Strengthening Relationships through Emotional Intelligence ft Erin Darden

Welcome back to another episode of Chronicles of a Virgo Podcast. This week we are joined by Emotional Intelligence Coach & host of  @ThePerfectPartnerPodcast  Erin Darden.

After a significant breakup, Erin embarked on a journey of self-rediscovery, realizing her true passion lay outside the courtroom in which led to her now being dedicated to helping women manifest the love they deserve by harnessing the power of emotional intelligence.

 In this episode we discussed:

- Erin shares what ignited her passion for Emotional Intelligence and the inspirations behind her mission to help others develop healthier relationships with themselves and others

- Erin discusses her transformative journey from attorney to Life Coach and the profound impact this career shift had on her life

- Explanation of Emotional Intelligence and its critical role in fostering healthy relationships with ourselves and others

-Strategies for mastering the skill set of Emotional Intelligence in daily life

- Common challenges and patterns individuals face in cultivating a healthy self-relationship

- Erin offers practical advice and tips for those embarking on their healing journey

As a coach, Erin focuses on guiding individuals to build healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Her story is a testament to the transformative power of embracing one's true calling.

This episode emphasizes the importance of trusting the process and leaning into your healing journey, highlighting how faith and resilience can pave the way for personal growth and self- awareness. Embracing change and pursuing your true passion can lead to profound transformation.


Ways to connect with Erin:


Website: https://www.erinfdarden.com/home

IG: https://www.instagram.com/erinfdarden

FB: https://www.facebook.com/groups/614524956631003

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@erinfdarden


Ways to connect with me:


Website & Blog: https://chroniclesofavirgo.wixsite.com/my-site

IG: https://www.instagram.com/chronicles_of_a_virgo_podcast/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/ChroniclesOfAVirgoPodcast

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chronicles_of_a_virgo

YT: https://www.youtube.com/@Chronicles_of_a_Virgo_podcast

Twitter: https://twitter.com/___Chiquita___

Connect through email at [e-mail].

Chronicles of a Virgo Podcast is a part of the "Unfiltered Studio Network: https://www.unfpod.com/


Disclaimer: "This podcast and website represents the opinions of Chiquita Johnson and her guests to the show and website. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent the place of any mental health or medical professional.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This podcast is a production of UnfilteredStudios. If you would like to know
more about joining Unfiltered Studios, pleasevisit our website at unfpod dot com for
more information. Welcome to the Chroniclesof a Verbal Podcast, the podcast dedicated
to the transformative journey of healing,mental health and personal growth. I'm your

(00:21):
favorite favorite verbal host Shakita Johnson,and together we'll continue to turn our vulnerability
into strength. As a sexual assaultsurvivor and mental health advocate, I have
a learn to sort through the ashesof my trauma and turn my pain into
power. And this podcast is representationthat healing is possible. And each episode
we'll dive deep deep into conversations aboutovercoming challenges, find an inn strength,

(00:47):
and emerging from life trials like afeelings from the Ashes. We may even
have some friends drive by from timeto time. Get ready to be inspired
and empowered as we embark on arewarding journey of self discovery. So sit
back and relax and let's get intosome healing. All right, y'all,
Welcome back to another episode of Chroniclesof a Verbal Podcast, and as usual,

(01:11):
I'm your fair favorite favorite verbal hostShakita Johnson. And of course y'all,
we are joined by another lovely guest. I am so excited to have
this conversation and introduce this person toyou. Today we are joined by the
Miss Aaron Darden. How are youdoing today's sis? I am good?
How are you? I'm doing great? Can't complain, you know, can't

(01:34):
complain. So before we get intoour conversation today, we have to start
with our lovely mental health check.So for anyone that is joining us for
the first time, we take timeto ride our mental health on the scale
of one to five. Five beingthat we are in a good space and
we're feeling good. One means we'renot in the best space, have some

(01:56):
room of porn, but we aremanaging. So Miss Aaron, how are
you feeling today? On a scaleof one to five. On a scale
to one to one to five,I would have to say three and a
half. Okay, all right,Well, so we have some extra space
for peorn, So we just needsome extra support. Everything will be okay

(02:19):
a week from today when I'm goingI bet, I bet. But nonetheless,
thank you for taking time to I'veeven share that because you know,
some people can be a little resistancewhen talking about mental health and how you're
feeling. So I appreciate you forthat. Absolutely, my mental health today
on the scale of one of five, I ain't going to go with a
five. Okay, aw time,I love that for you. Listen,

(02:44):
I celebrate the one, three fives, whatever it is I celebrated, I
reflect on it. It's been along time coming. So I'm in a
good space and I like to keepthat energy going, you know. I
love that. But I can't saythat my day started off at a five,
but it's now, so that's mostimportant. Yes, yes, most

(03:04):
definitely. But I do these mentalhealth checks as a way to hold myself
accountable, to check in with myself, and also to encourage others to take
the time out of your busy,busy schedules to take time five to ten
minutes to yourself to just see howyou are doing, check in with your
inner dialogue, and if something doesnot seem right, try to figure out

(03:24):
what it is and maybe find someoneto talk to or some other type of
modality, meditation, listen to commonmusic, just something to get you in
a better space. But most definitely, don't feel like you have to navigate
those paths and those journeys alone becausewe are all in this together. Absolutely,
all right, So again, thankyou for joining in on the mental

(03:47):
health check and let's get into thisconversation because I feel like you are about
to get in my tail once again. So today, y'all, we are
going to be talking about why isimport to cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself
and how cultivating a healthy relationship withyourself transform into you having a positive and

(04:09):
healthy relationship with others. Because mssAaron is emotional intelligence and a relationship coach.
Okay, so I love everything aboutemotional intelligence, all of those things,
just a person's awareness in general.So before we dive into that discussion,

(04:30):
can you just share with us howyou got interested and equipped with wanting
to study emotional intelligence and just coachpeople. Absolutely. So. I don't
know that I would say that itwas my goal. It was kind of
a It helped me with some relationships, especially at work, which is where

(04:51):
you usually see it show up.I had a supervisor that I felt like
was condescending. For the most part. I felt like I had to walk
on eggshells around him. Everything Idid, nothing was right. I felt
like he didn't understand me. Sothat relationship caused me a whole lot of
grief at work, amongst other things. And so I just so happened to

(05:15):
be at the same time in mycoaching program and we were learning about emotional
intelligence, and I said, oh, well, let's see if it'll work
over here. And it did,right, and I'll share more about that
later. But then I said,well, if it worked over here and
a work relationship, will it workin my personal relationship? And so what
I had to do was I thoughtI was just using it for my romantic

(05:36):
relationship. And what happened is right, it transformed me more than I was
expecting it. At that moment inmy life, I felt like my life
fell apart. I think a lotof us have an idea of what our
life is going to look like.So for me, I expected to be
married by thirty and I had alreadygiven got an extra five years because twenty

(05:59):
five with the US original goal,right, so I gave him extra five
years. So I thought I wasgoing to be married by thirty, right,
married to my best friend with kids, a happy, high paid attorney,
right, just living my life.And then seven months before my thirtieth
birthday, everything fell apart. Right. So I told you at work,
right that the supervisor was condescending.But I also wasn't making enough money to

(06:21):
live in DC at the time.The guy that I was dating said,
I don't want this anymore, andyou couldn't tell me that he wasn't my
husband, right. And so I'min a new city, right. I
had just moved to DC from NorthCarolina, and I felt like every area
of my life was in shambles.I cried every day I had to go

(06:42):
to work, and it just wasreally bad. Depressed, struggle with mental
health a lot. Then I decided, like, this is not the life
for me, right, This isnot the life that God would have for
me. Right. I believe inGod. I'm very spiritual, Right,
this ain't it. He would notput me on this earth to have this

(07:03):
life, right, A life whereI'm unhappy, I'm crying every day I
have to go to work, right, I'm lonely, I'm by myself,
like in a new area, Likethis is just not it. And so
I decided that since I have torebuild every area of my life, because
literally every single area. I didn'teven have a church home at the time,
like every area of my life wasin shambles. I said, well,

(07:25):
if I have to rebuild it,I'm going to rebuild a life that
I want. And what that tookwas I had to ask myself a lot
of questions, and at first Ididn't know the answers right. And so
the first component of emotional intelligence isself awareness, and so I had to
ask very difficult questions. I hadto get to know who Aaron is,
who Aaron really is. Right.I had to unlearn some things, some

(07:46):
things that not necessarily were bad,but you know, things that I might
have learned growing up or from myparents, or what social media and society
says you should do and all ofthat. So there's a lot of things
that I had to unlearn. Thereare things that I had to decipher is
this really me? Is it not? And so I had to get to
know Aaron, who Aaron is,what I like was healthy for me and

(08:07):
what is not? And I feellike ever since I have done that,
I have been thriving. Right,I have figured out my purpose. I
have been able to have healthy relationships. Right, I've learned how to communicate
and stand up for myself like andwe can get into specifics later, but
it. Emotional intelligence has really helpedme a lot. And so as I

(08:28):
was coming through my coaching program,like, so what is it that I
want to do? Right? Andthey always tell you like you are your
target audience, and so I'm like, well, what is it that I
need to help with? And soit really makes me sad when people settle
in relationships, right, because Ifeel like relationships are optional and so anybody

(08:50):
that should be in your life shouldbe a positive addition. But yet people
would come to me and I wouldtalk to people and they would say,
oh, he did this or shedid this, but I'm still going to
stay. And that is the partthat got me curious. You are unhappy
in this situation, but you're staying. And that is the part I wanted

(09:11):
to figure out that why why dopeople stay in situations when they know they
are no longer being served? Right, that is not a safe space for
them. Why do they stay?And I've learned that the only way to
kind of grow past that and right, the reason that people stay is for
a number of things. But buildinga healthy relationship with yourself is the answer

(09:35):
as to why a lot of thesethings happen. Right, And so the
things that you accept in a relationship, the way that you show up or
you don't show up in a relationship, the boundaries or your lack thereof.
Right, all of this starts withyour relationship to yourself. And so that
is what I got very interested in. Right. I don't care people will
come and say, oh, myboyfriend, my husband did X, Y

(09:56):
and Z, But I want totalk about you cheated five times. Well
let's talk about why you stayed right, And people were like, well you,
I feel like you're picking on meand I'm not. So here's the
thing, Right, you have toaccountability. I know it's not it's not
good, it's not right, butyou have to understand how you got here

(10:16):
so that you don't end up hereagain. Right. And so when I'm
asking questions and ignoring what the otherperson, you're the only person that you
can control. And so by beingself aware and understanding and taking your accountability
right, it really allows you,I feel like, to thrive in your
relationships. But it has to startwith you. I feel like that was

(10:37):
a real long answer to your question. I hope no, no, no,
no, girl, No, youare perfectly fine. Like I loved
it. I loved your explanation ofthat. And I think, like you
said, we all go to theget to the point we have been in
situations, whether it's breakups or separations, and we are pointing the fingers at
everybody else because that was definitely mein my last relationship, and I was

(11:01):
quickly redirected to introduction of accountability.Like, so with you stepping into that
whole new light of doing coaching andfocusing on emotional intelligence, did you have
to really mirror yourself at that pointbecause you had just experienced your own separation

(11:24):
from your partner? Did I haveto mirror myself so like, look yourself
in the mirror and take accountability forso? Yes, but I I did
it long before I you know,I started the business. So the business
was the result of me doing thework. Right, So I knew pretty
early on that I wasn't going tobe an attorney forever. I just didn't

(11:46):
know what I was going to do. And so, as I always say,
God therapy and self care is whatkind of pulled me out of this.
I was depressed for years, right, God therapy and self care is
what pulled me out. And sothrough therapy and learning my myself right,
that is how I realized that beingan attorney wasn't That's not why I was
created. And that's how right thecoaching came about. It's a gift.

(12:09):
It's a skill. I had noidea until I took the time to really
get to know me, like Isaid, and I realized that this is
a gift that I have never look. People used to come to me all
the time for advice, and Inever understood why because I never tell people
what to do, right. I'vealways just asked questions because you're not gonna

(12:31):
do what I say and then messup, and then you want to blame
me, like so you told meto go ahead and leave him there,
and so we're not doing it right. And you don't have to live by
my standards, right, you gottaeven if I know that you are about
to make the wrong to make anot good decision, you gotta bump your
head. You have to learn it. Did the work ahead of time,

(12:52):
and so figuring out my purpose,right, that's another benefit of being emotionally
intelligent and being self aware. Youkind of stand your strengths your weaknesses,
and you aligned with your strengths.And so that's how coaching came about.
So the finding out my purpose incoaching was the result of me doing the
work. Okay, now you wentfrom being an attorney, which is major

(13:16):
because it takes a lot of schooland skill and everything. I studied criminal
justice and law, so when Igraduated from high school, I got a
diploma and a law of certificate andI went to college. Well, I
thought I was gonna be a nurse. At one point. I was like,
cause I seen all the science andmath, and my grandmother was like,
do something that is like really personalto you, because whatever you do,

(13:39):
it's going to be meaningful. AndI had a thing against sexual parts
from my own personal trauma. Iwas like, you know what, I'm
going to law school, so letme go study criminal justice. Got my
degree, but I never explored anythingafter law. Once I ran into psychology,
I just fell in love with psychand mental health. So it wasn't
that big a transition. But foryou to go from being an actual swornen

(14:03):
attorney to coaching, how was thattransition? So it took a lot on
my behalf. I don't know ifyou want me to get into that or
however much you want to your girl, So how did I make the transition.
I don't recommend that anybody do whatI did. So I quit without
a plan. Okay, you tooka step out of faith. Okay,

(14:26):
so here's the thing. That's thegood way to say it, if I'm
being honest. I don't know ifI would say it like that, right,
And again, my disclaimer is,I don't recommend that anybody do what
I did. I quit because Ifelt like it was me or the job.

(14:46):
We both couldn't coexist anymore. Ithink I had maybe one coaching client
at the time. I just knewthat I can't stay here at this job
anymore. Right, the toll thatit took on my mental health, it
just it wasn't gonna work for me. I felt like I called my office
my cage. My mom would callme, like you at work, Yeah,
I'm in my cage. I justdon't call. I felt like it

(15:07):
was a cage. Right. Andyou know when there is something else inside
of you, when you know thatyou are supposed to be doing something else.
Of course I got scared. Ihad just bought a house. I'm
like, God, I just boughta house, right, let me just
save six months? And I feellike he made it so unbearable that I
just said I quit. Yeah,I talked to my therapist. I talked

(15:28):
to my psychiatrist. I took sometime off from work, and then I
sent him my letter of resignation,and I was like, girl, what
you want to do now? Like, I did not have a plan,
and so I don't recommend that foranybody. I mean, have a plan.
Make sure that your business or whateverelse you want to do can supplement
your income, because that is alsoa thing. Right. I walked away

(15:50):
from my salary, and if I'mhonest, I'm not there yet, right,
I haven't made that money yet.And so this is something that I
am truly passionate about. And soa lot went into me making this transition.
I think even before that, likeI said, I knew pretty on,

(16:11):
pretty early on that I didn't enjoybeing an attorney, and I just
had to kind of figure out,you know, what was for me.
But when I started to realize thatI didn't enjoy being an attorney, I
felt bad. Yeah, right,what did you say, Oh, being
an attorney, Like that's a bigdeal and that's how a lot of people
look at it. And then hereI am miserable. Yeah, right.

(16:33):
I straight out of law school,I got a job with the federal government,
Like, it's really difficult to do, and here I am sad,
miserable and I hate it. Right, So I felt guilty for that.
Right, this is a profession thatpeople admire. This is a profession I
worked hard for. I get here, and you I felt ungrateful. Then

(16:53):
I had to learn that it's okayto not like this, right, So
that was part of what I hadto learn from myself, that it's okay
that I don't enjoy this. Thatdoes not mean I'm ungrateful. And so
then it went from Okay, I'mnot ungrateful, I just don't enjoy this.

(17:14):
But then what is next? Likehow do I get the courage to
pull the trigger? And like Isaid, I wish I could say that
I voluntarily pulled the trigger, right. I wish I had that advice to
give listeners, because that's a questionpeople get, like, well, how
like you weren't scared. I'm stillscared. I've been at this almost five
years. I'm still scared, right, And so I wish I had that

(17:37):
advice that I can tell you howto pull the trigger. Right For me,
I actually listened to my emotions.Right, That's what it came down
to. I was sitting at mykitchen table, right because this was during
COVID, sitting at my kitchen tableworking. It was about nine o'clock at
night, the same type of workthat I do every day. I had

(18:03):
been crying for days, right,and it just hit me and I said,
I don't have to do this.Yeah. I felt like, let
me tell you what I felt likesitting at that table doing work, crying,
typing on a computer. I said, I feel like a child that
got a beat in in the momand your mom said go clean your room.
Like that's what I felt like.And I said, I'm wrong.

(18:26):
I don't have to do this.And that's when I made my mind up,
and I said, you got abet on you, Aaron, Like,
if nobody else is gonna if youdon't believe that you can do this.
You know that you have a gift, you know that you have a
skill, you know that God hastold you what to do. You're being
hard headed and you're not listening.And he said, oh yeah, I
got something for you. And Ifeel like he made it so unbearable that

(18:48):
you know, and I felt likeI had to like I had to quit,
like it was me or the job. But what I have realized is
that I actually used the same skillset, Right, I used the same
skill set. Let me back upa little bit now, I don't want
people to think that I jumped outof here and I was with the ground

(19:10):
running read it. I was scaredI had imposter syndrome. Right, I'm
an attorney. People don't listen tome about relationships. I'm not married.
Why would people listen to me?Right, I had all of these thoughts,
things that I've had to work throughover the years. And so back
to what I was just saying,I actually still use the same skills,

(19:30):
right, being an attorney. Iwas in litigation, so I was in
the courtroom. That the whole thing, right, and all of that is
about asking the right questions and gettinginformation from the other side and making sure
you know you have everything that youneed and coaching. It's the same thing,
right, Yeah, I'm trying toget the information from you. I
need to make sure I'm asking theright questions so that you get the answers

(19:53):
to the questions that you have.Right, I'm here to ask the questions
you have the answers already, right, And so it's up to me to
make sure that I'm asking the rightquestions so we can figure out one,
how did you get here? Whatpart did you play in this? Right?
Three? Where do we go fromhere? Right? And so it's
up to me to ask those questions. People aren't now, some people are

(20:15):
forthcoming like yeah, I did X, Y and Z. Some people like
to put dress it up and allof that, and it's up to me
right to ask the questions to reallyget to the truth of it. And
so and I actually just made thatrealization like recently that I still use the
same skill set, right, It'sstill about the questions. It's still about
you know, knowing which questions toask on what information is important. So

(20:37):
I think it's similar. Yeah,and you know, listening to your story
and thank you for sharing it andjust being transparent about the fact stepping out
on faith, I'm still considered steppingout on faith because you didn't have a
plan, you know, but overall, you chose you. You put you
first. You said it was eitheryou or the job, and that's kind

(20:59):
of, uh, that's a toughdecision when you need to like pay bills,
you need your money. You doall the school, and you thought
you were going to be here andthen you have like this change of heart.
You chose you to pursue your passion, you know. So moving uh
into into emotional intelligence, right,I think this is when you got to
like, really, you know,hit me, hit me with hurt?

(21:23):
Why is first of all, beforebefore the why can you explain what emotional
intelligence is for someone that's listening andmay not know? And then why it
is important for us to have itwithin ourselves to have like healthy relationships with
others. Absolutely, So, likethe textbook definition, right, emotional intelligence,

(21:47):
it is your ability to recognize andunderstand your emotions but also the emotions
of your partner or whoever else youyou know, whatever relationship you're talking about,
and making sure that you understand bothhow you feel how your partner feels,
and then kind of deciding where dowe go from here? Right?

(22:11):
So, there are four components ofemotional intelligence your self awareness, self regulation,
empathy, and then conflict resolution andso why it's important. It definitely
plays a part in how you showup in relationships. Okay, I would

(22:33):
say the big thing, right,the big topic that I usually go to
right, conflict resolution, right,effective communication fighting in a relationship, right,
you don't have to fight. Theyelling, scream and hollering is actually
a sign of a lack of emotionalintelligence because you should be handling this differently.

(22:57):
Yes, So the reason that thatis a sign of a lack of
emotional intelligence. Remember I said thatthe second second component is self management,
and so when you are yelling,screaming, hollering, you are not managing
your emotions, right, And somepeople don't even really know why they're mad.

(23:21):
So let's we got to back upto the self awareness. Right,
you can't even identify why you arefeeling this way and exactly what you're feeling
because people say, oh, I'mmad, when that's not really the the
what's going on? Right, there'sdeeper issues there. And so right,
you are triggered, you have thisemotion and then you just you let the

(23:41):
emotions consume you and you just lashout. Right, Then there's right.
When you're in that state, youcannot be emotional and logical at the same
time. Ooh, okay, Ican see that because logical meaning you can't
make logical decisions right when your brainlike actually does not allow it Okay,

(24:06):
like the way that the brain.I'm not gonna get too deep, but
the way that the brain is setup and how we like it processes information.
You literally cannot be emotional and logicalat the same time, right.
You know that because if you've everbeen in a disagreement and you go back
and think about what they said andbe like, they probably was right because
you were so consumed with your emotionsthat you couldn't hear them, you know

(24:30):
what I mean? Or if youlike those moments where you feel like you
blacked out you don't really remember whathappened again, right, a lack of
emotional intelligence. But other ways thata lack thereof shows up in relationships.
It shows up as a lack ofconfidence. It shows up as lack of

(24:53):
boundaries. It shows up as younot be in a safe space for the
other person. Now I'm talking,okay, and so there are you know,
there are others, but I thinkthat those are like the bigger,
the bigger ones. And so whenthat happens, right, if you want
to be more specific, if youdon't know how to if you're not emotionally

(25:18):
intelligent, you don't know how tocommunicate effectively. If you lack confidence,
and you lack boundaries. There isa good chance that you have not picked
a good partner, or you keepended up in relationship situationships with people that
are not good for you. Right, and so all of this, right,

(25:44):
these are the things that we cansee. Right, we keep running
into the same guy over and overagain, we fight and argue about the
same stuff over and over again.Right, these are the things that you
can see. But people don't realizethat a lot of this stems from a
lack of emotional intelligence. And soif you are able to raise your emotional
intelligence, because it's a skill thatyou can learn, if you are able

(26:06):
to raise your emotional intelligence, right, you will be more confident, You
can pick better partners, You cancommunicate the argument does not have to be
and it just I feel like itmakes your life a lot more peaceful.
So, is there anything that peoplecan do on their own to like work
on their own emotional intelligence within themselves. Absolutely, So it starts with self

(26:33):
awareness, right, that's the firstskill set. You can't change anything that
you're not aware of. And soI think there's a few things that you
can learn about yourself, especially withyour emotion. So If we're going to
let's talk about communication. First,figure out what your communication style is.
Figure out what your emotions look like. How do they present themselves When you

(26:59):
are a experiencing a certain emotion,especially a negative one. What is it
that you need in that moment?Do you need time to process it?
Do you need just to be byyourself? Do you need the thing out
loud? Do you need to vent? And once you understand this, communicate
that to your partner. Hey,when I'm upset, I just need you
to give me ten minutes, orI just need you to listen to me

(27:23):
when I vent. Right, Sopaying attention to how your emotions show up
so that you can communicate that toyour partner. Also, think about how
your emotions show up and how theymay affect the people around you. Right
when you are stressed out, youmay not mean it, but you may
be projecting your energy your emotions onother people. It may not be in

(27:48):
the same way, right, butthat is the thing. Right You've ever
been around somebody and you like theirenergy is just off, like you don't
want to be around them? Yeah? Right, yeah, And so it's
start to be mindful about how youare impacting other people. How you are
influencing when you walk in a roomor when you're around Do people have a
certain idea of you? Or youknow, she always got an attitude?

(28:11):
Right, So start the pay attentionto your emotions. One so that you
know what you need and you canarticulate that need to your partner and they
can be met. But two alsoso that you can be mindful of how
your emotions show up, not justfor your partner. Another big one is
how it shows up with your kids. Ooh ooh, Yeah, I think

(28:33):
that's important and a lot of peopleprobably don't even recognize it. Right,
the lack of patience, being anxioussometimes the way you discipline them. It
has nothing to do with the child, is everything about you were already stressed
out and the child did one littlething and that just sent you over the
edge. Right. But again,a lack of not being able to control

(28:56):
your emotions. It affects the peoplearound you. Yeah right, So pay
attention to those things too. Ithink the other things that you should pay
attention to how do you feel aboutyourself? Like one question I like to
ask people is are you happy?And you'd be surprised how quiet people get
If they are truly being honest.Are you happy? And even if you're

(29:21):
not, that's okay. Right,I told you my mental health checking today
is a three point five. Iprobably could have said a three. Right,
be honest with yourself, because thenyou have to figure out why what
is making you unhappy? What ismaking you unhappy? And then you have
to go back and say what willmake you happy? And how do you
get that? Right? And sothat is actually an exercise I do with
my clients because that's what I hadto do when I was in my moments,

(29:45):
Right, I wrote down everything thatwas bothering me. Right, I
wasn't making enough money, right,I was lonely, and so I was
lonely. What would make me notlonely companionship? And for me at the
time, it wasn't necessarily just romantic. I also didn't have any friends,
right, I was new to thearea, so I just need a companionship.
And so what did I do?I joined a group at church.

(30:08):
I joined a wine club. Right, So you have to really think about
what it is that is making youupset. Even if you feel lost,
Right, maybe you're not unhappy,but you just feel lost. You feel
like you are stuck in this situation. That's another thing that I hear a
lot, like I just don't knowwhat I should be doing, right,
I know that there's maybe more insideof me, or I just been at

(30:32):
this job for so long, orI've just been at this like I'm in
a routine. Right, I wakeup, get my kids together, you
know, kiss my husband, kissmy boyfriend, go to work, come
home, cook dinner, and westart all over tomorrow. Right, it's
just you just on autopilot at thispoint and you just want something new.
It works for that as well.Right, Really sit down and think about

(30:53):
the things that you do not likeabout your life and be honest and what
would make you really like it?And so I think once you do that
check in with yourself, then youcan start to plan on ways to improve
it. The one key you saida lot of good stuff, But the

(31:17):
one key takeaway that I took awayfrom all this is everything revolves around you.
Like it is solely an internal job. And it's not like you trying
to change other people, trying tomake people what you think they should be
a want them to be. Butit's like the recreation of yourself. And

(31:37):
I think a lot of people sometimesmiss the mark when they're doing like on
the healing journey, doing the healingwork to really understand why it's important to
have that healthy relationship with yourself andhow having a healthy relationship with yourself can
create a healthy foundation in any relationshipthat you're in. Absolutely absolutely, And

(32:01):
so I think, right when you'retalking about foundation, so how does this
actually help you? Right besides thecommunication, Right, that's kind of easy
when you are emotionally intelligent, right, when you are self aware, Let's
just talk about the self awareness becausethat's the part that you know you specifically
asked about. When you are selfaware, you know what you want and

(32:22):
need in a relationship. You arealso aware of your areas of growth.
And I feel like when you havewhen you're self aware, you don't.
That's when you don't settle. Right, Like I said, relationships are optional.

(32:45):
Anybody you allow to be in yourlife should be a positive addition,
and so you have to The moreself aware you are, the more you
fall in love with yourself, theless be us. I don't know if
I can cuss the let's be yes, you are going to write put up
with I talk to I talk towomen and you know. Another question I

(33:07):
ask is do you love yourself?And they'll say yes, but you can't
based on this romantic relationship that youhave. It's no way possible that you
love yourself and you are settling forthis. The two they don't go together.

(33:28):
They yeah, you can't possibly loveyourself if if you are going,
you know, if you are goingto stay in a relationship that you know
is not for you. Right.And so when I'm talking to single women
and I you know, have thisconversation with them, it's like you date
at your level of your self esteem. Oh okay, right, And so

(33:50):
when women come and say men thisand men that. But it's about it's
partly about who you wouldtract. Butyou gotta you also got to look at
who you choose, because I'm surethere are some people that you did not
give your number two. There aresome people that you were not interested in.
So it's not all about who youwould track. You gotta be honest

(34:10):
and say that you are sometimes pickingthese people. Again, be totally honest
with yourself. Like my number onerule is always be keep it phonky with
yourself. Never lie to yourself.You could lie to anybody else just don't
lie to yourself and God and yourlawyer if you need one of them,
but like, just never lie toyourself, because if you can be honest

(34:32):
with yourself and say, Okay,this is why I chose this person,
there is something that they do foryou, There is something that they make
you feel. Now, it maybe feeding insecurity, it may be feeling
the idea of fantasy that you havein your head. Right, it may
be you are trying to push yourown agenda in your own timeline and say

(34:53):
you're like you just I'm gonna gowith this. And so if you aren't
able to answer that that question,how did I get here? Or what
is it that this person does forme? Right? You can figure out
healthier ways to do that. Andso when you have a good foundation,
again, you know how to setboundaries for yourself. But you know some

(35:16):
people don't. So a person thatdoesn't know how to set boundaries or see
red flags is, how is thatperson supposed to navigate those waters? And
I'm not making excuses for people,but you know some people are just open.

(35:37):
Can I give you an example absolutelythe Resa Tisa situation that was going
on on the internet. She wasvery open, but she also admitted that
she didn't. She had little selfesteem, and all the red flags she
missed them, and some things sheknew it was a red flag, but
she wanted it to be her turnso so bad, so she over looked

(36:00):
them. She didn't have any boundariesand a whole bunch of stuff, right,
yep. So a person like that, like how do you navigate those
waters? She didn't want to,she, like you said, And like
you said, she I didn't watchthe whole thing because it got on my
nerves either, because I started toask those questions like listen, like you
specifically said no, and then youwent and said yes, right, And

(36:23):
so in those moments, there's nothingthat you can do if the person doesn't
want help, right, right.I only work with people if they want
to change. And so she,like I said, she was committed to
her agenda in her head, andso she wasn't after a healthy relationship.
She wanted a ring. She wantedto be married, right, And so

(36:43):
there's a difference between wanting to bemarried and wanting a healthy marriage. If
we really wanted to just get married, we probably could, but is it
going to be healthy? Right?That That is the standard. Right.
I know we sometimes are or oh, I'm this age, I'm this age
and I'm not married yet. It'sO cases right. This may be your

(37:07):
season to grow, right. Itmay be a reason that you are still
single. It may be something thatyou need to learn. There may be
some tendencies or insecurities or whatever thatyou need to heal from. And so
in that situation, she didn't wantto see them, she saw them,
they were there. She was lyingto herself. And what's rule number one?

(37:28):
Never lie to yourself, right,right, right? And that's why
she kept it a secret. Andit's not just her. It happens.
Right, you keep it a secret, you feel bad, you are ashamed
of it. You know that thatmeans you know that something is not right.
Right. And so as for thefew episodes that I did watch,
right, that was the question thatI asked you. She knew, but

(37:51):
what was it that kept her there? Like that would be the questions that
I would be asking her. Idon't care all the stuff that he did.
I think it came out, likehis mental health history came out afterwards.
But all of the stuff that hedid, I want to know why
you stayed? And that is thepart that we need to work through,
right, right, And so whenpeople don't see the red flags, now

(38:13):
let's say you truly do not seethem, because I have those conversations too,
where after the fact they can connectthe dots, right. But I
think again, people just don't necessarilythink about what a healthy relationship looks like
for them. They don't know whatthat looks like. Society talks about what
relationships should look like. If sheshould be doing this, she should pay

(38:36):
for everything, fly you out.You got to figure out what's healthy for
you, right, what works foryou and your partner. And until you
know that standard, you just gonnabe out here. Yeah yeah, like
leave the whole social media aside alone, and like you make that determination.
And I think that's a big partof the problem now a lot of people

(38:57):
deal with if you see a lotof things on social media and you want
those things, but those things mightnot necessarily be realistic for you, you
know, or you don't even knowwhat that person to get to that point
of what's going on behind closed doors, you know, absolutely, So I
think it's good to just you know, kind of be in your own little
bubble and determine those things and you'vebeen doing this type of work and like

(39:23):
focusing on emotional intelligence and things.What are some challenges that you see with
like your coaching clients that are tryingto navigate on their healing journey because ultimately
it would be for some healing journeyor self discovery. So and coaching what
we do. And so there's adifference between coaching and therapy therapy. When

(39:47):
you go to therapy, you aretrying to figure out how you got to
the moment where you are right now. You know what happened in your past,
your childhood, your upbringing, yourexperiences. How does that indicate where
you are or dictate where you areright now? The way you think,
the way you behave all of that. Coaching, on the other hand,

(40:07):
is forward looking. So like Isaid, we're gonna be honest. This
is where we are. There isno judgment. I don't care if you
went back fifteen times. This iswhere you are. What we're going to
figure out in coaching where do youwant to go from here? And how
do we get you there? Right? And So I think the biggest challenges

(40:30):
because I work with both women thatare single and in relationships. So let
me think about some of the challengesthat I see some commonalities. I think
it's a lack of self awareness isdefinitely one of them. Like I will
ask questions and they don't know,right. If I'm talking to like a

(40:50):
single woman, how do you wantto feel in your relationship? Or you
know, what would make you agood wife? How can your partner suppor
you if you if you think aboutyour goals, your five and ten year
goals, how does your partner fitinto that? Right? And so when
you don't know the answers to thesequestions, you don't know what you're looking

(41:13):
for. Right. You can't justbe near sighted and say, oh,
you want somebody to lay next toright now? Right. I believe that
everybody has a purpose. Everybody hasa vision for their life. Like you
got to know where you're headed,so that you are picking somebody that also
works for your future, not yourright now right. I understand the vision
that I have, the purpose thatI have, everybody can't go with me,

(41:37):
right, And I think that isthat has probably been the biggest Once
I learned my purpose, I thinkDayton got a lot easier for me because
once I understood, for whatever reason, where God has taken me, or
at least where I think he's takingme. I understand that everybody can go

(41:58):
with me, it's going to takea certain person to be able to support
me in that space, to beable to even understand that space. Right,
I've dated people before, Like oneof the last people I dated.
I also have a podcast. Ido my show live. He listened to

(42:20):
an episode and afterwards, you know, I called him like, oh,
what did you think? You're like, I don't know. You don't know
what. I don't know how I'mlike this like you being and I'm not
even big on social like I ignoresocial media all the time, so like
I'm not I don't have thousands ofthousands of followers, Like that's not even
me. And he's like, Ijust don't know how I feel about like
people coming to you asking me foradvice, Like I got to share you

(42:46):
interesting, right, And that's notthe only reason that we stopped talking,
right, But that let me knowright now, you don't understand this,
especially because my work is not Imean, yes, I will share about
me, like if I can helpanybody, I'm an open book, but

(43:06):
it's not I'm not sitting on mypodcast talking about my life every day,
right, and you're doing this tohelp other people exactly. And so once
I figured out my purpose and Iunderstood the support I need, right,
I am aware of my shortcomings andif I can find somebody to support me

(43:27):
in those areas, that's how theycan add value to my life. Who
if you can't, you can't gowith me. Also, if you don't
have a vision for your own life, we can't do this either. Like
so, vision and purpose I thinkare very important. So I think one
of the things that hinder people sometimes, and I'm talking about my single clients

(43:51):
is not knowing right, not lookingfar enough into the future as to what
this looks like. What does ahealthy relationship look like for you? If
you woke up five years from nowor maybe even tomorrow. If you wake
up tomorrow and everything in your lifeis ideal, what does it look like?
What does your family look like?Where do you live, What kind
of job do you have, ifany like, what kind of car do

(44:14):
you drive? How much money doyou make? Do you travel? If
everything is ideal, what does yourlife look like? And then the next
question I ask people is what typeof partner do you need to get there?
I think a lot of people areshort sighted, which can hurt you
in the long run. Right.That's when people tend to not ask the

(44:35):
important questions until it's too late.That's how you end up in a relationship
of marriage and then you find outthat your partner doesn't want kids. Right,
you got to ask the right questionsup front. And we can talk
about that too, But right,I think if you're being so short sighted
and not self aware enough to thinkabout down the line where you're going,
you're not going to be thinking aboutwhat you need and a partner long term.

(45:00):
Oh and I think some other thingsthat I think are sometimes a hinderance
the point in the finger, right, not wanting to take accountability. H
he did this, he did,Okay, well let's talk about what you
did. There are some people.Now that's when I get the eye rolls

(45:21):
and all that I was just about. They said, the eyebrows probably go
up, and they be like,girl, no, I'm talking about that
right now. And look, I'mokay with that. You ain't gonna hurt
my feelings. I'm here to askthe difficult questions and so that's what I'm
gonna do. Right, And soI think when you are not willing to
take accountability. We can't talk aboutwhere you're gonna go because if you're not

(45:44):
taking accountability for the part you playedin this, we cannot be honest about
how you got here. So weknow how to prevent how to prevent it
from happening again. Right. Alot of times communication is something I work
with with couple, and sometimes peopleare not honest about Well, I don't

(46:06):
know why we keep fighting. Idon't know why we keep having the same
arguments over and over again. Ihave no idea. He just can't.
I can't get through to him,and I go to talk to the other
partner and I find out that youtalk crazy about your mouth and think because
he's a man, he's supposed totake it. Well, that's not how

(46:29):
that works, right right. Iam a firm believer that both partners need
to be happy. Both partners needthe same thing and relationship. It may
look different between the man and thewoman, or you know, between each
person, but we all need thesame things. We all need to say
space emotionally, we all need apartner, right, not just a husband.
This needs to be a partner.I think it should be a partnership.

(46:51):
Whatever that looks like for you andyour person. Whatever you guys want
to do together, right, makesure your friends as well. That's the
big thing, y'all don't even likeeach other out here. Girl, you
just said a word that my heartstruck because I learned that though, Like
when you are in a season ofbeing single and you're doing your reflection and

(47:14):
growing, that was something that Ilearned, Like, well, damn,
how many of my relationships did Iactually have a friendship within that? And
I'm like, you know, Iwill risk any fast track the next time
opposed to let me truly get toknow this person and build that genuine rapport
with them. So let me tellyou what we do. We get real

(47:36):
stupid when it comes to a romanticrelationship. We get real stupid. Okay,
Now, if you meet a platonicfriend of another girlfriend, you know
how to build a friendship. Youhave friends, you know what you would
and would not except from a woman. Why we get stupid when it comes

(47:58):
to a man, right, right? The romantic stuff should just be an
addition. But the same way youbuild a friendship with like a platonic friendship,
you do it the same way.You may spend more time together right.
You may have more intimate moments maybe, right, but it's the same
thing in the beginning. And thenthe romance is a result of, or

(48:22):
it should be the result of thefriendship that you've built. Because you're not
gonna always like the person. You'renot gonna always want to have sex with
them. Right. The relationship isnot going to last if you guys don't
have that friendship or some type ofbond, you know, in addition to
the romance, right, if youdon't have that, you're going to be

(48:43):
in trouble. Right, And thatis when you find that people just really
cannot get along with each other,right, They cannot look past their areas
of growth, like they're not willingto work with like I've had. I've
talked to people. I've talked toa woman she's got a divorce, and
I don't think I asked why,but I think as she was talking,

(49:07):
she said, Oh, we're bothjust too stubborn. You're getting a divorce
because you're stubborn. Right. Thatdoesn't sound right? And so I think
what we have to do is wehave to really think about do we really
want a healthy relationship and what doesthat look like? Right? Marriage is

(49:32):
like, the wedding is not theend goal, right, you should be
picking somebody that you can you wantto be around for the long hall at
least, this is what you know. The women that I work with,
they truly want a healthy relationship,something long term, to get married,
or they're already married and they youknow, want to rekindle and you know,
get back to the way that thingswere right. That's who I'm talking

(49:52):
about. I don't not talking aboutsituationships or people just you know, that's
not right. If you truly wantsomething that is going to be forever,
right that nineties are and B typeof love. Yes, you have to
make sure you know who you are. You have to make sure you know
what you need. How can yourpartner add value to your life? And

(50:15):
it's not all about money, right, It's not all about money. How
can he if he knocked on yourdoor tomorrow, how can he add value
to your life? How can youadd value to his? Right? Because
you also got to know what youhave to give. It got to be

(50:37):
a two way street. And sothere are sometimes I meete a guy and
I listen to what he you know, I just listening. I figure out
what he Oh, I can't dothat for you. I'm gonna be honest.
Yeah, I can't hang out withyou every weekend, all weekend,
all Friday, all Saturday, all. That's just not the life that I
live. I would love to,but that's not the life that I live.

(50:58):
Again, going back to my purpose, it just won't allow it,
right, And so you have tobe honest about the things that you can
give. Right. I also lookfor people's area areas of growth pretty quickly
and decide if that's something that Iwant to deal with. I might not
want to, and you can behonest about that absolutely. And that's why

(51:19):
I said. The whole thing isjust don't lie to yourself. Yeah,
yeah, child, I don't knowhow y'all feel, but I know how
I feel listening to Hall, youknow, before we get to the last
point, real quick, just topiggyback, because you did. You brought
it up, and it's like wearingon my head the questions that you should
ask a person when you are dating, because I feel like me and my

(51:44):
friends have been having these conversations comparinglike the pre COVID times compared to like
now, just because things have drasticallychanged, right, especially in the Dayton
Realm. I don't like to saythe dating environment is toxic and stuff,
because I'm in it and I'm nottoxic. But it has definitely changed and
people should definitely ask more and justbe cautious about a lot of things.

(52:07):
So what are some questions that peopleshould be asking when they are dating?
Absolutely, so I'll give you someof the questions. So I actually came
up with the card game. SoI have two versions of the card game.
The perfect part in the card game, So there is a dating adition
to help you figure out if youare compatible. So these are the questions.
Now, it's like fifty questions,so you don't have to ask them

(52:28):
all at once. But I'll giveyou some of the questions that I feel
like you should ask. And thenI have a coupled version that helps you
with the difficult conversations once you're alreadyin the relationship. And so dating Edition
questions that you should ask when youare dating. So I'll give you the
questions that I feel like you shouldask before the first date, before the

(52:51):
first day, before the first date, you need to ask about what type
of relationship they're open to. Andwhat I mean by that is Are they
just looking to have fun? Dothey want to be married at some point
or are they looking for friends withbenefit? Right? Because if you know

(53:12):
that you want to be married andthey just want to have fun, go
ahead and play in your own faceif you want to, right, Yeah,
you know what I mean. Now, on the flip side, just
because you both want the same typeof relationship, let's say you both want
marriage, that does not mean thatthis is your part your person. However,
it means that you know that you'reat least not wasting your time and

(53:35):
you guys are going to take thetime to see if and date and see
if this is something that can work. Okay, So that's like one of
the first questions. I think youshould also ask about children. I mean,
do you have you want anymore?Right? Is that a deal breaker
for you? You might be dealingwith somebody that they don't know if they
want to have kids. Right,Children is the big Like children can be

(54:00):
a deal breaker. How many childrendo you already have with how many women?
Because for me, if you gotmore than two children by more than
two women, I'm cool. Yeah, right again, but that's your self
awareness. You got to know whatyou can handle. I talked to a
client yesterday and I said, well, how many children can he have?
She said it doesn't matter. Isaid, does the number of women matter?

(54:22):
She said it doesn't matter. Likeit's okay, right, You got
to know what works for you.For me, I know more than two
it that look, that's it.Yeah, And some of us say none
and some say none. Right.People only want to date people that don't
have kids. I know people withkids that only date people without kids.
So you's got to know what youknow? What it is. Another question

(54:45):
you should ask about is religion.If religion is important to you, think
about it. And I actually hadthis conversation a couple of times this week
and people were like, it doesn'tmatter, and I said, well,
then let me ask you this question. Right, religion, If you,
you know, sub ascribe to areligion, it dictates how you live your
life. It dictates some of yourcore values. Right, and so to

(55:07):
the extent your person is of adifferent belief can you guys still coexist?
Right? Or do your values conflict? And it may not hold a problem
between you two, but what aboutwhen you have children? That's really when

(55:27):
it comes up a lot. Yeah, because I want to raise my kid
like this, and you want toraise my kid like that, But I
don't believe in that, right,And so I think religion is a big
thing. If if you are religiousor spiritual, I think that is something
you need to ask before the firstbefore the first date. The only other
things I would say you should askbefore the first date, any of your

(55:51):
other deal breakers that can be likea quick answer. So if smoking is
a deal breaker for you, ifdrinking is a deal breaker for you,
like those things that you can kindof check off the paper, like if
there want to be a deal breaker, there's no need to you going on
the first date, right right,h that makes a lot of sense.

(56:12):
And like I said, things havechanged because I can remember back in the
day, you didn't ask most oranything before you started like seeing a person
or even trying to establish is arewe just dating? Or is this talking
stage? Because that's a whole nother, a whole other thing. But like
you said, you have to havethis self awareness and really know what you
want. And I always say giveyourself grace because sometimes we really don't know

(56:37):
what we want until we're in it. And like, Okay, I don't
think I like the way this feels, and I have an option to move
along. Like you said, don'tplay in your own face. So thank
you for that. Hopefully that helpssomebody out there, you know, because
things out here looking a little raggedlyat times. Absolutely so. And so

(56:57):
here's the thing, right, I'mnot in to waste the time. And
so if there are things that Ican ask you up front, and I
know they're gonna be deal breakers.If you tell me you want five kids,
you want me to have five kids, We're not gonna do this.
And that's like a deal breaker foryou. I'm not your person, right,
I'm not going to even put myselfin that predicament. And that's another

(57:19):
thing that people say, like,well, I already love him, I
already love her. I get it. That's why you got to do the
work beforehand, because once your feelingsisn't like you can't your feelings are valid,
you cannot control them. You canregulate them, but you can't control
them, which is why situationships aredangerous. But that's a different conversation.
But you cannot control your emotions.And so you can learn to love anybody

(57:44):
if you spend enough time with them. Okay, so you can learn to
love anybody if you spend enough timewith them. That's why you have to
be careful about who you allow yourselfthe opportunity to love. Hmmm. Interesting,
that just that just hit me again. Come on now, come on,

(58:07):
now, come on now, weain't ask for this, but that
that. No, I'm joking thatthat makes a lot of That makes so
much sense. Who you allow yourselfto love? Because I always like to
think of it sometimes like you can't. You can't control who you love,
right, And so this is thething, that's why I didn't say who

(58:29):
you allow yourself? Who you giveyourself the opportunity to love? Okay,
once your feelings are in it,you love the person mm hmm. And
then now the decision is even harderto step away from them. This is
why you have to back up tensteps. Right? Is this somebody that
I should even have around me togive myself the opportunity to love? Like

(58:50):
I said, you can grow tolove anybody. I think about it.
We all know people that maybe agod asked so many times wore you down,
and now you were talking to himbecause you gave him he was close
enough to you, or you mightnot have liked them originally, but the
way that he shows up for you, the way that he treats you.

(59:10):
Right now, if you truly knowthat this is not your person, don't
give yourself that opportunity. Right We'retalking about accountability here, and can you
allow the person to be around?Yeah, that makes sense, that makes
sense, That makes so much sense. Well, thank you for that.

(59:31):
This conversation has been very good andinsightful, and I truly hope that it
gave someone a different perspective when itcame to self awareness within themselves of course,
and just emotional intelligence, and gavea person a beating they may have
needed, because they probably gave meone. So I appreciate your time and

(59:52):
all your wisdom and insight that youoffered. The Perfect Partner Podcast tell us
about that and where people can findthat. Absolutely, So my show is
the Perfect Partner Podcast. It isa show for those of you who have
not given up on love despite itschallenges, and we have difficult but productive

(01:00:14):
conversations about things that can really affectyour relationships. And so I started the
podcast want to help spread help peopleunderstand the importance of emotional intelligence and romantic
relationships. Like it's not too manypeople. I actually only met one other
coach and I just met him yesterday. In all of these years, I
have been looking for somebody else thatworks with EQ and romantic relationships because everybody

(01:00:37):
does it in the workplace. Literally. I found well, he found me,
and I just met him yesterday,And so that was part of the
reason why I wanted to start thepodcast. But the other other reason is
I don't know that there are toomany healthy, too many spaces out there
for healthy conversations about relationships right.Social media drives me nuts, like I

(01:01:00):
was ever today on following pages likeI can't take this right, and social
media, if you allow it,it would have you thinking that all hope
is lost, that it's nothing butpee in a day and pool hang it
up, says you never gonna getmarried. And let me tell you that
it is not true. I haveconversations with men and women almost every day

(01:01:22):
that are healthy that want healthy relationships. Right. They are more so even
if you are traditionalists. A lotof them are traditional right, and they
are looking to settle down and they'renot looking to play right, They're just
looking for somebody to do life with. Yeah, right, And so I

(01:01:43):
know that it's out here because Italk to the people every day, and
so that's who I want to talkto. I hope that the people tune
into my show. They really arelooking for a healthy relationship. They want
to help to build and maintain ahealthy relationship. So some of my guests.
I recorded an episode yesterday with acoach that helps with women that has

(01:02:06):
been abused by narcissists. I've hadtherapists on my coach, I mean on
my show. I've had people comeand share their personal experience from going from
a toxic relationship to a healthy relationship. I've talked to a matchmaker. I've
talked to somebody that is the ownerof a dating app and like what you
should put on your dating profile?Right, So we cover a range of

(01:02:28):
topics. My guests on Monday,she experienced domestic violence, and so she's
coming to share her experience but alsotalk about how she got over it.
And so the number one thing that'svery important for me and my show is
that we don't just talk. Wedon't talk about the I mean, we
talk about the issues, but therehas to be actionable steps. So anybody

(01:02:49):
that comes on my show, Itell them what you could talk about whatever
you want to talk about, butyou have to give them something. This
is not we don't gate keep overhere. This is not the place to
say, oh, you say asentence, everybody got a book of call,
like, that's not you. I'msure, I'm fine with sharing your
information all of that, but yougot to give my listeners something like,

(01:03:09):
we're not doing that over here.And so I mean it when I say
I want to have productive conversations,I don't do the whole gender dividing thing.
You are not allowed to project yourexperience on people, right. This
is truly a place to have conversations. And like I said, so I
do my show live. You canonly watch it live if you are in

(01:03:29):
my Facebook community. Other than that, you can catch the replay on all
streaming platforms. So see, theone is out. I'm still working on
season two right now, but it'son all streaming platforms and on YouTube.
So the perfect partner podcast. Youknow, you are the perfect partner Facebook
community if you are interested in joiningthe show live and you can actually ask
our guests questions while they are there. But yeah, that's why I started

(01:03:52):
it. That's amazing. So nored pill content, Okay, no,
oh, none of that Kevin Samuel'sstuff. None, none of that.
But you know what, I loveyour content. I you know, just
in following you for the short periodof time that I have, I found
it to be very insightful and positiveand it's very like, it's very soft.

(01:04:15):
So I receive it soft, likenot like you're trying to throw something
at me or not like you're tryingto like, hey, you need it,
like no, hey, these thingscan help you. And here's why.
So I appreciate you for that,because, like you said, there's
very few, if any that likecoaches that actually teach something, you know,
So thank you for having and creatinga safe space like you do.

(01:04:39):
Okay, So I like to endmy show with my guests. Even though
we have discussed so much meaningful andimportant things and you've offered so many words
of encouragement, I like to askguests to just end with one positive note
to someone that may be listening rightnow and maybe struggling on their path.

(01:05:00):
It is something that you can offerto them, just one hey. I
mean, hey, you got thefloor, you know, so I will
say I can't do just when I'msorry, no you okay, So I
will repeat some of the ones thatI've said earlier, right that relationships are
optional. Anybody you allowed to bein your life should be a positive addition

(01:05:24):
to your life. I will alsosay that you have to be the priority.
You have to know what is healthyfor you and finding somebody that you
can coexist with. It's not aboutchanging anybody. It's about truly taking the
time to understand somebody. Right,we didn't talk a lot about empathy,

(01:05:47):
but it's really it's really about takingtime to understand your person and figuring out
can we coexist together? And ifnot, no, we not right.
And I think that makes the breakupor when things don't work out a lot
easier because you realize that, Okay, this is just not the person I
can coexist with. And it's notabout forcing anything. You let that person

(01:06:10):
be that person, you be you, and you figure out can you live
together? Yeah? And I'll stopthere. Wonderful And if you guys need
some more assistance in any of thoseareas, please buy me reach out to
miss Aaron. I will have allof her information listed in the description below,

(01:06:30):
so you guys can go tap inwith her. And can you please
tell everyone I know you mentioned thepodcast. But like all of the social
media platforms where people can follow youat yep, so on Facebook, my
name so Aaron Darden. I havethe perfect partner Facebook community. And then
you can find me on Instagram andTikTok is just my name Aaron F.
Darden, And I tell people followme. I give a lot of communication

(01:06:56):
tips and then tips is really aboutself awareness, right, this is what
I I really want to help peoplewith. Come find me now, because
if I figure out how to talkto people off of social media, I'm
out of here at the minute.I can figure out a safe space where
I know people are going to showup, like you said, because I
feel like there's too much noise onsocial media and that's not what we need.

(01:07:17):
So come follow me now while I'mstill here. Almost deleted everything today,
but I just unfollowed a few pagesinstead, So come on and follow
me. If you guys have anyideas about how we can commune outside of
social media, please let me know. I have been asking my team.
I got my team thinking like listen, but anyhow, yes, go ahead

(01:07:42):
and find me. If you haveany questions about emotional intelligence, if you
have questions about whether or not Ican help you with your situation. Please
reach out to me right a lot. Like I said, a lot of
the stuff I do, it's conflantresolution and communication. If you're already in
a relationship, and if you aresingle right now, it's about trying to
figure out what may you be doingto hinder you from the love that you

(01:08:05):
want right there may be some thingsthat you are not aware of that you're
doing that is stopping you from havingthis relationship that you want and then giving
you the tools to build and maintainthis relationship that you say that you want.
So if that's something that you feellike you want help with, or
you want to even ask me morequestions, let me know. I'm here.
I'm truly here to help people thatthis is what I'm passionate about.

(01:08:28):
I'm very passionate about emotional intelligence andhelping people build and maintain healthy romantic relationships.
Hey, so y'all heard it here, folks, So please go tap
in with her. All of herlinks will be listed. Hello, so
you guys can go follow her,subscribe to our podcast, and all the
amazing things. If you got someideas on how to get her off of

(01:08:49):
social media, please send them heraway because she is open to them.
I think we all get to thatpoint because I'm with you. I always
say, if I didn't have thispodcast, I wouldn't probably be on social
media anymore. But you don't neverknow what can happen. But again,
thank you so much for this insightfulconversation and for all of your energy and

(01:09:12):
for spending time with us today.Thank you so much for having me even
though I'm not a virgo, butI appreciate it. It's okay, it's
okay, no problem. Thank youfor listening to an episode of Chronicles of
a Virgal podcast with me your favoritefavorite verbal host, Shikita Johnson. Your
support means the world to me asI want to continue to see you all

(01:09:35):
proser and grow. Please join meback next Wednesday, where we will continue
to dive into more can it andempower on conversation that we'll get you a
step closer to stepping into a newguilt individual. Remember you're not alone on
your journey. Please don't forget tosubscribe to us on social media at Chronicles
of a Verbal podcast on all socialmedia platforms and the YouTube channel. Check

(01:09:59):
out our website and blog at Chroniclesof a Virgo dot website, dot com.
All links will be listed in thedescription box below. Until next time,
beautiful souls, keep rising from thoseashes and stay true to here and
know your girl loves you. PeaceOut,