The Storm Before Intelligence

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I want to introduce all of you to a new concept
called emotional interpretation.
Now I think and we teach acourse called emotional
interpretation the great stormbefore emotional intelligence.
Now, emotional intelligence isaround self-awareness,
self-regulation, empathy,motivation and social skills.
Emotional interpretation is inthe moment.

(00:23):
How do we interpret things?
Emotional interpretation is inthe moment.
How do we interpret things?
We don't typically logicallyinterpret things, especially
when we hear things we don'tlike.
So let's take feedback for asecond.
If we have an employee who sayssomething to the gist of you
know, my boss attacked me, thinkabout the words that we often

(00:44):
use no-transcript, but he didthis.

(01:33):
Or yeah, but she did this, andwe don't simply listen to the
other person and it's tough,right, we're all guilty of this.
And so emotional interpretationis around the concept of how do
I interpret what's being saidemotionally?
Do I handle it calmly?
Do I handle it volatilely?
Do I handle it taking thingsout of context, et cetera.

(01:56):
Let me give you another example.
When I was working at a localWisconsin manufacturer, I had a
young lady, emily, who I justloved, and I've told this story
a million times.
She went for an interview.
I'll never forget it.
She went for an interview foran office job.
She was not qualified for it.
She had never turned on acomputer and so through the

(02:19):
interaction she quickly foundout she was not going to be
getting the job.
So a couple of people in thelunchroom came up to her and
said oh, how was your interview?
She goes oh, it wasn't verygood.
You know the guy whointerviewed me.
Just you know it's like heattacked me the whole interview
and I sat there and I heard herand I stood behind her and I
thought to myself those arereally aggressive words for a

(02:43):
guy who probably knew youweren't ready for the position,
took his time to interview you,that he attacked you, now it
seems trite, right.
Yet she was talking to threepeople and what was their
impression?
What did they think they meantby attacked?
And as I walked up behind her,the three ladies kind of

(03:04):
notified her.
I was standing behind her.
She turned around.
She goes oh hey, I didn't knowyou were there and I said so.
The guy attacked you Like hegot you in a headlock.
She starts laughing.
She goes no, I just felt it.
No, no, no, you just told thesethree ladies that he attacked
you.
How did he attack you?
Did he give you noogies in thehead?
She says well, tim, no, but youknow, I was just really upset.

(03:25):
I said no, no, no, I didn't askhow you felt At this time.
The three ladies quicklydissipated and left the
conversation.
I said Emily, you just toldthree people that a man attacked
you.
She goes well, I just felt.
I said I didn't ask how youfelt and I kept cutting her off.
Not great coaching, but Ididn't want her to fulfill the

(03:47):
rest of her own narrative.
She goes well, he didn't reallyattack me, I was just upset.
I said right, so you're dealingwith your emotions, which you
transferred to his shoulders.
I said by 11 o'clock that isgoing to get back to him because
those three ladies are going togo say something to somebody.
I said do you think you werequalified for that job?
She said no.

(04:08):
I said why did he take his timeto interview you?
Well, I don't know.
I said why don't you go ask him?
So she went up to her credit,fended off the rumor mill and
said look, I went in thelunchroom.
I said some things I shouldn'thave.
I just wanted you to hear itfrom me.
The guy goes look, I'm reallyproud of you.
I'm proud of you that you wentthrough the interview process.
You were clearly not ready forthis position, but I really

(04:29):
applauded you and I told her, ifthe door opens itself, walk
through it and say would youmentor me?
And that's exactly whathappened.
Yet where did it start?
It was taking something out ofcontext because the emotional
interpretation was creating anirrational next set of steps,
Telling people that a guy whointerviewed her attacked her.

(04:51):
It happens every single day inthe workplace.
My boss never listens to me.
Have you ever heard this one?
He thinks he's the smartest guyin the room.
Have you ever heard somebodyannounced to a group of people
just so everybody knows I'm thesmartest one in the room?
We put our own labels on people.

(05:13):
We take things out of context.
I heard this the other day whensomeone said oh, that other
department, they don't careabout us.
And I went up to the young lady.
I said so when you said thathow do you know they all don't
care about us?
And I went up to the young lady.
I said so when you said thathow do you know they all don't
care about you?
She goes well, geez, you're.
You're taking this literally.
I said yes, I am Cause you justlabeled the whole department.
Let me go tell the departmenthead that you said that, and

(05:35):
then I'll get things cleared up.
And I started to walk away andthen she got fearful.
Then she got worried.
So what do we do with emotionalinterpretation?
Fearful, then she got worried.
So what do we do with emotionalinterpretation?
There's a concept that we teachcalled RIR, r-i-a-r.
The first R is react, thesecond is the I, which we
interpret how am I feeling?

(05:56):
The A is the we actualize it orwe share it with other people
and the last R is reflection.
The key is to start withreflection and reverse the R's,
to take a deep breath and saylook, you just gave me some
feedback.
What other suggestions do youhave for me?

(06:18):
We have to interrupt thatinitial emotion.
It is not easy.
It is not easy.
It is not easy.
So when we are receiving thingswe don't like, we have to take
a big deep breath.
We have to really think throughfor a second.
Am I taking this out of context?
Am I receiving this information?

(06:39):
Well, and typically, let's becandid we don't.
So think about that as you goforward.
Think about the things that youcan do to make it easy for
other people to approach you,coach you, give you feedback
that will extend your personalbrand.