Journey of Faith ft Victoria J & Panther aka Vital

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
This podcast is a production of UnfilteredStudios. If you would like to know
more about joining Unfiltered Studios, pleasevisit our website at unfpod dot com for
more information. Welcome to the Chroniclesof a Verbal podcast, the podcast dedicated
to the transformative journey of healing,mental health and personal growth. I'm your

(00:21):
favorite favorite verbal host Shikita Johnson,and together we'll continue to turn our vulnerability
into strength. As a sexual assaultsurvivor and mental health advocate, I have
a learn to sort through the ashesof my trauma and turn my pain into
power. And this podcast is representationthat healing is possible. And each episode
we'll dive deep deep into conversations aboutovercoming challenges, find you inter strength and

(00:47):
emerging from life trials like a Feelingsfrom the Ashes. We may even have
some friends drive by from time totime. Get ready to be inspired and
empowered as we embark on a rewardingjourney of self discovery. So sip and
relax and let's get into some healing. All right, y'all, Welcome back
to another episode of Chronicles of aVirgo podcast, and as Joel, I'm

(01:12):
your favorite favorite favorite virgal host SheqitaJohnson and today today is a special day.
Today's a special episode because I amjoined by two lovely, lovely guests
okay, and they also are podcastor some of you guys may know them.
They may be some familiar faces.But we are having our final Canid
conversation of season three. Okay,so today we are joined by the Queen

(01:38):
Victoria Jay from Twelfth Street Talk Back. What is up? Says hey y'all,
Hey, y'all so prissy? Yeah, yes, And then we have
a new face joining us. Butwe are so excited because I feel like
we talk so much that we feellike we know each other like in real

(01:59):
life. But I will take virtualbecause she is an amazing person and also
has an amazing platform and podcast.We are joined by the lovely hosts Panther
from We Get This Right Vitals CheckVitals Chats with p What is up?
Sisp you guys, Hey y'all,thank you so much for yes. Look,

(02:22):
I'm trying to get everything right,you know what I'm saying. No,
I like to be politically correct because, like I told you, girl,
I don't like to get nobody's stuffwrong. I don't know how I
feel. Okay, especially with myname. But yes, thank you guys
for joining me back for another episode, and thank you lovely ladies for joining
me for our last Canic conversations.Because we're going to get into some things,

(02:46):
all right, But first and foremostbefore we get into it, we
have to do what a mental healthchack? Okay, I mental health check.
Okay, So mental health check.We rate our mental health on the
scale of one to five, fivebeing we are feeling good. We're feeling
great one band, we need someextra porn. We're managing, but we're

(03:07):
not feeling the best. So Panther, how would you Richie mental health today
on the scale of one to five, I say it's it's right now.
It start of five, it wasup and down. It so up and
down today, but right now weare a good started okay, okay,
yes, and you know how youwork in mental health, so you know
how that goes. Like sometimes youday can start off bad or good and

(03:29):
it just goes up and down.But that is okay because it's okay to
not always be okay. So I'mglad that you are doing well right now.
Ms Victoria J. Where do yourich you mental health on the scale
of one to five. M h, I'm gonna say about a four.
Four. I'm gonna say about afour. I was a five earlier,

(03:53):
but it kind of trundled down alittle bit. So I'm gonna say about
a four. Okay, and that'sfour still good. But like again,
the human side of you, itwas here and now it's here, and
that is fine. You acknowledge thatyou got your little zen going and candles.
You know, she got the wholeuns my safe haven right here,

(04:13):
no boys allowed. Okay, weall got to have a little safe haven.
You know, I said when Iyou know, when I'm moving stuff,
my closet might be my safe haven, you know, little prayer clause
and all that going on. Nobodywould be allowed in there. So I
get it. So my mental healthtoday on the scale of one to five,
is a five. I'm feeling great. I've probably been five and for

(04:36):
the last couple of weeks just forso many wonderful things unfolding and just embracing
the full journey that I'm on.Like I feel like I finally you know
how you have those aha moments likeI finally got the eye high, Like
I'm like, oh god, Isee how you moving. I'm with you.
I got I got see why thingshad to heaven to be where I'm

(04:59):
at, Like, see why youtook me here and you did that,
because now I'm here and I'm goingthere, like things are just making so
much sense. Things are aligning,and when things align, I feel good.
So I am definitely grateful for that. Five. Well, let me
say this before we get started.I am so proud of you. I've
been knowing you for like two yearsnow and just not in the podcast where

(05:24):
we have a personal relationship, andI am so proud of you. I'm
so proud of your growth, notjust with the podcast but in your personal
life and just keep being amazing.And I can't wait to you all right
alright because you know, you know, look my bedness out. I know,

(05:45):
all let y'all get my business.But she was about to let it.
I'm gonna say nothing. That's notthat. Do what you do.
Yeah, but thank you for that. I appreciate that. And I know
your words for genuine and they wereheartfelt. And you know you're my sister,
Panthers, my sister too, SoI appreciate both of you, guys,
and I appreciate y'all for participating inthe mental health check and being vulnerable

(06:05):
and talking about your feelings, youknow, And now we're going to get
into some things. So for thisconversation, y'all, we are going to
be talking about this is perfect ourfaith walk and just faith walks in general,
because I think from what I haveseen in social media and in real
life, everyone meaning behind their faithwalk is different. I don't think and

(06:30):
it's just me personally. I don'tthink everyone is as transparent about their walk
and like, oh, I'm inthis space now, but it didn't take
nothing for me to get there.You know, social media can be such
a facade. And also being podcastas we know that there is so much
power in storytelling and hearing people's storiesand how it can be so impactful for
many of us. Both of y'allshare a lot of things on social media

(06:54):
and your podcast, and I'm like, you know what, let's bring all
of these things together and let's justtalk. Let's tell some stories in like
how these stories transform our faith walkand maybe your spiritual relationship with God or
yourself. You know. So whenyou when when you hear of faith walk,
what's the first thing that comes tomind, like, how do you

(07:15):
guys define what a faith walk isand path you can go? First?
I want to find faith walk asaction me and one of my social things.
It's funny, we were actually justtalking about this. You have our
profession. Who is God to me? And everything that God is is an

(07:40):
action? Provides, you know,gift, protect you know, all these
things come with an action. Sowhen I think of a faith walk is
an action, it's things that youdo to be able to maintain that connection
with what you're hoping for and inthat you get to live out your story.

(08:01):
So I see it all about beingan action because sometimes your actions can
lead you into a path you're nothaving great faith. You know, you
mess up, you do some things. You know, that's that's an action,
and I feel like God brings youback. That is an action.
So that's what I'm determined to faithat. Okay, Now, action is

(08:24):
a big part of the journey rightnow. Have you ever been on like
your walk and your action is moreled by you and then something? Okay,
so you see where I'm going.But there's something happened. You're like,
Okay, now I know that thisis God because I think there are
two different kinds of maybe a fewdifferent kinds, but it's like, how

(08:45):
do you personally discern your action fromhis action? Because and it's funny because
I'm actually in a moment right nowwhere my raise is pretty much like I'm
working on something that I would neverhave thought would have ever been worked on

(09:07):
again, and because of how muchhow stubborn I was, how much I
was for sure this was never gonnahappen, like I'm this, this is
gonna happen. When I gave littleback, Yeah, this like I'm I'm
done. When it happened one,it didn't happen, like I didn't have
no choice. It was meant tobe, so it just happened. But

(09:33):
I knew it wasn't me, justbecause of all the easiness and the flow
and how I didn't feel like itwas too forced or things to start.
It was like, Okay, nowI was stubborn and like I was still
upset about it, like I washaving to hold tempra pansion God like this
this is not what I have said, Like I was just on my own

(09:56):
route of what I thought was goingto happen, and he led me right
back to Yeah, I had togo through all that. Do you understand
it? Now? Wait, now, let's just back on the white track.
And so that's that's how I meanbecause I was in a missig being
like I wanted to do this,and he was like, yeah, and

(10:16):
let's see how that's working out foryou. So things happened more organically with
no resistance because it was aligned.It was it was supposed to happen.
Compare it to when I do things, it's a struggle, you know.
It's like, ah, it's likegetting a kid to do something and they
don't want to do it. It'slike us, it's pulling teeth and it's
like when you just let go literallylike that just sounds so cliche. But

(10:41):
when you actually let go and letGod m things do far in line.
And that's faith because that means evendeep down in the bottom of your heart
that that player that you're really madthat you actually prayed for it, but
it was there and God remembered it. That's that faith that's with that little
grain. That's that's what it is. It's it's still hope of if it's

(11:05):
coming to pass. That's that's howI figured it out. No, that
is so good because somebody told mesome years ago that you know something is
orchestrated a BYuT God, or youknow the action that you're being chosen to
take is orchestrated. Because there's noresistance. You just submit to it.
You don't ask no questions, youdon't go around it, you just do

(11:26):
it. It may seem indifferent orlike not like the normal circumstances you would
do, like I have a wholerecent story about it, but when it
comes forward circle, you're like,oh, Okay, this is why I
was supposed to do X, Yand Z. Like now it's making so
much more sense, so much moresense. Ms. Victoria Jay when you

(11:50):
talk about your faithful because you talkabout it a lot like I like how
you explain it on your show andjust in deeper conversation. So when you
talk about your faithball like, whatdoes that look like? What does that
mean to you? It's my everythingnow I couldn't say that before. And

(12:11):
just like Panther said, it's aboutaction. It's about taking action. It's
about being scared, it's about steppingout on faith and not knowing. It's
about everything in the world going wrongbut then it turns out right. It's
that deep down feeling in the pitof your stomach, and it just keeps

(12:33):
nagging you until you do it.No matter how much you resist, it's
gonna be up here in your head. It's gonna be in the pit of
your stomach and you say, Okay, God, I surrender. I want
to do it because I want todo it my way, but I'm gonna
do it. So for me,it's about it's my everything right now.

(12:54):
It's ups, it's downs, it'sit's mentally challenging. Sometimes it's deep.
It's deep, and the more youwalk with him. And I know a
lot of people say that you knowit's that small still voice, it really
is for me, that small stillvoice. I know that God is not

(13:20):
going to tell me anything wrong,but I know he's gonna put me out
there and I'm gonna be fearful,and he's gonna whisper and say say something
to this lady in the line,and I'm like, I'm not talking to
that lady. But it turns outso different than what I would have had
suspected. It was a warm embraceand He used me to do that in

(13:43):
my personal life. It's very,very scary for me right now, it's
very scary. There's a lot ofdoubt, but I know that I can't
turn away from what he's telling meto do because it doesn't look like what
I wanted to look like. Rightnow, I gotta keep going. And

(14:07):
that's with you know, with theshow. I don't do well in talking
in front of crowds. I'm notthe girl that's gonna get up in church.
And he nagged me from last fallup until I said yes this winter,
and even on the days that Idon't want to do it that I'm

(14:28):
not feeling that great, and Isay, well, you know what,
I'm not doing it today. I'mthe boss, and he'll nag me until
I get out of the bed andjust do it and I feel better.
I don't know where he's going withall of this, but right now it
seems like I'm a scrambled egg.But I'm holding on because I know eventually

(14:50):
pieces are gonna fit. I justcan't see it. So that's what faith
is to me. That was sobeautifully eloquently, but you know, like
something that stood out to me likekind of and I think we talked about
this before, Like what keeps megoing with having a belief in faith is

(15:13):
the saying have faith the size ofa mustard seed, because you know,
a mustard seed is so tiny,and it can be a circumstance that I
may have felt like there's no wayI'm going to get out of this,
Like I don't understand how these thoughtsare going to go away. I don't
understand how I'm going to feel better. But if I just have a small
ounce of belief, and you know, faith is believing in the unseen.

(15:35):
So I'm going to believe in somethingthat I need to happen to our ill
desire to happen, but I can'tsee it, that is enough to make
me keep going, keep going.And I think we all have been in
situations where we didn't see the endof the tunnel. You know, we
didn't know how we were going toovercome these obstacles. We didn't know how
we were going to pay our rent, or pay the phone bail, the

(15:58):
light buil, groceries on this.But then we woke up the next morning
there's a random fifty dollars refunding thebank account, you know, or someone's
sending a random cash app in themiddle of the night, and it's like
I must have had that ounce offaith that it was going to work out
in the best way. It wasgoing to work out in the best way.
And I feel like with my journeyover these last couple years, more

(16:22):
specifically this last year, I promiseyou, like like you said, some
days you didn't want to wake upand do the things that He ordained you
to do. I didn't want towake up, you know. And you
know when you have those thoughts,it's like, Okay, I'm going to
go to sleep tonight, but tomorrow, I don't know what's going to be.
I hope tomorrow doesn't exist for me. And then I'm up and it's

(16:45):
like, why you keep putting mehere? You know? It's like I
have that I feel this way,but I have that ounce of faith that
I feel this way now. Butthis circumstance is going to subside sore.
You know. It is an likeyou said, it is a constant battle.
You know. I just came offfor one of those, and I'm

(17:07):
still there. I'm still there.So when you ask me about the mental
health question, because it's been anup and down roller coaster for three weeks,
I got some news that I wassure that was gonna work in my
favor. I've been waiting for years, I said three, but in fact
it's been eight years. But I'mstill holding on. And when I got

(17:30):
the news that Thursday evening, Idon't know if I wanted to shock because
I was believing that God was reallygonna do this. Because for me,
I don't like to say it.Sometimes I catch myself saying it, Oh,
I want God to open up adoor for me in my faith wall.
He has already opened up the windowsof heaven. I'm just waiting for

(17:55):
my angel. My angel might bein battle, and I'm like, God,
you need to see Michael to getmy angel out of battle so I
can get what you got for me. And that Friday, I was still
just as cool as a cucumper.That Saturday, I literally sat in this
chair from am when I finished praying, because it's my prayer room, and

(18:17):
I sat here for about nine pm. And it was like I was having
a spiritual battle. It was likemy body wanted to just holler and scream,
but my spirit was saying praising andI just kept on my praising worship
music and it was just the spiritand I was able to get that good

(18:38):
cry. But it wasn't a cryof sadness. My mom was telling me
it was sadness, but my spiritwas saying, not right now, it's
not over. So you still battlethat flesh because we walk around in that
flesh. I'm fifty two, soall the things that I used to do
before I really got serious about myfaith walk, especially coming from a Christian

(19:03):
background, we're still fighting that stuffaall. So the anger I used to
be really angered. I tempered,you know, spaz out on you.
I wanted to do that. Andliterally my husband came to me that Thursday
and that Friday and he was like, you need a hug and I was
like, no, I just needto deal with it by myself. And
he was like, you can cryif you want to cry, and I

(19:23):
said, up, literally, Icannot cry. And it's been like that
for a couple of weeks. Iwas in a funk about two months ago,
and I didn't want to tell onanybody about where I was. I
wanted to pray it away myself,and me and my aunt got out of
Bible study. We do Bible studyevery Tuesday morning, and I said,

(19:45):
you know what, I don't knowif I want you to pray for me
or pray with me. And wewent to Bible study. We got out
of Bible study and she said,do you want me to remember you in
my prayer or do you want meto pray for you right now? I
said, girl, do both.And she got to praying. And I
don't know some people believe, somepeople don't. I believe in spiritual tongues,

(20:10):
the gift of tongues, the Holyghost. She got to praying and
I just heard her just drop thephone, and I'm sitting there and I'm
like, thank you Jesus, andmy mind's all over the place. And
she comes back to the phone andshe said, literally, God had me
turn around in a circle and hewanted me to tell you he's putting a
hand of protection around about you.And when she said that, I broke

(20:32):
out in my heavenly language. Andsince that day, literally nothing affects me.
The sadness, the cry, theand I don't know what that.
I didn't know what that was about. And that was another part of believing
that God is who he says thathe is. Because I am a very

(20:52):
emotional person. You can push mybuttons really easy. But literally I've been
walking around man that just bounced offwith me like mm hmm. So it's
overwhelming, it's a it's a bagof emotions, and mentally, you have
to tell yourself, I trust him, no matter what it looks like,

(21:18):
I trust him. M hm ohlike some of that. I think we
talk enough so I knew a lotof that, and hearing it again it
just sent chills up my spine becauseagain, I think having those moments of
defeat is something we all probably havedealt with. But hearing each person's story

(21:41):
or experience on how they have gottenthrough it, to me is what matters
more so, Panther, have youever had a moment on your walk where
you felt like you were just totallydefeated and probably like mentally and physically tapping
out, But then there was likethat pivot moment and then it was like
Okay, no, God, Igot me together here I am now.

(22:03):
Oh man, I'm just trying topinpoint one. Is is is the is
where I'm having a struggle at Ithink it was a time of right then,
I was I was in a reallydark place just uh, I was.
I had two little ones at thetime. I mean, it's just

(22:25):
me. I just lost my mom, and it just felt like I had
lost everything like I did. Itwas just nothing left, and I was
I was sitting on the edge ofbeing like, you know what, I'm
good. You know these kids ain'tby themselves be good, and literally,

(22:51):
just out of nowhere, Kurk Franklin'ssong came off and it was started smiling
listen, and I just was sittingin my car not just squat and I
was just like, I can't smile. I were like and I was just

(23:15):
one of the many times where I'vehad to just finally just remember because I
want to touch that when Victoria saidthe anger I had kind of with God,
God was raised to Holt witness.So that religion in itself did a
lot for me mentally just to kindof just guard me. So I was

(23:37):
trying to I was, I havefaith off of something I wasn't even understanding
or sure, you know, I'mnot even sure if this was the will,
Like I'm still because I grew uplike that. So having that anger
and everything to be angry and stillhave hope and still have faith, to
have faith that you will have faithagain home, that was for me.

(24:02):
That's what that was. And I'mglad you said that. I'm glad you
said that, because you know,sometimes I think when people start speaking about
like faith or anything that they equateto being Christianity or spirituality, and if
a person doesn't believe, some peoplemay get offended and just a lot of

(24:23):
different things. But I like tothink of it as a lot of us
are doing a lot of deconstruction whenit comes to the church, religious,
whatever it is. I'm saying itrespectfully, so hopefully nobody gets offended.
A lot of us are doing alot of deconstruction. And I feel like
that was something that I struggled withand still sometimes do. It's like I

(24:45):
know what I was brought up andtold to believe in as I gotten older.
I don't want to say all ofthose things have changed, but some
of those things definitely have changed,right, But then when things happen,
it's like, Okay, well thiscan't happen if that don't exist, Like
this can't happen if that's not real, you know. And I feel like

(25:08):
I got to the point in myown walk where like I keep a lot
of things in when it deals withthat, because of course, I would
never want nobody to feel like oh, I'm pushing my beliefs and different things
on you. But then there's momentswhere it's like, well, I can't
be quiet about this. This praisegot to come out of me some way,
you know, And like that's whyI just always say, you know,
I'm on my own spiritual journey,because that's what it is. Like,

(25:32):
we are all spiritual beings in humanform. We all have a different
experience, of different paths. Noone's path is going to look the same,
no one's experience is going to turnout at the end. You know,
we all thought that we were goingto meet a prince and prince charming
or get kissed by a frog orwhatever, and then you know, here's
our castle, all this luxury stuff, and that's not a lot of our

(25:56):
realities. Right. So when itcomes to like my whole faith walk and
faith talk like it's personal, right, it's between me and my higher power,
And I just like to keep itlike that, you know, because
someone told me today that just becauseyou know, you're talking about all these
good things, right, whether it'shappening with you or what you would like

(26:19):
to see, someone else is alwayslistening and may not have the same intentions
or purity of the heart that youdo, and it's like one inch of
what you got going on good.I feel that energy, that vibration can
deter you from what's going on.And I was like, oh, I

(26:40):
see, like and this is thingsthat we know, right, So they
say like moving, silence, whatever. But then you want to think that
no one's out here that's going tolike have malicious intent or that's going to
think something bad about you because youdon't lead that way. But unfortunately it's
not that way. Yeah, that'sa part of why I he didn't want
to do the live stream, butit's almost like hiding behind the mic in

(27:07):
the computer. And I thought aboutthat, and I weighed that with what
I knew God wanted me to do, and it was like, you know,
there's a lot of mean spirit peopleout there. You know, there's
a lot of people that's not gonnabelieve in what you believe. I run
across a lot of people that don'tbelieve in the Holy Spirit. They don't
believe in the power of the tonguesor shouting and things like that, and

(27:30):
that used to determine and it stilldo. It's funny that you said that
I had somebody comment on one ofmy lives today because I mispronounced polite when
I was talking about Saint John,Chapter nineteen. And he did it in
a snarky kind of way. Oh, he put, hey, miss expert,

(27:52):
is pronounced polite instead of I thinkI said polate. I kept saying
polit But anybody that knows that studyGod's word. You know, a lot
of those names are Latin, Greek, Arabic, and it's hard for even
the greatest minister or bishop or evangelistto remember how to say it correctly.

(28:18):
And I think the thing that Igot out of that was I politely told
him, thank you, my brotherin Christ, even though I knew he
was being kind of funny. Butin that moment when I read the message,
because no one wants to read anynegativity, and I think that's what
some of these social media platforms canbe about. I thought about what God

(28:41):
would do. Would he say tome? And when you have to make
mistakes that would keep me in theshadows If I got upset with myself because
someone corrected me, you have tobe humble enough to be able to take
that correction, whether it's coming froma sarcastic place, from the other party

(29:02):
a not and you have to pushthrough because it's not about you. It's
about God getting the glory out ofusing you as that vessel. My struggle
is, I'm still struggling with fear. I'm still struggling with the fear of
society accepting me, not my familyand friends, but just strangers in general.

(29:29):
And he's trying to break me ofthat. But you have to be
a willing participant to be able todo that. And I'm like, God,
I'm willing to do it, andevery day gets a little bit better.
You always hear me talk about babysteps. I'm still a baby Christian.
I'm still a baby Christian. AndI tell people because my grandmother was

(29:51):
a pastor. My whole side ofmy grandparents, my mother's side, are
Christians. That's their walk. Ican't take credit or their walk like we
used to say, oh, well, my family's a Christian. I can't
take credit for that. Because Godtold me personally, all of us to
work out our own soul salvation.So when I started to wrap my head

(30:15):
around that, the fear sets in. But once I get out there,
it's like, you know what,God, use me, Holy Spirit,
come on in do what you gottado, rep up that boldness like you
did with Peter and Paul. AndI'm in my zone, but it takes
me a while to get there becauseI'm still battling the flesh and fear that's

(30:38):
not of God. He does notplace that fear, that anger, and
all that stuff in you. SoI know I still got a long way
to go, but I will saythis, at least I'm working on it.
And you said something interesting because Iagree and I disagree to an extent

(31:02):
when it comes to like fear right, and because I've heard a lot of
people say, people like in thepersonal development and some in the spiritual niches,
say like fear and faith can't existin the same environment. And I
like to look at it like ifyou have fear, then you don't have
faith in or a belief in somethingactually coming full circle or something happening.

(31:26):
But I don't also look at fearas a negative feeling. I look at
it as a feeling, right,and with feelings like we're going to feel
different things. But for me,sometimes my fear ignites my faith, if
that makes sense, and it's supposedto, it is supposed to, I
think it depends on what you're doing. When I'm in a smaller environment,

(31:52):
I'm myself. I don't particularly likesocial media. I think that it tears
people down. So when God placethis in my spirit to do with,
I wrastled with it a lot.I've never been the type of person to
stand up and talk in church andclass or anything like that. But that's
a part of the breakdown. Sono, fear and faith can't operate in

(32:15):
the same space. I say fear, God says, no, there's not
any fear because you're actually doing it. You're doing what I asked you to
do. I just got to wrapmy head around it and step into what
He has for me to do fullyand not half way. Because I'm still
battling my flesh. I'm still battlingthe things that's in my mind. But

(32:39):
when I get out there, I'mdoing what He tells me to do.
And it feels great to tell someoneabout the love of God. It feels
great to tell somebody my testimony.My family said, don't you think you
put too much out there? No, because that's what God told us to
do. You don't have to telleverybody every glory detail. But if I

(33:02):
was a struggling business woman like Iwas, and then turned into an alcoholic.
My first thought when he cleaned meup was I saw people walking in
and out of that ABC store thatlooked like me. They had on nurses,
jackets, business suits, just likeI did. And I looked at
it when he cleaned me up andsaid, you know, they were going

(33:25):
through the same thing that I wasgoing through. It wasn't like they were
a bum on the street. Thesewere professional people going through the same thing.
And when I thought about it,I said, there's a lot of
hurt from pay out here, andI wasn't the only one. God just

(33:45):
saved me. How can I notdo what he asked me to do?
And we all struggled with that.I think we all struggled with obedience.
That's the key, being obedient toGod. We all struggled with that because
we're walking around doing our own thingfor so long. Once we decide to

(34:05):
turn our life over to Christ,we still struggle with that mindset. Oh
well, he's not coming in aharry like our seasoned people would say,
Oh, just ask God, He'llcome in in Harry. That's not happening.
Sometimes it takes a lifetime. Ittook Sarah twenty five years for the
baby that he promised her Moses.You know, they walked around in the

(34:28):
wilderness for forty years, and hehad to listen to a lot of people
grite. So when I'm in myword and I'm spending time with God,
He's helping me overcome them fears.It's not gonna happen overnight. And then
again, it may I may wakeup one morning and be just as bold
as Peter was. But I doknow that when I get into my Word

(34:54):
like I have been, He'll bringsomething to my memoris to make that fear
subside, if that makes sense.So I want to touch on our fear
part because I think I'm more ofthe type you know when I think that,

(35:15):
I'd like to look at work asthey are and then look at how
much meaning you're all putting it behindthem. So one thing, I do
believe, fear and faith can coexistbecause you have to have fear of God.
And I think fear the way welook at it, we think of
it as frightening or scary, butit's more so just like when a kid

(35:37):
does something on they disappoint or thingstend to not go that way, you
know, it's like a sadness,and so I think you put too much
emphasis on the world fear, makingit seem like it was frightful because of
just how you yourself in the FirstTestament. That's why I, you know,
sent his son to kind of whatwe read a lot of what a

(35:58):
lot of that pressure because God wasGod was God like. It was like,
Okay, You're never going to measureup to that God Like. That's
how I'm like, God, OhGod, chill, chill to angry.
So it's like it's like Mama Baywas like, hey, Sen Jesus,
I know this. I know I'msaying. You know, God had that

(36:20):
mothering nurse would be like, Ineed to send my son, you know,
I need to get a balance.So it's it's more like to me
a disappointment, like you just don'twant to do things that's going to cause
a riction between you. I dobelieve it can. Fear. It has
to coexist because in order to dowhat good Bye God, you have to

(36:42):
know about evil. You have toknow that's good and evil. And so
if you know that there's evil,you have to have some type of fear
to stay away from it, tohave the faith to stay in what you're
doing, to keep going. Andso to me, it's just it's they
can coexist. It's just what whatare you adding to make that fear of

(37:04):
that voice? What that means?Yes? And that's what I mean when
I say, if I experience thefeeling of fear, it ignites my faith
because I feel like, oh,I'm about to take this soul out of
context. Probably I feel like insome aspects God does not provide the fear.

(37:25):
It does not come from him,right. So, and if you
understand what I'm saying, like youwill, you will get it. It
doesn't come from him, right,So why am I gonna let this feeling
that I know is not put inme in a good space to tear me
from something on the other end ofwhat my belief is? Right? My

(37:46):
faith doesn't rely in my fear.The fear is there. I embrace it
now. I embrace it because Ifeel like if I go neck to neck
with you, I'm gonna come outon top regardless, because I'm continue to
come out on top, and thenmy faith is going to me to cross
the line, to finish line whateveryou're trying to skim me from okay.
And I feel like if I ignitemy energy in my faith towards wherever I'm

(38:09):
trying to do or where I'm tryingto go, that fear is going to
dwindle down. It's going to youknow, God said work out your own
fear, work out your own soulsalvation and fear and trembling. And it
didn't necessarily mean what he said.He doesn't want you to walk around and

(38:29):
be scared of him because he isGod. And I think when we use
I think maybe I could have pickedit up a better word. I could
have said nervous, you know.But once I'm out there, but it
is a fear, so you know, I get with how you were going
with at Panther. I think weput we give too many, too many

(38:52):
words power, and we overthink whatthe conversation is, if that makes sense.
So there's that nerves, those thatgitterine. You ever heard a minister,
I know we both listen to SarahJ. Roberts and you always pray,

(39:15):
no, you know, God,empty me of myself and feel me
with you. No nerves, nofear, That's what I'm talking about.
But once you get out there,you're in your comfort zone. But again,
you have to get into his wordso that he can tap into your

(39:35):
spirit to let you know what thatis all about and what that looks like
for you, because it may notlook the same for me as it does
you, if that makes sense.So when I say fear, is that
nervous? It's that nervous energy offear. But it's like, you know
what, I'm doing this for God, So I'm getting let's go, let's

(40:00):
go. I'm gonna give it onehundred and fifty percent, and that nervous
energy that's when God, the HolySpirit will come along and everything will just
calm down. I've been in thisroom on Alive and had two people watching
and look up and there's six toseven people watching. The nervous part of

(40:22):
me wanted to be like, okay, don't mess up. But then the
Holy Spirit was like, we gotthis. You was in your word,
you prayed, and the next thingI know, I'm saying things that I
wouldn't normally said. But that boldnesskick in and I have to go back
and say, God, was thatme? But that was him? You

(40:46):
know, He gets the glory outof everything, not me. I don't
get no receipts for talking about him. He gets the glory out of it.
I'm just the vessel that he choseto you. He can go out
here and use a rock. Iwas talking about that today and I actually
brought it up to my aunt.You know, if you look back in

(41:09):
the Old Testament, when he broughthis sons, because he called him his
sons, his firstborn out of Egypt, he didn't use lions, sniders,
and bears he uses He used thesmallest insects and it was a army.
Just think about that for a minute. He used the smallest insects to wear

(41:32):
Pharaoh out, and he could havesent in the lion, tigers, and
bears. So that's an awesome thing. So for him to use me,
he don't need to use me toget a word out. I have to
be that willing participant, and Ihave to know that I love God and

(41:52):
not for the blessings. And yougot to be authentic about that. That's
something you tapped on something hand theand you did two chronicles. You know.
The thing that irritates me the most. We see it a lot in
the religion. I feel like sometimesChristianity gets a bad name because the people

(42:14):
that really love God just because Heis the great I am. And you
got a lot of people that fallshort. We are taught to pray for
those people and not add that theirdemods. But it's so much out there,
it's like button heads. So whenI come along with a conversation,
people are quick to, I guess, kind of step back to see if

(42:38):
I'm really genuine and authentic and mylove and what I'm saying to them.
It's kind of frustrating. However,God to get you over that hump too,
because like he told Jesus, hedidn't send Jesus to save everybody.
Jesus said, I didn't come tosave the world. I only came to

(42:59):
say those that my father gave me. So no, everybody's not gonna be
susceptible to you or whatever word thatyou have for them. But you just
gotta know that, you know.So, Yeah, the fear is that
nervous energy that we hear some ministerssay, and it is. I mean

(43:21):
TDJ said before he used to preach, he used to be in the closet.
He'd be in whatever closet, whateverstadium, he was in a nervous
wreck. I know this to betrue personally because my grandmother, Christine,
she traveled with TD Jake's and JerryFolwell back in the older days when he

(43:45):
was in West Virginia. I'm aVirginia girl. They went places together,
they went to Jerusalem together. SoI do know what he said to be
true. But when God breaks youof that, you're gonna go out and
you're gonna do what Peter did.Peter also was scared. He denied God
three times and Jesus told him hewas But when he was standing in that

(44:07):
front of that fire woman in hishands, he wasn't willing to go to
the back for Jesus right then andthere, and he was sorrowful. So
when Jesus said to Mary when herose, he said, go get my
disciples, and Peter too, becausehe already knew that Peter was probably beating
himself up. And I think that'slike a lot of us. We beat

(44:30):
ourselves up, and we judge ourselvesmore than God judges us. We just
got to be obedient and stay safast. And that's what I meant in
the beginning when I said, likeeveryone's faithful and everyone's journey is different.
And I think one thing that messages. A lot of people up is trying

(44:52):
to compare your walk and your journeywith someone else's. You know, people
talk about like idolizing like celebrities andpublic figures, especially when you see people
in realms where you're trying to getyou know, a lot of people idolize
Sarah Jakes. Like I love SarahJakes down right, but at the same
time, I have to know andhold on to my Shikita. You know.

(45:16):
I can't lose myself in someone else. I can't lose my walk in
someone else's walk. And I'm likesometimes I'm like damn, Like she's been
through way more things than I have, and look where she's at, you
know what I'm saying. And Iuse things like that to again like ignite
my faith that everything that I'm doing, everything that I've been through is not

(45:38):
for the hurt that I've experienced.It's not from the trauma that I experienced,
but it can be turned into agreater good, you know. And
again, like I do think,like Panthers said, like faith and fear
can definitely exist. But I feellike you did an episode on this too,
Panther, like last year, likeI feel like you broke down either

(46:00):
it was faith or fear, Likeyou broke down the words like you did
this, Like I can't of course, like remember the name of it,
but this when you start talking aboutthe meaning you give, like you talked
about this on your podcast or whateveryou know, talking about I can't exactly
remember how I broke it down becauseunfortunate when I say stuff, I'm like,

(46:21):
VI tell you, sometimes I haveto go back like I said that,
but I remember it's on faith.Faith is vital, and just how
it's it's challenging, you know,I think you both guys have both said
it. It's challenging, and itsometimes I think you put like you imagined,
we put too much expectations on it. Peter. I feel like he

(46:43):
put too much expectation on it,so when he boldly was like, oh,
I'm not going to denight Jesus,and then he ended up doing that.
So I just think it's a heavyexpectation. Sometimes you have to work
at when we're thinking about all faith, and you will not go in a
mess self. We're not going tohave days we're like, you know what,
I'm not. I don't see ithappening. I don't see it coming

(47:06):
to exportation. But we have toremember that what we speak, if it's
negative, will come out like that, you know, and you just talk
to the tree and you realize itwas pretty use of me and it never
did again, you know, likeyou have to speak life. And I'm
reading this book called Battlefields of theMind by Joyce Myers, a wonderful book.
Cool girl, let me tell yousomething because they have me like,

(47:30):
Okay, she has a way tooin breaking things down to really could and
how it's in your mind that anythingcan and are you in to this this
erm and bring it back so thatyou you're not nervous and you're able to

(47:50):
you know, continue in your faithwalk. But you know, it's it's
all about understanding your expectations and yourpersonal journey, your personal walk, and
that storytelling comes in beating the word. I mean, the whole book of
the Bible is completely do that.If you need a somebody, go to
Hebrews eleven. It goes right bya bit about the faith serious you can

(48:10):
think of if you don't move,it doesn't work at Sampson or when he
got his haircut, because if hehad enough faith to know to keep a
secret, he wouldn't still stay strong. That's right, you know, you
know one of my Like there,I feel like I'm not your adamant Bible
reader. I'm not going to evenfront and I think though, like you
if you know me, you know, like I'm just not like do I

(48:34):
have a Bible like Victoria Nose,Like, yes, I have a teaching
Bible because things that I question,like I want to go and I'm gonna
go find it. Then if Idon't understand it, I'm going to take
it to a source that I Victoriaknow, like I'll call you like,
hey, why did he say this? Like why did he? What is
this? Because I don't believe thatthis is true? So you you built
my faith in this right, Andof course I'm gonna pray about him and

(48:59):
meditate, but like I need tounderstand because I'm the type of that's the
verge. I mean, like itneeds to make sense to me, you
know, common sense and common No, but baby, when you messing with
that word, okay, when youmessing with that word, it's like you
give me the Joe's posting vision.That's why I got all kinds of books.

(49:20):
And I thank God for my hubbybecause he came with all kinds of
books, and that that does somethingfor me because I wasn't always here.
You know, I can really saywhen people say go to church and plan
church, I was. I grewup in a Christian family. I was
playing church all my life. Ijust got serious about my faith walk with

(49:45):
my heavenly Father, running up anddown that aisle, repenting and turning my
life back over to Christ because that'swhat my mom wanted me to do,
or that was the right thing todo, or the feeling just hit me
in church. And then when Ileft church, I'm struggling by Wednesday because
I'm not in my word. Idon't have that faith, don't have anything

(50:07):
to pour into me, not askingGod to feel me up because my cup
is empty. So when you havea made up mind, then you start
to go after all those things likeyou said. You know, I got
a Bible, a made up mindlike you see, all this is coming
full circle RIGHTO just spoke on thebooks she's reading, and that book is

(50:29):
freaking amazing. Besides the fact thathomegirls really know how to get you to
understand the word and what she's saying. But it's like the power of your
mind the power of your belief.Your belief ignites your faith. Your faith
is believing in things and unseen.If I've ever shared anybody one of my
favorite I call them passages of faithin the Bible, it is the bleeding

(50:51):
Woman. Why because that woman wasbleeding for years, but she had faith.
If I can get close to thisman and touch the hem of his
garment, that's gonna be I'm gonnabe wealth. And because I've had like
health problems and issues, I'm likeman, if I can get to him
and touch the I need that faithlike I need my faith that's strong in

(51:13):
my walk. And this don't havenothing to do with my spiritual walk,
just my walk, my belief inmyself, my belief in things that I'm
trying to accomplish. If my walkand my faith can be as strong as
hers, that woman pushed you thecrowd and knew when I touch this,
I'm gonna be healed. And whathappened? He said, who touched me?
Because he knew what happened touch me. She touched his spirit. She

(51:37):
didn't have to physically touch him.When I'm in prayers sometime I think about
that. You know when you saytouch to him of his garment. I
say to myself, you know,God, I want my prayer to touch
the rim of heaven because it's farbeyond them whatever we can imagine. But
what he made me realize this year, it's not about the it's about the

(52:00):
worship. It's about the worship becausethat's what we're gonna be doing in heaven.
We're not gonna have any titles inheaven, so I can pray.
Go ahead and pray for my family, my friends, the church leaders,
like he said, pay for yourleaders, do all of that. But
then you go into that worship andthat's that quality time that you're spending with

(52:23):
God. And then all of asudden you're hear a small seal voice and
that's it. It's done. It'sdone for that day. And you realize
you can't fall off, you can'tslack because time you start slacking, that's
when you give Satan time to wigglein. Because we've heard it, he's

(52:45):
on his job twenty four to seven. So the same way that we go
punch that clock to get that overtime, go to the gym to get
them bodies right, we need tospend that time with God because then you
will start to build that un breakableKeith, and it won't be shakable.

(53:05):
It won't be shakable, And hesays he is a reward of those who
diligently seek him. I've been waitingeight years to get a house that was
my thing. But I'm gonna waiteight more if that's what it takes,
because I believe what God told me. When I walked into the model,
I literally saw myself standing at thepicture window drinking a cup of coffee,

(53:28):
and in my spirit something said,now go walk each room. When I
walked each room and pray, soI already know that's my house. I'm
just waiting in expectation so at believeand receive. Mm hmm. Such a
worship in the doorway, Okay,I've had your worship and Lily, like,

(53:52):
I remember, I was just drivingmy car and I was just in
praise mode and everything, and I'mlike, God, I don't know what
I'm worshiping you for, but whenI get it, I can't wait,
like because that's part of faith.Like I don't even know because a trifle
day, but I feeling because Iknow what you have in store for me.

(54:14):
Stores you have nothing but good andprosperous things. That's Dremna twenty nine
eleven, Like I've just got intothe world, like like I was in
there, but not really like ittakes every It takes every day of taking
the word and being like I'm justapplied the same word to my life and
my remolized. Now I'm gonna goto the next part. Like it took

(54:37):
me a while, and I'm notalways in my world every single day,
but i God. I make sureI'm talking to God every single day and
he that word. Sometimes He'll havesomeone give you a scripture you're hey,
Matthews, okay, or a Biblesay, or a conversation like this.
Well, now you're getting all thesescriptures, Like you don't have to be

(55:00):
so avid. That's expectations. Youknow what your journey gives you because it's
a life laun journey. Not walkedwith God his whole entire life and then
God took care mm hmm. It'sa journey. It's a life journey.
It never stops. You know.A couple couple like episodes back two guys

(55:23):
that I had, Tiffany and Kanesha, and we both episodes we talked about
faith, like their faith walk andtheir journeys of getting through their divorce,
of getting through losing both of theirparents. Like, because again, when
we tell our stories, we speakabout our you know, experiences and different

(55:44):
things. To someone that has neverexperienced those things, you're like, how
did you get through that? Becauseit would have never been me, you
know, like it would have neverbeen me. And the first thing that
they said is their faith. AndI asked them, how do you hear
God? Like I've always been interestedto know people that are on these faith

(56:04):
seriously, like these faith walks,Like how do you hear God? Because
I feel like, a you gottareally really, really really really have that
discernment of the voices and the thingsthat you're seeing and hearing right to discern
if this is of or is thisnot right? And they were explain to
how sometimes it can be a scripture, right, someone would just say a
scripture. It can be a song, it can be an affirmation, and

(56:29):
that lets them know, Okay,I'm on the right path and it ignites
the faith to continue to move.One thing that I had began to tell
myself when I was really down andout going through like my mental health problems
and my depression is just one moreday, shaqito, give yourself one more
day. Because every day that Idon't feel like it, or I'm counting

(56:52):
myself out, and I'm continuing tosay one more day, I have to
continue holding myself accountable for one moreday. I always try to make that
next day because I know it's coming. Because I'm saying one more day.
I have to make that next daybetter and worth living than the day before,
and I'm still here. That ismy faith alone, you know,

(57:15):
no, I'm rady Mercy. Listen, listen girl, because I listen because
I can go on. Because sometimeswhen that chatter in your head begin,
it seems like it don't cut off. Like baby, it's two three o'clock
in the morning, I'm trying toI'm trying to sleep. You're telling me,
go do what like you know whatI'm saying. You're telling me,
Okay, this is it. Likediscernment is so big on these journeys because

(57:38):
I need to discern my real voices. Then the foolishness that the enemy is
trying to put in me, youknow, like my walk has been so
up and down that it's to thepoint like now, like I was thinking
the other day I've been so distractedfrom working because I've been in all.

(58:00):
I've been in all because I'm likehere right now and I have certain things
happening unfolding. In a year ago, baby, I remember sitting on the
bleaches at the park on the phone, crying to my best friend about I
can't do this, like I cannotdo this, Like if something don't change
tomorrow, it may not be metomorrow. Like it's either me or this

(58:23):
circumstance. And right now, thiscircumstance got the best of me. And
fast forward a whole year later,I'm not thinking that way. I'm not
in that same predicament. Life hasjust gotten so much better. And it's
like in our journeys when we realizethat switch flip right and it's like our
life has gone from you know,bed to what seems to be the best

(58:47):
and we're walking into all the firstof our labor. It's like, what
was that pivot point? Because we'veall had it, It's like, what
was that pivot point? You saidsomething just now that made me think about
because again we chat it up,you don't really quite know, you know,

(59:09):
when you went through it. Whenlike you're at this point right now
and you just said you can remembersitting on the bench crying, but you're
still here. That one more day, that one more day, right,
you're still here. God knew thatyou were gonna make it that next day

(59:30):
and that next day, and nowyou're sitting here talking about where you were,
so right there, that's that desarnment. But for me, and this
is just for me, I thinkit happens in levels. I think it's
it starts off as mustard seed thing, but it grows the more you go

(59:51):
through your trials, your tribulations,your endurance, because the Bible tells us
that, you know, trials andtribulations builds our endurance. Endurance builds our
faith. If we never went throughanything, we would never have nothing to
hope for a lot of people.You know, we omit the hope part
in the whole scripture. Now,faith is the substance of things hope for,

(01:00:14):
but evidence of things not seen.You can't have the faith without the
hope. You gotta hope for itand you gotta have the faith to believe
in it. But you're still here. So now this is your testimony,
and that is all the requirement Ithink that God wants from us heat,
my word and my commandments. Andthen he added one more that a god

(01:00:36):
ba love all three of those inthe mix. You'll be able to go
through those trials and tribulations and getto this point where we're talking right now.
You didn't been there. You cantell that story to someone else.
I personally believe our testimonies should flowlike a river. You should be screaming

(01:00:58):
up and down what you went throughto someone else, because you never know
they may have been in a darkerplace than you were, sitting on that
same bench saying that I don't knowhow I'm gonna make it through. But
then when they look at you,well, if Shakita did it and she's
still here, I gotta get throughit. That's how I look at it

(01:01:21):
our testimony. I'm gonna scream mytestimony to the rooftop because even if that's
the only assignment that God has forme. Everybody's not meant to be a
minister. Everybody's not meant to bein the pool pit. But He always
has work for us to do.He said, I will finish the works
I started in you. It maybe me just doing this podcast live because

(01:01:45):
he wanted to reach one person tomake them great. So I can't get
ahead of myself and think that I'mdoing this. I ain't doing nothing.
God might be using me to getthat one person that ain't even thinking about
turning their life around and make theirname great for His glory. So that's
how you have to look at it. Your job as a workman is for

(01:02:07):
the glory of God, not foryou. And you made it through so
when someone see you, you cansay, yeah, I've been there and
done that. Oh honey, letme tell you something. When I hear
people say certain things or like especiallywhen it deals with mental health right or
it's just like combat and trauma,because that's been my life and I know

(01:02:30):
what it takes to get out ofit, and I know being in those
situations you feel like you can't.It ignites me. I get hyped.
I'm like no, like you can, Like you can and you will.
You can't see it right now.Again, that's to having that faith and
unseen that something can get better.But you will because I'm representation. There's
so many people that's representation that itcan get better. It will. It's

(01:02:52):
not going to always be an easysleep, you know, like life is
not easy for everyone. We wantit to be yes, but it's not.
We all pray the same prayer JanuaryFirst, God, please do not
make me you want to get strongestsoldier. It's okay, Please leave me
out of that equation. However,there comes a moment in the year or

(01:03:15):
I'll path where we go through travel, trip relations and he's like, hey,
here you go, what are yougoing to do with that? You
know, it makes you stronger.M you know, you have to go
through things in a way. Imean, that's it's crazy that everything we
talked about is definitely like in theworld, like you have to have perseverance.

(01:03:36):
You know, you have to keepgoing. And I think a lot
of people just they just him togetherand it's easy. I mean, his
life, it can definitely hit me. I mean, oh, I mean
sometimes you almost like depend on howlife is hitting It's like, am I
ever going to get out of thisbitch? You know? Like am I

(01:03:57):
ever going to climb out? WhereI ever see the light? It's the
perseverance of building whatever ladder to climbout. It's the perseverance of moving the
junk around you and leaving the bagsdown in that hole that you inn dub
yourself out of you know, ittakes all of that in order to push

(01:04:20):
through. And I just wish peoplewould lean in more to each other and
create that that family, that circle, because every it's this independent spirit.
I can do it all on myown and I don't need nobody. And
sure you're right, you know,maybe you're you're doing things on your own,

(01:04:41):
but are you strug are you reallydo you really want to do that
by yourself? Is that really somethingyou want to do? So I think
we I wish we could just leanin more to each other because you have
you can't go through these faith walkthrough these journeys by yourself. Mm hmm.
We get. I don't believe that. You gotta have someone pour it

(01:05:03):
into you and may pour out becauseyou keep plugging in, plugging and plugging.
Pretty soon it doesn't work no more. You're exhausted, the lights out,
that getting paid, the bill thatthe birds left, everybody go cool
mm hmmm for real. I justwant I want people to start finding those

(01:05:23):
individuals and in lining whatever that is, a social media whatever is you can
you can pick your choose, youcan make it for yourself. But do
that and have faith knowing that it'sgoing to work. Yeah, yeah,
And you know I spoke about thisthis season as well. The impact of

(01:05:45):
building that community like having your tribe. And there is a huge difference in
hand selecting people right, because wecan select who we want to be around
us, but that doesn't mean thatthey are meant to be in that space
with you. Ort to be usedto get you through to the other point.
Sometimes those journeys you have to letpeople go because everybody can't come with

(01:06:09):
you. We just talked about that, everybody can't and now that I look
back, I am glad some ofthose folks didn't come right. But at
the same time, building that community, just having that support is so vital,
Like it is so vital because itempowers you. You empower each other.
You never know how your experiences ishelping the next person. You're amplifying

(01:06:30):
their faith, they're amplifying yours,and you're just not alone. You hear
like on social media so many timespeople just saying I don't have the support,
I don't have this, I don'thave that, and it's like,
look, I ain't in nobody else'slife. I don't know what you have.
But sometimes we have to have thatinviting in spirit. We have to
have that inviting in spirit. Andyou know some people are resistant to people

(01:06:55):
like I've experienced that. I'm justa this is just me in the flesh.
I'm sorry. Maybe I can calmthis down right, And I understand
that everyone's not used to people justbeing that or thinking that. Okay,
they're nice, So what do theywant from me? Because everyone that comes
into my life they always want something. They start off this way. Release
all of those mindsets that you haveabout people, and know that especially our

(01:07:19):
a black community, especially the blackcommunity, the black women, the super
women that you know. I'm soheadstrong, I'm the head of the household.
I don't need anybody. It isokay to let your guard down and
ask for help. It is okayto let people in your space to embrace.
We want up be in our softseason right, our soft girl era.

(01:07:41):
A part of being soft is embracinghelp, embracing change. Sarah Jake
said it. I was watching somethinglast night. She was talking about her
new book, Power Moves, andshe was, girl, we should start
a book club because I'm about toget it. Okay. Her and doctor
Needa Phillips, like those are thosetwo yeah, I want to like really
dive into them because I haven't startedit yet, so I will wait to

(01:08:03):
read it. You forget about it. No, I will listen. We
can talk. We can talk becauseI should. Yes. But she was
saying, like how she has justbeen able to And you can tell a
difference when someone has like let thingsgo and just walking in a different spirit,
a different it's a different pose aboutthem. And I'm like, you

(01:08:25):
know what I mean. I'm inI've been embracing the vulnerable sides, and
I'm like, Okay, I hadto have faith in Okay, if I'm
vulnerable in this space and I needhelp when I ask what, I'm going
to have it in the moments whereI need. I have faith that someone's
going to answer that phone, andthey always do. I have faith that
someone's going to show up at mydoor of assistance, and they do,

(01:08:45):
or that faith at the time isout of my mind. But someone may
call in the midst of something andI don't. I don't forgot what done
got me all up in the roarbecause that spirit I invited them in and
now they help me don't even knowit. You know, we have to
release all of these this, allof this ideology of I can do bad

(01:09:06):
all by myself, I can dogood, Like it's okay to have people
in your space that help you.It's okay, you know. And you
may not even realize by letting peoplein to help you that they are softening
you up, that they are helpingyou. You know. That drives me
nuts. That drives me that Ithink. You know. That's why when

(01:09:29):
I did the podcast, it wasbased off looking at our young community and
looking at our elder community. Iseizon people and it just tore me up.
And my kids are grown, Butlike I said, I think there's
a generational communication gap there to beable to communicate. It's not that I

(01:09:58):
think that the X or the genZ are wrong, but I equally think
that my seasoned people have a lotto offer, just like this conversation that
we're having right now. When Ifirst turned my life back over to Christ,
I was looking for people to haveBible studies with, looking for people

(01:10:20):
to study the Word with, andliterally everybody. And I have to say
this and might make some people mad. The people that were stressing me out
trying to tell me to get mylife together, and I need to turn
my life over to Christ. WhenI got turned my life over the Christ,
those people don't look the same becauseyou're so busy fronting and I was

(01:10:44):
looking for the authentic, real thingthat you were presenting to me when I
was supposed to be the biggest centerin the world. But when I got
into my world and saw what Godsaid about it for me and some of
the people that was in my circle, you just like the Pharisees. You
want to walk around with your fineclothes and sit in the best seats,

(01:11:08):
but you're not practicing what you're preaching. And I think that that bothers me.
Transparency, and that's the thing thatI say. I feel like Christians
get a bad rep. I wasalways this girl. I'm a little fly
at the mouth, I'm a littleslick, but I've always been a sweetheart.
I was raised up like that.I tried to fit in with the

(01:11:30):
wrong crowd, so the little edgeI got came from the streets, but
I wasn't told that in my home. I was always the quirky, funny,
loud girl, but my heart wasas big as gold. When God
cleaned me up, I embraced whoI originally was. So the people in

(01:11:51):
my circle, They're like, that'snot you, No, that wasn't me.
That was out there in the street. I was fronting for you.
And I see the same thing inmy Christian community, and it kind of
bothers me. It bothers me becauseyou were so busy telling me to come
to church with you. You wereso busy telling me, you were praying

(01:12:12):
for me. And now I'm inthis and I'm walking the walk and I'm
doing what God said do and yougot a little bit of people saying,
girl, you just you going overboard. You don't have to do it like
that. And then I'm seeing youdoing this and you scurving and you moving,
and I'm like, I ain't tryingto do all that I said.
I told God when I decided tocome back, I'm going all the way.

(01:12:36):
I'm not taking the left, I'mnot taking the right. What you
say, do do And that iswhat kind of bothers me a little bit
about the Christian community. You tapone of you guys tapped on the fig
tree, God cut Jesus cursing thetrick fig tree. That's just like people.
If you're not going to produce anyfruit, and sometimes you know you

(01:13:00):
might have to leave those people aloneto get where you need to go and
God to show it to you.He'll keep letting you run into those brick
walls until you finally get what Hehas for you, and it may be
a long way. And that's thesame thing with faith. Faith comes in
such small inclements. When I wasin my Word by myself, I would

(01:13:23):
force myself in the beginning to makesure I read every day. When I
think I got to a certain partin the Bible, I was literally waking
up wanting to get into my Wordevery day, and I found myself in
there till like twelve one o'clock becauseI'm gonna stay at own wife. But
at the same token, when thewords started jumping off the page, like

(01:13:45):
literally jumping off the page, Iknew that that was something God wanted me
to see. And it did nothappen until I got into the Book of
Proverbs. The Book of Proverbs iswisdom, and I was just die just
in all of that. So forme, I don't care how much scripture
you know. I'm never gonna bethe girl that tell you I know a

(01:14:05):
mouthful of scripture. I might beable to quote a piece here to there,
but God showed me I am astoryteller. You asked me about a
story in that bib, I'll beable to tell it to you, not
word for word. But I'm nota scripture girl. I feel like you
have a lot of people that canwalk around. We have geniuses out there.
They can walk around and they canlook at some photographic memory and remember

(01:14:30):
all that stuff. But you gota lot of scripture, but you're not
putting the work in. What areyou doing with all that scripture that you
absorbed? But it's just a bunchof scripture. And for me telling my
testimony is I'm not just gonna shoota bunch of scripture at you. I
want the real, authentic self.I want you to know that I had
a bad day. I want youto know that this morning I might have

(01:14:54):
got up and said thank you Godfor waking me up this morning, because
that was the extent of my prayerbecause I was feeling some type of way.
I want you to know that Iwent back later on that afternoon and
said, God, please forgive mefor anything that I said, done or
thought that was unpleasing. Unto you. Make my cricket path straight. Get
me back on the straight and narrowwhen he reminds me every day it's not

(01:15:15):
about how you fall down as howyou get back up. So when I
started that Bible study by myself,the funny thing is my aunt lived in
Virginia. I didn't know she movedto North Carolina. I ran into my
cousin at the local dollar store,and I kept side eying her, like,
what looks like my cousin? Butit ain't no way she could be
here at North Carolina. And shecalled my name out that prayer that I

(01:15:41):
had prayed the summer before, God, bring me some Christian women to do
Bible study with. I'm doing Biblestudy with my eighty two year old aunt
that's been walking with God for fiftysix years. So if that ain't a
gem in itself, don't know whereit is. And I was flustered that
I couldn't find all these same peoplethat kept trying to get me to come

(01:16:03):
to church with them and get saved. They didn't want to do Bible study.
They didn't want to do the thingsthat I was on fire to do.
But God answered my prayer. I'mdoing Bible study with my eighty two
year old Auntie, and that's mylast auntie, Like she's the last auntie
in the family. And I waslike, wow, look at God,

(01:16:27):
Look at God. And I wasflustered because all these people kept telling me,
oh, girl, you need toget back into church. And when
I did, I thought they weregonna be the first ones happy for me,
wanting to do stuff with me,and it turned out not to be
so. So when we say community, I would love to see us have
a community of women, not justsupport each other in our successes. Also,

(01:16:50):
look what we're doing here the faithtalk the faith WoT help building me
up? When I'm strong, Imay up. When I'm weak, I
may pour out so much in aday. And I'm the type of person
I don't keep all my stuff in, and then when it comes out,
I built up so much stuff.I'm giving Satan room to come in.

(01:17:12):
Because now I'm flustered. I don'tfeel like I got anybody to talk to.
So then I go and I tryto talk to God and it doesn't
make sense and I have to regroupand try to turn myself back around and
say, Okay, God, let'sslow this down. I know I got
you. And when I started talkingto myself walking around this house. I
knew I do it. It isperfectly fine. But yes, community is

(01:17:42):
so crucial, so important, youknow, I wish and hope that for
everyone. I'm grateful for mine,and I try to be provide the same
greatness to everyone without you know,over extending myself because that's something too,
like you have to save room andspace for yourself, you know, rejuvenate
all that. And everyone has differentresponsibilities, children, work and everything,

(01:18:05):
so you know, you only cando but so much. But I wanted
to end my portion of this conversationbecause this conversation conversation has been really insightful
and good. But you in regardsto what you said about like the people
that were pushing you to, youknow, change your life and do better,

(01:18:25):
when you did do it and yourwalk switched. They you perceived them
different because you've seen their true selves. I had an instant thought, and
this is how my mind is wired, and maybe it is good, I
don't know. It reminded me ofdetox. Right, We've all done these
detoxes where you whether you took likean earle clins or you just like was
fasten, you know, I fastedfor lent or whatever, not Catholic,

(01:18:51):
not religious. I just wanted todo it fast because I was trying to
see something. And I gave ameat, dairy and sweets for five and
a half and besides the yeah girl, it was it was something okay.
And I learned a lot in thatjourney, but my faith because baby,
I was talking to something every daybecause I didn't think that was going to

(01:19:14):
be able to do it at all. Like it was heavy, but in
that detox, but I realized thatwhen I was in it and I came
out of it, those things thattaste good and not perceived to be good
didn't look the same, didn't tastethe same. So those people that you
perceived to be good and all thosebehaviors and actions, when you come up

(01:19:36):
out and go into a different space, you will really see what they truly
mean. And so those same foodsand all those different things that I let
go of doing that fast, someof them might have allowed back in just
for the nourishment, right, Butin other aspects if I eat certain things
now, like I'll get sick.Just like you've released certain people, you

(01:19:58):
ever bring those people back and youget a you feel a different shift than
your energy, you know, I'mlike, Okay, well, maybe it's
good for me to keep you overthere, or maybe it's not good for
me to eat this and indulge inthese moments. I don't know why they
came to my mind when you wastalking, because I think like detoxing from
food and things is the same fromdetoxing from people, because it's like,
Okay, am I going to goback to this something that caused me like

(01:20:23):
stress and pain and trauma or justit's not good for me? Or am
I going to stick it out andsee where I can get without it,
you know? And I mean,hey, different strokes for different folks.
At the end of the day,like I always say, when you're on
this journey, you have to haveyour own discernment, your own and not

(01:20:44):
try to have someone else's in,you know, inspiration or insight for what
they see. You need to seeit for yourself because we could be seeing
two different things. And I wantwhat I see because what you may see
for me may not be what Iwant or may not be for me,
you know. So this conversation hasbeen good. I appreciate both of you,

(01:21:05):
ladies for taking the time out ofyour busy schedules. To talk about
your faith walk and faith journeys ingeneral before we get out of here.
Briefly, because we've talked about somuch, We've given everyone so much to
digest, because I'm feeling the shiftand my energy honestly now that I need
to go digest this whole conversation becauseit was a lot of stuff that I

(01:21:27):
wanted to say, but I can'tsay it. You know what I'm saying,
Like I had to like resist fromsaying it. Not that it's bad
or anything, but can each ofyou offer a quick piece of advice for
someone that is on a journey rightnow and they may be feeling how we
felt like we're not going to getout of this. This is the same

(01:21:48):
cycle that my life always goes in. It never ends good for me.
There's nothing good at the end ofthe tunnel, or when it gets good,
something bad is always happening. Wehave all had those thoughts, but
we all know that they are lies. We all know that we can get
through them. So what piece ofadvice can you offer to someone that's listening

(01:22:10):
that may be feeling that panth?What would you say? I would say,
take Anutte and remember that each breathyou have is completely vital. You
have to keep going. You cankeep going and you will keep going.

(01:22:32):
Period. Go hear that keep goingAnd I like that minute by minute because
I said another day, but minute, my minute is to me more crucial
because it's every single minute you makeevery second count. I like that,
Victoria. What is something that youcould say? I would say the same

(01:22:53):
thing. I say it all thetime when I'm talking to people, minute
by minute, second by second,and just keep walking. It does not
matter how you fall down. Itdoes not matter what people say. It
does not matter what people think.It's about your personal relationship with your creator,

(01:23:15):
with your heavenly father. Pick yourselfup, dust yourself off. You
might slip up. You might slipup. If we could dot every I
in every tea that the word saysthat Jesus wouldn't have came into the world
and died for our sins. Sopick yourself up. That does not matter

(01:23:36):
what it looks like, as longas you get back up and just keep
trunking. Keep everything in the rearview in the review. And what I'll
say quickly is your journey in yourlife is yours, and you have to

(01:23:57):
get to the point of releasing thatwhole compare mindset of what someone else has
or how someone else's life is comparedto yours. And if you're a person
that is trying to like just navigatelife, find out what your higher power
or your spiritual journey is, justknow that that is that can be personal
between you and your beliefs, andit doesn't have to be shared with everyone.

(01:24:23):
You know, Me and my momis old school. Me and her,
we had a conversation not too longago about going to church, and
I said, I probably won't stepback in church, but that doesn't mean
that I don't have a belief insomething, you know, And that was
just me just talking because I waswatching something on TV. But needless to
say, your journey is yours,It is only yours. You don't owe

(01:24:46):
no one an explanation but yourself,and that's it, you know, And
just continue to try to find faithin the unseen, the things that you
want to draw in, the peoplethat you want in your space. Believe
it, someone said, believe andhope for it, and those things shall
come to pass, you know,And try to enrich your mind with words

(01:25:12):
of affirmation. You know, differentpeople that maybe walk in the walk that
you want to possess, not sayingthat you need to do what they're doing,
but let their word and the thingssink in your consciences and be your
motivation to continue to push forward.Because we all have those people Sarah Jakes,
the Doctor, Nita Phillips, youknow, Joe old Sting, whomever

(01:25:34):
like tdj's I don't know, butwe all have those people that we in
those moments that we feel down andout, we turn that YouTube on and
like, okay, here it isGod, what did you try? What
are you trying to tell me inthis moment? And just submit to whatever
you have going on because it willget better. It will and it can.

(01:25:56):
Okay, that's my little spill.But again, thank you ladies for
your energy, your time, yourinsight. Before we go, once again,
please tell everyone where they can findyour podcast, your social media and
anything that you may have going onVictoria Street, talk Back, YouTube and

(01:26:19):
all your listening platforms for now.Okay, yeah, so and how about
social media? Where can you putyou? I got the twelfth Street top
back page. I tried to liketo do anything on my personal page and
I'll just shut down the God Plangroup and I did that because it's about

(01:26:43):
God. So I want you tobe encouraging someone else. So right now,
just the twelfth streets out back,Facebook and Instagram, okay, okay?
In Twitter? Oh yeah, likecome on guys, like, come
on, Panthera, where can we? Where can we? Your podcast?
You saying for me? Then Ihad to put my phone up just to

(01:27:09):
make sure I knew who I wasand everything. So social media and you
could just follow me on Instagram.That's underscore, Bido or eleven for any
new updates. As far as VitoChapters podcast, it's Vital Chapter t podcasts
to find on Apple Stify and let'sget to those great platforms, and in

(01:27:32):
time I will upgrade everyone on anew look and a new name for Vito
Chapter. Will see. I willbe back here very soon. I'm looking
at fall. Hey, I hearit accountable to It's accountable. Yes,

(01:27:53):
call me on one platform you canfind me. I've reached the manga find
Me break down. Yes, theyplaying social media, but don't don't worry,
y'all. I'm gonna have all theirlinks in the descriptions so y'all can
go tap in with their podcast andsocial med I got all of them.
Okay, I'm going for all thelinks that they did not mention. I'm

(01:28:15):
putting in a description so you cango tap in and of course, as
always, come tapping with me onYouTube, Chronicles of a Vigal podcast or
any of your social media platforms,whatever your preference is. Chronicles of a
Virgo podcast. And I realized you'vebeen finding my my my Facebook page and
my Instagram. But that's fine.If you find my real accounts, come
follow me. You know, theycome follow me, But keep it keep

(01:28:40):
okay. Keep also, yes,the Chronicles of a Virgo podcast on TikTok,
Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. Ohyou know what, I just realized.
I just did a double date withbooks. Yes you did, you
did, you did, but butlook at the vibes. It was all

(01:29:00):
good, was good energy. Itwas gonna have fun with Sagittary. It's
like we mesh a girl from acomplete log. I'm always surrounded and I'm
like, how is taking over me? Taking you? Love you? That?

(01:29:24):
Yes, we're amazing. Like oneday the ones that hate us,
y'all are going to love us.That's why y'all hate us so much.
I'm your your I want my faith, my faith My faith is in the
fact that y'all are gonna love ussomeday. But if y'all don't, that's
okay, because we're still going tobe us. You feel me, She's

(01:29:45):
the virgo part of me that Itry to keep saying. She's say what
I be thinking, but I don'twant to say it, and you know
I'm working on it. I've gottenbetter. But like someone and this takes
us back into the conversation, somebodysaid, I think you said that people
expected you to be one way,but then when you you wasn't. Like
this is I tried to change whoI was with me healing and just evolving.

(01:30:12):
And I'm like, you know what, certain parts of you will change
for the better, but certain partsof you probably won't because that is who
you truly are, and the peoplethat will not fall in line will fall
out of line. And that isokay. So I'm not here to please
nobody. I'm not here to makenobody comfortable. I'm here to just live
and have my heaven on earth.Okay, if you know, you know,

(01:30:34):
all right? So it is whatit is, like I just I
just gotta be me. You know, if you get behind these microphones It's
easy to put on a persona,right, it's easy. But the but
I realized that when you don't feelcomfortable doing it, that's because that's not
you, that's not crue. SoI'm just going to continue to show up

(01:30:54):
as me. Yeah can be allto ego. Listen says you got something.
I'm saying. I'm trying to I'mtrying to get to that that that
other level. I think it's levelsto this. So now I found my
faith. Now I'm trying to getto that fasting faith. I'm trying to
break through that wall. Like thewoman with the issue of blood. So

(01:31:17):
when God hear me, he belike, I know that's my daughter.
She touched me. Listen, heis still working. What's the thing?
Say? What is it? I'msaved, but I ain't holy something like
that. Yeah, yeah, listen, we all all work in progress.

(01:31:42):
Now. I'm I will never sayI'm any type of perfection, none of
that stuff. That is why Iseparate my social media is because I can
talk here but from business, becauseI was gonna say too that knows,
but needless to say, we arerambling, y'all, but that is okay.
Come fund all of us on socialmedia. All of the links will

(01:32:03):
be in the description, so y'allcan go tap in with us check out
each of these ladies podcasts if youfollow, No, I'm gonna take that
back. When you follow panther onsocial media, please please please continue to
remind her, Hey Sis, wewill see you in fall. Hey Sis,
you said fall? All right,Hey says, Keep pumping her up

(01:32:24):
with that motivation so she can comeback and give us some vital words of
encouragement and inspiration. But since she'snot back yet, just go taping with
her and my girl Victoria. Shego list Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Okay, you'll get y'all more thaninspiration, y'all poor, And then
she do her little good girlfriend stuffon Fridays with some wonderful guests. So

(01:32:45):
go tap in with all of them, all right, and then big shout
outs to everyone in the Unfiltered Studiopodcast network. Me and Victoria are part
of that whole podcasting network family ofdifferent podcasters. You can go look at
all the different podcasts that are includedin that network. You can find shows

(01:33:09):
just about everything, like I promiseyou, movies, faith, personal development,
spirituality, so many history I've learnedso many different things about history.
You can find it. There'll bea link for the studio network in description
as well. Come tap in withall of us okay, ill on social
media. Like we said, andguys, I think that it's the of

(01:33:30):
the benediction. Thank you for joiningme for the last candid conversation of season
three. I'm ready, yes,and again, y'all, please take care
of yourselves, but most importantly,take care of each other. Pil thank
you for listening to an episode ofChronicles of a Virgo podcast with me your

(01:33:55):
favorite favorite Virgo host, Shikita Johnson. Your support means to me as I
want to continue to see you allproser and grow. Please join me back
next Wednesday, where we will continueto dive into more can it and empower
on conversations that we'll get you astep closer to stepping into a new filled
individual. Remember you're not alone onyour journey. Please don't forget to subscribe

(01:34:17):
to us on social media at Chroniclesof a Verbo podcast on all social media
platforms and the YouTube channel. Checkout our website and blog at Chroniclesovivirgo dot
website dot com. All links willbe listed in the description box below.
Until next time, beautiful souls,keep rising from those ashes, and stay

(01:34:38):
true to you and know your girlloves you. Peace Out,

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