Relationship & Marriage Wisdom ft Willie & Fionna

Welcome back to another episode of Chronicles of a Virgo Podcast! This week, I had the honor of chatting with the wonderful hosts of "The Things About Us Podcast," Willie and Fionna. We delved into the topic of navigating relationships and marriage. Using their own relationship and marriage as a catalyst, they took us on a personal journey and shared valuable advice for others navigating their own relationships or marriages.

Through this conversation, you'll hear the inspiring story of how this beautiful couple, Willie and Fionna, successfully blended their families and became one despite facing adversities on both sides. They delve into the benefits of maintaining open communication in their relationship and marriage while allowing each other to preserve their true identities and individual interests.

Willie and Fionna emphasize the importance of supporting each other's personal growth, encouraging pursuits that nurture their partner's passions. They share how this approach has allowed their marriage to thrive continuously. This discussion also highlights the benefits of creating a solid foundation in relationships, focusing on authenticity rather than conforming to social norms or the often-unrealistic portrayals of relationships on social media. 

By sharing Willie and Fionna's personal journey, we aim to provide listeners with practical advice on blending families, preserving individual identities, and creating a solid foundation for a thriving partnership. This episode also seeks to challenge social norms and highlight the importance of authenticity in relationships.

Ways to connect with Willie and Fionna:

Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/1nUmvsd2wYGBEMI7jE0SrD

IG: https://www.instagram.com/thething_aboutuspodcast/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100074445013375

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheThingAboutUs

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thethingaboutuspodcast


Ways to connect with me:

Blog and website: https://chroniclesofavirgo.wixsite.com/my-site

IG: https://www.instagram.com/chronicles_of_a_virgo_podcast

FB: https://www.facebook.com/ChroniclesOfAVirgoPodcast

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chronicles_of_a_virgo

Twitter: https://twitter.com/___Chiquita___

Chronicles of a Virgo Podcast is a part of the "Unfiltered Studio Network:

https://www.unfpod.com/


Disclaimer: "This podcast and website represents the opinions of Chiquita Johnson and her guests to the show and website. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent the place of any mental health or medical professional.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
This podcast is a production of UnfilteredStudios. If you would like to know
more about joining Unfiltered Studios, pleasevisit our website at unfpod dot com for
more information. Welcome to the Chroniclesof a Verbal podcast, the podcast dedicated
to the transformative journey of healing,mental health and personal growth. I'm your

(00:22):
favorite favorite verbal host, Shakita Johnson, and together we'll continue to turn our
vulnerability into strength. As a sexualassault survivor and mental health advocate, I
have a learned to sort through theashes of my trauma and turn my pain
into power. And this podcast isrepresentation that healing is possible. And each
episode we'll dive deep deep into conversationsabout overcoming challenges, find your inter strength,

(00:48):
and emerging from life trials like aFeelings from the Ashes. We may
even have some friends drive by fromtime to time. Get ready to be
inspired and empowered as we embark ona rewarding journey of self discovery. So
sit back and relax and let's getinto some healing. All right, y'all,
Welcome back to another episode of Chroniclesof a Virgo podcast, and as

(01:11):
usual, I am your favorite favoritefavorite Virgo host Shakita Johnson and today,
guys, I am honored to havethis lovely couple, this, these guests
on joining us today. This isthis is actually going to be an amazing
conversation. So hope you guys stayto the end. But today, y'all,
I have I feel like I needa drum roll for them, but

(01:34):
I don't have drums. But Ihave the lovely host of the Things about
Us podcast, the Queen Fiona andthe King Willie joining me today. How
are you guys doing doing great?Thanks for having us. Yes, thank
you guys for coming. I'm soglad that you guys are here finally on

(01:57):
the chronicles of a Virgo podcast.I know I've been to your show a
few times, so I am sohonest to have you guys here to talk
to me my listeners, because we'regoing to get into some things, as
you know. That's good. Yes, But first and foremost, we gotta
do our lovely mental health check.Okay, So we checking in with our
mental health, see how we arefeeling, making sure everything is aligned and

(02:21):
we are balanced. Reading our mentalhealth and scaler one to five. Five
being that we are in a goodspace. One being that we're not in
the best space. There's some roomfor porn, but we are managing.
So see, how are you feelingtoday on a scale of one to five.
On a scale of one to five, I'm a seven point three six,
and that is because Friday was thelast day of school. For those

(02:45):
of you who don't know, Iam a school teacher, and so yes,
it just doesn't get any better thanEllen. Great. I think you
are my first guests in the whatthree seasons? Three three years? Wait,
you know, I'm all I'm sofar you're my first guest in two
years of this show saying something higherthan what was what it was going to

(03:09):
be. So that is good.You're off the charts. I loves Yes,
I love that. Okay, King, how are you On a scale
of one to five, I'm ata five. I'm good. I'm I've
been going through another transition this week, so I'm at a five. Okay,

(03:29):
okay, five in it out today. I'm sorry, started asking questions
like it was my no ask himagain, So what transitions you're going through
this thing? I've just been likein this in this tunnel vision. I
did a good detox of social mediathis week. Not a lot of like

(03:54):
podcasts. I've just been like nobooks, like music multi like instrumental type
music. So I've just been reallyzoned out and just really just just in
my own space. I'm looking forwardto that transition. That's what I'm about

(04:14):
to transition upon, and I amso looking forward to it. Yes,
Yes, that is so oh soproud of you, Lily. I'm probably
both of y'all fiveing it out sevenand a half in it out today,
I am fiving it out with you, Okay, probably seven it y'all know.

(04:34):
I just these past few weeks havejust been tremendous for me, Like
words can't explain how I feel.So anytime I get a five or higher,
I just celebrate that. I celebrateanything feeling below that, just because
I try to embrace all my feelings. But I resonate a lot with what
Willy said, because I've been inthat same space as well, like trying

(04:56):
to limit my screen time in haven'treally listened to a lot of anything audio
besides like my binarial beats or someof my R and B music, you
know, were working out, butjust more purposes of just being with myself,
cutting off some of the outside chatterand it has been doing me some
justice. So I felt mentally testedthis week, Like yeah, it was

(05:19):
like, yeah, you you violatingmy space right now mentally, So I
really did. I felt I felttested this week. And I think just
along that line, I think alot of my release comes from not having

(05:42):
a take on all of those otherenergies. You know, when I'm in
a class with twenty six twenty sevenkids and there's no telling who's bringing what
that day or who what's going toset them off at what point, and
that releases a lot for me becauseyou know, we've talked about it before,

(06:06):
just the effect emotionally of working withkids and some of the emotions that
they carry and don't necessarily know howto deal with. So I'm looking forward
to being that space child. Yeah, but I've said this before, I
have to deal with those adults thatare still stuck in that space. They

(06:30):
never figured it out, you knowwhat I mean, So I have to
deal with them. So it's otherpeople's kids, yeah, other people's kids,
all of that. Yeah. Yeah, but you know, I think
the most important key in all ofthat is just making sure that you are

(06:55):
balanced and you are taken care of, because when you're at a certain level
and you're able to, you know, ignore certain things for the most part,
right besides the stuff that you're responsiblefor. And sometimes I feel like
I am so much in my bubblethat nothing or no one outside of me
like Unfortunately, it does not matter. You know, you can pick an

(07:16):
argument with me, and I'm probablyjust like, you know what, you
got it because at this point you'renot going to mess upize in okay.
So I definitely understand if he yes, you'll be going to send some good
juju, some good pasardvies to you, so when your summer vacation starts,
you will be living your best life. I'm taking all of that, all

(07:38):
of it, excepting all the goodbaths. Yes, and make sure it
will he be good and nice toyou over there too, because otherwise we're
gonna have to square up. I'mgonna take you. I'm gonna tell you
now. The only thing he's probablygonna have to worry about he is when
he gets home from work and he'sready to be in his bubble, and

(08:03):
I'm like, and he's gonna belike, hold up, baby, h
was I was I waiting for yourback? Was waiting for you to just
talk about it anything. No,it's and it's gonna be the fifteen phone
calls and text messages I get throughafter day And you know what, this
is what kills me about that youalways want to put it on me.

(08:26):
But he knows when I'm off inthe summer, who's blowing, Who's phone
up a little way around? It'show you know, So it's always me.
It's not you. You don't Youdon't call me and text me in
the summer in the month. No, what I do is I forget because

(08:46):
I call it. I'm in myroutine, so I called to make sure
that you are moving around. SoI forget. It's gonna take me about
a week or so to remember,like, oh, she's still sleep and
that's it. That's the only time. Yes, yes, yes, the

(09:07):
whole face lie and he knowed oncamera. See this is this is given
everyone a preview of how this conversationis about to it's gonna go, yeah,
because it is. But you knowwhat, I thank you guys for
participating in the mental health check andI do those as a way to hold

(09:30):
myself and guests and listeners accountable.To check in with yourself, listen to
that daily, the inner dialogue thatyou're having and make sure you're just in
a better space. And if you'renot, don't feel ashamed that you're not
okay, because it is okay tonot be okay. Ask for help or
just take a break or try tofind some other, you know, healing
modality to bring you to calm.All right, well, let's get into

(09:54):
this conversation because y'all already kind ofgave everybody some previews the Lord we're gonna
be talking talking about. So todaywe're gonna be talking about just navigating love
and navigating marriage because, like Isaid, Willie and Fiona are the hosts
of the Things about Us podcasts andit's a relationship podcast and maybe getting into
some good conversations, you know.So I'm going to use them as a

(10:18):
catalyst today to talk about just navigatinglove and marriage because on their show,
they don't only talk about things that'sgoing on in society, but they also
put their relationship in their marriage onthe forefront. So I got some questions
and I think they may have someanswers, you know, for my little
single self over here. So Iknow y'all talk a lot when y'all show,

(10:43):
like I said about just you knowhow marriage and relationships and things have
changed over time, and social mediaand being could be the influence behind a
lot of that. Let's dive intoy'all love life a little bit, like
how long have y'all been married?And how did you guys meet? All

(11:05):
that? All that jazzy stuff.Well, we're going on eight years.
No, you don't even know whatanniversary did we just celebrate? See what
happens? We just had. Wejust had, you know, the long

(11:31):
policy was counting what it was.You ain't come on, you ain't come
on here to date to get introuble. We just yeah, it was
we hadn't married eight years. Itwas it was because this is the thing,
Shaquita not factor in the Dayton Parkand the friendship part. So it's

(11:56):
a on page people that was midwives, But outside that we talking eighteen years.
No, no, no, we'veknown, we've known each other long.
I'll tell you what's so funny isin my memories we just uh,
according to Facebook, we just celebratedfourteen years. Yeah, friendship on face

(12:22):
Oh wow, So basically that's fourteenyears from the time I was in your
dams. You shot your shot.I yes, and no, Hm,
she did she shot her shot.I did. I ain't come at you.
I was just I just requested himas a friend. She she did
like she did like in between thelad took the ball behind her back,

(12:48):
faked it to the one person,and then brought it back and then shot
did Wow. So you guys connectedthrough social media like a through friends or
anything, just social media. Actually, his sister was my nail tech,

(13:09):
and so I have known him becauseshe started doing my nails before I had
my daughter. And my daughter justturned twenty one. M h, So
I have known him. What wasabout she's maybe twenty yeah ye, so
yeah that I've known him. Butthat Facebook notification was probably the beginning of

(13:37):
our of our friends friendship. Yeahyeah, so you guys created some type
of friendship bond before you dived intodating. Oh yeah, dating was never
even Yeah, that was never Yeah, it was. It was it was
fixed book, it was Facebook.I mean most people do a lot of

(14:01):
way back then. I don't knowif they did back then. Used as
a hook up, but it wasnot friends. Remember it was back then?
Was the poke poke? Oh yeah, I didn't poke him though,
I didn't let let the record showI did not poke him. That is
a lie. That is a lie. So she poked once a few That

(14:30):
was probably after we became friends,just like to get your attention. Okay,
so we know mm hmm, butyou but I will I will say
this. I remember the first timeI saw him, and you know,
I always tell this story. Itwas something about him that drew me,

(14:54):
and I always say it was ithad to be his energy, because it
wasn't. It wasn't a physical attraction. It was something about his energy that
made me take notice of him.Mhm. You know. It wasn't the

(15:15):
sixth food, the six foot dudewith her yeah, chilling, that wasn't
it. It was your energy.It was the vibes coming. So what
do you guys, because y'all hadthe dating stage clearly before you jumped into

(15:35):
a relationship and got married. Sowhat do you guys consider dating? We
didn't have We didn't really honestly,we didn't have a dating we honestly,
y'all just jumped in here first.Well, and it's funny when you asked
this question because sometimes I don't evenreally know how to explain it. We
were friends when we became friends.I wasn't in a relationship and he was

(16:00):
in a relationship, but like Isaid, it was literally just friends.
And then there was a point wherewe were both in relationships and then we
were out of relationships, but wewere just really good. We were friends
where we would either talk or textevery day. Yeah, and then there

(16:21):
was a point where I guess Ihad my introvert or depression point and we
didn't talk and we didn't talk forit. It was a while I was
here. It's like, how yougonna gost me? But how can your
friends? You can thank you canthank you. But we were friends.

(16:45):
Like I said, we would talkevery day and it wasn't it was a
genuine friendship. And it's hard totell. It's hard to pinpoint when the
crossover happened because he was just hewas and he was such a good friend.

(17:12):
I can't pinpoint how the crossover happened, but it was like we were
friends. And I don't know ifit was just like maybe an aha,
it was alcohol. But you knowwhat, that's like symbolism showing that like
men and women can just be haveplatonic friendships and it doesn't have to be

(17:37):
anything physical. It doesn't have tobe anything sexual, Like you clearly said
that there was at a point wherehe was in a relationship and then you
was in a relationship and y'all arestill friends, and it wasn't none of
that extra stuff. And I thinklike nowadays there's so many different like narratives
that like men and women can't haveplatonic friendships. There always has to be
like that physical aspect, that sexualattraction, and it's like, no,

(18:00):
I just want to be your friends, you know. And like one thing
that I'm learning, and like I'vebeen learning these last couple of years since
my last relationship, is I knowthat I hadn't had like the healthiest foundation
in the past before jumping into arelationship. It wasn't no really getting to

(18:21):
know like all aspects of that personand just learning these different things. And
I'm already in it. It's liketoo late now, it's like I have
to accept it because I'm in it. You know. Was there ever a
phase in you guys relationship where youwere like learning each other and it was
just like, oh my goodness,it's too much, or you're learning each

(18:41):
other and you're just embracing all ofthe parts of each other because you love
one another. That didn't happen forme in till after she moved in.
I don't know what. I don'tknow what it is. I'll move in.
It's like it's a whole different world. It's a whole different world.

(19:07):
Like y'all come over. You know, you may leave a tooth brush or
your you know, your your brushor whatever. But then when you go
in the breashroom and it's like,wait a minute, the same where I
left my deodoran, Wait a minute, why is all this stuff in these
drawers? And then stuff start comingup missing. Oh yeah, I threw

(19:29):
that away. It was dingy.And he's like, well I didn't.
I didn't sign off on that.What do you mean you through the Yeah,
I didn't. And then then yougo in the kitchen. Why is
the forks on this side of thetrade and I had them on this side.
I don't like getting my fart fromthat side. I like getting it
from this side. Baby, comeback to the question, because you just

(19:55):
I was you want to ask thequestion? He lost? He lost best
question. Trigger triggered, triggered,triggered him. I'll still trigger, but

(20:17):
I'll apologize. Look now I gotto try to remember what the original question
was. No, the question waswas there a part a time in a
relationship when you guys started learning differentthings about one another, And it may
have been that thought like, ohthis is too much, or during the
time of learning different parts of oneanother, you were just able to embrace

(20:38):
it and just continue to learn howto love and deal with each other.
Clearly Wally did because all these yearslater, y'all still together, So it
didn't matter if you threw out thedingy socks and move the orderant because and
I think the answer is going tobe different for both of us, simply
because this is my second marriage.Now, I will say that that the

(21:04):
friendship part was what what terminology amI looking for? The friendship part is
what created the bond. I thinkit was the unbreakable bond. And I
say that because I didn't meet hisrepresentative. I met who he was,

(21:30):
because it wasn't necessarily trying to impresseach other or you know, trying to
get him to like me or heardher like me, because there wasn't any
There wasn't really anything at stake oranything to gain. It was just like,
hey you, No, it wasreally an easy it was a smooth

(21:55):
transition. I wanted to that soit that's why I like when when we're
ass is like we don't know,because it once we decided that we was
going to start being more than friends, it was just like this weird,
smooth transition, you know what Imean, Like like nothing really had changed

(22:18):
other than seeing her every day andthen you know, waking up beside each
other that that was the only difference. So everything just floted organically. Yeah.
Yeah, And as far as youknow, going back to what he
was saying about the moving in,I think that was probably more traumatic for

(22:41):
him than me in the sense thatI had having been married before, I
understood what the transition was going tobe like because my ex husband was the
first time I had lived with theman he was the second time, and

(23:06):
honestly, for the first year ofthat it was like arguing over little things
and not arguing not arguing. Itwas like the disagreements over little things because
you've been you and they have beenwho they are and now you're putting it
together and when you do things differently. So the good thing about me in

(23:32):
that time is being aware of myfeelings and the reality of what was going
on, Okay, is this worthyou know, in argument because he leaves
the toilet seed up or you knowwhat I'm saying. But it was just
little things that when yeah, andso I knew that was gonna happen.

(23:52):
It's always little things that disrupt theflow. It's always the little thing,
always. And then too with himbeing uh, I don't even know if
not necessarily single so long, butbeing on his own for so long and

(24:15):
being setting his ways and not havingto adapt, and and then not just
having to adapt to me because Icame with kids. Yeah, so it
was even you know, an evenbigger transition. Now, how was that
whole transition? I don't think Iever heard you guys talk about that,
like transitioning from being I guess single, you know, not being in a

(24:37):
relationship for a while, and thentransitioning with someone that has children. It
was it was. It was trying. It was difficult, it was and
it was very difficult at times.It was difficult for me in the sense

(25:00):
of at first I felt like wewere walking on egg shells, you know,
because this, you know, wemoved in to his home, so
it was like, this is hisspace and he's so used to this,
and do I touch this? Ido not touch this. It was difficult
in the sense with kids, himnot having kids, and then me having

(25:27):
kids and being a teacher. Ithink I was used to it own,
I was used to it, andthen him not. So that's from my
perspective, stressful stressful for me.For me, it was stressful. Yeah,

(25:51):
I don't think it was because Ithink we had a conversation, not
per se a Shels, But itwas just like cause when you're used to
having your space, you used tohaving your space, and then, like
I said, you put something somewhereand then you come back to like where
is it at? And then nobodyknows nothing, So you're like, Okay,

(26:15):
now we got a problem, youknow what I'm saying. So that
that was the type of issues.And then it's like, well it was
clean, went to bed, andnow it's it's dirty. It's jack that
what's going on? You know?So that was the type of the type
of situations we was having, youknow what I mean. And then of

(26:37):
course I guess because I'm a firesign, Hey, this needs to be
done, this needs to be done. And then if it doesn't get done,
that's a whole other blow up,you know what I mean. So
there was there wasn't a power strugglebetween meat and feet. It was a

(26:59):
power strug between the kids and us, you know, because I say,
I say something and then they goto her and she's like, oh,
you know, I'm like no,no, no, no no no no.
Right, He's like, I said, I had told them this,
this and this, and so thenthen they got pissed when it became a
united front and they couldn't Yeah.Yeah, yeah. Once I put her

(27:22):
up on game on what they wasdoing, she was like oh, and
I was like yeah. So thenwe came, we became the Avengers,
and it was Yeah, it wasa wrap. But that's good though,
because you know, you hear alot of times where some couples they remain
split. You know, I don'twant to always blame it on the kids

(27:44):
are splitting, but the couple,you know, the mom and dad may
not see things the same, youknow, But you guys were able to
communicate the Hey, I think thismay be what the problem is, and
this is what the solution can be. And it worked out in favor of
you guys. So that's good.I remember when my mom started dating my
sister's father. We moved in withhim, and I was in elementary school

(28:08):
and it was so different, andof course I'm only going to want to
listen to my mom, Like whois this man telling me what to do?
You know? Who is this mantaking all my mom's time? Like
I was only child for eleven years, you know, just me and her.
So I can remember as a kidthat being a trying time because I'm
not going to listen to nothing thisman tells me what to do. I

(28:30):
need to hear it from her.And then it came to some point that
I don't know how it happened ontheir end, but I had no choice
but to start listening to to thisman because now you're sending him to pick
me up from school and stuff,so like here we are, you know.
So that's that's good representation though,And Fee, this just came to
my mind because I've heard you mentionedthis a few times on y'all podcast.

(28:56):
And this goes back like to likethe whole dating conversation. You recommend dating
a mama's boy. Yes, now, can you explain that? And when
I say I recommend dating a mama'sboy, I don't mean a mama's boy
in the sense that you know howwe have controlling mothers. Who you know,

(29:18):
I mean, a man that takescare of his mom, checks on
his mom, who makes sure she'sall right, because that's the best man
to have. If a man takescare of his mom, he's naturally gonna
take care of you. If aman takes care of his mom in that

(29:41):
sense, you you know that hethat he has a respect for women and
what women do. He recognizes,you know, the struggle she made,
the sacrifice, you know, andthe archy. You know what I'm saying

(30:02):
of the relationship. And I alwayssay that she told me she was like,
you took my baby from me.She was serious, but not in
a malicious kind of way. Butit wasn't we have a Me and his
mom have a great relationship. Butshe also knew that once he found a

(30:23):
woman, the right woman, thatyou know, to let go. Yeah,
but he still cost his mom everynight. He still checks on his
mom. He still makes sure,Hey, how you feeling, what you're
doing, what you eat? Youknow what I'm saying. Yeah, And
I have a zero problem with that. Yeah. And as a matter of

(30:45):
fact, that someday you talk toyour mama yet, you talk to your
mama yet? But you know whatthat also speaks on his character of being
able to open his home to you, not saying like y'all needed him,
right, but hey, any ofkids, y'all living with me? He
embraced y'all because you know nowadays,child, no, I just want you
and I don't need them kids.You know what I'm saying, like,

(31:08):
that's so unfortunate. And I'll tellyou the one thing one of the things
about him too that further let meknow is he was the first one who
mentioned integrating the kids to our relationship. And it was my emotional baggage that

(31:32):
was prolonging that. Now after Ihad been after me and my ex husband
separated and divorced, my family hadthe kids, had experienced the loss,
and honestly, at that time Ihad two kids, but I also had
custody of my niece and my nephew, so I had four kids and with

(31:57):
them having death with the divorce,and not only that, I had my
niece and my nephew because my sisterpassed away. Now we had suffered so
much loss that when I was dating, I didn't my kids didn't know I
was dating because I wasn't going tobring anyone to them that I wasn't sure

(32:22):
of. And so I had dateda guy. We had been dating a
whole year before I even let himmeet my children, and we went a
relationship, got engaged to be married, and he cheated. That was okay.
My son was devastated. And whenI say devastated, when I told

(32:49):
them and I told him he was, he was like, well, what's
his phone number? And I waslike, you know, mom, but
think I was like, I deletedit from my phone. He went to
get a phone book to try tolook up his number because he felt like
he could say something that would changeit. So I got mad at myself

(33:12):
because I let my son develop thisbond with someone who ended up creating another
loss for him. And so whenit came to us, it just I
don't even think I consciously did it. I think I subconsciously just still kept

(33:34):
it two separates, and he waslike, you know, we need to
start doing things together, so youknow they know this is a relationship and
you know, integrating this whole unit. That's different for a man to make
that initiative. Welly, what madeyou take that initiative and invite that in

(34:00):
from experience. Because I was thatchild, so I understood it. I
mean there was even with her sonthat was we had our issues and she
didn't understand the approach I was takingbut dealing with him, and she was

(34:21):
like, well, so you justdone. I was like, no,
you he has to be comfortable andbe ready to want to have that relationship
with me. I can't force himto have that relationship. That's up to
him. So that's the approach Ihad to take with trying to blend,

(34:42):
you know, everybody together and stuff. So because I was, I was
that kid. It took me along time to understand that and accept that
too, because him and my daughterkind of organically developed this really, really
good relationship and it was in thatway, and I felt like he was

(35:02):
like avoiding him or ignoring him.And once he really sat me down and
explained, I understood. I think. I think boys and girls are totally
different when it comes to things likethat. I think in your in your
daughter's case, she was looking forthat male figure, father figure, you

(35:28):
know what I mean, because shewas she was in mil No, she
was in elementary, middle school,she was inschol elementary. Yeah, I
don't know, but she was ashe was at she was at that age
to where daughters are kind of lookingfor that father figure guidance, you know
what I mean. So it waseasier between me and her. And she's

(35:49):
a far signed too, So yeah, so that makes a lot of sense.
But I'm glad that you know,they had you as that male figure
and you puffed it out despite howpuffy may have been or discouraging. And
then see you, you know,kind of let your guard down a little,

(36:09):
despite the other adversities and things thatyou faced in previous relationships and things.
Listening, it just seems like everythingjust flows so organic with y'all that
you could not even have any resistancebecause it was just meant to be.
You know what I'm saying. Howhave you guys been able to maintain a

(36:30):
healthy marriage. I a male tony, you know what, he is,
going out, showing out, showingout. But and I'm gonna say it,

(36:53):
and I say it all the time, it was the friendship, remember
that, lady. And the onething I always say, it's easier said
than done, because most relationships areborn from that physical attraction first, and

(37:17):
so it's hard to tell somebody befriends first because they're physically attracted first,
the friendship and it's simply what hewas such a good friend, and that's
just you know, the testament tothe person he is. He's not a

(37:39):
he's not a people person, butif you're if you're one of his people,
you're one of his people. Andif he loves, he loves hard.
So he was. He's the typeof person who and he was a
type of friend who paid attention.He listens, sent to things, he

(38:00):
watched things even when I didn't realize, and it showed up in the little
things that he would do. Andso that's that's the basis of it all.
Yeah, everybody's gonna be different,everybody's gonna be different of just paying

(38:22):
attention. Honestly, I tell thisstory. I've told this story before.
There was a time right when wefirst, you know, got together.
We weren't even married yet, Idon't think I don't think we were married
yet. And I had moved inand I had this this I don't know
if it was some kind of bills, some kind of financial something came up

(38:45):
and it was like five hundred dollarsand I was like, oh my god,
what am I going to do?I don't have this? And I
was like internally intermal hadn't said anythingthat him because again in my past history
with men in relationships money always mendon't do it deal well with financial stress,

(39:15):
you know, and that's with meand being providers. Okay, you
got that, you know. Okay, how am I going to handle this?
So I didn't even bring it tohim. So I had been struggling
with this, probably for about aweek and I went to work one day.
When I got to work, Igot a test text message from him

(39:36):
and it's and it said, whateverit is or whenever you're ready to talk,
I'm here. I hadn't said anything, you know. I think I'm
covering it up. I'm moving likea champ, you know, just trying
to handle whatever. But he knewwhatever it was he had picked up on

(39:58):
and I guess after so many dayshe was like, Okay, whatever it
is, when you're ready, letme know. But that's how attentive he
was, you know. And hewas even like that, you know,
as a friend. He was likethat, Oh, sorry, what was

(40:20):
the what was the original question?So now I'm rambling, is that what
you're saying no, she wasn't shespecified, And I was like in TWNE
with it because I was going tomake a point that nowadays, sometimes it's
hard to find someone to like payattention to those every not say every aspect

(40:42):
for like the things that truly matter, because she was dealing with a stressor
and like never said anything. Shewas faking it that she made it.
But you picked up on those signs, right, And this is what I
meant by things flowing organically, youknow. But the initial question was how
are you guys able to maintain ahealthy marriage? And that went from okay,

(41:05):
the foundation being as a friend,having a healthy and open foundation as
friends, and then y'all maintain thatfriendship. For me, I think she
made fun of me one time whenI said, this is we shouldn't really

(41:27):
focus on being married. We shallstill focus on being friends, because it
seems like once people get married,it becomes transactional versus do the people you
know, the people who you seewho's been married for fifty sixty years and
stuff, and it's my best friend, it's my best friend. We don't

(41:51):
go, don't we don't do nothing, no, y ya ya ya.
Those those those marriages are people.They're not focusing on being married. They
focusing on this is my friend,you know what I mean. So that
that's how I look at it.And it's focusing on each other. You
know. When you can get arelationship, you get that day to day,

(42:13):
go to work, come home,bills, the kids. But we
always have time where it's just we'refocusing on each other, you know.
And he always says he with himbeing an introvert and me being the extrovert,
and he's like, you always running, you always doing this, but

(42:37):
now sometimes it makes me mad.But I now I want to be home
in his space? What because Iremember a conversation last year y'all had about
that when you wanted to go likeyou're y'all was talking about you going out
with your girlfriends and I think tothe movies or something, and he he

(43:00):
just wanted to be up under you. And he's like, it's okay to
go out. And now you're sayingthat you want to be home. I
am shocked. Oh I remember,no, No, but I was you
correct. What I was saying waswhen we go when when we go out,
I just want to be with her, So like when we go like

(43:22):
to parties and whatever it is.I'm not there to meet the other people.
I don't care about the other people. I'm there with you, So
I'm trying to be with you.Mh. But yes, you are correct,
Yes, yeah, but yeah andI we empty neestas now Yeah,

(43:46):
and that had that too, anditself has drawn us like even closer.
Yeah yeah, no, yeah,I know you guys talked some about that
a lot about that actually on yourshow. I'm thinking about certain stuff that
y'all said about me. Yeah,y'all y'all talked about it, you know,

(44:13):
But what things or do you guyshave any like specific strategies or tools
or anything that help you guys likekeep your communication open and healthy. I
know that the human side of usa lot of times want to withhold things
and our feelings just because we maynot want to pour that out on the

(44:35):
other person. So is it thesame in marriages, because again I'm single,
I don't know how this this stuffwork, you know. Is it
the same in marriages where you feellike sometimes you can't pour out on that
person and you may withhold those feelingsor is it just like no, that's
that's my that's my person, LikeI know for a fact that I can

(44:57):
always go to this person with justabout anything I say. I'm gonna say
this before I get into it.There there was a time, well one
of the things that Fee told mewhile we was friends, or as we
was getting and we was migrating toto be a couple. M hm.

(45:17):
You know how you know, womenhas they has they they have the list
of needs and wants you know,in the relationship. Yeah, yeah,
uh, she wants somebody to communicate. But even as a friend, she
would say, lo, you know, she's being relationships and guys you know,

(45:42):
didn't didn't talk, didn't didn't knowhow to communicate. So now boom,
I got you. It's right here. I'm with you. So now
I'm communicating. But the way she'slooking at me is like I'm over communicating.
M So. So it's one ofthose things where be careful what you

(46:02):
asked for because you're gonna get it. So she got it, and she
didn't know how to take that.So so now so now we had hit
a wall because hey, hey,I'm gonna talk. Hey, so look,
so check this out. So thishappened, and then that's happened,
and I'm like, and then shejust looking at me like like like,

(46:27):
why are you telling me all this? I'm like, because you said that
you wanted somebody. How's your day? You know, stuff like that,
it was okay? All right then, so what happened in your day?
What made it okay? M hmm, Willie, what made it okay?
You know that type of stuff.So big ladies, be careful for what

(46:51):
you asked for. And it's funnybecause I'm the introvert, but she's my
person. So to me, wejust talk and I tell you what's so
funny about that? I remember,you know, while we were going through
that, and I'm going through thatphase and I'm talking to my dad,
Mario. I was talking to mydad and I was like, man,

(47:12):
it's like he's an introvert so muchhe saves it all up for me.
When he comes home, it's likeall day he don't talk to nobody because
he don't like people, and hewants to let me know all about it.
But like you said, that wasbe careful what you wish for and
then really understanding what that means.And also to answer your question, when

(47:38):
you're with somebody who and you andyou will know, beyond the shadow of
a doubt. If that's your person. Now, I'm gonna say that with
the caveat Sometimes women we fall inlove with the potential of what they could
be. But when you have someonewho is that and you know, you

(48:02):
exhale because he is my safe space. He knows all of my crazy and
he loves me anyway, and soI can all the craziness. There are
times when and this was the otherday, I think I came home and

(48:29):
I'm just whatever. It was atschool and I'm just and he's looking at
me like okay, but I knowhe's like whatever, but I'm okay with
just going or rah. And thereason is crazy is blah blah blah blah
blah blah and this kid blahlah blahand his mama and blah blah blah blah

(48:51):
blah. And then I stopped becausehe's given me the blanks there because I'm
having diary at the mauth getting itall out. So then I shut up
him like and then bah bah,but he understands, Yeah, I mean
that that's that's you. I know, that's you decompressing versus then versus you

(49:15):
complaining. There's there's a difference betweenthe two. So when you decompressing,
it's like I'm not supposed to speak. This is just me just listening.
I just listen. And then atfirst, like some keynotes, you know,
I may remember it, but alot of times it's just herd is
decompressing. So it's just like allright, right, But by then a

(49:37):
lot of times I've already had myasha gandha, so it's just like,
yeah, yeah, you're really inyour falls. And then listen, I
know, he just knows. Ineed to make eye contact until she stops
yeah, and then stand for aboutfive to ten seconds more mm hm,

(49:59):
so fake consult and then I canwalk away. But and that's and and
part of what makes it work isjust us understanding, even understanding that mm
hmm. You said a few afew good things. But one thing made
me think of this, like videoI saw on TikTok and the girl said

(50:21):
that no one prepares you for beingno one prepares you what it feels like
to be in a safe and healthyrelationship when you're used to being in unhealthy
and chaotic relationships. And it's likewhen you're used to all like arguing all
the time and just a lot ofconflict and infidelity, and then you find

(50:43):
your person and you're in the safespace and this person listens to you and
you can reside in your full femininity. It's like, Okay, this does
not feel right like some like becauseyou're not used to it. But then
when you realize, like, Okay, this is how I should be treated.
I have finally found my person,someone that's actually making me feel safe.
I'm not resisting the communication because,like you said, you just come

(51:07):
straight out and he's just he's there, and sometimes he doesn't have to say
anything because he My mom literally saidthe same thing the other day about her
and her her her boyfriend, likeshe will just be like she's aries like
she yeah, y'all be just crazysometimes. And I'm like what does he

(51:28):
say in response? And she's likehe doesn't say anything. He's just like
okay, And I'm like, well, what do you do? She's like,
I get it all out. Butonce it's out, it's out,
and I'm over it. And I'mlike wow, because anybody else you just
go back and forth. But youknow, like this is my person,
I can safely and freely say whateverI need to say and they will respond

(51:51):
as needed. But like he said, a lot of times, you just
have to get it out. Andunfortunately a lot of people don't have that.
It's like, how do you createthat within a dynamic? That's like,
it's important. You have to bewilling to let go. Hm,

(52:14):
you have to be willing to putyour guard down. And I'm gonna say
that, and I'm gonna give thesetwo nuggets. Be Sometimes he will ask
a question which lets me know itcould be me and it might not be

(52:39):
happening the way I think. Soladies and gentlemen be prepared for that as
well. But sometimes it's I'm justgonna listen. And then sometimes he might
be listening thinking or you're reading toomuch into it. It's not all of
that, and he will say somethingand then I'll have to take a step

(53:02):
back like okay, And then twoladies, be careful because what I've also
experienced is not only do you becomeyour feminine self, It's a lot of
times I'll let it all go becauseI know he will take it, or

(53:30):
he will carry it, or hewill pick up my slack. Mm hmm.
I'm that it's a different level.True. I'm that comfortable I'm that
safe, and I'm that secure inknowing that he'll do it. M hmm.

(53:53):
That's deep, it is. Andwith that comes you, like I
said, you having to be willingto let your guard down when you love
the way I love him, andand I'm even gonna say the way we

(54:15):
love can be scary, but youhave to. It's scary, but if
you let go and you all in, there's nothing like it. And if
you've listened to our podcast, andyou may have heard me say this before,

(54:39):
I don't think I will ever findanybody who's gonna love me the way
he has. I don't think,No, I don't. I don't.
I don't think. I don't.That's deep to answer your question for me,

(55:05):
It's one of those one of thosethings where I never I never thought
about it, recognized it because I'min it, you know what I mean.
So if maybe if I was inlike a different type of relationship and
tried it, I'd be like,yeah, this is this is off,
this don't feel right. But becauseI'm in it and it's going, so
it's it's organic, I don't noticethat, you know what I mean,

(55:32):
So I don't know. Yeah,it was a good question to be honest,
because I never I never thought aboutit, because not to say it.
I can't tell you that I neverexperienced it because I'm in it now.
So it's like, yeah, Idon't, I guess, yeah,
sure, what you're supposed to do. Yeah, it's yeah, it's it's

(55:54):
natural. So it's like I didn't. I never even noticed it. And
I'm and with that, I'm gonnaI'm gonna say it's not unicorns, brainbows
and glitter every day. There aretimes when I know I get on his
nerves. There are times when hegets on my nerves. This relationship is

(56:15):
not perfect. We are not perfect, But you can't tell me we ain't
perfect for each other. Mmm.This a big difference. You can't.
And I'm gonna tell you how deepthat even goes for came to the mate,
right, But this is just mebeing real. You know what I'm
saying. My husband is an atheistmm hmm, and I am not mm

(56:40):
hmm. And I'm gonna catch slackfor this, but I just have to
take it. You still can't tellme that God didn't make him for me,
mm hmm. And that's a guyhe don't believe in mm hm and

(57:02):
we're talking about if you believe inGod in the Christian sense, a God
who is a vengeble God for thosewho don't believe in him, you still
can't tell me he was not madefor me. And that's as as just

(57:27):
one. Yeah, it's one ofthose for anybody who's in it. I've
been in it. When you getin it, you will know. When
you get in it, you willknow who that's deep and then you and
when you've been in it, andI'll just speak for myself, you will

(57:52):
never accept anything less. I'm gonnatell you something else is how you said
that's deep. You're not gonna saythat when it happens. Hmm, yeah
you will. I don't. Idon't think. I don't think because because

(58:13):
because because you're gonna be so intoit, you're gonna your your mind and
heart's gonna be so fluttered it's youwon't really recognize it until say, like
you have like a big disagreement ory'all spend some time apart, and then
he's like, yeah, this isthat's my person. Because even though I

(58:36):
don't like them right now, whileI'm in love with them, that I
need to be in in their space. That type and then no matter what's
going on, when you get inthat space, nothing else matters. But
you know what, you're probably rightjust because of how women feel. No,

(59:06):
did listen to what you're saying?That's not deep? It is deep.
No, I'm saying how she saidthat's deep, but she's saying that's
deep. As a as a singleperson. We not saying ooh baby,
that was did you killed it?You got it? No, we're not
saying that right, expressing what itis and what it feels. And I'm

(59:30):
saying, she's not gonna say,ooh baby, yeah that was deep.
What you just said felt that throughmy soul. She's not gonna be like,
damn, okay, I might thoughyou might, but if you in
that flow mm hmm, that's deep, it's not gonna come up that.

(59:52):
That's not what you're gonna say.You're gonna say, baby, I love
you. But you know what,something just came to my mind as I'm
listening to you, and I'm likerepeating what she was saying about the feeling
and stuff, and this way itsounds so crazy, right because that was
deep. Because you don't always hearpeople compliment their partner like that, you

(01:00:15):
know, uplift and speak about oneanother like you two do, whether it's
on your platform or someone else's.Right, and again like, and you
guys want to catch this. Y'allcan be sitting here telling me all of
this and this stuff not be trueat the same time, which I don't.
I know that's not it ain't thecase with y'all on the foot side

(01:00:35):
listening to that me saying that's deep. It is also scary. It is.
It's scary, and it's scary,yeah, because you you like,
I know how women think because I'ma woman. I know how us women
feel. And I'm a person thatI love truly hard, like when I
love, I love hard, fromfriends to intimate partners whatever. So to

(01:00:57):
be debt in love and then feelwhat a person it can be scary because
it's like I'm giving you all ofthis and it's out of my control,
right because I still hold to likeyou can't help who you love. And
it's like I'm giving all this andI don't need you to take it for
granted. You know, I don'tneed you to like do like cheat or

(01:01:20):
do anything else that's going to makeme not want to feel this way because
it feels too good, almost toogood to be true that I'm feeling it,
you know what I'm saying. Sodo I think that women want what
y'all got, like what you haveand whi ch'all have? I think?
I think also at the same timelistening, it's like, damn, that's
too deep that it can be scaryat the same time, you know,

(01:01:42):
So it's like, how do youget past that that scary point? Or
do you always be in it?You know how some things are worth it.
Think about the things that I'm worthit to you, think about their
journey You're embarking on scary right?Oh yeah, but exciting. Wouldn't have

(01:02:04):
it any other way? M h. Like I'd rather be scared in it?
Then? Who wants to be outof that? Yeah? Who wants
to know? You? Remember?Remember that? But it Mario, you
should let me love you? Andlike in the beginning, because I love

(01:02:28):
so hard, she didn't know howto take that. It's like, have
you never been loved? Like,you never really been loved before? M
hm. That's That's what I'm gettingout of this. You you never really
been you never really been loved before? And she she would it was pushedback,
like, why why don't you justlet me love you? He says

(01:02:52):
that, But we talked about allthe time too, our randomness and our
corniness and our eccentricities. But thatmeans it's such strong enough. He got
some weird stuff too. Yeah,I'm wird. I think everybody has that,

(01:03:16):
and like, yeah, yeah,but you you you yeah, I
mean I'm weird. Yeah, Buton the same token, those things that
he does in the way that heloves me, it also just lets you

(01:03:36):
know how much someone loves you,you know, for those for those things.
It's funny because last week I wasout with a group of friends.
We had got together after school andwe were talking and you know, it's
the venting session, and some ofthem will complaining or whatever, and then

(01:03:59):
it's always a thing, well,porter don't ever have nothing to say,
And I was like, you knowwhat, And I said, and I
said, I'm gonna tell you whyeverybody honestly, because I know people like
this. Everybody is not genuinely happyfor you, even when they say they

(01:04:19):
are. And so sometimes and maybea lot of times I don't talk about
it, you know what I'm saying, But and I told them I was
like, but my husband is fuckingawesome. Can we cuss on her?

(01:04:43):
Oh? I'm sorry, I gotin the moment. I mean, I
just just say that to say andthen I get excited to have an outlet
like this where I can really talkabout it and you know, you ask
the questions and we can get intoit. Everybody's not always happy for you,
for real, and that's not necessarilya mark against them. Some people

(01:05:11):
aren't in that space right now,and some people, depending on what they're
doing with it, can't be inthat space right now. And honestly,
what works for us may not workfor you, you know, because of
because of who we are, ourpersonalities, but we have a way,
our foundation is totally different than whatyou would would outside of other you know,

(01:05:36):
couples, you know what I mean. So you can't base our happiness
on your on what you're looking for, because they might not be it.
M you know what I mean.So that that's why people have to be
careful about these social media relationships becauseit looks like you know, you see

(01:06:00):
how clear the clarity of this picture. It may look good, but we
may get the argument about what we'regonna eat for the other night it may
be a thirty minute argument, it'scoming. It's not an argument. If
you know what you want to eat. See see how see how easy it
is. It's not an argument ifyou know what you what you want to

(01:06:21):
eat, what we're gonna eat tonight. Sometimes you just don't know, though,
So in a in she never,she never knows, she never knows
the microphone, don't don't, don'tdo us like this, Okay, she
never, she never knows. Shealways puts it on me instead of no.

(01:06:44):
This is what she does. Hey, babe, I'm sure it's hungry.
Yeah, me too. What youwant to eat? I don't know.
Pick something up, so you don'twant nothing? Yeah, what you
want? I don't know whatever youget. So you don't know what you're
want to eat? And you knowwhat that and and I'm gonna check and

(01:07:08):
and if I give you honestly whatthat is. I want to get something
that's gonna make him happy. Iwant to get something that he's going to
enjoy. That's and that's exactly whatit is. That's why we have a
lot of ours. So it's notyour indecisiveness. It's not that it's not
you being decisive at all. Listen, I would rather argue or whatever about

(01:07:32):
what we're going to eat, opposedto you, why you why are you
coming home late? Let me see, Yeah, I would. I would
take that any day over anything else. Yeah, that's it's our weekly daily.
It's a daily because I even onthe way home today, I was

(01:07:54):
like, tonight, I know ifI ask him what you want, I
don't know what. Yeah, shedidn't, she just didn't. She I

(01:08:14):
would rather argue about that than allof the other stuff that made potentially cause
more damage to the relationship than whatwe're going to eat. Okay, back
in the day, you don't knowwhat. You just evo s her a
little bit and we do that.Yeah, it may it may be a
pin of but a sandwich in aglass of water. I love it.

(01:08:36):
I love it either way. Somy last question, I'm curious to know
just because this is something else thatlike I had to kind of realize when
I got got out of my lastrelationship. Was when I went through my
breakup, I realized I didn't knowwho I was anymore. Like I lost

(01:08:57):
myself completely in my last relationship.And I don't know if you guys know,
I know, I haven't talked aboutit much on my show, but
I was literally almost married. Iwas engaged when my breakup happened, and
I lost myself in my relationship.Didn't realize it until after because I didn't
know what Shaquita liked, who Shaquitawanted to be. The things in places

(01:09:20):
that I thought that were entertaining tome, I didn't like them anymore.
Foods, like, everything changed,and I realized that all the stuff that
I did prior to my relationship Ihad no interest doing now that I'm back
to being single. And me andmy friends will talk about how when you're
in relationships and marriages, you needto also have the outside outlet, whether

(01:09:45):
it's going out with your friends,taking vacations with your friends, your you
know, family, doing things.And then on the flip side of that,
some couples are like, no,I need you to do every single
thing with me. They don't wantyou to have friends, Like what do
you guys thoughts about having like asocial life outside of you know each other?

(01:10:08):
We love it, I ain't Iencourage it? Okay, Yeah,
yeah, it's a must. No, baby, I'm saying it's it's a
must, like you should people shoulddo that. So should I get up
and go? Now? Do youwant to go? Now? Do you
what I'm talking about? He's justtrying to get me out the house ready
for me to leave. No,you got to you got to? No

(01:10:35):
now for real? Yeah you should. I don't think you should stop being
who you are once you get married, because that's a part of who they
fell in love with. You knowwhat I mean? Now, of course
you made We're not talking about thefriends who are betting fluent. It's we're

(01:11:00):
just talking about you keeping your identity. So if if you hanging out with
your friends as part of you keepingyour identity, then do that. But
I tell people all the time,we are one, you know, when
you get married, you're one.They say that you're one, you move,

(01:11:23):
you operate as one. But atthe same time we're still individuals.
So yes, you you still haveto do that. And if you ladies,
if you have ladies and gentlemen,if you have a spouse who is
secure and who they are and inthemselves, they're not trying to keep you

(01:11:46):
at home under them all the time. One of the things that he said
was he can't make you happy,and you can't make me happy. We
are not responsible for each us happiness. Mm hmm. He wants me to
keep being who I am, gowith your friends, do what you want,
do that, and it's never aproblem. I always ask him out

(01:12:11):
of respect, hey babe, doyou mind if this or do you care
if I do this? Or meand the girls was thinking about doing this?
I go in here. You know, you know I don't care,
but out of respect, I'm alwaysgonna ask. But yeah, I don't
have you need to go hang outwith your friends. I don't have any
friends. He needs to go hangout with his friends. I don't.

(01:12:33):
I don't go hang out. Ihave a dog. The dog well no,
no, because to me, representationof what both of you just said
is you guys have a platform together, right, and then Willy has created
another platform with another group of friendsyou know, and then Fie, you're

(01:12:55):
always out somewhere. I feel likegoing through different shows and every time chat
or I just hear, how areyou doing? You did all these things
so you guys have your outlets likeit does not seem like you have lost
your true identity and there may besome new parts of you that were established
while you have been married, andit seems like for the most part,
y'all support each other in those newendeavors and different things, which is good

(01:13:19):
because I've heard you talk about himand how he has changed in great ways
by establishing a new podcast and likehim being like happy and stuff with that,
you know. And then when I'mto be happy outside of his friends,
he said he don't have no friends. He has to have a dog.

(01:13:42):
But no, like a lot ofpeople lack that, you know.
I really thought at one point,like, oh, we have to be
laid up under each other. Andnow that I have been on this single
journey, I'm like, first ofall, my piece is everything but being
in a dating world and wanting tobe in a relationship and then potentially getting
married again. Like I know,now them portions of continuing to have my

(01:14:05):
outlets and like my friends and likedo all of those different appropriate, healthy
social things, you know, andthen they also can continue to create a
solid foundation in your relationship. ButI don't think a lot of people see
it escusally, this young generation childthey don't see as that, you know,
And that's that's the unfortunate side pieceI think this is still this is

(01:14:29):
also another one of those things whereit just depends on the couple mm hmm,
Because some couples thrive when they havethat break from each other. You
know, could you could you Youhave a chance to miss them, mhm.
You have a chance to reflect onwhy you love them. But if

(01:14:50):
you know under each other, youdon't, you don't. I can't miss
you. You just went to therestroom. That's nothing to miss. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, Ilove you. Yeah, but you're
gone for twelve fourteen hour day.Damn, I love her, you know
what I mean. So, butsome couples thrive being together forty eight hours

(01:15:13):
a day. They fine. Thereare some couples that do everything. Yeah,
that's just how they're that's their dynamic. Yeah, yeah, it just
depends so that that's That's just anotherone of those situations where it just depends
on the couple. But you don'tknow that until well, the individual in
them do. No. Yeah,that makes a lot of sense. And

(01:15:39):
I have some new and a newoutlook now on a lot of different things.
I'm gonna work on my fear part. They'll fee I'm gonna work on
it, and I'm gonna tell youget ready for this craziness. So we
could be in the house chilling.We might not even be in the same
room. I'm in the bare roomwatching TV. He's in the room watching

(01:16:00):
TV. I get mad when hegets ready to go to bed. Mm
hmm. Now what so I'm supposedto do? Mind? You ain't even
been in the same room, saidthe dog for a walk. It's going
to be And I'm like, well, this is boring. Mm hmmm.

(01:16:25):
I'm gonna stay up and do likeI can't keep doing what I was doing
when he was in You know,you know how I knew she was madly
in love with me. Mm hmm. She mad in love with you.
I'm not. I'm not talking aboutthe waitness exhaled hugs that you gave me.

(01:16:45):
It's when she said you better notsay what I think you're gonna say.
When she said, I hope Idie before you do. So there's
no way I'll be able to goon if you go before I do.
What am I supposed to do withthat? Shaquita? I can't? So

(01:17:05):
now I can't die? So nowI got lived forever. Hey, No,
but we're going to blow that outbecause you will not Will I be
accomplished to anything? But yeah,But that was that hit that hit different,
different, She said, I didn'tknow what to say. I was

(01:17:30):
just like, Okay, I don't, I don't. I didn't know what
to say, Like, how dohow do you process that type of love?
Shaquita exactly? Yeah, that thathit, that hit different, that
hit. I got a question foryou. For you, ma'am, m

(01:17:51):
hmm. Do you do you feellike you ready for this, for this
type of commitment? M I feellike I feel like I'm ready for a
commitment. And I don't want toput like all those different labels on it,
right, I just want to bein a committed something with my person,

(01:18:15):
you know what I'm saying, Andeverything else will, I hope will
fall in place. I feel like. And I say that, I know
that's probably like really cut and dry. I say that now because back in
the day I said the same thing. But I needed this, this,
this, this, this, thislike it was that huge checklist, right,

(01:18:35):
which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it was a huge checklist
with a person that should have beenonly a potential and left them where they
were. And I'm trying to createthis imagery in my head into the physical
form, and it just caused alot of damage. So now I'm just
like, Okay, I know whatI want, and I feel like when

(01:18:56):
the time is right, that personwill appear without me having to sacrifice my
my mind, my body, myspirits, anything in my sanity. You
know, it would just happen.When it happened, you know that that
person is gonna let you know withoutsaying anything. That person is gonna let

(01:19:19):
you know without saying anything, andbe no, they will because they're not
gonna promise you this. They're notgonna They're not gonna They're just gonna do
actions. Is gonna be. It'sgonna it's gonna be based off their actions.
That's what I said. They're notgonna say anything, but based off

(01:19:42):
their actions, you're gonna be like, it's him, it's him, you
know what I mean. You're gonnayou're gonna have those those those those weird
butterflies. You're gonna you're gonna bethis this thus thinking about the dumbest things
y'all can do together that you wouldn'teven do with somebody. You'll sit back

(01:20:10):
and you will remember the very firsttime they ever touched you. You get
those butterflies, and it doesn't haveto be a sexual touch. M.
Well, we shall see what happens. I will keep you guys posted post
it on that because that's the kindof things I think a lot of people.

(01:20:31):
Single people maybe like yearn for likeyou want someone to be that,
but then it's like I want it, and sometimes it has you have to
take a step back from forcing it, right, because I've had many instances
where I try to force things andforce people to like me the way that
I like them, or force peopleto love me how I love them again

(01:20:53):
because I love hard without and thisis the part of me why I wasn't
even fully aware of myself. Youknow, I take a huge step back.
So now I'm in the space ofjust being and I've been in that
space for months and just allowing thingsto just flow into the physical state.
And as we know, things areflowing faster than what I would like could

(01:21:14):
have imagine. So everything that y'alljust said, you get that need to
pick up, you need to pickup. So we shall see, Like
I'm all here for it, andI think that would be a huge test
for me. With all the healingand all the work that I've done,
it will really be put in placelike, Okay, let's see how healed

(01:21:36):
you really are. Let's see howif you really released all the petty but
I have not, Like, let'sreally see if you're ready a woman up
insteps of the plate and be thewoman that you say you can be now,
not that you wasn't that person beforeyou just maybe not wasn't ready.
But let's see if you really canput all that stuff in motion. But

(01:21:57):
imagine how it's going to be youare ready, versus you doing it while
you're trying to do Why you're tryingto do it in that process, right,
because I mean I didn't I didn'tget on my emotional intelligence until you're
seven year five into the into themarriage, so you know, and that

(01:22:23):
was a journey in itself. AndIL saw I was gonna say, I
wasn't looking to get married. Mmhmm at all. We have never even
talked about marriage, never even talkedabout it. I wouldn't. I wasn't.
No, I'm not getting married.No, you're not gonna filling taxes

(01:22:44):
together. No, it's I thoughtit. We ain't split nothing, it
ain't no joining kept. No,you just you slide by, I come
over whatever you know, we go. We go real loster this business or
something I read n But I feellike that. I feel like when you're

(01:23:06):
when you really find your person,sometimes those things change, you know.
Like I know people that say theywould never have been married, and then
they're like, you know what Ifeel like if I find my person,
like I will be married. Mymom said before she wouldn't be married again,
and now she's like, I thinkI will. And she's been married
twice already. Yeah, but that'swhat I'm saying you. You're not gonna

(01:23:30):
They're not gonna say anything. It'sgonna it's gonna it's gonna just be.
It's gonna happen. A lot ofthese marriages when they need I need to
be married by this day, bythis age, I need to have this
many kids by this age, Ineed to have this. I need to
do that. That's fine. You'rea great organizer, and that's that's great,

(01:23:54):
But dates don't follow like that.Yeah, you know what I mean.
Sometimes things just have to be organicand it's just going to happen.
And ninety percent of the time peopleprepare for the wedding and they don't prepare
for the marriage. And that's theproblem. Number One people will plan and

(01:24:15):
prepare for a marriage and not eventhink a wedding, not even thinking about
the actual marriage. That's when thereal work kicks in. The wedding is
just a show, simply a showman. Okay, that's a clip.
That's a clip. I got yeah, I got you. You see,

(01:24:36):
I'll be quiet on service. Igot you. But I truly appreciate this
conversation. I know it was alittle long, but I do appreciate all
of you guys' energy and just forbeing so transparent and vulnerable and just answering
these questions honestly before we get outof here, even though we discussed a

(01:24:59):
lot of beneficial things and you bothdropped some lovely gems. Hope you all
with out there listening. Can youprovide one more piece of advice to someone
now? You ask me how Ifelt right? Provide one more piece of
advice for someone listening that is embarkingon their dating journey or maybe it's like
they're in a honeymoon phase of theirmarriage. You picked some type of advice

(01:25:25):
for someone that's navigating either one ofthem dynamics right now? Mm hmm uh,
that's the one quart that's the question. Should give me ay that time.
I know where I'll go. That'swhat you can I'm gonna go with
the honeymoon phase. Okay, thehoneymoon phase is not meant to last forever.

(01:25:54):
And I'm gonna tell you from experience, if you doing what you're supposed
to be doing, you ain't gotnothing to work. If you're doing what
you're supposed to be doing, ifyou keep your house, nor are you
good? That's where I got dropsnake. It's so many I don't know,

(01:26:20):
it's so many little things. Ifeel like I could say it doesn't
matter which way the toilet paper it'sgoing to roll down. I can never
That's what that It really matters untilpeople start making a big deal out of
that one. And all it isis going from what the way you do

(01:26:44):
things you don't even think about,and the way someone else does things that
they don't even think about. Andthen when y'all get together and y'all realize
those things are different, and it'slike, oh, I was not right.
I was just trying to bathroom timefor you. Now I know.
But the honeymoon phase is just thata phase for people who are honeymoon pick

(01:27:09):
and I don't know. It maysound cliche, but pick and choose your
battles. Is this really is itin the grand scheme of things? Is
this even important? Mm hmm?Is it even? Is it even worth
a conversation? And he was jokingwhen he said the toilet paper thing his

(01:27:32):
is under. Minds is over.If he puts it on there, under,
it's under. If it bothers me, all I do is switch the
roller around. It's not even aconversation like it. If he leaves the
toilet set up, I put itdown. It's not a it's not worth

(01:27:54):
the I'm about the quality of thetoilet paper. I would this way to
be honest, but it's a commitment. It's it's something you have to be

(01:28:15):
willing to work through it all oneof the you know what, it's just
what it is. Be mindful.How y'all talk to each other even when
you're mad. Be mind this isit? Be mindful how y'all talk to
each other even when you mad.We have had plenty of disagreements. We

(01:28:45):
don't yell at each other, wedon't cuss at each other, we don't
call each other names. It's alwaysrespect your partner, even when y'all disagree,
those say things that you have tocome back and apologize for. You

(01:29:09):
can apologize and they can accept yourapology. Those things never those things will
never be forgotten. Be mindful howy'all talk to each other even when especially,
not even especially when y'all disagree.Period. Yeah, period, that's

(01:29:30):
good. Thank y'all both for that. So I hope y'all was out there
listening, because especially the talking toyour partner, because like you said,
people will argue, and it's like, I need to hurt your feelings because
you hurt mine, and I'm gonnasay the worst of the worst. And
then once it's all said and done, what you said to me is still
reminiscent in the back of my brainand you can't take that back, can't

(01:29:50):
take it back. So thank youboth for that. And of course,
can you please tell everyone where theycan find your amazing podcast and all of
your social media handles. No startedoff like we started podcasts. When we

(01:30:12):
hear record, you say, Idon't know what that look. When we
do our podcasts and we hear record, what do you say? What the
music goes off? Hey, Kingsand queens say, we do the whole
thing. Hey, Kings and Queens, Welcome back to the Thing about Us

(01:30:32):
podcast. I am Willie and Iam and that's what we are. Don't
do it. Don't look at mecrazy. The Thing about Us podcast.
Tell nobody to go through all that. Yes you do, Instagram, the

(01:30:56):
Thing Underscore about Us uh X,the Thing about Us podcasts, Twitter or
not Twitter, TikTok, the Thingabout Us podcast, Facebook, the Thing
about Us podcasts, and we areon all streaming platforms. And then we'll
also I also have another show thatI do called The Leika Kings Podcast,

(01:31:23):
which are our co hosts with threeother guys resident Big Brother both talking about
Joe Jay died from What Is tWS. Those shows come out on Wednesdays.
You can also find us same thingon TikTok, the Lada Kings Podcast,

(01:31:45):
Twitter, Delika Kings Podcasts, Instagram, everywhere, the Leada Kings podcasts
yeah, in YouTube, in YouTubeyes, and don't worry, I'll do
the hard part for you. Iwill have all of those showings and in
discovers box, so you guys cango subscribe to both of their shows.
Well there, yes, both showsall of their social medias and check out

(01:32:10):
all of their amazing content and everythingthat they are putting out or have put
out. If you've been listening upto this point, you've heard me shout
out the Laga Kings because I usea specific episode not too long ago me
and Jess to reference something on ourconversation. So shout out to y'all for
continuing to pour out those different conversationsthat we need to hear as a society.

(01:32:33):
And thank you both again for puttingyour relationship not only on the forefront
on my platform, but on yourplatform and talking about the indifferences and how
you are how you both are ableto bring things together because that transparent view.
We need more of that you knowin the world, but no one
can do it like you, SoI appreciate both of you guys. Thank

(01:32:55):
you for having us. Thank youYes, thanks for having us, Yes,
no problem. Thank you for listeningto an episode of Chronicles of a
Virgo podcast with me your favorite favoriteverbal hosts, Shikita Johnson. Your support
means the world to me as Iwant to continue to see you all priser
and grow. Please join me backnext Wednesday, where we will continue to

(01:33:19):
dive into more can it and empoweron conversation that we'll get you a step
closer to stepping into a new filledindividual. Remember you're not alone on your
journey. Please don't forget to subscribeto us on social media at Chronicles of
a Verbal podcast on all social mediaplatforms and the YouTube channel. Check out

(01:33:39):
our website and blog at chroniclesovivirgo dotwebsite dot com. All links will be
listed in the description box below.Until next time, beautiful souls, keep
rising from those ashes and stay trueto here and know your girl loves you.
Peace out,