July 26, 2025 • 31 mins
Have you ever held onto something just because it felt tied to a memory you didn’t want to lose? In this Travelogue episode, we reflect on the emotional layers of our recent move—from the chaos of downsizing to the unexpected grief and clarity that surfaced while packing up a life. Lauren shares a powerful moment of release sparked by a long-lost letter, arriving just when she needed it most.
Frank opens up about the strange limbo that followed: the part no one talks about, when you’ve landed somewhere new but your spirit hasn’t quite caught up. With our spiritual routines disrupted and emotions raw, we turned to our intuitive friend Emily Bolcik, whose tarot reading brought much-needed insight and grounding.
This episode is a reminder that growth doesn’t always look graceful—and that the real transformation often happens in the messy middle. If you’re navigating change or feeling unmoored, this one’s for you.
Clairvoyaging is now a fiscally sponsored project of Fractured Atlas, a 501(c)(3) charity, so any donations are now tax deductible. If you’d like to support our projects that aim to foster understanding for diverse spiritual belief systems, visit www.clairvoyaging.com/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lauren (00:01):
Hello you lovely souls covered in bones and guts.
We're back, baby.
Today's episode is a traveloguewhere we share some stories and
insights from the last monthand a half.
I'm Lauren Leon.
Frank (00:15):
And I'm still Frank.
Lauren (00:17):
We are a married couple learning how to develop our own
intuition, and this is episode79 of claire voyaging.
Wayfeather media presentsclaire voyaging what's going on?
(00:56):
Oh my goodness guys, did youmiss us?
We missed you, I missed you.
Frank, did you miss me?
We'll circle back to thatbecause we have have been
together nonstop every moment ofevery day.
How cute are we Hi, yay, hi,we're settled in.
Frank (01:17):
Settling.
Lauren (01:17):
We're settling.
Still in the midst of settling.
Frank (01:20):
There's a little dust.
There's still a little dust,still some dust.
The dust will settle.
There's a little dust.
There's still a little dust,still some dust, the dust will
settle, but we wanted to.
Lauren (01:28):
This is a travelogue episode.
We say it all the time.
We're writers and we enjoy agood story, so our storytelling
episodes are what we calltravelogues, because we're
traveling through the clairs.
We're clairvoyaging Right rightFrank.
That's a great name for apodcast.
We're Claire Voyaging RightRight Frank.
Frank (01:46):
That's a great name for a podcast.
We should try that.
Lauren (01:50):
But before we get to our episode, I want to tell you we
have a few new Patreon friends.
Frank (01:56):
No, we don't.
Lauren (01:57):
Yes, we do, diane, Diane and Jen Jen.
Frank (02:10):
Thank you, welcome and thanks for joining.
Welcome to it.
Hey, you know what?
We do need to put some newstuff up on our, our patreon
well, we still have a listener,a pending listener, episode we
do.
Lauren (02:18):
Yeah, I'm sorry that took a long time to get out
sweet and sweet and justprobably waiting for her episode
to drop.
Frank (02:25):
She does not call herself Sweet Anne we call her Sweet
Anne.
Lauren (02:29):
No, she's like a mystic.
Frank (02:31):
She is a mystic.
Lauren (02:32):
She's so great, Hi.
Anne Love it, and anyway that'sgoing to be coming.
Frank (02:38):
The episode is coming.
That one's on me.
Lauren (02:43):
Also just a quick note Before our documentary campaign
ended, we got a donation fromPatricia Patricia.
Thank you, patricia.
Frank (02:54):
Wow, Patty, you don't like Patty do you.
Lauren (02:57):
We don't know if Patricia likes Patty I'm so
sorry, I took that swing.
We still have some fundraisingto do for our documentary, but
we'll keep you in the loop forthat One thing at a time.
Frank (03:09):
Don't worry, it's happening.
Lauren (03:10):
It's happening.
Also, thank you to our friendKimberly who gave us a quick
little encouragement on TikTok.
She sent me a message and itwas very sweet.
She was like I hope you'restill doing the documentary
because the world needs to hearyour message.
Frank (03:24):
I always love hearing from Kimberly.
Lauren (03:26):
Yeah, just so sweet.
Anyway, thank you guys for yourpatience and I hope you like
this episode.
It was kind of a healing thingto write sort of a nice like
wrap up and a way to think aboutwhat I what kind of moved me to
this and through this move.
(03:46):
So it was nice.
I had some tears you might hearme get a little choked up
during part of it.
Frank (03:53):
Every time we were like oh hey, lauren, how's it going
with your piece?
I'd look around, I'd turnaround and she was weeping.
Okay, you know, I'm going totalk to you later.
Lauren (04:03):
I think he walked in and he had like groceries and he's
like are you going to?
Help me put these away.
And I had tears streaming downmy face and he's like nevermind.
Frank (04:10):
I had a question about hot links.
I had a question about hotlinks and she was crying.
I'm like okay later, okay, okayAlso, like you know something
to talk, like something tomention about writing in
particular.
You, you know something to talk, like something to mention
about writing in particular.
You know how some people saythat, like, the final stage of
learning something is teachingit.
Yeah, so, like, just so, youknow, we don't have our shit
(04:35):
together, but when we writestuff, it helps us process
things.
It helps us, like, put it intoa form, a format that's, like
you know, easily digestible, andthat's not just digestible for
people listening to a podcast,it's for us too.
Lauren (04:46):
Yeah, we.
It helps you to make meaningout of what you've just
experienced.
Frank (04:50):
Yeah, so, like you know that, if anything that goes
towards like y'all should bejournaling, I guess if, if you
need to process some stuff, ithelps me, I forget to do it.
Lauren (04:59):
Yeah.
Frank (04:59):
And then I start writing.
I'm like I don't know what towrite.
I don't know.
And then I'm like, oh, wait,hold on.
I have so many in-depth thingsto say, I'm so deep, you
wouldn't get it.
Lauren (05:12):
That's kind of my problem with journaling
sometimes, because I either haveto go completely like stream of
consciousness, like like I amusing my pencil and I'm writing
with this now, or I sit thereand like work through my words,
because I'm better with writingthan I am with speaking.
So yeah, I need I need time tokind of process what I want to
(05:33):
say and what something means tome.
Frank (05:36):
Yeah, I always like.
I always like what you writeWhenever.
Whenever Lauren writessomething for the show she's
like can I read it to you?
I'm like what you write, oh,thank you.
Whenever Lauren writessomething for the show she's
like can I read it to you?
I'm like nope, I want to listento it afterwards Because then I
get to appreciate it like alistener.
The first listener, listenernumber one baby.
Lauren (05:54):
That's very sweet.
I didn't know.
That's why you didn't want toread it.
Frank (05:57):
I'm so sweet guys.
Lauren (06:02):
I get some nice little tidbits from Frank every so
often.
He gives me.
He gives me he doesn't want todo too much, he doesn't like to
go overboard with the wordsSpoken like a woman starved for
more attention.
Frank (06:13):
That's fine.
Hey, I have my love language.
I think it's mostly in the formof like cheese omelets.
It's okay.
Lauren (06:20):
You did make me a good breakfast breakfast taco this
morning that shit slapped yeah,yeah anyway, I used those hot
links.
Frank (06:30):
All right, let's get to us.
So today with us this week isme and her and me and a special
guest, friend of the show yeah,fun little, fun little uh.
Lauren (06:40):
What little uh, what's it called?
Frank (06:42):
Cameo.
Lauren (06:43):
Yeah, sure A cameo or an insert is what I was thinking.
There's an insert in there witha friend All right, lauren,
send it.
Twinkle, twinkle hearts andstars.
If you listen to this podcastregularly, you know that we
recently made a move to SanDiego.
(07:03):
We've been talking about it adnauseum Recovering people
pleaser Lauren would apologizefor talking about it so much but
healed Lauren does notapologize for nothing, because
talking about big changes andtaking risks just might
encourage or inspire someoneelse to take a giant leap of
faith.
Anywho, I've learned somethings and I want to share.
(07:26):
Frank and I made the decisionto downsize from a three-bedroom
house to a two-bedroomtownhouse.
We realized that with a littletoo much space we become easily
overwhelmed with stuff.
I'm the type of person whocreates doom piles in each room
of a house.
If something doesn't have aplace, I put it in a little pile
(07:47):
, mostly because it's toodifficult for me to deal with in
that moment, so I put it offfor another day.
Side note I have not beenofficially diagnosed with ADHD,
but I relate to many most of thesymptoms, including
procrastination and difficultywith executive function.
So just a little bit of funtrivia about me.
(08:09):
My doom piles and any householdclutter actually make me feel
quite stressed.
So while preparing for thismove, I started getting rid of a
lot of stuff.
I conjured my inner Marie Kondoand started letting go of
things that do not bring me joy.
It's so freeing.
During this process I came upona few boxes that I've held onto
(08:31):
for years Okay, decades, butwho's counting Three boxes
labeled Lauren's Keepsakes.
It's a treasure trove of pins,stickers that meant something to
me when I was nine years oldtroll dolls, broadway playbills,
my collection of Pez dispensers, an unopened Baywatch, barbie
dolphin included, my elementaryart and poems and letters, a
(08:55):
shoebox full of letters.
As I sorted these items, I hada breakthrough moment where I
realized that I was holding onto trinkets and in many cases
literal junk, because it wasattached to a memory and my
guilt was telling me that if Igot rid of anything I'd be
disregarding, disrespecting orforgetting my precious memories.
(09:15):
But some of these items wereattached to kind of sad memories
.
They held energy that I'veworked hard to heal these last
few years.
A tiny stuffed bear that meantso much to me as a 10-year-old
little girl was now a tiny relicof trauma and pain.
I gave myself permission to letgo.
My three boxes of keepsakes wasslimming down to just one box,
(09:39):
and that release of energy waselectric, something I found much
harder to deal with.
For some reason was this shoeboxfull of letters and notes that
I mentioned?
They were from middle schooland high school.
Messages from friends filledwith overly dramatic stories,
intense, emotional letters frommy first boyfriend, who lived in
a different city.
(09:59):
Incidentally, did you know thatafter 10th grade I moved from
LA to San Diego with my parents?
I actually lived in San Diegofor eight years before moving
back to LA to pursue music.
So this was a strange feeling,prepping to move this time to
San Diego, while reading oldletters from my friends who
wrote about missing me once Imoved to my San Diego high
(10:21):
school.
I have no real insight on thatin particular, but if I did, it
would maybe be something aboutit being a full circle moment or
doing this move differently and, on my own terms, just another
layer of releasing old energyand reframing this move in an
entirely different way.
Move in an entirely differentway.
Anyway, these letters, thispacked shoebox full of letters.
(10:46):
I've dutifully and responsiblyheld onto these letters for 25
years.
For what I really had to sitwith this.
I used to think that maybe mykids would one day want to read
through old letters and learn abit more about my life, or that
I'd want to sit down with a cupof hot cocoa by a fireplace and
(11:07):
read a hundred letters and notes.
No, these letters paint apicture of my past, sure, but
they were only meaningful to me.
They don't even make sense toanyone else and they no longer
represent who I am now.
The stories and emotions and,quite frankly, the drama, helped
(11:29):
me become the woman I am today,and for that I'm incredibly
grateful.
But I made a decision to rootmyself in the now, so there was
no longer a need to keep thisbox.
Let me tell you that was arevelation and almost, if I'm
being totally honest, a bitpanic-inducing, because I told
(11:49):
myself for so long that I had tohold on to them, but this would
have meant holding on to anenergy that was no longer mine.
So I said a little thank you tothis box and to my inner child,
who led me to be the person Iam now.
And as I sifted through this box, while nervously tossing out
batches of letters at a time, Ifound one that stood out.
(12:11):
It was from my brother, ian.
He wrote me a letter for my17th birthday when he was 20.
Birthday when he was 20.
I hadn't even seen this letterin 26 years, and yet his words
are powerful, timeless andpresent.
In addition to making fun of mewith inside jokes, as only a
(12:32):
big brother can, he also saidthis my baby sister is 17.
I have sat back and watched youbecome the perfect woman I
always knew you could be.
I'm always going to think ofyou as my best friend because
through all we've been through,it's always been me and you.
I just want you to know thatwhatever you do in life, you
(12:54):
will be a success and I willalways be the one who will
support you all the way.
I hope you have a wonderfulbirthday.
I would also like to say thankyou for keeping me company all
these years.
I love you more than you couldever understand.
Love, always and forever.
Ian the Great.
(13:15):
His sweet words were like a warmhug.
His loving, comforting messageimmediately grounded me in the
present during a time when I wastrying to release the past.
It validated our deepconnection and reminded me that
he's with me in everything I do.
It was the most powerful signthat told me you got this.
(13:36):
That whole week was a hugeshift for me.
I gave myself permission tophysically and emotionally let
go of old items I was holdingonto and to root myself in the
now, which helped me with thetransition of moving out of our
house and onto this newadventure.
And I sold my entire Pezdispenser collection to a
(13:58):
neighbor at our yard sale whoapparently owns a little
Disneyland monorail with Pezdispenser passengers.
So it was a win-win foreverybody.
Frank (14:13):
Unlike Lauren, I was more than happy to inherit a
minimalist mindset and get ridof yesteryear's mementos, like
my shoebox full of ex-girlfriendstuff.
I saved the nice things butlike 90% of it was junk I never
wanted to see again.
It was literal baggage I'd beencarrying around for literally
decades.
I bid it all a sweet sayonaraand made way for some fresh
(14:35):
stories in a fresh place.
This new story started, likemost great stories.
One day we were living in ourbeautiful, very comfortable home
that had everything we needed,but something terrible happened,
something that always spellsdisaster or, at the very least,
upheaval.
We wanted something.
We wanted something different.
(14:55):
It's very safe to keep doingthe same thing every day.
It's even great to some people,because if you keep doing the
same thing, you keep getting thesame results.
The same results started tobore us.
Being the spiritually awarepeople that we are, we told
ourselves it'll get better andwe need to be the change that we
want to see.
But that didn't do it either.
(15:16):
I think one of the bravestthings you can do is take a good
hard look at your lifesometimes and really truly see
it and recognize the things thatyou don't like about it, and
then take it one step furtherand be your own catalyst for
change.
It's easier said than done, butit's important to do on
occasion.
The scary thing is that itfeels dangerous.
(15:37):
You don't know what that changemight bring, but if you did
know, it would also remove theadventure, and adventure is the
antidote to boredom anddepression.
So here we are now, movedpeople Just a few hours away
from Ventura County to San DiegoCounty, but our environment is
now absolutely thrilling.
If you ask me, it's the polaropposite of where we were.
(16:00):
And as for me glad you asked,I'm so different.
Now the second I moved here, Ijust got a seven-figure job for
just being myself.
My crossfit routine is sick.
I actually typed out the storyusing only my abs.
I taught them home row keys andeverything Okay.
So no, I'm still purposefullyunemployed and I still only have
(16:25):
one single substantial dad ab.
Those aren't the only thingsthat I brought with me, though.
I also accidentally packed myoveractive mind, my uncertainty
about what my next move is mydoubts about my value as a human
and a small side of existentialdread.
I anticipated most of thosestowaways, but the thing I
didn't anticipate was my suddenlack of patience.
(16:47):
I've been focused on the move,getting my head on straight
about the change and thengetting my belongings unpacked
and in order.
I 100% forgot to build in agrace period to allow those big
changes to come in.
They haven't gotten here yet.
When we make any big changes,we need to give ourselves time
to adapt.
Lauren and I spent so much timetalking about it and
(17:11):
spiritually preparing forleaving and I never once thought
about spiritually preparing forarriving.
I wanted to hit the groundrunning.
I thought maybe there's achance.
Everything becomes clear for methe second I get to that new
place.
I hoped for that, but I didn'tthink about what happens to me
emotionally when I finally closeout the moving process and then
suddenly only have myself tofocus on.
(17:33):
I spent the last 20 months sincebeing let go at my job staying
open to possibilities, whichevolved into a location change.
That became the main thing andnow I'm here and simply wildly
available.
That sounds nice, I'm sure, buthave you ever kept a terrier
inside the house for too longwithout a normal routine.
(17:54):
If you have, then you no longerhave nice furniture.
In this situation, my brain isthe terrier, and let's say that
I have to schedule a visit toBob's Discount Furniture Store.
I'm a bit of a mess right nowand you know that's okay, I'm
fine, but I haven't been givingmyself time or the grace to
(18:17):
exercise those spiritual toolsthat we've built during the
course of clear voyaging.
So I haven't been meditating, Ihaven't been using tarot and I
love tarot I haven't beensitting in the power, I've just
been in survival and it honestlyfeels like shit.
I still feel confident aboutthis change, so why don't I feel
good?
It's because of this To talkabout this a little bit more.
(18:39):
We chatted with friend of theshow, emily Bolzik how are you
guys connecting with yourintuition regularly?
Lauren (18:47):
I think I'm using my intuition, even in this like
phase that I'm in, where I'm, soI'm like I have not pulled a
tarot card myself for a while.
I'm like struggling with justI'm not, I'm not like, oh, I
gotta get through every day.
(19:08):
I'm struggling just to likeI've got things to maintain and
like do um, but so I think I'musing, I think I'm just paying
attention, keeping like thesynchronicities and like signs
in mind and paying attentionLike okay, this little thing
(19:29):
happened which is still keepingme on my path of like this huge
decision that we made for us andour family, and knowing like
y'all, you're still on, you'restill with me, my guides are
still with me I mean, the truthis that, like for me, and I feel
(19:50):
like for you too, lauren, we'vebeen on like, um, it's been
survival mode.
Frank (19:55):
Well, actually, I was just telling you about, about
this yeah I was telling LaurenI'm still kind of in survival
mode, how are you doing?
Lauren (20:00):
She's like I'm kind of settled again and then I say I'm
getting through each day, whichis, yeah, basically survival
mode.
I'm not like, yeah, I don'thave my routine down, I don't
have that downtime of like, okay, in the morning I'm going to
wake up and meditate and I'mgoing to go on a nature walk so
that I can commune with myguides and, like you know, wait
(20:21):
for a sign or whatever, pull atarot card.
Let's talk about it.
Frank (20:29):
We don't have.
We haven't had that kind oftime To clearly answer your
question.
We've been doing a shit job.
I've been doing a shit job atthat.
So the last I left off withtarot.
I pulled tarot a few timesduring our road trip before the
move, but like last I left offoff, really it was like okay, do
your work, get your stuff inorder, like clean your house,
all that stuff.
And then it was like you canalso when we're on the road trip
.
I pulled a couple cards.
(20:49):
All of them are like you canhave nice things too.
And I'll be honest, like I wasgonna say, I'm kind of afraid to
pull cards now because I don'tknow.
I almost feel like I don't haveany context in which to read
into these things, because somuch of what I'm about to.
I'm like a fucking blank slatehere as far as my schedule goes,
as far as what the future holds.
(21:11):
The kids aren't even in schoolyet.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
They're starting school in August, so it's just
like, but I think you can trustspirit to give you a message
that will resonate I think youare correct in saying that wait,
are you currently shuffling?
Frank (21:24):
I hear a shuffle it.
I thought you were shufflingsticks of gum for a second.
So I mean sorry, sorry slicesslices, slices.
Lauren (21:33):
Can you pull a slice?
Wait you, you're shoving slicesright now.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Give me the piece of gum meant for me.
Frank (21:41):
I got the Thor of Bubble Yum.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Guides.
We're looking for some guidancefor Frank and go easy on the
guy, okay.
Lauren (21:56):
Go easy on the guy.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
He's had a rough go of it.
The guy's got a family.
Come on, I got your pipes, so Ipull a bunch of cards, I pull
whatever slips out, and then Iput my hand over them and if I
feel, if I'm like, oh, I thinkit's this one wait.
Frank (22:16):
That's such a fun.
How have we never talked aboutyour method here?
Speaker 3 (22:22):
cause I'm shy 1, 2, 3 , 4, 5, 6, 7 of cups upright.
Lauren (22:30):
Emily has Fearless Tarot from.
Frank (22:32):
Elliot Oracle.
Dr Elliot Adam the same bookthat I have right here on my
desk.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Seven of Cups represents dreams, illusions and
wishes.
It is imaginative andfantastical.
However, it is not a card ofrealities.
Frank oh my God, it said Somepeople waste years stuck on the
lessons of this card.
If I win the lottery, think ofeverything I'm going to buy.
One day I'll get lucky when myship comes in and my problems
(23:01):
will be solved.
Many times, this sort ofthinking is an avoidance
mechanism for takingresponsibility for your life.
Frank (23:07):
Keep going.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
It dazzles.
I just feel defensive of you.
I'm like maybe I didn't pickthis one, no, go there.
Seven of Cups is also a card offorgetfulness.
It dazzles us with castles inthe air, causing us to ignore
the present reality.
What crutches do you use toevade reality?
This fear of failure,disappointing others or looking
like a loser keep you frommaking necessary changes.
(23:29):
Do you lack enough confidencein yourself to get the ball
rolling, Frank?
Oh, my god, it happened again.
The figure emerging from thecentral cup is shrouded.
Her arms are open to allpossibilities.
However, this figure is notcontrolling things.
She is open to whichever windblows.
This is not always a goodrecipe for getting something
accomplished.
There is another cup with awreath of victory emerging from
(23:51):
it.
If you look closely, it appearsthat there is a skull pictured
on this cup, a symbol forirreversible change.
This could represent a fear ofsuccess.
It appears that there is askull pictured on this cup, a
symbol for irreversible change.
This could represent a fear ofsuccess, since achieving your
goal would change all yourexisting structures.
All the cups have differentsymbols emerging from them.
Some are fantastical, whileothers are frightening.
They are the bright and shinyobjects that can distract you on
(24:12):
the path toward your goal.
The Seven of Cups requires youto focus, to bring your inner
visions into the outer world.
Lauren (24:19):
That's pretty interesting, for, exactly like
what you were just saying, thatyou don't have a as soon as
you're done like puttingtogether the house, you're not
going to have a solid structure?
Frank (24:31):
No, and literally, like I've noticed that the thing
that's affecting more thananything is my self-esteem,
something that I don't usuallystruggle with because I have a
healthy sense of, like, who I amand what I do and what I can do
.
But being in a phase right nowwhere I'm literally doing
nothing or about to, and I cando a lot, it's like, oh shit,
(24:53):
like I'm starting to feel reallybad about myself.
Like really bad about myselfbecause I know I can do a bunch
of shit.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
So I wonder if Wait, this next paragraph can I just
read?
Frank (25:03):
one more.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Oh, yeah, go it's kind of good um by uh.
Theodore roosevelt had a famouscode he lived by get action.
By initiating action puttingout the resumes, meeting with
experts, taking risks, reachingout, asking questions, learning
a new skill a magical thingstarts to happen.
Momentum begins and thingsstart to fall into place.
Hope is rekindled about thefuture.
(25:24):
Your dreams begin to manifestokay.
Frank (25:26):
So I also interesting I also feel like I am momentumless
right now, but at a, at a, the,at a place where, like it feels
like the um, what do you callit?
Like the beginning of, like thestarting line of like a race.
You know what I mean, but I'mnot, I'm not doing any a race
(25:47):
right now, but I can.
So it's.
It's really a weird feeling.
It's like oh, I'm on the track,but why am I not running kind
of thing.
So, like that whole bit aboutlike taking responsibility, like
I will take responsibility forthat.
I've been very busy and lettingthat be the thing that like
takes up my, my time, which, youknow, some of that needs to get
(26:08):
done, but I'm about, I'm aboutdone to a place where, like the
rest of it, we can, we can wrapup like you know, uh, like after
, after, at the end of the day,or like on the weekends or
whatever.
Yeah, in fact, I think wemight've just achieved that,
maybe today.
So, yeah, I probably shouldstart like looking into some
(26:28):
shit.
But and and the other thingthat that did bring up too is I
do have that sense of, well,whatever I get into into now, if
it picks up like the trajectoryis going to be such a new
trajectory, one that I havenever done before, that I am
kind of nervous.
I don't know what that lookslike.
Yeah, and not working in anoffice or something it's, it's
going to be totally different.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
I don't know if that looks like yeah, and Not working
in an office or something.
It's going to be totallydifferent.
Frank (26:51):
Totally different.
I don't know.
If it was like, oh, now it'stime to get a job or whatever,
like something I've been used to, I'd be like, yeah, whatever,
you know what that looks like,yeah, I wouldn't even trip about
it, aside the fact that I wouldknow that within a couple of
(27:12):
years, or less than a year, Iwould be absolutely miserable.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
But doing something in my own you know, on my own
now is it's scary I'm alsohearing like your uh internal
alarm is going off a little bitin a in a nice way like some
something's alerting you like oh, there's too much shit in our
room.
I don't like you're catching ityeah, in time to make a change
yeah, yeah, yeah well, somethingthat's coming to mind, frank,
(27:37):
is like that bashar thing of um,even if, if you have a couple
choices and one of them is evena little more exciting than the
other, do that one, like thebarometer, is your own
excitement.
Frank (27:53):
So there it is.
It's time to make some babysteps.
It's time now.
I've told myself as a matter ofprinciple that I will become a
Reiki practitioner, even if I'mnot 100% confident about it,
because it's time to justdeliver on something and learn
and try something new.
Take that first step.
It's my responsibility.
I have chosen to do this,something entirely new and
(28:18):
uncharted for me because the oldthing was not working.
I'm relearning what it means towork, because my former
definition of what that meantwas toxic and came at a
detriment to my own well-being,and in fact kind of believed
that meant was toxic and came ata detriment to my own
well-being and in fact kind ofbelieved that there was some
valor to that.
And it's not true.
Yeah, there was a fleeting hopethat, upon arriving to this new
(28:39):
place, a surprise opportunitywould be dropped into my lap and
within a week's time I'd beusing a money bag a la Scrooge
McDuck to anchor my yacht, whichwould be lovingly named Bezos
Can Suck a Bag of Trash.
But even then I'd end up makingthat toxic.
Somehow I'd find a way to workto my detriment or lose myself
in the project and forget tolive the life I wanted Terrier
(29:02):
shit.
Friends.
When we're in the midst of deepchange, it's okay for the daily
spiritual practices that we allrely on to move into muscle
memory for a little bit, and youdon't have to feel guilty about
it.
When we make changes, we needto give ourselves the time to
move through that discomfort.
Just because you might beexperiencing upheaval,
(29:24):
voluntarily or not, in a lessthan graceful way, does not make
you less of a badass, or not ina less than graceful way does
not make you less of a badass.
Sometimes the most you can dois try to keep your cool and not
say things you'll regret later,and even that can be a tall
order.
The discomfort is where theactual badassery comes from just
getting through it, and noteven in a cool way.
Rarely is turmoil the place forkumbaya.
(29:46):
It's blood, sweat and tears,all of which I personally spent
on this journey.
For me, my calm, badass selfhas yet to arrive.
So kumbaya, y'all are gonnahave to wait a little bit longer
to hear from that jerk.
In the meantime, I'm still justour self-deputized
struggler-in-chief, but I justfeel a little bit better about
the odds.
I hope you guys use this toencourage yourself to do the
(30:10):
hard thing, so you feel just alittle bit better about the odds
too.
Thank you for listening.
Visit clairevoyagingcom formerchandise or to access free
resources to help you on yourspiritual journey.
Subscribe to our Patreon formore content or join for free to
chat with us journey.
Subscribe to our Patreon formore content or join for free to
(30:32):
chat with us.
Clairvoyaging is a fiscallysponsored project of Fractured
Atlas, a 501c3 charity.
Make a tax deductible donationto support our mission to foster
understanding, respect andcuriosity for diverse spiritual
belief systems.
Clairvoyaging is a productionof Wayfeather Media.
Hello you lovely souls covered in bones and guts.
We're back, baby.
Today's episode is a traveloguewhere we share some stories and
insights from the last monthand a half.
I'm Lauren Leon.
Frank (00:15):
And I'm still Frank.
Lauren (00:17):
We are a married couple learning how to develop our own
intuition, and this is episode79 of claire voyaging.
Wayfeather media presentsclaire voyaging what's going on?
(00:56):
Oh my goodness guys, did youmiss us?
We missed you, I missed you.
Frank, did you miss me?
We'll circle back to thatbecause we have have been
together nonstop every moment ofevery day.
How cute are we Hi, yay, hi,we're settled in.
Frank (01:17):
Settling.
Lauren (01:17):
We're settling.
Still in the midst of settling.
Frank (01:20):
There's a little dust.
There's still a little dust,still some dust.
The dust will settle.
There's a little dust.
There's still a little dust,still some dust, the dust will
settle, but we wanted to.
Lauren (01:28):
This is a travelogue episode.
We say it all the time.
We're writers and we enjoy agood story, so our storytelling
episodes are what we calltravelogues, because we're
traveling through the clairs.
We're clairvoyaging Right rightFrank.
That's a great name for apodcast.
We're Claire Voyaging RightRight Frank.
Frank (01:46):
That's a great name for a podcast.
We should try that.
Lauren (01:50):
But before we get to our episode, I want to tell you we
have a few new Patreon friends.
Frank (01:56):
No, we don't.
Lauren (01:57):
Yes, we do, diane, Diane and Jen Jen.
Frank (02:10):
Thank you, welcome and thanks for joining.
Welcome to it.
Hey, you know what?
We do need to put some newstuff up on our, our patreon
well, we still have a listener,a pending listener, episode we
do.
Lauren (02:18):
Yeah, I'm sorry that took a long time to get out
sweet and sweet and justprobably waiting for her episode
to drop.
Frank (02:25):
She does not call herself Sweet Anne we call her Sweet
Anne.
Lauren (02:29):
No, she's like a mystic.
Frank (02:31):
She is a mystic.
Lauren (02:32):
She's so great, Hi.
Anne Love it, and anyway that'sgoing to be coming.
Frank (02:38):
The episode is coming.
That one's on me.
Lauren (02:43):
Also just a quick note Before our documentary campaign
ended, we got a donation fromPatricia Patricia.
Thank you, patricia.
Frank (02:54):
Wow, Patty, you don't like Patty do you.
Lauren (02:57):
We don't know if Patricia likes Patty I'm so
sorry, I took that swing.
We still have some fundraisingto do for our documentary, but
we'll keep you in the loop forthat One thing at a time.
Frank (03:09):
Don't worry, it's happening.
Lauren (03:10):
It's happening.
Also, thank you to our friendKimberly who gave us a quick
little encouragement on TikTok.
She sent me a message and itwas very sweet.
She was like I hope you'restill doing the documentary
because the world needs to hearyour message.
Frank (03:24):
I always love hearing from Kimberly.
Lauren (03:26):
Yeah, just so sweet.
Anyway, thank you guys for yourpatience and I hope you like
this episode.
It was kind of a healing thingto write sort of a nice like
wrap up and a way to think aboutwhat I what kind of moved me to
this and through this move.
(03:46):
So it was nice.
I had some tears you might hearme get a little choked up
during part of it.
Frank (03:53):
Every time we were like oh hey, lauren, how's it going
with your piece?
I'd look around, I'd turnaround and she was weeping.
Okay, you know, I'm going totalk to you later.
Lauren (04:03):
I think he walked in and he had like groceries and he's
like are you going to?
Help me put these away.
And I had tears streaming downmy face and he's like nevermind.
Frank (04:10):
I had a question about hot links.
I had a question about hotlinks and she was crying.
I'm like okay later, okay, okayAlso, like you know something
to talk, like something tomention about writing in
particular.
You, you know something to talk, like something to mention
about writing in particular.
You know how some people saythat, like, the final stage of
learning something is teachingit.
Yeah, so, like, just so, youknow, we don't have our shit
(04:35):
together, but when we writestuff, it helps us process
things.
It helps us, like, put it intoa form, a format that's, like
you know, easily digestible, andthat's not just digestible for
people listening to a podcast,it's for us too.
Lauren (04:46):
Yeah, we.
It helps you to make meaningout of what you've just
experienced.
Frank (04:50):
Yeah, so, like you know that, if anything that goes
towards like y'all should bejournaling, I guess if, if you
need to process some stuff, ithelps me, I forget to do it.
Lauren (04:59):
Yeah.
Frank (04:59):
And then I start writing.
I'm like I don't know what towrite.
I don't know.
And then I'm like, oh, wait,hold on.
I have so many in-depth thingsto say, I'm so deep, you
wouldn't get it.
Lauren (05:12):
That's kind of my problem with journaling
sometimes, because I either haveto go completely like stream of
consciousness, like like I amusing my pencil and I'm writing
with this now, or I sit thereand like work through my words,
because I'm better with writingthan I am with speaking.
So yeah, I need I need time tokind of process what I want to
(05:33):
say and what something means tome.
Frank (05:36):
Yeah, I always like.
I always like what you writeWhenever.
Whenever Lauren writessomething for the show she's
like can I read it to you?
I'm like what you write, oh,thank you.
Whenever Lauren writessomething for the show she's
like can I read it to you?
I'm like nope, I want to listento it afterwards Because then I
get to appreciate it like alistener.
The first listener, listenernumber one baby.
Lauren (05:54):
That's very sweet.
I didn't know.
That's why you didn't want toread it.
Frank (05:57):
I'm so sweet guys.
Lauren (06:02):
I get some nice little tidbits from Frank every so
often.
He gives me.
He gives me he doesn't want todo too much, he doesn't like to
go overboard with the wordsSpoken like a woman starved for
more attention.
Frank (06:13):
That's fine.
Hey, I have my love language.
I think it's mostly in the formof like cheese omelets.
It's okay.
Lauren (06:20):
You did make me a good breakfast breakfast taco this
morning that shit slapped yeah,yeah anyway, I used those hot
links.
Frank (06:30):
All right, let's get to us.
So today with us this week isme and her and me and a special
guest, friend of the show yeah,fun little, fun little uh.
Lauren (06:40):
What little uh, what's it called?
Frank (06:42):
Cameo.
Lauren (06:43):
Yeah, sure A cameo or an insert is what I was thinking.
There's an insert in there witha friend All right, lauren,
send it.
Twinkle, twinkle hearts andstars.
If you listen to this podcastregularly, you know that we
recently made a move to SanDiego.
(07:03):
We've been talking about it adnauseum Recovering people
pleaser Lauren would apologizefor talking about it so much but
healed Lauren does notapologize for nothing, because
talking about big changes andtaking risks just might
encourage or inspire someoneelse to take a giant leap of
faith.
Anywho, I've learned somethings and I want to share.
(07:26):
Frank and I made the decisionto downsize from a three-bedroom
house to a two-bedroomtownhouse.
We realized that with a littletoo much space we become easily
overwhelmed with stuff.
I'm the type of person whocreates doom piles in each room
of a house.
If something doesn't have aplace, I put it in a little pile
(07:47):
, mostly because it's toodifficult for me to deal with in
that moment, so I put it offfor another day.
Side note I have not beenofficially diagnosed with ADHD,
but I relate to many most of thesymptoms, including
procrastination and difficultywith executive function.
So just a little bit of funtrivia about me.
(08:09):
My doom piles and any householdclutter actually make me feel
quite stressed.
So while preparing for thismove, I started getting rid of a
lot of stuff.
I conjured my inner Marie Kondoand started letting go of
things that do not bring me joy.
It's so freeing.
During this process I came upona few boxes that I've held onto
(08:31):
for years Okay, decades, butwho's counting Three boxes
labeled Lauren's Keepsakes.
It's a treasure trove of pins,stickers that meant something to
me when I was nine years oldtroll dolls, broadway playbills,
my collection of Pez dispensers, an unopened Baywatch, barbie
dolphin included, my elementaryart and poems and letters, a
(08:55):
shoebox full of letters.
As I sorted these items, I hada breakthrough moment where I
realized that I was holding onto trinkets and in many cases
literal junk, because it wasattached to a memory and my
guilt was telling me that if Igot rid of anything I'd be
disregarding, disrespecting orforgetting my precious memories.
(09:15):
But some of these items wereattached to kind of sad memories
.
They held energy that I'veworked hard to heal these last
few years.
A tiny stuffed bear that meantso much to me as a 10-year-old
little girl was now a tiny relicof trauma and pain.
I gave myself permission to letgo.
My three boxes of keepsakes wasslimming down to just one box,
(09:39):
and that release of energy waselectric, something I found much
harder to deal with.
For some reason was this shoeboxfull of letters and notes that
I mentioned?
They were from middle schooland high school.
Messages from friends filledwith overly dramatic stories,
intense, emotional letters frommy first boyfriend, who lived in
a different city.
(09:59):
Incidentally, did you know thatafter 10th grade I moved from
LA to San Diego with my parents?
I actually lived in San Diegofor eight years before moving
back to LA to pursue music.
So this was a strange feeling,prepping to move this time to
San Diego, while reading oldletters from my friends who
wrote about missing me once Imoved to my San Diego high
(10:21):
school.
I have no real insight on thatin particular, but if I did, it
would maybe be something aboutit being a full circle moment or
doing this move differently and, on my own terms, just another
layer of releasing old energyand reframing this move in an
entirely different way.
Move in an entirely differentway.
Anyway, these letters, thispacked shoebox full of letters.
(10:46):
I've dutifully and responsiblyheld onto these letters for 25
years.
For what I really had to sitwith this.
I used to think that maybe mykids would one day want to read
through old letters and learn abit more about my life, or that
I'd want to sit down with a cupof hot cocoa by a fireplace and
(11:07):
read a hundred letters and notes.
No, these letters paint apicture of my past, sure, but
they were only meaningful to me.
They don't even make sense toanyone else and they no longer
represent who I am now.
The stories and emotions and,quite frankly, the drama, helped
(11:29):
me become the woman I am today,and for that I'm incredibly
grateful.
But I made a decision to rootmyself in the now, so there was
no longer a need to keep thisbox.
Let me tell you that was arevelation and almost, if I'm
being totally honest, a bitpanic-inducing, because I told
(11:49):
myself for so long that I had tohold on to them, but this would
have meant holding on to anenergy that was no longer mine.
So I said a little thank you tothis box and to my inner child,
who led me to be the person Iam now.
And as I sifted through this box, while nervously tossing out
batches of letters at a time, Ifound one that stood out.
(12:11):
It was from my brother, ian.
He wrote me a letter for my17th birthday when he was 20.
Birthday when he was 20.
I hadn't even seen this letterin 26 years, and yet his words
are powerful, timeless andpresent.
In addition to making fun of mewith inside jokes, as only a
(12:32):
big brother can, he also saidthis my baby sister is 17.
I have sat back and watched youbecome the perfect woman I
always knew you could be.
I'm always going to think ofyou as my best friend because
through all we've been through,it's always been me and you.
I just want you to know thatwhatever you do in life, you
(12:54):
will be a success and I willalways be the one who will
support you all the way.
I hope you have a wonderfulbirthday.
I would also like to say thankyou for keeping me company all
these years.
I love you more than you couldever understand.
Love, always and forever.
Ian the Great.
(13:15):
His sweet words were like a warmhug.
His loving, comforting messageimmediately grounded me in the
present during a time when I wastrying to release the past.
It validated our deepconnection and reminded me that
he's with me in everything I do.
It was the most powerful signthat told me you got this.
(13:36):
That whole week was a hugeshift for me.
I gave myself permission tophysically and emotionally let
go of old items I was holdingonto and to root myself in the
now, which helped me with thetransition of moving out of our
house and onto this newadventure.
And I sold my entire Pezdispenser collection to a
(13:58):
neighbor at our yard sale whoapparently owns a little
Disneyland monorail with Pezdispenser passengers.
So it was a win-win foreverybody.
Frank (14:13):
Unlike Lauren, I was more than happy to inherit a
minimalist mindset and get ridof yesteryear's mementos, like
my shoebox full of ex-girlfriendstuff.
I saved the nice things butlike 90% of it was junk I never
wanted to see again.
It was literal baggage I'd beencarrying around for literally
decades.
I bid it all a sweet sayonaraand made way for some fresh
(14:35):
stories in a fresh place.
This new story started, likemost great stories.
One day we were living in ourbeautiful, very comfortable home
that had everything we needed,but something terrible happened,
something that always spellsdisaster or, at the very least,
upheaval.
We wanted something.
We wanted something different.
(14:55):
It's very safe to keep doingthe same thing every day.
It's even great to some people,because if you keep doing the
same thing, you keep getting thesame results.
The same results started tobore us.
Being the spiritually awarepeople that we are, we told
ourselves it'll get better andwe need to be the change that we
want to see.
But that didn't do it either.
(15:16):
I think one of the bravestthings you can do is take a good
hard look at your lifesometimes and really truly see
it and recognize the things thatyou don't like about it, and
then take it one step furtherand be your own catalyst for
change.
It's easier said than done, butit's important to do on
occasion.
The scary thing is that itfeels dangerous.
(15:37):
You don't know what that changemight bring, but if you did
know, it would also remove theadventure, and adventure is the
antidote to boredom anddepression.
So here we are now, movedpeople Just a few hours away
from Ventura County to San DiegoCounty, but our environment is
now absolutely thrilling.
If you ask me, it's the polaropposite of where we were.
(16:00):
And as for me glad you asked,I'm so different.
Now the second I moved here, Ijust got a seven-figure job for
just being myself.
My crossfit routine is sick.
I actually typed out the storyusing only my abs.
I taught them home row keys andeverything Okay.
So no, I'm still purposefullyunemployed and I still only have
(16:25):
one single substantial dad ab.
Those aren't the only thingsthat I brought with me, though.
I also accidentally packed myoveractive mind, my uncertainty
about what my next move is mydoubts about my value as a human
and a small side of existentialdread.
I anticipated most of thosestowaways, but the thing I
didn't anticipate was my suddenlack of patience.
(16:47):
I've been focused on the move,getting my head on straight
about the change and thengetting my belongings unpacked
and in order.
I 100% forgot to build in agrace period to allow those big
changes to come in.
They haven't gotten here yet.
When we make any big changes,we need to give ourselves time
to adapt.
Lauren and I spent so much timetalking about it and
(17:11):
spiritually preparing forleaving and I never once thought
about spiritually preparing forarriving.
I wanted to hit the groundrunning.
I thought maybe there's achance.
Everything becomes clear for methe second I get to that new
place.
I hoped for that, but I didn'tthink about what happens to me
emotionally when I finally closeout the moving process and then
suddenly only have myself tofocus on.
(17:33):
I spent the last 20 months sincebeing let go at my job staying
open to possibilities, whichevolved into a location change.
That became the main thing andnow I'm here and simply wildly
available.
That sounds nice, I'm sure, buthave you ever kept a terrier
inside the house for too longwithout a normal routine.
(17:54):
If you have, then you no longerhave nice furniture.
In this situation, my brain isthe terrier, and let's say that
I have to schedule a visit toBob's Discount Furniture Store.
I'm a bit of a mess right nowand you know that's okay, I'm
fine, but I haven't been givingmyself time or the grace to
(18:17):
exercise those spiritual toolsthat we've built during the
course of clear voyaging.
So I haven't been meditating, Ihaven't been using tarot and I
love tarot I haven't beensitting in the power, I've just
been in survival and it honestlyfeels like shit.
I still feel confident aboutthis change, so why don't I feel
good?
It's because of this To talkabout this a little bit more.
(18:39):
We chatted with friend of theshow, emily Bolzik how are you
guys connecting with yourintuition regularly?
Lauren (18:47):
I think I'm using my intuition, even in this like
phase that I'm in, where I'm, soI'm like I have not pulled a
tarot card myself for a while.
I'm like struggling with justI'm not, I'm not like, oh, I
gotta get through every day.
(19:08):
I'm struggling just to likeI've got things to maintain and
like do um, but so I think I'musing, I think I'm just paying
attention, keeping like thesynchronicities and like signs
in mind and paying attentionLike okay, this little thing
(19:29):
happened which is still keepingme on my path of like this huge
decision that we made for us andour family, and knowing like
y'all, you're still on, you'restill with me, my guides are
still with me I mean, the truthis that, like for me, and I feel
(19:50):
like for you too, lauren, we'vebeen on like, um, it's been
survival mode.
Frank (19:55):
Well, actually, I was just telling you about, about
this yeah I was telling LaurenI'm still kind of in survival
mode, how are you doing?
Lauren (20:00):
She's like I'm kind of settled again and then I say I'm
getting through each day, whichis, yeah, basically survival
mode.
I'm not like, yeah, I don'thave my routine down, I don't
have that downtime of like, okay, in the morning I'm going to
wake up and meditate and I'mgoing to go on a nature walk so
that I can commune with myguides and, like you know, wait
(20:21):
for a sign or whatever, pull atarot card.
Let's talk about it.
Frank (20:29):
We don't have.
We haven't had that kind oftime To clearly answer your
question.
We've been doing a shit job.
I've been doing a shit job atthat.
So the last I left off withtarot.
I pulled tarot a few timesduring our road trip before the
move, but like last I left offoff, really it was like okay, do
your work, get your stuff inorder, like clean your house,
all that stuff.
And then it was like you canalso when we're on the road trip
.
I pulled a couple cards.
(20:49):
All of them are like you canhave nice things too.
And I'll be honest, like I wasgonna say, I'm kind of afraid to
pull cards now because I don'tknow.
I almost feel like I don't haveany context in which to read
into these things, because somuch of what I'm about to.
I'm like a fucking blank slatehere as far as my schedule goes,
as far as what the future holds.
(21:11):
The kids aren't even in schoolyet.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
They're starting school in August, so it's just
like, but I think you can trustspirit to give you a message
that will resonate I think youare correct in saying that wait,
are you currently shuffling?
Frank (21:24):
I hear a shuffle it.
I thought you were shufflingsticks of gum for a second.
So I mean sorry, sorry slicesslices, slices.
Lauren (21:33):
Can you pull a slice?
Wait you, you're shoving slicesright now.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Give me the piece of gum meant for me.
Frank (21:41):
I got the Thor of Bubble Yum.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Guides.
We're looking for some guidancefor Frank and go easy on the
guy, okay.
Lauren (21:56):
Go easy on the guy.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
He's had a rough go of it.
The guy's got a family.
Come on, I got your pipes, so Ipull a bunch of cards, I pull
whatever slips out, and then Iput my hand over them and if I
feel, if I'm like, oh, I thinkit's this one wait.
Frank (22:16):
That's such a fun.
How have we never talked aboutyour method here?
Speaker 3 (22:22):
cause I'm shy 1, 2, 3 , 4, 5, 6, 7 of cups upright.
Lauren (22:30):
Emily has Fearless Tarot from.
Frank (22:32):
Elliot Oracle.
Dr Elliot Adam the same bookthat I have right here on my
desk.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Seven of Cups represents dreams, illusions and
wishes.
It is imaginative andfantastical.
However, it is not a card ofrealities.
Frank oh my God, it said Somepeople waste years stuck on the
lessons of this card.
If I win the lottery, think ofeverything I'm going to buy.
One day I'll get lucky when myship comes in and my problems
(23:01):
will be solved.
Many times, this sort ofthinking is an avoidance
mechanism for takingresponsibility for your life.
Frank (23:07):
Keep going.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
It dazzles.
I just feel defensive of you.
I'm like maybe I didn't pickthis one, no, go there.
Seven of Cups is also a card offorgetfulness.
It dazzles us with castles inthe air, causing us to ignore
the present reality.
What crutches do you use toevade reality?
This fear of failure,disappointing others or looking
like a loser keep you frommaking necessary changes.
(23:29):
Do you lack enough confidencein yourself to get the ball
rolling, Frank?
Oh, my god, it happened again.
The figure emerging from thecentral cup is shrouded.
Her arms are open to allpossibilities.
However, this figure is notcontrolling things.
She is open to whichever windblows.
This is not always a goodrecipe for getting something
accomplished.
There is another cup with awreath of victory emerging from
(23:51):
it.
If you look closely, it appearsthat there is a skull pictured
on this cup, a symbol forirreversible change.
This could represent a fear ofsuccess.
It appears that there is askull pictured on this cup, a
symbol for irreversible change.
This could represent a fear ofsuccess, since achieving your
goal would change all yourexisting structures.
All the cups have differentsymbols emerging from them.
Some are fantastical, whileothers are frightening.
They are the bright and shinyobjects that can distract you on
(24:12):
the path toward your goal.
The Seven of Cups requires youto focus, to bring your inner
visions into the outer world.
Lauren (24:19):
That's pretty interesting, for, exactly like
what you were just saying, thatyou don't have a as soon as
you're done like puttingtogether the house, you're not
going to have a solid structure?
Frank (24:31):
No, and literally, like I've noticed that the thing
that's affecting more thananything is my self-esteem,
something that I don't usuallystruggle with because I have a
healthy sense of, like, who I amand what I do and what I can do
.
But being in a phase right nowwhere I'm literally doing
nothing or about to, and I cando a lot, it's like, oh shit,
(24:53):
like I'm starting to feel reallybad about myself.
Like really bad about myselfbecause I know I can do a bunch
of shit.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
So I wonder if Wait, this next paragraph can I just
read?
Frank (25:03):
one more.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Oh, yeah, go it's kind of good um by uh.
Theodore roosevelt had a famouscode he lived by get action.
By initiating action puttingout the resumes, meeting with
experts, taking risks, reachingout, asking questions, learning
a new skill a magical thingstarts to happen.
Momentum begins and thingsstart to fall into place.
Hope is rekindled about thefuture.
(25:24):
Your dreams begin to manifestokay.
Frank (25:26):
So I also interesting I also feel like I am momentumless
right now, but at a, at a, the,at a place where, like it feels
like the um, what do you callit?
Like the beginning of, like thestarting line of like a race.
You know what I mean, but I'mnot, I'm not doing any a race
(25:47):
right now, but I can.
So it's.
It's really a weird feeling.
It's like oh, I'm on the track,but why am I not running kind
of thing.
So, like that whole bit aboutlike taking responsibility, like
I will take responsibility forthat.
I've been very busy and lettingthat be the thing that like
takes up my, my time, which, youknow, some of that needs to get
(26:08):
done, but I'm about, I'm aboutdone to a place where, like the
rest of it, we can, we can wrapup like you know, uh, like after
, after, at the end of the day,or like on the weekends or
whatever.
Yeah, in fact, I think wemight've just achieved that,
maybe today.
So, yeah, I probably shouldstart like looking into some
(26:28):
shit.
But and and the other thingthat that did bring up too is I
do have that sense of, well,whatever I get into into now, if
it picks up like the trajectoryis going to be such a new
trajectory, one that I havenever done before, that I am
kind of nervous.
I don't know what that lookslike.
Yeah, and not working in anoffice or something it's, it's
going to be totally different.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
I don't know if that looks like yeah, and Not working
in an office or something.
It's going to be totallydifferent.
Frank (26:51):
Totally different.
I don't know.
If it was like, oh, now it'stime to get a job or whatever,
like something I've been used to, I'd be like, yeah, whatever,
you know what that looks like,yeah, I wouldn't even trip about
it, aside the fact that I wouldknow that within a couple of
(27:12):
years, or less than a year, Iwould be absolutely miserable.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
But doing something in my own you know, on my own
now is it's scary I'm alsohearing like your uh internal
alarm is going off a little bitin a in a nice way like some
something's alerting you like oh, there's too much shit in our
room.
I don't like you're catching ityeah, in time to make a change
yeah, yeah, yeah well, somethingthat's coming to mind, frank,
(27:37):
is like that bashar thing of um,even if, if you have a couple
choices and one of them is evena little more exciting than the
other, do that one, like thebarometer, is your own
excitement.
Frank (27:53):
So there it is.
It's time to make some babysteps.
It's time now.
I've told myself as a matter ofprinciple that I will become a
Reiki practitioner, even if I'mnot 100% confident about it,
because it's time to justdeliver on something and learn
and try something new.
Take that first step.
It's my responsibility.
I have chosen to do this,something entirely new and
(28:18):
uncharted for me because the oldthing was not working.
I'm relearning what it means towork, because my former
definition of what that meantwas toxic and came at a
detriment to my own well-being,and in fact kind of believed
that meant was toxic and came ata detriment to my own
well-being and in fact kind ofbelieved that there was some
valor to that.
And it's not true.
Yeah, there was a fleeting hopethat, upon arriving to this new
(28:39):
place, a surprise opportunitywould be dropped into my lap and
within a week's time I'd beusing a money bag a la Scrooge
McDuck to anchor my yacht, whichwould be lovingly named Bezos
Can Suck a Bag of Trash.
But even then I'd end up makingthat toxic.
Somehow I'd find a way to workto my detriment or lose myself
in the project and forget tolive the life I wanted Terrier
(29:02):
shit.
Friends.
When we're in the midst of deepchange, it's okay for the daily
spiritual practices that we allrely on to move into muscle
memory for a little bit, and youdon't have to feel guilty about
it.
When we make changes, we needto give ourselves the time to
move through that discomfort.
Just because you might beexperiencing upheaval,
(29:24):
voluntarily or not, in a lessthan graceful way, does not make
you less of a badass, or not ina less than graceful way does
not make you less of a badass.
Sometimes the most you can dois try to keep your cool and not
say things you'll regret later,and even that can be a tall
order.
The discomfort is where theactual badassery comes from just
getting through it, and noteven in a cool way.
Rarely is turmoil the place forkumbaya.
(29:46):
It's blood, sweat and tears,all of which I personally spent
on this journey.
For me, my calm, badass selfhas yet to arrive.
So kumbaya, y'all are gonnahave to wait a little bit longer
to hear from that jerk.
In the meantime, I'm still justour self-deputized
struggler-in-chief, but I justfeel a little bit better about
the odds.
I hope you guys use this toencourage yourself to do the
(30:10):
hard thing, so you feel just alittle bit better about the odds
too.
Thank you for listening.
Visit clairevoyagingcom formerchandise or to access free
resources to help you on yourspiritual journey.
Subscribe to our Patreon formore content or join for free to
chat with us journey.
Subscribe to our Patreon formore content or join for free to
(30:32):
chat with us.
Clairvoyaging is a fiscallysponsored project of Fractured
Atlas, a 501c3 charity.
Make a tax deductible donationto support our mission to foster
understanding, respect andcuriosity for diverse spiritual
belief systems.
Clairvoyaging is a productionof Wayfeather Media.
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