Candid Conversation with friends ft Tiph and Lavonte: Authenticity and Accountability

Welcome back to another episode of Chronicles of a Virgo Podcast. This week we are kicking back off with our special Candid Conversations with friends. These are monthly roundtable conversations with friends where we come together to discuss trending topics, mental health, lifestyle and/or a variety of topics.

This week we are joined by friends Tiph from @tiphstipstuesdays and Lavonte from @wutwuzsed__ as we chatted about "Authenticity and Accountability" in friend spaces.

In this conversation we discussed:

-Showing up in spaces as your true, authentic self

-Holding oneself and your friends accountable when needed

-The importance of having a supportive friend circle and acknowledging mental health in friend spaces

-Our personal experiences with authenticity and accountability in our own friend groups

The goal with this conversation is to encourage you the listener/watcher to be your authentic self in all spaces and to recognize when some spaces no longer serve you anymore. Remember, everyone's journey is different and that taking responsibility for one's actions and choices open up positive lines of communication, growth and the ability to address challenges appropriately.


Ways to connect with Lavonte:

IG: https://www.instagram.com/wutwuzsed_/

Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/69lPgRGT9riCU3MdkIsjK1?si=96633e2df8ca459f


Ways to connect with Tiph:

IG: https://www.instagram.com/tiphstipstuesdays

FB: https://www.facebook.com/tiphstipstuesdays/

Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/6eM1ze7ydnM5rwQYePKf34?si=caa955f0ef674e5d


Connect with me:

Website and Blog: https://chroniclesofavirgo.wixsite.com/my-site

IG: https://www.instagram.com/chronicles_of_a_virgo_podcast/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/ChroniclesOfAVirgoPodcast

Twitter: https://twitter.com/___Chiquita___

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chronicles_of_a_virgo

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@Chronicles_of_a_Virgo_podcast

Connect through email at [e-mail]

Send anonymous questions for “Ask kita” segment:

https://ngl.link/chronicles_of_a_virgo_podcast


Disclaimer: "This podcast and website represents the opinions of Chiquita Johnson and her guests to the show and website. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent the place of any mental health or medical professional. . . .

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Welcome to the Chronicles of a Vigalpodcast, the podcast dedicated to the transformative
journey of healing, mental health andpersonal growth. I'm your favorite favorite verbal
host Shakiita Johnson, and together we'llcontinue to turn our vulnerability into strength.
As a sexual assault survivor and mentalhealth advocate, I have a learned to
sort through the ashes of my traumaand turn my pain into power. And

(00:26):
this podcast is representation that healing ispossible. And each episode we'll die deep
deep into conversations about overcoming challenges,find your inter strength and emerging from life
trials like a feelings from the ashes. We may even have some friends drive
by from time to time. Getready to be inspired and empowered as we
embark on a rewarding journey of selfdiscovery. So sit back and relax and

(00:50):
let's get into some healing, right, y'all. Welcome back to another episode
of Chronicles of a Virgo podcast andas usual, I'm your fair favorite favorite
virgal hosts Shakida Johnson and guys,today we are back. This is not
your ordinary episode, though we arekicking off our Cannick conversations. Actually,

(01:15):
this is the first Cannon conversation sincetwenty twenty two, and I am ecstatic
because I am with two lovely friendsof mine that I met during this journey
of podcasting. But I am withLavante and my girl Tiffany. What's up,
y'all? I'm so before we getinto our conversation and all that stuff,

(01:37):
I'm gonna let them introduce themselves andtell y'all what their podcast is,
and then we're going to get intothis conversation because we got some things to
talk about. So Lavonte, pleaseintroduce yourself and let everyone know what podcasts
you are from. Okay, Iam from what was it? Podcast?
You know, like I talk aboutbasically mean everything, you know, like

(02:01):
things that you know, we normallydon't talk about, but we choose.
I can said, we choose weneed to talk about and you know,
roughly and then a little bit ofcelebrity gossip her and Nil just to keep
my podcast going because I know sometimesI got to throw that in, Neil,
just so people can stay tuned.Okay, Okay, and Tiffany,

(02:23):
how about you? What's up?A shagird Tiffany, And the name of
my podcast is Tifts Tips to theStates. It's an inspirational podcast. Where
I inspire and motivate and encourage otherstalking about life issues, giving different perspectives,
shake it up. Yes, SoI have had the pleasure of being

(02:45):
in collaboration with both of these lovelypeople, and we've talked about some wonderful
things. This last probably a yearand a half because I met Tiffany before
I met Lavontae. But nonetheless,go check out their shows and I'll let
them explain at the end, andwe'll have all their links and and good
stuff. Let's do our mental healthcheck because y'all know we got to talk

(03:06):
about our mental So on the scaleof one to five, y'all know how
this works. What is your mentalhealth today? Whoever wants to go first?
I had the latest go first.Let's see, Maham, probably would
be today. I'll say four pointfives because I ain't at the work today,

(03:29):
so okay, that's a four pointfive. Okay, Okay, Leavante,
I'd say today is a three.But I can say that I'm proud
of myself that I gotta forgot ahaircut because I haven't had a haircut since
before Christmas and we already in deepin January. So I'm like you can

(03:53):
go ahead and stop beating myself upand stop fling depression, get yourself looking
good for so so right now,Earlier today I was at a three,
So right now I can say I'mat four. All right, So my
mental health today is at a I'mgonna say, minds at a four four
and a half only time I'm alittle sleepy or whatever. I am racing

(04:15):
myself for returning it back to worknext week. As you guys know,
I have been on a mental healthleave of ass since so this whole entire
month, and it's been refreshing.But I've had a lot of realizations throughout
this whole entire month. So Ithink like this last week up until that,
I've just been like soaking in everything. Not bad, but it's kind

(04:35):
of like you know how they say, sometimes things happen and you're forced to
make a decision. I feel likemeving off. I'm for I know the
decisions I have to make is whereI am at. Again. We do
these mental health checks as a wayto just hold ourselves accountable, to check
in to make sure that we areokay and if we're not, trying to
figure out what is going on sothat we can kind of fix it,

(04:59):
navigate the past, and just bebetter. So thank you Vothe for taking
time to do mental health. You'rewelcome. Yes, all right, so
let's get into this conversation. SoI haven't done cannon conversations in a while,
so just a brief background. Cannonconversations is where we come together as
a collective and just talk about whateverthe overall topic is, right, giving

(05:20):
our opinions, our views, andour personal experiences, and those conversations can
go anywhere from like real life,maybe dabbling a little bit of trending topics,
whatever it is, we always bringit back full circle around the overarching
theme of Chronicles of a Virgo.So I felt like the relevant topic that
we're going to talk about today isin regards to accountability and authenticity and our

(05:45):
friend groups. Okay, we're seeinga lot of stuff circulating, you know,
Beyonce ss Interet Okay, And Iwas like, hmm, let's just
hold this collective conversation and let's justsee where our minds are when it comes
to our friend groups and authenticity andaccountability. So have you guys ever dealt

(06:08):
with any type of issues in yourfriend groups when it came to like maybe
you not holding yourself accountable for something, or like your friends not holding one
another accountable for anything. Don't wantto say you go first. I can't
say yeah, because, for example, when me and my friends went on

(06:29):
a trip to Houston and I endup spilling tea, but I was pissed
off BECAUSE'M just like, Okay,since everything else hit the fam, I'm
not gonna go ahead and add thisto it too, cause I felt like,
okay, I want to go ahead, get everything out there, out
and the open, rather than justhere holding this send and I help and
I end up telling and the situationgot worse. But I can say that

(06:53):
if we would have talked as friends, I would have took accountability for saying
year. I said what I saidonly to justify that were already in the
think of think of negativity. SoI was just I'm gonna go ahead add
more negativity and we could go ahead, get over all of this negativity at
one time, versus just me holdingthis seeing and wait to another situation.

(07:15):
So I remember this conversation because wetalked about this briefly on your podcast.
I didn't know you purposely did that, though, yeah I did, because
I just felt like, minus,well, go ahead. So I'm the
type person, well you ever nowI'm gonna fire your side. No,
I'm gonna go ahead and add more. I'm gonna go ahead, add more
fuel to that fire. While wegot it right as well, we already

(07:36):
argued with we already mad. Okay, So this definitely changed the whole trajectory
of that situation. We're gonna,we're gonna, were gonna come, We're
gonna we're gonna circle back around tothat one though. All right, how
about you, Jeff. Oh,that's for us, like friends circles and
things like that. Like I'm justnow in the point of my life where

(07:56):
I actually like have a friend circle, but as far as like keeping each
other accountable to each other, likeI'm like boring y'all, but we just
like keep ourselves accountable into each otherwhen it comes to the things that we

(08:18):
want to do in life and notjust talking about and actually doing something,
making a plan and executing a plan, but also being realistic and knowing that,
Okay, yeah, this is myplan, but sometimes I'm not gonna
always come through with the plan.For example, like right now, all
of us were we're trying to exercisemore and things like that, and say,

(08:41):
for example, last week, I'mlike, okay, I wanted to
do it at least three out offive days on this exercising because I'm trying
to still still get back into theroutine getting some exercising them. But like,
nobody did it, or at leastwe didn't think anybody did it in
the week. So I'm like,hey, y'all, I don't hear no

(09:03):
noise in the group. What's goingon? And nobody exercising this week?
What's going out? So but beingaccountable and my friend group is it's really
helped me with my goals and thingslike that. So that's the only thing
I really have friends circles because Iusually just have my people that are my

(09:24):
friends. And I had that friendshipand then I had that friendship and then
I stayed to myself for life too, So don'tcha. And it's definitely nothing
wrong with staying to yourself, LikeI wish I would have stayed to myself
a lot longer than since times inthe past, but you live here,
you learn. I will say,yeah, I will say that I learned

(09:48):
accountability within my friends circle, specificallyaround I believe it was twenty nineteen.
I've shared briefly before about my lastbreakup and me just going through all that
whole experience and my suicidal attempt andall that stuff, and having a conversation
with my friend Jessica, and I'mlike, it was just weird because I'm

(10:11):
like, you want me to takeaccountability for stuff that like I didn't do,
but like I was really how sheexplained it, it showed me that
sometimes if you take a step backfrom blaming other people for things, you
can really see the part that youplayed in a situation. You know,
whether it's good or bad. Youhave to take accountability for the part that

(10:31):
you played overall, not the accountabilitythat someone else did. And that is,
honestly when I learned it because priorto that, outside of like my
active friend group I have now,I live around a lot of end neighborers,
and more so, those were peoplethat like promoted the behaviors and things
that I did and I said,And even if in my mind I thought

(10:54):
I was doing or saying the rightthings, if I was doing something wrong,
they wouldn't hold me accountable for it, Like you know what I'm saying,
Like you know how like on allthese TV shows like Baddies and all
that, when they get the cussingand fussing and fighting, there's not really
too many people that be like girl, just chill out like it's not even
as serious, or like, wellyou get this and that's why they are

(11:15):
reacting that way. I didn't havethat, so I was just like a
hot head and just reacting. Iwas a short fume, you know.
So up until that point, Irealized like, Okay, I can really
take a step back and try tofind a place that I play in a
lot of different things. And itwasn't a great site at first because I'm

(11:35):
just like, man, I'm afucked up person. Right, not to
say I've done anything like termally badto people, you know, I'm not
in jail, but it's just like, Okay, I could actually sit back
and be like, Okay, nowI see why this person may have responded
the way that they have, ormaybe now I see why this person may

(11:58):
have taken a step back, youknow, and now how I look at
any person that I allow that personalspace to me. You have to be
able to take accountability for yourself beforeyou could try to hold someone else accountable.
And I think that's what a lotof people lack that understanding. It's
like, how are you going totell other people what they need to do
with their life, but you can'teven hold yourself accountable for the things that

(12:22):
you need to do in your life. Yes, I can't say I had
to learn the hard way with that, because I can say, with me
being a hot head, when i'mmad, i'm mad, I ain't taking
accountability for nothing. But when it'sall said and done, I'm going to
take accountability. If we sit downand talk, I'm like, yeah,
I was wrong, but I wouldgo I was gonna fight for that wrong

(12:43):
right in front of your face.I'm not gonna sit here and try to
switch up my words and say,oh, yeah, I'm right while we
arguing. Dope, I'm standing inthat wrong, and I'm believing in that
wrong until the dustn't settle, andthen we could talk and I could be
like, Okay, yeah, Ican take accountability for what I did because
I can say I can make situationsworse by engaging into what people are doing.

(13:09):
I agree, And I feel likeyou knowing that that takes a lot
of self awareness, and a lotof people lack self awareness because a lot
of times you're so busy focusing onall the different aspects and roles that everyone
else outside if you play and youdon't center that and ground yourself, really
focus on what you're doing, becauseyou think that everything that you do and
say is right. And we're notalways right and we need people, Yeah,

(13:33):
we need people around us to belike, yo, chill like you
know you're not always right. LikeI understand those sanitentioals down on business,
Like if I'm allowed or wrong,I'm gonna be a lied wrong this moment.
I'm gonna come back later and spendthe block and I'm gonna be like,
Okay, maybe y'all was wrong,you know, but for me,
I'm trying to tell y'all like mylittle five foot three self was a fire

(13:56):
ball. I can't imagine for me, Yes, he said, you can't.
I can't. Yo, Oh mygod. I appreciate y'all. Don't
gonna be nice to cut y'all loveme your pocket. I'm just being nice.
I'm just I just felt like theorder that you bring, like I

(14:20):
don't see like you like no,I can see me because I'm like because
I know the proper personality that Ibring. But I'm just like you on
the underhand, like no, butit seemed like that. I mean,
somebody pitch you off, you cango there. Okay. So I wasn't

(14:41):
a fighter like your girl can throwthe hands like, don't get it twisted,
right, I definitely can, butI was never a fighter. But
I can cut you with my tonguelike my I don't even know where I
got it from. I really don'tlike my words is just lethal. And
it was to the point where itwas just like no cut cars, like

(15:01):
everything was off the table when itcame from me firing back. Yeah,
y'all, I was. I was. I was a firecracker and up until
experiencing what I did I went throughin twenty nineteen and what I like to
say, when my hell and journeyreally started, I had just started taking
account really for all of that,and I knew that there was a group
of individuals. I loved that behaviorand love me being that way, But

(15:26):
for me, that shit would stressme out, like my heart would be
I would be in the midst ofcutting somebody out, my heart be racing,
and I always would say, likeI can cuts you out and cut
you with my words, and itprobably hurt me ten times worse than what
it's going to hurt you because that'snot That wasn't really me, and I
didn't know. I'm thinking that thisis me. I gotta be like,
oh rah rah rah. But asI've grown over these last few years,

(15:50):
I'm just like, that was notme. That was trauma, that was
heartbreak, that was depression, anxiety, it was all of those things just
boiling out. I can't say Ido agree with you with that, because
now that you say it that way, it made me think about when I
was younger and high middle school andhigh school, I was always fat ten

(16:12):
I canna say ten to us,but I was always zero. It won't
no middle point. It was leaderzero, one hundred. So I was
always on that one hundred. Soonas somebody say it's something to me,
and like you said, it's troumblefrom your past, and it was like
the neighborhood that I grew up grewup in like I was always picked on,
so it was like I had toalways protect myself and keep that guard

(16:36):
up. So it was like,Okay, I gotta always be ready so
somebody say something, I'm ready.So if you say something to me,
I'm always ready, and it's like, we don't mean to be that way,
but it was just our upbreaking,right, and they put your in
defense mode all the time. Yeah, okay, all right, let's talk
about that for Let's let's talk aboutthat because I think that also has a

(17:00):
has a place to do with likethe whole authenticity, right, because we're
in defense mode because of our traumas, our upbringings, our experiences. I
was bullied for a very long time, like from elementary school, damn near
to high school, just for differentthings. And I haven't talked about it
much. You'll hear about it lateron in the season. But the main

(17:22):
thing that I was bullied for wasmy complexion. It was either me having
to defend the fact that I wasblack or me defending the fact that I
wasn't white. And growing up,I was so confused, like my mother
and then probably got stories for daysbecause I really did not know as a
young child if I was black orwhite because these bullies in school, these
kids, these kids were skinned,I know, light skinned, but like

(17:45):
back then, as a child andyou have other children telling you you're not
black, you're white because of yourskin, and I'm like, well,
maybe I am white and I'm thelightest, always have been the lightest person
in my family always, so thenI'm looking at them like, y'all sure
I belong here. So like Idealt with that a lot, and I
feel like that's part of where likemy aggression came from, you know,

(18:10):
And like you said, you lookat like your experiences and how you used
to be, and you was justlike in defense mode. There was a
reason you were in defense mode.And I feel like when you get to
that point of realizing why you're thiscertain way or why you act a certain
way, then you're able to eithersay, Okay, hey, this is
either this is me and how I'mgoing to be for the rest of my

(18:30):
life, or let me take astep back. Now that I recognize these
things, I can change and Ican finally show up as my true authentic
self. Like we go through crisisidentities identity shifts as adults too, you
know, like when you get intothese new levels of healings and doing shadow
work and all these different things,you'll realized like, Okay, this person

(18:52):
that I thought I was, I'mreally not. And it's like, how
do you go from point A tobe showing up as your authentic self,
whether it's in your friend group orit's just in general, Like, have
y'all ever dealt with that before?I can't say yeah. I feel like
certain friend groups, I feel likeI got a shef and be a different
person like one group, I'm thisVonte this friend group on this vante.

(19:12):
But I felt like I try tobe the same vante with every friend group.
So I try to make sure thatevery person I meet from day one,
I'm gonna show you who I am. So therefore, I don't got
a change to be a different personfor you because I feel like you're gonna
love me for me, and ifyou don't like me for who I am,
it's cool. Because I had tolearn the hard way with my dad's

(19:34):
side of the family that went onceI guess they found out, like you
know, I was gaining everything andmy cousin started not to talk to me,
and I'm just like, okay,I'm trying to extend the olive branch
to try to talk and nobody respondedto me. So I'm just like,
okay, hey, if they don'twant to be connected with me, Fonte,
it is what it is just continueto be you and move on to

(19:56):
get back off of what you said. I mean, I try to be
the same person with everybody. AndI had to get to a point in
my life and probably about like maybelike ten years ago, because I would
be like in my emotions about well, such and such, they they're not

(20:21):
my friend no more, you know, just just worried about what why other
people would pull away. And I'mlike, you know, all I can
do is be me. If youcan't accept me for who I am and
the whatever whatever it is that thatthat it is about me, if you

(20:44):
can't accept whatever it is because I'mI'm I'm a type of person. I'm
a very truthful person. I don'tand I can't remember when the stated,
but the people that you attract orwhat you are so like if you if
you around drama people and something aboutyou is attracted like you that they feel
so comfortable to be just drama aroundyou all the time. So but I

(21:08):
had to get comfortable with them myselfand knowing that you can't accept me for
who I am, then that's yourloss. You know, if you don't
want to be around somebody that's goingto tell you the truth? Why be
around that person if I can't sitThe parents say, hey, you could
have been a little wrong right toapproach situations and not seeing so just right

(21:30):
on, like, oh you shouldhave did that. You know. I
had to learn how to okay,well, listen to the situation going on,
and not every time somebody's been into you, are they asking for
your opinion or whatever? You haveto assess the assess the situation and then
okay and gradually okay, I hearyou, But what about this instead of

(21:52):
that that you just did? Youknow? So I had to learn that
over the years. And like Isaid, be comfortable with if they accept
me, they said me, ifthey don't, they don't, it's okay.
Yeah, most definitely, Like youhit a few good points. You
hit a few good points. Oneof them specifically was like people are a

(22:14):
reflection of you, and there's thisthis saying out there in the universe that
not like a trust, like butwhat is it? It was just I
just had it in my head.Is it you are that you eat that
and everybody is you pushed out?Like so like, yeah, so everyone

(22:38):
is you pushed out? Pretty much? Is like people reflect you? And
how you feel about yourself, youknow what I'm saying, And when you're
comfortable within who you are and youare showing up confident and authentic, your
true authentic self. When a personfeels some type of way about that,
that is a negative projection that theyhave within some insecurity within themselves. But

(23:02):
again a lot of times people don'tlike to look themselves in the mirror and
realize that, like, hey,you don't got it all together, you
know, like there's always room forimprovement, you know, and just the
mere of fact of getting to thespace of staying like, you know what,
this is who I am. Ifully love and accept who I am.
And if a person can't, thenyou don't deserve to be in my

(23:25):
space. You don't deserve any ofmy good energy, my vibes, like
none of that stuff. And forme, it was hard for it was
hard for me to do that too, because I always used to see like
people you know online have like friendbreakups and stuff, and I used to
be solid like, oh, Idon't never got that, like we've been
friends for years, until I realizedthat like some people, it don't matter

(23:48):
like how long you've been friends,their time line may end in your life,
you know, and that's just somethingthat you want to grieve and you
want to really get through it.It doesn't that's so. I mean that
it was something wrong with you orthem, But sometimes your lifes just go
in different directions and you just haveto learn how to navigate that. I
just went through that with one ofmy longest best friends whatever. Still don't

(24:12):
know what happens to this day,but it is what it is. I
wish her nothing but the best.But you know, I know that I
feel in my spirit like it wasn'tnothing personally wrong with me, and if
it is something that the other persondid, you should be able to openly
communicate that. So when you mentionedthe part against the space of just being

(24:34):
able to listen, like, yes, you can actively listen to a person.
Active listening skills take a lot ofconcentration, and that's me, you
know, like I'm actively listening toyou, not to respond, but to
understand and then like, hey,if you want my opinion or my suggestion.

(24:55):
There's numerous people that have been inmy personal space on the phone with
me, and they even and I'mlike, what do you want from me?
Like do you want me to justlisten, Lavonte know, like,
do you want me to just listenor do you want my opinion, my
suggestion? Like what do you wantfrom me? Because I never want anyone
to feel like I'm pushing my beliefsor my opinions on you. But I

(25:18):
want you to always know that whenyou come to me, it's a it's
a safe space, and within itbeing a safe space, you can say
what you want and know that I'mnot going to judge you. But if
all you want me to do islisten, you want to scream on and
fuss on the phone, you cando that. But everybody, everybody don't
don't do that, and everybody don'tknow how to properly communicate. I can

(25:41):
say I know I need to learn, because I can't. I can't say
be bad thirty one years old,I'm a work in progress. I can
say I'm a work in progress,the Lord work. But I can say,
if we in an argument, Igot to learn how to learn how
to sponte tone it down. Y'allgotta go back and forth because I'm,

(26:03):
like I said, I'm so quickwith the words, like I gotta get
the last word and I gotta geta response, like I gotta give you
a sponsory. Come my best friendshe told me for like Vonte, that's
my don't like going back and forthwith you because it's gonna last all damn
Like yes, cause I would literallyif we're going back and forth through test
messages or we talk about a topic, I'm gonna say here and go back
and forth because all these thoughts inmy head is going and I'm like,

(26:26):
oh, I ain't say this.Oh let me go ahead and say this.
Oh I ain't say that, Letme go ahead and say that.
So it's like my brain want meto say so much more like Vonta is
not that deep, like why youinvolve yourself and making it bigger than what
it is. Everybody else is notresponding to you, so you look as
stupid arguing by yourself mm hm.And you really have to get to the
point to be like, okay,we won't be in the screaming or texting

(26:48):
match. What is the in solution? Like yes, because that was me,
Like listen, I'm a virgo.I would debate you down right,
but I had to really learn thatit is no it is not just no
fun. But there's no point indebating a person over opinions. That's why
you'll never see me online arguing aboutthe stupidity that these blogs put up.
These celebrities do because or things thatpeople say, because that is their opinions,

(27:12):
that's their standpoints, and we allhave them. But babe, I
will argue you down with some facts, some statistics, some things that are
actually imprinted in books, like someparent knowledge, right, But opinions,
your opinion could be stupid, yes, like my saying it's maybe dumb,
but arguing about it, and Iwas so argumentative. I had to really

(27:34):
figure out what was causing it,and through therapy and stuff, like,
I know what was causing it.And now I'm just like, Okay,
what is the solution, Like,let's jump to the end of it,
because it's like we're never going toget like you want to be heard.
I want to be heard. Okay, what is the end goal? Like
what are we doing all this arguingfor? And I've realized a lot of
people that are in defense mode alot of times, and these friend groups

(27:56):
have a lot of like conjured uptrauma and stuff. Everyone feels like,
oh, if I don't speak mypiece, if I don't get this out,
I'm gonna look like a bitch,right, I'm gonna look like I'm
weak. I'ma look like I'm justletting people walk over me. So let
me sit here and get all thisstuff out and say the worst of the
worst things, when in reality,sometimes the smartest person is the quietest one.

(28:18):
Ooh girl, you uh right there? I could that sound like I'm
friend group always the one that gotto defend themself and always the one that
I'm always crying in emotions because I'mlike, oh, I'm gonna get hurt,
and it's like all of y'all getheard and y'all go, I'm like
you said you everybody not gonna havethe same opinion as us. But I

(28:42):
just feel like as long as Ifeel like I'm heard, and you be
like, okay, Manta, Ido see where you're coming from. Because
I can say the way I thinkand the way I'm moving, the way
I yeah, the way I saythings. It might be weird anybody be
like okay, like I don't getit. When when you sit down and
actually analyze and be like, oh, well, this is what he means,
I would like then you'd be like, oh, okay, now I

(29:04):
understand because I have a way ofword and things the wrong way, but
then when they come out it beharsh and I'd be like, no,
I don't mean it in a badway. You're taking it the wrong way.
But I feel like to know meis to love me. And I
feel like if you know me,you know what I'm saying is not hitting
you in a harsh place. I'msaying is out of love, Like I'm

(29:25):
not gonna say it to hurt you, but you know, you know what.
A lot of times in situations likethat, especially when you're dealing with
like a circle of friends, wheneveryone is coming with some type of background,
some type of problem, personality differences, all these different things. I
feel like when you get to theage where you recognize like what you're going

(29:48):
to tolerate, what you're not,and what you deserve and what you don't,
you start to move differently. Right, So the same way you choose
your significant other, you choose yourfriends. And would you've remain in a
relationship with a person that's not listeningto you, like, would you remain
in a relationship with a person that'snot going to hold you accountable for your

(30:10):
own bullshit? Like me personally absolutelynot, absolutely not. Even you know,
when my call me out on mystuff, Yeah they will, but
I can probably check myself first,now, you know. But even in
instances where I can't and like Iwant to argue somebody down, they'd be
like hold on, like, okay, what is the end goal Shikida?
And I could be like, youknow what, let me be mad for

(30:33):
a second, but I know onething, two things for certain. Once
I finished getting my point across inmy circle, I am heard, like
I am felt. They may notagree with everything in all our opinions and
objectives, that's perfectly fine. ButI never leave my spaces feeling like I'm

(30:53):
not heard or I'm not seen,and I don't. I feel like no
one deserves that, you know.And it's like when you are in spaces
like that, who does the accountabilityof the relationship fall on? Is it
you or the people that you chooseto circulate yourself with. I feel like

(31:15):
it's equal. I feel like it'sequal because I feel like we've grown a
dolphin. I feel like from one. If I'm wrong, it's either one
of us gonna pick up that phoneand call we both cannot be thick headed
and stubborn. We both got topick up that phone and call each other
and say, hey, look I'mwrong. I ain't gonna say I'm wrong,
but what I said I stand ondepending on the situation. But how

(31:41):
like you said, what's the end? Go, don't because I feel like,
what's the point of bringing it backup to argue again? Just we
need to get to that end.Go be like, hey, hey,
what's the end? Go? BecauseI feel like if we talk about it
again, we're gonna get to anegative place. So to keep the friendship
and to keep us and it's goodplace, we're gonna leave it at Hey,

(32:01):
I agree to disagree, but we'regonna move on. But I feel
like it takes too grown adults todo that because just because you're moving on,
they might not feel the same way. They might feel like, hey,
in they here, Oh I'm stillnot over this situation. And it's
kind of hard to move on witha friendship and one person still holding on
to that same conversation and you're thinking, y'all let it go. True,

(32:25):
Well, you gotta give people thatspace too. It's like giving people space,
This is okay, so and Ican't dissect your friendships and like,
of course like you as a person, because I don't know. I just
can speak on my interactions with you. But since you put that on the

(32:45):
floor, it's like, maybe thereare some internal things that you have to
change, and maybe when you changethem, things things around you will start
to change in your in your fullspaces. I mean, I don't know,
I'm not psychic, not what youthink to you said before, to
know you is to love you great. So with that being said, you

(33:07):
if it's a true like friendship,you know your friends, you know how
they are. You know, well, I got this friend over here,
and that if I text them,they're gonna text right away. Or if
I got this friend right here,they they might respond, they might respond

(33:29):
the next day. And this onething I had to and this might be
going a little off subject, butthat's one thing I had to realize because
I was getting my feelings like whyyou ain't texting me right back, Like
what's the problem. You know,It's like, no, we've grown and
we're dealing with the life. Imight not be able to text you right

(33:50):
away. So being able to knowhow your friends respond or how they are,
just in general, you should withthe friendship over so many years,
there should be some kind of maturityand you should know each other, you
know, so some something there shouldbe some growth somewhere within that friendship.
Otherwise then it goes back to whatSekita was saying, what are we doing?

(34:16):
What's the point? How is thisrelationship beneficial in my life? Sometimes
you have to learn when to letgo. And people come in seasons and
they might just be there just forthat reason, just that wait did I
say that back? Friend anyway fora lifetime. Some people are just for

(34:38):
a season. You know, thatseason might just be up. You have
to learn when to let go ifit's not benefit fitting you in the end,
it just might be time to expirethat relationship. And I don't know
how to let fresshures go because I'malways the fixer. I always want to
get to the bottom of it.I got to fix it because I feel

(34:59):
like when I when people like Ifeel like a little child when it comes
to friendships, Like I'm like,oh my gosh, they don't they ain't
talking to me, they ain't saynothing to me. Like me, I
always put all the blame on meand not thinking about, hey, the
other person perspective I'm always thinking likewhat is it with me? Like what
did I do? I'm always sometimesand it's like Vontae, Sometimes you need

(35:22):
to let it go and write it. And sometimes they ain't studying you.
Like I said, life happens,you know. It's it's times that I'll
go and certain friends in my lifeI won't even really hear from them.
But I've gotten to a more maturepart of my life that Okay, well
they'll come around when they come around, but actually know that you know,

(35:44):
it's nothing personal and it ain't gotnothing to do with you, you know,
so you that's just one of thosethings you have to you know,
learn to evolve. You know.One of the four agreements. I don't
know if y'all have read that book, don't take things personal. And when
you get to a space in life, whether you're like at work or you're

(36:06):
in a relationship or just navigating lifein general, when you remove your personal
piece from it in interactions and nottake things so personal, you will be
so more free and the inside becausewhen things happen, or things don't go
your way, or people say things, you won't take offense to it.

(36:28):
Because I was the same way likeif I would see somebody like post something
online, I'm like, ooh,are we doing shots? Like what did
I do? Like I would personalizeeverything. You're not texting me back,
but I see you on social media. I'm sorry. If you're listening.
That is a pet peeve of mind. So if you are somebody that is
in my life and you we're textingand you are not responding, but I
see you on social media, thatis the whole problem for me. I

(36:50):
am working on too. Yes,I am trying to address it. I
am here, but I don't takeit personal. It's just a pet peeve
of mine because I'm like, well, why can't you respond the phone right
in your hand, you know,right? But yeah, but nels to
say, in other areas or whatever, everything is not always about us,

(37:10):
right, And one of y'all saidit, like I think to said it.
We all have something that we're goingthrough. Some people just have so
many different responsibilities in their life,whether they're mothers, fathers, you know
that they're working. Some people arereally struggling with their mental health and just
like behind closed doors, they arejust really suffering in silence. And I
feel like that is like that andso much more as people, we have

(37:34):
to take in consideration that it's notalways us. We're not always the problem
or the common denominator. And youknow, unfortunately how someone treats us,
although their actions may appear to beone way, there could be tons of
things going on in these people livesthat just are resulting them to act like
they are. And in some instances, people are not used to properly communicating

(37:59):
and talking and feelings out. Sowhen you're in a position where you want
to be heard, you want tobe seen. If I'm not a person
that is used to being heard orscene, I can't hear or see you.
I only see and hear me.You know, it's a lot of
Again, when you're dealing with friendsspecifically, there are so many different parts

(38:20):
that come into place, personalities,backgrounds, trauma. Everyone's experience is different.
But tip hit it on the nose, like sometimes it's a season for
some people, and sometimes those seasonsthe timeline has ended. You know,
all things don't have to end ina negative way, though you know they
don't because I can say one ofmy friends we had successful communication because I

(38:47):
can't sound in my feelings because meor her Matt and she wasn't married yet,
but I was so used to her, you know, being open and
available. But once she once shegot married, I saw less of her.
So I text her and I waslike, oh, I feel neglect
that. Da da da da da, And I was. I was hurt,

(39:08):
like I was, and I waspicking up it one way. But
when she texts me, she toldme voluntae, I'll let you know everything
you know once I you know,on another day. So once me and
her actually successfully taught, and whenI talked to it about my friends,
it were like, Vante, yougot to understand she's married. She she
she was prepped, she was pregnantduring her wedding, and so she's a

(39:31):
new mother. So I was like, okay. So once my friends said
that and me and her taught,and she told me like Vante, I
was dealing with being a mother,being a wife, this and that,
I won't try to neglect you.But I can't say I got a better
appreciation of the friendship and a betterunderstanding of what was going on on her

(39:51):
end, because I was thinking ofit one way, and I told her.
I was like, okay, Ido apologize for coming off that way,
but I just wanted it to beknown because I wanted to express my
feelings to you because I feel likewe're playing and I feel like if I
feel that way, I should beable to test you. She said,
Vonte, Honestly, I was aboutto text you and text something negative,
but I had to take a stepback and you know, wait the respond

(40:14):
And she was like, and onceI responded to you in a positive way,
that was my answer. And whenher when me and her finally talked,
we both left. I felt relievedand I felt fulfilled because I'm like,
Okay, my friend told me whatwas going on, and I had
a better look by looking at itone way. But you see how she

(40:35):
like, she communicated that with youand it was good and she's like,
hey, we're gonna talk soon whenI get a chance. And y'all were
able to navigate those words. Somepeople don't do that. And in situations
like that, we unfortunately we haveto accept it, Like we have to
get to a point as humans tojust accept accept it and be like okay,

(40:57):
like, either they got more goingon that I don't know about when
they're ready to talk, I'll behere, or I can sit here and
I can agitate this issuquation more,which is going to cause a bigger conflict
possibly and then hey, it maybe the depth the ending of our friendship,
you know, or I could justmy favorite biologue gracefully. You know.

(41:20):
Sometimes I'm like I'll ask like,are you sure you're okay? Did
I do something or whatever? Idon't. I don't. I used to
ask that all the time, likeis it me? Do I do something?
That was the insecure part of me, always feeling like I was the
causation of something when really people justhave stuff going on. You know.
I can't speak for everybody now.Some people are just you know, as

(41:40):
wholes, but needless to say,I personally show up in my spaces of
friend groups like I want to betreated, you know, and it's communication
is big to me in life.Accountability you as a person, being able
to hold yourself accoun because I knowthat if I slip up you as my

(42:02):
friend, it's going to hold meaccountable for something that I do. And
just being able to just exist inspaces together, like we don't all have
to be enemies, you know.And I don't know about for y'all,
but like coming into this podcasting space, dealing with different personalities and getting people

(42:23):
from different backgrounds. I really hadto take a huge step back because like,
my heart is so big, likemy like, my heart is so
big, and I want to takeeverybody under my wing, and I had
to really remove that everybody is yourfriend, everyone is going to support you,

(42:44):
like I really had. And Imean that's in my personal space too,
No, my real life outside ofpodcasting, but in podcasting it's like,
yeah, I done found all thesedifferent people that like the things that
I liked. You talk, butthen you realize, like some people are
only in things for themselves. Mmhmm yep. Because I can't say I

(43:07):
had to learn because I was onInstagram ranting this is last year on Instagram,
ranted about my friends not support bypodcasts and people watching my Instagram videos
and not reacting to it or notdoing that. And I was like a
lot of people get them to bonte. You gotta understand everybody ain't gonna respond.
I mean everybody ain't gonna do itbecause for one like I mean,

(43:29):
it's their choice. And then it'slike and because I was telling, I
was like, well, a celebritycan post something and they get more responses.
But when I do it, myfriends don't want to share and post
me. But they're like, Vonce, you gotta understand your people that you
don't know will be the best supportersand the people that you do know.
And I was like, and Ihad to learn that I had to be

(43:51):
and I had to humble myself.I'm like, Vonte, the more you
rant and the more you complain,the less follow what you're gonna get cause
people gonna see you as you alwaysare, argumented of time person you always
in your film. I'm like,okay, well, let me go ahead
and stand by. As long asyou view my Instagram, that's all I
care about. As long as youviewed it. If you ain't do nothing,
it is what it is, becauseat the end of the day,
I'm gonna still get this podcast donewith or without you. There, you

(44:15):
got them. You know. Ihave a few different perspectives about support,
and you know that is It's nota downfall of mine. I'm just able,
and y'all know me. I'm ableto see things from different sides,
right. So I was the sameway. I was like, damn,
I want everybody in my real life, family, friends, everybody to tap

(44:37):
into my podcast every week. Ineed you to share everything. I don't
ask people to share anything. Firstof all, like I feel like if
you are driven to share, thenyou're going to share, right. I
don't want to. I don't wantpeople. I don't want to feel like,
well, damn it, since theyshared it, then I have to
go share their stuff. Like that'snot how relationships should ever be. Right.

(45:00):
But then I had to take astep back and I had to realize,
like, this is what I choseto do, Like I chose to
have this platform. I chose touse my voice. And I also know
that some of the things that Ihave said and it will say may be
conflicting other people's insecurities in their unhealedparts. I've dealt with it, I've
experienced it. It's not going tostop me from doing what I love to

(45:22):
do. But it shows why peoplemay not always jump the gun to repost
this or jump the gun to listento that. Within that one of my
good friends told me when I firststarted this was your tribe is going to
be directed to you. God isgoing to direct the right people to support
you in your right tribe. Andthat happened for me. Within this space,

(45:46):
it continues to get larger, andlike me as a person, I
have to just really remain grounded andnot just jump out there being the bubbly
old person because some people are notused to that. Then I used to
good people unfortunately, like oh theythink that me, me or just people
in general being good people if there'ssomething that comes with that, like Okay,

(46:07):
she's been this nice person, butwhat do you want from me?
I don't want nothing. That's justme, you know, you know that
is literally just me. So Idefinitely understand what you said about you know,
people looking at your story and it'slike okay, well you're not interacting,
but you're not engaging. It's like, okay, maybe change your mindset
around it, Like maybe change yourmindset, like okay, hey, when

(46:28):
I post things, more people aregoing to want to react or want to
engage with things, you know.And yes, I'm glad that you were
able to realize, like if Ikeep complaining, it's going to drive people
away, because I see people complaininga lot and I'm just like, damn,
that's just not a good thing.But that ain't my platform me though,
But like I just be like ooh, baby, go pray about it,

(46:52):
don't. I don't know. Ijust know that, Yeah, some
things are the driving force to peoplesupporting you, and some things are the
driving force people backing up away fromyou. Because it's like a I said
this last year is like a slapin the face to the ones that are
holding you down, that are sharingyour stuff, that are you know,
really supporting you. But you saidthat, you was like, people also

(47:13):
will share celebrities stuff and be underthe celebrity blogs, and they won't do
the same for you. Maybe it'sa reason, like maybe it has nothing
to do with you, but everythingto do with that person. Like take
your stag out of it, becauseI can't say it's this one. Like
prime example, it's this lesbian girl. She was in her car singing songs,

(47:34):
and I'm like, hold on,now, I do the same thing
if I got the gold car andmy friends will a share of this girl.
But I do it and y'all don'teven share my post, and it
got me my fe I do thesame thing. We're doing the same exact
thing. AGA ain't sharing mine,but you will share her. She already
got her views. Don't give themto her, give them to me.
Give them to me help your friendand my ni knee voice support me.

(48:00):
You need to go. You needto go listen to Tiffies be cause tiff
be getting cheat in the past.Tiff has really brought this whole conversation full
circle. Yeah, I was gonnasay, because she kid said, what
did you just say? You choseto do this, and it's a good

(48:25):
thing that you did. Discovered that, Hey, I am complaining too much.
I'm you know, I'm being tooargumentative or whatever the case. Maybe.
But also I've said this before inone of my episodes. We look
at the numbers, we do thecomparing game. Just do you. Don't
worry about what other folks got goingon, because you're gonna have your audience,

(48:49):
whether it slowly grows or fastly grows. The people that draw to you
will be your people once they oncethey get to you, you know,
So just keep doing what you're doing. Don't look at the numbers. You
see. It'd be a lot oftimes I'll post stuff and I'm just like
and ain't nobody sharing my stuff?You know, like that, like you

(49:09):
just said, ain't nobody sharing mystuff? Ain't nobody reacting to my post?
But people are people are watching.And I say, somebody's watching you,
whether they hit their like button,the heart button, or follows a
scroub, they're watching. Just knowthat you probably have more people watching than

(49:30):
that are reacting to your stuff.So don't look at the numbers, don't
look at the shares, don't lookat three the reactions, interactions and things
like that, because number one,that's just gonn in the end, discourage
you from doing what you said thatyou wanted to do. So you can't.
You can't look at those things.You just got to do what you

(49:52):
are gonna do. You know thatyou have a purpose to do what you
are doing, so you can't letnobody to share you from doing what you
are supposed to be doing. Youfeel that that's what you're supposed to be
doing, keep doing it. Don'tworry about whoever else, forget them.
You know what you had going soyeah, definitely, Yeah. Check check

(50:14):
out Tuesday Boy. It's eighty fiveepisodes on there right now. Go and
listen to some of those episodes andget their get their motivation, get their
motivation. Just keep doing what youdo. Yeah, Because it's like you
know, like I look at likelike my friend group right, Like,
even if they don't share a postthat I put up, I know that

(50:37):
they are happening with the episodes,you know what I'm saying, Like,
or they may have shared it withsomeone else, you know. I personally,
I've gotten away from like really lookingat like the whole analytics and stuff
like that when it comes to thepodcast, because it will make you go
crazy. And then there's there's alot of mixed up with the numbers that
give me this one day and thenit would jump by fifty the next and

(51:00):
you're like, wait a minute,like what just happened? You know?
So I feel like if you payattention to that, then you let people
dictate your next uh, your nextstep, your next direction, Like is
your podcast or your platform built onother people's perceptions of what your show should
be or is it what you reallystarted out for? What is your overall

(51:22):
artion theme, your goal of things? You know? I feel like those
are the things that there should bethe driving force behind continuing to move forward.
And like you said, listen,somebody told me when I first started,
like people may not ever say anything, but they're always watching, Like
literally, they're always watching. Theydon't have to say stuff. But sometimes

(51:44):
they may somebody may be watching,they may mention you in a room and
then someone else reaches out. BecauseI've I've dealing with that, like my
emails this past week, I'm like, hold on who you from? Where?
Like you just you just never know. But that's you just have to
stay focused. And even still,like if it is your friends, I

(52:05):
don't think there's nothing wrong with havingconversations with them, like, hey,
can you guys share my stuff orlike show that you support it and tapping
with me or whatever, have thatopen dialogue you know it's about. Yeah,
because maybe they don't know, maybethey don't know how you feel about
it. And I think that yourdelivery is what matters as well. Yeah,

(52:30):
and maybe they don't know how importantit is keep the conversations going.
I know. Look, I putit like this, if I can't talk
about the things that I love andit offends you, like I don't need
to be you don't need to beon friends. So I just said that
to say that. But but Iknow that I've had conversation with conversations with

(52:55):
some of my friends and I'll belike showing them, hey, I got
this podcast and the episodes are righthere, and you know, it'd be
nice if you subscribe, If youfollow, my numbers can go up.
And when I show them the differentthings, the different platforms that I'm on,
and they're like, oh cool,well yeah, let me go and
subscribe, let me go and follow, and just you know, just keeping

(53:19):
yourself motivated and pumped up. Youshould be talking about your stuff everywhere you
go, and I can. Ilearned that about myself. Yeah, because
don't nobody know what you got goingon. I'd rather them be like,
man, I'm tired of talking abouther podcast. I don't there, I
don't. Did you listen to it? You know? I'm gonna send you

(53:40):
a text. Did you listen tothe league today? Did you listen to
it? I'm gonna hit you upon Facebook Messenger. Did you listen to
the to the episode today? Youknow? Yeah? And I really think
you're tired than not to knowing thatI got to go with home. And
I think because everybody like, specificallyto like podcasts, everybody is doing it

(54:00):
now, everybody buying a microphone andthe camera hooking them up and they happened
online, they posting, So somepeople are literally doing it just because as
y'all see, but some people maynot really know your true intentions and like
what it means to you, Andas long as you hold on to that,
that's all that matters. Because Ihad to realize that too. Like
when things would happen, I wouldexpect everybody in my real life to be

(54:23):
excited, and don't get it twisted, some people were, But I'm like,
where is like your excitement is noton the level of mine. It
may not be, it may notbe, but that's it's for me,
Like I should should be exceeding everyone'sexcitement. This is mine, you know,
And when it bringing the conversation backfull circle. I think a lot

(54:45):
of times we put a lot ofpressure on people and we personalize things so
much, and we think that everyoneshould perceive things how we do and everyone
should feel how we feel. Inreality, that is just not fair.
That's not realistic. You know theperson the personal wow, yes, yeah,

(55:07):
Like it's nothing now now if you'reif your friends are not celebrating you
and congratulating you and all that,that is different, right, Like that
is that is totally different. Evenin a situation like that, I feel
like that is that has nothing todo with you as a person. It
probably has more to do with them. Like a lot of times it's like,

(55:29):
oh, you're doing things that theymay have talked about doing and they
just never got the motivation on thatactually started. But here you are actually
fulfilling it, you know. Orthey may not believe in what you're doing.
That's okay. That doesn't mean foryou to stop. You continue to
do it, but you definitely wantto surround yourself with people that celebrate you.
Like it could be the littlest thing. I can call my friend up

(55:52):
because I'm the real friend. Iwill FaceTime them with no type of introduction,
and I'm like, oh my god, this is happening, and they
will be like that's like it maybe the driest one, but I know,
yeah, but I know that they'reexcited for me. But our excitement
is not always going to be shownthe same way. You know, Yes,
yes, I can't say because prophets, I did that to whatever to

(56:15):
my best friend one day and Igot some news that this dude want to
do a podcast for me. Hewanted to go one. This is the
beginning. When I first started andI was excited. I was like,
oh, you want to do this, you want me to do it.
So I came home with it tillmy best friend. I didn't even say
it. I didn't even knock onhis bedroom door. I didn't even say,
you know anything. I just bustopen his bedroom door. He had

(56:37):
company and they were just laying there, and I was just like, oh,
I got some good news. Justsprayed the good dudes out. He
was like, Monta, I gotcompany. I'm like so. But and
then it made me think, likeand I was pissed off because I was
thinking about me and how I feeland I'm like, now when I thought
about, like, Bonte, youwas rude, like you just bust in
his room while he got comfany itjust old your story. Did he say

(57:00):
introduce yourself? Did he say,hey, hello, my name is Labonte.
I just wanted to tell my newsbecause I was that excited. But
I'm like, okay, Bart,you gotta understand if he said, wait,
he told me Bonte, can wetalk about this later? But I
was like, I was persistent ontelling them at that moment because she was
excited. I mean that that's that'sfine, right, Like that's that's okay,

(57:22):
because I feel like sometimes our excitementlike out Trump's like it's emotion.
It's just it's just coming through andthat's okay, well kid, yeah,
But at the same time, it'sjust like, well, if you ain't
saying I'm gonna be site for myself, Like that's how you should think.
Like if somebody is not like whenyou're love of excitement, it doesn't necessarily
mean that they're not you know,happy, unless they you know, of

(57:43):
course, are saying something negative.Like I just celebrated my two year of
podcasting anniversary. You know, yes, we're still in the month of January,
so we just celebrated our line.I planned the whole like little chineing
and little dinner with my friends,like my like my intimate circle with friends.
And when I tell you, it'salways hard to get everybody together because

(58:04):
again life, children, jobs,traveling things, everyone. I got everyone
together. Everyone came out to celebrateme in that moment. Okay, yes,
so like when they could have beenanywhere else. People had other plans
and other things to do. Butit's like if your friends should celebrate you,
and you in return should be ableto celebrate them for their you know,

(58:27):
monumental moments and things, even ifit's something that maybe don't interest you,
but you know that's your friend.Yeah, cause I can't say my
friends they have been even though theyhaven't been sharing me, but they would
joined as a guest. So Iwas like, so I was like,
I'm gonna take the good with theband and I take one or the other.
Like, so I'm just go aheadand take it for what it is

(58:47):
because you took time out of yourday to join when you could have done
everything else in your day, butyou chose to be like, Hey,
I'm gonna put my time into Varante. And I feel like if you joined
my podcast and you don't share becauseAlicia, you came to join me and
you spend some time and you believein me, because for one, if

(59:08):
you want to believe in something,if you want to, yeah, you're
not gonna put your time into somethingyou don't believe in it, right,
And I was just like I reallyappreciate them for that because I'm just like,
because you're gonna only only you're gonnaput your time into what you want
to put your time into. Yeah, if they wanted to, they would.
That's my that's my favorite thing.And like my friends they've come on

(59:29):
my show numerous times, you know, but in times where maybe they can't,
I'm just like I don't take itas like, oh they don't fuck
with me or they don't fuck withthe podcast. They just can't do it,
you know, Like they just can't. You know, it's just like
going to like finding a random guessthey can't come and they don't want to.
We gotta take that l and keepmoving, you know. But again,

(59:52):
I think the overall thing is justto keep that open line of communication
in friend groups. And the lastthing that I wanted to discuss in regards
to you like the friend groups isyou know, this is a podcast about
personal development. We talk about healingmental health. I want to talk about
mental health and friend groups because Isee a lot of times where people are

(01:00:12):
like online and they're spiraling. There'sa celebrity right now that's spiraling right now,
and I don't really know if it'sfrom like drugs like people are saying,
or if it's like really for mentalhealth or whatever. But it's just
like in situations like that, Ilike to think, like where's this person's
friends, you know what I'm saying, Like where's their support system? So
like how important is it to y'allwhen your friends are going through like mental

(01:00:37):
health crisises, or if it's evenyou, to really be of a support
to them or for you to havethat support extended to you, Why not
me personally? Like you know,if I know of a situation that might
be going on with a friend,you know, I try to number one,

(01:00:57):
give them their personal space because youknow, depending on what the situation
is, you know, you're notgonna always be at the forefront of their
mind, but too as they're goingthrough whatever situation it may be, to
be encouraged and when you can,you know, until you can get to
that point where they're their huge tailor just back to normal as you used

(01:01:25):
to be, just given words ofencouragement. That's my my. I guess
you would say love language for friends. You know, when I think about
that person, well, I wasjust thinking about you. I hope that
you're having a good dayah bah.Throw that out there and still keep that

(01:01:46):
communication going. But allow them togo through whatever it is that they're going
through. But then also let themknow, hey, I'm here if you
need me, If you if youjust need a call and you just cry
on the phone, I'm here ifyou need to just scream, I'm here.
Whatever you need to do, whateveryou need me here to do in

(01:02:08):
this point in your life. Ifyou just need me to come and pick
you up and just just drive,I just need to get out the house,
whatever it is. Just be presentin that moment as much as you
can with your friend. Goes along way, and it shows that you
know, No, I can't.I can't be the one to you know.

(01:02:30):
I might not be the one toget your advice about whatever it is
that you're going through or whatever,but I'm here, you know. So
Yeah, my my thing is keepingthat communication going. Hey, I'm thinking
about you and I'm here. Mostdefinitely what about you, Levante? I
can say if I see them postingsomething on the internet, I'll respond to

(01:02:51):
them and say I woul attach somepersonal because I'm like, I'm not about
to hit up your social media account. If I got your number personally,
I'm called first. I'm doing it. I'm gonna message you first, Hey,
how you doing before I get intothe meat and potatos of what's going
on, because I don't want youto think I'm just messaging you because I
saw what's going on. I wantto check on you, like I want
to check check first because you maynot want to talk about it at that

(01:03:14):
moment, and like she said,give you your space, So I wait
for the dialogue for me to belike okay as the conversation going was on,
I ass and then I'll blow hereso we can talk about it if
you're comfortable. But I can sayand if you're not on social media,
if I don't hurt from you fora while, I normally all my friends
know me to do this. IfI'm hurt from you for a certain one,

(01:03:35):
I'm gonna text your phone so quick, Hey, ain't her from you?
What's going on? Hey? Her? For you? What's going on?
Like, I'm gonna test your phonequick because I felt like, uh,
I'm missing my friend. What's goingon? I understanding. I got
my life going on too, butI need to know what's going on with
you because I ain't hear from you, and you're as long as you text
me and say, hey, Vontae, I'm good, I'm fine. I'm
happy as long as I know youcommunicated with me that you're okay. But

(01:03:59):
on the I mean I may notknow if they okay because you can say
you've fined and going through other stuff. But that's why I try to,
you know, pop up and seemy friends whenever I can, because I
feel like, Okay, I haveto be that beam of light or that
laughter that they need and they like. And I feel like I want to
make you laugh, like we ain'tgonna be if you staying around me,
were is not gonna be sad.I'm gonna turn that frown like they say,

(01:04:20):
turn that pround upside down. I'mgonna be that friend that we're gonna
joke, we're gonna laugh. I'mgonna t say real quick, we're not
crying around here right now. AndI have to learn it from all my
other friends, like Bonte, We'regonna let you cry right now. You
could be in your feelings right now, but tomorrow it's the new day.
We're not gonna crying. And I'mlike, and I can't say they're pouring
to me that and I poured tothem. Mm hmmm. I think that

(01:04:43):
for me, like and my friendsknow me, I had to learn to
take a huge step back because Ithink that I was like very overbearing,
not because I wanted to be ineverything or like I was nosy but I
just wanted to make sure that theyit was always good and I had to
understand that sometimes people aren't ready totalk about things when they first happen.

(01:05:08):
You know, I just need reassurancethat like, Okay, you are okay,
and you do know that, likewhen you're ready to talk or if
you want to talk, like I'malways here, but I was I used
to be. I think I usedto be a little pushy, you know,
just because it was out of concernthough, But now that I'm in
the space that I'm in now,I'm like, Okay, if they don't
want to talk, they acknowledge thatmaybe something is wrong. As long as

(01:05:30):
they're safe, you know, andwe're in some sort of communication, then
I'm okay. I have no choicebut to wait, you know. I
feel like you have to just knowwhat your work well when it comes to
people, right, some people theywill talk up front, and they would
just like they will talk up frontand air it all out. Some people
need to need time to process fullytheir thoughts, put the right things towards,

(01:05:54):
and then move forward because sometimes theymay not need to talk about it.
You know. I used to feellike the burden in my circle a
lot of times because I have beenthe one that have dealt with probably the
most like mental health issues and juststruggled a lot just because a lot of
things have happened over the years.And it's not negating any experience or you

(01:06:18):
know, things that they have had. They just always look at them like
to be stronger and handle things betteror whatever the case was. And me,
I've just used to lose my mind. I felt like so a lot
of times, like in moments whereI probably didn't need to talk to people
and I could process things on myown, I would go to them for

(01:06:38):
every single thing, every single thinguntil I got more self aware and comfortable
with myself. Now I acknowledge that, yeah, sometimes some things don't need
to be discussed, like I couldprobably navigate this myself. But the downfall
is when there are like very seriousthings that do need to talk about or
I do need to support, there'slittle thought of oh, I'm being a

(01:07:01):
burden again, and then once itcomes out in the group text is like
girl, like can you stop thinkingthat way? And like we are here
for a reason, you know,so I think it's like it's good,
it's good and bad, Like I'mnever I just don't never like to be
a burden, and I know alot of people say that, like,
oh, I don't want to bea burden to anyone. But it's also

(01:07:24):
just you know, you can askpeople like, hey, do you have
space where I can like pour outwhat's going on right now? Because sometimes
people they don't. They just comestraight out with everything and it's like,
Okay, I don't know what todo with this right now, you know,
or my first thing is like,well, how are you processing it?
You know, but just trying toget to a point where you are

(01:07:45):
just more aware with yourself, maybegetting to the point of realizing that everything
may not need to be discussed beforeyou like internalize it and process it yourself.
That was something for me. Iknow everyone is not the same.
I know a lot of people's socialmedia is their diary, you know,
and sometimes in some cases it maybe a cry for help. Do I

(01:08:09):
think sometimes it can be for atension seeking in some situations. Yes,
I think we all have done itright, Like, I know he's going
to see this, so I'm goingto put this up because once I pose
this, they're gonna be in myDMS or they're gonna be on my phone,
right. But I do feel likeconversations about like mental health and wellness

(01:08:30):
and things moral conversations should be hadin personal friend groups just to really see
where people's minds are, you know, or if you get a person that's
finally opening up to you, acknowledgethe fact like, Hey, I know
this is not your norm, butI'm glad that you're finally doing it.
I did it with one of myfriends. Keep talking. Whenever you feel
driven to like vent or outpour aboutwhatever it is, keep doing it.

(01:08:53):
You know, that's showing them likethat you care and that you are listening,
you know. So I hope everybodydoes that in their circles. And
if not, you know, ifpeople don't want to listen and don't show
up for you in those ways,like to stud in the beginning of the
conversation, maybe it's time to findsome new friends. Yes, but this

(01:09:14):
has been This has been a goodconversation. What did you guys think?
Yes, I learned a lot aboutme. You said you learned a lot
about you. Yeah, I meanevery day I'm learning a lot about me.
That's good. That's good personal anddeveloping. Like you said at the
beginning and I'm taking it and Icare if I'm taking accountability that I'm learning.

(01:09:39):
Yes, see, what is thething. The first point to addressing
a problem is admitting that there isa problem, not saying that you was
a problem, but accountability was notsomething that you were like used to doing
it. So you're saying like,well, here I am. I learned
a lot and I'm taking accountability formy actions and learning. And so that's

(01:10:00):
big because I know I can sayI can make a situation worse, right,
and look, and then they camethey say that, no better,
it's to do better. So thereyou go. Yes, and we want
to continue going through twenty twenty fourdoing better, you know. And if
you don't know, it's okay totake a step back and reevaluate the situation,

(01:10:25):
you know. But I hope fromthis overall conversation that someone realized like,
either, Okay, maybe there issome development I need in my life
when it comes to accountability in myfriend's circle, just showing up as my
authentic self, or just being ableto properly communicate, you know, because

(01:10:45):
like we said, there's some there'swork to be done in different aspects.
But sometimes hearing things put a differentperspective in your mind. So hopefully someone
that's listening gained that, you knowbefore we go, okay, I like
to end with some words of encouragement. Okay, So Tiffany the encouragement guru,

(01:11:08):
can you offer some words of encouragementfor someone that's listening that may be
struggling showing up that their authentic selvesin their friend group, or just haveing
accountability in their life. Continue tobe yourself in everything around everybody you know
that you know, Just keep doingthe things that you do. Don't don't

(01:11:32):
change. Don't change it only ifit's for better, but otherwise, don't
change. Just continue to be you, keep doing you, keep doing the
things that make you happy, continueto do those things. Yes, I

(01:11:54):
want to see be you like.That's all I can say, is like,
be like, just be authors.I can't even talk that we're authentically
be authentically you because everybody else istaken. Okay, and not just in
relationships but literally mentally take it.I like that. And my little piece

(01:12:16):
that I'll add it is besides justshowing up as your true, authentic,
unapology, unapologetic suf Yes, yes, always put you on a pedestal.
The same energy and praise that yougive other people that's in your life,

(01:12:38):
turn that back around and give itto yourself, because at the end of
the day, the only validation thatshould matter is your internal validation. Because
once you start seeking validation from everyoneoutside of you, someone's going to disappoint
you. There's gonna be someone somewherethat's going to disappoint you. And to
prevent that, stay within, youknow, stay within yourself. Always show

(01:13:02):
up as you. Like they said, do you be you because everyone else
is taken, okay. And ifyou're in spaces where you're not accepted for
you just being you, then thegonna need you to find another space.
It's let to go find those space, yes, okay, So yes,

(01:13:24):
that is our words of encouragement.All right, So Levontae, please tell
people where they can find your socialmedia and your podcasts, or they can
find me if they just google me. Okay, google what would say?
And this beautiful, lovely face isgonna show up, Okay, Like just
google okay with him, and you'regonna find me and everything about me.

(01:13:47):
Okay. And you know, ifpeople want to join that any means.
I love to have people join itbecause I love to have conversation because this
this month will talk of my lamentedAnd where do the lessons come from?
Oh? I just put them backon I do a moment. I'm sure
you're like, I know I havemy glasses on. I should, but

(01:14:09):
I'm like, where did hell thoseglasses come from? Okay, sure,
I just I just put them.But yeah, just find me on Google
and y'all be able to find allmy podcasts and Instagram, Twitter. We're
not Twitter, you're mm hm.And how about you? Do we have
to google you too? Or wheredid I just podcast? You can't google

(01:14:31):
me? But tips tips Tuesdays ist I p h foss is tips c
I p is Tuesdays? All right? So all streaming platforms for podcasts and
Instagram, Facebook, Yeah, Instagramand Facebook and YouTube, yes, subscribe,

(01:14:55):
follow, like, share all ofthat good stuff. Yes, yes,
And I will have all of theirlinks in the description box so you
guys can go tap in with theirpodcast. Like I said, they have
great shows. You can find somethingon each of their platforms that will resonate
with you. And they are alwaystaking guests. Okay, I'm gonna put
that off. They are always takingguests on the shows, so please go

(01:15:18):
follow, go tap in with them, and of course the Virgo, as
Zion says, please tap in withme on social media. Chronicles of a
Virgo podcast on Twitter. Okay,we're still twittering it, Facebook, Instagram
and TikTok. I don't know ifI'm gonna let a certain social media go.

(01:15:40):
Yeah, I'm tweeting on the fencewith a few right now. But
yes, go follow me on themor listen to the podcast on all of
your streaming platforms, Apple, Spotify, I heeart, good part, whatever
your preference is. YouTube, subscribeto the page because we are doing some
great thing, some great numbers overthere. Okay, so thank you guys

(01:16:00):
for coming on Chronicles a Virgo havingthis a lovely conversation. Hopefully we can
have many. We should do italive, we should do it live on
Instagram, which ill think. Yeah, day, let me know. Okay,
So guys, we're gonna get somethings together. Stay tuned for that,
okay, but until then, pleasego tap in with them, follow

(01:16:23):
all of us if you are nottapping, and remember, you would get
good, you would get clear skinif you follow us. Listen yea,
the bumps away yeah you're saying that. Yes, you're saying that as like

(01:16:43):
I literally got this next one righthere. But anyway, but anyway,
a podcast. Listening to a podcasttoday will keep the bumps away off your
face. But yes, go tapin with them. Make sure you ta
been with me, guys, andlook out for the advertisement for when we
are going to schedule our Instagram liveso you guys can come tapping with us.

(01:17:09):
I just was granted live access onTikTok as well on my main page.
Yeah, so we might be getinto some more things during a later
but anyway, yes, yes,but again, guys, thank you guys
for coming today. Thank you guysto our listening and have been listening,
tapping in with your girl, andremember, please continue to take care of

(01:17:31):
yourselves and most importantly, each other. Peace out, y'all. Welcome to
the Chronicles of a Verbal Podcast,the podcast dedicated to the transformative journey of
healing, mental health and personal growth. I'm your favorite favorite verbal host,
SHAKITHA Johnson, and together we'll continueto turn our vulnerability into strength. As

(01:17:55):
a special assault survivor and mental healthadvocate, I have a learned to sort
through the ass is of my traumaand turn my pain into power. And
this podcast is representation that healing ispossible. And each episode we'll dive deep
deep into conversations about overcoming challenges,find an interstrength and emergent from lifes trials
like a Felings from the Ashes.We may even have some friends drive by

(01:18:17):
from time to time. Get readyto be inspired and empowered as we embark
on a rewarding journey of self discovery. So sit back and relax and let's
get into some healing