Are You Accidentally Pushing Away Career-Changing Advice?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Are you ready to eat?
Are you ready to eat feedback?
When I think about eat feedback, it is an acronym and a
methodology that we teach forpeople who want to become
approachable and coachable, andthat includes individual
contributors and leaders.
I think one of the mostpowerful things that we can do

(00:21):
to give somebody who's ourleader, and even our peers, is
the power of approachability andcoachability.
You know, we don't talk aboutthis and we don't teach it in
our school systems.
Our reaction to feedback speaksto our character.
It speaks to our communication.
It speaks to our ability toconfront or be confronted, our

(00:45):
ability to be collaborated with.
And if we are alwaysrebuttaling feedback such as
well, can you give me an example?
And then we explain it away orwe say things like, oh, okay,
and we walk away and say, well,totally disagreed with that
feedback.
What we're really doing iscutting ourselves off.
Yet we are sending a message tothe other person and we may not

(01:08):
say this is our intent.
Most people will say it's nottheir intent.
We are pushing people away fromus.
We are basically saying to thatperson or saying to other
people get away from me.
Now.
Someone listening to this mightsay no way, I said, if I fold
my arms and I roll my eyes, I amtelling somebody don't ever

(01:31):
give me feedback again.
So it's not fun, it's not sexy,it's not exciting, it's very
uncomfortable.
It's like scratching achalkboard.
Practice getting feedback.
You will exponentiallydifferentiate yourself within 30
days.
How do you do that?
You eat feedback.

(01:51):
Eat is an acronym from brace.
Ask and tell.
So if someone comes up to meand says, Tim, when you were
doing your presentation, youwere speaking really fast and I
do, by the way, you can probablytell really fast and I do, by
the way, you can probably telland I work on it, and so I'll
tell people, give me feedback,even give me like a hand signal
to slow down, and then I'll takea deep breath.

(02:12):
But when someone gives mefeedback and I ask for that
feedback and say, well, no, Ihad a lot of content to cover,
I'm basically saying don't giveme feedback.
I invited it.
But now I'm slapping your handwhen you put your hand out with
a gift of feedback and we oftensay you know, feedback is a gift
.
No, feedback really sucks attimes because nobody really is
conditioned to hear things aboutthemselves that they don't like

(02:35):
.
So we have to reframe ourrelationship with it.
Number one feedback isperspective.
It is not always cloaked inaccuracy.
It does not mean we dismiss it.
Number two we typically acceptor not accept feedback based on
agreement or disagreement.
So if somebody says to me youdidn't cover this subject well

(02:56):
and I start to defend it, I'vecut myself off from clarity.
And the foundation of myrebuttal is I disagreed with the
feedback?
And when we're in the moment ofgetting feedbackbuttal, is I
disagreed with the feedback?
And when we're in the moment ofgetting feedback, we don't like
to hear, we're not rational orlogical, we are emotional and we
take things out of context andwe feel defensive.
So how do you combat that?

(03:17):
You eat it.
So when someone says, Tim,you're talking too fast, I
embrace it by saying, first ofall, thanks a lot for the
feedback.
Let me ask you what specificsuggestions would you give me?
And someone says practice deepbreaths, Put a note by your
presentation notes and where itsays take a pause, take a deep
breath, Kind of like what I justdid right now.

(03:42):
And then when somebody gives methat and they've answered my
ask, the A of eat, I then tellthem what I'm going to do with
their feedback and I say, well,Lisa, it's a great suggestion.
I'm going to do exactly that.
Guess what just happened?
Lisa is now more willing togive me feedback than someone

(04:06):
who rebuttals or fights orresists the feedback.
It's human nature.
You're going to gravitate tothe people who are accepting.
You're not going to gravitateto the people who are not
accepting.
So the next time, and if youreally want to become great and
you want to feel differentwithin 30 days, go up to friends
, go up to peers, go up tosubordinates, go up to upper

(04:27):
level managers.
Certainly go to your boss andask for feedback.
And here's how you do it.
What are two things I'm doingreally, really well?
And what's that?
One area where you wouldencourage me to improve it
doesn't have to be cloaked inconstructive feedback that area
where you can improve, you'llfeel better about it.
And then, when you're done, orthey're done, you eat the

(04:50):
feedback.
You embrace, ask and tell, andyou'll notice a huge difference
within 30 days.