May 1, 2024 • 37 mins
Welcome back to another episode of Chronicles of a Virgo Podcast. This week, we are delving into the conversation around grieving our past selves and our past lives.
In this episode, I discuss:
-The importance of acknowledging your past experiences and how it can be a positive guidance for your healing journey
- 4 key points that have helped me during my healing journey and in my moments of grieving my past
-The journey of finding liberation through embracing change and releasing resistance while on your journey
When we let go of past dreams, identities, or expectations, we are saying goodbye to a part of ourselves and acknowledging that those things no longer serve us anymore. Grieving doesn't mean stagnation, but we are validating our experiences and allowing ourselves to process them in a healthy way.
Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting the past, it means integrating and processing our experiences and using them as a catalyst into who we are becoming. Through this journey of healing and growth, we can emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient, ready to embrace the new possibilities that lie ahead.
Check out my conversation with Willie and Fionna from "The Things About Us Podcast":
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5VQL3aPook1UHqHnHrUvWe?si=4mhkGn8oSPSzyp77aRfmZQ
Chronicles of a Virgo Podcast is a part of the "Unfiltered Studio Network:
https://www.unfpod.com/
Ways to connect with me:
Blog and website: https://chroniclesofavirgo.wixsite.com/my-site
IG: https://www.instagram.com/chronicles_of_a_virgo_podcast
FB: https://www.facebook.com/ChroniclesOfAVirgoPodcast
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chronicles_of_a_virgo
Twitter: https://twitter.com/___Chiquita___
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@Chronicles_of_a_Virgo_podcast
Resources for Mental health:
- https://borislhensonfoundation.org/
- https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
- https://988lifeline.org/
- https://www.badbitcheshavebaddaystoo.com/
Disclaimer: "This podcast and website represents the opinions of Chiquita Johnson and her guests to the show and website. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent the place of any mental health or medical professional.
In this episode, I discuss:
-The importance of acknowledging your past experiences and how it can be a positive guidance for your healing journey
- 4 key points that have helped me during my healing journey and in my moments of grieving my past
-The journey of finding liberation through embracing change and releasing resistance while on your journey
When we let go of past dreams, identities, or expectations, we are saying goodbye to a part of ourselves and acknowledging that those things no longer serve us anymore. Grieving doesn't mean stagnation, but we are validating our experiences and allowing ourselves to process them in a healthy way.
Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting the past, it means integrating and processing our experiences and using them as a catalyst into who we are becoming. Through this journey of healing and growth, we can emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient, ready to embrace the new possibilities that lie ahead.
Check out my conversation with Willie and Fionna from "The Things About Us Podcast":
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5VQL3aPook1UHqHnHrUvWe?si=4mhkGn8oSPSzyp77aRfmZQ
Chronicles of a Virgo Podcast is a part of the "Unfiltered Studio Network:
https://www.unfpod.com/
Ways to connect with me:
Blog and website: https://chroniclesofavirgo.wixsite.com/my-site
IG: https://www.instagram.com/chronicles_of_a_virgo_podcast
FB: https://www.facebook.com/ChroniclesOfAVirgoPodcast
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chronicles_of_a_virgo
Twitter: https://twitter.com/___Chiquita___
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@Chronicles_of_a_Virgo_podcast
Resources for Mental health:
- https://borislhensonfoundation.org/
- https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
- https://988lifeline.org/
- https://www.badbitcheshavebaddaystoo.com/
Disclaimer: "This podcast and website represents the opinions of Chiquita Johnson and her guests to the show and website. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent the place of any mental health or medical professional.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This podcast is a production of UnfilteredStudios. If you would like to know
more about joining Unfiltered Studios, pleasevisit our website at unfpod dot com for
more information. Welcome to the Chroniclesof a Verbal Podcast, the podcast dedicated
to the transformative journey of healing,mental health and personal growth. I'm your
(00:21):
favorite favorite verbal host, Shakita Johnson, and together we'll continue to turn our
vulnerability into strength. As a sexualassault survivor and mental health advocate, I
have a learn to sort through theashes of my trauma and turn my pain
into power. And this podcast isrepresentation that healing is possible. And each
episode we'll dive deep deep into conversationsabout overcoming challenges, find an inn strength,
(00:47):
and emerging from life trials like afeelings from the Ashes. We may
even have some friends drive by fromtime to time. Get ready to be
inspired and empowered as we embark ona rewarding journey of self discovery. So
sit back and relax and let's getinto some healing. What's up, y'all,
and welcome back to another episode ofChronicles of a Verbal Podcast. And
(01:11):
as usual, I'm your favorite verbalhost, Teqiita Johnson. And Happy Wednesday,
y'all. Happy Wednesday, Happy May. We are now in a new
month. I can't believe we arein May. Wow, it feels like
this year is just flying by.But I hope you guys are taking care
of yourself and doing well, andjust know that your girl is sending you
(01:33):
lots of love and some good oldvibes your way. So by all means,
please open up and embrace all ofthis love and this good old vibes
I'm sending you. And again,thank you guys for joining me back for
another episode. So today's Wednesday,so I think we're back on our regular
release schedule. Okay, y'all know, April life was life and I am
(01:53):
still transitioning into my new job trainingall that stuff, and that threw me
off track with but thank you guysfor extending the grace and understanding to me
as I got things together. Butwe're back and I have some wonderful episodes
coming to you guys this month,and we are actually nearing the end of
(02:15):
another wonderful season of Chronicles of aVerbal Podcast, So please stick around and
thank you for continuing to support methrough my shifting of my personal life and
just all these different moves that I'mmaking and things like that hasn't been easy,
right, But I've been doing thebest that I can, making sure
I take care of myself as Ihope you guys are taking care of yourselves
(02:38):
as well. All Right, Sowe got some things to get into in
this episode, but first and foremost, we must start off with our lovely
mental health check time to check intime to see how we are feeling.
How are you guys feeling today?How are you feeling? Hope y'all doing
good? On the scale of oneto five. Your girl today, I'm
gonna say I'm about a four nighthave okay, just because I'm a little
(03:00):
tired, But that's normal right.Mentally, I continue to be in a
great space. I've been taking timefor myself. The weather is not weathering
no more. It's getting that springishsummer phill. So your girl been going
outside, getting back into my littlejogs and my walks, been hitting the
(03:21):
waits a little bit back in myjuice. And so I'm doing all the
things that I need to do totake care of myself, and I give
it myself a bedtime. Let metell you, I was one of those
people that just would be up atnight sometimes just scrolling on social media or
just watching binge and watching TV showsand different things. But now like I
(03:43):
be in bed, sometimes i'd besleepy for nine ten o'clock. I made
myself set an alarm. Not thatI get up every morning at that time.
But I'm trying to get more structuredwith things, you know, and
it has been working to the bestof my ability. My new job,
my schedule changed a little bit,so that threw me off a lot more
(04:04):
than what I thought it would.But I've been maintaining doing well with all
of that, all of that,so I'm going to keep it up.
I'm still making some strides and doingthings in my life, so as long
as I make sure that my mentalhealth is good. And I haven't seen
my therapies in a month. Imissed. I miss her. I miss
(04:24):
her, But with me switching jobsand insurances and all that stuff, I
had to take them off off untilI got all of those things right.
And I actually, y'all got aschedule. But I'm about to be discharged,
y'all. Oh my god, I'mabout to be discharged from therapy.
That's a whole nother thing. Butit's a good thing though. Okay,
it is a good thing long timecoming. So that is a milestone that
I will be celebrating soon. Allright. But yeah, your girl is
(04:46):
feeling good, feeling great. Hopeyou guys are I hope you guys have
been doing your mental health checks,taking time to see how your nervous system
is feeling, taking time to havethe internal dialogue, which is so we'll
see how you are doing if somethingis wrong. What is the causation of
these things? You know, wetalk a lot about the surface level issues,
(05:10):
right that can contribute to our moodand our feelings and our anxiety and
all these things. But we knowthat sometimes there's a deeper rooted issue.
That was what it was for me, A lot of deeper rooted issues,
right, and sometimes we have toreally take time to address those things so
the things that the surface level willbegin to dwindle away. Okay. So
(05:33):
that is the purpose of these mentalhealth checks, to just remind y'all and
myself accountability, Okay, to taketime out of our busy schedules to do
that. You know, because Ihave a new job, have a longer
break, I've been using my breaktime to actually really meditate more like I
meditate already, but this time Idesignate like thirty forty five minutes of my
(05:57):
break to really meditate. My jobis really big on wellness and mindfulness,
which I've never worked for any organizationor company that is as big as they
are. Like they talk it andthey walk it as well. And I
actually got a chance recently to attendlike a mindfulness Monday meditation and it was
amazing. It was amazing. Soyes, just find different ways and May
(06:19):
It's also Mental Health Awareness Month,so you guys know, really got to
pay attention to our mood and ourmental and things like that. I know
a lot of people deal with seasonaleffective disorder, so during the cold seasons,
you know, you seem to bemore depressed, may have some anxiety,
(06:40):
all those things. But there arepeople that deal with that in the
summertime too, And I'm just findingthat out because when it's hot or warm,
I feel so much better than thecolder seasons. Right, So if
you are one of them people,please make sure you are doing everything that
you need to do to take careof yourself. You know, get some
good old vitamin D, make sureyou're eating some nerve meals just harvesting all
(07:01):
of those good things that bring youjoy and fullness. Okay, And that's
for anybody that doesn't deal with thateither that just maybe having a rough time
or dealing with a rough patch intheir life. Find the things that bring
you joy. I will post throughoutthe month, of course, some mental
health things that you guys can utilizeor put your toolbox. They I'll also
(07:24):
put some links in the description ifyou are someone that is looking for some
mental health assistance, therapy, whateverthe case may be. You know so,
because twenty twenty four, we aregoing to continue to thrive and move
forward on a positive note. Andwhen those flowing moments come of adversity,
anxiety or whatever, we are goingto sit for a minute, address it
(07:46):
and move forward. All right.And I'm speaking to myself too, because
I did say in twenty twenty three, we wasn't spending the block on none
of that mess. We wasn't spendingthe on the negativity, the negative thoughts,
the like mindset, none of that'sstuff, all right. So I'm
not too sure as I'm recording thiswhat I'm gonna title this episode, right,
(08:09):
but what I want to talk abouttoday is something that I don't think
I've actually ever talked about on theshow. I know I talked about it
in my personal life with my friendsmaybe, but I don't even see much
of it circulating social media when I'mlike roaming the social media streets or whatever.
But it's something that I've dealt withdefinitely recently, and I'm like,
(08:30):
hmm, I wonder whose who elsehas dealt with this? And it's something
I've addressed in therapy as well.And that's grieving your old life, like
grieving your old self, especially likewhen you're going through your healing journey and
things like that. You know,having the memories of where you were right
whether if it was a good timeor a bad time. Maybe the reason
(08:50):
why you're not in that moment orwith them people are doing them things is
because it's not serving you now.But there are times in our journey where
we're like, damn, things willbe so much easier right because it was
comfortable back then. I can justeasily go back to doing X, Y
and Z, even though it's notgoing to be beneficial to me now.
It's easier. It's comfort right,because there's too much fear in moving forward
(09:13):
and unknown. There's too much fearin not knowing when my next paycheck going
come or if I'm going to haveenough money to make ends meet, you
know what I'm saying. So sometimesit's easier for us to take a step
back and dabble on things that youknow, we try to leave alone.
Right And in my journal and Isaid that I might start sharing more things
(09:37):
that I journal on, episodes andthings because I believe that they can help
people, right or if I'm ledto do it, I will. In
my journaling, I created four pointsthat I had to embrace and understand that
gets me and continues to help meget through those moments of grieving my old
(09:58):
self, my old life. Y'allknow. I wrote it down because I
did not want to keep it conludedin my mind because I got so much
on my mind. But I wantedto share those things with y'all in hopes
that it will resonate with somebody orit can help somebody that may be going
through something like that. And maybeyou are experiencing something like that, such
as grieving your old self or grievingyour old life, and you just didn't
(10:20):
have the words to explain what you'regoing through like I deal with that so
much, all right, So getyour pans and papers and let's go.
So the first thing, the firstpoint was I had to acknowledge what has
been lost in this journey, right, and that was people, places,
things, behaviors, all of thesethings that did not align with my current
(10:41):
reality, all of these things thatdidn't align to what I was trying to
create and the life that I wastrying to live. Right now. I
know some people, including myself,have traumatic histories, right, and we
were somebody before the trauma. Wewere somebody before the and those moments may
have been good, or we mayhave thought they were good, but parts
(11:05):
of those moments we may miss becauseof how it made us feel. Because
you know, it didn't take muchwork to get to that point, but
it takes so much more work toheal all those wombs and move forward and
just really find the center of happiness. So with acknowledging each and every layer
of behavior, person, place,thing, you name it, experience that
(11:28):
I had to let go, ithelped me more to move forward because I
realized how those things and people wasn'tbeneficial to me, How some of those
things and people may have been hinderingme from moving forward. And if I
would stay in that same place,I wasn't going to come out of that.
And it's going to be easy forme to spend the block and do
things that I ain't supposed to bedoing right, or hanging with people that
(11:50):
I don't need to hang with.Now, this is no disrespect to any
of those people, right, becauseour lives are different. You know,
everyone can't go with you on yourjourney. So had I kept certain people
in my space or I didn't allowGod to remove certain people from around me,
either a I may not be heretoday right, just to be real,
(12:13):
or I probably would still be stillfilled with all the animosity and hurt
and just anguish that I was dealingwith at that time. So I'm grateful
for getting to the point of beingable to acknowledge those things and to label
them for what they are right insteadof just letting them just linger around.
So first things first, acknowledge whathas been lost. The second thing was
(12:37):
to embrace change. Now, thisis difficult for many reasons because, like
I said, we get stuck inour comfortable face things that are comfortable for
us. It's comfortable for many ofus to work from home like I was
working for home for many years,and then last year in August, I
had to go back in the office. That was so uncomfortable it sent me
(12:58):
up a spiral. I went intodepression like it was just a lot because
I wasn't comfortable in a space thatI was not familiar with, around strangers,
like a whole bunch of different things. Had I been able to stay
home and work, I would havebeen comfortable, been able to do my
job and all of these other things. So in healing and moving forward and
letting go of the things that nolonger serve, the people, places,
(13:22):
and all of those things, embracingchange of where you are and what that
does is that opens you up tonew experiences, new ideas, new creative
paths that you may not have knownthat you had an interest in. Right,
I would have never thought in amillion years that your girl would be
out here meditating into sound baths,okay, doing all the things that I
(13:45):
like to do. Holistically, Iprobably wouldn't have even been in therapy as
long as I was right. ButI had to embrace the path, embrace
the change, embrace the path thatI was on, acknowledge why these things
were serving to me. Okay,you see what I did there. Now
I'm acknowledging why these things are servingto me and why they benefit me more
(14:05):
than those other things that I hadto release them, let go because my
life it didn't get it didn't necessarilyget easy, but with time it did,
right. And I know, youknow, people can say, well,
it's always been hard for me,and I totally get that, right.
A lot of things are just amindset thing, and like what are
(14:28):
you telling yourself? Like what areyou giving your attention to? Like,
how are you speaking over your life? How are you speaking over the change
in your life? You know,I still haven't. I still haven't openly
spoke on my whole move last yearand my whole situation and everything that has
transpired in last year. Okay,because that would give you so much more
(14:48):
insight on why embracing the change initself is so important. In due time,
I shall release that information, buttill then, just no, Fully
embracing the change open you up forthe things that you do deserve, more
experiences, more opportunities, The thingsthat you've been trying to draw in will
begin to come to you, right, And of course, there's having the
(15:11):
faith about these things actually being ableto happen, releasing your expectations around timelines
and all of those things. Butit's so important to embrace what you have
now in that moment and to knowthat i may not be where I want
to be, but I'm not whereI used to be, and I want
to get where I'm trying to goright. And sometimes past our past may
(15:31):
look different. We may envision somethingfor ourselves, but we know how God
in the universe work we can drawin better, so embrace the change.
It's hard, it can be hard. I'll say that it can be hard,
but embrace it. And the nextthing was, no, this one
was hard. I ain't gonna lie. Was release attachment, Okay, although
(15:52):
this phase was so difficult for me, I'm speaking for me. Some people
it's easy for them to detach fromthings, people, places, foods,
all of that. For me,I was so co dependent with people in
the past, so releasing attachment tocertain people it was a struggle and it
just sent me an a spiral ofdepression and trying to fit for myself.
(16:17):
And sometimes, you know, havey'all ever been in a relationship where y'all
were solely dependent on that other personto do every single thing, and then
the relationship ended. Now it's likeI got to take responsibility of all of
these things that someone else did forall these years. Yes, that was
me at one point. Now thedifference was I knew how to do the
things. I just let that persontake lead, right, But still being
(16:41):
dependent on that person to fulfill certainparts of me, And that's a whole
nother issue in itself, but tofulfill a whole nother layer of things that
needed to get done or how Ineeded to feel. Releasing that attachment was
super hard, even releasing attachments toenvironments. You know, some people really
want to move out of there,their cities, their states, or they
(17:03):
want to move to another country,but because they're so comfortable in the environment
that they're in, you'll find everyreason why you can't move, every reason
why you can't let go of thatperson. You'll find all the good things
they may have done and all thegood reasons for why you won't leave.
In reality, the best decision thatyou can do is just leave right.
(17:26):
And I've been through it, Itruly have been through it, and it
had been a journey, and whatI realized is in that releasing attachment phase
that is where the true rediscovery fallsin place. And what I mean by
that is by releasing everything that youthought served you, releasing who you thought
(17:51):
you was and now makes you kindof bear. I am there to bring
in more things that I didn't neverhave I didn't think I had interest in
right, or drawing more experiences thatyou things that you wanted to do but
you was making excuses for why youcouldn't do it right, or just attracting
new support systems and new tribes andnew communities of people, people that you
(18:15):
may have thought that you never wouldever associate with. A lot of podcasters
that I associate with, you know, that I'm really cool with, they
would never have thought in a millionyears that they would have the platforms that
they have had, But they hadto release that fear, release, the
attachment of like having to know everythingbefore doing it, and a lot of
their shows are just flourishing. Youknow. Some people have stepped away for
(18:36):
personal reasons and that's okay, Likethat is so okay, But the thing
is you still did it. Youstill did it, So you just have
to find that common core on howto release attachment, and depending on what
it is, there may be aprocess that you have to do, you
know. I know for me,the biggest thing was people. It really
(18:56):
was people, you know, becauseit's nothing like having that confidine that with
you that you can tell everything toand you know, just have that moral
support, that physical intimacy and justknow that this is my person. And
when that's taken away from you,it's like, Okay, now I have
to be my own person. Andfor a lot of us, that's hard,
(19:17):
it's really hard. So yes,releasing attachment, y'all. So so
far we have acknowledging what has beenlost, all right, embracing change,
releasing attachment. And the last thingon my little list is finding the true
meaning in the process of grieving yourpast self or your past life however you
(19:40):
want a title with. And Isay that because again, sometimes we don't
have the words to explain things,or we give everything a negative meaning,
right, But in reality, whenyou sit and you self reflect on where
you are in your journey and youlook in at rear view mirror, because
we only looking in that rearview mirrorto look at how far we have come.
(20:03):
We're not looking in it to spendthe block, Okay, not spending
the block. When you look athow far you have come, you may
be able to find a deeper meaningof the experiences that you have endured and
give them a greater purpose. Andthat was it for me. My biggest
transition all of this and my storywas going to therapy, was addressing my
(20:25):
sexual trauma, because that just openedup the freaking, oh my gosh,
the pathway is to so much understandingand clarity about who Shaquita thought she was.
Why does Shekita act like this?Why doesn't Shequiita like this? And
again I always say, one ofthe ugly truths I had to realize was
(20:45):
my trauma was literally controlling me foryears, and everything about me, my
personality just it just would have it, just it just was controlling me for
years, and layer by layer,I had to really strip myself bare of
all of those things. And whenI came back to the drawing board of
(21:07):
each and every one of those experiencesI had been through, each and every
one of those individuals I had tolet go. I was I am now
able to understand the purpose that theyplayed in my life and the meaning behind
all of those encounters. And thosepeople and some of the environments that I
had to release too, you know, And for me that's big because for
(21:30):
years, like my friends can tellyou, like I questioned, So I
questioned so much, Like I questionedso much, I cried so much.
I didn't even think it was evenpossible for anything else to fall out my
eyes as much as I have cried. But now I have a deeper understanding
of everything, and of course myunderstanding, my process, my healing,
(21:52):
my path. So I was goingto be different from yours. So you
may be listening and be like,well, I'm not at that point yet.
And my response to years, that'sokay. There's no timeline, release
the expectation of the timeline that yougive yourself. No one else has given
it to you. We get Weput all these restraints on ourselves for our
healing, our grief, all thesethings. It's like, who, what
(22:15):
are we racing for? What arewe racing for? Do we want to
be better? Yes, But justlike you put a cake in the oven
and you bake it and you gottagive it time so it can really fill
out and do all the things thatit's going to do. By us in
there, we got to give thatto ourselves too. We gotta nurture those
wounds. We have to address themto see what's really hurt. Why did
this happen? Okay, let meglaze this up real quick and not just
(22:40):
put a band aid over, butlet me stitch this up and figure out
like how we can really nurse thisback the care and another thing I learned
and realize what the quickness was.I really had a bad habit of saying
I just want to go back tomy old self because it was so much
fun here, it wasn't this hard, or but I get through this,
(23:00):
I'm going to be my old selfagain. You will never be your old
self again. You will never beyour old self again. You may have
some slight tendencies of you of yourold self, You may have some slight
likes of your old self, butyou won't have them all of them characteristics.
(23:21):
You won't have all the full lights, because I know I don't.
Some of the stuff that I actuallyindulge in the back in the day,
I can't stomach it now. Someof the spaces I used to be in,
I highly doubt if I was togo there now, I will not
be able to maintain my mental likeI'll be like, get me out of
this club, this place, whatever. Some of the people that used to
be around, I know for afact I couldn't stand to be in their
(23:44):
presence now. And that's nothing towardsthem. That's just me and where I'm
at in my life and in myhealing. You will never be your old
self again. And when I thinkabout it, I don't want to be
my old self again at all.I don't want to be that broken bitter
I was about to say another word, I don't want to be that broken,
(24:06):
bitter female that I was. Idon't want to be that person that
didn't have boundaries, that person thatwas so cod dependent on everybody else that
when it came time for me tomake decisions, I questioned every single thing
before I actually found the discernment totrust myself. I don't want to be
that person again. I don't wantto be the person that just lets everyone
(24:27):
walk all over me. I don'twant to be the person that has to
be seen or think she has tobe seen in a negative light to get
attention. I don't want that.I do not want that at all.
Right, And I finally got tothe acceptance phase and embracing that. I
never want to be the Shakida ofmy past. But will I grieve certain
(24:49):
parts of me? Absolutely? Isthat okay? Yes? Because grieving is
something we all do. Whether youare grieving your old life, your old
self, you've lost somebody super closeto you, you go through moments and
stages of grief and your old selfand your old life, You're going to
grieve those things too. Have youever roll past a community you grew up
(25:11):
in or you used to live inand all these memories just come back?
Yeah, you're reminiscent on all ofthose things, right, Like damn,
remember when we used to hang outhere at night or every Friday night we
used to go down to this spot. Yeah, and then you start to
grief, like damn, I wishtimes was still like that. No,
you don't, at least for me. No, I don't. I am
(25:36):
so fulfilled in the body and spacethat I'm in now that if I ever
was to spending block and result backto anything that I used to do,
I feel like it would take meten times hard, work harder to dig
myself out. And I don't knowabout y'all, but I don't got time
to be laying any more foundations likethat and doing that work. And I
(25:57):
don't want to discredit the work thatI have done, and neither should y'all.
Okay, So remember reminiscing on theold times, whether it was good
or bad your old self, whetheryou made mistakes as a person, that
is okay, but reminisce on it. Look back, and then look at
where you are now and all theimprovements that you have made in your life,
(26:19):
all the wonderful things that you arefulfilling now. You may have a
family, you may be married,you may be in a much better hell
space. You may be using yourvoice as a way to share your pain
like I do, as a wayto help other people. I could not
have done this five ten years agoat all. I couldn't have done it.
(26:40):
I wouldn't have done it. Thatwasn't my mission, that wasn't my
purpose at that time. But nowin the now, I can do it,
and I can do it unapologetically.So think about this when we talk
about standing on business, because that'sthe big term everybody likes the yuse.
Now I'm standing on business. I'mgonna get my look back, Yeah,
look back, get your lick backby glowing up yourself. Get your lick
(27:04):
back by elevating you know, standon business and you're healing. You know.
Stand on business with holding yourself accountablefor the things that you do,
the things that you say, forthe leadership that you partake in. Stand
on business like that. Now you'regonna result to some other stuff, then
hey, karma, gonnasuit the blockand be honest. Maybe, but you
(27:27):
stand on business and be real andauthentic about elevating, you know, and
not needing any type of outside validationfrom other people. Validate yourself. I
said in the beginning of this year, this was the year of milestones.
We are celebrating every single milestone thatwe have. If you have a depressing
(27:49):
a depressive moment, a moment ofanxiety, a moment of grief, that
is okay, sit in it.I set in it today, I set
in it for the last couple ofdays. Okay. But guess what,
I'm up and I'm moving and I'mbetter. And that's how we got to
continue to move. You know again, I don't want to try to spend
(28:11):
a block and do something and haveto rebuild my foundation. And if you
do slip up that's okay. Justknow you can't stay there and you got
to get back up and move forward. And you should have enough tools in
your tool belt that can get youto that point. And if not,
we want to talk. We wantto talk, all right. So yeah,
(28:32):
I'm pretty sure I've never talked aboutthis on the show. We talk
about all the ways that we canmove forward. You know. Guests come
on with their wonderful stories, andthey tell us the pain that they have
endured, the trauma they have endured, and they talk about getting to that
point of healing it in their journey. I tell y'all all my business.
Okay, my friends tell y'all stuff. But I don't think we ever talked
(28:56):
about grieving our old self because it'sa real thing. It is a real
thing, and I've dealt with it, you know, and I feel like
a lot of times you really dealwith it more when you are about to
embark on some major transitions in yourlife. And I have just embarked on
a big one. I got anotherone coming up, and my thoughts was
running haywired for a second, youknow, meaning finding all the reasons why
(29:22):
I don't need to do what Iknow is in my flesh to do and
I'm still gonna do it. It'ssomething good. But that's how of mind
was wired. Sometimes out of mindis wired. But ultimately, we have
control over our thoughts and we createwith those. So if we're going to
think something, we need to thinkpositive, okay, even if our reality
(29:45):
does not show us that now,it doesn't help to have them repetitive positive
thoughts. Okay. Affirm greatness foryourself even in those moments are despair,
those moments where you feel like youcan't go on, those moments where it
is just going to be so mucheasier if I can just take a step
back real quick and do what Iknow it's going to get me up there.
(30:07):
Oh, take a step back,chill out for a second, get
your thoughts together, and reaffirm allof that or okay, Life and death
is in the power of the tongue, and it's in the power of the
mind, and we need to usethose things to our best ability and don't
let other people, any naysayers,be a negative influence on the things that
(30:30):
we're trying to do. You know, one thing my grandmother always used to
say was move in silence, becauseI talk a lot and I couldn't award
it. I want to. I'mwant to embark on a journey. I'm
telling everybody. Everybody going to know, you know what I'm saying, not
knowing that sometimes people will send younegative energy because they're jealous or because it's
not happening for them. So nowI like to pop out with stuff happening.
(30:52):
You know. Sometimes I tell peoplethat I trust. Find those trusted
people, of course, but yes, use your off speaking and affirming things
positively for you and thinking things positivelyfor you for your advantage. Okay.
So I really hope that this episoderesonated with someone, gave someone some type
of clarity or reassurance that you mayhave been needing. And if not,
(31:15):
that's okay, please buy me.Share this with someone, Share this with
everybody, Share Share, Share thiswas a good one. Share this with
someone that you may know that thismay resonate with. Okay, And like
I said, like I cannot talktoday, y'all, Like I said,
stay tuned, because the next coupleweeks I have some lovely conversations coming out.
(31:36):
Everything's going to get back on schedule, all right, I promise,
y'all. And we'll be wrapping upthe season probably about the probably about the
end of June, Okay, sostick with me, y'all. Thank you
so much for continue to support allthe newcomers, everyone that's been rocking with
me since day one or whenever.I truly, truly am grateful for your
support, your love, you're encouragingwords. And I wanted to give a
(32:00):
special shout out to my podcast networkthat I am a part of, the
Unfiltered Studios. I'm a part ofthis amazing network of podcasters. I have
come across so many amazing shows thatI would have never thought that I've ever
They were never on my radar,right, So I'm grateful to be a
part of this network that I havethe opportunity to just talk to different people,
(32:22):
to see different people's lifestyles and hearpeople's stories and just how people break
down different things like they have.It's so many podcasts in this network of
a variety of things, like ifyou're looking for it, you might just
find it in there. Okay,So if you're looking for a podcast network
home, come join us. Iwill put the link in the description box.
Or if you just want to checkout the other shows that are in
(32:43):
the network, check out our website. The link will be in a description.
If you're following me on Twitter,I'm always reposting or just having conversations
with different people, different podcasters andstuff. A lot of them are of
the network and all of them arefriendly. So shout out to all of
you guys that is listening as apart of the Unfiltered Studios. You guys
are doing amazing things and keep upthe great work. Also, I'm going
(33:07):
to give a special shout out tothe King and Queen Okay, the King
and Queen Willie and Fiona of theThing About Us podcast. I actually was
just a guest on their show againokay recently if you have not checked out
that episode, that lingk will alsobe in the description box below. We
(33:27):
talked about colorism and its impact inthe black community. That was an amazing
conversation. We all let y'all andour busin this a lot, but it
was worth it, and it wasso we can educate the masses, okay,
and hopefully come together as a communityand just do some great things.
So thank you guys for inviting meonto your show. I love y'all.
They have an amazing platform. Justgo follow them. Of course, but
(33:52):
again, thank you guys for tappingin with me. I truly do appreciate
it. I appreciate all the loveand the support because you guys could be
listening to anyone else. You canbe listening to anybody else aroundling, but
you have continued to choose the tappenwith me, and words will never be
enough to express my gratitude. Also, I want to give a big shout
out, a super shoutout. Thisis a this is a super shout out,
(34:14):
y'all, a super shout out tomy baby sister, Bailly. Okay,
next week I will be hitting downto North Carolina as my sister will
be graduating from grad school from NorthCarolina CNT. Okay, this is so
major. I'm so proud of her. Like it's been a long journey,
but Bailly, you have stuck itout and just know that I love you
(34:35):
so much. I know I've gottenon your nerves, you know, make
sure you keep grazing all of thatstuff up. But you did the damn
thing and I know it's going topay off in amazing, amazing ways.
Okay, So I will try topost pick pictures and videos here and there.
I do post a lot more onmy main Facebook and Instagram pages.
(34:58):
I don't do a lot of likemy personal stuff on like the Chronicle of
Virgo stuff, but I will startto post more here and there. Okay,
maybe need a little reminder, butnonetheless, I'll post some pictures and
stuff from my time in North Carolina. I cannot wait till next week.
But yes, shout out to Baileyfor Gradua waiting. All right. So
yes, if you're not following meon social media, Chronicles of Virgo podcasts
(35:21):
on all of my platforms, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and Facebook,
okay, make sure you subscribe tothe YouTube channel. I post all of
the visuals for these episodes up onthe channel. And if you watch the
videos, please please please give mea like, give me a like,
a comment, let me know thatshe was there. And I do appreciate
(35:42):
the ones that have been comment andwhether it's on TikTok or YouTube, that
have been challenging my mind with yourquestions. Keep them coming. I appreciate
all of it, okay, becausewe are here to be a community to
learn to support one another and helpeach other grow. So keep them coming,
all right, y'all. And asI always say. Please make sure
you guys take care of yourself,mind your mental, protect your peace,
(36:07):
and also take care of each other. Peace out. Thank you for listening
to an episode of Chronicles of aVirgo podcast with me your favorite favorite vergal
host, Shikita Johnson. Your supportmeans the world to me as I want
to continue to see you all prosperand grow. Please join me back next
(36:28):
Wednesday, where we will continue todive into more can it and empower on
conversations that we'll get you a stepcloser to stepping into a new fild individual.
Remember you're not alone on your journey. Please don't forget to subscribe to
us on social media at Chronicles ofa Vigal podcast on all social media platforms
and the YouTube channel. Check outour website and blog at Chroniclesovivirgo dot website
(36:53):
dot com. All links will belisted in the description box below. Until
next time, beautiful soul, keeprising from those ashes and stay true to
you and know your girl loves you. Peace out,
This podcast is a production of UnfilteredStudios. If you would like to know
more about joining Unfiltered Studios, pleasevisit our website at unfpod dot com for
more information. Welcome to the Chroniclesof a Verbal Podcast, the podcast dedicated
to the transformative journey of healing,mental health and personal growth. I'm your
(00:21):
favorite favorite verbal host, Shakita Johnson, and together we'll continue to turn our
vulnerability into strength. As a sexualassault survivor and mental health advocate, I
have a learn to sort through theashes of my trauma and turn my pain
into power. And this podcast isrepresentation that healing is possible. And each
episode we'll dive deep deep into conversationsabout overcoming challenges, find an inn strength,
(00:47):
and emerging from life trials like afeelings from the Ashes. We may
even have some friends drive by fromtime to time. Get ready to be
inspired and empowered as we embark ona rewarding journey of self discovery. So
sit back and relax and let's getinto some healing. What's up, y'all,
and welcome back to another episode ofChronicles of a Verbal Podcast. And
(01:11):
as usual, I'm your favorite verbalhost, Teqiita Johnson. And Happy Wednesday,
y'all. Happy Wednesday, Happy May. We are now in a new
month. I can't believe we arein May. Wow, it feels like
this year is just flying by.But I hope you guys are taking care
of yourself and doing well, andjust know that your girl is sending you
(01:33):
lots of love and some good oldvibes your way. So by all means,
please open up and embrace all ofthis love and this good old vibes
I'm sending you. And again,thank you guys for joining me back for
another episode. So today's Wednesday,so I think we're back on our regular
release schedule. Okay, y'all know, April life was life and I am
(01:53):
still transitioning into my new job trainingall that stuff, and that threw me
off track with but thank you guysfor extending the grace and understanding to me
as I got things together. Butwe're back and I have some wonderful episodes
coming to you guys this month,and we are actually nearing the end of
(02:15):
another wonderful season of Chronicles of aVerbal Podcast, So please stick around and
thank you for continuing to support methrough my shifting of my personal life and
just all these different moves that I'mmaking and things like that hasn't been easy,
right, But I've been doing thebest that I can, making sure
I take care of myself as Ihope you guys are taking care of yourselves
(02:38):
as well. All Right, Sowe got some things to get into in
this episode, but first and foremost, we must start off with our lovely
mental health check time to check intime to see how we are feeling.
How are you guys feeling today?How are you feeling? Hope y'all doing
good? On the scale of oneto five. Your girl today, I'm
gonna say I'm about a four nighthave okay, just because I'm a little
(03:00):
tired, But that's normal right.Mentally, I continue to be in a
great space. I've been taking timefor myself. The weather is not weathering
no more. It's getting that springishsummer phill. So your girl been going
outside, getting back into my littlejogs and my walks, been hitting the
(03:21):
waits a little bit back in myjuice. And so I'm doing all the
things that I need to do totake care of myself, and I give
it myself a bedtime. Let metell you, I was one of those
people that just would be up atnight sometimes just scrolling on social media or
just watching binge and watching TV showsand different things. But now like I
(03:43):
be in bed, sometimes i'd besleepy for nine ten o'clock. I made
myself set an alarm. Not thatI get up every morning at that time.
But I'm trying to get more structuredwith things, you know, and
it has been working to the bestof my ability. My new job,
my schedule changed a little bit,so that threw me off a lot more
(04:04):
than what I thought it would.But I've been maintaining doing well with all
of that, all of that,so I'm going to keep it up.
I'm still making some strides and doingthings in my life, so as long
as I make sure that my mentalhealth is good. And I haven't seen
my therapies in a month. Imissed. I miss her. I miss
(04:24):
her, But with me switching jobsand insurances and all that stuff, I
had to take them off off untilI got all of those things right.
And I actually, y'all got aschedule. But I'm about to be discharged,
y'all. Oh my god, I'mabout to be discharged from therapy.
That's a whole nother thing. Butit's a good thing though. Okay,
it is a good thing long timecoming. So that is a milestone that
I will be celebrating soon. Allright. But yeah, your girl is
(04:46):
feeling good, feeling great. Hopeyou guys are I hope you guys have
been doing your mental health checks,taking time to see how your nervous system
is feeling, taking time to havethe internal dialogue, which is so we'll
see how you are doing if somethingis wrong. What is the causation of
these things? You know, wetalk a lot about the surface level issues,
(05:10):
right that can contribute to our moodand our feelings and our anxiety and
all these things. But we knowthat sometimes there's a deeper rooted issue.
That was what it was for me, A lot of deeper rooted issues,
right, and sometimes we have toreally take time to address those things so
the things that the surface level willbegin to dwindle away. Okay. So
(05:33):
that is the purpose of these mentalhealth checks, to just remind y'all and
myself accountability, Okay, to taketime out of our busy schedules to do
that. You know, because Ihave a new job, have a longer
break, I've been using my breaktime to actually really meditate more like I
meditate already, but this time Idesignate like thirty forty five minutes of my
(05:57):
break to really meditate. My jobis really big on wellness and mindfulness,
which I've never worked for any organizationor company that is as big as they
are. Like they talk it andthey walk it as well. And I
actually got a chance recently to attendlike a mindfulness Monday meditation and it was
amazing. It was amazing. Soyes, just find different ways and May
(06:19):
It's also Mental Health Awareness Month,so you guys know, really got to
pay attention to our mood and ourmental and things like that. I know
a lot of people deal with seasonaleffective disorder, so during the cold seasons,
you know, you seem to bemore depressed, may have some anxiety,
(06:40):
all those things. But there arepeople that deal with that in the
summertime too, And I'm just findingthat out because when it's hot or warm,
I feel so much better than thecolder seasons. Right, So if
you are one of them people,please make sure you are doing everything that
you need to do to take careof yourself. You know, get some
good old vitamin D, make sureyou're eating some nerve meals just harvesting all
(07:01):
of those good things that bring youjoy and fullness. Okay, And that's
for anybody that doesn't deal with thateither that just maybe having a rough time
or dealing with a rough patch intheir life. Find the things that bring
you joy. I will post throughoutthe month, of course, some mental
health things that you guys can utilizeor put your toolbox. They I'll also
(07:24):
put some links in the description ifyou are someone that is looking for some
mental health assistance, therapy, whateverthe case may be. You know so,
because twenty twenty four, we aregoing to continue to thrive and move
forward on a positive note. Andwhen those flowing moments come of adversity,
anxiety or whatever, we are goingto sit for a minute, address it
(07:46):
and move forward. All right.And I'm speaking to myself too, because
I did say in twenty twenty three, we wasn't spending the block on none
of that mess. We wasn't spendingthe on the negativity, the negative thoughts,
the like mindset, none of that'sstuff, all right. So I'm
not too sure as I'm recording thiswhat I'm gonna title this episode, right,
(08:09):
but what I want to talk abouttoday is something that I don't think
I've actually ever talked about on theshow. I know I talked about it
in my personal life with my friendsmaybe, but I don't even see much
of it circulating social media when I'mlike roaming the social media streets or whatever.
But it's something that I've dealt withdefinitely recently, and I'm like,
(08:30):
hmm, I wonder whose who elsehas dealt with this? And it's something
I've addressed in therapy as well.And that's grieving your old life, like
grieving your old self, especially likewhen you're going through your healing journey and
things like that. You know,having the memories of where you were right
whether if it was a good timeor a bad time. Maybe the reason
(08:50):
why you're not in that moment orwith them people are doing them things is
because it's not serving you now.But there are times in our journey where
we're like, damn, things willbe so much easier right because it was
comfortable back then. I can justeasily go back to doing X, Y
and Z, even though it's notgoing to be beneficial to me now.
It's easier. It's comfort right,because there's too much fear in moving forward
(09:13):
and unknown. There's too much fearin not knowing when my next paycheck going
come or if I'm going to haveenough money to make ends meet, you
know what I'm saying. So sometimesit's easier for us to take a step
back and dabble on things that youknow, we try to leave alone.
Right And in my journal and Isaid that I might start sharing more things
(09:37):
that I journal on, episodes andthings because I believe that they can help
people, right or if I'm ledto do it, I will. In
my journaling, I created four pointsthat I had to embrace and understand that
gets me and continues to help meget through those moments of grieving my old
(09:58):
self, my old life. Y'allknow. I wrote it down because I
did not want to keep it conludedin my mind because I got so much
on my mind. But I wantedto share those things with y'all in hopes
that it will resonate with somebody orit can help somebody that may be going
through something like that. And maybeyou are experiencing something like that, such
as grieving your old self or grievingyour old life, and you just didn't
(10:20):
have the words to explain what you'regoing through like I deal with that so
much, all right, So getyour pans and papers and let's go.
So the first thing, the firstpoint was I had to acknowledge what has
been lost in this journey, right, and that was people, places,
things, behaviors, all of thesethings that did not align with my current
(10:41):
reality, all of these things thatdidn't align to what I was trying to
create and the life that I wastrying to live. Right now. I
know some people, including myself,have traumatic histories, right, and we
were somebody before the trauma. Wewere somebody before the and those moments may
have been good, or we mayhave thought they were good, but parts
(11:05):
of those moments we may miss becauseof how it made us feel. Because
you know, it didn't take muchwork to get to that point, but
it takes so much more work toheal all those wombs and move forward and
just really find the center of happiness. So with acknowledging each and every layer
of behavior, person, place,thing, you name it, experience that
(11:28):
I had to let go, ithelped me more to move forward because I
realized how those things and people wasn'tbeneficial to me, How some of those
things and people may have been hinderingme from moving forward. And if I
would stay in that same place,I wasn't going to come out of that.
And it's going to be easy forme to spend the block and do
things that I ain't supposed to bedoing right, or hanging with people that
(11:50):
I don't need to hang with.Now, this is no disrespect to any
of those people, right, becauseour lives are different. You know,
everyone can't go with you on yourjourney. So had I kept certain people
in my space or I didn't allowGod to remove certain people from around me,
either a I may not be heretoday right, just to be real,
(12:13):
or I probably would still be stillfilled with all the animosity and hurt
and just anguish that I was dealingwith at that time. So I'm grateful
for getting to the point of beingable to acknowledge those things and to label
them for what they are right insteadof just letting them just linger around.
So first things first, acknowledge whathas been lost. The second thing was
(12:37):
to embrace change. Now, thisis difficult for many reasons because, like
I said, we get stuck inour comfortable face things that are comfortable for
us. It's comfortable for many ofus to work from home like I was
working for home for many years,and then last year in August, I
had to go back in the office. That was so uncomfortable it sent me
(12:58):
up a spiral. I went intodepression like it was just a lot because
I wasn't comfortable in a space thatI was not familiar with, around strangers,
like a whole bunch of different things. Had I been able to stay
home and work, I would havebeen comfortable, been able to do my
job and all of these other things. So in healing and moving forward and
letting go of the things that nolonger serve, the people, places,
(13:22):
and all of those things, embracingchange of where you are and what that
does is that opens you up tonew experiences, new ideas, new creative
paths that you may not have knownthat you had an interest in. Right,
I would have never thought in amillion years that your girl would be
out here meditating into sound baths,okay, doing all the things that I
(13:45):
like to do. Holistically, Iprobably wouldn't have even been in therapy as
long as I was right. ButI had to embrace the path, embrace
the change, embrace the path thatI was on, acknowledge why these things
were serving to me. Okay,you see what I did there. Now
I'm acknowledging why these things are servingto me and why they benefit me more
(14:05):
than those other things that I hadto release them, let go because my
life it didn't get it didn't necessarilyget easy, but with time it did,
right. And I know, youknow, people can say, well,
it's always been hard for me,and I totally get that, right.
A lot of things are just amindset thing, and like what are
(14:28):
you telling yourself? Like what areyou giving your attention to? Like,
how are you speaking over your life? How are you speaking over the change
in your life? You know,I still haven't. I still haven't openly
spoke on my whole move last yearand my whole situation and everything that has
transpired in last year. Okay,because that would give you so much more
(14:48):
insight on why embracing the change initself is so important. In due time,
I shall release that information, buttill then, just no, Fully
embracing the change open you up forthe things that you do deserve, more
experiences, more opportunities, The thingsthat you've been trying to draw in will
begin to come to you, right, And of course, there's having the
(15:11):
faith about these things actually being ableto happen, releasing your expectations around timelines
and all of those things. Butit's so important to embrace what you have
now in that moment and to knowthat i may not be where I want
to be, but I'm not whereI used to be, and I want
to get where I'm trying to goright. And sometimes past our past may
(15:31):
look different. We may envision somethingfor ourselves, but we know how God
in the universe work we can drawin better, so embrace the change.
It's hard, it can be hard. I'll say that it can be hard,
but embrace it. And the nextthing was, no, this one
was hard. I ain't gonna lie. Was release attachment, Okay, although
(15:52):
this phase was so difficult for me, I'm speaking for me. Some people
it's easy for them to detach fromthings, people, places, foods,
all of that. For me,I was so co dependent with people in
the past, so releasing attachment tocertain people it was a struggle and it
just sent me an a spiral ofdepression and trying to fit for myself.
(16:17):
And sometimes, you know, havey'all ever been in a relationship where y'all
were solely dependent on that other personto do every single thing, and then
the relationship ended. Now it's likeI got to take responsibility of all of
these things that someone else did forall these years. Yes, that was
me at one point. Now thedifference was I knew how to do the
things. I just let that persontake lead, right, But still being
(16:41):
dependent on that person to fulfill certainparts of me, And that's a whole
nother issue in itself, but tofulfill a whole nother layer of things that
needed to get done or how Ineeded to feel. Releasing that attachment was
super hard, even releasing attachments toenvironments. You know, some people really
want to move out of there,their cities, their states, or they
(17:03):
want to move to another country,but because they're so comfortable in the environment
that they're in, you'll find everyreason why you can't move, every reason
why you can't let go of thatperson. You'll find all the good things
they may have done and all thegood reasons for why you won't leave.
In reality, the best decision thatyou can do is just leave right.
(17:26):
And I've been through it, Itruly have been through it, and it
had been a journey, and whatI realized is in that releasing attachment phase
that is where the true rediscovery fallsin place. And what I mean by
that is by releasing everything that youthought served you, releasing who you thought
(17:51):
you was and now makes you kindof bear. I am there to bring
in more things that I didn't neverhave I didn't think I had interest in
right, or drawing more experiences thatyou things that you wanted to do but
you was making excuses for why youcouldn't do it right, or just attracting
new support systems and new tribes andnew communities of people, people that you
(18:15):
may have thought that you never wouldever associate with. A lot of podcasters
that I associate with, you know, that I'm really cool with, they
would never have thought in a millionyears that they would have the platforms that
they have had, But they hadto release that fear, release, the
attachment of like having to know everythingbefore doing it, and a lot of
their shows are just flourishing. Youknow. Some people have stepped away for
(18:36):
personal reasons and that's okay, Likethat is so okay, But the thing
is you still did it. Youstill did it, So you just have
to find that common core on howto release attachment, and depending on what
it is, there may be aprocess that you have to do, you
know. I know for me,the biggest thing was people. It really
(18:56):
was people, you know, becauseit's nothing like having that confidine that with
you that you can tell everything toand you know, just have that moral
support, that physical intimacy and justknow that this is my person. And
when that's taken away from you,it's like, Okay, now I have
to be my own person. Andfor a lot of us, that's hard,
(19:17):
it's really hard. So yes,releasing attachment, y'all. So so
far we have acknowledging what has beenlost, all right, embracing change,
releasing attachment. And the last thingon my little list is finding the true
meaning in the process of grieving yourpast self or your past life however you
(19:40):
want a title with. And Isay that because again, sometimes we don't
have the words to explain things,or we give everything a negative meaning,
right, But in reality, whenyou sit and you self reflect on where
you are in your journey and youlook in at rear view mirror, because
we only looking in that rearview mirrorto look at how far we have come.
(20:03):
We're not looking in it to spendthe block, Okay, not spending
the block. When you look athow far you have come, you may
be able to find a deeper meaningof the experiences that you have endured and
give them a greater purpose. Andthat was it for me. My biggest
transition all of this and my storywas going to therapy, was addressing my
(20:25):
sexual trauma, because that just openedup the freaking, oh my gosh,
the pathway is to so much understandingand clarity about who Shaquita thought she was.
Why does Shekita act like this?Why doesn't Shequiita like this? And
again I always say, one ofthe ugly truths I had to realize was
(20:45):
my trauma was literally controlling me foryears, and everything about me, my
personality just it just would have it, just it just was controlling me for
years, and layer by layer,I had to really strip myself bare of
all of those things. And whenI came back to the drawing board of
(21:07):
each and every one of those experiencesI had been through, each and every
one of those individuals I had tolet go. I was I am now
able to understand the purpose that theyplayed in my life and the meaning behind
all of those encounters. And thosepeople and some of the environments that I
had to release too, you know, And for me that's big because for
(21:30):
years, like my friends can tellyou, like I questioned, So I
questioned so much, Like I questionedso much, I cried so much.
I didn't even think it was evenpossible for anything else to fall out my
eyes as much as I have cried. But now I have a deeper understanding
of everything, and of course myunderstanding, my process, my healing,
(21:52):
my path. So I was goingto be different from yours. So you
may be listening and be like,well, I'm not at that point yet.
And my response to years, that'sokay. There's no timeline, release
the expectation of the timeline that yougive yourself. No one else has given
it to you. We get Weput all these restraints on ourselves for our
healing, our grief, all thesethings. It's like, who, what
(22:15):
are we racing for? What arewe racing for? Do we want to
be better? Yes, But justlike you put a cake in the oven
and you bake it and you gottagive it time so it can really fill
out and do all the things thatit's going to do. By us in
there, we got to give thatto ourselves too. We gotta nurture those
wounds. We have to address themto see what's really hurt. Why did
this happen? Okay, let meglaze this up real quick and not just
(22:40):
put a band aid over, butlet me stitch this up and figure out
like how we can really nurse thisback the care and another thing I learned
and realize what the quickness was.I really had a bad habit of saying
I just want to go back tomy old self because it was so much
fun here, it wasn't this hard, or but I get through this,
(23:00):
I'm going to be my old selfagain. You will never be your old
self again. You will never beyour old self again. You may have
some slight tendencies of you of yourold self, You may have some slight
likes of your old self, butyou won't have them all of them characteristics.
(23:21):
You won't have all the full lights, because I know I don't.
Some of the stuff that I actuallyindulge in the back in the day,
I can't stomach it now. Someof the spaces I used to be in,
I highly doubt if I was togo there now, I will not
be able to maintain my mental likeI'll be like, get me out of
this club, this place, whatever. Some of the people that used to
be around, I know for afact I couldn't stand to be in their
(23:44):
presence now. And that's nothing towardsthem. That's just me and where I'm
at in my life and in myhealing. You will never be your old
self again. And when I thinkabout it, I don't want to be
my old self again at all.I don't want to be that broken bitter
I was about to say another word, I don't want to be that broken,
(24:06):
bitter female that I was. Idon't want to be that person that
didn't have boundaries, that person thatwas so cod dependent on everybody else that
when it came time for me tomake decisions, I questioned every single thing
before I actually found the discernment totrust myself. I don't want to be
that person again. I don't wantto be the person that just lets everyone
(24:27):
walk all over me. I don'twant to be the person that has to
be seen or think she has tobe seen in a negative light to get
attention. I don't want that.I do not want that at all.
Right, And I finally got tothe acceptance phase and embracing that. I
never want to be the Shakida ofmy past. But will I grieve certain
(24:49):
parts of me? Absolutely? Isthat okay? Yes? Because grieving is
something we all do. Whether youare grieving your old life, your old
self, you've lost somebody super closeto you, you go through moments and
stages of grief and your old selfand your old life, You're going to
grieve those things too. Have youever roll past a community you grew up
(25:11):
in or you used to live inand all these memories just come back?
Yeah, you're reminiscent on all ofthose things, right, Like damn,
remember when we used to hang outhere at night or every Friday night we
used to go down to this spot. Yeah, and then you start to
grief, like damn, I wishtimes was still like that. No,
you don't, at least for me. No, I don't. I am
(25:36):
so fulfilled in the body and spacethat I'm in now that if I ever
was to spending block and result backto anything that I used to do,
I feel like it would take meten times hard, work harder to dig
myself out. And I don't knowabout y'all, but I don't got time
to be laying any more foundations likethat and doing that work. And I
(25:57):
don't want to discredit the work thatI have done, and neither should y'all.
Okay, So remember reminiscing on theold times, whether it was good
or bad your old self, whetheryou made mistakes as a person, that
is okay, but reminisce on it. Look back, and then look at
where you are now and all theimprovements that you have made in your life,
(26:19):
all the wonderful things that you arefulfilling now. You may have a
family, you may be married,you may be in a much better hell
space. You may be using yourvoice as a way to share your pain
like I do, as a wayto help other people. I could not
have done this five ten years agoat all. I couldn't have done it.
(26:40):
I wouldn't have done it. Thatwasn't my mission, that wasn't my
purpose at that time. But nowin the now, I can do it,
and I can do it unapologetically.So think about this when we talk
about standing on business, because that'sthe big term everybody likes the yuse.
Now I'm standing on business. I'mgonna get my look back, Yeah,
look back, get your lick backby glowing up yourself. Get your lick
(27:04):
back by elevating you know, standon business and you're healing. You know.
Stand on business with holding yourself accountablefor the things that you do,
the things that you say, forthe leadership that you partake in. Stand
on business like that. Now you'regonna result to some other stuff, then
hey, karma, gonnasuit the blockand be honest. Maybe, but you
(27:27):
stand on business and be real andauthentic about elevating, you know, and
not needing any type of outside validationfrom other people. Validate yourself. I
said in the beginning of this year, this was the year of milestones.
We are celebrating every single milestone thatwe have. If you have a depressing
(27:49):
a depressive moment, a moment ofanxiety, a moment of grief, that
is okay, sit in it.I set in it today, I set
in it for the last couple ofdays. Okay. But guess what,
I'm up and I'm moving and I'mbetter. And that's how we got to
continue to move. You know again, I don't want to try to spend
(28:11):
a block and do something and haveto rebuild my foundation. And if you
do slip up that's okay. Justknow you can't stay there and you got
to get back up and move forward. And you should have enough tools in
your tool belt that can get youto that point. And if not,
we want to talk. We wantto talk, all right. So yeah,
(28:32):
I'm pretty sure I've never talked aboutthis on the show. We talk
about all the ways that we canmove forward. You know. Guests come
on with their wonderful stories, andthey tell us the pain that they have
endured, the trauma they have endured, and they talk about getting to that
point of healing it in their journey. I tell y'all all my business.
Okay, my friends tell y'all stuff. But I don't think we ever talked
(28:56):
about grieving our old self because it'sa real thing. It is a real
thing, and I've dealt with it, you know, and I feel like
a lot of times you really dealwith it more when you are about to
embark on some major transitions in yourlife. And I have just embarked on
a big one. I got anotherone coming up, and my thoughts was
running haywired for a second, youknow, meaning finding all the reasons why
(29:22):
I don't need to do what Iknow is in my flesh to do and
I'm still gonna do it. It'ssomething good. But that's how of mind
was wired. Sometimes out of mindis wired. But ultimately, we have
control over our thoughts and we createwith those. So if we're going to
think something, we need to thinkpositive, okay, even if our reality
(29:45):
does not show us that now,it doesn't help to have them repetitive positive
thoughts. Okay. Affirm greatness foryourself even in those moments are despair,
those moments where you feel like youcan't go on, those moments where it
is just going to be so mucheasier if I can just take a step
back real quick and do what Iknow it's going to get me up there.
(30:07):
Oh, take a step back,chill out for a second, get
your thoughts together, and reaffirm allof that or okay, Life and death
is in the power of the tongue, and it's in the power of the
mind, and we need to usethose things to our best ability and don't
let other people, any naysayers,be a negative influence on the things that
(30:30):
we're trying to do. You know, one thing my grandmother always used to
say was move in silence, becauseI talk a lot and I couldn't award
it. I want to. I'mwant to embark on a journey. I'm
telling everybody. Everybody going to know, you know what I'm saying, not
knowing that sometimes people will send younegative energy because they're jealous or because it's
not happening for them. So nowI like to pop out with stuff happening.
(30:52):
You know. Sometimes I tell peoplethat I trust. Find those trusted
people, of course, but yes, use your off speaking and affirming things
positively for you and thinking things positivelyfor you for your advantage. Okay.
So I really hope that this episoderesonated with someone, gave someone some type
of clarity or reassurance that you mayhave been needing. And if not,
(31:15):
that's okay, please buy me.Share this with someone, Share this with
everybody, Share Share, Share thiswas a good one. Share this with
someone that you may know that thismay resonate with. Okay, And like
I said, like I cannot talktoday, y'all, Like I said,
stay tuned, because the next coupleweeks I have some lovely conversations coming out.
(31:36):
Everything's going to get back on schedule, all right, I promise,
y'all. And we'll be wrapping upthe season probably about the probably about the
end of June, Okay, sostick with me, y'all. Thank you
so much for continue to support allthe newcomers, everyone that's been rocking with
me since day one or whenever.I truly, truly am grateful for your
support, your love, you're encouragingwords. And I wanted to give a
(32:00):
special shout out to my podcast networkthat I am a part of, the
Unfiltered Studios. I'm a part ofthis amazing network of podcasters. I have
come across so many amazing shows thatI would have never thought that I've ever
They were never on my radar,right, So I'm grateful to be a
part of this network that I havethe opportunity to just talk to different people,
(32:22):
to see different people's lifestyles and hearpeople's stories and just how people break
down different things like they have.It's so many podcasts in this network of
a variety of things, like ifyou're looking for it, you might just
find it in there. Okay,So if you're looking for a podcast network
home, come join us. Iwill put the link in the description box.
Or if you just want to checkout the other shows that are in
(32:43):
the network, check out our website. The link will be in a description.
If you're following me on Twitter,I'm always reposting or just having conversations
with different people, different podcasters andstuff. A lot of them are of
the network and all of them arefriendly. So shout out to all of
you guys that is listening as apart of the Unfiltered Studios. You guys
are doing amazing things and keep upthe great work. Also, I'm going
(33:07):
to give a special shout out tothe King and Queen Okay, the King
and Queen Willie and Fiona of theThing About Us podcast. I actually was
just a guest on their show againokay recently if you have not checked out
that episode, that lingk will alsobe in the description box below. We
(33:27):
talked about colorism and its impact inthe black community. That was an amazing
conversation. We all let y'all andour busin this a lot, but it
was worth it, and it wasso we can educate the masses, okay,
and hopefully come together as a communityand just do some great things.
So thank you guys for inviting meonto your show. I love y'all.
They have an amazing platform. Justgo follow them. Of course, but
(33:52):
again, thank you guys for tappingin with me. I truly do appreciate
it. I appreciate all the loveand the support because you guys could be
listening to anyone else. You canbe listening to anybody else aroundling, but
you have continued to choose the tappenwith me, and words will never be
enough to express my gratitude. Also, I want to give a big shout
out, a super shoutout. Thisis a this is a super shout out,
(34:14):
y'all, a super shout out tomy baby sister, Bailly. Okay,
next week I will be hitting downto North Carolina as my sister will
be graduating from grad school from NorthCarolina CNT. Okay, this is so
major. I'm so proud of her. Like it's been a long journey,
but Bailly, you have stuck itout and just know that I love you
(34:35):
so much. I know I've gottenon your nerves, you know, make
sure you keep grazing all of thatstuff up. But you did the damn
thing and I know it's going topay off in amazing, amazing ways.
Okay, So I will try topost pick pictures and videos here and there.
I do post a lot more onmy main Facebook and Instagram pages.
(34:58):
I don't do a lot of likemy personal stuff on like the Chronicle of
Virgo stuff, but I will startto post more here and there. Okay,
maybe need a little reminder, butnonetheless, I'll post some pictures and
stuff from my time in North Carolina. I cannot wait till next week.
But yes, shout out to Baileyfor Gradua waiting. All right. So
yes, if you're not following meon social media, Chronicles of Virgo podcasts
(35:21):
on all of my platforms, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and Facebook,
okay, make sure you subscribe tothe YouTube channel. I post all of
the visuals for these episodes up onthe channel. And if you watch the
videos, please please please give mea like, give me a like,
a comment, let me know thatshe was there. And I do appreciate
(35:42):
the ones that have been comment andwhether it's on TikTok or YouTube, that
have been challenging my mind with yourquestions. Keep them coming. I appreciate
all of it, okay, becausewe are here to be a community to
learn to support one another and helpeach other grow. So keep them coming,
all right, y'all. And asI always say. Please make sure
you guys take care of yourself,mind your mental, protect your peace,
(36:07):
and also take care of each other. Peace out. Thank you for listening
to an episode of Chronicles of aVirgo podcast with me your favorite favorite vergal
host, Shikita Johnson. Your supportmeans the world to me as I want
to continue to see you all prosperand grow. Please join me back next
(36:28):
Wednesday, where we will continue todive into more can it and empower on
conversations that we'll get you a stepcloser to stepping into a new fild individual.
Remember you're not alone on your journey. Please don't forget to subscribe to
us on social media at Chronicles ofa Vigal podcast on all social media platforms
and the YouTube channel. Check outour website and blog at Chroniclesovivirgo dot website
(36:53):
dot com. All links will belisted in the description box below. Until
next time, beautiful soul, keeprising from those ashes and stay true to
you and know your girl loves you. Peace out,
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