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April 28, 2025 8 mins
Discover how small, consistent acts like thoughtful notes or daily conversations can strengthen relationships, paired with Bill Perkins' "memory dividends" for creating lasting emotional returns. Explore the time-bucket strategy to plan enriching experiences that deepen connections and align with each life stage. Gain practical tips and success stories to nurture and elevate your relationships.
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Episode Transcript

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(00:00):
Small gestures in a relationship-thoseeveryday acts of thoughtfulness-are

(00:04):
often overlooked,but they're incredibly powerful.
I mean, think about it.
A sticky note on the bathroom mirror,
a quick text mid-day-all they take is afew moments,
but the effect can stick with someone allday long.
They create this foundation ofconsistency.
It's like saying, "You're on my mind,"every single day without needing

(00:26):
grand declarations.
Yes, exactly.
And, Caleb,it's beyond just being thoughtful,
isn't it?
It's that these small actions build asense of reliability.
When your partner does these littlethings regularly,
it's almost like they're saying,
"You can count on me."Absolutely.
It creates trust, right?
Consistency breeds trust.

(00:47):
And when you feel like you can rely onyour partner in those small ways,
it has this compounding effect on yoursense of emotional stability in
the relationship.
Essentially, the small gestures act as,
well, glue.
They hold everything else together.
Right.
And it's, it's funny, isn't it?
Often, we're so focused on the bigmilestones-anniversaries or holidays-that

(01:10):
we forget the value of just showing up inour daily lives.
I worked with this couple once...
let's call them Sarah and Liam.
They were busy-careers, kids,just life overwhelming them.
But they made this commitment to spendten minutes every evening just
talking, no distractions.
It started simple,but over time it became a priority.

(01:34):
And, honestly?
It transformed their relationship.
Exactly.
It's the intent behind those smallpockets of time,
isn't it?
You don't need a whole day at a luxuryspa.
Just those ten minutes-I mean,
that's doable for almost anyone-can makeall the difference.
And there's some real psychology behindthat.
I've read studies where couples whoengage in those little,

(01:57):
regular acts of kindness tend to reporthigher satisfaction overall.
It's about that emotional safety...
knowing someone's looking out for you.
That's it-emotional safety.
And you know, Sarah told me it wasn'teven about having deep conversations
all the time.
Sometimes they'd just sit silently andhold hands.

(02:17):
But that simple act?
It was grounding.
Like saying, "I'm here."It's fascinatinghow the smallest actions can
have the most profound impact.
It's like, when the big challenges comeup-and they will-you already
have this reservoir of goodwill andconnection to draw from.
And that's-honestly-that's invaluable.
And building on that reservoir

(02:40):
of goodwill, this idea reminds me of whatBill Perkins calls "memory dividends."
It's such an interesting thought-how theshared experiences we create,
whether big or small,aren't just fleeting moments.
They become these lasting emotionalinvestments,
bringing joy and connection long afterthe moment has passed.
Oh,
I love that.

(03:01):
It's such a beautiful way to frame it,
right?
It's not just about the experience itself,
but how it continues to enrich your lifeover time.
Those inside jokes,the shared stories-they stay with you,
don't they?
Exactly.
And what's powerful is that you don'tneed to climb Mount Everest or
book a month-long getaway to create thesemoments.
It can be as simple as...

(03:23):
establishing a small ritual.
Something unique to the two of you.
Maybe it's a weekly coffee date,
or sharing highlights from your daybefore bed.
Things like that.
Yes, and, and those rituals-when they'redone intentionally-they
become anchors in your relationship.
I remember this couple I worked with;they had what they called "Thankful

(03:45):
Thursdays." Every week, they'd share onething they appreciated about
each other.
It didn't take long,but the ripple effect was incredible.
They started to notice and celebrate eventhe smallest gestures throughout
the week.
That's such a great example.
It's about creating moments that actuallymean something to both of you.

(04:06):
And it's where surprises can come in too.
They don't have to be extravagant,
just thoughtful.
Like, if your partner's been talkingabout how stressed they are at work,
surprising them with their favoritedessert or even just tidying up-you
know, doing that one thing they've beenputting off-it speaks volumes.
It
so does.
There's this sweetness in recognizingwhat the other person needs without

(04:29):
them having to ask for it.
Those moments of feeling seen and caredfor-they create that deeper sense
of connection, and honestly?
They bring you closer to the people youwant to become in the relationship.
Right.
And it ties back to this idea ofemotional wealth.
With every shared experience,every thoughtful gesture,
every kind word, you're building thisreservoir that you can-well,

(04:51):
that you will-draw from.
And over time,it compounds in the best way possible.
And the beauty of
it all?
Those dividends aren't just reserved forthe big things.
It's the daily joys, too.
Like sitting in complete silence,
sipping tea together, or dancing aroundthe kitchen while you're cooking
dinner.
Those tiny, everyday things can fill youremotional bank just as much.
Those

(05:16):
tiny, everyday moments we talkedabout-like dancing in the kitchen or
sipping tea together-are so powerful,
and they remind me how intentionalplanning can make sure we create even
more of those experiences over time.
Bill Perkins has this concept called the"time-bucket strategy," and
I think it's a game-changer,especially for couples.
The idea is simple-plan out the kind ofenriching experiences you want

(05:39):
to have at different stages of your life.
It's about recognizing that some thingsare best done now,
not later.
That's right.
It's this idea of aligning your time andyour energy with what's most
important to you right now.
Because let's face it-what you can dotogether in your thirties might
not be as feasible in your sixties.

(06:00):
And it's not about rushing to packeverything in,
but rather being intentional.
Exactly.
For instance, think about an experienceyou've always dreamed of sharing-like
traveling to a place that excites both ofyou,
or even something closer to home,
like starting a new hobby together.
The "time-bucket" helps you figure outwhen it makes sense to prioritize

(06:22):
those moments.
What's achievable now?
What will mean the most later?
Right!
And I remember there was this couple Ispoke with-a doctor and a teacher-so,
you can imagine,their schedules were all over the place.
But they sat down one evening and madethis list of things they both

wanted to do (06:39):
hiking a glacier,
learning to bake bread together,
taking salsa lessons.
Then they paired those ideas with theenergy they knew they had at different
stages.
It became their guide for planningmoments that deepened their connection.
That's
such a great example, Elena.
It shows how the time-bucket strategyisn't about cramming in everything

(07:00):
at once.
It's about creating space for things thatmatter most when they matter
most.
And here's a pro tip-remain flexible.
Sometimes life throws curveballs,
and your timeline shifts.
That's okay.
The key is to keep revisiting andadapting as you grow.
And speaking of
growing, I love how this concept isn'tjust about big adventures,

(07:23):
right?
It's also about the everyday.
Like carving out those small, consistentrituals we talked about earlier-having
morning coffee together,a nightly gratitude check-in...
These small moments of alignment fitbeautifully into this larger life
planning.
Totally agree.
And here's something else to keep inmind: you don't have to wait for

(07:44):
the "perfect" moment or the mostconvenient time to start investing in
these experiences.
Often, perfection can become an excusefor postponing what truly matters.
Oh,
that's such an important point!
Sometimes,it's about embracing the imperfect.
Like, Caleb, when was the last timeanything turned out exactly as planned?
The best stories, the most meaningfulmemories-they often come from those

(08:08):
in-between moments, don't they?
Absolutely.
It brings us back to this idea thatlife-and love-is in the little things
we do now.
If you've got that time-bucket,
start filling it with what's meaningful,
one moment at a time.
And as you do,

remember (08:24):
every small step-every shared experience,
every bit of quality time-it all adds upto something so much bigger.
A relationship that feels deeply lived,
deeply loved.
And isn't that what we're really herefor?
Couldn't have said it better
myself, Elena.
And on that note, that's all for today.

(08:45):
Thanks for joining us, everyone.
Keep showing up for each other,
and we'll see you next time.
Take care and keep creating thosemoments-big,
small, and in between.
Bye for now!
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