April 30, 2025 • 10 mins
This episode takes listeners through the stages of attraction, uncertainty, and intimacy in relationships. Learn how to embrace each phase without rushing, manage challenges like fear of the unknown, and build deeper emotional connections over time. Tune in for practical tips, relatable stories, and ways to honor your unique pace in love.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
So, let's talk about the first stage ofdating-attraction.
(00:03):
I think this is where most people feelthat rush of excitement,
right?
The butterflies,the thrill of meeting someone new.
But here's where it gets tricky.
There's often this temptation to diveheadfirst into imagining a whole
life with someone before you've even hada chance to really know them.
Oh,
absolutely.
I mean, it's so easy to get swept up inthe excitement.
(00:26):
That chemistry can feel almost...
intoxicating, really.
But if you let that take over,
you might find yourself skipping aheademotionally,
investing in someone who-once you get toknow them-might not actually
align with your values or goals.
Exactly.
It's like jumping into a pool withoutchecking if there's even water
in it, you know?
(00:46):
Attraction is powerful,but it's just the beginning.
I think one of the most important thingsis to stay present in this stage.
Enjoy the process of discovery-learningwho the other person really is-without
feeling an urgency to define where it'sall headed.
Yes!
And I think part of that is letting go ofthe pressure to make things
(01:07):
certain too quickly.
Like, it's okay to have questions aboutwhere things might go.
This isn't the point for certainty; it'sthe point for curiosity.
And curiosity takes time.
Exactly.
And I think for some people,there's this instinct to make promises or
establish a level of commitment rightaway,
as if that would amplify the connection.
But ironically, that can sometimes domore harm than good.
Right,
(01:30):
it can feel like skipping chapters in abook-you lose so much of the
story when you do!
I remember a friend telling me she oncewent on one amazing date and
immediately started imagining them as"the one." But-Hold on-one date?
One
date.
I kid you not.
And sure enough, a few weeks in,
she started noticing red flags she'dcompletely overlooked because she
(01:52):
was already emotionally ahead of wherethey were in reality.
That's a great
example of how we sometimes, like,
misplace our focus early on.
Instead of jumping ahead, I alwaysrecommend nurturing this phase with
lightness.
You know,keeping things simple-shared activities,
casual conversations,learning each other's quirks slowly.
That way, you're not just building offphysical attraction but creating
(02:16):
a more balanced connection.
Yes,
and I think one of the simplest thingspeople can do is really listen
during these early conversations.
Not just hear words but listen for whothis person really is.
It's in those little moments-what theyget excited about,
what they laugh at-that you start to seeif there's something deeper
(02:36):
than just attraction.
Exactly.
And it's also important to respect eachother's pacing in this stage.
Just because one person might feel likethey're they're ready to progress
faster doesn't mean the other should feelpressured to catch up.
Oh,
absolutely.
It's all about mutual respect andcommunication.
You can't rush the connection-it has tobuild naturally,
(02:57):
at a pace that's right for both people.
That's what creates a strong foundation.
So true.
And, honestly, learning to navigate thisstage well-without forcing it-is
what sets the tone for everything thatfollows.
Mmm,
completely agree.
And that brings us to Stage 2-uncertainty.
Once the excitement of that initialdiscovery starts to settle and you've
(03:18):
had time to reflect,this phase can really test the connection.
It's where you might catch yourselfthinking,
"Is this person truly someone I seemyself with long-term?"Exactly.
And I think the key here is recognizingthat uncertainty isn't necessarily
a bad thing.
In fact, it's a really important part ofthe process.
It's how you figure out if the connectionhas real potential or if it's
(03:42):
just a spark that might fade.
Yes!
But the problem is, so many people wantto skip right past this stage,
don't they?
Like, there's almost this urge to slap alabel on the relationship just
to feel secure--Even before they've hadtime to really explore compatibility,
right?
Exactly.
And it makes sense,because uncertainty can feel,
(04:03):
well, uncomfortable.
It brings up all these doubts and littlefears,
like, "What if this doesn't work?
What if I'm wasting my time?" But I
think reframing those feelings ascuriosity instead of anxiety can
completely
change the way you approach this stage.
Right.
And one practical way to do that is bytreating this as a learning period.
(04:25):
Instead of rushing to find answers-orworse,
pushing for commitments-ask questionsinstead.
I always suggest paying attention to howyour partner handles small challenges
or disagreements during this time.
Those moments can be really revealing.
Oh,
absolutely.
I mean, how someone deals withuncertainty themselves can tell you so
(04:46):
much.
Are they open to talking about it?
Are they hiding behind "easy answers," orare they willing to admit they're
figuring it out too?
It's in those honest responses that trustreally starts to grow.
Exactly.
And I think another trap people fall intohere is underestimating the
importance of patience.
Relationships don't come with a timeline,
(05:08):
and sometimes the anxiety to "move thingsforward" can lead to miscommunication
or, worse,pushing someone away without meaning to.
Totally.
I think about a couple I worked with,
for example.
Early on, one of them wanted to lockthings down as "official," but the
other wasn't quite ready yet.
It created this tension-not because theyweren't compatible,
(05:31):
but because they were moving at differentemotional speeds.
When they finally sat down and justtalked about it,
it was like, everything relaxed.
They both realized they just needed moretime to settle into the rhythm
of the relationship.
That's such an important point.
Sometimes we personalize another person'space,
(05:51):
when in reality, it's not about rejectionor indifference-it's just how
they process things.
And those open conversations, as awkwardas they might feel in the moment,
are what help you navigate uncertainty asa team rather than two individuals
just guessing what the other is thinking.
And honestly,
that's the beauty of it.
Uncertainty doesn't have to be this big,
(06:13):
scary unknown.
If you're willing to be vulnerable andtake things one step at a time,
it can actually bring you closer together.
It allows you to see each other for whoyou really are,
rather than what you hope or expect.
Absolutely.
And embracing that process,no matter how messy it feels,
is where the real growth happens.
And that trust we talked about innavigating
(06:36):
uncertainty really lays the groundworkfor what comes next: intimacy.
It's such a loaded word, isn't it?
Because it goes beyond just physicalconnections.
Intimacy is emotional, it's intellectual,
and it's even spiritual in some ways.
But I think what often gets overlooked isthis question: Are you truly
ready for that depth?
Mmm, it's such a good question.
(06:59):
And let's be honest-it's one that'sreally easy to avoid,
isn't it?
Like, people can confuse the idea ofbeing close with someone emotionally
with being ready for the next step,
whether that's moving in, getting engaged,
or something else entirely.
But the truth is,intimacy needs time to grow.
(07:20):
It can't just be rushed, no matter howstrong the connection feels in
the moment.
Exactly.
It's not a switch you flip.
And when you try to force it, that's whenmisunderstandings can happen-and
sometimes even hurt feelings.
The biggest challenge, I think,
is recognizing that intimacy is abouttrust.
It's about-Vulnerability-Yes!
(07:42):
Vulnerability.
But here's the tricky part (07:43):
being vulnerable can feel really terrifying.
It's like handing someone the mostdelicate part of yourself and trusting
they won't break it.
Oh, absolutely.
And I think that's why it's so importantto take small steps rather than
diving straight into the deep end.
I remember in a past relationship-I mean,
(08:04):
this is years ago now-but I had thismoment where I wanted to share something
really personal,and I found myself hesitating.
Not because I didn't trust him,
but because I wasn't sure if I was readyto let myself be seen that way
yet.
And that's such an important distinction,
isn't it?
Readiness isn't just about trusting theother person; it's also about
(08:25):
trusting yourself enough to show upfully.
Exactly.
And the beautiful thing is, when you dotake that leap-even if it's something
small-it can transform the relationship.
It opens this whole new level ofconnection.
But, here's the thing (08:39):
you also have to respect your own timeline.
And your partner's, too.
That part,
right there, is so critical.
Everyone's pace is different,and that's okay.
You don't have to measure yourrelationship against some arbitrary
timeline
or someone else's definition of "ready."What matters is that both people
(09:02):
feel safe and supported to take thosesteps together-at the right time
for them.
Mmm, yes.
And I think that's where communicationcomes in,
doesn't it?
Talking openly about where you're at andwhat feels right can take so
much pressure off.
It's not about saying, "We have to behere by this point." It's about
(09:22):
saying, "This is where I'm at-what aboutyou?"Exactly.
And when you approach it that way,
intimacy becomes less about checking offmilestones and more about building
this mutual sense of security and trust.
That's where the magic really happens.
So,
to anyone listening who might be feelinganxious about not "being there
yet," wherever "there" might be...
(09:44):
just know, there's no rush.
Intimacy is something you create andnurture.
It's not a race-it's a process.
Well said.
And on that note,I think it's a good place to leave it.
Relationships are journeys,and intimacy is one of the most beautiful
parts of that journey.
Take your time.
Trust yourself.
(10:05):
And, most importantly, honor the pacethat feels right for you and your
partner.
Mmm, perfectly said, Caleb.
And with that,we'll wrap up today's conversation.
Thank you all for joining us on thisexploration of love and connection.
Until next time, take care-and be kind toyourselves and each other.
So, let's talk about the first stage ofdating-attraction.
(00:03):
I think this is where most people feelthat rush of excitement,
right?
The butterflies,the thrill of meeting someone new.
But here's where it gets tricky.
There's often this temptation to diveheadfirst into imagining a whole
life with someone before you've even hada chance to really know them.
Oh,
absolutely.
I mean, it's so easy to get swept up inthe excitement.
(00:26):
That chemistry can feel almost...
intoxicating, really.
But if you let that take over,
you might find yourself skipping aheademotionally,
investing in someone who-once you get toknow them-might not actually
align with your values or goals.
Exactly.
It's like jumping into a pool withoutchecking if there's even water
in it, you know?
(00:46):
Attraction is powerful,but it's just the beginning.
I think one of the most important thingsis to stay present in this stage.
Enjoy the process of discovery-learningwho the other person really is-without
feeling an urgency to define where it'sall headed.
Yes!
And I think part of that is letting go ofthe pressure to make things
(01:07):
certain too quickly.
Like, it's okay to have questions aboutwhere things might go.
This isn't the point for certainty; it'sthe point for curiosity.
And curiosity takes time.
Exactly.
And I think for some people,there's this instinct to make promises or
establish a level of commitment rightaway,
as if that would amplify the connection.
But ironically, that can sometimes domore harm than good.
Right,
(01:30):
it can feel like skipping chapters in abook-you lose so much of the
story when you do!
I remember a friend telling me she oncewent on one amazing date and
immediately started imagining them as"the one." But-Hold on-one date?
One
date.
I kid you not.
And sure enough, a few weeks in,
she started noticing red flags she'dcompletely overlooked because she
(01:52):
was already emotionally ahead of wherethey were in reality.
That's a great
example of how we sometimes, like,
misplace our focus early on.
Instead of jumping ahead, I alwaysrecommend nurturing this phase with
lightness.
You know,keeping things simple-shared activities,
casual conversations,learning each other's quirks slowly.
That way, you're not just building offphysical attraction but creating
(02:16):
a more balanced connection.
Yes,
and I think one of the simplest thingspeople can do is really listen
during these early conversations.
Not just hear words but listen for whothis person really is.
It's in those little moments-what theyget excited about,
what they laugh at-that you start to seeif there's something deeper
(02:36):
than just attraction.
Exactly.
And it's also important to respect eachother's pacing in this stage.
Just because one person might feel likethey're they're ready to progress
faster doesn't mean the other should feelpressured to catch up.
Oh,
absolutely.
It's all about mutual respect andcommunication.
You can't rush the connection-it has tobuild naturally,
(02:57):
at a pace that's right for both people.
That's what creates a strong foundation.
So true.
And, honestly, learning to navigate thisstage well-without forcing it-is
what sets the tone for everything thatfollows.
Mmm,
completely agree.
And that brings us to Stage 2-uncertainty.
Once the excitement of that initialdiscovery starts to settle and you've
(03:18):
had time to reflect,this phase can really test the connection.
It's where you might catch yourselfthinking,
"Is this person truly someone I seemyself with long-term?"Exactly.
And I think the key here is recognizingthat uncertainty isn't necessarily
a bad thing.
In fact, it's a really important part ofthe process.
It's how you figure out if the connectionhas real potential or if it's
(03:42):
just a spark that might fade.
Yes!
But the problem is, so many people wantto skip right past this stage,
don't they?
Like, there's almost this urge to slap alabel on the relationship just
to feel secure--Even before they've hadtime to really explore compatibility,
right?
Exactly.
And it makes sense,because uncertainty can feel,
(04:03):
well, uncomfortable.
It brings up all these doubts and littlefears,
like, "What if this doesn't work?
What if I'm wasting my time?" But I
think reframing those feelings ascuriosity instead of anxiety can
completely
change the way you approach this stage.
Right.
And one practical way to do that is bytreating this as a learning period.
(04:25):
Instead of rushing to find answers-orworse,
pushing for commitments-ask questionsinstead.
I always suggest paying attention to howyour partner handles small challenges
or disagreements during this time.
Those moments can be really revealing.
Oh,
absolutely.
I mean, how someone deals withuncertainty themselves can tell you so
(04:46):
much.
Are they open to talking about it?
Are they hiding behind "easy answers," orare they willing to admit they're
figuring it out too?
It's in those honest responses that trustreally starts to grow.
Exactly.
And I think another trap people fall intohere is underestimating the
importance of patience.
Relationships don't come with a timeline,
(05:08):
and sometimes the anxiety to "move thingsforward" can lead to miscommunication
or, worse,pushing someone away without meaning to.
Totally.
I think about a couple I worked with,
for example.
Early on, one of them wanted to lockthings down as "official," but the
other wasn't quite ready yet.
It created this tension-not because theyweren't compatible,
(05:31):
but because they were moving at differentemotional speeds.
When they finally sat down and justtalked about it,
it was like, everything relaxed.
They both realized they just needed moretime to settle into the rhythm
of the relationship.
That's such an important point.
Sometimes we personalize another person'space,
(05:51):
when in reality, it's not about rejectionor indifference-it's just how
they process things.
And those open conversations, as awkwardas they might feel in the moment,
are what help you navigate uncertainty asa team rather than two individuals
just guessing what the other is thinking.
And honestly,
that's the beauty of it.
Uncertainty doesn't have to be this big,
(06:13):
scary unknown.
If you're willing to be vulnerable andtake things one step at a time,
it can actually bring you closer together.
It allows you to see each other for whoyou really are,
rather than what you hope or expect.
Absolutely.
And embracing that process,no matter how messy it feels,
is where the real growth happens.
And that trust we talked about innavigating
(06:36):
uncertainty really lays the groundworkfor what comes next: intimacy.
It's such a loaded word, isn't it?
Because it goes beyond just physicalconnections.
Intimacy is emotional, it's intellectual,
and it's even spiritual in some ways.
But I think what often gets overlooked isthis question: Are you truly
ready for that depth?
Mmm, it's such a good question.
(06:59):
And let's be honest-it's one that'sreally easy to avoid,
isn't it?
Like, people can confuse the idea ofbeing close with someone emotionally
with being ready for the next step,
whether that's moving in, getting engaged,
or something else entirely.
But the truth is,intimacy needs time to grow.
(07:20):
It can't just be rushed, no matter howstrong the connection feels in
the moment.
Exactly.
It's not a switch you flip.
And when you try to force it, that's whenmisunderstandings can happen-and
sometimes even hurt feelings.
The biggest challenge, I think,
is recognizing that intimacy is abouttrust.
It's about-Vulnerability-Yes!
(07:42):
Vulnerability.
But here's the tricky part (07:43):
being vulnerable can feel really terrifying.
It's like handing someone the mostdelicate part of yourself and trusting
they won't break it.
Oh, absolutely.
And I think that's why it's so importantto take small steps rather than
diving straight into the deep end.
I remember in a past relationship-I mean,
(08:04):
this is years ago now-but I had thismoment where I wanted to share something
really personal,and I found myself hesitating.
Not because I didn't trust him,
but because I wasn't sure if I was readyto let myself be seen that way
yet.
And that's such an important distinction,
isn't it?
Readiness isn't just about trusting theother person; it's also about
(08:25):
trusting yourself enough to show upfully.
Exactly.
And the beautiful thing is, when you dotake that leap-even if it's something
small-it can transform the relationship.
It opens this whole new level ofconnection.
But, here's the thing (08:39):
you also have to respect your own timeline.
And your partner's, too.
That part,
right there, is so critical.
Everyone's pace is different,and that's okay.
You don't have to measure yourrelationship against some arbitrary
timeline
or someone else's definition of "ready."What matters is that both people
(09:02):
feel safe and supported to take thosesteps together-at the right time
for them.
Mmm, yes.
And I think that's where communicationcomes in,
doesn't it?
Talking openly about where you're at andwhat feels right can take so
much pressure off.
It's not about saying, "We have to behere by this point." It's about
(09:22):
saying, "This is where I'm at-what aboutyou?"Exactly.
And when you approach it that way,
intimacy becomes less about checking offmilestones and more about building
this mutual sense of security and trust.
That's where the magic really happens.
So,
to anyone listening who might be feelinganxious about not "being there
yet," wherever "there" might be...
(09:44):
just know, there's no rush.
Intimacy is something you create andnurture.
It's not a race-it's a process.
Well said.
And on that note,I think it's a good place to leave it.
Relationships are journeys,and intimacy is one of the most beautiful
parts of that journey.
Take your time.
Trust yourself.
(10:05):
And, most importantly, honor the pacethat feels right for you and your
partner.
Mmm, perfectly said, Caleb.
And with that,we'll wrap up today's conversation.
Thank you all for joining us on thisexploration of love and connection.
Until next time, take care-and be kind toyourselves and each other.
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