September 17, 2025 • 38 mins
In this episode of the Coaching Minds Podcast, we continue our Confidence series and dig into three critical building blocks every athlete needs: identity, body language, and self-talk.
You’ll learn why confidence isn’t just earned through practice and reps — it’s also chosen by who you decide to be. Ben shares a powerful example from an NBA player who missed six straight shots but still had the confidence to take — and make — the game-tying shot.
Coaches will discover how to use self-schema theory to shape team culture, why body language impacts performance, focus, and even how opponents view you, and how tools like a Go-To Statement and mental reset phrases can rewire an athlete’s belief system.
Whether you’re a high school athlete, college competitor, coach, or sports parent, this episode provides actionable mental performance strategies that strengthen confidence on and off the field.
Are you an ATHLETE looking to take your training to the next level? Check out our website to learn more about 1-on-1 training opportunities:
mentaltrainingplan.com/athletes
Are you a COACH looking for an affordable year-round mental performance training program? Check out the MTP Academy available through our website:
mentaltrainingplan.com/teams
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, welcome to the Coaching Minds podcast, the
official podcast of MentalTraining Plant.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
You could be listening toabsolutely anything right now
and you've chosen our show.
I appreciate that.
I want to do everything I canto make sure this is worth your
time.
Today we're continuing ourseries on the book Confidence
(00:22):
Tools to Build Belief forAthletes, coaches and Parents.
Again, if you have not listenedto the first two episodes in
this series, I would encourageyou to pause this and go back.
And we are kind of movingforward under the assumption
that you have the book, maybeyou're reading along, you've
downloaded the free workbookthat comes with it, and my hope
(00:44):
is that this maybe goes a littlebit deeper.
My hope is that this is almostlike a like a book club where,
if we were to sit and chat alittle bit about this, we were
to maybe go a little bit deeper.
What's some of the conversationwe would have?
Special shout out to Alisondown in Australia was having
some trouble.
(01:04):
Apparently, for some reason,amazon does not offer the
hardback version of my book inAustralia, so I apologize.
I got her all set up with theKindle version and made sure she
had the workbook download.
Allison, if you're listening tothis, I just want you to know I
greatly appreciated theAntarctica joke and, yes, that
(01:26):
is still, to my knowledge, theonly continent where we have had
zero listeners.
So if somebody has a chance tomake that happen someday while
you find yourself traveling,please be sure to let us know,
and Zeke will get a kick out ofthat.
So last episode we talked aboutpart two and the concept that
(01:48):
confidence has to be earned.
There are things we have to do,there are actions we have to
take.
We have to put in reps, we haveto build that belief.
We have to provide someevidence to our brain that, yes,
we have earned the right to beconfident.
And then there's some thing.
There's some action, someplanning.
We talked about routines alittle bit.
(02:08):
There are some things that haveto be done.
We don't want to just sitaround and wait for confidence
to happen.
Confidence isn't just earned,it's also chosen.
Up to this point we've reallyfocused on how do we build
something solid, how do we putin the time, put in the work,
the things that really makeconfidence real, that kind of
(02:31):
give us that proof.
Now we're going to start toshift a little bit from external
to internal.
Chosen confidence is about whoyou decide to be, and remember
we talked about the sequencematters.
You can't skip the work, youcan't fake that foundation.
But then chapter six, we startgetting into.
(02:54):
There's also some decisionsthat have to be made.
And chapter six starts with oneof my absolute favorite
activities to do with individualathletes when I'm working with
them one-on-one, and I will playthis video clip.
It's out there on YouTube.
It's Jeremiah Johnsoninterviewing Victor Oladipo.
(03:16):
It was in January 2020, beforeCOVID shut everything down and
Vic had been out with aseason-ending injury and he was
finally coming back.
And in Indiana, man, there wasjust this feeling, there was
this buzz that hey, vic's back,now we got a chance.
And I was at that game.
I will never, ever forget thatmoment when he got off the bench
(03:40):
, went to the table to check inand the place just erupted.
There were signs everywhere,People were waving towels, the
place went nuts and he came inand played terrible and at one
point we're getting toward theend of the game he had maybe
made a basket and a few freethrows.
(04:03):
He was 0 for 6 from thethree-point line and I looked at
my buddy that I came to thegame with and I was like man,
I'm so glad Vic's back, but Ihope he doesn't take this last
shot.
We were down three.
There were like 10 seconds leftin the fourth quarter.
We had the ball called atimeout and coming out of the
timeout he got open the top ofthe three point arc and just let
(04:28):
one rip and drained it and itfelt like the roof was going to
explode off the building.
So that that's kind of thesetting right.
So what I'll do when I'm workingwith an athlete is I'll give
them that backstory and thenI'll turn on the video clip of
Jeremiah Johnson interviewinghim and they they show his stat
line at the bottom.
And I'll turn on the video clipof Jeremiah Johnson
interviewing him and they theyshow his stat line at the bottom
and I'll pause the video andI'll say all right, let's say
(04:50):
you're 0 for 6 from three point,or you know, maybe, maybe it's
not a basketball player I'mworking with, it's a golfer and
we talk about okay, what wouldthis look like for you?
What would it look like to be 0for on the night?
But no, hey, the game is on theline and I'm going to have the
confidence that I want the ballin my hands.
(05:11):
I want to take this gamewinning shot.
I want to leave this gamewinning drive.
What would that look like?
How confident would you be inyourself in that moment?
And then I press play and you,you see the instant replay.
And Jeremiah Johnson askedsomething that everyone in the
stands was wondering that night.
(05:32):
He said how did you have theconfidence to take that last
shot?
And Vic just said I just shotit, manamba mentality.
And so then I paused the videoagain and I asked them what does
that mean?
How does this make sense?
How is there any way that thisguy, who has failed, failed,
(05:57):
failed, failed, failed, failedsix times from three point range
, all of a sudden still believethat he has what it takes to hit
this game-winning shot?
He hadn't played basketball ina year.
He has no reason to believethat this is going to go in, but
he did.
And, man, that sparks somepowerful conversations where we
(06:18):
start to ask questions like whatif our confidence didn't have
anything to do with the outcome?
What if we were so focused onthe process, we were so focused
on what matters right now?
What's the next step that needsto be taken that past and I'm
going to put this in air quotespast failures no longer have
(06:39):
this detrimental impact on ourconfidence that we have in
ourselves and in our game.
Right.
What if our preparation was sothorough and our identity was so
strong that coming up a littlebit short a few times didn't
make us throw in the towel andcollapse?
And I think it would be totallyappropriate for the coaches
(07:02):
listening to find that clip anduse it with your team, use it
with your athletes or maybethere's an even better example
from your sport out there,athletes.
Or maybe there's an even betterexample from your sport out
there.
But there are plenty ofinstances where maybe the the
casual fan didn't haveconfidence in someone, but that
didn't matter and that personwasn't rattled and they went out
(07:23):
and did it anyways.
How do we build that kind ofidentity in our athletes?
The self-schema theory thatreally explains how people
organize information aboutthemselves, kind of the internal
frameworks that are used thatinfluence perception, motivation
and behavior.
Basically, an athlete who seeshimself as a leader or an
(07:47):
athlete who sees themselves assomeone who performs under
pressure is more likely to actin alignment with that belief.
I think that in and of itselfis a great question for coaches
to ask, maybe our coaching staffhey, what are ways that we're
building this up?
What do we want our athletes tobelieve about themselves?
(08:10):
What are those frameworks thatwe want them to have in their
mind?
And then, how are we activelybuilding those?
We don't want to just count onthese 16, 17, 18 year old kids
to somehow magically believethat they have what it takes,
irregardless of how they've beenperforming all game, to be able
to make this game winning shot.
(08:31):
They've been performing allgame to be able to make this
game winning shot.
No, we want to be intentional,we want to build that and
there's all kinds of ways we cando that in our sport.
Cognitive dissonance Basically,there's discomfort when our
behavior doesn't align with ourbeliefs.
In my mind, those of you thathave been listening for a while
and you know what the go-tostatement is, those of you that
(08:52):
have been listening for a whileand you know what the go-to
statement is.
This is why, when we start tosay I put in the time, I put in
the work, I'm the best player inthe state, our brain starts to
feel like now wait a minute.
These two things don't line upand it starts to to behave like
(09:13):
that, or we're going to start tobuy into this and be like you
know what I?
I do put in a lot of time, I doput in a lot of work.
Maybe, maybe I do have what ittakes.
We get into a little bit ofembodied cognition Really.
I mean we're going to come backto this in the next chapter
when we talk about body language.
But man, it's just so hard toseparate them right when we're
(09:34):
standing tall, when we're incontrol of our breathing, when
we feel like, yes, I have whatit takes, not just mentally and
emotionally but physically.
It makes this identity piece somuch more powerful.
And we get into a little bit ofthe priming and the self-talk.
And so in the book we talkabout the I am statements.
(09:55):
We talk about let's help thembe intentional about their
self-talk.
We talk about the alter egobuilder.
I think the Mamba mentality isso unbelievably powerful when
Kobe explains why that, wherethat came from and why he
believes that he's earned theright to be confident on the
(10:15):
court.
I think if we can help our guysand gals start to piece that
together and start to connectthat in their own mind, they can
start to figure out.
What do I want my mentality tobe on the court?
And then the identity map how Isee myself, how I talk to
myself, how I act, and then howI want to see myself, how I want
(10:35):
to talk to myself, how I wantto act If I'm a coach in a team
sport.
In my mind, we have to have twoconversations.
The first one is what's theframework that we want our team
to have?
Do we want to be that teamthat's going to outwork, outlove
?
Do we want to be that teamthat's just going to keep
grinding, no matter what?
(10:56):
What framework do we want tobuild up in our athletes?
Maybe the culture of yourprogram is you've just been so
bad for so long that you needyour team to start believing,
yes, we can win.
Why?
Well, here's the things thatwe're going to be doing
(11:16):
different physically,technique-wise, schematically.
Here's what we're going to bedoing in the weight room.
Here's what we're going to bedoing on the mental side of the
game.
How do we get intentional aboutbuilding that framework that we
belong on this field?
Maybe it's you're a prettydecent team, but for some reason
, coming down the stretch, youjust you're not finishing well,
(11:39):
okay.
Well, maybe this next offseasonwe're going to get real
intentional about that framework.
We're going to get realintentional about our language.
We're going to get realintentional about what does it
take to be successful in thosebig moments?
How do we train our athletes toperform in those big moments?
How do we practice those bigmoments?
What mental skills and toolsare needed to be at our best in
(12:01):
those big moments?
How does our conditioning needto change so that, physically,
we can still hang with anybodyin those big moments?
Or maybe the framework is hey,we just won a national
championship, we're not here todefend a title, we're not
defending anything, we're goingafter this.
(12:22):
And then I think the secondpiece is how do we help
individuals on our team start tobuild up their own identity?
Not everyone's going to be thesame.
That was always one of myfavorite things about football
is you could have this skinny,scrawny, teeny, tiny little
kicker next to this great, big,giant, huge offensive lineman,
(12:42):
next to this incredibly athletic, muscular, lean wide receiver,
and it's like we need all thesepeople.
We need some really smart guys.
We need some great leaders.
We need some great, big,physical, giant men.
We need some skilled players.
We don't need cookie cutters.
We need our athletes to figureout who are you, what's
(13:04):
important to you, what do youstand for?
What are your core values?
Why are you doing this?
This is going to be hard.
What's going to make you keepgoing when things are difficult?
And then, how do you compete?
How do you want people todescribe your effort, your
composure, your resilience?
What kind of person are you?
What kind of player are you?
(13:25):
Why have you earned the rightto be confident?
What's your mentality like onthe court?
What do you bring to the team?
Do you have energy?
Do you have toughness?
Do you have leadership?
Do you need to improve some ofthose areas?
Anytime we replaced a greatquarterback, the very first
conversation with the upcomingquarterback or quarterbacks who
(13:49):
were going to be competing forthe starting job the next season
was that kid is gone.
Yes, he was the greatest passerin school history from career
passing yard standpoint.
Yes, he could stand in thepocket and chuck the rock.
No, you are not him.
You do not need to try toemulate him.
(14:11):
You need to be you and you needto be the best version of you.
What's that look like?
Which brings us to chapter seven, isaac sent me a text.
He said this is so far hisabsolute favorite chapter in the
book, one of the points that Ilove to drive home when I'm
doing the team workshop calledbiopsychology of team sports,
(14:34):
where we're basically looking atthe things that are in John
Wooden's pyramid of success.
You know all of these thingslike hard work and teamwork that
coaches have been preachingabout for decades.
Well, the more advanced we getin brain imaging, the more and
(14:54):
more it's like okay, here's whatwe can prove is going on in
your mind and your body.
I can tell you with a greatdeal of certainty here are some
ways that your team can be attheir best, and we talk about
body language and how it impactsthe confidence, competitiveness
and focus of not just you andnot just your teammates, but
(15:18):
also even your opponents andeven your coaches.
There are all kinds of argumentsthat can be made on both sides
of.
Should we teach this concept of?
If you don't feel it, fake it?
We teach this concept of?
If you don't feel it, fake it.
There are arguments on bothsides that I respect, but I will
(15:40):
firmly take a stand on this.
If my quarterback throws aninterception and he is walking
off the field and he has thisurge to stare at the ground, to
mope off the field.
I would much rather he fake itand get his eyes up, find the
top row of the bleachers, jogoff with a little bit of pace
and at least send the message tohis teammates.
(16:03):
You know what?
Maybe he does still have ittogether, even if he's not
feeling it in that moment.
There's research done that kidsas young as three years old can
identify major emotions, andthis is across language barriers
, this is across cultures.
Humans at the age of three canidentify things like happiness
(16:27):
and sadness and anger.
And so in this biopsychology ofteam sports presentation, I'll
have everybody in the room standup and I'll say, with just your
eyes, show me bad body languageand now show me good body
language.
And then I'll say you know, byonly moving your head.
And then we'll say you know,now include your shoulders or
(16:52):
your entire upper body.
And then I'll bring somebody up.
If it's a baseball team, youjust struck out and now you're
walking back to the dugout.
Or a golfer you just missed aputt and now you have to walk up
and mark your ball.
Show me bad body language asyou make that walk.
Now show me good body language.
(17:13):
And if we were grading people,everyone that I've ever talked
to, everyone that's ever donethis activity, has scored a 100%
.
Your players don't need you toteach them what good or bad body
language is.
Your players already know whatit is.
They need a plan.
So if I've got somebody whostruggles with body language,
(17:34):
I'm going to, I'm going to helpthem figure out.
When does this happen?
Is it after you strike out?
Is it after you throw aninterception?
Is it after you give up an easycut to the basket?
Perfect.
Now what's your plan going tobe?
The plan is not oh, we're goingto have good body language.
The plan is I'm going to get myshoulders back.
I'm going to look at the topbleacher, or I'm going to find a
(17:54):
light, or I'm going to find acloud in the sky, something
that's going to get their headup, their shoulders back.
I'm going to walk with a littlebit of pace and I'm at least
going to send the message to myteammates or my opponents or the
coaches hey, I'm still here andI'm still competing.
I have only actually done thisone time, but, man, was it
(18:16):
powerful.
I had this head coach and I wasworking with their coaching
staff and we were talking aboutconfidence and we were talking
about body language and theywere so frustrated with their
players and they were sofrustrated with the lack of
confidence and good bodylanguage and I actually I went
to one of their games and Ipulled out my cell phone and I
(18:39):
just started recording thesideline.
I'm not going to lie, that wasnot necessarily an easy, fun,
gentle conversation.
Afterwards.
It was like, guys, I knowyou're not happy with the body
language that you're getting orthe confidence that you're
getting out there on the field,but like, let's watch a few
(18:59):
clips here of how you respondwhen a kid makes a mistake and
how you respond when somethingdoesn't go well.
So I think, even as coaches,it's like this isn't in the book
, but man, it's important thatwe've got our plan.
Like it's important you knowwhat the book?
But man, it's important thatwe've got our plan.
Like it's important.
You know what, if my kid screwsup, I'm going to clap three
(19:23):
times.
I'm going to look up somethingtall and I'm going to say, hey,
we're good, we got this.
Or I'm going to have somepre-planned, pre-rehearsed thing
that prevents me from throwingmy hands in the air, chucking my
hat and my clipboard at theground.
I'm not saying that you can'thave emotion.
I'm not saying that there arenot appropriate times for you to
stand up for your players.
Have a conversation with theofficial that lets your team
(19:47):
know that you're there andyou're alive, and you care and
you're fighting for them.
That's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is if, everysingle time that one of your
guys makes a mistake, you havethis same negative body language
over and over and over, theyare going to be terrified of
making mistakes and they are notgoing to play as confidently as
(20:08):
they could.
And as coaches, it's so easy toexpect our players to do this,
but we have to be accountablealso.
So if that's difficult for you,if that's difficult for your
staff, get a camera out, justlike Becky Burley did at the
University of Florida, and pointit at your sideline.
And you don't have to spend aton of time on this, and you
don't have to beat a dead horseand you don't have to use this
(20:31):
to make people feel bad aboutthemselves.
But there has to be some sortof accountability.
So find a way to do that.
If I'm a player, if I'm anathlete, I want to have a plan.
If I'm an athlete, I want toknow when do I have a tendency
to go negative with my bodylanguage?
What am I going to do about it?
If I'm a coach, I need a way tocommunicate to my guys that
(20:54):
this matters and, in my mind,the, the biopsychology of team
sports, the whole this impactsconfidence, competitiveness and
focus, like in my mind.
You can explain that wellenough that teenagers will say
oh, okay, yeah, maybe this doesmatter, maybe we should be
intentional about this.
(21:15):
So maybe you feel like you'vesaid this over and over and over
and over.
Let's change that up.
Let's not just keep doing thesame thing over and over and
over.
Do they need to understand it alittle more?
Maybe you need to have aconversation with the captains,
is it?
Yeah, coach, you're telling usthis, but I mean the coaching
staff and the culture is sayingsomething different.
(21:35):
Maybe it's the players don'tthink it's that big of a deal.
Figure out why the bodylanguage isn't good.
Figure out why you're not beingintentional with that body
language and then teach them howto do better.
Which brings us to chapter eight, the self-talk brick.
And I do want to.
I do want to throw in herebecause I think it's easy.
It's easy to see how theidentity piece maybe is chosen.
(21:59):
But I think sometimes the bodylanguage and the self-talk can
feel like well, aren't thoseactions?
Like aren't those things thatwe're doing?
And I would say yes.
But I also think there's alittle bit more.
I think that we don't want tojust naturally let those things
happen.
We need to choose ahead of timehow are we going to carry
(22:22):
ourselves, how are we going totalk to ourselves?
That's why they're in this partor this section of the book, at
the start of chapter 8, page100,.
I love that example there whereBill would walk every day
outside past this kid, jordan,who had these big dreams, these
big hopes of being in the NBAsomeday.
(22:44):
And Bill would walk by and goeh, you're not good enough.
No, that shot was awful, you'renever going to be quick enough
to play at the next level.
One of my favorite things to dois basically take this story
and morph it and get somebodyupset, get somebody to have an
emotional reaction and go.
You know what?
(23:04):
That's a load of crap.
That's not fair.
My son or my daughter was doingthis.
Can you believe what this coachsaid to them?
Or can you believe what thisother kid said to them and then
rattle off a few examples fromtheir sport?
You're not good enough, youdon't shoot well enough, you're
not fast enough, you can't catch, you can't hit, and man really
(23:28):
just play it up and maybe evenask somebody in the audience or
ask one of your players likewhat I mean, what do you, what
do you think should be done tothis person?
Who's harassing this child,who's telling this kid that they
don't have what it takes?
You know, it was even morepowerful when it was my team
(23:48):
that I was coaching and theyknew my son or they knew my
daughter.
And so now there's like this,this emotion that they can just
feel that's not right and thenflip it around and say, but how
many of you are talking toyourselves that way?
I think it.
I think the more emotion we canget them to feel on the front
(24:10):
end, the more powerful this ison the back end when they
realize like this was sort ofjust a made up fable.
We were just trying to, to tella story and to prove a point
here.
Those of you that have beenlistening for a while or maybe
you're familiar with the focuscycle like obviously you've
heard the story of the go-tostatement, but I want to tell it
again because I know we'regoing to have some new people
(24:32):
listening to this.
So we, we were.
We were going down to Lucas oilstadium to play in this, this
regular season showcase game,and it was against a team that
traditionally just destroyed us.
They had all kinds of guysgoing full ride, d one.
We didn't really have anybody.
At the time that was signed, myself-talk was just in such a
negative place and it was like Idon't know if we're going to be
(24:53):
able to beat these guys.
And so I'm reading about inthis textbook about a go-to
statement, about this statementthat you can go to when things
are difficult or when yourmind's starting to veer off and
get negative.
It started off why are yougreat?
And I listed out uh, I watch alot of film and I'm organized
(25:14):
not a real impressive list.
And then it said what, what doyou want to achieve?
What are you working towardachieving?
But phrase it powerfully as ifyou're already there.
And I wrote down I, I'm the bestcoach in the state.
It probably, it probably hadlike that question mark sound at
the end of it, because as soonas I said it, there was this
(25:36):
voice in the back of my mindthat was like you're not even
the best coach on your staff.
What are you talking about?
And, man, when I, when Icombined those two together and
I came up with I put in the time, I put in the work, I'm the
best coach in the state.
And not only did it work, butit worked so well that that next
(25:56):
day I told all of the guys inmy position group you're going
to have one of these.
I didn't really understand thescience behind it, but I know
that this works because I justfelt it work and we're going to
do this and you're going to dothis.
And just year after year afteryear, seeing countless athletes
(26:17):
just over and over and over, usethis thing.
Man, it's powerful.
We could we could literally do,and have done, entire podcasts
on just this topic.
I'm just going to tell you whenI can speak from personal
experience and tell my athleteshow unbelievably powerful this
is and how other athletes thatI've worked with have used this.
(26:40):
There's instant credibility.
So if you work with athletes, Iwould encourage you to either
do this yourself or find someonein your sport who talks about
this on a regular basis.
There's all kinds of examplesout there.
I want to maybe try and preventa email firestorm here, so I'm
going to preface this commentwith my faith.
(27:04):
Is is really important to me.
I don't always do a great jobof living that out, but my
relationship with Jesus hasgiven me peace.
That's difficult to explain.
I want explain.
I want to preface with that.
Okay, I have had a whole bunchof athletes who have said to me
like I don't need this go-tostatement.
(27:26):
I have this verse that I liveby and they have like a you know
, I can do all things throughChrist, who strengthens me, or
some other verse right, that ispowerful to them, speaks with
them.
I totally support that.
I love that.
I have also worked with quite afew athletes who have some sort
(27:47):
of verse like this but it's notquote unquote saving them in
these big moments.
I've worked with quite a fewathletes where it's almost like
they're waiting for God to justmagically make things happen.
It reminds me of the storywhere, you know, there was a
town that had flooded andsomebody came by and knocked on
(28:09):
the door and said, hey, you needto evacuate, floodwaters are
coming.
And they said, nah, it's okay,I don't, I don't need to
evacuate, god's going to save me.
And then, all of a sudden, thefloodwaters started to rise and
so you know somebody the, thepolice, came through on a, on a
raft or on a boat and said, hey,hop in the.
The floodwaters are rising.
(28:29):
And they said no, no, no, it's,it's good, god's going to save
me.
And then, all of a sudden, likethis person has to get all the
way up on top of the roof andthe national guard comes with a
helicopter and they're like, hey, get in, we got to go.
And this person says no, no, no,it's okay, god's going to save
me.
And this person ultimately endsup drowning and they get to
(28:51):
heaven and they, they say God,what, what are you doing?
Where were you?
Why didn't you save me?
And he just looks at him andsays, well, I, I sent the
neighbors and the police and thenational guard, and I'm not
trying to get into some bigtheological debate.
Okay, I'm not trying to getinto some, let's break down the
(29:12):
whole.
You know, I can do all thingsthrough Christ, who strengthens
me, wasn't written so that youcould go win a baseball game.
I'm not trying to get into thatdebate.
I'm simply trying to make thepoint that I believe there are
times where, yes, god is withyou, god is providing you
strength, god is giving you whatyou need to sustain you and to
(29:36):
keep going.
But God expects you to dosomething.
God didn't strike Goliath downwith a lightning bolt from the
sky.
David killed Goliath.
God didn't just build a bridgefor the Israelites.
Moses raised a staff and thewaters were parted.
I don't think that, even withina biblical perspective, that God
(30:00):
wants us to just sit around andwait and hope.
He wants us to walk forward andstep out in faith that, yes, he
is going to provide, yes, he isgoing to strengthen, yes, he is
going to be with us and notforsake us, and we have a part
to play.
Also and I only bring this upbecause I have worked with a ton
(30:24):
of athletes in a one-on-onesetting who have said some
version of I don't need a go-tostatement, god's got this.
I would challenge you if you'rekind of in that same boat as an
individual athlete, or ifyou're a coach who's having a
conversation with an athlete,can we maybe try to tie the two
together.
(30:44):
Can we maybe just incorporateyour faith, your beliefs, into
this?
Somehow my reading of the Bibledoesn't paint a picture of a
God who's anti-confidence.
There's certainly a balancethere between some confidence
and some pride issues and thingslike that.
But I do think it's appropriateto gently encourage, like we
(31:07):
don't want this paralysis byfaith.
We don't want this.
I'm just going to wait and hopethat somebody else takes care
of it, or God takes care of this, and I don't think the two have
to be opposed to each other.
I have I've also worked with awhole bunch of athletes who feel
like positivity is fake.
I just screwed up.
How in the world can I havesome positive statement?
(31:30):
And I totally get that as well.
I think positive quote unquotepositivity can get a really bad
rap when we just try to be allrainbows and sunshines and
unicorns and yay, let's be happywith mediocrity.
That's not what we're talkingabout either.
But instead of allowingourselves to just spiral into,
(31:52):
to ruminate into this deep, darkhole of I'm not good enough or
I don't have what it takes, orthis is so terrible, how do we
remind ourselves like no, I'vegot this, I've put in the time,
I've put in the work I have whatit takes to keep going and keep
fighting in spite of thesecircumstances.
(32:13):
That's where we're trying toget to.
So again, whether you're goingto use the activity that's in
the workbook, whether you'regoing to use the go-to statement
, whether you're going to usethe three-word reset, the power
phrase reframe, I would say froma priority standpoint, I
usually try and start with ago-to statement.
(32:33):
In my experience, that hasgiven the most athletes the most
benefit.
All of the rest of the stuffhas been included because there
are times like I've got anathlete who's a division one
golfer, hates the go-tostatement, but if he can just
remind himself to let it rip,just hit the ball, go find the
(32:54):
ball and hit it again and notoverthink things and not
overcomplicate things, man, he'sin such a better state.
There was a professional racecar driver that I worked with
and his was some colorfullanguage, uh, sort of along the
lines of forget it, and it wasjust like you know what, forget
it, I'm not gonna.
I'm not gonna worry, forget it,I'm not going to.
I'm not going to worry aboutthe sponsors.
(33:16):
I'm not going to worry aboutthis or that or the other cars,
or the time or the past or whatthis is going to mean
financially or where I'm at inqualifications.
Forget it.
Just do my thing, just go, andI think there's a time and a
place for that.
One of the more analytical guysthat I've ever worked with was
probably Nick Ferrer, and Idon't mind sharing this because
(33:38):
he came on the podcast seasonone and shared it himself.
He basically took my go-tostatement I put in the time I
put in the work I'm the bestcoach in the state and just
replaced it with player, andthere was a great deal of
comfort for him thinking throughand analyzing.
You know what I have put in alot of time.
(33:59):
You know what I have put in alot of work.
You know what, doggone it, I dohave what it takes.
I am ready for this.
I am the best one out here.
Let's go do this thing.
And there are some athletes thatthat much thinking and that
much processing makes themuncomfortable, makes them freeze
up.
We don't want that.
So find what works, but at theend of the day, it's what we
(34:22):
close every single podcastepisode with right.
We say make your plan and putit to work.
That is the goal.
That is what we need to do withthis self-talk brick is we need
to figure out what is my plan,not hope that I'm going to
magically somehow just defaultto positivity which isn't going
(34:44):
to happen, by the way butinstead think it through, be
proactive, have a plan, figureout.
This is what I'm going to say,this is how I'm going to place
this self-talk brick and then godo it.
Another thing if you're workingwith individual athletes, do not
let them change this in themiddle of a game, in the middle
(35:05):
of a round, anything like that.
It will be completelydetrimental to this whole
activity.
If, while you're trying tocompete, you're also trying to
analyze is this working?
Is this giving me thepsychological edge that I want?
No, we come up with the plan,we put it to work, we go do it.
I would say we even do it morethan once or twice.
(35:27):
I mean the.
The textbook was saying that wewere supposed to say this 50
times a day until we start tobelieve it.
Like you got to give this thinga chance to sink in.
It's not a magical spell.
This isn't Harry Potter.
You can't.
Just you know abracadabra andall of a sudden, all your doubts
go away and you feel confident,but over a long enough
(35:49):
timeframe.
When you do repeat these thingsover and over and over, it
changes the wiring inside ofyour brain.
That being said, if the athletehas done this for a week or two
and it's like you know what thisisn't working, sometimes the
question is well, why do you notbelieve it?
Like, do we need to do?
We need to take a deep look atyou.
(36:10):
Know, you wrote down, I put inthe time, I put in the work, but
you don't put in the time andyou haven't put in the work.
We need to go back to that repbrick and you need to actually
get some work in.
Man, or is it just too long?
Is it distracting?
Can we shorten it?
Or is it maybe just onespecific situation Like the?
The go-to statement is reallygood most of the time, but when
(36:32):
this one little thing happens, Ineed to remind myself of
something different or I need todirect my focus somewhere a
little bit different.
Great, so what do you want toremind yourself of?
Let's come up with thatstatement, let's use that
statement.
This doesn't have to be.
This isn't like a one-shotfixes all, but I will say that
the go-to statement, in myexperience, has given the most
(36:54):
people the most benefit.
I've got a handwritten letterhere and it's one of my former
athletes thanking me because shefinally believes her go-to
statement and I still have this.
It was about six months afterwe had started working together.
So one of the things I tell myathletes is like just because
this doesn't immediately fixeverything and change everything
(37:16):
, doesn't mean that it's notworking.
Stay committed to this, keep itin front of you, say it to
yourself in the mirror, put iton the background screen of your
phone, put it on your door, putit in your locker.
Like get this in front of you,remind yourself of this and use
this tool to build thatconfidence.
If you've gotten anything out ofthis episode, I would greatly,
(37:37):
greatly appreciate if youwouldn't mind following or
liking or leaving a comment,leaving a review.
As of the time of thisrecording, the confidence book
doesn't have any reviews onAmazon.
It's still pretty new.
Even my best friend, I don'tthink, has finished the book.
If you've gotten something outof this, if it's helped you, I
would love for you to just leavea review on Amazon.
(37:59):
Just let the algorithm know hey, this is a real thing, this is
a good resource.
Here's how it helped me and,more importantly, let other
people know, from a humanperspective, why is this going
to help me.
One of my athletes that I'mworking with one-on-one, told me
I feel like you wrote this bookfor me and, man, I hope that's
(38:20):
true for more than just that oneathlete.
I hope that you get a ton outof this.
If there's anything that I cando to make these episodes more
beneficial, if there's anythingyou want me to go a little bit
deeper into or to explain alittle bit more, I'm happy to do
that.
Again, I'm trying to give youguys the most value that I
possibly can in this episode.
(38:41):
If there's somebody else thatyou think would benefit from
this, please don't hesitate toshare it with them.
Appreciate you guys so much and, until next time, make your
plan, put it to work.
Hey, welcome to the Coaching Minds podcast, the
official podcast of MentalTraining Plant.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
You could be listening toabsolutely anything right now
and you've chosen our show.
I appreciate that.
I want to do everything I canto make sure this is worth your
time.
Today we're continuing ourseries on the book Confidence
(00:22):
Tools to Build Belief forAthletes, coaches and Parents.
Again, if you have not listenedto the first two episodes in
this series, I would encourageyou to pause this and go back.
And we are kind of movingforward under the assumption
that you have the book, maybeyou're reading along, you've
downloaded the free workbookthat comes with it, and my hope
(00:44):
is that this maybe goes a littlebit deeper.
My hope is that this is almostlike a like a book club where,
if we were to sit and chat alittle bit about this, we were
to maybe go a little bit deeper.
What's some of the conversationwe would have?
Special shout out to Alisondown in Australia was having
some trouble.
(01:04):
Apparently, for some reason,amazon does not offer the
hardback version of my book inAustralia, so I apologize.
I got her all set up with theKindle version and made sure she
had the workbook download.
Allison, if you're listening tothis, I just want you to know I
greatly appreciated theAntarctica joke and, yes, that
(01:26):
is still, to my knowledge, theonly continent where we have had
zero listeners.
So if somebody has a chance tomake that happen someday while
you find yourself traveling,please be sure to let us know,
and Zeke will get a kick out ofthat.
So last episode we talked aboutpart two and the concept that
(01:48):
confidence has to be earned.
There are things we have to do,there are actions we have to
take.
We have to put in reps, we haveto build that belief.
We have to provide someevidence to our brain that, yes,
we have earned the right to beconfident.
And then there's some thing.
There's some action, someplanning.
We talked about routines alittle bit.
(02:08):
There are some things that haveto be done.
We don't want to just sitaround and wait for confidence
to happen.
Confidence isn't just earned,it's also chosen.
Up to this point we've reallyfocused on how do we build
something solid, how do we putin the time, put in the work,
the things that really makeconfidence real, that kind of
(02:31):
give us that proof.
Now we're going to start toshift a little bit from external
to internal.
Chosen confidence is about whoyou decide to be, and remember
we talked about the sequencematters.
You can't skip the work, youcan't fake that foundation.
But then chapter six, we startgetting into.
(02:54):
There's also some decisionsthat have to be made.
And chapter six starts with oneof my absolute favorite
activities to do with individualathletes when I'm working with
them one-on-one, and I will playthis video clip.
It's out there on YouTube.
It's Jeremiah Johnsoninterviewing Victor Oladipo.
(03:16):
It was in January 2020, beforeCOVID shut everything down and
Vic had been out with aseason-ending injury and he was
finally coming back.
And in Indiana, man, there wasjust this feeling, there was
this buzz that hey, vic's back,now we got a chance.
And I was at that game.
I will never, ever forget thatmoment when he got off the bench
(03:40):
, went to the table to check inand the place just erupted.
There were signs everywhere,People were waving towels, the
place went nuts and he came inand played terrible and at one
point we're getting toward theend of the game he had maybe
made a basket and a few freethrows.
(04:03):
He was 0 for 6 from thethree-point line and I looked at
my buddy that I came to thegame with and I was like man,
I'm so glad Vic's back, but Ihope he doesn't take this last
shot.
We were down three.
There were like 10 seconds leftin the fourth quarter.
We had the ball called atimeout and coming out of the
timeout he got open the top ofthe three point arc and just let
(04:28):
one rip and drained it and itfelt like the roof was going to
explode off the building.
So that that's kind of thesetting right.
So what I'll do when I'm workingwith an athlete is I'll give
them that backstory and thenI'll turn on the video clip of
Jeremiah Johnson interviewinghim and they they show his stat
line at the bottom.
And I'll turn on the video clipof Jeremiah Johnson
interviewing him and they theyshow his stat line at the bottom
and I'll pause the video andI'll say all right, let's say
(04:50):
you're 0 for 6 from three point,or you know, maybe, maybe it's
not a basketball player I'mworking with, it's a golfer and
we talk about okay, what wouldthis look like for you?
What would it look like to be 0for on the night?
But no, hey, the game is on theline and I'm going to have the
confidence that I want the ballin my hands.
(05:11):
I want to take this gamewinning shot.
I want to leave this gamewinning drive.
What would that look like?
How confident would you be inyourself in that moment?
And then I press play and you,you see the instant replay.
And Jeremiah Johnson askedsomething that everyone in the
stands was wondering that night.
(05:32):
He said how did you have theconfidence to take that last
shot?
And Vic just said I just shotit, manamba mentality.
And so then I paused the videoagain and I asked them what does
that mean?
How does this make sense?
How is there any way that thisguy, who has failed, failed,
(05:57):
failed, failed, failed, failedsix times from three point range
, all of a sudden still believethat he has what it takes to hit
this game-winning shot?
He hadn't played basketball ina year.
He has no reason to believethat this is going to go in, but
he did.
And, man, that sparks somepowerful conversations where we
(06:18):
start to ask questions like whatif our confidence didn't have
anything to do with the outcome?
What if we were so focused onthe process, we were so focused
on what matters right now?
What's the next step that needsto be taken that past and I'm
going to put this in air quotespast failures no longer have
(06:39):
this detrimental impact on ourconfidence that we have in
ourselves and in our game.
Right.
What if our preparation was sothorough and our identity was so
strong that coming up a littlebit short a few times didn't
make us throw in the towel andcollapse?
And I think it would be totallyappropriate for the coaches
(07:02):
listening to find that clip anduse it with your team, use it
with your athletes or maybethere's an even better example
from your sport out there,athletes.
Or maybe there's an even betterexample from your sport out
there.
But there are plenty ofinstances where maybe the the
casual fan didn't haveconfidence in someone, but that
didn't matter and that personwasn't rattled and they went out
(07:23):
and did it anyways.
How do we build that kind ofidentity in our athletes?
The self-schema theory thatreally explains how people
organize information aboutthemselves, kind of the internal
frameworks that are used thatinfluence perception, motivation
and behavior.
Basically, an athlete who seeshimself as a leader or an
(07:47):
athlete who sees themselves assomeone who performs under
pressure is more likely to actin alignment with that belief.
I think that in and of itselfis a great question for coaches
to ask, maybe our coaching staffhey, what are ways that we're
building this up?
What do we want our athletes tobelieve about themselves?
(08:10):
What are those frameworks thatwe want them to have in their
mind?
And then, how are we activelybuilding those?
We don't want to just count onthese 16, 17, 18 year old kids
to somehow magically believethat they have what it takes,
irregardless of how they've beenperforming all game, to be able
to make this game winning shot.
(08:31):
They've been performing allgame to be able to make this
game winning shot.
No, we want to be intentional,we want to build that and
there's all kinds of ways we cando that in our sport.
Cognitive dissonance Basically,there's discomfort when our
behavior doesn't align with ourbeliefs.
In my mind, those of you thathave been listening for a while
and you know what the go-tostatement is, those of you that
(08:52):
have been listening for a whileand you know what the go-to
statement is.
This is why, when we start tosay I put in the time, I put in
the work, I'm the best player inthe state, our brain starts to
feel like now wait a minute.
These two things don't line upand it starts to to behave like
(09:13):
that, or we're going to start tobuy into this and be like you
know what I?
I do put in a lot of time, I doput in a lot of work.
Maybe, maybe I do have what ittakes.
We get into a little bit ofembodied cognition Really.
I mean we're going to come backto this in the next chapter
when we talk about body language.
But man, it's just so hard toseparate them right when we're
(09:34):
standing tall, when we're incontrol of our breathing, when
we feel like, yes, I have whatit takes, not just mentally and
emotionally but physically.
It makes this identity piece somuch more powerful.
And we get into a little bit ofthe priming and the self-talk.
And so in the book we talkabout the I am statements.
(09:55):
We talk about let's help thembe intentional about their
self-talk.
We talk about the alter egobuilder.
I think the Mamba mentality isso unbelievably powerful when
Kobe explains why that, wherethat came from and why he
believes that he's earned theright to be confident on the
(10:15):
court.
I think if we can help our guysand gals start to piece that
together and start to connectthat in their own mind, they can
start to figure out.
What do I want my mentality tobe on the court?
And then the identity map how Isee myself, how I talk to
myself, how I act, and then howI want to see myself, how I want
(10:35):
to talk to myself, how I wantto act If I'm a coach in a team
sport.
In my mind, we have to have twoconversations.
The first one is what's theframework that we want our team
to have?
Do we want to be that teamthat's going to outwork, outlove
?
Do we want to be that teamthat's just going to keep
grinding, no matter what?
(10:56):
What framework do we want tobuild up in our athletes?
Maybe the culture of yourprogram is you've just been so
bad for so long that you needyour team to start believing,
yes, we can win.
Why?
Well, here's the things thatwe're going to be doing
(11:16):
different physically,technique-wise, schematically.
Here's what we're going to bedoing in the weight room.
Here's what we're going to bedoing on the mental side of the
game.
How do we get intentional aboutbuilding that framework that we
belong on this field?
Maybe it's you're a prettydecent team, but for some reason
, coming down the stretch, youjust you're not finishing well,
(11:39):
okay.
Well, maybe this next offseasonwe're going to get real
intentional about that framework.
We're going to get realintentional about our language.
We're going to get realintentional about what does it
take to be successful in thosebig moments?
How do we train our athletes toperform in those big moments?
How do we practice those bigmoments?
What mental skills and toolsare needed to be at our best in
(12:01):
those big moments?
How does our conditioning needto change so that, physically,
we can still hang with anybodyin those big moments?
Or maybe the framework is hey,we just won a national
championship, we're not here todefend a title, we're not
defending anything, we're goingafter this.
(12:22):
And then I think the secondpiece is how do we help
individuals on our team start tobuild up their own identity?
Not everyone's going to be thesame.
That was always one of myfavorite things about football
is you could have this skinny,scrawny, teeny, tiny little
kicker next to this great, big,giant, huge offensive lineman,
(12:42):
next to this incredibly athletic, muscular, lean wide receiver,
and it's like we need all thesepeople.
We need some really smart guys.
We need some great leaders.
We need some great, big,physical, giant men.
We need some skilled players.
We don't need cookie cutters.
We need our athletes to figureout who are you, what's
(13:04):
important to you, what do youstand for?
What are your core values?
Why are you doing this?
This is going to be hard.
What's going to make you keepgoing when things are difficult?
And then, how do you compete?
How do you want people todescribe your effort, your
composure, your resilience?
What kind of person are you?
What kind of player are you?
(13:25):
Why have you earned the rightto be confident?
What's your mentality like onthe court?
What do you bring to the team?
Do you have energy?
Do you have toughness?
Do you have leadership?
Do you need to improve some ofthose areas?
Anytime we replaced a greatquarterback, the very first
conversation with the upcomingquarterback or quarterbacks who
(13:49):
were going to be competing forthe starting job the next season
was that kid is gone.
Yes, he was the greatest passerin school history from career
passing yard standpoint.
Yes, he could stand in thepocket and chuck the rock.
No, you are not him.
You do not need to try toemulate him.
(14:11):
You need to be you and you needto be the best version of you.
What's that look like?
Which brings us to chapter seven, isaac sent me a text.
He said this is so far hisabsolute favorite chapter in the
book, one of the points that Ilove to drive home when I'm
doing the team workshop calledbiopsychology of team sports,
(14:34):
where we're basically looking atthe things that are in John
Wooden's pyramid of success.
You know all of these thingslike hard work and teamwork that
coaches have been preachingabout for decades.
Well, the more advanced we getin brain imaging, the more and
(14:54):
more it's like okay, here's whatwe can prove is going on in
your mind and your body.
I can tell you with a greatdeal of certainty here are some
ways that your team can be attheir best, and we talk about
body language and how it impactsthe confidence, competitiveness
and focus of not just you andnot just your teammates, but
(15:18):
also even your opponents andeven your coaches.
There are all kinds of argumentsthat can be made on both sides
of.
Should we teach this concept of?
If you don't feel it, fake it?
We teach this concept of?
If you don't feel it, fake it.
There are arguments on bothsides that I respect, but I will
(15:40):
firmly take a stand on this.
If my quarterback throws aninterception and he is walking
off the field and he has thisurge to stare at the ground, to
mope off the field.
I would much rather he fake itand get his eyes up, find the
top row of the bleachers, jogoff with a little bit of pace
and at least send the message tohis teammates.
(16:03):
You know what?
Maybe he does still have ittogether, even if he's not
feeling it in that moment.
There's research done that kidsas young as three years old can
identify major emotions, andthis is across language barriers
, this is across cultures.
Humans at the age of three canidentify things like happiness
(16:27):
and sadness and anger.
And so in this biopsychology ofteam sports presentation, I'll
have everybody in the room standup and I'll say, with just your
eyes, show me bad body languageand now show me good body
language.
And then I'll say you know, byonly moving your head.
And then we'll say you know,now include your shoulders or
(16:52):
your entire upper body.
And then I'll bring somebody up.
If it's a baseball team, youjust struck out and now you're
walking back to the dugout.
Or a golfer you just missed aputt and now you have to walk up
and mark your ball.
Show me bad body language asyou make that walk.
Now show me good body language.
(17:13):
And if we were grading people,everyone that I've ever talked
to, everyone that's ever donethis activity, has scored a 100%
.
Your players don't need you toteach them what good or bad body
language is.
Your players already know whatit is.
They need a plan.
So if I've got somebody whostruggles with body language,
(17:34):
I'm going to, I'm going to helpthem figure out.
When does this happen?
Is it after you strike out?
Is it after you throw aninterception?
Is it after you give up an easycut to the basket?
Perfect.
Now what's your plan going tobe?
The plan is not oh, we're goingto have good body language.
The plan is I'm going to get myshoulders back.
I'm going to look at the topbleacher, or I'm going to find a
(17:54):
light, or I'm going to find acloud in the sky, something
that's going to get their headup, their shoulders back.
I'm going to walk with a littlebit of pace and I'm at least
going to send the message to myteammates or my opponents or the
coaches hey, I'm still here andI'm still competing.
I have only actually done thisone time, but, man, was it
(18:16):
powerful.
I had this head coach and I wasworking with their coaching
staff and we were talking aboutconfidence and we were talking
about body language and theywere so frustrated with their
players and they were sofrustrated with the lack of
confidence and good bodylanguage and I actually I went
to one of their games and Ipulled out my cell phone and I
(18:39):
just started recording thesideline.
I'm not going to lie, that wasnot necessarily an easy, fun,
gentle conversation.
Afterwards.
It was like, guys, I knowyou're not happy with the body
language that you're getting orthe confidence that you're
getting out there on the field,but like, let's watch a few
(18:59):
clips here of how you respondwhen a kid makes a mistake and
how you respond when somethingdoesn't go well.
So I think, even as coaches,it's like this isn't in the book
, but man, it's important thatwe've got our plan.
Like it's important you knowwhat the book?
But man, it's important thatwe've got our plan.
Like it's important.
You know what, if my kid screwsup, I'm going to clap three
(19:23):
times.
I'm going to look up somethingtall and I'm going to say, hey,
we're good, we got this.
Or I'm going to have somepre-planned, pre-rehearsed thing
that prevents me from throwingmy hands in the air, chucking my
hat and my clipboard at theground.
I'm not saying that you can'thave emotion.
I'm not saying that there arenot appropriate times for you to
stand up for your players.
Have a conversation with theofficial that lets your team
(19:47):
know that you're there andyou're alive, and you care and
you're fighting for them.
That's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is if, everysingle time that one of your
guys makes a mistake, you havethis same negative body language
over and over and over, theyare going to be terrified of
making mistakes and they are notgoing to play as confidently as
(20:08):
they could.
And as coaches, it's so easy toexpect our players to do this,
but we have to be accountablealso.
So if that's difficult for you,if that's difficult for your
staff, get a camera out, justlike Becky Burley did at the
University of Florida, and pointit at your sideline.
And you don't have to spend aton of time on this, and you
don't have to beat a dead horseand you don't have to use this
(20:31):
to make people feel bad aboutthemselves.
But there has to be some sortof accountability.
So find a way to do that.
If I'm a player, if I'm anathlete, I want to have a plan.
If I'm an athlete, I want toknow when do I have a tendency
to go negative with my bodylanguage?
What am I going to do about it?
If I'm a coach, I need a way tocommunicate to my guys that
(20:54):
this matters and, in my mind,the, the biopsychology of team
sports, the whole this impactsconfidence, competitiveness and
focus, like in my mind.
You can explain that wellenough that teenagers will say
oh, okay, yeah, maybe this doesmatter, maybe we should be
intentional about this.
(21:15):
So maybe you feel like you'vesaid this over and over and over
and over.
Let's change that up.
Let's not just keep doing thesame thing over and over and
over.
Do they need to understand it alittle more?
Maybe you need to have aconversation with the captains,
is it?
Yeah, coach, you're telling usthis, but I mean the coaching
staff and the culture is sayingsomething different.
(21:35):
Maybe it's the players don'tthink it's that big of a deal.
Figure out why the bodylanguage isn't good.
Figure out why you're not beingintentional with that body
language and then teach them howto do better.
Which brings us to chapter eight, the self-talk brick.
And I do want to.
I do want to throw in herebecause I think it's easy.
It's easy to see how theidentity piece maybe is chosen.
(21:59):
But I think sometimes the bodylanguage and the self-talk can
feel like well, aren't thoseactions?
Like aren't those things thatwe're doing?
And I would say yes.
But I also think there's alittle bit more.
I think that we don't want tojust naturally let those things
happen.
We need to choose ahead of timehow are we going to carry
(22:22):
ourselves, how are we going totalk to ourselves?
That's why they're in this partor this section of the book, at
the start of chapter 8, page100,.
I love that example there whereBill would walk every day
outside past this kid, jordan,who had these big dreams, these
big hopes of being in the NBAsomeday.
(22:44):
And Bill would walk by and goeh, you're not good enough.
No, that shot was awful, you'renever going to be quick enough
to play at the next level.
One of my favorite things to dois basically take this story
and morph it and get somebodyupset, get somebody to have an
emotional reaction and go.
You know what?
(23:04):
That's a load of crap.
That's not fair.
My son or my daughter was doingthis.
Can you believe what this coachsaid to them?
Or can you believe what thisother kid said to them and then
rattle off a few examples fromtheir sport?
You're not good enough, youdon't shoot well enough, you're
not fast enough, you can't catch, you can't hit, and man really
(23:28):
just play it up and maybe evenask somebody in the audience or
ask one of your players likewhat I mean, what do you, what
do you think should be done tothis person?
Who's harassing this child,who's telling this kid that they
don't have what it takes?
You know, it was even morepowerful when it was my team
(23:48):
that I was coaching and theyknew my son or they knew my
daughter.
And so now there's like this,this emotion that they can just
feel that's not right and thenflip it around and say, but how
many of you are talking toyourselves that way?
I think it.
I think the more emotion we canget them to feel on the front
(24:10):
end, the more powerful this ison the back end when they
realize like this was sort ofjust a made up fable.
We were just trying to, to tella story and to prove a point
here.
Those of you that have beenlistening for a while or maybe
you're familiar with the focuscycle like obviously you've
heard the story of the go-tostatement, but I want to tell it
again because I know we'regoing to have some new people
(24:32):
listening to this.
So we, we were.
We were going down to Lucas oilstadium to play in this, this
regular season showcase game,and it was against a team that
traditionally just destroyed us.
They had all kinds of guysgoing full ride, d one.
We didn't really have anybody.
At the time that was signed, myself-talk was just in such a
negative place and it was like Idon't know if we're going to be
(24:53):
able to beat these guys.
And so I'm reading about inthis textbook about a go-to
statement, about this statementthat you can go to when things
are difficult or when yourmind's starting to veer off and
get negative.
It started off why are yougreat?
And I listed out uh, I watch alot of film and I'm organized
(25:14):
not a real impressive list.
And then it said what, what doyou want to achieve?
What are you working towardachieving?
But phrase it powerfully as ifyou're already there.
And I wrote down I, I'm the bestcoach in the state.
It probably, it probably hadlike that question mark sound at
the end of it, because as soonas I said it, there was this
(25:36):
voice in the back of my mindthat was like you're not even
the best coach on your staff.
What are you talking about?
And, man, when I, when Icombined those two together and
I came up with I put in the time, I put in the work, I'm the
best coach in the state.
And not only did it work, butit worked so well that that next
(25:56):
day I told all of the guys inmy position group you're going
to have one of these.
I didn't really understand thescience behind it, but I know
that this works because I justfelt it work and we're going to
do this and you're going to dothis.
And just year after year afteryear, seeing countless athletes
(26:17):
just over and over and over, usethis thing.
Man, it's powerful.
We could we could literally do,and have done, entire podcasts
on just this topic.
I'm just going to tell you whenI can speak from personal
experience and tell my athleteshow unbelievably powerful this
is and how other athletes thatI've worked with have used this.
(26:40):
There's instant credibility.
So if you work with athletes, Iwould encourage you to either
do this yourself or find someonein your sport who talks about
this on a regular basis.
There's all kinds of examplesout there.
I want to maybe try and preventa email firestorm here, so I'm
going to preface this commentwith my faith.
(27:04):
Is is really important to me.
I don't always do a great jobof living that out, but my
relationship with Jesus hasgiven me peace.
That's difficult to explain.
I want explain.
I want to preface with that.
Okay, I have had a whole bunchof athletes who have said to me
like I don't need this go-tostatement.
(27:26):
I have this verse that I liveby and they have like a you know
, I can do all things throughChrist, who strengthens me, or
some other verse right, that ispowerful to them, speaks with
them.
I totally support that.
I love that.
I have also worked with quite afew athletes who have some sort
(27:47):
of verse like this but it's notquote unquote saving them in
these big moments.
I've worked with quite a fewathletes where it's almost like
they're waiting for God to justmagically make things happen.
It reminds me of the storywhere, you know, there was a
town that had flooded andsomebody came by and knocked on
(28:09):
the door and said, hey, you needto evacuate, floodwaters are
coming.
And they said, nah, it's okay,I don't, I don't need to
evacuate, god's going to save me.
And then, all of a sudden, thefloodwaters started to rise and
so you know somebody the, thepolice, came through on a, on a
raft or on a boat and said, hey,hop in the.
The floodwaters are rising.
(28:29):
And they said no, no, no, it's,it's good, god's going to save
me.
And then, all of a sudden, likethis person has to get all the
way up on top of the roof andthe national guard comes with a
helicopter and they're like, hey, get in, we got to go.
And this person says no, no, no,it's okay, god's going to save
me.
And this person ultimately endsup drowning and they get to
(28:51):
heaven and they, they say God,what, what are you doing?
Where were you?
Why didn't you save me?
And he just looks at him andsays, well, I, I sent the
neighbors and the police and thenational guard, and I'm not
trying to get into some bigtheological debate.
Okay, I'm not trying to getinto some, let's break down the
(29:12):
whole.
You know, I can do all thingsthrough Christ, who strengthens
me, wasn't written so that youcould go win a baseball game.
I'm not trying to get into thatdebate.
I'm simply trying to make thepoint that I believe there are
times where, yes, god is withyou, god is providing you
strength, god is giving you whatyou need to sustain you and to
(29:36):
keep going.
But God expects you to dosomething.
God didn't strike Goliath downwith a lightning bolt from the
sky.
David killed Goliath.
God didn't just build a bridgefor the Israelites.
Moses raised a staff and thewaters were parted.
I don't think that, even withina biblical perspective, that God
(30:00):
wants us to just sit around andwait and hope.
He wants us to walk forward andstep out in faith that, yes, he
is going to provide, yes, he isgoing to strengthen, yes, he is
going to be with us and notforsake us, and we have a part
to play.
Also and I only bring this upbecause I have worked with a ton
(30:24):
of athletes in a one-on-onesetting who have said some
version of I don't need a go-tostatement, god's got this.
I would challenge you if you'rekind of in that same boat as an
individual athlete, or ifyou're a coach who's having a
conversation with an athlete,can we maybe try to tie the two
together.
(30:44):
Can we maybe just incorporateyour faith, your beliefs, into
this?
Somehow my reading of the Bibledoesn't paint a picture of a
God who's anti-confidence.
There's certainly a balancethere between some confidence
and some pride issues and thingslike that.
But I do think it's appropriateto gently encourage, like we
(31:07):
don't want this paralysis byfaith.
We don't want this.
I'm just going to wait and hopethat somebody else takes care
of it, or God takes care of this, and I don't think the two have
to be opposed to each other.
I have I've also worked with awhole bunch of athletes who feel
like positivity is fake.
I just screwed up.
How in the world can I havesome positive statement?
(31:30):
And I totally get that as well.
I think positive quote unquotepositivity can get a really bad
rap when we just try to be allrainbows and sunshines and
unicorns and yay, let's be happywith mediocrity.
That's not what we're talkingabout either.
But instead of allowingourselves to just spiral into,
(31:52):
to ruminate into this deep, darkhole of I'm not good enough or
I don't have what it takes, orthis is so terrible, how do we
remind ourselves like no, I'vegot this, I've put in the time,
I've put in the work I have whatit takes to keep going and keep
fighting in spite of thesecircumstances.
(32:13):
That's where we're trying toget to.
So again, whether you're goingto use the activity that's in
the workbook, whether you'regoing to use the go-to statement
, whether you're going to usethe three-word reset, the power
phrase reframe, I would say froma priority standpoint, I
usually try and start with ago-to statement.
(32:33):
In my experience, that hasgiven the most athletes the most
benefit.
All of the rest of the stuffhas been included because there
are times like I've got anathlete who's a division one
golfer, hates the go-tostatement, but if he can just
remind himself to let it rip,just hit the ball, go find the
(32:54):
ball and hit it again and notoverthink things and not
overcomplicate things, man, he'sin such a better state.
There was a professional racecar driver that I worked with
and his was some colorfullanguage, uh, sort of along the
lines of forget it, and it wasjust like you know what, forget
it, I'm not gonna.
I'm not gonna worry, forget it,I'm not going to.
I'm not going to worry aboutthe sponsors.
(33:16):
I'm not going to worry aboutthis or that or the other cars,
or the time or the past or whatthis is going to mean
financially or where I'm at inqualifications.
Forget it.
Just do my thing, just go, andI think there's a time and a
place for that.
One of the more analytical guysthat I've ever worked with was
probably Nick Ferrer, and Idon't mind sharing this because
(33:38):
he came on the podcast seasonone and shared it himself.
He basically took my go-tostatement I put in the time I
put in the work I'm the bestcoach in the state and just
replaced it with player, andthere was a great deal of
comfort for him thinking throughand analyzing.
You know what I have put in alot of time.
(33:59):
You know what I have put in alot of work.
You know what, doggone it, I dohave what it takes.
I am ready for this.
I am the best one out here.
Let's go do this thing.
And there are some athletes thatthat much thinking and that
much processing makes themuncomfortable, makes them freeze
up.
We don't want that.
So find what works, but at theend of the day, it's what we
(34:22):
close every single podcastepisode with right.
We say make your plan and putit to work.
That is the goal.
That is what we need to do withthis self-talk brick is we need
to figure out what is my plan,not hope that I'm going to
magically somehow just defaultto positivity which isn't going
(34:44):
to happen, by the way butinstead think it through, be
proactive, have a plan, figureout.
This is what I'm going to say,this is how I'm going to place
this self-talk brick and then godo it.
Another thing if you're workingwith individual athletes, do not
let them change this in themiddle of a game, in the middle
(35:05):
of a round, anything like that.
It will be completelydetrimental to this whole
activity.
If, while you're trying tocompete, you're also trying to
analyze is this working?
Is this giving me thepsychological edge that I want?
No, we come up with the plan,we put it to work, we go do it.
I would say we even do it morethan once or twice.
(35:27):
I mean the.
The textbook was saying that wewere supposed to say this 50
times a day until we start tobelieve it.
Like you got to give this thinga chance to sink in.
It's not a magical spell.
This isn't Harry Potter.
You can't.
Just you know abracadabra andall of a sudden, all your doubts
go away and you feel confident,but over a long enough
(35:49):
timeframe.
When you do repeat these thingsover and over and over, it
changes the wiring inside ofyour brain.
That being said, if the athletehas done this for a week or two
and it's like you know what thisisn't working, sometimes the
question is well, why do you notbelieve it?
Like, do we need to do?
We need to take a deep look atyou.
(36:10):
Know, you wrote down, I put inthe time, I put in the work, but
you don't put in the time andyou haven't put in the work.
We need to go back to that repbrick and you need to actually
get some work in.
Man, or is it just too long?
Is it distracting?
Can we shorten it?
Or is it maybe just onespecific situation Like the?
The go-to statement is reallygood most of the time, but when
(36:32):
this one little thing happens, Ineed to remind myself of
something different or I need todirect my focus somewhere a
little bit different.
Great, so what do you want toremind yourself of?
Let's come up with thatstatement, let's use that
statement.
This doesn't have to be.
This isn't like a one-shotfixes all, but I will say that
the go-to statement, in myexperience, has given the most
(36:54):
people the most benefit.
I've got a handwritten letterhere and it's one of my former
athletes thanking me because shefinally believes her go-to
statement and I still have this.
It was about six months afterwe had started working together.
So one of the things I tell myathletes is like just because
this doesn't immediately fixeverything and change everything
(37:16):
, doesn't mean that it's notworking.
Stay committed to this, keep itin front of you, say it to
yourself in the mirror, put iton the background screen of your
phone, put it on your door, putit in your locker.
Like get this in front of you,remind yourself of this and use
this tool to build thatconfidence.
If you've gotten anything out ofthis episode, I would greatly,
(37:37):
greatly appreciate if youwouldn't mind following or
liking or leaving a comment,leaving a review.
As of the time of thisrecording, the confidence book
doesn't have any reviews onAmazon.
It's still pretty new.
Even my best friend, I don'tthink, has finished the book.
If you've gotten something outof this, if it's helped you, I
would love for you to just leavea review on Amazon.
(37:59):
Just let the algorithm know hey, this is a real thing, this is
a good resource.
Here's how it helped me and,more importantly, let other
people know, from a humanperspective, why is this going
to help me.
One of my athletes that I'mworking with one-on-one, told me
I feel like you wrote this bookfor me and, man, I hope that's
(38:20):
true for more than just that oneathlete.
I hope that you get a ton outof this.
If there's anything that I cando to make these episodes more
beneficial, if there's anythingyou want me to go a little bit
deeper into or to explain alittle bit more, I'm happy to do
that.
Again, I'm trying to give youguys the most value that I
possibly can in this episode.
(38:41):
If there's somebody else thatyou think would benefit from
this, please don't hesitate toshare it with them.
Appreciate you guys so much and, until next time, make your
plan, put it to work.
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