein? We're going to start doing that.
A lot of people shouldn't have kids for a lot of different
(40:34):
reasons. Yeah, 100%.
Then it's like, are we taking a vote every time?
Because I know some real assholeparents that should never have
children because they were narcissists.
Oh sure. Or like you know, the the
parents who they don't gentle parent, they permissive parent
and therefore their kids are just absolute monsters.
Yes. And then they come into our
ministry and then we have to parent them.
And they're like, what? You don't tell me what to do?
(40:55):
No one does. And you're like, welcome to
jail. This is this is your first step
to jail. But all that to say, it's like,
I think what autism brings to society can be beautiful.
I've worked in ministry with kids that are disabled, with
kids that are on the spectrum. And I love seeing the way that
other kids mainstream quote kidsinteract with them.
(41:18):
I think it makes everyone betterto be able to accommodate and to
be able to see people and to have compassion.
So yeah. It's like a skill to learn, also
like you're teaching. It really is by just.
Being alive. Yeah, literally facts.
So long story longer, yes, the answer is yes.
(41:42):
I think that that all autistic people should have that option,
but I think they also need to know the tools that they need to
have available. And the hard part is sometimes
that's humans. You need other humans to be your
tools, which sounds horrible, but like people that are able to
come alongside you, like I didn't have parents, you didn't
(42:04):
have grandparents that were like, let me come help babysit.
Let me come help you do your life.
I'll take the kids for this day and give you a break.
That was not the vibe. No, that was not the vibe and
whatever, but. I figured it out like you didn't
have to. Right.
But if I had more of a village of people to come alongside and
(42:25):
help, then that would have been a little bit easier, probably a
lot bit easier to be honest. But.
Yeah, it's something I just realized because I'm in that
weird season of life where all of my friends are getting
pregnant, which is weird, but also all my friends are a little
bit older than me. Nothing wrong with the teen
pregnancy you guys I feel. Like I'm 12 at every moment.
(42:47):
No, sorry lol. But like all of my friends right
now are getting pregnant. And so everyone's doing like the
meal trains and they're being like, OK, like I'm coming over
but I'm not coming over to hold the baby.
I'm coming over to clean your house.
I'm coming over to see how you're doing and like checking
on your mental health because God forbid you have postpartum
depression when you have a baby.But I just kind of realized as
(43:08):
I'm doing this is that hey, I have such a good village and I'm
so happy that I get to be part of their village because it's
like, I don't plan on having my own kids, but I sure as hell I'm
going to be a great auntie to yours.
Like I'm excited to come over and do your dishes.
I've never said that, but like it's almost like when you are
autistic or you have some sort of disability, you're almost
(43:29):
wanting that village that you get right after you have a baby
for the rest of your life. Like that is what having a
village is, is it's not just right during that little moment
and it's not the people who comeover and just want to hold your
baby. They don't just want to come
over and hang out in your already clean house.
Like you want a village. You want friends that will come
over and be like, hey, I understand that.
(43:51):
Like you're having that shitty day.
So like, what can I do to help? Can I come clean your house?
Like you need people like that. And I think especially when
you're neurodivergent, you have any type of disability, that's
all you need. You just need people around you
who love and honor your differences.
Beautiful. Yes.
And I think that that's all you really need to be a parent, but
(44:13):
also like an autistic parent in particular, like you have that
now also, which also we're we'reall adults now.
Like all of your kids are adultsand most of us are autistic, and
we have learned to do that. Like we've learned to find
friends who understand us, and we also now have each other,
including you. 'Cause.
You made all of your weird pancakes.
(44:34):
Yay village. You really said, oh, this first
one turned out bad, let me do itagain.
Oh, good. Why do they all look like that?
And you just turn the camera around and it's you.
You're a large pancake. I am a large pancake.
Oh it's wild. Is that my new favorite?
Treat is like pancake batter. Who even needs to cook them?
(44:55):
You can't mess them up if you don't cook them.
That's a good point. So there you go.
Don't even know how that correlates.
No, you're good. Sorry, I was just making my
funny pancake analogy. But I just I'm just imagining
like a meme. It's just like, why do they keep
turning out like? Pancakes.
You're also a You are the pancake.
That's fair. Yeah, which also, I don't know
that I'm going to keep this in, but it's also really interesting
(45:17):
that right now we're all trying to find a cure for autism.
And I think that we already figured out it's genetic.
Yeah. And so it's just frustrating
that this is where we're at, where we're questioning.
Well, I do think it might be both.
And I think there's a lot of, I think there's a a lot of chronic
illnesses and disabilities that are both and I think some of it
(45:42):
is predisposed or genetic. And then I think a lot of it is
how we take care of our body or how we take care of our overall
intake of food of I mean, golly,not to sound crunchy, but like
microplastics and all of the things they, they just do,
they've like. There's microplastics in our
(46:03):
brain now, like it's like in our, it's in our.
Life. Plastic people.
Big plastic. Big plastic.
Sorry. You know, it's like big pharma.
Yeah, Big Wellness. Let's go.
Big plastic. That's right.
It started here, folks. Big plastic.
But yeah, so I think I think it's a little both, Ann 'cause
I'll bet you there are contributors to some of the
(46:25):
things for people that are on the less.
Well, how did you say it? So low, low support needs is
like us and then high support needs is.
What you say I'll I'll bet you that some of the ones that are
more high support needs may havealready had predisposal but
environmentally has contributed to it to be more severe.
(46:46):
Well, yeah, we were just talkingabout this.
It's like, I think that obviously a disability is a
disability is a disability. But I think that sometimes like
the autism on TM, like they never let them learn to be able
to do other things. And so I think that contributes
to it. Like you said, it's.
Weaponized, and I think that's poopy.
Well, I mean, we were just like,we know some people who have
(47:09):
Down syndrome who weaponize the fact that they have Down
syndrome and are just. Assholes.
They know what they're doing. Right.
It's like people, like, I mean, that's the whole thing is people
are like, you realize that like people with autism or like
developmental disabilities, they're not dumb.
Like they understand what you'resaying.
And most of the time they understand what they're doing.
(47:30):
And yes, like when you're havinga meltdown and stuff like that,
like sometimes you literally cannot be in control of your
body. You're you're it's like a people
Tourettes have ticks. They're not just swearing at you
all the time. It's literally like they can't
control it. Yeah, yeah.
But at the same time they also afterwards can be like I did not
mean what I said. Right.
Wow. Beautiful.
Yes. It's, yeah, it's like you said,
(47:52):
it doesn't justify it. It's just a explanation.
Yeah, be like, hey, I have this thing.
So if you pop a balloon I will scream and you're like, OK.
And I'm like, so just like, don't or I'll leave.
Yeah, make an informed decision.Now go.
Informed decision and you can self accommodate now.
Yes, wow, look at all these big words.
I have a podcast. I'm old and diagnosed with
(48:14):
autism. And then you made someone who
made a podcast, which actually tends to be most people.
Yeah, it's good therapy. Yes, it is.
No, Thank you for coming on the podcast.
I feel like this was a very interesting conversation and I'm
kind of excited to see how it's received by the listeners
because I mean, I feel like thiswas a very healing conversation
(48:37):
just for us. 100%. Yeah, Well, beautiful.
Thank you, Mom, Everyone. This is my mom, Kate.
This is my daughter Clark lol you know her.
I'm here every week. Yeah, but thank you for being on
the podcast. Thank you for having me.
I think something that me and Papa were actually reflecting on
(48:58):
the other day to affirm you, since you were so good at doing
it for me today, is that I thinkthere can be a lot of hate for
people who are like ambulatory wheelchair users or who claim
that they have a chronic illnessand people just don't understand
it but choose to just be haters instead.
And I love that. What drives you so often is that
(49:22):
even if you don't feel good, you're better off going out in
public unashamedly in a wheelchair or with a cane or
with some sort of mobile device because you don't let crap hold
you back. And I hope that that's something
that your listeners can hear andcan be motivated by.
(49:44):
Is that a chronic illness or a diagnosis or whatever?
It's not meant to be something that says, well, crapola, now
I'm stuck here in this playpen of hell.
It's like, no, well now I'm going to find ways that I can
work around myself or ways that I can accommodate myself but
still live life 'cause you know what?
(50:05):
You're not dead until you're dead.
So let's just full send it, you know?
Weird, I wonder who taught me all that.
I must have had really good parents.
Wow, I wish I could meet them. I love you.
Just a compliment sesh. Well, I hope that your listeners
can appreciate that part about you.
It's not all about sadness, so it's not.
(50:25):
All about sadness. Well, that's me.
I'm on the grief cycle 5 ever. So it's not all about sadness,
sadness. It's about getting out and doing
it anyway. Yes, yeah.
So yeah, yeah, keep it up. Thanks, mom, for being on the
podcast. Listeners, that is all I have
for you. Otherwise.
I'm Clark, This is Kate, my mom,and this has been chronically
(50:46):
the sickest podcast. Peace out.
That's all folks. Thank you so much for listening.
If you liked this episode, clickthat follow up button on your
podcast app of choice to get notified every other week.
You can find the podcast on Instagram and TikTok at
Chronically the Sickest Podcast.Let me know if you have any
(51:08):
questions or just want to chat. I love hearing from y'all.
Until next time, I'm Clark, and this has been Chronically the
Sickest podcast you know. Disclaimer, this is a
conversational podcast and whilewe make sure our diagnosis
journey, symptoms and treatment plan, this is not medical
(51:30):
advice. If you have any questions
regarding your health, please reach out to your doctor and
have a great day.
Hello folks, and welcome to Chronically the Sickest, the
podcast where we talk about all things that make us chronically
the sickest people we know. I'm Clark, your host.
It's nice to chat with you this week.
Join us as we dive into the episode, sit back, relax, and
enjoy the show. Welcome, mom, to Chronically the
(00:33):
Sickest Podcast. Thanks.
Hello. I'm excited that you're here.
Me too. So since your main episode
hasn't come out yet, can you introduce yourself to the
listeners? I mean, I know you.
But hello, I'm Kate. I am mother of Clark for the
amount of time that you've been alive, which is the amount of
(00:55):
time that I'll think of later. What do you do for work and what
do you do for hobbies? Oh.
OK, these are great questions. I work as a director at our
church with junior high students, so I teach and survive
and thrive with junior high students.
I also manage a coffee shop, which is like a whole different
set of skills. And then things that I do for
(01:17):
fun. I'm obsessed with birds.
It'll probably be old news, but there are these super famous
eagles in Big Bear, California right now.
And they had three baby eaglets this year.
One of them passed away, two of them have like grown up.
They just revealed the identity of the second one.
So they're 2 girls. And then literally yesterday,
Sunny, one of the girl eaglets fledged and flew out of the
(01:41):
tree. And how beautiful.
If I'm not obsessed with eagles,I'm obsessed with Hawks.
So you've. Been you've been Yes, you have a
flavor of autism. No, I've known you to pull over
to the side of the road because there's a cool hawk really close
by. Yep.
So. Yeah.
So I like that. OK, thank you for explaining who
(02:03):
you are. So you like birds, You work at a
church and you manage a coffee shop.
I love Kitty cats. We have 2 cats.
Yes, 2 cats, two dogs. Both of the dogs are a bit
awesome. Yep.
OK. Yep.
Yep. Yeah.
No, we said. This.
I'm a cat person. Yeah, I, I.
Love my dogs but I'm a cat person.
(02:24):
Yes, which you passed down to mebecause I now have 3 cats, which
I feel like is bordering on muchtoo many cats.
Yes, which that's a whole thing with women's interests and
whether or not we just think it's weird because they're
probably all autistic and that'swhy they don't talk to people.
Have 17 cats. That's true.
And that's why we don't like them as people, but also because
(02:44):
their house smells like litter. Yeah, that feels like.
That's a. Fact.
Like yes, socially maybe they'renot doing so hot because their
house smells like urine, but it's OK.
But that's OK. And we're trying our best.
So lol this is going great. I'm literally going no.
So tell me about yourself. And you're like, what do you
wanna know? I don't know.
Everything. You know everything about me
(03:05):
already. Yeah.
But I appreciate you sharing with me and the listeners who
you are. It's always really fun to get to
know people. But also like, I already know
you because you're my mom. So this is very special to have
you on the podcast, but. It's a privilege for me as your
mom to be on your podcast. It's very fun.
I I love getting to have you in my little studio, but today I
(03:27):
wanted to do a topical episode with you, which is where we
essentially address different topics that are very much like
in the media or something that everyone's talking about and is
a little bit of a hot topic. Which love it.
Christina, one of my friends from the podcast came up with,
she's like, oh, topical, like burn cream.
Like you need burn cream becauseit's so hot you would need a
(03:49):
topical. And I thought that was really
funny. And so I'm like, honestly.
Burn cream is a topical solutionas well.
It is, but she was like. Oh, obviously we're talking
about topical creams. And I was like, obviously, yeah.
I was like, oh, no. But then she said it and I was
like, and you know what? You're not wrong, OK?
Yep, down. So today I wanted to talk about
(04:12):
something with you which I thought would be really
interesting, which is autism andparenting.
So both the ability to raise kids with autism because you
were just blessed with so many, and then also your experience as
an autistic parent because I think that also shifts the
dynamic. Great.
OK. So I wanted to ask first.
(04:35):
So you have 4 kids and I would say about three of the four are
autistic. Yeah, 100%, no doubt.
I think what's really interesting is I think we could
even back up even more in that I, so I was diagnosed about a
year and a half ago on the spectrum.
(04:55):
I'm currently 44. So like, this was late news for
me and honestly, I can thank youfor that because I, you went
through that whole process on your own and someone at some
point or yourself just deduced that I also am a spectrum
(05:16):
Lander. So even with all of that, me
learning that I'm a mom of an, ahuman with autism, I am a mom
with autism. I will never be able to confirm,
but I am pretty darn sure that my mom was on the spectrum as
well. And she presents in the same way
that your youngest sister does, very similar, like wildly
(05:38):
similar. And there's definitely traits
that I think you carry as well. But I think the most fascinating
part was learning that autism presents differently in girls
than it is in boys, and how muchresearch had not been given to
that. And now that it has been given
eyes, just like literally every other ailment in the whole
flipping world, like, PS guess what?
(06:00):
There's two flipping genders andwe present things differently.
Surprise, that's crazy. Anyway, sorry, hot take topical
cream. It's OK.
So it's just like, it's been a really interesting journey just
in this last year and a half to kind of see confirmation that my
3 girls who are incredible and Iabsolutely love are all
(06:24):
different from the rest of the world in this special way.
But so am I. And yeah, I think also like
growing up with a mom who I believe was on the spectrum and
then being surrounded by kids that are on the spectrum, I it's
like I wouldn't even notice. These are all my people.
(06:46):
Like I feel the most comfortablewith.
I loved being with my mom. I love hanging out with you guys
because it's so unfiltered. And so just like we are who we
are. We don't have to mask, we don't
have to fake anything. We just are ourselves.
So that didn't come with a heavyprice or anything growing up?
Yeah, but it also didn't really come with a manual I'm assuming.
(07:07):
No, no, parenting's hard for anyone.
You blessed me as the most strong willed child in the whole
entire world. I said blessed.
I meant that it made me stronger.
Hey, you know what, right back at you.
If we're being mean, that's. True.
You're right. You're right.
I'm sorry. We all survived each other.
(07:28):
That's a fact. No, it's OK.
I, I wanna hear how it was like raising your autistic children,
obviously before you knew like you yourself were, but like, how
was it? Like you have mom friends, like
I have cousins all around my same age.
So you have all these people whoyou got to parent with and like
(07:49):
have a village, but your kids were a little wonky, a little
different. Like how was that?
Cause like you said, it's hard to tell when you're surrounded
by them all the time. Being like, you're just like the
people I know, but you're not really like all these other
kids. Right.
And I think I don't want to excuse it, but I also feel like
(08:09):
because of how I grew up, I experienced a lot of what you
guys experienced, but I didn't realize that that was different.
I mean, I knew that like I was awkward and I feel like I never
fit in. And so when you weren't invited
to things with your cousins or when you guys were naturally not
(08:33):
gathered into a group of people,to me it was like, well, that's
a bummer. But like, is life any different
for anyone else? You're like, just try harder.
But like, that's, but that's what I experienced growing up
myself. And so it wasn't like, oh, this
is a travesty. I need to go fight someone.
I mean, it was a bummer, but forme, I learned a lot of coping
(08:56):
and a lot of masking so that I could fit in.
And I mean, that comes at a price.
There's definitely, I have carried that into my adulthood,
I'll say that. But raising you guys, I had like
a very wildly limited amount of patience.
Like gentle parenting would havelasted for like 10 minutes in my
(09:19):
life. There's no way because I lived
over stimulated. Like I lived over stimulated 24
hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days, like I was over
stimulation, the embodiment of it.
And so having a child first you who was is my beautiful oldest
number one daughter. You were so strong willed which
(09:41):
bless because you know what the world wouldn't wouldn't run
without first born daughters. You say as a first born
daughter. I say as a first born daughter,
it's a real cool club and it's real factual.
Anyway, you had a. Strong willed child.
I had a strong willed child and it's just, it was so hard to
like correct you, but then like teach you, but then be like, oh,
also here's your brother and then also here's your sister.
(10:04):
And then guys, stop fighting. Oh my goodness, we have to go to
this place. Like we can't not have
groceries. OK, go into Walmart, have some
guys scream from three aisles over.
Shut that thing up. And I'm like, what the farts,
dude? Like you do it.
You do it like it was like, I amso glad I'm not in that season
(10:27):
anymore. And when I see other people with
kids, I'm like, if you wanna tell them to shut up, I'll fight
you for them so well. That's nice of you.
Yeah, 'cause I think people needto mind their damn business.
Weird. You have a strong sense of
justice. That's so weird.
I wonder where you get that from.
It might be your neuroses. We could diagnose all day.
Come on. Yeah.
So I think, I think the headliner for raising all four
(10:51):
of you guys as an autistic parent was that I was just
wildly overstimulated all the time and I couldn't figure out
how to regulate. Like I was given no tools.
It was just like, figure it out.My greatest tool, I don't even
know if you remember, was that Iwould say, let's pretend it's a
new day. Let's take a nap right now.
(11:11):
I'm gonna be like one minute nap, one minute nap, and we're
gonna wake up and it's a new day, ready.
Let's go. And then I would just be like,
OK, one minute, one minute, 1 minute, let's just get through
this minute, OK? It's a new day.
I'm doing it. K guys, new day.
Calm down. I'm sorry I'm laughing at your
(11:32):
pain but like. That was the only coping skill
that I could come up with, but yeah.
Do you feel like you've like, found other coping skills now or
do you think it's just differentbecause we're grown 'cause I
mean, I think one of the things you said to me was you were
like, I, I made my own people and the people are just like me.
(11:54):
So we get along really well. So it's like now it's great.
But when they're children, yeah,I can't imagine.
Yeah, I don't think I had any other coping skills.
As for now, I don't think that Ido.
I think I've learned to surroundmyself with people that enjoy my
unfilteredness. I've learned how to.
(12:17):
I mean, it's kind of crazy that I work with junior highers.
Yeah, I was just hanging out with Lily, my other sister for
the listeners, and she was saying something that I really
related to. And I think that you might,
which is that there's organized sound and there's unorganized
sound. An organized sound is like
something that you can predict. You know what's gonna happen and
(12:39):
you understand how to prepare for it.
It's literally feeling prepared for the sensory experience.
So like she was explaining that she can go to a concert and if
she's listening to music, she knows when the bum bum is gonna
come. But I assume that's kind of the
same with like you go to work, you know when they're gonna
scream, You know, when the microphone's on, you're on the
microphone at work. So it's like.
(13:00):
Well, yes, and actually now thatyou're saying that, I've been
able to be really honest with mystaff who PS, are the greatest
people on the planet and they always have been, even though
it's like a rotating group of homies over the last several
years. But I'm really honest with my
staff. So they know if we play a
balloon popping game, Kate's notthere that weekend or we only do
(13:21):
that on the mid weeks that Kate's not there.
Like balloon popping is not for me.
And Yep, that's it. So being able to kind of share
with my people around me here, here are my limits for you Got
me loop earplugs. So praise God for those.
Oh my gosh. But I probably use those most at
home because I think there's people who accept your.
(13:47):
I don't want to call them limitations.
You're like quirks. Yeah.
And then there's other people who dismiss them.
And no hate. No hate, but they're well.
So the guy I married. OK OK quick quick little
disclaimer. We love our dad but our poor dad
(14:08):
has been married into a family of all autistic and
neurodivergent people and so himhimself do like he does not
relate he's. The minority in our house.
Which is weird. Which I was actually processing
the other day. So maybe we should give him way
more grace because if you are ina family where you're the only
(14:30):
autistic one, which honestly is kind of how I felt growing up
because my mom didn't know that she was labeled with the special
different title that we all havelike.
Quiet autism I don't know how tolike.
Until she wasn't. She beat me in the head with a a
hair brush once. This was her over stimulation
response. She's dead and CPS can't come
now. And even if she could, I'd fight
(14:50):
them off because I love her so much.
I. Love her too too but she was a
character. She was wild.
But like, I grew up in a family where I felt so different and
like, OK, I just don't feel comfy here.
So praise the Lord, I had all ofyou guys and created my own
village of weirdos. But now Papa, which is what we
(15:12):
call him, he's the minority. He's the one who doesn't fit in.
And so it is kind of hard for him to learn this as a bystander
as opposed to like, I've always felt this way.
And so I am now feeling affirmedthat I'm not just crazy that,
you know, I can't listen to crunching noises or I can't have
(15:33):
lights be too bright or I can't have loud noises happen.
Suddenly. I've had all of these things be
affirmed that like, am fine, butthere's an explanation for all
of it. Whereas he has just had to be
like, sure, I just can't chew anything in my own house.
Like I work 60 hours a week and I pay for everything, but I
can't chew chips. Like, yes, that is that does
(15:57):
seem wild. That is fair.
But also, please never shoot chips, you know?
So he's, he's had his own journey, which I feel like takes
a lot more time because he hasn't experienced it
internally, right? He didn't grow up like this, he
grew up in a loud family. Everyone has their own things
going on, but you can do whatever you want.
(16:17):
Yeah, so that's it's a whole ownside episode if you ever feel
like doing that. But all that to say, I think
that I've learned all of my weird things.
I can express those to people outside typically and say, hey,
this is what I struggle with, orlike, please don't do this.
And either they accept it and they honor it or they dismiss it
(16:42):
and say, I don't think that's real.
And I think you're just being particular, honestly.
I've been so blessed to be surrounded by people who hear it
and accept it and honor it. So I think that's been my most
favorite part of this journey outside of like realizing I just
created my own village of weirdos, so.
(17:04):
So, OK, first of all, thank you for sharing that.
I know that that's kind of a lot.
I mean, like you knew what we were going to talk about today,
but it's still like a very closeand personal thing to discuss,
especially because I'm putting this on the Internet.
But like, I appreciate you saying that.
And I also kind of want to ask because when I originally asked
(17:28):
like, OK, did you figure out anything else?
Like what helped you once you, you know, realized, like looking
back, you were over stimulated all the time, all the time.
Like as your daughter, I could see as I got older, I was like,
my gosh, I was like, there's never a moment where you don't
have wet anger, which I didn't know, like over stimulation.
Like you just constantly were like, I'm gonna cry if you talk.
(17:51):
And I'm like, OK, cool. Which was confusing as a kid,
but as an adult, like I get like, that's also why I think
you were a great Mama and I really love you now.
And you always call me your first pancake because it was
hard to make the first pancake. It always is.
It always is, it turns out. Weird.
Some people capitalize on it andjust crush life, so it's fine.
It's OK guys, I have a podcast now like everyone else, but like
(18:16):
seeing how like parenting can beover stimulating and like the
emotional regulation you need isso much.
And like I know for myself, likeI don't think I can be a Mama.
Like I'd I know from the way that you parented and like you
going through now and like therapy and figuring out like,
(18:38):
oh, I am autistic. Like I have that information
now. And so you paid my dumb tax, as
Larry Osbourne likes to say so. Sad.
I know, but like, I like I love you.
And we were talking about beforethis, like, I could not wish for
a better Mama. Like, I don't want to be raised
by someone who's not autistic. You grew up with an autistic mom
(19:00):
and you didn't know. But one of the things that you
said to me when I told you, hey,I have something to tell you.
I was diagnosed as autistic likea year ago.
And I've been trying to figure out a way to tell you.
And you started crying. I might start crying now.
Oh no, Oh no. But like one of the things you
said, and you said it here is that you didn't know I was
(19:23):
different. You just thought that you were
just like my mom and you were just like me and you're just
like your sisters, like you didn't know.
I think that obviously knowing now, that makes a really big
difference. And like, like you said, you can
give yourself grace. You can find people who honor
who you are and F the haters. Amen.
(19:44):
Yeah, I'm not swearing because you're here.
I say it on every episode I go. I try to be better because my
mom might listen to this, which I know you don't care that much
personally. Do not care.
I my work might care. I didn't swear at all on this
episode, but I like I'm gratefulthat I was raised by you.
(20:04):
And I think that the joy that you bring to our lives.
Like I have the little book outside of my living room that
says my autistic Mama. And it's like all about how.
My Mama gets over stimulated sometimes, but she also gets
really joyful and she like, loves to take us places.
And you just experience things so differently.
(20:25):
And I'm grateful that I don't have a neurotypical mom.
But like, growing up that was very hard.
Like it was weird not to understand why you were like
that and why you were angry. Yeah, I think golly, I think
there's definitely, I had to really push to get your sister
diagnosed and a lot of that, thequestions behind why would you
(20:47):
have her go through that processand why would I have me go
through that process as a 43 year old woman and your sister
at the time was 15. It's like, well, why, why do you
want to do that? Do you like want to get her all
these Ieps and like use the system?
And for myself, I realize how much damage I caused as a mom.
(21:15):
Like I'm not proud of being overstimulated all the time.
I'm not proud of my responses tolike every day of you guys
growing up. And it was like, I caused a lot
of damage and I love you. And I don't mean to cause that
(21:35):
damage. There's all like I needed for
myself to go through that diagnosis process to understand
myself better. Yeah, it's literally like the
best personality test you could do because.
You're in any a gram autistic. Yes, because it explains so much
(22:01):
and it doesn't justify it because I don't want to say
like, sucks to be my child, get over it.
I'm autistic and overstimulated.That's your life.
No, like I still need to have ownership over that.
And I do like, I'm really sorry,really, really sorry.
I wish I could be better, but great news.
(22:22):
I don't have to go through that season again ever in my life.
So there we go. But even for myself, there's
things in my work life that I'm not like other people and I
have. And it blows my mind because
I've literally sat in therapy and been like in tears going I
am not like these other people. My brain doesn't work like them
(22:43):
and I don't know why. And to get so frustrated with
myself to go through the diagnosis experience and be like
this is freaking why. It explains so much.
And I wouldn't say that I'm broken.
I think that's what I would havesaid before.
Like my brain's broken. It doesn't work the right way.
(23:05):
I think now it's just understanding how it works and
saying it just works differently.
And that's totally fine. Autism is my superpower.
I literally hate that line. But here we are.
So I think if anyone's feeling that feeling of why am I not
(23:26):
like everyone else or why do I feel so deficient?
Why do I feel so broken? What if you went on this
journey? What if you you don't need to
self diagnose, but what if you gave yourself that grace?
It said my brain just works different and that's allowed.
Also, you getting my youngest sister diagnosed like nest
(23:49):
diagnosed when she is not an adult.
Like I was so excited for her. And yes, it is scary.
And it's like people will be like, oh, you're just doing that
to like, yeah, cheat the system,use all that, get a five O 4
plan, which, spoiler alert, her school doesn't.
Even offer those. Which is wow.
Anyway, sorry, I was so. Yeah, so who cares?
(24:12):
But like, just the fact that shehas that option now, like she
knows her brain is not broken, can give herself grace and also
the people around her can give her grace.
Like you said, surrounding yourself with people and being
like, hey, my brain works a little differently and I'm
going, OK, cool, how can I help with that versus Yeah, So like,
(24:32):
everyone has hard days. It's hard to get out of bed
sometimes. I'm like, you don't understand.
The birds are chirping and and the, the the the, the.
Like all my spoons and I'm stillin bed.
Like it just like I'm excited for her to have that in her back
pocket, like have that in, have us in her corner.
Yeah, so like I feel like I, I feel like it was an opportunity
(24:54):
to heal her mentally, to accept herself sooner than I ever got
from me. It's like, it's like in the in
the Disney Channel movies, it's like, it's like this is your
dream. No, Dad, this is your.
Dream it was. She lived my dream for me.
But it's a good way. Yes, in like a healing way for
everyone involved. Yes, yes.
So yeah, that was definitely an interesting experience, that
(25:18):
whole process, but it I'm grateful for it.
And and I'll say we also don't have wildly like disabling
autism like they're obviously are levels and we're in a very,
I know high functioning is not the word anymore, but we
function very well. We have lower support needs than
(25:40):
most people. I can have a conversation with
you and I can hold eye contact. And yes, if there's a loud
noise, I might get very overstimulated and I might not
always read your social cues or sarcasm, which actually,
ironically, I think that our superpower, not our autism, is
sarcasm. I think we speak sarcasm so
fluently that I think with my younger sister, she doesn't
(26:01):
understand what their sarcasm stops and that's her autism.
That's true. She's like, oh, and let me get
this next jab in and you're like, oh, wait, no, no, wait,
no, that was bullying. We can't do that.
We can't do that. We only do that at home.
Yes, in our. In our fun little bubble.
Yeah. Can I Can I ask a question?
Of course. Well, good 'cause we're here and
you. Good 'cause I showed up for
(26:22):
that. Good.
Well, you can always say no, butI always kind of wanted to ask
now that you are diagnosed and like, obviously Ness is like, I
always wonder for me and I'm definitely out of the grief
cycle now. Obviously you go through it a
bunch when you're late diagnosedas you know, you're like you're
like and why and how and and like after the nice, like, Oh my
(26:45):
gosh, I'm so glad. I'm like, I understand, I'm
different. And then you like go through all
these horrible emotions afterwards.
Like I always wonder like would you have ever gotten us
diagnosed like when we were younger?
Obviously Nest now is diagnosed,but I always think about it like
do you think that that would have made a difference for us?
(27:10):
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(27:33):
talk about things that have to be cut from the main apps.
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(27:59):
Do you want my real answer? Yeah, 'cause I also have a
follow up question. Yeah.
I would like to say yes, but in reality I think I would still be
too afraid. I think I would be a coward and
I didn't want to stand out more.And I don't think I would have
(28:21):
been in a place to be able to say like, oh, we're all
different. I think I'm more secure now with
like, I'm different. Suck it, you know?
But I don't think, I don't thinkthat I was emotionally mature.
Like I'm so emotionally mature now.
I don't think I would have been emotionally mature enough to do
that. I think part of my flavor is
(28:43):
that I really am not mature. Well, that's why you get to work
with junior highers. That is everyone.
Around you acts like a child. It's amazing.
Yeah, I'm kind of worried about when I don't work with them and
then I just seem like a child with adults.
Yeah. So I mean.
At someone, you're like and you know what?
I mean, I would have, I don't know, I think in reality, I
(29:06):
don't think I ever would have diagnosed you guys sooner 'cause
that would have, I would have had to be farther along on my
own journey. And I had you guys so young that
I that I wouldn't. Yeah, I wasn't there yet.
You had three kids by my age. I'm almost 24.
Yeah. Like that's crazy to me.
Like I have 3 cats and I want tothrow a pillow every time one of
(29:27):
them. Like I can't imagine being a mom
because I literally am sitting there going three.
I'm going to lose her. I don't even have kids.
They're not screaming. That's not true.
They scream. But and bite.
You shouldn't bite. Praise the Lord.
That's nice. I'm glad we gave you one thing.
Oh, he's so good, Yeah. It just thank you for saying
that 'cause I mean, I always think it's an interesting
(29:49):
question, 'cause there are people who did get diagnosed
young and they're like, I don't think you late diagnosed people
understand. Like it sucked.
It was the early 2000s. This wasn't like the eye opening
experience you guys are having. It was, oh, she's different and
behaviorally challenged and you're going to go sit with a
special Ed kids and no one's going to talk.
To you and also we would have been gas lit up the wazoo
(30:11):
because there wasn't even any criteria to say here's what 20.
14 or something. Exactly, so I think it would
have just been a hot mess of like, you're not different,
you're just stupid. Oh, OK, cool.
You're right. That is exactly that wasn't.
One of the criteria? Bill Gates.
So yeah, I think in another time, another place, a different
(30:34):
family, a different planet for sure, I would totally get us all
diagnosed when we were younger, but.
Lol thanks I'll I'll look for that alternate universe see
what's going on there. Sorry.
No, I I do always look back and do the what ifs, which I think
everyone does with everything. Like once you find out, you go,
OK, well what if it was different?
(30:55):
Yeah, what if I say that I'm glad that I was raised by an
autistic mom because a you understood you gave me a lot of
different experiences that I think a neurotypical mom would
not have given me. But also because there is this
like huge thing of like Autism Mom TM, you know, like they have
(31:15):
the stickers, they make their entire personality their child,
which. They're like twin moms.
Yes, I'm a mother of twins. Have you double do that yet in
the last 30 seconds and? Then just right below that is
Boy Mom. Yes.
Yeah, it's like autism moms, twin moms, boy moms.
Like they just make it their whole.
It's their identity. Like this is who I am.
Like, well, one day you're not gonna be a mom of these little
(31:36):
children anymore. You're gonna feel real lost.
Well, also I think that I, I think there are problematic
parts in the sense that we were raised to mask, like you said
you were like, you were like, no, just like don't be different
then like if they aren't playingwith you, just act like them and
maybe they'll play with you. And I think a little bit of that
(31:57):
was harmful. But I think at the same time,
sometimes you said at the beginning, you don't want to
call them limitations. And I think that that's a really
big thing is that, yes, autism is disabling.
Like that is part of the criteria is it's not just a fun
little quirky thing, it's that you feel different your entire
(32:17):
life. And socially, this is really
hard. And if you pop a balloon, I'm
going to SOB. But at the same time, I think
you not getting us diagnosed when we were younger and having
you as our mom, I think it gave me tools to use.
And now I can choose to tell thepeople in my life who are going
to be accepting and be like, hey, I need a little bit of help
(32:38):
right now because my brain worksa little differently.
And then I can also use the other tools that I have in my
tool belt and be like, OK, this is not the time to have a
meltdown. You're going to wait a hot
second. You're going to go outside and
you're going to lay on the floor.
Like it's just like I've learnedfrom being autistic and not
knowing it and speaking to otherpeople through this podcast.
(32:59):
Like I, I had Shay Belsky on andI kind of asked him the question
of like masking versus tools. And he's like, no, but like I
understand myself. And so I can choose to do
something different. Like he's like when I'm at a
conference and it's really loud,I just leave.
Like I just walk out or he's like I bring sunglasses because
(33:21):
sometimes the lights are like you can accommodate yourself.
But also like, I don't know if this is a hot take, but like
don't let your autism hinder you.
Like yes, there's levels. And obviously like speaking is
hard for some people and like socially it's hard and sensory
input is a lot. Yeah, or hygiene.
(33:43):
Yes, or hygiene. That's that's a big one.
My mom came over this morning while I was brushing my teeth
and I almost wanted to be like, see mom, I do it now.
I do have me. You're doing so good.
I am a functioning adult. Yeah, you are today.
Today 'cause you were coming over.
This is me masking. No, we're just gonna come.
(34:03):
Yeah. But like, I'm almost grateful
that we didn't get diagnosed until later, or at least that
the way that you raised us was like this perfect blend of
accept you for who you are and you are a little bit quirky,
quote UN quote. You're just like me and I love
you. And then at the same time being
like, when you go outside these doors, you need to learn these
(34:25):
skills. And yes, there are some things I
don't think I ever fully mastered.
Like I think I wore matching colors through middle school
because I was told to match outfits and I didn't understand
what that meant. And so I was like, I really like
these shoes because all these colors I can put in my outfit.
And now I'm an adult and I do the same thing with my earrings.
So I learned. Skill.
Well, I didn't. I really didn't understand all
(34:46):
of our cousins. My cousins were so fashionable.
I just. I like shopped at Justice.
You would have lost your mind. No, I they took me in there
once. I I preferred more Hot Topic.
The lights were low and everyonein there was autistic.
They just didn't know yet. Clip that.
Great, I'm going. To get.
Thanks Hot Topic. I know, thanks.
It really helped my sensory overwhelm.
(35:07):
Instead of going to Abercrombie and Fritch, which was dark, but
it was only dark and they were shirtless men and a lot of
perfume and I, I was not into any of that.
I was so not my favorite. Time to be alive.
Oh my gosh, wow, that really brought me back justice.
Bright pink and lights. I just wanted to say like I, I
appreciate the way you parented.Like yes, looking back, there
(35:28):
are some things where it was like you were overstimulated.
Traumatizing. I'm sorry.
Hey you know what, it's OK, the HSA card pays for my therapy now
so. That's true.
You know what? You get what you pay for.
Nope, that's not how that works.You break it, you buy it.
You break it, you buy it. That's the right phrase.
Oh my gosh. Wow.
OK, for the parents out there, if you screwed up your kids, you
(35:50):
legally have to pay for their therapy.
I think that's fair. I own that.
So there you go. Sucks to be me.
You should. Venmo request, Grandpa.
Sorry. Wow, that's a whole other
episode. It's OK, you can Venmo request
your dead mom. Yeah, I'll go stick it to her.
No, she'd be pissed. I think about that often.
(36:11):
I'm like, I don't like, I love Nana, but I don't know that this
would go over well with her. Fascinating.
And that's OK. It's different generations also
like. Very true.
I was just talking to Cat on a recent episode and, and the,
the, I cut it out of the main up.
I think 'cause we, we got off ontangent, but some other things,
but she was talking about how she's like, I like, I found out
(36:34):
that I'm autistic and she was like, and now my mom knows she's
autistic. Like she, her mom has EBV and
she's autistic and that. And I was like, Oh my gosh.
I was like, wow. But like raging EBV.
Apparently, yeah. Which also, yeah, that's what
your main up's gonna be about. Yeah.
Well, because also you talked about the doctor earlier that
(36:54):
was like everyone has EBV. Yes.
But also I thought you were going to be like, the
correlation between autism and chronic illnesses is really high
because we spend so much time pushing away our physical
sensations and masking and things like that.
So late diagnosed autistics alsotend to very often have some
sort of chronic illness because they've spent so much time
(37:16):
pushing away their body's cues. Yeah.
Until you get bulldozed. By him.
And then you're like, I guess I don't feel good.
You're right. Yeah, it's like, yeah.
It's like, well, you don't wannasit down, sit down.
I will make you sit down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which is really interesting. But yeah OK so I wanna ask maybe
a big scary question here for itlol.
(37:39):
Also, there's an unless in my eye I'm not crying.
You could cry, no? It's OK.
OK, ask me a question, a hard one.
Well, you kind of led up to it like that.
No, I did. Wow.
The big question of this episodeessentially is do you think
autistic people can be parents? Because there is very much like
that question. Like one of the questions being
(38:02):
thrown out a lot in the media islike, can autistic people
contribute to society? And obviously like the whole
thing of like that's a little bit able list of like you don't
have to contribute to the society society with.
In order to be. You don't have to pay taxes to
like contribute to society 'cause there are people who
don't do that and they're just. To have value.
Yes. Like that's OK.
(38:23):
So I wanted to ask like as an autistic parent and as someone
who parented autistic kids, do you think that that is an
option? Like, do you think that that is
valid? I think that if you wanted to
have kids as an autistic person,that it's important to know
yourself to start with. So I think even starting with
(38:46):
knowing you are on the spectrum is like phase one at all.
You know, because then you know what you are combating and what
you're fighting against when it comes to overstimulation or when
it comes to like your different flavors or quirks or things that
come with it is I feel like I could, I personally could have
(39:07):
parented better as an, as an autistic person if I'd known
that to start. You know, I feel like I played a
lot of catch up, but also havinga village of people again who
know you and accept you and honor your weirdness that can
come alongside you and help in those seasons of overstimulation
(39:29):
and too many things going on or schedules that you're trying to
match up and dinner you're trying to make and lists that
you're writing. Like there's so many things that
happen in parenting that I thinkif you have autism, you're fully
capable of being a parent. It's the same thing as a person
(39:51):
with Down syndrome. Like if you become a parent or
if you have any other sort of disability, that just makes your
day a little bit more challenging.
I think those are parts of society that make us more
beautiful. And so I don't think that
holding those back and saying, Nope, you can't have kids, you
(40:13):
can't reproduce is making society ugly because we're never
going to attain perfection. So what even is that?
So if we're going to not attain perfection, then why would we
start picking and choosing who'sallowed to have kids in that
vein? We're going to start doing that.
A lot of people shouldn't have kids for a lot of different
(40:34):
reasons. Yeah, 100%.
Then it's like, are we taking a vote every time?
Because I know some real assholeparents that should never have
children because they were narcissists.
Oh sure. Or like you know, the the
parents who they don't gentle parent, they permissive parent
and therefore their kids are just absolute monsters.
Yes. And then they come into our
ministry and then we have to parent them.
And they're like, what? You don't tell me what to do?
(40:55):
No one does. And you're like, welcome to
jail. This is this is your first step
to jail. But all that to say, it's like,
I think what autism brings to society can be beautiful.
I've worked in ministry with kids that are disabled, with
kids that are on the spectrum. And I love seeing the way that
other kids mainstream quote kidsinteract with them.
(41:18):
I think it makes everyone betterto be able to accommodate and to
be able to see people and to have compassion.
So yeah. It's like a skill to learn, also
like you're teaching. It really is by just.
Being alive. Yeah, literally facts.
So long story longer, yes, the answer is yes.
(41:42):
I think that that all autistic people should have that option,
but I think they also need to know the tools that they need to
have available. And the hard part is sometimes
that's humans. You need other humans to be your
tools, which sounds horrible, but like people that are able to
come alongside you, like I didn't have parents, you didn't
(42:04):
have grandparents that were like, let me come help babysit.
Let me come help you do your life.
I'll take the kids for this day and give you a break.
That was not the vibe. No, that was not the vibe and
whatever, but. I figured it out like you didn't
have to. Right.
But if I had more of a village of people to come alongside and
(42:25):
help, then that would have been a little bit easier, probably a
lot bit easier to be honest. But.
Yeah, it's something I just realized because I'm in that
weird season of life where all of my friends are getting
pregnant, which is weird, but also all my friends are a little
bit older than me. Nothing wrong with the teen
pregnancy you guys I feel. Like I'm 12 at every moment.
(42:47):
No, sorry lol. But like all of my friends right
now are getting pregnant. And so everyone's doing like the
meal trains and they're being like, OK, like I'm coming over
but I'm not coming over to hold the baby.
I'm coming over to clean your house.
I'm coming over to see how you're doing and like checking
on your mental health because God forbid you have postpartum
depression when you have a baby.But I just kind of realized as
(43:08):
I'm doing this is that hey, I have such a good village and I'm
so happy that I get to be part of their village because it's
like, I don't plan on having my own kids, but I sure as hell I'm
going to be a great auntie to yours.
Like I'm excited to come over and do your dishes.
I've never said that, but like it's almost like when you are
autistic or you have some sort of disability, you're almost
(43:29):
wanting that village that you get right after you have a baby
for the rest of your life. Like that is what having a
village is, is it's not just right during that little moment
and it's not the people who comeover and just want to hold your
baby. They don't just want to come
over and hang out in your already clean house.
Like you want a village. You want friends that will come
over and be like, hey, I understand that.
(43:51):
Like you're having that shitty day.
So like, what can I do to help? Can I come clean your house?
Like you need people like that. And I think especially when
you're neurodivergent, you have any type of disability, that's
all you need. You just need people around you
who love and honor your differences.
Beautiful. Yes.
And I think that that's all you really need to be a parent, but
(44:13):
also like an autistic parent in particular, like you have that
now also, which also we're we'reall adults now.
Like all of your kids are adultsand most of us are autistic, and
we have learned to do that. Like we've learned to find
friends who understand us, and we also now have each other,
including you. 'Cause.
You made all of your weird pancakes.
(44:34):
Yay village. You really said, oh, this first
one turned out bad, let me do itagain.
Oh, good. Why do they all look like that?
And you just turn the camera around and it's you.
You're a large pancake. I am a large pancake.
Oh it's wild. Is that my new favorite?
Treat is like pancake batter. Who even needs to cook them?
(44:55):
You can't mess them up if you don't cook them.
That's a good point. So there you go.
Don't even know how that correlates.
No, you're good. Sorry, I was just making my
funny pancake analogy. But I just I'm just imagining
like a meme. It's just like, why do they keep
turning out like? Pancakes.
You're also a You are the pancake.
That's fair. Yeah, which also, I don't know
that I'm going to keep this in, but it's also really interesting
(45:17):
that right now we're all trying to find a cure for autism.
And I think that we already figured out it's genetic.
Yeah. And so it's just frustrating
that this is where we're at, where we're questioning.
Well, I do think it might be both.
And I think there's a lot of, I think there's a a lot of chronic
illnesses and disabilities that are both and I think some of it
(45:42):
is predisposed or genetic. And then I think a lot of it is
how we take care of our body or how we take care of our overall
intake of food of I mean, golly,not to sound crunchy, but like
microplastics and all of the things they, they just do,
they've like. There's microplastics in our
(46:03):
brain now, like it's like in our, it's in our.
Life. Plastic people.
Big plastic. Big plastic.
Sorry. You know, it's like big pharma.
Yeah, Big Wellness. Let's go.
Big plastic. That's right.
It started here, folks. Big plastic.
But yeah, so I think I think it's a little both, Ann 'cause
I'll bet you there are contributors to some of the
(46:25):
things for people that are on the less.
Well, how did you say it? So low, low support needs is
like us and then high support needs is.
What you say I'll I'll bet you that some of the ones that are
more high support needs may havealready had predisposal but
environmentally has contributed to it to be more severe.
(46:46):
Well, yeah, we were just talkingabout this.
It's like, I think that obviously a disability is a
disability is a disability. But I think that sometimes like
the autism on TM, like they never let them learn to be able
to do other things. And so I think that contributes
to it. Like you said, it's.
Weaponized, and I think that's poopy.
Well, I mean, we were just like,we know some people who have
(47:09):
Down syndrome who weaponize the fact that they have Down
syndrome and are just. Assholes.
They know what they're doing. Right.
It's like people, like, I mean, that's the whole thing is people
are like, you realize that like people with autism or like
developmental disabilities, they're not dumb.
Like they understand what you'resaying.
And most of the time they understand what they're doing.
(47:30):
And yes, like when you're havinga meltdown and stuff like that,
like sometimes you literally cannot be in control of your
body. You're you're it's like a people
Tourettes have ticks. They're not just swearing at you
all the time. It's literally like they can't
control it. Yeah, yeah.
But at the same time they also afterwards can be like I did not
mean what I said. Right.
Wow. Beautiful.
Yes. It's, yeah, it's like you said,
(47:52):
it doesn't justify it. It's just a explanation.
Yeah, be like, hey, I have this thing.
So if you pop a balloon I will scream and you're like, OK.
And I'm like, so just like, don't or I'll leave.
Yeah, make an informed decision.Now go.
Informed decision and you can self accommodate now.
Yes, wow, look at all these big words.
I have a podcast. I'm old and diagnosed with
(48:14):
autism. And then you made someone who
made a podcast, which actually tends to be most people.
Yeah, it's good therapy. Yes, it is.
No, Thank you for coming on the podcast.
I feel like this was a very interesting conversation and I'm
kind of excited to see how it's received by the listeners
because I mean, I feel like thiswas a very healing conversation
(48:37):
just for us. 100%. Yeah, Well, beautiful.
Thank you, Mom, Everyone. This is my mom, Kate.
This is my daughter Clark lol you know her.
I'm here every week. Yeah, but thank you for being on
the podcast. Thank you for having me.
I think something that me and Papa were actually reflecting on
(48:58):
the other day to affirm you, since you were so good at doing
it for me today, is that I thinkthere can be a lot of hate for
people who are like ambulatory wheelchair users or who claim
that they have a chronic illnessand people just don't understand
it but choose to just be haters instead.
And I love that. What drives you so often is that
(49:22):
even if you don't feel good, you're better off going out in
public unashamedly in a wheelchair or with a cane or
with some sort of mobile device because you don't let crap hold
you back. And I hope that that's something
that your listeners can hear andcan be motivated by.
(49:44):
Is that a chronic illness or a diagnosis or whatever?
It's not meant to be something that says, well, crapola, now
I'm stuck here in this playpen of hell.
It's like, no, well now I'm going to find ways that I can
work around myself or ways that I can accommodate myself but
still live life 'cause you know what?
(50:05):
You're not dead until you're dead.
So let's just full send it, you know?
Weird, I wonder who taught me all that.
I must have had really good parents.
Wow, I wish I could meet them. I love you.
Just a compliment sesh. Well, I hope that your listeners
can appreciate that part about you.
It's not all about sadness, so it's not.
(50:25):
All about sadness. Well, that's me.
I'm on the grief cycle 5 ever. So it's not all about sadness,
sadness. It's about getting out and doing
it anyway. Yes, yeah.
So yeah, yeah, keep it up. Thanks, mom, for being on the
podcast. Listeners, that is all I have
for you. Otherwise.
I'm Clark, This is Kate, my mom,and this has been chronically
(50:46):
the sickest podcast. Peace out.
That's all folks. Thank you so much for listening.
If you liked this episode, clickthat follow up button on your
podcast app of choice to get notified every other week.
You can find the podcast on Instagram and TikTok at
Chronically the Sickest Podcast.Let me know if you have any
(51:08):
questions or just want to chat. I love hearing from y'all.
Until next time, I'm Clark, and this has been Chronically the
Sickest podcast you know. Disclaimer, this is a
conversational podcast and whilewe make sure our diagnosis
journey, symptoms and treatment plan, this is not medical
(51:30):
advice. If you have any questions
regarding your health, please reach out to your doctor and
have a great day.
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