May 2, 2025 • 7 mins
This episode examines the pillars of thriving relationships, including self-awareness, emotional intimacy, and patience. Caleb and Elena share transformative stories about couples reshaping their bonds through understanding their needs, love languages, and embracing gradual growth. Practical tips include reflective journaling, meaningful conversations, and intentional gestures of affection.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Alright, so let's start with the coreidea James Sexton shares in his
book (00:03):
self-awareness.
He says it's a cornerstone of anysuccessful relationship.
And, honestly, it makes sense.
How can you build something meaningfulwith someone else if you don't
know yourself-what you need,what you value,
what really matters to you?
Exactly.
Sexton even talks about how people rushinto relationships hoping they'll
(00:25):
feel "complete," but they haven't donethat inner work first.
I mean, how can someone else know how tolove you if you don't know,
yourself?
Right.
And I think one of the strongest examplesI've seen professionally was
this couple who came to me for coaching.
They were constantly frustrated with eachother,
but when we dug deeper, it wasn't reallyabout what the other person
was doing wrong.
Wait, so it was something they hadn'trealized about themselves?
Exactly.
(00:49):
They hadn't taken the time to figure outtheir individual needs,
so they were projecting.
When they each explored that-throughguided questions,
some journaling, and a bit ofpatience-they started seeing the patterns.
And from there,they could share that with their partner.
It was transformative.
That's so powerful.
And it shows how stepping back and asking,
(01:11):
"What am I bringing into this?" canreally shift the dynamic.
I think for a lot of us, though,
that kind of self-awareness feels...
vulnerable, doesn't it?
Oh, completely.
Vulnerability and honesty withyourself-it's uncomfortable.
But it's also the path to clarity.
Sexton suggests practical ways to start,
(01:32):
like reflecting on your pastrelationships.
What worked, what didn't, and why?
Yes,
and that's where tools like journalingcan be so helpful.
Just sitting down and getting yourthoughts on paper can reveal insights
you didn't even realize you had.
Honestly,even therapy can be a game-changer here.
It gives you a space to unpack thoselayers.
Absolutely.
(01:56):
And I'd add that life coaching can servea similar purpose-especially
if you're looking for clarity on goals orvalues in a structured way.
The point is, all these strategies helpyou figure out not just who you
are, but what you want to bring into arelationship.
And,
you know, what you want out of one.
Building on that foundation ofself-awareness
we were just discussing, James Sextonemphasizes that enduring love also
(02:19):
boils down to a few core practices.
Things like transparency,fostering emotional intimacy,
and maintaining a fulfilling physicalconnection.
These elements build trust, understanding,
and, well, joy.
And they really do.
I think transparency, in particular,
is so important-it's not just abouthonesty,
(02:40):
but about letting someone in,being open with who you are and how you
feel.
It creates a sense of safety, doesn't it?
Exactly.
Sexton argues that emotional intimacyworks the same way-it thrives when
both partners feel safe enough to bevulnerable,
to share not just the happy moments butthe messy ones,
too.
A satisfying physical connection oftenstems from that emotional bond,
(03:02):
not the other way around.
That reminds me of a story one coupleshared
with me during a workshop.
They'd been feeling distant, you know,
emotionally and physically.
Then they learned about love languages-aconcept that completely changed
how they connected.
For one of them,it was all about words of affirmation.
(03:23):
For the other, it was acts of service.
So by learning to "speak" each
other's love language......exactly!
It was a revelation for them!
Once they started expressing love in waysthat resonated for the other
person, their bond grew stronger.
It deepened their trust and emotionalintimacy immensely.
That's such
(03:44):
a great example.
And while love languages are one approach,
Sexton also suggests practical habits fornurturing connections.
Like setting aside time for uninterruptedconversations-it's simple but
effective.
Another is sprinkling in small surprises,
like a kind note or an unexpected gestureof affection.
I love that.
(04:06):
It's the little things that show you'repaying attention,
right?
It doesn't have to be extravagant to meana lot.
Not at all.
Even just actively learning about eachother's dreams and desires can
create that sense of partnership.
Sexton talks about how curiosity-realcuriosity-drives stronger connections.
It's about never feeling like you alreadyknow everything there is to
(04:27):
know about your partner.
Which keeps the relationship growing,
evolving.
It's such a beautiful way to look at loveas an ongoing journey.
It's
such a beautiful way to think aboutrelationships-as an ongoing journey
of growth.
And speaking of growth, James Sextonmakes an excellent point about patience.
Relationships thrive when we give themthe time and space to develop
(04:49):
naturally, rather than rushing to defineor solidify things too quickly.
It's something I think we all strugglewith at some point,
myself included.
Hmm, absolutely.
Patience isn't always easy, is it?
But it's essential.
It creates space for understanding,
for seeing who your partner truly is,
(05:09):
not just who you hope they are or who youwant them to be.
Exactly.
I once worked with a client-um,
let's call her Rachel-and she wasstruggling in her new relationship.
She felt this constant need to "makesure" everything was perfect.
But in trying to rush that process,
she was skipping over the little,
natural moments that really build aconnection.
Oh,
(05:31):
I see that happen so often.
Did she-how did she change that approach?
Well,
the first thing we worked on wasreframing.
Patience isn't passive-it's aboutactively choosing to let things unfold
instead of forcing them.
Rachel started focusing on celebratingsmall milestones,
like their first road trip together or,
honestly,even disagreements they navigated well.
(05:53):
By slowing down, she felt more...
grounded in the relationship.
And that's the beauty of patience,
isn't it?
It gives you the time to appreciate thejourney together rather than
just aiming for the destination.
It's those small moments that stitch yourstory as a couple.
Absolutely.
And Sexton lays out practical ways topractice this kind of patience.
(06:15):
Things like creating time for consistent,
meaningful check-ins with your partner,
even if it's just fifteen minutes overcoffee on a busy day.
Or embracing
the quiet moments, right?
Relationships don't always need to beflashy or big.
Just sitting side by side,even in silence,
can speak volumes if you let it.
You're spot on.
And I think patience also means honoringyour partner's journey as much
(06:38):
as your own.
It means understanding they'll grow andchange at their own pace,
and being okay with that.
That's what makes a partnership trulyresilient over time.
Right.
And it's about being curious,like we talked about earlier-not assuming
you know how your partner feels or whatthey want,
but being willing to ask,to rediscover them as they change.
(06:59):
It's such a powerful act of love,
isn't it?
It really is.
And honestly, it's the kind of love thatcan stand the test of time.
When you approach a relationship withpatience,
curiosity, and care, you're setting thefoundation for something stronger
than just romance.
You're building a partnership.
Exactly.
A partnership where both people feel seen,
(07:22):
supported, and at home with each other.
And isn't that what true connection isall about?
It really is.
And on that note,I think we'll leave it there for today.
Thanks for sharing the space with us toexplore this emotional and,
honestly, deeply rewarding topic.
Yes,
thank you for listening, and remember tobe kind to yourselves and your
relationships.
(07:42):
Until next time, take care.
Alright, so let's start with the coreidea James Sexton shares in his
book (00:03):
self-awareness.
He says it's a cornerstone of anysuccessful relationship.
And, honestly, it makes sense.
How can you build something meaningfulwith someone else if you don't
know yourself-what you need,what you value,
what really matters to you?
Exactly.
Sexton even talks about how people rushinto relationships hoping they'll
(00:25):
feel "complete," but they haven't donethat inner work first.
I mean, how can someone else know how tolove you if you don't know,
yourself?
Right.
And I think one of the strongest examplesI've seen professionally was
this couple who came to me for coaching.
They were constantly frustrated with eachother,
but when we dug deeper, it wasn't reallyabout what the other person
was doing wrong.
Wait, so it was something they hadn'trealized about themselves?
Exactly.
(00:49):
They hadn't taken the time to figure outtheir individual needs,
so they were projecting.
When they each explored that-throughguided questions,
some journaling, and a bit ofpatience-they started seeing the patterns.
And from there,they could share that with their partner.
It was transformative.
That's so powerful.
And it shows how stepping back and asking,
(01:11):
"What am I bringing into this?" canreally shift the dynamic.
I think for a lot of us, though,
that kind of self-awareness feels...
vulnerable, doesn't it?
Oh, completely.
Vulnerability and honesty withyourself-it's uncomfortable.
But it's also the path to clarity.
Sexton suggests practical ways to start,
(01:32):
like reflecting on your pastrelationships.
What worked, what didn't, and why?
Yes,
and that's where tools like journalingcan be so helpful.
Just sitting down and getting yourthoughts on paper can reveal insights
you didn't even realize you had.
Honestly,even therapy can be a game-changer here.
It gives you a space to unpack thoselayers.
Absolutely.
(01:56):
And I'd add that life coaching can servea similar purpose-especially
if you're looking for clarity on goals orvalues in a structured way.
The point is, all these strategies helpyou figure out not just who you
are, but what you want to bring into arelationship.
And,
you know, what you want out of one.
Building on that foundation ofself-awareness
we were just discussing, James Sextonemphasizes that enduring love also
(02:19):
boils down to a few core practices.
Things like transparency,fostering emotional intimacy,
and maintaining a fulfilling physicalconnection.
These elements build trust, understanding,
and, well, joy.
And they really do.
I think transparency, in particular,
is so important-it's not just abouthonesty,
(02:40):
but about letting someone in,being open with who you are and how you
feel.
It creates a sense of safety, doesn't it?
Exactly.
Sexton argues that emotional intimacyworks the same way-it thrives when
both partners feel safe enough to bevulnerable,
to share not just the happy moments butthe messy ones,
too.
A satisfying physical connection oftenstems from that emotional bond,
(03:02):
not the other way around.
That reminds me of a story one coupleshared
with me during a workshop.
They'd been feeling distant, you know,
emotionally and physically.
Then they learned about love languages-aconcept that completely changed
how they connected.
For one of them,it was all about words of affirmation.
(03:23):
For the other, it was acts of service.
So by learning to "speak" each
other's love language......exactly!
It was a revelation for them!
Once they started expressing love in waysthat resonated for the other
person, their bond grew stronger.
It deepened their trust and emotionalintimacy immensely.
That's such
(03:44):
a great example.
And while love languages are one approach,
Sexton also suggests practical habits fornurturing connections.
Like setting aside time for uninterruptedconversations-it's simple but
effective.
Another is sprinkling in small surprises,
like a kind note or an unexpected gestureof affection.
I love that.
(04:06):
It's the little things that show you'repaying attention,
right?
It doesn't have to be extravagant to meana lot.
Not at all.
Even just actively learning about eachother's dreams and desires can
create that sense of partnership.
Sexton talks about how curiosity-realcuriosity-drives stronger connections.
It's about never feeling like you alreadyknow everything there is to
(04:27):
know about your partner.
Which keeps the relationship growing,
evolving.
It's such a beautiful way to look at loveas an ongoing journey.
It's
such a beautiful way to think aboutrelationships-as an ongoing journey
of growth.
And speaking of growth, James Sextonmakes an excellent point about patience.
Relationships thrive when we give themthe time and space to develop
(04:49):
naturally, rather than rushing to defineor solidify things too quickly.
It's something I think we all strugglewith at some point,
myself included.
Hmm, absolutely.
Patience isn't always easy, is it?
But it's essential.
It creates space for understanding,
for seeing who your partner truly is,
(05:09):
not just who you hope they are or who youwant them to be.
Exactly.
I once worked with a client-um,
let's call her Rachel-and she wasstruggling in her new relationship.
She felt this constant need to "makesure" everything was perfect.
But in trying to rush that process,
she was skipping over the little,
natural moments that really build aconnection.
Oh,
(05:31):
I see that happen so often.
Did she-how did she change that approach?
Well,
the first thing we worked on wasreframing.
Patience isn't passive-it's aboutactively choosing to let things unfold
instead of forcing them.
Rachel started focusing on celebratingsmall milestones,
like their first road trip together or,
honestly,even disagreements they navigated well.
(05:53):
By slowing down, she felt more...
grounded in the relationship.
And that's the beauty of patience,
isn't it?
It gives you the time to appreciate thejourney together rather than
just aiming for the destination.
It's those small moments that stitch yourstory as a couple.
Absolutely.
And Sexton lays out practical ways topractice this kind of patience.
(06:15):
Things like creating time for consistent,
meaningful check-ins with your partner,
even if it's just fifteen minutes overcoffee on a busy day.
Or embracing
the quiet moments, right?
Relationships don't always need to beflashy or big.
Just sitting side by side,even in silence,
can speak volumes if you let it.
You're spot on.
And I think patience also means honoringyour partner's journey as much
(06:38):
as your own.
It means understanding they'll grow andchange at their own pace,
and being okay with that.
That's what makes a partnership trulyresilient over time.
Right.
And it's about being curious,like we talked about earlier-not assuming
you know how your partner feels or whatthey want,
but being willing to ask,to rediscover them as they change.
(06:59):
It's such a powerful act of love,
isn't it?
It really is.
And honestly, it's the kind of love thatcan stand the test of time.
When you approach a relationship withpatience,
curiosity, and care, you're setting thefoundation for something stronger
than just romance.
You're building a partnership.
Exactly.
A partnership where both people feel seen,
(07:22):
supported, and at home with each other.
And isn't that what true connection isall about?
It really is.
And on that note,I think we'll leave it there for today.
Thanks for sharing the space with us toexplore this emotional and,
honestly, deeply rewarding topic.
Yes,
thank you for listening, and remember tobe kind to yourselves and your
relationships.
(07:42):
Until next time, take care.
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