Navigating Your Mental Health Journey ft Dr. Bolanle

Welcome back to another episode of Chronicles of a Virgo Podcast. This week, I am joined by Dr. Bolanle Akinronbi, a board certified, residency trained physician in Psychiatry who is devoted to empowering people to live a meaningful life. She is also a graduate of Rutgers University and Rutgers -New Jersey Medical School (formerly UMDNJ). She completed her postgraduate residency training in Psychiatry at the Zucker Hillside Hospital (formerly of NorthShore-LIJ) in Queens New York.

In this episode we discussed:

-Motivation behind her pursuing career path in the mental health field

-Finding balance in your life and the importance of self-care practices with a busy lifestyle

-Knowing when it's time to seek professional support for mental health

-Mental reprogramming and changing your internal beliefs

-Easy and effective self-care and therapeutic practices to begin your mental health and healing journey

Dr. Bolanle is the founder and CEO at Bright Minds MD, a private psychiatry practice in NJ where together with her team, she offers a unique and whole person approach to treatment. Her treatment recommendations follow a wholistic model.

This model accounts for the contributions of childhood experiences, genetic predisposition, environmental and social stressors, co-occurring illnesses, nutrition deficiencies, current function and activity to disease AND a pathway to improve them using a hybrid of medication and lifestyle/behavioral modifications.

Remember to embrace your journey, knowing that each challenge you overcome brings you closer to greater strength and resilience. Ways to connect with Dr. Bolanle:

Website: https://brightmindsmd.com/

IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr_bolanle/

IG for Bright Minds MD: https://www.instagram.com/brightmindsmd/

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/drbolanle


Ways to connect me:

Website and Blog: https://chroniclesofavirgo.wixsite.com/my-site

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@UCdPvI39UY4AroeExnofvb-Q

IG: https://www.instagram.com/chronicles_of_a_virgo_podcast/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/ChroniclesOfAVirgoPodcast

Twitter: https://twitter.com/___Chiquita___

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chronicles_of_a_virgo

Connect through email at [e-mail].

Send anonymous questions for “Ask kita” segment:

https://ngl.link/chronicles_of_a_virgo_podcast

Disclaimer: "This podcast and website represents the opinions of Chiquita Johnson and her guests to the show and website. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent the place of any mental health or medical professional.

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Welcome to the Chronicles of a Vigalpodcast, the podcast dedicated to the transformative
journey of healing, mental health andpersonal growth. I'm your favorite favorite verbal
host, Shakitha Johnson, and togetherwe'll continue to turn our vulnerability into strength.
As a sexual assault survivor and mentalhealth advocate, I have a learned
to sort through the ashes of mytrauma and turn my pain into power.

(00:26):
And this podcast is representation that healingis possible. And each episode we'll dive
deep deep into conversations about overcoming challenges, find your inter strength and emerging from
life trials like a feelings from theashes. We may even have some friends
drive by from time to time.Get ready to be inspired and empowered as
we embark on a rewarding journey ofself discovery. So sit back and relax

(00:50):
and let's get into some healing.What is up, y'all, and welcome
back to another episode of Chronicles ofa Virgal Podcast. And as usual,
I'm your favorite favorite favorite verbal host, Shakeitha Johnson and Happy Wednesday, y'all.
Happy February and Happy Black History Month. Happy Black History Month. Just

(01:14):
a month of fabulousness and happiness,all right, So again, thank you
guys for joining me back for anotherepisode. Hope everyone is doing well and
taking care of yourself. Your girls. A little under the weather, but
it's okay. I'm getting better.Just keep me in your thoughts and prayers.
But I'm sending you guys lots oflove and positive energy as well.

(01:34):
So today, as we have entereda new month, we're going to keep
on healing, empowering, and uplifting. So with this conversation today, I
hope that it truly uplifts someone aswe have another lovely guest coming today and
the conversation is around mental health.She is a BORED certified psychiatrist. Her
name is doctor ballon Ley. Sheis also the CEO and founder of Bright

(01:57):
Minds. MD is located in NewJersey, so if you're someone that is
seeking mental health support and live inthe New Jersey or New York area,
please buy Means reach out to herand her team, as all of their
information will be in a description boxbelow. Her treatment, recommendations and counseling
is through a holistic approach as sheencourages people to live a more meaningful life

(02:22):
and focusing on things such as relationshipconquering depression, anxiety, and many more
factors that contribute to a person's mentalhealth. Overall, she's a great person.
She comes with a lot of toolsand resources under her belt, and
I truly hope that this conversation aspiresor empowers someone to just focus on their
mental health or if you're someone thatneeds the assistance and support to seek it.

(02:46):
Okay, so let's get to thisconversation and I will see you guys
at the end. All right,y'all, thanks for joining me. Back
for another lovely episode this week,I have another lovely guest joining me.
I'm so excited and honored to haveher on my platform. I have doctor
ballan Lee. How are you doingtoday? Thank you. I'm doing very

(03:08):
well, Miss Chikida. Good tochat with you this morning. Yes,
thank you so much for joining meand for coming today to offer some insight
around mental health, not only tome but also to my supporters. I
appreciate it. Like I told youbefore, we went on, so to
keep things flowing, we're going todo our mental health checks because we got

(03:30):
to check in with ourselves. Soon the scale of one of five,
five being that you're feeling good,you're in a really good space. One
being you're not feeling the best.You have some room for porn. But
your manager, how would you richyour mental health today? Oh today,
I had to tell you. Iwoke up somewhere around the three. But
after I think I just had abit of like a little ride, which

(03:53):
always helps me. So I'm closerto a four now. I'm much better
space than like two hours ago whenI guess Scott, yes, even up
early. But I understand, Iunderstand, but I'm glad that you're you
know, it went from this tothat. That's all that matters today me.
Right now I'm at a five.I'm fiving it out and when I

(04:13):
get yes, that's how I feelwhen I get into five, because it's
been a long time coming. Youknow, a lot of things going on
around us, and sometimes it's soeasy to get sucked into all that.
So me Ben at five is lettingme know that I'm managing well and I
will continue to do these mental healthchecks so that everyone that's listening and other
people around me will take the timeto really take time to yourselves. I

(04:36):
know we live a busy life.People have kids and families and jobs and
things, but it's so important totake a couple of minutes a day to
really check in to make sure thatyou're doing okay. You if you're not,
you know, you do other peopleand yourself a disservice, you know,
absolutely, And I really so loveit when you were saying that,

(04:56):
I was like, oh my god, people are going to expect that because
I were in the mental health field. I'm at a five all the time.
And I struggle with answering that questionright away because I'm like, but
I don't want to make that outbecause sometimes everybody wakes up at a two
of three, of four of five, and even throughout the course of the
day, we wax and win,right, we go up and down sometimes
and how we're feeling depending on what'shappening in environment, but also how we're

(05:19):
responding to it. So I lovethat you opened up with that because it
forced me immediately to be open andhonesked about how I was feeling this morning,
but also to show real quickly thatwe can also play a role in
changing that. And I don't wantto distract you from the agenda, so
to go ahead. No, No, I love that, And I also

(05:41):
love the fact that you said sometimeswe can wake up at a two,
and throughout the day it fluctuates,you know, And I think for me,
I feel bad sometimes when I feelgood and then I'm starting to feel
down and not know why. AndI have come to terms to understand that,
Like we're here, I mean,we all go through human experiences and
feelings, you know, and mytherapist has definitely growth that in my head,

(06:05):
Like Shakida, It's okay, you'rea human, You're gonna feel these
things. You're not always going tobe a five or ten. And in
the moments where you don't feel thebest, you can sit in those feelings
a little bit and try to figureout what's going on on. Absolutely absolutely
self check in yes, and thatleads us to our lovely conversation Prior to

(06:27):
this, I've read your intro cominginto this episode, but can you please
tell everyone you know a little bitmore about yourself and how you got into
the field of psychiatry. Of course, sure, I'll introduced myself. My
name is doctor Blanley. I canrun being a psychiatrist and founder Bright Minds
and be a prior psychiatry practice servingNew Jersey and New York with virtual access
throughout both states. And taking insurancewhere we help people with depression and anxiety

(06:53):
and know the mental health disorders feelbetter with minimal medications and self health and
wellness practices. That sort of kindof meine the natural. I have other
roles I play in my life aswell, you know, in my personal
life. How did I get intopsychiatry. I always like to say I

(07:13):
felt psychiatry called me, or I'vedescribed it as a calling. I've described
it as a falling into It wasnot on my rata until I did the
rotation where we're required to all experiencedifferent specialties in medical school before we pick
our final destinations. We're expected allto spend some time in each of the
specialties to kind of find tune ourthoughts. And I would say that when

(07:35):
I entered psychiatry, I was primedmyself. I was in a place in
my own life where I was startingto encounter mental health care for the first
time in my life, and sobeing on that rotation, I was able
to connect with people in a wayI wasn't able to connect in any other

(07:55):
field. I was able to identifywith the humans on the other side as
the patient while I was you know, this did doctor at the time,
I was able to connect with themin a way that was personally fulfilling.
I was able to connect to theirhumanity, and I was able to use
what I was learning in the momentin addition to my human connection to help

(08:16):
people in that process. And beingable to do that over and over and
over again solidified for me that thiswas the field that was right for me
my personality. I enjoyed connections ona usual level pre medicine, but being
able to combine human connection with medicineis I would say, one of the
biggest reasons why I'm in psychiatry,and using that to help people helps me

(08:37):
too. So I love that.I love that. And do you feel
like you know the years that youhave worked in this field, it has
helped benefit your life in a goodway. Absolutely, absolutely, in so
very many ways. And I'll tryto highlight real quickly whatever I have to

(08:58):
share with people first, I haveto know first, and so having to
know certain things helps me in myown personal life. I crack a joke
all the time about when I referpeople to dialectical behavioral therapy. For example,
I say that I refer to theDBT, but I also use DBT
principles in my own personal life.In fact, like I said, say

(09:20):
like we should teach some form ofDBT to all little kids because they're tools
and skills that we all should haveperiod as humans and navigating the world.
So a lot of the skills andtools that I use in helping people helps
me first, I practice it formyself first. Another way that being in
this field is helpful to me isas human beings, we tend to go
automatically through life and living things.But when I have to teach someone,

(09:46):
I'm teaching myself immediately. So whenyou brought up self checks, I'm like,
yeah, I'm telling someone to doit, I also have to practice
it, or you know, justby virtue of teaching it regularly or discussing
personerspectives, I'm forced to have perspectivein my own life as well. So
I also learned from my patients.People teach me things in me teaching,

(10:07):
it's not a one way street.People teach me about things, they give
me perspectives that I haven't thought of, and so I then go take something
I've learned from someone to go usefor myself. So it's a very one
and one and back and forth kindof a field in terms of what we
take for it, either as apractitioner or as the patient on the other

(10:28):
end. So I love this fieldof field skills, perspectives, patients teaching
me in general, and also justgaining perspectives on how life is it right?
How can you come to work?You know, no matter how like
awful a day I'm having, I'mmeeting possibly someone who's having a much rougher
day, And just that perspective initself is beneficial to me. Of course,

(10:52):
I want all my patients to havebetter and better and better days,
but sometimes someone isn't, and sothat also helps me personally as well.
So psychiatry is a mutually beneficial fieldfor me at least, and I would
say many of my colleagues would agreewith that. I love that because it's
it's a tough field. You know. I've worked in mental health, I've
worked at psych hospitals, I've workedalongside different social workers and nurses, and

(11:15):
it can be really tough, youknow, especially depending on the environment that
you're in. So how do youpractice your own self care in your own
personal life? You know, sometimesyou have to make sure you disconnect from
like have that work life balance,So how are you able to manage and
practice your own self care? Sure? So, and that is I would
say a loaded question, but alsoit's an evolving question because I feel like

(11:41):
once I find balance, things changeagain and I have to adapt and modify
and find new ways to find balancein my own life and practicing with the
field. So work is work,right I go, I connect with people
in the moment and with them,and especially I don't work. I work.

(12:01):
The majority of my work is inan outpatient setting, which is a
different setting than the in patient setting. Right, there's a case of the
sick are in the hospitals. It'sa different setting. There's a whole team
of support on the outpatient setting.It's a leaner support staff. And so
you're finding yourself having people you know, you be the person that people lean
on as they go about their dayto day lives, not in that institution

(12:24):
setting, but in their own regularlives, their challenges, say while dealing
with personal anxiety, but also goingto work, dealing with bosses, dealing
with their partners, children, whateverother challenges people are facing in their day
to day living. And so forme, it is highly important that I'm
present with the person when I'm withthem, but also that when I'm done,

(12:45):
I'm able to decompress disconnect from traumasin load and burdens right that people
have put down and so I'm likecarrying it into my life and I want
to. I would like to sayone hundred percent successful all of the time
in doing that, but that wouldnot be true. Sometimes I'm not right.
Sometimes I encounter things that are soheavy that I'm taking it with me

(13:07):
through the day. So one ofthe ways actually that I help help myself
reset is what you've mentioned self check. I don't always say I'm doing a
self check now, but I findmyself intimately saying I'm feeling really low right
now, what's happened? And Ican say I can by just pausing and
reviewing whatever has happened in my day, what I've heard, or what has

(13:28):
happened in my own personal life,I can start to pinpoint, okay,
this I'm feeling, this feeling isconnected to either this need of mine or
this trauma or this thing that I'vetaken on from the outside, and then
I can actively cognitively. I'm verybig on cognitive work. I'm like an
overthinker, So I'm big uncognitive work, so I can help myself say,

(13:52):
this is why I feel this way. This is a connection I'm making between
why I'm feeling this way and whathas happened earlier today, the day before,
and I can separate them cognitive likeactively allow myself to say, I
feel sad for this, but Idon't have to like feel sad for the
rest of my day, or atleast I can allow myself to feel sad
but knowing that that is why I'mfeeling sad without it becoming a thing,

(14:15):
right aspiraling or getting out of control. So that's one thing the mental work.
Another way is that I try toshut down, and as my role
is currently changing, so I'm botha clinician as well as a business owner,
and it was much easier to shutdown as a clinician right work hours
are done, all of the followup calls are done, I can say

(14:37):
I shut down my work for theday and I want to focus just on
my home life. So that usedto be easier. It's not as easy
now because as a business owner,as long as you know, things are
always popping out that need my attention. So one of the work I'm doing
now is actually fine tuning how toalso shut down business once the business day
sort of is done, so thatI'm not getting calls, emails, texts,

(15:01):
pop ops pretty much because as apart of a group, right our
practice as a group things, I'mthe final stuff, So things that pop
up come to my attention and I'mfinding myself I'm trying to make dinner,
you know, an email pops upand now I'm looking at it and I'm
distracted. My kids want something andI'm not looking at it, and I'm
like, oh, I'm doing itagain. So that's part of the transition

(15:22):
personally for me that I'm in rightnow, figuring out how to also wrap
up day so that when the dayis done, I can sort of table
it and focus on and be presentwhere I am at home, whether it
be that I'm making pasta or helpingwith homework, shifting gears into that role.
That's a personal transition I'm making.So that's why I let that it's

(15:45):
something that's always changing, but cognitivework, being mindful of where I am,
taking proactive steps and separating those spearsof my life are things that I'm
finding helpful. I know that likeself care people talk, Oh, of
course, I cannot not talk aboutexercise. I talk about that a lot

(16:06):
for me, like I encourage differentactivities that refreshes you to become a part
of your daily routine. And forme, when I'm exercising, I'm doing
well. I tell everyone I don't. I mean, I guess I exercise
for vanity, but I exercise morefor mental health, me to clear my

(16:27):
head, to feel calm, thesurge of hormones that you know, things
that pop up while you exercise,like you know, to get the runners
high afterwards. I do it forfeel good more now than than anything else
at this point. So finding whatworks for you, What is that thing
for you that resets you, thathelps you feel good, that brings you

(16:51):
back into a state of calm connectednesswith yourself. I would say if each
person finds that and incorporates that atleast daily, or at least several times
a week, if not during theweek, if not daily, would be
part of how a person can reset. I talked about myself because you asked
me, what do I do norright for different people's different things that can

(17:12):
do that for them. And Iwant people to get creative and not feel
limited because seople say, well,I don't excite, not my thing.
Your thing is everything that I knowthat when I do this, I feel
amazing, I feel good, Ican connect, I can be present.
Let that thing be the thing foryou, whatever it is. I love
that, and I always ask myclinicians that come on that question because it

(17:37):
also shows that you're a real person. You have real life human experiences,
but you also find the time totake for yourself right. And I continue
to always encourage that to everyone becausewe all wear different tapes and we do
different things. I struggle sometimes.I was trying to cook dinner and be
on my phone and watch TV atthe same time, you know, And
I'm so glad you even brought upjust being in a present, and I

(18:00):
feel like for a lot of us, you have to learn that, like
it's that's a skill to master,just to be here, not there,
not at work and all those differentthings. And when it comes to mental
health, I feel like a lotof times, if you're a person that's
dealing with some type of mental healthissue, you're not able to discern really
what's going on or what's the likethe prime focus of what's happening, you

(18:22):
know, And I want to continueto use my platform to help people try
to find that pivotal point in sayinglike, Okay, this issue is may
be deeper than what I can control, and I may need to seek help.
And of course in a black community, going to therapy is something that

(18:44):
has been shined upon for years andit's becoming more common now where people are
talking about it. So what doyou think is something that can help people
get to therapy more or just getmore engaged while in therapy. So like,
are we talking about like a mindsetchange towards asking for help? Because

(19:06):
what I hear like, I thinkculturally in the Black community, we're very
much into I can do that,I'm explained when to do that, I
can do that myself or very dy. Culturally we're problem solvers. We're strong
people. We pride ourselves in ourstrengths, and sometimes we forget our humanity
and forget that even the strongest peoplesometimes need assistance because the load is just

(19:26):
too heavy. So what I think, how I try to communicate that is
yes, you're very strong, Yesyou're emotionally you know, sturdy and stoic.
But if you find that you aredoing all of the things on your
own and you're struggling to still getback on track. It's time to reach
out to someone, anyone. Iwould even say someone anyone first, right,

(19:48):
so, because it's you know,we want to see if we can
handle things on our own. That'svalid. Check out what you can do.
If you're able to self check in, if you're able to reset,
if you're able to reach out fortoo and things that you have and it
helps you. Re said, great, you're on the right path. However,
if it's a series of you know, feeling like a sink and sand,
I think is how I've hurt.People describe it a lot, really

(20:11):
like you're trying to climb out,but you're still like in quicksand, and
the more you try to climb out, the bigger you're the deeper you're in.
At that point, it is kindof foolishness to continue to try to
climb out on your own, becauseyou actually, you know, if you
think about if you're in quicksand,to get out, you do need somebody
to help you get out. Andthat person could be a different person.
It could be a family member.Right, I always say check out,

(20:33):
you know, if you have theright. But also family members are privileged
for many people. Not everyone hasunderstanding family members or not everyone has people
who have time to listen to youor friends. So that's a good start
to just air out and you know, putting things out in the open,
letting it air out and see ifyou find solutions. If that's an option
for you. If that's not helpful, then seek professional help. I also

(20:55):
also like to start with spiritual right, there's that as well. A lot
of people are spiritual. They havereligious communities with counselors. A lot of
counselors also like work in their spiritualcommunities, like you know social work who
also like provides like two hours attheir church as their own community service.
Maybe you can see someone like thatbecause I'm part of you, part of

(21:15):
my community. Social community is verycultural, and when people reach out to
me, they're like, I needa Christian counselor, and I'm like,
you know, a now Christian counselorcan help you too. They're not gonna
try to un christian you, youcan totally. You know, the principles
are the principles and they should workfor everyone, regardless of you know,

(21:36):
your faith belief or your faith system. So don't be afraid to reach out
to a non faith based person ifthat's who's available to you. However,
if you have someone who's faith based, for example, and faith based is
your thing, and you have thatshared experience, it adds. It's kind
of like salt or seasoning on already. You know good food or you know
it's it's it's not an absolute requirementfor therapy to be able to help you,

(22:00):
to come from your similar background,or to come from your faith based
or your social community. Really,every good, well trained therapist has the
basic tools to be helpful. Sohaving that additional shared culture experience is like
icing on the cake. It justmakes it, you know, nicer better,
they understand certain things a little better. But if that's not available,

(22:23):
please don't be afraid to reach outto someone who's well trained in general.
So there's that, and then youknow this therapist and psychiatrists. I would
say to get comfortable reaching out tosomeone. People tell me sometimes like you
know, they're afraid, like they'reafraid of a bad fit, they're afraid
that they would be judged, They'reafraid that someone will not understand them.

(22:44):
And I say this. Every daywe walk out and meet billions, you
know, billions of people on theearth that we meet that may not identify
with us. But we will notknow who will identify with us. We
don't know who will help us untilwe actually venture out and try. So
I say planning the perfect match therapistis like dating. Sometimes you kiss a

(23:06):
few frogs before you meet the prince, and so I want to encourage people
to have that approach as well.That maybe your first therapist will not be
your best fit for whatever reason,either the training doesn't match what you need,
or you're not able to connect forwhatever other reason. But give it
a chance, go for a couplevisits. If it's not right, switch
over until you find a good match. Don't it's not, I think because

(23:29):
the reason we're afraid to even stepout is because we make it this very
high stakes idea that I'm going outto a therapist, and you know,
what if and all the what is. But if we tell ourselves it's just
a meetup, think of it.It's a coffee. It's not a date.
It's a coffee meetup. If itdoesn't work out, it doesn't work
out, you find somebody else andmove on until you find the right match.
The goal is to again connect withsomeone who can help you out of

(23:53):
the quicksand if you already have triedeverything or are trying and sinking deeper instead
of climbing out. I love that. And that's one of the most common
problems that I always hear is likepeople can't find the right fit. And
I went through a series of therapistsbefore I found my Karen therapist and the

(24:15):
one prior, and I was justvery grateful for those experiences. Anybody before
that, I was just like,oh my gosh, like I give up,
you know, like you said,like you want someone that resonates with
you. But for me, likeI had to remove all of that and
be open minded. And that's howI got my trauma form therafist I have
now and she has helped me transformmy life in some of the most magnifying

(24:38):
ways ever. And I'm going toalways promote people like just to at least
try right and even with trying sometimesI know I've heard a lot of people
say even like this time, nowthere on waiting list, and you know,
they want they want to see maybelike a black therapist, and that's
not accessible to them at that timeand they don't know what else to do.

(25:00):
And I know that I've heard youspeak before about offering other alternatives during
the course of your treatment to yourclients. What other things could you offer
to people if they're in a spacewhere they can't get to a therapist right
now, but they can start doingsome of the self work with themselves.
Okay, So there's a few things, and what I would recommend will depend

(25:22):
on the individual person and what theyfeel capable of at the moment, depending
on where they are in their treatment. But there are things that are complementary
and alternative that we can do.It could be challenging to start right.
The starting part, oftentimes for alot of people is a challenge, but

(25:45):
once we're in motion, we're morelikely to be in emotion. Movement is
like a big one. It's oversaid, everyone says it, but I
feel like, you know, it'shard to really get the impact of it
until you implement it. And theharder part is amenting because if you you
know, for someone who's feeling depressed, for example, it's hard to move,
it's hard to get going, andso asking someone to go to the

(26:07):
gym it feels like a herculean task. But maybe you don't have to go
to the gym. Maybe if youlove dance, and maybe it's fitting out
one of your you know, favoriteCDs, playing it, just even listening
to the music bobbing your head,you can really shift your mood, maybe
to a point where you can feellike you can get up. So I
love just the simple obvious things likethe playing music, playing calming things,

(26:34):
dancing on the spot. A lotof people love dancing and love perform like
our culture comedy, enjoy like someform of music or movement, you know,
with dance. So if that's whatyou can do, turn it on.
Do that in like your little youknow, whatever corner space you are
in that's accessible for most people.And if you're feeling up to it,

(26:55):
you want to walk in the neighborhood, which then includes getting some sun,
right sunlight, especially if you're doingduring the meat day, so walking outside,
getting some sun. If you havean animal, a pad, engaging
with them, engaging with other humans, like for example, people who are
depressed and to want to isolate somemore. However, the treatment actually is
an engagement with people. I understandthat people may not want to connect,

(27:17):
especially if like you feel like thepeople around you may not understand, or
toxic or whatever make you feel worse. But maybe even a stranger you don't
have to talk to. But engagementwith humans help us feel good. Those
are like short bursts of feel goodin the moment, and if you're able
to incorporate routine, routine and structureare a big part of feeling better once

(27:38):
we get to a point where wecan feel like we can do that.
So setting up structure, which includessleep. I never ever talk about feeling
well without talking about sleep. Avast majority of people I see are not
sleeping well. And many times,if we fix sleep, we can fix
everything else. Fixing sleep can beas simple as setting a structure to sleep.

(27:59):
I'm going to go to bed atX y Z time and if you're
able to and some people say,well, I'm just gonna lay there,
lay there later for a few days, allow yourself know that you're doing it
for a purpose to try and fallasleep, because it's hard to be moved
to be good if your sleep isnot structured and routine, Like if you're
feeling depressed, you're not the oneto be sleeping at whatever hour two am,
three and whatever. So I wouldsay, address sleep, whether it

(28:23):
be with structure, whether it bewith medication, whether it be with treating
underlying sleep disorders. Right, alot of people don't sleep and they think
it's normal when it's in fact theyhave sleep disorders. Sleep happening is very
very common, especially if you're likea certain body mass next size. What
happens is that people are not gettingadequate breathing and oxygenation while they're sleeping,

(28:45):
so their body keeps waking them upand so they're not sleeping. They slept,
but they've not slept, and sothey very tired and cranky. Like
when you're tired, you have lessenergy, less patience for everything you're edible
through the day. I like,so sleep, I would say, is
my probably number of sleep and movement, and my first two things. I
ask people to start looking into fixingon their own, and I want to

(29:08):
encourage people. There are resources onlineand in several places for self help,
so even if you're not with someoneyet, those are the things you can
start looking at. Then I talkabout cognitive work because a lot of the
things start up in our mind,like what we do, our thoughts and
our feelings are connected to what wedo. So tweaking one in that cycle

(29:32):
helps us tweak the other. Andso whichever one is most successible for you
to tweak first. It's much easierto tweak our action than to tweak our
thoughts, because I would I wouldsay, I think most people feel that
it's easier to stand up than tosit and think and think and think.
So if you're thinking, oh,I'm so awful, I feel sad,

(29:55):
I feel down. I wish Iwould be able to if you can,
then so, and then you layin bed, right, that's the action
with feeling depressed. You're laying inbed. But if you can tweak the
action and say, let me justget up and look out the window,
if you're able to do that,it might then help you out of the
thought punk in a reverse kind ofway. So there are a lot of

(30:17):
cognitive small self help type books onAmazon that gosh, not Amazon, but
you know out there the book's fair. I should no, I have nothing
against Amazon, but I don't liketo like market, you know, but
online, like you know that peoplecan look at self help books for like
you know, CBT, cognitive workthat can kind of help people do these
things. On their own if they'renot working with a therapist yet. It

(30:40):
doesn't replace a therapist, but itkind of sets you in the path of
making adjustments for yourself. Self carethings is well talked about, but for
many people it feels like just yetanother thing to do. Now I have
to find time on my busy calendarto go get a stage or get a
spa, or get nails or polishor whatever. But actually, if it's
something that you enjoy and it's nota burden for you, those things are

(31:03):
helpful. Now. If it's goingto become another task that's gonna make you
more irritable and angry and tired,then don't I don't bother with it,
you know. So they're those things. They are alternative, complimentary things as
well. Meditation. Meditation, Ifeel is accessible to most people. I
love meditation. They're available on apps, you can even do free ones on

(31:26):
YouTube. There are lots of likesounds like you know, like aside from
meditation, but sound like treatments likethat. You know, if you google
sleeping sat well, sleeping sounds isvery common, but like sounds to quiet
your mind. They're like people whoput these things out there for free,
like either on YouTube, Spotify orone of those listening apps you can you

(31:47):
can use. Let me see,let me think a little bit. What
am I leaving at. I'm probablyleaving a bunch of stuff out, But
those are the things that come firstto mind. No, you, actually
you You've raised a lot of goodalternatives. So thank you for that,
because I didn't even think of sleep. Honestly, I deal with my own
sleep issues off and on, butlike I didn't know that it's really common

(32:10):
for people to have sleep avenue.So like the field that I work in,
I do see that within a certainage range. But I wonder if
like there's a correlation between like mentalhealth and sleep avenue. Maybe I haven't
looked at the numbers, but Iwould definitely say, just in my own

(32:31):
like practice, I do end upsending people for sleep studies a lot,
especially if they're screen positive, likeyou know, typically if you're a certain
buddy mask to high ratio, ifyou have like you know, thick mixed
circumference, you know, those aresome of the things. And if you

(32:52):
snore, so one one big telltaleis like a heavy snorer, you know,
So those are I think three ifthose I mean things are present,
it's probably worth looking into why sleepis poor. Hmm. Interesting. So
I know that probably like educated somebody, because it definitely educated me because I

(33:12):
always thought sleep avenue was around snoring, like you said, like, that's
what I always always thought, butnever knew it could have a possible correlation
with mental health. So thank youfor that information and everything that you offer
as alternatives as well. And againthat's just alternatives, and it doesn't replace
the fact of actually going to seelike a therapist or possibly a psychiatrist.

(33:36):
You know, it's thanks to doin the meantime while you try to match
with someone. It's atin right ifyou're feeling better, those things help you
maintain too. Yeah, and havinglike a good routine. That's one thing
that I'm working on in my ownlife is like stayingle for a structured routine.
I'm a structured person, but sometimesthings happen. I fall out of
routine and it takes me some timeto get back on track. And I

(33:59):
realized when that happens, our mindis like all over the place. Yes,
and when things are constantly changing,right, like your job changes and
now you have to change your routine. You have a new person in your
life or a new path, ababy again, you have to reset your
routine all over again, and lifeis constantly changing. I think it's part
of the challenges allowing ourselves to stayflexible and mobile to then incorporating that into

(34:22):
a calendar again, like what's lifegoing to look like again? Right?
And what if things happening in youknow, society and life changing for different
reasons for many of us. Howimportant do you think that a person's environment
can influence like their mental health?Oh, very very much so. I

(34:44):
mean there's a reason a lot ofpeople mark there's a reason a lot of
people feel lower mood as it,you know, becomes fall and winter and
we lose some light. A lotof reasons, a lot of people avoid
certain people in their lives. Vironmentare a big you know, part of
how we feel. Again, howwe feel is reflected in our internal state,

(35:07):
but our external environment impacts our internalstate a lot more than we sometimes
are aware of who we're with,who we're engaging with. Right, you
could be sitting and having a happyday and someone you know flips you off
and like right, So that's that'sthat's something completely outside an external part of

(35:30):
environment. That's now changed how you'refeeling in the moment if you ad it,
if you let it, but likeyou know, immediate response could sometimes
be a change in mood until you'relike, man, I'm not gonna let
the stranger kind of that's how we'refeeling for today, and you know,
don't go and release and I'm gonnafeel good. Sunlight we winter, there's
a thing, right, it's finallyliveled in the DSM seasonal effective disorder.

(35:53):
As we lose more daytime and thingsget darker, a lot of people are
at work before it's before the sunis and they don't come back home until
after the sum's done, so peoplemiss some light for several days. We
definitely know that, you know,there is an antity Nazis and effective disorder
where people have depressions specifically relating towinter. So we know that not having

(36:15):
you know, consistence on light effectson people's mood to a point of depression
as well. So that's the environmentcritical negative people. I know that a
lot of people with anxiety that Imeet with are people whose parental voices were
highly critical. It's not right,it's not great, it's the hybred present.

(36:35):
And so there's a lot of youknow, people who grow up in
that kind of environment, for example, become hypercritical, right because we forget
the voices we have. Our voiceis not it's made up of all of
the voices that were critical and ourgrowing up years. Our voice, our
first voices when we're thinking in ourhead. We think we're thinking in our
head, but really the voices thatwe're thinking of the voices of our parents

(36:57):
or our rental figures if we canknow if they were in our bio.
But whoever our race does the voice. Our first voices are their voices.
This isn't good. This is wherewe get our ideas as children about the
world, about what to think aboutthings, and many of us go into
adulthood without refining those voices. Andso that's part of our environment. And

(37:20):
some of the work we have todo in anxiety and sote criticism is undoing
those voices and say, no,I don't want to adapt that thinking or
that judgment or that whatever that isas part of my own thinking. I
want to decide my way forward.But a lot of people are not aware
of that and carrying those voices around, and so they're like, in deep
anxiety, nothing feels good enough.If I don't have everything speaking spanding,

(37:43):
I'm less than human or less thanor not worthy. And so that's part
of our environment too, right wherewe get that from it incorporated into intil
environment. So part of work andtherapy is also sweeping that back out and
replacing it with new voices, newideas, new thoughts, our own that
we want for ourselves, not justlike faith positivity, but saying who do

(38:05):
I want to be? What arethe standards I want to set for myself?
Why how does it fit into whoI want to become? And setting
that as our own new voices.And unfortunately it's not one decision that changes
all of it, right, it'sa constant it's constant work to continue to
say, I'm hearing you know thiscritical grandma's voice again, swee sweep,
what is my voice? What's whatdo I want my primary adult voice to

(38:28):
be? And standards and how doI want to go with that? But
again that's on some you know,relationships, encounters and environments and how it
affects us internally and affects our overallmental health. Yeah, and I have
to thank you for bringing it upbecause I know I've spoke a lot about
that before, about just like theself conscious minds and different things that we've

(38:49):
picked up through the years from otherpeople and society. But society tells us
we should be as a woman ora man and how to handle things.
And as you said in the beginningof the Congress, we're looked upon to
be so strong, so we thinkwe could take on all of these things
just because and not have any otherresources or guidance that can help us along
the way. So I think,at least for me, this conversation was

(39:14):
very insightful because it's letting people knowin myself too that like, we're human
and it's okay to ask for help, and ask for help doesn't necessarily always
have to be like going to seelike a spiritual counselor or a therapist or
a psychiatrist, but started doing theself work yourself, and then if you
still need some additional assistance, thenlet me go and get some other,

(39:37):
you know, mental health assistance.And I think the encouragement from like people
like you that does this and itgenuinely cares about the clientele that you serve,
it will open people's minds to belike, you know what, Okay,
maybe I will try this, youknow. That's that's at least my
hope, you know, yeah,absolutely, And also letting people know not
not every psychiatrist suck. Everyone mightgo to TikTok them like, oh man,

(40:00):
it's awful. Not every encounter isgonna be sucky or awful, and
even you know, finding so youcan leave and move on. We have
the power m M. But youknow what, and I think from just
having conversations with people around this,a lot of people think that when you
think, when you're talking mental health, are you going to therapy or whatever,
people are going to automatically throw youon medication. And a lot of

(40:22):
people like you know, and Ihave talked about my experience with medication.
I refer to myself in the pastas a labrard, like I have been
on Yeah, girl, I've beenon a number of things because at that
particular time in my life, wehad to really figure out what was going
to help stabilize my mood and mydepression and help me get to the point
of getting calm before I can workon the next problem. And I try,

(40:46):
you know, I try to educatepeople that some psychiatrists don't necessarily just
threw you on mads, but theywanted to help get you stabilized and get
those feelings and things under control sowe can try to work through whatever else
is going on, you know,And that's a fair critique of psychiatrists I've
heard from a lot of people.Unfortunately, psychiatry moved from being a very

(41:08):
therapy based field to a biological fieldwhere it's gone and this is not you
know, this is a systemic,so acidal thing that I can have a
whole rant about on its own,But it has to do with insurance.
Initially, you know, not coveringmental health care, and now it is,
but it's not getting paid for wellanyway. So psychiatry is shifted from

(41:30):
a therapy base and a life solutionsbased to a medical base where it's all
medicines. But we know that whenwe're dealing with the human and the brain
and the mind, it's not oneor the other, it's all of it.
And so with the fallout or howthings turned into psychiatry storing fills like
people, is that instead of havingtime to talk to people, psychiatrists have

(41:52):
like you know, especially if you'regoing to a very basic clinic five minutes
seven minutes to talk to people.So problems that should be address with talk,
with solutions, with and other kindsof interventions just get like boxed into
ADSM diagnosis and a buil to matchin a very like computer you know based

(42:13):
way as opposed to let's look atyou. Okay, this thing that you
feel bad every day, but amedicine is not going to fix that,
right and and and so that's Ithink where the disconnect is. And my
hope is that more and more peoplepractice in a way that continues to honor
the age oled you know, permitiseof psychiatry of how it should you address.
Really, there are some things thatmedicines can fix. Medicines will fix

(42:34):
that. There are some things thatmedicines are not going to fix. These
are the other solutions that will fixthat. Someone you know, I work
with someone recently who had abandonments andso anytime you know, their partner says
something remotely unpleasant or critical, theyfear that that person's going to leave them,
and so they have a terrible dayand they you know, do all
kinds of horrible things to themselves.Thisicines are not going to fix that.

(42:55):
This is deep work to fix theinjured of being abandoned as a child.
All of the medicine the world isnot going to fix that, but to
help this person sit through therapy sothat they can work through that pain and
deal with it and bear it.Maybe we can give them a little bit
of medicine to help them temper downtheir reactivity, you know, all of

(43:19):
the bad feelings that feel unbearable tothe point where they do things that are
harmful to themselves and the other person. We can use medicines to help them
tolerate, you know, the feelingsin the moments until they can do the
work emotionally to heal the pain,the injury. And then once we're on
that side, we can say,hey, we don't need these nuts anymore,
or they're not you know, wecan cut them down. That is

(43:42):
the natural progression. That should bewhat treatment is like. Unfortunately, I
know that that's not what everyone's gettingout there. So I totally get it.
Why when we're like that at me, those people are leaving out the
other piece of the pie, youknow that should be there or not explaining.
Look, I'm just giving you thismed because you're having this reaction.
The pain is at a hundred.This is like a pain med for you

(44:04):
so that you can limp and doyour physical therapy right, and then once
your your cast or your bone heel, you're on the pain man anymore,
you know, we can transition onthat and or you know, something like
that. I think there's a lotof people that get caught in that basket
where they just even need meds totransition to do the work and then feel
stable and then cut things down.Oh. I love how you brought that

(44:28):
full circle and explained it because somebodysaid somebody had to say it, and
I love I've heard you explain itlike that before and you know other segments
and interviews that you've done. Sothank you for offering that on my platform.
And I hope that someone takes thatand like, Okay, let me
try this, you know, becauseit doesn't always mean that I'm going to

(44:50):
go on tons of medication. Therapydoesn't necessarily mean medication either, you know,
right, And like we talked about, there are other alternatives that you
can do while you're receiving therapy.And I think that's so important that you
brought that up. So thank youso much for that. Thank you for
this conversation. I truly do appreciateit. My last question that I ask
everyone before closing out everything is ifthere is someone that's listening right now that

(45:16):
is struggling and they're like, youknow, they're on a personal or healing
journey and they're just struggling to finda wage. You know they may be
in quickstand a little bit. Whatis some words of encouragement or advice that
you can give them right now?I would always just say that things get
better. Things can get better ifyou give it time and get the right

(45:39):
help. Second, where does youdon't have to do it alone? If
we should be alone, I thinkwe would have been maybe created on individual
planets alone. It's probably enough startsout there for us to have one each
to ourselves. We're in a communitypeople as humans, and so you never
have to go along reach out,reach out, And because mental health is

(46:02):
all of our health, a mentalillness is very common or a mental disruption,
there's probably someone you already know who'sgoing through something, even if it's
not what you're going through. Sodon't be afraid to reach out to someone
to a community for help because chancesare very high. The same way you're
hiding, they're hiding and what howbeautiful would it be if you're like,

(46:23):
hey, look I'm having a roughday to day like me too or me
too last week, but this iswhat I did to get me out.
Suddenly you're not alone anymore. Suddenlyyou can see that your problems or what
you're feeling has solutions and interventions.Imagine all the beautiful things that can happen
if we allow ourselves to not walkthe path alone and reach out to someone

(46:44):
so you're not alone, reach outand things do get better. Yes,
I love that and thank you somuch for that. Can you please tell
everyone where they can find you onsocial media if you have any anything special
deests coming up that you've like peopleto attend where they can tap in with
you at sure. So I doa lot of my speaking and sharing on

(47:07):
social media Instagram and Facebook. SoInstagram is d R underscore Bolanay that's b
O l A n l E.And as well as on Facebook it's just
Blanley dot A is my Like,you know, I share a lot of
my thoughts and conversations like this onthose platforms for our practice, if there's

(47:27):
anyone for psychiatry practice, but wealways you know, connect people to therapists
because I really do believe in thewhole sum approach to mental health treatment.
If there's someone who needs a psychiatriststill, you can reach out to our
team at BRIGHTMINDSMD dot com that's bR I, g h t A my
nds dot com to reserve or requestsand appointment. Then we providing virtual service

(47:51):
at least throughout New Jersey and NewYork. Thank you so much, doctor
Blondey. Like I said, Iappreciate this. This conversation filled me and
I hope that it motivated or encouragedsomeone else to do some more self work
or just go go get help.You know, like you said, we're
not alone, and we don't haveto fight these quiet battles alone. We
do not, we do not.Thank you so very much for having me.

(48:13):
This is fun to talk about,so not a problem, all right,
y'all. Did y'all enjoy doctor Belonlayand all of her words of encouragements
and tips that you brought today becauseshe brought it all right. Thank you
so much, doctor Belonlay for comingthrough to Carnivals of a Virgo podcast and
for dropping your expertise and all ofyour encouragement our way. I truly appreciate

(48:37):
you and all the work that youand your team is doing, and I
hope that you guys continue to dothe amazing job and to just help conquer
this mental health environment again. Alldoctor Belonley's information will be listed in the
description box below, So if you'resomeone that is seeking support that lives in
the New Jersey or New York area, please buy means reach out, or

(48:59):
if you just wanted to be withher on social media, her social media
and links will be below all right, overall, I hope this conversation was
a pivotal point in someone's life thatmaybe in a space where you are seeking
mental health support or you're just dealingwith the daily struggles of life and trying
to find balance. The overall thingfor me from this conversation was that we

(49:20):
are all human. We all havegood days, we all have bad days,
but that does not necessarily always meansomething is wrong. Sometimes we just
have to readjust our schedules, ourplans, or even our life and just
try to figure out a better pathto navigate. But overall, there's not
always something wrong when we think itis, and in cases where we may
be tackling a whole bunch of rolesand carrying a whole bunch of baggage.

(49:45):
It is okay. Hear me loudand clear, look at me in my
eyes if you're watching me on YouTube. It is okay to ask for help,
and it is okay to not beokay, and it's okay to admit
that you're not okay or that youneed help. I think in my hopes
for everyone is for us to moveaway from this society that asks for help
or even being a person that needssome support is a it's some kind of

(50:08):
weakness because it's not it is notokay. So until we can reach that
mark, that mark as a community, as a culture, and just overall,
just know that there are people outthere that truly do care, and
that there are other ways of navigatingmental health other than medications, because I

(50:28):
know that's a big thing for alot of people because it was for me
on my journey. Okay, Sothere are other ways that you can navigate
daily life. Doctor Beloney listed aplethora of things in this conversation, so
if you miss them, reminding back, go check it out and see what
she said. Otherwise, just openyour mouth and say something, okay.
And although I know that sometimes itcan be hard for us to talk about

(50:52):
things that hurt us or kind ofput our words and feelings to words,
just know that somebody out there iswaiting to hear from you, whether you
think about think if it or not. People are in these roles for a
reason, okay, And sometimes ittakes a few times to find the right
person to talk to you if you'relooking for like clinical support. But just
know that you're not alone and youdo not have to navigate these high orders

(51:14):
or life alone. I don't care, but nobody told you you don't have
to. It takes community, Okay. So I hope you guys gained something
from this episode. Please buy me. Wherever you're listening, let me know
what you think. Whether you're commenton social media, let me know what
you think about the episode DM me, or you can either email me Chronicles
of a Virgo twenty two at gmaildot com, follow me on social media

(51:37):
Chronicles of a Virgo podcast on mysocial media platforms Twitter, as y'all like
to say X, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, whoever your preference is,
and definitely come subscribe to our YouTubechannel because it got some videos up there
for y'all to check out as wellfrom previous episodes. But overall, please

(51:57):
find balance. If you need since, please reach out DM me. We
can find and navigate some resources together. Okay, the one shot to navigate
life by itself. So again,thank you guys so so very much for
supporting me my platform and for tappingin with this episode. And yes,
please remember guys to take care ofyourselves, but most importantly take care of

(52:21):
each other. Peace out. Thankyou for listening to an episode of Chronicles
of a Vigal podcast with me yourfavorite favorite verbal host, Shikita Johnson.
Your support me is the world tome as I want to continue to see
you all pricer and grow. Pleasejoin me back next Wednesday, were we
will continue to dive into more canit and empower on conversations that we'll get

(52:45):
you a step closer to stepping intoa new skilled individual. Remember you're not
alone on your journey. Please don'tforget to subscribe to us on social media
at Chronicles of a Verbal Podcast onall social media platforms and the YouTube chant.
Check out our website and blog atChronicles of Avirgo dot website dot com.

(53:06):
All links will be listed in thedescription box below. Until next time,
beautiful souls, keep rising from thoseashes and stay true to here and
know your girl loves you. PeaceOut,