December 5, 2024 • 52 mins
Balancing the chaos of year-end work demands with personal health goals can feel like a circus act, especially when the only sound guidance is your squeaky office chair. Let's face it, the path to professional growth isn't always neatly paved, and sometimes, it's littered with comical mispronunciations that can turn a routine training session into an unforgettable day.
Ever wonder why movie trailers give away the whole plot or why some people still insist on buying paper tickets in the digital age? From the absurdities of crowded cinema seating to the joyous chaos of family gatherings, there's no shortage of humor as we tackle the holiday hustle and the art of repeating family photos at every event.
The tangled web of dating and social media oversharing is both a comedy and a cautionary tale. We'll dissect viral TikTok dramas, navigate the complexities of workplace gossip, and explore the eyebrow-raising personal stories people choose to share online. Tune in for a light-hearted yet insightful discussion on maintaining clear communication, realistic expectations, and the importance of self-awareness in both romance and social media.
If you like this show and all it's shenanigans, please feel free to give a follow over on Twitch and Tiktok (it's more of this!)
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Tiktok: cocoabean34
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
What's up people?
I hope everybody is having afantastic week so far.
As I said before, I'm gonna berunning this same day bullshit
again because I'm back toworking in the office, my office
, my normal days.
So we're gonna be doingThursday same day releases,
(00:45):
cause that's how I've been doingit and that's how it's going to
go.
I know I said last week I wouldtry and do it sooner, but
Wednesday evening I just went tothe gym.
I went out.
I'm trying to get better with myhealth and shit.
Sorry, if you hear my chair.
This chair is fucking squeaky.
I think I need to get rid ofthis chair.
It's fine for what it does.
Maybe I'll just hold on to itand put it in in storage or
(01:09):
something, but I've been like insuch a cleaning frenzy to get
rid of shit.
It's crazy.
I'm tired of holding onto stuffI don't need.
Speaking of other shit.
That's inconvenient.
I am trying to.
I've been trying to stay on topof things with this training
shit for this new position, butstuff like this is what bothers
(01:30):
me.
So I'm getting very unluckywith the fact that when I
started in this position, it'scloser to the end of the year,
year end at the company I workfor is the worst possible time
of the year because everyone'sgoing crazy.
There's mandatory OT.
What else is going on?
Oh, clients wanting to makesure their W-2s and 1099s are
(01:52):
correct, everybody calling infor crazy payroll shit.
It's just a bad time altogether.
I've complained about it yearafter year.
This year I'm not involved withit, but this year year.
This year I'm not involved withit, but this year it's also
putting a cramp on my training.
So what I mean is training issupposed to be easy.
(02:14):
You go to one section of thetraining class Cool, sorry, my
shipped shopper is doing histhing.
You go to the site for thehomepage associate, you click on
the link to learn thing andyou're able to register for the
courses that are instructor led.
When I went in to go do thatthis time around and this was
what I just started the position, just to get ahead of
everything, cause I like to stayon top of shit I'm very
efficient.
There's no classes for us tosign up for and I didn't even
(02:39):
know who my trainingrepresentative was supposed to
be.
So of course I finally in touchwith.
I tell my manager I'm like whoam I supposed to be speaking to
about these classes.
She puts me in touch withsomeone who puts me in touch
with the actual person, becausethe person who I'm supposed to
be reporting to for training um,or who signed me up for these
classes, either or was out ofoffice.
(03:00):
So I waited until they returnedand I messaged her and I was
like hey, so I just started on1028.
I'm in reporting forimplementation.
Can you tell me what I need todo?
So I'm already, I've alreadystarted the self-study for the
for the course, okay, for tofigure out my role with year end
(03:27):
take, because the ones that Itry and register for there's no
live instructor led courses.
So I have to reach out to thatperson, the training rep, and go
hey, what's going on with thisone?
Um, am I supposed to sign upfor this?
Are you signing me up for real?
How's it going to go?
So she goes, um, she goes, okay, I'm going to meet with you and
the other person who startedwith you at the same time Um,
(03:49):
that person's on my team, by theway, and, uh, I will have a
meeting.
We'll talk about what you needto take.
We'll talk about where we'regoing to schedule it.
We'll talk about youravailability so that we schedule
you guys for the same ones atthe same time, cause you started
at the same time.
I said, all right, cool, come tofind out that there are no
instructor led courses forassociates because of year end,
(04:11):
so they're just educatingclients at this point.
That's fine, whatever.
So how do I get the education Ineed to do?
This position?
Just answer me that, okay, stopplaying this game with me.
Answer me how I'm going to takethis shit, because I need to
just take them, get it under mybelt, get this shit going.
Like what is the problem?
So of course I uh.
(04:33):
She finally gets me enrolled.
All right, we're in December.
Okay, december 28th legitimatelymarks two months.
Literally marks two months thatI have been in this position.
No clients, yet just chilling,literally just in office,
sleeping at my desk, pretty muchnot actually doing that Like I
(04:53):
get up and I walk around andsocialize to stretch my legs,
because otherwise I'm like adone deal at my desk.
It's, it's so boring to justsit there doing nothing.
I help my old team answerquestions.
I don't have anything else todo nothing.
I help my old team answerquestions.
I don't have anything else todo.
So, that being said, I uh, thisweek was pretty good with
training because there wereduplicate trainings per day, so
(05:15):
I've been pretty busy.
There's one in the morning, onein the afternoon.
So far it's been chill.
I like it like that Cool, keepme busy, keep me interested.
Today I had I was supposed tohave one from one to four 30.
So from the afternoon to theend of my day I was supposed to
have one training on some labs,on some workforce now stuff
(05:36):
which is the main program we use, which I probably don't need,
but they just put it as arequisite.
I don't know, I don't care.
Fine, I'll take it, I don'tcare.
Someone point me in thedirection of what I need to
fucking do.
I'm tired of this, you know,chasing my tail, shit.
So, of course, I've been havingissues where the classes I'm
registered for I'm not gettinginvitations to and when they
(06:01):
don't, when I don't receive anemail to something that I'm used
to getting emails on, such asas hey, you've been signed up
for this course.
Please be sure to follow theseinstructions to get into the
course.
Please download this handout tofollow along.
Whatever that's the emails I'mused to getting for these
trainings.
Ok, so the fact that twice nowwith this same thing, with this
(06:24):
same instructor, by the way,because Monday I thought I was
in a training in the afternoonthat I was not in until
yesterday.
So I messaged that sameinstructor and I go.
I'm going to read it word forword because I still have it up
here somewhere.
Hang on, I'm scrolling, give meone second, so I go.
Good morning, I believe I'menrolled in your 1 PM course.
(06:44):
I just wanted to make sure Iwas on your list because when I
hit her up on Monday she sent mea screenshot that did not show
me enrolled but showed my.
You know my counterpart enrolledthe dude I started with.
She goes hi, someone canceledall associates from this class
(07:07):
and instead opened it up to bean all client class.
I said okay, let me talk to thetraining rep again.
She may have mentioned it wascanceled but didn't confirm
which is the truth she did.
I did speak to her on Mondayabout my whole training schedule
.
Like she showed, she sent it tome again.
I already got it.
So I uh, I go back to mytraining rep.
(07:29):
I said hey, so she said thatall associates were canceled
from this class and I still haveit on my calendar and I'm like,
uh, are we sure?
Like I just want to checkbecause I'm tired of this shit.
I don't want to get in troublebecause someone else is fucking
up.
You know what I'm saying.
Like this is not a me problem,this is.
I got put into this positionand no one knows what to do with
(07:49):
me.
Type shit.
Let me just go back to upmarket.
I'd be miserable and pissed off.
I'm going to keep the bready'all gave me in the raise, but
I'm going to go back to doingbullshit and complaining about
it.
So, uh, she hit me up.
I hit, she hit me back and shesaid this is the funny thing,
this is what's pissing me offabout this.
(08:11):
So I said, um, was this to berescheduled for another day?
It was the 12, 5, 1 PM classfor the workforce, Now insights
lab.
She goes let me see something.
Hang on.
There was a class canceledtoday, but I didn't think you
were in it.
Hang on, there is a newinsights lab with all associates
.
Let me check the date.
She goes.
You should be in that one on 12, 11.
I said, okay, let me check mycalendar, let me check my
(08:32):
outlook.
Maybe I have an invite therethat I forgot.
That I clicked on, causesometimes when you see mail come
in in your inbox, don't youjust like click it real quick to
get rid of it?
I do that sometimes.
So I checked my calendar and Itell her I don't have anything
on my outlook for 1211 for atraining and she goes okay, let
me double check on that.
So I go okay, that was a 1010.
(08:52):
We're now at 1034 and I haven'theard from her.
And this is the shit I'm tellingyou.
That's pissing me off aboutthis.
I don't care about training.
I want other people to beefficient in what they have to
do.
I'm getting just so mad thatnobody else knows how to do
their job correctly orefficiently in a way that makes
me feel confident that I'm goingto get the education I need to
do the job.
Like if we could just do that,that would be fantastic.
(09:15):
But we'll see, we'll see, let'ssee.
Anyway, let's get into what Ireally wanted to talk about.
So one of these um, whattrainer was it?
It wasn't the cute little onethat I like.
Um, there was someone else.
So that, speaking of thetrainings, so there's a uh,
fucking, oh, my God, there's atrainer that I was working with
(09:39):
I think it was Tuesday I almostdied laughing.
It was hilarious.
Yeah, it was Tuesday.
So this trainer, she said thatshe had been working with ADP
for like 35 plus years in theireducation team.
She said she basically helpedbuild their enterprise learning
team, which is all therepresentatives who do the
trainings are set up, so they dothe trainings and they chill
(10:04):
and we, we sit in the classes,they teach us whatever.
So she's calling out names,like she gives us like controls,
as they say, and she walks usthrough the processes.
And I'm telling you I thinkthese trainings are just
repeating themselves on adifferent level, cause I'm like,
oh my God, deja vu, I've donethis already.
(10:25):
So of course, she startspronouncing names and she wants
to make sure she's pronouncingthem right, which is fair
because in this world,everybody's sensitive to
everything.
So why not just make sureyou're saying the name right?
So there's someone in our class.
Excuse me, the name is I A N ishow it's spelt.
Now, what she does is hilarious.
She just assumes how it'spronounced, because everybody
(10:48):
knows, knows how the name I A Nwhen you spell it out.
I'm not saying it for you, okay, I just cause I want you to
enjoy where this story is going.
So that name comes up and sheasks this person to navigate and
she goes.
Can you please go ahead andtake over the controls?
I'm going to pass them to you.
A little box will pop up.
(11:09):
Just hit, take control.
So when he finally does that,she goes.
Actually, you know what.
I'm really sorry.
I just want to make sure I'mpronouncing your name correctly.
Is it Ian or Ian?
And I just am like this isn'treal, is it?
Is it real life?
(11:29):
I'm like ma'am, you've workedfor ADP for 35 years.
For me that's hard to believebecause it can't be Ian, it
can't, it just can't.
And if it is, change it to Ian,because you must have just
(11:51):
landed on planet Earth yesterday.
Because no one says Ian, ian,okay, because I've never been
more upset for a person in myentire life by hearing the
fucking name.
Ian said Ian.
You know what Ian does.
You know what Ian does.
Ian gets swirlies in the men'sbathroom, actually in the
(12:16):
ladies' room.
They take his ass in theladies' room and they stick his
head in the toilet and theyflush it infinity times Until he
goes.
Okay, my name's Ian.
You know what else Ian does.
Ian is waving to people to helphim while he's at the top of
the flagpole strung up by hisunderwear.
That's what Ian's doing.
(12:37):
You know what else Ian's doing?
Ian is being made to weardresses in school.
Ian is being made to wear hisunderwear pulled over up onto
his head like he's a cartooncharacter.
You know what Ian's doing?
Ian is bullying Ian.
That's what Ian's doing.
Ian is taking all the steroids,okay, and he is punching Ian in
(13:00):
the face a million times.
Ian in the face a million times, okay.
Why does she keep sending thisthing about the engagement pulse
?
Anyway, so the kid's name's Ianand if it's Ian, no, it isn't.
And that's all.
I'm going to keep saying no,it's not.
So someone was to say theirname is like, instead of it
being Claire, it's clear.
I'm like, no, it's not, becausethe way it's spelled is Claire
(13:23):
not clear, clear.
I'm like, no, it's not, becausethe way it's spelled is Claire
not clear.
Anyway, could not believe it,could not believe that that was
how that training went, was that?
That was the only thing Ithought about for the rest of
the day, and, of course, I hadto write it down and tell you
guys, because why wouldn't ICause?
I mean, and I would neverpronounce someone's name the way
it isn't spelled.
(13:44):
Excuse me, sorry, I didn't meanto yell.
Actually, I do mean to yellbecause, fuck that.
This past weekend me and theboyfriend went and saw the movie
Red One.
It was actually really good.
I thought it was going to bestupid, because a lot of what
movie companies do these days asmarketing is they put all the
good shit in the trailer so youdon't actually have to watch the
movie, and that's sad, becausethat makes me hate movies.
(14:07):
That makes me not want to watchtrailers, which I don't for the
most part, unless I'm in amovie theater and they play the
trailer Like I will not.
I'll just look at the title,I'll look at maybe the picture
of it, read a little bit aboutit, but that's it.
I'm not watching the trailerbecause you can't keep doing
this to us.
It's going to make us a lot ofokay.
So here's what happens when Iwatch trailers.
(14:35):
For the most part, I have adebate with myself and whisper
to my boyfriend, whichever sidehe seems to be sitting on,
whether or not I am going totake the time to buy a ticket, a
movie ticket, wait in line forpopcorn and shit and then sit
with all these other people in aroom and watch this thing.
Or, if I'm going to comfortably, maybe in the nude, watch it on
my couch at home, there's likedifferent levels to movie
(14:56):
watching.
Okay, and I say maybe in thenude, because I don't want to do
that, because that couch isnice and I don't want my ass, my
bare ass, on it.
Because I don't want to do that, because that couch is nice and
I don't want my ass, my bareass, on it.
And Dan, don't tell me that I'mgoing to put down plastic first
or towel.
If I'm naked on something, I'mnaked all the way.
You either go big or go home.
(15:17):
So I saw red one.
It was really good.
The trailer didn't actuallyreveal too much, which is what I
like.
Keep it minimal, please.
Fuck sake.
You guys want us to see thesemovies.
Give us the whole thing upfront and then wonder why your
ticket sales are dookie, dookie,okay, so I basically am
whispering in the movie theaterwhen I see every trailer that
(15:37):
goes by.
I'm like on the couch, likethat's how I say it, or I go no,
or fuck yeah, like that's how Isay it, or I go no, or fuck
yeah, like that, and I hopepeople hate me that sit by.
Also.
Who the fuck Okay, this is theother thing who the fuck is
still buying tickets at thebooth?
Bruh, who last minute says let'sgo see a fucking movie?
(15:59):
I haven't done that since 2000.
We have apps for everything.
Now You're telling me thatyou're not going to look on an
app, book your seat in advanceand then go.
What kind of cave creature areyou?
Now, I'm not saying thisbecause I'm technologically
savvy.
I'm saying this because I wantto make sure I have arm room.
(16:20):
These people actually walked upwith paper tickets in their
hands.
Arm room, okay.
These people actually walked upwith paper tickets in their
hands.
I'm not leaving it up to thatbooger eater at the concession
stand to you know, hey, thisseat and this seat's available,
cause I'm going to ask is theresomeone sitting next to me?
And if they say yes, I'm goingto be like move me to another
seat.
I don't want someone sittingnext to me Like has COVID taught
(16:42):
people nothing like this?
So it's me, my boyfriend andthen literally a woman and her
man next to him.
Me, meanwhile, I have a seatempty next to me.
Actually, I have two seatsempty next to me and I'm like,
bro, when we went and we bookedthis ticket I think it was
friday, it was friday orsaturday the fucking theater was
empty as fuck.
All of a sudden, um, all of asudden we get in there and it's
(17:05):
packed as shit.
And we got there early becauseand let me tell you something,
the amount of people in thatmovie theater I have not seen
that in forever, and it was forWicked and probably Moana too,
and that line was crazy behindus.
That's why I'm like, yes, Ihave that priority AMC.
Go on that line, go go to theleft, go to that yellow little
sign that says special peoplehere and not special like that.
(17:27):
Special as in we do shit rightand get shit done and we're
efficient.
That's why it's gold.
Anyway, actually it's like aruby color, but I'm going to say
it's gold anyway, just like I'mnever, never pronouncing I and
Ian Then.
So this was after we did familyfestivities and I said I was
going to do what we werethankful for, type shit, but my
(17:49):
sister did it with her phone andthen I was like, oh, I don't
really want to pass around mymic like that.
So I didn't do it, and I don'treally care what everybody's
thankful for.
I said that I was thankful forthe fact that my mother was not
standing over me in a kitchenfor an entire day.
We laughed, we thought it wasfunny.
We went, we laughed, we thoughtit was funny.
Um, we went to Ruth's Chrissteakhouse.
Like I said sorry, if you heardthat noise, there's the
(18:10):
dumpster.
I guess something's going onwith that.
I just heard a crash.
Uh, we went, we.
We went to Ruth's Chrissteakhouse.
It was fun.
We ate, we drank, we weremarried, whatever they say it is
.
I'm hoping no one else messagedme any stupid shit, cause I'm
not looking.
Adp notifications, globalrecipe exchange I ain't
exchanging shit, okay?
(18:31):
So taking pictures at familyfunctions is not my favorite
thing to do.
I'm tired of taking pictures.
We had Thanksgiving, which wasThursday, and then the following
day was my sister's 18thbirthday.
Everybody that was in theThanksgiving photos was in the
birthday pictures.
Nobody different showed up.
So I'm trying to understand whywe did these pictures twice
(18:54):
over.
We were just in differentfucking outfits.
That's it.
That's the only differenceDifferent fucking outfits.
And it doesn't even matter.
That's the other part of it.
It does not even matter.
Okay, that's the other part ofit.
It does not even matter.
Okay, it's just, it's enough'senough.
Okay, I'm tired.
We drove like pretty much allday Thursday, and this is the
(19:14):
other thing.
My uncle is so crazy, so I haveno problem doing family members
favors, okay Now we drove thetwo hours to Riverview, to my
mother's, before we then sataround for an hour to then get
back in the car to drive 30 to45 minutes to the restaurant in
(19:35):
Tampa.
We ate there, we chilled, we ate, we chilled.
We were out, we hung out.
We drove the 45 minutes back tomy parents' house, excuse me.
And then we sat around for alittle bit.
And then we drove an hourminutes back to my parents'
house, excuse me.
And then we sat around for alittle bit and then we drove an
hour to my grandmother's.
On my way to my grandmother's,my uncle texts me and asks if we
(19:57):
could drive them home becausethey could get an Uber or some
shit.
So I was like all right, howfar are you guys?
And I'm asking this because I'mthinking like, hey, we're going
to hang out first and thendrive them.
No, when we get there, he wantsus to just like, I guess, wait
outside and they come out and webring them home.
(20:17):
And I'm like, oh my God, I'mlike praying to the heavens.
I'm like, lord, please, don'tlet this be real fucking life,
because I love my uncle, butjust sleep at your mother's
house.
There's an extra room, likewhat's the big fucking to do
about?
And then my mom, I tell my momand she's like, well, you should
just sleep at uncle Alex's.
(20:38):
I'm like I don't want tofucking sleep at uncle Alex's.
I want to sleep at mygrandmother's, where I know the
fucking bed is okay, that youknow a space I've been in before
.
I've never been in my uncle'suncle's house and I don't want
to.
I don't want to.
I already had my plans set upthe way I had them set up, so
anyway.
(20:59):
So I was like, please, please,god, like all the way there,
while, while the boyfriend isdriving, please, please, lord,
please, please.
Just you know, please, let himhave gotten an Uber or some shit
.
Cause I told him, I said,what's happening with the Ubers?
They're not working.
Like I'm not trying to be adickhead, but I'm trying to like
get him to realize that we'vebeen driving all day and if I
have to make my poor boyfrienddrive somewhere else, I'm going
to have to do a little something, something for like payment, to
(21:22):
pay him back for all thepatients he's needed to have.
So, uh, we get there finallySorry, I'd take a sip of water,
I get real dry.
Um, and don't be gross.
We get to my grandmother's andI'm like trying to be so in
control, like I'm like, come on,please, please, please, don't
(21:45):
make us drive anymore.
Today, it's just been such apain in the ass.
And then, of course, we getthere, we knock on the door,
like we ring the doorbell orwhatever.
We knock on the door, I see mygrandmother come over and then,
you know, I don't see anybodyelse in there, and there's like
a window by her door, like alittle sliver of a window in the
doorframe where I could see.
(22:06):
If I poke my head to the righta little bit, I could see into
her house, so I could see who'sin there.
So I look and I still don't seeanybody.
So I'm like, all right, maybethey're in the bathroom, maybe
they're getting ready, maybethey're like packing up some
shit, whatever.
Get inside and nobody's there.
So they had left already.
So not only did I not get to seemy uncle that night anyway, but
(22:31):
he'd already left.
He apparently their friend thatwas staying at their house with
them I guess they were hangingout together was able to find
them an Uber at my grandmother's.
He's like yeah, our girlkristin found us, uh, I think
her name's kristin, our girlkristin found us at, uh, an uber
(22:51):
in like 10 minutes, but wecould not find one over here.
Sorry, I had to scoot forward,fucking chair.
Um.
So I said okay.
So I was like that's rude, youleft without us.
And he's fucking like yeah, wewere drinking all day.
We're just so tired, blah, blah.
I'm like oh, bruh, just say youwanted to get my aunt home,
because she gets crazy when shedrinks.
Excuse me, I have to yawn.
(23:13):
So, anyway, in any case, we getthere, we relax.
She's asking if we want anyfood.
I'd eaten too much that day.
So I was like, no, I'll pass.
And she was like well, I havecoffee if you want that, or like
any kind of sweets.
And I was like oh, no, no, no,I'll pass on the sweets, but
I'll take some coffee, cause,even though I was tired, iqs
will pick me up for like twoseconds, cause coffee does
(23:34):
absolutely nothing.
That coffee was strong as fucktoo, and if I'd been younger and
not so used to caffeine itprobably would have worked,
probably would have kept me up,but it didn't.
So there's that.
So I had coffee, we relaxed.
My grandmother was cleaning bythe time we got there and then
she of course decided she wasgoing to do turndown service, so
we kind of had to wait for her.
We had to wait for her to uhturn down the beds and stuff and
(23:59):
put the blankets and everythingand, um, that took a little bit
, so we didn't actually get tobed till like 1 pm.
I woke up at 10.
But it's a lot like holidaysare very a lot.
I think one year I'm just gonnachill at home with the boo
because it's too much.
It's too much so it's too muchdriving around and it's not like
(24:22):
oh, I don't even know how tosay it right, it's.
It's too much work to just sitaround and eat.
Like there's a lot to do, likeno one ever comes this way we're
always going that way like myplace is bigger.
This year we could accommodatethem.
It's just a lot.
I'm just.
I'm not sick of holidays, I'mjust sick of fucking.
I'm just sick of dealing withum, the driving, the, the toll
(24:48):
it takes sitting in one place tothen just not do anything for
the rest of the day.
Like I missed when not livingat home, but I missed when I was
able to just go downstairs, eatand then do whatever I wanted
for the rest of the day and wedidn't host anybody.
Like I love my parents.
I could never live with themagain because it's insane, but
it's fine.
(25:08):
It's fine I guess, but I'm just.
I think I'm just getting too oldand I kind of want like quieter
shit, like next year.
I think it's just.
I'm thinking next year we justdo nothing, just sit around in
pajamas, I'll cook.
We're getting a little old.
I feel like to be doing shitwith my parents.
Like I'm 35, he's 40.
I think we probably should justbe doing our own traditions now
(25:30):
and relaxing, and just relaxingin our underwear anyway.
And again, taking pictures offamily functions is fine.
Um, I think my sister Addisonwas getting tired of it because
she one of the pictures, one ofthe family pictures.
She was like stuffing cake inher face.
I was like thank you so much.
(25:50):
I really do appreciate thatbecause I kept like looking at
my mom, like enough with thisshit.
Already we're in a fuckingrestaurant, like we did it in
Ruth's crisp, but we did it bythe front door, we weren't
sitting at our fucking tablelike trying to take pictures.
And I'm just like yo, I love myfamily.
Okay, don't get me wrong, butenough is enough.
(26:11):
Okay, we took pictures with thesame people.
We could take a group picture,but that's fine, we don't need
to do.
Let's do the girls first, letdo.
Let's do the boys after that.
No, bruh, take a family photoand that's it.
And let me sit down and enjoymy fucking shrimp scampi that
had shells on it for some reason.
(26:32):
No tails, but shells.
Anyway, um, let's see.
Enough of that.
So the rest of the year islooking like I'm going to be
poor, and, uh, I'll tell you why.
I'll tell you why.
The order of events so far.
So, let's, let's recap.
Let's go back to Thanksgiving.
(26:53):
It was Thanksgiving.
My sister's birthday, my mom'sbirthday is December 21.
Christmas is December 25.
Mother, set of twins, siblings,is the 27th.
So for the rest of the year, Idecided I'm going to be poor.
I think that's what my DNA hasdecided.
(27:14):
Is that wants us to be poor.
Let me see.
Oh cool, he found all mygroceries.
Yes, hold on.
I didn't answer him.
I feel bad.
Thank you so much, anyway.
So I'm really, uh, I'm reallydeciding that I guess being poor
(27:38):
boredom is the way to go, anduh, oh god.
So this will be good.
This might be a short episodebecause I didn't have too much
this week, but the holidays cameand went.
I'm tired.
Christmas is running the middleof the week.
Like, how fucking crazy.
Like on a Wednesday, lord, on aWednesday, it was a Monday last
(28:01):
year.
Was it a leap year?
This year, yeah, it was Fuck.
That's why.
So Christmas is on a Wednesday.
I don't have any more PTO totake, so I'm going to be working
before and after.
The best part is, though, isthat Thursdays, I work from home
anyway, so Monday, tuesday,I'll be in office.
Thursday, friday, I'll befucking working from home, so it
(28:22):
don't matter to me what we do.
The only thing I feel bad aboutis that my boyfriend is
probably gonna be driving again,which I'm telling you, man,
I've had enough.
Anyway, I already got hisChristmas gift, so he's good.
So let's, uh, let's, take a lookat some stupid, uh stupid girl
questions.
Okay, and then I might have toplay you a Tik TOK clip of this
conversation.
Watch them fucking take it down, but I don't care.
(28:44):
Uh, I have to figure out how tojust insert it into it so it
doesn't sound fucking terrible.
So check this shit out.
Um, this girl asks so I'm inthis like sex craft group on
Facebook and a lot of the shitthat they post has to do with.
Well, what if he's like this?
What if he doesn't do this?
What if it's this?
(29:05):
What do we think?
Go ask the person you'refucking.
That's the response I want togive, but I don't want to get
like kicked out because I liketrolling these people with you
guys.
So this woman goes I had a guyspit on my kitty before eating
me out.
Never experienced that before.
What's it mean Anything, or ishe just weird?
(29:26):
First of all, what is wrongwith you?
Just enjoy the moment.
Like how?
How do you have time to thinkabout this while you're in the
moment?
Is the head that bad?
It can't be good if this is thequestion you have afterwards.
Is he weird for spitting on it?
He's licking it.
There's saliva already gettingput on it.
(29:48):
What does it matter if he spitson it, first Like what are you
looking down, going like, didyou just spit on me?
And then, like you know, getoff me, you creature.
No, you're, hey, fuck me.
Like that's it.
That's so crazy.
He spit on it.
Do I stay with him or do I, youknow, date someone else who
(30:10):
just does it?
Regular experience life, bitchexperience life.
If you're like, if he dragontongued your shit, like if you
ever okay, if you ever metsomebody who did that stupid,
crazy shit you know these peopleout here who are doing like
body modification shit wherethey split their tongues so they
could have lizard tongue.
(30:31):
If you ever met a guy that didthat and then dragon tongued
your vagina, are you complainingafter that or are you finishing
on his face?
Sorry to get graphic, but it'slike, what are we asking?
What are we asking, like, behonest, dudes, if a girl split
their tongue like that and wasable to wrap their tongue around
(30:51):
your shit like a crazy, youknow, crazy muscly little basket
, container, burrito thing, areyou finishing?
Or are you saying get away fromme, hellion, I bet you're
finishing because you're a kinkylittle freak and welcome to my
TED talk.
You can also come sit by mebecause we can talk about that
shit all day.
But like, is he weird?
(31:12):
No, he's not weird, it's whathe likes to.
Maybe you're dry.
Maybe he's trying to fix hissituation so that he wants to
fuck you.
Maybe he's wondering why you'resandy as fuck, maybe that.
Maybe let's figure that shitout.
That is so fucking funny.
I just what do you mean?
I've never had a guy do thatbefore.
Hold on, I got to rewind this.
(31:34):
This is this is going to be thefunniest thing you hear today.
So there was a tick tock outwhere this guy and this chick
went on a date together and itjust so happens that this radio
station was speaking to herfirst, and it just so happens
(31:58):
that this radio station wasspeaking to her first and
decided that they were going tospeak to her first about the
date and then talk to him aboutit, also, I guess with her on
mute, which I thought was thecraziest second thing.
So basically, what happened isthese two work together and
decided that this chick decidedshe was going to take it too far
.
The guy was chilling.
The guy works with her.
Doesn't know her from Eve.
Okay, as they say, they worktogether as an usher in a movie
theater.
He fucking relayed someinformation to her about where
(32:19):
he's going to be after work.
But just in passing, like youwould with a casual friend, she
decides that she's going to takeit upon herself to show up to
said place, said bar, where hementioned he was going to be now
after they.
So they speak to the radio.
Dj speaks to her first.
She describes the scenario.
(32:40):
They speak to him afterwards,after hearing all this bullshit,
and decide that you know,they're going to leave her on
mute while they talk to her.
And all of a sudden it becomeslike a battle of knowledge of
who's into who.
And when I say that I mean thechick is more into the guy,
obviously.
So what happens next isbasically, the guy is supposedly
(33:05):
lying.
Okay, the guy's supposedlylying.
The chick takes it too far,thinks that, um, the guy's
denying his true feelings forher, and it carries on for a
little bit.
So basically what he says islike okay.
So they ask him.
They're like so you went on adate with her and he's like no,
we had chicken.
And like we had wings and fries.
(33:26):
And of course she gets madabout that detail because she's
like who the fuck cares what weate.
She's like, no, we had chicken,and like we had wings and fries
.
And of course she gets madabout that detail because she's
like who the fuck cares what weate?
She's like a date is a date.
Secondly, he says to her he waslike I never even asked you to
show up.
She's like so then why wouldyou tell me where you went?
Isn't that a sign that you wantme to show up there?
No bitch, it's someone beingfriendly at work.
(33:46):
This is how that movie, fatalattraction, came to be.
Someone is nice to someone elseand then they think there's an
advance and then there's a wholebunch of other shit.
Obviously, fatal attraction isnot the same situation.
These people work together andthat's it, and it wasn't a
mutual affair type situation.
So he's like I tell he's likeshe just decided to show up 20
(34:08):
minutes after I got there and myfriends are there and it's like
well, what does she want me todo?
Like he was, like I was beingnice to her.
He's like because you know, youjust got to be nice, you just
got to be a human, which is fine, everybody feels that way.
But essentially what happens isand I'm going to send this tick
(34:32):
tock to Dan because I know he'sgoing to want to actually hear
it, because unfortunately, Itried to get in touch with the
person who initially posted itand had not heard a response yet
, so I'm just going to speak itinto existence.
Um, basically what happens is heclaims that she's crazy.
She claims that he's denyinghis true feelings for her and
that you know how can you denyreal love and all this stuff?
And I'm like bitch, are youcrazy?
Like the whole time, I'm like II do not want to be a woman
because of this person.
(34:53):
Like, after everything you hearin this episode and the other
shit, I'm going to tell youabout these women acting up.
It's just women need betterfriends.
Okay, because if I was thischick's friends, I'd be like are
you fucking crazy?
Why would you show up there?
How long have you known thisperson?
Y'all don't know each other andyou just work together.
Like I would never encourage afriend to go hang out with a
(35:13):
stranger by herself.
Number one, she didn't show upwith friends.
She showed up and saw him andhis friends.
Like how does she not?
How does she know thatsomething bad isn't going to
happen?
That's the other thing you guysdo not have any kind of common
sense or any kind of likestomach for this type of shit.
Did you have a taser oranything?
No, she was just so enthralledby the fact that somebody asked
(35:36):
her out and you should haveheard her talking to them.
I felt so bad for her becauseshe genuinely thought she had a
human connection with thisperson.
He's like I haven't even evenknown her for 48 hours and this
is how she's acting about thiswhole situation.
He's like I haven't even knownher for 48 hours and this is how
she's acting about this wholesituation.
He's like I'm debating marriageand kids with a person I don't
even know, and then she's likewe shared a human connection, we
(35:57):
had a whole conversation aboutour life goals and this and that
, and he's like you talked, youtalked about your family, and
it's like, yeah, she talkedbecause she thought she was in
love with your ass and it'sfunny because you know, they
offered to pay for, like, asecond date and everything.
And uh, he's like, yeah, no,we're not gonna do that and I
don't blame him.
That bitch sounded really extracrazy and I'm really mad that I
(36:19):
cannot include the fucking clipin this episode.
That's how pissed off I amabout it.
But you know what life isn't it?
And you can find it on TikTok.
The person's name is second,second date radio.
Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous.
I hope you guys take a listento it.
In any case, I wish you guyshad heard it.
It was pretty good.
It was pretty good.
(36:40):
Okay, what the fuck?
Number one, number two the factthat she would, the fact that
she would ever say that she feltlove after being with someone.
I've never felt that before.
Okay, I'm like embarrassed tobe a woman because of her.
Like they work as an ushertogether.
(37:02):
She, he mentions where he'sgoing, she just turns up and
she's like oh true, true loveconnection.
No, it's not.
She said that she had a datewith him.
No, she didn't.
He just happened to mentioncasually, because that's what
people do at work.
Oh yeah, how long is this movie?
Because I'm meeting a bunch offriends here, here and here in
about 30 minutes.
That's not me inviting you,that's not me saying come meet
(37:26):
me, that's me telling you I havelike something going on
afterwards and I need to get thefuck out of here.
Like, oh my God, bro, I listenedto it, I listened to it and I
was like this can't be real life, this can't be real life.
It and he said, no, still iseven crazier because that's free
(37:49):
food.
But I wouldn't want to subjectmyself to that kind of crazy
either.
I also want to know what kindof friend, what kind of friends
does she have that are justletting her do this silly shit?
This is what I'm saying.
Like, I can't be friends withwomen like this, this shit.
I would I probably have smackedher in her face and been like,
what's wrong with you?
He could have been a good guyto you, but who told you to go
meet him?
Like, who told you this was anokay idea?
(38:11):
So I may or may not be able touse the audio of the TikTok in
this, but we'll find out.
Um, we'll see what happens.
If I have to cut it out, I haveto cut it out.
If I don't, I don't.
I'll do some research, maybeyou know, uh, but if I am able
to use the audio, you would havejust heard the entire call.
(38:32):
But that shit is just that'scrazy.
Okay, and um, that's crazy thatshe would say that any of those
things like oh, we're in love,and how can you deny true love?
It's not true love bitch, love,bitch.
We had wings and fries.
Like his answers to everythingare so cool that it's like I
(38:52):
can't even be mad at him forbeing so straightforward with it
.
You know like you want to bemad at someone like that because
they're blowing you off.
I don't think I've ever hadthat feeling.
The way this chick is with sostrong emotion of meeting
someone and hanging out withsomeone she only knows from work
.
If someone, someone, wants toget to know you after work,
bitch, they will, and even thenthey may not want to.
Anyway, you might get sometexts and shit first.
(39:14):
You might have to have actualconversation with them first to
see if he even wants to bebothered.
You know what I'm saying?
What is this?
I'm no longer involved in this.
Okay.
So get me out of this emailchain.
Sorry, I looked at somethingfrom work and apparently I'm
(39:38):
still getting emails from one ofmy own clients, but there's
women out here doing the fuckingmost for no reason, like
there's another one here who she?
I was talking to one of myfriends, alex, this week and she
said let me see where's hertext.
Chat at, holy fuck, it's downhere, okay.
So this other person in that sexgroup posted I can't find my
(39:58):
clit, and no one else can either.
I've looked and tried.
I'm 40 and never found it.
Watched videos, looked bymyself and with help, I don't
think I have one.
Found it.
Watched videos looked by myselfand with help, I don't think I
have one.
Honestly, ma'am, this is thetype of shit that you should be
talking to a therapist about.
Okay, this is not something youshould post on Facebook,
because there's people like mewaiting for prey like this that
(40:20):
have separated from the flock.
You know what I mean.
Like you're a limpy gazelleright now, okay, and I'm just
going to jump on that assbecause that's insane to put
that out there like that.
I don't think I have one.
Honestly, have you been to abiology class?
Have you been to a human sexualclass?
Have you been to anything toknow better than to post that in
(40:42):
life?
Hold on my ship.
Chopper is so extraordinary.
Thank you so much much.
I appreciate your time in anycase.
Um, bitches are crazy.
Like what do you mean?
What do you?
Oh, we talked about everything.
No, you talked, bitch, youtalked, and I've been in print
(41:04):
plenty of like girl friendshipstoo, where it's just been
one-sided.
Sometimes it's me that that'sthe person that's one sided
other to other times it's likethe other person just won't shut
the fuck up.
So I kind of just like sitthere and I'm like, oh my God,
more wine please.
Like just ordering anotherdrink while they're acting the
fuck up, be this way and thinkI'm still interested in talking
(41:25):
to you afterwards, like even asa friend.
Bruh, we're going to have totake a hiatus on this.
We're going to have to take thestrongest hiatus and never talk
forever.
Oh shit, almost opened again.
Um, let's see, I thought it wasso funny that during that sound
clip, all you heard was one ofthe other DJs laughing.
All you heard was one of theother DJs laughing at her.
(41:48):
He's not even trying to stiflethe laughter.
I like that.
The other female who would havebeen me on that radio show goes.
Hey, are you sure you didn'tblow this out of proportion?
Bitch, you're asking the rightquestions and I'm here.
I'm here for you because youknow what to ask her.
She's immediately that bitchgoes.
No, it is a yes girl.
(42:08):
You blew it out of proportion.
You have a guy embarrassing youon the radio.
The fact that you even toldthis to another person and
didn't think that these you knowshenanigans, shenanigans,
inducing DJs won't call this guyup and be like, hi.
So she gave us your number andwe wanted to ask you how it went
for you and put you on silentmute, like have you mute
(42:30):
yourself?
And just listen to him be like,yeah, no, it wasn't a fucking
date.
I thought he was gonna turnaround and be like, yeah, that's
my wife.
Like I literally thought thatthat was gonna be the
conversation because the personwho posted it was like I'd marry
him anyway.
Why would you marry him?
He's not toxic.
You can't be attracted tonormalness.
You can't be attracted tonormalness.
You can't be attracted to themost basic answer ever, cause
(42:51):
that's all he did.
He answered how an honestperson would and she got her
feelings hurt.
I don't know how she got herfeelings hurt when she was part
of the problem.
So, anyway, this clit lady isstupid.
If we go back to that, theother thing that I noticed is uh
, let me see, let me see, let mesee.
Thing that I noticed is uh, letme see, let me see, let me see
(43:14):
where the fuck.
Oh, here we go, the when Iposted.
So at the start of this, thestart of the sexual portion of
this episode, which was like theback half um with the spitting
on before eating out thing, myfriend Alex gave me this shit.
She said the the fuck shit mygirl screenshot.
So this is a friend of a friend, so this is my friend Alex's
friend, and it's on her timelinewhere apparently this girl
(43:35):
posted someone tell this dirtybastard, come get his shitty
underwear.
Was never worried about thenext bitch because I already had
the other guy.
And then she tagged him butapparently he was blocked
because the name is not boldanymore.
First of all, the pictureitself says can't post new
pictures because he ain't got noteeth.
(43:56):
Just come from bedrock forcutting blah, blah, blah.
Like can't see the rest of it.
She took a picture of hisunderwear with the biggest skid
mark I've ever seen in my life,which at this point would be
considered road rash.
So she says someone telling himto come get his underwear and
crunchy socks.
Then she posted some other shitand I guess a private message
(44:17):
with him.
So here's my problem with all ofit, all of the above.
I'm not shaming the dude forthis.
You know who I'm shaming thechick for posting this shit.
You know why?
Because it's a weird ass flexto post a dirty motherfucker.
You can't make fun of himbecause you were fucking him.
Are you serious?
(44:37):
You were having sex with thisperson and you didn't smell any
of that.
There is no possible way thatthis man showed up with dirty
drawers like that.
Dirty drawers like that,absolutely not.
I have ghosted a person whoshowered for two minutes,
because there's no way yourentire body is not clean in two
(44:57):
minutes.
Your entire body is not cleanin two minutes.
So you better sort out yourproblems, sort out your life and
get in the shower, get that assback in there and actually
clean it.
Put soap between the ass,cheeks and the balls, okay,
there's no possible way thatthis chick thought that this was
a good flex or a good look forher to make him look stupid when
(45:18):
she's the bitch that's posting.
Hey, I used to fuck this guyand I was never worried about
the next guy, because I alreadyhad this one Girl.
Worried about the next guybecause I already had this one
Girl.
Never worried about the nextbitch.
Excuse me, girl, you should beworried for yourself.
Go get every fucking test.
You can get blood work, get apsych evaluation, do everything
(45:41):
you have to do to bring yourselfback to a normal mental health
state, because you cannot thinkthat posting this makes us think
anything less of you.
I think a lot less of youbecause you had the mindset to
think, oh, I'm a one up his assright now.
No, no, you showed your ass.
(46:01):
You showed yours because youhung out with Dirty Draws Boy
and you're trying to make itseem like oh, it's okay, I'm not
dirty Bitch, you're thedirtiest.
Don't talk to him about hisunderwear.
Talk to him about your mentalhealth.
Talk to him about the brainthat you don't have.
What's floating around up inthat skull?
Nothing.
Oh my God, this can't be reallife.
(46:22):
I'm so sorry I'm.
I'm really stuck on thisbecause I'm a clean person.
Okay, I believe in being clean.
You know that cleanliness isnext to godliness.
Shit.
I believe in that.
This motherfucker's hanging outwith Satan with these dirty ass
drawers yes, dan, I'll send youthe picture too.
Just let me know when youlisten to it.
But this so gross, men, tellyour friends to clean it up.
(46:44):
So gross Men, tell your friendsto clean it up.
And also, he has no teeth.
So again you're losing.
It's like 0 for 2.
Actually, 0 for 3 when youinclude crunchy socks.
What's wrong with his feet?
Why are his socks crunchy?
Because if he's fucking you, heshouldn't be jerking off into
(47:04):
socks, making them crunchy.
Oh my god, this bitch.
And then let's see, yeah, andmy friend Alex was like, but
like you were with him with theshitty drawers and all that.
And then here's another thing.
Here's, here's this.
This group by Facebook was offthe charts this past few days.
(47:26):
I won't gatekeep.
Frozen tampons are a gamechanger.
I'm not sticking a tamponsickle up my vagina.
There's no possible way.
The way that I fucking threwthese screenshots, like I was
making it rain on my girlfriends, is crazy.
I was like there's no wayyou're sticking an icicle up
(47:49):
your vagina to make it feelbetter.
There's no possible way.
Just take some Tylenol,actually, you know what.
Take a break from social mediatoo.
Take a break from not even life, like.
Just take a break fromeverything.
Just go to sleep, because theday can't get any worse for you,
like it's not even going to getbetter.
This was the highlight of my dayfor posts.
But you need to like.
(48:09):
You need to reevaluate whattype of friends you keep that
are like take her, not sayingtake her phone.
Take everybody's phone.
That post the craziest shit.
Take that clit lady's phone.
Take that road rash fuckingbitch's phone.
Take that.
Take everybody's shit.
This is another one.
So this is another one and isanother one, and I'm gonna end
on this one.
Okay, ladies, please give meyour feedback on your man
(48:31):
pleasuring himself.
He does it every day as soon asI leave for work.
We don't have sex often becauseit's kind of a turnoff for me
to get home and see the dirtytowel in the laundry.
Oh, I'm so mixed feelings aboutthis.
Help, are you not talking tohim, do you?
Is he mute?
Is he mute and deaf?
Why don't you just talk to him?
(48:52):
And I'm telling you, if I wasto comment in that group, just
talk to him I'd probably getbanned.
But it's like if you're withsomeone who you can't talk to
about basic shit like this, youshould not be with that person.
It's not any difficult thanthat.
It doesn't get any difficult,any more difficult than that.
It can't be.
You're not with the rightperson If you can't explain your
(49:16):
issues or, you know, say hey,I'm displeased with the fact
that I see a crunchy looking asstowel in the fucking hamper.
Also get a hamper with a lid,so you don't see it.
How about that?
Also get a hamper with a lid,so you don't see it.
How about that?
Invest in shit that hides itfrom you.
What's the problem?
This isn't Don John, like thatfucking movie where.
What's his name?
Oh God, what is his name?
(49:36):
He was from third rock, fromthe sun.
What is his fucking name?
Hold on, I'm gonna look thismovie up.
This gets me so mad when Ican't remember shit, don John.
So that movie is oh my God,that movie is 11 years old.
Can't remember shit, don John.
So that movie is oh my God,that movie is 11 years old now.
Fuck Shit.
Joseph Gordon Levitt.
I like how I find it.
And his name didn't even pop up.
I just needed to see his face.
So Joseph Gordon Levitt has asex.
(49:57):
He's like a sex addict, kinda.
He likes to watch porn a lot,he likes to.
And he starts dating ScarlettJohansson, who he was trying to
get with, and she gets pissedoff at the fact that he, you
know, cleans his own house,saying that's emasculating.
I'll get you my cleaning lady.
And he likes to clean his ownshit.
(50:18):
That's like a point of pridefor him, like he's a very clean
dude, and she tries to likechange his whole fucking life
and makes it worse.
I'm like there is no possibleway.
You know, there's no possibleway that, um, what is this?
(50:39):
I don't want to do none of thisshit.
Sorry, someone messaged meabout working on a project that
I can't be bothered.
Um, there's no possible waythat you, you would want a dirty
guy or that you would be mad ata guy who jerks off.
Sometimes ladies aren't in themood either.
You know, sometimes women justlike to be chilling.
Like the older you get, likenot the less that you want it,
(51:03):
but it's like the less that youwant to be like all sweaty and
shit.
Um, it's not true.
I love my boyfriend, um, butsometimes you don't.
You don't just don't need it.
The companionship is nice.
You have someone you get tobother all the time, um, but
yeah, so, uh, I think, I thinkthat's a good place to stop.
Um, I have to look up and seewhether or not I can use that
(51:27):
audio.
If I can, I'm going to leave itin.
If not, it's going to get cutout and I'm just going to have
to recap it for you.
But yeah, basically, thatlady's crazy that she went on a
date with someone and I mightjust leave it in and be like
fuck it.
But who cares?
Nobody, not enough peoplelisten to this, anyway that it's
going to be monetized.
So but, thank you guys forlistening.
(51:49):
I'm really tired.
I guess I have to hop into ameeting about stupid projects.
Um so we'll see what happens.
Um, thanks so much forlistening.
Hope you have a great rest ofyour week and I'll catch you
guys next week.
Bye, we'll be right back.
What's up people?
I hope everybody is having afantastic week so far.
As I said before, I'm gonna berunning this same day bullshit
again because I'm back toworking in the office, my office
, my normal days.
So we're gonna be doingThursday same day releases,
(00:45):
cause that's how I've been doingit and that's how it's going to
go.
I know I said last week I wouldtry and do it sooner, but
Wednesday evening I just went tothe gym.
I went out.
I'm trying to get better with myhealth and shit.
Sorry, if you hear my chair.
This chair is fucking squeaky.
I think I need to get rid ofthis chair.
It's fine for what it does.
Maybe I'll just hold on to itand put it in in storage or
(01:09):
something, but I've been like insuch a cleaning frenzy to get
rid of shit.
It's crazy.
I'm tired of holding onto stuffI don't need.
Speaking of other shit.
That's inconvenient.
I am trying to.
I've been trying to stay on topof things with this training
shit for this new position, butstuff like this is what bothers
(01:30):
me.
So I'm getting very unluckywith the fact that when I
started in this position, it'scloser to the end of the year,
year end at the company I workfor is the worst possible time
of the year because everyone'sgoing crazy.
There's mandatory OT.
What else is going on?
Oh, clients wanting to makesure their W-2s and 1099s are
(01:52):
correct, everybody calling infor crazy payroll shit.
It's just a bad time altogether.
I've complained about it yearafter year.
This year I'm not involved withit, but this year year.
This year I'm not involved withit, but this year it's also
putting a cramp on my training.
So what I mean is training issupposed to be easy.
(02:14):
You go to one section of thetraining class Cool, sorry, my
shipped shopper is doing histhing.
You go to the site for thehomepage associate, you click on
the link to learn thing andyou're able to register for the
courses that are instructor led.
When I went in to go do thatthis time around and this was
what I just started the position, just to get ahead of
everything, cause I like to stayon top of shit I'm very
efficient.
There's no classes for us tosign up for and I didn't even
(02:39):
know who my trainingrepresentative was supposed to
be.
So of course I finally in touchwith.
I tell my manager I'm like whoam I supposed to be speaking to
about these classes.
She puts me in touch withsomeone who puts me in touch
with the actual person, becausethe person who I'm supposed to
be reporting to for training um,or who signed me up for these
classes, either or was out ofoffice.
(03:00):
So I waited until they returnedand I messaged her and I was
like hey, so I just started on1028.
I'm in reporting forimplementation.
Can you tell me what I need todo?
So I'm already, I've alreadystarted the self-study for the
for the course, okay, for tofigure out my role with year end
(03:27):
take, because the ones that Itry and register for there's no
live instructor led courses.
So I have to reach out to thatperson, the training rep, and go
hey, what's going on with thisone?
Um, am I supposed to sign upfor this?
Are you signing me up for real?
How's it going to go?
So she goes, um, she goes, okay, I'm going to meet with you and
the other person who startedwith you at the same time Um,
(03:49):
that person's on my team, by theway, and, uh, I will have a
meeting.
We'll talk about what you needto take.
We'll talk about where we'regoing to schedule it.
We'll talk about youravailability so that we schedule
you guys for the same ones atthe same time, cause you started
at the same time.
I said, all right, cool, come tofind out that there are no
instructor led courses forassociates because of year end,
(04:11):
so they're just educatingclients at this point.
That's fine, whatever.
So how do I get the education Ineed to do?
This position?
Just answer me that, okay, stopplaying this game with me.
Answer me how I'm going to takethis shit, because I need to
just take them, get it under mybelt, get this shit going.
Like what is the problem?
So of course I uh.
(04:33):
She finally gets me enrolled.
All right, we're in December.
Okay, december 28th legitimatelymarks two months.
Literally marks two months thatI have been in this position.
No clients, yet just chilling,literally just in office,
sleeping at my desk, pretty muchnot actually doing that Like I
(04:53):
get up and I walk around andsocialize to stretch my legs,
because otherwise I'm like adone deal at my desk.
It's, it's so boring to justsit there doing nothing.
I help my old team answerquestions.
I don't have anything else todo nothing.
I help my old team answerquestions.
I don't have anything else todo.
So, that being said, I uh, thisweek was pretty good with
training because there wereduplicate trainings per day, so
(05:15):
I've been pretty busy.
There's one in the morning, onein the afternoon.
So far it's been chill.
I like it like that Cool, keepme busy, keep me interested.
Today I had I was supposed tohave one from one to four 30.
So from the afternoon to theend of my day I was supposed to
have one training on some labs,on some workforce now stuff
(05:36):
which is the main program we use, which I probably don't need,
but they just put it as arequisite.
I don't know, I don't care.
Fine, I'll take it, I don'tcare.
Someone point me in thedirection of what I need to
fucking do.
I'm tired of this, you know,chasing my tail, shit.
So, of course, I've been havingissues where the classes I'm
registered for I'm not gettinginvitations to and when they
(06:01):
don't, when I don't receive anemail to something that I'm used
to getting emails on, such asas hey, you've been signed up
for this course.
Please be sure to follow theseinstructions to get into the
course.
Please download this handout tofollow along.
Whatever that's the emails I'mused to getting for these
trainings.
Ok, so the fact that twice nowwith this same thing, with this
(06:24):
same instructor, by the way,because Monday I thought I was
in a training in the afternoonthat I was not in until
yesterday.
So I messaged that sameinstructor and I go.
I'm going to read it word forword because I still have it up
here somewhere.
Hang on, I'm scrolling, give meone second, so I go.
Good morning, I believe I'menrolled in your 1 PM course.
(06:44):
I just wanted to make sure Iwas on your list because when I
hit her up on Monday she sent mea screenshot that did not show
me enrolled but showed my.
You know my counterpart enrolledthe dude I started with.
She goes hi, someone canceledall associates from this class
(07:07):
and instead opened it up to bean all client class.
I said okay, let me talk to thetraining rep again.
She may have mentioned it wascanceled but didn't confirm
which is the truth she did.
I did speak to her on Mondayabout my whole training schedule
.
Like she showed, she sent it tome again.
I already got it.
So I uh, I go back to mytraining rep.
(07:29):
I said hey, so she said thatall associates were canceled
from this class and I still haveit on my calendar and I'm like,
uh, are we sure?
Like I just want to checkbecause I'm tired of this shit.
I don't want to get in troublebecause someone else is fucking
up.
You know what I'm saying.
Like this is not a me problem,this is.
I got put into this positionand no one knows what to do with
(07:49):
me.
Type shit.
Let me just go back to upmarket.
I'd be miserable and pissed off.
I'm going to keep the bready'all gave me in the raise, but
I'm going to go back to doingbullshit and complaining about
it.
So, uh, she hit me up.
I hit, she hit me back and shesaid this is the funny thing,
this is what's pissing me offabout this.
(08:11):
So I said, um, was this to berescheduled for another day?
It was the 12, 5, 1 PM classfor the workforce, Now insights
lab.
She goes let me see something.
Hang on.
There was a class canceledtoday, but I didn't think you
were in it.
Hang on, there is a newinsights lab with all associates
.
Let me check the date.
She goes.
You should be in that one on 12, 11.
I said, okay, let me check mycalendar, let me check my
(08:32):
outlook.
Maybe I have an invite therethat I forgot.
That I clicked on, causesometimes when you see mail come
in in your inbox, don't youjust like click it real quick to
get rid of it?
I do that sometimes.
So I checked my calendar and Itell her I don't have anything
on my outlook for 1211 for atraining and she goes okay, let
me double check on that.
So I go okay, that was a 1010.
(08:52):
We're now at 1034 and I haven'theard from her.
And this is the shit I'm tellingyou.
That's pissing me off aboutthis.
I don't care about training.
I want other people to beefficient in what they have to
do.
I'm getting just so mad thatnobody else knows how to do
their job correctly orefficiently in a way that makes
me feel confident that I'm goingto get the education I need to
do the job.
Like if we could just do that,that would be fantastic.
(09:15):
But we'll see, we'll see, let'ssee.
Anyway, let's get into what Ireally wanted to talk about.
So one of these um, whattrainer was it?
It wasn't the cute little onethat I like.
Um, there was someone else.
So that, speaking of thetrainings, so there's a uh,
fucking, oh, my God, there's atrainer that I was working with
(09:39):
I think it was Tuesday I almostdied laughing.
It was hilarious.
Yeah, it was Tuesday.
So this trainer, she said thatshe had been working with ADP
for like 35 plus years in theireducation team.
She said she basically helpedbuild their enterprise learning
team, which is all therepresentatives who do the
trainings are set up, so they dothe trainings and they chill
(10:04):
and we, we sit in the classes,they teach us whatever.
So she's calling out names,like she gives us like controls,
as they say, and she walks usthrough the processes.
And I'm telling you I thinkthese trainings are just
repeating themselves on adifferent level, cause I'm like,
oh my God, deja vu, I've donethis already.
(10:25):
So of course, she startspronouncing names and she wants
to make sure she's pronouncingthem right, which is fair
because in this world,everybody's sensitive to
everything.
So why not just make sureyou're saying the name right?
So there's someone in our class.
Excuse me, the name is I A N ishow it's spelt.
Now, what she does is hilarious.
She just assumes how it'spronounced, because everybody
(10:48):
knows, knows how the name I A Nwhen you spell it out.
I'm not saying it for you, okay, I just cause I want you to
enjoy where this story is going.
So that name comes up and sheasks this person to navigate and
she goes.
Can you please go ahead andtake over the controls?
I'm going to pass them to you.
A little box will pop up.
(11:09):
Just hit, take control.
So when he finally does that,she goes.
Actually, you know what.
I'm really sorry.
I just want to make sure I'mpronouncing your name correctly.
Is it Ian or Ian?
And I just am like this isn'treal, is it?
Is it real life?
(11:29):
I'm like ma'am, you've workedfor ADP for 35 years.
For me that's hard to believebecause it can't be Ian, it
can't, it just can't.
And if it is, change it to Ian,because you must have just
(11:51):
landed on planet Earth yesterday.
Because no one says Ian, ian,okay, because I've never been
more upset for a person in myentire life by hearing the
fucking name.
Ian said Ian.
You know what Ian does.
You know what Ian does.
Ian gets swirlies in the men'sbathroom, actually in the
(12:16):
ladies' room.
They take his ass in theladies' room and they stick his
head in the toilet and theyflush it infinity times Until he
goes.
Okay, my name's Ian.
You know what else Ian does.
Ian is waving to people to helphim while he's at the top of
the flagpole strung up by hisunderwear.
That's what Ian's doing.
(12:37):
You know what else Ian's doing?
Ian is being made to weardresses in school.
Ian is being made to wear hisunderwear pulled over up onto
his head like he's a cartooncharacter.
You know what Ian's doing?
Ian is bullying Ian.
That's what Ian's doing.
Ian is taking all the steroids,okay, and he is punching Ian in
(13:00):
the face a million times.
Ian in the face a million times, okay.
Why does she keep sending thisthing about the engagement pulse
?
Anyway, so the kid's name's Ianand if it's Ian, no, it isn't.
And that's all.
I'm going to keep saying no,it's not.
So someone was to say theirname is like, instead of it
being Claire, it's clear.
I'm like, no, it's not, becausethe way it's spelled is Claire
(13:23):
not clear, clear.
I'm like, no, it's not, becausethe way it's spelled is Claire
not clear.
Anyway, could not believe it,could not believe that that was
how that training went, was that?
That was the only thing Ithought about for the rest of
the day, and, of course, I hadto write it down and tell you
guys, because why wouldn't ICause?
I mean, and I would neverpronounce someone's name the way
it isn't spelled.
(13:44):
Excuse me, sorry, I didn't meanto yell.
Actually, I do mean to yellbecause, fuck that.
This past weekend me and theboyfriend went and saw the movie
Red One.
It was actually really good.
I thought it was going to bestupid, because a lot of what
movie companies do these days asmarketing is they put all the
good shit in the trailer so youdon't actually have to watch the
movie, and that's sad, becausethat makes me hate movies.
(14:07):
That makes me not want to watchtrailers, which I don't for the
most part, unless I'm in amovie theater and they play the
trailer Like I will not.
I'll just look at the title,I'll look at maybe the picture
of it, read a little bit aboutit, but that's it.
I'm not watching the trailerbecause you can't keep doing
this to us.
It's going to make us a lot ofokay.
So here's what happens when Iwatch trailers.
(14:35):
For the most part, I have adebate with myself and whisper
to my boyfriend, whichever sidehe seems to be sitting on,
whether or not I am going totake the time to buy a ticket, a
movie ticket, wait in line forpopcorn and shit and then sit
with all these other people in aroom and watch this thing.
Or, if I'm going to comfortably, maybe in the nude, watch it on
my couch at home, there's likedifferent levels to movie
(14:56):
watching.
Okay, and I say maybe in thenude, because I don't want to do
that, because that couch isnice and I don't want my ass, my
bare ass, on it.
Because I don't want to do that, because that couch is nice and
I don't want my ass, my bareass, on it.
And Dan, don't tell me that I'mgoing to put down plastic first
or towel.
If I'm naked on something, I'mnaked all the way.
You either go big or go home.
(15:17):
So I saw red one.
It was really good.
The trailer didn't actuallyreveal too much, which is what I
like.
Keep it minimal, please.
Fuck sake.
You guys want us to see thesemovies.
Give us the whole thing upfront and then wonder why your
ticket sales are dookie, dookie,okay, so I basically am
whispering in the movie theaterwhen I see every trailer that
(15:37):
goes by.
I'm like on the couch, likethat's how I say it, or I go no,
or fuck yeah, like that's how Isay it, or I go no, or fuck
yeah, like that, and I hopepeople hate me that sit by.
Also.
Who the fuck Okay, this is theother thing who the fuck is
still buying tickets at thebooth?
Bruh, who last minute says let'sgo see a fucking movie?
(15:59):
I haven't done that since 2000.
We have apps for everything.
Now You're telling me thatyou're not going to look on an
app, book your seat in advanceand then go.
What kind of cave creature areyou?
Now, I'm not saying thisbecause I'm technologically
savvy.
I'm saying this because I wantto make sure I have arm room.
(16:20):
These people actually walked upwith paper tickets in their
hands.
Arm room, okay.
These people actually walked upwith paper tickets in their
hands.
I'm not leaving it up to thatbooger eater at the concession
stand to you know, hey, thisseat and this seat's available,
cause I'm going to ask is theresomeone sitting next to me?
And if they say yes, I'm goingto be like move me to another
seat.
I don't want someone sittingnext to me Like has COVID taught
(16:42):
people nothing like this?
So it's me, my boyfriend andthen literally a woman and her
man next to him.
Me, meanwhile, I have a seatempty next to me.
Actually, I have two seatsempty next to me and I'm like,
bro, when we went and we bookedthis ticket I think it was
friday, it was friday orsaturday the fucking theater was
empty as fuck.
All of a sudden, um, all of asudden we get in there and it's
(17:05):
packed as shit.
And we got there early becauseand let me tell you something,
the amount of people in thatmovie theater I have not seen
that in forever, and it was forWicked and probably Moana too,
and that line was crazy behindus.
That's why I'm like, yes, Ihave that priority AMC.
Go on that line, go go to theleft, go to that yellow little
sign that says special peoplehere and not special like that.
(17:27):
Special as in we do shit rightand get shit done and we're
efficient.
That's why it's gold.
Anyway, actually it's like aruby color, but I'm going to say
it's gold anyway, just like I'mnever, never pronouncing I and
Ian Then.
So this was after we did familyfestivities and I said I was
going to do what we werethankful for, type shit, but my
(17:49):
sister did it with her phone andthen I was like, oh, I don't
really want to pass around mymic like that.
So I didn't do it, and I don'treally care what everybody's
thankful for.
I said that I was thankful forthe fact that my mother was not
standing over me in a kitchenfor an entire day.
We laughed, we thought it wasfunny.
We went, we laughed, we thoughtit was funny.
Um, we went to Ruth's Chrissteakhouse.
Like I said sorry, if you heardthat noise, there's the
(18:10):
dumpster.
I guess something's going onwith that.
I just heard a crash.
Uh, we went, we.
We went to Ruth's Chrissteakhouse.
It was fun.
We ate, we drank, we weremarried, whatever they say it is
.
I'm hoping no one else messagedme any stupid shit, cause I'm
not looking.
Adp notifications, globalrecipe exchange I ain't
exchanging shit, okay?
(18:31):
So taking pictures at familyfunctions is not my favorite
thing to do.
I'm tired of taking pictures.
We had Thanksgiving, which wasThursday, and then the following
day was my sister's 18thbirthday.
Everybody that was in theThanksgiving photos was in the
birthday pictures.
Nobody different showed up.
So I'm trying to understand whywe did these pictures twice
(18:54):
over.
We were just in differentfucking outfits.
That's it.
That's the only differenceDifferent fucking outfits.
And it doesn't even matter.
That's the other part of it.
It does not even matter.
Okay, that's the other part ofit.
It does not even matter.
Okay, it's just, it's enough'senough.
Okay, I'm tired.
We drove like pretty much allday Thursday, and this is the
(19:14):
other thing.
My uncle is so crazy, so I haveno problem doing family members
favors, okay Now we drove thetwo hours to Riverview, to my
mother's, before we then sataround for an hour to then get
back in the car to drive 30 to45 minutes to the restaurant in
(19:35):
Tampa.
We ate there, we chilled, we ate, we chilled.
We were out, we hung out.
We drove the 45 minutes back tomy parents' house, excuse me.
And then we sat around for alittle bit.
And then we drove an hourminutes back to my parents'
house, excuse me.
And then we sat around for alittle bit and then we drove an
hour to my grandmother's.
On my way to my grandmother's,my uncle texts me and asks if we
(19:57):
could drive them home becausethey could get an Uber or some
shit.
So I was like all right, howfar are you guys?
And I'm asking this because I'mthinking like, hey, we're going
to hang out first and thendrive them.
No, when we get there, he wantsus to just like, I guess, wait
outside and they come out and webring them home.
(20:17):
And I'm like, oh my God, I'mlike praying to the heavens.
I'm like, lord, please, don'tlet this be real fucking life,
because I love my uncle, butjust sleep at your mother's
house.
There's an extra room, likewhat's the big fucking to do
about?
And then my mom, I tell my momand she's like, well, you should
just sleep at uncle Alex's.
(20:38):
I'm like I don't want tofucking sleep at uncle Alex's.
I want to sleep at mygrandmother's, where I know the
fucking bed is okay, that youknow a space I've been in before
.
I've never been in my uncle'suncle's house and I don't want
to.
I don't want to.
I already had my plans set upthe way I had them set up, so
anyway.
(20:59):
So I was like, please, please,god, like all the way there,
while, while the boyfriend isdriving, please, please, lord,
please, please.
Just you know, please, let himhave gotten an Uber or some shit
.
Cause I told him, I said,what's happening with the Ubers?
They're not working.
Like I'm not trying to be adickhead, but I'm trying to like
get him to realize that we'vebeen driving all day and if I
have to make my poor boyfrienddrive somewhere else, I'm going
to have to do a little something, something for like payment, to
(21:22):
pay him back for all thepatients he's needed to have.
So, uh, we get there finallySorry, I'd take a sip of water,
I get real dry.
Um, and don't be gross.
We get to my grandmother's andI'm like trying to be so in
control, like I'm like, come on,please, please, please, don't
(21:45):
make us drive anymore.
Today, it's just been such apain in the ass.
And then, of course, we getthere, we knock on the door,
like we ring the doorbell orwhatever.
We knock on the door, I see mygrandmother come over and then,
you know, I don't see anybodyelse in there, and there's like
a window by her door, like alittle sliver of a window in the
doorframe where I could see.
(22:06):
If I poke my head to the righta little bit, I could see into
her house, so I could see who'sin there.
So I look and I still don't seeanybody.
So I'm like, all right, maybethey're in the bathroom, maybe
they're getting ready, maybethey're like packing up some
shit, whatever.
Get inside and nobody's there.
So they had left already.
So not only did I not get to seemy uncle that night anyway, but
(22:31):
he'd already left.
He apparently their friend thatwas staying at their house with
them I guess they were hangingout together was able to find
them an Uber at my grandmother's.
He's like yeah, our girlkristin found us, uh, I think
her name's kristin, our girlkristin found us at, uh, an uber
(22:51):
in like 10 minutes, but wecould not find one over here.
Sorry, I had to scoot forward,fucking chair.
Um.
So I said okay.
So I was like that's rude, youleft without us.
And he's fucking like yeah, wewere drinking all day.
We're just so tired, blah, blah.
I'm like oh, bruh, just say youwanted to get my aunt home,
because she gets crazy when shedrinks.
Excuse me, I have to yawn.
(23:13):
So, anyway, in any case, we getthere, we relax.
She's asking if we want anyfood.
I'd eaten too much that day.
So I was like, no, I'll pass.
And she was like well, I havecoffee if you want that, or like
any kind of sweets.
And I was like oh, no, no, no,I'll pass on the sweets, but
I'll take some coffee, cause,even though I was tired, iqs
will pick me up for like twoseconds, cause coffee does
(23:34):
absolutely nothing.
That coffee was strong as fucktoo, and if I'd been younger and
not so used to caffeine itprobably would have worked,
probably would have kept me up,but it didn't.
So there's that.
So I had coffee, we relaxed.
My grandmother was cleaning bythe time we got there and then
she of course decided she wasgoing to do turndown service, so
we kind of had to wait for her.
We had to wait for her to uhturn down the beds and stuff and
(23:59):
put the blankets and everythingand, um, that took a little bit
, so we didn't actually get tobed till like 1 pm.
I woke up at 10.
But it's a lot like holidaysare very a lot.
I think one year I'm just gonnachill at home with the boo
because it's too much.
It's too much so it's too muchdriving around and it's not like
(24:22):
oh, I don't even know how tosay it right, it's.
It's too much work to just sitaround and eat.
Like there's a lot to do, likeno one ever comes this way we're
always going that way like myplace is bigger.
This year we could accommodatethem.
It's just a lot.
I'm just.
I'm not sick of holidays, I'mjust sick of fucking.
I'm just sick of dealing withum, the driving, the, the toll
(24:48):
it takes sitting in one place tothen just not do anything for
the rest of the day.
Like I missed when not livingat home, but I missed when I was
able to just go downstairs, eatand then do whatever I wanted
for the rest of the day and wedidn't host anybody.
Like I love my parents.
I could never live with themagain because it's insane, but
it's fine.
(25:08):
It's fine I guess, but I'm just.
I think I'm just getting too oldand I kind of want like quieter
shit, like next year.
I think it's just.
I'm thinking next year we justdo nothing, just sit around in
pajamas, I'll cook.
We're getting a little old.
I feel like to be doing shitwith my parents.
Like I'm 35, he's 40.
I think we probably should justbe doing our own traditions now
(25:30):
and relaxing, and just relaxingin our underwear anyway.
And again, taking pictures offamily functions is fine.
Um, I think my sister Addisonwas getting tired of it because
she one of the pictures, one ofthe family pictures.
She was like stuffing cake inher face.
I was like thank you so much.
(25:50):
I really do appreciate thatbecause I kept like looking at
my mom, like enough with thisshit.
Already we're in a fuckingrestaurant, like we did it in
Ruth's crisp, but we did it bythe front door, we weren't
sitting at our fucking tablelike trying to take pictures.
And I'm just like yo, I love myfamily.
Okay, don't get me wrong, butenough is enough.
(26:11):
Okay, we took pictures with thesame people.
We could take a group picture,but that's fine, we don't need
to do.
Let's do the girls first, letdo.
Let's do the boys after that.
No, bruh, take a family photoand that's it.
And let me sit down and enjoymy fucking shrimp scampi that
had shells on it for some reason.
(26:32):
No tails, but shells.
Anyway, um, let's see.
Enough of that.
So the rest of the year islooking like I'm going to be
poor, and, uh, I'll tell you why.
I'll tell you why.
The order of events so far.
So, let's, let's recap.
Let's go back to Thanksgiving.
(26:53):
It was Thanksgiving.
My sister's birthday, my mom'sbirthday is December 21.
Christmas is December 25.
Mother, set of twins, siblings,is the 27th.
So for the rest of the year, Idecided I'm going to be poor.
I think that's what my DNA hasdecided.
(27:14):
Is that wants us to be poor.
Let me see.
Oh cool, he found all mygroceries.
Yes, hold on.
I didn't answer him.
I feel bad.
Thank you so much, anyway.
So I'm really, uh, I'm reallydeciding that I guess being poor
(27:38):
boredom is the way to go, anduh, oh god.
So this will be good.
This might be a short episodebecause I didn't have too much
this week, but the holidays cameand went.
I'm tired.
Christmas is running the middleof the week.
Like, how fucking crazy.
Like on a Wednesday, lord, on aWednesday, it was a Monday last
(28:01):
year.
Was it a leap year?
This year, yeah, it was Fuck.
That's why.
So Christmas is on a Wednesday.
I don't have any more PTO totake, so I'm going to be working
before and after.
The best part is, though, isthat Thursdays, I work from home
anyway, so Monday, tuesday,I'll be in office.
Thursday, friday, I'll befucking working from home, so it
(28:22):
don't matter to me what we do.
The only thing I feel bad aboutis that my boyfriend is
probably gonna be driving again,which I'm telling you, man,
I've had enough.
Anyway, I already got hisChristmas gift, so he's good.
So let's, uh, let's, take a lookat some stupid, uh stupid girl
questions.
Okay, and then I might have toplay you a Tik TOK clip of this
conversation.
Watch them fucking take it down, but I don't care.
(28:44):
Uh, I have to figure out how tojust insert it into it so it
doesn't sound fucking terrible.
So check this shit out.
Um, this girl asks so I'm inthis like sex craft group on
Facebook and a lot of the shitthat they post has to do with.
Well, what if he's like this?
What if he doesn't do this?
What if it's this?
(29:05):
What do we think?
Go ask the person you'refucking.
That's the response I want togive, but I don't want to get
like kicked out because I liketrolling these people with you
guys.
So this woman goes I had a guyspit on my kitty before eating
me out.
Never experienced that before.
What's it mean Anything, or ishe just weird?
(29:26):
First of all, what is wrongwith you?
Just enjoy the moment.
Like how?
How do you have time to thinkabout this while you're in the
moment?
Is the head that bad?
It can't be good if this is thequestion you have afterwards.
Is he weird for spitting on it?
He's licking it.
There's saliva already gettingput on it.
(29:48):
What does it matter if he spitson it, first Like what are you
looking down, going like, didyou just spit on me?
And then, like you know, getoff me, you creature.
No, you're, hey, fuck me.
Like that's it.
That's so crazy.
He spit on it.
Do I stay with him or do I, youknow, date someone else who
(30:10):
just does it?
Regular experience life, bitchexperience life.
If you're like, if he dragontongued your shit, like if you
ever okay, if you ever metsomebody who did that stupid,
crazy shit you know these peopleout here who are doing like
body modification shit wherethey split their tongues so they
could have lizard tongue.
(30:31):
If you ever met a guy that didthat and then dragon tongued
your vagina, are you complainingafter that or are you finishing
on his face?
Sorry to get graphic, but it'slike, what are we asking?
What are we asking, like, behonest, dudes, if a girl split
their tongue like that and wasable to wrap their tongue around
(30:51):
your shit like a crazy, youknow, crazy muscly little basket
, container, burrito thing, areyou finishing?
Or are you saying get away fromme, hellion, I bet you're
finishing because you're a kinkylittle freak and welcome to my
TED talk.
You can also come sit by mebecause we can talk about that
shit all day.
But like, is he weird?
(31:12):
No, he's not weird, it's whathe likes to.
Maybe you're dry.
Maybe he's trying to fix hissituation so that he wants to
fuck you.
Maybe he's wondering why you'resandy as fuck, maybe that.
Maybe let's figure that shitout.
That is so fucking funny.
I just what do you mean?
I've never had a guy do thatbefore.
Hold on, I got to rewind this.
(31:34):
This is this is going to be thefunniest thing you hear today.
So there was a tick tock outwhere this guy and this chick
went on a date together and itjust so happens that this radio
station was speaking to herfirst, and it just so happens
(31:58):
that this radio station wasspeaking to her first and
decided that they were going tospeak to her first about the
date and then talk to him aboutit, also, I guess with her on
mute, which I thought was thecraziest second thing.
So basically, what happened isthese two work together and
decided that this chick decidedshe was going to take it too far
.
The guy was chilling.
The guy works with her.
Doesn't know her from Eve.
Okay, as they say, they worktogether as an usher in a movie
theater.
He fucking relayed someinformation to her about where
(32:19):
he's going to be after work.
But just in passing, like youwould with a casual friend, she
decides that she's going to takeit upon herself to show up to
said place, said bar, where hementioned he was going to be now
after they.
So they speak to the radio.
Dj speaks to her first.
She describes the scenario.
(32:40):
They speak to him afterwards,after hearing all this bullshit,
and decide that you know,they're going to leave her on
mute while they talk to her.
And all of a sudden it becomeslike a battle of knowledge of
who's into who.
And when I say that I mean thechick is more into the guy,
obviously.
So what happens next isbasically, the guy is supposedly
(33:05):
lying.
Okay, the guy's supposedlylying.
The chick takes it too far,thinks that, um, the guy's
denying his true feelings forher, and it carries on for a
little bit.
So basically what he says islike okay.
So they ask him.
They're like so you went on adate with her and he's like no,
we had chicken.
And like we had wings and fries.
(33:26):
And of course she gets madabout that detail because she's
like who the fuck cares what weate.
She's like, no, we had chicken,and like we had wings and fries
.
And of course she gets madabout that detail because she's
like who the fuck cares what weate?
She's like a date is a date.
Secondly, he says to her he waslike I never even asked you to
show up.
She's like so then why wouldyou tell me where you went?
Isn't that a sign that you wantme to show up there?
No bitch, it's someone beingfriendly at work.
(33:46):
This is how that movie, fatalattraction, came to be.
Someone is nice to someone elseand then they think there's an
advance and then there's a wholebunch of other shit.
Obviously, fatal attraction isnot the same situation.
These people work together andthat's it, and it wasn't a
mutual affair type situation.
So he's like I tell he's likeshe just decided to show up 20
(34:08):
minutes after I got there and myfriends are there and it's like
well, what does she want me todo?
Like he was, like I was beingnice to her.
He's like because you know, youjust got to be nice, you just
got to be a human, which is fine, everybody feels that way.
But essentially what happens isand I'm going to send this tick
(34:32):
tock to Dan because I know he'sgoing to want to actually hear
it, because unfortunately, Itried to get in touch with the
person who initially posted itand had not heard a response yet
, so I'm just going to speak itinto existence.
Um, basically what happens is heclaims that she's crazy.
She claims that he's denyinghis true feelings for her and
that you know how can you denyreal love and all this stuff?
And I'm like bitch, are youcrazy?
Like the whole time, I'm like II do not want to be a woman
because of this person.
(34:53):
Like, after everything you hearin this episode and the other
shit, I'm going to tell youabout these women acting up.
It's just women need betterfriends.
Okay, because if I was thischick's friends, I'd be like are
you fucking crazy?
Why would you show up there?
How long have you known thisperson?
Y'all don't know each other andyou just work together.
Like I would never encourage afriend to go hang out with a
(35:13):
stranger by herself.
Number one, she didn't show upwith friends.
She showed up and saw him andhis friends.
Like how does she not?
How does she know thatsomething bad isn't going to
happen?
That's the other thing you guysdo not have any kind of common
sense or any kind of likestomach for this type of shit.
Did you have a taser oranything?
No, she was just so enthralledby the fact that somebody asked
(35:36):
her out and you should haveheard her talking to them.
I felt so bad for her becauseshe genuinely thought she had a
human connection with thisperson.
He's like I haven't even evenknown her for 48 hours and this
is how she's acting about thiswhole situation.
He's like I haven't even knownher for 48 hours and this is how
she's acting about this wholesituation.
He's like I'm debating marriageand kids with a person I don't
even know, and then she's likewe shared a human connection, we
(35:57):
had a whole conversation aboutour life goals and this and that
, and he's like you talked, youtalked about your family, and
it's like, yeah, she talkedbecause she thought she was in
love with your ass and it'sfunny because you know, they
offered to pay for, like, asecond date and everything.
And uh, he's like, yeah, no,we're not gonna do that and I
don't blame him.
That bitch sounded really extracrazy and I'm really mad that I
(36:19):
cannot include the fucking clipin this episode.
That's how pissed off I amabout it.
But you know what life isn't it?
And you can find it on TikTok.
The person's name is second,second date radio.
Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous.
I hope you guys take a listento it.
In any case, I wish you guyshad heard it.
It was pretty good.
It was pretty good.
(36:40):
Okay, what the fuck?
Number one, number two the factthat she would, the fact that
she would ever say that she feltlove after being with someone.
I've never felt that before.
Okay, I'm like embarrassed tobe a woman because of her.
Like they work as an ushertogether.
(37:02):
She, he mentions where he'sgoing, she just turns up and
she's like oh true, true loveconnection.
No, it's not.
She said that she had a datewith him.
No, she didn't.
He just happened to mentioncasually, because that's what
people do at work.
Oh yeah, how long is this movie?
Because I'm meeting a bunch offriends here, here and here in
about 30 minutes.
That's not me inviting you,that's not me saying come meet
(37:26):
me, that's me telling you I havelike something going on
afterwards and I need to get thefuck out of here.
Like, oh my God, bro, I listenedto it, I listened to it and I
was like this can't be real life, this can't be real life.
It and he said, no, still iseven crazier because that's free
(37:49):
food.
But I wouldn't want to subjectmyself to that kind of crazy
either.
I also want to know what kindof friend, what kind of friends
does she have that are justletting her do this silly shit?
This is what I'm saying.
Like, I can't be friends withwomen like this, this shit.
I would I probably have smackedher in her face and been like,
what's wrong with you?
He could have been a good guyto you, but who told you to go
meet him?
Like, who told you this was anokay idea?
(38:11):
So I may or may not be able touse the audio of the TikTok in
this, but we'll find out.
Um, we'll see what happens.
If I have to cut it out, I haveto cut it out.
If I don't, I don't.
I'll do some research, maybeyou know, uh, but if I am able
to use the audio, you would havejust heard the entire call.
(38:32):
But that shit is just that'scrazy.
Okay, and um, that's crazy thatshe would say that any of those
things like oh, we're in love,and how can you deny true love?
It's not true love bitch, love,bitch.
We had wings and fries.
Like his answers to everythingare so cool that it's like I
(38:52):
can't even be mad at him forbeing so straightforward with it
.
You know like you want to bemad at someone like that because
they're blowing you off.
I don't think I've ever hadthat feeling.
The way this chick is with sostrong emotion of meeting
someone and hanging out withsomeone she only knows from work
.
If someone, someone, wants toget to know you after work,
bitch, they will, and even thenthey may not want to.
Anyway, you might get sometexts and shit first.
(39:14):
You might have to have actualconversation with them first to
see if he even wants to bebothered.
You know what I'm saying?
What is this?
I'm no longer involved in this.
Okay.
So get me out of this emailchain.
Sorry, I looked at somethingfrom work and apparently I'm
(39:38):
still getting emails from one ofmy own clients, but there's
women out here doing the fuckingmost for no reason, like
there's another one here who she?
I was talking to one of myfriends, alex, this week and she
said let me see where's hertext.
Chat at, holy fuck, it's downhere, okay.
So this other person in that sexgroup posted I can't find my
(39:58):
clit, and no one else can either.
I've looked and tried.
I'm 40 and never found it.
Watched videos, looked bymyself and with help, I don't
think I have one.
Found it.
Watched videos looked by myselfand with help, I don't think I
have one.
Honestly, ma'am, this is thetype of shit that you should be
talking to a therapist about.
Okay, this is not something youshould post on Facebook,
because there's people like mewaiting for prey like this that
(40:20):
have separated from the flock.
You know what I mean.
Like you're a limpy gazelleright now, okay, and I'm just
going to jump on that assbecause that's insane to put
that out there like that.
I don't think I have one.
Honestly, have you been to abiology class?
Have you been to a human sexualclass?
Have you been to anything toknow better than to post that in
(40:42):
life?
Hold on my ship.
Chopper is so extraordinary.
Thank you so much much.
I appreciate your time in anycase.
Um, bitches are crazy.
Like what do you mean?
What do you?
Oh, we talked about everything.
No, you talked, bitch, youtalked, and I've been in print
(41:04):
plenty of like girl friendshipstoo, where it's just been
one-sided.
Sometimes it's me that that'sthe person that's one sided
other to other times it's likethe other person just won't shut
the fuck up.
So I kind of just like sitthere and I'm like, oh my God,
more wine please.
Like just ordering anotherdrink while they're acting the
fuck up, be this way and thinkI'm still interested in talking
(41:25):
to you afterwards, like even asa friend.
Bruh, we're going to have totake a hiatus on this.
We're going to have to take thestrongest hiatus and never talk
forever.
Oh shit, almost opened again.
Um, let's see, I thought it wasso funny that during that sound
clip, all you heard was one ofthe other DJs laughing.
All you heard was one of theother DJs laughing at her.
(41:48):
He's not even trying to stiflethe laughter.
I like that.
The other female who would havebeen me on that radio show goes.
Hey, are you sure you didn'tblow this out of proportion?
Bitch, you're asking the rightquestions and I'm here.
I'm here for you because youknow what to ask her.
She's immediately that bitchgoes.
No, it is a yes girl.
(42:08):
You blew it out of proportion.
You have a guy embarrassing youon the radio.
The fact that you even toldthis to another person and
didn't think that these you knowshenanigans, shenanigans,
inducing DJs won't call this guyup and be like, hi.
So she gave us your number andwe wanted to ask you how it went
for you and put you on silentmute, like have you mute
(42:30):
yourself?
And just listen to him be like,yeah, no, it wasn't a fucking
date.
I thought he was gonna turnaround and be like, yeah, that's
my wife.
Like I literally thought thatthat was gonna be the
conversation because the personwho posted it was like I'd marry
him anyway.
Why would you marry him?
He's not toxic.
You can't be attracted tonormalness.
You can't be attracted tonormalness.
You can't be attracted to themost basic answer ever, cause
(42:51):
that's all he did.
He answered how an honestperson would and she got her
feelings hurt.
I don't know how she got herfeelings hurt when she was part
of the problem.
So, anyway, this clit lady isstupid.
If we go back to that, theother thing that I noticed is uh
, let me see, let me see, let mesee.
Thing that I noticed is uh, letme see, let me see, let me see
(43:14):
where the fuck.
Oh, here we go, the when Iposted.
So at the start of this, thestart of the sexual portion of
this episode, which was like theback half um with the spitting
on before eating out thing, myfriend Alex gave me this shit.
She said the the fuck shit mygirl screenshot.
So this is a friend of a friend, so this is my friend Alex's
friend, and it's on her timelinewhere apparently this girl
(43:35):
posted someone tell this dirtybastard, come get his shitty
underwear.
Was never worried about thenext bitch because I already had
the other guy.
And then she tagged him butapparently he was blocked
because the name is not boldanymore.
First of all, the pictureitself says can't post new
pictures because he ain't got noteeth.
(43:56):
Just come from bedrock forcutting blah, blah, blah.
Like can't see the rest of it.
She took a picture of hisunderwear with the biggest skid
mark I've ever seen in my life,which at this point would be
considered road rash.
So she says someone telling himto come get his underwear and
crunchy socks.
Then she posted some other shitand I guess a private message
(44:17):
with him.
So here's my problem with all ofit, all of the above.
I'm not shaming the dude forthis.
You know who I'm shaming thechick for posting this shit.
You know why?
Because it's a weird ass flexto post a dirty motherfucker.
You can't make fun of himbecause you were fucking him.
Are you serious?
(44:37):
You were having sex with thisperson and you didn't smell any
of that.
There is no possible way thatthis man showed up with dirty
drawers like that.
Dirty drawers like that,absolutely not.
I have ghosted a person whoshowered for two minutes,
because there's no way yourentire body is not clean in two
(44:57):
minutes.
Your entire body is not cleanin two minutes.
So you better sort out yourproblems, sort out your life and
get in the shower, get that assback in there and actually
clean it.
Put soap between the ass,cheeks and the balls, okay,
there's no possible way thatthis chick thought that this was
a good flex or a good look forher to make him look stupid when
(45:18):
she's the bitch that's posting.
Hey, I used to fuck this guyand I was never worried about
the next guy, because I alreadyhad this one Girl.
Worried about the next guybecause I already had this one
Girl.
Never worried about the nextbitch.
Excuse me, girl, you should beworried for yourself.
Go get every fucking test.
You can get blood work, get apsych evaluation, do everything
(45:41):
you have to do to bring yourselfback to a normal mental health
state, because you cannot thinkthat posting this makes us think
anything less of you.
I think a lot less of youbecause you had the mindset to
think, oh, I'm a one up his assright now.
No, no, you showed your ass.
(46:01):
You showed yours because youhung out with Dirty Draws Boy
and you're trying to make itseem like oh, it's okay, I'm not
dirty Bitch, you're thedirtiest.
Don't talk to him about hisunderwear.
Talk to him about your mentalhealth.
Talk to him about the brainthat you don't have.
What's floating around up inthat skull?
Nothing.
Oh my God, this can't be reallife.
(46:22):
I'm so sorry I'm.
I'm really stuck on thisbecause I'm a clean person.
Okay, I believe in being clean.
You know that cleanliness isnext to godliness.
Shit.
I believe in that.
This motherfucker's hanging outwith Satan with these dirty ass
drawers yes, dan, I'll send youthe picture too.
Just let me know when youlisten to it.
But this so gross, men, tellyour friends to clean it up.
(46:44):
So gross Men, tell your friendsto clean it up.
And also, he has no teeth.
So again you're losing.
It's like 0 for 2.
Actually, 0 for 3 when youinclude crunchy socks.
What's wrong with his feet?
Why are his socks crunchy?
Because if he's fucking you, heshouldn't be jerking off into
(47:04):
socks, making them crunchy.
Oh my god, this bitch.
And then let's see, yeah, andmy friend Alex was like, but
like you were with him with theshitty drawers and all that.
And then here's another thing.
Here's, here's this.
This group by Facebook was offthe charts this past few days.
(47:26):
I won't gatekeep.
Frozen tampons are a gamechanger.
I'm not sticking a tamponsickle up my vagina.
There's no possible way.
The way that I fucking threwthese screenshots, like I was
making it rain on my girlfriends, is crazy.
I was like there's no wayyou're sticking an icicle up
(47:49):
your vagina to make it feelbetter.
There's no possible way.
Just take some Tylenol,actually, you know what.
Take a break from social mediatoo.
Take a break from not even life, like.
Just take a break fromeverything.
Just go to sleep, because theday can't get any worse for you,
like it's not even going to getbetter.
This was the highlight of my dayfor posts.
But you need to like.
(48:09):
You need to reevaluate whattype of friends you keep that
are like take her, not sayingtake her phone.
Take everybody's phone.
That post the craziest shit.
Take that clit lady's phone.
Take that road rash fuckingbitch's phone.
Take that.
Take everybody's shit.
This is another one.
So this is another one and isanother one, and I'm gonna end
on this one.
Okay, ladies, please give meyour feedback on your man
(48:31):
pleasuring himself.
He does it every day as soon asI leave for work.
We don't have sex often becauseit's kind of a turnoff for me
to get home and see the dirtytowel in the laundry.
Oh, I'm so mixed feelings aboutthis.
Help, are you not talking tohim, do you?
Is he mute?
Is he mute and deaf?
Why don't you just talk to him?
(48:52):
And I'm telling you, if I wasto comment in that group, just
talk to him I'd probably getbanned.
But it's like if you're withsomeone who you can't talk to
about basic shit like this, youshould not be with that person.
It's not any difficult thanthat.
It doesn't get any difficult,any more difficult than that.
It can't be.
You're not with the rightperson If you can't explain your
(49:16):
issues or, you know, say hey,I'm displeased with the fact
that I see a crunchy looking asstowel in the fucking hamper.
Also get a hamper with a lid,so you don't see it.
How about that?
Also get a hamper with a lid,so you don't see it.
How about that?
Invest in shit that hides itfrom you.
What's the problem?
This isn't Don John, like thatfucking movie where.
What's his name?
Oh God, what is his name?
(49:36):
He was from third rock, fromthe sun.
What is his fucking name?
Hold on, I'm gonna look thismovie up.
This gets me so mad when Ican't remember shit, don John.
So that movie is oh my God,that movie is 11 years old.
Can't remember shit, don John.
So that movie is oh my God,that movie is 11 years old now.
Fuck Shit.
Joseph Gordon Levitt.
I like how I find it.
And his name didn't even pop up.
I just needed to see his face.
So Joseph Gordon Levitt has asex.
(49:57):
He's like a sex addict, kinda.
He likes to watch porn a lot,he likes to.
And he starts dating ScarlettJohansson, who he was trying to
get with, and she gets pissedoff at the fact that he, you
know, cleans his own house,saying that's emasculating.
I'll get you my cleaning lady.
And he likes to clean his ownshit.
(50:18):
That's like a point of pridefor him, like he's a very clean
dude, and she tries to likechange his whole fucking life
and makes it worse.
I'm like there is no possibleway.
You know, there's no possibleway that, um, what is this?
(50:39):
I don't want to do none of thisshit.
Sorry, someone messaged meabout working on a project that
I can't be bothered.
Um, there's no possible waythat you, you would want a dirty
guy or that you would be mad ata guy who jerks off.
Sometimes ladies aren't in themood either.
You know, sometimes women justlike to be chilling.
Like the older you get, likenot the less that you want it,
(51:03):
but it's like the less that youwant to be like all sweaty and
shit.
Um, it's not true.
I love my boyfriend, um, butsometimes you don't.
You don't just don't need it.
The companionship is nice.
You have someone you get tobother all the time, um, but
yeah, so, uh, I think, I thinkthat's a good place to stop.
Um, I have to look up and seewhether or not I can use that
(51:27):
audio.
If I can, I'm going to leave itin.
If not, it's going to get cutout and I'm just going to have
to recap it for you.
But yeah, basically, thatlady's crazy that she went on a
date with someone and I mightjust leave it in and be like
fuck it.
But who cares?
Nobody, not enough peoplelisten to this, anyway that it's
going to be monetized.
So but, thank you guys forlistening.
(51:49):
I'm really tired.
I guess I have to hop into ameeting about stupid projects.
Um so we'll see what happens.
Um, thanks so much forlistening.
Hope you have a great rest ofyour week and I'll catch you
guys next week.
Bye, we'll be right back.
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