May 7, 2025 • 10 mins
This episode uncovers the science behind gratitude and its impact on happiness and connection. Guests Caleb and Elena share evidence-based strategies, case studies, and personal insights to help couples strengthen bonds through appreciation. Learn how small gestures, mindfulness, and expressing thanks can transform relationships.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Alright,so starting with the hard science,
(00:02):
gratitude activates regions in the brainlike the medial prefrontal cortex,
which is closely tied to feelings ofconnection and reward.
It's fascinating how something as simpleas saying "thank you" creates
measurable neurological effects.
I love that.
It's like a "thank you" isn't justpolite-it's a biological boost.
Exactly.
And
when you look at the studies,they show this cascading effect.
(00:24):
When one partner expresses gratitude,
it encourages the other to reciprocate,
creating what researchers call a positivefeedback loop.
That's so powerful.
It means gratitude builds on itself-akind of chain reaction for kindness.
It's--a virtuous cycle.
Yes!
Like, the more you notice the good thingsyour partner does,
(00:45):
the more they want to do them.
Exactly.
And this has a real effect onrelationship satisfaction.
Couples who regularly express gratitudereport higher levels of overall
happiness and resilience,even when faced with challenges.
It kind of makes
me wonder, though.
Why don't we do it more often?
Like, if something so simple has such amassive impact,
(01:06):
why isn't it second nature for all of us?
Great question.
A lot of it comes down to habits.
People often get caught up in the dailygrind and,
well, they take things for granted.
Gratitude isn't automatic; it requiresintentional practice.
Right,
and when you don't practice it,
those little acts of thoughtfulness canstart to feel invisible.
(01:28):
Like, I remember a client saying once,
"Why should I thank my partner for takingout the trash?
It's their job."And
that mindset-that it's just expected-canerode connection.
Because when you take those efforts forgranted,
they start to feel unappreciated,
invisible even.
Mhm.
And then, resentment builds.
(01:49):
It's like this quiet undercurrent thatneither partner really talks about
but feels all the same.
Exactly.
But expressing gratitude is a way todisrupt that.
It reframes behaviors into contributionsrather than obligations,
and that small shift makes a bigdifference.
So,
how do couples start to shift?
Like, if gratitude isn't already part oftheir routine,
(02:12):
what's the first step?
There are a few approaches supported byresearch.
The simplest one?
Just start small.
Begin acknowledging the everyday actionsyour partner takes-like making
coffee,or even just asking how your day was.
Calling those out positively createsmomentum.
Almost like catching them
in the act of kindness?
Exactly.
(02:34):
And another technique is setting anintention to notice one thing they
do each day that you're grateful for.
It doesn't have to be deep or profound;it just has to be noticed.
I love
that.
It transforms the way you see yourpartner-the focus shifts to the good,
the thoughtful moments, instead of whatthey didn't do or get right.
Right.
(02:54):
And here's another piece-when we expressgratitude,
it actually helps in conflict situations.
Before diving into a disagreement,
identifying what you appreciate aboutyour partner creates a positive
tone.
It doesn't erase the issue,but it balances the lens through which you
see it.
So it's like hitting pause on frustration,
(03:15):
just long enough to remind yourself,
"Hey,this person cares enough to try."Exactly.
It's not just about avoiding conflict;it's about maintaining that emotional
connection, even during hard discussions.
Gratitude is like, well,an emotional anchor.
I like that.
An anchor.
It keeps you steady, tethered to the goodin your relationship.
And it's
(03:35):
a habit that only gets stronger the moreyou practice.
You know,
Caleb, what you said about gratitudebeing an emotional anchor really
resonates with me.
It's in those small, consistent momentswhere it truly shines-like noticing
the little acts that keep a relationshipsteady and connected.
Absolutely.
It often starts with the simplestacknowledgments-saying "thank you"
(03:58):
when your partner brings you coffee inthe morning or noticing if they
hang up your coat.
Those little things add up.
And they're easy to overlook.
I've been guilty of it myself.
There was a period in my last long-termrelationship-around year seven,
I think-where I took a lot for granted.
It wasn't intentional; I was just busy,
(04:19):
distracted.
But once I started paying attention again,
actively noticing those small gestures,
it really shifted the energy between us.
Would you say it helped during
the tougher times too?
Like when things weren't so smooth?
Definitely.
Gratitude became, I don't know,
like a bridge.
Even when we disagreed, I found it easierto see his intentions rather
(04:40):
than just focusing on whatever had gonewrong.
Sometimes, it was the only thing keepingus connected.
What about you,
Caleb?
Any stories you've come across in yourwork?
Actually,yes-a couple I worked with comes to mind.
They'd been together for about 15 years.
Things weren't bad,but they weren't particularly good either.
(05:00):
They described it as feeling... flat.
So we introduced a really simple dailyhabit: each partner had to write
down one thing they were grateful forabout the other.
It could be something big or small.
And did it make a difference?
A huge difference.
At first, they struggled to come up withanything beyond the obvious,
(05:21):
like, "Thanks for walking the dog" or"Thanks for doing the dishes."
But as they stuck with it, their listsgot more specific and meaningful.
One day, the wife wrote,"Thank you for always making me laugh,
even when I didn't feel like it."
For him, that was a moment of realimpact-it reminded him why they fell
in love in the first place.
(05:42):
That's beautiful.
It shows how gratitude isn't just aboutnoticing what's already there-it
uncovers layers you've forgotten about ortaken for granted.
Exactly.
And those practices,even if they start small,
can have a reinforcing effect.
They kept up the habit for months,
and their connection deepened in a waythey hadn't felt in years.
(06:03):
It's like gratitude has this amplifyingeffect.
The more you look for things toappreciate,
the more you notice-and the more yourpartner probably feels encouraged
to keep those gestures coming.
That's right.
And that encouragement builds a sort ofmomentum.
It's not just about saying "thanks," butabout fostering an environment
where both partners feel seen and valuedfor their efforts.
(06:26):
And it doesn't have to be all verbal,
does it?
I'm a big believer in nonverbalgratitude-little hugs,
smiles.
Even just holding hands when you passeach other in the kitchen.
Absolutely.
Sometimes those unspoken gestures saymore than words ever could.
You
know, Caleb,as we were talking about gratitude,
I couldn't help but think about how oftenit slips my mind in busy times.
(06:48):
It's kind of strange, isn't it?
Something so simple, like saying "thankyou," can be so transformative,
but somehow it's the first thing to go.
Why do you think that is?
I think it comes down to two things,
really (07:02):
familiarity and time.
We get so used to our partner's gesturesthat they almost become invisible.
And then there's the sheer pace oflife-it's hard to slow down and notice
the good when you're juggling, well,
everything else.
Right, it's like gratitude competes withthe to-do list.
But, honestly, I think mindfulness issuch a powerful tool for that.
(07:26):
Just taking a minute to breathe,
to pause, can help you notice those small,
beautiful moments you'd otherwise miss.
And mindfulness works on both
sides.
When you practice being more present,
you not only notice what your partner isdoing for you,
but you become more aware of your ownactions too-and your impact on
them.
Absolutely.
(07:48):
And one thing I've suggested to couplesbefore is starting a gratitude
journal.
It doesn't have to be anythingelaborate-just jot down one or two things
you're thankful for each day.
And if you share that with your partner?
It becomes a way to connect deeper.
I like that.
It's not about grand gestures,
but about consistency.
(08:09):
Even writing, "I'm thankful theyremembered my favorite coffee order,"
can bring a smile to your partner's faceif you share it.
Mhm.
And compliments-specific ones-have suchan impact too.
Like, instead of "You're great," try,
"I love how you always, I don't know,make me laugh when I've had a tough day."
(08:31):
That kind of detail shows you're reallypaying attention.
It makes the
appreciation feel more authentic,
less like a checklist.
And those little doses of specificity canactually change the tone of
a relationship over time.
You know what else helps?
Celebrating milestones together-not justthe big ones,
but the smaller everyday victories too.
(08:51):
Like, "Hey, we survived the week," or,
"Thanks for supporting me through thatmeeting." It keeps you feeling
like a team.
That's a great point.
Gratitude doesn't have to wait for ananniversary or a holiday.
The small celebrations,those moments of recognition,
can bring you closer in ways you don'teven realize at first.
And speaking
(09:13):
of closeness,nonverbal gratitude might be my favorite.
A touch, a smile, or just meeting yourpartner's eyes for a second longer-it
says, "I see you.
I appreciate you."Exactly.
The little things really are the bigthings,
aren't they?
They are.
And I think that's where gratitude shines.
It reminds both you and your partner thatthe small moments matter,
(09:36):
that you matter to each other.
And on that note,
gratitude isn't just a relationshiptool-it's a practice for life.
The more you use it,the stronger those connections,
with everyone, become.
Beautifully said.
For those listening,maybe this is your cue to start right now.
Look for one thing to appreciate in yourpartner,
(09:57):
your day, or even yourself.
And remember,
it doesn't have to be perfect.
Just start.
Gratitude grows with practice.
Well,
that's a wrap for today.
Thank you all for joining us-and Caleb,
as always,it's a joy sharing this space with you.
Likewise,
Elena.
And to our listeners, choosegratitude-it's a gift that keeps giving.
On
(10:18):
that note, we'll see you next time.
Take care!
Alright,so starting with the hard science,
(00:02):
gratitude activates regions in the brainlike the medial prefrontal cortex,
which is closely tied to feelings ofconnection and reward.
It's fascinating how something as simpleas saying "thank you" creates
measurable neurological effects.
I love that.
It's like a "thank you" isn't justpolite-it's a biological boost.
Exactly.
And
when you look at the studies,they show this cascading effect.
(00:24):
When one partner expresses gratitude,
it encourages the other to reciprocate,
creating what researchers call a positivefeedback loop.
That's so powerful.
It means gratitude builds on itself-akind of chain reaction for kindness.
It's--a virtuous cycle.
Yes!
Like, the more you notice the good thingsyour partner does,
(00:45):
the more they want to do them.
Exactly.
And this has a real effect onrelationship satisfaction.
Couples who regularly express gratitudereport higher levels of overall
happiness and resilience,even when faced with challenges.
It kind of makes
me wonder, though.
Why don't we do it more often?
Like, if something so simple has such amassive impact,
(01:06):
why isn't it second nature for all of us?
Great question.
A lot of it comes down to habits.
People often get caught up in the dailygrind and,
well, they take things for granted.
Gratitude isn't automatic; it requiresintentional practice.
Right,
and when you don't practice it,
those little acts of thoughtfulness canstart to feel invisible.
(01:28):
Like, I remember a client saying once,
"Why should I thank my partner for takingout the trash?
It's their job."And
that mindset-that it's just expected-canerode connection.
Because when you take those efforts forgranted,
they start to feel unappreciated,
invisible even.
Mhm.
And then, resentment builds.
(01:49):
It's like this quiet undercurrent thatneither partner really talks about
but feels all the same.
Exactly.
But expressing gratitude is a way todisrupt that.
It reframes behaviors into contributionsrather than obligations,
and that small shift makes a bigdifference.
So,
how do couples start to shift?
Like, if gratitude isn't already part oftheir routine,
(02:12):
what's the first step?
There are a few approaches supported byresearch.
The simplest one?
Just start small.
Begin acknowledging the everyday actionsyour partner takes-like making
coffee,or even just asking how your day was.
Calling those out positively createsmomentum.
Almost like catching them
in the act of kindness?
Exactly.
(02:34):
And another technique is setting anintention to notice one thing they
do each day that you're grateful for.
It doesn't have to be deep or profound;it just has to be noticed.
I love
that.
It transforms the way you see yourpartner-the focus shifts to the good,
the thoughtful moments, instead of whatthey didn't do or get right.
Right.
(02:54):
And here's another piece-when we expressgratitude,
it actually helps in conflict situations.
Before diving into a disagreement,
identifying what you appreciate aboutyour partner creates a positive
tone.
It doesn't erase the issue,but it balances the lens through which you
see it.
So it's like hitting pause on frustration,
(03:15):
just long enough to remind yourself,
"Hey,this person cares enough to try."Exactly.
It's not just about avoiding conflict;it's about maintaining that emotional
connection, even during hard discussions.
Gratitude is like, well,an emotional anchor.
I like that.
An anchor.
It keeps you steady, tethered to the goodin your relationship.
And it's
(03:35):
a habit that only gets stronger the moreyou practice.
You know,
Caleb, what you said about gratitudebeing an emotional anchor really
resonates with me.
It's in those small, consistent momentswhere it truly shines-like noticing
the little acts that keep a relationshipsteady and connected.
Absolutely.
It often starts with the simplestacknowledgments-saying "thank you"
(03:58):
when your partner brings you coffee inthe morning or noticing if they
hang up your coat.
Those little things add up.
And they're easy to overlook.
I've been guilty of it myself.
There was a period in my last long-termrelationship-around year seven,
I think-where I took a lot for granted.
It wasn't intentional; I was just busy,
(04:19):
distracted.
But once I started paying attention again,
actively noticing those small gestures,
it really shifted the energy between us.
Would you say it helped during
the tougher times too?
Like when things weren't so smooth?
Definitely.
Gratitude became, I don't know,
like a bridge.
Even when we disagreed, I found it easierto see his intentions rather
(04:40):
than just focusing on whatever had gonewrong.
Sometimes, it was the only thing keepingus connected.
What about you,
Caleb?
Any stories you've come across in yourwork?
Actually,yes-a couple I worked with comes to mind.
They'd been together for about 15 years.
Things weren't bad,but they weren't particularly good either.
(05:00):
They described it as feeling... flat.
So we introduced a really simple dailyhabit: each partner had to write
down one thing they were grateful forabout the other.
It could be something big or small.
And did it make a difference?
A huge difference.
At first, they struggled to come up withanything beyond the obvious,
(05:21):
like, "Thanks for walking the dog" or"Thanks for doing the dishes."
But as they stuck with it, their listsgot more specific and meaningful.
One day, the wife wrote,"Thank you for always making me laugh,
even when I didn't feel like it."
For him, that was a moment of realimpact-it reminded him why they fell
in love in the first place.
(05:42):
That's beautiful.
It shows how gratitude isn't just aboutnoticing what's already there-it
uncovers layers you've forgotten about ortaken for granted.
Exactly.
And those practices,even if they start small,
can have a reinforcing effect.
They kept up the habit for months,
and their connection deepened in a waythey hadn't felt in years.
(06:03):
It's like gratitude has this amplifyingeffect.
The more you look for things toappreciate,
the more you notice-and the more yourpartner probably feels encouraged
to keep those gestures coming.
That's right.
And that encouragement builds a sort ofmomentum.
It's not just about saying "thanks," butabout fostering an environment
where both partners feel seen and valuedfor their efforts.
(06:26):
And it doesn't have to be all verbal,
does it?
I'm a big believer in nonverbalgratitude-little hugs,
smiles.
Even just holding hands when you passeach other in the kitchen.
Absolutely.
Sometimes those unspoken gestures saymore than words ever could.
You
know, Caleb,as we were talking about gratitude,
I couldn't help but think about how oftenit slips my mind in busy times.
(06:48):
It's kind of strange, isn't it?
Something so simple, like saying "thankyou," can be so transformative,
but somehow it's the first thing to go.
Why do you think that is?
I think it comes down to two things,
really (07:02):
familiarity and time.
We get so used to our partner's gesturesthat they almost become invisible.
And then there's the sheer pace oflife-it's hard to slow down and notice
the good when you're juggling, well,
everything else.
Right, it's like gratitude competes withthe to-do list.
But, honestly, I think mindfulness issuch a powerful tool for that.
(07:26):
Just taking a minute to breathe,
to pause, can help you notice those small,
beautiful moments you'd otherwise miss.
And mindfulness works on both
sides.
When you practice being more present,
you not only notice what your partner isdoing for you,
but you become more aware of your ownactions too-and your impact on
them.
Absolutely.
(07:48):
And one thing I've suggested to couplesbefore is starting a gratitude
journal.
It doesn't have to be anythingelaborate-just jot down one or two things
you're thankful for each day.
And if you share that with your partner?
It becomes a way to connect deeper.
I like that.
It's not about grand gestures,
but about consistency.
(08:09):
Even writing, "I'm thankful theyremembered my favorite coffee order,"
can bring a smile to your partner's faceif you share it.
Mhm.
And compliments-specific ones-have suchan impact too.
Like, instead of "You're great," try,
"I love how you always, I don't know,make me laugh when I've had a tough day."
(08:31):
That kind of detail shows you're reallypaying attention.
It makes the
appreciation feel more authentic,
less like a checklist.
And those little doses of specificity canactually change the tone of
a relationship over time.
You know what else helps?
Celebrating milestones together-not justthe big ones,
but the smaller everyday victories too.
(08:51):
Like, "Hey, we survived the week," or,
"Thanks for supporting me through thatmeeting." It keeps you feeling
like a team.
That's a great point.
Gratitude doesn't have to wait for ananniversary or a holiday.
The small celebrations,those moments of recognition,
can bring you closer in ways you don'teven realize at first.
And speaking
(09:13):
of closeness,nonverbal gratitude might be my favorite.
A touch, a smile, or just meeting yourpartner's eyes for a second longer-it
says, "I see you.
I appreciate you."Exactly.
The little things really are the bigthings,
aren't they?
They are.
And I think that's where gratitude shines.
It reminds both you and your partner thatthe small moments matter,
(09:36):
that you matter to each other.
And on that note,
gratitude isn't just a relationshiptool-it's a practice for life.
The more you use it,the stronger those connections,
with everyone, become.
Beautifully said.
For those listening,maybe this is your cue to start right now.
Look for one thing to appreciate in yourpartner,
(09:57):
your day, or even yourself.
And remember,
it doesn't have to be perfect.
Just start.
Gratitude grows with practice.
Well,
that's a wrap for today.
Thank you all for joining us-and Caleb,
as always,it's a joy sharing this space with you.
Likewise,
Elena.
And to our listeners, choosegratitude-it's a gift that keeps giving.
On
(10:18):
that note, we'll see you next time.
Take care!
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