What's Lyft When You're Left? | #ClownCollegeComedyPodcast | Ep 68 W/ Pat Grice - Clown College Comedy

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This week on Clown College.

(00:08):
You never committed a crime, you never got caught for committing a crime.
Never got caught.
Yeah, there you go.
I feel like we all should commit a crime now.
We got a felon for a president.
Hell yeah.
That's it.
We should, every American should get like two free felonies.
Oh God.
I do agree.
If you can be a f***ing president, you can work at Toyota and have a felony.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Welcome to Clown College.

(00:32):
We have profound knowledge.
In many ways to elevate and make your sound polished.
So if you want to hear a little honest, a few takes on our ways to make it as a comic,
then stick around for a while to put down the clown.
We got the guests right now just to show you how.
Let's all go to Clown College baby.
It's with Brandon, Willis, Don, and JJ.

(00:55):
Let's all go to Clown College baby.
It's with Brandon, Willis, Don, and JJ.
Okay, this is the end of the movie.
Spoiler alert.
This is towards the end.
He basically like has sex with that dude's grave.
Not the dead body, but like he gets naked after this and like puts his wiener in the

(01:19):
dirt.
And it's real weird, man.
This whole f***ing movie is weird.
And then spoiler alert, you find out at the very end that this guy orchestrated all of
their deaths so that he could get this big fancy house.
And then at the end he dances around to like this song and he's butt ass naked and you
see full penis.

(01:40):
What's up with the more penis in movies now and less tits?
Yeah, that's crazy.
It's scientifically proven.
There's no tits.
Exactly.
The ETQ took over the world.
No, but no.
Here, here.
It took over the world.
Jesus Christ.
We're already in it.
We're in it now.
We got Pat on this.
Big Pat was coming.
Hell yeah.
What's going on, man?

(02:00):
You bringing it hot up.
There is some straight activity in this movie, but it's not good straight, bro.
What is good straight?
What is bad straight?
I'll tell you bad straight.
That's what I'm saying.
What is bad straight?
I'll tell you bad straight, dude.
Barry Keegan's character, I forget his name.

(02:21):
I think it's Oliver.
Oliver is posted up in this fancy, but he goes and spends the summer with this guy because
he makes up this lie that his parents are crackheads.
They're not.
You don't know at the time, but they end up not being crackheads at all.
I love how you're spoiling this movie.
Please spoil it because I ain't watching the movie.
I'm not watching the movie.

(02:42):
Me neither, man.
I'm not watching this movie for the plot, bro.
I'm not watching it, too.
So he goes, he stays with these people, and there's a girl that stays at the mansion.
The Barry Keegan's character, he sees her from his window in the nighttime, and she's
wearing this very scandalous dress.
They're all rich as fuck and just kind of weird acting.

(03:02):
What girl got you to watch this movie?
I watched it with my girlfriend, Maddie, but it was my idea to watch it because I heard
so much about it.
I didn't know what it was about, though.
So she's sitting on this bench under his window.
It's very Shakespearean.
And then he comes out there, and one thing leads to another, and he starts fangirling
her.

(03:22):
And it's that time of the month.
And then he puts his hand in her mouth and mandible claws her shit.
And then he starts saying weird white people shit where he's like, I'm a vampire.
And he starts eating her period blood.
I can't, bro.
Well, we're dedicated.
We cannot do this, though.

(03:43):
It's been done.
Oh, man.
Why?
Why make that?
It's upsetting.
That was my favorite part.
You know when it says most replayed at the bottom?
That was at that scene.
He's just naked.
It's all me.
I'm happy for you.
I heard you wore a prosthetic belt, which is...

(04:05):
It looks real to me, man.
God damn.
This is crazy.
I think I would believe in my ability to do that.
You think it's real, Adol?
No, I don't.
If it's prosthetic, we can shove it in.
Why do you study his dick, man?
I'm just playing.
Don't pull it up.
I'm good.
He was studying his dick.
He was studying his dick.
Pat will never talk to me again after this episode, dude.
Okay, okay.

(04:26):
We ain't that cool.
I'm gonna start back up.
Brandon, how you been?
Been good, man.
You know, just doing school, working.
Living life.
How school?
You just got 100 on test?
Yeah, I got 83 on one.
Yeah, so yeah, I'm pretty good.
That's the CPR class.
Been doing good, man.
Give yourself.
Hell yeah, a little applause.
We're gonna save some lives.
You held that a lot longer than you do for most people.

(04:48):
Oh yeah, man, I'm proud.
Proud as hell, man.
Good road.
Good road.
What was the class?
Oh, EMS class.
Oh, shit, okay then.
Then I was deaf and went in for three days.
How did that happen?
Just woke up.
I was deaf.
I had to get like a tube in my ear.
Wait, what?
Are you CPR-savvy?
Yeah, I'm a CPR-savvy.
Hold on, huh?
Don't go away from the, you were deaf for three days?

(05:13):
Well, yeah, I couldn't hear one ear for three days, man.
What was wrong?
Did you get them to do it in class?
I don't know, it's just something in there.
Thankfully, they cleaned it out.
They flushed it out.
Yeah, they flushed it out.
You had wax.
You had wax going up, bro.
Yeah, because I kept digging in there myself and trying to get stuff out.
And it just pushes it farther back.
Yeah, and then that's my problem.
I've had this happen to me.
I had to go a couple times to get the wax flushed out of my ear.

(05:35):
Really?
Yeah.
How about their coast?
I don't know.
Damn, man.
My dad taught me this thing about medical bills where you just don't pay them.
Pat, I know you agree with that.
Hell yeah, real nigga shit.
He's got my plies.
And he likes black women.
He does.
He does?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Keep him away from our women.

(05:57):
My dad, I don't think I've ever said anything about where my dad works on the podcast.
I'm not going to, but he's like, we hired this new girl at work and I've been training
her.
And he's like, she's a freak.
She's just the wrong color.
He said, not only is she white, she's got red hair.
Oh, shit.
Your dad's a fucking beast.
Just fucking, to Christ.

(06:19):
Be my dream to get him on here and talk to him.
We'll get him on here.
The problems will come after the episode releases.
We'll just have to heavily censor.
Oh my God, dude.
He would love nothing more than that.
He loves guns, man.
He loves guns.
Ace builds his own fucking ammo.
Can you make the ammo?

(06:40):
Yeah, hell yeah.
But like, is that illegal?
You keep the brass.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Actually, I don't know.
Never know.
How do you feel about not being on the ride and lift anymore?
Oh, shit, nigga.
I ain't never liked lift, though.
Those lift drivers take too long to get to my destination.

(07:02):
Uber has always been my number one source.
But I got a car now, so I don't need Uber.
Did you get banned from lift?
No, I didn't get banned from lift.
Now, I'm talking about the fat.
Oh, yeah, man.
Nobody's got it.
I like both big people.
I know I'm big, God damn it.
I don't like, look, I'm going to say it like this.
You knew damn well that wasn't going to fly the way she thought

(07:23):
that was going to fly.
Oh, no, man.
No way.
But you fit in this chair easy.
Yeah.
You're agile for how big you are.
Yeah, man.
I'm very tall, so it comes with the territory.
Big, big, looks good on me.
It don't look good on me right now.
I'd like to share like 100, 150 pounds.

(07:44):
I'd be stocky.
I'd be good.
Probably 250.
But you look good.
Have you worked out with it?
Yeah.
Yeah, it'd be like, what that boy name, D-Bow, the one that died.
D-Bow from Friday?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that'd be nice.
I could be like D-Bow.
So you're going to shave your dreads and stuff?
No, I ain't shaving my dreads.
You ain't ever going to cut them off?
No.
That's in the Bible.

(08:05):
You can't do that shit.
You're talking about D-Bow right here.
Yeah.
That's in the Bible.
You can't do that.
That is true.
Can I have one of them?
Samson.
No.
Okay.
Do they ever fall out?
One of them fall out?
Yeah.
Two of them actually fell out before, man.
I was stressed out with some shit.
That's real, man.
Yeah, my sister had to go back and sew them in for me, but you did it.

(08:27):
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
Speaking of hair, you know we're doing the... Oh, we changed the shoot to Sunday.
Can you do Sunday morning?
Yeah.
All right.
And later on, whenever Raina does her part, we kind of need you to put one of these wigs
on.
What kind of wig?
It's a straight hair wig.
Oh, good.
Good?
Oh, that's going to be the thing that represents these, the hell yeah.

(08:51):
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
We got a big skit coming up, guys.
And just the dress.
No.
You got to hear me out.
You got to hear me out.
It's like a romp.
See?
This short, defined leg hole.
First of all, my big ass ain't putting on no dress.
Second of all, I can't put on no dress.

(09:13):
My folks gonna see that shit.
They're looking at me all types of way.
What do you mean, it's for the sake of comedy.
Not about comedy?
Yeah.
Hey, Kid Cudi does it just for you.
Oh, Young Thug?
It ain't nobody bought a Kid Cudi album since when.
Young Thug?
Day and night.
He's in prison?
I never listen to Young Thug.
You don't like Young Thug?
Really?
I don't, not like him.
Slime?

(09:34):
I just don't like him.
I just, you know.
Jeffrey?
Yeah, who knows?
I've been killed.
I mean, I heard a couple of songs about him.
He's okay, but I'm not rushing to no Young Thug album.
Yeah.
I'm talking about Joe Budden guy.
Yeah.
That's a podcast, yeah.
You know, he is a good MC.
But you know, he was trending on Twitter yesterday.
What was he trending?
You know, it's crazy.
People were actually saying that Joe Budden would wipe the floor with Drake in a rap battle.

(10:00):
And I believe it.
I mean, he could do that, but he'll never make as good a music.
Doesn't that matter?
I hate how people don't see that matter.
I don't give a fuck what he's talking about.
Like Kendrick made a whole album about Drake.
It's not, you know.
Not what's that whole album?
Every song in there got a little slight to them.

(10:21):
True.
Every rapper does that.
Tell them, Brandon.
Every rapper does that.
Drake does it.
Who?
Drake.
Drake did it all the time.
It's not a whole album, maybe a song.
No.
Like, if you listen to Drake's music, most of his music is talking about people who low-key
don't like him.
Like, Drake always know that people that low-key like him in the music business.

(10:42):
Yeah, because he too big.
Not even that.
He is too big.
He's too hot.
You get too big, they take you down.
It's not even that.
Wow.
Because, like, think about it.
I think it's how he behaves.
Because think about it.
Like, One Little Wine was the hottest rapper alive.
It wasn't no rapper really going behind his back, trying to talk shit about him behind
his back, for real, for real.
No.
They just trying to kill him.

(11:03):
It's just the idea that Drake was this nerdy rapper guy who came from Canada, who got
big, it got better.
And, you know, he surpassed everybody.
And then in the process, he was fucking all their hoes and shit.
True.
They got mad.
They couldn't tell.
Well, you can't do that.
If he's snaking people, that's fucked up.

(11:26):
This thing I just heard is just listen to content creators talk.
That kind of...
But you take it as the Bible.
No, just, you know, niggatry.
You think it's because he's like a horrible gambler too?
Drake, man, he always loses every squirt bet.
Well, you know all that.
Yeah, like he's notorious for it, man.

(11:48):
He lose thousands.
He throws some big bets down, but the ones I've saw, he's actually won on.
Really?
He won some?
Yeah.
I've seen some where he won.
But he throws down like a crazy amount.
Him and that mattress mat guy.
Yeah, dude, that mattress mat guy is always fucking...
He's getting like a $34 million bet on the World Series.
Every year.
Like how fucking good are these mattresses?
This dude just sells mattresses in Houston and makes like a fuck ton of money, man.

(12:13):
He's just done it like forever.
Look at him.
Mattress mat.
That motherfucker doing some kind of swindle.
Oh my gosh, bro.
He looks like Jimmy Carter now.
Yeah.
Tell me about it.
In the grave?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kind of looks like Nosferatu.
That's weird though.
I forgot that man died until you just brought his name up, Jimmy Carter.
See, we don't worry about white people's deaths as much.

(12:36):
Definitely.
You know who's a black person I'm worried about right now?
Kodak Black, man.
Me too, man.
If he don't clean this shit up, he got about two or three, and that's being lenient.
If you were out there...
Now, hopefully it was like a stunt and then his boys was out there behind him, but if
he out there sitting on the fucking curb of the street eating chicken with all that shit

(12:59):
on...
I think he is.
I think he is, because he's doing all that shit, but he's still got records coming out.
He's still got music dropping.
He's a talent.
And he just sounds...
I heard he just sounds some type of New Deal or something.
I don't know what it is.
It ain't got nothing to do with how fucking the drugs is going to fuck his ass up.
Yeah, true.
Look at this.

(13:19):
You can never get this bad.
And if you do, what it is is people are scared and be like, I ain't going to be the same
person if I can't do whatever his thing is.
But once you get to this point, you got to.
You got to stop it, because you can't control yourself.
You can't be like, I'm going to have whatever...
Let's say he does percs.
I'm going to just have one perc two times a week.

(13:41):
He can't do that.
Nope.
So which crazy is better, the Kodak crazy or the Kanye crazy?
Kanye crazy is better.
Kanye crazy is not out here.
He is going to die.
Kanye is mentally insane.
This looks like a racist political cartoon.
But this is a bad situation.
That chicken don't even look all the way cooked.
Just putting that out there.
Looking over here, that chicken don't look all the way cooked.
Yeah, this is bad, man.
So we're both looking at cock.
We're just speaking this.
Look at that dead bird.
He's sucking the eye of a fish, bro, for good luck.
Oh yeah, they eat that.
Fish head.

(14:02):
He like Haitian or some shit.
Oh, never mind.
Never mind.
That's good, man.
I love Kodak music.
Jamaica's ate that shit too.
I love Kodak music.
I love Kodak music.
I love Kodak music.
I love Kodak music.
I love Kodak music.
Jamaica's ate that shit too.
Yeah, suck that fish head.

(14:23):
Kodak music is the shit, bro.
It's like the funniest yet the most sad video of Kodak.
Not that one.
I'll go back to the other one.
He goes to University of Florida.
He's in the locker room with the football team.
And he's giving a motivational speech or whatever.
And he said, and I'm going to come back to college and get my degree.
And they all start laughing at him.
But then he looks sad because he was being for real.

(14:44):
And that might have turned him to this, dude.
He been on that shit for a minute.
I don't know what it is though.
I mean.
This ain't weed.
No.
This is not weed.
Clearly not.
What you think it is, Pat?
What drug?
Molly.
That could be.
You know what I'm thinking?

(15:05):
He's on a plethora of things.
I know he does the perks and all that type of stuff.
But it don't make you act like this.
I think this might be K2, dog.
Maybe.
K2 is the fake weed.
The spice.
People say I smoke with that shit.
Why?
Bro, if you go into Austin, that's all they...
When you see, you'll see homeless people hitting the fucking bricks of the outside walls and

(15:27):
they talking to themselves and they are very aggressive.
That's all that K2 shit.
Because it makes you go crazy.
I was into two or three years.
I saw that shit.
I saw spice one time before.
I was in Talladega, Alabama working at Pizza Hut.
And this chick who I knew from my job, she was trying to get a better job so she was
smoking that spice shit.

(15:47):
I looked at that shit, I was like, oh hell no.
It looked like some drug corn was in that shit.
It's Lace Popperia is literally what it is.
Oh hell no.
I used to roll the tiniest bunch.
You just take two hits, you're in a fucking different...
Because you do it for that.
You're like, oh you get drug tests.
I was in Army, I get drug tests.
That first shit did smoke like weed.
You're like, dude this is fucking weed and you can just buy it at the gas station.

(16:10):
And then you're like, now I'm fucking sleeping in my mom's driveway and D-Lo had to come
out there and get me.
I was like, alright maybe I need to stop now.
When D-Lo's helping you.
Damn.
Act it up bro.
I like my weed illegal.
That shit can't give me my illegal weed.
It shouldn't be illegal anymore.

(16:30):
I mean come on man.
What the fuck are we doing?
I was talking to this guy from Canada yesterday.
I was playing Counter-Strike.
I met him on there.
And I was talking to him and he was saying that weed is legal there and that the cops
smoke weed.
You just can't smoke 24 hours before your shift.
And I'm like, bro that would never fly here.
No that would not.

(16:51):
No that would not.
It should fly whenever somebody is brave enough to just put, legalize this shit.
They don't want to because then they got to let all these people out of prison and all
that stuff.
But I mean it's no way it's worse than alcohol.
I do, I don't smoke reefers but I drink.

(17:12):
Way worse.
Way worse than weed.
Thank you for pulling this up man.
I didn't know what it was.
My theory is if they legalize weed that would be less killer.
I think so too.
Here's my appeal to the Trump administration.
We'll be no cop killer.
Okay.
I think maybe you'd see some numbers go down but I don't think weed is where the violence

(17:38):
gets constant.
No.
I don't think it's clips are switching.
Not for that.
No.
No.
Socially though I think it'd be a good thing.
Yeah socially.
The answer.
You know how cool it would be, I'm sorry.
No you're good.
I'm telling you.
Like you know how cool it would be to be walking down the street smoking a blunt and you could
pass it to a cop and be like, let me hit that real quick.
I mean he.

(17:59):
I'm talking about if it was legal.
Not even my driver's license.
They'll be one of them.
No.
A sovereign citizen.
Yeah they roll up the window with a note on the door.
You are getting your shit smashed in.
Yeah.
Let you know that now.
But this is my theory and my appeal to the Trump administration would be legalize marijuana,

(18:20):
let all the people for weed offenses out of prison and then put all the illegals in prison.
Oh wow.
Oh wow.
I think that's the solution.
Oh wow.
You know why?
What's wrong with you?
No I'm just saying that's how you would think.
If Trump hear this somehow, you would have a job at the White House by the next month.
He was flying out tomorrow.
Could you imagine if I was in Congress dude?
I would love to have a position in his cabinet.
You would be so right wing.
I mean you would be so right wing.
They would hire him just for his mustache.
For real.

(18:40):
They would hire you just for your mustache.
I would go, I would say a slur on my face.
I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say,

(19:11):
Dude, that was a badass sheriff back in the day, man.
It was a badass sheriff?
Yep, he used to, man.
What TV show?
No, I'm talking about real.
Rioter, he was amazing.
You should, like, dude, you guys should look into this.
What the fuck?
You motherfucking brought up some...
You brought up a slave owner.
You fucking brought up a slave owner, my nigga.
No, man, dude, dude.
You know how many licks he probably hung in his...

(19:33):
Aw, man, nah, bro.
One for each mustache hair.
Nah, bro.
Nah, bro.
Yeah.
He's the world's greatest gunslinger?
Yes, he was, man.
I might be related to this guy.
He never got killed.
I know three people in Chicago
hit his ass with a switch right now.
Maybe.
So he had a fucking, whatever.
I don't wanna hear it.
He's the goddamn best gunslinger.
He should be able to make it happen.

(19:55):
He has a blunderbuss.
A what?
A blunderbuss.
What the fuck is that?
Okay, what's that?
I don't know that part.
Yeah, like, it's like a big ass pistol,
like an old timey pistol.
It's a shotgun pistol.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Like a pirate.
A stove.
Blundergun.
Blunderbuss, oh yeah, there it is.
Holy shit, how long does that take to load up?

(20:16):
Oh yeah, that's a dual weapon.
That's what you duel with.
Oh man, dude.
Would you, oh, dude.
We should duel with rubber bullets.
Nope.
You wouldn't do it?
No.
I would do it.
Anybody else in?
Brandon.
How about paintballs?
Why are we going with rubber bullets?
Why a rubber bullet?
Because we should do rubber bullets,

(20:37):
because they hurt, they hurt.
That's just one step down from like a 22.
Yeah.
Duel with a 22.
That's like something you and Sapphire would do.
I don't know if Sapphire would do it.
Would you do it, Brandon?
Nah, man.
What about a paintball?
What about a...
Dude, if you impassivated it,
it would be like a newtons cradle.
He's bouncing back.
You ain't shit.

(20:58):
I'm probably crying,
you can't do it with a bullet.
I don't want none of that.
I would do a paintball, for sure.
Now, well, let's make that happen.
But it has to be a single shot paintball gun.
Yeah, but in paint,
you see if they actually got hit or not.
Yeah.
That's the best, yeah.
Well, you're gonna see it on the rubber bullet, too.
Yeah, but it's more,
pull up that shirt.
On the camera, visually,

(21:19):
it'll look better with the paintball gun.
All right, we have a,
so whoever we have a grievance with,
we have a duel with them.
Settled by duel.
I think I know the first person we should email or DM.
Oh, I know a couple.
Yeah, yeah.
We already had to break up one duel before.
A podcast paintball battle.

(21:41):
Yeah, that would be fun.
Between us and the mystery machine gang,
whatever the fuck.
I'm thinking us versus Bryce and Syfy show.
Oh, yeah.
And whoever they draft, you know.
I like that, I wanna fight.
We got Pat.
I wanna shoot Scrappy Dude, though.
Dang.
Yeah, we'll get Scrappy Dude.
Pat, they tried to take you from us.
Who?
Bryce and Syfy.
Oh, man, that'd be weird.

(22:02):
Who you gonna pledge your allegiance to?
Cause they got this whole new channel, new background,
and you know, new intro.
They think they're the fucking shit.
Whose side are you fucking taking?
Yeah, who you fucking, man?
Nobody right now.
Oh, dog, man.
He's the greatest.
Brandon always tried to like, nah.
Looks like you said it, man.
Whose side you on, man?
Yeah, that's what I was meant.
Everybody stare at him.

(22:22):
Whose side you on, man?
I'm on Jesus' side, nigga.
No.
Whose side?
That's our side.
Whose side?
Oh, okay.
Yeah, that's our side.
Bryce is an atheist, and I'm Syfy.
I'm Syfy, I believe in him.
I'm a Christian, man.
Yeah, I'm a Christian.
You know it can't be a good Christian.
So you got an atheist and a guy who don't eat pork?

(22:43):
Yeah.
I'm on this side.
Yeah, thank you, man.
I'm a Christian, bro.
Huh?
I'm a Christian.
I was born Christian.
Like, were you baptized?
Not yet.
You ain't got baptized yet?
I don't think I have.
We could do that right now.
No, I'm in as an alligator, I'm not coming back home.
How did your mom forget to baptize you?
Your faith isn't strong enough.
I gotta ask her.
I'll ask her tomorrow.
I could have been a baby.
I don't think your mama love you.

(23:04):
I don't think so either.
Fuck.
Honestly, dude, I'm glad you say it.
I don't think so either sometimes.
Oh, no, we gotta stop this now.
Why don't you think so, Brandon?
I don't know, man.
She just, like, I remember I made, like, this meal the other day.
Made chicken crusted parmesan, macaroni and cheese, broccoli, and cheese.
Oh, don't do it, bro.
And everybody was acting like I was Cinderella, man.

(23:26):
They didn't appreciate me.
They were over there like, hurry up with that.
And then they got mad at me for making it.
They were like, because they were like, man, man, now there's a mess.
Once I cleaned it all up and then they put a mess in there.
And they wanted me to, it was just a lot of shit.
So you had to clean up their mess plus the mess.
Yeah, and then when I was like, no, man, I shouldn't.
Oh, everybody's in a mess.
Everybody's in a mess.
I couldn't, oh, everybody, I cooked the whole big meal.
Really?
You cooked the family meal, didn't they appreciate it?
Nope.

(23:47):
Brandon, you got to tell me.
Did you burn the parmesan?
Nope.
Then they said, nah, dude, I made it perfect.
Dude, hold on, let me get the joke.
Do you play the music?
Dude, that's funny.
I thought that was a duduch and then it said, wah, wah, wah, wah.
That's crazy, man.
But dude, it was perfect, man.
Everybody was like, yeah, I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.

(24:08):
I got it.
I got it.
But dude, it was perfect, man, everybody was like, damn, bro.
He slipped.
Damn.
How did you make that?
Did anybody say it was good or like thank you?
Everybody.
Everybody loved it.
Also, it was good.
It was perfect.
My sister even woke me up in the middle of the night, I was like, yo, do you have any more
of that chicken?
And they were like, dude, it was, man.
I didn't know you had a sister.
Yeah, he got a little sister.

(24:29):
Yeah, 14 years old, freshman in high school.
I thought I was just the only child.
Yeah, no.
I thought your mama stopped at you.
Damn.
Well, you know.
He was so good.
Yeah, I was special, man.
I'm a magical person, man.
So what was the quarrel view?

(24:51):
They said it was good.
It was just because they didn't say thank you.
Well, everybody else was like appreciative and stuff.
My mom was like, nah, man, you didn't clean up everybody's mess and stuff and all that.
I'm like, dude, what?
What are you talking about?
And she's like, don't even talk to me now.
So I'm like, damn.
Is she mad at you about something else?
Maybe and that's what she's bringing it out of?
Oh, no, it's just.
It's just that?

(25:11):
No, yeah, it'll be anything.
It's like slightest.
All right.
Dude, I can breathe, bro.
I'm just walking in the house, black.
Hey, good morning.
How long have you been going home?
Since I was born.
I'm going to be honest with you.
But she loves me, man.
She loves me.
She loves you, man.
Yeah, she does.
And we love you.
So your first memory of life is your mom saying, fuck you.

(25:35):
I don't remember, man.
I don't remember.
I don't remember when I was first born.
I hope not.
I'm talking about when you first started remembering shit.
When I first started remembering stuff.
I mean, I guess it was good until I got around probably 11 or 12, when I grew up kind of.
I mean, you're basically a grown man.
Yeah, but once I started growing up, yeah, that's when it was like, damn, all right.
Because she knew you was going to be out there in them streets.

(25:56):
This ain't no, well, yeah.
I mean, thankfully, that's why she took me away from me.
She was like, man, let me take him away from there and bring him here and stuff.
And now, yeah, it's just.
I don't know sometimes.
You never know, man.
Maybe she's just trying to make sure it was better for you.
Yeah.
And sometimes because I call too much.
Like, I'll be like, hey, how you doing?
You call her too much?
I guess.

(26:17):
Like, maybe three times a day or something.
You call your mom.
Because I'm checking, I'll be like, how you doing?
She's like, damn, man, what you want, man?
Well, Brandon, don't.
Yeah.
I mean, if my son called me three times a day, get somebody else.
The only person that calls me three times a day is Jake, dude.
Yeah, man, that's just me checking to make sure everything's good in the neighborhood.

(26:38):
I understand that I did call when I went out, but I did that.
I would call every time I went to the application and called.
You know what's crazy?
I don't really call my dad like that.
Damn, why not, man?
Me and my dad are just alike.
We can go for years without talking to each other, and we will see each other and be like,
what up, Bubba?
What up, pops?
And we'll just pick up where we left off.

(26:59):
Oh, well, that's good, man.
That's a good relationship.
We're both introverts.
Hey, I'm an introvert, too, man.
Really?
Yes, I actually am.
Do you know what an introvert is?
Yes, that's when you are quiet, man.
Sometimes you're like your alone time, stuff like that.
I see a lot of introverts, man.
Okay, cool.
But you like to be out.
You get on stage.
Yeah, I do sometimes, but then other times I like to be by myself.
I feel you.
I like to be by myself, too.
True.
I like both.
Best of both worlds.
I'm bisexual, too.

(27:20):
Oh, well, I'm not bisexual, but-
Well, you're both.
No, man.
I mean, I'm not bisexual.
I'm not bisexual.
I'm not bisexual.
I'm not bisexual.
I'm bisexual, too.
I'm not bisexual, but-
Well, you're both.
No, man.
I mean, well, bisexual, I guess, when introverted and extroverted.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what I meant.
Oh, my bad.
I thought you were talking about the other bisexual.
I mean, look, if you were, that's awesome.

(27:41):
The bisexual that you are.
Bisexual.
Well, let's say bi-extroverted, bi-introverted.
We're not going to say bi-sexual.
That nigga made a whole little word.
Yes, bi-introverted, bi-extroverted, not bisexual.
That's funny, man.
Not that I think there's nothing wrong with that.
I'm not bisexual.
I'm not bisexual.
I'm not bisexual.
I'm not bisexual.
That's funny, man.
Not that I think there's nothing wrong.
That's great.
What is you guys like first members?
Who got raped?

(28:02):
What?
I said that's great.
Nobody got raped.
That's a great question.
What did he say?
He said, who got raped?
That's what I thought you said.
I didn't say that.
He said, Charlottesville.
Let's change that.
Yeah.
What are we talking about?
What in the world?
I don't know, man.
You know, I heard the story.
What story?
Tell me, can I hear a story?
I want to hear a story.
The story, man.
I'm talking about the guy who got raped.
That's a good point, because you're talking about, I almost get taken somewhere.

(28:23):
Oh, you're talking about last week when that dude was mine.
But you escaped all of them.
Well, yeah, I guess, yeah.
You ain't a genie.
Yeah, I never got touched, so.
Yeah, so you escaped all of them.
Yeah.
All the attempts.
Yeah.
What were you talking about last week when that dude was mine?
All I know is you are every, you are a pedophile's wet dream, from what I'm hearing.
Damn, man.
Yeah.

(28:44):
Thankfully, I'm all grown up now, man, so I don't have to worry about that.
You can fuck him up, right?
Yes, I can.
Yes, I can.
Yeah, man, they put me in the car.
Next thing you know, they want me to get them out of the car.
They pull over, man.
I'm like, nah, man, you shouldn't have put me in that car.
You're driving?
Now, yeah, now I'm driving the car.
So you got, you picked up somebody you know.
No, no, I'm like, they kidnapping me, now I'm kidnapping them.
So now what you do?
They start driving me away.
I get untied, tie them up.
Now I'm driving the car.
What are you going to do to them when you got them?
I'll be like, what were you going to do?
And then they'll be like, I'm going to do the same thing.

(29:05):
I'm going to do the same thing.
I'm going to do the same thing.
So now what you want it?

(29:28):
So now what you get?
So now it's consensual.
No, damn, bro.
Damn.
What is that?
I'm not going to tell people how to set me up.
It's not consensual because he wanted to bang you, but now you're banging him.
He didn't want that.
So you win.
Yeah.

(29:49):
I guess so.
Yeah.
I guess so.
I mean, this is more metaphorical.
He sounds like OJ.
If I was going to do that.
No, man.
We're just...
But there might be some funny shit I heard before.
What?
Man, I don't like spelling family drama, but my older brother did some time, and I forgot

(30:13):
how we got to this conversation.
All I know is he was talking about whenever a nigga come to prison and he try that shit,
I be like, look here.
I'm doing the fucking.
And I'm like, wait, what?
Man.
Like, man, prison life, that's why I ain't never committed no crime.
Man, let's not go to prison, man.
You never committed a crime, you never got caught for committing a crime.
Never got caught.
Yeah.

(30:34):
I feel like we all should commit a crime now.
We got a felon for a president.
Hell yeah.
That shit, every American should get two free felonies.
Oh, God.
I do agree.
If you can be the fucking president, you can work at Toyota and have a felony.
You know what I mean?
You make a little car, but you know, you get away with it.
Yeah.
That's what you would do.

(30:54):
Look at this.
If you get two freebies, what do you guys do?
Ooh, two felonies, you get off scot-free, you still got to serve your time.
He got off scot.
It's like slap on the wrist type.
Slap, slap, move forward, whatever.
Yeah.
Y'all know what I'm doing.
What are you doing, man?
Brandon, let's just say, we'll give you a head start, man.
That's all I need to know right there.

(31:16):
I just get a free car, I guess.
Definitely robbing a bank and then murder.
Oh.
Connected?
I'll do something.
No.
I want the murder to be slow.
You know, like, give me time with them.
Because it's like premeditated.
If you do like torture them and shit like that, you get away with more time.

(31:38):
What are you thinking about killing, man?
I'll just pick some money.
There's a random person?
No, somebody who did something maybe bad or somebody just don't like.
Maybe they have a family and kids and they're good at them and I just don't like them.
I have a candidate that I can throw in the ring for you.
I like Scrappy Doo.
That's just not true, man.
We all know it.
It's fake and we know it, dude.
I mean, I've seen this.
Stand up, hey, magnificent.

(31:58):
I had to write notes down.
I don't know who you're talking about.
Scrappy Doo.
Oh my God, I saw this insane picture of Scrappy Doo the other day.
Can Brandon pull this off?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Don't you dare tell me today, can Brandon pull it up if I text you?
Air drop it to them.
Well, my fellow — I would do something slick.

(32:20):
I'll find somebody to like — that could go inside the system and change my credit
score.
Okay, yeah.
A little fraud.
Yeah.
That's one, fraud, one.
I'm kidding somebody, too.
I mean you just want to keep that in your back pocket.
You always want to have that.
You might not use it,uden't you?
Yeah.

(32:40):
But I would do it but I would do it in a way where I can get more than one kill more than one
Yeah, I probably want to do a mass murder. Yeah. Oh wow. Yeah
Making a man don't it
Maybe three
Maybe three triple. Hey, man

(33:01):
Everybody got somebody want to kill I
Don't bring who you want to kill
Just say what I just play yeah, man this person this person then that oh and not you say what they do for work. I
Can't think of nobody right now man, what would be your two felonies though two felonies? I guess yeah, just get a free car

(33:22):
And car. Yeah still a car
Still a car from a billionaire with millions of dollars in it. So I have money and I mean it's Brandon. We're not
You're still in a car
Yeah, like are you robbing the house? Are you still in the car? If you still different felonies?
If you still a billionaires car, he could just sell that bitch if you still big billionaire car

(33:44):
That's a different felony than breaking an inner and still in shit. That's a whole different thing
Yeah, so you got to pick one of the other
Well, you know what I would just yeah, I would actually go get millions from like a house and then and then get a car
Yeah, we got to just use that money and get the car so I would do that and then I guess I mean I would save
That part just in case something happens. Mm-hmm

(34:04):
Oh, you get out of jail free car. Yeah, yeah
Just in case something happens. I'm not saying some wood
Yeah, just in case you know things happen. Yeah, so it's like I've seen it things happen. Hey real quick look up and see if they
What they what they say guilty not guilty ASAP Rocky not guilty

(34:26):
Okay, what's your two favorite felon?
My two favorite film me which one would you do? I don't know. I think I'd try to think outside the box. Mm-hmm
maybe like
Damn dude
Maybe I like buy somebody
What oh my god?
Human being not on some like slavery

(34:50):
No, our sex slave no, well what else are you using a week buying a person for if it's not work or sex
I'm just like an assistant. Huh? So that's worth he want to say that he wanted to do that. He don't gotta pay
Yeah, okay, that's like a driver. That's a house. Yeah. So what they gonna look like like
You just want to you just want to you just want to dabble in slavery and that's fine

(35:10):
Doesn't matter who it is. I'm gonna drive me around somebody can balance ideas off of
Yeah, yeah
But they have to stay there and they're kidding that and they work for they don't receive compensation and they don't receive
Place to live but it's like a little bit away from why live Wow

(35:30):
Now if you do that you can no longer welcome here
Yeah, I would not buy something I don't know I probably kill kill you guys and then
Maybe I don't know. I know I'd mail anthrax to a politician

(35:50):
You are Casey from
Kings of Tupelo
Dude, I love once you start talking about lizard people once you start going off the deep end
I'm like if JJ doesn't check yourself
Clearly, I was on a dark path, man
I was listening this podcast about this guy who like 3d prints guns
Mm-hmm, and I was like, yeah, you should be able to do that. And I'm like probably not though

(36:13):
No, you should you shouldn't be it should be illegal that we were talking about this at work
Do you think that Luigi Mangione? Do you think he's gonna get first-degree murder? Do you think you can get convicted of it?
I think he's premeditated. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I said to what you think
Pretty meditate here again, though, what do you think?

(36:35):
I had two people work saying that they think he's getting out because we're dumb as hell but I'm like, yeah
I'm like it's premeditated made a gun for that. It's clearly a hit you have to get murder one
But there's a like long thing. They're gonna give him a plea for murder to you're gonna stick him with so much shit
Yeah, it's good. It's also gonna be conspiracy because there was like
something they found in his

(36:57):
manifesto because he was like
I don't know what they found but he was playing he thought about putting an explosive in the building which would have killed
Hella people. Yeah, so he's gonna get charged with like a terrorist conspiracy and shit
Okay. Yeah, I don't fuck with that nigga. Just imagine if you was CEO you worked your way to the top. Okay
Hey, Eddie, you got you got this fucking Mario look, you know motherfucker

(37:22):
Just that's right there
It is Luigi, but what I said Mario cuz they're my
Because they're running me I believe but I mean like I just doesn't like him cuz he gets hungry whenever he hears his name
Yeah, no, but I'd be like because I'd be like, yeah

(37:43):
I'm not I'm gonna make the health care or where everybody's like benefit. Well, you won't be CEO then
That'd be the fast track to not being see
Good like Brandon. How can we how can we possibly cut more corners and stop dying people from receiving life-saving?
Medications and or medical procedures you gotta figure that out

(38:08):
Not not big man like
40 mil is 40 million is a lot but I'm saying it's not like, you know, like he's killed my
Billion for the million dollar got a guard dog there there there's a third string defensive end who has 40 billion dollars
You know what I mean? It's not like it's not like a crazy amount of money. I just had the front light

(38:30):
Yeah, yeah true
We were when when me and my girlfriend were watching salt burn and they had all this money
Like it's about rich people, you know, like crazy opulence. I'm like just pissing money away
I don't know how this figure came about but she said something about

(38:51):
250 million dollars and I was like there is a
Minimal fraction of people that have 250 million. Oh, yeah, and she was like, I don't know
You said she was like 79% of people probably don't have 250 million. Oh no
Like I said, I was a bet on fan duel. I would sell everything that I own and be like, yeah, of course, bro

(39:15):
You're telling me one if one of us has 250 million. That's an insane thing. The same thing to say who told you that my girlfriend, dude
So I was I was like laughing cuz I'm like you're so ridiculous

(39:35):
She was like the figure 250 million dollars got brought up and she was like, yeah
79% of people probably don't even have
250 million dollars. I was like, yeah, like nobody has that like a
Fraction of a fraction of a fraction percent of people have that
Cuz to be a top one percent. How many people do you think have 250 minute? What percentage of the population?

(39:58):
Like in a bank account. Yeah, or what the worth name what the worth? Uh, she
net worth 250 million
The man the one that's probably worth over 250 million. Yeah, I'm saying what percentage of the population do you think?
She maybe point five
Okay, I mean that's that's the reason why better. Yeah way better. Good. It's lower than that, but it's about it. She's point two two

(40:30):
Brady can you look that up man? What percent of people have 250 million dollars? I've been googling
Cuz I think to be top one percent in the US it's like eight hundred and something thousand
Really? I think I might be wrong. I probably am wrong

(40:53):
Okay, let's see
Very small percentage of people have a net worth name
Wow, it said in 2019 was like 84 percent of millionaires in the US had between what it said
It's wrong. Just 2.5. Damn. So yeah 250
Yeah, man, that's very small. Only 1% I think
No, it's less than that. It's like 20,000 people. It's also saying around the world

(41:19):
I thought I said Elon Musk was an American and I was like fuck. Yeah, goddamn. No, he's nice a fucking foreigner and
goddamn
American Affairs and he posts shit like oh
South America is getting over ran. We need to do something. What the fuck they got to do with us. We tried that
We tried that I don't give a damn what South Africa got going on
I don't give a fuck that black motherfucker. He showed start stumping on I don't care. That's what his whole that's what their whole thing is

(41:44):
Oh, we're not supposed to be worried about other people. I didn't know Doze was the real acronym
Yeah, I was at the gym today on a treadmill and I saw it like they have Fox News on and I said Doze and I was
Like this is fucking insane. We live in like this hellscape
Dystopian meme reality where nothing fucking makes sense anymore

(42:06):
No, Doze used to be a picture of a fucking weird-looking doll. Yeah, don't use to be a meal
But it's Department of Government Efficiency, what does that mean bro?
It's a made-up thing that they're letting them have access. That's like every at an open mic having the Department of Good Takes

(42:27):
Yeah, it's just not the government is not efficient. It's too big to be
Supposed to not be in order to work good these people are fucking stupid
This is it's just this is insane man. Oh
It's bad shit crazy
and you know, I cuz you know like when they say by AI taking over and what is an

(42:49):
Autistic person but really an AI per in AI, you know, I mean they don't have feelings
They don't you know know how to properly
You know have a you know, I mean he got some feeling look at that you like wait hold up. No, you're not
This is a good not your time. It was that baby. That's you were funny
do you think the the autistic do you think that those people will you know be I

(43:14):
Don't I don't want to say cured but um here by what?
But will be leveled out or do you think AI will develop feelings before they do AI will develop feelings
They can't it's like something in them cured was not where they can't like I said, Brendan
Not your car, but the kind that we're talking about. Okay, they don't they don't know how to process feelings and

(43:37):
And social cues and things that make you human
So I don't think they should be in charge of anything with the government
Down with all to
Autism is the new Jew
I'm in this part of town enough a whole bunch of people. Well, first of all, we're all comics

(43:58):
I mean, it's like every dude Scott Easton is so autistic and he he gets mad when you say it to him
Yeah, I don't know you see is you see you see his beady eyes
Whatever he starts getting in about something he's collecting. Oh my god
Collectors that's like a big hallmark, bro. Oh, yeah, if you have a collection of any kind. Mm-hmm

(44:22):
What you got a collection now?
Receipts
I keep mine I scan my Panda Express rewards you
If you get the app you just you don't have to scan it
I don't order it on the app though
Because if I order it and then on the app and I go and they didn't have like the I always get the white steamed

(44:44):
Rice, they'll replace it with the fried rice, but I can't eat it
So I was just order in person that way if they're out of the eligibility. No, I just I'm good. Mm-hmm
How you feel about that brand?
About the Persian race. Mm-hmm
It's our way so you saying like that's your collection kind of
Yeah, I actually do have no action now that I think about it and it is Panda Express fortunes

(45:07):
I have like probably a hundred of them in my car. Yeah, so you got it. Yeah, I guess I'm autistic
You got a very small food in it. My eyes is rustling figures, man. I got lines of rustling figures different series
You got over a hundred figures of over a hundred figures, dude. I got a hundred fortunes, dude
I am and and today I'll come true

(45:27):
Almost none almost I'm gonna always get ones like find happiness
Success is coming your way. Will you pass Pat a fortune cooker? Please might as well find Jesus, but let's see what your fortune
I think that we can find them though find Jesus for
He's a atheist. Oh, I'm not an atheist man, dude everybody in here. I think I well Brandon's obviously going

(45:56):
You know, let me get some fortune man, well, I guess I'll take a fortune now
It's crunching good as hell keep crunching and this one's true this one will come true
It says the world will soon be ready to receive your talent. What'd you say? The the world will soon be ready to receive your talent

(46:17):
Do this shit is good. They said you'll be called to fill a position of high honor. Oh, we know what that is
Yes, it is fine. I find this out like mine said your present plans are going to succeed
Yeah, what about you? Did you where's the 14th?
Yeah, I thought damn bro, but he can still read it

(46:39):
You're going to have a very comfortable life
Yeah caskets are comfortable
That purple purple suede inside of it I see it now I got

(47:17):
In the south
Said a bitch on the street like crack

(47:41):
Get a bunch of eggs
New York, but you know in New York, they saying that there are people out there selling loose eggs. Oh, hey go for it, bro
That's a good hustle. It's better than
Eggs are crazy
Well, that's that's hitting a little closer

(48:01):
Oh, you are you're about the same size of Eric Gardner for real
If it was after 1950 Brandon doesn't know that's when I really know oh

(48:25):
Shit. Yeah, I remember him. That's all that
That was fucked up. Yeah, man. How long ago was that? That was like 2014 right? Damn it was
No, yeah, I think so. Let me see. You got it all. Let's see. Yeah. Let's see what year that was. Yep 2014
July 17th. Yeah, I remember that long ago

(48:45):
11 yeah, man
Do we can know how long George Floyd was your floor that was 2019 I think or was it 2020 2020? Yeah
Dude, I keep seeing memes about George Floyd on Instagram
Yeah, I've seen him the George droid versus and clank who the fuck thought of that dude

(49:07):
That's great. The racist Nazi. So they drew he was like a porn star too. What?
What he wasn't what you say somebody say was somebody told me he was a porn star
Who was a porn star?
Oh
He might have he might have filmed he might have filmed the video or something man can the man live?
Hey, listen, there's nothing wrong with that ain't nothing wrong with because I back in the day people would always have tapes and cassettes

(49:30):
And what they do on them watch. Oh, well, I mean they do some sex stuff. Yeah, have some fun
What kind of sex stuff? Oh man, dude every sex man that you can imagine whatever they preferred. It's like subway. Have it your way
Subway and sex might not be the yeah. Oh, yeah
That that that Jared yeah, yeah, that was horrible man the stuff he did

(49:51):
He probably getting railed and beating that jail every day if you had a sex cassette tape
You're a freak if you're listening to audio
VHS VHS like like you would record you think there's like a vinyl record of sex. Yes. Oh, yeah, but not music though
Yes

(50:11):
Especially in the 20s maybe man. Yeah, cuz like, you know, if you didn't have I mean even back in day
We have phonograph man. You probably just imagine. Yeah, you look so you look at the bigger
And when you would read the page, it probably did the sound of that page
Can we look and see whenever the first ever pornography like?
Let's see, let's get on off to imagine it was one of those things

(50:34):
What you guys ever jacked off to read a book?
Yes, when I was a kid is reading a good boy here when you were a kid. Yes
No, you're reading a sex scene in a book
Invented for site. Yeah picture of George Floyd. Why why did he pop up?

(51:01):
See three
35,000 years ago 35 because yeah, man, they were carved stuff out of mammoth ivory
So you were jacking off to the mammoth tusks to a carving. Yes
Greek statues do those are pretty they got way before
Whenever they're talking about like you see like doggy style or somebody getting head in a cave

(51:23):
Yeah, like a painting on the cave
Yeah, they sketch it in there. We see a bit from can you painting pictures?
Let's see. No, I know I seen a couple. Let's see. They said heads been on first freeze
Oh my god, dude, we had a show at shenanigans me Alex and Brandon were on it
And we had to make we had to make memes now

(51:46):
Everybody made memes and one of them had furry in it. Can you guess who made that me?
I would guess it would be Brandon Brandon was it you? Yes, it was
Even when he's down on the bike
I heard so this was it right here. I
Think that's the first point. Oh, that's sex. Oh, no, let me find cave man

(52:06):
Because everybody talking about like fake ones. I want to see really on that first one. No, it's not gonna be on the first
That was crazy though. Think about it at one point to watch porn. You had to go to the theaters. Okay
Yeah, go. Oh my gosh, they were in the BBWs
Oh, that's Venus right there do you know that fly trap? Oh

(52:27):
And then oh look at this right here. Okay. Yeah
Right here. Yeah
You could you could rub one off to that right? Yes, you could yes you could
I don't like that one. I don't like that one
Maybe that hopefully that's just two children

(52:48):
They stuck wait what?
Let's see here. Okay, and then look at that I see the lady right there
It's it's a yeah, leithening technique where they tie like a marble or a strong rock look at this

(53:12):
I would add this masterpiece definitely. This is yeah. Look at that. That's good time. That is
It's crazy that their faces are the exact same. Why they it is a lot of holding kids. Well, yeah
I don't like that. Oh and then you see this there you go
Let's see what else they got it. Oh look at that

(53:34):
That looks like sausage party
Evolving
Oh, mmm, yeah, that's mixed race. Hey
Now see that's a good one right there too. Oh, that is a great one
Yeah back in the day. This is how do you feel Pat? I feel like you enjoying this. Look at this right here

(53:59):
You know, I said to go down back in that samurai
Oh
Okay
That's color purple shit, oh it says anal sex between two men's and 1800 is gay poor

(54:20):
Well
You're going to go to research a man present day
We're getting into the 1800
We're real how you been? I'm good man. I'm good. Let's get out. Oh man

(54:47):
Just trying to get better as a comedian man. Hey, you've been I didn't want to say that you have been killing it
Last I think four times. I saw you fucking murdered. Oh, yeah, man. You've been bringing down the house
You you starting to announce the eight better?
You always had when I I've told people since I first met you always had the stage, but you don't give a fuck
I mean not a fly fucking you're gonna say whatever but a lot of time people couldn't understand you and now you're nothing better than

(55:12):
You've been killing
People like you when you go on stage man trying to get better trying to get better
That's all we do, you know
I'm in a new phase of my life
I'm outside. Yeah
You doing sketches now, yeah

(55:33):
We thank you
Pleasure is all
Our Santa Claus and Coleman. Yes, you are
And next year that next year that's gonna be better. We're gonna get you somewhere
We're gonna go to like a probably Mississippi somewhere from the most racist state and then have you be
We can go that town in Arkansas that like yeah, I went to hold the bill and see that's what I want to go to some place

(55:57):
Like that
The closest internment camp to where we are I wanted to go there I don't think you should
Internment can yeah, it's a nice way of saying we're gonna lock you the fuck up just because of the race you are
Oh, yeah that happened. I'm like, what was that the way you said it's not active. Well, that's one

(56:19):
You know when they know in Japanese, dude, I know exactly
What's going on I learned about that in class. Yeah, did you imagine if they did that during 911?
Well, well, you know, I would have been in trouble
Thank you. They kind of I'm not saying they were right for it. It kind of had an idea cuz
And I was watching the one about Pearl Harbor and they and they were saying how the Japanese they were getting like

(56:44):
Locations and stuff about Pearl Harbor cuz there was a Japanese guy there undercover. Yeah, he was undercover
And I think I think the most sane thing to do is just lock all of them up
I mean it definitely makes you feel better. I mean, that's what I know. This is what we did just takes one bad apple
Yeah
This takes one bad apple and they should have stopped them there all the other ones should have stopped them and since they didn't we

(57:06):
Just like you not see where they they like got fucking good at baseball. They did they got really good at baseball
Who the fuck I don't know
Oh Star Trek
Born in an internment camp
That's insane

(57:28):
That's his Chinese side
He doesn't fuck with the Japanese damn man he was
Let's see. Oh, he really was I just guess wait. No, dude. I thought you were serious. I'm about to check
Okay, hold on let's see let's see you're gonna be at the top probably yeah go forward okay says

(57:49):
Oh
San Francisco, so yeah, they were locked
No character. Okay. Let's see what he was played
Let's I didn't even realize that dude. You were right. He was born in George the K. You didn't know was him
No, I knew it was him. I didn't know he was on Sulu's page
Dude he was born in that one those places. So do you were right? He was

(58:13):
Yeah, well, you know kicking this strong. Oh, yeah still kicking he might be dead. I'm not sure
Oh, no, he's still alive. He's 87 years old. Okay
Living in Los Angeles. No, they do raisin
Well, yeah, first over there. No, man. I don't fuck first
I mean, I'm like that cool, but I'm like the hidden dragon the hidden dragon was that

(58:36):
penis
No hidden dragon for me
I
Know that was my normal
No hidden dragon forever that no hidden dragon for me like that Rod the magic dragon, huh?

(58:57):
Dragon what is that that like a super dragon or something? I'm good. No, I'm riding them like a is a heroine. Oh, no
Yeah
You were just saying how you wanted to do coke
I said what I would try it. I mean try just once I know such thing. Yeah. Yeah
Well, you could do I mean you could do coke all the time. It'd be good

(59:18):
You just got a I don't the only way you're not good as if you do it every day
Now I'm gonna do it every day if you if you was out one night you're drinking you blow a line
You're fine. I'll smoke a man. I'll smoke every night. I'll do shrooms like once a month it out
But I'll do coke once I won't do it ever you let me get some and we'll do here together on the pot
No, no

(59:38):
Well, we won't do it on camera, but we'll do a line and then come in here and shoot we cannot be doing this
Oh, no, but then nobody's gonna know besides
How you know
Now I'm gonna start pitching business ideas damn right dude, there's nothing better than coke ideas
No, actually adderall desert better like adderall. There's actually like you can do them

(01:00:02):
Coke ideas are like just extravagant like if you ever see a movie like what the fuck is this that motherfucker's high as hell
Okay, Brandon's gonna be like and we're gonna buy the fursuit and we're gonna go to Thailand
We're gonna start a bar. I guess that anything he would do it
He was how coke the whole time he did next Friday. Mm-hmm. I mean, I mean, it's just a you it's not it's not what you think

(01:00:24):
Whenever I was growing up, I was like if you did coke your crack it right
So you like that's the whole way and then and then I did some and I was like, oh, it's just
It's just like a little blast, you know, it's a little pick me up when I do
Yes, some people got it bad by my boy I'm gonna say his name
He said cuz I was like after you do coke like for me if I did like I said

(01:00:47):
I did coke today. I'd be dead for two days. I can't get out of bed
Everything out of me is dry. So I don't do it anymore because I'm old but I was like
How the fuck do you do this and you ain't never hung over? He said, uh, you can't be hung over if you always high
And I said that's the real shit ever
Imagine the crash
That's why I had to cut back on marijuana a little bit

(01:01:08):
Mm-hmm that shit I was I had to smoke before I leave the house smoke before I go to bed smoke before I eat some
Smoke when I just want to smoke and there's a lot of smoke in there
It's hard on the loan like I had to smoke just to calm myself down
I said yeah, I got to cut this out a little bit
And it takes away like if you don't smoke as much when you when you do smoke, you know, you get high

(01:01:32):
You know how to people y'all be smoking three or four fucking blunts. Get that shit away from me
Make you make you regret the weed
Yeah, and then you just spent all the money on it what you thought was gonna last you a week now last you today
You want to smoke with Sapphire?
Instead of us even though we don't none of us smoke. No, we don't but

(01:01:55):
You wanted to go fuck with him whenever you know, he ain't a Christian
Hey, you didn't show up to the open mic so
What you come oh, they come on when I spoke with
Fucked up. No, you see that you didn't show up did that's my bad
That's my bad, but I'm being an auto. Well, I was supposed to go today, but I did

(01:02:16):
Wednesday
Oh, we don't
Well, you know, I guess somebody I guess I gave somebody your name to book you on shows, too
I think you get funny as long as you're Nancy. Yeah, they give money for it like here or out of town out of town
Birmingham
Okay, yeah Birmingham has hot rooms do like their rooms

(01:02:39):
Why black man got me careful Birmingham? Why?
Okay, so for me I like Birmingham cuz I got a lot of French from Birmingham
I'm from Mobile and then Mobile had Birmingham had this little beef going on. Oh, yeah. Yeah got your own little shit
Yeah, I don't know what that I was I was I was even living mobile at the time when this shit started
So I don't know how it started where it originated from
It's like every time I go to Birmingham with the homies when I was in college

(01:03:04):
Shit just go left now
I heard Birmingham niggas crazy as fuck and they always trying to fuck with me
And they always trying to pop somebody for no reason, you know, I mean, but you know I'm saying we go down there
We run that shit JJ bring us some gun bring us some of your dad guns. I don't own any firearms
All right, that's all we got well, yeah, I gotta piss I'm gonna go back for it

(01:03:52):
I
Hate Scrappy Doo

All Episodes

What's Lyft When You're Left? | #ClownCollegeComedyPodcast | Ep 68 W/ Pat Grice

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}What's Lyft When You're Left? | #ClownCollegeComedyPodcast | Ep 68 W/ Pat Grice