February 13, 2024 • 28 mins
When faced with a dire prognosis that would wilt most spirits, Mark Dean chose resilience over resignation. Join us as he narrates his incredible journey from a catastrophic knee injury to martial arts Instructor, proving that the human spirit can be indomitable. He didn't just reclaim his place in the dojo; he swam miles against the current of medical disbelief, emerging not just as a black belt but as a beacon for anyone who's been told they can't.
As we unpack Mark's testament to self-advocacy in healthcare, you'll be moved by the power of persistence and the importance of aligning with professionals who support your goals. The conversation weaves through the importance of perseverance in the face of adversity and the need to critically evaluate the opinions that shape our lives. It's a narrative that will inspire you to challenge the status quo and redefine your own possibilities.
Mark's story extends far beyond his personal triumphs. Mark imparts lessons of resilience to combat bullying, and we celebrate mentors who foster strength in the youth, shaping a future where each new day is an opportunity for personal betterment. As we close, our gratitude extends to the bravery of military service members and their families, reminding us that the most courageous act is often just being true to oneself.
We look forward to seeing you succeed! - www.KeepOnSharing.com - Code - KOS
www.CoachMikkiandFriends.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, I'm Coach Mickey and I'm so glad that you've
joined us and if this is yourfirst time joining us, come on
in and make yourself comfortable, and for those of you that
joined us on a regular basis,I'm so glad that you do.
I really appreciate the factthat you support all of our
guests and I love your comments,your questions and your
suggestions of having people on,because that's what this
YouTube channel is for and thispodcast is to bring in real
(00:21):
stories from real people thatyou can identify with and maybe
get a little something,something out of it.
And today is no different,because I met this gentleman at
an event I was in Atlantic City.
It was a martial arts event andwe started talking and what
drew me to him out of a crowd ofpeople was he was in a kilts
and I was like love it.
(00:41):
Love a person that can standout and just be who they are as
an individual.
But then the more that we talkedand I heard his story, I was
like I've got to have you on mypodcast.
And what really captured myinterest in him and who he is
was his quote and I borrow it.
I'm going to give him all thecredit for it, but I do borrow
this quote.
He says your approval is not mygoal, so welcome with me today,
(01:03):
mark Dean.
How are you?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
I'm good.
How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Doing good.
So I want to jump right inright from the beginning.
You and I started talking andyou pointed out something that
had happened with you physically, and your story was so
compelling I think it would bereally insightful for a lot of
people to hear it.
So if you wouldn't mind justtalking about that, that'd be
great.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Absolutely Back when I was 19,.
I'd started just started in amartial arts in the Tuck window
and had a catastrophic kneeinjury.
It was I was visiting a dojoanother dojo and I was much
younger than the gentleman I wassparring and he purposefully
(01:47):
blew through the back of my kneewith a very hard roundhouse,
completely blew my knee apart,dislocated everything from the
knee down 90 degrees inward.
My knee cap was halfway up theoutside of my knee and the only
thing left to touch was thehamstring.
When had the typical surgerysurgeon told this 19 year old
(02:10):
that you'll never do martialarts again?
You're going to have about a 40or 50% recovery, you'll always
walk with a lint, probably needa cane and you're looking at
knee replacement by the timeyou're in your 40s.
That's a lot for a 19 year oldto hear.
That water, skis, backpacks,bicycles does you know?
My legs were all my life thereJust because I was so active.
(02:34):
And there's something that I'vealways kind of kept in my head
my whole life that my fathertaught me in a very young age
you can either let a situationdefine you or develop you, and I
decided to let that develop me.
I snorkeled two to three milesa day with scuba fins.
(02:57):
Before I went back to thedoctor he had already released
me for PT and such.
But I was snorkeling threemiles a day, two to three miles
a day with the swim team andwhen I finally went into him he
goes oh wow, we don't need tosend you to PT.
You're doing more on your ownthan by PT could do.
Fast forward.
(03:17):
I'm 56 years old.
I still teach, compete andstudy martial arts.
I still have all my originalparts.
That may change here as soon wetend to wear them out, but I'm
still walking, I'm still running, I'm still backpacking and you
need to be real careful thatdoctors and big pharma and such
(03:43):
does not define your future.
They honestly don't know enoughabout you at that point.
You need to interview everyonethat's going to be in your life
that affects your life.
I mean you interviewbabysitters when they're coming
in because your kids areimportant.
Someone house sit.
You interview them.
Why don't people interviewthese physicians?
(04:04):
And such that you're allowingto cut on you and to put you in
a situation that will affect youfor the whole rest of your life
?
Excuse me, I've had otherphysicians.
I went in for an elbow issuemuch later on in life and he saw
(04:25):
the scar on my knee and he's ohwell, you shouldn't be doing
martial arts, that's going toend soon.
And I had my green belt inOkinawan a Japanese system at
that point.
And four years later, when Iearned my black belt, earned
rank, I made an appointment withthis doctor, went in and they
(04:45):
said we have to have somethingwrong with you.
So well, no, I just want anappointment with him.
And so something has to bewrong.
And personality that I am I'm anENFP personality type you know
Robin Williams, george Cardin,stuff I said, well, I got
something leaking out my butt.
And so I said, okay, well,we're sending in.
(05:07):
So I get in there and I have mybag with me and this doctor
comes in and he goes.
So you got a problem south ofthe border there.
I'm like, yeah, seems there'stoo many heads stuck up there.
And he kind of took him backfor a minute and I took out my
black belt and I handed it tohim.
He goes well, what's this?
I said four years ago you toldme I'd never do martial arts,
(05:28):
that that was short lived.
Not only have I obtained rank,but the dojo was handed over to
me Be careful what you tellpeople.
If people actually believeevery word that comes out of
your mouth, you're going tosquash a lot of dreams.
So interview your surgeons,interview your doctors.
This surgeon that I have now,he's very athletics driven.
(05:50):
He's like I'm not just there toalleviate your pain, I'm there
to get your function back so youcan do what you enjoy doing.
When I had my latest kneesurgery, one doctor I went to
with one hospital system saidI'll be happy with what you've
got.
Where knee pads, I'm like well,my knee doesn't hurt, I just
(06:13):
have lack of function.
He goes.
Well, there's people out therethat can't even walk.
Be grateful for what you got.
Well, it could have ended there.
Guy's in a white coat, wow,okay, I need to believe this guy
.
So I went to another doctor andgot a referral to another
surgeon.
And this is where ego reallycomes into play.
The first surgeon there, hugeego, you know, trying to shut
(06:33):
you down.
This doctor let go of the egoand he says I know what's wrong,
I know how it needs to be fixed, but it is out of my skill set.
I know someone who can, andthat's when he introduced me to
who I'm seeing now.
So interview these doctors,interview these surgeons, and
(06:54):
surround yourself with peoplethat have the same goals and the
same vision that you have.
There's a wonderful picturethat you see these lions walking
through the snow and that's thequote underneath the.
Surround your people with thesame vision and the same goals
that you have.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
That is so true.
You know, we put a lot of faithinto professionals, especially
the medical industry, and tohave something like that said to
you at that age, you know,could have been devastating, and
the fact that you were strongenough and willing enough to not
accept that as the end, allanswer.
And then I have to think abouthow many people doesn't really
(07:35):
affect.
That has never evencontemplated.
Maybe there is somethingdifferent.
Maybe this isn't the end of mystory, and you know, and the
fact that you went out andresearched and found and
resonated with someone else thatwas on the same.
You said, same vision as you.
I got it.
So during all this time whenyou were healing because they
were, you know, from what youshared with me they told me you
(07:55):
know you won't walk, you won'tdo this.
What was?
What was the mindset, what didyou have every day that was
going through your mind, thatkept pushing you forward to not
accept this as your reality, ofwhat they told you?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Honestly.
You know we use the term senseiall the time in martial arts
and it means one who has gonebefore.
Well, there's many sensei inyour life, and it's not just
martial arts.
My father before I startedmartial arts he had already had
a quadruple bypass and I saw himdownstairs every morning.
(08:29):
He ran about three miles a day,50 feet at a time, back and
forth, back and forth in thebasement in the cold weather,
and then he'd go outside and doit when it got a little bit
warmer.
So I'm there trying to liftwhat weights he can to get back
in shape, because the doctorsaid, oh, you need to take it
easy.
And I mean here's to the pointwhere they said quit watching
(08:50):
football and stuff.
Your blood pressure gets toohigh.
And here he has this bypass.
He was an engineer for GE,which was high stress, and he's
down there just pounding thebasement floor back and forth.
And that was my sensei.
The one who came beforefollowed his example.
Again, you know, surroundyourself with people with the
(09:14):
same vision.
So I'm like, if I can watch mydad do this, I can do this.
I'm trying to fill his shoes.
So that was the driving thing.
That really.
That just stayed in my headevery morning and those mornings
when I didn't want to get upand go swimming, I'd go
(09:34):
downstairs to get breakfast orwhatever and my dad would have
my scuba fins hanging on thechair.
So in there somewhere you'resupposed to be and the roles
kind of reverse you never knowwho's watching.
My dad then developed cancerlater on in life in his leg.
They removed his leg from justabove the knee down.
(09:55):
He couldn't sit for longperiods of time.
But when I had my black belttest they rolled a big fluffy
desk chair out on theexamination floor and allowed
him to sit there.
Who's the first one to ever sitthrough our test?
And he used to tell me all thetime why do you do this to
yourself?
You know, when I come, when Igo up to visit after training,
(10:16):
you know a black guy or a bloodynose or my lips swallowing.
How do you do this to yourselfat this age?
He watched through the wholetest and at the end of the test
I went over and bowed to him andgave him my brown belt and then
thought oh, I hope I don't haveto take that back.
I hope I did actually got myblack belt and he stopped and he
shook my hand.
(10:37):
He got up, you know wobbly, andsays I understand this is I
understand why you do it.
And he took that brown beltaround his neck Every time he
went to PT and said if my soncan go through that, I can go
through that.
So the same thing I was sayingabout watching him that pushed
(10:58):
me when I was younger pushed himthrough PT way later in life.
So there's always somebodywatching and sometimes your
roles will reverse.
I'm trying to fill my son'sboots.
Now he's a staff sergeant inthe Air Force, used to be.
You know he was looking up tome, now I'm looking up to him.
So you've got to let that egogo, but don't let that
(11:21):
confidence of I can do this go.
The one of the most importantthings you can ever ask yourself
on any situation is what you,why, why are you doing this?
You know, when I'm swimminglaps, why am I going through
this?
Well, because I want to walkagain.
Why am I going through martialarts?
Why am I getting pounded?
Because I can do this.
(11:41):
I want to be better than I waslast time.
You know, if you ask yourselfwhat you, why, and you're like,
well, because I want thiscertain person.
It's like no, no, do this todevelop yourself.
Your biggest competitor isyourself.
You don't need other people'sapproval to drive you.
There's a quote that I havewritten on the wall downstairs
(12:03):
that says those people that tellyou you can't are not showing
you your limits, they're showingyou theirs.
And that's something I try toremember is when someone's
really trying to down you,they're typically uncomfortable
with what you're doing becauseit's holding a mirror up in
front of them.
I don't know if you've ever gonecrabbing before, but one of my
(12:26):
favorite analogies is if youever go crabbing over here on
the East Coast, catch one crab.
You got to put a lid on thatbucket.
It's going to crawl out everytime.
He'll be motivated, he'll getout.
You catch three or four crabs.
You can leave the lid offbecause those other crabs,
instead of following that onecrab's examples, will reach up
and grab that crab and pull himback down every time, and
(12:49):
they'll just keep doing that.
They would much rather pull theother crab down than to follow
his example, and all of them arecapable of getting out, but
they can't because they're toobusy pulling the other guy down.
And people are like that andthe people really need to watch
out for that kind of toxicity.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Wow, I just learned something.
I love that analogy and you areso right.
You are so right.
People will voice theiropinions, they'll project what
Yuckie said, their beliefs, onyou and we just sometimes we
just accept it instead of justbeing there on our own.
I always tell my kids the onlyperson you're competing with is
(13:31):
yourself.
Be better than you wereyesterday.
That's all you have to do.
I said I'm not asking you to belike anybody else, I'm asking
you to be you and just be betterthan you were yesterday.
And again, do one small thingthat's gonna get you closer to
where you wanna be and yourgoals.
But I love that about the crabsand you were absolutely so right
, and I know you're aninstructor and I know you're
(13:54):
still in between teaching, but Ican bet and I bet you'll want
you on it I guarantee your kidsprobably evolved and their lives
changed so much just based ontaking your martial arts
experience, or really whateveryou were doing, and then
implementing these two lifeskills.
Because I think we miss that,we don't teach kids that and a
(14:17):
lot of adults don't even getthat.
So I mean that's prettypowerful and it's very profound.
Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
A big problem with society nowadays is they have
broken apart the familystructure and when you still
have like a better term andcomplete family, a lot of the
males say males in the familywanna be their son's best friend
or gaming partner, not theirfather.
My son will tell you that hecame one day and said dad, your
(14:52):
job was not to make my life easy, it was to prepare me.
And he goes in.
My life was not easy every time, but you did prepare me, which
is why he's such a successfulofficer in the Air Force.
Again, your sons, yourdaughters are watching.
You need to prepare them.
You can still be friends withthem, but you need to prepare
(15:13):
them.
He comes back and tells me allthe time he goes dad, that one
day that you spent with meteaching me how to change my own
breaks is why I'm now a crewchief on multi-million dollar
jets.
He goes that lit a fire.
So it can be some very what youthink is a small act.
(15:34):
Donny's breaks all my life.
It's no big deal for me, but tohim it was huge and it set his
career going.
So where doctors and otherpeople and even fathers saying
the wrong thing can really putout that light.
A small little actor, a smalllittle word can really light a
(15:55):
fire as well.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Yeah, what we say, what we say to our kids, is
really important because theytake that to heart.
You know, and probably morethan than people realize, and
you're right, as you know, as aparent, you, you're a mentor,
you know and, again, you'regiving them the tools and the
guidance.
You know my son's in collegenow and my daughter is long
grown and I've got, you know,grandkids.
But I, you know, I was look atthat.
(16:20):
You know he'll come to me andhe'll say, well, what about this
?
And I'm like, well, what do youthink?
You know, I can just give youthe tools to guide you, but in
the end the choice is yours.
I can't tell you what to do.
You, you know.
You you're at that point nowwhere you evolve, where you know
, you know what the right choiceis to make and if it, you know,
if it's something that justdoesn't work out, then you know,
you move on and you use it andyou utilize and you learn from
(16:40):
it and you go on to do the nextbest thing.
And you're right, we're thereto be mentors and guides and not
be there, not be their bestfriends.
I see that too often.
And then you see what theproduct of that is, you know,
just by the people they maybecome.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Right and we become a lot of times in the dojo.
The men and women in the dojo,not just the instructor, but the
older people in the dojosometimes feel that role of
father or mother to some ofthese kids and teenagers that
are missing them.
Now, I was bullied really badgrowing up.
In high school.
(17:15):
I was a band geek and computernerd when computers were first
coming out at a very athleticdriven high school, and again,
developing versus defining.
I was not going to be definedwhen I graduated.
Hey, you remember Mark, the kidthat everybody used to pick on.
I let it develop me and some ofthe people that were
(17:39):
adversaries in high school, someof my best friends now.
And so in martial arts you'llsee a lot of schools and you
hear officers say this as well.
We love the fact that you arethe people between these kids
and them having to deal with usand us deal with them.
I try to catch these kidsbefore they either become
(17:59):
bullies or teach them how not tobe victims.
Martial arts benefits both ofthem.
So, yeah, we tend to forgetthat we feel that role as well
and sometimes it's placed on usby those kids and that's part of
the responsibility I believebeing a martial artist is being
(18:20):
able to fulfill that role aswell.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Oh, you're right.
I mean, whatever career thatyou pick, whether it's, like I
said, being a martial artsinstructor or, in my case, also
being a coach it's a hugeresponsibility working with
these kids each and every day,because you learn their story,
you learn their family life andsome of them is not really
pretty and you're like, oh man,so you step in as that person.
(18:46):
At least you can go home andfeel as though they've got one
person in their life that theycould trust or look up to or
feel safe with and guide them.
And if any of you that arelistening that are in those
roles of teacher, coach, even asa parent, your job is to create
these incredible individuals asthey're growing up and they're
(19:07):
looking to you for answersbecause they're like little
sponges and whatever you saywill stick.
Go ahead, and bad they willstick.
They will remember that.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
I'm sure you've seen that, especially with martial
artists and such, after a whilewe would come this cornucopia of
phrases and cliches and quotes.
I heard one the other day thatreally stuck with me and this
kind of paraphrases it and sayslive in the discomfort of growth
(19:40):
, not in the comfort of doingnothing.
Disruption always followsintention.
You will feel worse beforebetter, weaker before stronger.
So there's mornings when I'mready to give up on.
You know, I train.
Every morning it's like, ah,I'm done, I'm sweating, already
I've worked.
It's like I look at that boardand it's like, no, if you look
(20:02):
at my shoes, I wear these ChuckTaylors when I work out, and it
has one written on one toe andmore on the other.
Because when you get tired andyou're ready to give up, your
head starts dropping and you seeone more.
So, all right, one more rep,one more squat, one more block,
I can run.
You know, anyone can do justone more.
So it is a constant reminder ofyeah, I can push one more out.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
And you're right, because that's when you really
shine is when you're at thatpoint of where you want to just
stop or give up.
And I don't say give up becausewe don't really.
When you're pushing yourself,you know, the only time you
fails when you don't try, youdon't do anything, you know.
But I do like that fact ofpushing yourself because we can
and I think we surpriseourselves.
You do one more, you know, andyou're like okay, well, you know
(20:48):
what was I thinking?
You know why didn't I do it tobegin with?
But you're right to have thatself motivation and that's very
powerful too, because I think wesurprise ourselves sometimes
when we do things that we didn'texpect that we could do.
You know, especially in yourcase, I mean coming and evolving
from what happened to you youknow you physically, and then
becoming who you are, andgetting past all of that, you
(21:10):
know, takes a lot of mentalstrength and also willingness,
but also drive.
You know drive is so importantwhen you are trying to do
something and you cannot allowobstacles to get in your way,
whether it's you know someone'sopinions, or you know something
that was said or something thatyou know, even something you
know Because would you find thattoo, martha.
(21:30):
Sometimes you have a belief andyou're like why in the world
was I believing that to beginwith?
And then, all of a sudden, yousnap out of it and you're like
what was I thinking?
You know that, that, thatuntrue thing that you keep
telling yourself over and overagain like a recording.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Right, the conformity is a dangerous word and I had a
senior director at this Fortune500 company I was working for
on a conference call he and Iare great friends now, but at
the time it was meant as a dig.
He said, mark, conforming tosociety's expectations is just
not your strong suit and I saidthank you very much.
(22:05):
That's about as accurate as anobservation as anyone has ever
made of me.
So don't let digs and stuffthat people were throwing at you
bring you down.
Sometimes that can be yourmantra.
Everyone needs to develop thatmantra to drive them, that that
voice in their head over andover, to drown out the
negativity of no, I can't do it.
(22:26):
They said I can't do it.
No, get you a mantra and chantthat thing.
So conformity is like yeah, I'ma huge non-conformist, I don't
sugarcoat anything.
Sometimes it doesn't make meany friends, but I'm me and I
did not conform to somebodyelse's expectation of what they
(22:47):
want to be, to be, to make themfeel comfortable.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
And you're right, that's.
That really is what societydoes.
It's like fill, fill the, likeyou said, fill what the
expectations are.
And and I think that goes along way with a lot of choices
that people make because they'llsay, oh, you know, well, I
really should do this, or I needand I'm like, well, why, who
wrote that guideline?
You know children don't comewith them annual.
(23:12):
I don't see anywhere on page.
You know 527, it says you mustdo this.
You know it's.
It comes down to what do youreally want?
And I think more people shouldthink that way and do that way,
instead of trying to filter inwith the cattle and do what's,
you know, like society expectsthem to do.
You know, on the good note, onthe good stuff, you know, you
(23:32):
know being being you and doingthings that are beneficial is
always a good thing.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
So if you want to really make the naysayers and
those telling you you can'tuncomfortable, ask this question
.
You know, hey, you need to bedoing this.
I do blah, blah, blah.
And you look at him and you goso how is working out for you?
You know, I have one guy playsa lot of video games and I've
(23:59):
got nothing against gamers, it'snot my thing.
But he's like man, you're 56years old, you're in here
limping from all of this.
You know why don't you justtake it easy?
You know, sit back, relax atnight.
And I look at him.
I'm like how's that working outfor you?
And he talks his head.
I'm like 350 pounds, you know,how's that working out for you?
(24:22):
And said now, if you want tomove, let me know.
I'll be your biggestcheerleader.
I said, but no, it's not for me.
How's that working out for you?
That one question can make alot of people uncomfortable when
you throw it back on them.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Yeah, because they don't know what to do with it,
you know it's like you said,it's so easy to project.
You know your, your opinionsand your thoughts on other
people, but when you have toface yourself, you know, that's
when, all of a sudden, you justsee all this, the haywire, you
see all this sparks going off intheir head.
Well, it has been so much funhaving you on.
Is there anything else you wantto share or talk about?
(25:02):
We got a few minutes and Icould sit here and talk all day
with you, because I love yourinsight and I love who you are
and your outlook on life.
I think it is.
It's amazing, and I am so gladthat you had time and an
opportunity to come on and shareall this.
I'm going to call on Markismsbecause I love it.
I love everything that you talkabout and who you stand for and
(25:22):
what you do.
I really think you're anincredible person.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Thank you so much, thank you.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
But is there anything else you'd like to share?
Sure.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
One.
It's funny calling Markismsthat's what my girlfriend calls
them, and she writes them down.
She has a little book ofMarkisms.
I saw this quote the other daythat really rings true is
success is determined by thejudgment of others.
Satisfaction is determined byyou.
I live in an old farmhouse andI don't see how you can live
(25:53):
that way.
Well, it's my satisfaction.
I'm happy doing it.
My success in life why don'tyou have this degree or why
don't you have this?
This is other people placingjudgment of my success on their
ideals.
Your satisfaction is far moreimportant than the judgment of
your success by others, andthat's what I would leave with.
(26:15):
People is be satisfied, behappy.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Thank you, thank you so much.
Well, and also I would like youto thank your son for serving
I'm.
You know, that is that, that'smy heart, and my heart strings.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
But it's in the military, so please thank him
for that and thank you for beingsuch a good dad and raising
such an amazing person that'sdoing.
Yeah, so are you guys.
Thank you so much for beingwith us.
I know you got a lot out ofthis today and please, please,
please, take a lot of this toheart.
Think about it.
You know this is goodinformation.
You know we can all use thisand, again, the most courageous
(26:52):
thing you can do is be yourself,and I will look forward to
seeing you again.
Until then, see you.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Thank you very much.
Hey, I'm Coach Mickey and I'm so glad that you've
joined us and if this is yourfirst time joining us, come on
in and make yourself comfortable, and for those of you that
joined us on a regular basis,I'm so glad that you do.
I really appreciate the factthat you support all of our
guests and I love your comments,your questions and your
suggestions of having people on,because that's what this
YouTube channel is for and thispodcast is to bring in real
(00:21):
stories from real people thatyou can identify with and maybe
get a little something,something out of it.
And today is no different,because I met this gentleman at
an event I was in Atlantic City.
It was a martial arts event andwe started talking and what
drew me to him out of a crowd ofpeople was he was in a kilts
and I was like love it.
(00:41):
Love a person that can standout and just be who they are as
an individual.
But then the more that we talkedand I heard his story, I was
like I've got to have you on mypodcast.
And what really captured myinterest in him and who he is
was his quote and I borrow it.
I'm going to give him all thecredit for it, but I do borrow
this quote.
He says your approval is not mygoal, so welcome with me today,
(01:03):
mark Dean.
How are you?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
I'm good.
How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Doing good.
So I want to jump right inright from the beginning.
You and I started talking andyou pointed out something that
had happened with you physically, and your story was so
compelling I think it would bereally insightful for a lot of
people to hear it.
So if you wouldn't mind justtalking about that, that'd be
great.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Absolutely Back when I was 19,.
I'd started just started in amartial arts in the Tuck window
and had a catastrophic kneeinjury.
It was I was visiting a dojoanother dojo and I was much
younger than the gentleman I wassparring and he purposefully
(01:47):
blew through the back of my kneewith a very hard roundhouse,
completely blew my knee apart,dislocated everything from the
knee down 90 degrees inward.
My knee cap was halfway up theoutside of my knee and the only
thing left to touch was thehamstring.
When had the typical surgerysurgeon told this 19 year old
(02:10):
that you'll never do martialarts again?
You're going to have about a 40or 50% recovery, you'll always
walk with a lint, probably needa cane and you're looking at
knee replacement by the timeyou're in your 40s.
That's a lot for a 19 year oldto hear.
That water, skis, backpacks,bicycles does you know?
My legs were all my life thereJust because I was so active.
(02:34):
And there's something that I'vealways kind of kept in my head
my whole life that my fathertaught me in a very young age
you can either let a situationdefine you or develop you, and I
decided to let that develop me.
I snorkeled two to three milesa day with scuba fins.
(02:57):
Before I went back to thedoctor he had already released
me for PT and such.
But I was snorkeling threemiles a day, two to three miles
a day with the swim team andwhen I finally went into him he
goes oh wow, we don't need tosend you to PT.
You're doing more on your ownthan by PT could do.
Fast forward.
(03:17):
I'm 56 years old.
I still teach, compete andstudy martial arts.
I still have all my originalparts.
That may change here as soon wetend to wear them out, but I'm
still walking, I'm still running, I'm still backpacking and you
need to be real careful thatdoctors and big pharma and such
(03:43):
does not define your future.
They honestly don't know enoughabout you at that point.
You need to interview everyonethat's going to be in your life
that affects your life.
I mean you interviewbabysitters when they're coming
in because your kids areimportant.
Someone house sit.
You interview them.
Why don't people interviewthese physicians?
(04:04):
And such that you're allowingto cut on you and to put you in
a situation that will affect youfor the whole rest of your life
?
Excuse me, I've had otherphysicians.
I went in for an elbow issuemuch later on in life and he saw
(04:25):
the scar on my knee and he's ohwell, you shouldn't be doing
martial arts, that's going toend soon.
And I had my green belt inOkinawan a Japanese system at
that point.
And four years later, when Iearned my black belt, earned
rank, I made an appointment withthis doctor, went in and they
(04:45):
said we have to have somethingwrong with you.
So well, no, I just want anappointment with him.
And so something has to bewrong.
And personality that I am I'm anENFP personality type you know
Robin Williams, george Cardin,stuff I said, well, I got
something leaking out my butt.
And so I said, okay, well,we're sending in.
(05:07):
So I get in there and I have mybag with me and this doctor
comes in and he goes.
So you got a problem south ofthe border there.
I'm like, yeah, seems there'stoo many heads stuck up there.
And he kind of took him backfor a minute and I took out my
black belt and I handed it tohim.
He goes well, what's this?
I said four years ago you toldme I'd never do martial arts,
(05:28):
that that was short lived.
Not only have I obtained rank,but the dojo was handed over to
me Be careful what you tellpeople.
If people actually believeevery word that comes out of
your mouth, you're going tosquash a lot of dreams.
So interview your surgeons,interview your doctors.
This surgeon that I have now,he's very athletics driven.
(05:50):
He's like I'm not just there toalleviate your pain, I'm there
to get your function back so youcan do what you enjoy doing.
When I had my latest kneesurgery, one doctor I went to
with one hospital system saidI'll be happy with what you've
got.
Where knee pads, I'm like well,my knee doesn't hurt, I just
(06:13):
have lack of function.
He goes.
Well, there's people out therethat can't even walk.
Be grateful for what you got.
Well, it could have ended there.
Guy's in a white coat, wow,okay, I need to believe this guy
.
So I went to another doctor andgot a referral to another
surgeon.
And this is where ego reallycomes into play.
The first surgeon there, hugeego, you know, trying to shut
(06:33):
you down.
This doctor let go of the egoand he says I know what's wrong,
I know how it needs to be fixed, but it is out of my skill set.
I know someone who can, andthat's when he introduced me to
who I'm seeing now.
So interview these doctors,interview these surgeons, and
(06:54):
surround yourself with peoplethat have the same goals and the
same vision that you have.
There's a wonderful picturethat you see these lions walking
through the snow and that's thequote underneath the.
Surround your people with thesame vision and the same goals
that you have.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
That is so true.
You know, we put a lot of faithinto professionals, especially
the medical industry, and tohave something like that said to
you at that age, you know,could have been devastating, and
the fact that you were strongenough and willing enough to not
accept that as the end, allanswer.
And then I have to think abouthow many people doesn't really
(07:35):
affect.
That has never evencontemplated.
Maybe there is somethingdifferent.
Maybe this isn't the end of mystory, and you know, and the
fact that you went out andresearched and found and
resonated with someone else thatwas on the same.
You said, same vision as you.
I got it.
So during all this time whenyou were healing because they
were, you know, from what youshared with me they told me you
(07:55):
know you won't walk, you won'tdo this.
What was?
What was the mindset, what didyou have every day that was
going through your mind, thatkept pushing you forward to not
accept this as your reality, ofwhat they told you?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Honestly.
You know we use the term senseiall the time in martial arts
and it means one who has gonebefore.
Well, there's many sensei inyour life, and it's not just
martial arts.
My father before I startedmartial arts he had already had
a quadruple bypass and I saw himdownstairs every morning.
(08:29):
He ran about three miles a day,50 feet at a time, back and
forth, back and forth in thebasement in the cold weather,
and then he'd go outside and doit when it got a little bit
warmer.
So I'm there trying to liftwhat weights he can to get back
in shape, because the doctorsaid, oh, you need to take it
easy.
And I mean here's to the pointwhere they said quit watching
(08:50):
football and stuff.
Your blood pressure gets toohigh.
And here he has this bypass.
He was an engineer for GE,which was high stress, and he's
down there just pounding thebasement floor back and forth.
And that was my sensei.
The one who came beforefollowed his example.
Again, you know, surroundyourself with people with the
(09:14):
same vision.
So I'm like, if I can watch mydad do this, I can do this.
I'm trying to fill his shoes.
So that was the driving thing.
That really.
That just stayed in my headevery morning and those mornings
when I didn't want to get upand go swimming, I'd go
(09:34):
downstairs to get breakfast orwhatever and my dad would have
my scuba fins hanging on thechair.
So in there somewhere you'resupposed to be and the roles
kind of reverse you never knowwho's watching.
My dad then developed cancerlater on in life in his leg.
They removed his leg from justabove the knee down.
(09:55):
He couldn't sit for longperiods of time.
But when I had my black belttest they rolled a big fluffy
desk chair out on theexamination floor and allowed
him to sit there.
Who's the first one to ever sitthrough our test?
And he used to tell me all thetime why do you do this to
yourself?
You know, when I come, when Igo up to visit after training,
(10:16):
you know a black guy or a bloodynose or my lips swallowing.
How do you do this to yourselfat this age?
He watched through the wholetest and at the end of the test
I went over and bowed to him andgave him my brown belt and then
thought oh, I hope I don't haveto take that back.
I hope I did actually got myblack belt and he stopped and he
shook my hand.
(10:37):
He got up, you know wobbly, andsays I understand this is I
understand why you do it.
And he took that brown beltaround his neck Every time he
went to PT and said if my soncan go through that, I can go
through that.
So the same thing I was sayingabout watching him that pushed
(10:58):
me when I was younger pushed himthrough PT way later in life.
So there's always somebodywatching and sometimes your
roles will reverse.
I'm trying to fill my son'sboots.
Now he's a staff sergeant inthe Air Force, used to be.
You know he was looking up tome, now I'm looking up to him.
So you've got to let that egogo, but don't let that
(11:21):
confidence of I can do this go.
The one of the most importantthings you can ever ask yourself
on any situation is what you,why, why are you doing this?
You know, when I'm swimminglaps, why am I going through
this?
Well, because I want to walkagain.
Why am I going through martialarts?
Why am I getting pounded?
Because I can do this.
(11:41):
I want to be better than I waslast time.
You know, if you ask yourselfwhat you, why, and you're like,
well, because I want thiscertain person.
It's like no, no, do this todevelop yourself.
Your biggest competitor isyourself.
You don't need other people'sapproval to drive you.
There's a quote that I havewritten on the wall downstairs
(12:03):
that says those people that tellyou you can't are not showing
you your limits, they're showingyou theirs.
And that's something I try toremember is when someone's
really trying to down you,they're typically uncomfortable
with what you're doing becauseit's holding a mirror up in
front of them.
I don't know if you've ever gonecrabbing before, but one of my
(12:26):
favorite analogies is if youever go crabbing over here on
the East Coast, catch one crab.
You got to put a lid on thatbucket.
It's going to crawl out everytime.
He'll be motivated, he'll getout.
You catch three or four crabs.
You can leave the lid offbecause those other crabs,
instead of following that onecrab's examples, will reach up
and grab that crab and pull himback down every time, and
(12:49):
they'll just keep doing that.
They would much rather pull theother crab down than to follow
his example, and all of them arecapable of getting out, but
they can't because they're toobusy pulling the other guy down.
And people are like that andthe people really need to watch
out for that kind of toxicity.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Wow, I just learned something.
I love that analogy and you areso right.
You are so right.
People will voice theiropinions, they'll project what
Yuckie said, their beliefs, onyou and we just sometimes we
just accept it instead of justbeing there on our own.
I always tell my kids the onlyperson you're competing with is
(13:31):
yourself.
Be better than you wereyesterday.
That's all you have to do.
I said I'm not asking you to belike anybody else, I'm asking
you to be you and just be betterthan you were yesterday.
And again, do one small thingthat's gonna get you closer to
where you wanna be and yourgoals.
But I love that about the crabsand you were absolutely so right
, and I know you're aninstructor and I know you're
(13:54):
still in between teaching, but Ican bet and I bet you'll want
you on it I guarantee your kidsprobably evolved and their lives
changed so much just based ontaking your martial arts
experience, or really whateveryou were doing, and then
implementing these two lifeskills.
Because I think we miss that,we don't teach kids that and a
(14:17):
lot of adults don't even getthat.
So I mean that's prettypowerful and it's very profound.
Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
A big problem with society nowadays is they have
broken apart the familystructure and when you still
have like a better term andcomplete family, a lot of the
males say males in the familywanna be their son's best friend
or gaming partner, not theirfather.
My son will tell you that hecame one day and said dad, your
(14:52):
job was not to make my life easy, it was to prepare me.
And he goes in.
My life was not easy every time, but you did prepare me, which
is why he's such a successfulofficer in the Air Force.
Again, your sons, yourdaughters are watching.
You need to prepare them.
You can still be friends withthem, but you need to prepare
(15:13):
them.
He comes back and tells me allthe time he goes dad, that one
day that you spent with meteaching me how to change my own
breaks is why I'm now a crewchief on multi-million dollar
jets.
He goes that lit a fire.
So it can be some very what youthink is a small act.
(15:34):
Donny's breaks all my life.
It's no big deal for me, but tohim it was huge and it set his
career going.
So where doctors and otherpeople and even fathers saying
the wrong thing can really putout that light.
A small little actor, a smalllittle word can really light a
(15:55):
fire as well.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Yeah, what we say, what we say to our kids, is
really important because theytake that to heart.
You know, and probably morethan than people realize, and
you're right, as you know, as aparent, you, you're a mentor,
you know and, again, you'regiving them the tools and the
guidance.
You know my son's in collegenow and my daughter is long
grown and I've got, you know,grandkids.
But I, you know, I was look atthat.
(16:20):
You know he'll come to me andhe'll say, well, what about this
?
And I'm like, well, what do youthink?
You know, I can just give youthe tools to guide you, but in
the end the choice is yours.
I can't tell you what to do.
You, you know.
You you're at that point nowwhere you evolve, where you know
, you know what the right choiceis to make and if it, you know,
if it's something that justdoesn't work out, then you know,
you move on and you use it andyou utilize and you learn from
(16:40):
it and you go on to do the nextbest thing.
And you're right, we're thereto be mentors and guides and not
be there, not be their bestfriends.
I see that too often.
And then you see what theproduct of that is, you know,
just by the people they maybecome.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Right and we become a lot of times in the dojo.
The men and women in the dojo,not just the instructor, but the
older people in the dojosometimes feel that role of
father or mother to some ofthese kids and teenagers that
are missing them.
Now, I was bullied really badgrowing up.
In high school.
(17:15):
I was a band geek and computernerd when computers were first
coming out at a very athleticdriven high school, and again,
developing versus defining.
I was not going to be definedwhen I graduated.
Hey, you remember Mark, the kidthat everybody used to pick on.
I let it develop me and some ofthe people that were
(17:39):
adversaries in high school, someof my best friends now.
And so in martial arts you'llsee a lot of schools and you
hear officers say this as well.
We love the fact that you arethe people between these kids
and them having to deal with usand us deal with them.
I try to catch these kidsbefore they either become
(17:59):
bullies or teach them how not tobe victims.
Martial arts benefits both ofthem.
So, yeah, we tend to forgetthat we feel that role as well
and sometimes it's placed on usby those kids and that's part of
the responsibility I believebeing a martial artist is being
(18:20):
able to fulfill that role aswell.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Oh, you're right.
I mean, whatever career thatyou pick, whether it's, like I
said, being a martial artsinstructor or, in my case, also
being a coach it's a hugeresponsibility working with
these kids each and every day,because you learn their story,
you learn their family life andsome of them is not really
pretty and you're like, oh man,so you step in as that person.
(18:46):
At least you can go home andfeel as though they've got one
person in their life that theycould trust or look up to or
feel safe with and guide them.
And if any of you that arelistening that are in those
roles of teacher, coach, even asa parent, your job is to create
these incredible individuals asthey're growing up and they're
(19:07):
looking to you for answersbecause they're like little
sponges and whatever you saywill stick.
Go ahead, and bad they willstick.
They will remember that.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
I'm sure you've seen that, especially with martial
artists and such, after a whilewe would come this cornucopia of
phrases and cliches and quotes.
I heard one the other day thatreally stuck with me and this
kind of paraphrases it and sayslive in the discomfort of growth
(19:40):
, not in the comfort of doingnothing.
Disruption always followsintention.
You will feel worse beforebetter, weaker before stronger.
So there's mornings when I'mready to give up on.
You know, I train.
Every morning it's like, ah,I'm done, I'm sweating, already
I've worked.
It's like I look at that boardand it's like, no, if you look
(20:02):
at my shoes, I wear these ChuckTaylors when I work out, and it
has one written on one toe andmore on the other.
Because when you get tired andyou're ready to give up, your
head starts dropping and you seeone more.
So, all right, one more rep,one more squat, one more block,
I can run.
You know, anyone can do justone more.
So it is a constant reminder ofyeah, I can push one more out.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
And you're right, because that's when you really
shine is when you're at thatpoint of where you want to just
stop or give up.
And I don't say give up becausewe don't really.
When you're pushing yourself,you know, the only time you
fails when you don't try, youdon't do anything, you know.
But I do like that fact ofpushing yourself because we can
and I think we surpriseourselves.
You do one more, you know, andyou're like okay, well, you know
(20:48):
what was I thinking?
You know why didn't I do it tobegin with?
But you're right to have thatself motivation and that's very
powerful too, because I think wesurprise ourselves sometimes
when we do things that we didn'texpect that we could do.
You know, especially in yourcase, I mean coming and evolving
from what happened to you youknow you physically, and then
becoming who you are, andgetting past all of that, you
(21:10):
know, takes a lot of mentalstrength and also willingness,
but also drive.
You know drive is so importantwhen you are trying to do
something and you cannot allowobstacles to get in your way,
whether it's you know someone'sopinions, or you know something
that was said or something thatyou know, even something you
know Because would you find thattoo, martha.
(21:30):
Sometimes you have a belief andyou're like why in the world
was I believing that to beginwith?
And then, all of a sudden, yousnap out of it and you're like
what was I thinking?
You know that, that, thatuntrue thing that you keep
telling yourself over and overagain like a recording.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Right, the conformity is a dangerous word and I had a
senior director at this Fortune500 company I was working for
on a conference call he and Iare great friends now, but at
the time it was meant as a dig.
He said, mark, conforming tosociety's expectations is just
not your strong suit and I saidthank you very much.
(22:05):
That's about as accurate as anobservation as anyone has ever
made of me.
So don't let digs and stuffthat people were throwing at you
bring you down.
Sometimes that can be yourmantra.
Everyone needs to develop thatmantra to drive them, that that
voice in their head over andover, to drown out the
negativity of no, I can't do it.
(22:26):
They said I can't do it.
No, get you a mantra and chantthat thing.
So conformity is like yeah, I'ma huge non-conformist, I don't
sugarcoat anything.
Sometimes it doesn't make meany friends, but I'm me and I
did not conform to somebodyelse's expectation of what they
(22:47):
want to be, to be, to make themfeel comfortable.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
And you're right, that's.
That really is what societydoes.
It's like fill, fill the, likeyou said, fill what the
expectations are.
And and I think that goes along way with a lot of choices
that people make because they'llsay, oh, you know, well, I
really should do this, or I needand I'm like, well, why, who
wrote that guideline?
You know children don't comewith them annual.
(23:12):
I don't see anywhere on page.
You know 527, it says you mustdo this.
You know it's.
It comes down to what do youreally want?
And I think more people shouldthink that way and do that way,
instead of trying to filter inwith the cattle and do what's,
you know, like society expectsthem to do.
You know, on the good note, onthe good stuff, you know, you
(23:32):
know being being you and doingthings that are beneficial is
always a good thing.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
So if you want to really make the naysayers and
those telling you you can'tuncomfortable, ask this question
.
You know, hey, you need to bedoing this.
I do blah, blah, blah.
And you look at him and you goso how is working out for you?
You know, I have one guy playsa lot of video games and I've
(23:59):
got nothing against gamers, it'snot my thing.
But he's like man, you're 56years old, you're in here
limping from all of this.
You know why don't you justtake it easy?
You know, sit back, relax atnight.
And I look at him.
I'm like how's that working outfor you?
And he talks his head.
I'm like 350 pounds, you know,how's that working out for you?
(24:22):
And said now, if you want tomove, let me know.
I'll be your biggestcheerleader.
I said, but no, it's not for me.
How's that working out for you?
That one question can make alot of people uncomfortable when
you throw it back on them.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Yeah, because they don't know what to do with it,
you know it's like you said,it's so easy to project.
You know your, your opinionsand your thoughts on other
people, but when you have toface yourself, you know, that's
when, all of a sudden, you justsee all this, the haywire, you
see all this sparks going off intheir head.
Well, it has been so much funhaving you on.
Is there anything else you wantto share or talk about?
(25:02):
We got a few minutes and Icould sit here and talk all day
with you, because I love yourinsight and I love who you are
and your outlook on life.
I think it is.
It's amazing, and I am so gladthat you had time and an
opportunity to come on and shareall this.
I'm going to call on Markismsbecause I love it.
I love everything that you talkabout and who you stand for and
(25:22):
what you do.
I really think you're anincredible person.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Thank you so much, thank you.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
But is there anything else you'd like to share?
Sure.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
One.
It's funny calling Markismsthat's what my girlfriend calls
them, and she writes them down.
She has a little book ofMarkisms.
I saw this quote the other daythat really rings true is
success is determined by thejudgment of others.
Satisfaction is determined byyou.
I live in an old farmhouse andI don't see how you can live
(25:53):
that way.
Well, it's my satisfaction.
I'm happy doing it.
My success in life why don'tyou have this degree or why
don't you have this?
This is other people placingjudgment of my success on their
ideals.
Your satisfaction is far moreimportant than the judgment of
your success by others, andthat's what I would leave with.
(26:15):
People is be satisfied, behappy.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Thank you, thank you so much.
Well, and also I would like youto thank your son for serving
I'm.
You know, that is that, that'smy heart, and my heart strings.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
But it's in the military, so please thank him
for that and thank you for beingsuch a good dad and raising
such an amazing person that'sdoing.
Yeah, so are you guys.
Thank you so much for beingwith us.
I know you got a lot out ofthis today and please, please,
please, take a lot of this toheart.
Think about it.
You know this is goodinformation.
You know we can all use thisand, again, the most courageous
(26:52):
thing you can do is be yourself,and I will look forward to
seeing you again.
Until then, see you.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Thank you very much.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com