Candid Conversation with friends ft Jess, Shellih & Jenina: Black women in media & the impact of generational trauma

Welcome back to another episode of Chronicles of a Virgo Podcast. This month for our Candid Conversation with friends we are joined by the Virgo bestie Jess and the host of “ The Jawn a Podcast" Shellih and Jenina. During this conversation, we will be focusing on the perception of black women in the media as well as the effects of generational trauma in the black community.

In this conversation we discussed:

-Trending topics of black women in media such as Kelly Rowland, Halle Bailey and the “Reesa Tessa” series on tiktok and more..

-Code switching in professional settings and how black people are perceived/treated vs counterparts

-The current effects of generational trauma in the black community

-Lack of support and empathy throughout the black community

-Our thoughts on things we would like to see amongst our community

The purpose of this conversation is to provide a safe space to reclaim the narrative and perception of black women and to help redefine cultural identities beyond the constraints of historical oppression. Conversations as such can continue to pave the way for healing amongst our community and break the cycles of pain and disadvantages that have persisted over time.


Ways to connect with Shellih and Jenina:

IG: https://www.instagram.com/the_jawn_podcast/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/TheJawnaPodcast

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/Thejawnpod


Ways to connect with me:

Website and blog: https://chroniclesofavirgo.wixsite.com/my-site

IG: https://www.instagram.com/chronicles_of_a_virgo_podcast

FB: https://www.facebook.com/ChroniclesOfAVirgoPodcast

Twitter: https://twitter.com/___Chiquita___

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chronicles_of_a_virgo


Disclaimer: "This podcast and website represents the opinions of Chiquita Johnson and her guests to the show and website. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent the place of any mental health or medical professional

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Welcome to the Chronicles of a Verbalpodcast, the podcast dedicated to the transformative
journey of healing, mental health andpersonal growth. I'm your favorite favorite verbal
host Shakitha Johnson, and together we'llcontinue to turn our vulnerability into strength.
As a sexual assault survivor and mentalhealth advocate, I have a learned to
sort through the ashes of my traumaand turn my pain into power. And

(00:26):
this podcast is representation that healing ispossible. And each episode we'll die deep
deep into conversations about overcoming challenges,find your inter strength and emerging from life
trials like a feelings from the ashes. We may even have some friends drive
by from time to time. Getready to be inspired and empowered as we
embark on a rewarding journey of selfdiscovery. So sit back and relax and

(00:50):
let's get into some healing. Allright, y'all, Welcome back to another
episode of Chronicles of a Verbal piecastand as usual, I'm your favorite favorite
favorite virgal hosts and today we arehere with a group of lovely ladies for
our monthly edition of can Conversations withFriends, and as usual, we are

(01:14):
going to get into some things.So how y'all doing today. Y'all good,
I'm no good good. Okay.So y'all know Jessica the Virgo best
friend. She is joining us back. And then we have the lovely ladies,
the lovely hosts of the John APodcast, Miss Sheliah and Jania Jannia

(01:40):
Janina. Okay, I'm so sorry. I was like, I'm gonna get
this right. I'm gonna get thisright. I know how people feel when
you mispronounced someone's names, so Iwanted to make sure I got it right.
But yes, thank you lovely ladiesfor joining me for this wonderful conversation.

(02:00):
And yes, before we get intoour conversation, we have to do
our mental health check, okay,to make sure we are good checking with
ourselves. So, Jessica, onthe scale of one to five, how
are you feeling? Five? Beingthat you are feeling good, You're in
a good space. One not thebest room for porn, but you are
managing. Don't say you five.We can just leave it there, five,

(02:23):
in it out, okay, Okay, Okay, ladies, how are
you feeling whichever one want to gofirst? Okay, I'm like four point
five, yeah, four point five, and I still got some work to
do okay, as we all do. But you know, you take it

(02:46):
to day at a time. Girl, take it a day at a time.
So I am probably fiving it outtoday. Mentally, I am in
this space, yes, a longtime coming. So I celebrate every ounce
of a milestone of feeling good,even with a one. I try to
celebrate it, you know, getup, put one foot forward, do
one always say, do one thingthat you didn't do the day before.

(03:08):
Yeah, okay, So again,thank you guys for participating with the mental
health check. I do these asa way to continue to hold myself accountable,
to check in with myself, butto also encourage everyone else to check
in with yourself. Take at leastfive minutes out of your busy schedules to
make sure that you're okay your mind, body, and spirit everything and in

(03:30):
alignment. And if not, pleaseby means find someone that you can open
up to, or just try tofind some other modality of healing, meditation,
something that's going to help, youknow, get your nervous system down
and back to a safe level.All right, So, ladies, we

(03:50):
are ending Black History Months with aBlack conversation. Okay, I feel like
a conversation that many people hold allright, and I know you ladies hold
space for these conversations all the time, and I want to do more of
it, right, I want todo my due diligence so home more not

(04:12):
only that, to continue educating myselfand other people. So I want to
talk about the importance of the representationof black women in media and just in
a cultural in general, because Ifeel like, and even when I came
on your show, we talked aboutthe stigma around black women from different stereotypes

(04:33):
and different things that people say aboutus and how people perceive us. So
I want to dive a little bitmore into it because you guys have some
valuable insight as well as Jessica andYeah. So I don't know if I'm
gonna yeah, no, i'mnna start. I'm gonna start. I'mnna start with
that. So I feel like,like, specifically right now, social media

(04:58):
plays a big part with the perceptionof black women. You have a lot
of different public figures, celebrities doinga lot of different things, and to
me, it just seems like itdoesn't matter. But what good a black
woman is doing, there's always someoneto bring them down. Let me give
you a little example. Okay,so something something just came to mind,
Kelly Rowland, right, was thatgood morning in America? My good sis,

(05:23):
Hey Kelly, if you ever comeacross this, what's up girl?
Okay? My good sis said?You know, she felt some type of
way, so she decided to exitstage left. Right. She never she
has not still to this day,spoke up and said, hey, this
is why. Right. But likewhat social media do, they go into

(05:43):
frenzy, They take one headline,they run with it. There was a
specific person named Bethany Frankel decided togo to her platform and say she should
just be grateful for the opportunity.I got triggered. Yeah she did.
The audacity did. And the thingabout it is, I got triggered because

(06:05):
I feel like every time every timea black woman or a black man whatever
for that case, speaks about sometype of abuse or mistreatment or something like
that, the first thing that thecounterparts say is you should just be grateful
for the opportunity, just deal withwhatever it is, and just be grateful

(06:25):
that it was you in that seat. And I'm like, yes, I
think we are grateful for the opportunity, but we still need to stand on
our values and our morals. Howdo you y'all feel about that? She's
completely wrong? Go ahead, youNo, I was gonna say, you
know, yes, it's grateful forthe opportunity, but that doesn't mean if

(06:46):
you feel uncomfortable in a certain spacethat you have to be uncomfortable. You
gotta have boundaries, you gotta havevalue. If not, then even going
back to the taragip Henson whole thingwhen she was throwing a color purple,
because if you accept things a certainway, people are going to perceive that

(07:08):
that's what you accept, and soyou gotta step up and speak up for
yourself so that people know that youstand for something and you know your worst.
Definitely, Definitely. I just feltlike that was a that was a
microaggression. And if it was anywhite famous person like they will, she

(07:32):
wouldn't have said that. It's noway she is. No way you think
that Kelly Rowland of the Grammy Awardwinning Destiny Child is no way you Desiney
Frankel from A Housewives series think thatKelly Rowland should have been appreciated. No,
they should have been happy that theyhad Kelly Rowland right and at the

(07:54):
end of the day, if thingsaren't professional, things aren't up to her
standard, she has a right toeliminate herself from that situation, as do
anyone. But yeah, she andI did see an interview that she had
like after that incident happened, andthe interviewer tries to get her to say,
like why what I was hearing onthe internet was either it was the
dressing room thing, and then theytry to make it seem like because they

(08:16):
asked her about Beyonce. People arealways asking her about Beyonce. I don't
see why she would like be uncomfortable, but they're always asking her a byt
Beyonce. But either way, shewas on Cheery Shepherd's show. She was
on Cheery Shepherd Show like after thatand then like they showed like the dressing
room that she had. But atthe end of the day, if she
doesn't feel comfortable, if her teamdoesn't feel comfortable, feel it's a good

(08:39):
look for her, then somebody madetheir executive decision. And I'm sure she
was not getting paid, right whatyou think, Jess Well, In general,
I hate that social media, justthe world in general, puts people
in positions where it's like they're forcedto explain something. It has nothing to
do with anybody but them. SoI hate that. Like giving way,

(09:00):
y'all were saying about how she wenton another interview and they try to bring
it up, and she pretty much, you know, diverted the question to
something else because it's like, you'renot going to spend energy on something that
at the end of the day,it's not the biggest deal. But at
the same token, she don't oweanybody an explanation, like y'all, like
everybody is already said, like that'son you to determine how you feel comfortable
and to do whatever you feel likeit's necessary in that situation. You have

(09:22):
the right to ask for something tochange, you have the right to leave,
You have to right to do whateveryou want to do as long as
it's not harmful or disrespectful to anybodyelse. And she didn't do anything but
honor herself in that situation. Soit's nobody's business. And Kelly is not
even somebody that you ever hear inany type of controversy, right, So

(09:43):
it's like almost like they want areason to put black women specifically in a
negative light, like come on,now, it wasn't necessary, and she
had the right to leave, letit go by her business, and she
did gracefully, and it is whatit is. And then as a pattern
of other racests specifically, I'm justsay specifically white people, when something happens

(10:05):
in the news, when it islike a black person, public figure,
artists, or whatever, they feelvalid within themselves to be take to their
platforms and speak out about it andgive their opinions because oh, that's not
how the industry works. But youdon't know specifically speaking about this person's encounter,
but you're going based upon the headline, which listening and listening around social

(10:30):
media seems like everybody may have beena little wrong or have stories mixed up
that it may not have been about, like you said, the whole dressing
room and something else, and eitherway it's like the whole entitlement, Like
she's not entitled to say what happened. If it happened, it happened,
move forward. And I just thinkthat more and more we find more situations

(10:52):
where we have to explain ourselves somuch. It should just be like,
hey, this is what it is, and I'm able to move forward.
But unfortunately, when it comes tous, like I feel like we're not
able to move forward. So everybodywants us to leave with grace and love,
right, which is you should.But at the same time, it's
like at the stake of something else, like down in myself and let people

(11:13):
mistreat me and talk to me likeI'm not crackt and you know, like
my points are not valid, andit's like what has to happen to reshape
the narrative of that and what andblack women actually be in seats and not
have to do that, like thecounterparts don't always have to do that.
I think social media is a it'sa lot to blame because some people share

(11:39):
so much of their lives and otherpeople choose not to. So it's like,
well, such and such share theirlives, so you're supposed to too,
and that's wrong because it's a choice, you know what I mean.
For a long time, certain celebritiesweren't on social media because they don't want
to have to explain themselves or youknow, why they're doing the things that
they do. But there's so manysocial media media you know, platforms that

(12:05):
spread gossip and they you know,look forward to gossip or people who you
know, that's what they get moneyfrom. Is you know, making stories
out of nothing. So I thinksocial media has a lot to do with
that as well. Yeah, Like, and I think about like the whole

(12:26):
what is it Holly's situation with herwhole pregnancy thing, and even with her
like the Little Mermaid, Like I'venever seen so many people in a frenzy
about a Disney character. Ever,she had me on a choke hold because
I thought the girl was not pregnant. I was really, I was like
they saying all this stuff. Iwas looking at pictures. I'm like,

(12:46):
she's not pregnant here, like theChristmas picture and all that. I'm like,
she had me she hit the messout of that pregnancy, honey,
because I really did not think shewas pregnant. I was like, she
didn't need to talk to people thatbeyond Yeah. But yeah, so like

(13:07):
as a mother, like like y'allknow, like there are different stages of
pregnancy, So like I understand whyshe hit it. Being someone that myself
has had a miscarriage, you wantto get to that safety mark and then
be able to move on. Andshe wanted to enjoy her pregnancy in private,
which they really did, but theydidn't because I was listening to her
boyfriend on like a snippet of himon Jason Lee and he was like,

(13:31):
we can't. Yeah, we cameout the doctor's office and like the camera
like they caught us and we hadto just play it off. And he
said unfortunately, like if you don'tspeak on something, it never happened.
And that made me really think aboutlike all the things that go on,
Like if the tabloids about celebrities andyou never hear them come out and say
anything. I'm like, well,maybe it didn't happen or did it happen,

(13:52):
but they do not to speak onit, you know. But even
to the extent of that, likeall the people step up in a frenzy
about it being a black mermaid.Mh, I'm like, had it had
been Ariana Grande, you know,as someone, y'all wouldn't be making all
this noise like at all. LikeI was like, you had to tell

(14:13):
them mermaids are fictional. You canmake everyone, like you really make it
any seem like it's a mermaid,like like like like as a historical figure
or something, you know, likelike it was a white roll of Parks
or something like yeah, like itwas. I was like, what is
really going on, and I actuallyheard something that was a little I heard

(14:35):
something that was real, real,sensible. Everybody know what's going on in
the news with like Monique and herson and like the whole back and forth
and all that. Her son wason live and someone asked him randomly if
he had seen the movie. Hesaid he had it. He said,
I'm not gonna lie. I wasa little upset that the mermaid was black
too, And they asked him whyteSo he said that he wasn't necessarily mad

(15:01):
that it was a black woman.He said, but if you made them
that character black, then the cultureand everything about that storyline should have been
culturally black. Now, again thisis coming from a person that didn't see
the movie. Culturally black is fictional. What are they either talk about?
How do you have a culture fora fictional thing? It's fictional? Like
literally makes no sense. But thisis the thing. What white people see

(15:26):
is they see a black girl takingan opportunity from a white girl. That's
what they see, and that's whythey're upset. That's all, Like,
you're really upset because you don't feellike she deserves that spot. Mm hmm,
like it they're all going down toracism. At the end of the
day, situation, the highly situated, it all boils down. Supremacy wins

(15:50):
again, white supremacy. Listening thatwhite supremacy be sneaking in everywhere, it's
always waiting around the corner. Andespecially as a black one American, there
are a lot of things that wedo that are ingrained in us, you
get what I'm saying, Like,and it takes reprogramming. It takes reprogramming.
And it's like our generation, Ithink we're trying our best to kind

(16:11):
of like reprogram ourselves. But likemy parents' generation and baby Boomers, like
they're not gonna change. But it'sjust things that you may witness, like
the baby Boomers say, and yousay, see yourself, Well, that's
kind of like self hate, youknow what I mean. Like if somebody
has their hair in Naturville, theymight say, like, you need to
do something with your hair, youneed to straighten it, blah blah blah.

(16:33):
You know, and if it's justbased on like being programmed that this
is proper right. But you know, like I can't I wouldn't even say
that generation won't change. Of course, you know, that's always going to
be a subset of people. Yeah, they're gonna stick with what they know.
We have to be brave enough tochallenge our parents, you know what
I mean, like some of us. And that's another black thing too,
where it's like, you know,it's a parent child dynamic to where it's

(16:56):
like, you know, you can'tsay certain things to your parents xyz.
And it's like, yes, Iget it if you're like truly being disosightful,
but a lot of times they're notgoing to know unless we're the ones
will say it. Just like justI don't have children yet, But that's
like our generation is learning from ourkids and like the kids that are up
under us. Because I would say, for my parents, you actually gave
a real good example about hair andstuff like that. I've been natural since

(17:19):
the end of two thousand and sixand I had long hair down the middle
of my back was pirmed whatever,and not that my parents had any They
didn't care about me going natural.But I feel like I will always get
comments every time I cut my hair. So I'm the type whereas if I
will leave the house with a fullheaded hair and come back and it's completely
gone, like you know, that'show that's how I operate like this is

(17:40):
how I wanted, you know,I feel free enough to do that.
But you do get those comments likeoh, you cut your hair again or
X Y or z, and it'slike, don't be mad or project because
I'm brave enough to do this,you know. So I feel like in
time certain people have softened up orjust kind of been able to open up

(18:00):
to certain things. And maybe whenthey were growing up it was a certain
ideal that maybe they didn't feel freeenough to you know, do X Y
Z as far as their identity.But those of us who are like bold
enough to live in now truth butalso provide them with education, some of
them do come around. Yeah,that's true. Some people are, you
know, I guess not as setin their ways. Sometimes if you like

(18:22):
can present I feel like you haveto like present your evidence, you know,
and like come to them because Ithink, like, for instance,
my dad, I do feel likeI can influence him sometimes and he does
say, like, well, youknow, you teach me things. So
as something that stands out is Idon't know if you remember a couple of
years ago, it was like ablack girls student and like they had like

(18:44):
a research resource officer and he likeslammed her in the classroom. So my
dad had took a stance like,well, she should have listened to him,
you know what I mean, Likeshe should she should have listened to
him. And I'm just like,she's a child, Like, she's a
child. He shouldn't have been thatviolent to a child, period. That's

(19:06):
somebody else's child. And I waslike, what if that was me,
Like, you wouldn't be like,oh, well you should have listened,
Like that's not like he body slammedher like with the desk. Yeah,
I remember that. And it's funnythat you said that. A lot of
this goes like it's generational, right. Unfortunately, it's programmed into a lot

(19:27):
of black people in our community,not necessarily like us, but it may
because it's all parents and how theywere raising and so forth. Because I
seen something else, y'all, AndI know the name I'm about to say.
Your eyebrows might be like, LordJesus, I know people listen.
If I'd be like, nope,we don't want to hear it, but
I'm gonna say it because it cameout this woman's mouth. I can even

(19:48):
send you on a clip. Iwas watching this like little masterclass thing or
whatever. This lady she's putting outa book. I can't think of her
name right now, but she hadlike a launching event or whatever. It
had all these celebrities. I justwanted to see Sarah Jakes. That's only
one of the only people I wantedto see. So I watched the like

(20:10):
go back and rewind it. Oprapops up right, so I'm like,
I don't want to hair Opra.I do not want to hear it over
because I'm still mad about freaking colorpurple. But I was like, you
know what, let me go,hair Opra, because over do be staying
some some good stuff. So shewas telling just the story about like her

(20:30):
partial, her upbringing and like whatkeeps her going and all this stuff.
She said that when she was fouryears old, her grandmother used to make
her sit and watch her like foldand hang clothes. She's like, because
this is what you're going to haveto do when you get older. She
said, you need to learn howto get the white people under your like

(20:52):
under your under your skin, soyou know that you'll be able to maneuver
and be good in life because withthat mindset being attached to like whiteness,
it will help you go far.Now, mind you that the timeline that
this was so I really was thinking. I was like, huh, I
wonder, I said, I wonderhow much of that she still has programmed

(21:14):
in her mind. Now you knowwhat I'm saying, Like we we we
hear and we have saw certain thingsthat this person has contribute to the culture.
But listening to her say that hergrandmother who was like I think we
made a slave at one point andyou know, had jobs taking care of
white families, she taught her howto cater to whiteness and told it the

(21:38):
only way to be successful pretty muchis to cater to whiteness. Then I
look at her now that she wasshe was she was true, Like it's
true though in America a lot oftimes you can't rub certain people the wrong
way in order to be successful.And I mean in one in one essence
is unfortunate that it's true, youknow what I mean. But you just

(22:00):
have to work harder. Basically youprobably you can still be successful, but
it won't be as easier if peopleif everybody is black, like sometimes it's
definitely harder that I mean, youI disagree because I've been in all black
communities of people who support each otherand who show each other love. But

(22:22):
having that ingrained in you will makeyou feel like because I used to be
a thing of Oprah and I'm notso much anymore because of things that I've
seen her do or say, oryou know, different things like that,
and I just feel like her thatbeing ingrained in her makes a lot of
sense. That's what I mean.No, that's what I mean. I
mean that it is true, butit's not right. I mean like she

(22:44):
used that to navigate to where right, Okay, that's what I mean.
Like, it's not I wouldn't wantto have That's what they say when you
sell out. Basically, Yeah,I'm saying what her grandmother said. It
was a truth in it, andshe used that truth navigating becomes successful,
right. Unfortunate that that's what itshouldn't be the case. Yeah, that
shouldn't be his. Yeah, Idon't know where I am with Oprah.

(23:07):
I don't know. Yeah, butyou know what, even still like at
things that we learned our upbringing,we as adults have the opportunity to change
things about ourselves. We could changeour mind our ways and different things.
So if we were brought up acertain way. I was brought up with
the whole strong black woman mentality,and I'm not knocking it. I'm not
saying that it's anything wrong with it. But as I have continued to navigate

(23:30):
and be on my own journey,it's like, I want to continue to
be strong, but at the sametime, I'm like Taraji, I don't
want to be that strong, youknow, Like I want to reside in
my soft my softness. I don'twant to be looked at or perceived as
an aggressive black woman because a lotof times that's what we are perceived as.
You know, I talk with alot of dignity in my voice,

(23:52):
and I can be stern sometimes,but it doesn't mean that I'm angry or
I have an attitude. That's justmy passion, you know. But sometimes
it can be misconstrued by the wrongperson. So it's like I'm going to
be perceived not necessarily for my complexion, but just for who I am as
a person. Yea. And Ithink for black women, it's hard for

(24:15):
us to find those spaces and justto be able to navigate those you know,
those obstacles. Yeah, I mean, the thing is is that we
are there are are all these perceivedconnotations about us as black women, but

(24:36):
we also have to think about howwe present ourselves to the world. There's
a time and a place for youto be, you know, this way
when you're hanging out with your friends. You know, y'all might use different
vernacular and stuff like that. Whenyou're in a professional setting, you know,
you talk professional and it's a shamethat things have to be that way,
but you have to adapt. Justthat's just how that's the world that

(25:00):
we live in. And people whyI'm most say, certain black women give
us who know how to switch ourselvesup in different environments a bad reps.
See that's the part. But that'sthe part I don't get about black people.
Why why white people are not likethat? Like a group of person
a group of people don't represent thewhole. I don't see why when it

(25:22):
comes to black people, like thisperson represents everybody like they don't they're an
individual, but like other races don'tdo that, you know what I mean.
And it's unfortunate. It's not justus who do that or us who
say, oh, they set usback, you know what I mean.
It's unfortunate because that's how they lookat black people. It can only be
one of you, it can onlybe two of you, whatever, So

(25:44):
like in that space. So Iguess it boils down to the whole representation
because the more and the bigger varietyof black people that the public sees,
then they have no expectation because youknow, this person is an individual.
You're not sure they gonna show us, you know, just like it's a
variety of white people. You gotpeople that live in the country, people
that live in the city, yougot you got people that have you know,

(26:06):
all different types of white people,just like it's all different types of
black people. But because a lotof white people we live in America where
we are a minority, just likethey did with like Indians, Like a
lot of people only see Indians inlike seven eleven or something like, they
don't know. So it's like representationacross the board for minorities allows people to

(26:26):
not child of hell that one raceor that one nationality to this specific person.
Like like you were saying, youcan meet somebody and they may already
have a perception of you. Soif all the women that they see,
all the black women that they see, was sassy, and aggressive or whatever
that might just be their automatic likeassumption. And then so so you're you're

(26:49):
not even starting off with a cleanslate. When you meet certain people,
they're like, oh, she's ablack girl d so like you're fighting for
the person is see you for whatyou are, but you actually are like,
oh, no, no, I'mnot that. No, I'm not
that. Not Like okay, I'mthis not you know what I mean?
Yeah, m that is okay,yes, but okay, that's historical trauma,

(27:18):
you know, no matter which wayyou want to look at it,
whether it's something that you want tosay is subliminal, subliminally somewhere and all
conscious or stuff that gets passed down. And I'm using the example of even
us policing ourselves and one person actingone way, you know how, I

(27:38):
think we've all been there where youmay be in public and somebody's doing something
and be like, why they gottabe doing all that whatever it might be,
with that being loud, wherever they'recustom, wherever they're X y Z,
because somewhere within us we are thinkingor do you know that one person
acting that way is going to reflecton all of us? And that's historical

(28:00):
trauma. That's safety and self preservation. You know that we we know it
doesn't matter, not that it doesn'tmatter who we are as individual with absolutely
matters. We have to keep fightingfor, you know, being able to
see for who we are. Butwe know historically one person after enough y
does for the rest of us.Yes, the fact that's something we're still

(28:22):
dealing with. Yeah, but butthese are things people aren't realizing they're not
talking about, you know, justlike all these like all those black cities
and stuff. It'd be like oneperson that they accuse of raping a white
woman, and y'all just y'all sitin the whole city because of one person.
Y'all protect y'all white women that muchthey do because they're about to be

(28:44):
They don't because they don't as inher ass, they're the only people that
can that can suppress her. That'sthe whole thing. You don't even see
that though, she don't even seeit. Those white those white men,
they be the ones killing the family, killing a wife all at the whole
family. So pooh child, letme ask you all this because when y'all

(29:08):
alluded to it, the whole codeswitching and like I know, I've had
this conversation before with like my friends, because I was like, I don't
I don't think at the time ofthe conversation, I was like, I
don't code switch. I was like, the way that I am outside of
work, I'm the same way insideof work. I answer the phone,
the same way I talk whatever.And I was like listening to Tabitha Brown

(29:30):
on the Breakfast Club and she waslike, when she left Corporate America,
she was able to like freely justbe herself, like no more code switching,
like able to just be authentically her. And I'm like, what is
it going to take for us tofeel like we can be our true,
authentic selves without having to code switch. I think it could be a like

(29:52):
defense mechanism too, because sometimes youmay not trust the people at work,
so you don't want to give themyour authentic self come time. M hmm.
I don't think that I clod switchnow, but I know I did,
and I did at some point.I think it really just depends on
like your comfortability with yourself or whoyou are. But it just goes down
to like being a representation one badfor one person. So I don't know,

(30:18):
just like I think just was justsaying, how we see that one
person, you don't want to bethat person, right, you know.
But for me, this is myfirst time working for an all black company
mm hmm, and I love itthere. We are ourselves when we hang

(30:40):
out, we like talk in thebonics and you know what I'm saying,
And not even since that with myclients that I have, most of my
clients are black, and they're like, I was looking for a black woman
because I just want to be myself. And I could be like talk to
them like girl, you know youwrong? Like you know, I can
say like like girl, come on, you know what I'm saying. So

(31:04):
it depends on your environment, yourcomfortability, you know, all of that
stuff. But most of us don'twork in those environments that I'm fortunate enough
to work in, you know whatI Yeah, And that's a theory.
Like once again, you really haveto understand what cold switching really is,
you know what I mean. Ithink a lot of times we use terms
broadly without always understanding the historical contexts, and cold switching, once again,

(31:26):
is rooted in safety for us,you know. But that's a fine line
between cold switching and there is atime and a place so if we still
have to be reasonable, Like theway I may talk to you is not
the way I'm going to be talkingfor my family. It is not the
way I'm going to potentially talk toa customer client, like you said,
unless we're in that space where Ican do so. So I don't think

(31:49):
we're ever going to get to aplace where anybody, it doesn't even matter
where race automatically is going to beable to just speak freekly with customers the
same way that we talk to one. But you know, I think we
can get there to some extent.Yeah. Now I don't be at work
just wild in y'all. I'll beprofessional, but I'm just like I'm just

(32:15):
more relaxed and just like chill.So that's like my demeanor. And I
mean, I do understand the professionalismaround it, but like I don't,
and I don't work in an allblack environment whatsoever. I work for like
a large company, you know,so my department is more so like mixed,
and but my supervisors are you know, white, and I'm just me

(32:37):
like I just feel like if Ijust show up as me, I can't
be nobody else, you know.So, but I do understand the distinction
of like time and place and everything, you know, but we all have
those moments too where it's just like, Okay, I can't hold this in
anymore, Like I'm I'm gonna speakup and I gotta say X, Y
and Z. So definitely I've hadthose moments as well. You gotta have

(32:59):
good discern You can have business discernmenttoo, Like you can't just automatically walk
into the too a space just justdoing X, Y and Z. Sometimes
you really do. You got tofeel it out, you know, feel
the energy. And sometimes we're onthe phone with that customer, that client,
like how you said, you know, you can say something a certain
way, so you have to exercisediscernment. Like we can't be those oh
take me as I am types ofpeople, but we like really growling out,

(33:22):
you know, I had I hadto wait in somebody boss you know,
said something to me and I waslike, okay, thet her talking
like you know, I talk tomy girlfriend and stuff. This is the
safe space for me to be myself. But you know, when I have
clients and I first meet them,I present, you know, the way

(33:45):
that I would present professionally. Butwhen we get to a point where they're
comfortable. I'm comfortable, and theylike, I just want you to be
yourself. Talk to me like,you know, you put me in my
place where I got some sense.If you've been with that guy for seven
years and he made no commitment,girl, what the heck are you doing?

(34:06):
Because that helps the resident be like, well, let's process you know
you're still here. They don't wantthat. So I think it also has
a lot to do with your ownconfidence. So like if you I feel
like a lot of times in businesssettings, you may feel like you need
to prove your intellect. You mayneed to feel like you're proving something right.

(34:29):
But once you got these degrees andyou've got you know, certain experience
behind you, you know that likeyou don't have to try to like present
a certain way because you can geta job anywhere, you know what I
mean. So I think a lotof times it has to do with like
not turning somebody off and them becausea lot of time corporate America is a
lot of politics. A lot oftimes somebody may say something offend somebody and

(34:52):
you know they they just going afteryou at that point. But as you
grow I think it just as yougrow as a professional, and as you
become more confident in your abilities,then you're like, well, I mean
it is what it is like,I'm doing my job and getting everything done.
You know what I mean? Isaw that matter is at that point
you just thought up a real goodpoint. Because I can personally attest to

(35:14):
that. Me and the kiddy usedto work together, so I can't say
if she remembers this per se becauseI feel like this happened a little more
after she left the job we wereworking at. I'm lucky and happy.
I've always been the one to kindof always speak up and always say what
needed to be said, and itwas never any backlass or repercussion. Can't
say somebody didn't feel some type ofway, you know, but they kept
that to themselves because I never didnot know what I always knew what I

(35:36):
was talking about. I was alwaysit's not about being right, but it's
like it was always a point beingmade where it's like, y'all can't deny
that what I'm saying isn't valid.So I'm happy that I've always been confident
because I feel like in certain situationsI've been in, other people weren't willing
to speak up, so like ifI didn't do it, what would have
happened? Exactly? Yeah, Ijust thought about something else that isn't news.

(36:00):
Recently, the district attorney down inGeorgia Fanny our girl, Fanny right.
And it's been a lot of likedifferent clips and things that have been
trending, and one stood out tome because I feel like Sis stood on
business okay, Like I feel likeshe I've never heard someone speak with so

(36:22):
much like assurance, like I knowthat, like y'all are wrong about me,
and I'm gonna show you how you'rewrong, you know. And it
was one clip that I saw floatingaround social media, and she was talking,
answering their question and then they responded, you know you something like on
the lines of you can calm down, you're gonna have to be so irate.

(36:44):
But she wasn't like like, youknow, like angry. You know,
she was just to you because youunderstood what her passion was. But
to other people, if you aren'tsaying yes, ma'am, then your combative
period. Yeah. And I'm like, it's funny how every time we're in
those situations and we're speaking with allthat passion or whatever it's like, Okay,

(37:07):
you can calm down. You don'thave to be so combative. It's
like, if I was combative,I'll be throwing the hands by now like
I'll be you know, kicking yourface whatever it is. That's just combative,
you know. But speaking with passionwhen y'all do it, it's not
a problem. You know, y'allmaybe because y'all crying, throwing tears behind
it, you know what I'm saying. We throw tears behind it. It's
like we're guilty, you know,we looked at to be guilty. So

(37:30):
I just thought that was really interestingto watch that fold out. And then
she stepped back. She's like,I'm not combat if like you know,
like I'm telling y'all, sis wasgetting it. I was like, yes,
girl, get it. But movingforward, something else that came to
mind I want to talk about is, Shelia, you said that the company

(37:50):
you work for now is all black, and you guys have a good rapport
and it's a safe environment and safespace for you, which is good.
But on the flip side of that, unfortunately some people that work in black
organizations don't feel like those are safeenvironments because sometimes unfortunately the enemy is knocking
at your door, you know,the light of terms. So I feel

(38:14):
like or do you guys feel likethis? Sometimes we can be like our
worst enemies when it comes to likesupporting one another, uplifting, you know,
whether it's black women supporting women,just a black community. And jennersona
keep lease show y'all. He showedy'all when he was when he went to
land and he showed y'all. Yep, tighten up. That's it. That's

(38:37):
it. That's it. Nothing else. It was like nothing else that could
be said, No defendant, justtighten up. That's it. But I
think a lot of times because wecan be very critical, and that's white
supremacy again. It's like we couldbe very critical. We can go to
McDonald's every day and they mess up. They mess up out with it all
the time. I still go right. But we can go to a small

(38:59):
black busines and they mess up yourorder. You say, I'm never coming
back here again. Good point,because you're holding them to a higher standard
when you should do the opposite,right, you should hold them to a
lower standard. Because they had tostart their their line was different, like
they had to start differently. Ithink that's one thing that we do.
It bothers me so bad when Isee so often, especially with social media,

(39:24):
how black people. A lot oftimes people just take the opportunity to
tear somebody down. Even with therecent piece, any any situation I've ever
seen on social media, You're alwayshad people who are negative and try to
tear the person in all the time. Yeah, just a crab crabs and
the crabs in the barol in town. In order for me to be bigger,
I had to build myself up inthe back of somebody else, even

(39:45):
to somebody who looks like me,Like, it absolutely makes no sense.
And I can't say, you know, my only experience is Baltimore, Like
this is the only place I've everlived. But it's like thinking about when
I was a child and how Igrew up, I truly lived in a
community. You know, pretty mucheverybody in my neighborhood was black. Everybody's

(40:07):
parents knew each other, all thekids played together. There was a lot
of sibling groups, so like itwas me and my brother and my sister.
Another family down the street had somebodyour age to play with. So
it's like if we were so connectedthat you know, you can't go down
the street and do something, andyou knew as soon as you come back
down at your house, your parentever you what you did? You know,

(40:27):
you said you was going to soand so house. Your parents trusted
that. So community and I settlethat now to the point of what truly
is the black community now? Likedo we hold each other accountable? Do
we truly try to understand one another? Do we truly support lift one another?
Whereas if I feel like I hadthat growing up, but in a

(40:51):
few short years, you know,it's been well illi thirty eight this year,
but I feel like the change hasbeen so rapid it from what felt
like the good old days to whatthe world we're experiencing now. True,
That's what I asked because growing upand sweep the whole neighborhood, everybody together.

(41:16):
You could go eat at your yourfriend's house. Now you look nobody
about their child, the mind rightto fight you and all of that stuff.
It's no community in the black communityto say, but a lot of
that comes from low self esteem,low confidence, not knowing your self worth,

(41:37):
because you can't be happy for otherpeople if you're not happy within yourself,
and it all boils down to that. But it also I think also
growing up, a lot of peoplewere surviving, so they really didn't have
the time to build characters and people. They really didn't have the time to
you know. I know growing up, nobody was like, you're pretty,

(41:58):
You're pretty, you can do this, say I didn't tell us that like
they was to me. It wasjust like we're worrying about getting the bills
paid, making sure that you gotto roof over your head and stuff like
that. And I feel like whenit comes to emotional emotion, emotion,
I talked to my daughter way moreabout stuff, you know what I mean,
I don't. I just think thata lot of times character development wasn't

(42:19):
happening, like some people just youknow, like no integrity, some people
don't know how to be trustworthy,just different elements I think, And I
think all that is it is true, and I think all of it,
A lot of it is rooted intrauma, whether it's you know, trauma
with trust, trauma with abuse,something within trauma, trauma and your friend

(42:44):
groups or your family. You know, for a lot of women, a
lot of us women first Yeah,for a lot of us women, your
first belly was your mom. Soit makes you grow up not being able
to navigate fringers with women because youknow, you think that you think that
some people that first bully was theirmom. Yes, yes, that is

(43:07):
a conversation for another day. Butyes, I will stand that I will
die your faith, yeah, andshould definitely be your faith please. Yeah.
And I think a lot of thatstill is rooted in generational trump.
Yes, yes, and I thinkthe change what can change that is putting

(43:27):
your pride in your egos aside andbeing able to put yourself in the space
that she listened and acknowledged, Okay, what someone went through and take accountability,
you know. But girl that Yes, I definitely think that. That
is definitely a longer conversation for anotherday, because I ever heard anybody say
that. I never heard anybody saythat. I know that the mother the

(43:53):
mother daughter relationship can be complex.I know the mother son relationship, like
all of these relationship with your parents. I know that I've heard a lot
of people say, like, youknow, your dad is the first,
the first man that you loved,and same thing for boys. But I
never heard it. That's good,but I never heard it, because I
do know that. I mean,I've seen people who had mothers. But

(44:17):
a lot of times the way thatyou mother your child is the way that
you got mothered a lot, so, like you said, is generational.
But you know what, so toadd to that, a lot of our
parents, their parents came from atown where they were surviving. You know,
they were never in a position wherethey could actually thrive and enjoy life.

(44:37):
I'll speak for my grandmother. Mygrandmother passed away in twenty twenty.
She had six children. She wasa single mother of six children, raised
all kids. Got assistance from herparents whenever they found out that she needed
it because she was this strong,black independent woman, and she was a
nurse during her thing her kids.Her older kids helped raise the younger children.

(44:59):
Right. And to this day,with my grandmother passed and she has
three living children, I've never heardany of them. My mom included to
say one bad thing about my grandmother. She was all of their best friends,
all of her grandkids. We lovedher, she was my best friend,
right. But when it came tohow she raised them, it wasn't
those soft gentle parenting back then,Okay, it was like corporal punishment,

(45:22):
and that stuff trickled down the lineto how other people raised their children.
You know, there wasn't no suchthing as safe spaces. It was like,
what are you crying for? Getyourself together, do what you gotta
do, Go do your chores,let's go to church on Sunday. Like
let It was a cycle. Soall of those things rolled down to generations.

(45:44):
So yeah, I think I can'tspeak for every family dynamics, of
course, but I know how minewas, and I do hold on believe
that in many cases, the motherplays a big part in a person's a
female specifically relationship and how she she'sable to navigate the dynamics of having other
females around her. And then,you know, a lot of people could

(46:05):
disagree with whatever, because you know, you get older, you can make
decisions and things to yourself. However, one has to realize that there is
a problem in a negative cycle thatneeds to be broken, you know,
Like I realized that early on thatI need the therapy. Something was wrong
with me. I'm like angry,I'm depressed, anxiety, all these things,
and I'm thinking at the time itwas just from our relationship, not

(46:27):
realizing that like, oh no,Sis, you need to address your sexual
abuse, like you need to addresslike these other things that happened to you,
because maybe addressing certain things will getyou the resolution that you need to
process your mind and move forward.And that's I mean, that's me.
But a lot of black people theydon't want to go to therapy, they

(46:47):
don't want to set their ego andpride aside because they are living in a
victim mindset. Everybody has done everythingto them. And I'm not discrediting anybody's
trauma or experiences, but yes,people hurt us, people cut us,
but that does not mean that wehave to cut the next person. That
doesn't mean that we can't heal fromwhat happened to us and then go advocate

(47:12):
and try to help other people.Instead we out here killing one another,
not supporting businesses, trying to shiton everybody else. Well, they got
it, So guess what, I'mgonna do something and do ten times better
or like you starting that podcast orI wanted to do it too, but
I'm not gonna support you because that'smy idea. Like you know, like
why is it happening to so far? Like it wouldnt happen for me?

(47:37):
A lot of like actually it said, it's a lot of insecurities. A
lot of people feel like if Igive to you, that's going to be
taken away from me for whatever evon. But also I think it's not that
I don't think that a lot ofpeople don't want to go to therapy.
I think a lot of them arescared to go to therapy. That a
lot of them are scared to beexposed or are scared to really open up.

(47:58):
You know, a lot of peoplenever had to say you know,
so like if they never had asafe space, that's something that they are
unfamiliar with and problems. Feel likeit's not going to help me. Yeah,
And you know what I tell people, like you never know until you
go and you challenge yourself, Likechallenge yourself to sit in those emotions,
the way that you wake up angryat the world every day and you sit

(48:20):
in that all day. Challenge yourselfto sit in your emotions and try to
dissect and see what is the causationof what's going on. Like, I'm
not gonna say theraphy is going tobe the end all be all. Some
people need a little bit more,you know, however, it will get
you somewhere. But yeah, yougotta start So if y'all don't know,
I'm a therapist, right, Soy'all don't know how many people I get

(48:45):
that come in a whole session.They're crying, right, And it's like
that, And I encourage my clients. I don't give them tissues. So
I feel like when you get peopleto shooes and makes them stop crying,
no, I don't. I'll letthem shed those tears, get them out
because obviously you've been holding these tearsthere for years. You're crying a whole
session, right, so I wantyou to get them tears out. But

(49:07):
it's uncomfortable. Not like the firstsession though. Is the first session.
We have to do a biopsycho socialand that's digging into your background, your
history, and that brings out alot of things, why this trauma how
early? Was your first trying thingslike that, and it brings out a

(49:28):
lot of emotions. And I getso many emails and calls like I appreciate
you, but I'm not ready.Why I understand. I understand because it's
a lot. It's a lot.If you've been dealing with this in age
seven, age nine and this isyour first time coming to therapy, you
overdo though you say you're not ready, you overdo. But it's a lot

(49:49):
to uncover. So it's a lotto suppress. Yeah, it is all
that time is coming up. Thatmeans that you're unsuppressed all of that,
and that's why you're angry. That'swhy you're ancient. That's why all of
these you know, you isolate yourself. But again they're not eventually they come
around. Okay, yeah, child, but it's a lot. So I'm

(50:15):
not even gonna say. And thenif you come and it opens up a
lot, No, that's not likeyou said, Shaki, it's not the
end all be all. But ifyou don't start, you won't know what
you actually need. So you've gottastart. So and even with my healing
journey of doing therapy, I've foundso many different avenues and healing modalities that

(50:38):
work for me. And I've learneda lot of scientific research and different things
just from doing studying and what Ilearned, And it may sound crazy to
someone to be like, oh,you didn't know that, No, I
didn't. I learned that a lotof our illnesses, specifically black people that
we deal with, have a lotto deal with trauma. Because trauma is

(51:00):
stored in your body. There's aspecific book. I can't think. The
body keeps keeps scored. Trauma literallysits in your body, and it was
just like the years, like yousaid, the years of the person hold.
It just goes down and it justbuilds right on up, and a
lot of that stuff, if it'snot released, it turns into your cancers

(51:21):
and your tumors and all these otherdifferent elements and diseases that we, unfortunately
we deal with, and it's unfortunatelyis the demise of some people. But
it's it is a mental thing.It definitely is a mental thing as well.
But if a person is not ready, it just continues to pile up
and then it becomes part of yourDNA, so then your generation behind you.

(51:43):
A lot of people, well theyhave done a lot of research recently
where it's called weathering on black peoplebecause of our history in America, Black
American, our history in America,all the trauma that we've been through,
all the surviving. Like I mean, it's just it's a lot on and
a human period. But you know, a lot of people don't realize that.

(52:06):
I know, like I don't knowif you've ever been to a massage,
like I've gotten a massage and thestress is in my muscles, like
it's popping and card popping, andit's like you're all tense. So I
mean I could finally say I havemy first massage back in September, just
treated me for my birthday. Thatwas my first massage because yes, because

(52:29):
I don't like people touching me,Like I don't really trust to close my
eyes around people unless I know you. So that was like a huge step
for me. But yeah, likeI was like, okay, all right,
this is different, but it wasyou definitely feel something. Yeah,
yeah, the mental and the physicalwork together. So us as black women,

(52:51):
we always also carry a lot wheremoms, where wives, where you
know, girlfriends. We work,we go to school, we come home,
we cook dinner, do all thesethings. We hardly ever had time
for ourselves. So when you startfeeling aches in your body, it is
probably your mental health just telling youto go get things checked out. So
if when you get stressed, yourshoulders hurt you, when you get stressed,

(53:15):
your needs hurt. All of thatthe mental and the physical work together,
and us as black women, wegot to take better care of ourselves.
You know what I'm saying because wegot the families to take care of
a lot of us, you know, work and we're single and where we
got to take care of ourselves.But you know, one of the traumas
that a lot of us have experiencesthat, especially as black people, when

(53:38):
you turn eighteen, you gotta getout and you're not ready for that,
and that causes a lot of stressand a lot of trauma because financially,
emotionally mentally at eighteen you're not grown. Yeah, you're financially illiterate. Like
yeah, yeah, I've never beenthat camp at all. But what you

(54:00):
got to add to it just well, it's kind of a few things and
yeah, we've just been bouncing fromthing to things things. That's like a
couple of things in my brain.So I guess that two specific things that
stand out, kind of going backto what was said about as black people,
how we have all this historical trauma, you know that kind of carries
to the generations imagine like you know, not even imagine, we know,

(54:22):
even personal experience with people around us. The fact that we got all these
issues or whatever we got going on, and a lot of times the solution
is a complete opposite of what wethought to be true. So that's why
a lot of people don't get helpbecause it's like my whole life, I
have been told or shown to dox y z b x y z,
and now I'm being told I haveto do this or do that. That's

(54:45):
the identity crisis within itself, becauseit's like what I knew to be true
or what I thought was the rightthing to do, now being told I
have to do the complete opposite tohelp or heal myself. So that's why
a lot of people are resisting.That's why people don't even acknowledge that they
have stuff going on. It nevereven opened up to the possibility of I

(55:05):
have trauma or there's an issue,because that just opens up a whole can
of worms that would force you ato face it and to face yourself but
also be responsible for the work thathas to be done and the shifting of
your identity. So I'm just goingto leave that right there, because we
can definitely go deeper into back.But then what she just brought up about

(55:28):
once you turned eighteen, you gottaget out of the house. So no,
I've never experienced that personally, butme and my dad and my sister
were just talking about this like lastweek, because, like I said,
for me, never having experienced that, like that's not my family dynamic.
But with my father being older,my dad is seventy six, so having

(55:52):
an older parent and I have likeolder siblings as well, I'm the youngest,
you know, I kind of likeget to luckily talk about different things
as far as under standing things fromdifferent generational perspectives. Like my mom and
dad's generation, they were born inthe late forties, so that means they
grew up seeing everything, you know, they saw segregation ending and civil rights
and like everything that kind of followed. But they personally know that mentality of

(56:17):
you know, once you turn eighteen, not that you have to get out,
but it's more so once you're eighteen, you're an adult. So back
then you were truly an adult ateighteen. They were raised to be prepared,
whereas if if you get to now, it's the complete opposite. So
you're not raising your child to beprepared to be an adult eighteen, but

(56:38):
you still have the expectations that theyhave to get out of your house at
eighteen. How does that make sense? That doesn't add up. So that
just goes to show you in thefew decades since. I guess you can
say maybe like the seventies eighties whenthat's when the dynamic really started to shift
because that's when more people going tocollege. That's when just start having more

(57:00):
life choices, like you don't haveto just go to the R and B
and go to school. You know, people feel free to like make more
choices and like take more time.I always call the time we live in
now, like now we live inextended adolescens. So they want to say
eighteen as an adult. We know, realistically, as people from experience,
twenty one really isn't an adult.Twenty five isn't really an adult. It's

(57:22):
not really since you get to theother side of twenty five, because you
need to have some life experience.It's to really concretely determine how to navigate
life, and your brain not evenfully developed. So it's like so it's
like you're still going to hold thesame standard legally eighteen an adult, but
we know better. But people alsoaren't preparing the child to go out into

(57:43):
the world at eighteen, so it'sjust crazy. Yeah, I think that's
starting to realize that that's why itkind of like extended the health insurance until
like twenty six. So I guessthey're like, try, you can get
on your parents, stay on yourparents, and chop insurance as long as
you're in school. In school.I remember when I was in school,

(58:04):
it had I think they extended tomaybe twenty one, but I didn't know
they extended it again. But inaddition to that, I just heard you
can't put your kids on your taxesafter seventeen as a dependent. So it's
a new text law. Oh wow, literally read an article about it.

(58:30):
But if they're youre a dependent,they're dependent, but after seventeen, you
can't claim them all your taxes.That's crazy. But you could put an
adult on your taxis like if youwas taking care of your sister or whatever
as a dependent, but they wouldn'tqualify for a child text. Y.
Yeah, that's what it is,the child the child text. They yeah,
it was sixteen. I believe theyput it to seventeen. I believe

(58:52):
it was. Yeah, you can'tyou can't do the or income is it
called or income? These are twodifferent credits. So you get a child
text credit for each show depending onhow much money you make, and the
earned income credit is based on younot making a lot of money. So
that's why if you make less thanlike twenty six thousand, if you like
one person, it's a different amountfor each Oh like a house of one,

(59:15):
house of two, you know whatI mean. But once you start
making good money, you don't gethome credit nomore. Okay, interesting,
I ain't no noning texting tonight.I'm like, yeah, I'm sitting here
like just talking about your brain notfully developed. I'm like, well,
you know what, damn maybe mineis it? Because I forgot there new
my registerration So you guys will dothat. Yes, I mean, I

(59:40):
got a couple more days. ButI was like, but that goes to
show like sometimes it doesn't matter whatage you are. You know, you
forget things, you know, becauseyou're ultimately we're a human, you know.
But a but the piggyback real quick, and it's the last thing one
of y'all mentioned the whole recent It'sthe thing right because I know I said
that, bol We came on herebecause I wanted to use it as a

(01:00:04):
catalyst in regards to us supporting eachother, like us as black women supporting
each other, just the black communitysupporting each other in general, everybody by
this point know who Recentisa is.You have watched the fifty something plus series
on TikTok about her telling the storyabout her finding out her husband was a
pathological liar and all that stuff.When that series first started, everyone was

(01:00:28):
supporting her, flooding her comments.You know, she went from like having
forty five thousand followers to now twopoint three or two point four million followers.
Now she done got a trip paidfor it to go to London.
BMW's going to allegedly give her avehicle places in Vegas. W. They

(01:00:49):
was in her comments. TV wasin her comments. They were tagging Netflix,
they were tagging Tyler Perry. Like. People was like really trying to
put her on, supporting her andit. You know, it was on
TikTok for a couple of days andit made its way to shave Room and
all the other blocks. Now aweek later, a lot of people that
are supported her, specifically black women, are like backing up because, oh,

(01:01:12):
well, I think there was someholes in her story. Well how
come she gets to tell her storyand we get on this app every day
and tell our story, but noone is giving us money. And everything
happens so fast for her, likewhy, It's just it's a whole bunch
of like why her and not me? So I'm not gonna support her no
more because it happened for her,but it ain't happen for me. And
it's like so much of that.It's like you see one person get ahead,

(01:01:37):
you know she'd be like, oh, we should be like congratulations,
I'm happy for you. I wishyou the best. If you don't want
to support that person, just keepmoving instead. When I tell you,
literally, like every day it's beenpeople on my FYP holding black women,
holding lives down in the woman sobad, she doesn't look like a person

(01:01:58):
that is CEO of people even gofor she looks like this. She I
bet you she's going to go todoctor Miami. Now, I mean some
of the atrocious because doctor Miami dida video and he was watching. Everybody
watched the freaking videos, but youknow he was watching the videos because it
was like, well he doesn't seethis, So I bet you she'd go
get her body done. She does. Oh what, but where did they

(01:02:22):
even get that part from? Likewhen did she a like indicate that she
was just like why are you?Why don't we automatically go to body shaming.
It's just like weird. Yeah,But again that goes back to if
you're not happy with yourself, youcannot be happy with anybody else. If
you don't have good self esteem,self confidence, then you start trying to

(01:02:45):
pick other people apart. And that'swhat I see them doing. Because y'all
was all into her story. Itwas all good. But now y'all think
she making this amount of money,she getting this, she getting that.
Now y'all want to, you know, kick her. Where are y'all think
it's on her? But that ladyliving her best lie. She she didn't
know. She didn't go into thisknowing that this was going to blow up

(01:03:06):
the way that it was. Andwe all have a chance on social media.
We just talked about this on ourpodcast last week. You your opportunity
will come when you're ready for it. A lot of y'all not ready,
not ready, so your opportunities it'snot gonna come. I think it's so
ironic that the whole time Reese Tisaand her things, she's like saying,

(01:03:30):
well, I'm exposing basically, likeI'm exposing myself to being dumb, Like
you know what I mean like shewas basically saying, like, I did
this, but I'm being vulnerable byletting you know that I know I shouldn't
known better. And it's like you'rejealous of that. Yeah, she took
accountability the whole time. The wholetime, she kept saying it, you're
jealous of someone who got swindled,right, Like that's so stupid. I'm

(01:03:54):
notagure how much mental how mentally she'smessed up in the head. That Okay,
that was one, Yeah, twentyfour and she's saying she still ain't
dating, and she said she's lookingfor a new therapist. I said,
she needs a psychiatrist because she needssome serious like some serious therapy. And

(01:04:14):
it's funny in regards to y'all conversationlast week, and you know, y'all
saying like things are inhabiting because you'renot ready. A list went out and
I sent this list to a fewpeople. The top podcast that black people
listen to. Guess what the numberone podcast was? I want all y'all

(01:04:36):
take a guest. Oh, no, I know, Jess, I know
you listened to some other podcasts too, So y'all guess what the number one
podcast that black now mind you.I'm not going to tell you if it's
black or whatever. I want youto just make up a guest inmate on
what y'all think the black So Idon't listen to podcast like that. I

(01:04:57):
just feel like, whatever it is, it's going to be something really toxic.
I say, JBT, I don'tknow what's that. I guess it's
not the Joe Buddens podcast Joe Budden, Okay, I think it's something they
gotta do with's tearing down all relationship. I don't know which podcast guys telling
to do with tearing down relationships andsomething like that in the black community.

(01:05:18):
I don't know. Okay, well, sorry to burst all y'all bubble,
but the top podcast, and mindyou, they grouping us together. I
do not fall in this category atall. The tipe podcast that black people
listen to is the Joe Rogan Show. What I can, Oh, where
did you get your data from?I'll pull the article and send it to

(01:05:42):
y'all. I don't I don't knowhow they got that source. So,
you know, being nosy, yougo to the comments the amounts of black
people that was in them comment saying, oh yeah, I fucks with Joe.
But you know the same person.Have y'all ever listened to his podcast?
I've seen sniff, and that's whatmade me never ever want to because
I mean, he from what I'veseen, I've seen interviews where he had

(01:06:06):
like mispat on somebody on that Iliked, but I mean when covid hit,
he was on some other stuff.So but he also has a lot
of racist people on there, exactlyboth themselves. So that's why I think
a lot of black people like it, because he's also called black people monkeys
too, like yeah, Like he'sthe reason that led India Ivory to pull

(01:06:30):
her music off of Spotify because whenthose clips came out of him saying those
things, he didn't initially want toissue an apology. Spotify gave him a
contract and he's like the top paidperson on Spotify for podcasts whatever. India
I really was like, no,then y'all can't have my music on your
platform. Oh I remember she caughther stuff. But I was just like,

(01:06:51):
well, damn, he's this whiteman is what we listened to.
But there are so many Even ifyou want to listen to something of the
soul, there's so many other blackpodcasts mainstream for that for that matter,
that have similar shows, but youcan actually educate yourself and you know,
gage the conversation a little better.Like angela Ryanam just started a podcast.

(01:07:14):
I know Donald Lemon is about todrop one. I think The Breakfast Club
was like number two on the list. Joe Budden was on the one.
But there are so many other amazingblack podcasts that give you like educational and
informal information. That's not bad education. They want drama. They are ignorant,
they want to be entertained. Iwas just like you. I don't

(01:07:39):
think the numbers. The way thenumbers work out is probably because Joe Rogan
probably has like way more subscribers thaneverybody else. Yeah, he has eighteen
points because the girl I had todo my research. I'm like, wait
a minute, he's eighteen point onesubscribers on YouTube. I don't know if
that's I don't know. He postsclips, but I've never listened, but
I can't say that. I waslike, well, damn, do I

(01:08:00):
want to actually see me talk aboutBut I don't because I already seen enough.
You know, I just thought thatwas interesting. Overall. Morrow of
the story, We're gonna go around, what is something that you would like
a change that you would like tosee within our community. Start with yes,
probably the way we communicate. Ofcourse, we see it a lot

(01:08:24):
when it comes to the male femaledynamic, but I think altogether it's not
even a male female thing. That'sjust that's just one side of it.
It's all the way around. Ifeel like we don't have enough open communication
where people feel free to actually sayhow they feel about things without feeling like
they have to defend themselves or withsomebody else feel and target it. So

(01:08:45):
I think that stops a lot ofconversations that need to happen within our community
where we can actually like truly learnfrom one another and learn about ourselves and
then really start that rode with thehealing. So I think that's really was
holding us back from a lot ofhealing that we need to do, is
that we still don't freely and openlycommunicate with one another. So that's my

(01:09:06):
main thing. Okay, Jana,what do you want to see? What
changes you want to see in ourcommunity? Community? Can't talk because on
a parent I just would like forpeople to invest more in their children,
whether it's time, money, orjust like more positive reinforcement because I feel

(01:09:30):
like a lot of kids don't getthat, and then that's how when they
get to school they kind of dothe same thing. That's what I'm saying.
It's so irotic because it's kind oflike the same that you were saying
about your mother being a bully,because a lot of kids go to school
and they start like hearing down otherkids. So these kids, So I
would just like would like to seenot just parents, but other people who

(01:09:54):
are in children's lives because that isour future. M hm ok chilia.
So I would like to see blackwomen and black men sticking together. I
see a lot of black men's hearingblack women dawn, especially on podcasts and
just on social media in general,when your mother's a black woman, your

(01:10:15):
grandmother. But that might go backto what she was saying, maybe the
mother was the bully. Maybe butnot. But but for men, usually
the dynamic of the home the mintthe males get treated differently than the females.
The females are made to do everythingbecause they're taught eventually you're gonna have
to run a house and cook andclean. The males get to sit back

(01:10:36):
and do nothing. So I thinkit depends maybe if it's like a woman
raising a male, he's looked tobe like that woman's like backbone, that
partner, you know, like somesome mothers can potentially like coddle their men.
That's what I'm saying. Yeah,okay, so that's why they don't

(01:10:57):
when they talk about us, theydon't think of their mom, because I
say, if you got something tosay bad about black women, go tell
your mother, don't come over here, tell them tell them. Yeah that's
funny because I feel like when alot of when black men are staying enough
for us, that's what they're saying, like I got a black mom,
I got a black sister or whatever. So I think it just boils down

(01:11:19):
to like teaching your sons the importanceof always supporting, supporting the women and
respecting them. And I don't know, Yeah, it's both, it's both
us. Yeah, that's I justwant to see us being supportive because we're
we're podcasters, and we know we'rewomen podcasters, but we don't get a

(01:11:42):
lot of the recognition or to listenbecause we're not talking about drama. But
these black males over here that's talkingbad about black females. That's where people
are clicking on and so just moreunity. Yes, all of this stuff
in same. I want to seeyou amongst us, you know, no
matter like what level you're on orhow much better your platform or your show.

(01:12:08):
Is just more unity overall. ButI also would love love and I'm
gonna scream this into the day Itap out, go to therapy, hell,
just do something, some type ofhealing within, heal the wounds that
you have, because them unhealed woundsare not allowing a lot of us to
be our better selves. You know, can support one another person because we

(01:12:32):
have our own insecurities and self esteems. So I just love to see more
unity and more healing, Amil,not a ding. One more thing.
I just thought about something. Butthis is something that irks. It's accountability
slash redefining loyalty. I absolutely hatewith her passion. Like, so,

(01:12:55):
Katie, you know how I am. If you're doing crazy stuff, do
not expec me to go along withthat. And I feel like we see
that a lot in our community wherepeople are loyal to a fault. But
it's stuff that you should not besupporting somebody and it should not be loyal
to you. See, if youtruly care about somebody, You're gonna hold
them accountable and you're gonna want themto do better. So I need us

(01:13:15):
to be more accountable to ourselves andto one another. Calling people out when
they are true, truly wrong,but call them out in a way that's
trying to help and support them.Don't just demony somebody you know. Do
it with love. But also youdo not have to remain loyal to craziness,
like stop, yeah, girl,look at the celebrity fan bases you

(01:13:38):
start there, you know, justeven like supporting the negative behavior that your
favorite public figures do. Hence,your word may not be anything to them,
but they have counterparts and other people, and a lot of times it's
just like they just they defend everyone. Granted we can't always see what happens
behind closed doors, but when youposting and you are contribute to the toxicity

(01:14:01):
of whatever that person's actions and behaviorsare, it's like, well, you
do us all the disservice, right. I could think of numerous situations and
numerous celebrities. Some of everyone's phaseyou know that never have no accountability.
It's like they need one person tojust say, yo, you were dead
wrong, You're wrong, But no, it's that everyone just wants to,

(01:14:24):
you know, surround this person onthese people and support them for their negative
stuff, which they continue to dothe same stuff or ore again. So
I agree this was This was avery good podcast and it just what Jessica
said just gave me an idea foran episode. Hey, yes, speaking

(01:14:45):
of episodes, please tell everyone wherethey can find your platform, your podcast,
anything else amazing y'all got going onthat y'all want to shout out?
Please by all means, let thepeople know. Okay, so you ask
us us on Instagram at b underscoreJoin Underscore podcast. You could tap the
link there and it will take youto everywhere we are and where our podcast

(01:15:08):
is. We're also on internet radioto a six to blend every Wednesday at
one am, nine am and ninepm. Personally, I am working on
the campaign to bring more black mouthsto therapy. Hey, yes, what's
up? I love it? Yes, so please go tap in with their

(01:15:30):
show. All of the links willbe in a description box below. Thank
you, lovely ladies for joining mefor this wonderful conversation. You know you
got anything going on that you wantedto nothing. I'm sorry you're nothing,
No, just a podcast. Okay, don't be saying just the podcast.

(01:15:54):
You asked me if I anything else, That's all I had podcasting. You
got anything you want to shout out? I mean, you know, y'all,
y'all will make up persons every nowand again on this platform. But
don't come find me right. Yes, but thanks to you Lovely Ladies for

(01:16:17):
joining me for this conversation. Itwas very insightful and impactful and I hope
that it helped someone out there,give someone some type of encaragement therapy.
I don't know, I'm just saying, but nonetheless, to just be able
to be maybe be the person tomend the differences in your communities, your
friends, circles or whatever, andjust be that person to take the initiative

(01:16:39):
to stand up, like yo,we got to get ourselves together and just
support one one another, you know. So again, thanks you guys for
listening and tapping in with us.All of these Lovely Ladies links will be
in a description box below, soplease please please go check out their amazing
podcast. They got tons of episodes, a whole bunch of seasons that y'all

(01:17:00):
get caught up on with some goodconversations and a lot of conversations about blackness,
mental health. Because I definitely startedy'all new episode. Did y'all just
dropped yesterday? Love it so yes, so go taping with them. All
of my links also in the descriptionof I am on Instagram, Twitter,
Facebook, TikTok, whatever, andYouTube. So come tap in with your

(01:17:26):
girl. But again, y'all,please follow me, take care of yourself,
but most important, each other.Be sold Bye. Thank you for
listening to an episode of Chronicles ofa Virgo podcast with me your fair favorite
favorite Virgo host, Hikeita Johnson.Your support means the world to me as
I want to continue to see youall priser and grow. Please join me

(01:17:49):
back next Wednesday, where we willcontinue to dive into more can it and
empower on conversations so we'll get youa step closer to stepping into a new
skilled individual. Remember you're not aloneon your journey. Please don't forget to
subscribe to us on social media atChronicles of a Verbal podcast on all social
media platforms and the YouTube channel.Check out our website and blog at Chroniclesovivirgo

(01:18:15):
dot website dot com. All linkswill be listed in the description box below
until the next time. Beautiful souls, keep rising from those ashes and stay
true to here and know your girlloves you. Peace Out.