Co-Parenting; Your Thrive Guide

Agreement #3: Don’t Make Assumptions

“The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.”
— The Four Agreements, Chapter 4
The Third Agreement is similar  to the Second Agreement: Don’t take anything personally. We assume our reality is the same as someone else’s reality, so we fit whatever they do or say into how we view the world. We create stories around our reality.  As  you all are aware,  we c...

Agreement #2: Don’t Take Anything Personally

“Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about ‘me’.”
— The Four Agreements, Chapter 3
 
Yes, taking things personally is all about ourselves; our ego. We think the world revolves around us and everything people do is specifically targeted to us. 

 How We Personalize

Ruiz belie...

The First Agreement - Be Impeccable With Your Word

Why is your word so important? Because, according to Ruiz, it is your power to create. “What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word.”

It’s all connected, and what you say matters. This includes what we say to ourselves as well as what we say to others. Our inner voice is often the most destructive because it draws from our...

THE FOUR AGREEMENTS
By Don Miguel Ruiz
1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the
word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the
power your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a
projection of your own reality, their own dream. When...

1. Take a break/Don’t be afraid to feel it/Write it out - Things have a way of working themselves out and once we lean into “letting go” typically things will work out.  If you can write out what you are feeling when the world that's crumbling around you, this excercise will help you refocus and you will have a clearer picture of what's going on. Once you do, you can reassess the situation and figure out the best course o...

1. Body Acceptance and modeling positive body image.

Mothers have a huge impact on their daughters’ body image.  Think about how they will mimic our behaviors, Don’t ask, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” or obsess food or  appearance.  Things to do:

•             Appreciate all that your body can do.
•             Write down what you love about yourself
•             Beauty is more than skin deep
•             Look at yourself as a whole ...

1. Show Compassion to yourself first

Allow yourself to really feel what you are feeling. Be compassionate with yourself just as you would with a friend or your child. Ask for support if you need it. 

2. Awareness of the pain of self-pity

Feeling sorry for yourself not only creates pain for you but it creates pain for others too. Not many people want to be around you if you are always down.  Instead of seeing that as something else to ...

Learning to Rely on the "other" Co-Parent”, not an easy thing to do.  It is a tough order to depend on the other co-parent especially if there have been trust issues in your past relationship with them.

Vincent de Paul is recorded as having asked:  “What do you think is most often the cause of our failings in our resolutions? It’s that we depend too much on ourselves, we put trust in our good desires, we rely on...

We can sum this up in one word: easy. Co-parenting is not easy.
 
Parenting is already no cakewalk, and when you add in the stress of a raising a child together after a divorce or separation, it’s a situation that can be filled with tension and disagreements. 

Good communication is the key to a positive co-parenting experience. Putting the sole focus on your children rather than on yourself or your ex is the first step towar...

Handling Summertime Squabbles

Build Team Family

1. Establish a We (versus a Me) mentality. Build a team family mentality.  You can have a family cheer and/or a special handshake. You don’t have to go that route, but do look for ways to build your own united front that supports and stands up for one another. Depending on their age, have your children create projects and goals they want to accomplish together: for example, t...

How to Deal With Co-Parenting Issues

The Other Parent Dislikes You
It can be uncomfortable working with someone who doesn't like you, for the sake of your child, you and  your partner in parenting must put your differences aside. Really work on not discussing the situations in front of the children and focus only on your child.  Resist getting into disagreements and be firm and follow through with your requests.

You Never Ag...

1.  Reassure, Legitimize and Validate your childrens feelings

“No matter their ages, explain (to your children) why you’re dating and that no one will ever replace the other parent,” says Dr. Terri Orbuch, professor at Oakland University, author and family therapist. “Tell them they are your first priority and you’ll always be there for them, no matter who you’re dating.”  If kids are resistant or negative, don’t get defensive. Ackn...

Choosing to Forgive your Ex

The Book of Forgiving by Desmond and Mpho Tutu.  Archbishop Desmond Tutu writes:

"Without forgiveness, we remain tethered to the person who harmed us. We are bound with chains of bitterness, tied together, trapped. Until we can forgive the person who harmed us, that person will hold the keys to our happiness; that person will be our jailor. When we forgive the person who harmed us, we take back contro...

Creating Healthy Boundaries in Co-Parenting

What are boundaries?
A quick summary of the boundaries described by Therapist Aid:

• Intellectual: Having respect for one another's thoughts and ideas.
• Emotional: Having respect for one another's feelings.
• Sexual: Having respect for the limitations and desires between sexual partners.
• Material: Having respect for one another's material possessions.
• Time: Having respect for ...

Parenting Your Adult Children

Your diaper-changing, school hustle & bustle and soccer driving days are over. Whether you feel relieved or conflicted about this change, it’s time to embrace your adult child’s independence and enjoy a new phase of parenthood; there are different ways for parenting adult children. Here are some ways to grow a healthy relationship with your adult children.

1.  Respect your differences. 

2. Share your ...

 In our ever changing lives, it is important that we practice grateful living.  What does it mean to practice grateful living?  Grateful living is active.  It asks us to step into our lives and participate and to cultivate all the possibilities that live on the other side of our busyness.  Sunday morning I woke up with feelings of gratitude. Which leads me to my subject for this week and what does it mean to practice grateful livin...

In this weeks episode we talk about the START method that the organization We Start Now has provided on their website www.westartnow.org and on their instagram @we.start.now.  Below is their "Rules of Thumb" method and START method that have helped hundreds of families navigate social media standards and norms.

S - START WITH YOURSELF

Model healthy tech use for your kids. When studies show the average person check...

 1).  Share vacation plans as soon as possible – don’t wait until the last minute to discuss with your co-parent what your plans are for the summer.  Summers aren’t always predictable especially if you have multiple kids and birthdays, sports schedules, reunions etc. These various schedules will require both parents participating.  It is so important for us to work together and having conversations in advance or even setting up a d...

 With the upcoming mothers day and birth mother day, I was thinking of how complex motherhood can be and how for me personally my relationship with my mother is/was so complicated.  It is no surprise that many of us have a complicated range of feelings – gratitude, sadness, grief, joy and anger.

As a mother you are either blamed, glamorized or judged critically by your children, family members or the outside world.  This judgment le...