February 28, 2025 • 56 mins
Hey all welcome to the first rerun episode of the show! This is an oldie but goodie from my original podcast "Cuckoo with Coco," from a few years back. I am going to start incorporating my old stuff into my new! In this episode Bean Hater Dan and I talk about Pandemic Babies, Florida Phone Thieves & Lazy River Floors.
Close your blinds, shut off your lights and put your phones on airplane mode because it's time to join me for another episode of "Coco Off the Grid."
If you like this show and all it's shenanigans, please feel free to give a follow over on Twitch and Tiktok (it's more of this!)
Twitch: qweencocobean
Tiktok: cocoabean34
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up, homies?
I am reaching out to let youknow I did not have much this
week and I know it's been kindof lazy, but my mom visited this
week along with my other sister, so we had a lot of fun
together.
But I did want to startincorporating some of my old
stuff into my new stuff and Ifound a couple of tracks from
(00:24):
Cuckoo with Coco.
I don't know where my shit isgoing, but like it's sucking
things up into the cloud, so Ihave to find the rest of them,
but this was a fan favorite backwhen I started doing this shit
initially.
So here's me and the bean hatermaking fun of each other, and
I'll be back next week with somenew content.
Love you guys.
Bye, are we here?
(01:17):
Yes, we're here.
We're here, we're here.
Who's loud?
I not loud.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
No headphones max volume.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Ah, okay, yeah, it's loud enough.
Anyway, welcome to episode 28.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
28?
Wow.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
I know right, I committed to something long
enough to be at 28.
Excuse me All right.
So how has your week been sofar?
And don't tell too many funnystories up front.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
My week has been very boring, actually, outside of
that story, mostly rained in Alot of rain past week and then
just waiting for my wife to pop.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Oh well, that's nice.
So I laughed because yesterdaythis girl, ellie, I was texting
with her she said that she washiding in her bathroom.
So I said why?
And I was like the only reasonyou should really be hiding in
your bathroom is if there's amurderer in your apartment, like
are you okay?
And she said that there wasreally high winds and she was
afraid that her windows weregoing to get we're going to like
(02:25):
smash and be blown in all overher apartment and I'm like she
goes, I wouldn't survive inFlorida, is what she said.
And I said, okay, why?
And she goes because you knowhurricane season and all that.
And I said, dude, just be inlike a one level house.
I don't think people need to bethat high.
Like my grandmother is on the19th floor of a 20 floor
(02:46):
building.
Nobody needs to be that high.
That's just my opinion.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
I won't even go into buildings like that anymore.
I went to a building like thatI think it was like 36th floor
in New York City just to visitsomebody and I swear to you, I
sat in the middle of the floor,scared shitless, because I felt
the building moving.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
When it's windy, her building moves.
Yeah, I was like, nope, notmoving.
Not moving in the middle, okay,far from the walls.
Okay, like it was supposed tobe safe or something I believe
that 100 because you also don'teat beans.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
So if you don't eat beans, then you're not going
into the home building.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I'm lactose and bean, okay, you weirdo.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
All right.
So, since you and I both grewup in not different home
environments, but we didn't growup rich, one of the things I
wanted to discuss was thingsyou've seen on HGTV or the DIY
channel or anything that you'veseen in the past.
It doesn't have to be anythingrecent, but anything that's
blown your mind recently, andI'll give an example to start.
(03:47):
So the first thing that I sawthis past week or two weeks was
that a lot of these houses arereally big and there's like not
enough people to populate them,but people have so much stuff.
And then the whole term ofhaving a mudroom.
I'm like what the hell is amudroom?
Just another entrance where youcan be dirty and gross?
(04:09):
I'm like I didn't have amudroom.
The whole apartment was amudroom.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Was it supposed to be like a spa type thing?
Speaker 1 (04:18):
No, the mudroom is where.
If you don't want to go throughthe main entrance, it's like a
side entrance for your shoes ohokay, yeah, that's a bedroom
what's what's wrong with anoutside rug?
right, like we used to.
(04:39):
Well, okay, so back inmanhattan, like early early days
, we had a.
I lived in a one-bedroomapartment with my mother because
it was just two of us and youknow it was really hard to be
days.
We had a I lived in a onebedroom apartment with my mother
because it was just two of usand you know it was really hard
to be on the list like a waitlist to get a bigger place.
So we were in that apartmentfor a very long time until I
moved up here.
So, uh, it was all carpet.
So what we used to do was whenyou stepped in there was a mat.
(05:00):
You took your shoes off, leftthem on the mat and then walked
the rest of the apartment.
So it was like that was themudroom.
Was that like little eight by11 or eight by 14 size mat that
was on the floor?
These people have a whole roomdedicated to being dirty.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
That's ridiculous.
Here's a 10 bedroom house.
This room is used to just throwthem out on the floor.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
And everybody on that show that I was watching it was
like love it or list it, whichis one of my favorite shows,
because Hillary does someamazing stuff with people's
shitty homes and every likeeverybody on that damn channel
wants a mudroom.
And I'm like, for what Amudroom?
For what?
Just be clean and like why isyour house dirty?
Speaker 2 (05:53):
I remember doing something like that with snow,
though you would always justlike pack up all the snow right
in the beginning of the doorway.
It was so great, I think, thecraziest thing I ever wanted out
of a house.
Actually, personally and you'regoing to laugh I didn't want no
hallways.
I didn't want any doors.
What I wanted was a lazy riverunder the floorboards to get
(06:15):
from room to room.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
I mean, when you're drunk that's kind of genius.
Be serious, when the world isspinning, I just want to slide
somewhere, either on my butt oron my stomach, but I got places
to be.
You know, the world doesn'tstop because you're drunk.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
If you didn't realize what's the craziest idea you
ever had for your own house.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Oh my God, I always, always wanted.
This is really funny.
You'll laugh at this for sure.
So you know how, in movies,where they used to have like a
secret room behind a bookcase,that's what I wanted why would I
laugh?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I think that's an awesome idea just to be like.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Just to be like you know what this conversation
doesn't suit me.
Hello, bible Cha-ching, and thedoor opens and I just go behind
it, really slow.
That's how you elegantly quit aconversation.
Like, hey, I'm not going to gothrow myself off the top of my
house, I'm going to disrespectyou in front of you and just go
into this private chamber whereI can't hear you.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Wow, I want that.
I'll take it, but it'llprobably be a book that I never,
ever read, so nobody else wouldever find it like a Harry
Potter book.
Wow, which one?
Any of them?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I was going to say, if you say all of them, what's
wrong with you?
It's supposed to be like theeasiest doorknob ever and you've
got like eight books.
What the hell?
Well, this got crazy reallyfast.
Would you like to tell yourphone story next?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Oh, yeah, sure, why not?
You're already laughing aboutit.
All right, so at my wife's joba lady went to the bathroom.
She recently bought an iPhone11 Max whatever the Pro Max, yes
, yes.
So she paid for it in cash, so$1,100, and didn't insure her
(08:24):
phone.
So one day when she went to thebathroom she left it in there.
Okay, now it's one of thosemoments when you leave the
bathroom you're like, oh crap, Iknow, I left it not even like
40 seconds later.
So by the time she turns aroundto go back to the bathroom,
somebody else is occupied andokay, obviously you know they're
gonna see the phone andprobably turn it in.
But when the person came, sheasked, let's say, person B, who
(08:48):
was in the bathroom and person Ahas the phone.
She asked person B, have youseen my phone in there?
Person B replied with I don'thave your phone.
Stop right there.
How guilty can you be if that'syour response to did you see my
phone in there?
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I don't have your phone that's incorrect and walks
away um, obviously personally,all she had to do was donkey
punch him like he or she,whoever took the phone.
I gotta just hit them up backof the head one time.
Hey man, yes, you do so there'stwo ladies um oh okay, so punch
(09:33):
her yeah so this all happenedaround lunchtime.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Now person b, who obviously took the phone, left
for lunch.
Um, at this time my wife had togo through security footages
with the I don't know HR personand you can obviously see there
was nobody in the bathroom inbetween 40 seconds of difference
.
Oh, so when I get there towardsthe end of the day I see, uh,
(10:02):
state troopers there.
Um, they weren't there for thatreason, but they were there
just for like a demo.
And then the person who losttheir phone explained the
situation.
So they actually had to workinstead of just being there for
a demo.
After all this, the next daypassed.
You know, obviously they didn'tget the phone back.
The phone's off, as people do.
(10:23):
They just turn it off, turn offthe the phone, turn off all the
tracking and everything.
So the next day, uh, the persona, who owns the phone, decides
to call the police again andexplains to them that she
believes she saw her phone inperson b's car.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
What was she doing?
Looking at people's cars.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I guess she was just in the parking lot, just going
home or something.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Okay, stop right there, because how many cars in
that parking lot where shedecided to Pac-Man her way
around the parking lot to lookfor a phone?
No, dude, seriously, I don'thave time for that.
If I'm frantic looking for myphone, how do I know whose car
to be looking at?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Oh, it gets better.
Oh, my God, it gets so muchbetter.
So after they called the police, they arrived and person A told
my wife that, oh, she can'tstay to wait for the police
because she has an appointmentto get to.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Was it for a lobotomy or?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
It needs to be.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
This is like dumb stealing from dumber.
Okay, what kind of appointmentwas it?
Was it a hair appointment?
Maybe 1% would have understoodthat.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
No, I don't think it was.
It really was just anappointment.
It's just like oh wait, get out.
Oh my god, it almost seemedlike to me maybe she had her
phone in her back pocket thewhole time oh my god if she did.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Oh my god, it was in my pocket this whole time, my
flat ass and this square in myback pocket.
Anyway, I hate people.
Um so, because, first of all,the first thing you do when you
pay out of pocket for a phone isto insure it not.
Not that this is gonna actuallyhappen right after you buy the
(12:20):
phone, but like it's elevenhundred dollars in cash you just
paid, probably.
Why wouldn't you just paywhatever the fifteen dollars for
the total protection on it?
you idiot I'm trying to save alittle bit of money like it's
maybe a little bit more than tenpercent of what the phone costs
like and and there hasn't beenan update since all I know is
(12:41):
person b is no longer workingthere.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Oh, of course, person a doesn't have a phone, since
all I know is person b is nolonger working there oh, of
course person a doesn't have aphone now can I just tell you
something?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I think it's really funny that you told me a phone
got stolen in florida, becausemy cousins are notorious for
getting their phones stolen andguess where they live florida.
You guys gotta figure out.
Figure your shit out.
Why are you taking people'sphones?
Are you losing your own phoneand then have to steal someone
else's to make up for it?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yeah, probably.
I mean phones don't exist.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
And you know what's funny, I haven't heard anyone
else lose their phone latelyfrom anywhere else.
They're like they always postsomething about how my, my
husband left his phone while hewas doing a DJ thing or like
taking pictures.
My cousin does photography solike every time he puts his
(13:33):
phone down I'm like bro, putyour phone in your big ass
pocket.
Why is your phone away from youwhile you're doing photography?
If it's an audio thing, Iunderstand, because feedback is
a thing, Okay.
But like you're taking picturesof weddings and such and you
left your phone what, what Like.
(13:56):
But I need Florida to get ittogether and stop stealing
people's shit.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
You're asking for way too much there.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
All right, well, how about we just start with
insuring the phone, then thatworks.
Okay, cool, you know, just wantto make sure you're asking for
way too much there.
All right, well, how about wejust start with insuring the
phone, then that works.
Okay, cool, you know, just wantto make sure you're on board,
okay.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Lazy river, anyway, lazy river, yes, under the house
, okay.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
So one of the craziest things I've been
dealing with and you know I'vebeen dealing with it it's stupid
ass people coming up to my desk.
So I've been busy typing upthese lab requisitions for no
reason, for COVID, everyemployee, so for the state of
New York, for anybody who's acounty or state employee.
I probably said this in thelast episode too, but county and
state employees who work innursing home facilities or with
(14:40):
the public have to be testedtwice a week until June 20th,
unless he extends it.
Firstly we weren't going to betesting anybody who wasn't a
resident.
Then it was like petition,because they're going to run out
of supplies.
And then what do we do?
And you sign a petition.
Nothing happens.
It gets pushed through anyway.
So I got stuck.
(15:00):
This was the stupidest shitthat's ever happened to me and
I'm glad I got paid for it.
But at the same time I'm madbecause carpal tunnel is a thing
and my wrist has not stoppedhurting me.
So when we first were notifiedthat these things were going to
be done, I was given access tothe quest diagnostic application
to type in everyone's stuff.
(15:21):
So every time I got handed likea lab requisition form if they
weren't already in the system.
I had to add everybody.
So day one, all I'm doing istyping up everyone's information
, and that was for the fulleight hour day.
Like I didn't even take a lunch, like I worked through my lunch
, um.
So that happened and I was toldthat there was a time.
(15:42):
So that happened and I was toldthat there was a time.
It was time sensitive, sosomeone was coming from Quest
Diagnostic to pick up all thestuff and they wanted me to have
everything typed up by 6o'clock.
So, needless to say, thatdidn't happen, and a quarter
after 7, I just left work aquarter after 7.
(16:03):
So I got three hours past myeight hours.
So I was like, okay, whatever.
But then come to find out whenI came back to work on Monday.
I didn't have to do that thatfast.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Apparently, me typing those up was for us to keep
track of our own people, wow.
So I was like okay, wait.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
You're telling me.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Yeah, so I was almost at work for 12 hours and you're
telling me I could have left atfour o'clock on a Friday, on a
Friday, on a Friday, on a Fridayon a Friday, on a Friday, on a
Friday, like I can't even tellyou didn't burn that place down.
(16:57):
I wanted to turn around andleave, but I, so I said that
would have been nice to know onFriday and me and my boss could
have both left, because shestayed with me and I got all of
them done.
My point is workers comp iscoming soon to a theater near
you.
oh, wait they'll open, they willopen, and then.
(17:25):
So while I'm doing all thatstupid shit, all these cnas keep
coming up to me.
It was the day where I wasentering everybody not any of
the following days, of course.
That day all the cnas want tocome up to me and ask me about
their stupid little obra quizzesand shit.
And I'm like, oh, my Like, ifsomeone else asks me about it,
(17:46):
I'm throwing paper at them, likeI'm just going to flip this
packet of papers into the airand let it all tumble down and
just be like I quit, like let itfloat down around me like
fucking confetti.
This is my party on the way out.
Bye, like, bye.
See you next week Maybe, but Iquit this day.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Take my three hours back.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Yeah Right, bitch, I'm like and people are so
worried about the wrong shit,like my boss, beth, is like I
didn't get my results on myphone yet and I have the app.
She goes maybe I need access tothat application.
And I looked at her.
I was like in my head I'm likeno, you don't, you wait, like
(18:37):
everyone else, if there's onemore person in this app while
I'm trying to enter this shit.
That's slowing me down BecauseI don't know that too many
people should be in it at thesame time, cause I think it
slows down the program.
I wanted to kill my boss theother day because I was trying
to type them in before they gotthe printer.
So now I don't have to do thisanymore, really.
So we they got a printer in,but before that I was still
typing all of them in every day.
(18:59):
So it was like two weeksstraight of me typing all this
garbage in and my boss was in itat the same time as me.
So I asked her.
I was like are you looking atthese two?
She goes yeah, why?
And I'm like it's kind ofslowing me down, like I want to
get these away from my face.
And she just laughed.
She goes oh, I'm so sorry and Iwanted to be like bitch.
(19:20):
Don't be sorry, get out of it.
You have plenty of other shitto be doing.
You're the director of nursing.
Find something to do.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I know your pain.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
I was like, oh my God .
And then there's a doctor whoI'm going to call her Dr W Cause
who knows who listens to this,I don't really care, though.
So she, she just comes in andshe like lingers in everyone's
doorway.
I'm like yo, you're the medicaldirector of the facility.
Don't you have something to do?
Like all these people just comeand hang out Like it's and it's
(19:56):
.
What's funny is it's?
It's a cereal thing that goeson, not cereal, like the thing
you eat, but something thathappens multiple times in a row.
There's people who will comeinto the office that are
supervisors, who should be ontheir unit supervising, and they
come and they hang out andgossip in my office with either
of the bosses there's three.
(20:17):
I'm like aren't you supposed tobe watching the elderly man?
Don't you have residents thatneed your help?
Like, what are you doing?
Talking about your weekend?
get out, we're not doinganything we're waiting for your
confetti party not even that,like we're not even doing
anything on weekends because wecan't go anywhere.
(20:38):
So what is it you're talkingabout that?
Speaker 2 (20:40):
you stared at your kids all weekend I was in
quarantine all weekend with myhusband oh my God dude, he did
this crazy thing with peanutbutter.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
There was nothing.
You know what?
No, no, no peanut butter, getout of here go but what can you
possibly talk about?
exactly.
There was someone in the officefor like 20 minutes and then
the commissioner of the facilitywalks up and he's like, oh,
were you in there?
(21:09):
And she goes oh no, we're justtalking about nothing.
Exactly so take your nothing,ass out of here.
Like, take your nothing, nocontext stories out of here, go.
There's not enough depth,there's nothing going on.
It's like shallow puddles ofconversation.
Get out of here.
We don't want to talk about theweather.
It's hot.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Go get out of here it's hot, it's cold, it's
raining.
What are your plans for theweekend, dude?
Stayinging in the house andwatching TV.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Oh, my God, I play that game with Bonnie every
weekend and she laughs everytime.
It's the first time.
I said it to her.
Yo, I said this to you lastweekend.
What are you laughing at,corinne?
They all do.
I'm like I am not that funny.
I'm being serious.
What are you laughing at,anyway?
(22:03):
So, um, oh, okay, I got anotherfunny thing for you.
So my brain, I think, is brokenand I'm going to explain.
No, no, I'm explain why.
Okay, so last weekend, well,last week, friday, no, no, no,
two weeks ago, sorry.
So two weeks ago they had fishnuggets and rice, and now their
(22:27):
fish nuggets are really good inthe cafeteria.
I like them.
A lot of people don't?
I like them.
I don't put tartar sauce onmine, I put ketchup.
So that's a background storyfor you.
Every time I do fish fillets oranything like that, I do
ketchup.
So that's background story foryou.
Every time I do fish fillets oranything like that, I do
ketchup.
So that's the backstory of this.
So I got fish nuggets, I gotthe rice pilaf, which was so
(22:47):
good together, but I found at mydesk I only have one packet of
ketchup.
So I was like all right, who amI going to have to harass in
this place to get me ketchup.
So I was like, all right, whoam I going to have to harass in
this place to get me ketchup?
So I asked, who did I ask first?
Oh, I asked Mark, who usuallyhas like a hodgepodge of garbage
(23:13):
in his office, did not haveketchup.
I asked like so many otherpeople.
And then I asked I was askingDana and she goes why don't you
just ask the lady in thecafeteria?
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Dude, I was stressed out for 15 minutes looking for
ketchup, and I should have justasked the lady in the cafeteria.
Yeah, your brain was definitelybroken man.
You were talking about thiswhole time how you would get the
fish nuggets and stuff likethat, and you always had ketchup
on it, right?
Speaker 1 (23:47):
No, I was saying in general I always get ketchup
with anything fish relatedthat's breaded.
My brain did not process thatthere was ketchup in the fridge
behind the lady giving me thenuggets.
Okay, that's where we're at.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Try again, we're going to the cafeteria to get
food, and then we're going toleave the cafeteria to look for
condiments.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Do you know how thrilled I was that she had
ketchup?
So thrilled, so excited that Iheld it up and sang to it Like
it was the beginning of.
Lion King Ah, serenya, like forreal, did the whole shit at my
(24:27):
desk.
Nobody understood what washappening.
They didn't have to.
Oh my gosh, that was it.
That was my fish.
Fish tragedy of the week you'reridiculous, oh it gets better.
(24:48):
So what is it about closing adoor that makes people forget
things?
Here's why I asked this.
And then I want to hear yourtheory.
So when people come into theoffice or into my department
anyway and they walk out in thehallway, they seem to think that
(25:11):
they've stepped into Narnia andthen left and joined the real
world.
So I've had plenty of peoplecome into the office looking for
the same employee andneglecting to see that I'm busy.
So when there's a stack ofbiblical, encyclopedical
proportions on my desk, I don'treally want to answer questions.
(25:34):
So so people will ask people.
Someone came in asking for Beth.
Beth was away from her desk,and this happens on the phone
too.
This shit is just so annoyingbecause if the person's not at
their desk, I have to answer thecall.
So they'll walk in.
They'll be like, oh, is Bethhere?
And I'll be like no, so theyleave.
(25:55):
10 minutes goes by, they comeback Is Beth here?
No, she's away from her desk.
I'm like do you want me to haveher call you?
She goes, no, so she'll go toher desk.
She'll, freaking, call me andbe like, oh, beth's not at her
desk.
Dude, if I have to talk to youone more time, it's going to be.
(26:17):
Why don't you just email herand wait for her to answer your
email.
Wouldn't that make sense?
Yeah, she's walking around witha county-issued cell phone
which gives her all theinformation she needs if someone
is to email her, and we allhave a phone registry that shows
their work phone numbers.
(26:37):
What is the deal?
What is the issue?
Issue like.
I've never been more upset withpeople.
I sit and I watch all this shithappen and I'm like dude, I wish
I could have blinders on so bad.
I would really rather not seethe level of incompetence and
shit that's around me.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I can't that's just people being lazy and then
wanting to put it on you.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
It's just like the exiting and entering of a room
through a door.
It's not a hologram, it's not amind eraser.
What's the issue?
And then not even that, butthem not realizing when people
leave early, like, maybe givethis information to these people
if you know they're gonna callfor you so I don't have to deal
(27:24):
with it.
Like I'm really tired ofanswering the phone number for
staffing people because I hateboth of them, both employees in
that department.
It's like like one of themcalled me today and was like oh,
I don't have the originalschedule for 3 to 11.
I'm like fucking bitch, I don'tcare, come over here and make
the copy.
She wants me to wait to finishher sentence.
(27:45):
I'm going to be like oh, do youwant a ham sandwich with that
too?
What else can I get for you?
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Oh my.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
God You've called.
You've just reached the chilidogs with cocoa line.
Can I get you a dog?
Like what the fuck?
It's not a drive through, ma'am, Just state your purpose and
hang up Like she takes 10minutes to tell me, to ask me oh
, would you be able to make acopy?
Yeah, If you weren't a pain inthe ass I would gladly make you
(28:16):
a copy, but you're annoying andyou were just in here a pain in
the ass.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
I would gladly make you a copy, but you're annoying
and you were just in here.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
It took you 12 minutes to get to your request.
So no, she was just legit justin the office and you should
have just picked up that paperand noticed you were missing
shit and just been like oh, I'llmake the copy.
While I'm here, this littlebitch waddled her ass back to
the office and then goes hi,corinne, I'm missing the
schedule, bitch, I don't care,I'm missing the schedule, bitch,
(28:42):
I don't care, I'm missingmoments from my life with this
conversation.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
You're ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
I know Also this lady .
Oh, my God, I can't with her.
So remember how last week I wastalking about how a certain
someone doesn't know how to reademails correctly, yes, okay,
well, I, I'm so tired of doingfavors, man, with my free time,
even though I got paid for it Ihad to drive it out to the
middle of like Bumblefuck, newJersey.
(29:09):
Well, it wasn't that bad, itwas just I thought I was going
to head to like a culty housewhere they were going to try and
kidnap me and shit.
So because I drove and I wasgetting further and further away
from the house, and it wasfurther and further away from
neighborhoods and it was mostlytrees.
So I said, oh, this is where Igo to die.
So this lady asked me to do herson's hair.
(29:33):
And can I tell you what adebacle it was to just get her
to pinpoint a day and a spot todo this, because her son is not
an employee of the facility, sohe can't come on the premises
and, um, anyway, she.
We couldn't figure this out,but I had initially suggested
why don't I just come to yourhouse over the weekend and cut
his hair?
So she was like no, I don'twant you to have to drive that
(29:55):
far, so we'll figure somethingout.
So she's bothering me and MarkMark, who's the director of
activities, who I mention allthe time she's bothering me and
him to try and coordinate a planto cut her son's hair, when I
just gave her the easiest outthere was, which is basically
I'll come to your house and cuthis hair on the weekend.
(30:16):
It doesn't get much easier thanthat.
So this lady, this lady goes um, she says to Mark, she goes uh,
do you know what's going onwith that?
Were you able to figure out aplan?
And he looks at her and he goeswhat are you talking about?
He doesn't work here, he can'tcome on the building to get a
(30:36):
haircut and I'm not going to getin trouble and you're certainly
not going to get Corinne introuble working here trying to
do that.
So I just laughed and, uh, shegoes um.
So finally she got over herbullshit and she decided that
she was okay with me coming toher house now fighting we did
(30:59):
for the entire day, which nobodyshould have to fight with
anybody to cut anybody's hair.
She freaking, um, she goes uh,how, saturday at 10 o'clock.
And I was like, sure, fine,that's a half hour drive from
here, dude, it was thestraightest drive ever, like
there was maybe three turns, butit was still in New Jersey,
which I was like, whatever, so Iget there.
(31:21):
So, okay.
So after I fought her and I waslike, all right, 10 o'clock is
fine on Saturday, fine, noproblem.
And I told her and she made itsound like I was doing her a
favor.
So I was like, does she thinkI'm doing this shit for free?
I'm like hold the fuck up.
So I text her and I'm like holdthe fuck up.
(31:43):
So I text her and I'm like, hey, just so, you know, my cost is
that it?
So I told her a price and shegoes okay, no problem, we're on
the same page, whatever.
So, um, cause I hit her withthat, just so we're on the same
page.
My fee is like that's exactlyhow that text went.
And she goes no, we're on thesame page, everything's fine,
we'll see you Saturday at 10.
I just checked with Ryan.
First of all, you don't checkwith the man who has been asking
(32:05):
for a haircut for weeks.
You tell him, because you'rehis mom, and he's like maybe 20,
and you tell him the girl iscoming to the house Saturday at
10 o'clock.
Get your ass ready.
That's, that's how thatconversation goes.
I hate people that do that.
Let me check with him.
What else is he doing?
Maybe don't make these planswhile talking to him first.
(32:27):
Then, if you're going to do this, so after negotiating that time
, I'm like all right, I kind ofwant to sleep, in Cause, you
know, 10 o'clock on a Saturdaymeans I have to get up at nine
at least nine and then be outthe door by at least 930.
So I was like all right, cool,can we do 11?
Instead she was like fine, noproblem.
So I take this silly ass drive.
I get there and let me tell yousomething.
(32:50):
It's a whole Jekyll and Hydeshit she has going on because,
no, I freaking get to her houseand I'm doing the hair in the
garage, obviously, and they setup a chair and everything and
she gave us all the supplies andthen she goes away, which is
all I want her to do at work isgo away, and she let me in here.
(33:14):
We were chatting, whatever,talking video games and podcasts
and all this shit and whatever,whatever.
And like 30 minutes later, boom,erica's done and she's been
gone the whole time I'm like noway has this lady, you know,
become a whole different person.
So I freaking, um, so she paysme more than what I asked for.
Well, he pays me more than whatI asked for, and she's, she
(33:37):
wants to start chatting with me.
And I'm like, oh, she's back toher normal self, because I'm
trying to leave, because while Iwas cutting hair in the garage,
I started roasting.
Okay, it started to get hot.
I was cutting hair and I'mlaughing and talking and you
know, you start working parts ofyour body and stuff while
you're cutting hair and laughingand shit, and you just start
(33:57):
sweating, or that.
To me anyway, I don't know what.
About the normal person?
So I'm in my car and thislady's still talking at me, so I
have to, freaking, roll downthe window and just sit there
and take my punishment.
So like I don't even know whatshe was talking about, to be
honest, cause I was like I'mjust trying to leave.
And then of course I'm like sofinally I dip out of there and
(34:20):
I'm like, cool, they're doingbreakfast all day at McDonald's.
I'm gonna go get a McGriddleand then go home.
Dude, I get to McDonald's andthere is no McGriddle all day oh
pissed, pissed.
I had to settle for a burger andfries and I wanted a McGriddle
and a hash brown.
Like, what world do we live inwhere I can't get a McGriddle at
(34:43):
11, like 1130 on a Saturday?
And, by the way, burger King ispissing me off because they're
out of French toast sticks andget, get this.
They don't know when they'regoing to get them in.
I'm telling you right now I'mgoing to murder someone over a
damn French toast stick.
French toast stick and OJ,let's go.
(35:07):
Not OJ Simpson, because he's amurderer.
Oj, like orange shoes.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Yeah, I don't do breakfast at fast food places.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
Oh my god, that McGriddle is bomb.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
Nah, I'll pass All you All right.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
I was so mad.
It was such a minorinconvenience because I had such
a win for the day, because Iwas positive cash, negative
McGriddle it was like why, why,and that's all I was gunning for
too.
I wasn't like in the back of mymind, I wasn't doing fricking
back pockets where I'm like, allright, cool, if this doesn't
work out, I'm gonna go here.
Nope, went right to McDonald'sto be disappointed as shit.
(35:55):
Why didn't you just go toanother McDonald's man?
I went to the one on Dolson.
You think I'm going to theother one on 211?
No, Is that rain?
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Fair enough.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Is that rain in the background?
What am I hearing?
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Probably hearing my fish tank.
Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Oh, so I had something I wanted to get your
thoughts on.
So I was thinking it's reallyfunny, it's really interesting
and there's so many ways thatthis can go, but I know you're
going to bring it in onedirection.
It's going to be really funny.
So you know how we've beendealing with, like, the
coronavirus and the pandemic,and being inside and not doing
anything and just being, youknow, together or whatever.
(36:37):
So my thoughts were thatCOVID-19 is the plot twist of
2020.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
And that maybe mother nature is trying to teach us a
lesson About what?
Speaker 1 (36:54):
No man, it's not a question and answer thing.
It's a what's your thoughts,thing that being like
togetherness and not pollutingthe environment with our cars
and shit.
You know exactly what I'msaying no, I don't.
What do you mean?
No, you don't.
I almost forgot what I askedyou.
(37:15):
It was such a long pause.
See my brain's broken.
You don't think that's apossibility?
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Yours is, mine feels broken.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
No, you shush.
You had one thing happen.
I had a million.
Oh also, if Bonnie doesn't stopasking me about hair shit while
I'm trying to work, I'm goingto flip out.
The other day she tried to askme, when she did what she asked
me, that I wanted to kill her.
She was asking me differentcolors of toner and what they
look like.
She's like well, what's thedifference between honey and
(37:46):
caramel?
Girl, get it together.
Okay, I was like just beingadult, I legit told her.
I was like just be an adult andpick a color.
I was was like do you seeswatches?
Are there swatches of whatthese colors look like?
She goes yeah, but how's itgoing to look on me?
I'm like, girl, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Do one side of your head.
If you don't like it, give it amonth.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Not even that.
But I'm like I wanted to belike I don't really care anymore
about your hair at this point,like she has a granddaughter who
cuts hair, who cut her hairrecently, so you have someone
taking care of that part of you.
That's it.
I'm just here for work now.
So unless you're talking workstuff to me that has to do with
here, I don't care.
That's exactly how it is, Idon't care.
But anyway, back to my plottwist, because I'm over that too
(38:34):
.
You don't think that's apossibility.
You know, like that movie, thehappening that fucking m night
shamalan made, where, like theenvironment started attacking
the people is that the one whereit's like the trees and yeah,
yeah, that one I barely rememberthat, yeah, that thing was
crazy no, it was like if therewas too many people all together
(38:56):
in a group, they used to likerelease like some kind of spores
or shit that used to makehumans kill themselves oh, I'm
gonna go watch that one again Ibasically just told you what
happened.
Mark walberg's in it, whichsurprise, surprise that he was
(39:17):
in, that he's trying to get tosomebody I forget who it is and
he meets up with these peopleand it's basically they have to.
They have to not be in suchlarge groups Like um, I think it
was because the population wastoo high on the on the planet
and like the plants would justrelease some shit.
And then the first way younoticed it was because it would
hit them and they would stop,like they hit a wall, like not
(39:40):
hard, but like they would stoplike right on a dime.
I don't even know why they saythat shit.
What does stopping on a dimeeven mean?
Anyway, so they would stop andthey would like walk backwards a
few steps and then they wouldgo to the closest object.
That would kill them and theneither launch themselves on it
or Dude.
(40:00):
That movie was nuts, nuts.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
That's what it feels like is going on here, except
we're not killing ourselves,we're staying indoors now you're
gonna go watch it yeah, no oneI'm gonna go watch it because I
always mixed up that movie withthe Mist oh, that was good too,
though that was crazy, thatending.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I was like what?
Speaker 2 (40:25):
I always mixed up those two.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
They made that into a series.
It didn't really last long, Ithink.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Really.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
It was on SyFy, I think, for a little bit.
It might be on Netflix now orHulu or something.
You'll download it, you'll findit.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Yeah, I find everything.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
All right, easy, I was being polite and not
bringing up that you're a hacker.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
Hacker Hack me Guilty , as charged, obviously.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
Get him.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Get him, but I don't know.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
The question you're asking pretty much is, from my
understanding is that you thinkthe environment is telling us
you screwed up, now fix yourshit, basically, or that we
essentially need to slow downwith everything we're doing I
agree on that part, but actuallyI don't want to say but I do
agree with it finally, yes, gotone.
Yes, I have a moment where youdon't, you know, violate my
(41:28):
thoughts.
Anyway, it's always something,man, it's always, if I say
something, you're like well,actually hey, you appreciate
that actually nothing I'lllisten, but in my mind I'll be
like I can't hear you it allmakes sense now oh well, you
(41:54):
know it has to come full circleat some point.
Oh so we need to talk about howexcited you are about the
upcoming third person in yourhouse I am actually super
excited.
Are you?
I've been like how hyped on alevel of one to a hundred 6,000.
Okay, Andre 6,000.
(42:16):
No.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
I'm definitely excited for it.
You know, babysitting your twinsisters was what got me ready
for this, but obviously I'm onlydealing with one.
But it's just that but it'sjust like that time, like I'm
not worried about diapers oranything like that, I just want
her here.
I want to see the person she'sgoing to be developed into and I
want to see how well of afather figure I can be to her.
(42:43):
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Very proud of you, dude, have you played?
I have to ask you a questionhave you played the Last of Us
at all?
Speaker 2 (42:54):
Nope.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
Okay, so basically this girl, Ellie, was born
during a pandemic, basically,which these plant spores were
turning people into.
I don't know if they wereeating them at all or if they
were just beating them to death.
They were kind of similar tolike plant versions of the
creatures from, I am, legend,because I don't think those were
(43:16):
cannibals.
I'm not sure.
If you remember, did you seethat movie, or am I just
referencing things that you justdon't even care about?
Speaker 2 (43:23):
I am legend yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
Okay, so they?
They weren't cannibals, werethey?
What was their?
Speaker 2 (43:27):
issue?
I don't think they were.
It was some sort of vaccinethat was supposed to like cure
cancer, but then it had adownfall.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
Exactly Okay.
So in the last of us that'swhat starts happening, like
these spores, these radioactivespores, whatever.
They don't exactly explain whyit happened, but it happened.
And this girl is born during apandemic in which she
essentially is perceived as thecure because she's been bitten
(43:54):
several times and nothing hashappened to her.
So they do bite and scratch,but they don't eat people.
So it's just cool, because theway I'm visualizing is that she
doesn't know what regular lifeis like, because she has to keep
running from these creatureswith Joel and doing all these
adventures and stuff with allthese creatures around them.
Now, considering the fact thatwe don't have creatures chasing
(44:17):
us around which is good, becauseasthma I won't make it so it's
going to be interesting to seehow a kid grows up in an
environment where we can't beoutside.
Like, how long do you thinkthis is going to go on for?
No, that's a question you cananswer.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
I was really intrigued on the storyline.
I was like, okay, this gamesounds interesting.
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Oh no, it's definitely your speed.
I'm surprised you haven'tplayed it yet.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Well.
I'm surprised some peoplehaven't played some other games.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Stop, we're not doing that right now.
Last of Us 2 comes out on mybirthday, so I'm very excited
for that.
But it's a good story.
Joel starts out.
He obviously he was alivebefore the pandemic started.
He lost his daughter during it.
They flash forward to a fewyears later where this girl,
ellie, is put in his charge andall the people who essentially
were with him at the beginninglike I forget, her name is Tess.
(45:12):
So Joel and Tess they show youan introduction of how life is
and that's kind of like thetutorial mode where they show
all the shooting and everything.
They meet Tess and Joel andthey're in charge of taking this
girl to the Fireflies.
That's another gang or whateverthat lives outside the wall of
where Joel lives.
So that's part of the story.
(45:33):
And Tess gets bit and she knowsshe's going to turn, so she
sacrifices herself.
So them two can get away, joeland Ellie.
So they get away and hedevelops a really cool bond with
her through the adventure ofbringing her to the Fireflies to
see if she's actually the cure,but then finds out plot twists
and spoiler alert that they wantto just kill her, like drain
(45:55):
her blood to make a vaccine.
So he doesn't let that happen,he kills everybody and they end
up leaving together.
So, but, like I said, shedoesn't know what normal life is
like.
So when they get to thesedifferent areas where they can
just be themselves for a secondand they're not chasing anything
, it's like she's a toddler inlike the world, like she doesn't
(46:16):
know anything, like she doesn'tknow how to relax, and she
starts asking what these thingsare.
And these things are becausethe only world she's ever known
is having to be indoors andbeing afraid of everything.
So she's not very trusting ofanything and it's just a really
good storyline.
So if you ever get a moment, goand check that out.
But, like, what made me thinkof that was that the fact that
(46:40):
there's so many babies beingborn into this right now and we
don't know when we're coming outof this quarantine or whatever
and what kind of life are theygonna start out with?
Speaker 2 (46:52):
is what I'm getting to?
Okay, one what gang nameshimself fireflies I don't know
and two um.
Originally before with thiswhole pandemic, I was one of
those people that you know likestay inside, be hardcore, don't
even go outside, don't breatheon anybody, don't talk to
anybody, anything like that.
Um.
But as more information iscoming now and I'm actually like
(47:14):
reading CDC stuff and thingslike that the mortality rate of
COVID-19 is only like 0.23 orsomething like that currently,
so I'm a little bit less worriedabout it.
Also, news stations is Iactually was listening to
something about this today um,that news stations will only
publish negative stuff.
(47:35):
Oh, surprise, surprise of coursethey want us to live in fear
yep, but the actual, realreporting is done in your local
papers and there's so manycounties that don't even have
that, so they're all cluelessand they have to turn to that
negative news.
But looking in this wholepandemic thing, I wouldn't think
(47:58):
that we're going to worry aboutit much longer.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:01):
I would say it's probably about two or three
months, and then it's just goingto be quiet a little bit, and
then the next big news about itis vaccine developed.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
Yeah, like the flu, like it comes and goes in waves.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Yep, and then it's going to turn into I am legend
because we got a vaccine.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
Chill, man, I just told you I can't run from that
shit.
They better just kill me.
I mean, I have faith in myselfto a point.
Okay, I'm working out nowsteadily, so we'll see about
endurance.
But I definitely know a lot ofpeople who aren't making it or a
(48:38):
lot of people.
I'm going no, chill a lot ofpeople I'm gonna trip while we
run.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
So I'm one of them.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
It's so stupid.
No, I just said no.
Oh, and I wanted to ask youanother question.
It's probably a serious one,but how?
How are things going in Florida?
Are they protesting over there,or anything, or?
Speaker 2 (49:03):
Yeah, they're protesting.
Um um, I haven't really heardmuch negative news.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
I believe that, um, a little altercation between
police and protesters happened,like down the road from us, yeah
, but other than that it'sreally been quiet, so it has
been more peaceful than anythingI feel like the the bigger
gatherings are in new york andit's always weird because I
don't understand why didn't evenhappen in New York, like not to
(49:30):
make a joke of it, but likeeverybody like always stands up
for something in New York.
Not saying that they shouldn't,I'm just saying that why is
there such a wide representationand places where things don't
happen like that, like thatareized anyway, like that might
be a difficult question to ask.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
it's just a curiosity , you don't actually have to
answer it well, I know thisprocess is going all all over
the world, london as well,australia that too, for sure I
mean you really gotta askyourself how many people are
being like beat down brutally orbeing near death experiences
that we don't hear about Exactly.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
Oh, dude, you want to laugh at something really quick
, because I was laughing at this, it was on Facebook and it was
about a protest.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
You're killing my emotional chain here.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
It's like happy sad, serious, no, no you're going to
like this, because I almost fellout of my chair.
So someone went to a protestyesterday I'm not naming names
and if you're listening to thepodcast then it's you.
I don't give a shit.
So this person posted onFacebook that they were so moved
by what a female had saidduring one of the protests that
(50:44):
they wanted her info.
If anyone knows who this girlis, I would really love to vibe
with her.
I'm like homeboy.
No, you are not trying to pickup somebody who had a blue Afro
at a fucking protest.
All right, nuh-uh, nuh-uh.
(51:05):
Not, by the grace of the babyJesus, is anyone giving you her
number?
And if they do, I'm going to belike, listen, don't give him
your number.
And here's why, like, this guyreally posted that.
If anyone knows who that girlis, please, please, privately
message me.
I'm like dude, take this down.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
I don't know who she is, not yours.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
Not even that, but like most of those chicks for
someone, like that person, forthat guy, oh, they're on a
different intellectual scale, mydude.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
Sort of like my recruiter.
Yeah, sort of like my recruiter.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
yeah, I still haven't heard back from them either
shut up, that was so bad.
Speaker 2 (51:53):
Tell that story before we wrap this up so I'm in
the market for a different job.
I just want something with morepay.
It's very simple.
So a recruiter reaches out tome about a job now.
First, I don't like recruiters,but I looked up the company
website and reviews and theywere a pretty decent company.
So I tried to respond in mymost professional manner.
I wished her safety and healthyand all this stuff, and I was
(52:17):
like I would love to explorethis opportunity with you.
Her reply was aren't you herefor an interview?
I'm like dumbfounded.
I'm like yes, like yes.
You reached out to me, asked mefor a reply and I replied
wouldn't the next step be to setup an interview?
I don't know like a time weboth agree on no comments never.
(52:42):
And she said you know what youcan just have my job.
Speaker 1 (52:45):
That's basically what you want.
This position.
It's now free, like it'savailable.
Okay, higher intellect.
So sorry, we come in peace, youknow what galaxies have you?
Seen, because this level ofenglish is not on this planet
like I just didn't get it.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
How was I supposed to answer?
Fuck yeah, give me a number ohmy god I don't know.
Speaker 1 (53:16):
I'm really upset for you because she was like she's
like wait a minute, sir, likearen't you asking for a job?
Like yeah, idiot, catch up.
She probably.
It probably took her a lifetimeto figure out what you were
talking about first, of all,she's still trying to figure out
word, that answer, do you know?
(53:37):
Rate of return seven days.
Um, she probably took like 10minutes to figure out what that
text even meant.
Like you've got to speak dumb,okay, dumb English is what you
need to speak.
Speaker 2 (53:52):
You can't be like this.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
Yes, please, job give me Hello there, maiden, I hope
thou doth not catch the plague.
This pandemic is rather boring,isn't it?
I speak employment wench.
(54:13):
I understand people.
You should have been like yo,what up dog?
Yeah, don't trip dog, I want ajob.
Dog like big ups, homie, bigups gotta fuck up some commas,
homie, fuck up some commas.
I hate people because I swearI'd probably get hit in the face
(54:34):
if I said that to anybody.
Speaker 2 (54:38):
Oh, my god, oh my god , I'm hot now.
I don't have the ac on, that'shot.
Speaker 1 (54:45):
I didn't want noise, and all I hear is cars driving
back and forth anyway oh my gosh, that was the best.
Fuck up some commas.
Wench disregard females getmoney, like whatever that shit
said under that kid's yearbookfrom whatever he graduated from
(55:08):
anyway, wow, we almost did likean hour I don't even know what
I'm gonna name this shit.
We talked about so much stuff.
I think I'm gonna name itpandemic baby phone thieves.
It doesn't make sense and itdoesn't have to, but the
(55:32):
recruiter that tried to get youfor a job will understand
perfectly Well.
Speaker 2 (55:34):
you got to add in the lazy river under the
floorboards.
Speaker 1 (55:36):
That's fine.
So, pandemic, baby phone,thieves, lazy river, I'll figure
it out.
I'll figure it out.
But anyway, I hope you had funtoday.
Did you have fun?
Did you laugh?
You laughed a lot.
Speaker 2 (55:51):
That was incredible.
Speaker 1 (55:55):
Alright, guys you want to say goodbye to these
homeboys that are listening.
Speaker 2 (56:00):
Goodbye Coco-munity.
Speaker 1 (56:02):
And you know, good luck listening to future
episodes.
Huh, have a good nighteverybody.
What's up, homies?
I am reaching out to let youknow I did not have much this
week and I know it's been kindof lazy, but my mom visited this
week along with my other sister, so we had a lot of fun
together.
But I did want to startincorporating some of my old
stuff into my new stuff and Ifound a couple of tracks from
(00:24):
Cuckoo with Coco.
I don't know where my shit isgoing, but like it's sucking
things up into the cloud, so Ihave to find the rest of them,
but this was a fan favorite backwhen I started doing this shit
initially.
So here's me and the bean hatermaking fun of each other, and
I'll be back next week with somenew content.
Love you guys.
Bye, are we here?
(01:17):
Yes, we're here.
We're here, we're here.
Who's loud?
I not loud.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
No headphones max volume.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Ah, okay, yeah, it's loud enough.
Anyway, welcome to episode 28.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
28?
Wow.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
I know right, I committed to something long
enough to be at 28.
Excuse me All right.
So how has your week been sofar?
And don't tell too many funnystories up front.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
My week has been very boring, actually, outside of
that story, mostly rained in Alot of rain past week and then
just waiting for my wife to pop.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Oh well, that's nice.
So I laughed because yesterdaythis girl, ellie, I was texting
with her she said that she washiding in her bathroom.
So I said why?
And I was like the only reasonyou should really be hiding in
your bathroom is if there's amurderer in your apartment, like
are you okay?
And she said that there wasreally high winds and she was
afraid that her windows weregoing to get we're going to like
(02:25):
smash and be blown in all overher apartment and I'm like she
goes, I wouldn't survive inFlorida, is what she said.
And I said, okay, why?
And she goes because you knowhurricane season and all that.
And I said, dude, just be inlike a one level house.
I don't think people need to bethat high.
Like my grandmother is on the19th floor of a 20 floor
(02:46):
building.
Nobody needs to be that high.
That's just my opinion.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
I won't even go into buildings like that anymore.
I went to a building like thatI think it was like 36th floor
in New York City just to visitsomebody and I swear to you, I
sat in the middle of the floor,scared shitless, because I felt
the building moving.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
When it's windy, her building moves.
Yeah, I was like, nope, notmoving.
Not moving in the middle, okay,far from the walls.
Okay, like it was supposed tobe safe or something I believe
that 100 because you also don'teat beans.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
So if you don't eat beans, then you're not going
into the home building.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I'm lactose and bean, okay, you weirdo.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
All right.
So, since you and I both grewup in not different home
environments, but we didn't growup rich, one of the things I
wanted to discuss was thingsyou've seen on HGTV or the DIY
channel or anything that you'veseen in the past.
It doesn't have to be anythingrecent, but anything that's
blown your mind recently, andI'll give an example to start.
(03:47):
So the first thing that I sawthis past week or two weeks was
that a lot of these houses arereally big and there's like not
enough people to populate them,but people have so much stuff.
And then the whole term ofhaving a mudroom.
I'm like what the hell is amudroom?
Just another entrance where youcan be dirty and gross?
(04:09):
I'm like I didn't have amudroom.
The whole apartment was amudroom.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Was it supposed to be like a spa type thing?
Speaker 1 (04:18):
No, the mudroom is where.
If you don't want to go throughthe main entrance, it's like a
side entrance for your shoes ohokay, yeah, that's a bedroom
what's what's wrong with anoutside rug?
right, like we used to.
(04:39):
Well, okay, so back inmanhattan, like early early days
, we had a.
I lived in a one-bedroomapartment with my mother because
it was just two of us and youknow it was really hard to be
days.
We had a I lived in a onebedroom apartment with my mother
because it was just two of usand you know it was really hard
to be on the list like a waitlist to get a bigger place.
So we were in that apartmentfor a very long time until I
moved up here.
So, uh, it was all carpet.
So what we used to do was whenyou stepped in there was a mat.
(05:00):
You took your shoes off, leftthem on the mat and then walked
the rest of the apartment.
So it was like that was themudroom.
Was that like little eight by11 or eight by 14 size mat that
was on the floor?
These people have a whole roomdedicated to being dirty.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
That's ridiculous.
Here's a 10 bedroom house.
This room is used to just throwthem out on the floor.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
And everybody on that show that I was watching it was
like love it or list it, whichis one of my favorite shows,
because Hillary does someamazing stuff with people's
shitty homes and every likeeverybody on that damn channel
wants a mudroom.
And I'm like, for what Amudroom?
For what?
Just be clean and like why isyour house dirty?
Speaker 2 (05:53):
I remember doing something like that with snow,
though you would always justlike pack up all the snow right
in the beginning of the doorway.
It was so great, I think, thecraziest thing I ever wanted out
of a house.
Actually, personally and you'regoing to laugh I didn't want no
hallways.
I didn't want any doors.
What I wanted was a lazy riverunder the floorboards to get
(06:15):
from room to room.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
I mean, when you're drunk that's kind of genius.
Be serious, when the world isspinning, I just want to slide
somewhere, either on my butt oron my stomach, but I got places
to be.
You know, the world doesn'tstop because you're drunk.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
If you didn't realize what's the craziest idea you
ever had for your own house.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Oh my God, I always, always wanted.
This is really funny.
You'll laugh at this for sure.
So you know how, in movies,where they used to have like a
secret room behind a bookcase,that's what I wanted why would I
laugh?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I think that's an awesome idea just to be like.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Just to be like you know what this conversation
doesn't suit me.
Hello, bible Cha-ching, and thedoor opens and I just go behind
it, really slow.
That's how you elegantly quit aconversation.
Like, hey, I'm not going to gothrow myself off the top of my
house, I'm going to disrespectyou in front of you and just go
into this private chamber whereI can't hear you.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Wow, I want that.
I'll take it, but it'llprobably be a book that I never,
ever read, so nobody else wouldever find it like a Harry
Potter book.
Wow, which one?
Any of them?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I was going to say, if you say all of them, what's
wrong with you?
It's supposed to be like theeasiest doorknob ever and you've
got like eight books.
What the hell?
Well, this got crazy reallyfast.
Would you like to tell yourphone story next?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Oh, yeah, sure, why not?
You're already laughing aboutit.
All right, so at my wife's joba lady went to the bathroom.
She recently bought an iPhone11 Max whatever the Pro Max, yes
, yes.
So she paid for it in cash, so$1,100, and didn't insure her
(08:24):
phone.
So one day when she went to thebathroom she left it in there.
Okay, now it's one of thosemoments when you leave the
bathroom you're like, oh crap, Iknow, I left it not even like
40 seconds later.
So by the time she turns aroundto go back to the bathroom,
somebody else is occupied andokay, obviously you know they're
gonna see the phone andprobably turn it in.
But when the person came, sheasked, let's say, person B, who
(08:48):
was in the bathroom and person Ahas the phone.
She asked person B, have youseen my phone in there?
Person B replied with I don'thave your phone.
Stop right there.
How guilty can you be if that'syour response to did you see my
phone in there?
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I don't have your phone that's incorrect and walks
away um, obviously personally,all she had to do was donkey
punch him like he or she,whoever took the phone.
I gotta just hit them up backof the head one time.
Hey man, yes, you do so there'stwo ladies um oh okay, so punch
(09:33):
her yeah so this all happenedaround lunchtime.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Now person b, who obviously took the phone, left
for lunch.
Um, at this time my wife had togo through security footages
with the I don't know HR personand you can obviously see there
was nobody in the bathroom inbetween 40 seconds of difference
.
Oh, so when I get there towardsthe end of the day I see, uh,
(10:02):
state troopers there.
Um, they weren't there for thatreason, but they were there
just for like a demo.
And then the person who losttheir phone explained the
situation.
So they actually had to workinstead of just being there for
a demo.
After all this, the next daypassed.
You know, obviously they didn'tget the phone back.
The phone's off, as people do.
(10:23):
They just turn it off, turn offthe the phone, turn off all the
tracking and everything.
So the next day, uh, the persona, who owns the phone, decides
to call the police again andexplains to them that she
believes she saw her phone inperson b's car.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
What was she doing?
Looking at people's cars.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I guess she was just in the parking lot, just going
home or something.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Okay, stop right there, because how many cars in
that parking lot where shedecided to Pac-Man her way
around the parking lot to lookfor a phone?
No, dude, seriously, I don'thave time for that.
If I'm frantic looking for myphone, how do I know whose car
to be looking at?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Oh, it gets better.
Oh, my God, it gets so muchbetter.
So after they called the police, they arrived and person A told
my wife that, oh, she can'tstay to wait for the police
because she has an appointmentto get to.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Was it for a lobotomy or?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
It needs to be.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
This is like dumb stealing from dumber.
Okay, what kind of appointmentwas it?
Was it a hair appointment?
Maybe 1% would have understoodthat.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
No, I don't think it was.
It really was just anappointment.
It's just like oh wait, get out.
Oh my god, it almost seemedlike to me maybe she had her
phone in her back pocket thewhole time oh my god if she did.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Oh my god, it was in my pocket this whole time, my
flat ass and this square in myback pocket.
Anyway, I hate people.
Um so, because, first of all,the first thing you do when you
pay out of pocket for a phone isto insure it not.
Not that this is gonna actuallyhappen right after you buy the
(12:20):
phone, but like it's elevenhundred dollars in cash you just
paid, probably.
Why wouldn't you just paywhatever the fifteen dollars for
the total protection on it?
you idiot I'm trying to save alittle bit of money like it's
maybe a little bit more than tenpercent of what the phone costs
like and and there hasn't beenan update since all I know is
(12:41):
person b is no longer workingthere.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Oh, of course, person a doesn't have a phone, since
all I know is person b is nolonger working there oh, of
course person a doesn't have aphone now can I just tell you
something?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I think it's really funny that you told me a phone
got stolen in florida, becausemy cousins are notorious for
getting their phones stolen andguess where they live florida.
You guys gotta figure out.
Figure your shit out.
Why are you taking people'sphones?
Are you losing your own phoneand then have to steal someone
else's to make up for it?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yeah, probably.
I mean phones don't exist.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
And you know what's funny, I haven't heard anyone
else lose their phone latelyfrom anywhere else.
They're like they always postsomething about how my, my
husband left his phone while hewas doing a DJ thing or like
taking pictures.
My cousin does photography solike every time he puts his
(13:33):
phone down I'm like bro, putyour phone in your big ass
pocket.
Why is your phone away from youwhile you're doing photography?
If it's an audio thing, Iunderstand, because feedback is
a thing, Okay.
But like you're taking picturesof weddings and such and you
left your phone what, what Like.
(13:56):
But I need Florida to get ittogether and stop stealing
people's shit.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
You're asking for way too much there.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
All right, well, how about we just start with
insuring the phone, then thatworks.
Okay, cool, you know, just wantto make sure you're asking for
way too much there.
All right, well, how about wejust start with insuring the
phone, then that works.
Okay, cool, you know, just wantto make sure you're on board,
okay.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Lazy river, anyway, lazy river, yes, under the house
, okay.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
So one of the craziest things I've been
dealing with and you know I'vebeen dealing with it it's stupid
ass people coming up to my desk.
So I've been busy typing upthese lab requisitions for no
reason, for COVID, everyemployee, so for the state of
New York, for anybody who's acounty or state employee.
I probably said this in thelast episode too, but county and
state employees who work innursing home facilities or with
(14:40):
the public have to be testedtwice a week until June 20th,
unless he extends it.
Firstly we weren't going to betesting anybody who wasn't a
resident.
Then it was like petition,because they're going to run out
of supplies.
And then what do we do?
And you sign a petition.
Nothing happens.
It gets pushed through anyway.
So I got stuck.
(15:00):
This was the stupidest shitthat's ever happened to me and
I'm glad I got paid for it.
But at the same time I'm madbecause carpal tunnel is a thing
and my wrist has not stoppedhurting me.
So when we first were notifiedthat these things were going to
be done, I was given access tothe quest diagnostic application
to type in everyone's stuff.
(15:21):
So every time I got handed likea lab requisition form if they
weren't already in the system.
I had to add everybody.
So day one, all I'm doing istyping up everyone's information
, and that was for the fulleight hour day.
Like I didn't even take a lunch, like I worked through my lunch
, um.
So that happened and I was toldthat there was a time.
(15:42):
So that happened and I was toldthat there was a time.
It was time sensitive, sosomeone was coming from Quest
Diagnostic to pick up all thestuff and they wanted me to have
everything typed up by 6o'clock.
So, needless to say, thatdidn't happen, and a quarter
after 7, I just left work aquarter after 7.
(16:03):
So I got three hours past myeight hours.
So I was like, okay, whatever.
But then come to find out whenI came back to work on Monday.
I didn't have to do that thatfast.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Apparently, me typing those up was for us to keep
track of our own people, wow.
So I was like okay, wait.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
You're telling me.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Yeah, so I was almost at work for 12 hours and you're
telling me I could have left atfour o'clock on a Friday, on a
Friday, on a Friday, on a Fridayon a Friday, on a Friday, on a
Friday, like I can't even tellyou didn't burn that place down.
(16:57):
I wanted to turn around andleave, but I, so I said that
would have been nice to know onFriday and me and my boss could
have both left, because shestayed with me and I got all of
them done.
My point is workers comp iscoming soon to a theater near
you.
oh, wait they'll open, they willopen, and then.
(17:25):
So while I'm doing all thatstupid shit, all these cnas keep
coming up to me.
It was the day where I wasentering everybody not any of
the following days, of course.
That day all the cnas want tocome up to me and ask me about
their stupid little obra quizzesand shit.
And I'm like, oh, my Like, ifsomeone else asks me about it,
(17:46):
I'm throwing paper at them, likeI'm just going to flip this
packet of papers into the airand let it all tumble down and
just be like I quit, like let itfloat down around me like
fucking confetti.
This is my party on the way out.
Bye, like, bye.
See you next week Maybe, but Iquit this day.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Take my three hours back.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Yeah Right, bitch, I'm like and people are so
worried about the wrong shit,like my boss, beth, is like I
didn't get my results on myphone yet and I have the app.
She goes maybe I need access tothat application.
And I looked at her.
I was like in my head I'm likeno, you don't, you wait, like
(18:37):
everyone else, if there's onemore person in this app while
I'm trying to enter this shit.
That's slowing me down BecauseI don't know that too many
people should be in it at thesame time, cause I think it
slows down the program.
I wanted to kill my boss theother day because I was trying
to type them in before they gotthe printer.
So now I don't have to do thisanymore, really.
So we they got a printer in,but before that I was still
typing all of them in every day.
(18:59):
So it was like two weeksstraight of me typing all this
garbage in and my boss was in itat the same time as me.
So I asked her.
I was like are you looking atthese two?
She goes yeah, why?
And I'm like it's kind ofslowing me down, like I want to
get these away from my face.
And she just laughed.
She goes oh, I'm so sorry and Iwanted to be like bitch.
(19:20):
Don't be sorry, get out of it.
You have plenty of other shitto be doing.
You're the director of nursing.
Find something to do.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I know your pain.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
I was like, oh my God .
And then there's a doctor whoI'm going to call her Dr W Cause
who knows who listens to this,I don't really care, though.
So she, she just comes in andshe like lingers in everyone's
doorway.
I'm like yo, you're the medicaldirector of the facility.
Don't you have something to do?
Like all these people just comeand hang out Like it's and it's
(19:56):
.
What's funny is it's?
It's a cereal thing that goeson, not cereal, like the thing
you eat, but something thathappens multiple times in a row.
There's people who will comeinto the office that are
supervisors, who should be ontheir unit supervising, and they
come and they hang out andgossip in my office with either
of the bosses there's three.
(20:17):
I'm like aren't you supposed tobe watching the elderly man?
Don't you have residents thatneed your help?
Like, what are you doing?
Talking about your weekend?
get out, we're not doinganything we're waiting for your
confetti party not even that,like we're not even doing
anything on weekends because wecan't go anywhere.
(20:38):
So what is it you're talkingabout that?
Speaker 2 (20:40):
you stared at your kids all weekend I was in
quarantine all weekend with myhusband oh my God dude, he did
this crazy thing with peanutbutter.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
There was nothing.
You know what?
No, no, no peanut butter, getout of here go but what can you
possibly talk about?
exactly.
There was someone in the officefor like 20 minutes and then
the commissioner of the facilitywalks up and he's like, oh,
were you in there?
(21:09):
And she goes oh no, we're justtalking about nothing.
Exactly so take your nothing,ass out of here.
Like, take your nothing, nocontext stories out of here, go.
There's not enough depth,there's nothing going on.
It's like shallow puddles ofconversation.
Get out of here.
We don't want to talk about theweather.
It's hot.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Go get out of here it's hot, it's cold, it's
raining.
What are your plans for theweekend, dude?
Stayinging in the house andwatching TV.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Oh, my God, I play that game with Bonnie every
weekend and she laughs everytime.
It's the first time.
I said it to her.
Yo, I said this to you lastweekend.
What are you laughing at,corinne?
They all do.
I'm like I am not that funny.
I'm being serious.
What are you laughing at,anyway?
(22:03):
So, um, oh, okay, I got anotherfunny thing for you.
So my brain, I think, is brokenand I'm going to explain.
No, no, I'm explain why.
Okay, so last weekend, well,last week, friday, no, no, no,
two weeks ago, sorry.
So two weeks ago they had fishnuggets and rice, and now their
(22:27):
fish nuggets are really good inthe cafeteria.
I like them.
A lot of people don't?
I like them.
I don't put tartar sauce onmine, I put ketchup.
So that's a background storyfor you.
Every time I do fish fillets oranything like that, I do
ketchup.
So that's background story foryou.
Every time I do fish fillets oranything like that, I do
ketchup.
So that's the backstory of this.
So I got fish nuggets, I gotthe rice pilaf, which was so
(22:47):
good together, but I found at mydesk I only have one packet of
ketchup.
So I was like all right, who amI going to have to harass in
this place to get me ketchup.
So I was like, all right, whoam I going to have to harass in
this place to get me ketchup?
So I asked, who did I ask first?
Oh, I asked Mark, who usuallyhas like a hodgepodge of garbage
(23:13):
in his office, did not haveketchup.
I asked like so many otherpeople.
And then I asked I was askingDana and she goes why don't you
just ask the lady in thecafeteria?
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Dude, I was stressed out for 15 minutes looking for
ketchup, and I should have justasked the lady in the cafeteria.
Yeah, your brain was definitelybroken man.
You were talking about thiswhole time how you would get the
fish nuggets and stuff likethat, and you always had ketchup
on it, right?
Speaker 1 (23:47):
No, I was saying in general I always get ketchup
with anything fish relatedthat's breaded.
My brain did not process thatthere was ketchup in the fridge
behind the lady giving me thenuggets.
Okay, that's where we're at.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Try again, we're going to the cafeteria to get
food, and then we're going toleave the cafeteria to look for
condiments.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Do you know how thrilled I was that she had
ketchup?
So thrilled, so excited that Iheld it up and sang to it Like
it was the beginning of.
Lion King Ah, serenya, like forreal, did the whole shit at my
(24:27):
desk.
Nobody understood what washappening.
They didn't have to.
Oh my gosh, that was it.
That was my fish.
Fish tragedy of the week you'reridiculous, oh it gets better.
(24:48):
So what is it about closing adoor that makes people forget
things?
Here's why I asked this.
And then I want to hear yourtheory.
So when people come into theoffice or into my department
anyway and they walk out in thehallway, they seem to think that
(25:11):
they've stepped into Narnia andthen left and joined the real
world.
So I've had plenty of peoplecome into the office looking for
the same employee andneglecting to see that I'm busy.
So when there's a stack ofbiblical, encyclopedical
proportions on my desk, I don'treally want to answer questions.
(25:34):
So so people will ask people.
Someone came in asking for Beth.
Beth was away from her desk,and this happens on the phone
too.
This shit is just so annoyingbecause if the person's not at
their desk, I have to answer thecall.
So they'll walk in.
They'll be like, oh, is Bethhere?
And I'll be like no, so theyleave.
(25:55):
10 minutes goes by, they comeback Is Beth here?
No, she's away from her desk.
I'm like do you want me to haveher call you?
She goes, no, so she'll go toher desk.
She'll, freaking, call me andbe like, oh, beth's not at her
desk.
Dude, if I have to talk to youone more time, it's going to be.
(26:17):
Why don't you just email herand wait for her to answer your
email.
Wouldn't that make sense?
Yeah, she's walking around witha county-issued cell phone
which gives her all theinformation she needs if someone
is to email her, and we allhave a phone registry that shows
their work phone numbers.
(26:37):
What is the deal?
What is the issue?
Issue like.
I've never been more upset withpeople.
I sit and I watch all this shithappen and I'm like dude, I wish
I could have blinders on so bad.
I would really rather not seethe level of incompetence and
shit that's around me.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I can't that's just people being lazy and then
wanting to put it on you.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
It's just like the exiting and entering of a room
through a door.
It's not a hologram, it's not amind eraser.
What's the issue?
And then not even that, butthem not realizing when people
leave early, like, maybe givethis information to these people
if you know they're gonna callfor you so I don't have to deal
(27:24):
with it.
Like I'm really tired ofanswering the phone number for
staffing people because I hateboth of them, both employees in
that department.
It's like like one of themcalled me today and was like oh,
I don't have the originalschedule for 3 to 11.
I'm like fucking bitch, I don'tcare, come over here and make
the copy.
She wants me to wait to finishher sentence.
(27:45):
I'm going to be like oh, do youwant a ham sandwich with that
too?
What else can I get for you?
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Oh my.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
God You've called.
You've just reached the chilidogs with cocoa line.
Can I get you a dog?
Like what the fuck?
It's not a drive through, ma'am, Just state your purpose and
hang up Like she takes 10minutes to tell me, to ask me oh
, would you be able to make acopy?
Yeah, If you weren't a pain inthe ass I would gladly make you
(28:16):
a copy, but you're annoying andyou were just in here a pain in
the ass.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
I would gladly make you a copy, but you're annoying
and you were just in here.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
It took you 12 minutes to get to your request.
So no, she was just legit justin the office and you should
have just picked up that paperand noticed you were missing
shit and just been like oh, I'llmake the copy.
While I'm here, this littlebitch waddled her ass back to
the office and then goes hi,corinne, I'm missing the
schedule, bitch, I don't care,I'm missing the schedule, bitch,
(28:42):
I don't care, I'm missingmoments from my life with this
conversation.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
You're ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
I know Also this lady .
Oh, my God, I can't with her.
So remember how last week I wastalking about how a certain
someone doesn't know how to reademails correctly, yes, okay,
well, I, I'm so tired of doingfavors, man, with my free time,
even though I got paid for it Ihad to drive it out to the
middle of like Bumblefuck, newJersey.
(29:09):
Well, it wasn't that bad, itwas just I thought I was going
to head to like a culty housewhere they were going to try and
kidnap me and shit.
So because I drove and I wasgetting further and further away
from the house, and it wasfurther and further away from
neighborhoods and it was mostlytrees.
So I said, oh, this is where Igo to die.
So this lady asked me to do herson's hair.
(29:33):
And can I tell you what adebacle it was to just get her
to pinpoint a day and a spot todo this, because her son is not
an employee of the facility, sohe can't come on the premises
and, um, anyway, she.
We couldn't figure this out,but I had initially suggested
why don't I just come to yourhouse over the weekend and cut
his hair?
So she was like no, I don'twant you to have to drive that
(29:55):
far, so we'll figure somethingout.
So she's bothering me and MarkMark, who's the director of
activities, who I mention allthe time she's bothering me and
him to try and coordinate a planto cut her son's hair, when I
just gave her the easiest outthere was, which is basically
I'll come to your house and cuthis hair on the weekend.
(30:16):
It doesn't get much easier thanthat.
So this lady, this lady goes um, she says to Mark, she goes uh,
do you know what's going onwith that?
Were you able to figure out aplan?
And he looks at her and he goeswhat are you talking about?
He doesn't work here, he can'tcome on the building to get a
(30:36):
haircut and I'm not going to getin trouble and you're certainly
not going to get Corinne introuble working here trying to
do that.
So I just laughed and, uh, shegoes um.
So finally she got over herbullshit and she decided that
she was okay with me coming toher house now fighting we did
(30:59):
for the entire day, which nobodyshould have to fight with
anybody to cut anybody's hair.
She freaking, um, she goes uh,how, saturday at 10 o'clock.
And I was like, sure, fine,that's a half hour drive from
here, dude, it was thestraightest drive ever, like
there was maybe three turns, butit was still in New Jersey,
which I was like, whatever, so Iget there.
(31:21):
So, okay.
So after I fought her and I waslike, all right, 10 o'clock is
fine on Saturday, fine, noproblem.
And I told her and she made itsound like I was doing her a
favor.
So I was like, does she thinkI'm doing this shit for free?
I'm like hold the fuck up.
So I text her and I'm like holdthe fuck up.
(31:43):
So I text her and I'm like, hey, just so, you know, my cost is
that it?
So I told her a price and shegoes okay, no problem, we're on
the same page, whatever.
So, um, cause I hit her withthat, just so we're on the same
page.
My fee is like that's exactlyhow that text went.
And she goes no, we're on thesame page, everything's fine,
we'll see you Saturday at 10.
I just checked with Ryan.
First of all, you don't checkwith the man who has been asking
(32:05):
for a haircut for weeks.
You tell him, because you'rehis mom, and he's like maybe 20,
and you tell him the girl iscoming to the house Saturday at
10 o'clock.
Get your ass ready.
That's, that's how thatconversation goes.
I hate people that do that.
Let me check with him.
What else is he doing?
Maybe don't make these planswhile talking to him first.
(32:27):
Then, if you're going to do this, so after negotiating that time
, I'm like all right, I kind ofwant to sleep, in Cause, you
know, 10 o'clock on a Saturdaymeans I have to get up at nine
at least nine and then be outthe door by at least 930.
So I was like all right, cool,can we do 11?
Instead she was like fine, noproblem.
So I take this silly ass drive.
I get there and let me tell yousomething.
(32:50):
It's a whole Jekyll and Hydeshit she has going on because,
no, I freaking get to her houseand I'm doing the hair in the
garage, obviously, and they setup a chair and everything and
she gave us all the supplies andthen she goes away, which is
all I want her to do at work isgo away, and she let me in here.
(33:14):
We were chatting, whatever,talking video games and podcasts
and all this shit and whatever,whatever.
And like 30 minutes later, boom,erica's done and she's been
gone the whole time I'm like noway has this lady, you know,
become a whole different person.
So I freaking, um, so she paysme more than what I asked for.
Well, he pays me more than whatI asked for, and she's, she
(33:37):
wants to start chatting with me.
And I'm like, oh, she's back toher normal self, because I'm
trying to leave, because while Iwas cutting hair in the garage,
I started roasting.
Okay, it started to get hot.
I was cutting hair and I'mlaughing and talking and you
know, you start working parts ofyour body and stuff while
you're cutting hair and laughingand shit, and you just start
(33:57):
sweating, or that.
To me anyway, I don't know what.
About the normal person?
So I'm in my car and thislady's still talking at me, so I
have to, freaking, roll downthe window and just sit there
and take my punishment.
So like I don't even know whatshe was talking about, to be
honest, cause I was like I'mjust trying to leave.
And then of course I'm like sofinally I dip out of there and
(34:20):
I'm like, cool, they're doingbreakfast all day at McDonald's.
I'm gonna go get a McGriddleand then go home.
Dude, I get to McDonald's andthere is no McGriddle all day oh
pissed, pissed.
I had to settle for a burger andfries and I wanted a McGriddle
and a hash brown.
Like, what world do we live inwhere I can't get a McGriddle at
(34:43):
11, like 1130 on a Saturday?
And, by the way, burger King ispissing me off because they're
out of French toast sticks andget, get this.
They don't know when they'regoing to get them in.
I'm telling you right now I'mgoing to murder someone over a
damn French toast stick.
French toast stick and OJ,let's go.
(35:07):
Not OJ Simpson, because he's amurderer.
Oj, like orange shoes.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Yeah, I don't do breakfast at fast food places.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
Oh my god, that McGriddle is bomb.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
Nah, I'll pass All you All right.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
I was so mad.
It was such a minorinconvenience because I had such
a win for the day, because Iwas positive cash, negative
McGriddle it was like why, why,and that's all I was gunning for
too.
I wasn't like in the back of mymind, I wasn't doing fricking
back pockets where I'm like, allright, cool, if this doesn't
work out, I'm gonna go here.
Nope, went right to McDonald'sto be disappointed as shit.
(35:55):
Why didn't you just go toanother McDonald's man?
I went to the one on Dolson.
You think I'm going to theother one on 211?
No, Is that rain?
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Fair enough.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Is that rain in the background?
What am I hearing?
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Probably hearing my fish tank.
Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Oh, so I had something I wanted to get your
thoughts on.
So I was thinking it's reallyfunny, it's really interesting
and there's so many ways thatthis can go, but I know you're
going to bring it in onedirection.
It's going to be really funny.
So you know how we've beendealing with, like, the
coronavirus and the pandemic,and being inside and not doing
anything and just being, youknow, together or whatever.
(36:37):
So my thoughts were thatCOVID-19 is the plot twist of
2020.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
And that maybe mother nature is trying to teach us a
lesson About what?
Speaker 1 (36:54):
No man, it's not a question and answer thing.
It's a what's your thoughts,thing that being like
togetherness and not pollutingthe environment with our cars
and shit.
You know exactly what I'msaying no, I don't.
What do you mean?
No, you don't.
I almost forgot what I askedyou.
(37:15):
It was such a long pause.
See my brain's broken.
You don't think that's apossibility?
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Yours is, mine feels broken.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
No, you shush.
You had one thing happen.
I had a million.
Oh also, if Bonnie doesn't stopasking me about hair shit while
I'm trying to work, I'm goingto flip out.
The other day she tried to askme, when she did what she asked
me, that I wanted to kill her.
She was asking me differentcolors of toner and what they
look like.
She's like well, what's thedifference between honey and
(37:46):
caramel?
Girl, get it together.
Okay, I was like just beingadult, I legit told her.
I was like just be an adult andpick a color.
I was was like do you seeswatches?
Are there swatches of whatthese colors look like?
She goes yeah, but how's itgoing to look on me?
I'm like, girl, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Do one side of your head.
If you don't like it, give it amonth.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Not even that.
But I'm like I wanted to belike I don't really care anymore
about your hair at this point,like she has a granddaughter who
cuts hair, who cut her hairrecently, so you have someone
taking care of that part of you.
That's it.
I'm just here for work now.
So unless you're talking workstuff to me that has to do with
here, I don't care.
That's exactly how it is, Idon't care.
But anyway, back to my plottwist, because I'm over that too
(38:34):
.
You don't think that's apossibility.
You know, like that movie, thehappening that fucking m night
shamalan made, where, like theenvironment started attacking
the people is that the one whereit's like the trees and yeah,
yeah, that one I barely rememberthat, yeah, that thing was
crazy no, it was like if therewas too many people all together
(38:56):
in a group, they used to likerelease like some kind of spores
or shit that used to makehumans kill themselves oh, I'm
gonna go watch that one again Ibasically just told you what
happened.
Mark walberg's in it, whichsurprise, surprise that he was
(39:17):
in, that he's trying to get tosomebody I forget who it is and
he meets up with these peopleand it's basically they have to.
They have to not be in suchlarge groups Like um, I think it
was because the population wastoo high on the on the planet
and like the plants would justrelease some shit.
And then the first way younoticed it was because it would
hit them and they would stop,like they hit a wall, like not
(39:40):
hard, but like they would stoplike right on a dime.
I don't even know why they saythat shit.
What does stopping on a dimeeven mean?
Anyway, so they would stop andthey would like walk backwards a
few steps and then they wouldgo to the closest object.
That would kill them and theneither launch themselves on it
or Dude.
(40:00):
That movie was nuts, nuts.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
That's what it feels like is going on here, except
we're not killing ourselves,we're staying indoors now you're
gonna go watch it yeah, no oneI'm gonna go watch it because I
always mixed up that movie withthe Mist oh, that was good too,
though that was crazy, thatending.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I was like what?
Speaker 2 (40:25):
I always mixed up those two.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
They made that into a series.
It didn't really last long, Ithink.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Really.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
It was on SyFy, I think, for a little bit.
It might be on Netflix now orHulu or something.
You'll download it, you'll findit.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Yeah, I find everything.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
All right, easy, I was being polite and not
bringing up that you're a hacker.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
Hacker Hack me Guilty , as charged, obviously.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
Get him.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Get him, but I don't know.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
The question you're asking pretty much is, from my
understanding is that you thinkthe environment is telling us
you screwed up, now fix yourshit, basically, or that we
essentially need to slow downwith everything we're doing I
agree on that part, but actuallyI don't want to say but I do
agree with it finally, yes, gotone.
Yes, I have a moment where youdon't, you know, violate my
(41:28):
thoughts.
Anyway, it's always something,man, it's always, if I say
something, you're like well,actually hey, you appreciate
that actually nothing I'lllisten, but in my mind I'll be
like I can't hear you it allmakes sense now oh well, you
(41:54):
know it has to come full circleat some point.
Oh so we need to talk about howexcited you are about the
upcoming third person in yourhouse I am actually super
excited.
Are you?
I've been like how hyped on alevel of one to a hundred 6,000.
Okay, Andre 6,000.
(42:16):
No.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
I'm definitely excited for it.
You know, babysitting your twinsisters was what got me ready
for this, but obviously I'm onlydealing with one.
But it's just that but it'sjust like that time, like I'm
not worried about diapers oranything like that, I just want
her here.
I want to see the person she'sgoing to be developed into and I
want to see how well of afather figure I can be to her.
(42:43):
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Very proud of you, dude, have you played?
I have to ask you a questionhave you played the Last of Us
at all?
Speaker 2 (42:54):
Nope.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
Okay, so basically this girl, Ellie, was born
during a pandemic, basically,which these plant spores were
turning people into.
I don't know if they wereeating them at all or if they
were just beating them to death.
They were kind of similar tolike plant versions of the
creatures from, I am, legend,because I don't think those were
(43:16):
cannibals.
I'm not sure.
If you remember, did you seethat movie, or am I just
referencing things that you justdon't even care about?
Speaker 2 (43:23):
I am legend yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
Okay, so they?
They weren't cannibals, werethey?
What was their?
Speaker 2 (43:27):
issue?
I don't think they were.
It was some sort of vaccinethat was supposed to like cure
cancer, but then it had adownfall.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
Exactly Okay.
So in the last of us that'swhat starts happening, like
these spores, these radioactivespores, whatever.
They don't exactly explain whyit happened, but it happened.
And this girl is born during apandemic in which she
essentially is perceived as thecure because she's been bitten
(43:54):
several times and nothing hashappened to her.
So they do bite and scratch,but they don't eat people.
So it's just cool, because theway I'm visualizing is that she
doesn't know what regular lifeis like, because she has to keep
running from these creatureswith Joel and doing all these
adventures and stuff with allthese creatures around them.
Now, considering the fact thatwe don't have creatures chasing
(44:17):
us around which is good, becauseasthma I won't make it so it's
going to be interesting to seehow a kid grows up in an
environment where we can't beoutside.
Like, how long do you thinkthis is going to go on for?
No, that's a question you cananswer.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
I was really intrigued on the storyline.
I was like, okay, this gamesounds interesting.
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Oh no, it's definitely your speed.
I'm surprised you haven'tplayed it yet.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Well.
I'm surprised some peoplehaven't played some other games.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Stop, we're not doing that right now.
Last of Us 2 comes out on mybirthday, so I'm very excited
for that.
But it's a good story.
Joel starts out.
He obviously he was alivebefore the pandemic started.
He lost his daughter during it.
They flash forward to a fewyears later where this girl,
ellie, is put in his charge andall the people who essentially
were with him at the beginninglike I forget, her name is Tess.
(45:12):
So Joel and Tess they show youan introduction of how life is
and that's kind of like thetutorial mode where they show
all the shooting and everything.
They meet Tess and Joel andthey're in charge of taking this
girl to the Fireflies.
That's another gang or whateverthat lives outside the wall of
where Joel lives.
So that's part of the story.
(45:33):
And Tess gets bit and she knowsshe's going to turn, so she
sacrifices herself.
So them two can get away, joeland Ellie.
So they get away and hedevelops a really cool bond with
her through the adventure ofbringing her to the Fireflies to
see if she's actually the cure,but then finds out plot twists
and spoiler alert that they wantto just kill her, like drain
(45:55):
her blood to make a vaccine.
So he doesn't let that happen,he kills everybody and they end
up leaving together.
So, but, like I said, shedoesn't know what normal life is
like.
So when they get to thesedifferent areas where they can
just be themselves for a secondand they're not chasing anything
, it's like she's a toddler inlike the world, like she doesn't
(46:16):
know anything, like she doesn'tknow how to relax, and she
starts asking what these thingsare.
And these things are becausethe only world she's ever known
is having to be indoors andbeing afraid of everything.
So she's not very trusting ofanything and it's just a really
good storyline.
So if you ever get a moment, goand check that out.
But, like, what made me thinkof that was that the fact that
(46:40):
there's so many babies beingborn into this right now and we
don't know when we're coming outof this quarantine or whatever
and what kind of life are theygonna start out with?
Speaker 2 (46:52):
is what I'm getting to?
Okay, one what gang nameshimself fireflies I don't know
and two um.
Originally before with thiswhole pandemic, I was one of
those people that you know likestay inside, be hardcore, don't
even go outside, don't breatheon anybody, don't talk to
anybody, anything like that.
Um.
But as more information iscoming now and I'm actually like
(47:14):
reading CDC stuff and thingslike that the mortality rate of
COVID-19 is only like 0.23 orsomething like that currently,
so I'm a little bit less worriedabout it.
Also, news stations is Iactually was listening to
something about this today um,that news stations will only
publish negative stuff.
(47:35):
Oh, surprise, surprise of coursethey want us to live in fear
yep, but the actual, realreporting is done in your local
papers and there's so manycounties that don't even have
that, so they're all cluelessand they have to turn to that
negative news.
But looking in this wholepandemic thing, I wouldn't think
(47:58):
that we're going to worry aboutit much longer.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:01):
I would say it's probably about two or three
months, and then it's just goingto be quiet a little bit, and
then the next big news about itis vaccine developed.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
Yeah, like the flu, like it comes and goes in waves.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Yep, and then it's going to turn into I am legend
because we got a vaccine.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
Chill, man, I just told you I can't run from that
shit.
They better just kill me.
I mean, I have faith in myselfto a point.
Okay, I'm working out nowsteadily, so we'll see about
endurance.
But I definitely know a lot ofpeople who aren't making it or a
(48:38):
lot of people.
I'm going no, chill a lot ofpeople I'm gonna trip while we
run.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
So I'm one of them.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
It's so stupid.
No, I just said no.
Oh, and I wanted to ask youanother question.
It's probably a serious one,but how?
How are things going in Florida?
Are they protesting over there,or anything, or?
Speaker 2 (49:03):
Yeah, they're protesting.
Um um, I haven't really heardmuch negative news.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
I believe that, um, a little altercation between
police and protesters happened,like down the road from us, yeah
, but other than that it'sreally been quiet, so it has
been more peaceful than anythingI feel like the the bigger
gatherings are in new york andit's always weird because I
don't understand why didn't evenhappen in New York, like not to
(49:30):
make a joke of it, but likeeverybody like always stands up
for something in New York.
Not saying that they shouldn't,I'm just saying that why is
there such a wide representationand places where things don't
happen like that, like thatareized anyway, like that might
be a difficult question to ask.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
it's just a curiosity , you don't actually have to
answer it well, I know thisprocess is going all all over
the world, london as well,australia that too, for sure I
mean you really gotta askyourself how many people are
being like beat down brutally orbeing near death experiences
that we don't hear about Exactly.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
Oh, dude, you want to laugh at something really quick
, because I was laughing at this, it was on Facebook and it was
about a protest.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
You're killing my emotional chain here.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
It's like happy sad, serious, no, no you're going to
like this, because I almost fellout of my chair.
So someone went to a protestyesterday I'm not naming names
and if you're listening to thepodcast then it's you.
I don't give a shit.
So this person posted onFacebook that they were so moved
by what a female had saidduring one of the protests that
(50:44):
they wanted her info.
If anyone knows who this girlis, I would really love to vibe
with her.
I'm like homeboy.
No, you are not trying to pickup somebody who had a blue Afro
at a fucking protest.
All right, nuh-uh, nuh-uh.
(51:05):
Not, by the grace of the babyJesus, is anyone giving you her
number?
And if they do, I'm going to belike, listen, don't give him
your number.
And here's why, like, this guyreally posted that.
If anyone knows who that girlis, please, please, privately
message me.
I'm like dude, take this down.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
I don't know who she is, not yours.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
Not even that, but like most of those chicks for
someone, like that person, forthat guy, oh, they're on a
different intellectual scale, mydude.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
Sort of like my recruiter.
Yeah, sort of like my recruiter.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
yeah, I still haven't heard back from them either
shut up, that was so bad.
Speaker 2 (51:53):
Tell that story before we wrap this up so I'm in
the market for a different job.
I just want something with morepay.
It's very simple.
So a recruiter reaches out tome about a job now.
First, I don't like recruiters,but I looked up the company
website and reviews and theywere a pretty decent company.
So I tried to respond in mymost professional manner.
I wished her safety and healthyand all this stuff, and I was
(52:17):
like I would love to explorethis opportunity with you.
Her reply was aren't you herefor an interview?
I'm like dumbfounded.
I'm like yes, like yes.
You reached out to me, asked mefor a reply and I replied
wouldn't the next step be to setup an interview?
I don't know like a time weboth agree on no comments never.
(52:42):
And she said you know what youcan just have my job.
Speaker 1 (52:45):
That's basically what you want.
This position.
It's now free, like it'savailable.
Okay, higher intellect.
So sorry, we come in peace, youknow what galaxies have you?
Seen, because this level ofenglish is not on this planet
like I just didn't get it.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
How was I supposed to answer?
Fuck yeah, give me a number ohmy god I don't know.
Speaker 1 (53:16):
I'm really upset for you because she was like she's
like wait a minute, sir, likearen't you asking for a job?
Like yeah, idiot, catch up.
She probably.
It probably took her a lifetimeto figure out what you were
talking about first, of all,she's still trying to figure out
word, that answer, do you know?
(53:37):
Rate of return seven days.
Um, she probably took like 10minutes to figure out what that
text even meant.
Like you've got to speak dumb,okay, dumb English is what you
need to speak.
Speaker 2 (53:52):
You can't be like this.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
Yes, please, job give me Hello there, maiden, I hope
thou doth not catch the plague.
This pandemic is rather boring,isn't it?
I speak employment wench.
(54:13):
I understand people.
You should have been like yo,what up dog?
Yeah, don't trip dog, I want ajob.
Dog like big ups, homie, bigups gotta fuck up some commas,
homie, fuck up some commas.
I hate people because I swearI'd probably get hit in the face
(54:34):
if I said that to anybody.
Speaker 2 (54:38):
Oh, my god, oh my god , I'm hot now.
I don't have the ac on, that'shot.
Speaker 1 (54:45):
I didn't want noise, and all I hear is cars driving
back and forth anyway oh my gosh, that was the best.
Fuck up some commas.
Wench disregard females getmoney, like whatever that shit
said under that kid's yearbookfrom whatever he graduated from
(55:08):
anyway, wow, we almost did likean hour I don't even know what
I'm gonna name this shit.
We talked about so much stuff.
I think I'm gonna name itpandemic baby phone thieves.
It doesn't make sense and itdoesn't have to, but the
(55:32):
recruiter that tried to get youfor a job will understand
perfectly Well.
Speaker 2 (55:34):
you got to add in the lazy river under the
floorboards.
Speaker 1 (55:36):
That's fine.
So, pandemic, baby phone,thieves, lazy river, I'll figure
it out.
I'll figure it out.
But anyway, I hope you had funtoday.
Did you have fun?
Did you laugh?
You laughed a lot.
Speaker 2 (55:51):
That was incredible.
Speaker 1 (55:55):
Alright, guys you want to say goodbye to these
homeboys that are listening.
Speaker 2 (56:00):
Goodbye Coco-munity.
Speaker 1 (56:02):
And you know, good luck listening to future
episodes.
Huh, have a good nighteverybody.
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