May 12, 2025 • 8 mins
This episode examines why shared experiences matter more than material gifts, featuring insights from Dr. Thomas Gilovich on the psychology of happiness. From inspiring listener stories to practical tips for planning meaningful moments, we explore how couples can connect deeply, even on a budget, and turn everyday activities into bonding opportunities.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You know, there's this fascinatingresearch out there,
(00:02):
particularly by a psychologist named Dr.
Thomas Gilovich.
One of his key findings is that peoplederive so much more lasting happiness
from experiences than from materialpossessions.
It's actually super interesting when hebreaks down why.
Oh,
absolutely.
Experiences, they, they kind of weavethemselves into your identity,
(00:23):
don't they?
A new gadget or a piece of jewelry-it'snice-but it doesn't stick to
you,not in the same way a shared moment does.
Exactly.
I mean,physical things lose their novelty,
right?
They don't evolve with us.
But when you spend time creating a memorywith someone,
it becomes part of who you are.
It becomes this shared story.
Oh,
(00:44):
I, I love that phrase-shared story.
It reminds me of a listener who shared
her experience with us a while back.
For her anniversary,instead of buying gifts,
she and her partner planned a weekendgetaway.
They stayed in this tiny cabin-no TV,
no distractions-just them, cookingtogether and going on little hikes.
(01:06):
And you know what?
Years later, that weekend is still acornerstone of their relationship.
Wow,
and that's such a clear example of howexperiences outlast possessions.
If they'd exchanged fancy watches orjewelry,
those things might be sitting in a drawernow.
But that connection they deepenedtogether?
That lasts.
It's also a reminder of how moments likethat can offer,
(01:29):
you know, clarity in tough times.
I-I remember a listener who said thatwhen she went through a breakup,
what kept her going were the memories ofthe trips she'd taken with her
friends.
The laughter they shared, thecloseness-it's like those experiences
became
anchors for her identity,helping her remember who she was.
Right.
(01:50):
Those moments give us something materialpossessions never can-a sense
of connection, resilience, and unity.
And what's really fascinating is thatbecause experiences are intangible,
we relive them in our minds.
Every time you think back to hiking thattough trail or laughing over
burnt pancakes, it reignites the samefeelings of joy and togetherness.
That's
(02:13):
so true.
And it builds a foundation, doesn't it?
Those shared moments bring you closer ina way that can really be healing,
especially in relationships.
No watch or designer handbag can do that.
You know,
hearing stories like that really gets methinking about how couples can
consciously build those lastingconnections.
If you're looking to prioritize sharedexperiences over possessions,
the first step might be asking (02:36):
what do we love doing together?
It's about finding shared interests andmaking room for them.
And that
can be trickier than it seems, right?
Sometimes life gets busy,you fall into routines,
and suddenly you realize you haven'tactually sat down to talk about
what you enjoy doing together in...
well, forever.
Exactly.
(02:57):
It's like that first step is justacknowledging it's worth the effort.
For example, sit down, make a list ofthings you've always said you wanted
to try-whether it's hiking,learning to cook a new dish,
or even something simple like taking adance class.
Oh,
dance classes!
Those can be amazing.
A listener actually sent in a story once.
She and her partner took up salsa dancingas a sort of fun experiment.
(03:20):
At first, they struggled to keep up,
but she said it became their favoritething.
Even now, they laugh about stumbling overeach other's feet in those
early lessons.
It's those moments of purehumanity-imperfection,
really-that bond you.
I love that.
And you know, sometimes it's not evenabout adding something brand new
(03:40):
to your life.
It can also be about elevating the smallmoments.
Like cooking dinner together-evenlighting a few candles and making the
table feel special.
Yes!
That's it.
It's the intention behind the experiencethat matters,
yeah?
You don't need to book fancy trips orspend a fortune.
Some of the most powerful memories comefrom the simplest things when
(04:03):
you're really present with each other.
And that's a really important point.
Simple doesn't mean insignificant.
A walk in the park or a chat over coffee,
those are the kinds of moments that,
you know, deepen connection over time.
And if budget is a concern,
there are still so many enriching options.
Community workshops or volunteeringtogether-those can be such rich
experiences.
(04:28):
Not just for you as a couple but for thecommunity you're helping too.
Exactly.
And notice how those kinds of activitiesactually shift focus away from
ourselves?
They expand the connection outward,
into something bigger.
It reminds me of how volunteeringtogether can
also add a sense of shared purpose.
I think that's so profound-not just beingclose physically but aligned
(04:51):
emotionally and mentally, too.
Right,
and as you do more of these thingstogether,
you're building what I'd call arelationship toolbox.
It's this collection of joyful,
shared memories that help keep theconnection alive.
You know,
we talked about building up thatrelationship toolbox with shared
experiences-but
one of the biggest hurdles to doing thatis often just... life,
(05:11):
isn't it?
Busy schedules, tight budgets,
different interests-it all adds up.
But it doesn't mean it's impossible tomake it work.
Exactly.
Sometimes,the idea of grand experiences can feel,
well, overwhelming.
But it doesn't have to be.
Starting small and weaving moments ofconnection into daily life makes
(05:33):
such a difference.
That's key-starting where you are.
Take budgets, for example.
It's so easy to think you need a lot ofmoney for meaningful experiences.
But even setting aside a small amounteach month for a coffee date or
a local event can be a game-changer.
Oh,
absolutely.
And it's more about the intention behindit than the actual cost.
(05:54):
Like, you could spend an afternooncooking a meal together,
right?
Laughing over a new recipe gone wrong canbe as memorable as a fancy
dinner out-if not more so!
Right.
Another approach is scheduling time as ifit's non-negotiable.
It's about committing to, say,
one shared activity a month-or even aweekly walk around the block,
(06:14):
without your phones or distractions.
Those boundaries can make all thedifference.
And time doesn't need to
be perfect, does it?
A listener once shared how she and herpartner turned folding laundry
into a fun, bonding moment.
They played music, added a littlefriendly competition-even danced while
sorting socks!
I love that.
(06:36):
It's such a great example of how simplecreativity can transform the
mundane into something memorable.
We often forget how much joy can comefrom just being present in the
moment, together.
Exactly.
And the reflection part is so important,
too.
Talking about shared experiences buildson them-it ingrains them into
(06:58):
your relationship.
Like, reminiscing about that ridiculousdance or a trip you took years
ago brings all those feelings back tolife.
Absolutely.
It's like this reservoir of joy you'recreating together.
The more you draw on it,the deeper it gets.
And honestly, in tough times,those memories aren't just nice-they're
(07:19):
grounding.
They remind you what you're buildingtogether.
Yes.
So, if there's one takeaway for ourlisteners today,
it's that you don't need perfection tocultivate connection.
You just need a bit of time,a little effort,
and, most importantly,the intention to show up for each other.
Couldn't
agree more.
Every small moment matters.
(07:41):
And really,isn't that the essence of love?
To say, "I value this time with you." Onthat note,
take this as your reminder to go createyour next shared story-big or
small.
And that's all for today.
Thank you for joining us, and as always,
we hope these conversations help bringyou closer-by the day.
You know, there's this fascinatingresearch out there,
(00:02):
particularly by a psychologist named Dr.
Thomas Gilovich.
One of his key findings is that peoplederive so much more lasting happiness
from experiences than from materialpossessions.
It's actually super interesting when hebreaks down why.
Oh,
absolutely.
Experiences, they, they kind of weavethemselves into your identity,
(00:23):
don't they?
A new gadget or a piece of jewelry-it'snice-but it doesn't stick to
you,not in the same way a shared moment does.
Exactly.
I mean,physical things lose their novelty,
right?
They don't evolve with us.
But when you spend time creating a memorywith someone,
it becomes part of who you are.
It becomes this shared story.
Oh,
(00:44):
I, I love that phrase-shared story.
It reminds me of a listener who shared
her experience with us a while back.
For her anniversary,instead of buying gifts,
she and her partner planned a weekendgetaway.
They stayed in this tiny cabin-no TV,
no distractions-just them, cookingtogether and going on little hikes.
(01:06):
And you know what?
Years later, that weekend is still acornerstone of their relationship.
Wow,
and that's such a clear example of howexperiences outlast possessions.
If they'd exchanged fancy watches orjewelry,
those things might be sitting in a drawernow.
But that connection they deepenedtogether?
That lasts.
It's also a reminder of how moments likethat can offer,
(01:29):
you know, clarity in tough times.
I-I remember a listener who said thatwhen she went through a breakup,
what kept her going were the memories ofthe trips she'd taken with her
friends.
The laughter they shared, thecloseness-it's like those experiences
became
anchors for her identity,helping her remember who she was.
Right.
(01:50):
Those moments give us something materialpossessions never can-a sense
of connection, resilience, and unity.
And what's really fascinating is thatbecause experiences are intangible,
we relive them in our minds.
Every time you think back to hiking thattough trail or laughing over
burnt pancakes, it reignites the samefeelings of joy and togetherness.
That's
(02:13):
so true.
And it builds a foundation, doesn't it?
Those shared moments bring you closer ina way that can really be healing,
especially in relationships.
No watch or designer handbag can do that.
You know,
hearing stories like that really gets methinking about how couples can
consciously build those lastingconnections.
If you're looking to prioritize sharedexperiences over possessions,
the first step might be asking (02:36):
what do we love doing together?
It's about finding shared interests andmaking room for them.
And that
can be trickier than it seems, right?
Sometimes life gets busy,you fall into routines,
and suddenly you realize you haven'tactually sat down to talk about
what you enjoy doing together in...
well, forever.
Exactly.
(02:57):
It's like that first step is justacknowledging it's worth the effort.
For example, sit down, make a list ofthings you've always said you wanted
to try-whether it's hiking,learning to cook a new dish,
or even something simple like taking adance class.
Oh,
dance classes!
Those can be amazing.
A listener actually sent in a story once.
She and her partner took up salsa dancingas a sort of fun experiment.
(03:20):
At first, they struggled to keep up,
but she said it became their favoritething.
Even now, they laugh about stumbling overeach other's feet in those
early lessons.
It's those moments of purehumanity-imperfection,
really-that bond you.
I love that.
And you know, sometimes it's not evenabout adding something brand new
(03:40):
to your life.
It can also be about elevating the smallmoments.
Like cooking dinner together-evenlighting a few candles and making the
table feel special.
Yes!
That's it.
It's the intention behind the experiencethat matters,
yeah?
You don't need to book fancy trips orspend a fortune.
Some of the most powerful memories comefrom the simplest things when
(04:03):
you're really present with each other.
And that's a really important point.
Simple doesn't mean insignificant.
A walk in the park or a chat over coffee,
those are the kinds of moments that,
you know, deepen connection over time.
And if budget is a concern,
there are still so many enriching options.
Community workshops or volunteeringtogether-those can be such rich
experiences.
(04:28):
Not just for you as a couple but for thecommunity you're helping too.
Exactly.
And notice how those kinds of activitiesactually shift focus away from
ourselves?
They expand the connection outward,
into something bigger.
It reminds me of how volunteeringtogether can
also add a sense of shared purpose.
I think that's so profound-not just beingclose physically but aligned
(04:51):
emotionally and mentally, too.
Right,
and as you do more of these thingstogether,
you're building what I'd call arelationship toolbox.
It's this collection of joyful,
shared memories that help keep theconnection alive.
You know,
we talked about building up thatrelationship toolbox with shared
experiences-but
one of the biggest hurdles to doing thatis often just... life,
(05:11):
isn't it?
Busy schedules, tight budgets,
different interests-it all adds up.
But it doesn't mean it's impossible tomake it work.
Exactly.
Sometimes,the idea of grand experiences can feel,
well, overwhelming.
But it doesn't have to be.
Starting small and weaving moments ofconnection into daily life makes
(05:33):
such a difference.
That's key-starting where you are.
Take budgets, for example.
It's so easy to think you need a lot ofmoney for meaningful experiences.
But even setting aside a small amounteach month for a coffee date or
a local event can be a game-changer.
Oh,
absolutely.
And it's more about the intention behindit than the actual cost.
(05:54):
Like, you could spend an afternooncooking a meal together,
right?
Laughing over a new recipe gone wrong canbe as memorable as a fancy
dinner out-if not more so!
Right.
Another approach is scheduling time as ifit's non-negotiable.
It's about committing to, say,
one shared activity a month-or even aweekly walk around the block,
(06:14):
without your phones or distractions.
Those boundaries can make all thedifference.
And time doesn't need to
be perfect, does it?
A listener once shared how she and herpartner turned folding laundry
into a fun, bonding moment.
They played music, added a littlefriendly competition-even danced while
sorting socks!
I love that.
(06:36):
It's such a great example of how simplecreativity can transform the
mundane into something memorable.
We often forget how much joy can comefrom just being present in the
moment, together.
Exactly.
And the reflection part is so important,
too.
Talking about shared experiences buildson them-it ingrains them into
(06:58):
your relationship.
Like, reminiscing about that ridiculousdance or a trip you took years
ago brings all those feelings back tolife.
Absolutely.
It's like this reservoir of joy you'recreating together.
The more you draw on it,the deeper it gets.
And honestly, in tough times,those memories aren't just nice-they're
(07:19):
grounding.
They remind you what you're buildingtogether.
Yes.
So, if there's one takeaway for ourlisteners today,
it's that you don't need perfection tocultivate connection.
You just need a bit of time,a little effort,
and, most importantly,the intention to show up for each other.
Couldn't
agree more.
Every small moment matters.
(07:41):
And really,isn't that the essence of love?
To say, "I value this time with you." Onthat note,
take this as your reminder to go createyour next shared story-big or
small.
And that's all for today.
Thank you for joining us, and as always,
we hope these conversations help bringyou closer-by the day.
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