February 14, 2023 • 38 mins
Love can be experienced in many different ways, but no matter how it presents itself in our life, we all share similar needs, feelings and desires. In this episode we take the journey and discover the many facets of love. We explore how to go from having expectations and needs to arrive at self awareness and realizing what we truly want. Ultimately embracing, accepting and loving unconditionally empowers us to support and give to those we not only have in our lives, but equally important, how we accept and love ourselves.
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Episode Transcript
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Fortune (00:04):
Welcome all to circuitry. It's time to ignite
your life.
Jean (00:08):
Join us as we explore this episode's thought provoking
topic and what it means to usthrough everyday life challenges
and practical spiritual tools.
Fortune (00:16):
So let's start sharing.
Hello, darling.
Jean (00:20):
Hello darling.
Fortune (00:20):
How are you?
Jean (00:22):
I'm zippity doo da off and dusty. Go. Oh, are you? Oh,
Fortune (00:27):
bonjour. No,
Jean (00:28):
no banjo. No.
Fortune (00:30):
Well, I'm very excited about our episode because love
is in
Jean (00:33):
the air. Love is in the air. We are coming up on the
feast of Love Day, the V Daydreaded D Day.
Fortune (00:43):
Well, you know when it's a Publix, and it's all the
pleasure. It's like all the redballoons and the flowers and the
candy. And it's like, it was alljust like that people
Jean (00:54):
wonderful. Yeah, it isn't.
Fortune (00:57):
Well, I mean, not about those things. Really well.
Jean (01:01):
It's not about those things. But those those things
are ways of expressing how youmight feel for another. Oh.
Fortune (01:12):
And we're all in our Italian mode.
Jean (01:14):
Yeah, well, we're not gonna talk about that. Yeah.
Fortune (01:17):
Listen, it's our roots.
Always we can always be inItalian. The
Jean (01:20):
passion is there. That's it just needs to be unleashed.
Alright, so we're talking aboutlove. If no one has guessed it?
Yes, we are talking aboutValentine's Day we're talking
about love, which is, you know,and there's
Fortune (01:35):
love can be a noun or a verb. You know, we can have many
splendored thing. Yes, it's amini split. So the greatest love
Jean (01:45):
it can be the greatest love. You know, Johnny Cash
said, you know, that. They askedhim what is love and Paradise
and he says this morning havingcoffee with her. That's it.
That's really like just Yes.
Fortune (02:00):
Well could be just this morning having coffee with
yourself. However you want tolook at it. Yeah, absolutely. I
think that
Jean (02:10):
well, there's lots little Okay, so let's, let's start
somewhere. Okay. Okay, so whatis love fortune?
Fortune (02:18):
Oh, we really want to go there.
Jean (02:21):
Well, that is what the show is about. I know a mic. I
think we might. Well I base onthe subject. I
Fortune (02:27):
just think that what we perceive as love can be many,
many things.
Jean (02:33):
Right? It can be infection, tenderness, passion,
right? Ocean romance, yes. Butit's all a connection to a soul,
whether it's another person oryourself or an animal, or it can
be a lot of things. I don't knowif we're really staying on
romance today. Or like the, the,the traditional, we're talking
(02:53):
about love and a relationshipwith another, you know, with
your significant other oryourself, but Well,
Fortune (02:59):
for me, that's not a rip, I'm gonna I'm gonna go to
the right to the spiritual pointof it. And then we can get into
the other things. For me as Iwas, you know, researching
within myself about love, reallylove it. Self love. That's the
(03:19):
only love is self love. That'sthe love that we need to
cultivate.
Jean (03:24):
She knows she just goes right to the end. She goes,
right. No, I
Fortune (03:27):
don't want to go to the end. But I think we're gonna
just we're gonna just you askedme what I think love is I mean,
you know, I mean, you could
Jean (03:34):
stop you know, just don't jump right to the meat of it. I
mean, yes, that is okay. So, Imean, what is love? What is
love? What is to love? What doeslove mean to love a commitment?
Fortune (03:46):
Right? You know, love could be passionate feelings.
Love can mean so many things youknow that your parental love so
many different you know, whenyou when you try to unpack those
are feelings for others and theconnection that you have to
(04:10):
others. You know, sometimes youmeet somebody that you didn't
know but you automatically youfeel this connection. You know,
I think like when we met youknow, there's a few few people
in our lives that when when youjust meet somebody, you just
feel so comfortable. And it'sprobably because you know, a
password. I
Jean (04:31):
don't I don't remember a progression in our friendship.
Fortune (04:33):
Right. So yeah, it's like right off the bat. So it's
like some and some connectionsneed to cultivate for years
before you can really feel thelove. You know what I mean? So
there's so many there's so manydifferent avenues. Well,
Jean (04:52):
I think one thing that people confuse and I think it's,
I think that's happens. I canhappen anybody but there's
There's a difference betweenlove and attachment. Yes. You
know, like, love should not bewhat can you do for me? Or how
do you make me feel or, youknow, to me, it's, and this was
(05:14):
to be unconditional, it shouldbe unconditional and it should.
But a lot of people don'tunderstand that they think that,
but I love them so much thatthat's unconditional love. No.
Unconditional Love is whenyou're just selfless. You're
just basically saying, I wantyou to be happy. Even if the
(05:35):
choices you're making. Don'tnecessarily make me happy.
Right? Right. But I accept you.
Love is a big it's for selfawareness. To be able to be in a
love relationship, you have tobe very self aware. And I think
that's a step sometimes that'smissing.
Fortune (05:52):
Okay, but I unpacked this last night about
relationships and love. Listen,you we have so many
expectations, nobody is going tofulfill all your expectations.
Exactly.
Jean (06:04):
But for them to if you're doing unconditional love, you
don't have any expectations. Andthat's real love. Yeah.
Fortune (06:10):
But that's that's a little difficult, I think for a
lot of people.
Jean (06:14):
Right? But you can't avoid it just because it's difficult.
That's the whole goal. I mean,they you know it the whole thing
is that there's there's a lot oflight no matter what, yes, we
understand that just no matterwhat, but to say it's really
love your brothers, you loveyourself. Everything else that's
that's, that's a commandment ora rule or a guidance post and
(06:36):
any type of spiritual orreligious or even social thing
is basically trying to gear usback to that one thought Yes.
Which is love your brother asyou love yourself. And if you
can do that,
Fortune (06:49):
okay, but first, you have to love yourself. Yes,
Jean (06:52):
that's exactly but what I'm saying is, is the hole that
it love doesn't just say okay,well, it's impossible to really
love someone. So because theyhave a have all these
expectations. Well, that's thework on yourself to not have
those expectations. To loveunconditionally. It's to say,
Whoever you are, because guesswhat? Okay, I met you when you
(07:14):
were in your mid to late 20s. Iwas in my early 20s. Okay.
You're not the same person thatyou were then. And God knows I'm
not the same person I was then Ifeel like, but I it's always the
same. No, it's not. Your soulhas transformed a lot. And I
hope mine has to. So so no, Ithink that there have been a lot
(07:36):
of changes in everybody changes.
So to put this idealism onsomebody and say, I love you
just as you are. Okay, but mostof the thing that happened was
that was that Judy tenuta jerkjoke. I love you never change,
you know? And then it's like, ifyou love me, you change you will
change. Yeah, they're not thesame person I fell in love with
(07:56):
so I'm leaving.
Fortune (07:59):
Yeah. Okay. So think love can be convoluted by our
ego, too. You know, and that'sthat's blind, right?
infatuation. You know, we thinkthat's love you know? Because it
feels so good. So you miss takeit because your egos getting
fed. So you think that's love?
Praise. When someone praisesyou? You think oh my god, you
(08:19):
know, this person loves mebecause there's money, greed, we
can go on and on and on. We'reall the things that well, that's
what
Jean (08:29):
I was trying to say is that there's like almost this
lack of self awareness. Andthis, this need for somebody to
fulfill you are to complete you.
What's the saying? You completeme? Yeah, whatever. No, no, you
complete yourself out. But butin like when they say like, love
is blind. Okay. Basically,you're it's not blind, you're
turning a blind eye. You'rebasically saying, I don't want
(08:51):
to see your flaws.
Fortune (08:56):
I until until your mayor
Jean (08:57):
Lane are real good right now. Right? You know, you're
boosting me up a little bithere. So, you know, it's all
exciting. And you're willing tostudy and Woody and I don't mind
that you do this or you do thatyou're willing to accept
anything? Are you that point?
You're right, you focus on whatthe potential might be, instead
of what the reality is. And youknow, love is a long road. So if
(09:18):
you're really going to make thatcommitment, and you're going to
do the, for better, for worsefor sickness and health and all
of those good things. That'sbasically what that van was
saying is, I accept you, right,no matter what, exactly. But
Fortune (09:33):
I think people miss that. They want to go to the
wedding. They want the pleasure.
We want the pleasure. And youknow, I mean, you want to share
the intimacy, you want to haveall that. But there's a lot
attached to them. Yeah, the
Jean (09:49):
thrill should be the journey, not the the impact of
this is what you're giving meright the second because that's
going to change a person isgoing to change and you're going
to change
Fortune (09:59):
Yes. Yes, I know I have have 30 years with my husband.
Yeah. And I
Jean (10:07):
mean, once that adrenaline rush, once the high wears off,
you're just like dazed andconfused, you're like, Well,
wait a minute, well, I'm
Fortune (10:14):
still figuring things out that it took 30 years, you
know, to, to really see. And Ithink for him, too, you know
what I mean? Like, you don'treally realize that, okay, we
have this all wrong. This is,you know, you finally I'm seeing
this. And finally, I'm seeingthat. And I'm, you know, I mean,
(10:34):
thank goodness, we're seeing it,because I'm sure there's many
people that go many yearswithout seeing any of it, you
know, what I mean?
Jean (10:40):
Okay, so when you say, Oh, I mean, not to get too personal,
but Well, you said
Fortune (10:45):
absolutely tell people about, you know, expectations is
number one, number one thingthat expectation and accepting,
you know, that is the two thingsthat we've really been working
on, you know what I mean?
Because with any relationship,you know, any relationship, it
can be whatever relationshipthat is the key to everything,
(11:08):
because you have to realize whatyou're putting out to that
person, is what you're going tohave coming back to you. So, if
you're having thoseexpectations, and you're not
accepting them for what theyare, that's going to come right
back to you. And thatrelationship is not going to be
very harmonious and loving, youknow, deep down in your soul,
(11:32):
you still might feel the love,the connection, the commitment,
all those things. But I think itcomes down to what, you know,
for me, because I've beenworking on self love a lot. And
I think it comes down to dignityand feeling valued and
respected. So with that, we haveto value that person and respect
(11:58):
that person. So that comes withthe expectations and accepting
those things all go together.
Jean (12:08):
Okay, so talk to me about dignity.
Fortune (12:11):
Yeah, that's one because,
Jean (12:13):
you know, like everybody says, you know, like, the
greatest love of all is selflove. And all of this this
great, you know,
Fortune (12:19):
it's in the song, it does say they can't take away my
dignity, it can't take away mydepression, I have to have that
self love for yourself. Okay,that's a huge, that's a huge
lesson in itself to be able toreveal your light within.
Alright, I'm
Jean (12:37):
gonna challenge that a little bit. Okay? I agree. But
I'm also going saying thatloving yourself is the same as
loving another. Because you haveto cultivate that relationship.
If you are not cultivating yourrelationship with yourself.
Like, a lot of people look at meand they go, Oh, she's so
independent, or she likes to bealone alone, or she's not in a
(12:58):
very social or I am very whenI'm ready to be that. Okay. But
I also are very deep withinmyself. Right? And putting
conditions. No, no, no, no, no,what I'm saying is, I'm not
saying what how other people areviewing me, I'm just saying they
could see me that way. What I'msaying is, I like to spend time
with myself. Yes, I enjoy metoo. Okay. And that's part of
(13:22):
cultivating self love. You haveto, you have to fulfill your own
needs, you have to know that youset boundaries of when you need
that alone time or thatdowntime, you need to really be
self aware. Like I said in thebeginning. It's an it can't be
ego based either. Just like theother kinds of love we can have.
(13:43):
And you have to invest inyourself. And you'll something
that you ask where you're adignity comes from grow. Yeah,
but that's where dignity comesfrom. In any relationship.
Fortune (13:53):
And here's another big one. Which we wait, I'm not done
with that. Okay, because yeah,no, we're not done with this
kind of goes with it. Okay,trust. That's another big part
of right, because you have to
Jean (14:05):
review yourself as a whole. Okay, and see, we talked
about this all the time, I wroteall the time. Where do you need
to work on yourself as far astransformation? What is keeping
you from the things or thinkingor feeling that you want to live
(14:26):
in being have and usually it'ssome type of blockage that we
come to time and time again. Sowhat do you need to forgive? Who
do you need to forgive? You needto forgive yourself? Right?
forgiving yourself is huge. Andmost people say, Well, I didn't
do anything wrong. No, you hearthe shame. You know, there we've
all done something. We've alldone. Hello. We've all done
(14:50):
something to ourselves or toanother. That's deep in there.
Yes. And we can that's hurriedto say I did that and I would
not now that I'm conscious ofit, I would not do that again.
But it's also the things wedidn't do. Okay, maybe we didn't
stand up for ourselves. Yes.
Maybe we didn't stand up foranother had a missed the moment,
(15:11):
right? Yeah, yeah, maybe we tooksome kind of, I don't want, you
know, abuses, word goes around,but you took something from
somebody that felt toxic ordidn't feel right, and you just
pushed it down, you just pushdown, you just pushed it down,
that that builds inside of you,and you don't feel good about
yourself, because you did that,right. So you need to forgive
yourself for doing that. Andthat helps cultivate
Fortune (15:35):
over LBL, you're right, reveal your love within your
soul. And you need to bevulnerable and open with
yourself. Yeah, at least, we sayit all the time. You know, you
have you have to, you have tolove when it's uncomfortable.
That's the thing. You know whatI mean? Love yourself, even
though you know, X, Y or Z, youknow what I mean? Because then
(15:56):
you're really getting to peelaway, peel away all the layers
to, you know, be able to shine,to be able to love more, the
more you peel it away, the moreyou expose yourself, you know
what I mean? And really get to,you know, dig deep, dig deep,
(16:17):
and really get to what isblocking you from shining your
light, being able to take thatlove with inside of you, and
shine it. Because guess what,whether it's just you like you
were just talking about that,you know, Johnny Cash, whether
it's just you sitting having acup of coffee, and just being
(16:38):
happy with that, that's it, oryou're with somebody else, and
they can feel that you're happy.
They feel your light, you know,so there you go. That's how
you're expressing that love. byjust putting that energy having
that higher frequency, havingthat beautiful energy, that you
are full of love. And you know,a lot of people, just people
(17:02):
that don't believe in love.
Jean (17:08):
Who doesn't believe in luck?
Fortune (17:10):
I think that there's a lot of cynical people out there.
Yeah, will say, well, there'snobody perfect for me, I'm
better, you know, or whatever.
You don't think so? You don'tthink that there's people all
the time that are so I kind ofget against love, but think that
it's like, it's not possible?
Jean (17:31):
Yeah, I mean, I would again, that comes back to, you
know, go out or in therelationship with yourself,
right? There's a lot of workinside that because it also
being Yeah, but what I said inthe beginning is that it's it's
a commitment, it's selfawareness. So and this is not
Fortune (17:47):
covering to, you know, protecting them. So
Jean (17:50):
what I'm saying love to love is a lot of work. Yes. And
that's what people think it'sjust an end, it is fun. And it
is you know, you've when youfind somebody who's like minded,
okay, even if it's a platonicrelationship, and you love that
friend, or whatever, that's whatit really is, is that all the
outer things can change. Thecircumstances can change, the
(18:12):
approach to life might change,you know, what I'm saying, or
habits or careers or whatever,but, but the like mindedness of
how you're going to go throughthis together connection is, is
an integral part of it. So whenall those things shift?
Fortune (18:31):
Well, because all those other things don't matter
anymore, because you feel thatdeep connection, right? You know
what I mean? Like, I havefriends that have different
views than me, you know, but theconnection is there, it's
strong, no matter what I know,they got my back. You know what
I mean? And that's it, that loveis strong. Well, I
Jean (18:48):
mean, we've all had the experience that like a friend,
relative, a lover, an ex willcome back into your life, and
it's like, they never left. Allof a sudden you see them, it
could be, you know, a decadegoes by I feel that connection,
you pick it right back up fromyou know, where you left off.
Fortune (19:10):
Yes, yes. I mean, I feel like that even I'm gonna go
there. I'm gonna say even withmy ex husband, you know, I met
him when I was a teenager. Andwhen we talk or whatever, I
still feel that connection,because there is a connection,
right? You know, what I mean?
There's some kind of connectionand that's it. It's just, it's
just a part of your like, wecall grape cluster, you know,
(19:31):
people that you are connectedwith, and Something brought you
together. And it'll never youknow, I have lunch you do too,
you know, best friends from whenyou were young or whatever that
stayed with you. Because youstill feel like there's
something that is connectingyou, you know, and that
something is something deep inyour soul. You know, something
(19:52):
deep in your soul something thatis a beautiful thing. Yeah, and
We need I mean, you can meetpeople appreciate appreciation
is one of the greatest ways tolove. Right? I mean, you know,
appreciating all of that. Butlike you're you keep talking
about self awareness, selfawareness is the whole kit and
(20:13):
caboodle right there. You know,being self aware of all those
things, having the appreciationfor all those connections. But I
feel like the actual love iswithin ourselves. You know, I
don't know, I agree with you,but, but it's not that you're
not agreeing
Jean (20:34):
with you. But I'm just saying that. I, you know, we do
this all the time. It's like,that's a whole other episode.
That's, that's, that's selflove. We talked about. We're
talking about love here ingeneral. Yes. So yes, that's a
component of love. But it's not,it's not the whole thing. You're
saying. Just get to that andyou're good. You know, so that's
(20:57):
a that's eaten the wholeelephant at one time? Well, it's
Fortune (21:00):
not it's very, it's a big elephant. But you cannot
love you cannot love unless youhave
Jean (21:07):
I agree with you. But I'm saying that's that's kind of not
Well, okay. Let me ask you somealso what I think that that's,
that's, that's, like I said,that's what you, you have to
have that. But there's all theseother other parts of things that
have to do with love. Okay,
Fortune (21:25):
so what about? What about perception of love? Like,
is that just a head game?
Jean (21:35):
So what I was trying to say before is that, you know,
it's like, okay, if you if youhave a need, and somebody
fulfills that need, you nolonger have it anymore. So you
have to want somebody not needthem or because whatever they're
fulfilling in you in that momentis going to change. It's going
to change for you. It's going tochange for them.
Fortune (21:51):
Oh, that was a big one.
Say that again? That was a bigone. Say it again. Which part of
it all right about that partabout needing and wanting right.
So if you have a need
Jean (21:59):
and somebody fulfills it, then the need is fulfilled,
right? So you need to wantsomebody not need them. There
Fortune (22:04):
it is. There it is.
There it is. I want you to Iwant you to want to do the
dishes.
Jean (22:08):
Well, yes, but that's not about wanting me that's about
wanting that's about fulfillingsomething else that I expect
from you.
Fortune (22:15):
Oh, there we go.
Jean (22:16):
That's exactly so it's like you just have to say
whatever that core is, okay.
Everything else I keep sayingeverything else is going to
change. But you have to acceptand not be on the high of the
adrenaline rush of first meetingor the sex or the conversation
(22:36):
or the Yeah, we love to go playbocce ball together. Are we love
to go bowling Are
Fortune (22:44):
we okay? But that you have to admit that's pretty
good.
Jean (22:47):
There's commodity there.
There's things that attend thatconnect us. But again, hello.
That's all of the of the body
Fortune (22:56):
right? That's ego. Yes.
Jean (22:58):
So to really love somebody that's what I'm saying. You have
to really love another evenyourself. Right? Has to be
unconditional meaning I knowthat I anawan I know you are
flawed right? I know that thisis not going to be easy all the
time. And I'm okay with thatbecause life is never easy but
(23:19):
if you're expecting the soulmateto come in and just fill this
void or this missing piece ofyourself you're gonna be
disappointed yeah because
Fortune (23:27):
that's all about working out all your flaws to
soulmate is about working outyour flaws.
Jean (23:32):
Well the soulmate is making a transformation making
you go Oh, everybody thinks oh,the soulmate makes everything
easier. The soulmate oh, maybe
Fortune (23:39):
work, right gives you work. Wow. Yes, gives you work,
Jean (23:43):
but how they do it, you know, is is they're not doing
anything. They're just they'rejust there and you're
experiencing it, it's comingfrom the Creator that it's
coming you know, just like justthe just the presence of the
relationship in your life is thecatalyst Yes. The gift of
change.
Fortune (23:59):
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely. But I think alsogetting back to this self love,
okay, once we can reallycultivate the self love and
learn how to do thetransformations, which is what
this whole podcast is about.
Okay, it's transformingourselves and then what happens
(24:19):
when we transform ourselves wetransform the world but it also
brings us to all of these thingsthe love once we have this self
love, okay brings us to ourpurpose. It brings us to our
soulmate brings us to ourdestiny
Jean (24:35):
but you could be in a relationship right now and if
you don't have self love, so alot of people out there
listening to this and goingokay, but what do I do with my
my relationship that I have now?
What about that? So yes, selflove is a component and you
should be always cultivatingthat right? But also,
Fortune (24:52):
but that's what I'm saying. If you work on yourself,
then your relationship Yes Will.
Jean (24:58):
That's what we say in every episode. It's You know,
work on yourself and theneverything else works out.
Right? That's great. But what'spractical here?
Fortune (25:07):
That is practical working? Okay, so
Jean (25:10):
I'm challenging you. I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm
just pushing you a little bit.
I'm not saying anything you'resaying is wrong. I agree with
everything you're saying. I justwant you to go deeper.
Fortune (25:19):
Okay, well, um, I think that once you can, I mean, not
that you, you know, compassionand empathy and all the things
that makes you a human, youknow, for others to connect to
others is so important. Thosethings are important. But I feel
(25:41):
like, unless you're good, it'shard for you to express those
labels.
Jean (25:47):
You know, who's my girl, Carrie Bradshaw. Okay. You have
to fall in love with yourselffirst. Yes. And sometimes it
takes a lifetime. It takes alifetime to do that. Yes, yes,
yes. But also seriously, listento what I'm saying. Because
like, we all go through that,okay. Hormones are huge. Okay.
We've talked about this.
Hormones are a huge thing. It'salmost like you have like this
(26:09):
little insane person living inyour brain, that you don't know
why you're feeling what I haveto be with that person. Oh, my
God, I love them so much.
They're so sexy. They're socute. They're so oh my God, when
he's with me, and he justtouches my it's like, right,
this this thing, and then youget a little bit older. And then
(26:30):
you hear I have to have a baby.
If I'm not married, I have toget married. I have to have this
baby. You got 10 minutes, Igotta find my soulmate. I gotta
buy the dress, and I gotta havea baby, because I'm gonna turn
30 or 40.
Fortune (26:47):
I think our culture is changing a little bit in that.
Gosh, I hope so. Yeah, I thinkit is.
Jean (26:53):
And that's, that's a component of, you know, when we
talk about love, it's not justthese, okay, I'm, I'm, that's of
the body again, it's like,there's so many things out there
that can trick us, right canmake us go? That's what
Fortune (27:09):
I'm saying. Right? Just the perception or is it real? Is
it? No, I think the thing thatbrings real into it, okay, is to
have intimacy with love. Okay.
Jean (27:20):
And a lot of people are afraid of intimacy. Why?
Fortune (27:23):
You know why? Because intimacy is truth. You don't
have to be the naked truth ofyourself. flaws, good stuff,
everything combined in onepackage. And if you can truly
have that truth with someone,there it is. There's your
intimacy, there's your love.
Yeah, you don't need to put themakeup on. You don't need to
(27:46):
pretend that you're somebodyelse. You can just be you. And
as weird as you are as smart asyou are, or whatever it is. You
know, you can just put it outthere.
Jean (28:00):
That's a safe place that you create new cultivate with
another person. Yeah.
Fortune (28:03):
Well, that's love. That is love. That is love. And
that's just, you know, that's abeautiful thing. So we need to,
and you know, I think alsocultivating love is, you know,
doing love when you don't wantto love
Jean (28:19):
you know, like some people say, you know, gosh, what was
the singer talking about? Where?
I hope when I say it, ittriggers it. Okay. But we were
talking about the love you havefor a child. Right? And that is
like when anybody out there hashad a baby, you know, male
female, okay. Um, it can be thefather it can be the mother you
know, doesn't matter. When youhold that baby and you feel that
(28:43):
love connection it's not evenjust the connection it's it's
saying that you're gonna lovethis person no matter what. Yes,
um, you've texted you're goingto protect this love, you're
going to be there that isunconditional love and if we can
remember that love and give itto our partners, give it to our
(29:04):
friends. Give it to ourself. Ithink that that's kind of like
if people look like well whatdoes that mean unconditional
love or what does that mean toTo me that's the greatest
example of it
Fortune (29:17):
is not having expectations
Jean (29:21):
expectations on their child I'm not saying I'm saying
that a new baby Yes, people putexpectations on it. Oh, come on.
People put expectations on theybelieve they're gonna go to this
they're gonna go to this school.
I'm gonna name them this and Iwant them to get married and
have
Fortune (29:36):
oh, I don't mean I don't mean about that. I mean,
how the child acts I mean,you're not whatever the child
does. You just going to acceptit. You know, the child screams
all night. You're just going toaccept that you're going to just
take care of it and you're justgoing to keep going with it. No
matter what if the child poopsall over you you're gonna go
okay, so we just change ourclothes. You know what I mean?
So that that not everybody
Jean (29:54):
is like that. Oh. Tell that do it. I'm going to name
names but I've been horrifiedsometimes where people have gone
take this baby because it justspit up on me. And now I gotta
change because I can't I can'teven look at myself, right? I
gotta fix my makeup and the babyis crying and it's making Saison
(30:15):
Well, that's part of it. We'regetting down a hole on the
rabbit hole. And what I'm sayingis, is that when people say what
is unconditional love, in thatmoment, where you see the first
time ever I saw your face,people don't realize that song
was written about seeing theirnewborn for the first moment.
They think it's a romantic song.
Right? Right. Right. It isromantic song but as a romantic
song of the parent to a child.
(30:37):
You know, I saw the sun rise inyour eyes, you know, that, that
feeling of I love in a way thatI am. I am here for you. Yeah,
I'm waking up something. Right?
That is to me, what we should becultivating. If you can accept
and you can see that personevery day.
Fortune (31:03):
But I'm also going back to the point of I know you're
saying we're going down anotherrabbit hole, but also listen to
me. But yourself. Listen, no,I'm not talking about I'm
talking about the child I'mtalking about. Even when you
have to clean up the poop or thespit up or whatever, you just
keep going with it. You knowwhat I mean? You love even when
it's hard. You love some youknow, even when they hurt you.
(31:27):
You love. It's it's it's it's
Jean (31:33):
you accept them you don't it's Love is Love is not a
feeling love is verb love isdoing is being an action is
being present, is not runningaway. Is is staying in, in the
pain in the fire. And I feellike not shrinking back and not
saying this is too hard. Oryou're too You're too this or
(31:56):
you're too much. Or you're tooit's saying whatever you are, at
that moment, even if you're whenyou're when you're beautiful and
gorgeous and sweet and loving.
And when you're on fire andeverything's going wrong and
you're out of control.
Fortune (32:10):
And at that dark when it when it does turn dark. Okay,
if you can love remember, loveis light, we say ignite your
light. Love is light.
Absolutely. So what happens whenyou love even when it's dark,
you take away the darknessbecause the darkness cannot
exist,
Jean (32:27):
right? And when you can the love even when it's not
working out in your favor. Yeah,I'm saying if you can, if you
can, okay, like some people evengoing through a divorce or going
through a painful time in arelationship where somebody is
working through maybe anaddiction or, you know, or
they've been they've been, youknow, something's happened,
(32:48):
they've lost their job, orthey've been in an accident or
they're something goes on somekind of trauma that's, you know,
impacting the relationship, tostill not judge that person. And
to be there, even if it's theend. Even if say you're in a
divorce, and you go I'm leavingthis relationship to do it in a
(33:10):
way that is respectful given thehuman dignity and and
acknowledges the beginning
Fortune (33:19):
what and whatever came from that even though it's
ending, it still was valued,right? You know, because it
taught you something,
Jean (33:25):
you got to carry that same good that same I love you. From
the moment I saw you in the sunrose in your eyes, to you're
packing your bags, and you'reshutting the door behind you.
Well, it doesn't matter what theother person's doing. Doesn't
matter what the other person isdoing. Right? Because that's got
to come from you. So
Fortune (33:44):
when we talk about self love, it's not just about how I
feel about myself. It's how Ifeel about the rest of the
world, right? No matter what'shappening around you, you can
have good right you have to begood because this is you know,
nothing exterior can create orbring you love. You can only
(34:07):
coat cultivate that love youknow like that?
Jean (34:13):
I do like,
Fortune (34:14):
okay, it's just something it's just an aha
moment. It's an aha moment. Youknow, it has to come within
that. There's nothing exterior.
Oh, I agree with you that canagree with you give some people
think
Jean (34:26):
it's confidence. It's not confidence. It's no it's a it's
a creator
Fortune (34:30):
within it's the Creator within it or higher power.
Jean (34:34):
You're okay, no matter what's happening, you're okay.
Fortune (34:38):
So, how do we reveal the love in our soul? Is it just
by doing uncomfortable things?
Is it about working onourselves? What are some things
that we can what do you think?
Jean (34:52):
I mean, I think you can, you can sometimes just sit with
a person and just let them talk.
Sometimes
Fortune (35:01):
Well, we also have to do the same exercise many
actions
Jean (35:04):
you can do to show love.
We just talked about that in thebeginning and go buy a balloon
at the grocery store. Right?
Right. But, but um, to me reallyshowing love is keeps coming
down to acceptance. I acceptevery moment.
Fortune (35:19):
It's revealing, right?
It's really letting it out eventhough there might be some
disturbance around, you knowwhat I mean? You still have to
be able to go beyond it. Like wealways say, pause, realign,
think about, okay, what is goodabout this? Or what good can
(35:41):
come of me? Not loving
Jean (35:47):
me. So I mean, a lot of people say this thing. Like, I
don't know that you love me.
Prove you love me. You can't dothis no such thing. Yeah, you
can't do that. Yeah, you have tojust accept the person. Yes. And
Fortune (36:00):
it's an amazing feeling. When you can do that
when you can go above andbeyond? Well, some,
Jean (36:05):
well, you know, it's talking a little bit about, you
know, everybody says, Everybodysees the everybody sees the
wedding or the, you know, bigcelebration, or the romantic
dinner or whatever. Sometimesit's saying goodbye. Sometimes
it's saying this is over. Andit's okay. And I wish you love.
(36:25):
And you can go and I'm gonnasupport you and let you leave my
life in a dignified way. And I'mnot going to hold on to you, and
I'm not going to try and changeyou. And I'm not going to try
and right, fit the circle intothe square peg. But here's the
I'm gonna accept you. And I'mgonna accept myself that this
isn't working for me. Right?
Unknown (36:43):
That's love. And you got to keep that you got to keep
that energy up. You got to keepthe vibration up. And that's the
way to do it. And know that eventhough you're saying goodbye,
it's still part of your it'sstill Oh, yeah, it's still on
here. Maybe you're releasingthat. Go find the love of their
life, right? It's still part ofyour journey. And it's also self
love that you can Did you aresecure enough. And you
(37:05):
cultivated that relationshipwith yourself?
Jean (37:08):
And who knows what's coming next? Who knows what's
coming next? Oh, I can tell youthings are coming. Things are
coming next. Sorry. So going alittle over because this was a
very exciting topic. It is. Um,I loved it. I loved it, too. So
can we agree for a moment thatwe have a little bit of a better
understanding of what love is?
And yes, loving your brother'snot as you love yourself is not
(37:29):
always you always have to put inwhen it's not. It's not when
it's not. So I want to hear fromyou guys. We've been hearing
from you guys. And it's awesome.
So keep those letters coming.
Text us on social media, send usan email F and J at Ignite
circuitry.com. You can find uson social media. We're now on
Twitter, send us a message wewant to hear. Yes, we've
(37:49):
abandoned our journey of lovewhat you what you realized about
love what's the greatest love inyour life? And how does that how
does that present for you andand what's your journey been? So
all right, love that. All right,let's leave it there for now
right.
Fortune (38:11):
If you enjoyed this episode, please follow like and
share this podcast.
Jean (38:15):
For more sparks of light, follow circuitry on social
media, look for the light bulband become a podcast subscriber
on our website for more podcastcontent.
Fortune (38:25):
We love hearing from you all. So share questions
story or a topic that we canexplore.
Jean (38:30):
Email us at fn J at Ignite circuitry.com. And don't forget
to ignite your life
Welcome all to circuitry. It's time to ignite
your life.
Jean (00:08):
Join us as we explore this episode's thought provoking
topic and what it means to usthrough everyday life challenges
and practical spiritual tools.
Fortune (00:16):
So let's start sharing.
Hello, darling.
Jean (00:20):
Hello darling.
Fortune (00:20):
How are you?
Jean (00:22):
I'm zippity doo da off and dusty. Go. Oh, are you? Oh,
Fortune (00:27):
bonjour. No,
Jean (00:28):
no banjo. No.
Fortune (00:30):
Well, I'm very excited about our episode because love
is in
Jean (00:33):
the air. Love is in the air. We are coming up on the
feast of Love Day, the V Daydreaded D Day.
Fortune (00:43):
Well, you know when it's a Publix, and it's all the
pleasure. It's like all the redballoons and the flowers and the
candy. And it's like, it was alljust like that people
Jean (00:54):
wonderful. Yeah, it isn't.
Fortune (00:57):
Well, I mean, not about those things. Really well.
Jean (01:01):
It's not about those things. But those those things
are ways of expressing how youmight feel for another. Oh.
Fortune (01:12):
And we're all in our Italian mode.
Jean (01:14):
Yeah, well, we're not gonna talk about that. Yeah.
Fortune (01:17):
Listen, it's our roots.
Always we can always be inItalian. The
Jean (01:20):
passion is there. That's it just needs to be unleashed.
Alright, so we're talking aboutlove. If no one has guessed it?
Yes, we are talking aboutValentine's Day we're talking
about love, which is, you know,and there's
Fortune (01:35):
love can be a noun or a verb. You know, we can have many
splendored thing. Yes, it's amini split. So the greatest love
Jean (01:45):
it can be the greatest love. You know, Johnny Cash
said, you know, that. They askedhim what is love and Paradise
and he says this morning havingcoffee with her. That's it.
That's really like just Yes.
Fortune (02:00):
Well could be just this morning having coffee with
yourself. However you want tolook at it. Yeah, absolutely. I
think that
Jean (02:10):
well, there's lots little Okay, so let's, let's start
somewhere. Okay. Okay, so whatis love fortune?
Fortune (02:18):
Oh, we really want to go there.
Jean (02:21):
Well, that is what the show is about. I know a mic. I
think we might. Well I base onthe subject. I
Fortune (02:27):
just think that what we perceive as love can be many,
many things.
Jean (02:33):
Right? It can be infection, tenderness, passion,
right? Ocean romance, yes. Butit's all a connection to a soul,
whether it's another person oryourself or an animal, or it can
be a lot of things. I don't knowif we're really staying on
romance today. Or like the, the,the traditional, we're talking
(02:53):
about love and a relationshipwith another, you know, with
your significant other oryourself, but Well,
Fortune (02:59):
for me, that's not a rip, I'm gonna I'm gonna go to
the right to the spiritual pointof it. And then we can get into
the other things. For me as Iwas, you know, researching
within myself about love, reallylove it. Self love. That's the
(03:19):
only love is self love. That'sthe love that we need to
cultivate.
Jean (03:24):
She knows she just goes right to the end. She goes,
right. No, I
Fortune (03:27):
don't want to go to the end. But I think we're gonna
just we're gonna just you askedme what I think love is I mean,
you know, I mean, you could
Jean (03:34):
stop you know, just don't jump right to the meat of it. I
mean, yes, that is okay. So, Imean, what is love? What is
love? What is to love? What doeslove mean to love a commitment?
Fortune (03:46):
Right? You know, love could be passionate feelings.
Love can mean so many things youknow that your parental love so
many different you know, whenyou when you try to unpack those
are feelings for others and theconnection that you have to
(04:10):
others. You know, sometimes youmeet somebody that you didn't
know but you automatically youfeel this connection. You know,
I think like when we met youknow, there's a few few people
in our lives that when when youjust meet somebody, you just
feel so comfortable. And it'sprobably because you know, a
password. I
Jean (04:31):
don't I don't remember a progression in our friendship.
Fortune (04:33):
Right. So yeah, it's like right off the bat. So it's
like some and some connectionsneed to cultivate for years
before you can really feel thelove. You know what I mean? So
there's so many there's so manydifferent avenues. Well,
Jean (04:52):
I think one thing that people confuse and I think it's,
I think that's happens. I canhappen anybody but there's
There's a difference betweenlove and attachment. Yes. You
know, like, love should not bewhat can you do for me? Or how
do you make me feel or, youknow, to me, it's, and this was
(05:14):
to be unconditional, it shouldbe unconditional and it should.
But a lot of people don'tunderstand that they think that,
but I love them so much thatthat's unconditional love. No.
Unconditional Love is whenyou're just selfless. You're
just basically saying, I wantyou to be happy. Even if the
(05:35):
choices you're making. Don'tnecessarily make me happy.
Right? Right. But I accept you.
Love is a big it's for selfawareness. To be able to be in a
love relationship, you have tobe very self aware. And I think
that's a step sometimes that'smissing.
Fortune (05:52):
Okay, but I unpacked this last night about
relationships and love. Listen,you we have so many
expectations, nobody is going tofulfill all your expectations.
Exactly.
Jean (06:04):
But for them to if you're doing unconditional love, you
don't have any expectations. Andthat's real love. Yeah.
Fortune (06:10):
But that's that's a little difficult, I think for a
lot of people.
Jean (06:14):
Right? But you can't avoid it just because it's difficult.
That's the whole goal. I mean,they you know it the whole thing
is that there's there's a lot oflight no matter what, yes, we
understand that just no matterwhat, but to say it's really
love your brothers, you loveyourself. Everything else that's
that's, that's a commandment ora rule or a guidance post and
(06:36):
any type of spiritual orreligious or even social thing
is basically trying to gear usback to that one thought Yes.
Which is love your brother asyou love yourself. And if you
can do that,
Fortune (06:49):
okay, but first, you have to love yourself. Yes,
Jean (06:52):
that's exactly but what I'm saying is, is the hole that
it love doesn't just say okay,well, it's impossible to really
love someone. So because theyhave a have all these
expectations. Well, that's thework on yourself to not have
those expectations. To loveunconditionally. It's to say,
Whoever you are, because guesswhat? Okay, I met you when you
(07:14):
were in your mid to late 20s. Iwas in my early 20s. Okay.
You're not the same person thatyou were then. And God knows I'm
not the same person I was then Ifeel like, but I it's always the
same. No, it's not. Your soulhas transformed a lot. And I
hope mine has to. So so no, Ithink that there have been a lot
(07:36):
of changes in everybody changes.
So to put this idealism onsomebody and say, I love you
just as you are. Okay, but mostof the thing that happened was
that was that Judy tenuta jerkjoke. I love you never change,
you know? And then it's like, ifyou love me, you change you will
change. Yeah, they're not thesame person I fell in love with
(07:56):
so I'm leaving.
Fortune (07:59):
Yeah. Okay. So think love can be convoluted by our
ego, too. You know, and that'sthat's blind, right?
infatuation. You know, we thinkthat's love you know? Because it
feels so good. So you miss takeit because your egos getting
fed. So you think that's love?
Praise. When someone praisesyou? You think oh my god, you
(08:19):
know, this person loves mebecause there's money, greed, we
can go on and on and on. We'reall the things that well, that's
what
Jean (08:29):
I was trying to say is that there's like almost this
lack of self awareness. Andthis, this need for somebody to
fulfill you are to complete you.
What's the saying? You completeme? Yeah, whatever. No, no, you
complete yourself out. But butin like when they say like, love
is blind. Okay. Basically,you're it's not blind, you're
turning a blind eye. You'rebasically saying, I don't want
(08:51):
to see your flaws.
Fortune (08:56):
I until until your mayor
Jean (08:57):
Lane are real good right now. Right? You know, you're
boosting me up a little bithere. So, you know, it's all
exciting. And you're willing tostudy and Woody and I don't mind
that you do this or you do thatyou're willing to accept
anything? Are you that point?
You're right, you focus on whatthe potential might be, instead
of what the reality is. And youknow, love is a long road. So if
(09:18):
you're really going to make thatcommitment, and you're going to
do the, for better, for worsefor sickness and health and all
of those good things. That'sbasically what that van was
saying is, I accept you, right,no matter what, exactly. But
Fortune (09:33):
I think people miss that. They want to go to the
wedding. They want the pleasure.
We want the pleasure. And youknow, I mean, you want to share
the intimacy, you want to haveall that. But there's a lot
attached to them. Yeah, the
Jean (09:49):
thrill should be the journey, not the the impact of
this is what you're giving meright the second because that's
going to change a person isgoing to change and you're going
to change
Fortune (09:59):
Yes. Yes, I know I have have 30 years with my husband.
Yeah. And I
Jean (10:07):
mean, once that adrenaline rush, once the high wears off,
you're just like dazed andconfused, you're like, Well,
wait a minute, well, I'm
Fortune (10:14):
still figuring things out that it took 30 years, you
know, to, to really see. And Ithink for him, too, you know
what I mean? Like, you don'treally realize that, okay, we
have this all wrong. This is,you know, you finally I'm seeing
this. And finally, I'm seeingthat. And I'm, you know, I mean,
(10:34):
thank goodness, we're seeing it,because I'm sure there's many
people that go many yearswithout seeing any of it, you
know, what I mean?
Jean (10:40):
Okay, so when you say, Oh, I mean, not to get too personal,
but Well, you said
Fortune (10:45):
absolutely tell people about, you know, expectations is
number one, number one thingthat expectation and accepting,
you know, that is the two thingsthat we've really been working
on, you know what I mean?
Because with any relationship,you know, any relationship, it
can be whatever relationshipthat is the key to everything,
(11:08):
because you have to realize whatyou're putting out to that
person, is what you're going tohave coming back to you. So, if
you're having thoseexpectations, and you're not
accepting them for what theyare, that's going to come right
back to you. And thatrelationship is not going to be
very harmonious and loving, youknow, deep down in your soul,
(11:32):
you still might feel the love,the connection, the commitment,
all those things. But I think itcomes down to what, you know,
for me, because I've beenworking on self love a lot. And
I think it comes down to dignityand feeling valued and
respected. So with that, we haveto value that person and respect
(11:58):
that person. So that comes withthe expectations and accepting
those things all go together.
Jean (12:08):
Okay, so talk to me about dignity.
Fortune (12:11):
Yeah, that's one because,
Jean (12:13):
you know, like everybody says, you know, like, the
greatest love of all is selflove. And all of this this
great, you know,
Fortune (12:19):
it's in the song, it does say they can't take away my
dignity, it can't take away mydepression, I have to have that
self love for yourself. Okay,that's a huge, that's a huge
lesson in itself to be able toreveal your light within.
Alright, I'm
Jean (12:37):
gonna challenge that a little bit. Okay? I agree. But
I'm also going saying thatloving yourself is the same as
loving another. Because you haveto cultivate that relationship.
If you are not cultivating yourrelationship with yourself.
Like, a lot of people look at meand they go, Oh, she's so
independent, or she likes to bealone alone, or she's not in a
(12:58):
very social or I am very whenI'm ready to be that. Okay. But
I also are very deep withinmyself. Right? And putting
conditions. No, no, no, no, no,what I'm saying is, I'm not
saying what how other people areviewing me, I'm just saying they
could see me that way. What I'msaying is, I like to spend time
with myself. Yes, I enjoy metoo. Okay. And that's part of
(13:22):
cultivating self love. You haveto, you have to fulfill your own
needs, you have to know that youset boundaries of when you need
that alone time or thatdowntime, you need to really be
self aware. Like I said in thebeginning. It's an it can't be
ego based either. Just like theother kinds of love we can have.
(13:43):
And you have to invest inyourself. And you'll something
that you ask where you're adignity comes from grow. Yeah,
but that's where dignity comesfrom. In any relationship.
Fortune (13:53):
And here's another big one. Which we wait, I'm not done
with that. Okay, because yeah,no, we're not done with this
kind of goes with it. Okay,trust. That's another big part
of right, because you have to
Jean (14:05):
review yourself as a whole. Okay, and see, we talked
about this all the time, I wroteall the time. Where do you need
to work on yourself as far astransformation? What is keeping
you from the things or thinkingor feeling that you want to live
(14:26):
in being have and usually it'ssome type of blockage that we
come to time and time again. Sowhat do you need to forgive? Who
do you need to forgive? You needto forgive yourself? Right?
forgiving yourself is huge. Andmost people say, Well, I didn't
do anything wrong. No, you hearthe shame. You know, there we've
all done something. We've alldone. Hello. We've all done
(14:50):
something to ourselves or toanother. That's deep in there.
Yes. And we can that's hurriedto say I did that and I would
not now that I'm conscious ofit, I would not do that again.
But it's also the things wedidn't do. Okay, maybe we didn't
stand up for ourselves. Yes.
Maybe we didn't stand up foranother had a missed the moment,
(15:11):
right? Yeah, yeah, maybe we tooksome kind of, I don't want, you
know, abuses, word goes around,but you took something from
somebody that felt toxic ordidn't feel right, and you just
pushed it down, you just pushdown, you just pushed it down,
that that builds inside of you,and you don't feel good about
yourself, because you did that,right. So you need to forgive
yourself for doing that. Andthat helps cultivate
Fortune (15:35):
over LBL, you're right, reveal your love within your
soul. And you need to bevulnerable and open with
yourself. Yeah, at least, we sayit all the time. You know, you
have you have to, you have tolove when it's uncomfortable.
That's the thing. You know whatI mean? Love yourself, even
though you know, X, Y or Z, youknow what I mean? Because then
(15:56):
you're really getting to peelaway, peel away all the layers
to, you know, be able to shine,to be able to love more, the
more you peel it away, the moreyou expose yourself, you know
what I mean? And really get to,you know, dig deep, dig deep,
(16:17):
and really get to what isblocking you from shining your
light, being able to take thatlove with inside of you, and
shine it. Because guess what,whether it's just you like you
were just talking about that,you know, Johnny Cash, whether
it's just you sitting having acup of coffee, and just being
(16:38):
happy with that, that's it, oryou're with somebody else, and
they can feel that you're happy.
They feel your light, you know,so there you go. That's how
you're expressing that love. byjust putting that energy having
that higher frequency, havingthat beautiful energy, that you
are full of love. And you know,a lot of people, just people
(17:02):
that don't believe in love.
Jean (17:08):
Who doesn't believe in luck?
Fortune (17:10):
I think that there's a lot of cynical people out there.
Yeah, will say, well, there'snobody perfect for me, I'm
better, you know, or whatever.
You don't think so? You don'tthink that there's people all
the time that are so I kind ofget against love, but think that
it's like, it's not possible?
Jean (17:31):
Yeah, I mean, I would again, that comes back to, you
know, go out or in therelationship with yourself,
right? There's a lot of workinside that because it also
being Yeah, but what I said inthe beginning is that it's it's
a commitment, it's selfawareness. So and this is not
Fortune (17:47):
covering to, you know, protecting them. So
Jean (17:50):
what I'm saying love to love is a lot of work. Yes. And
that's what people think it'sjust an end, it is fun. And it
is you know, you've when youfind somebody who's like minded,
okay, even if it's a platonicrelationship, and you love that
friend, or whatever, that's whatit really is, is that all the
outer things can change. Thecircumstances can change, the
(18:12):
approach to life might change,you know, what I'm saying, or
habits or careers or whatever,but, but the like mindedness of
how you're going to go throughthis together connection is, is
an integral part of it. So whenall those things shift?
Fortune (18:31):
Well, because all those other things don't matter
anymore, because you feel thatdeep connection, right? You know
what I mean? Like, I havefriends that have different
views than me, you know, but theconnection is there, it's
strong, no matter what I know,they got my back. You know what
I mean? And that's it, that loveis strong. Well, I
Jean (18:48):
mean, we've all had the experience that like a friend,
relative, a lover, an ex willcome back into your life, and
it's like, they never left. Allof a sudden you see them, it
could be, you know, a decadegoes by I feel that connection,
you pick it right back up fromyou know, where you left off.
Fortune (19:10):
Yes, yes. I mean, I feel like that even I'm gonna go
there. I'm gonna say even withmy ex husband, you know, I met
him when I was a teenager. Andwhen we talk or whatever, I
still feel that connection,because there is a connection,
right? You know, what I mean?
There's some kind of connectionand that's it. It's just, it's
just a part of your like, wecall grape cluster, you know,
(19:31):
people that you are connectedwith, and Something brought you
together. And it'll never youknow, I have lunch you do too,
you know, best friends from whenyou were young or whatever that
stayed with you. Because youstill feel like there's
something that is connectingyou, you know, and that
something is something deep inyour soul. You know, something
(19:52):
deep in your soul something thatis a beautiful thing. Yeah, and
We need I mean, you can meetpeople appreciate appreciation
is one of the greatest ways tolove. Right? I mean, you know,
appreciating all of that. Butlike you're you keep talking
about self awareness, selfawareness is the whole kit and
(20:13):
caboodle right there. You know,being self aware of all those
things, having the appreciationfor all those connections. But I
feel like the actual love iswithin ourselves. You know, I
don't know, I agree with you,but, but it's not that you're
not agreeing
Jean (20:34):
with you. But I'm just saying that. I, you know, we do
this all the time. It's like,that's a whole other episode.
That's, that's, that's selflove. We talked about. We're
talking about love here ingeneral. Yes. So yes, that's a
component of love. But it's not,it's not the whole thing. You're
saying. Just get to that andyou're good. You know, so that's
(20:57):
a that's eaten the wholeelephant at one time? Well, it's
Fortune (21:00):
not it's very, it's a big elephant. But you cannot
love you cannot love unless youhave
Jean (21:07):
I agree with you. But I'm saying that's that's kind of not
Well, okay. Let me ask you somealso what I think that that's,
that's, that's, like I said,that's what you, you have to
have that. But there's all theseother other parts of things that
have to do with love. Okay,
Fortune (21:25):
so what about? What about perception of love? Like,
is that just a head game?
Jean (21:35):
So what I was trying to say before is that, you know,
it's like, okay, if you if youhave a need, and somebody
fulfills that need, you nolonger have it anymore. So you
have to want somebody not needthem or because whatever they're
fulfilling in you in that momentis going to change. It's going
to change for you. It's going tochange for them.
Fortune (21:51):
Oh, that was a big one.
Say that again? That was a bigone. Say it again. Which part of
it all right about that partabout needing and wanting right.
So if you have a need
Jean (21:59):
and somebody fulfills it, then the need is fulfilled,
right? So you need to wantsomebody not need them. There
Fortune (22:04):
it is. There it is.
There it is. I want you to Iwant you to want to do the
dishes.
Jean (22:08):
Well, yes, but that's not about wanting me that's about
wanting that's about fulfillingsomething else that I expect
from you.
Fortune (22:15):
Oh, there we go.
Jean (22:16):
That's exactly so it's like you just have to say
whatever that core is, okay.
Everything else I keep sayingeverything else is going to
change. But you have to acceptand not be on the high of the
adrenaline rush of first meetingor the sex or the conversation
(22:36):
or the Yeah, we love to go playbocce ball together. Are we love
to go bowling Are
Fortune (22:44):
we okay? But that you have to admit that's pretty
good.
Jean (22:47):
There's commodity there.
There's things that attend thatconnect us. But again, hello.
That's all of the of the body
Fortune (22:56):
right? That's ego. Yes.
Jean (22:58):
So to really love somebody that's what I'm saying. You have
to really love another evenyourself. Right? Has to be
unconditional meaning I knowthat I anawan I know you are
flawed right? I know that thisis not going to be easy all the
time. And I'm okay with thatbecause life is never easy but
(23:19):
if you're expecting the soulmateto come in and just fill this
void or this missing piece ofyourself you're gonna be
disappointed yeah because
Fortune (23:27):
that's all about working out all your flaws to
soulmate is about working outyour flaws.
Jean (23:32):
Well the soulmate is making a transformation making
you go Oh, everybody thinks oh,the soulmate makes everything
easier. The soulmate oh, maybe
Fortune (23:39):
work, right gives you work. Wow. Yes, gives you work,
Jean (23:43):
but how they do it, you know, is is they're not doing
anything. They're just they'rejust there and you're
experiencing it, it's comingfrom the Creator that it's
coming you know, just like justthe just the presence of the
relationship in your life is thecatalyst Yes. The gift of
change.
Fortune (23:59):
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely. But I think alsogetting back to this self love,
okay, once we can reallycultivate the self love and
learn how to do thetransformations, which is what
this whole podcast is about.
Okay, it's transformingourselves and then what happens
(24:19):
when we transform ourselves wetransform the world but it also
brings us to all of these thingsthe love once we have this self
love, okay brings us to ourpurpose. It brings us to our
soulmate brings us to ourdestiny
Jean (24:35):
but you could be in a relationship right now and if
you don't have self love, so alot of people out there
listening to this and goingokay, but what do I do with my
my relationship that I have now?
What about that? So yes, selflove is a component and you
should be always cultivatingthat right? But also,
Fortune (24:52):
but that's what I'm saying. If you work on yourself,
then your relationship Yes Will.
Jean (24:58):
That's what we say in every episode. It's You know,
work on yourself and theneverything else works out.
Right? That's great. But what'spractical here?
Fortune (25:07):
That is practical working? Okay, so
Jean (25:10):
I'm challenging you. I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm
just pushing you a little bit.
I'm not saying anything you'resaying is wrong. I agree with
everything you're saying. I justwant you to go deeper.
Fortune (25:19):
Okay, well, um, I think that once you can, I mean, not
that you, you know, compassionand empathy and all the things
that makes you a human, youknow, for others to connect to
others is so important. Thosethings are important. But I feel
(25:41):
like, unless you're good, it'shard for you to express those
labels.
Jean (25:47):
You know, who's my girl, Carrie Bradshaw. Okay. You have
to fall in love with yourselffirst. Yes. And sometimes it
takes a lifetime. It takes alifetime to do that. Yes, yes,
yes. But also seriously, listento what I'm saying. Because
like, we all go through that,okay. Hormones are huge. Okay.
We've talked about this.
Hormones are a huge thing. It'salmost like you have like this
(26:09):
little insane person living inyour brain, that you don't know
why you're feeling what I haveto be with that person. Oh, my
God, I love them so much.
They're so sexy. They're socute. They're so oh my God, when
he's with me, and he justtouches my it's like, right,
this this thing, and then youget a little bit older. And then
(26:30):
you hear I have to have a baby.
If I'm not married, I have toget married. I have to have this
baby. You got 10 minutes, Igotta find my soulmate. I gotta
buy the dress, and I gotta havea baby, because I'm gonna turn
30 or 40.
Fortune (26:47):
I think our culture is changing a little bit in that.
Gosh, I hope so. Yeah, I thinkit is.
Jean (26:53):
And that's, that's a component of, you know, when we
talk about love, it's not justthese, okay, I'm, I'm, that's of
the body again, it's like,there's so many things out there
that can trick us, right canmake us go? That's what
Fortune (27:09):
I'm saying. Right? Just the perception or is it real? Is
it? No, I think the thing thatbrings real into it, okay, is to
have intimacy with love. Okay.
Jean (27:20):
And a lot of people are afraid of intimacy. Why?
Fortune (27:23):
You know why? Because intimacy is truth. You don't
have to be the naked truth ofyourself. flaws, good stuff,
everything combined in onepackage. And if you can truly
have that truth with someone,there it is. There's your
intimacy, there's your love.
Yeah, you don't need to put themakeup on. You don't need to
(27:46):
pretend that you're somebodyelse. You can just be you. And
as weird as you are as smart asyou are, or whatever it is. You
know, you can just put it outthere.
Jean (28:00):
That's a safe place that you create new cultivate with
another person. Yeah.
Fortune (28:03):
Well, that's love. That is love. That is love. And
that's just, you know, that's abeautiful thing. So we need to,
and you know, I think alsocultivating love is, you know,
doing love when you don't wantto love
Jean (28:19):
you know, like some people say, you know, gosh, what was
the singer talking about? Where?
I hope when I say it, ittriggers it. Okay. But we were
talking about the love you havefor a child. Right? And that is
like when anybody out there hashad a baby, you know, male
female, okay. Um, it can be thefather it can be the mother you
know, doesn't matter. When youhold that baby and you feel that
(28:43):
love connection it's not evenjust the connection it's it's
saying that you're gonna lovethis person no matter what. Yes,
um, you've texted you're goingto protect this love, you're
going to be there that isunconditional love and if we can
remember that love and give itto our partners, give it to our
(29:04):
friends. Give it to ourself. Ithink that that's kind of like
if people look like well whatdoes that mean unconditional
love or what does that mean toTo me that's the greatest
example of it
Fortune (29:17):
is not having expectations
Jean (29:21):
expectations on their child I'm not saying I'm saying
that a new baby Yes, people putexpectations on it. Oh, come on.
People put expectations on theybelieve they're gonna go to this
they're gonna go to this school.
I'm gonna name them this and Iwant them to get married and
have
Fortune (29:36):
oh, I don't mean I don't mean about that. I mean,
how the child acts I mean,you're not whatever the child
does. You just going to acceptit. You know, the child screams
all night. You're just going toaccept that you're going to just
take care of it and you're justgoing to keep going with it. No
matter what if the child poopsall over you you're gonna go
okay, so we just change ourclothes. You know what I mean?
So that that not everybody
Jean (29:54):
is like that. Oh. Tell that do it. I'm going to name
names but I've been horrifiedsometimes where people have gone
take this baby because it justspit up on me. And now I gotta
change because I can't I can'teven look at myself, right? I
gotta fix my makeup and the babyis crying and it's making Saison
(30:15):
Well, that's part of it. We'regetting down a hole on the
rabbit hole. And what I'm sayingis, is that when people say what
is unconditional love, in thatmoment, where you see the first
time ever I saw your face,people don't realize that song
was written about seeing theirnewborn for the first moment.
They think it's a romantic song.
Right? Right. Right. It isromantic song but as a romantic
song of the parent to a child.
(30:37):
You know, I saw the sun rise inyour eyes, you know, that, that
feeling of I love in a way thatI am. I am here for you. Yeah,
I'm waking up something. Right?
That is to me, what we should becultivating. If you can accept
and you can see that personevery day.
Fortune (31:03):
But I'm also going back to the point of I know you're
saying we're going down anotherrabbit hole, but also listen to
me. But yourself. Listen, no,I'm not talking about I'm
talking about the child I'mtalking about. Even when you
have to clean up the poop or thespit up or whatever, you just
keep going with it. You knowwhat I mean? You love even when
it's hard. You love some youknow, even when they hurt you.
(31:27):
You love. It's it's it's it's
Jean (31:33):
you accept them you don't it's Love is Love is not a
feeling love is verb love isdoing is being an action is
being present, is not runningaway. Is is staying in, in the
pain in the fire. And I feellike not shrinking back and not
saying this is too hard. Oryou're too You're too this or
(31:56):
you're too much. Or you're tooit's saying whatever you are, at
that moment, even if you're whenyou're when you're beautiful and
gorgeous and sweet and loving.
And when you're on fire andeverything's going wrong and
you're out of control.
Fortune (32:10):
And at that dark when it when it does turn dark. Okay,
if you can love remember, loveis light, we say ignite your
light. Love is light.
Absolutely. So what happens whenyou love even when it's dark,
you take away the darknessbecause the darkness cannot
exist,
Jean (32:27):
right? And when you can the love even when it's not
working out in your favor. Yeah,I'm saying if you can, if you
can, okay, like some people evengoing through a divorce or going
through a painful time in arelationship where somebody is
working through maybe anaddiction or, you know, or
they've been they've been, youknow, something's happened,
(32:48):
they've lost their job, orthey've been in an accident or
they're something goes on somekind of trauma that's, you know,
impacting the relationship, tostill not judge that person. And
to be there, even if it's theend. Even if say you're in a
divorce, and you go I'm leavingthis relationship to do it in a
(33:10):
way that is respectful given thehuman dignity and and
acknowledges the beginning
Fortune (33:19):
what and whatever came from that even though it's
ending, it still was valued,right? You know, because it
taught you something,
Jean (33:25):
you got to carry that same good that same I love you. From
the moment I saw you in the sunrose in your eyes, to you're
packing your bags, and you'reshutting the door behind you.
Well, it doesn't matter what theother person's doing. Doesn't
matter what the other person isdoing. Right? Because that's got
to come from you. So
Fortune (33:44):
when we talk about self love, it's not just about how I
feel about myself. It's how Ifeel about the rest of the
world, right? No matter what'shappening around you, you can
have good right you have to begood because this is you know,
nothing exterior can create orbring you love. You can only
(34:07):
coat cultivate that love youknow like that?
Jean (34:13):
I do like,
Fortune (34:14):
okay, it's just something it's just an aha
moment. It's an aha moment. Youknow, it has to come within
that. There's nothing exterior.
Oh, I agree with you that canagree with you give some people
think
Jean (34:26):
it's confidence. It's not confidence. It's no it's a it's
a creator
Fortune (34:30):
within it's the Creator within it or higher power.
Jean (34:34):
You're okay, no matter what's happening, you're okay.
Fortune (34:38):
So, how do we reveal the love in our soul? Is it just
by doing uncomfortable things?
Is it about working onourselves? What are some things
that we can what do you think?
Jean (34:52):
I mean, I think you can, you can sometimes just sit with
a person and just let them talk.
Sometimes
Fortune (35:01):
Well, we also have to do the same exercise many
actions
Jean (35:04):
you can do to show love.
We just talked about that in thebeginning and go buy a balloon
at the grocery store. Right?
Right. But, but um, to me reallyshowing love is keeps coming
down to acceptance. I acceptevery moment.
Fortune (35:19):
It's revealing, right?
It's really letting it out eventhough there might be some
disturbance around, you knowwhat I mean? You still have to
be able to go beyond it. Like wealways say, pause, realign,
think about, okay, what is goodabout this? Or what good can
(35:41):
come of me? Not loving
Jean (35:47):
me. So I mean, a lot of people say this thing. Like, I
don't know that you love me.
Prove you love me. You can't dothis no such thing. Yeah, you
can't do that. Yeah, you have tojust accept the person. Yes. And
Fortune (36:00):
it's an amazing feeling. When you can do that
when you can go above andbeyond? Well, some,
Jean (36:05):
well, you know, it's talking a little bit about, you
know, everybody says, Everybodysees the everybody sees the
wedding or the, you know, bigcelebration, or the romantic
dinner or whatever. Sometimesit's saying goodbye. Sometimes
it's saying this is over. Andit's okay. And I wish you love.
(36:25):
And you can go and I'm gonnasupport you and let you leave my
life in a dignified way. And I'mnot going to hold on to you, and
I'm not going to try and changeyou. And I'm not going to try
and right, fit the circle intothe square peg. But here's the
I'm gonna accept you. And I'mgonna accept myself that this
isn't working for me. Right?
Unknown (36:43):
That's love. And you got to keep that you got to keep
that energy up. You got to keepthe vibration up. And that's the
way to do it. And know that eventhough you're saying goodbye,
it's still part of your it'sstill Oh, yeah, it's still on
here. Maybe you're releasingthat. Go find the love of their
life, right? It's still part ofyour journey. And it's also self
love that you can Did you aresecure enough. And you
(37:05):
cultivated that relationshipwith yourself?
Jean (37:08):
And who knows what's coming next? Who knows what's
coming next? Oh, I can tell youthings are coming. Things are
coming next. Sorry. So going alittle over because this was a
very exciting topic. It is. Um,I loved it. I loved it, too. So
can we agree for a moment thatwe have a little bit of a better
understanding of what love is?
And yes, loving your brother'snot as you love yourself is not
(37:29):
always you always have to put inwhen it's not. It's not when
it's not. So I want to hear fromyou guys. We've been hearing
from you guys. And it's awesome.
So keep those letters coming.
Text us on social media, send usan email F and J at Ignite
circuitry.com. You can find uson social media. We're now on
Twitter, send us a message wewant to hear. Yes, we've
(37:49):
abandoned our journey of lovewhat you what you realized about
love what's the greatest love inyour life? And how does that how
does that present for you andand what's your journey been? So
all right, love that. All right,let's leave it there for now
right.
Fortune (38:11):
If you enjoyed this episode, please follow like and
share this podcast.
Jean (38:15):
For more sparks of light, follow circuitry on social
media, look for the light bulband become a podcast subscriber
on our website for more podcastcontent.
Fortune (38:25):
We love hearing from you all. So share questions
story or a topic that we canexplore.
Jean (38:30):
Email us at fn J at Ignite circuitry.com. And don't forget
to ignite your life
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