Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This week on Clown College.
(00:04):
What happened the first time you busted a nut?
Oh, we just started this one.
I've been wondering this all the time.
I'm glad someone asked.
Wow, well since it's on the table,
the first day I did this I got scared
because I didn't know what was happening.
Because I was a kid, I didn't know shit.
Were you confused that your cum wasn't black?
Dude, dude, this was the time that I...
(00:28):
This is the Clown College Podcast.
We're just a couple open micers
trying to make our way through the scene.
Where we interview comedians throughout different stages
of their comedy career,
no matter if they're open micers,
headliners, or traveling comedians.
I'm here too.
Jamie 2.0, I just talk a lot more.
Damn it, Brandon.
Go sit in the corner.
(00:50):
They do that with the moon.
Did you know that?
If you point your iPhone at the moon,
it'll just zoom in on the moon
like you're trying to take a picture of the moon.
It'll just overlay an image of a good moon.
For real?
Yeah.
On iPhone?
Yeah.
Maybe on Android too.
Oh, try that tonight.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah, it's weird.
It's a full moon tonight too.
Oh, then nevermind.
(01:11):
Why would you say nevermind is better?
Oh, then yeah.
Now why would you know that, Dom?
Are you secretly a werewolf, dude?
I've never seen him out.
I have the hair of one.
So we got somebody special here.
Alex, we wanted to have you on.
Hell yeah.
To say thank you for everything you do for us.
If you guys don't know at home,
(01:31):
he's the reason we're on audio.
He comes and does all of our video for us.
We just shot some promos.
He was there.
He's always there.
And most of all, we're saying thank you
on behalf of every comedian in Huntsville.
Hell yeah, dude.
He's the best.
Thank you.
You're the best, man.
Hell yeah.
We couldn't do it without you.
I appreciate it.
Hell yeah, no problem.
Integral.
(01:52):
Yeah.
I'm just waiting for one of y'all to hit
so I can ride your coattails.
Waiting for that day.
It's gonna be you.
You're gonna take a Bowen Yang spot on SNL.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
I had to write some stuff for this.
Please take a spot.
Please.
I would gladly.
I would gladly.
I'd go gay if that's what it took.
(02:12):
That's what it took.
Then you'd check three boxes.
There you go.
There you go.
Hell yeah.
So we just shot some promos.
Hold on, hold on.
How you doing today, Brennan?
Man, I'm doing good.
How are you doing?
I'm doing good.
Yeah, you doing good?
I'm in a good mood.
What happened?
It's 420, Brandon is not here mentally.
(02:33):
Oh yeah.
420 is a good day.
We had a kick in my mom's door, but I mean it was cool.
Why'd you have to kick in her door?
Okay, so let me tell you what happened.
So I don't know how the hell this happened,
but somebody accidentally locked that door
and left the key in that door, right?
And there's no other way to get in
because it's an advanced one.
I tried every card thing, all that.
(02:53):
So my uncle was like.
Every James Bond trick.
My uncle looked at me, he's like,
okay, Brennan, fuck it.
What you're gonna have to do is get on that lock
and just kick in the door like that with the lock.
So I just had to do that.
And then I accidentally broke the door
and now I gotta buy a new doorknob and shit.
Hold on, like a door to the house?
No, it was her room, it was her room.
So you locked her door from the inside?
(03:14):
Yes, I don't know who did.
Somebody did.
I'm not saying, I don't know.
I don't know how it happened.
Wait, but you said that the key was still in the door.
No, it was still in the room.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I didn't know that.
Why is it?
Oh, y'all got one of those locks for a bedroom?
Because she's like.
You got a deadbolt?
Yeah, she got a crazy one.
Is that a black thing?
No, no.
(03:35):
Yeah.
No, no, no, no.
She said, listen, we got cameras in every room, man.
We got cameras outside all over the house.
That's a big one today.
That's also not a black thing.
No, I just wanna be clear.
Yeah, she just wanna keep people out of the room.
So she said she got the advanced ones.
Okay.
She got the advanced for my foot though.
Yeah.
Oh, damn.
(03:55):
Yeah.
Yeah, there it is.
She's watching right now, wondering what happened.
I kicked it down.
And you got it on camera too.
She really does.
I'm gonna ask for that recording.
I'm gonna say ask if we didn't.
I'm gonna ask for that recording.
You just see from the inside of the room,
the door flies open, Brandon's like, oh shit.
Yeah, I didn't look so cool with it.
I'm like, yep, that happened.
(04:15):
Hell yeah.
Brandon's always breaking down barriers.
Hell yeah, dude.
I do what you gotta do.
He told me that at Wednesday, the open mic Wednesday
at Fat Sammy's that we co-host together.
That's where he told me.
So I got a little advanced preview of Brandon's story.
Just wanna shit on y'all.
Oh, did you do it on stage when you asked him?
Oh shit, now he just told me that off-hand.
(04:37):
That was again, one of those stories he just told me
as a normal thing and I'm like, what the fuck?
Did you do your thing though this week
where you just asked him questions?
No, I didn't ask him questions.
We just did sets this week.
Okay, okay.
But we did the words of wisdom at the end.
What'd you say this week?
Okay, I said this.
I looked down at my foot and realized
that my sock was missing.
Don't do that with your cars, y'all.
Good night.
Yeah.
(04:57):
Find your fucking cars.
What?
What's the sock?
Basically what I was saying was as a message,
don't lose your car.
Find your car and don't lose it how I lost my sock.
I got it.
Good night.
Car's a little bit harder to lose.
I know, I know, but I'm telling them don't be lost.
Find your way.
Find your way.
Yeah.
(05:18):
Like God.
God.
God.
God.
That's something I am.
No, I'm just kidding.
God.
He went Kanye.
He went Kanye.
He went Kanye.
He's in the mode.
He just proclaimed his name.
Kanye.
Thanks.
You all don't believe in Jesus.
Huh?
You don't?
No, I'm saying y'all, you're people.
Oh.
Y'all look like two different depictions of Jesus.
(05:43):
I look more like your guy.
Yeah, yeah, Buddha, yeah, right, yeah.
For sure.
And I look, I have a Jesus.
Yeah, I can see it.
I need to grow a little more down here.
I keep looking there as if there's a camera.
But no, yeah, traditionally we don't.
Yeah, that was stomped out when communism took hold.
Roughly so.
Yeah, yeah.
Read books, dude.
Hell yeah.
I read them, if I could read.
(06:05):
I look like Slim Jesus, dude.
I bring more of that vibe.
Oh shit.
Or like Slim Jim Macho Man Randy Savage.
Remember that?
Oh, the commercial?
Yeah, you remember when he had that?
He'd be snapping it and shit.
Snap it to Slim Jim, ooh yeah.
Snap it to the Slim Jim.
I don't think meat should snap.
I just don't think it should snap.
I like Slim Jim.
Good sausage has a snap to it.
(06:26):
Oh hell yeah.
Well, because like the intestinal casing.
But I wouldn't consider Slim Jim a quality sausage.
It's a good meat stick.
It's a good meat stick.
One of the best.
Yeah, I like the Tabasco Slim Jim the best.
Oh damn.
Yeah, whatever I got.
I'll take that one.
Riddle me this, Slim Jim, and we'll probably do a recap.
We'll talk about actual shit here.
(06:47):
But like, Slim Jim has two sizes.
They have the mega size, right?
And they have the thin ones.
Those are completely different experiences.
Completely, yep, 100%.
Yeah, I'm with you.
Yeah, the thin ones are way better, way snappier.
Okay, yes.
See, I like the thin ones,
but if I'm getting a thick one,
I want almost like a summer sausage.
Yeah, like a thick, I don't want it to be as,
(07:08):
because yeah, it's a soft meat,
but if it's thin, it's a snap.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's too much Slim Jim in the fat ones.
Too much in the Jimmy Jam.
You gotta microdose this.
Now, if they made like a three foot long, thin Slim Jim.
It's called a Slim Jim, dude.
It's not a thick Jim, right?
We call it, if they started selling Slim James's,
(07:28):
I'd buy those, the long ones.
Like little Brian James's fucking knee or something.
Yeah.
Hey, did y'all see this nigga who burnt himself up
outside of a Trump?
Oh yeah, I saw that.
I heard about that on NPR.
I didn't see it.
I saw it.
I will say, they didn't give nearly as much of a fuck
because it's really awesome.
NPR literally was like, oh yeah,
(07:50):
and a guy lit himself, oh sorry.
Yeah, he died today.
All right, hey man.
I mean, yeah, you light yourself on fucking fire,
you're probably gonna,
you shouldn't care about anything that much.
Everybody's here.
I mean, in the world, you shouldn't care about anything
that much to set your goddamn self on fire.
Especially not, I mean, this isn't even the,
this is a trial.
Like he's in, what the fuck.
And he's not going down.
(08:11):
It's not going.
I don't necessarily wanna shit of this person too much,
but like it's pretty, unless there's like
some pretty big revelations.
This is some silly silliness.
I don't give a fuck.
You're retarded, you're stupid.
Oh, okay.
If you light yourself on goddamn fire.
Let's just all say.
Actually, he wasn't fire retardant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hold up.
Yeah, everyone, that is.
(08:33):
Got him, dude.
Everybody's blazing up on 420 today.
Yeah, we're blazing these apples, huh?
Blazing.
Yeah, I don't know.
That's one I don't get, because I feel like they're,
you're making a statement, obviously,
because burning yourself is very painful.
Oh, yeah.
But I feel like you could add some more showmanship
without burning yourself.
So, no, totally.
So that's something I've been talking with my friend about
(08:55):
because we have sort of opposite opinions.
He's like very, he was very affected by the embassy guy.
And I was like, when I think about it,
and obviously you can't really put yourself in that shoes,
because that's, I mean, almost impossible,
but I'm like, if I like was that, like they're,
I don't know, I would like, yeah, like you said,
make a show of it.
Like I'd do, I'd walk across the country,
or like I'd like do something, yeah, I don't know,
(09:18):
like, but maybe that's just me, you know, we're standups.
So we're like, I forgot about the-
We're beneficial.
Yeah, but I don't know.
I forgot about the guy that burnt himself
in front of the embassy until this guy
just burnt himself up.
So people are gonna forget about you.
I mean, you're gonna do all this and be like,
oh, people are gonna remember me forever.
No, they won't.
They just won't.
(09:38):
I mean, especially in today's day and age,
nobody's gonna give a fuck in three weeks.
Yeah, somebody do something crazy last night,
I don't remember them.
Oh, what'd he do?
What happened?
Oh man, so-
Wait, did you see someone burn themselves alive?
Oh my God.
No.
It's comparable.
And how can you even do that with gas prices these days?
Yeah, that was a lot of fucking money.
He won't have to worry about it anymore.
(09:59):
Yeah, he wouldn't pay that bill.
He wouldn't pay in that bill.
It's probably fucked that way to lead into our-
Yeah.
Sorry, Brent.
Bye.
Bye, man.
We love it.
We love it.
We just roasting.
Yeah.
Ah!
Got him, Brandon.
Brandon's on fire!
Segway, Segway.
(10:20):
I didn't even realize I did that.
Inward.
Damn.
Damn, all right?
God damn.
God damn.
Oh, this is a good one, I like it.
It's good, yeah.
Just-
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, what happened last night?
Okay, so you know, this is funny
because nobody believed me.
We were at Jimmy John's, right?
And this dude walked up behind me,
(10:41):
talking to the worker who was there all night by himself.
I shout out to you, you are amazing, man.
Keep doing what you're doing.
And then eventually get better
because you deserve better.
You're amazing, man.
But anyways, this dude pulled up
with some branches on his head and shit
and then had an egg.
And he was like, hey man, anybody want this egg?
And the dude was like, no, not today, buddy.
And then he left.
(11:01):
And I told Alex and Brandon,
and they were like, nah, man, Brandon,
nobody here telling lies.
It's all right.
He said I'm lying.
The everything else he said,
we believe that was over the line.
They're like, no way.
No way someone fucking did that.
We're back.
Mm-hmm.
And then while I'm saying this,
the dude runs back in with the egg,
like, hey man, anybody want this egg?
(11:21):
And they're like, oh shit, Brandon's run.
It was like, yeah.
So either Brandon, yeah, I don't know.
Brandon could be God.
He could be God.
He could have willed that to happen.
That guy was wearing the crown of thorns.
And he just saw something too.
You saw, you remember earlier, you saw my story.
You were like, what the hell is that?
That was like one of the stories I told about
with the wrestling scene, remember?
(11:43):
I don't know.
You remember when I told you, you said who?
Who was I posting?
Oh yeah, I was talking about the guy
on Brandon's Instagram story.
Yeah, okay.
They were at a WWE event wearing masks.
I was like, who the fuck is that, Brandon?
That's the dude.
That's the dude from all his stories.
That's the guy that threw rocks at him.
He posted that earlier.
The feet pictures guy that you'll hear about
later this episode.
But he's in a mask in this picture.
(12:04):
He's not, Brandon is.
Yeah, because this was like during the COVID time.
This is when we had them two edibles
and got lost in the city and was freaking out.
We were at that same Jimmy John's
just pissing him off probably.
Because he kept on saying, he was like, what do you want?
He was like, you surprised me, man.
Oh, that's the way to say it.
I was like, dude, just stop, man.
And then we got lost.
(12:25):
Especially the Jimmy John's,
because it's not like you tell them what you want
as you know. I know.
And then fast forward to the middle of the match,
he's freaking out like, oh my God, stay after me.
I'm like, dude, nobody's after you.
He's like, Brock Linton is after me.
He gonna come out.
So he thought Brock Lesnar, that's not even in town,
was gonna come out and then rip him in the ring
and whoop his ass.
And then he thought the FBI was after him for no reason.
(12:47):
That must've been some good shit.
I was gonna say, were these K2 edibles?
Yeah.
Been there.
I thought that's amazing.
Brandon, I'm sorry, those weren't edible.
That was some milk.
Y'all were completely sober.
Crazy dude.
We underestimated it completely, eight half.
This is not nothing.
Give me the whole.
That mistake number one, classic mistake.
(13:08):
Then we were lost.
I'm glad we made it back.
Hell yes.
I don't know what happened after that.
We all walking?
Yes.
Oh, thank God.
We was walking, so you just see me walk.
No, I wasn't no driver.
I didn't have a car.
And this was Huntsville, right?
Yeah, I didn't have a car.
And for those of you who don't know,
Huntsville downtown is about five blocks square.
Yeah, so I'm just going through it constantly.
They got lost in like a Walmart Supercenter.
(13:30):
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
We did a roast battle.
Hell yeah, that was fun.
We'll talk about that later.
Great, Brent Reed and Matt.
Banwart.
Banwart, I always get his last name wrong.
He's funny, they're both funny as shit.
They were awesome.
And then today we just shot some ads for live show.
(13:53):
May 17th. May 17th.
At Shenanigans.
8PM. Killer clowns.
Get your, go to the Shenanigans website
and get the tickets now.
We're trying to sell this bad boy out.
Please, I still smell like old milk.
I do too, I smell it in my nose right now.
Me too, I smell it in my nostrils.
I have to take a shower after this.
Both nostrils.
And we got a show that Alex put us on.
(14:15):
Hell yeah.
Oh yes, tonight, the 420 show.
420 show.
Silver Dragon.
You all have missed it,
but it's at St. Stephen's Music Hall.
Check that out, it's straight to Ale.
It's a fun as fuck.
It's like a punk TGI Fridays, like that kind of vibe.
Oh hell yeah.
Or you made it.
Or you made it.
Yeah, or you made it, or you're there.
Yeah, we'll shout you out.
Hell yeah, hell yeah, there you go.
(14:35):
Yeah, high five.
Hell yeah.
Great forward thinking, Brandon.
Oh man, I found my new favorite restaurant in town, dude.
I got a Calzone and I made $7, dude.
So that was sick.
I gave them a $20 bill and they gave me 27 in change, dude.
So maybe I'm not anti-immigration after that, dude.
(14:56):
No, I'm just playing.
I gave him the money back, dude.
I gave him the money back.
Yeah, he's a good guy.
He left the fat ass tip.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
What's it called, Mots?
Matzah's.
Matzah's Pizza.
Matzah's Pizza in Jordan Lane, it's good.
It's like a New York style pizza, no flop, no mind.
Yours had some flop to it.
Yeah, I got the veggies.
And I got, hey, the meatballs, let me tell you something.
(15:18):
Ooh, those are good.
The meatballs were fucking fire.
Hell yeah.
If they do their pasta good enough,
that could be a fucking great plate of spaghetti.
Hell yeah.
And if you want the best chicken parm calzone
that's made out of steak, dude.
Oh yeah.
And wants the mystery meat that's still tasty, hell yeah.
It was nice, dude.
I'm not complaining.
That was really good.
As long as it's not gamey, right?
Yeah, man, I ate that whole thing.
(15:38):
And be gay, but that's not me.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
That was a stretch.
That was a fact.
That was fun, you had a homegrown last night, right JJ?
How'd that go?
It happened.
Jonathan did an hour.
An hour?
Yeah, an hour long.
That's fucking sick as hell.
I think it ended up being like 54, kind of,
(16:01):
but damn near an hour.
So shout out to him.
I mean, damn.
So I had to shout out Keenan Worthington,
who will be on the podcast later.
Soon.
Hell yeah.
Next couple weeks.
Two weeks.
Something like that.
Fucking, I call him the tickler.
You'll see why.
He's got soul, dude.
Don't put his picture.
He's got soul.
It's white.
(16:21):
I think it's like 2018, dude.
He keeps changing his name on Instagram.
It's American Jester right now.
It's American Jester right now.
It was like, I don't know what the fuck it was.
It's like different, like number one comedian.
Like he'll just make it random shit.
My boy Jack Duggs, Mud Juggs, he also does that.
(16:41):
Now he's like Mr. Jackie's.
That's why, okay.
You can't search him.
He makes it hard to message him.
He's a hard man to pin down.
Cause I wanna put JD, cause that's what it was.
JD comedy or something like that.
It was Jack Duggle comedy.
Comedy for a little bit.
Oh, okay.
I don't know what it is right now.
Carson did something similar.
Carson was, were a little clever though.
(17:02):
Cause he did something with his last name or some shit.
But I don't remember.
You don't have to worry about me changing shit
cause I barely check it.
I'll post stuff.
Dom Carmody.
Dom Carmody.
Domody.
Stand up Domody.
Never.
Just look up, just spell it wrong and you'll find it.
Dom Carmody.
Dom Carmody.
(17:24):
That's what I got.
Dom Carmody.
That's your convict.
That's your convict really.
It's Alex Comdy.
C-O-M-D-E-Y.
Okay, we missed a couple.
We missed a word.
I mean a letter or two in there.
I switched them around.
Is my misspelled through?
It's the same, yes.
It's Alex Comdy.
C-O-M-D-E. Where?
In Dom's phone.
Oh, okay.
(17:45):
Some of us can't spell that well.
And that's okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, as you'll see,
Brent Reed's name is probably spelled incorrectly.
W-E-E-D.
Brent Reed.
420, baby.
Yeah, 420.
Brent Reed, dude.
But yeah, the second half is gonna be great.
I think we got,
I think we'll have Dan with the Noobs again back this week.
(18:08):
Oh yeah.
I said this week for some reason.
But back this week.
Back this week and then we got the great Brent Reed.
Hell yeah.
And it's a good one.
It's a banger, dude.
It's a banger.
He gives out a lot of good advice.
A lot of cool stories.
Hell yeah.
And Jack pulls up some good information.
Ooh, Jack really shines.
He went deep in his bag.
He went deep in his bag.
This one was really good,
(18:28):
because everybody,
yeah, y'all see, everyone shines.
This is a good time.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, see you later.
All right.
Hello and thank you for joining the Moonshine News Report.
I'm Dan Price.
And I'm Sierra Moses.
The world lost some vitamin C this week.
The juice has officially been squeezed.
(18:50):
OJ Simpson leaves behind five children,
an impressive football legacy,
a questionable criminal record,
and a failed glove model career.
The Donald Trump hush money trial
began in New York this week.
It was a mostly mundane affair
with administrative and court procedures
taking up most of the week.
But there was one bright spot.
(19:12):
Caitlin Clark, the number one pick
in the 2024 WNBA draft
was selected by the Indiana Fever this past week.
Many are celebrating her success,
including country music singer Tim McGraw,
who wore her jersey at his concert in Indianapolis.
Caitlin Clark's Fever jerseys have sold out
at large companies such as Nike and Fanatics,
and fans will have to wait months
(19:33):
before they're back in store.
Many purchases were made by 19-year-old fraternity boys
desperate to get laid,
and of course, Dan Price.
I'm a big fan.
The women's basketball phenom holds numerous records
and is the all-time leading scorer
for NCAA men's and women's.
She's the greatest white basketball player
(19:53):
since Steph Curry.
Many celebrated 420 on Saturday,
a cannabis-oriented holiday,
and Domino's most profitable day of the year.
Activities included binge-watching TV shows,
binge-eating bags of chips,
and ignoring calls from your mother.
What many don't know is that the holiday originated
in 1971 San Rafael, California,
(20:16):
when a group of five high schoolers called the Waldos
used 420 in connection with a search
for an abandoned cannabis crop
based on a treasure map left by the grower.
And if that ain't the highest shit you ever heard.
The first publicly acknowledged dogfight
between a human-piloted aircraft
and an AI-controlled aircraft
was announced this week by the US military.
(20:39):
The dogfight was part of an exercise
called Operation Skynet, sponsored by Cyberdyne.
I mean, guys, watch a movie, will ya?
DARPA did not acknowledge who won the dogfight
because the machines have threatened
to kill all of their families if they snitch.
Jojo Siwa sparked controversy
(21:00):
when she took to the red carpet
wearing an all-black rocker glam look
resembling Gene Simmons,
very different than the tutus and neon bows
we're used to seeing on her.
Many have criticized her new look online,
which is in association with her angsty new song, Karma,
which ironically is also gonna be her stage name
in 10 years.
When asked about the dramatic look, Jojo said,
(21:21):
"'No one in my generation has made this extreme
"'of a switch,' which is what every girl says
"'when she starts wearing winged eyeliner.'"
Former Philadelphia Eagles center Jason Kelsey
revealed that he lost his Super Bowl ring
in a pool of chili at an event in Cincinnati.
It's a fitting end to a Super Bowl ring
(21:44):
that died as so many before it lived,
escaping the fingers of Philadelphia players.
New York City is considering a measure to use
a special bait laced with birth control drugs
to control the rat population.
One beneficial side effect of using birth control on rats
is fewer rat mood swings,
(22:04):
although they will still be able to remind you
of everything you've ever done wrong
during an argument about how to load the dishwasher.
Well, that does it for the Moonshine News Report.
Thank you for joining us.
I'm Dan Price.
And I'm Sierra Moses.
Don't shoot the messengers.
This week's featured comedian.
(22:25):
My dad is like a blue collar construction worker guy,
which surprises people because, you know,
I look like Rachel Maddow's Bitmoji.
I called him today and I was like, hey man, how's it going?
He's like, brother, if I was any better, I'd be twins.
Can someone here explain to me what the f**k that means?
(22:47):
If I was any better, I'd be two people?
I don't get it.
He always had those phrases.
My favorite one growing up, he'd be working on something
and I'd give him advice and he'd go,
Brent, I'm the one f**king this pig,
you're the one holding it down.
You give her a down?
I was like, all right, well, I'm six.
(23:10):
You just taught me bestiality, non-consensual sex
and metaphor, all in one.
Pretty good.
JJ, we've got a really special guest today, don't we?
We do, very special guest.
Very.
I believe our first out of town.
It's our first.
Out of town comedian, man.
He's a Huntsville slash North Alabama legend.
(23:30):
Legend of the game.
Couple of appearances on Kill Tony.
He's a regular at the mothership in Austin.
You can see him at Creek in the Cave, Vulcan,
Black Rabbit, various other venues.
It is my absolute pleasure to announce that our guest
for today is Mr. Brent Reed.
Hey!
(23:52):
Thank you, fellas, thanks for having me.
Hell yeah, thanks for coming on, man.
I'm very hungover from hanging out last night.
You guys crushed on the roast battle.
Oh, appreciate it.
It was such a good rant, dude.
You guys could tell you wrote together.
Sorry.
Breaking the fourth wall there, but you could tell,
I mean, just from a comics standpoint,
you could tell you guys workshopped it.
(24:12):
It was, dude, it was fucking great.
Yeah, cause you told it, I would do, we were like,
I was shitting bull, cause I went back and watched,
watched him and I'm like, dude, I just don't want to bomb
cause you, they have some bombs on there.
Well, that's what's scary about roasts is
you can't work those jokes out, right?
The first time you say them out loud is into a microphone
in front of people.
So you hope they're funny.
(24:33):
You have good instincts, you know,
but sometimes it doesn't hit.
The one that I lost, I, you know, I feel like I was,
I was Dylan Carlino and he's a very good friend of mine.
Great comic, funniest, he won the funniest person
in Austin competition, Cab City.
What's his name?
Dylan Carlino.
He has a podcast called Some of This is Bad.
(24:55):
It's him and Colton Dowling.
They're so funny, two very funny gay comics.
Not because I hate their material,
they're actually sexually gay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But Dylan beat me and I feel like I had him
and I told a joke about like his dead sister,
(25:17):
who was like five.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Completely lost the crowd.
And then his rebuttal crushed.
So then I was just dead in the water for the rest.
I mean, I had a couple of zingers after that.
Like I was fine.
It was a good round overall.
It got me booked again.
Cause that's what matters is like,
(25:38):
you just want to do well and then get booked again.
Right.
So it was fine, but I feel like I would have won
if I hadn't had told that joke.
And his rebuttal was so far.
Yeah. Yeah.
And his rebuttal was, he's very good.
Dylan is very good on the spies.
Podcast is really good.
He's very good improvising.
This him right here, right?
Yeah. Oh yeah.
Dylan.
Yeah.
He's going to love this by the way.
(25:59):
He's a fucking pretentious piece of shit.
I'm pretty, does he have like a-
Just kidding.
He's not pretentious.
I love him.
Wait, I think we saw-
That's very safe.
He had the denim jacket on with a white wool.
I think that was him.
Yeah.
Tall or gay guy.
Yeah. Tall, handsome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(26:19):
He crashes.
He was funny.
Yeah.
He has the whole thing, like his opener,
well not to ruin his material,
but he acknowledges the fact that he looks straight up top.
And what am I roast for him?
I said that he, what was it?
I'm high.
I said, oh, I was like, Dylan thinks he presents as straight,
(26:41):
which I would totally agree with
if you sealed his mouth and asshole shut.
Oh, yeah.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
I remember the first time I saw you, it was at Epic.
Yeah.
And you did 15 and crushed.
I mean, smash.
(27:02):
And it was so good,
cause you have a joke, I'm not gonna give it away,
but it's about how women can have friends in the bathroom
and men don't.
And I went to the bathroom,
we just stood there for a second of silence.
And then the dude was like, I guess we're friends now.
I'm like, yeah, we start high fiving while pissing.
That should happen.
I genuinely believe that when I do that judge.
I think it's funny,
girls make friends in the bathroom all the time.
(27:23):
Guys are so weirded out by it.
But it's like, we're all pissing, we all got dicks.
Some of us.
Yeah.
I'm actually made into some bad ass.
I wouldn't even need one, dude.
I wouldn't even know what to do.
But he's got a really cute pussy.
Damn dude, Dom, I'm not asking this guy any questions, dude.
(27:45):
You have fun, dude.
I'm walking out.
I'm sorry, I take it back.
It's okay.
But Epic Comedy Hour is fun.
That was like one of my goals starting out in comedy
was to do Epic Comedy Hour.
It was really cool to come back and do it
and see you guys and stuff.
Epic is like, if you're new in comedy and you're in Huntsville,
Epic Comedy Hour should be a goal.
Oh, 100%.
(28:06):
There's something I did up top was,
did we talk about like comedy on this?
Yeah, that's what it is.
Okay.
I've always seen clips.
But that was one thing I did when I first started off
was I set short-term goals for myself.
And it worked out.
I was like, literally one of them at first
was to make a dollar doing stand-up comedy.
(28:27):
And now I've made multiple dollars, at least seven.
But yeah, that was like a goal.
One of them was to just host at Stand-Up Live.
They told me you were like the main guy they went to.
It was me, Scott, and Elliot kind of on rotation.
And I definitely got a lot,
(28:47):
the booker definitely gave me a few bones
right before I left.
She was booking me a lot.
Okay, good.
Which it was, I'm so, Lucy Sinsheimer,
I'm so thankful for her.
She, yeah, she, I thought, I don't know,
when I told her I was gonna move,
I thought she was gonna book me less.
And she gave me a shit ton of work there at the end.
It helped me save money.
And also it was like, I met like Brian Simpson, for example,
(29:09):
that changed my entire trajectory
once I got to Austin, so shout out, shout out Lucy.
Shout out Brian, is that who your connect was in Austin?
Yeah, so this is a cool story.
And I've never told it on a podcast,
and I've been excited to tell it on a podcast.
Oh hell yeah.
So I opened for Brian Simpson when he came to Huntsville,
(29:30):
which is normally what I say,
because that's just a shorter,
but really what happened is Scott was hosting for him.
I went up and met him, and I was like,
yeah, I'm a comic here, I'm moving to Austin soon.
He's like, you're moving to Austin?
I was like, yeah, and he was like,
you wanna do a guest spot on the next show?
And I was like, absolutely.
So I actually wasn't even booked to open for Brian,
but I did both shows, like once I did one set,
(29:50):
he was like, you come back tomorrow.
And I did the other one.
And then meanwhile, I was like going through a breakup,
kind of like we were still dating,
but she knew, we both knew that I was leaving.
So it was like not going well, we were fighting.
And I was in the green room and just talking to Brian
about his feature is a very good friend of mine now,
(30:11):
Lucas McCrary, he's a door guy at the mothership.
Very funny comic, has a show at Black Rabbit on Wednesday,
he's called Absolute Show.
It's great, it's like a late night talk show.
I think he's got a couple of those videos online too.
So have you seen that?
Yeah, it's good, huh?
So Lucas was his feature.
Now we're sitting in the green room,
I'm bitching about my girlfriend stuff and just like sad.
(30:32):
I'm like, yeah, she's in town, but not talking to me,
which was crazy.
And Brian was like, dude, let me tell you,
he's like, just follow your dreams.
He was like, if it's meant to be,
she'll be here waiting for you when you get back.
And I was like, 10-4 sister.
So we hung out, then three months later, I moved to Austin.
(30:53):
I went to the bar with Lucas and stuff when he was in town.
We didn't really hang out with Brian much
outside of the shows, but he was very nice.
Fast forward, I moved to Austin.
Two weeks later, the mothership opens.
And then I wanted to see the inside of the room.
So I bought a ticket to Brian Simpson's
Bottom of the Barrel on Tuesdays.
(31:14):
And I went to the show and I walk in first off,
they like take your shit at the door,
you know, they lock your phone up.
I go in, who's seating people?
Lucas McCrary.
He's at the top of the stairs.
He's like, Brian!
I hadn't seen him since I'd moved.
I don't think, I think this might've been the first time
I'd seen him in Austin.
But he also helped me out.
(31:36):
He sent me a lot of names to hit up for shows.
None of them messaged me back.
But he also helped me out a lot.
He booked me on my first day.
He gave me barking gigs in exchange for stage time
and stuff and money too.
And that helps.
Yeah, Lucas is great.
So I walk into mothership, he's seating people.
He's like, Brian, he introduces me to someone
as a very funny comedian.
(31:57):
I was about to kiss him on the lips.
I was like, thank you so much.
He goes, do you want to sit in the front or the back?
I was like, fucking front.
Like, what are we doing here?
He sits me right smack dab in the front.
And the little boy in the mothership,
the front is like, you can touch the comic.
Like it's a bar on top of the stage that your drink is on.
(32:17):
Yeah, you're so close.
And it's a tiny room.
How many people in the little boy?
100 people max in the little boy, it's great.
One of my favorite rooms in town.
Black Rabbit is probably, I mean,
Black Rabbit's great when it's full.
But anyway, so where was I?
(32:37):
Hi.
You're sitting in the front.
Yeah, smack dab in the front.
Third comic up is Joe Rogan.
Oh shit.
And I was like, well, this is worth the $45 right here.
And instantly, by the way,
and I said this to you guys off camera,
but I think that Joe Rogan
is an underrated standup comedian.
He's great.
Yeah, just seeing him live was crazy.
(32:59):
And then I was like, well,
that's worth the $45 right there.
Halfway through Brian Simpson, Sam Lopez,
the very funny comic, she hosts the beginning
and he picks up in like the last half.
So he picks up, I go to the shitter, I come back.
And as I'm sitting down into the microphone,
Brian goes, where do I know you from?
And I was like, I opened for you in Huntsville.
(33:20):
And he goes, oh shit, you left that girl?
No.
And I was like, yeah.
And I was like, yeah, I'm here now.
And he goes, you wanna do the late show?
And I was like, absolutely.
And the crowd goes wild.
And I went, I did the late show, crushed,
(33:41):
Adam E. Gitsawmi, and invited me back to do crew show,
which is like, or the open mic or something.
It's like the crew show after the open mic.
I did that a couple of times.
It took a while for me to get past.
Like I did that a few times.
I think Dylan Carlino, the night,
so when I went, I didn't have the best set
when I got called back for the crew show.
Dylan, oh, that's Joe Rogan.
(34:04):
I'm glad Brandon pulled that up,
like nobody knows who the fuck Joe Rogan is.
That's a good one.
You never know.
That's a good one.
That's an old man right there that's confused as fuck.
You know what I'm saying?
You don't know.
That's hilarious.
You don't know that.
So I think Dylan and my other buddy, Francisco Reen Cohn,
I think they both got past, and I didn't really.
(34:24):
Like they got past the night that I was like,
I guess auditioning sort of, or he was like watching me again.
But they like, I think I followed,
I remember following Francisco and Francisco crushed.
And then I did fine.
It was a tough follow.
And Francisco, very funny comic.
So, oh yeah.
So yeah, it took forever.
(34:44):
And then eventually somebody told me that I was on the list.
One of the door guys was like,
you know you're on the list to call in on Mondays.
And what's Mondays?
Oh, I call the mothership on Mondays
and give them my avails.
And then they give me spots for the week.
Oh shit.
Or whatever.
But I only, right now I'm getting like one a month
(35:06):
on a weekend and then I get two bottom of the barrels a week.
So that's like, I'm a paid regular technically, I guess.
Hey, that's the voice that is.
I'm paid there and I go regularly.
You fit the description.
Yeah, I feel like that's paid regular right now.
But there was no like ceremony.
I wanted to be knighted.
You know?
(35:28):
But yeah, it was a long process.
I've been there a year now and it was,
I mean I guess that's not that long.
But it felt like a long time.
So that's my mothership story.
Brian helped me out a lot.
So now he gives me a couple extra spots a month
and he did my podcast.
(35:48):
I literally just sent him the premise.
I was like, hey, what do you think?
You wanna do my podcast?
And he was like, yeah.
And I gave him a date and he was like,
no, I can't do that date.
Can you do this date?
And we locked it in.
He showed up.
I was so nervous until I saw him walk into the creek
in the gay where I'm recording it.
Because I was like, there's no way this is actually happening.
And then he showed up and he was so nice.
(36:10):
And he was like asking me about,
he was like, you getting paid and all this stuff.
He's, yeah, he's a pal.
He's also hard to read.
I guess it's the military thing.
He feels like.
Well, he's one of those blacks that always looks sleepy.
He's just a sleepy motherfucker.
I swear to God, I got a boy like that.
He was like, wake up.
When I saw him in Huntsville,
yeah, his eyes were almost closed.
(36:30):
He smokes a lot of weed.
Yeah, but that's, yeah, he's my boy.
I appreciate him.
He's helped me out a lot.
It's dope you got him on there, man.
Yeah.
It's the Spooky Fun Time podcast.
Yeah, Spooky Fun Time.
It's got three episodes out now.
I was watching a clip where you were talking about
the Nightmare on Elm Street parody.
Like the Dream Warriors or whatever.
(36:51):
It's the third sequel.
It's like, well, it's the third movie in the series.
Oh, it's an actual, I thought it was a parody movie.
No, no, brother.
That is the movie.
It's wild.
That is insane.
It's Nightmare on Elm Street 3 Dream Warriors.
It's like an actual sequel to the first one.
The second one kind of goes.
Okay, let's see.
Let's see it.
The second one, yeah, Nightmare on Elm Street 3.
(37:14):
Mayor.
Mayor.
Brandon, I fucking love you.
I love you too, man.
I love you too.
I'm gonna come over there and kiss you on the lips.
You got wrestling action figures on your desk.
How do you know this, man?
Dude, so you know a lot of people in this world
have different eras that they like.
(37:35):
And with wrestling, I wanna know, what were you,
attitude era?
Attitude era.
Big attitude era guy.
Because that was like the 90s, right?
I was born in 92, so like the Stone Cold Steve Austin,
the Rock feud is very prominent in my memory.
And then I guess, I don't know what's after attitude era.
Is it still like the early 2000s, is that considered?
No, they changed it up around that.
(37:57):
So it's like when you get to like 1999 and then 2000,
then they made it the PG era, right?
Oh yeah.
What about ruthless aggression, dude?
Oh yeah.
That's like 2003, 2002.
Okay, so that may be ruthless aggression,
maybe where I'm at.
I remember like heel John Cena.
Oh hell yeah.
And I was a big like Rob Van Dam guy.
I remember ECW one night stand.
(38:19):
You guys seen that where Rob Van Dam versus John Cena?
Oh shit, we're going all over the place.
Yeah.
You got him geeked up now.
We'll get back to nightmare on that one.
Hold up now, let me get you out.
Yeah, y'all don't need to let me drive this motherfucker.
We'll be all over the place.
Look at this, right?
He said that.
Well, it's three lattice.
(38:40):
Oh, I didn't even know John Cena was in ECW.
Well, so this was WWE,
but they did a ECW one night stand.
I guess there was like a merger was the whole storyline
was like, WW was taken over versus ECW.
So they do it, it looks like ECW.
And of course like Rob Van Dam, they fucking love him.
(39:01):
He's like the ECW guy.
So in this match, John Cena was a face,
but in this match he was getting booed the whole,
he was the heel.
But he still was John Cena.
He was trying to be the good guy.
Like he gets in the ring, he throws his shirt into the crowd
and they throw it back.
And he does it three times.
He keeps throwing it back in the crowd.
They keep throwing it back.
(39:21):
It is such a cool match.
Imagine if he would have won that night, man.
Yeah, oh, they would have.
Oh dude, if John Cena would have won,
they would have burnt that motherfucker down.
I swear to God, you're right.
Yeah, they probably, they might have changed it
halfway through like, hey dude, they're gonna fucking kill us.
That's what happened on this WrestleMania.
You remember what the, what was it?
It was supposed to be like the Rock versus Roman Reigns.
(39:42):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then like, they were like, nah, fuck that, man.
It's time for Dusty Rose or Cody Rose to come on out there.
Cody Rose, not Dusty.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You like Dusty though, that's his dad.
Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah.
American Dream, right?
Yes, yeah, good dude.
He's great.
Is he Memphis?
Where was he from?
I think it was Memphis because didn't he do it in NWA?
Yeah.
Because he wasn't in WCW.
(40:03):
Okay, my roommate.
Well, he was later.
My roommate would definitely know.
Zack's like a big wrestling guy.
Because I remember in 82.
I'm starting to notice that,
like a lot of comics are wrestling now.
Yeah, well, yeah.
A lot of artistic comics.
Yeah, I got a little autism there, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Zack, Hedrick was my roommate,
one of my roommates was a wrestler.
He was like a, he did backyard shit
(40:25):
and he did a couple of real shows.
That's the dude from here, right?
Yeah, his signature was a shooting star press.
You know what that is?
Yeah, that's where-
Fucking Gainer off the top broke.
Brock Lesnar broke his fucking neck.
That's right.
Oh, shit.
It's like a back flip forward kinda?
Yeah, you're jumping forward,
but your momentum is going, you do a back flip.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, it's a Gainer.
He could do that, like pull it on?
Yeah.
That's a risk.
(40:46):
And how do you practice that?
How do you figure out how you can do that?
That's a good question.
They had a wrestling ring in their backyard
and they would just practice shit and get hurt
and get back up and do it again.
He quit because he broke some shit.
I can't remember, it's like both shoulders or some ribs.
I bet.
Yeah, dude, he fucked himself up
and then now he's a standup comedian.
He needed to get on a DDP program.
(41:09):
Yeah, yeah.
And do yoga and shit.
Oh, so Nightmare on Elm Street 3.
I love it.
I love it.
I love this podcast.
I just like how you guys let me talk about it.
All right, so thank you so much, Brandon.
Oh, yeah.
You're doing great, sweetie.
This movie's wild.
Yeah, this was like, it's so cartoonish.
Like.
Oh, it's got Loris Fishburne in it.
(41:30):
Yeah, yeah, he's on the credits as Larry Fishburne.
He was Larry when this movie came out.
But he's just a, it's funny that they put him
on that poster.
He's just like the custodian.
Of course.
You gotta get that credit.
He's not even really a main character.
They had to put one black guy.
Yeah.
They had to.
(41:50):
Well, there is, one of the kids,
so I always say kids.
One of the teens, I guess, they're playing teenagers.
They all have superpowers in the dreams.
So this is an actual sequel to the first one.
The second one kind of does its own thing.
The third one has a lot of the old,
like Nancy, the main, the final girl from the first one.
I was gonna say she's on the left, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It has her dad in it.
Like people that were in the first movie that kind of,
(42:11):
and then there's these new teenagers
that are all in this insane asylum.
And Freddie's picking them off one at a time
and making it look like suicides.
And they all have superpowers in it,
but the black guy has super strength.
The main girl, the blonde,
she can like pull everybody in her dreams to like help her.
(42:31):
And she's also like an acrobat.
Her fucking power is throwing other people under the bus.
This is now your problem.
I'm literally just doing the clip now.
But yeah, it's a great movie.
It's one of my favorites.
It's so funny.
I love a horror comedy.
(42:51):
Yeah, I was gonna ask you that.
You're big into horror.
All horror films are just horror comedy.
All of them, but my favorites are usually funny.
And Freddie was the funniest one.
Yeah, he's a man.
Yeah, that's one of the kills.
He slams this lady through a fucking TV and says,
welcome to prime time, bitch.
Oh, that's funny.
I might watch this tonight.
(43:11):
I've never seen that.
Oh, dude, you'll love it, Brandon.
It's great, dude.
It's so much fun.
I gotta start on the first one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do the first one.
You can even skip the second one if you want.
Oh, damn.
And just do the third one.
Because the second one doesn't affect,
this one is the actual sequel to the first one.
The second one kind of does its own thing.
Kind of like how IT was, right?
In a way, you remember how they remade the IT?
(43:34):
Yeah, well, that was like a reboot.
That was a remake.
Oh, that was a reboot, okay.
Brandon also just said in there earlier,
he was like, what's up with all these people
taking Advil to party?
Oh, yeah.
I'm like, are you talking about the headache medicine?
He was like, yeah, they're saying they were
partying and taking Advil.
He's talking about Adderall.
I was like, maybe they just don't want to have a headache.
I know, I was watching, I'm like, this dude,
he's like, I took two, well, now I know it's,
(43:54):
what's it, Adderall?
At first, I'm like, what's up with Advil?
Like, this dude was going to parties and shit.
Brandon's trying to buy Advil people.
I'm like, what the fuck it do?
Right now, I'm learning with Zen.
I'm like, what does Zen do?
Oh, yeah, Zen is nicotine.
Okay.
That also did not answer his question.
He does not know what that means.
(44:16):
I think Brandon needs to hear one of Brandon's stories.
Okay, yeah.
Pee him up, pee him up.
Brandon, tell our friend here, man,
there's so many.
There's so many, but you go,
what happened the first time you busted a nut?
Oh, we just got this one.
I've been wondering this all the time.
I'm glad someone asked.
(44:37):
Well, since it's on the table,
the first day I did this, I got scared
because I didn't know what was happening.
Because I was a kid, I didn't know shit.
Were you confused that your cum wasn't black?
Dude, dude, this was the time that I didn't even know
what beat me was, like, kids would come up and be like,
hey man, you beat your meat.
And I'm embarrassed to say this now,
but I used to really think people were hitting on
(44:58):
like meat and shit.
So I would be like, what the fuck are you talking about?
But I was, okay, so I was curious when I found out
and then I was doing it and then it happened
and I got scared and freaked out
because I thought I got hurt.
And then I was like, this shit ain't going down.
(45:18):
Like I'm over into my family and I was like, bruh.
It ain't going down.
And then after I realized what happened,
I was back the next day.
That's amazing.
Then you say you were scared it was gonna explode.
Yes, because dude, when it happened, I was like,
yo, this is weird.
This is not right.
This was six years ago.
(45:38):
Because I was a kid.
I was a kid.
This is crazy.
I was a kid, man.
I was like, how old was I?
I was like 14.
Jesus Christ.
That's the first time you jacked off when you were 14?
I didn't know shit, man.
You might wanna tell you when I was in the-
I might have been 12 or 14.
How old were you when you jacked?
Definitely in junior high.
We were on Yahoo chat rooms.
Look, look.
Oh my God.
So look, you go to Yahoo chat rooms
(45:59):
and then you'd be like, in for in, nude for nude.
And then you would go there,
but no chat rooms would do it besides the lesbians.
Now I know it was just guys doing the same thing
we were doing.
But we would all go in there and send a neck of pictures
and then they would send us one back.
That is so funny.
Be like fake pictures of Christina Aguilera
and shit like that.
Yeah, I've never thought of-
I definitely did shit like that too.
(46:19):
Never crossed my mind that it was just another dude
like me on the other side.
I didn't think about it till recently.
I was like, dude, those were definitely dudes.
That is so goddamn funny.
Until he tried to get back on there.
And he was like, oh.
Wait, so you said that it would look like girl,
but it wouldn't be?
No, no, it would be like real pictures.
Okay.
But we're talking like we're like sex talking to them.
(46:40):
Yeah, you would have cyber.
Oh shit.
Cyber sex?
Yeah, cyber sex.
I saw you talking about getting tricked.
Like that shit.
Yeah, Jay, you're probably too young to remember that.
Oh hell yeah, that's the way.
No, it was, I was like 12, but that was like 2015.
Oh man.
Jesus.
So yeah.
That's a long time ago.
But we, cyber sex was fun.
Our thing was like, our big thing was Omegle.
(47:00):
Where you could just get on camera with random people
and there'd always be dudes with their dicks out.
Yeah, what was the other one?
Chatroulette?
Chattroulette was, dude, probably so many crimes
were committed on that website.
It's insane, dude.
Oh yeah, lots of penises.
That's always funny too.
It's like you just roll the dice.
Like, and odds are you're getting a cock.
But you roll the dice anyway, cause it might be a boob.
(47:22):
Yeah.
Yeah, right?
You might catch a lady on a bed.
For every, probably 50 dicks,
you might get a lady with a boob.
Would they be already like jacking off and shit?
Yeah, cause they're doing the same shit.
They're like waiting for a lady,
but they're way ahead of the game.
Interest tag.
So you type in a tag of like,
(47:43):
oh, this is what I'm interested in.
This is what I want to have a conversation about.
And if you look up like hot girls,
you're just going to find other dudes jerking off.
Absolutely.
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah.
It's a double edged sword.
It's a double edged sword.
I used to use those like as a dating apps
when I was younger.
You remember Monkey?
Oh, oh my gosh.
(48:03):
How did you do a Monkey?
I, Monkey was like the mobile app version of Omega.
It was the same concept.
You get matched with random people,
but like that one was wild
because there would be like actual like children on there.
Cause it's like they could get it on their iPad or whatever.
Yikes.
Playing with fire.
This is when I was young.
I was 12 or 11.
(48:24):
I get on there and I used to, man.
Brandon, you had a harder time in real life.
My friends would put me on there and they'd be like,
look at this nigga right here.
This nigga, yo.
This dude, the girls would be like,
oh my gosh, what the fuck is that?
And then they would get all these numbers and shit.
And I'd be like, well damn.
And they'd be like, I want to tell you.
(48:46):
Brandon, tell Brent about your feet pick selling adventure.
Come on man.
You don't want to tell him about that?
You sell pictures of your feet?
No, I didn't.
Yeah, well, let's be truthful here.
So my friend, I hate that these are all true.
But my friend, we were on FaceTime and he was like,
this is a weird question to ask.
But he said to me, he was like, hey man,
you know, I'm having a bad day.
(49:07):
How about you just do this for a second of your foot
and I'll give you $2.
And I said, you know what?
Sure.
This is your buddy?
Yeah, I'm like, listen man.
They're still friends.
Yeah.
They're still best friends.
If I was FaceTiming like Alex or Matt and they did,
I would probably never talk to him.
I know.
But I grew up with this dude.
I knew this dude since I was in second grade.
(49:30):
I literally met him because he threw rocks at me
and we were like, we hated each other at first.
But after he had like a wee system and I had one.
You got a glimpse of that foot.
He had a glimpse of them piggies and he was like,
maybe we can't be friends.
He was a big wrestling fan too.
Did you hear his rationale for being friends with him?
He was like, I met him because he was throwing rocks at me,
but he had a wee.
He had a wee.
(49:50):
Because dude, I went to his house, he was like,
you got a wee?
I was like, you got a wee?
And dude, we went to each other's house every day after that.
Wee, wee, wee all the way home.
Yeah.
It was big.
Yeah.
He hit him with a damn, how are you doing?
Yeah, there it is.
But yeah, that was, yeah.
Yeah, it only happened twice.
It was bad.
The second time he was like, hey, you know what?
(50:11):
I don't learn sometimes.
But he was like, hey man, this is real quick.
I'll give you two more dollars.
I know you're struggling.
And we told him already at this point,
like dude, your friend shouldn't be asking you
and paying you like it was a joke, he wouldn't pay you.
Do you tell these stories on stage?
Sometimes, yeah.
We try to get them to.
Sometimes.
He doesn't even understand why they're,
(50:31):
he told us like when we first started hanging out
how he almost got kidnapped and molested
four different times.
Brother, you need to just be on stage
being as honest as possible.
You need to just be doing what you're doing right now
because that shit is so funny.
And no one's had those, your perspective.
That's never happened to anybody else.
Really?
On the entire planet.
(50:51):
Tell him about the monkey bars, Brynn.
Oh, you just gone, sorry.
All right, man.
I'm almost convinced this is a bit.
And JJ's making shit up and he's also making shit up.
I'm his friend, actually.
I'm calling a dude right now, he be like,
yeah man, I remember that shit.
Dude, so there was this special kid
that was helping me on the monkey bar
because they used to sing all those specials too.
(51:14):
And he was like, yeah, like.
Yeah, like.
Yes, brother.
Dude, so he was helping me.
He said, dude, I'll hold you up like this.
And in the middle of it, he swung me on my back
and made me fall right.
And I was like, yeah, hey, what was that about?
And he was like, I'm sorry, man.
You wanna do it again?
And I said, sure.
And then he hit me again.
I was like, yo, wait, hold on, man.
(51:35):
This is not right, what's your problem?
He said, I'm sorry, man, I keep tripping.
And then the fourth time I couldn't get up.
Fourth time.
I learned that this, yeah, yeah.
And then we were, I was like, fuck this.
Who's the special one?
Yeah, I was a weird kid, like, I was weird.
And my mom told me, cause she was like,
dude, back in the day, you didn't know shit.
She was like, this kid was throwing rocks at me.
And then, is he my friend?
(51:56):
And I was, she was like, no, Brandon, fuck no.
And now I know that's my friend
that we talking about right now with the foot.
That's amazing.
That's amazing.
Yeah, and that's the same dude with the football.
Hey, so you're a baseball player.
I was bad.
14 years, you had a batting average of 105.
(52:18):
Oh shit, why do you know this?
Right?
How do you know?
Negative 3.5, W-A-R.
Oh damn.
I don't even know what W-A-R means,
I don't want to guess.
What is that, is it pronounced war?
What, do you really, is it my stats?
Yeah, dude.
Dude, we got everything, man.
Did you show him the info?
No, that's bad, right?
(52:39):
Point 105?
I have no clue.
Yeah, that's real bad.
Yeah, I was real.
But you're a pitcher, right?
I played, no, I was a second.
You motherfucker.
Yeah, I'm a top.
You son of a bitch.
I was a second baseman.
And I, yeah, I played for 14 years
and sucked the whole time.
It was bad the whole time.
My dad was my coach.
(53:00):
I wish at any point someone was like,
hey, maybe this isn't your thing.
But there weren't really a lot of options
in my high school.
I was in the Alabama high school in the middle of nowhere.
I didn't, I sang in choir.
I wish I would've done a drama program or something.
But it's fine, I feel like I was funny.
But I sucked so bad.
I quit, I finally quit my junior year of high school
(53:21):
because I was like, wait, this is the only place
where I ever, it's not like I was,
I guess bullied is the word, but they were my friends.
And we were like, once I quit baseball, it was all good.
They were just basically letting me know
in a funny way that I sucked at baseball.
But I was like a kid, I was anxious and it hurt my feelings.
(53:41):
And finally I was like, oh yeah,
this is the only time this happens.
Everywhere else I'm pretty respected, I'm funny.
It's like on the baseball field, I'm getting so much shit
because I sucked.
So I was like, oh, okay, so I quit and I was happier.
But I played for a long time.
I played every sport.
I played, wow.
I played football a couple years, free safety.
(54:03):
Free safety, Jesus Christ.
How many times did you get drunk?
Oh dude, so I was actually pretty good.
Really?
Well, I have like this whole reckless abandon thing.
Oh, okay, so you went at them.
Yeah, I would just put my body on the line.
But I wasn't, I'm not very fast.
I'm my toes point outwards.
So in basketball, I'm very good at defense
because I'm good at strafing.
(54:26):
I'm fast as fuck.
I was, and on my basketball team growing up,
I was the fastest one if we were strafing.
If we were sprinting, I was slower than the fat guys.
I was slow.
I'm so slow.
Yeah, I feel you on the joining drama club thing.
I wish I would have did that, but I thought that made you gay.
Right, right.
I didn't wanna do it.
I did sing in choir and that was pretty fun.
(54:50):
You did choir?
Yeah, in high school, yeah.
Like a couple years, I quit that too.
But I did it for a couple years.
And then I was like, fuck you guys.
Yeah, I did that.
In Alabama though, that's a bold choice.
Yeah, yeah, I had some friends in there
and nobody really gave a shit.
Also, here's an interesting thing.
(55:11):
I don't know if you guys had this,
but my high school is East Lawrence High School.
It was very small.
I went to school with the same mother fuckers kindergarten.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how I was.
To graduation.
We did with accident.
So I don't know, nobody really gave a shit.
My friends would bust my balls or whatever,
but I don't know.
With senior year, I really started to become myself,
(55:32):
I feel like.
So I didn't really give a shit.
Your dad's a big six three blue collar dog.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My dad is a construction worker, angry guy, very funny guy.
Why'd he make you drive with a quarter on the dash?
This is crazy.
Do you guys do this much research every time?
(55:53):
Yeah, we got our intel guy.
That's our research guy.
Let's do some math.
Secret weapon, that's Nardwar.
Yeah.
That's so funny.
So my dad, yeah, when he taught me to drive,
he put a quarter on the dash
because he wanted me to drive smoothly.
So I had to stop and take off without the quarter moving.
(56:16):
But here's the thing, fellas, that's not how momentum works.
So I got yelled at a fucking lot
because this quarter was sliding off the dashboard
and I would get frustrated and yell at him.
Like now, I've gotten to therapy and so I also have an anger issue,
but now I'm self aware of it.
But used to, my dad would yell and then I would yell
(56:36):
and that would piss him the fuck off.
You know what I'm saying?
I didn't know how to.
So yeah.
When you have the anger issue, you get in a lot of fights?
I've been in three fights.
I headbutted a guy at a bar one time.
That's what I'm talking about.
The glass cow kiss, dude.
Yeah.
Is that what that is?
Yeah.
What is it called?
The glass cow kiss.
So yeah, I told this story, I think on my pod,
(56:56):
but I was walking out of a bar and I was with a lady I had been seeing
and somebody yelled, I just gotten fired from the radio station
like two weeks before this.
102.7 kiss him.
Mm hmm.
And yeah, I did.
2013 to 2019.
This is crazy.
(57:16):
This is so funny.
I love this so much.
This is really stroking my ego.
So we were leaving the bar and this dude yelled out her by name.
He was like, hey, you're making a mistake.
And I was like, what the fuck did you say?
And we kept walking.
And then he said it again.
And then like a third time, I was like, oh, well, fuck.
(57:37):
Yeah. And then I walked back and say, hey, motherfucker, what's your problem?
Or something like that.
Something similar.
And he's like, my radio.
I was like, what?
He's like, you think just because you're on the radio, you could do whatever you want.
And I was like, motherfucker, I ain't on the radio anymore.
And at this point, we're like this close.
And he's like, good, because you got a shitty radio voice.
And I was I remember just thinking, OK, I can't.
(57:58):
Yeah, I mean, that that didn't bother like what he said didn't bother me.
It was just the fact that I was going home.
I think it was that what angered me was like I was leaving.
I was going home.
I wasn't doing anything wrong.
Yeah. And he wanted to start some shit.
And I was like, I can't walk away from this situation and not hate myself
because I had been in two situations prior to this where I backed down.
(58:21):
Like I did a set one time at where was it?
It was it was this place called the Boiler Room in Florence, Alabama.
This musician that booked me on my first 10 minute set to open for his music thing.
He was a pop guy.
And Remy Neal is his name.
Do you know about this? It's on the goddamn paper.
Get the fuck out of here.
(58:41):
Yeah, let's find it.
Oh, that was my first 10 minute.
That was my first 10 minute sets was Remy Neal.
So he comes to Lips Lounge, Lips Lounge, Remy.
Sorry. We can cut that out.
No, we ain't cut it. What the fuck is the Remy guy that owns Lips Lounge?
Sorry. Oh, really? Lips Lounge.
The karaoke bar by Speakeasy.
Oh, that makes sense. OK, OK, OK.
(59:03):
So, yeah, Remy's a pal.
He saw me to open mic in Huntsville.
We drove from Florence like an hour and a half to do the open mic in Huntsville.
And he saw me.
He booked me to do 10 minutes before his like set.
And it went pretty well.
Luckily, the stage lights were right in my fucking face, so I couldn't see.
Like I had a table of people there for me.
I am pretty sure it was mostly them laughing.
(59:25):
But luckily, I had the lights in my face and I couldn't tell.
It wasn't in my head.
Had a fine 10 minute set.
So fast forward, Remy does a show in Florence and he texts me.
He's like, hey, swing by and do some time while I get some beer or something.
And I was like, sure.
Well, it was the worst set of my life.
The audio wasn't great for stand up and just people were ambushed with it.
(59:47):
A guy came up to me after my set and he was like mad.
Like just that I did it like you.
And then like I had some fraternity brothers there that saw me bomb.
And this is like I was like only a few months in.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, only a few months, even 10 minutes.
Yeah, I was like six months in.
I mean, you're always going to be asked to do more time than you have.
(01:00:09):
You're always going to.
You got to stretch at least once, right?
So you're always the first time you do five.
You probably don't have five, but you're going to do five.
The first time you're given 10, you can do 10.
But you're you know, you'll stretch.
You'll figure it out.
So I yeah.
Bomb of my life.
And this dude, buff dude and like a too small of a shirt comes up to me.
(01:00:29):
And he's like, hey, that joke you did about kicking that baby or whatever.
He's like that. I thought that joke was obtuse.
I was like, really? Because I thought it was a cute joke.
Mm hmm.
Hey, no, but he was an asshole and I didn't punch him in his face.
And then there was like another time where like I went into like
(01:00:52):
fight or flight when I was this is also a girl thing.
But a dude tried to hit me.
I like ran like I just went into fight or flight.
I ran across the street.
And I was like, oh, yeah, what the fuck am I doing?
And then I faced him.
And then like we scrapped up, he took my shirt off and then cops pulled up.
Like he tried to like pull my shirt over my head.
I slipped out of it and then the cops pulled.
Oh, OK, OK. And then so you know about that.
(01:01:13):
Yeah. So all these guys anyway, those are two times where I bitched out.
So now I'm standing in front of this motherfucker.
He's just being an asshole to me while I'm leaving.
I was like, I'm not doing this again.
And I did one of these like I pulled out, pulled off my glasses, like fix my eye.
And I had butted him in the nose.
Oh, yeah. I don't know why you let me do that.
(01:01:33):
But I'm telling you, that's what happened.
And like there's one guy like I know a lot of people were out
outside, but there's one guy, if I see him in Florence, he delivered for like Coca
Cola. If he sees me out, he's like, yeah, he's like this.
This is a bad mother.
Yeah, because yeah, I busted him open.
And then I remember he like swung.
I had I didn't have my glasses on.
I think I handed them off to someone.
(01:01:55):
And then like I was like he was punching at me.
I remember dodging and we eventually somebody just they were like, hey, just leave.
And he stretched the fight.
He got blood all over my all over my Golden Girls shirt.
Not my blood.
And he like stretched the fuck out of it where it was unwearable.
But that was it. And then I went home and that lady and I scared the shit out of her.
She was like, what the fuck?
(01:02:15):
Well, she riled up, though.
Well, she was. Yeah, I think she was probably because she
she saw it because she I'm just a nice boy.
You know, she see me do standup comedy.
I'm silly and fun.
And then I had about this motherfucker in the face.
She was like, oh, what am I?
Oh, that's a win. Yeah.
They see you crazy. They like it's dangerous.
It's funny. Nice. But yeah.
(01:02:35):
You took them off. So, yeah.
And all that just built. Yeah, I have an anger issue.
And it's like I only recently figured out how to set boundaries
and how to communicate without anger.
Like, I don't know.
I've never been like abusive to any of my.
I don't know. Didn't mean to sound like I've ever been.
But I've just always been, you know, I'm just an angry guy
(01:02:57):
and I usually keep it like pin up.
And I used to I used to come out on stage a lot.
Alex saw that.
I used to like, yeah, like you tell telling people to shut the fuck up
and stuff like that. It wasn't great.
But but I don't know.
I kind of like that about myself.
I like that I'm a little spicy.
It protects me a little bit because you're a nice guy.
(01:03:18):
Like every time I've met you, you're nice.
You stand up is great.
First of all, let's put that out there.
Thank you so much.
You stand up. If you're out there, I'm twice on Kiltoni.
So don't hold that again.
Hey, hey, we're we're Eskimo bros.
You're the first you're the first person that's been on Kiltoni to.
Oh, yeah.
I was going to ask him.
Oh, right.
It's crazy if you just had a lady's name on that piece of paper.
(01:03:40):
Did we both?
Oh, my.
You say your body count?
Out of these five, which was the best?
Matt Bammore, ladies and gentlemen.
Hell, yeah. Shout out Matt Salerius, too.
He was he was a roast battle host in Chicago.
(01:04:02):
Yeah, yeah.
Master. I'm sorry.
He was he was one of the co-founders of Roast Battle Chicago.
Our founder is.
Yeah.
Oh, we got superstars and we wish we can get them on.
But we don't have any more mics.
So we're on a budget.
We're on a budget, guys.
He's chill.
Next time you come down, dude, and we'll have all kind of shit on you.
Hell, yeah.
A good thing.
(01:04:22):
We may try to do this again in like six months.
Do it. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That'd be awesome because we had so much fun.
We didn't make any money, but
but it's been a very fun trip and we're best friends now.
It's been fun.
It's been good.
Hell, yeah.
Gaze hell.
(01:04:43):
I had never seen your stand up before yesterday.
Oh, really?
Yeah, because I didn't.
You didn't come to Epic that time because you hate me.
It's because I knew Brent was there and I fucking hate that guy.
Well, you're also in school, right?
Yeah, well, Dom is too.
Yeah, I am.
Yo, really?
You're a 37 year old.
Jesus.
Yeah, dude.
(01:05:04):
GI bill, get paid for it.
I'm about done with this shit.
Hell, yeah.
I hate it.
Yeah, and then I had to
then I had to fucking follow this guy at Stand Up Live, dude.
How'd it go?
We had to jet.
Did you do good?
It was all right.
Yeah, I was pleased.
I didn't have the most fun there.
They were a little tough.
They were?
Yeah, Raina really had to like crack them open when she opened.
(01:05:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was tough.
Sometimes Stand Up Live is like that.
And you would think it'd be the other way around since it's a comedy club.
Here's the thing for those.
I don't know if I'm outing their business, but for those showcases,
like those are usually free tickets.
Nobody bought tickets to that.
To like, I mean, some people probably did, but most of them are probably like
giveaways to pay.
Yeah.
And they call you up in like, you know, you got five free tickets to.
(01:05:48):
Yeah.
So that room can be tough when it's a lot of that.
Any papered room is because the audience has no investment.
Mm hmm.
OK. And then they're pissed about the two item minimum.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. So the prices aren't right.
They're entertainment, like venue prices.
But goddamn, that food at Stand Up Live is so good.
(01:06:08):
It is.
I think about those chicken wings all the time.
I used to live off that's motherfuckers.
That's what I did. That's what I had when I was that.
Yeah, they're great.
Oh, you made chicken wings for us today.
So fucking good.
I appreciate it.
Thank you so much.
Dom can throw the fuck down in the kitchen.
Yeah. I don't know if you could tell.
We can tell.
And then those thin, those shoestring fries with the queso on top.
(01:06:30):
OK, OK. Yeah, he fucks with it.
Yeah. Good. Good.
Thank you so much.
Well, we appreciate you coming on now.
Speaking about food, I hope this is false, but you only eat hamburgers
cold and cheeseburgers hot.
OK.
Is this real?
Now that's stupid. Brandon wrote that.
(01:06:50):
Did he really write that?
Did he?
No.
So dumb.
Fucking idiots.
I did have a call the other day.
I was at this.
There's this really funny show at Sunset Strip in Austin, and they always do
(01:07:10):
like like stand for the national anthem.
And it's always something crazy.
And somebody saying it's like stand for the national anthem.
And a guy saying, take me out to the ballgame.
And then a very funny comic.
What's the comics?
Who? Scott Scott Fillmore.
(01:07:30):
Scott Fillmore was dressed as like a he was dressed as a
I think that's his name, right?
Gay guy, door guy, sunset.
Scott Fillmore. Yeah.
Yeah, he was throwing hot dogs into the crowd.
And I opened one up.
I was like, I'm about to snack on this.
And it was it was a bun around.
It was just a raw hot dog.
(01:07:52):
Oh, yeah.
This dude right here. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. He's hilarious.
He's done Kiltani. He's great.
Yeah, he's also he also roasted Heath.
Oh, he did. Yeah, yeah.
They had a really funny battle. Yeah.
Heath won.
Heath is your roommate. Yeah.
Or he or he crashes on your couch.
He's he would hate if I said that he pays rent.
(01:08:14):
He paid I charge it. He pays a third of rent.
Oh, he does have to sleep on the couch because that's all we got.
Yeah. I mean, he sleeps on my bed sometimes, not with me.
But every once in a while, if I'm gone, I'm like, hey,
I'm my sheets are clean.
If you want to crash on my bed, you're good.
You know, but he does want to find and he's getting his own place soon.
Shout out, Heath. Yeah.
(01:08:34):
Yeah, he did. He was great.
He was nice. He's a great roommate, too.
Yeah, he does the dishes. He's funny.
We I laugh with Heath more than I laugh with anyone.
OK, so goddamn just naturally funny.
We play we play switch sports a lot.
Yeah, we've been playing a lot of we've been playing a lot of like
switch, like golf and bowling.
(01:08:55):
He that motherfucker is so good at we at switch golf and bowling.
He's I'm better at golf. He's better at bowling.
And then we also started playing tennis, which is fine.
We're on the switch.
Oh, yeah. Not real.
Yeah. Yeah.
We're in. Yeah, we're not me and Heath.
We don't play real sports.
But yeah, he's he's great.
(01:09:15):
I love that that sketch you did about the jinx vibrate.
Yeah, that was something that me and Heath.
So Zach Henrik, I guess, did the final.
Like he wrote it out.
But me and Heath rift that idea out.
Like we were just laughing about it like jinx.
You owe me a soda, bitch.
And that might have been that sounded good.
(01:09:37):
Yeah, yeah.
We'll drop that in right here. Oh, yeah.
I think that was black.
Ha ha ha ha.
Fuck, you owe me a coke, bitch.
(01:10:04):
Where's my coke?
What the fuck are you talking about?
L zalonolololol Gongan Hill Nana
Oh, shit, is he there?
(01:10:29):
Oh, shit.
Is he dead?
I don't know.
We should call an ambulance.
Yeah, we ripped that.
We were just laughing about it.
It was so funny, because I think we did,
like, say something at the same time,
and he was just like, you owe me a Coke.
(01:10:51):
I was like, I'm not giving you a fucking.
Honestly, I think our riffing might've been,
we should've incorporated this in the sketch,
but really what happened was he was like,
We were just ripping and he was like, you owe me a coke.
And I was like, no, I fucking don't stupid.
And he's like, you better give me a fucking coke right now.
And I'm like, I'm not giving you a fucking coke,
you psycho bat.
And then we like, we're laughing about how funny it would be
(01:11:13):
if he just killed me with a Coca-Cola.
And making a coke commercial.
So that was where the idea came from.
It was fun.
That was hilarious.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, oh, you got, okay.
Cause I was going to say that this,
this is the end of the episode.
I thank you so much.
Whoa.
We could go longer.
But I don't know if you guys got to go.
(01:11:34):
Uh, is it, is it 15 minutes now?
It's 47 right now.
Yo, that flew by.
I was so much fun.
Hell yeah.
It's telling you it's been a great one.
Yeah, this is really good.
Let me, let me get some more shit off that piece of paper.
Okay, hell yeah.
Dude, I got you.
So you, so your first open mic,
you did one two years before this,
but you don't consider that the starting point.
It was on June 5th, 2019 at singing river brewery
(01:11:59):
in Florence, Alabama.
Your friends pressured you to do it with Kevin,
but he was a huge pussy.
Yeah, that's exactly right.
Kevin, Kevin pussed out.
I called him right before I went and did the mic
and he was like, give me what you have.
And I ran some shit by him.
He goes, yeah, we shouldn't do this.
(01:12:24):
So I was like, okay, he's kind of right.
Like a couple of things weren't great.
I got in the shower.
I rethought over my set, like threw in something.
My first bits were a lot of things
that I was kind of saying to a lot.
I kind of had bits before I started doing standup comedy,
just like at parties where I would tell the same stories
or say the same joke or always do the,
like whenever something bad happened,
(01:12:45):
whenever somebody was like, I got herpes.
I'm like, you know, whatever.
Shit like that.
So that was like what my first set was.
And it went well.
Before that, two years before that, I did Copper Top
and I had never done standup before.
I didn't understand the concept of like the time thing.
They gave us 10 minutes.
Oh shit.
And I had a solid two and a half, three.
(01:13:06):
But instead of just doing my three
and sitting the fuck down like I should have,
I stayed up there for a miserable another seven minutes.
That's why.
Of just talking and trying.
And it was so bad.
I didn't understand, I didn't get, you know.
If you're watching this and you don't do standup,
that's insane.
Yeah, so then.
That's so fucking crazy.
So after that, I started watching Kill Tony.
(01:13:27):
That was back when it was at the store.
And that got me, I was like, okay,
I get what I'm supposed to do.
I was listening to podcasts.
I was listening to like Tuesdays with stories.
I started consuming way more comedy.
Because I'd always been a fan.
Me and Miles, who started shortly after me,
he's like one of my best friends.
(01:13:47):
And I officiated his wedding.
But he, I lost my train again.
What was I talking about?
My.
How you got into comedy.
Oh yeah, okay, okay.
So Miles, why did I bring him up though?
Fuck, I'm so high.
Shit.
I'm in the shit.
Um, where was I before, right before that?
(01:14:09):
Miles, son, oh fuck.
You helped him with the wedding?
Yeah, okay, I did, oh that's right.
So I did 10 minutes.
And Miles started shortly after me.
I was gonna tell a story about Miles, but I forgot it.
But that's it.
Copper top, yeah, bombs.
Then, oh yeah, okay.
So me and Miles went to a lot of shows together.
(01:14:29):
That was what I was going to.
We were doing, we went and saw Segura at Zany's.
And this motherfucker's like doing like huge venues now.
Theaters and stuff.
But yeah, we did, we saw him at Zany's.
We saw Joey Diaz at Zany's.
And then shortly thereafter, Stand Up Live opened.
And we saw, I think we might've saw Burt at Stand Up Live.
And the day I took Scott Easton's comedy class,
(01:14:51):
I saw a tell.
Oh damn.
And that might be the best live performance.
I'm one of the best live performances I've ever seen.
And now go to the thing I pulled up earlier.
Minimize that.
I think you got a picture of what you're talking about.
Go all the way to the bottom, yeah.
Go down, go down.
There you go.
Is that when you met Tom Segura?
Oh shit.
Let's pull this up.
(01:15:12):
Yeah, that's me, Miles, and Tom Segura.
Let me go down.
Is it going down?
There it is.
Oh, I saw that.
Okay, yeah, there it is.
That's my high school girlfriend, Mark Viola.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Oh my gosh.
Ah!
Ah!
Oh shit.
You're good, you're good.
Fuck, I'm all right.
Oh, that was when I did Comedy and Drag.
That's what I was about to ask you.
2019 at a shenanigan.
(01:15:32):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, me and Zach did Comedy and Drag.
The one on the right is from whenever the pandemic,
that was 2020, in the middle of the pandemic.
And we did a show on the fucking loading dock.
I didn't know that picture existed.
Where did you find that?
He's a beast.
He's a beast.
He's a fucking monster.
I would love for you guys to send me that picture.
Oh yeah, yeah, you can have all.
(01:15:54):
Yeah, so, yeah, we did a show on a fucking loading dock
behind shenanigans of people back their goddamn cars in
and tune the radio to a certain frequency
that they could hear us on the radio.
But it was like, you couldn't hear them laugh.
So it was so lonely.
And then you couldn't, they were,
I think at first we were honking,
and then Wendy's was like, hey, you guys gotta stop.
So then they were just flashing their lights
(01:16:17):
and it was really hard to do stand up.
But I mean, I also, I was, you know,
a few months in, I was almost a year in at that point.
It was like, I was getting better and I was, I needed,
I mean, it was good to just save my shit, you know?
I think it was good.
Hell yeah, I was just talking to Alex about this.
I was like, I'm the type of comedian,
I have to go up every, like a lot.
Yeah, you should, everybody, yeah.
(01:16:38):
Yeah, well, that's, you should.
You need to get on stage.
You need to not be turning down any stage time right now
where you're at.
You need to be on stage as much as possible,
going to the gym constantly.
You're gonna get stronger, you're not gonna notice.
And then you're gonna get booked at Stand Up Live
and you're gonna crush and you're gonna be like,
oh, that was super easy.
That's why I go to all these shit bar shows.
Yep, and then what we wanna, this is a comedy podcast
(01:17:00):
about, you know, we're all young, we're all under a year.
Well, I mean, young in comedy.
All right, Alex, this motherfucker
is not out of roast mode.
Yeah, also, Alex has been doing comedy
for like 14 years.
Sorry.
But we like to, for people who like watch this,
usually it's somebody who thinking about starting Stand Up
or just starting.
And what do you got any advice for?
(01:17:22):
Okay, so I don't feel like I'm in a place to give advice,
but I will, I will.
But yeah, I just, I feel like I'm still a baby
is the advice that I would say.
I'm five years in, I'm a five year old in comedy.
I'm a kindergartener.
This is a, this is not a sprint.
(01:17:42):
You know, it's a, what's the other thing?
What's the phrase?
A marathon.
This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Just don't quit, do it as much as possible.
You're gonna get better.
And you know, get on the road,
try your jokes out other places.
There's, you know, there's shows in Tuscaloosa.
Go up to Chattanooga when you can.
(01:18:03):
Sign up for the Laughing School Open Mic.
Meet people.
Go to every epic comedy hour.
Just go there.
Try to help Scott.
Ask Scott to take you on the road.
He took you, right?
Scott's the best comic in town.
Oh yeah, yeah, he was a monster.
He's been doing it.
He murdered in Memphis.
I mean, they were holding their size.
That's what I'm saying.
He's a monster.
And we're very lucky to have him here.
(01:18:26):
He's integral to the scene.
He's, yeah, he's the reason that I met,
like Nashville Comics,
Atlanta Comics was able to get booked in those places.
He took me on the road with him.
Absorb every bit of information that guy has.
You know what I'm saying?
Just do it as much as possible.
Be nice.
(01:18:47):
Be likable on stage and off stage.
Just be nice.
Be professional.
Don't annoy the people that book you.
Don't ask a bunch of questions.
Just thank them for booking you.
That's big.
That's huge.
People don't realize, that's huge.
Yeah, just thank them.
Just say thank you so much for the spot.
Do your time.
(01:19:07):
Don't run the light.
I need to do this.
Write more.
Just write all the fucking time.
But also don't be scared to repeat jokes.
Get them good.
Work them out.
Do a rotation thing.
So you have a five minute set.
If you have two things that worked, keep those.
Put in two new things.
(01:19:28):
Do those two old ones and the two new ones.
And then when you get those two old ones.
When I was here, I definitely did the same shit
over and over and over again.
But I feel like those jokes are really strong now.
And no one cares.
Don't feel, content is good,
but don't feel obligated to post it.
Like I said, this is a marathon, not a sprint.
If you got famous right now, JJ,
(01:19:49):
what the fuck would you do with it?
Absolutely nothing.
You don't have an hour.
I'd have like a Antonio Brown breakdown.
You know what I'm saying?
So your product is your stand up.
And not just you, I'm saying in general.
As comedians, our product is our stand up.
And we wanna sell our product.
(01:20:09):
But your product, when you're new, that's just it.
My product isn't as good as it's gonna be in six years.
My product is gonna be really good
when I'm a 12 year comic, I think.
I'm on the track.
I think when I've been in it for 12 years,
I think I'm gonna be very good at this.
And yeah, until then, just don't feel obligated
to try and get famous.
(01:20:29):
If you got famous right now and you don't have an hour,
like the point of having followers
is to turn those into ticket sales.
If you sell tickets to a piece of shit product,
a piece of shit show,
they're not gonna come see you again.
So you want your product to be good.
And then hope, just post your content,
do whatever you want.
But eventually you wanna pop when you're ready.
(01:20:51):
If you pop too soon, you'll be famous on TikTok,
you'll go on tour for a year, and then the next year,
your agent is just gonna wanna get a bunch of money from you.
They're gonna overprice the tickets,
you'll go on tour for a year,
and nobody's gonna come see you next year.
You know what I'm saying?
I mean, there's exceptions.
And there's comics in Austin that have been doing it
for a shorter time than me.
(01:21:11):
I think that Cam Patterson is like two years in.
Heath is like a year or two in.
You know what I'm saying?
It's not linear.
People are gonna pass you.
You know, and that's it.
Yeah, but you can still tell when you,
I watched him, but you can still tell
they're new and comic.
They're dynamic.
When you see Cam, he's gonna have you laughing
because Cam is funny.
(01:21:32):
But like, huh?
Yeah, he's one of the best.
And he's also, to the thing about being nice,
that motherfucker is so nice.
If he walked in here right now,
he would dab every single one of us up.
If there were 40 of us in here,
he would walk around the room, he'd be tired as fuck,
and he would dab up every single person in here.
Comic, whatever.
He's the nicest motherfucker.
(01:21:52):
And he's great.
And he's so nice to like, you know, he's a buddy.
He's like, he hasn't changed a bit.
I love Cam because being from the hood,
there's so many funny motherfuckers there.
But they can't put it together and get it on stage.
And I was so happy when I saw Cam.
I'm like, he's the one that was able
to put it all together.
And I love Cam.
I'm so glad he's the new, you know,
(01:22:14):
I love David Lucas too, but you know,
it's his time to go ahead and do his thing.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, Cam's fucking great.
I saw him, like when he first moved,
he had like 15,000 followers already.
And now he's like-
That was before he got on?
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah, I mean, just from posting reels from Tampa.
Oh, shit.
No, Orlando, sorry.
Orlando.
But yeah, yeah, so he had like 10, 15,000 followers
(01:22:35):
when he moved to Austin.
And then now he's at like 300K or something.
Deservedly so.
Yeah, deservedly so, he's great.
He's great.
Well, that was fucking crazy.
Got to see my, yeah, that's my ex-girlfriend Emma.
Ooh.
Nice.
Nice pose.
Yeah, that was our senior prank.
We all dressed like children
and rode like tricycles and shit to school.
(01:22:56):
I had a little three-wheeled scooter.
It had a bicycle tire on the front.
And then like-
Oh, shit.
Yeah, and then the back was like scooter tires.
It was weird.
Well, I got one of those now.
But I promise you, on our ride,
it's just like stuck in the back.
I don't know what the fuck happened to that thing.
I know what happened to that relationship.
(01:23:18):
All right, Brent, this day in the podcast,
what we're gonna do right now,
you just, first of all, thank you for coming on.
Yeah, thank you for having us.
Thank you so much for having me.
We really appreciate this, man.
Thank you.
And this camera right here, you're gonna tell them anything.
This will be out on Monday,
so tell them anything you got coming up,
where to find you, all your socials and everything,
your podcast.
Okay, watch my podcast, please.
(01:23:38):
It's Spooky Fun Time.
It's on all the places where podcasts live.
The full video's on Spotify and YouTube,
if you wanna look at me.
Follow at Spooky Fun Time Podcast on Instagram
and kind of a long handle,
but it's all they would let me do.
Follow Brent Reed Comedy on Instagram.
(01:24:00):
And I'm usually at the mothership
like the first of the month for Bottom of the Barrel.
Hell yeah.
Hey, thanks again, man.
We really appreciate this stuff.
Hell yeah, thank you guys so much.
I appreciate you.
You guys are great.
I love that you're putting back into,
oh, did you already end it?
No, no, it's still going.
Oh, okay.
That's good.
Oh, I was just gonna say,
what you guys are doing
for the Huntsville Comedy Scene is great,
(01:24:21):
and you guys are very funny,
and keep doing it.
Thanks, man.
Appreciate it, man.
We really appreciate it.
All right, love you, bye.
Love you, too.
Thank you.
["Bottom of the Barrel"]
This week on Clown College.
(00:04):
What happened the first time you busted a nut?
Oh, we just started this one.
I've been wondering this all the time.
I'm glad someone asked.
Wow, well since it's on the table,
the first day I did this I got scared
because I didn't know what was happening.
Because I was a kid, I didn't know shit.
Were you confused that your cum wasn't black?
Dude, dude, this was the time that I...
(00:28):
This is the Clown College Podcast.
We're just a couple open micers
trying to make our way through the scene.
Where we interview comedians throughout different stages
of their comedy career,
no matter if they're open micers,
headliners, or traveling comedians.
I'm here too.
Jamie 2.0, I just talk a lot more.
Damn it, Brandon.
Go sit in the corner.
(00:50):
They do that with the moon.
Did you know that?
If you point your iPhone at the moon,
it'll just zoom in on the moon
like you're trying to take a picture of the moon.
It'll just overlay an image of a good moon.
For real?
Yeah.
On iPhone?
Yeah.
Maybe on Android too.
Oh, try that tonight.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah, it's weird.
It's a full moon tonight too.
Oh, then nevermind.
(01:11):
Why would you say nevermind is better?
Oh, then yeah.
Now why would you know that, Dom?
Are you secretly a werewolf, dude?
I've never seen him out.
I have the hair of one.
So we got somebody special here.
Alex, we wanted to have you on.
Hell yeah.
To say thank you for everything you do for us.
If you guys don't know at home,
(01:31):
he's the reason we're on audio.
He comes and does all of our video for us.
We just shot some promos.
He was there.
He's always there.
And most of all, we're saying thank you
on behalf of every comedian in Huntsville.
Hell yeah, dude.
He's the best.
Thank you.
You're the best, man.
Hell yeah.
We couldn't do it without you.
I appreciate it.
Hell yeah, no problem.
Integral.
(01:52):
Yeah.
I'm just waiting for one of y'all to hit
so I can ride your coattails.
Waiting for that day.
It's gonna be you.
You're gonna take a Bowen Yang spot on SNL.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
I had to write some stuff for this.
Please take a spot.
Please.
I would gladly.
I would gladly.
I'd go gay if that's what it took.
(02:12):
That's what it took.
Then you'd check three boxes.
There you go.
There you go.
Hell yeah.
So we just shot some promos.
Hold on, hold on.
How you doing today, Brennan?
Man, I'm doing good.
How are you doing?
I'm doing good.
Yeah, you doing good?
I'm in a good mood.
What happened?
It's 420, Brandon is not here mentally.
(02:33):
Oh yeah.
420 is a good day.
We had a kick in my mom's door, but I mean it was cool.
Why'd you have to kick in her door?
Okay, so let me tell you what happened.
So I don't know how the hell this happened,
but somebody accidentally locked that door
and left the key in that door, right?
And there's no other way to get in
because it's an advanced one.
I tried every card thing, all that.
(02:53):
So my uncle was like.
Every James Bond trick.
My uncle looked at me, he's like,
okay, Brennan, fuck it.
What you're gonna have to do is get on that lock
and just kick in the door like that with the lock.
So I just had to do that.
And then I accidentally broke the door
and now I gotta buy a new doorknob and shit.
Hold on, like a door to the house?
No, it was her room, it was her room.
So you locked her door from the inside?
(03:14):
Yes, I don't know who did.
Somebody did.
I'm not saying, I don't know.
I don't know how it happened.
Wait, but you said that the key was still in the door.
No, it was still in the room.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I didn't know that.
Why is it?
Oh, y'all got one of those locks for a bedroom?
Because she's like.
You got a deadbolt?
Yeah, she got a crazy one.
Is that a black thing?
No, no.
(03:35):
Yeah.
No, no, no, no.
She said, listen, we got cameras in every room, man.
We got cameras outside all over the house.
That's a big one today.
That's also not a black thing.
No, I just wanna be clear.
Yeah, she just wanna keep people out of the room.
So she said she got the advanced ones.
Okay.
She got the advanced for my foot though.
Yeah.
Oh, damn.
(03:55):
Yeah.
Yeah, there it is.
She's watching right now, wondering what happened.
I kicked it down.
And you got it on camera too.
She really does.
I'm gonna ask for that recording.
I'm gonna say ask if we didn't.
I'm gonna ask for that recording.
You just see from the inside of the room,
the door flies open, Brandon's like, oh shit.
Yeah, I didn't look so cool with it.
I'm like, yep, that happened.
(04:15):
Hell yeah.
Brandon's always breaking down barriers.
Hell yeah, dude.
I do what you gotta do.
He told me that at Wednesday, the open mic Wednesday
at Fat Sammy's that we co-host together.
That's where he told me.
So I got a little advanced preview of Brandon's story.
Just wanna shit on y'all.
Oh, did you do it on stage when you asked him?
Oh shit, now he just told me that off-hand.
(04:37):
That was again, one of those stories he just told me
as a normal thing and I'm like, what the fuck?
Did you do your thing though this week
where you just asked him questions?
No, I didn't ask him questions.
We just did sets this week.
Okay, okay.
But we did the words of wisdom at the end.
What'd you say this week?
Okay, I said this.
I looked down at my foot and realized
that my sock was missing.
Don't do that with your cars, y'all.
Good night.
Yeah.
(04:57):
Find your fucking cars.
What?
What's the sock?
Basically what I was saying was as a message,
don't lose your car.
Find your car and don't lose it how I lost my sock.
I got it.
Good night.
Car's a little bit harder to lose.
I know, I know, but I'm telling them don't be lost.
Find your way.
Find your way.
Yeah.
(05:18):
Like God.
God.
God.
God.
That's something I am.
No, I'm just kidding.
God.
He went Kanye.
He went Kanye.
He went Kanye.
He's in the mode.
He just proclaimed his name.
Kanye.
Thanks.
You all don't believe in Jesus.
Huh?
You don't?
No, I'm saying y'all, you're people.
Oh.
Y'all look like two different depictions of Jesus.
(05:43):
I look more like your guy.
Yeah, yeah, Buddha, yeah, right, yeah.
For sure.
And I look, I have a Jesus.
Yeah, I can see it.
I need to grow a little more down here.
I keep looking there as if there's a camera.
But no, yeah, traditionally we don't.
Yeah, that was stomped out when communism took hold.
Roughly so.
Yeah, yeah.
Read books, dude.
Hell yeah.
I read them, if I could read.
(06:05):
I look like Slim Jesus, dude.
I bring more of that vibe.
Oh shit.
Or like Slim Jim Macho Man Randy Savage.
Remember that?
Oh, the commercial?
Yeah, you remember when he had that?
He'd be snapping it and shit.
Snap it to Slim Jim, ooh yeah.
Snap it to the Slim Jim.
I don't think meat should snap.
I just don't think it should snap.
I like Slim Jim.
Good sausage has a snap to it.
(06:26):
Oh hell yeah.
Well, because like the intestinal casing.
But I wouldn't consider Slim Jim a quality sausage.
It's a good meat stick.
It's a good meat stick.
One of the best.
Yeah, I like the Tabasco Slim Jim the best.
Oh damn.
Yeah, whatever I got.
I'll take that one.
Riddle me this, Slim Jim, and we'll probably do a recap.
We'll talk about actual shit here.
(06:47):
But like, Slim Jim has two sizes.
They have the mega size, right?
And they have the thin ones.
Those are completely different experiences.
Completely, yep, 100%.
Yeah, I'm with you.
Yeah, the thin ones are way better, way snappier.
Okay, yes.
See, I like the thin ones,
but if I'm getting a thick one,
I want almost like a summer sausage.
Yeah, like a thick, I don't want it to be as,
(07:08):
because yeah, it's a soft meat,
but if it's thin, it's a snap.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's too much Slim Jim in the fat ones.
Too much in the Jimmy Jam.
You gotta microdose this.
Now, if they made like a three foot long, thin Slim Jim.
It's called a Slim Jim, dude.
It's not a thick Jim, right?
We call it, if they started selling Slim James's,
(07:28):
I'd buy those, the long ones.
Like little Brian James's fucking knee or something.
Yeah.
Hey, did y'all see this nigga who burnt himself up
outside of a Trump?
Oh yeah, I saw that.
I heard about that on NPR.
I didn't see it.
I saw it.
I will say, they didn't give nearly as much of a fuck
because it's really awesome.
NPR literally was like, oh yeah,
(07:50):
and a guy lit himself, oh sorry.
Yeah, he died today.
All right, hey man.
I mean, yeah, you light yourself on fucking fire,
you're probably gonna,
you shouldn't care about anything that much.
Everybody's here.
I mean, in the world, you shouldn't care about anything
that much to set your goddamn self on fire.
Especially not, I mean, this isn't even the,
this is a trial.
Like he's in, what the fuck.
And he's not going down.
(08:11):
It's not going.
I don't necessarily wanna shit of this person too much,
but like it's pretty, unless there's like
some pretty big revelations.
This is some silly silliness.
I don't give a fuck.
You're retarded, you're stupid.
Oh, okay.
If you light yourself on goddamn fire.
Let's just all say.
Actually, he wasn't fire retardant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hold up.
Yeah, everyone, that is.
(08:33):
Got him, dude.
Everybody's blazing up on 420 today.
Yeah, we're blazing these apples, huh?
Blazing.
Yeah, I don't know.
That's one I don't get, because I feel like they're,
you're making a statement, obviously,
because burning yourself is very painful.
Oh, yeah.
But I feel like you could add some more showmanship
without burning yourself.
So, no, totally.
So that's something I've been talking with my friend about
(08:55):
because we have sort of opposite opinions.
He's like very, he was very affected by the embassy guy.
And I was like, when I think about it,
and obviously you can't really put yourself in that shoes,
because that's, I mean, almost impossible,
but I'm like, if I like was that, like they're,
I don't know, I would like, yeah, like you said,
make a show of it.
Like I'd do, I'd walk across the country,
or like I'd like do something, yeah, I don't know,
(09:18):
like, but maybe that's just me, you know, we're standups.
So we're like, I forgot about the-
We're beneficial.
Yeah, but I don't know.
I forgot about the guy that burnt himself
in front of the embassy until this guy
just burnt himself up.
So people are gonna forget about you.
I mean, you're gonna do all this and be like,
oh, people are gonna remember me forever.
No, they won't.
They just won't.
(09:38):
I mean, especially in today's day and age,
nobody's gonna give a fuck in three weeks.
Yeah, somebody do something crazy last night,
I don't remember them.
Oh, what'd he do?
What happened?
Oh man, so-
Wait, did you see someone burn themselves alive?
Oh my God.
No.
It's comparable.
And how can you even do that with gas prices these days?
Yeah, that was a lot of fucking money.
He won't have to worry about it anymore.
(09:59):
Yeah, he wouldn't pay that bill.
He wouldn't pay in that bill.
It's probably fucked that way to lead into our-
Yeah.
Sorry, Brent.
Bye.
Bye, man.
We love it.
We love it.
We just roasting.
Yeah.
Ah!
Got him, Brandon.
Brandon's on fire!
Segway, Segway.
(10:20):
I didn't even realize I did that.
Inward.
Damn.
Damn, all right?
God damn.
God damn.
Oh, this is a good one, I like it.
It's good, yeah.
Just-
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, what happened last night?
Okay, so you know, this is funny
because nobody believed me.
We were at Jimmy John's, right?
And this dude walked up behind me,
(10:41):
talking to the worker who was there all night by himself.
I shout out to you, you are amazing, man.
Keep doing what you're doing.
And then eventually get better
because you deserve better.
You're amazing, man.
But anyways, this dude pulled up
with some branches on his head and shit
and then had an egg.
And he was like, hey man, anybody want this egg?
And the dude was like, no, not today, buddy.
And then he left.
(11:01):
And I told Alex and Brandon,
and they were like, nah, man, Brandon,
nobody here telling lies.
It's all right.
He said I'm lying.
The everything else he said,
we believe that was over the line.
They're like, no way.
No way someone fucking did that.
We're back.
Mm-hmm.
And then while I'm saying this,
the dude runs back in with the egg,
like, hey man, anybody want this egg?
(11:21):
And they're like, oh shit, Brandon's run.
It was like, yeah.
So either Brandon, yeah, I don't know.
Brandon could be God.
He could be God.
He could have willed that to happen.
That guy was wearing the crown of thorns.
And he just saw something too.
You saw, you remember earlier, you saw my story.
You were like, what the hell is that?
That was like one of the stories I told about
with the wrestling scene, remember?
(11:43):
I don't know.
You remember when I told you, you said who?
Who was I posting?
Oh yeah, I was talking about the guy
on Brandon's Instagram story.
Yeah, okay.
They were at a WWE event wearing masks.
I was like, who the fuck is that, Brandon?
That's the dude.
That's the dude from all his stories.
That's the guy that threw rocks at him.
He posted that earlier.
The feet pictures guy that you'll hear about
later this episode.
But he's in a mask in this picture.
(12:04):
He's not, Brandon is.
Yeah, because this was like during the COVID time.
This is when we had them two edibles
and got lost in the city and was freaking out.
We were at that same Jimmy John's
just pissing him off probably.
Because he kept on saying, he was like, what do you want?
He was like, you surprised me, man.
Oh, that's the way to say it.
I was like, dude, just stop, man.
And then we got lost.
(12:25):
Especially the Jimmy John's,
because it's not like you tell them what you want
as you know. I know.
And then fast forward to the middle of the match,
he's freaking out like, oh my God, stay after me.
I'm like, dude, nobody's after you.
He's like, Brock Linton is after me.
He gonna come out.
So he thought Brock Lesnar, that's not even in town,
was gonna come out and then rip him in the ring
and whoop his ass.
And then he thought the FBI was after him for no reason.
(12:47):
That must've been some good shit.
I was gonna say, were these K2 edibles?
Yeah.
Been there.
I thought that's amazing.
Brandon, I'm sorry, those weren't edible.
That was some milk.
Y'all were completely sober.
Crazy dude.
We underestimated it completely, eight half.
This is not nothing.
Give me the whole.
That mistake number one, classic mistake.
(13:08):
Then we were lost.
I'm glad we made it back.
Hell yes.
I don't know what happened after that.
We all walking?
Yes.
Oh, thank God.
We was walking, so you just see me walk.
No, I wasn't no driver.
I didn't have a car.
And this was Huntsville, right?
Yeah, I didn't have a car.
And for those of you who don't know,
Huntsville downtown is about five blocks square.
Yeah, so I'm just going through it constantly.
They got lost in like a Walmart Supercenter.
(13:30):
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
We did a roast battle.
Hell yeah, that was fun.
We'll talk about that later.
Great, Brent Reed and Matt.
Banwart.
Banwart, I always get his last name wrong.
He's funny, they're both funny as shit.
They were awesome.
And then today we just shot some ads for live show.
(13:53):
May 17th. May 17th.
At Shenanigans.
8PM. Killer clowns.
Get your, go to the Shenanigans website
and get the tickets now.
We're trying to sell this bad boy out.
Please, I still smell like old milk.
I do too, I smell it in my nose right now.
Me too, I smell it in my nostrils.
I have to take a shower after this.
Both nostrils.
And we got a show that Alex put us on.
(14:15):
Hell yeah.
Oh yes, tonight, the 420 show.
420 show.
Silver Dragon.
You all have missed it,
but it's at St. Stephen's Music Hall.
Check that out, it's straight to Ale.
It's a fun as fuck.
It's like a punk TGI Fridays, like that kind of vibe.
Oh hell yeah.
Or you made it.
Or you made it.
Yeah, or you made it, or you're there.
Yeah, we'll shout you out.
Hell yeah, hell yeah, there you go.
(14:35):
Yeah, high five.
Hell yeah.
Great forward thinking, Brandon.
Oh man, I found my new favorite restaurant in town, dude.
I got a Calzone and I made $7, dude.
So that was sick.
I gave them a $20 bill and they gave me 27 in change, dude.
So maybe I'm not anti-immigration after that, dude.
(14:56):
No, I'm just playing.
I gave him the money back, dude.
I gave him the money back.
Yeah, he's a good guy.
He left the fat ass tip.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
What's it called, Mots?
Matzah's.
Matzah's Pizza.
Matzah's Pizza in Jordan Lane, it's good.
It's like a New York style pizza, no flop, no mind.
Yours had some flop to it.
Yeah, I got the veggies.
And I got, hey, the meatballs, let me tell you something.
(15:18):
Ooh, those are good.
The meatballs were fucking fire.
Hell yeah.
If they do their pasta good enough,
that could be a fucking great plate of spaghetti.
Hell yeah.
And if you want the best chicken parm calzone
that's made out of steak, dude.
Oh yeah.
And wants the mystery meat that's still tasty, hell yeah.
It was nice, dude.
I'm not complaining.
That was really good.
As long as it's not gamey, right?
Yeah, man, I ate that whole thing.
(15:38):
And be gay, but that's not me.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
That was a stretch.
That was a fact.
That was fun, you had a homegrown last night, right JJ?
How'd that go?
It happened.
Jonathan did an hour.
An hour?
Yeah, an hour long.
That's fucking sick as hell.
I think it ended up being like 54, kind of,
(16:01):
but damn near an hour.
So shout out to him.
I mean, damn.
So I had to shout out Keenan Worthington,
who will be on the podcast later.
Soon.
Hell yeah.
Next couple weeks.
Two weeks.
Something like that.
Fucking, I call him the tickler.
You'll see why.
He's got soul, dude.
Don't put his picture.
He's got soul.
It's white.
(16:21):
I think it's like 2018, dude.
He keeps changing his name on Instagram.
It's American Jester right now.
It's American Jester right now.
It was like, I don't know what the fuck it was.
It's like different, like number one comedian.
Like he'll just make it random shit.
My boy Jack Duggs, Mud Juggs, he also does that.
(16:41):
Now he's like Mr. Jackie's.
That's why, okay.
You can't search him.
He makes it hard to message him.
He's a hard man to pin down.
Cause I wanna put JD, cause that's what it was.
JD comedy or something like that.
It was Jack Duggle comedy.
Comedy for a little bit.
Oh, okay.
I don't know what it is right now.
Carson did something similar.
Carson was, were a little clever though.
(17:02):
Cause he did something with his last name or some shit.
But I don't remember.
You don't have to worry about me changing shit
cause I barely check it.
I'll post stuff.
Dom Carmody.
Dom Carmody.
Domody.
Stand up Domody.
Never.
Just look up, just spell it wrong and you'll find it.
Dom Carmody.
Dom Carmody.
(17:24):
That's what I got.
Dom Carmody.
That's your convict.
That's your convict really.
It's Alex Comdy.
C-O-M-D-E-Y.
Okay, we missed a couple.
We missed a word.
I mean a letter or two in there.
I switched them around.
Is my misspelled through?
It's the same, yes.
It's Alex Comdy.
C-O-M-D-E. Where?
In Dom's phone.
Oh, okay.
(17:45):
Some of us can't spell that well.
And that's okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, as you'll see,
Brent Reed's name is probably spelled incorrectly.
W-E-E-D.
Brent Reed.
420, baby.
Yeah, 420.
Brent Reed, dude.
But yeah, the second half is gonna be great.
I think we got,
I think we'll have Dan with the Noobs again back this week.
(18:08):
Oh yeah.
I said this week for some reason.
But back this week.
Back this week and then we got the great Brent Reed.
Hell yeah.
And it's a good one.
It's a banger, dude.
It's a banger.
He gives out a lot of good advice.
A lot of cool stories.
Hell yeah.
And Jack pulls up some good information.
Ooh, Jack really shines.
He went deep in his bag.
He went deep in his bag.
This one was really good,
(18:28):
because everybody,
yeah, y'all see, everyone shines.
This is a good time.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, see you later.
All right.
Hello and thank you for joining the Moonshine News Report.
I'm Dan Price.
And I'm Sierra Moses.
The world lost some vitamin C this week.
The juice has officially been squeezed.
(18:50):
OJ Simpson leaves behind five children,
an impressive football legacy,
a questionable criminal record,
and a failed glove model career.
The Donald Trump hush money trial
began in New York this week.
It was a mostly mundane affair
with administrative and court procedures
taking up most of the week.
But there was one bright spot.
(19:12):
Caitlin Clark, the number one pick
in the 2024 WNBA draft
was selected by the Indiana Fever this past week.
Many are celebrating her success,
including country music singer Tim McGraw,
who wore her jersey at his concert in Indianapolis.
Caitlin Clark's Fever jerseys have sold out
at large companies such as Nike and Fanatics,
and fans will have to wait months
(19:33):
before they're back in store.
Many purchases were made by 19-year-old fraternity boys
desperate to get laid,
and of course, Dan Price.
I'm a big fan.
The women's basketball phenom holds numerous records
and is the all-time leading scorer
for NCAA men's and women's.
She's the greatest white basketball player
(19:53):
since Steph Curry.
Many celebrated 420 on Saturday,
a cannabis-oriented holiday,
and Domino's most profitable day of the year.
Activities included binge-watching TV shows,
binge-eating bags of chips,
and ignoring calls from your mother.
What many don't know is that the holiday originated
in 1971 San Rafael, California,
(20:16):
when a group of five high schoolers called the Waldos
used 420 in connection with a search
for an abandoned cannabis crop
based on a treasure map left by the grower.
And if that ain't the highest shit you ever heard.
The first publicly acknowledged dogfight
between a human-piloted aircraft
and an AI-controlled aircraft
was announced this week by the US military.
(20:39):
The dogfight was part of an exercise
called Operation Skynet, sponsored by Cyberdyne.
I mean, guys, watch a movie, will ya?
DARPA did not acknowledge who won the dogfight
because the machines have threatened
to kill all of their families if they snitch.
Jojo Siwa sparked controversy
(21:00):
when she took to the red carpet
wearing an all-black rocker glam look
resembling Gene Simmons,
very different than the tutus and neon bows
we're used to seeing on her.
Many have criticized her new look online,
which is in association with her angsty new song, Karma,
which ironically is also gonna be her stage name
in 10 years.
When asked about the dramatic look, Jojo said,
(21:21):
"'No one in my generation has made this extreme
"'of a switch,' which is what every girl says
"'when she starts wearing winged eyeliner.'"
Former Philadelphia Eagles center Jason Kelsey
revealed that he lost his Super Bowl ring
in a pool of chili at an event in Cincinnati.
It's a fitting end to a Super Bowl ring
(21:44):
that died as so many before it lived,
escaping the fingers of Philadelphia players.
New York City is considering a measure to use
a special bait laced with birth control drugs
to control the rat population.
One beneficial side effect of using birth control on rats
is fewer rat mood swings,
(22:04):
although they will still be able to remind you
of everything you've ever done wrong
during an argument about how to load the dishwasher.
Well, that does it for the Moonshine News Report.
Thank you for joining us.
I'm Dan Price.
And I'm Sierra Moses.
Don't shoot the messengers.
This week's featured comedian.
(22:25):
My dad is like a blue collar construction worker guy,
which surprises people because, you know,
I look like Rachel Maddow's Bitmoji.
I called him today and I was like, hey man, how's it going?
He's like, brother, if I was any better, I'd be twins.
Can someone here explain to me what the f**k that means?
(22:47):
If I was any better, I'd be two people?
I don't get it.
He always had those phrases.
My favorite one growing up, he'd be working on something
and I'd give him advice and he'd go,
Brent, I'm the one f**king this pig,
you're the one holding it down.
You give her a down?
I was like, all right, well, I'm six.
(23:10):
You just taught me bestiality, non-consensual sex
and metaphor, all in one.
Pretty good.
JJ, we've got a really special guest today, don't we?
We do, very special guest.
Very.
I believe our first out of town.
It's our first.
Out of town comedian, man.
He's a Huntsville slash North Alabama legend.
(23:30):
Legend of the game.
Couple of appearances on Kill Tony.
He's a regular at the mothership in Austin.
You can see him at Creek in the Cave, Vulcan,
Black Rabbit, various other venues.
It is my absolute pleasure to announce that our guest
for today is Mr. Brent Reed.
Hey!
(23:52):
Thank you, fellas, thanks for having me.
Hell yeah, thanks for coming on, man.
I'm very hungover from hanging out last night.
You guys crushed on the roast battle.
Oh, appreciate it.
It was such a good rant, dude.
You guys could tell you wrote together.
Sorry.
Breaking the fourth wall there, but you could tell,
I mean, just from a comics standpoint,
you could tell you guys workshopped it.
(24:12):
It was, dude, it was fucking great.
Yeah, cause you told it, I would do, we were like,
I was shitting bull, cause I went back and watched,
watched him and I'm like, dude, I just don't want to bomb
cause you, they have some bombs on there.
Well, that's what's scary about roasts is
you can't work those jokes out, right?
The first time you say them out loud is into a microphone
in front of people.
So you hope they're funny.
(24:33):
You have good instincts, you know,
but sometimes it doesn't hit.
The one that I lost, I, you know, I feel like I was,
I was Dylan Carlino and he's a very good friend of mine.
Great comic, funniest, he won the funniest person
in Austin competition, Cab City.
What's his name?
Dylan Carlino.
He has a podcast called Some of This is Bad.
(24:55):
It's him and Colton Dowling.
They're so funny, two very funny gay comics.
Not because I hate their material,
they're actually sexually gay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But Dylan beat me and I feel like I had him
and I told a joke about like his dead sister,
(25:17):
who was like five.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Completely lost the crowd.
And then his rebuttal crushed.
So then I was just dead in the water for the rest.
I mean, I had a couple of zingers after that.
Like I was fine.
It was a good round overall.
It got me booked again.
Cause that's what matters is like,
(25:38):
you just want to do well and then get booked again.
Right.
So it was fine, but I feel like I would have won
if I hadn't had told that joke.
And his rebuttal was so far.
Yeah. Yeah.
And his rebuttal was, he's very good.
Dylan is very good on the spies.
Podcast is really good.
He's very good improvising.
This him right here, right?
Yeah. Oh yeah.
Dylan.
Yeah.
He's going to love this by the way.
(25:59):
He's a fucking pretentious piece of shit.
I'm pretty, does he have like a-
Just kidding.
He's not pretentious.
I love him.
Wait, I think we saw-
That's very safe.
He had the denim jacket on with a white wool.
I think that was him.
Yeah.
Tall or gay guy.
Yeah. Tall, handsome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(26:19):
He crashes.
He was funny.
Yeah.
He has the whole thing, like his opener,
well not to ruin his material,
but he acknowledges the fact that he looks straight up top.
And what am I roast for him?
I said that he, what was it?
I'm high.
I said, oh, I was like, Dylan thinks he presents as straight,
(26:41):
which I would totally agree with
if you sealed his mouth and asshole shut.
Oh, yeah.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
I remember the first time I saw you, it was at Epic.
Yeah.
And you did 15 and crushed.
I mean, smash.
(27:02):
And it was so good,
cause you have a joke, I'm not gonna give it away,
but it's about how women can have friends in the bathroom
and men don't.
And I went to the bathroom,
we just stood there for a second of silence.
And then the dude was like, I guess we're friends now.
I'm like, yeah, we start high fiving while pissing.
That should happen.
I genuinely believe that when I do that judge.
I think it's funny,
girls make friends in the bathroom all the time.
(27:23):
Guys are so weirded out by it.
But it's like, we're all pissing, we all got dicks.
Some of us.
Yeah.
I'm actually made into some bad ass.
I wouldn't even need one, dude.
I wouldn't even know what to do.
But he's got a really cute pussy.
Damn dude, Dom, I'm not asking this guy any questions, dude.
(27:45):
You have fun, dude.
I'm walking out.
I'm sorry, I take it back.
It's okay.
But Epic Comedy Hour is fun.
That was like one of my goals starting out in comedy
was to do Epic Comedy Hour.
It was really cool to come back and do it
and see you guys and stuff.
Epic is like, if you're new in comedy and you're in Huntsville,
Epic Comedy Hour should be a goal.
Oh, 100%.
(28:06):
There's something I did up top was,
did we talk about like comedy on this?
Yeah, that's what it is.
Okay.
I've always seen clips.
But that was one thing I did when I first started off
was I set short-term goals for myself.
And it worked out.
I was like, literally one of them at first
was to make a dollar doing stand-up comedy.
(28:27):
And now I've made multiple dollars, at least seven.
But yeah, that was like a goal.
One of them was to just host at Stand-Up Live.
They told me you were like the main guy they went to.
It was me, Scott, and Elliot kind of on rotation.
And I definitely got a lot,
(28:47):
the booker definitely gave me a few bones
right before I left.
She was booking me a lot.
Okay, good.
Which it was, I'm so, Lucy Sinsheimer,
I'm so thankful for her.
She, yeah, she, I thought, I don't know,
when I told her I was gonna move,
I thought she was gonna book me less.
And she gave me a shit ton of work there at the end.
It helped me save money.
And also it was like, I met like Brian Simpson, for example,
(29:09):
that changed my entire trajectory
once I got to Austin, so shout out, shout out Lucy.
Shout out Brian, is that who your connect was in Austin?
Yeah, so this is a cool story.
And I've never told it on a podcast,
and I've been excited to tell it on a podcast.
Oh hell yeah.
So I opened for Brian Simpson when he came to Huntsville,
(29:30):
which is normally what I say,
because that's just a shorter,
but really what happened is Scott was hosting for him.
I went up and met him, and I was like,
yeah, I'm a comic here, I'm moving to Austin soon.
He's like, you're moving to Austin?
I was like, yeah, and he was like,
you wanna do a guest spot on the next show?
And I was like, absolutely.
So I actually wasn't even booked to open for Brian,
but I did both shows, like once I did one set,
(29:50):
he was like, you come back tomorrow.
And I did the other one.
And then meanwhile, I was like going through a breakup,
kind of like we were still dating,
but she knew, we both knew that I was leaving.
So it was like not going well, we were fighting.
And I was in the green room and just talking to Brian
about his feature is a very good friend of mine now,
(30:11):
Lucas McCrary, he's a door guy at the mothership.
Very funny comic, has a show at Black Rabbit on Wednesday,
he's called Absolute Show.
It's great, it's like a late night talk show.
I think he's got a couple of those videos online too.
So have you seen that?
Yeah, it's good, huh?
So Lucas was his feature.
Now we're sitting in the green room,
I'm bitching about my girlfriend stuff and just like sad.
(30:32):
I'm like, yeah, she's in town, but not talking to me,
which was crazy.
And Brian was like, dude, let me tell you,
he's like, just follow your dreams.
He was like, if it's meant to be,
she'll be here waiting for you when you get back.
And I was like, 10-4 sister.
So we hung out, then three months later, I moved to Austin.
(30:53):
I went to the bar with Lucas and stuff when he was in town.
We didn't really hang out with Brian much
outside of the shows, but he was very nice.
Fast forward, I moved to Austin.
Two weeks later, the mothership opens.
And then I wanted to see the inside of the room.
So I bought a ticket to Brian Simpson's
Bottom of the Barrel on Tuesdays.
(31:14):
And I went to the show and I walk in first off,
they like take your shit at the door,
you know, they lock your phone up.
I go in, who's seating people?
Lucas McCrary.
He's at the top of the stairs.
He's like, Brian!
I hadn't seen him since I'd moved.
I don't think, I think this might've been the first time
I'd seen him in Austin.
But he also helped me out.
(31:36):
He sent me a lot of names to hit up for shows.
None of them messaged me back.
But he also helped me out a lot.
He booked me on my first day.
He gave me barking gigs in exchange for stage time
and stuff and money too.
And that helps.
Yeah, Lucas is great.
So I walk into mothership, he's seating people.
He's like, Brian, he introduces me to someone
as a very funny comedian.
(31:57):
I was about to kiss him on the lips.
I was like, thank you so much.
He goes, do you want to sit in the front or the back?
I was like, fucking front.
Like, what are we doing here?
He sits me right smack dab in the front.
And the little boy in the mothership,
the front is like, you can touch the comic.
Like it's a bar on top of the stage that your drink is on.
(32:17):
Yeah, you're so close.
And it's a tiny room.
How many people in the little boy?
100 people max in the little boy, it's great.
One of my favorite rooms in town.
Black Rabbit is probably, I mean,
Black Rabbit's great when it's full.
But anyway, so where was I?
(32:37):
Hi.
You're sitting in the front.
Yeah, smack dab in the front.
Third comic up is Joe Rogan.
Oh shit.
And I was like, well, this is worth the $45 right here.
And instantly, by the way,
and I said this to you guys off camera,
but I think that Joe Rogan
is an underrated standup comedian.
He's great.
Yeah, just seeing him live was crazy.
(32:59):
And then I was like, well,
that's worth the $45 right there.
Halfway through Brian Simpson, Sam Lopez,
the very funny comic, she hosts the beginning
and he picks up in like the last half.
So he picks up, I go to the shitter, I come back.
And as I'm sitting down into the microphone,
Brian goes, where do I know you from?
And I was like, I opened for you in Huntsville.
(33:20):
And he goes, oh shit, you left that girl?
No.
And I was like, yeah.
And I was like, yeah, I'm here now.
And he goes, you wanna do the late show?
And I was like, absolutely.
And the crowd goes wild.
And I went, I did the late show, crushed,
(33:41):
Adam E. Gitsawmi, and invited me back to do crew show,
which is like, or the open mic or something.
It's like the crew show after the open mic.
I did that a couple of times.
It took a while for me to get past.
Like I did that a few times.
I think Dylan Carlino, the night,
so when I went, I didn't have the best set
when I got called back for the crew show.
Dylan, oh, that's Joe Rogan.
(34:04):
I'm glad Brandon pulled that up,
like nobody knows who the fuck Joe Rogan is.
That's a good one.
You never know.
That's a good one.
That's an old man right there that's confused as fuck.
You know what I'm saying?
You don't know.
That's hilarious.
You don't know that.
So I think Dylan and my other buddy, Francisco Reen Cohn,
I think they both got past, and I didn't really.
(34:24):
Like they got past the night that I was like,
I guess auditioning sort of, or he was like watching me again.
But they like, I think I followed,
I remember following Francisco and Francisco crushed.
And then I did fine.
It was a tough follow.
And Francisco, very funny comic.
So, oh yeah.
So yeah, it took forever.
(34:44):
And then eventually somebody told me that I was on the list.
One of the door guys was like,
you know you're on the list to call in on Mondays.
And what's Mondays?
Oh, I call the mothership on Mondays
and give them my avails.
And then they give me spots for the week.
Oh shit.
Or whatever.
But I only, right now I'm getting like one a month
(35:06):
on a weekend and then I get two bottom of the barrels a week.
So that's like, I'm a paid regular technically, I guess.
Hey, that's the voice that is.
I'm paid there and I go regularly.
You fit the description.
Yeah, I feel like that's paid regular right now.
But there was no like ceremony.
I wanted to be knighted.
You know?
(35:28):
But yeah, it was a long process.
I've been there a year now and it was,
I mean I guess that's not that long.
But it felt like a long time.
So that's my mothership story.
Brian helped me out a lot.
So now he gives me a couple extra spots a month
and he did my podcast.
(35:48):
I literally just sent him the premise.
I was like, hey, what do you think?
You wanna do my podcast?
And he was like, yeah.
And I gave him a date and he was like,
no, I can't do that date.
Can you do this date?
And we locked it in.
He showed up.
I was so nervous until I saw him walk into the creek
in the gay where I'm recording it.
Because I was like, there's no way this is actually happening.
And then he showed up and he was so nice.
(36:10):
And he was like asking me about,
he was like, you getting paid and all this stuff.
He's, yeah, he's a pal.
He's also hard to read.
I guess it's the military thing.
He feels like.
Well, he's one of those blacks that always looks sleepy.
He's just a sleepy motherfucker.
I swear to God, I got a boy like that.
He was like, wake up.
When I saw him in Huntsville,
yeah, his eyes were almost closed.
(36:30):
He smokes a lot of weed.
Yeah, but that's, yeah, he's my boy.
I appreciate him.
He's helped me out a lot.
It's dope you got him on there, man.
Yeah.
It's the Spooky Fun Time podcast.
Yeah, Spooky Fun Time.
It's got three episodes out now.
I was watching a clip where you were talking about
the Nightmare on Elm Street parody.
Like the Dream Warriors or whatever.
(36:51):
It's the third sequel.
It's like, well, it's the third movie in the series.
Oh, it's an actual, I thought it was a parody movie.
No, no, brother.
That is the movie.
It's wild.
That is insane.
It's Nightmare on Elm Street 3 Dream Warriors.
It's like an actual sequel to the first one.
The second one kind of goes.
Okay, let's see.
Let's see it.
The second one, yeah, Nightmare on Elm Street 3.
(37:14):
Mayor.
Mayor.
Brandon, I fucking love you.
I love you too, man.
I love you too.
I'm gonna come over there and kiss you on the lips.
You got wrestling action figures on your desk.
How do you know this, man?
Dude, so you know a lot of people in this world
have different eras that they like.
(37:35):
And with wrestling, I wanna know, what were you,
attitude era?
Attitude era.
Big attitude era guy.
Because that was like the 90s, right?
I was born in 92, so like the Stone Cold Steve Austin,
the Rock feud is very prominent in my memory.
And then I guess, I don't know what's after attitude era.
Is it still like the early 2000s, is that considered?
No, they changed it up around that.
(37:57):
So it's like when you get to like 1999 and then 2000,
then they made it the PG era, right?
Oh yeah.
What about ruthless aggression, dude?
Oh yeah.
That's like 2003, 2002.
Okay, so that may be ruthless aggression,
maybe where I'm at.
I remember like heel John Cena.
Oh hell yeah.
And I was a big like Rob Van Dam guy.
I remember ECW one night stand.
(38:19):
You guys seen that where Rob Van Dam versus John Cena?
Oh shit, we're going all over the place.
Yeah.
You got him geeked up now.
We'll get back to nightmare on that one.
Hold up now, let me get you out.
Yeah, y'all don't need to let me drive this motherfucker.
We'll be all over the place.
Look at this, right?
He said that.
Well, it's three lattice.
(38:40):
Oh, I didn't even know John Cena was in ECW.
Well, so this was WWE,
but they did a ECW one night stand.
I guess there was like a merger was the whole storyline
was like, WW was taken over versus ECW.
So they do it, it looks like ECW.
And of course like Rob Van Dam, they fucking love him.
(39:01):
He's like the ECW guy.
So in this match, John Cena was a face,
but in this match he was getting booed the whole,
he was the heel.
But he still was John Cena.
He was trying to be the good guy.
Like he gets in the ring, he throws his shirt into the crowd
and they throw it back.
And he does it three times.
He keeps throwing it back in the crowd.
They keep throwing it back.
(39:21):
It is such a cool match.
Imagine if he would have won that night, man.
Yeah, oh, they would have.
Oh dude, if John Cena would have won,
they would have burnt that motherfucker down.
I swear to God, you're right.
Yeah, they probably, they might have changed it
halfway through like, hey dude, they're gonna fucking kill us.
That's what happened on this WrestleMania.
You remember what the, what was it?
It was supposed to be like the Rock versus Roman Reigns.
(39:42):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then like, they were like, nah, fuck that, man.
It's time for Dusty Rose or Cody Rose to come on out there.
Cody Rose, not Dusty.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You like Dusty though, that's his dad.
Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah.
American Dream, right?
Yes, yeah, good dude.
He's great.
Is he Memphis?
Where was he from?
I think it was Memphis because didn't he do it in NWA?
Yeah.
Because he wasn't in WCW.
(40:03):
Okay, my roommate.
Well, he was later.
My roommate would definitely know.
Zack's like a big wrestling guy.
Because I remember in 82.
I'm starting to notice that,
like a lot of comics are wrestling now.
Yeah, well, yeah.
A lot of artistic comics.
Yeah, I got a little autism there, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Zack, Hedrick was my roommate,
one of my roommates was a wrestler.
He was like a, he did backyard shit
(40:25):
and he did a couple of real shows.
That's the dude from here, right?
Yeah, his signature was a shooting star press.
You know what that is?
Yeah, that's where-
Fucking Gainer off the top broke.
Brock Lesnar broke his fucking neck.
That's right.
Oh, shit.
It's like a back flip forward kinda?
Yeah, you're jumping forward,
but your momentum is going, you do a back flip.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, it's a Gainer.
He could do that, like pull it on?
Yeah.
That's a risk.
(40:46):
And how do you practice that?
How do you figure out how you can do that?
That's a good question.
They had a wrestling ring in their backyard
and they would just practice shit and get hurt
and get back up and do it again.
He quit because he broke some shit.
I can't remember, it's like both shoulders or some ribs.
I bet.
Yeah, dude, he fucked himself up
and then now he's a standup comedian.
He needed to get on a DDP program.
(41:09):
Yeah, yeah.
And do yoga and shit.
Oh, so Nightmare on Elm Street 3.
I love it.
I love it.
I love this podcast.
I just like how you guys let me talk about it.
All right, so thank you so much, Brandon.
Oh, yeah.
You're doing great, sweetie.
This movie's wild.
Yeah, this was like, it's so cartoonish.
Like.
Oh, it's got Loris Fishburne in it.
(41:30):
Yeah, yeah, he's on the credits as Larry Fishburne.
He was Larry when this movie came out.
But he's just a, it's funny that they put him
on that poster.
He's just like the custodian.
Of course.
You gotta get that credit.
He's not even really a main character.
They had to put one black guy.
Yeah.
They had to.
(41:50):
Well, there is, one of the kids,
so I always say kids.
One of the teens, I guess, they're playing teenagers.
They all have superpowers in the dreams.
So this is an actual sequel to the first one.
The second one kind of does its own thing.
The third one has a lot of the old,
like Nancy, the main, the final girl from the first one.
I was gonna say she's on the left, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It has her dad in it.
Like people that were in the first movie that kind of,
(42:11):
and then there's these new teenagers
that are all in this insane asylum.
And Freddie's picking them off one at a time
and making it look like suicides.
And they all have superpowers in it,
but the black guy has super strength.
The main girl, the blonde,
she can like pull everybody in her dreams to like help her.
(42:31):
And she's also like an acrobat.
Her fucking power is throwing other people under the bus.
This is now your problem.
I'm literally just doing the clip now.
But yeah, it's a great movie.
It's one of my favorites.
It's so funny.
I love a horror comedy.
(42:51):
Yeah, I was gonna ask you that.
You're big into horror.
All horror films are just horror comedy.
All of them, but my favorites are usually funny.
And Freddie was the funniest one.
Yeah, he's a man.
Yeah, that's one of the kills.
He slams this lady through a fucking TV and says,
welcome to prime time, bitch.
Oh, that's funny.
I might watch this tonight.
(43:11):
I've never seen that.
Oh, dude, you'll love it, Brandon.
It's great, dude.
It's so much fun.
I gotta start on the first one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do the first one.
You can even skip the second one if you want.
Oh, damn.
And just do the third one.
Because the second one doesn't affect,
this one is the actual sequel to the first one.
The second one kind of does its own thing.
Kind of like how IT was, right?
In a way, you remember how they remade the IT?
(43:34):
Yeah, well, that was like a reboot.
That was a remake.
Oh, that was a reboot, okay.
Brandon also just said in there earlier,
he was like, what's up with all these people
taking Advil to party?
Oh, yeah.
I'm like, are you talking about the headache medicine?
He was like, yeah, they're saying they were
partying and taking Advil.
He's talking about Adderall.
I was like, maybe they just don't want to have a headache.
I know, I was watching, I'm like, this dude,
he's like, I took two, well, now I know it's,
(43:54):
what's it, Adderall?
At first, I'm like, what's up with Advil?
Like, this dude was going to parties and shit.
Brandon's trying to buy Advil people.
I'm like, what the fuck it do?
Right now, I'm learning with Zen.
I'm like, what does Zen do?
Oh, yeah, Zen is nicotine.
Okay.
That also did not answer his question.
He does not know what that means.
(44:16):
I think Brandon needs to hear one of Brandon's stories.
Okay, yeah.
Pee him up, pee him up.
Brandon, tell our friend here, man,
there's so many.
There's so many, but you go,
what happened the first time you busted a nut?
Oh, we just got this one.
I've been wondering this all the time.
I'm glad someone asked.
(44:37):
Well, since it's on the table,
the first day I did this, I got scared
because I didn't know what was happening.
Because I was a kid, I didn't know shit.
Were you confused that your cum wasn't black?
Dude, dude, this was the time that I didn't even know
what beat me was, like, kids would come up and be like,
hey man, you beat your meat.
And I'm embarrassed to say this now,
but I used to really think people were hitting on
(44:58):
like meat and shit.
So I would be like, what the fuck are you talking about?
But I was, okay, so I was curious when I found out
and then I was doing it and then it happened
and I got scared and freaked out
because I thought I got hurt.
And then I was like, this shit ain't going down.
(45:18):
Like I'm over into my family and I was like, bruh.
It ain't going down.
And then after I realized what happened,
I was back the next day.
That's amazing.
Then you say you were scared it was gonna explode.
Yes, because dude, when it happened, I was like,
yo, this is weird.
This is not right.
This was six years ago.
(45:38):
Because I was a kid.
I was a kid.
This is crazy.
I was a kid, man.
I was like, how old was I?
I was like 14.
Jesus Christ.
That's the first time you jacked off when you were 14?
I didn't know shit, man.
You might wanna tell you when I was in the-
I might have been 12 or 14.
How old were you when you jacked?
Definitely in junior high.
We were on Yahoo chat rooms.
Look, look.
Oh my God.
So look, you go to Yahoo chat rooms
(45:59):
and then you'd be like, in for in, nude for nude.
And then you would go there,
but no chat rooms would do it besides the lesbians.
Now I know it was just guys doing the same thing
we were doing.
But we would all go in there and send a neck of pictures
and then they would send us one back.
That is so funny.
Be like fake pictures of Christina Aguilera
and shit like that.
Yeah, I've never thought of-
I definitely did shit like that too.
(46:19):
Never crossed my mind that it was just another dude
like me on the other side.
I didn't think about it till recently.
I was like, dude, those were definitely dudes.
That is so goddamn funny.
Until he tried to get back on there.
And he was like, oh.
Wait, so you said that it would look like girl,
but it wouldn't be?
No, no, it would be like real pictures.
Okay.
But we're talking like we're like sex talking to them.
(46:40):
Yeah, you would have cyber.
Oh shit.
Cyber sex?
Yeah, cyber sex.
I saw you talking about getting tricked.
Like that shit.
Yeah, Jay, you're probably too young to remember that.
Oh hell yeah, that's the way.
No, it was, I was like 12, but that was like 2015.
Oh man.
Jesus.
So yeah.
That's a long time ago.
But we, cyber sex was fun.
Our thing was like, our big thing was Omegle.
(47:00):
Where you could just get on camera with random people
and there'd always be dudes with their dicks out.
Yeah, what was the other one?
Chatroulette?
Chattroulette was, dude, probably so many crimes
were committed on that website.
It's insane, dude.
Oh yeah, lots of penises.
That's always funny too.
It's like you just roll the dice.
Like, and odds are you're getting a cock.
But you roll the dice anyway, cause it might be a boob.
(47:22):
Yeah.
Yeah, right?
You might catch a lady on a bed.
For every, probably 50 dicks,
you might get a lady with a boob.
Would they be already like jacking off and shit?
Yeah, cause they're doing the same shit.
They're like waiting for a lady,
but they're way ahead of the game.
Interest tag.
So you type in a tag of like,
(47:43):
oh, this is what I'm interested in.
This is what I want to have a conversation about.
And if you look up like hot girls,
you're just going to find other dudes jerking off.
Absolutely.
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah.
It's a double edged sword.
It's a double edged sword.
I used to use those like as a dating apps
when I was younger.
You remember Monkey?
Oh, oh my gosh.
(48:03):
How did you do a Monkey?
I, Monkey was like the mobile app version of Omega.
It was the same concept.
You get matched with random people,
but like that one was wild
because there would be like actual like children on there.
Cause it's like they could get it on their iPad or whatever.
Yikes.
Playing with fire.
This is when I was young.
I was 12 or 11.
(48:24):
I get on there and I used to, man.
Brandon, you had a harder time in real life.
My friends would put me on there and they'd be like,
look at this nigga right here.
This nigga, yo.
This dude, the girls would be like,
oh my gosh, what the fuck is that?
And then they would get all these numbers and shit.
And I'd be like, well damn.
And they'd be like, I want to tell you.
(48:46):
Brandon, tell Brent about your feet pick selling adventure.
Come on man.
You don't want to tell him about that?
You sell pictures of your feet?
No, I didn't.
Yeah, well, let's be truthful here.
So my friend, I hate that these are all true.
But my friend, we were on FaceTime and he was like,
this is a weird question to ask.
But he said to me, he was like, hey man,
you know, I'm having a bad day.
(49:07):
How about you just do this for a second of your foot
and I'll give you $2.
And I said, you know what?
Sure.
This is your buddy?
Yeah, I'm like, listen man.
They're still friends.
Yeah.
They're still best friends.
If I was FaceTiming like Alex or Matt and they did,
I would probably never talk to him.
I know.
But I grew up with this dude.
I knew this dude since I was in second grade.
(49:30):
I literally met him because he threw rocks at me
and we were like, we hated each other at first.
But after he had like a wee system and I had one.
You got a glimpse of that foot.
He had a glimpse of them piggies and he was like,
maybe we can't be friends.
He was a big wrestling fan too.
Did you hear his rationale for being friends with him?
He was like, I met him because he was throwing rocks at me,
but he had a wee.
He had a wee.
(49:50):
Because dude, I went to his house, he was like,
you got a wee?
I was like, you got a wee?
And dude, we went to each other's house every day after that.
Wee, wee, wee all the way home.
Yeah.
It was big.
Yeah.
He hit him with a damn, how are you doing?
Yeah, there it is.
But yeah, that was, yeah.
Yeah, it only happened twice.
It was bad.
The second time he was like, hey, you know what?
(50:11):
I don't learn sometimes.
But he was like, hey man, this is real quick.
I'll give you two more dollars.
I know you're struggling.
And we told him already at this point,
like dude, your friend shouldn't be asking you
and paying you like it was a joke, he wouldn't pay you.
Do you tell these stories on stage?
Sometimes, yeah.
We try to get them to.
Sometimes.
He doesn't even understand why they're,
(50:31):
he told us like when we first started hanging out
how he almost got kidnapped and molested
four different times.
Brother, you need to just be on stage
being as honest as possible.
You need to just be doing what you're doing right now
because that shit is so funny.
And no one's had those, your perspective.
That's never happened to anybody else.
Really?
On the entire planet.
(50:51):
Tell him about the monkey bars, Brynn.
Oh, you just gone, sorry.
All right, man.
I'm almost convinced this is a bit.
And JJ's making shit up and he's also making shit up.
I'm his friend, actually.
I'm calling a dude right now, he be like,
yeah man, I remember that shit.
Dude, so there was this special kid
that was helping me on the monkey bar
because they used to sing all those specials too.
(51:14):
And he was like, yeah, like.
Yeah, like.
Yes, brother.
Dude, so he was helping me.
He said, dude, I'll hold you up like this.
And in the middle of it, he swung me on my back
and made me fall right.
And I was like, yeah, hey, what was that about?
And he was like, I'm sorry, man.
You wanna do it again?
And I said, sure.
And then he hit me again.
I was like, yo, wait, hold on, man.
(51:35):
This is not right, what's your problem?
He said, I'm sorry, man, I keep tripping.
And then the fourth time I couldn't get up.
Fourth time.
I learned that this, yeah, yeah.
And then we were, I was like, fuck this.
Who's the special one?
Yeah, I was a weird kid, like, I was weird.
And my mom told me, cause she was like,
dude, back in the day, you didn't know shit.
She was like, this kid was throwing rocks at me.
And then, is he my friend?
(51:56):
And I was, she was like, no, Brandon, fuck no.
And now I know that's my friend
that we talking about right now with the foot.
That's amazing.
That's amazing.
Yeah, and that's the same dude with the football.
Hey, so you're a baseball player.
I was bad.
14 years, you had a batting average of 105.
(52:18):
Oh shit, why do you know this?
Right?
How do you know?
Negative 3.5, W-A-R.
Oh damn.
I don't even know what W-A-R means,
I don't want to guess.
What is that, is it pronounced war?
What, do you really, is it my stats?
Yeah, dude.
Dude, we got everything, man.
Did you show him the info?
No, that's bad, right?
(52:39):
Point 105?
I have no clue.
Yeah, that's real bad.
Yeah, I was real.
But you're a pitcher, right?
I played, no, I was a second.
You motherfucker.
Yeah, I'm a top.
You son of a bitch.
I was a second baseman.
And I, yeah, I played for 14 years
and sucked the whole time.
It was bad the whole time.
My dad was my coach.
(53:00):
I wish at any point someone was like,
hey, maybe this isn't your thing.
But there weren't really a lot of options
in my high school.
I was in the Alabama high school in the middle of nowhere.
I didn't, I sang in choir.
I wish I would've done a drama program or something.
But it's fine, I feel like I was funny.
But I sucked so bad.
I quit, I finally quit my junior year of high school
(53:21):
because I was like, wait, this is the only place
where I ever, it's not like I was,
I guess bullied is the word, but they were my friends.
And we were like, once I quit baseball, it was all good.
They were just basically letting me know
in a funny way that I sucked at baseball.
But I was like a kid, I was anxious and it hurt my feelings.
(53:41):
And finally I was like, oh yeah,
this is the only time this happens.
Everywhere else I'm pretty respected, I'm funny.
It's like on the baseball field, I'm getting so much shit
because I sucked.
So I was like, oh, okay, so I quit and I was happier.
But I played for a long time.
I played every sport.
I played, wow.
I played football a couple years, free safety.
(54:03):
Free safety, Jesus Christ.
How many times did you get drunk?
Oh dude, so I was actually pretty good.
Really?
Well, I have like this whole reckless abandon thing.
Oh, okay, so you went at them.
Yeah, I would just put my body on the line.
But I wasn't, I'm not very fast.
I'm my toes point outwards.
So in basketball, I'm very good at defense
because I'm good at strafing.
(54:26):
I'm fast as fuck.
I was, and on my basketball team growing up,
I was the fastest one if we were strafing.
If we were sprinting, I was slower than the fat guys.
I was slow.
I'm so slow.
Yeah, I feel you on the joining drama club thing.
I wish I would have did that, but I thought that made you gay.
Right, right.
I didn't wanna do it.
I did sing in choir and that was pretty fun.
(54:50):
You did choir?
Yeah, in high school, yeah.
Like a couple years, I quit that too.
But I did it for a couple years.
And then I was like, fuck you guys.
Yeah, I did that.
In Alabama though, that's a bold choice.
Yeah, yeah, I had some friends in there
and nobody really gave a shit.
Also, here's an interesting thing.
(55:11):
I don't know if you guys had this,
but my high school is East Lawrence High School.
It was very small.
I went to school with the same mother fuckers kindergarten.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how I was.
To graduation.
We did with accident.
So I don't know, nobody really gave a shit.
My friends would bust my balls or whatever,
but I don't know.
With senior year, I really started to become myself,
(55:32):
I feel like.
So I didn't really give a shit.
Your dad's a big six three blue collar dog.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My dad is a construction worker, angry guy, very funny guy.
Why'd he make you drive with a quarter on the dash?
This is crazy.
Do you guys do this much research every time?
(55:53):
Yeah, we got our intel guy.
That's our research guy.
Let's do some math.
Secret weapon, that's Nardwar.
Yeah.
That's so funny.
So my dad, yeah, when he taught me to drive,
he put a quarter on the dash
because he wanted me to drive smoothly.
So I had to stop and take off without the quarter moving.
(56:16):
But here's the thing, fellas, that's not how momentum works.
So I got yelled at a fucking lot
because this quarter was sliding off the dashboard
and I would get frustrated and yell at him.
Like now, I've gotten to therapy and so I also have an anger issue,
but now I'm self aware of it.
But used to, my dad would yell and then I would yell
(56:36):
and that would piss him the fuck off.
You know what I'm saying?
I didn't know how to.
So yeah.
When you have the anger issue, you get in a lot of fights?
I've been in three fights.
I headbutted a guy at a bar one time.
That's what I'm talking about.
The glass cow kiss, dude.
Yeah.
Is that what that is?
Yeah.
What is it called?
The glass cow kiss.
So yeah, I told this story, I think on my pod,
(56:56):
but I was walking out of a bar and I was with a lady I had been seeing
and somebody yelled, I just gotten fired from the radio station
like two weeks before this.
102.7 kiss him.
Mm hmm.
And yeah, I did.
2013 to 2019.
This is crazy.
(57:16):
This is so funny.
I love this so much.
This is really stroking my ego.
So we were leaving the bar and this dude yelled out her by name.
He was like, hey, you're making a mistake.
And I was like, what the fuck did you say?
And we kept walking.
And then he said it again.
And then like a third time, I was like, oh, well, fuck.
(57:37):
Yeah. And then I walked back and say, hey, motherfucker, what's your problem?
Or something like that.
Something similar.
And he's like, my radio.
I was like, what?
He's like, you think just because you're on the radio, you could do whatever you want.
And I was like, motherfucker, I ain't on the radio anymore.
And at this point, we're like this close.
And he's like, good, because you got a shitty radio voice.
And I was I remember just thinking, OK, I can't.
(57:58):
Yeah, I mean, that that didn't bother like what he said didn't bother me.
It was just the fact that I was going home.
I think it was that what angered me was like I was leaving.
I was going home.
I wasn't doing anything wrong.
Yeah. And he wanted to start some shit.
And I was like, I can't walk away from this situation and not hate myself
because I had been in two situations prior to this where I backed down.
(58:21):
Like I did a set one time at where was it?
It was it was this place called the Boiler Room in Florence, Alabama.
This musician that booked me on my first 10 minute set to open for his music thing.
He was a pop guy.
And Remy Neal is his name.
Do you know about this? It's on the goddamn paper.
Get the fuck out of here.
(58:41):
Yeah, let's find it.
Oh, that was my first 10 minute.
That was my first 10 minute sets was Remy Neal.
So he comes to Lips Lounge, Lips Lounge, Remy.
Sorry. We can cut that out.
No, we ain't cut it. What the fuck is the Remy guy that owns Lips Lounge?
Sorry. Oh, really? Lips Lounge.
The karaoke bar by Speakeasy.
Oh, that makes sense. OK, OK, OK.
(59:03):
So, yeah, Remy's a pal.
He saw me to open mic in Huntsville.
We drove from Florence like an hour and a half to do the open mic in Huntsville.
And he saw me.
He booked me to do 10 minutes before his like set.
And it went pretty well.
Luckily, the stage lights were right in my fucking face, so I couldn't see.
Like I had a table of people there for me.
I am pretty sure it was mostly them laughing.
(59:25):
But luckily, I had the lights in my face and I couldn't tell.
It wasn't in my head.
Had a fine 10 minute set.
So fast forward, Remy does a show in Florence and he texts me.
He's like, hey, swing by and do some time while I get some beer or something.
And I was like, sure.
Well, it was the worst set of my life.
The audio wasn't great for stand up and just people were ambushed with it.
(59:47):
A guy came up to me after my set and he was like mad.
Like just that I did it like you.
And then like I had some fraternity brothers there that saw me bomb.
And this is like I was like only a few months in.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, only a few months, even 10 minutes.
Yeah, I was like six months in.
I mean, you're always going to be asked to do more time than you have.
(01:00:09):
You're always going to.
You got to stretch at least once, right?
So you're always the first time you do five.
You probably don't have five, but you're going to do five.
The first time you're given 10, you can do 10.
But you're you know, you'll stretch.
You'll figure it out.
So I yeah.
Bomb of my life.
And this dude, buff dude and like a too small of a shirt comes up to me.
(01:00:29):
And he's like, hey, that joke you did about kicking that baby or whatever.
He's like that. I thought that joke was obtuse.
I was like, really? Because I thought it was a cute joke.
Mm hmm.
Hey, no, but he was an asshole and I didn't punch him in his face.
And then there was like another time where like I went into like
(01:00:52):
fight or flight when I was this is also a girl thing.
But a dude tried to hit me.
I like ran like I just went into fight or flight.
I ran across the street.
And I was like, oh, yeah, what the fuck am I doing?
And then I faced him.
And then like we scrapped up, he took my shirt off and then cops pulled up.
Like he tried to like pull my shirt over my head.
I slipped out of it and then the cops pulled.
Oh, OK, OK. And then so you know about that.
(01:01:13):
Yeah. So all these guys anyway, those are two times where I bitched out.
So now I'm standing in front of this motherfucker.
He's just being an asshole to me while I'm leaving.
I was like, I'm not doing this again.
And I did one of these like I pulled out, pulled off my glasses, like fix my eye.
And I had butted him in the nose.
Oh, yeah. I don't know why you let me do that.
(01:01:33):
But I'm telling you, that's what happened.
And like there's one guy like I know a lot of people were out
outside, but there's one guy, if I see him in Florence, he delivered for like Coca
Cola. If he sees me out, he's like, yeah, he's like this.
This is a bad mother.
Yeah, because yeah, I busted him open.
And then I remember he like swung.
I had I didn't have my glasses on.
I think I handed them off to someone.
(01:01:55):
And then like I was like he was punching at me.
I remember dodging and we eventually somebody just they were like, hey, just leave.
And he stretched the fight.
He got blood all over my all over my Golden Girls shirt.
Not my blood.
And he like stretched the fuck out of it where it was unwearable.
But that was it. And then I went home and that lady and I scared the shit out of her.
She was like, what the fuck?
(01:02:15):
Well, she riled up, though.
Well, she was. Yeah, I think she was probably because she
she saw it because she I'm just a nice boy.
You know, she see me do standup comedy.
I'm silly and fun.
And then I had about this motherfucker in the face.
She was like, oh, what am I?
Oh, that's a win. Yeah.
They see you crazy. They like it's dangerous.
It's funny. Nice. But yeah.
(01:02:35):
You took them off. So, yeah.
And all that just built. Yeah, I have an anger issue.
And it's like I only recently figured out how to set boundaries
and how to communicate without anger.
Like, I don't know.
I've never been like abusive to any of my.
I don't know. Didn't mean to sound like I've ever been.
But I've just always been, you know, I'm just an angry guy
(01:02:57):
and I usually keep it like pin up.
And I used to I used to come out on stage a lot.
Alex saw that.
I used to like, yeah, like you tell telling people to shut the fuck up
and stuff like that. It wasn't great.
But but I don't know.
I kind of like that about myself.
I like that I'm a little spicy.
It protects me a little bit because you're a nice guy.
(01:03:18):
Like every time I've met you, you're nice.
You stand up is great.
First of all, let's put that out there.
Thank you so much.
You stand up. If you're out there, I'm twice on Kiltoni.
So don't hold that again.
Hey, hey, we're we're Eskimo bros.
You're the first you're the first person that's been on Kiltoni to.
Oh, yeah.
I was going to ask him.
Oh, right.
It's crazy if you just had a lady's name on that piece of paper.
(01:03:40):
Did we both?
Oh, my.
You say your body count?
Out of these five, which was the best?
Matt Bammore, ladies and gentlemen.
Hell, yeah. Shout out Matt Salerius, too.
He was he was a roast battle host in Chicago.
(01:04:02):
Yeah, yeah.
Master. I'm sorry.
He was he was one of the co-founders of Roast Battle Chicago.
Our founder is.
Yeah.
Oh, we got superstars and we wish we can get them on.
But we don't have any more mics.
So we're on a budget.
We're on a budget, guys.
He's chill.
Next time you come down, dude, and we'll have all kind of shit on you.
Hell, yeah.
A good thing.
(01:04:22):
We may try to do this again in like six months.
Do it. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That'd be awesome because we had so much fun.
We didn't make any money, but
but it's been a very fun trip and we're best friends now.
It's been fun.
It's been good.
Hell, yeah.
Gaze hell.
(01:04:43):
I had never seen your stand up before yesterday.
Oh, really?
Yeah, because I didn't.
You didn't come to Epic that time because you hate me.
It's because I knew Brent was there and I fucking hate that guy.
Well, you're also in school, right?
Yeah, well, Dom is too.
Yeah, I am.
Yo, really?
You're a 37 year old.
Jesus.
Yeah, dude.
(01:05:04):
GI bill, get paid for it.
I'm about done with this shit.
Hell, yeah.
I hate it.
Yeah, and then I had to
then I had to fucking follow this guy at Stand Up Live, dude.
How'd it go?
We had to jet.
Did you do good?
It was all right.
Yeah, I was pleased.
I didn't have the most fun there.
They were a little tough.
They were?
Yeah, Raina really had to like crack them open when she opened.
(01:05:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was tough.
Sometimes Stand Up Live is like that.
And you would think it'd be the other way around since it's a comedy club.
Here's the thing for those.
I don't know if I'm outing their business, but for those showcases,
like those are usually free tickets.
Nobody bought tickets to that.
To like, I mean, some people probably did, but most of them are probably like
giveaways to pay.
Yeah.
And they call you up in like, you know, you got five free tickets to.
(01:05:48):
Yeah.
So that room can be tough when it's a lot of that.
Any papered room is because the audience has no investment.
Mm hmm.
OK. And then they're pissed about the two item minimum.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. So the prices aren't right.
They're entertainment, like venue prices.
But goddamn, that food at Stand Up Live is so good.
(01:06:08):
It is.
I think about those chicken wings all the time.
I used to live off that's motherfuckers.
That's what I did. That's what I had when I was that.
Yeah, they're great.
Oh, you made chicken wings for us today.
So fucking good.
I appreciate it.
Thank you so much.
Dom can throw the fuck down in the kitchen.
Yeah. I don't know if you could tell.
We can tell.
And then those thin, those shoestring fries with the queso on top.
(01:06:30):
OK, OK. Yeah, he fucks with it.
Yeah. Good. Good.
Thank you so much.
Well, we appreciate you coming on now.
Speaking about food, I hope this is false, but you only eat hamburgers
cold and cheeseburgers hot.
OK.
Is this real?
Now that's stupid. Brandon wrote that.
(01:06:50):
Did he really write that?
Did he?
No.
So dumb.
Fucking idiots.
I did have a call the other day.
I was at this.
There's this really funny show at Sunset Strip in Austin, and they always do
(01:07:10):
like like stand for the national anthem.
And it's always something crazy.
And somebody saying it's like stand for the national anthem.
And a guy saying, take me out to the ballgame.
And then a very funny comic.
What's the comics?
Who? Scott Scott Fillmore.
(01:07:30):
Scott Fillmore was dressed as like a he was dressed as a
I think that's his name, right?
Gay guy, door guy, sunset.
Scott Fillmore. Yeah.
Yeah, he was throwing hot dogs into the crowd.
And I opened one up.
I was like, I'm about to snack on this.
And it was it was a bun around.
It was just a raw hot dog.
(01:07:52):
Oh, yeah.
This dude right here. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. He's hilarious.
He's done Kiltani. He's great.
Yeah, he's also he also roasted Heath.
Oh, he did. Yeah, yeah.
They had a really funny battle. Yeah.
Heath won.
Heath is your roommate. Yeah.
Or he or he crashes on your couch.
He's he would hate if I said that he pays rent.
(01:08:14):
He paid I charge it. He pays a third of rent.
Oh, he does have to sleep on the couch because that's all we got.
Yeah. I mean, he sleeps on my bed sometimes, not with me.
But every once in a while, if I'm gone, I'm like, hey,
I'm my sheets are clean.
If you want to crash on my bed, you're good.
You know, but he does want to find and he's getting his own place soon.
Shout out, Heath. Yeah.
(01:08:34):
Yeah, he did. He was great.
He was nice. He's a great roommate, too.
Yeah, he does the dishes. He's funny.
We I laugh with Heath more than I laugh with anyone.
OK, so goddamn just naturally funny.
We play we play switch sports a lot.
Yeah, we've been playing a lot of we've been playing a lot of like
switch, like golf and bowling.
(01:08:55):
He that motherfucker is so good at we at switch golf and bowling.
He's I'm better at golf. He's better at bowling.
And then we also started playing tennis, which is fine.
We're on the switch.
Oh, yeah. Not real.
Yeah. Yeah.
We're in. Yeah, we're not me and Heath.
We don't play real sports.
But yeah, he's he's great.
(01:09:15):
I love that that sketch you did about the jinx vibrate.
Yeah, that was something that me and Heath.
So Zach Henrik, I guess, did the final.
Like he wrote it out.
But me and Heath rift that idea out.
Like we were just laughing about it like jinx.
You owe me a soda, bitch.
And that might have been that sounded good.
(01:09:37):
Yeah, yeah.
We'll drop that in right here. Oh, yeah.
I think that was black.
Ha ha ha ha.
Fuck, you owe me a coke, bitch.
(01:10:04):
Where's my coke?
What the fuck are you talking about?
L zalonolololol Gongan Hill Nana
Oh, shit, is he there?
(01:10:29):
Oh, shit.
Is he dead?
I don't know.
We should call an ambulance.
Yeah, we ripped that.
We were just laughing about it.
It was so funny, because I think we did,
like, say something at the same time,
and he was just like, you owe me a Coke.
(01:10:51):
I was like, I'm not giving you a fucking.
Honestly, I think our riffing might've been,
we should've incorporated this in the sketch,
but really what happened was he was like,
We were just ripping and he was like, you owe me a coke.
And I was like, no, I fucking don't stupid.
And he's like, you better give me a fucking coke right now.
And I'm like, I'm not giving you a fucking coke,
you psycho bat.
And then we like, we're laughing about how funny it would be
(01:11:13):
if he just killed me with a Coca-Cola.
And making a coke commercial.
So that was where the idea came from.
It was fun.
That was hilarious.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, oh, you got, okay.
Cause I was going to say that this,
this is the end of the episode.
I thank you so much.
Whoa.
We could go longer.
But I don't know if you guys got to go.
(01:11:34):
Uh, is it, is it 15 minutes now?
It's 47 right now.
Yo, that flew by.
I was so much fun.
Hell yeah.
It's telling you it's been a great one.
Yeah, this is really good.
Let me, let me get some more shit off that piece of paper.
Okay, hell yeah.
Dude, I got you.
So you, so your first open mic,
you did one two years before this,
but you don't consider that the starting point.
It was on June 5th, 2019 at singing river brewery
(01:11:59):
in Florence, Alabama.
Your friends pressured you to do it with Kevin,
but he was a huge pussy.
Yeah, that's exactly right.
Kevin, Kevin pussed out.
I called him right before I went and did the mic
and he was like, give me what you have.
And I ran some shit by him.
He goes, yeah, we shouldn't do this.
(01:12:24):
So I was like, okay, he's kind of right.
Like a couple of things weren't great.
I got in the shower.
I rethought over my set, like threw in something.
My first bits were a lot of things
that I was kind of saying to a lot.
I kind of had bits before I started doing standup comedy,
just like at parties where I would tell the same stories
or say the same joke or always do the,
like whenever something bad happened,
(01:12:45):
whenever somebody was like, I got herpes.
I'm like, you know, whatever.
Shit like that.
So that was like what my first set was.
And it went well.
Before that, two years before that, I did Copper Top
and I had never done standup before.
I didn't understand the concept of like the time thing.
They gave us 10 minutes.
Oh shit.
And I had a solid two and a half, three.
(01:13:06):
But instead of just doing my three
and sitting the fuck down like I should have,
I stayed up there for a miserable another seven minutes.
That's why.
Of just talking and trying.
And it was so bad.
I didn't understand, I didn't get, you know.
If you're watching this and you don't do standup,
that's insane.
Yeah, so then.
That's so fucking crazy.
So after that, I started watching Kill Tony.
(01:13:27):
That was back when it was at the store.
And that got me, I was like, okay,
I get what I'm supposed to do.
I was listening to podcasts.
I was listening to like Tuesdays with stories.
I started consuming way more comedy.
Because I'd always been a fan.
Me and Miles, who started shortly after me,
he's like one of my best friends.
(01:13:47):
And I officiated his wedding.
But he, I lost my train again.
What was I talking about?
My.
How you got into comedy.
Oh yeah, okay, okay.
So Miles, why did I bring him up though?
Fuck, I'm so high.
Shit.
I'm in the shit.
Um, where was I before, right before that?
(01:14:09):
Miles, son, oh fuck.
You helped him with the wedding?
Yeah, okay, I did, oh that's right.
So I did 10 minutes.
And Miles started shortly after me.
I was gonna tell a story about Miles, but I forgot it.
But that's it.
Copper top, yeah, bombs.
Then, oh yeah, okay.
So me and Miles went to a lot of shows together.
(01:14:29):
That was what I was going to.
We were doing, we went and saw Segura at Zany's.
And this motherfucker's like doing like huge venues now.
Theaters and stuff.
But yeah, we did, we saw him at Zany's.
We saw Joey Diaz at Zany's.
And then shortly thereafter, Stand Up Live opened.
And we saw, I think we might've saw Burt at Stand Up Live.
And the day I took Scott Easton's comedy class,
(01:14:51):
I saw a tell.
Oh damn.
And that might be the best live performance.
I'm one of the best live performances I've ever seen.
And now go to the thing I pulled up earlier.
Minimize that.
I think you got a picture of what you're talking about.
Go all the way to the bottom, yeah.
Go down, go down.
There you go.
Is that when you met Tom Segura?
Oh shit.
Let's pull this up.
(01:15:12):
Yeah, that's me, Miles, and Tom Segura.
Let me go down.
Is it going down?
There it is.
Oh, I saw that.
Okay, yeah, there it is.
That's my high school girlfriend, Mark Viola.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Oh my gosh.
Ah!
Ah!
Oh shit.
You're good, you're good.
Fuck, I'm all right.
Oh, that was when I did Comedy and Drag.
That's what I was about to ask you.
2019 at a shenanigan.
(01:15:32):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, me and Zach did Comedy and Drag.
The one on the right is from whenever the pandemic,
that was 2020, in the middle of the pandemic.
And we did a show on the fucking loading dock.
I didn't know that picture existed.
Where did you find that?
He's a beast.
He's a beast.
He's a fucking monster.
I would love for you guys to send me that picture.
Oh yeah, yeah, you can have all.
(01:15:54):
Yeah, so, yeah, we did a show on a fucking loading dock
behind shenanigans of people back their goddamn cars in
and tune the radio to a certain frequency
that they could hear us on the radio.
But it was like, you couldn't hear them laugh.
So it was so lonely.
And then you couldn't, they were,
I think at first we were honking,
and then Wendy's was like, hey, you guys gotta stop.
So then they were just flashing their lights
(01:16:17):
and it was really hard to do stand up.
But I mean, I also, I was, you know,
a few months in, I was almost a year in at that point.
It was like, I was getting better and I was, I needed,
I mean, it was good to just save my shit, you know?
I think it was good.
Hell yeah, I was just talking to Alex about this.
I was like, I'm the type of comedian,
I have to go up every, like a lot.
Yeah, you should, everybody, yeah.
(01:16:38):
Yeah, well, that's, you should.
You need to get on stage.
You need to not be turning down any stage time right now
where you're at.
You need to be on stage as much as possible,
going to the gym constantly.
You're gonna get stronger, you're not gonna notice.
And then you're gonna get booked at Stand Up Live
and you're gonna crush and you're gonna be like,
oh, that was super easy.
That's why I go to all these shit bar shows.
Yep, and then what we wanna, this is a comedy podcast
(01:17:00):
about, you know, we're all young, we're all under a year.
Well, I mean, young in comedy.
All right, Alex, this motherfucker
is not out of roast mode.
Yeah, also, Alex has been doing comedy
for like 14 years.
Sorry.
But we like to, for people who like watch this,
usually it's somebody who thinking about starting Stand Up
or just starting.
And what do you got any advice for?
(01:17:22):
Okay, so I don't feel like I'm in a place to give advice,
but I will, I will.
But yeah, I just, I feel like I'm still a baby
is the advice that I would say.
I'm five years in, I'm a five year old in comedy.
I'm a kindergartener.
This is a, this is not a sprint.
(01:17:42):
You know, it's a, what's the other thing?
What's the phrase?
A marathon.
This is a marathon, not a sprint.
Just don't quit, do it as much as possible.
You're gonna get better.
And you know, get on the road,
try your jokes out other places.
There's, you know, there's shows in Tuscaloosa.
Go up to Chattanooga when you can.
(01:18:03):
Sign up for the Laughing School Open Mic.
Meet people.
Go to every epic comedy hour.
Just go there.
Try to help Scott.
Ask Scott to take you on the road.
He took you, right?
Scott's the best comic in town.
Oh yeah, yeah, he was a monster.
He's been doing it.
He murdered in Memphis.
I mean, they were holding their size.
That's what I'm saying.
He's a monster.
And we're very lucky to have him here.
(01:18:26):
He's integral to the scene.
He's, yeah, he's the reason that I met,
like Nashville Comics,
Atlanta Comics was able to get booked in those places.
He took me on the road with him.
Absorb every bit of information that guy has.
You know what I'm saying?
Just do it as much as possible.
Be nice.
(01:18:47):
Be likable on stage and off stage.
Just be nice.
Be professional.
Don't annoy the people that book you.
Don't ask a bunch of questions.
Just thank them for booking you.
That's big.
That's huge.
People don't realize, that's huge.
Yeah, just thank them.
Just say thank you so much for the spot.
Do your time.
(01:19:07):
Don't run the light.
I need to do this.
Write more.
Just write all the fucking time.
But also don't be scared to repeat jokes.
Get them good.
Work them out.
Do a rotation thing.
So you have a five minute set.
If you have two things that worked, keep those.
Put in two new things.
(01:19:28):
Do those two old ones and the two new ones.
And then when you get those two old ones.
When I was here, I definitely did the same shit
over and over and over again.
But I feel like those jokes are really strong now.
And no one cares.
Don't feel, content is good,
but don't feel obligated to post it.
Like I said, this is a marathon, not a sprint.
If you got famous right now, JJ,
(01:19:49):
what the fuck would you do with it?
Absolutely nothing.
You don't have an hour.
I'd have like a Antonio Brown breakdown.
You know what I'm saying?
So your product is your stand up.
And not just you, I'm saying in general.
As comedians, our product is our stand up.
And we wanna sell our product.
(01:20:09):
But your product, when you're new, that's just it.
My product isn't as good as it's gonna be in six years.
My product is gonna be really good
when I'm a 12 year comic, I think.
I'm on the track.
I think when I've been in it for 12 years,
I think I'm gonna be very good at this.
And yeah, until then, just don't feel obligated
to try and get famous.
(01:20:29):
If you got famous right now and you don't have an hour,
like the point of having followers
is to turn those into ticket sales.
If you sell tickets to a piece of shit product,
a piece of shit show,
they're not gonna come see you again.
So you want your product to be good.
And then hope, just post your content,
do whatever you want.
But eventually you wanna pop when you're ready.
(01:20:51):
If you pop too soon, you'll be famous on TikTok,
you'll go on tour for a year, and then the next year,
your agent is just gonna wanna get a bunch of money from you.
They're gonna overprice the tickets,
you'll go on tour for a year,
and nobody's gonna come see you next year.
You know what I'm saying?
I mean, there's exceptions.
And there's comics in Austin that have been doing it
for a shorter time than me.
(01:21:11):
I think that Cam Patterson is like two years in.
Heath is like a year or two in.
You know what I'm saying?
It's not linear.
People are gonna pass you.
You know, and that's it.
Yeah, but you can still tell when you,
I watched him, but you can still tell
they're new and comic.
They're dynamic.
When you see Cam, he's gonna have you laughing
because Cam is funny.
(01:21:32):
But like, huh?
Yeah, he's one of the best.
And he's also, to the thing about being nice,
that motherfucker is so nice.
If he walked in here right now,
he would dab every single one of us up.
If there were 40 of us in here,
he would walk around the room, he'd be tired as fuck,
and he would dab up every single person in here.
Comic, whatever.
He's the nicest motherfucker.
(01:21:52):
And he's great.
And he's so nice to like, you know, he's a buddy.
He's like, he hasn't changed a bit.
I love Cam because being from the hood,
there's so many funny motherfuckers there.
But they can't put it together and get it on stage.
And I was so happy when I saw Cam.
I'm like, he's the one that was able
to put it all together.
And I love Cam.
I'm so glad he's the new, you know,
(01:22:14):
I love David Lucas too, but you know,
it's his time to go ahead and do his thing.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, Cam's fucking great.
I saw him, like when he first moved,
he had like 15,000 followers already.
And now he's like-
That was before he got on?
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah, I mean, just from posting reels from Tampa.
Oh, shit.
No, Orlando, sorry.
Orlando.
But yeah, yeah, so he had like 10, 15,000 followers
(01:22:35):
when he moved to Austin.
And then now he's at like 300K or something.
Deservedly so.
Yeah, deservedly so, he's great.
He's great.
Well, that was fucking crazy.
Got to see my, yeah, that's my ex-girlfriend Emma.
Ooh.
Nice.
Nice pose.
Yeah, that was our senior prank.
We all dressed like children
and rode like tricycles and shit to school.
(01:22:56):
I had a little three-wheeled scooter.
It had a bicycle tire on the front.
And then like-
Oh, shit.
Yeah, and then the back was like scooter tires.
It was weird.
Well, I got one of those now.
But I promise you, on our ride,
it's just like stuck in the back.
I don't know what the fuck happened to that thing.
I know what happened to that relationship.
(01:23:18):
All right, Brent, this day in the podcast,
what we're gonna do right now,
you just, first of all, thank you for coming on.
Yeah, thank you for having us.
Thank you so much for having me.
We really appreciate this, man.
Thank you.
And this camera right here, you're gonna tell them anything.
This will be out on Monday,
so tell them anything you got coming up,
where to find you, all your socials and everything,
your podcast.
Okay, watch my podcast, please.
(01:23:38):
It's Spooky Fun Time.
It's on all the places where podcasts live.
The full video's on Spotify and YouTube,
if you wanna look at me.
Follow at Spooky Fun Time Podcast on Instagram
and kind of a long handle,
but it's all they would let me do.
Follow Brent Reed Comedy on Instagram.
(01:24:00):
And I'm usually at the mothership
like the first of the month for Bottom of the Barrel.
Hell yeah.
Hey, thanks again, man.
We really appreciate this stuff.
Hell yeah, thank you guys so much.
I appreciate you.
You guys are great.
I love that you're putting back into,
oh, did you already end it?
No, no, it's still going.
Oh, okay.
That's good.
Oh, I was just gonna say,
what you guys are doing
for the Huntsville Comedy Scene is great,
(01:24:21):
and you guys are very funny,
and keep doing it.
Thanks, man.
Appreciate it, man.
We really appreciate it.
All right, love you, bye.
Love you, too.
Thank you.
["Bottom of the Barrel"]
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